Ep. 272 – Cum Town New Faces

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Your ring, your way.

I gotta listen to my own voice.

Yeah.

It's kind of nice.

It's not

bad.

It's not bad.

And we're live.

I don't know if there's enough.

I like it in the world.

We're going right now.

We're live.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

You don't like listening to your own voice?

Absolutely not.

I think you got a nice sounding voice, Steven.

You good?

All right.

All right.

All right.

Yeah.

How do you answer the phone?

Real quick.

I'll just tell it.

The other fellows are on vacation, so we're here with Dash's friends,

Stephen and Alex,

to talk about

maybe a different perspective on the Adam-Dasha breakup that we haven't heard on this show.

An outsider perspective.

Wait a minute.

We can talk about how we're going to get these two lovebirds back together for the final season.

For the final season of Brooklyn Podcast Week Empire.

Oh, man.

I guess that's it.

That's what nobody knew they didn't want.

Yeah.

you You gotta hold the mic right by your mouth.

Here's a trick.

You just drop it on your chin.

So, is this Adam's mic?

This is like I'm like sucking Adam's mic.

Yeah, you're sucking on it.

But yeah,

you can touch your nose to

the replacement Jew and I'm the replacement fat Greek guy.

Yeah, the replacement guy with like blood sugar issues.

That's the interplay.

You're the replacement sickle cell

host.

Stav is in Greece, I think.

Which is

where's Adam?

He's in France?

I don't know.

Yeah, I think he went to Paris.

Having a romantic vacation.

After his, he already went on a romantic vacation.

Yeah,

he's always on trips.

He's very jet-set.

And he loves it.

I'm not happy for him.

I'm happy for him.

I'm happy for him, too.

I'm also disgusted.

If I'm being quite honest.

Because they're so in love?

No, just going on vacation all the time.

You know, not taking care of chores.

I mean, I haven't seen you in weeks because of

partially because of chores.

I think the last time I talked to you about actually trying to get you to come out, you were doing chores.

Yeah.

No, I love doing chores.

What you have to do to hang out with Nick these days is be awake at like 6 a.m.

and like willing to.

Yeah, no, I got back on my regular schedule of like walking to the city.

Yeah, 6 a.m.

to 10 p.m.

Walking to the city, hitting people up on a whim.

I hate making plans.

I do too.

No, no, it's very, very bad, actually.

Yeah.

I think that there's been, I've blown off several people in the last week just because we had planned to get together before.

Right.

And then gone out and done, like today, for example, doing something.

And I had plans to do something else, but this was spontaneous.

And it was like, this is easy.

I want to do this now.

Yeah.

Then to like anticipate seeing somebody.

That gets me in trouble with women all the time because they'll they'll be like,

well, what are you doing next weekend?

That's a horrible.

Don't ask me that question.

What did I say about fucking asking me things ever about anything?

God damn it.

That's a horrible way to start.

That's a horrible way to start.

It's like you're trying to cause fucking problems in this relationship.

It's you being a bitch just like your fucking mom, and that's why your dad had to cheat.

That's why your dad had to fucking cheat on your mom.

mom just getting more more specific

with my mom why did i tell him yeah why did i tell you anything and i knew i everybody said i should not be in a sexual relationship with my half sister

and i listened to you i said you know what maybe she's right maybe this fucking mongoloid is right that we can make it work so i saw it old last night

i haven't i haven't seen it yet wait you went to see it i did i haven't because i've been waiting to see it with Sean, but I haven't.

I went with Will Manneker.

Do you guys know Will?

I've met Will, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Will was Will's birthday, so I went with

him and his bitch.

His cat.

Shout out to

Will and his bitch.

No, I had a good time with that.

Was it cool?

The rocks make them all.

The movie's terrible.

It's really fucking bad.

Fuck.

Because it's like, I guess you watch his movies and throughout his career, he's just left off one more piece of the thing that initially made him good.

And now it's like

the plot is not only lazy, it doesn't make any fucking sense.

It's stupid.

It's a bad idea.

It's roundly terrible in every regard.

He sounds like every Shamalong.

How do you say his name?

Shyamalong?

Now that we're out of Afghanistan,

I don't need to know how to say his name.

We're fucking out.

I don't know his people's shit.

Some of that shit.

I like the happening.

