Ep. 278 – me play joke

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Your ring, your way.

Yeah.

This isn't coming through on the speaker, so.

Oh, I'll wait.

Oh, yeah.

No, I don't know.

I just want to.

I don't know.

I'm thinking we just

radio DJ the whole episode.

There'll be plenty of time for music.

You're listening to

Penis Town.

Yeah, you are.

You little motherfuckers.

Yeah, we were listening to a song that makes me want to kiss my boyfriend.

Yeah.

And then Adam said, I'm right here.

And then I said, you wish.

Yeah.

I don't wish.

You do wish.

We're in a loveless relationship.

No, it's one way.

Tell me what's one way.

It's unrequited love.

It's the way from my dick into your life.

No.

No chance.

Yes, it is.

You dream of sucking my dick.

I'm really happy that I manipulated you.

Adam's on a show called I Dream of Peeny.

I dream of Peeny.

Peeny.

Oh, Peeny.

Oh, Peeny.

Get in my ass.

Get in my ass, Peeny.

This little preview.

Peeny, you made such a mess.

The weekend episode.

That happened already.

I said that's a little preview for the weekend episode.

Which one?

Talking about genies.

Oh, I thought you meant the episode.

Oh, yes, of course.

I thought you meant the only good episode we've ever done, which was last week's premium.

Last week's premium.

This week's premium, which you can find on patreon.com.

That's right.

And if you're in San Antonio, Texas, today, the day this drops, I'm in your fucking town at LOL Comedy Club Wednesday and Thursday doing shows.

So come out to see that.

And if you're in Nashville, October 1st and 2nd, I'm with Mike Christine

at

some comedy club.

Third Coast Comedy Club.

Sounds legit.

I'm in Cleveland the 7th through the 9th, Phoenix the 14th through the 16th, and Madison the 21st through the 23rd with a dick on hard,

with a dick on triple, double hardio.

So definitely comes.

They call my dick Rufio.

Do they?

Why?

Because it's Asian, it's got a mohawk.

It's got a little mohawk and it's Chinese size.

It's got a little red streak in the mohawk.

Motherfucking Rufio.

It's a bad attitude.

It does have a bad attitude.

It doesn't come out to play every time.

I was was going to make a joke, but

so in Greek, the word rufixo means to suck.

So there's some wordplay with rufio.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I put some rufios in your drink before you became my boyfriend.

You could never rape me, even if I was passed out.

You sounded like Casey there for a second.

That was as close as you've ever gotten to doing an impression.

Casey, who?

Half-Leck.

Oh, thank you.

You did it by accident.

That's a guy that I would love to sound you.

You could pay.

You like the way he behaves.

I'll work on Casey.

Okay, whatever.

He asked for pussy and she said no.

Yeah, that was it.

I don't even know.

I think his whole thing was he was like, can I have some pussy?

And she was like, can I get it to the floor for a second?

Yeah.

The floor recognizes the gentleman with the little ass dick.

The gentleman from.

I said, can I get the floor?

Yeah, County, Maryland.

The floor recognizes the gentleman with a little ass dick.

No, the chair recognizes you.

The chair, first of all, you don't tell me who the fuck I recognize.

The floor recognizes.

Suck my dick.

I didn't go to fucking model UN like a little gay bitch.

Yeah.

Which,

did you do that?

No.

Yeah, right.

I did.

Mock trial was a little bit more.

I did this in the bad.

Fucking loser.

Anyway, the floor recognizes

if they had rock trial instead of mock trial.

It's like, can you smell?

Yeah.

Oh, I thought it was like rock and roll.

And it's Jack Black.

Okay, School of Rock Trial.

Yeah, rock trial.

And they got that little gay kid, and then they got the bitch from iCarly.

How about School of Iraq?

And Jack Black is like, he's a loser.

And he's like, I got like a substitute teaching job in Iraq.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they're like, you know, they're like, music is illegal in Islam.

And he's like, but we're going to make fucking rock music.

You ever hear a Dio?

Wow.

And then

they put on like a rock show, and the children are all executed.

The Talmuds coming in their duck boats.

Might like

freaking bad, man.

And Mike Black just goes back to America, and that's the end of the movie.

School of Iraq.

School of Iraq.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a good movie.

And that's where the band's called Metalliband.

Metalliband.

Yeah.

Yeah, Ride the Lightning.

Unless you're a woman, in which case, no lightning riding allowed.

Yeah, you can ride in the backseat.

Ride the Lightning.

In the backseat of the Lightning.

You certainly can't drive the lightning, bitch.

When I worked at a car dealership in my teen years, there was a Pakistani guy that worked there, and his wife would drive to pick him up from work at the end of the day.

It's awesome.

And then she would get out of the car and have to sit in the backseat while he drove the car home.

See, when he was in the same...

She wouldn't just like sit even in the passenger.

She drove the car there, and then she got in the fucking backseat, and he drove home.

Hell yeah, dude.

Yeah, I will never fellas up front, just like um, just like the Irishman when they went on the when they went on a road trip, boys up front, wives in the back.

Hell yeah, that's how the fuck it should be.

What's all this those wives are so annoying?

Did we say driving Miss Lazy?

Did we do that?

No, I don't think so.

She sounds familiar.

She's like, I'm weak, and I have to be driving somewhere.

Dude, I thought so much of that character.

I watched Cry Macho, and it's just a 91-year-old man and the rape day labor character for comedy.

That's awesome.

It's just

Cry Fatso, and Clinice Woods, like, they don't respect fat people.

We're people, too.

Oh, he's fat.

Yeah, he's fat.

I'm 900 pounds.

I deserve to only pay for one ticket on the airplane.

And if you got a problem with that, you can suck my dick, pussy.

Yeah, the worst part of seeing that movie was

the boy in the movie was...

What do you mean I'm at higher risk for COVID?

If I get sick, it's because you didn't get vaccinated.

Cry Fatzo.

Cry Fatso be good.

What's the premise of Cry Macho?

Instead of you saying something that's not funny about the movie, why don't you feed me details?

I was going to try.

I'll apply it to Cry Fat So.

Sounds good to me.

God, let me try.

Sounds good to me.

Go ahead, Adam.

The premises is that he's an old cow poke, right?

Breaks wild horses and stuff on Dwight Yoakum's farm.

And Dwight Yoakum fires him for being past his prime.

And then it flashes forward to a year later.

And he says, I need you to get my Mexican son out of Mexico.

And so he asks

a favor.

He asks a favor of

a 91-year-old man.

He certainly doesn't look spry.

No, there's a very funny scene.

Well, there's a lot of very funny scenes, but there's a very funny scene.

The heavy that they get sent to

take the boy back.

The bad guy, the scary bad guy,

he continuously just gets beaten up so easily the entire

yeah, Clint.

Like,

there's a scene where they're at a cockfight, and Clint,

the federale, storm it, and then Clint just

like waddles over to just a

like a stack of boxes.

Are you here to watch a cock fight?

I'm here to eat the chicken.

Wendy frying.

You thought they would have chicken nuggets here.

He waddles over to...

You're fucking fat.

He waddles over to

a stack of boxes.

I'm a fucking fat guy.

I deserve it.

When the one loses, do you fucking roast it?

Why want to eat the chickens?

I want to eat them.

Yeah, he waddles over to a stack of boxes and hides behind it.

And the Federales are like, okay, no more seniors.

We can see you.

You're fat.

We can see you behind the boxes.

Okay, that's all the people here.

Let's go.

I'm back here having sandwiches.

You fucking cogsucker.

Well, that's what I was going to say before.

