Ep. 274 – Do it for the comirnaty

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Hello.

Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe it's because the thing shares a channel or something.

Yeah, so we is this a continuation of the last one?

The new file.

This is yeah, this is

the new file.

Okay, we spent about 10-15 minutes trying to

give you the

gist.

Yeah, this version of it.

Here, you hold my mic for me.

I got you, bro.

Oh, wait.

Yeah, just hold my mic.

No, I got it, Nick.

Don't worry.

Thanks.

Pull it the d out.

Who let the d's out?

Who let the d's out?

When the body was nice, the pussy was bumping.

You know what, you did it, man.

I got it.

See, I told you I could do it.

You did it.

You have to mute the channel.

No, you don't.

You can't.

You can bring the level.

You don't pay attention to fucking anything.

I was paying attention to what you just said.

You do not pay attention to

Jack's shit.

You move the paddle to the shit.

You got a bunch of hot, old dog shit in your fucking brain.

That's true.

In your skull.

Your skull is.

Emphasis on the word hot.

It's filled to the brim with old dogs.

It's a sticky old dog.

No, and it's the kind that's like turned white, basically, because flies have been getting all the nutrients out of it.

It's just a husk of dog shit.

Wow, that's nasty.

What do we got there, a little chocolate-covered?

Don't tell the audience.

They're going to get jealous when they find out we have jealous, dude.

They're like,

is it raisinettes?

Yeah.

Most of our fans are in the Chernobyl zone.

Yeah, Chernobyl zone.

They're so hungry.

Let me see what we got here.

There's chocolate covered on one.

What do you mean, try one?

No.

This is the only kind of candy you eat.

I know.

If this was like a whatchamacallit or a fucking Bay Birth, I'd believe that you'd never had it.

That's true.

These are the kind of...

You're like, oh, what is this?

Period blood trail mix?

Can I try that?

I'd like to try.

You and your fucking 17-year-old girlfriend going on a fucking hike and getting...

What's up, yeah.

Getting Mensi's covered raisins.

Mensi's flavored cliff bars.

I don't like the idea of pussy blood being involved in a snack.

I have to come out strong against it.

Adam loves that.

Pussy blood is...

It doesn't appetize me.

Adam's legs look like the legs of a woman that doesn't shave.

He'll shave his legs, but then stop shaving them to give him that lesbian stuff.

That lesbian sheen.

He wants to look like he's making a decision to not shave his legs.

I'm wearing pants right now.

You can't even see my legs.

That's what he does when he uses fucking cliff bars when he goes on a field trip.

Him and his girlfriend point out different types of skinks and

skinks.

I have to say, we can, listen, let's talk shit on Adam.

I have nothing against his girlfriend.

She really is a lovely.

I can't follow you there.

I can follow you on Adam Being Gay.

You can't follow me up there because it's up of the three stairs.

No.

I'm saying you can't follow me there.

I'm going to do a really good job.

Three stairs.

Because it's up in a child's bedroom.

I'm on Stav's.

And you know what?

I'm on Stav's side here, but I'll come over here and I support you.

His sideboard is all the way around the house.

Oh, my gosh.

No.

You're really three stairs.

I support you.

And then what do you do?

You chuckle at his

three stairs.

I could do three stairs easily.

He could crush three stairs.

That's good.

You got it.

You do have that.

I'll give you that.

I should have just edited that into a separate file.

We'll bring the soundboard back.

Yeah, the soundboard really

breathed some more.

The episode is going to be music soundboard.

If you go to

patreon.com

slash come town and you sign up, not only do you get the whole backlog of the full 17 years we've been doing this show,

extra episode a week,

you also get Adam's personal cell phone number.

That's true.

Yeah, and people have been calling in and they've been saying that we need to, if we're not going to do any,

if the show is just going to be,

you're not even going to watch a movie and mention it.

Yeah.

If you guys are just sort of going to,

in a very literal sense, just talk with no direction for 60 minutes.

And, you know, maybe 68 68 at the most.

Please bring the soundboard.

At least do the soundboard.

Yeah.

And get Adam's cell phone number.

And I'm not going to ever watch another movie again.

I'm pissed because I forgot to watch Space Jam and I wanted to.

Come on, dude.

Who left the dog's ass?

Pooh Left Adam's ass.

And then the cowbell part were like, in his pants.

No.

Pooh left Adam's ass.

It's not catchy.

In his ass.

I don't know how to do it.

That's catchy.

Well, and also on, on, on.

Who's catchy?

You, your catchy HIV fucking boyfriend.

Shut up.

Catchy's your mascot.

Don't even try it.

Come on, dude.

Let me just have one.

You know what?

This was.

Why are we so spicy?

We watched two episodes of Diagnosis Murder.

We're having a nice day.

I bought you guys a nice Japanese lunch.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thank you for the joke.

I'm revealing all of the hang details.

Yeah, do you know how many fucking idiots are going to start watching Diagnosis Murder now?

Well, I'd like them to, actually.

I think more people should.

It's a great show.

But it's also our thing.

There's a murder that takes place at the hospital.

I'm just pissed off because Dick Van Dyke,

you know, I'm a big fan of the show, and I think about it constantly.

Dick Van Dyke's disappointed me.

He's the star of the show.

You mean like politically?

Yeah.

He's my best friend.

Because he supported Bernie, you mean?

Look at this little screwdriver I found.

It's the Your Dick style screwdriver.

Yeah, I was imagining you were going to say that.

I predicted you would say something along those lines.

You didn't.

That's why I use this.

Unknowable.

That's why I use this to build the world's tiniest microscope to see your dick.

Wow.

That's not true.

Mr.

Hopkins.

And you thought you had the answer.

That's not small enough to build the world's tiniest microscope.

You thought you had the answer, didn't you,

Mr.

Stavros?

It's too big for that.

purpose.

We should redo Silence of the Lambs, but this time with a body positive

Hannibal lecter, where he's a million fucking pounds from eating people.

He's like, I had his liver with a vanilla coke

with a big gulp and a coffee culage.

Snow caps.

And then I had some ice cream for dessert.

And then I froze all of his cum.

I'm also gay, in fact.

Gay, too.

Hannibal Lecter just eating little uncircumcised baby dicks like Edamame.

And he's throwing away the s the freshman.

Oh, he's Jewish, too.

No.

Yeah, Hannibal Lot La Latka.

Hannibal Latka.

And it's like, hello, Clarice.

Hi, Clarice.

Hello, Clarice.

Dr.

Lecter, why are we reading people?

Well, it's free.

You don't have to pay it.

I could go to a restaurant and pay $100 dollars for two pieces

or I could just eat my colleagues

it is a good deal you would be a fool not to do not to do it but you have to do all the work you know your time is money too you got to think about that I have time I've got the time in his like his prison cell there's like

half a globe

it just spins but it's like it's like a semicircle

what because they didn't want to pay for the whole globe.

Oh, okay.

Well, that's a stretch.

It did take me a little while to figure out

a stretch.

All right, then why don't you say something, Adam?

Oh, that's a stretch.

Oh, that's a stretch.

I got something you can stretch.

My balls to do the batwing, and then I want you to kiss them.

Yeah.

In his cell, he has a globe.

And where Israel is, it says Jerusalem.

And where the rest of the earth's land mass is, it says Israel.

Because he's a

he's a Zionist.

But why would Israel be Jerusalem?

What does that have to do with him being cheap?

Yeah, you're kind of conflating the kind of ugly thing here about Israel and Jewish stereotypes.

As we all know.

I don't think we have to protect Israel, Stav.

As much as you'd like me to.

You're conflating two things.

I'm pro-Palestine, but you're being ugly right now.

I'm sorry, dude.

And you're also saying something I don't agree with.

Get it?

Yeah, what do you mean?

You're physically ugly.

I'm not ugly.

Yeah, you are.

Everyone knows I'm the cute one.

No way.

I'm the cute one.

