Ep. 273 – parisienne malaise

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Good afternoon.

My name is Adam Steen Friedlandberg.

I'm the actor that plays Adam Friedland on the podcast Come Town.

And I'd like to talk to you for a second about this show, what it means to you and your family, and how you can support it.

Yes.

If you visit patreon.com/slash Cometown, you can get an extra episode every week featuring me, Stavros,

and the other guy,

Adamstein Friedlenberg, everybody.

And thank you very much, folks.

Adamstein Friedlandberg.

Isn't it about time you got into character, Adamstein?

And here I go.

What's up?

You're a...

You know, I know we're doing the podcast, but you really are a master of the craft.

You are.

You're a really good actor, Adam.

I don't know what is

causing this merit to be showered onto me, but

the way you plug the

the picture on there was great.

Oh, thanks, man.

That was awesome.

If you want to talk about it further,

fuel with, I call them little power turds,

chocolate-covered espresso beans.

Yeah, sorry, Adam, I was going to give you some, but I let too many get into Nick's hand.

And, you know, once he has them in his hands, you can't take them back from him.

Yeah, his cold, dead hand.

For whatever reason, I just remembered the,

and I'll never forget it.

It seared into my memory.

It was when I was a temporary seasonal employee at GameStop.

Yes.

And the assistant manager called every day.

You could smoke cigarettes out on the loading dock.

And it was like either at the end of the day or the beginning of the day, whatever it was, me and the three other people that have a shift that day.

Yeah.

It's the assistant manager, manager, and then it'd be like two

guys like me that are just retail employees.

Of course.

And the manager is l listing like stores and the sales numbers.

And he's like, and we, number five, two, eight, three, he's like, this holiday season, 1.86 million.

Now, no, we don't see a dime in this one.

Of course.

We also contributed nothing.

Right.

We didn't do it.

We're not.

You're just in a good location.

And the assistant manager, he's smoking a cigarette.

And as the guy reads the number out, he's like.

And he closes his eyes and he shakes his head.

Like that Antonio Bandera's gift.

Yes, like that.

Of him at the computer.

Yeah, right, yes.

I love that one.

Reacting to

just thing that has nothing.

I mean, even pretending that we're salespeople is.

Yeah, you're just at a good location and a good video game came out.

It was the holidays.

Yeah.

It was Christmas.

It just feels weird.

Where did you work at GameStop?

Were you on the register, on the floor?

No, I mean, it was kind of, but you just, it's a retail.

You're floating.

You're floating.

So you put stuff back on the shelf, you ring people up, which is also all the assistant managers do, also.

Right.

The assistant managers also tell children they're not allowed to buy M-rated games.

Right, right, right.

You call him the big guns.

You call him the fat guy with the fucking.

They do all the same with dark web.

They get all the pussy.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

All the glory and the pussy.

Everybody's talking about the dark web.

How about the Mark Webb?

Yeah.

The Mark Wallburg.

The Wallberg Web.

Internet.

Wallberg.

Isn't Mark Webb a guy?

It is.

I think it is.

Anyway, who cares?

Oh, hi, I'm Mark Webb.

I don't know.

I'm a fucking idiot.

I'm fucking gay.

I'm Mark Webb.

Hey, it's me, Mark Webb.

Can I see your penis?

I've got a spider web in my ass hole.

Mind if I give your penis a smooch?

Mark Webb is always being like that.

Hey, I'm Mark Webb, Adam's boyfriend.

I'm Adam Jay.

I don't know.

I date Adam.

Well, I date Adam, and I'm gay.

Shut up.

I don't know Mark Webb.

Yep, and he smooshes me all the time.

Oh, look at that.

That's me kissing Adam's penis.

Looks like I got it.

It was pretty hard to find.

I'm using a really, really powerful microscope.

Adam-shaped lipstick on my cock again.

Yeah.

But you know what's easy to find?

His big asshole.

Here's big

asshole.

I'm Mark Webb.

I'm Mark Webb.

I live in the fuck out of the ass.

I live in Adam's ass.

Whoa.

You live there, Mark?

I live here.

I live a fucking.

I have a 30-foot RV that I park.

You know what I mean?

Is it hard to get in with all the jizz everywhere?

And that's what he gets for saying Mark Webb is a real guy.

And then he looks at his phone.

No, I was.

No, it's about the show tonight.

I was just a comic that's on the show tonight.

Shut up.

It's about the show tonight.

Yeah.

Is Mark Webb a real guy?

Yeah.

Oh, you weren't looking at that, were you?

No, that would have been helpful.

Dude, freaking, come on.

Standing in line, a fucker got a nine, and I got a hole.

He's a music video director.

My dick is small.

He's also an American football player for the Los Angeles Chargers.

By the way, I threw the guy named Adam.

No,

my name's Mark Webb.

My name's Mark Webb.

I suck that small guy.

It tasted like shit.

His dick tastes like shit.

His dick tastes

We talked about one time about like not going into work so you can smoke weed and listen to Danny California.

Sorry, man.

The new peps just dropped.

Yeah, no, I just gotta.

It's been too long since the new peps dropped.

I just gotta fucking chill out.

This is Last Kind Bud.

I GameCube.

I remember when my friend...

Order Papa John's.

My friend came over to my house because he didn't have cable to watch the Scar Tissue video because that was a big return for the Peps.

Yeah.

And it was playing on TRL.

Oh, wow.

TRL was still around during Scar Tissue.

In case people are getting mad about the eating noises, I'll have you know it's a baguette.

Yep.

That's nice, dude.

It's...

Yeah, yeah, it was on TRL.

We watched it.

I remember in the video, they're all injured.

And their guitars are, like, broken and stuff.

Hard penis that I love to suck.

And yeah,

there's a cool moment where they use

it.

They started the bands being naked sort of thing.

Yeah.

What?

Because their comments were in the 60s.

Raging as a machine did it.

They all took their clothes off to protest.

And it's like, I can't remember what it is now, but it was like one of those,

you know, like a save Coney kind of thing.

Right.

It's like they're protesting

all of Exxons.

They got a new mine in Kenya.

Right.

And then we're going to all be able to get it.

They'll just stare at you.

Yeah, standing there naked.

It's very funny.

That's political.

Who had the nicest piece?

Dude,

Brad Wilk.

Their cocks were nothing compared to the Peps.

Really?

Yeah.

The Peps have some of the nicest cocks.

Frashanti, oh my god.

Don't get me starved.

Frashanti's cock probably tastes good.

I bet it's small, but it's very

meaty.

It's like rich.

None of them, really.

On second look, and

I guess that

none of them, but then I forget the name of the drum, not the drummer, but the bassist.

Really?

Their dicks really were out there, huh?

Yeah.

And they didn't shave their pubes, really.

I guess Morello's got a Morello, and who's the guy or the other guy?

Zach Delaroca?

No, Delarocco's dick is pretty regular.

Morello, actually, it looks like it's just a penis.

This is is a child's penis.

Yeah, that guy's dick is not looking too fresh.

If I was that guy, I'd be like, we got to pick something else.

He's the one who shaved his pubes, too, because his dick is so small.

He's like, I cannot give up an optical inch.