Before he said, don't try a bit.

But the boy says, which thanks for not doing, by the way.

I appreciate it.

But

the boy tries, says so.

I think it's fair to say that in terms of you being funny on this show, you blew it.

Okay.

I know, I know, I know.

I know.

It's incredibly easy.

You set them up easy.

It's incredibly easy.

Don't forget to destroy it.

Don't won't ever forget that.

I won't forget it.

That's why we got you the sign to wear on your neck.

Yep.

It says, don't ever forget.

Don't forget.

You're only here to set up bits.

So the boy, the boy.

It looks nice on you, by the way.

The boy goes, thank you.

Your little sign looks nice on you.

Yeah, I'm wearing the AOC

Tax the Rich dress.

I brought brought my own bib to the cockpit.

So the boy travels around with his rooster,

his cockfighting rooster named Macho.

Just fucking fighting.

He's on social media and he's like, eat the rich.

You had me an eat.

Oh, the characters

on Twitter

from Preface.

He's like a fat body party.

He's like an op-ed, I guess.

Lindy West style.

I lose my entry point into socialism.

Hate the rich one.

Rich chocolate frosting.

Double rich chocolate frosting.

Oh, you mean literal rich people?

Yeah, but I've been fine by me.

I guess if there's a sauce involved.

If you dip him in sauce, I'll eat fucking anything.

So he's with Macho.

Yeah, he takes his chicken around, and then the boy.

What's your name, Nacho?

Oh, it's Macho, Senor.

It's Macho.

All right, I guess.

He puts down a fork and knife.

Yeah, like in a cartoon when somebody starts looking like a turkey.

Yeah, you almost ate me, senor.

I've eaten so many people in my life, it's all a blur.

So, Macho, what happens to Macho, Adam?

Well, I mean, what I was going to say, which has kind of been already done, was.

Shut up.

Yeah, which was that.

The boy says stuff that just I was you expect the Gran Torino.

Go to the kitchen and get me a piece of bread.

I just, in my mind, expected the Gran Torino guy to get it.

Go bring me a slice of bread.

Yeah, yeah.

And be like, God damn it, you fucking wet back.

I need a slice of bread.

The other great thing that he writes into the movie, much like the mule, is that women just need to fuck

his 91-year-old ass.

So he turns down pussy one time, and the second time he meets a chick, he turns down the pussy, but at the end, he goes back for the pussy.

Oh, so he turns down pussy twice, but he gets it the third time.

Well, he gets he goes back for the second, the second piece of pussy pie.

Do we see it?

Does he have a sex scene?

No, unlike the mule, he does not have a threesome

and a second, I think maybe two threesomes, if I remember that movie correctly.

Now he's 91, he's a little bit too old for that.

Damn, but he's just, I mean, it is, it's like Segal not being able to move anymore.

It's just so funny to see.

But it's like, you know, kind of in some ways.

Sagal would be great for Cry Fatso.

He'd be the best.

Cry Fatsu is perfect for sure.

Segal would be.

Just him in a motorized wheelchair going through a building just like doing karate.

Everyone jumping like eight feet in the air, doing a flip.

Yeah.

I mean, that literally happens in this movie where he just does an old man punch and the guy flies back.

Can we stop at Chipotle?

I need a burrito.

I need a burrito.

What do you mean you don't have Chipotle in Mexico?

I don't have Chipotle, you crazy bitch.

Get back in the kitchen.

And don't come out until you have a piece of bread in your hand.

And dessert.

I need a piece of bread every hour.

I've gotten into having pieces of bread as a snack.

It's healthy.

It's whole wheat bread.

It's not that perfect.

Naturally sweetened with fruit juices.

I soak a piece of bread in applesauce, and then I dry it out.

And it's healthy.

I'm not overeating.

I'm having a healthy snack.

You fucking bitch.

It's whole grains.

Does he get the boy back to his dad?

Yeah.

Which is like also questionable because the dad is not a good guy and he makes it very clear he's not a good guy.

But I guess the morality of the movie is it's

better to be with a deadbeat dad than live in Mexico.

Of course, of course.

But also with a deadbeat mom.

So it's kind of a.

These movies are so fun.

Like the next one's just going to be about a guy that lives in Queens.

He's a million years old.

Collects Nazi memorabilia and pushes people into train tracks.

and then his neighbor is like their son is being molested and it's his job to push the pedophile onto the train tracks

and then in the end I turn out to be a good guy but I was good to hold

I like a lot of his movie a lot of his movies oh do you yeah do you like what I watched uh no no homo I watched the bridges of Madison County not too long ago And it was a real tearjerker.

Robert Million Dollar Baby.

That is also a real tearjerker.

Very good movie.

Richard Jewell was awesome.

Become the king of bitch boxing just to have some dumb boar break her fucking neck on a stool.

Yeah, well, it was a stupid ending.

You gotta become a kid.

It's really sad.

He has to kill her.

It's a fucking stupid ending.

Her fucking white trash family takes advantage of all the money.

One of the best moments in my life.

I mean, he has to go back and kill her.

Because I met her.

Why does she have to die?

Because her life is fucking hell.

She's living in the world.

First of all, who breaks their fucking neck on a boxing stool?

Get the fuck out of here.

One of the best moments in my

best moment in the moment.

It was in the cock.

There was an Australian man.

And he sucked your cock.

And he sucked my cock.

And he said, Rona.

And it's not even that small.

I don't know what you were talking about.

And he was, of course, he was lying because he's a good guy.

He sucked your kookaburra.

So what's the best moment of your life?

You don't ever cry fat, so, because it's about you.

It's not about me

at all.

You were triggers.

It's about kooklands.

like, I hope nobody notices I'm fat.

You think we forgot?

First of all, I brought my own experiences into the role, into the bit, by saying he wants a Chipotle burrito.

It's a butter roll.

Damn, I really do.

I was thinking about a Chipotle burrito right now.

And I said, I'm going to use this for the character of Cry Fatso.

Okay.

Chipotle Lays, chips.

Chipotle is already food.

Now it's even more.

That'd be nice.

The burrito-flavored Lays.

That's actually not a bad idea.

I would actually love that.

I would like that.

Best moments of my life.

I told an Australian guy, somehow the topic of Karate Kid came up, and I went to Karate Kid 4.

And he's like, which one is it?

And I was like, it's the one with Hillary Swank.

He's like, I don't know if I know that one.

I was like, they released it as Million Dollar Baby in Australia.

He's like, oh, okay.

And he just believed it.

He believed it.

What a fucking thing.

Why are you homing the James Bond theme in your head to yourself?

Fucking dumbass Australian piece of shit.

Stupid ass.

Like all you motherfuckers, by the way.

Dude, Australia is so funny right now.

They're like, we've got one case.

Yeah.

Everyone's going back to jail.

We've got snipers outside your home.

One lady got sick.

Don't even think about going to the supermarket.

The hubris of Australia and New Zealand islands isolated from the rest of the world.

Well, New Zealand has that bitch let's not maybe she'll suck not not the not so don't let's not talk about it yeah girlfriend like oh we handle we handled COVID perfectly

and now look now look bitch yeah now look how about that you fucking you barely got you can't even afford French submarines

is that true yeah they had to buy them from us and now France is mad at us yeah France is having oh we undercut France we undercut France why do they need submarines for to go to Thailand for uh what Australia?

Yeah.

Yeah, get some boys.

Get some boy pussy in Thailand?

To go see the Great Barrier Reef, I guess.

Is that in Australia or is that in Florida?

It's Australia.

Australia.

You're thinking of the Outer Banks?