I saw there were a bunch of actual there were a bunch of TikToks about us.

I'm the cute one.

No.

No, you were on TikTok.

No.

How am I not the cute one?

No, they were sent to me.

You were on TikTok.

Say Adam's the cute one.

What am I?

What?

Would then if you're the cute one, who's what are the rest of us?

You're the great guy.

What?

And Nick's the gay guy.

I'm definitely cute.

It's totally true.

I'm cute, dude.

And you know that's fucking true.

Out of the three of us, whose cheeks do you want to pinch?

Mine.

That's what being cute is.

No way.

I pinch my cheeks all the time.

Yeah, when you're pinching off

too late, so pinching off a loaf into your pants.

Well, when it's typically not in loaf form, when it's an emergency.

emergency.

We were here.

It wasn't loafing, dude.

It was a wait.

It was literally.

It was 45 seconds to shit your pants.

That one was so funny.

He just let a huge log

and then mushed it into the chair through his pants like a strainer.

That's what happened.

And he was like, oh, no.

Like

he's pushing peanut butter through a colander.

He was just trying to get the fucking loaf through his pants, through his linen pants.

Not in loaf form.

Did you ever get new linen pants?

No, I didn't.

I think I learned my lesson.

Wow.

The tragic part of all that is how excited I was about the linen pants.

I really think that's the main detail of the entire saga that's really nice by the wayside.

I think we kind of zoomed past it after it happened, but with more reflection, it's insane you shit your pants in a house.

Yeah.

It really is crazy.

Well, to me, that's water under the bridge.

It was shit water into Nick's camping chair.

Well, I got him a new camping chair that I'm sitting on right now.

It's an Amazon Essentials.

Oh, wow.

The padded version.

Oh, you fuck it.

You're putting money in Bezos pocket, huh?

Oh, indeed, I am.

You're helping that rocket ship go up to fucking space.

You know, I'd say as an

epic hacking socialist, I think what we should have done is

shot him into space ourselves.

Yeah, Jeff Bozo.

Beat the rich.

Oh, yeah.

Or maybe on the moon there could be a guillotine uptake.

There we go.

Yeah, cut his fucking head off.

Yeah, his bald head off.

That guy.

The main thing I hate about him is not only is his company evil, but he's not as cool as me.

Yeah.

It looks like people on the line were saying he got plastic surgery, got fillers.

If he ever got off the Jefferson stock, he does kind of have a train.

Everyone would think he was a loser.

A Brazilian woman kind of look to him.

I noticed that last time I saw him.

Do you mean you want to fuck?

Is that what you mean by that?

What?

Does that mean you want to fuck him?

Well, no, I don't.

He has a penis.

What?

He's got big tits and a penis.

Yeah.

The Brazil special.

That kind of look.

A Brazilian special.

And no pubes.

That's a look indigenous to Brazil.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

They were really ahead of the curve.

I started a skin darkening salon for Upper West Side women called Skindigenous.

Skindigenous?

Just like a tanning salon.

But no, it's a chemical burn that permanently darkens them.

Fuck.

Damn.

Yeah, even better than tanning.

No, you're just injuring someone.

Yeah, just add mel melanin to them.

You're melanating them.

Tired of being a Mayo ass bitch.

We're about to burn your shit.

This is a melanated business.

This is a melanated-ass business.

Yeah.

Damn, my stummy hurt.

My stummy hurt.

Although I will say the Japanese lunch was good.

It was nice and light.

I really appreciated that.

Maybe it was poisoned.

It wasn't poisoned, but...

I will say, you know what?

Stop

setting me up for failure on that one.

Let's give Adam his flowers.

I said I wanted a nice lunch for the boys.

Let's give Adam his flowers.

And I will accept your flowers.

Because you fuck lunch up a lot.

I will accept your flowers.

And I will say for once,

I was really, I had a good, I would have liked a little more.

I would have liked the option to order rice on the side.

I think that you could.

I could, and I checked.

Really?

I checked because

I had a thought that my noodles were going to be too saucy.

And I could use some of the sauce on a side of rice.

But that wasn't an option.

They really do go way too crazy with the sauce in Indian cuisine.

Yes, it's all sauce.

Yeah, it's like a fucking bowl of sauce with two or three pieces of paneer or chicken.

You fucking dip you dip the fucking bread in it.

It's awesome.

It's too much sauce.

It's too much sauce.

I think the Japanese are perfect administers of sauce.

Let me know if you want more sauce on your dish, please.

I will be over here looking at pussy on my phone.

I will be looking at my Samsung Galaxy.

Well pussy through my Samsung Galaxy.

Let me know if you want more pussy juice to drink.

What the special today is extra pussy and pussy sauce, which is a side of pussy juice.

Oh yeah, that's the kind of restaurant I'm trying to go to.

Welcome to India, India number one pussy guest

restaurant,

the grand pussy,

the grand Buddha peta Buddha puss hotel.

Welcome to Jungle to Jungle, the Indian restaurant.

What was that?

Jungle to Jungle.

Jungle to Jungle.

Brendan Fraser.

The Tim Allen thing in Indian restaurant.

Tim Allen.

Oh, yeah, I remember that movie.

George of the Jungle.

That was a little fake-ass George of the Jungle.

Essentially,

the premise is, what if Tim Allen's son was Tarzan?

If he had, like, a feral native son.

Which, how did that happen?

He busted a nut into some fucking random bitch?

Yep, it's going to happen.

You go on the Peace Corps?

I forgot how it started.

It was a little lonely.

And I remember the movie turned on him using the phrase obligation.

I think that was one of the divorce movies that came out, like in the Mrs.

Doubtfire era.

Where family court makes a man have to go do some shit to get his son back.

Right.

And Tim Allen has to go to.

His son.

But why how did his son become Tarzan?

I think maybe he gets pussy with some tropical bitch.

But then why didn't she raise him?

Why does she give him to the monkeys?

I have no idea, dude.

He doesn't get raised by monkeys.

It's like tribal people.

No, I think he's like,

Jungle the Jungle?

Maybe I'm thinking of George of the Jungle.

You're thinking of George George of the Jungle, which is like Tarzan.

Have I conflated George of the Jungle and Jungle the Jungle?

Jungle the Jungle is different.

It's in the same cinematic movie.

But the kid can't talk.

He talks like, what mean that, dad?

Jungle the Jungle is like kind of the same or similar plot to some other movie that came out, some French movie that came out that was also about a boy that has to go to the jungle.

Which I thought they were the same movie when I was a kid.

No, I don't think that's the French movie.

I didn't think they were the same movie per se, but you know how they do like, you know how they have like two of a, I thought they always gave like two,

they had, they would try every story twice, every movie cycle.

Yeah, but this Jungle of the Jungle felt like, I think you were on to it, we're saying it's a divorce movie, but it was also George of the Jungle.

Following the success of Tarzan and then George of the Jungle.

There was a jungle theme in the air.

I remember seeing it in theaters, and then I remember staying for the bloopers afterwards.

Were they good?

I don't know, but I remember that being like, well, the movie sucked.

At least I'll

see someone get hit in the nuts.

I'll stay for the bloopers.

Oh, okay.

That's how I felt, honestly, about the hangover.

The best part of the hangover was where

you see his dick and then

the photos.

So this guy's a New York City broker, and he wants to marry his new fiancé, but he has to get a divorce from his bitch wife, Patricia, who left him some years earlier and now lives with a semi-westernized tribe in the middle of Venezuela.

So that's where he has to travel there to get the divorce.

He needs permission.

Venezuzu Zaza.

Venezuza, yeah.

And then what happens?

I'm from Venezuela.

But upon arriving, Patricia reveals that he has a son who's now 13 named Mimi Siku.

Yes, exactly.

By Lemisiku, your pussy.

We suck with your pussy, bitch.

Mimi Siku.

He attempts to bond with Mimi Siku

in a brief stay with the tribe and promises to take him back to New York when he's a man.