Is that what it's called?

Mark Wahlberg, yeah, the bush one and shit.

The visit.

The visit's the real winner.

That's a good one.

He's fun.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I also don't.

Oh, but you know what?

I said that, and it's like with

the fucking

McElroy

Split.

Split, yeah.

That one, that's a fun one.

Yeah, I fuck with those movies.

Yeah, yeah.

And then Glass.

Glass.

Bruce Willis.

Yeah.

We're going to list them all.

That's my fucking guy.

So maybe it's just this one that's particularly sad.

And then The Village was kind of sick.

And then fucking with Lady in the Waters, cool.

I saw that in theaters, and I remember people laughing at just the opening credits.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, his movies are funny.

At the beginning of the happening, a bunch of people fall from, start killing themselves and shit.

That shit's fucking sick.

Never saw it.

You should watch it.

Mark Wahlberg's fucking hilarious in that movie.

He's like a horrible actor.

And like he plays a science teacher, and you know, when he opens his mouth.

What's his new one in

about science?

He's Forrest Gump.

Oh, shit.

Or he walks across the country.

I think he's got a new one coming up.

Oh, no, you're right.

You're right.

You're right.

I don't know.

Forrest Gump 2.

Forrest Gump.

There was supposed to be a Forrest Gump 2, actually.

Yeah.

That was all motion.

We've covered it on the show, so I feel bad for...

Oh, really?

Well, I I don't feel bad, but Alex and I haven't heard it.

Yeah, yeah.

This is why I brought you guys on.

For the record, yeah.

I don't know.

You can play the greatest hits today.

You can play the greatest hits.

No, we don't listen to this shit, Show.

You don't listen to this bullshit.

We're here because this is my friend and not because I'm a fucking fan.

Anyone who's listening to this, I know a selection of boys, of children, who listen to this shit.

Somebody's like, hey,

31 years old, pal.

I'm not a fucking boy.

That's weird.

I have a key holder position that fucking hand stop.

You recently had to start becoming a fan to even just hear his voice.

Well, because, yeah,

he wouldn't hang out with us.

I didn't mean to call you out.

No, no, no, no, no.

That's okay.

I had to go to crowd.

Next a binge.

Need to binge and wouldn't hang out with us.

Well, I had to go.

I didn't tell anybody, but I had to go get the fucking sine of ac I don't trust the

buyers or something.

I think that's very interesting about you.

You just dropped it.

Your vaccination is

not the Chinese deal.

Yeah, I wonder if you're interested in the intention

intrigue is very I think that it's extremely interesting.

That's a big bomb

on this episode.

Chet Hanks is

anti-COVID vaccine.

Great video.

Yeah.

He should have done, as I said earlier, he should have done that in the Jamaican voice.

Yeah.

I never really paid attention.

That seemed like another annoying

thing that...

And in Blackface.

I didn't I never paid attention to the Chet Hanks well there's not much to pay attention to Chet Hayes wasn't a Chet Hayes I think that's his rapper name oh okay but I mean there's not much to pay attention does he rap yeah yeah

there's not much to pay attention

I honestly thought he was just a wigger and people were calling him a rapper because they assumed that he rapped which is you could probably do that you could probably just get away with yeah I'm a fucking I'm a rapper

I'm Tom Hanks's son and I'm a rapper and just never produce any music and the media wouldn't check they would just keep referring to him as rapper Chet Hanks without producing a single song ever.

She'd be like, yeah, no, I mean, it's a part of my rap culture that I talk like this.

I mean, I know a few white rappers who don't release any music.

Yeah.

That's like some of my closest friends in this city.

Yeah.

Which is an embarrassing nickname.

Well, it is.

I mean, I feel like

I guess, yeah, it has to exist.

Because the worst, the worst, the most egregious of that is people that are like writers.

Right.

People that identify as writers.

What would have you written

for even yourself?

This is a new thing.

They're like nothing.

They're like absolutely nothing.

I've never written anything, actually.

It's just what I want to do.

Which more things should be like.

I guess I do that with like science.

I guess I'm like a scientist.

I can stay in your life.

You're never on your roof with a kite and a key tying to you.

Never.

I'm just going to China to take the sin of farm factory.

Where did you get it?

What's that?

Where'd you get your vaccine?

I went to China.

No.

Yeah.