No, I'm thinking of the Florida in North Carolina.

No, there's a big grass reef here.

The Everglades.

No, there's a big reef.

The Coral Reef or something.

Yeah.

What the fuck are you laughing at me for?

I'm not laughing at you.

Oh, because he thinks he's smart.

That's the thing.

You're not smart.

I'm one of the dumbest.

I just admit how dumb I am, and that way we can find knowledge.

Listen, we can find knowledge through an honest fucking honest search of what we do and we don't know.

That movie Chicken Little.

Do you think that's named after

a chicken that's named after Adam Spenis?

I do think that actually.

I don't know.

That's so funny that you bring that up.

I was just thinking about how that movie

is about a chicken named after Adam Spenis.

I was literally just thinking of that the other day.

Yeah.

It's a crazy coincidence that you bring that up right now.

It is.

It is.

What was that?

Was that movie?

We already said what it is.

We already said what it was.

It was some movie.

No, it's not.

It's a chicken named out of your penis.

We've already covered it, Adam.

Yeah, well, I...

And now back to the Everglades.

You know what I was thinking about?

I was thinking about reaching out.

You know what I was thinking about?

I was thinking about it.

I was thinking about that movie, The Big Short.

Was that on that one eight?

The baby that

you guys have?

No.

The baby that you guys have.

No.

Oh, Adam.

Fat and short.

No.

That's a real reach, Adam, by the way.

For you to go all that way

when all you had to do was do something.

All you had to do was just call our dick smaller, call us gay.

I called you guys gay.

You tried to have a kid.

And again, you outsmart yourself.

And the first gay couple ever.

You try for something that's way above your fucking weight to conceive a child.

To combine an insult for both of us.

To conceive a child.

You can barely land one on either one of us.

That was a double punch.

And you try and do a double punch.

You're a flying double punch.

And you fail spectacularly.

Adam climbing up the turnbuckle, and he gets to the second rope and shits himself.

Okay, we're going to bring that up again.

I thought we were.

That was just a metaphor.

Yeah, it was a metaphor.

Oh, I forgot.

Yeah, that's right.

Shouldn't you be standing up?

I'm shocked you land him on your nice chair, dude.

It's really, it's really.

I didn't want to make this clear because I want to create the illusion for the audience.

But Nick replaced my old chair with the most comfortable chair ever.

That felt bad for you.

You should have shot up in front of a corner man.

It was actually very sweet.

That is a great chair.

I might have to get you.

You might have to lose chair privileges now.

Honestly, I'm happy to share the chair.

Well, there wouldn't be any sharing.

I would take it.

I feel like it does kind of fuck up the ambiance.

I feel like on the layout is him being interrogated.

I feel like the chair is

the box era was funny.

This chair is too nice for me.

It's a great chair.

Yeah.

But you can do a nice amount of reading on there, smoke a pipe on there.

That's exactly what I'm doing.

This is a gentleman's grandchild.

This is a real learned gentleman's girl.

And that's a chair that really...

In the fall and the winter, oh, that's a chair for the fall, winter for another.

I smoke my tobacco there.

I got my

I got my telephone so I can talk to my grandma who has dementia.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Who's this?

I don't worry about it.

It's Clarence.

Yeah.

Hello.

Hello, Edna.

This is Clarence dickhead.

This is Clarence Dickhead.

You said you were going to give me $100.

I'm supposed to get pussy from you.

You have phone sex with your grandma with dementia?

Yeah, what does she care about?

What are you wearing?

She's still got a lady's voice.

She's still a chick.

Fucking homo.

Yeah.

I am gay.

You wouldn't do that, Stop.

I wouldn't.

Honestly, I wouldn't.

I guess you're really not horny old stop.

You baby like we do.

I lie.

That's all.

It's such a character.

Well, I'll tell you what, if you like lying, you're going to love cushydreams.com.

That's true.

I love deceit, and I also love fake marijuana.

I love the deceit of a woman's pants, which covers the pussy area.

The pussy and a little bit of the ass.

I'd love to

take the seat, to see a woman's titties.

I'd like to see

a woman's titties.

I would love to deceit.

I'd love to see you.

You suck my dick.

Adam, why don't you go ahead and

give me the copy?

Oh, there you go.

Thank you.

Why don't you read that for a second while I think while I look at the Cry Macho trailer?

It's pretty good.

The trailer is pretty good.

Excuse me.

Okay.

The company is Cushy Dreams, and their slogan is smoke your CBD because you can.

That's so far, so good.

They offer a full lineup of premium smokable CBD.

They specialize in extraordinary

CBD-rich hemp flour, aka buds, and pre-roll CBD joints.

And you can join the group of adults who are sick of vapes and gummies and want to smoke their CBD.

Dude, I can't tell you.

That's what I talk about with all my adults.

When I'm walking down the street and I see a fucking somebody over 18, they can't stop talking about

how tired they are of gummies and vapes.

Everyone from the 18 to 95 demo.

This is a young show, dude.

This is like a Zoomer show.

It is.

That's true.

That's true.

Because we're young guys.

Yeah, we pretend to be older.

18 to fucking whatever years old.

Yeah, we're about 18 years old.

And it's funny because it doesn't feel like this show really has been on that long, five years.

But it started at like the very last

very last year you can be considered young.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And now

we're pathogenicity.

Very beginning of middle-aged.

Adam's 40 years old.

Adam is 40 years old.

Two of his wives have died since we started doing this show.

But not by my own hand.

From HIV.

He's always has an alibi.

He somehow mysteriously caught HIV while playing Adam.

And

the doctor said that Adam has what's called tunnel antibodies.

He suffers from tunnel syndrome where he's been fucked in his ass so many times that there's just a direct tube from his asshole through his dick hole.

Yeah, so the AIDS come

just

like one of those things at the bank.

Imagine using a paper towel roll like a dingy roll.

Yeah, yeah.

And that's

yeah.

Oh, wow.

And that's actually his AIDS-ridden cock is very similar to cocksnoy

that you might smoke CBD out of.

Yeah, and a joint that that ships legally to all 50 states.

That's so true.

It looks like high-quality marijuana.

It feels like high-quality marijuana, and it tastes like high-quality marijuana.

You can eat it, and it'll taste

better.

Well, smoke does.

Don't be, you know, respect the copy, Adam.

Okay.

Smoke tastes like marijuana.

I would never make fun of

one of our great sponsors.

We would never have to because we only use the finest, we only accept the money of the finest products that we personally're kind of like an AA sponsor because they keep you sober.

That's true.

Smoking fake weed all day doesn't count as having a drug problem.

Not at all.

They got three lines in order of quality: private, reserve, ultra premium, and premium.

If you send them a video of you pretending to be high off their smoking, you gotta be like, dude, I'm fucking.

I'm meeting God right now.

You're a fucking unicorn.

You get a lifetime supply.

Dude, you're like a fucking lizard.

Yeah.

Say shit like that.

Yeah, stuff like that.

Yeah, say tripping.

Say stuff like that, you fucking piece of shit.

Yeah, call Cushie Dreams.

Call them and tell them.

Say that God's stuff.

Call them up and say that.

Call them up.

Do they have a number?

I don't think so.

Yeah.

But you go to cushydreams.com.

That's K-U-S-H-Y Dreams.

Let's see if they have a number, and then we'll say you call them up, you tell them 98 Rock sent you.

Tell them Justin Schlegel justin schlegel sent you

and then you're so high

every can size is 3.5 grams and they're nitrogen sealed so that's how you know it's optimally fresh

you can mix it with anything else you like to smoke they got a customer service number for sure

Call them and then also call

98 Rock and say Cushy Cushy Dreams sent you on that.

And we're going to try and put these two lovebirds.