Look, too, in the bigger picture, he's standing as close to the front of the stage as Boji.

You got Bozzi's leaning.

He's trying to fool it with perspective.

That's great.

He's pushing his small dick closer.

Respect, dude.

Wow.

I would be so pissed off if I was him.

Guys, we got to start a petition drive.

Why don't we all just give some money?

Yeah, I talked to the Dalai Lama.

He thinks it's really gay of us to do that.

We can't do gay shit.

He's like, or how about we do fully gay shit, and my dick is in one of your asses so no one can see it.

They're wearing masks, so they're protesting the vaccine.

Yeah.

Oh, cool.

So it was a vaccine protest.

I actually heard Dr.

Fauci Fauci made it.

Made the whole disease.

Yeah.

Oh, Tim Tim Cummerford.

It was Tim, what's his name, right?

Tim Apple.

Tim Commerford.

That's his name.

Tim Cummerford is the guy with a little dick and hot chili cover.

Oh, yeah.

Tim Cummerford, Mark Webb, those boys were laughing.

Cummerford remembers being embarrassed by the sight of his penis, which he describes as looking like half a roll of nickels.

Dude, poor Cummerford.

Yeah.

It was as if I came out of the ocean.

It was incredible.

I was trying to fluff things up to get the blood flow to happen, but it really wasn't happening.

Oh, so he's saying it was a little bit of a story.

It was an I Was in a Pool situation.

Shrinkage.

Shrinkage.

They were outside, right?

We were on the main stage, and we were the first band on.

It was right when people started to know us and like us in America.

This is our big moment.

We went on stage, and it was back when Tipper Gore, Al Gore's wife,

had just started the PMRC to spearhead the parental advisory sticker.

It was about, yeah, they were against the parental advisory stickers.

So they showed their clinic.

So they lost that one, and they showed their legs.

Not only, which, like,

in a roundabout way, by protesting this, they're actually protesting the Black Lives Matter movement making money off the sales of t-shirts that lean heavily on that, the parental advisory thing.

And the movie is straight out of comedy.

So, in a lot of ways, it's a racist.

It was a racist.

It was a racist showing of your penis.

Yeah, to spearhead the parental advisory stickers that they, to this day put on records we were against that we thought it sucked

cool dude i would not be showing my cock if i was him yeah you know what honestly

we speced on doing a follow-up interview about how small he is

protesting as if he he was just turned completely around with his arms crossed and so everyone's just looking at his ass that would be awesome yeah and yeah

if i were him i would have gotten a fake cock yeah we we were like, we shouldn't play this show.

What we did is just go on stage with our instruments and then lean them back against the amplifiers, let them feed back and do it all naked.

We had PMRC on our chest.

Each guy had a different letter on his chest.

We walked out on stage, people loved it, they were cheering.

But little do they know we weren't playing we weren't planning on playing a note.

After ten minutes of s man, it's really hard for me to read these days.

It's all right, man.

That's power through.

You're eating up a nice amount of time.

After 10 minutes of standing there naked, what started as cheers turned into bottle throwing.

People were just bummed out.

And then my dick got hard.

And then finally, my dick.

And it's sort of like that story, the ugly duckling.

Right.

Or the little engine that could.

The little engine that could get hard.

The little penis that could bust.

Now, let me ask you this.

Do you guys remember there being a crossover between the little engine that could and the Velveteen Rabbit?

I do remember that.

Yeah.

Of course, Adam.

I remember both of those things.

I know, I did too.

The Velveteen Rabbit was fucking.

Of course, I don't remember that.

Because you were into gay shit.

Yeah, because you watched like Hanukkah movies.

None of your shit was about trains that had a fucking job and worked for a little bit.

Wasn't the Velveteen Rabbit sad?

Didn't it?

Yeah, it was sad.

Oh, now you know?

I don't know the crossover.

The Velveteen Rabbit's a story about a little kid that gets like tuberculosis, so they have to burn all of their toys.

And the velveteen rabbit doesn't want to get burned, so they turn it into a real rabbit, but then the little boy doesn't recognize the rabbit anymore.

That's right.

That's sad.

It was sad.

Dude, I wish I lived in 1880s so I could be like, I'm a child

storist.

Yeah.

This one is about a teddy bear that's gay,

and the town kills him.

That's sad.

And

okay, a different one.

There's it's a little girl, and her legs get cut off

by a trolley car, runaway trolley car.

Okay,

and so she has to be dragged around on a string.

And

they go to the string store to buy it, and

all of the good strings were used up on fatter children that had to be dragged around.

Why do we have to bring fat children up?

One of the weak, pathetic strings could never find a job.

Okay.

And then the owner says, well, they say,

do you have perhaps a tiny string for my legless gimp daughter to be dragged around?

She lost her legs in a trolley accident, you see.

And they say, yes, we've got a little

bitch string.

Bitch string.

That's what they're in the bitch.

And the string, it's called the bitch string.

Yep.

How do they get a little bit string?

Now I can.

I finally have a job.

He's drunk too.

He's an alcoholic.

Yeah, hell yeah.

The string's been getting drunk off

ether.

So was there a crossover or was it just like

they were in the same book?

I don't remember.

Maybe the same cinematic universe.

The train brings the Velveteen Rabbit somewhere.

The little engine that could?

Yeah, and so this is what I mean is, do you remember?

Because I can't tell you the details.

I don't know if it happened or not, but that's in my head somewhere.

In fact, as part of Come Town,

we're going to, let's look it up.

Yeah, dude.

I hated sad shit as a little kid.

I hated fucking crying.

I still hate sad shit.

Crying is fucking gay.

But you said you love both of them.

I know, but I hated the pull it had on me.

The Longshoot in the Coode wasn't sad.

It was triumphant.

Wait, did he die at the end?

Yeah, he dies at the end.

Fuck.

That sucks.

That is sad.

why maybe that's why it made me such a sensitive soul

i love that shit you are one of the most sensitive souls i know thank you yeah thank you it is sad oh yeah here we go so stuffed rabbit is a sewn for velveteen is giving the christmas present to a small boy

The other boy likes his new mechanical toys and the Velveteen rabbit is neglected.

But one night the boy's nanny gives the rabbit for the boy to sleep with

and the rabbit becomes the boy's favorite toy,

enjoying picnics with him.

This is really a story of like a woman with borderline personality.

Enjoying picnics with him in the spring, and the boy regards the rabbit as real.

Time passes and the rabbit becomes shabbier but happy.

That's right, it gets fucked up looking.

And it meets some real rabbits in the summer and they learn that the velveteen rabbit cannot hop as they do and they say that he is not a real rabbit.

Do they fucking run a train on him?

They do.

And then one day the boy comes down with the Velveteen pussy with scarlet fever and the rabbit sits with him as he recovers the doctor orders that the boy should be taken to the seaside and that his room should be disinfected and all of his books and toys burned that seems crazy including the velveteen rabbit the rabbit is bundled into a sack and left out in the garden overnight where he reflects sadly on his life with the boy

My man is just about to die.

He's on death row thinking about the good times.

The toy rabbit cries.

A real tear drops to the ground.

That's right.

I remember the tear being magical.