No, you didn't.

When's the last time you saw him?

Shut up.

No, yeah, I got a flight.

You can't.

It's like, you know, the State Department frowns upon you.

Okay, actually, if you're going to fully convince me that you went to China right now, don't fucking bullshit me.

No, yeah, I did.

I went to China to get the Chinese vaccine.

Kiss my ass.

What?

I don't believe it.

It's better.

I don't believe.

It's your thing.

Look.

I don't believe they made the virus.

They leaked the virus.

Both of you motherfucking vacuum.

They

that's why steven asked when's the last time you saw him

yeah for everything is made in fucking china now

why would i trust an american vaccine

you didn't go to china i went to china

you're like it's it's like in uh

in man on the moon you're telling me you gotta go when's the last time when's the last time i saw you i need to actually

I don't know.

Probably not that long ago.

Only like two weeks.

Because I stopped hanging out when I was like, I got to not be on drugs constantly.

I don't know why you're saying that.

I've never done drugs before.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I was.

I was going to.

Do you associate that with us?

And I was like, what's up?

I'm fucked up.

I would come and hang out.

I'm like, I'm fucking.

It's crazy how we hit it.

I'm trapped.

It's crazy how we'd be hanging out so over and you just show up fucked up.

Fucked up, gay.

You kick through the door like that.

I'm on poppers and ketamine.

Yeah, yeah.

I just got done listening to Red Scare and now I'm ready to do more drugs and get and lecture people on vaccines while not taking my PrEP pills.

That was wise.

You see, there was in Provincetown during Bear Week, there's a bunch of people that are vaccinated.

Go back a second.

What's Bear Week?

Bear Week is like

for the folks that don't know what it is.

What's Bear Week?

None of the folks.

All of these fools know what Bear Week.

Some people haven't been to Provincetown.

Well, they went, so there was, in Pete Town, they had Bear Week, Week, and then like something like 74% of the people there got COVID or something, and they were all vaccinated, or 74%, I don't know what the fuck it is.

But people are like, oh,

and then there's like this media panic that defend the vaccines, you know, so like, oh, well, they're still effective.

They're not serious cases, but because it's like...

You know, it's just like all liberal media, they can't be like, yeah, it's because they're fucking fat and they're all HIV positive.

Of course they got breakthrough cases.

These people's bodies are held together with fucking White Castle burgers and treadmills.

This is

not the best transition for me, but I'm shocked that I didn't get COVID badly.

I had a very unhappy year, and

I should have died.

Well, they're saying the Delta variant now is what's getting, it's getting us now, our cohort, to like 30s to 40s.

That's who's dying.

And I don't know if it's because it changed or they just already killed all the old people.

I think maybe it's changed.

Maybe it's getting stronger.

We should go into quarantine again.

It's going to happen.

We should go into lockdown again.

See, this quarantine's actually great if you're one of these fucking fan.

If you're like a stop-start drug addict, it's fucking

six months.

You're like, I'm getting in shape.

I'm taking care of myself.

Are you kidding me?

And then you get out of quarantine.

It's the best shit.

I'm doing drugs all day, every day.

Actually, though, quarantine was like, I'm not even kidding with you.

My life has not been better.

Yeah.

Like, that was the best year of my life.

Yeah, initially, I was worried about all that because it's like, okay, well, this is going to fuck over people that lose their jobs, but

you just keep printing money.

You fucking figure shit.

Some shit out.

The government can continue to print money forever.

And what people don't understand too, it's like, this is going to sound very fucking

finders of it.

But it's like, you know,

like the shitty thing about being poor, it's that not having money doesn't kill you.

You know?

So it's like, you're going to fucking you're going to fucking figure this shit out.

I mean, like, this is also the first year I've ever had money in my life, some money in my life, you know.

I'm just like, oh, damn, wow, I really thought this was gonna solve my problems.

You know, what actually solved my problems was the world stopping, having unlimited alone time without anybody fucking riding my ass, and then just like hanging out with people that I like exclusively and not doing anything else.

It's fantastic.

Yeah, I mean, I've what's up?

No, nothing.

Go ahead.

No, you had something

to say.

A friend of mine once told me that

if you spend money on luxuries,

you will change your lifestyle to fit that, your budget, right?

And I just did that with drugs.