Honestly, I want to watch this real bad.

I saw it as a kid.

I remember it.

I didn't know that Martin Short was in this movie.

Yeah, Martin Adams Penis.

The funniest guy of all time.

What?

Martin Adams Penis.

No, his name's Martin Short.

That's what I said.

No, he played Jimmy.

That's what I said.

No, come on.

He's in a ton of stuff.

What did you hear?

I said Martin is Adams' penis.

No, his name is Martin Short.

He's a Canadian.

What did I say?

He's a Canadian comedic actor.

One of the best of all time.

Perhaps one of the fastest people.

It's based on Adam's penis being small.

Wait, you're talking about Jungle to Jungle?

Yeah, the two is actually.

That's for the original working title.

The little Indian Big City is the French movie that Jungle to Jungle.

It was just...

Oh, look at you.

Little Mr.

Fucking Cinefi.

No, we've talked about this on the show before.

Who cares?

Yeah.

Jungle the Jungle is good, man.

Really?

At least I remember not.

Actually, I remember just watching it.

I guess it's not good.

But I remember as a little kid, every time you see a movie, you're like, nice.

I like it.

I saw a movie.

Oh, me, me.

I'm in a hurry right now.

I got to get on a plane.

It's got to be back at the museum by five o'clock.

New York stockbroker, Michael Cromwell, has an appointment in the Amazon.

John Lafartaine,

the goat.

It's Gilligan's Island.

He's not sure what he's doing there.

If we get to pick our own name, I'm going to find his son.

Sorry, it's already taken.

But he's about to find out.

The boy sitting next to the fire over there is your son.

That is my son?

What am I supposed to do now?

This is crazy.

So this motherfucker just went to some bullshit-ass island and got pussy?

No, his ex-wife left there to live.

She went to get a lot of money.

She got raw dogged by the savages.

No, but she got yes, her

pussy blown up.

Biological son raised with these savages and

I don't think that that's how that works in real life.

I don't think it's like, yeah, welcome to being a researcher in this, you know, to be an anthropologist, and then you're just like, well, I'm going to have my son raised by these people.

Well, yeah, me, me, see, she fucks.

That's how it worked for her.

And I think if I had to guess the tribe,

yeah, we do.

Yeah.

That's cool.

You said that, right?

And I don't have a pussy.

Yeah.

I think the tribe probably got, really ran through her pussy, if I had to guess, and absolutely fucked her in the room.

Oh, this is cool.

This is in my suggested videos under Juggle to Juggle.

Hitler's normal voice.

What?

What was his talking voice like?

Yeah, you only hear him yelling.

It's like the Gilbert Godfrey voicemail.

What does he sound like?

He's like,

you've heard that, right?

Where he's calling David Letterman.

No.

David, how you doing?

This is Adolf Hitler.

I wanted to know if

you're going to be around for the lunch on Thursday with Ira and,

you know.

Wait a second.

He knows Jews?

Yeah.

Was it all a fix?

It was.

Yeah, it was very right.

Anyhow, it was good to see you at the Seder.

And Letterman's Jews.

Listen,

lunch is about to wrap up.

I got to go back to being Hitler and

doing the quote-unquote Holocaust.

It's kind of a wink.

We're almost through Operation Secure Israel.

It's kind of a wonderful thing.

Operation Build Up Enough Goodwill to Get Israel.

We're Operation Ben and Jerry.

Oh.

This is interesting.

Mimi Siku gets pussy off of Richard's business partner or Michael's business partner, Richard, played by by Martin Schwartz's daughter.

He fucks her?

They're on a hammock and he's getting

to excite and to intimidate.

Because over 500 speeches of which audio and video footage have

that was his regular voice.

It sounds chill.

I'm going to fuck his ass.

No, I'm going to scrub the video here and get to his real voice.

Yeah, let's, yeah, it's taking a little while to buffer, but

that's definitely what his voice sounds like.

Well, you really got to check your internet.

It's time to help people customize and save.

It's time to just mute these fucking ads.

They really are going wild with the ads.

I pay the money to not have ads.

Crazy.

They'll never get me.

I do it.

They broke me.

How much does it cost?

I think $9.99.

What?

I'm on YouTube all day long, brother.

I'm a Klingon, sir.

For me, just a moment.

That's Hitler's voice.

That's Hitler's speaker.

What does he say?

I'm a Klingon.

Well, yeah, it's from this earlier before he came up with the Arian.

He was the one that make up for Sylvester Stallone and Carl Weathers, and we had met then.

A rare interview with Adolf Hitler.

I can't believe he

sounds pretty chill.

Yeah, yeah.

Let's see.

Let's see how they sound powerful.

He's honestly making me horny, sir.

And this guy is a total departure from anything I've ever done.

And so it's a major challenge.

So they've hired an actor to play Hitler.

Well, yeah, Hitler was an actor.

Wow.

Dude, we're learning a lot on this fucking show.

They hired shit.

What?

I don't know.

We were 23 minutes into the episode.

Nice.

That's good news.

No, it's bad news because this is.

Because.

fuck

what's wrong, dude?

Because it's blue.

Cushy dreams.

Oh, thank God.

I tell you,

what happened was,

let's go ahead.

If maybe you're the guy at Cushy Dream, Eric or whatever, I think his name is.

Maybe it's Sven.

Sven.

Cushy Dreams.

If you're Sven and Cushy Dreams, you may have gotten an email from me this week telling you I'm pretty sure it's at the 20-minute mark.

But the truth is, is that I was actually so fucked up on Cushy Dreams.

Yeah, we started our day off Cushy.

That

I forgot to do the ad read.

And that's a testament to your product.

That's how good it is.

Because I don't know about you guys, but I love high-quality CBD.

And there's no fucking place.

And you know what?

But you know what I hate?

Is when it doesn't ship directly to my doorstep.

I fucking hate that.

And I hate when it's not in air-sealed packages or pre-rolls that are easy and convenient to blast.

And I hate when it's not lab fucking tested.

Yep.

By the way, I hate smoking stuff that has the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana.

I don't want THC.

I want CBD.

Cockball discourse.

That's exactly right, my friend.

And where can we get all of that?

Because we are are men of taste.

There's penis discount.

There's the penis discount.

Cockballs discount.

That's right.

If you touch my penis

at cushydreams.penis.

What's good, sorry, I'm still trying to find the promo code here.

It's come town.

Oh, it's come town.

If you go to CushyDreams.

Oh, here we go.

Make sure you sneeze directly into the microphone.

No, I'm sneezing directly into my t-shirt, actually.

That's why we can hear it.

Mm-hmm.

Bitch.

We can still hear it.

T-shirts don't insulate sound.

Well, they don't really fucking block out germs too good now, do they, Cheetah?

Yes, they do.

Not really.

What have you learned from the coronavirus?

Everyone's been wearing t-shirts all the time.

Are you wearing a fucking mask?

A surgical mask?

Five-pack CBD hemp roll pre-joints.

Available.

Best-selling pre-rolls are now available in five packs.

That's awesome.

Just like the Ninja Turtles.

You got the purple one, relax.

Blue, dream.

These are the official ninja turtles pre-rolls.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

The purple one, Donatello, relax.

For relaxed.

The green one,

Leotranzio.

And he's like, I'm the girl.

I'm the girl.

I'm the girl, and I can do stuff just as tough as the guys can.

That's such a sick move, dude.

What?

Like, what's going on in the Olympics?

It'd be like, to be trans, but then be like,

yeah, I'm proving that girls can do stuff just as good.

You can do anything.

Do anything a guy can.

Yep.

Even though I'm a girl.

I'm a girl.

I'm a girl, and I'm a ninja turtle.

So I got a different kind of ooze.

That's right.

Yeah, the secret of the, it's oozing out of my surgically made up pussy.

Oozing Oz.

Dream five-pack.

The dream is, like I said, the whatever.

Yeah, they got a lot of nice flavors of fucking stuff.