Yeah, maybe put them on

three ways.

Put them on three ways.

Do like

Longmont motion.

Longmont.

Motion penis.

Motion penis.

Longcock motion penis.

Longmont motion cat.

Yeah, so call 98 Rock.

Tell them you're from Gucci Dreams.

Call Goochy Dreams.

Tell them you're Justin Schlegel from 98 Rock.

Yeah, that will really be a good prank.

And then record it in a state where you can record phone calls.

Check on that.

New York State's fine from what we understand.

They have six choices of strain, relax, peace, create, hustle, energy, dream.

Yeah, strain.

That's a bad name for it.

They should call it fucking feels, you know, like it's not stress.

Regular.

Regular.

Chill.

Because it's not a strain.

It's not a strain at all.

It's an awesome thing.

It's a fucking feels good to do it.

Like jacking off if you didn't even have to move your hands.

Can you imagine a world

jack your cock?

Or you can just comb in your pants with your penis.

Yeah, like the way you can kind of like, look, I'm flexing my calf right now.

Yeah.

Yeah, it looks strong.

Thanks, man.

Imagine if you could do that with your cock.

I remember being in

like math class or something.

No chance.

In math class, and like some guy was like, I guess, friendly with, but not, like, super good friends.

He was just like telling me, like, dude, I beat off the other day, and I was like coming so hard that I was like flexing my legs and I feel like my legs got stronger from from from like how much I was like jacking off.

This is sick, bro.

Yeah, when it's just like we're in the middle of class.

And I still think about that like all the time.

It's not even really like an embarrassing thing to say.

It was such a bizarre odd timing.

And yeah, and I also don't recall, I was just like, I remember my reaction being like, oh, interesting.

Nice, man.

I didn't know you could do that.

That's awesome, man.

Just explaining how he got, like, his legs were sore for masturbating.

Because he was flexing them.

Yeah, because he was flexing from jacking off.

I've never flexed while jacking off.

And this wasn't quite, he wasn't like, yo, he was just like,

we were like five chairs away from each other.

He's announcing.

Yeah, he's like, oh, dude, I forgot to tell you.

Yeah, that's awesome.

Do you guys hang out at Ever?

No, no, he was like literally only somebody that I like, you know, talk to in school.

We weren't like good friends.

He was just trying to make more friends, probably.

Yeah, that's true.

That was just go-to friendship anecdotes.

Yeah, you should have.

He's like, oh, I thought I would get

win Mullen over with that one.

Yeah.

I thought Mullen was going to really like that one.

It was.

Well, I mean, it's an interesting story.

Yeah, it is.

It had an effect.

Now, I do that kind of thing for a living.

That's true.

You know, I'm a

people know you for the racon tour.

A professional tell people about how I beat off.

The secret is that I do not, actually, in real life.

I mostly do karate in here.

It is very heavily Asian-influenced.

I mostly think about

different karate moves.

Nick walks around on those block flip-flop things.

He's wearing a gi right now.

These are very funny shoes.

They're the funniest.

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Smoke your penis because you're penis.

Smoke your cockballs.

Cockballs dick.

Now, I'm just thinking how fun it was to just change.

the words to those movies and put penis.

I know, dude.

It's okay.

That was a good day.

We should have just quit after that.

I know.

That was a really nice day.

Fuck.

Now I want Chicken McNuggets.

I just got to buy a laptop.

This fucking game.

Yeah, just buy a laptop.

Oh, yeah.

I forgot that I complained about this on the.

Yeah, get ready for the premium episode where Nick talks about his laptop.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Did I ruin the premium episode?

I was saying that snodly.

Oh, is that?

That wasn't sarcastic.

You're right.

I probably

was saying something boring.

I wasn't that.

there was no hint of

sarcasm.

I have a sarcastic affect, and it gets me in trouble a lot.

Oh,

okay.

Especially with strange people.

So I'm gay now.

So now I'm gay.

Let me get the shit.

Just because I have an interest in men.

So

I'm a photographer.

And I'm gay now.

One of my favorite ongoing jokes of my life.

So because I like pictures.

I take pictures.

So I like photography.

And the picture happened to be of a guy's ass getting creamy.

And it's a man bent over, and you can see his balls and the tip of his penis.

And you can see that.

See that, and then it's probably come coming out of it.

It's draped into a bowl of fruit.

I'm sorry.

But I'm gay.

Cezanne called that still life.

For that, I'm gay, I guess.

I think that's how you pronounce his name.

Mm-hmm.

Her name, maybe.

Who knows?

No, it's a guy.

Is it?

They didn't let bitches do art till like the 60s.

They did, dude.

They did back then.

No, there was like a bitch that pulled a scroll out of her pussy, and then everyone was allowed to do art.

That's not true.

Women invented art.

And that's not a woke take, it's the truth.

Men had to encroach when they ran out of jail.

Virtue signal.

When they ran out of jail.

Virtue signal mullen.

No, it's the truth.

Because here's what happened.

Men used to do labor, and then they invented capitalism, and there was now an abundance of like you had to do something.

So the guys that would have just been fed the dogs or,

you know, like molested by the church or so on in half half for being

gypsies or whatever.

Yeah, for being,

you know, what's the word?

Heretics.

Yeah, heretics or whatever.

It's heretics.

Is it heretics?

Heretical.

But a guy is a heretic.

Yeah, and a girl is a hair a bitch.

That's right.

So, anyways, they invented it.

Have you finished the ad read yet?

It's done, baby.

We can get back to our good show.

Hi.

How are you doing?

I'm Burt Reynolds.

My dick fell off.

So I'm dying.

Hey, I'm Dickless Burt Reynolds.

Dickless Burt Reynolds, folks.

And this is.

Yeah, I need a job.

So they fucking

used to be women stay at home.

They painted pictures and fucking wrote books and gay shit like that.

But now that my dick's on.

And they had to turn it into a fucking job.

So that's why guys started doing this.

Interesting.

I thought pictures were pretty gay, but I have to say I saw a painting that changed my mind on.

What's that?

When I was in France, I saw this painting called

Origin Du Monde, Gustave Corbet.

And it's just a pussy.

It's really famous.

Boost inside my pino.

Yes, Boost Instadd de Monde.

Look up the soul.

Look up the painting, Stop.

Say it again.

I think it's Origin of the World, Origin Du Monde.

Origin Du Monde.

Gustave Corbet.

Pretty cool, dude.

Turn me around on this whole paintings thing.

Okay.

Let's see here.

Oh, yeah, it's right.

Just like a nice close-up on a pussy.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

That's a good painting.

It's good that a guy had that idea, put it into practice.

And I like how you can see one of the tits.

You can see one tit?

I know.

I said that when I saw it.

That is a favorite view of mine, looking up and breast.

It's just like a free tit.

You know, the main attraction is the pussy, but you get a little bit of tit.

Yeah.

And you know, you know, I don't know.

That's a pussy eater's eye view.

I feel like her

Apple store recently.

Yeah, I went to the Apple store on Friday.

Can you still just because I feel like they don't let you just go to the Apple store anymore?

You have to make an appointment.

For everything.

You can just go, can't you?

No, I don't think so.

I tried to go.

Yeah, since the pandemic, they're like, no, you can't do it.

You can't even buy a fucking.

You can't buy like a

cable, yeah.

What the fuck?

Dude, Dude, I smashed my phone so bad that they that they made me buy a new phone, even though I have Apple Care Plus.

Wow.

They're bastards.