And

I bought so many, and the budget never went.

I always had more money.

Yeah.

I don't know how that happened.

I don't know how that happens either.

Patreon is how it happens.

It's patreon.com.

You can sign up.

No, they just kept printing money this year.

Did you get PPP?

They had saved my life.

Honestly,

what did?

PvP.

PP, PP.

I got to get a beer.

Well, just like

Season Mulians quit the show.

14 minutes.

We pissed him off.

All the mockery of Adam for not doing his job.

You can't last 15 minutes

in Mr.

Friedland's shoes.

What do we have in coffee?

In Mr.

Friedland's shoes.

I'm going to come back hot.

Do you think Adam's shitting himself in Paris?

It'd be funny if that happened there.

I think it would go a little something

like this.

And then I have a video I put together.

I play the video of.

Did it stink him here?

No.

That's the thing about Adam is he lacks.

He's not even masculine enough to have his shit smell bad.

It literally was imperceptible.

He just shit himself and his pants were all brown.

That's so fucking gross.

And he was like, I'm sorry.

That's very good.

That's very good.

Wow.

Wow, that sounds.

Oh, you're having two beers.

I think one's for me.

I would love to have a beer.

I just brought one for you, Nick.

We can turn this into

just like a lapse.

Yeah, you can

see that.

Free lapse ever so free.

Yeah, you got the vaccine and he starts drinking again.

Well, this will be, be, it's already kind of a diagnosis of murder.

I was going to say, I was going to make some joke where the show deteriorates in quality, but after four years,

it's really not.

At this point, how this usually goes, where are we at?

16 minutes?

I usually sort of zone out

and then Stav will talk about a thing he does while fingering or...

you know, a type of fingering or something.

He talks about his sex a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Does he

find it to be disgusting?

To be honest with you, I find it to be degenerate.

He doesn't have a girlfriend?

No, I think he's just

enjoying

the lifestyle.

Bachelor.

Yeah, bachelor lifestyle.

Bachelor lifestyle.

Oh, shit.

He said he was going to...

When I met him, he said he was going to Salt Lake.

Yeah,

he's on tour after he gets back from Greece.

They should do a Bachelor with Stop.

That'd be funny.

I wanted to be a black bachelor.

Did they have one already?

Yeah, but I feel like I could do it better.

Just because my relationship with my father is fucked up.

They need to have a Thai lady boy bachelor.

There's a bunch of women competing for

somebody who looks straight out of a nail salon.

But they got a fucking just hog.

They're in like a little pencil skirt.

Well, I mean, yeah, actually.

Like a football.

a

pretend like a nerf ball hanging.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Thank you all for coming to the.

You will each get a rose, and one of you will not get a rose.

We're going to go around the room, and you're going to say what you rub about TT.

I think that TT is smart and she's

so capable.

And

TT's just smiling, the fucking dicks just bleach.

This fucking 27-inch dick just like, girl, just pulling the pencil skirt down, trying to hide it.

That right there, that right there.

That right there is what I listened to one episode of this fucking show because I hadn't seen dick in fucking three weeks.

And I thought about him doing a fucking impression.

And I like dropped my keys, like trying to get into my apartment.

I was like, fuck, where is that fucking piece of shit?

Yeah, I was in China.

Fuck you.

Getting the vaccine with my soul brothers.

That's right.

Me and my Chinese friends.

I'll get the shot.

You listen to that Jackie Chan album.

Yeah, that album's sick.

We played like the whole thing on the show.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Outside of us driving.

That was a good day when we drove the channel.

That was a nice clay.

Driving around Chinatown.

Is this interesting for people to listen to?

No, I don't give a fuck.

I guess.

How this works is we cruise right through.

You don't respect the viewer?

Hey, I respect him as much as anybody else.

What I hate is having any kind of fucking job or obligation whatsoever.

And I, that, this is like, I don't want to hear anything more about you should be grateful

because I'm not going to, and you can take it away from me, and I won't care.

I will continue to be as lazy at every single station in life, no matter what.

And I will never be grateful.

You guys do have the worst fucking fans.

I don't know who I'm going to piss off by saying this right now.

But it's like, we'll be somewhere.

And somebody starts sucking Adam's dick.

And don't get me wrong, I love Adam.

He's been a great friend to me.

I love Adam.