And

a real tear drops to the ground on a Marvel.

See, this is where I don't remember this part.

I just remember the story ending with the rabbit being burned to death.

No, dude.

I remember the magical tear drops.

Well, I read all of this in

Dr.

Feldstein's book of children's stories for boys with emotional problems.

The modified children's stories for boys with emotional disabilities.

When nothing good happens.

Yeah.

Fairy steps out on the flower and comforts the Velveteen.

That would be the Soviet version, I guess.

And then they burn toy.

I read it in that version.

The little boy loses his rabbit because he has a disease only homosexual get.

So they burn all of his toys as punishment.

But the rabbit tries to become real, and so they put him in jail.

So

they feed the rabbit nuclear tea to poison him.

To Radiated tea to kill him for trying to become real.

But it has reversed effect, and he becomes real, and he becomes a sex slave for a closeted homosexual laparachic.

Hell yeah.

Honestly, Velveteen, a pussy man out of Velveteen,

probably feel good.

How about the bussy rabbit?

And as a little boy, he fucks.

He's learning how to come.

He's 12.

And it's a little rabbit with the business.

And he hasn't played with his

rabbit's been in the closet in his the boy's closet for years because the boy got too old for toys and he's very sad and then one day the boy turns 12 and discovers there's a hole in the rabbit that he can stick his cock that's really that's really sweet it's like when andy plays with woody again for one last time

oh

imagine if you could put a uh a pocket pussy in the in the rabbit's ass sort of fun picture to draw which i i guess i could have done it is

is just uh like a man bent over, and you see his ass, and out of his asshole, there's just a boot with Andy written on his eyes.

That's awesome.

You've got a cock in your ass, you've got a dick in me.

I wonder if anyone said that before.

Probably,

I can't imagine.

That's certainly a new one.

You suck my fucking dick.

How about

you fuck my fucking ass?

To infinity.

I'm gay.

I'm gay.

To infinity.

And I'm gay.

That's correct.

That's quite good.

That is correct.

To infinity.

And I'm gay.

It just gets better.

It gets better the more you

say it.

The more you say it.

The more you stop expecting anything out of,

you know, we'll make something funny.

Oh, yeah.

It just gets better and better.

It just is what it is, man.

To infinity, and I'm gay.

And I'm gay.

And then I'm just him jumping off the bedpost trying to fly.

Yeah.

That's not being gay.

It's falling onto a dick accidentally.

You just sound bitter, Woody, because Andy hasn't shoved you up his ass.

Andy's been fucking a stuffed rabbit for 12 weeks.

And I heard he's HIV positive.

And they're going to burn all of us.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

That's a good reboot.

Toy Story 6.

It's really sad.

How about Joe Coi's story?

Okay.

And it's Joe Coi in his home where he likes to pretend to be a 12-year-old boy.

Okay.

And it's all of his toys.

All kind of stuff.

Well, it's Andy and Woody and and Buzzing on them, but because they're Joe Koi's toys,

they speak Chinese, yeah.

And so Woody's like, Joe Bao Lao Bao, wear my boots.

Oh, boots,

there's no word for boots.

No, they were sandals.

They were sandals.

They were blocks of wood.

No, that's Japan.

Oh.

Idiot.

Which, by the way, I never understood that.

Why are those their flip-flops?

They seem really impractical.

It seems really uncomfortable.

Very hard to walk in as well.

And as a people that knows all about a bunch of different designs.

Find out exactly why they did that as Blue Chew.com.

Oh, really?

So you want to go to Blue Chew.com and go Japanese.

There's going to be a bunch of sub sub fucking

websites.

If you love sex, you'll love Blue Chew.com.

Yes, sir.

And so me personally, I love Blue Chew.com.

I don't know about you guys.

I love Blue Chew.com as a man who who loves sex.

What about you, Nick?

He doesn't like sex.

Anyway, so.

He's not a big guy.

He's not big on sex.

He's not big on sex.

And yet, even though, even still, he loves Blue Chew.com.

I love getting my Pines Hua.

He loves getting his dickhard Brazilian style.

BlueShoe.com is the best place on the internet to find premium chewables.

Premium chewable cock tablets.

Cock tablets that get your cock hard.

Make your cock stiff as a fucking air.

The cock tablet twins.

Yep.

Yeah.

Fuck, I don't know one of their songs.

Heaven or cock Vega.

I'm a fucking gay guy.

I have a hard penis.

To infinity.

And I'm gay.

So if you, listen, we've all been there, folks.

Our cocks can't get hard.

Maybe you're fat as shit.

Maybe you're a closeted homosexual.

Maybe you're a Jewish man with not enough iron in his system to get a dick hard.

Anemia.

With an anemic Jewish man.

Cron 92 pm.

Whatever your issue.

Maybe it's these damn cell phones that we're putting in our damn cell phones that are near our cocks and our balls.

To Infinity.

Nick is sitting this Addery down because he's laughing about Do Infinity.

He's just eating it back in his life.

The point is, whatever your issue is.

He's with his fucking, his hands on his hips.

Yeah.

I'm gay.

And I'm gay.

And I'm gay.

I was like, that's cool, Buzz.

No one really cares.

I'm gay.

He's just on his little box and he comes in.

Yeah.

Anyway, so no in-person doctor business.

None of that shit, man.

None of that.

You don't need to go to the doctor in person.

Yeah, which sucks.

It sucks.

That sucks.

Telling a doctor.

One time when I was younger, I tried to get a doctor to get me dick pills.

And I had to look him.

It was an old Italian man.

I had to look him in the eye.

And I had to say, I think something was wrong.

I pissed too much.

Here's what I tried to say.

I tried to say,

I pissed too much.

I read somewhere on the internet.

That's a good joke, right?

I went to this Italian man and I said,

I heard, I read on the internet,

if you give me dick pills, it'll fix my the reason I piss too much.

And he looked at me, he knew I was lying, but he was a fucking he was a bro.

And he was like, you know what, man?

Take it.

He's like, I'll give you these, but he was like, listen, it's psychological.

That's what he told me.

Listen, that sounds like a cool in-person doctor visit.

And I and I got off lucky.

Not a lot of people are going to have a cool Italian man

that's going to give you block pills, no questions asked.

And who could really use him as

Tim Copperfield from

Audio Ground

with his little ass dick.

Yeah.

If you're a fucking, if you're the bass,

is he a bass player or a drummer?

Bass player.

What the hell is bass?

It's just like a guitar.

It's a fat guitar.

They got less strings on it.

Yeah, lower.

How the fuck is this?

There's no other

type of art that's like that.

Imagine a group of three guys that do something else, and one of them just does a shitty or he just sucks.

No so true.

You know what I mean?

No, no, so that doesn't.

He's got the tiniest dick in the group.

Right.

What are you talking about?

And he never wants to do the cool protests.

Yep.

He never wants to do any of the cool anti-Nancy

vaccine protests.

But listen.

Yeah, you go to go.bluichu.com/slash come town slash come town.

Or just use promo code come town for 20% off tad checkout.

I think a free one, isn't it?

Or no, yeah, free.

You only pay shipping.

Yeah, that's right.

First order free.

You only pay slipping, and that's slipping your cock.