You got cucked major way, in a major way.

Yeah, I know.

And I was told to put on a mask.

And I said, I'm a fucking sovereign citizen.

Shit.

I do not play by your rules.

And yes, I will be putting on a mask, sir.

Bold man.

Yeah, I'm not going to the Apple store, dude.

Fuck that.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I went to the Apple store in Soho.

To meet his boyfriend.

No.

Have sex with him?

No, I didn't, actually.

No.

Soho.

It was the back.

So Homo.

You went to Sohoma, and

the Apple store you mean is the back of a Mr.

Mango where you just suck the guy's cock.

It's a hack fellow.

I was laughing the other day.

I was in Chinatown, and it's like,

you know, thinking about how all the Chinese people in Chinatown don't know it's called Chinatown.

Like in their minds, their people are like, Where do you live?

And they're like, Yeah, in the financial district.

Yeah, just regular New York.

Yeah.

I'm downtown.

I live down.

Just downtown New York.

You know, like Soho.

There's where I live.

Tribeca-ish.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I guess little Italy.

Yeah,

I live in Little Italy.

The hell do you mean Chinatown?

For the players at home who don't happen to be in New York.

These are all neighborhoods

that used to be their own places but are now part of Chinatown.

Have you you been to San Jannaro yet this year?

Nah, I used to go for my cousin's birthday, but which I guess is how long is it?

His birthday is probably this week.

I don't know, a week or something.

Didn't that already happen?

No,

it goes on for a minute.

Tomorrow is the solstice, so it's usually around

Italy.

Is your fucking astrology?

Oh, yeah, they're just very, they're very spiritual people.

Why did you say the solstice?

Because that's just when San Jannaro is.

Wow.

It's kind of like Christmas house, a gay sex festival.

Yeah, we worship like the fucking Saturnalia, dude.

They were out there sucking guys off.

Tony Danz is down there.

Cuomo's probably down there in a dress.

Yeah.

I'm trans now.

Fuck me now.

I'm sorry.

I am a woman.

My pronouns are she, her.

You can't say I molested myself.

The perfect defense.

The art school guy defense.

Now we got what?

Kathy Hochill.

Yeah,

I was saying, what if it was Kathy Nochill?

Yeah.

And she's like, I have to say it, but this virus is being a.

You're like, come on.

Kathy, you got to chill.

Relax.

You're the governor.

Damn, the governor ain't got no chill.

She's out there saying the end.

If there's any time to call something a, it's this fucking virus

is when you would

see.

You can say that as lieutenant governor but I'm not talking about black people

She's gonna sound like that just imagine every woman in politics is just like horrifically midwest like terminally midwestern she has an upstate style name

Kathy Hochel gosh I feel like I got that from you know what

that's a raw Meebie Rogers could play her in something

I remember when they called it Cockchester

really my family moved here to have sex with Chinese rail workers.

From where?

From fucking Albany.

We moved to Rochester to get fucked, get our pussies fucked by the Chinese.

Wow, to give them pussies.

They made the big fucking move.

That's where from Albany to Rochester.

That's where

SARS-Co-V-1 came from.

Oh,

getting Chinese rail, getting railed by the rail workers.

That's what they called it.

Oh, wow.

That's almost why they called it that.

So that's, it sounds like you come from a real matriarchal family.

There was only women in my family.

And they all love Chinese colours.

We would get fucked by the Chinese and we'd reproduce.

We're not actually genetically related.

It's just other white ladies who love saying

in the grocery store.

Kathy, chill out.

We got no chill.

No chill, no chill.

And I love saying the end.

I'm no chill, ho chill.

And you better fucking believe I'm saying in every one of these press conferences.

Y'all better buckle up.

Shit,

y'all thought shit was sweet with Cuomo.

You thought he had, what, because he touched a couple of pussies.

I'm dropping hard.

E-R.

Every single fucking day.

In these meetings.

PowerPoint?

Why would we call him points now?

Why would we call them?

Slide number one.

Bullet point number one.

Bullet point number two.

Oh, what's that?

We got a third bullet point?

You better believe it.

The governor of New York has solved the coronavirus.

By calling it the N-word.

By calling it the N-word.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

What's Kathy look like?

She looks like she got a good pussy.

I mean, she probably looks like Kathy from the comics.

Ack?

Nah.

She doesn't look like Knicks.

Black's, black's, black.

I think she just looks like a regular ass bitch, yeah.

She just looks like a politician-type bitch.

Let me take a look at this.

Honestly, literally.

Sandy Rogers could play her.

She could get it, bro.

Ho-chill?

Yeah, whatever.

Let's look up.

Nah, I'm Bert Reynolds.

I'm fag Burt Reynolds.

Uh-oh.

What are you up to, Bert?

How you doing?

I'm fagg Bert.

What gay shit are you up to?

Are you in a movie called Smoky and the Pennsylvania?

I'm fucking sucking.

I'm smoking cocky and the band's peeing.

The old band's pooing.

That's the kind of shit I do.

Mybookie.com.

Wow.

You can bet on that.

Nah, dude.

Kathy Hochill cannot get the prick.

I'm just saying.

No, Adam wouldn't sound cool.

I would.

I mean, I'd take her over a Marjorie Taylor Green.

No, no, no, no, no.

You would rather fuck Marjorie Taylor Green than

nobody wants to fuck Marjorie Taylor Green.

But over

Over Kathy?

Literally.

Kathy looks like a normal nurse.

I literally have gay sex before I had

a girl.

Did you see her new commercial where she blows up a car?

She does.

Yeah.

No, she's like, she doesn't even have human genes.

Yeah, but she's unfuckable.

Yeah.

I would rather fuck her than I'm taking the opposite stance.

I would rather fuck her.

You're going to have to die on that hill, buddy.

Listen, she's just weird.

Yeah, I can't even conceive of her skeleton.

You don't have a good enough imagination.

She looks like shit.

What are you talking about?

I'm one of the most fantastical, imaginative.

Well, then

use some of that whimsy to think about what this bitch is vertebrae for.

You can bet on who would you rather fuck at mybookie.com.

You could bet on that.

Yeah.

What's going on in sports these days?

You got Antonio Brown on the Raiders.

What else?

Do we have copy for this?

Didn't Marjorie Taylor Greene fuck some guy out of wedlock?

Is that what we found?

Is that her scandal?

That's all she's done is she's had sex outside of marriage?

No, no, like cheated on her husband is what I meant to say.

No, did she?

Not out of wedlock.

Yeah.

I thought she fucked like her CrossFit instructor or some shit.

Really?

Marjorie Taylor Greene openly cheated on husband with men at her gym.

Men, according to Daily Mail.

Come on, bro.

You'd rather smash with this chick?

Yeah, because she's a fucking freak, bro.

Bro, I'm just looking at a picture of her.

I'm not saying that.

Saying that her gym.

If I had to pick one, I would pick her because she's a fucking weird freak.

Honestly, I could totally imagine what she would be like to have sex with her.

She'd be so pissed.

It's so social.

She'd be so pissed at socialism.

I don't know where she came from.

Like, I don't remember.

She's probably just had a meltdown on Facebook Live.

yeah dude look it would just there'd be something strange about her that i would rather fuck than kathy hoachill it's also mostly an age thing

what you think she's a

anyway do we have copy for my book here no just fucking use your goddamn imagination

the way i have

for years

mybookie.com i'm gonna imagine a website and this is called

mybookie.age.