The yellow, the Donatello.

That's the five-pack bundle that includes all six strains: create dream, energy, hustle, peace, and relax.

Wow.

The red one, Raphael.

Yeah, bad at it.

The best one.

Yeah.

The coolest one.

I don't want any fucking

smoking my fucking CBD.

I'm trying to get all these fucking out of Brooklyn.

This used to be a turtle neighborhood.

Now it's filled with a bunch of porter.

goes your goddamn porter

like yeah that's not a slurking yeah

yeah you know it's reeking your ass after guys fuck it smells like gum that's why you had to shit yourself because you were like oh having gay sex

this was weeks ago

yeah but for some reason it feels like

today

i think it's because i've been shitting all day you've been shitting all day so you're trying to deflect i'm not deflecting it's just i have shit on on the mind.

Deflect for what?

I'm not the one with embarrassment of going to the bathroom.

Every time he goes to the bathroom, he increases his shooting rate against you.

That's right.

His hit percentage.

Most times, not shitted myself.

Let me tell you something.

Let me tell you a story about

a man named Bill Buckner.

Okay.

He makes one mistake.

Yeah.

Okay.

And he's a goat for life.

And for the rest of the world.

In the old definition, you should.

So I make a mistake.

I make a mistake on the biggest stage, the Chumtown podcast.

And my impeccable record,

other than this one time, the Energy Five Pack is the Raphael of the group.

The Create Five Pack, which is the yellow one, which is what is that?

Trina?

Oh, yeah, the bitch, April.

Yellow Ranger.

Trina?

I don't know.

Trina Trini.

Trini.

What do we call her April?

Because April wears a yellow jumpsuit.

But there was a yellow Power Ranger.

Tringtrong, right?

Trini.

Trini Trin.

I don't believe it was Trini.

Trini Tringtrong.

I do not believe it was Trin Trong.

She wasn't Tring Trong and she was the dog dinosaur, I think.

No.

A little, like a little rotisserie Bichon Frieze.

I don't believe that was.

I think you're wrong on both of those.

I'm pretty sure that was both of those details.

Which she turned into.

A mechanical roasted Bijan Fries.

Is that what you're saying?

She turned into a rotisseried miniature dog.

Yeah.

Diddly, diddley, diddly, diddly, diddly, diddly, diddly, diddly.

And then Trinket would be bats finger looking good.

But she was Cajun.

Oh.

And she was Cajun American.

Cajun American.

She said she'd be like, stop Cajun hate.

Yo, we gotta stop all this Cajun hate that's going on.

Every time I go down on the subway, someone's throwing gumbo on the tracks yeah they got the andouse sausages shoved down onto the tracks

it's all this cajun hate

cajian elders are being punched by black teenagers left and right y'all the bay area is being devastated by this anti-cajan racism

yep so somebody has spray painted a swastika on front of the popeye's chicken

I tell you who's done it.

It's Donald Trump and his rhetoric.

Mm-hmm.

Yep.

That's right.

He's famously anti-Cajun.

Hustle five-pack hit the ground.

I wish we had landed on that bit in the middle of a better episode and not in the middle of a live or a review.

Hey, you know.

Hustle five pack, that's the green one.

Who is who?

Leah.

Leotran.

They're all green.

They're turtles.

One of them is the green one.

No, none of them have green because you couldn't see it.

No, it's red, purple, blue, and orange.

All right, we'll skip that.

And Peace 5 pack.

The P's 5 pack is blue.

Who's that?

Leonardo.

That's Leonardo.

Leo Trong is Leon.

Wait, then who's the yellow one?

Trini.

Trini Trong.

Who's the red with the Raphael?

The purple one's Da Vinci.

Donatello.

Donatello.

And what's he do?

Science.

He sucks Kyle.

Oh, he's the science one?

Yeah.

No, the blue one's a science one, isn't he?

No, he's the leader.

The leader is Raphael.

No, Raphael's the

renegade.

The renegade.

The hothead.

The renegade.

Yeah, we don't want any of these fucking.

Remember that joke from Ella?

Dude, I'm Raphael.

I got a fucking bone to pick with all these fucking.

And what's he saying?

Other amphibians?

He's actually saying Cushy Dreams.

He's saying Cushy Dreams.

So anyway, if you go to CushyDreams.com,

and you put in promo code Come Towntown to stop Cajun Hate.

Stop Cajun Hate and receive 20% off your next order from our good pals at cushydreams.com.

Folks, this CBD will knock your fucking cock and pussy out of its fucking, out of its little cavity.

Yeah.

It'll hang out.

It'll so good.

It'll knock it out.

It'll knock your pussy out so it's hanging out of your pussy.

Inside out style.

And your dick will go in your body.

Yeah.

We got Andouwee Park on in Seoul Sue Park.

Yes, Andoue Park.

To talk about Cajun hate.

We need to cancel Colbert.

Colbert's got to go.

The other day, he said Mardi Gras was just

a rape festival for frat boys, denying the long history of women consensually showing their big, beautiful breasts in exchange for some beads.

For some shiny beads.

For some shiny beads, much like a robber crab would collect on Christmas Island.

famously Cajun Christmas Christmas Island Christmas Island our aunt said the ancestral Cajun homeland

oh fuck

what else do Cajuns have in college the moving Mulan

Mulan yeah Mulan Rouge

Mulan Rouge is the Cajun version of Mulan I'm tired of sending my child to school and everybody's calling him gambit

That's another Cajun thing.

Yeah, he's Cajun.

Everybody call my son Gambit or Bobby Boucher.

Everyone throwing playing cards at him.

Lighting the card on fire.

Lighting it on fire.

Say, here you go, Cajun boy.

Here you go, Cajun boy.

Why don't you go eat or

chew on some Gator?

Which by the way.

Well, they do both eat alligators.

We do eat.

That's something we have in common with the people we're making fun of from the beginning, the regular.

everybody.

What would you call if the occasion

if you call

never mind?

I'll come back to that one.

Just give it a little thinking.

Something about fan boats.

Think that through.

What about, yeah?

I was thinking something about fan boats myself.

Maybe something about the movie Hard Target.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

That's

a great example of of Cajun culture.

Cajun culture.

R-word target.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Har R

target.

Har

har target.

Okay.

Um

moving on.

I was thinking about maybe re-watching the movie The Phantom of Stone.

With Billy Zane?

Where he's purple.

I suppose you're not more of a bigger Billy Zane guy.

I don't don't why would I be that?

Because he's bald in Greek.

I'm not bald.

You almost said I'm not Greek.

You almost said the secret slip.

You're not Greek.

Oh, if I wasn't Greek, that would be wild.

You're Turkic.

Shut the fuck up, dude.

You need to chill out, right?

You're a Turkic person.

You need to chill the f fuck out.

How about you relax because your donor kebab is showing?

I'm going to fuck you up.

You keep fucking talking like that.

No, how about I'm going to f how

I'm going to let you fuck me up.

Yeah, I bet you will.

That's what I want.

I'm going to Honestly, I'm going to piss in your ass.

How about

that was my plan?

How about I'm pulling the strings?

I sort of have to piss, and if you call me Turkish again, I'm going to piss you.

It's just kebab.

It's just kebab.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

All Mediterranean food.

Israeli food's the funniest thing in the world.

Did they have the audacity to call it that?

I know.

They stole everything.

Yeah.

Well, I do.

Okay, you know what?

I'm going to admit it.

Turks,

because they fucked our asses asses for a while, we do have pretty good food.

Because Greek food is a nice little thing.

We take a nice little mix of their shit with our shit.

Yeah.

It's pretty good.

Did you but you guys didn't steal this?

Like Yido, the pudding salt on like fuck salt bay.

He can suck my salt bay.

Yido even started because they were Muslim and they didn't want to eat pork.

So they just gave us all the fucking

the fucked up pork byproduct.

And we made something delicious out of it.

You know, that's that's that's how Al Pastor.

Mother of invention.