When you slip your hard cock into a pussy, you go ahead and do that.

Problem free.

Or an asshole or a mouth.

The slipper room.

Yep, that's what I do every time I slide into a hot puss is I say, it's time to pay the piper, you know,

and that's me,

and her sex is the payment.

Her surprise, you getting a couple pumps, that's my three pumps.

That's that's all the payment pushes.

Which the fewest pumps you've ever come in,

oh, Adam, yeah, too.

How do you just know that offhand?

Is that GoPro?

It's not true.

System of GoPros,

network,

drones, body cleaning.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's pretty cool that.

How many pumps for you, Stop?

You know, one time with this fucking insane girl with huge tits that had like

she had like ferrets or some weird shit.

So her room smelled like pits.

It smelled bad.

It smelled like a pet store.

You're like covered in rats.

They're crawling all over you.

Two pumps when you're on the bus is so fast.

And I didn't even particularly like this woman.

We need to start being proud of this.

It was in like a weird, like.

I'm proud of you.

It was in like this weird suburb of Maryland where just like shitty apartments.

I don't know how she got afforded her own place.

And we hooked up like two times, and I really busted so fast.

Both times?

No, the second time, I don't know what it was.

I just busted so fast.

And honestly, I'm not a quick buster.

I've talked about the problems with my cock

ad nauseum here.

Was it perhaps maybe as you were pumping, you were thinking about the pumps of Dunkin' Donuts where they put the flavor?

A couple of culadas.

Yeah.

I was thinking about the word pump was in my mind, and I was like, wait a second.

Yes.

The pump they use for the flavoring for the coffee culadas.

I don't think that was it.

And I was wearing a condom.

It really doesn't make sense how fast I busted.

When I was.

Because I usually, let me just.

My foreskin's so fucked up.

It usually, if I'm having a good time,

it'll hurt a little bit, and it keeps me from really keeps you in the game, it keeps me in the game where I'm not going to bust too fast.

It's usually like I have a couple really nice 20 pumps, then the fucking foreskin pulls back, and I'm like, ah, ouchie.

And then I have to get back into a nice fuck rhythm, but it buys me time.

20 pumps.

What are you?

Fucking

Johnny Lynch Armstrong?

20 or 10.

All right, maybe 11 or 12.

20 pumps.

That's the longest sex of all time.

The only time.

I say, brother.

I honestly, it's never been like a two-pump situation, but there was one time I was being blown as a teenager.

What was his name?

Mark Webb.

Whoa, you fucked out of his boyfriend?

Yeah.

That's the even secret or worst part of the story.

How do you think I got my boyfriend?

How do you think I got the body cams in your house?

No, dude, it was an inside job the whole time.

I said, Mark, it's me, your old blast from the past.

I've got a favor to ask you.

Remember that time I nutted early?

Now I need you to

spy

on my nemesis.

Otherwise,

he does it.

So

you were getting blown as a teenager.

Where were you in a car?

In a house?

Well, I don't want to give too many details

just in case.

Sure.

But

that guy's a fan.

Yeah, in case that guy kills himself.

Yeah, but so what happened?

No,

there was like a

like,

well you know i don't want to give too many detail at the point but yeah i did a def I like somebody there was a like a spook happen like oh oh you were like scared you might get caught I see and then it was the thrill of it and then the the like my dick being pulled out of a mouth but then continued to be jacking jacked off

while waiting while being scared while waiting for the outcome of whether or not

You're about to get caught getting your dick scared.

That's awesome.

Like you can't do both and just

it short-circuited you and you busted.

Wow, that sounds awesome.

That's just a massive load, too.

That's awesome.

That's a peek into Nick's sexual.

You know what?

That happened to one of my friends.

That exact situation.

Scary in college.

It was like freshman year.

He's getting blown in a parking lot, and it was that exact.

Well, you imagine, imagine like the press from the 1940s bursting into the murder.

Pop, pop, slash, pop, pop.

Caught red-handed.

Look at that bust.

And

your ties all over.

Look at that bust.

Your hat's in your head.

And they have that thing in the hat.

What is it?

Is that their notebook?

No, that's the

press card.

Well, the point is.

Mr.

Hoover, Mr.

Hoover, any comment on Buzz Light, yeah being gay,

Adam, what about you?

Do you have a fast bus story?

I feel like I've shared a lot of bus stories.

Well, the point is, folks,

we told these stories.

This was back in the day before we needed dick pills.

And now you don't, you can get the dick pills whenever you want at Bluetooth.com, promo code Come Town, and there's free shipping.

No, you pay shipping and you get a you just pay for the pills and the shipping.

They send you a couple dollars.

You send a offset it.

They send you an envelope with $5 cash.

That sounds like a good word to make generic Siagra or Vialis.

Siagra, Vialis.

And it's not generic.

It's the same.

It's It's good shit.

It is, I think.

It's the same, no, it's the same.

What do they call it?

Active ingredients.

Ingredients.

It's the same recipe as the other shit.

Just like mama used to make.

Just like Grandmama's pussy getting hard sauce.

And she used to put on pancakes.

Put on pancakes.

I like more than a hard pussy.

I love when a bitch slathers grandma's pussy getting hard sauce on her pancakes.

Mama's making pussy.

And pussy.

Making mama.

Derek Gaines reference.

Oh, yeah.

Yes.

Nothing like squeezing your soft dick between a hard pussy.

Yeah.

That's a soft dick and a hard plus.

You got to have one or the other.

Hard dick, hard pussy.

What the fuck?

Yeah.

Bluechew.com, promo code come town.

Go.blue chew.

Listen, you know the fucking drill.

Go go, man.

Get your cock hard.

Yeah.

Do it for us.

Do it for us, you know.

Send Adam pictures.

Show your dick hard for me.

Show Adam picture your hard dick.

Send Stav the pictures.

No, send them to Adam.

Just because you said it first doesn't mean that

I can't.

Yes, it does.

Or you're a fucking cock hard.

He's right.

Send me the pictures.

Send me your penis.

I need a penis.

I need a penis to shove into my ass.

And it's gonna be hard.

And you're gonna be gay.

And you go.

Bluechew.com.

The only person doctor visits discrete packaging.

That's

big.

That's massive.

Discrete packaging.

And I'm gay.

And I'm gay.

To infinity.

Discrete, no string.

And I'm gay.

It's NSA.

No string.

NSA.

No

packaging.

And I got it.

Adam's NSA is not small anus.

It's very big.

Yeah.

That's big.

And, folks,

I want to remind our listeners out there to to come see me on the Prince of Pleasure tour.

Go to stavi.biz slash tour.

I don't know where I don't know when this is coming out.

Go see Adam on the Prince of Tides tour.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

I'll be relating the story of three prisoners that broke out of a local jail and raped him and fucked him in the ass one time.

And fucked him in his ass.

Why is it called the same ass?

In a major way.

So I think I'm coming to Utah this week, Salt Lake City.

Then then Denver's big.

Buy tickets tickets to Denver, Acme,

fucking Cleveland.

And Adam will be at Venher doing his play about a gay relationship between

Nasala and himself.

I'm going to be in France, actually, with my girlfriend.