But just like fandom is really embarrassing.

Yeah.

Especially being an Adam fan.

You know?

Imagine like

just in your room putting up like a poster of Adam Friedland above your bed and being like, yeah, I really like Adam.

He shit himself this week.

That was his big bid, is accidentally shitting himself.

I did that.

Yeah.

I'm going to shit myself now.

Like, actually, though,

you know that some of these moments.

This story you told, sorry, but I don't know

about him going to the New York Comedy Club.

Shit.

He probably does.

I mean, to a certain extent,

it's the a joke to kind of shit on Adam, but I do it when he's here.

No, no, no.

I do it when he's here.

Yeah, yeah.

Also, it's like...

I don't shit on Adam.

I love Adam.

I know.

I love Adam, too.

But Adam is very...

He's a new one.

He's easy to shit on.

But also, literally, no, like this past.

That's about him going to go to the store.

That story was just objectively funny.

I don't think so.

Weren't you there?

It was objectively funny, I had to tell you.

No, no, no, no, no.

We were at the bar and downstairs, there's like a comedy.

What do you call it?

What?

A comedy club.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm not into comedy.

Have you ever been there before?

I've never been down there.

You're a comedy club?

Yeah.

And

it was like midnight on a Saturday night, and we're hanging out, and Anne was kind of guilty to me because I've never seen him do comedy.

And I was like, I don't know who posed it, but he's like, I could go down there and do a set.

And I was like, you should.

I will watch it tonight if you bump somebody and

go up on stage and do comedy.

And he's like, all right, yeah, I'll do it.

So he goes downstairs, and he's gone for like 45 minutes, like trying to talk the host into

bumping somebody else.

Oh my god.

And he's gone for so long.

Keep in mind, Adam does not work New York comedy.

Oh my god.

He's not like a regular comic.

He's trying to act like Jerry Seinfeld or something.

No.

So go with that.

Didn't happen.

And then he's like, I guess arguing with them, being like at the show.

No, no, no, no, no.

He said they knew they knew about him.

Oh, he said they knew about him?

That's what he said.

He was the only witness.

Yeah, they knew who he was, and then they said, no, you can't bump anybody.

Holy shit.

How long ago did this happen?

It was like a week ago.

No, two weeks.

I don't know.

I was going to say, I was going to say, like, last week.

Everything feels like a week.

He really showed.

Yeah, he really shut up.

He's a very, I mean, you do.

He's

very sweet, dude, sweetheart, angel.

But it is so funny when somebody.

I mean, I guess this happens a lot when it's like your most like reliable,

like just like trusting friends are just like fucking corny shit.

You're saying that about Adam right now.

For so corny.

He knows how I feel.

I've not.

I don't think that Adam.

I've never.

I love you, Adam.

You're not going to listen.

He's not going to listen to this shit.

Oh, he will.

Fuck you.

He will.

He's going to find out that you guys are on and he's going to listen.

Like, fucking.

He's going to be in his bunker listening.

On vacation.

I love you, Adam.

It's all love.

That's all.

I don't fucking give a shit.

I love everybody.

Except for Cometown Cometown Famous.

You guys do be making fools of yourselves.

That's embarrassing.

Well,

yeah.

Speaking of making a fool out of yourself, old, the new M Night Shadow.

Yeah,

we didn't finish that.

Real piece of shit.

I saw that Annette movie.

Annette?

Do you know what that is?

I didn't know what it was until I went.

Was it like Death Nay and that?

I went with Nash.

It's the Leo's Cracks movie.

It's the new

Cracks movie, which is funny too, too, because it's going to be...

It's much like when Claire Denis made that fucking A24 movie.

I was trying to see it, but all the screens were sold out because everybody loves Adam Driver.

We've got this, it's a musical with music from Sparks, and there's this weird, like, people think Sparks are still good.

They haven't done anything like that.

It's worthwhile.

Tell us about Annette for

60 seconds.

Hopefully 40 minutes.

That would be great.

Talk us through the plot.

Yeah.

Let's hear about Annette.

Explain it to me, and then I'll misunderstand it to comedic effect.

You got to understand something.

When I watch a movie, I'm zoning out for most of it.

Yeah.

So if you ever bring up a movie to me, I've seen it.

Is that so?

Yeah, I don't remember any of these things.

And that goes along.