That's how Al Pastor got to Mexico.

Yeah, I know.

From Gyros.

I know.

From Lebanese.

Yep.

Isn't the world amazing?

Where'd they get pineapples from, though?

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Yeah, not the Middle East.

That's damn.

I'm about to fart.

Okay, good.

Every time I fart, it's like, shit, am I about to shit myself?

If you shit yourself.

This is punishment for you.

I would not.

I would not take pleasure in it.

I would feel bad for you.

Just me, I haven't done that shit.

You would think I'd be walking on the razor's edge, but

especially with making fun of Adam.

But the truth is, is I'm like, I'm a straight shooter, dude.

I always go in the toilet.

The truth is, I'm just really fucking good at not shitting myself.

I'm good at just shitting in the bowl instead of in a chair.

Black rifle coffee.

We barely ever shit ourselves.

Four years in Afghanistan, I only shit my shit in my pants by accident six and a half times.

That's right.

Yeah, I got my dick blown off, but I still

use the toilet like a man.

I still have coffee in the morning, and I insist on standing up to pee.

There's an elaborate system of marionette wires that hoist me up in the bathroom, and then I just sprayed it

to cockhole.

There's a sort of

stream that's about six inches long from top to bottom.

It's more of a fanning motion that coats

the wall of the bathroom out of a slit carved into a bunch of scar tissue in front of my body.

And I coat the bathroom and then I walk out and I drink my black rifle coffee where my 382-pound wife cleans up the bathroom

and all of our Christian wall art from Target

that says God may not be here right now because

he's gone fishing with DOJ.

God might might be on lunch break but that doesn't mean he's not doing a beer on later

dumbass yeah but that doesn't mean he's not a forward man that doesn't mean he's not

God might not be a forward man but that doesn't mean he can't afford to drink a couple of beers a couple briskies drive home a couple of beers sometimes

yeah I got a fucking piss dude this diet Dr.

Pepper diet is running through me Diet sucked on the cocker program, right?

No.

No.

That's fine.

I can wait until you go to the bathroom to say that that's what you drank.

Fuck, I just spilled some on my shirt.

Oh, damn.

Now you look like an idiot.

Yeah, you.

You look like an imbecile.

I don't fucking care.

I don't fucking care at all.

He looks fine.

Thank you, Adam.

He doesn't look like an idiot.

Fucking fucking bitch.

Thank you, you fucking idiot, Adam.

Why me?

Yeah, suck my dick, that's why.

Because I still remember you chuckling at the three stairs comment.

That was fast.

It was fast.

He was calling me a pedophile in the process.

I double should have a daughter.

I don't even remember what was going on.

I just remember you laughing at that.

That's the only thing that stuck with me from that exchange.

You said that my girlfriend is on the street.

Oh, children's bedroom, which is three stairs up.

You know what I'm saying?

But you couldn't get there because you're a pedophile.

Fuck you.

You are a pedophile now that I think about it.

Why?

Because you laughed at his joke.

The three stairs thing was all right.

That's why.

It was pretty good.

And I don't care that I look stupid.

You're a pedophile, and I could jump up on three steps very easily.

I have the strongest legs here.

We can't just be saying stuff like that on the podcast.

This goes on our permanent record.

It does.

Okay, everything you put out on the internet goes on your permanent record.

Okay, and you can't scrub that from you.

No.

You know, it's like everyone you've had sex with, you will be having sex, have had sex with them for the rest of your life.

And then if you have sex with someone else, they're having sex with all the chicks that you had sex with before.

Is that how it works?

Yeah.

So I fucked a lot of guys, too?

Because I fuck every guy that the chicks fuck.

Yeah.

Fuck, dude.

God damn it.

You fucked way more guys than chicks.

I fucked so many more guys than chicks.

All of us have.

I've had that metric.

All of us have damn me i fucked absolutely zero

all the girls

fucking found a loophole

well you could have sex with virgins too that's the only that's the only way that you can't possibly be

a loophole

i don't know

because you put something through it

you can sneak something through it it does that word doesn't make much difference it's like stringing the needle going Going into my George Carlin, why do they call it a loophole bit?

Yeah.

You suck at that.

Got loopholes for loose holes.

If your wife is a whore, show her the door.

But if the door's closed, put on ladies' clothes.

Now you're a girl.

He, him, they, them, she, her, they, them, he, she, she said, seashells, seashells, by, she got her dick cut off.

Amen, brother.

Well, take me to Epstein's Island because I'm trying to fuck a kid.

Lights off.

Lights on.

The last carnal.

The first free thinker in history.

Age 115.

Finally released from prison after being accused of raping 75 women in 1912.

You thought he was dead.

That was cover for arresting him for rape.

They found the bones of four children in his player piano, in his mansion.

Back before he became hippie George Carlin, and he was child raping George Carlin.

Famous Cajun entertainment.

We got to stop Cajun hate, folks.

Oh, smoky child raping George Carlin

at mybookie.ag.

You can place a bet on how many kids

George Carlos.

On the fucking penis.

It's got to be a really, really small bet, though, if you're going to place it on the penalty.

So, for like 15 years, I've been getting somebody's emails by accident because I guess they think that they have my email address.

We have the same name.

Yeah, I get that.

Yeah, I don't know.

But this guy's been making this mistake literally for like 15 years.

That's awesome.

And this is like his COVID text results or COVID test results for

beaches resorts forever

sandals no but it's for his baby nice because it's well I guess it's not a baby I guess it's a fucking five-year-old or six-year-old or something you have access to this man's child

yeah they sent it to me but they just have their like passport number in here

and this is I think this is the same person their mom used to eat I remember that I would say because I think they're British or something you tried to fuck his mom or something I don't know if you can take a baby to sandals I think it's like a

for couples only.

I'm getting for their whole family.

So this one's also for

no, it's for both of his babies because this one was born in 2018.

But I could steal their identity if I wanted to.

I could pretend to be a Jamaican baby going on vacation.

Nick Mullen.

Yeah.

Let me get some titty mom.

How you doing?

It's me, baby Mullen.

It's me, baby Mullen.

Listen, I'm calling you because I need some breast milk.

And you're gonna, I mean, I'm a baby and I need some breasts.

I'm a baby.

You're like, excuse me?

I'm going to send a man over to suck it and spit it into my mouth.

Before you accuse me of not being a baby from Jamaica, let me just read to you my passport number, which I have right here.

If you wanted to cross-reference it and make sure that I am, in fact, a baby born on

it looks like November 23rd of a couple years ago.

I am a baby.

Go ahead and look that up and get your pussy wet because I'm going to be fucking you also.

Or the guy, the guy I send you.

The guy I send is to get the breast meat.

He has to fuck you.

Just forget it.

He's probably going to forget this conversation

because he's going to be on liquid coding when he gets there.

So

if y'all don't know, go ahead.

I am from Wisconsin.

I'm from

right near the beach, Wisconsin.

Lake Michigan.

Lake Michigan.

Lick me dry, Chigan.

Lick me dry, bitch.

Change me diaper somewhere.

My fucking link.

Mybookie.ag

is a place where a kid can be.

It's a magical place.

It's where kids rule.

Chucky, motherfucking cheese, where a kid can be a motherfucker.

Where a kid can be a fucking animal, savage child.

My bookie.

You get in those tubes and you're ready to fuck another child up.

There's no rules in these tubes.

No rules just right.

I'm going to shoot it.

I'm not going to do it, but I'm going to shoot a commercial for

whatever it's called.

Chucky What?

Fucky Chucks.

Chucky Chucks, and it'll be like that.

It'll be like,

you want to fucking get in these tubes?

That would be so funny, dude.

Do a sketch.

Yeah.

Now I'm getting it.

Yeah, they just go, you know, like, okay, so the sketch opens and they're like, fucking, oh, welcome to fucking Chuck E.

Cheek.

Yeah, I like this.

You're like, nah, dude, nah.

Nah, I'm not a baby.