No, you'll be there.

Get tickets to me.

I hope you guys are happy on your fucking vacations while I'm here playing the Mass Effect remake all by myself.

You should go on vacation.

You should go on vacation.

I've said that to you multiple times.

You absolutely can't.

Yes, you are.

I have to be here while you're gone, and then I have to be here while you're gone.

No, that's not.

No, you don't.

That's two weeks.

That's how the schedule worked out.

You can take the second half.

You can take the second half.

Some of us are just fucking working.

Oh, and that's literally the first of August.

Another announcement is

Funny Moms will be returning in September, the second week of September.

Oh, yeah.

Well, come see me at Fat Tuesdays and come see Pantheon.

A lot of good shows coming in.

A lot of good shows in the New York area.

And I gotta suck dick, and I gotta fuck ass, and I gotta get my pussy stuffed.

I need a penis,

and I gotta drink them, and I gotta eat ass.

Damn, think about all the women that started OnlyFans in the middle of the pandemic last year.

Yeah, who are now like, ah, fuck, gotta go back to work.

Ah, and that's just there.

Yep, definitely snake the dildo way up inside myself for Bitcoin

for Ethereum, and it's now lost its value.

Now it's worthless.

In a future episode, yeah, I made an NSA of my pussy, and

I feel like there's there's ways to I feel like people have complained about you don't see enough pussy on some OnlyFans.

I think some people might have finessed the system.

Yeah, they're just putting like lingerie picks.

Lingerie picks.

I don't have OnlyFans, but that pisses me off.

Yeah.

On behalf of the fellas that that do.

I need a penis.

Yeah, we were talking.

Should I do an OnlyFans where I just show my balls?

You're going to do so.

I'm going to do a LonelyFans where it's just me in my apartment and I have my arm around nobody on my couch, and you can Photoshop yourself in there.

That's awesome.

You'd be like, yeah, my friend has a podcast.

Yeah, that's him with his arms.

That would do numbers.

Honestly, I would show my balls.

I don't care.

But not your dick?

I think I need to leave a little something to the imagination.

Yeah.

You got a...

You can't be aware of that.

Certainly a little something.

No, I mean, yeah.

Your exact words.

They were my exact words, but.

And the tone was the same.

You know what I mean?

The intonation.

You know,

I wrote a children's book we were talking about earlier called My Little Something.

Really?

Yeah.

What's it about?

It's for boys

that are coming into grips with the fact that

it's never getting any bigger.

It's never getting any bigger for 17-year-old boys whose dicks have been the same size since fourth grade.

Boys in a loose definition, kind of like maybe up until 24, 27.

I can't wait until I have a kid and we can pull the baby out of my wife's pussy with some kind of claw.

Yeah.

A grabber.

A grabber and a child is not allowed to make eye contact with or physical contact with any human being.

They're immediately put into a white box.

Okay.

With care holes.

They're communicated with through a speaker, but it just plays the shit from McDonald's where it says hello in every language.

And then once they get to the age where they're developing, they start to develop some pubic hair.

We'll have a camera on them that obviously sells the images on OnlyFans.

The voice will say in every language known to man, please tell us your gender.

And only then

will we get the answer, which from our preliminary research will be a lot of like feral screaming and feces strikes?

But who's to say that's not a gender?

That's a gender.

That's a type of gender.

And some would say the only real gender, at which point we'll say, your name is.

And then the door will open to Times Square.

And the child will be released as an adult

into the metropolis

and

be given preferably a job in Bill de Blasio's administration.

Bill's back is pretty long gone.

Bill's back 20 years.

Bill's back, dude.

Everybody thinks Trump's going to come back in 2024.

It's going to be de Blasio, and he's saying he's running on his campaign messages.

250.

And I'm gay.

That's a fucking winning message, man.

That's a fucking winning message that I've never heard more.

Did you

That would be such a good billboard.

Yeah.

Build the Blasio.

Build the Blasio.

To Infinity and I'm gay.

To Infinity and I'm gay.

You can see his fucking

Tiblasio in the foreground and then behind him is the cast of Hamilton.

Just on the side of a sitting bus.

Teplasio for me.

To Infinity.

And I'm gay.

I'm gay.

Now, that would be an interesting movie if if that was Buzz Lightyear's whole thing.

Yeah.

What was that fucking video of him eating like

fucking food from Shake Shack or some shit in the middle of the pandemic?

You remember that one?

No.

He's like, oh, it's a pretty good burger.

And it comes with, ooh, there's like a fry situation happening.

It says fry situation.

There's like

80,000 New Yorkers are dead.

Yeah.

Or there's like a fry situation.

He needs to keep a smile.

Morale is important.

He says there's

a fry element.

A fry element.

A fry element.

That makes more sense.

Fry situation is the way a gay nerd would say it.

Yeah, he said it in the gay word nerd way either.

Oh, okay, okay.

I mean, really, him and Cuomo should kill each other.

That would be awesome.

They didn't.

They don't fuck with each other.

I know.

And that's why

it's like Joker and Batman.

Who would you root for?

I'd root for

De Blas, yeah.

Big Bill.

Yeah, I probably would too.

Big Bill.

After that one picture where you can see him looking at old ladies' tits in the reflection of his sunglasses,

he won me over.

Yeah, he's one of us.

Smiling, looking at tits.

Honestly, not doing Italian sexual in the twilight of his there's been rumors, and I might as well confirm it.

I will be fighting Bill de Blasio at Ellismania.

There's going to be

three rounds, four minutes each between me and Bill de Blasio at Mania,

and the winner gets to decide which one of us is gay.

Which one of us

we're not sure yet whether that's good or bad?

That would be funny to have to fight someone, and then if you lose, you have to just turn gay for the rest of your life.

That's how you never get pussy again.

That's what you fight a genie.

That's how it works.

You fight a genie.

well I might want to lose on purpose then turn me homo style you know I'm saying why'd you wink at me when you said I'm trying to fight once I go gay I'm gonna fuck you in the ass first no that's not true yep I'm gonna top you you wish are LA comics still saying you guys on stage no you guys sucks yeah I hate that that sucks like what like you guys

like you guys the other day

I went

like you know what LA comics used to do all the time is they would like and you'd watch, they'd all laugh at some five-minute bit.

It's like somebody would be pretending to be mad.

And they're like,

I went to 16 handles.

And I walked down the line at 16 handles.

You guys,

I counted 12 handles.

You know, like that kind of shit.

And then it would be other,

like, improv people, like, dying, laughing.

and you're like, well, I guess I'm going to drunk drive.

I'm just going to drive my car drunk.

That's good to see you.

Nice to see everybody.

I don't want to.

You're like, why is that weird guy in basketball shorts pissing himself?

Respect, dude.

We're in like long basketball shorts.

Yeah.

That only really

style.

Wait a minute.

What am I wearing right now basketball shorts uh

not really

we're wearing the same shorts cotton respect we're wearing wearing the same what now adam feels left out i do a little bit you got your gay ass sandals your little little woody woody allen in the middle a couple of buzz tough guys that's right that's not true

we are tougher than you they should have had woody allen play woody buzz

buzz sex year we're having sex with a different girl every

year

i get pussy once a year pal i have a sex with a different girl every year

you laugh but yeah i'm gonna be you know i'm gonna die at probably 50 so

I started having sex at 28.