Do you remember liking it?

No, I was bored, but yeah, it came around.

Is it pretty at least?

No.

Really?

I don't know who shoots his movies now.

Let's go back to old.

How about you like that one?

Huh?

Did you like that one?

Yeah, he did.

Yeah, you did.

A twenty-four, what's that stand for?

It's just a bunch, it's just a fucking letter and a fucking couple of numbers.

Yes, what the hell is that?

They should call it fucking gay twenty-four, yeah.

Gay twenty-four.

Because it doesn't make any sense.

It's wrong.

It's bad.

Cometown fans probably also huge A24 fans.

Well, maybe.

A24 makes like everything now.

Yeah, like half of all movies.

Because they killed Harvey Wine.

Yeah, Steve.

Minari, I think, was the last thing I saw.

I don't know.

That was an A24 movie.

I don't know.

I've lost track.

I haven't fucking been keeping up.

Minari, I saw right when the quarantine ended.

I didn't like it.

What's this?

Green Knight?

Is that an A24?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

What's Green Knight?

It's an A24 movie.

With the dude from

Slum Dog Millionaire.

I love branding these things.

M-Night Shalegan.

M-Night Lash.

M-Night Shamlagan.

Yeah.

I would love if they did that on Access Hollywood.

They're like, old, the latest

from M-Night Shallow.

Anyways.

How do you say MNA?

It's about

an island with an experimental beach that makes people old.

Who's hosting Access Hollywood?

I don't know.

I'm thinking of Sandy Kenyon, the guy that reviews movies in the cabs.

That guy.

I just came back from the movies, and my dick is hard.

You know that guy, right?

I have no idea what we're talking about.

You're in the cab.

The video comes on.

It's Sandy Kenyon, and he's seen whatever the latest movie is.

And he just tells you one or two things about it.

It's like like when I talk about movies.

I can't believe that people pay this motherfucker to do that.

Anyways, so this is Midnight Shopping.

I can't think of one thing that's just as ridiculous.

Yeah, yeah.

Can you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

No, the movie kind of fucks you up because

you should spoil the ending right now because people say you can't do it.

There's literally no way to spoil it.

That should start happening more.

But with his movie specifically, everyone gets like up and they get up and down.

There's no spail.

That's the thing, is you can't spoil it.

This is how shitty the movie is, is that it's like you know exactly what it is the entire time.

They get old, they're on a mysterious vacation to an island, and the beach makes them old, and there's someone like that.

Yeah, that's in the trailer, but is there like something at the end of the day?

The fucking police find out that they're like killing people on the beach.

I guess the thing is that they're doing it the age, they give them experimental medicine, and then they see if the medicine works because time moves faster.

I think it's so sad when people care about spoilers.

Like that they actually care.

It's also funny to think about.

It's also funny to just like think that these people wrote this movie and you're watching a trailer like this ridiculous and you think you're watching the trailer and you're thinking to yourself, wow, there's probably a really tightly sealed, concise ending to this piece of shit.

This should be a movie.

It's called Cold, and it's a beach, but it makes your pussy cold.

And so these guys are going there and they're fucking their wife and they're like, something's wrong.

And then it's a bunch of actors on the beach being like, my wife's pussy was cold also.

My wife's pussy was frigid.

There's got to be something in the rocks that's making their pussy cold.

And then they have frost-bitten days.

What's that?

Why is there a camera on top of the hill?

Do you think, are they watching us with that camera?

Is there cameras in old?

Yeah, there's a camera on the, they're like watching them, and it's for an experiment.

That sounds so bad.

It's fucking people mad when they're looking at it.

It's like Lost.

I didn't watch Lost.

No, I mean, I didn't watch it either, but it's like, that's the an island where weird stuff happens.

But then it's like, oh, everything is like escape room.

You ever seen that Blue Lagoon?

Uh-uh.

With like Brooks Shields?

Isn't that what that is?

Oh, shit.

With the young ass.

Is that what it is, right?

Like Hot Young Brookshields.

I don't even know that I should say that.

I think she's underage in that movie.

A movie called Mold.

Where it makes your pussy have mold.

And then the Chinese guy's like, yeah, there's mold in my wife's wife's pussy, also.

The Chinese guy?

Yeah, he's one of the characters in the movie.

Yeah.