Anyways, why don't we shoot something like that, you know?

Yeah.

Dude, we're always coming up with good ideas.

Welcome to the MTV Writer's Room.

You're watching the reality show, MTV Writer's Room.

Yep.

Yo, what if we did, like, his camera?

And he's like, nah, nah, nah, nah.

And then the fucking...

They go out on the street and there's a guy there like, yo, we'll give you a new pair of Jordans if you can guess who framed Roger Rattles.

Whoa, whoa.

And then,

listen, can I just have my $600 a day rate?

And ever since I started this podcast, people have been asking me for betting tips.

Oh, yeah.

I always get asked, who you got, Lakers or Clippers?

And I tell,

and I'll tell you what I tell them.

And this is for

next season, of course.

Where Where you bet is just as important as who you're betting on.

I'm the baby.

I'm the Jamaican baby.

I am a Jamaican baby.

Before you hang up, I can let me give you my passport number to prove that I am a baby.

There's two things.

The reason I talk like this is because I have the disease the scientist from being a genius disease.

And I'm in a stroller that has a computer that ma talks for me.

Wow.

But I'm very smart.

And that's why when I come to visit you, I will have a man's suit.

I will be

showered.

It is with push.

I will be inside.

I can't open it or I'll die from the nitrogen in the atmosphere.

I need pure oxygen to live.

So don't ask to see inside the suit.

The best I can do is take the suit's clothes off,

which you've been wearing for several weeks.

And then you can fuck the suit.

That's the best.

This is important.

If you want to see your family again,

you go to mybookie.ag,

and that's why I tell people to bet with my bookie.

My bookie's rep is rock solid, and they've got the best odds, contests, and promotions in the business.

They're the only place I trust to handle my penis.

The one sports book guaranteed to give me the hardest dick for the national championship college football game on January 11th.

Very NFL playoff games.

Very NFL playoff games.

You know me, and you know that I don't give a shit about anything.

So true.

Turn it, you've got to be the best at what you do.

And my bookie is the best sports book out there, period.

It's simple.

Sign up, enter promo code, ComeTown and/or ComeTown 20,

and get your deposit matched by a real

head bus.

Yep.

Oh, sorry.

To match halfway up to a thousand bucks.

Head over to my bookie if you want to add

a little excitement to the sports you love and the games you bet.

I do love doing that.

Bet with the best, bet my bookie.

But now let's talk for a second.

Is that I actually I like these guys over there.

Yeah.

So yeah, they're good guys.

they're good guys.

Yeah.

You know, and that's I think more important than anything is once we enter the

who are your guys economy,

as we come out of the recession

and jobs are negatively indicated

by the Streisand effect.

The Streisand effect on inflation.

One of the most fucked up things.

Yeah.

That's what I call interesting.

That's what I call interest rates is the Streisand effect.

Yeah.

I don't get interesting.

What do you you mean, you don't get Y?

Do I have to spell it out for you?

Yeah, sure.

J.

Now, this is some spelling I can get behind.

Oh, yeah.

I don't even think of her as J.

I think of her as

beautiful.

Well, what the hell are you spelling there, Ernie?

Well, it's Bert, I got a word here.

It's in.

No, no, no.

I don't know if her.

How did Bert talk?

Well, I don't spell that out.

Corolla.

And then fucking Oscar's like, maybe you could spell another word.

Maybe you could start with a J or something.

The word that's kind of halfway in between.

No, not that one either.

What?

J?

Don't do it.

E?

No.

Oh, that one's fine.

Yeah.

That's the point.

Wow, Gordon, today we learned compromise.

Well, what do you mean, Elmo?

Well, Ernie wanted to spell the N-word.

Goodbye, Elmo.

So if you go to my house.

I'm leaving Sesame Street.

What's that?

Where are you going, Gordon?

Well, I've been priced out of Sesame Street, Elmo.

The taxes got too high and had to sell the brownstone that's been in my family for a hundred years.

And now I'm homeless.

Now that autistic Muppet lives there.

Do you get a good deal on it?

No.

Why not?

I mean, that's an asset that's going to be a lot better.

I probably use the money to move my mother into a nursing home.

And they abused her.

Oh, man.

Do you get a settlement or something?

No, not at all.

I got arrested for getting too loud on the phone with the insurance company.

But now you get to live here, Elmo.

That's awesome.

That's great, Cordon.

Good fuck you are Cordon.

Did you see what conservatives are saying about AOC?

Sorry, Elmo.

I'm completely checked out.

This is great.

I need some space for my podcast studio.

It all worked out in the end.

I'll see you later, Gordon.

I'm going to Maria Hernandez Park to skateboard until I can give a 19-year-old HBV.

I'm going to be a photographer for vice, Gordon.

I'm 47 years old.

Good luck.

Good luck moving to Rockland County or something.

I guess you're either going to East Brooklyn or

jail.

Or maybe you'll move with your family back to Rockland.

Gordon, I totally get it.

I went to all the protests last summer, you know.

I'm on your side.

We really made a difference, Gordon, for those three days.

I mean, it's really not that simple, Elmo.

You know what?

I'm kind of tired of talking about this.

Can't we just all move on?

Let's just fucking move on, please.

We believe in science.

The important thing was making sure the vaccines got rolled out.

And last time I checked, it wasn't red fuzzy people not getting the vaccine.

All the red fuzzy people I know, they told the vaccine.

It's maybe a different group of people who naturally, obviously, have a reason to be suspicious of government.

But I get that.

The orange man is gone.

We have a ghost now.

Elmo murdered his newly purchased Brownstone.

Gordon would go out like a fucking hero for that one.

Just because I went to deep on the police doesn't mean I can't call them on you.

If I hear bachata music played too loud, too late into the night, I can still call the police.

I have to work for two years.

I called, but I requested a social worker.

I told them I thought you were mentally ill

for letting your dog bark after 7 p.m.

I said, I don't want it to turn in

to a Tamia Rice situation.

I'm sorry your children were sent to Juvie, but they shouldn't have opened that fire hydrant on.

Gordon, did you steal my fucking bicycle?

Well, I'm going to ring the doorbell and I'm gonna watch the video.

Gordon, I'm sorry for accusing you of stealing my bike.

It's just I just got out of a toxic relationship and I'm still processing the trauma.

So you have to understand.

You have to understand

that

I have my own issues.

And maybe we can split your lawyer fees 75.20.

I'll pay 25%,

which of course is due back to me whenever you when honestly, no rush.

It's 6% interest annually.

I swear, no rush at all.

So what's the promo code?

Come town 20.

Come town or come town 20?

Myboogie.ag.

Sesame Street.

Sesame Street.

Go to myboogie.ag slash Sesame Street.

And place your bets.

Listen, things are happening.

Baseball.

Fucking.

Raceball.

Raceball.

Actually, the NFL pre-season will have started by the time you listen to this.

The NFL P season.

Fantasy football is just around the corner.

Lucy season.

Adams fantasy football.

What is that?

Oh, you don't need to do that.

You get fucked in the ass.

You remember?

Come on, man.

Again, that's going on my permanent record.

Yeah, you're

a penis minute pussy.

Do you have a business license for this lemonade stand?

Good night, I'm sorry.

Can I see a permit, Gordon?

Good night.

That's very cute that your granddaughter's trying to start a business, but the thing is, is it bothers me.

There's a process that you have to

go through with this city before she can make money for her basketball team.

Your tone and the way you're asking me, why are you doing this?

Is

frightening me.

You're leaving me very little option other than to call the police, which I don't want to do.

I want to defund.

Ideologically speaking, because I'm a good fucking person,

I don't want to do it.

But push comes the shove.

I will, and I have.

I already did.

You're on the way.

They're on their way.

So I would check my tone if I were you, Gordon.

I've requested that they only bring tasers in a social work.

No, if they don't, it's already out of my hands.

I'll film it in case you need it as evidence.

I'll film it just in case.