So that's

got some good years ahead, dude.

I'm not fucking Alex or Beck over here.

But that's at least 12.

That's at least 12 girls, dude.

Which is what they call

the cool guy number.

Shit, did you run out of baguette, dude?

I did run out of baguette.

Also, there's something else we got to talk about.

Let's talk about it.

What the fuck is this?

I think somebody stole my identity again.

Oh, that's gay.

Well, they're doing shit like signing up for health insurance.

I can't really fault them for that.

That guy is like tick.

Oh, yeah, Mac Weldon.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I love them.

How could you forget, Nick?

How could you suck my penis for cash?

Oh, because he was fucking down on his luck, dude.

Go ahead and talk about Mac Weldon for a second, Adam, while I pull up their beautiful website.

Some might say the best website.

One of the two best websites, in my opinion.

There's only two websites I go to.

When I open up my Windows 98 computer,

I have my home page.

Your homo page?

My homo page.

I have MacWeldon.com where I can see this cool

hot black architect.

Right.

Yeah.

Get fucking.

He looks like he's got a cool job.

Get drunk off Glenn Levette at his desk.

Wearing some very smart basics from our friends over at Mac Weldon.

Tops, bottoms, they've got categories for every type of thing.

They got Adam.

Accessories, that's Adam also.

What is that, man?

Underwear, that's Adam.

Ladies' underwear, that's definitely Adam.

The summer shop.

Remember when I look like these guys?

Yeah.

Remember when I used to be in shape?

Yeah.

You'll get back to that.

A lot of people listening to the show, they don't realize that I used to be like an athlete, basically.

These underwear look great.

That was basically like those right there.

I have a pair of those.

They're nice.

A model.

Yeah, no, they are.

Hug your ass cheeks.

Which one, the air knit?

Yes.

Yeah.

I don't have ass cheeks anymore.

I had them removed.

Oh, yeah.

Put two coolers in there.

Yeah.

Get your go-gurt frozen.

No, you're bullied.

Oh, that's that next one.

That's on the premium episode.

Sorry.

If you want to hear about that, you check out patreon.com/slash come town.

But just get yourselves ready for the go-gurt bit

and sign up at patreon.com/slash come town.

Summer shop.

It's pretty good.

They got the best of the Ace Sweat short.

Oh, there's some nice shit here.

This is all the radius short.

What about the circumference short?

That sounds good.

Because I need to get because I keep tearing all of my clothes.

You know, when you're about to have passionate gay sex.

Nah, I keep getting...

I've become clumsy.

I'm a little boyfriend DeAndre.

I just smash into shit now and my clothes get stuck on things.

I'm always getting my like.

Getting your shorts caught in

revolving doors.

Doorknobs go into my pockets all the time, and then I get ripped around, and I rip the pockets out of my shorts.

I'm like, heaven, I'm struggling lately.

You're just living like one of the three stooges.

Yeah.

It's because, look, some of us have

a will, as Schopenhauer would put it, a will to form.

And I can only move in the direction of becoming more of a joke, more of an embarrassment.

Schopenheimer?

Who the fuck is that?

I don't know.

He's a guy.

He's definitely.

I don't know.

I'm letting it.

I'm kind of.

Just let it fly.

Let him fucking go, bro.

Let him do a little free.

This is a free.

Still a little jazz.

As Schopenheimer once said, you can only move towards the direction of the ultimate,

of the getting.

There is to get and there is to be got the form to being, but then there's the form of getting.

A stack money pussy.

Get stack money pussy.

And you can get that at Macweldon.com.

Oh, yeah.

The Dailyware system.

They got a system here.

I will say, since getting Mac Weldon, I've got my dick sucked in Mac Weldon's a lot.

That's pretty good.

What color did you go for in the

airnet?

Honestly, you know what I love

fire starter.

The baby blue, and I love the banana cream.

The banana.

The strong strong blue.

The banana cream ones I like a lot.

What is that?

Yellow?

Yeah.

I don't have

banana cream.

It's not fucking yellow.

They call it banana cream.

Banana cream sounds like a wild name for underwear.

I'm not the former guy over here.

I'm not wearing yellows.

I'm not yellow.

They have grapevine.

Banana creams.

Stardust, and it's a light blue color.

I think I have stardust.

What the fuck is that?

Honestly, who's wearing boxers?

There are boxer guys out there.

If you're a boxer guy, kill yourself.

It's also briefs, too.

I wear boxer briefs, and I have.

Gay guys wear briefs.

No, I wear briefs sometimes.

No, but boxer briefs, which are the you know, yeah, I wear boxer briefs.

Yeah, well, I guess I'm wearing two pairs of shorts.

Like a hard dick savage.

I was wearing two pairs of shorts because I accidentally

shit yourself?

Not shit, but didn't wipe enough in the top.

So I put

short.

Dude, my fucking roommate bought Scott's fucking toilet paper, one ply, like we're in a fucking middle school.

He's got a good job.

It's ridiculous.

You had it.

I didn't do that.

He had it here for a while.

Nick had it for way too long.

I can't do that.

Nick had it for way too long.

I was like, I'm not sure if you can't do it.

I'm not sure if I'm a water pick on my ass.

Oh, no.

Like a handheld bidet.

Nice.

Those are for your mouth, though.

No, but this man, some dumb bitch used it on her mouth without knowing.

He just had Nick's asshole juices on her.

He got in her teeth.

He got it at MacLum.com.

And I pick it up and I put it in my ass.

I go, This is the president speaking.

You a different voice when Emma's in your ass.

You've reached Barry Obama.

Oh,

God.

This is President Obama speaking.

Hello?

You've reached my personal cell phone number.

And then

Yeah, hell yeah.

And I'm just picking my ass.

That's awesome.

Mr.

Vice President?

Well, the nice thing is about Mac Weldon.

Fucking Asana and the Oval Law Finance.

And we're going to have gay sex.

And we're going to gesture at each other and court each other like homosexuals.

We're going to batarize and fucking do a ritual.

Well, the nice thing about Mac Weldon is a lot of fun.

It's the Weldon Blue loyalty program.

That's a great.

And they also have antimicrobial shit.

And they have antimicrobial shit.

So even if you don't wipe your ass enough,

the microbes will not spread.

Yeah, and I'll tell you what, like I said, I've been, I do, I really have.

Like, you can see that I tore a hole in this pocket.

This one's all fucked up.

Maybe I put these on.

Oh, no, no.

That's fucked up.

And

I ripped

one of my shirts.

I have not destroyed any pair of Mac Weldon stuff.

It's awesome.

All my other clothes are destroyed.

Yeah.

And

people close to me don't speak to me anymore and stuff.

But the Mac Weldon loyalty program, becoming a level one member is as easy as making a purchase with an account.

After that, you'll never pay for shipping again.

Never.

And level two.

I love being in the fucking program.

I love being in the zone.

The auto zone.

The discovery zone.

Get in the zone out.

Discovery zone.

Discovery zone.

Get your child ass in the fucking zone now.