Green has promoted numerous far-right white supremacist and anti-Semitic conspiracy theories, including the white genocide conspiracy theory, QAnon, and Pizzagate, which is Pizzagate's real,

as well as other disproven conspiracy theories such as false flag mass shootings, the Clinton body count, and those related to 9-11.

That is such a broad stroke.

I know.

Sneaking the cleaning.

And there's

nothing to be investigated about 9-11.

No.

Everything is a conspiracy.

I don't know.

It's the same as white genocide.

Yeah.

Well, the NFL season is back, and you can bet on anything, anywhere, anytime at mybookie.a.

That's all.

It's true.

You could double your first time.

NFL.

I wonder if they're changing the name to the National Feelings League, folks.

The NFL has gone woke, and it's going broke.

It's true.

It's true.

It's so fucking true.

Let me ask you, John, if you want to kneel at a game and disrespect the country that brought you the freedoms that make it possible for you as a black man to earn millions of dollars

playing a game that's a child's game.

That's supposed to be about respect and dignity and pulling up your pants.

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People say people say that right-wing radio is like a grift or whatever, which is true, but it's like it's an admirable.

If I can keep it up,

it's a great bit.

If I could check in every day,

not only like every day at 4 a.m., but

for five hours fucked up on Oxygen.

Yeah, just on pain pills.

Just fucking out of your mind on pain pills.

Saying nothing.

Saying nothing and just being like, pretending to be shocked about like McDonald's has gotten rid of honey mustard.

And you thought when I said the Jews were, you know,

and people called me crazy.

Yeah.

And just like summoning those emotions every single day.

You can tell who's doing a bit and who's not, though, because like some of those guys are not, like, all the Fox New guys are getting vaccinated, but

the local guys, those motherfuckers keep dying'cause they keep getting COVID.

Oh, yeah, the small time guys.

The small time guys keep actually like believe all this shit.

How many of them are there?

'Cause it seems like a lot of them are.

There are dozens at this point.

Like in the when I was younger and I would have to, you know, drive around and through the South or whatever with comedy and stuff, you would just go from market to market and it's like you're listening to fucking shit on ninety-two, you know, something.

Yeah, yeah.

The the knife.

It's like, oh, fucking oh, this uh communist socialist Obama president wants to introduce Black History Month to schools.

Unless I bring Blacks R History Month to the fucking gun show.

They're just saying this on the radio.

It's truly jarring.

If you're not like, you know, down there or whatever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And the FCC can't do anything about it.

I don't think the FCC actually exists.

I think you're probably.

Unless you bring a titty out.

Unless you bring one honest titty out.

The FCC enforcing any kind of like

standards and practice or

whatever,

broadcast standards

in this day and age is fucking absurd.

Oh, yeah.

I think we've.

You know, I mean, it's just another way for the government to rake in money.

But yeah, they're still finding like terrestrial radio people like $200,000 if you say like bitch.

If you say bitch at like fucking 3 p.m.

You know what's fucking weird?

People are starting to censor like now the internet is getting censored.

Is it?

Like, well, not

just because of monetization, where it's like, like TikTok and shit, everyone censors curse words.

Like, YouTube.

You can't sell ads on it.

YouTube people are fucking.

You can make Christian content.

Like, did you say,

aren't people stealing our shit and censoring the curse words?

Yeah.

That shit's so fucking weird.

Now the internet is just like...

That's where you used to be able to say whatever whatever the fuck you wanted, bro.

Well,

I had the Jews that run it do that for us.

I don't know.

It's weird because I've been on the internet a long time.

Sure, you know more about it than me.

That's true.

And I like, I don't, you know, I guess I've never been particularly like a cancel culture guy.

I don't think like economic punishment should be doled out to anybody.

I don't think that's like

a separate problem.

But the

like the internet is I've been banned.

I got banned from everything before anybody else.

Right.

I'm banned from everything.

Yeah.

it's like that's part of it you do things to make them mad so they ban you right right right

you always find a way yeah that's it's funny to do that it is funny to do that that is true uh so you can with a hundred percent sports welcome bonus and 150 casino bonus up to 750 you could bet with bitcoin you could bet on a boy

you could they have live odds in-game wagering ncaa f football nick's flipping me off right now.

You know, I do that every show?

Yeah.

You just never notice?

We did a whole show one time where I had you like this.

That's not true.

Just clock.

I would have noticed.

No, just clock the whole time.

How long?

The entire show.

And you didn't know it is possible.

I'm one of the most

keen observers in the world.

You're really one of the least observers.

That's what people like.

They like my sharpness.

You've never been keen in your fingers.

The reason you notice is because it's up here by my midsection instead of down by my penis.

If I put it down in my crotch area, you'd be like, oh, you're flipping.

It's before my

crotch.

The second the fingers started to exchange.

I'd be like, oh, I'm flipping.

I'm telling.

I've never looked at your craft.

I'm telling.

I've never looked at your secret.

Except for that one time we were peeing next to each other and it was.

If you want to hide something from me, I started laughing.

And you said, what are you laughing at?

And I said, I was thought of something.

Yeah, because I had to.

My dick painted like a clown.

Yeah.

Because I had to go to work.

Because I had a job to do that afternoon.

If you want to keep a secret from Adam, you just put you just right on a post-it note and put it near girls' pussy.

That's not true.

That's how you keep things secret on a girl.

You just write them on a girl's title.

It's not a secret.

Finish the average, you fucking cocksucker.

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Put on promo code Cometown or ComeTown slash Black Jack Kathy.

No.

Kathy's.

I'm trying to fulfill our fiduciary responsibility or whatever that works.

Let me just say, by the way, it's not that I want to fuck Marjorie Taylor Green.

Stop wants to fuck Marjorie Taylor.

It's that I would rather fuck

Kathy Hochul.

Yeah, it looks like her pussy is made out of bones.

Probably.

Her jaw is too wide.

She looks like a monkey.

She looks like a gibbon face.

Yeah, well, she has sort of like a

closed steroid.

Like a recent ancestor kind of

genetic form.

Yeah, that's true.

Not Neanderthal necessarily, because she doesn't have the predominant brow.

But it's the jaw.

She's got a predominant jaw.

Yeah.

And

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Welcome to the fucking party,

you fucking motherfuckers.

Fuck, I got a little tickle in my throat.

It's not COVID.

I got tested this morning.

Yeah.

Everybody, welcome to the fucking party.

Everybody sucks.

What was tickling?

A pussy.

What was tickling?

A pussy was.

How do you say that?

Nice try.

In your throat.

It's a long clip.

You mean a penis?

Do you mean a penis that you were sucking?

That you were throating.

I was throating a pussy.

Why do you have a neck tattoo that says the throat goat?

The throat goat, dude.

Call me fucking Stevens.

Why do you have Superhead Stevens?

Why do you have a full neck tattoo that says the throat goat?

Because

I like to get my dick throat.

Green is, like, her background is she worked at CrossFit, and then in 2017, she wrote articles for a website called American Truth Seekers.

And then now she's in Congress.

That's awesome, dude.

You know, and it's like it's...

That's so fucking sick.

You know, when conservatives are like, oh, AOC was a bartender.

Yeah.

Or she's not actually from the Bronx.

It's like, okay, well, I mean, in your stupid world, that probably qualifies her more to be in fucking Congress.

Then she should be the president.

But this lady is like, yeah, she's like.

I mean, it's like, it's literally if I was in the corner.

She was a journalist.

I was in Congress.

No, I know.

It's just me.

Some people.

You're more qualified, probably.

Yeah, from Thought Catalog.

From Thought Catalog.

Yeah.

Yeah, she wrote 27 articles for law enforcement Today.

27.