Yeah.

Don't worry, Gordon.

Don't trust me.

I understand.

I do cocaine with a couple of people that work at the ACLU.

You don't need to explain anything to me.

We often go out and get fucked up and complain about people in the media we don't like.

Oh, fuck these.

We need a Muppet with fat tits.

They have one.

Big bird, dude.

No.

The nipples are just on the bottom.

That's right.

Really?

Yeah.

That's awesome.

They're hidden.

But if you know where to look,

you can get a nice show.

You could get a real nice show.

A really nice show.

Really nice penis.

Really nice penis.

Wow, great penis, Mr.

Stavros.

Thank you.

Wow, thank you, Stavros, for your audition.

Your character got a small penis.

I thought it was really accurate.

Yeah, well, it was a stretch for me.

I showed my range as an actor.

Because it's not what I'm like.

I was thinking one of the greatest

impressions of a guy with a small penis

I've ever seen.

Since my dick is not small, it's pretty impressive how good I was.

I really liked your choice of the channel.

I basically just challenged

my friends, Nick and Adam, equally.

Yeah, well, the problem is, is we're already getting pushback.

I mean, the suggestion of hiring you, people are saying your dick is so small it's offensive to people with regular size dicks.

Well, again, I'm doing an impression of Nick and Adam.

Because they said representation.

I can make my dick a little bigger.

Representation is important, but you're so far.

Well, Ed Sullivan, I can make my dick a little bigger.

They actually say that your dick is so small it's offensive to women with enlarged clitorises.

No, they don't.

Because it makes them feel

doing an impression.

Yeah.

We've covered this.

Yeah.

No, I would love to audition for SNL and be like, this is my impression of China from WWF.

And be like, oh, my pussy's so big.

My clear is so big.

My husband's your big clear.

Oh.

We're so sorry if my clear is so big.

Oh, triple A.

They're like, what the fuck are you doing?

I'm like, A, no one really knows who China is anymore.

I never got my back back blown out like these guys.

Even at the height of her fame, she wasn't really an SNL

type of impression.

She's been dead for a decade.

And she was not Chinese.

And they're like, you've got the job.

You have the job.

You have the job.

Hello, Clarice.

You have the job, Russian, Clarice.

I'm gay and Jewish.

It would be funny to audition for SNL just to impressions from like 35 years ago.

Be like, this aggression will not stand.

Just bad impressions.

Bad George H.

Just that they did on the show.

Right.

Just like impressions of Dana Carvey doing impressions.

Your Honor, I'm fucking gay.

This is a guy that's a very smooth talker trying to get off for the murder of his wife

by saying that he's gay.

So he couldn't possibly have had a wife.

Yeah, because that's smart.

Your Honor, I don't understand how I could have killed my wife.

I'm a homosexual.

As a matter of fact,

point of fact, I am a fan, if you will.

And I have sex with men.

Oh, it's our friend.

They're like, ah, you got the job.

Like, incredible job.

That plus China, we're going to lead.

You're going to do that as a cold open here.

Here's my offer to you is

you you hire me.

I will replace every single cast member and writer on the show.

And you have to pay me nothing.

And the show is just mine for a month.

And in exchange, I will give you 300 Bitcoin.

That's a pretty good deal.

Yeah, that sounds like a pretty good deal.

And I'm gay myself.

Much like your character you were just doing, or maybe are still doing.

It's very good.

I am gay in real life.

I killed my wife, and I'm gay.

That's true.

I've heard that about Lorne Michaels.

Well, I need some time to.

I'm going to have to go to.

I've got a scam where I've bought the identity of a Jamaican baby, and I'm going to go to...

Just work on that.

That was Lorne Michaels.

Wow.

Yes, my passport number is.

Pull up the email a little bit.

What if I just dox the baby on the show?

That'd be cool.

I'm baby Marlin.

This is the baby doxing show.

The right, the fucking alt-rights most hardcore podcast.

Cometown Ruby dox babies.

Ruby dox random babies that happen to share the last name of one of the hosts and whose father is fucking stupid and doesn't know his own email address.

Are you watching any of this 1.6

stuff?

What's that?

I don't know.

They're starting to charge people for the.

1.6?

six.

You mean your dick and inches and my dick and inches?

Great brag.

Yeah.

About the six inches.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Yeah, you used to be.

Wait, what's the size?

You used an impossibly small number for me and a size that's like probably a little bit generous on your I used your actual dick size and basically if you round up my dick size

I basically did that.

I did rounding.

I like that they teach you rounding in school and the only application is the size of the school.

There's really nothing else where you ever really round.

It kind of defeats the whole purpose of numbers.

100%.

Other than lying.

That's a good point.

And yet, very useful.

Very

evil.

Just my character very useful.

And he's very useful.

I'm very useful.

And you can use my ass.

And you can use me like a fuck penis.

You can use my mouth and fuck it.

And talk some berry.

And now my name.

That's a really good character.

Bud Wade, my name is also Giant Penis.

My name is also

Jai Ant Penis.

Jai Ant Penis.

Ji Ant Penis.

And people are like, wow, this guy must have a giant penis.

I'm like, no, I have an ant's penis.

But my name is

Jai.

Jai.

That's a good trick.

from Thailand.

I'm from Thailand, and I have an Ant Spenis.

And you're also very useful?

I'm very useful.

Those aren't two separate characters as the same guy.

That's a friend of nightlife.

That would be great.

Weekend update.

Today's Top Story.

President Biden signed into Law and Energy Act,

the energy climate change bill,

which has many people asking, can they climb

a tall bitch to have sex with her?

Yeah.

Climb eight and then ate her pussy.

Yeah, I climbed up.

Climb ate her pussy.

So you climb up her leg and eat her pussy.

Yeah.

And I changed her into a woman that's been fucked.

Cold change.

Climate change.

The climate change.

what's that the

$1.82 you leave on the top of the air conditioner after you fuck my mom?

You fuck my mom.

That's her going rate.

You just leave.

Is that what climate change is, Mr.

Biden?

Yeah.

John Oliver tonight will be back.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought the climate change.

Climate change?

Are you fucking loony?

That's like

someone with the little dick fucking me in the ass someone with the little dick wearing an even smaller dick prosthetic

fucking you in an enlarged version of your ass

and then calling you gay

that is like that oh I'm sorry here's my little ass dick and now you're gay now you're gay

he does say that yeah Donald Trump said the vaccines don't work and then he himself got the vaccine That's like dressing up like a lady.

So the clothes are for a little girl, and then you go into a children's store and pull out your penis.

And then you use your penis to suck the penis of the guy behind the register.

Don't mind me just sucking a penis because I'm not gay and a little girl.

John Oliver tonight.

Pull me back.

Oh, fuck.

John Oliver tonight.

And also the Stavros Halkius in your town.

Wow.

Great sex.

Because I'm going on tour, folks.

Stavi.biz slash tour.

I'm probably coming to Denver soon.

I forget when this is coming out.

My dick is small.

But listen, fucking, I don't know, Portland, Seattle, Denver, Utah.

Shit's coming up.

Buy those fucking tickets with a hard-ass dick.

Denver, Acme.

Ooh, I'm going to fucking,

between Denver and Acme, I'm going to go to

Omaha, I think.

I'm going to go to Nebraska.

Oh, nice.

Peyton Manning, dude.

Omaha.

I just figured I'll see a little bit of the fucking center of the country or whatever the fuck it's called.

I'm not going to the center of the country ever again.

Further west than West Virginia, off limits.

Wait, you're not going even to the west of the country?

No, I mean, I'll go to like

Hawaii.

Cali?

Calistan?

The middle of the country is everything in between Hawaii and New York.

So you can see.

I'm sorry, just because Cajuns live in Hawaii, you think it's not part of the United States?

No, I never said that.

Very funny that you think that the Midwest, quote unquote,

is someplace six million miles away from the actual West Coast.

I never thought that.