I love Discovery Zone.

It's very, very

sort of the.

Going to DC.

The name is a little

what you would call it.

Getting molested-y?

Yes.

I feel you.

Sava, did your family ever take you to a place called Chunky Cheeks?

No.

Okay.

Before you asked me.

You surely didn't take it?

No.

It looks like it.

Check this out.

Level one, making a purchase with an account.

Level two, spend $200 with an account within one membership year, and you get the diamond

columns.

Discovery zone fucking

beer in 2001?

Yeah, dude.

20 years ago.

I remember I was trying to go

as a 29-year-old.

Well, wait a second.

In Cincinnati,

in Union Township, Ohio, there's something called Discovery Zone that's not affiliated with the original company, but is heavily inspired by it.

Wow.

Yeah, it's Discovery Zone.

Discover.

Discovery Zone.

We also have a chunky cheeks, which is like it's the same kind of thing, but the tubes are wider.

That would have been good.

They got wide tubes.

They never got stuck in a tubes for a bit.

For the fat of boys.

No.

You never got stuck in a tube?

I've never got stuck in a tube.

Just another child going into the ball pit, and all the balls are like discs.

They're all flat.

And then Stop's just sitting on a bunch of flat discs.

He's like, it was a disc pit.

It was broken.

I got it.

It's a disc pit.

It was always a disc pit.

I'm missing that.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm waiting for the fire department to get here

so I can eat pizza and play the Simpsons game.

Thank you very much.

So I can exit from the tube from Wednesday came.

I'm waiting for either the fire department or them to get a big thing of Crisco to fucking loot me up.

Either, whichever's here faster.

It's always fun.

What is that?

It's a Simpsons episode where Humber gets stuck on the slide.

I don't remember.

Maybe I'll re-watch that

this afternoon.

Why not?

Why not?

People are talking about my balls.

They're talking about my penis.

They're trying to see my penis.

You don't get to just see my penis.

Mr.

Cuomo, this is Barry Obama.

This is Barry Obama.

This is Barry Obama.

I want to kiss you on your asshole.

Can you imagine that, folks?

Can you imagine what it would be like?

Yeah, the Twilight Zone.

Yeah, yeah.

That was good.

Imagine getting your penis sucked.

But by a man,

I think it would go

a little lower.

Raggedy Dee.

It would be funny to watch that guy suck cock on camera.

Yeah.

The Twilight Zone guy.

If I was watching an episode of The Twilight Zone and they started showing two gay guys having sex, he's like, this is the wrong episode.

This is not...

We're playing.

Play the other one I wrote about the aliens.

The aliens who take over women.

That would be mind-blowing.

You're just watching.

Wow, this show takes so many twists and turns.

That's what Jordan Peel should have done.

Instead of rebooting it, he should have edited it in the middle of the day.

They just sentenced the first of the Capitol riot people.

What did they sentence them to?

Eight months in federal prison.

Nice.

Nice, dude.

Which one is it?

The guy with the podium?

No.

That guy was funny.

It looks like it's Dave Grohl.

Dave Grohl.

Oh, is it the shaman guy?

Wasn't there a guy from Mr.

Show that was on there?

Out there in the Capitol.

One of the guys from Mr.

Show was in the Dave Roll band, yes.

The Foo Fighter?

Rob Hubel was in the

Rob Hubel?

That guy's funny.

I always thought that guy was very funny.

Was he on Mr.

Show?

No, he was on Human Giant.

I remember Human Giant.

Disease.

And

sheer got the famous.

Yeah.

How about I need you to suck my dick?

That would be a good name.

Let me see your pussy.

I want to see your pussy.

I want to see.

I'm trying to see your pussy.

Yeah.

Just something like that.

To Infinity.

And what?

Diseases, post-rape, special.

Hold on.

Let him finish.

And I'm gay.

And I'm gay.

Damn.

Bada da da, ba ba da ba da da da da da da da da da da da da da.

I should have watched the Space Jam movie.

We'll watch it for the next ones.

Yeah.

We should have all watched it together.

I should have waited.

All we do together is go to lunch.

Which is a great, nice thing.

I hate doing shit.

I love going to lunch.

I like doing stuff.

I like having my joke around friends that I see at work only.

And then having my serious friends.

Right.

Yeah, I hang out with a bunch of neurosurgeons.

Yeah, scientists.

And

we have very quiet dinner parties, and I would say, oh, Richard,

my inquiry to you last week,

did you get a chance to take a look at any of that research?

And they're like, you mean the email asking me if you could implant gay memories into someone's mind

with a baguette?

Do baguettes cause gay thoughts?

Do they

know?

Is there research on that?

That's interesting.

I beg to differ.

I think it was a baguette.

I mean, I think theoretically a baguette could do that.

I suppose, in my estimation, it could.

Maybe there's just a lack of, it's, as with everything, a lack of funding for the research, I would say.

No, I don't think it's a.

I don't think there's any mechanism by which eating a baguette could make you gay for 20 minutes or whatever.

Whatever you say.

20 minutes a month, if you eat a baguette, you get to be gay.

Danielle.

That's not your fault.

And the email I sent you.

Yeah, the go-gurd in your ass saying that

it's not a medical.

We cannot sew your balls into your asshole and make it a fray.

I don't know what an intercooler is.

And no.

I just like the intellectual curiosity.

I'm asking questions.

I'm asking questions.

I'm trying to be a

provocateur.

I subscribe to National Geographic Magazine.

I am an intellectual, after all.

I voted for Bernie Sanders, and prior to that, I was

more of like an adult swim kind of guy.

Then after voting for Bernie Sanders, I realized I'm an intellectual, and I immediately subscribed to National Geographic Magazine and started asking questions, such as, whose fault is it that I'm a fucking loser?

Yeah.

Is it because I eat baguette that I think gay shit?

Yeah, because obviously I'm a genius of some sort.

Obviously, I'm a straight genius.

All of these, you know, esoteric concepts I can easily repeat.

So it's more like a salon, you and your friends.

Yeah.

You guys are just thinking of like, you bring different like

high flutin things to a meeting and then you present them to one of them.

Yeah.

I don't think that's.

Who do you have in the crew?

Just a couple of neurosurgeons and then some bitch named Danielle.

Really?

What's she like?

What's her?

She's hot.

She has big hot side up.

One of these days you motherfucker.

Oh, not yet.

Once I get the other doctors to convince her I'm not gay through science and I get her to trust the science.

Right.

Then it's fucking over for that

bitch.

Have any of the doctors fucked up?

Boom.

Put it all space.

She doesn't think I'm gay.

It's done for her.

She's got nothing.

No chance.

That's the only thing keeping me at bay is you thinking I'm gay.

That little blockade is lifted.

Yeah.

Yep.

That's the final domino to fall.

That's my movie dinner party hitting

it will be on Peacock.

Be on Peacock 2, my streaming platform.

My leftist streaming platform, peacock.tv.

Oh, fuck, dude.

Damn, I love being a part of leftist media, dude.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, yeah.

We're doing such important work.

We get a lot of respect for it.

That's the most important thing.

So, speaking of, I have a capitalism could suck my little-ass dick t-shirt to show everyone.