They go to the beach.

There's a, it's like a European couple.

And they got two kids.

That's what this would kind of fucked me up.

And I might get in trouble for saying this.

Really?

Yeah, so there's kids in the movie, and they age rather quickly.

So there's a scene where their 10-year-old daughter, they look up

and she's just dummy thick.

The dog.

She's like hot.

But the actress is 21, but she's supposed to be 10.

So you're watching the movie and they have a bunch of people.

She's acting like a little kid.

Well, she's got this ill-fitting bathing suit on.

And you're like, I'm supposed to not just jack off in the middle of a fucking movie if you're like.

You expect me

to not

be off.

You expect me to not Google this actress's age.

I'm not supposed to find that.

He dies into like young people.

Young people.

But the dude wraps his head around.

The dude's

older to hear the screen.

He fumbles his phone out of his pocket in the theater, starts Googling to make sure that she's of age during production.

I was wondering, maybe, Stephen, you can edit this for me.

Yeah.

The scene from Cape Fear where the family's in the movie theater and Max Katie is laughing.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

But just then you edit into that the movie they're watching is the scene in I Am Sam where Sean Penn's trying to make the drinks at Starbucks.

I actually haven't seen I Am Sam.

Oh, really?

You have to watch it.

I was watching the Vinny Call.

Everybody who doesn't know Steven looks like

Steven looks like Sean Penn.

Like Sean Penn.

Getty Lee kind of Sean Penn.

But real quick, we should mention that you want to go to getsuperleaf.com slash Cometown

and use promo code Cometown and Speciosa is pronounced speciosa.

And Kratom is pronounced Kray Tom.

That's what I do.

Do you have any of that on you?

I do.

They have to tell me how to pronounce things in the ad copy because I don't know how to read.

I'll do some of that on air if it helps your bottom line.

Oh, it does, certainly.

So

the scenario is the riff.

Oh,

give Stephen some Kratom.

Yeah, give me some.

I will.

I got to find it.

Yeah, we'll work that out in a minute.

You can finish your.

Yeah.

Kratom gives your whole body energy, but for some people, it's like coffee for your cock or your vagina.

We're going to do this live on air, folks.

Yeah.

It doesn't say that.

If you're tired, it does say that.

Really?

Literally,

says

often you forget your cock or your

what the fuck?

They send me this stuff, and

they're like, Don't read the copy, but you know, like, this is what we want you to say, or whatever.

It says cock and vagina.

I know, because I was doing a bad job just talking about my experience because it made it sound too depressing.

Oh, man.

I was like, Kratom is good.

That's insulting.

If you're alone, if you want to kill yourself,

you fucking

bunch of kratom.

So they say

you watch all of DeGrassy, The Next Generation, by yourself and then.

Then they sent you newcomers.

Who are they kidding?

That's exactly their fucking audience.

It's good for pain relief.

That's true.

It's like putting a Percocet in the coffee, which I don't know, again, I don't know if you're allowed to say that.

The withdrawal is great.

I'm going to love the withdrawal, folks.

Medically, it's not, but that's the kind of feeling.

It's like a little

like a baby speedball.

Like a speedball you'd give to your newborn.

Do it every day for a couple weeks just to stop.

You don't know what's in these fucking vaccines when you're taking those.

So you might as well take Kratom.

I can't promise it'll stop that.

I flew to China.

I flew to China to get the Sinovac, the Sinoform vaccine.

I told you.

I did.

I flew on Chinese airline.

The planes all crashing into each other in the skies.

Yeah, okay.

I fly.

You go.

You fly and fall.

No, I go.

It's a Chinese airline.

The only airline where the planes have fucking horns.

If you're jerking off and developing a wrist injury, then you need a little extra push to get to Come Town.

Super Speciosis, Kratom.

Yeah, yeah.

Ha ha.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, now I go.

You go, now then, my turn.

Come easy and hard with Kratom.

Kratom is the secret supplement that influencers don't want you to know about where they're ordering it for them, hoarding it for themselves.

It's a great pre-workout supplement.

I'll co-sign on that.

That is nice.

Do a little kratom and lift weights.

You've done that?

Yeah, because it's like

my fucking joints hurt constantly.

It's good for pain relief.

Yeah.

Can I come here and work out?

Yeah, if you want.

Fuck it.