That just because there's Chinese

Hawaii is a whole whole bunch of fucking types of Chinese people, that it's not

America.

No, you've been saying that.

You're putting words in my mouth right now.

I would, but it's filled with dicks.

He is trying that pretty much immediately.

Oh, yeah.

You knew that was

like the fucking kidding class.

They're like, oh, that's what I was going to say.

No, that's what you're like.

That's you.

Oh, shit.

Oh,

I know the answer.

I was going to say that.

Oh, I'm Adam, and

I was going to say the right answer.

Say the kid.

God.

You're like the kid in class with

big, really big dicks?

Yeah.

That's kid, Adam.

You're blowing it.

You blew it.

You had him by saying that's what you're like.

And then you let him out act out you.

Much like you blew a guy with a droopy dog tattoo.

That's true.

What is a droopy dog tattoo?

Cartoon, droopy dog.

Oh, boy, that guy.

He gets pussy

dicks here.

That's what he says.

Who, by the way, did have a hot girlfriend in the cartoon.

Who was it?

I filed Droopy Dog away as an icon for ugly motherfuckers that get good.

They get pussy.

Honestly.

Well, yeah, I am like the droopy dog.

Stop doing a lot of filing as a kid.

He loved filing.

He's like a secretary-style little kid.

I would wear a little paint suit.

That's your vibe.

You know, put together fonts.

Yeah,

we were like mailroom guys.

We were obsessed with station.

Coming up.

Just letters flying all over.

Pneumatic tubes.

Yes, sir.

We got to get this shit over.

Yeah.

Letters being sorted.

Yeah, I got it my own office.

Shut up.

My uncle got me.

It has my name on the office.

No, it doesn't?

Yeah, but they just put me in there.

They don't give me any work, really.

I just got the title.

No, you don't.

Yeah, it did.

Your uncle molested you.

Back at the agency.

Your uncle molested you in that room.

You got molested in that room.

I didn't get molested in that room.

You started in the M-A-L-E room.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you worked your way down into a guy's cock.

You had to start kissing.

You had to start giving him butterfly kisses on his neck and work your way down your uncle.

Started in the mail room and worked his way down

into the cock.

I'm going to miss you guys this month.

You're going for an entire month?

I'm not going to see Stav.

I'm going to see you next time.

Why don't you tell everybody why we had to

cancel the show for all of September and November and October?

We didn't cancel the show.

It's all canceled.

Then nobody knows until this month.

Why are you canceling it right now?

You canceled it so you could cancel it.

Why are you telling everybody?

Get surgery to.

It's not a good surgery.

You're digging half an inch.

Half an inch longer.

You're getting an expanding.

Expand the show isn't canceled.

Expand it to big.

And the embigging surgery to child surgery.

I'm not going to see Stav until August 30th.

That's not what's going on right now.

I wanted to have a heartfelt moment.

You're tired of black teenagers putting batteries in there.

Why are you always making about black teenagers?

When you're on the train wearing a cut-off, a mid-riff.

You know I'm a car guy.

Cut-off t-shirt, and teenagers are putting batteries in your push-ups.

In your back pussy.

In your mid-riff, cut-off t-shirt.

As you're wearing a cut-off t-shirt.

No, this is a different kind.

These are sleeves cut off.

Sleeveless.

i meant where you get your red riff yeah

i don't wear belly shirts you're wearing a belly shirt with in your back and if i ever wore a belly shirt i'd wear it in the style of a 1980s quarterback they call you the energizer bunny on the train there she go yeah there you keep going and going and going and then they put batteries they put a bunch of diesel batteries in your back pussy

and you like it because it feels like a cop yeah no But you're worried because they're dirty.

You know, that's not true.

And you're worried about getting bacterial vaginosis bacterial vaginosis you can't get that from a bunch and then and then after they leave someone on the train at the far end goes are you okay

you quietly say yeah and then they immediately go on their phone and they say i saw someone being harassed on the train and i stepped in between them and i immediately consoled the woman and i was like like are you okay hey what's going on and i didn't consult i didn't confront them Because you don't do that and because the police makes it more dangerous.

It makes it more dangerous.

I just held space for them.

You're just in the background, as they're tweeting at us being set on fire by Klansmen.

And I saved their life.

And that's all it takes to save someone's life.

We don't need the police.

It's not that hard for me.

It's not that hard for me.

First of all, I'm just a simple hero.

Yep.

And I've started to GoFundMe for myself.

I started to go fund me for myself so I could get

the Skyward Sword for Nintendo Switch.

To help

Because I earned it.

I earned it, and it'll help me recover from the trauma I, the secondhand trauma I experienced.

From the trauma I had for not getting Breath of the Wild.

I want breasts very wild.

You have Breasts of the Wild.

Yeah, you do have Breasts of the Wild.

You got a big old pair of breasts of the Wild.

They're not that big.

Why are your shorts so small today?

I don't know.

You're riding athletic, though, a little bit.

I'm trying to get my thighs tanned up.

For what?

I don't like them being so milky.

No.

No?

No.

You don't have to report to mini-campus.

Look how fucking white my thighs are compared to my

but you're about to go to Greece, dude.

You're going to get mad, Tan.

I know.

I can't wait.

I'm going to Paris, France.

Are you going to Paris?

To meet Jacques de Pussy.

You're actually going to Paris.

I've always wanted to go.

Where the fuck am I going to go?

I've told you.

I've told you this a million times.

Delaware.

Why are you saying that?

Why am I saying what?

That you didn't know that I was going to Paris Rance.

I've told you like 15 times.

I don't know.

Maybe I thought you meant like a different place.

Maybe Paris, Texas.

Yeah, maybe I thought you were going to like, you know, Jim Thor PA or

taking all the beautiful sites.

Yeah.

Or

Dover, Delaware.

Wilmington, Delaware.

Wilmington, Delaware, perhaps.

Maybe Rehoboth Beach.

Yeah.

Kokomo, Indiana.

Or Brawway, New Jersey.

You want to name places now?

I was already doing that.

It was getting kind of the end of it.

Okay.

Do you want to just

have a bad attitude?

Well, it's a bad attitude because I've been catching.

Yeah.

I've been catching.

Maybe you should turn in your bad attitude and have a rad attitude.

Dude, you know I have one of the rad attitude.

Rad attitude.

Rad attitude.

Rad attitudey.

Mad at Chewie.

Mad at Chewie.

Mad about Yui.

Mad about Yui.

Mad about Yuey.

And it's about a rat that lives in.

Paul Riser's ass.

It controls his cock and bowls.

No, we already did the fucking one.

But what if he lived in the pussy of Helen Hunt?

I'm listening.

And Paul Riser's like, what are you doing in there?

What are you doing there, little mousy guy?

He's like, I'm a fucking rat, and I live in fucking Helen Cunt.

I live in a a ball.

What if the rat sucked Paul Riser's cock while he fucked it?

Yeah.

Or what if the rat?

That would probably feel good, do you think?

What if the rat sucked by a rat while he was getting pussy?

I don't think a rat would suck dick very nicely.

But what if the rat was Paul Riser?

Don't get down on yourself like that, Adam.

That is you.

You probably suck dick pretty good, Adam.

I'm not a rat.

But

what if the rat was Paul Riser's best friend, right?

But he couldn't stand that bitch, Helen Hunt.

But he had to stay with her.

He had to make it work so he could hang out with his rat best friend that

lives in her pussy.

You know what I mean?

He's a little rat that lives in the fucking

Diane's pussy.

this time

I don't have the answers I don't have a plan

all I have is you so baby help me understand what we're

you can whisper in my ears where we

know what happens after here there's nothing really in there

maybe right after you can whisper in my ears yeah well I guess it would have to be it would have to be when he says I'm mad about and then yeah mad about

I'll tell you why but who gives a shit?

You know, I'm in an hour, 20 minutes.

Oh, geez.

Look, you take this.

What the hell?

All right, I got this.

Yeah, you

buy.

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