I was going to do a shirt, and it's got Karl Marx.

Just obviously.bitch slash.

It's got like makeup, like Meet Me Bobeck makeup.

Yeah, like a.

And it says Karl Marx was

fag.

And then in parentheses, and that's a good thing.

Which is good, by the way.

That's a good thing.

Just for me, and then wear it around.

I want to do a whole shirt

of trains, the train series.

Shirts you wear one time on the train and see how people react to you.

Right.

Oh, I thought it was some other trains.

Because the masturbating hasn't come back yet.

Jack

on the train?

I'm sure he had.

I've said it before on the show, but the funniest thing I ever saw in the train station, I forget what platform I was on, but you know how they have like those blocks

that divide.

I walked to the end of the platform and I went behind a block,

and there was a guy just completely naked.

Hell yeah.

He was just

sort of like just standing there.

Just turn around and walk back.

It's fucking awesome.

No clothes at all.

Not dick out, pure, not wearing a stitch of clothes.

Just completely naked, hidden at the end of the platform like a glitch

like just like the store the data model of what a person looks like greatest city in the world man yeah that's fucky that's fucking i watched the the louis throughcomentary on the

have you ever seen the sex offenders threw up when he saw your penis no but i watched the one on sex offenders this weekend how do you say his name adam louis through

okay keep going isn't that what they say what what he says i don't know i think it's what he says.

I'm just trying to respect him.

His cousin, Justin Thoreau,

says it the other way, I think.

Justin Thoreau.

Justin Thoreau.

Because he sucked my cock.

Anyway, but yeah,

all these sex offenders are on the registry, so they have to live in a hostel together.

In California.

In California, you saw that one?

Yeah, what is that one called?

Because it's not part.

Is that part of his American name?

It's like, yeah, it's no, his LA series.

He has like three of them.

That one's hilarious.

When he goes in that guy's room, the guy has like the pictures, of the young boys on the wall.

Oh, jeez.

And he's like, what is this?

And he's like, it's just art that I put up in my room.

And he's like, but you're a pedophile.

Jesus, fuck.

There's this

really picture of little kids.

He's like, don't you think this is.

Well, you're not allowed.

He's like, as a person that went to prison for molesting children, don't you think this is like...

Maybe you should pick like

a flower.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A skyline.

A city you love.

Well, the worst guy is the guy that runs the facility and like places them in housing.

His name's Adam Freeland.

No, that's not his name.

But at the very end of the episode, he finally feels comfortable to tell Louis what he did, and he raped his two sons because he found out his wife was cheating on him.

What?

To get back at the base of the world.

Damn, that's some sons of anarchy.

It's just insane.

Run through this world.

All alone.

That's a cold open.

I will say,

I will say.

She probably felt really bad about cheating.

Well, he's like, well, she thought I was cheating, and it turned out she was cheating on me.

So I needed to show

the power that, and I was on a lot of cocaine at the time.

And

in my mind,

it made sense

to

rape my sons.

How old are these kids?

To rape my two sons when they were 11 years old.

Like both of them.

Yeah, both of them.

But that's the thing.

You fuck one, and you're like, you don't sober up.

But the reason I brought it up was because there's.

That's like when you don't get your security deposit back and then you find out they're charging you on top of it.

Also, I will say that's good parenting, though.

You can't leave one out.

Yeah, you gotta.

One of them, you gotta leave him out.

It's like that Sinatra song, Love and Marriage.

Yeah, you can't have one without the other.

That's true.

But there was this

fat old man

who wasn't,

I'm not even fat, oh, whatever.

And he was like really sweet and nice, but he wasn't like a pedophile.

He was a public masturbator.

And he could not stop.

So he wore a cape.

No, no.

Yeah, he had a Phantom of the Opera style aesthetic.

He was a big public masturbator.

I'm going to start wearing a cape just to do

the Dracula move.

That'd be awesome.

And he says, and he's like, it's really sad because the guy's like mentally ill.

You know, he's like, I've been doing this since I was nine.

And he said, I see a woman, 40 to 45 years old.

It's the same type of woman every time.

And I just feel like I want her attention.

And I take my penis out and I start getting it hard.

And it's not hard all the time.

And I make it hard for her.

And a lot of the times we have conversations.

And

I get their attention.

And it feels nice to have their attention.

And it's like this guy clearly knows he's fucked up, you know, and that he's like has a problem.

But like later on in the documentary, they like come back and they visit him and he's like, How are you doing?

He's like, Actually, I'm

having a really tough time.

I

have repeatedly attempted to cut off my own penis,

which is so sad.

Oh man, it's really sad.

And he's like, have you considered chemical castration?

He's like, I take the drugs to lower my libido.

And I still have to do it.

It's like, I actually sold my penis to the bassist to rip my penis.

God, you're telling me there's nothing that can be done for that guy to stop jacking off in public?

It's really sad.

Did he go to fucking jack-off therapy?

He went to multiple therapies.

I mean, it's the same thing as like a woman that's like, oh, my, I just can't stop with this

low-cal cheesecake.

It is the same.

I just can't

have to have.

Yeah,

basically the same.

Damn, I hate comedy.

I hate doing this shit.

But the more I hate it, the funnier it gets.

To infinity.

To me.

And I'm gay.

And I'm gay.

Fuck.

Damn.

That's a fucked up documentary.

It's pretty good, actually.

I mean, all of his stuff is pretty good, but that one was pretty good in particular.

Yeah, and then the community, like, wants to drive them out, so they built the smallest park in Los Angeles County so that technically they would be within a certain distance of the park and then they'd have to find new housing.

Yeah.

Damn.

Yeah.

The smallest park in Los Angeles County.

Is it called Adam's Penis Park?

Yeah, it is actually.

Adam's Penis Memorial.

Because it's dead?

Because it's dead.

Your dick is fucking dead, bro.

Yeah, it's fine.

It's alright.

Shut my dick.

Fuck my fucking boozy.

Man, we're only going to see each other one more time, then it's going to be like...

Are you serious?

Yeah, on Friday, and then

we all go on our way.

I'm kind kind of sad.

You're right.

You're leaving.

You're already leaving, huh?

I'm going.

I'm going to go visit my dad.

Oh, right, right, right, right, right.

Well, we're going to see each other Friday.

We'll see each other Friday, man.

We better make it count.

We should fuck each other.

Is that what you're saying?

No, maybe Friday night.

We can go

to the meat packing district.

Get a table at One Oak, maybe.

Yeah.

Bottle service.

Start at the 40-40 Club.

40-40 Club.

Get those sparklers things that come with.

everybody's talking about the Dow Jones.

Yeah.

But how about the little Bow Wow Jones?

That's a great question.

Who Let the Dogs Out, folks?

Am I right?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's one of my favorite little Bow Wow songs.

Who Let the Dogs Out?

That was a great question.

That's a solid bit, dude.

That's a great bit.

I'll try that out at the show tonight.

And if you want, you can buy a t-shirt at come.town or subscribe to the Patreon at patreon.com/slash slash come town you get a bonus slash pussy every week and there's a backlog of three years of this this kind of bullshit

like do we fit it kind of dog shit fucking

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