I guarantee you there's maybe

there's zero police officers that read law enforcement today.

Right, right, right, right.

It's Paul Blart and fucking

Richard Jewell.

That's who reads Law Enforcement Today.

Pretty good movie.

Yeah.

Well, the movie's good, but the actual guy, if you remember the movie,

it turns out he was a pedophile.

He was?

No.

Whoa.

Yeah, actually, that movie should be called Cry Fat.

So

that's very funny.

Have you seen that movie?

It is.

Is it?

Yes, Nick.

Did you finish your ad were you?

I finished it.

Pig.

Why would you call me a pig when Stav is definitely a dude?

What the fuck?

Why the fuck would you turn on me, you motherfucker?

Because I was deflecting, Stav.

I'm a pig, really?

I'm a survivor.

At least this week he's deflecting instead of

defecting.

Is that a defecating?

Defecating.

Thank you.

No problem.

You're welcome, Philip.

I appreciate the thank you.

Anyway, folks,

I would like to see some of her articles.

I wonder what some of the titles were.

Yeah, one of her qualifications is she was a moderator of a Facebook group.

That's what I said.

Fucking sick.

Our democracy is stronger than ever.

It's pretty sick.

Damn, I'm fucking sleepy.

I couldn't sleep.

I had a cough that woke me up.

Yeah, I never sleep at all.

I have to drink Nyquil to go to sleep from now on.

I'm just prepared.

I'm like, I was sort of half awake constantly.

In a fugue state.

In a malaise.

Mandela.

And a mayonnaise.

I had some bad mayonnaise recently that pissed me off.

What kind?

I don't remember.

It just came in a little packet.

What kind of mayonnaise?

What kind of mayonnaise?

What kind of mayonnaise you got?

Bad.

Adam, did you finish that ring?

I finished it.

Can you just do it again for 10 more minutes?

So there's a website called mybookie.ag.

We just got a burnt.

There's a website that's got live in-game wage ring.

NFL season is bad.

The Baltimore Ravens.

Just had a thrilling victory over the Kansas City Chiefs.

Phenomenal.

Phenomenal.

The fucking Kansas City Cuefs, more like it.

You think they're requiring vaccines at Monster Jam?

I hope not.

That shit is fucking boring, dude.

What's Monster Jam?

Monster Truck shit.

They're definitely not requiring vaccine.

It sucks how boring Monster Truck shit is.

Because you think it would be awesome.

But actually being there is fucking shit.

It's fucking gay, dude.

Have you been?

I've never been.

I've been to the smaller events.

Like, not like the.

I mean, actually, I did go to Monster Jam at USA Arena in, like, 1993.

When you were a five kids, yeah, with my grandma, which is a very funny grandma thing to do.

Did she show you?

That's why he has phone sex with her now.

No, my grandma's cool, dude.

That is a cool thing.

It's crazy because I miss my grandma a lot, but she's not dead yet.

She's just fucking gone mentally.

That makes total sense.

Just no idea who you're like, you're dead to me, whore.

Yeah, I've stopped speaking to her.

You're like,

you do nothing for me.

So rot.

Boring.

Rot in your little fucking cell.

Damn, they got a lot of new monster trucks now.

Do they?

Let's do some.

How's the technology looking?

Folks, I'm sorry.

Is that the audience saying just read all the names of the monster?

Yep.

Read them.

Yeah.

Just kill time.

Kill tides.

Kill ten minutes.

Kill ten minutes.

It's my favorite show.

We got alien invasion.

You know what would be

really the next step for real?

This is just start doing like 42-minute episodes.

That's really when we start crossing the Rubicon.

I'm really taking the show.

Five ad reads, 42 minutes.

Just doing it under an hour.

Yeah.

Avenger.

Avenger.

Oh, like Marvel.

Axe, Bad Company.

Okay.

This one's cool.

Bad news travels fast.

Hey, cool.

We got like racehorse names.

Yeah, yeah.

It's pretty cool.

Yeah.

She's showing pussy.

They're the Bakugan Dragonoid.

That's awesome.

I guess they're letting fucking

people.

You're letting whoever in here now.

Black Pearl, so that's just stolen from Pirates of the Caribbean.

That's cool.

Black Stallion, Blue Thunder,

Bro Dozer.

Okay.

Brutus, that one's shaped like a dog.

Devastator, Dragon.

That was pretty cool.

There's already a dragon.

Earthshaker.

El Toro Loco.

That one's cool, too.

Crazy Bull.

Yeah.

El Toro Loco Ice Fast Metal.

Oh shit.

El Toro Loco's evil fucking twin, dude.

Oh, scary.

Gas Monkey Garage.

I kind of like that.

I like that one.

Gravedigger.

Classic.

The Great Clips Mohawk Warrior.

So I guess Great Clips.

Oh, they have sponsors now.

Great Clips has its own monster drug now.

Hooked.

I got fucked up at a Great Clips one.

Oh, damn.

Ice Cream Man.

I love this.

Oh, that's awesome.

That's almost better than Gravedigger.

I like ice cream, man.

That would be my favorite.

Iron Outlaw, gay.

Iron Warrior, gay.

Jailbird, slightly less gay.

Jester.

I kind of like jester.

Pretty cool.

Nah, it's gay.

Is it like

a Southern California Hispanic jester?

Crakerin.

Jester.

Megalodon.

Megalodon's a good name.

Monster Energy.

Didn't even try it.

It's not the Monster Energy something.

It's just monster energy.

It's a lot of these cars.

This is funny.

So here's a dog one, Monster Mutt, and then they've got Monster Mutt Dalmatian.

Nice, dude.

This is a Dalmatian.

Oh, Monster Mutt Rodweiler.

They got a lot of Monster Mutt.

They got a lot of dog brand.

Nitro Menace.

That's actually a good name.

Northern Nightmare.

I guess what?

This is the Unionists coming in to violate states' rights.

I like that.

It's just painted like General Sherman.

They're like, boo!

Fuck that truck.

Fuck that.

Forgive us our slaves back.

I was thinking the other day, you know, it's like, does anyone make the case that who really should be getting reparations is the family of slave owners?

I think they lost their property.

I think they did get reparations.

Yeah, but

they lost something.

I mean,

did they North even try just being like, look, we'll just buy the slaves off you?

I think they literally did pay those motherfuckers.

Did they?

Did they?

I think so.

That's how that worked.

That's how that would solve that now.

If we still had slavery, because the slaves would all be owned by, like,

you know, Jeff Corporation.

Yeah, right.

Like, the taxpayers would have to give

billions of dollars to slave owners to buy the slaves off.

100%.

And then they would just bust the slaves into

lower middle-class white neighborhoods to cause racial strife.

That's crazy when you think about it.

And then you pee up, and then you introduce crack into those neighborhoods.

I don't know if you introduced crack.

Ronald Reagan.

What's the new thing now?

There hasn't been a new thing.

I guess Kenny.

Yeah, but I don't think

obsessed.

Yeah, let's get back to it.

It's like a

overceptual

bored.

And it's over B-O-R-E-D.

I guess it's a Norm McDonald tribute.

So sad.

Oh, are you real sad about it, Adam?

No, I just said that.

It's personal to you.

You're a a good friend.

He was a good friend of mine.

Yeah.

You're ignoring everybody in the group chat until Norm McDonald died.

Then you have to prostrate yourself.

I just said it was sad.

Yeah.

And you couldn't.

Oh, do you want to get lunch?

No text back.

Norm McDonald's.

I'm the most sad about it.

I didn't say I was the most sad.

I was just sad.

Oh, we got.

Pirates Curse.

Rage.

Raminator.

That's cool.

Raisin Cane, Rockwell Red.

That's nice.

Here you go.

The Saigon Shaker.

That's pretty cool.

But it's a Vietnam War-themed pickup truck.

Scooby-Doo.

This feels like

why did they make the mystery mission?

A lot of these are copyright for this.

Here we go.

This is awesome.

Soldier Fortune Black Ops.

It's a Valor-stealing truck.

No fucking yellow.

It's got a gun on top.

That's so awesome.

It's got a turret.

That's pretty badass.

They just drive around.

They don't fucking destroy anything.

That's what I mean.

It's fucking gay.

Yeah.

It should be a demolition derby with monster trucks.

They're too expensive, dude.

You can't...

You can't destroy those beautiful machines.

I would pay $1,000 to watch that.

Wait, so they don't do jumps over shit?

Oh, really?

This is pretty fucking gay, honestly.

It's pretty boring.

It's just like going over a bunch of little hills.

By the way, the crowd is not feeling

He's bombing.

Yeah, there's a hundred thousand people in this stadium, and they're yeah, they're just like soldier fortune black ops is bombing,

doing terribly.

Damn, that's like a Tom Clancy story.

Here we got son of a digger, and it's okay.

Wow, that's this.

They have sex.

The trucks have sex in everything.

Wolf's Head, and it's a wolf that sucks dick.

That's awesome.

Wonder Woman.

It's like an Israeli truck.

Yep.

Wrecking machine.

Extermigator.

So it's an exterminator.

That's not even a word.

It's sick.

An exterminator personality.

That's awesome.

Alligator that also exterminates.

That's fucking sick as shit.

Yeah.

2020 drivers, Buddy Tompkins, Roy Pridgen Jr.

or no, sorry, Roy Pridgen and J.R.

McNeil.

That's who drives the extermigator.

Look at this guy.

I could have told you what this person looked like.

I'm tired.

Are you tired?

Well, don't worry, buddy.

We got more things to read.

I love Extermigator.

I have to say, that one really captured my imagination.

Our first competitor is one of the Monster Jam World Finals rookies, Sean Duhan, driving a truck that the fans selected.

There was a big contest at MonsterJam.com.

What Monster Jam truck should we create?

Is this guy doing Will Farrell doing?

And how has Sean Duhan been being kind of just a perfect fit for this at the pit party?

He'll put the makeup on.

He takes pictures with the kids in his zombie role.

When it gets down to this time, he really has delivered in this truck.

Yeah, he's solid.

He's consistent.

He's a fast racer.

He's got a lot of experience, but he doesn't have a lot of experience on a fast track like this, as well as a big track.

with obstacles the size that they are here at the Advanced Auto Parts World Finals.

Well, you know, it's a great learning experience for an up-and-comer like Sean Duhan in zombie.

And certainly, no matter what he does here, and he's off to a good start, this is just a launching pad for him and his career.

And he, again, having this opportunity, he really relishes having a full-time ride in zombie.

Oh, we've seen this before.

We always have the balloons in somewhere.

Uh-huh, there they go.

Oh, look at this.

First truck out of the box.

That is sick.

Great job.

You come to the Monster Jam World Finals.

Yeah, you've got to do a lot of things.

How do you win?

There's a big air in there somewhere.

And Sean found

Cox suck the most.

Block is counting down regulation time on the upper left hand side.

And we got a huge problem.

Adam Friedland is running out on the field trying to suck the truck's dip.

I know.

That's dangerous.

That is one of the gayest bets I've ever seen.

We've got bad news here.

Adam's now, his pants have fallen off, and he's had diarrhea all over his own penis, which looks like a vagina.

He's hitting all the big penis.

And he's bending over.

What's he doing?

He's bending over.

The whole truck went into his ass.

The whole truck went into his ass.

Oh my god, no, I've never seen anything like that before.

It's completely inside his ass.

His truck is completely inside his ass.

And driver, Sean Doohan, rookie, is running out of oxygen.

He's suffocating, bud.

He's trying, he's desperately.

He's calling his wife from inside Adam's ass, reaching for him and saying goodbye.

The emergency clown crew is

extending a tube into Adam's ass so Sean can breathe through it because he's drowning and coming.

There's AIDS molecules the size of a capybara in there, folks.

Sean?

Oh, man.

Years ago, we would have said...

You know, what we should do is we should do a live show from Monster Jam.

And now,

I'm thinking thinking we should

figure to go with the

Stavros operandum which is reducing the show to 43 minutes yeah dude

the Stavros operandum is right dude

I'm saying dude yeah one day one day every six months we come in here And we talk for 24 hours in a row.

And at 45 minutes, each time we stop the clock.

And

I'll tell you what, it'll still be better than 90% of podcasts.

Exactly, dude.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah,

that's our guarantee.

Maybe we should be putting the same level of effort that Monster Jam does.

Well, I think that

it's probably hard to build those big trucks.

What do you mean?

To get a regular truck and you put big wheels on it, how hard could that be?

And

you need a cool name, too.

You got to come up with a Stermigator.

You got to rent a place to do it.

You got to build it.

That's fucking later.

You got to build the hills, right?

For the track.

Yeah.

We come out, we do pussy smasher would be my truck.

We do 10 minutes, and it's just the best bits we got.

Yeah.

And it's just, you know,

a fucking.

Hey, man, who's that cat coming down?

I don't know, but it's sad for you that's it.

Okay, it's Steven Seagal.

Okay.

But it's even Steven Seagal.

And

fucking.

Alright, scratch that.

Okay, no worries.

Steven,

Stephen Seagal.

No, okay, maybe it is even Steven Seagal.

Okay, okay, okay.

And

the even part is odd and even Segal, and it's because they like math.

It's Chinese.

And it's Chinese.

Swish.

Alright.

Alright.

It's Michael Douglas.

Okay.

And it's Michael Bouglas.

He doesn't have AIDS.

But he wants it bad.

There's nothing I want more than AIDS.

Mm-hmm.

If you can find a way to get me AIDS,

put AIDS in my ass.

Put AIDS right in my ass.

I want to be Michael Paz.

Pazdub.

I want to be Michael Bugged.

Michael Bug.

Bugad.

Bugged.

Bugged.

Michael Bugged.

Michael Bugget.

Tina Gay from 30 Cox.

Thirsty Cox.

Thirsty Cox.

What about

who's some new...

What do we got?

Billy Eilish.

Billy, I wish her titties would fall out of her shirt.

That's good.

During a show.

That's awesome.

You got

Robert Pattinson.

Yeah.

Robert Patton pattinson

dicks over the pants and he's groping.

He's uh,

all right, let's go Chinese again.

Let's see if we can figure out a way to make one of these.

Do a little bit more with the name.

Let's give these folks a show.

Let's give these folks a fucking show.

Okay, um, so we need a Chinese person, yeah, or we're returning someone Chinese person.

And Green Knight just came out.

Green Knight, the movie.

Is it a K-N-I-G?

What if it's K-N-I-G-H-T?

It's

K-N-I-G-G.

No, no, no.

No, I got it.

That wouldn't really make sense.

It wouldn't make sense, you're right.

That was the alternate title of Black Knight.

Yeah, that's true.

Green Knight.

Who's the guy in that dev something?

Dev Patel, you're right.

What's this guy named after?

Software development?

He's just fucking.

He's a developer.

Yeah.

Because he's Indian.

He's an Indian guy, folks.

He was British Indian guys.

Yeah.

What the hell did what What was Gandhi up to?

Yeah, what the hell.

That's right.

And that's the show.

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