I like it in here.

This is like the first time we've ever bothered coming over and paying Nick a visit.

That's because if, here's the thing, if when a bitch comes over here,

I make them put a

paper towel down.

I make them put a paper towel down.

That way

their pheromones

don't get on my shit.

Gesturing on the couch with your hands.

Next to his cat with no name.

It's great.

When a bitch

inviting somebody to come sit down,

I don't let her get her

pheromones on my shit.

So that doesn't ruin

the vibe in here.

The feng shui.

Kratom comes in.

I have a question with the feng shui in here.

Yeah.

The plants you got here.

Eucalyptus.

Eucalyptus.

When did you add those?

Like, you went to a store.

Yeah.

I've had them.

You bought them.

Yeah.

And then you put them in there.

You make it sound like you live in a fucking dungeon.

When you get eucalyptus and glass pots in the city.

It's very nice in here.

It is nice.

It's very nice.

It's a nice dungeon.

For guys.

It's a nice place for guys.

It's very nice in there.

That's why women are very cozy in it.

Women come by.

It's cool.

They got to be in the kennel.

I got a special kennel.

And then you describe also sleeping on the couch, too.

And this couch is very good.

It's actually kind of shitty to sleep on.

Really?

But I'll tell you what, what makes it better is doing Kratom all night.

Re-watching Thief.

Super Special Jones is Kratom.

I ate a bunch of this Kratom.

Nobody's doubting what you're about to say.

I ate a bunch of this Kratom, and I watched fucking the Assassin.

A couple man movies.

Well, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Faggart Robert Ford

probably three or four times, which I might watch that again this week.

That might be.

I've never seen it.

I saw it when it came out and it did nothing for me.

And then re-watching it again this year, it's like,

it might be worse.

No, no.

The assassination of Jesse James.

Fuck that movie.

You know, overrated fucking movie.

I think it's underrated.

You don't like it?

I don't know.

When was the last ever I saw it?

I've seen it several times.

Yeah.

And it's like, it's one of those things where people like, it's one of those movies where everyone's like, you gotta, you gotta watch it.

It's a massive movie.

Do people say that?

So many people.

There's like, there's like literally a sect of people who are like so deeply like ride for that movie.

But this might be like a fucking camera guy bullshit thing because it's I don't care about the fucking cinematography.

I don't

like all aspects of it.

It's just it's one of those movies that I'm just like, I don't fucking give a shit.

Yeah.

I don't give a shit.

Every batch of Super Speciosa has a QR code to scan and view the exact lab certificates.

That's pretty cool.

Imagine if you could do that with people.

With people?

You hold your camera up and it's like 96%, you know, only a matter of

28%.

Only a matter of

time.

Yeah, you would have a field day with that.

Yeah.

I would love that, dude.

Yeah.

To have like a robotic.

Then we can switch to my vision.

It's like scanning.

Yeah,

75%.

He does the Zoom thing.

28%

Southeast Asia.

Isn't that what fucking dating apps do, though?

Yeah.

Terminator, but he's racist this time.

They build a race of machines to go back in time.

And kill all the Jews.

And then there's like some guys are like, one guy's like, maybe we should just vaporize

robots.

He still checks all their robots.

They're Jewish or not.

Their robots are from the future.

Maybe they're onto something.

Maybe we'll let this isn't Nazis.

It's a cleanup.

It's robots from the future.

Maybe Maybe they have a better idea.

If you're not completely satisfied, Super Speciosa will give you your money back.

So you go to Super Leaf.

They want you to come again with unlimited use of their 20% off promo code, promo code ComeTown.

Go to get superleaf.com slash come town for 20% off your entire order.

So you can just buy it

and then just get a refund?

Yeah, basically.

That's how almost anything works.

I used to do that a lot as a teenager.

I would just fucking complain that customer service department gets free.

I mean that's like that that's like the whole hustle of being broke

yeah you can do that with Amazon you can do it you can do it I did that this I did that last week everybody's doing it

everyone's just but I don't even shop at Amazon used to be able to

support ConAgra and get like free I remember like distinctly not working one time when I was a teenager because I tried to call like Utz I think and I guess they're at the time I don't know if it's different now but they're like corporate headquarters there's only like six people working there and I was like yeah I like cut my hand trying to get what i want a barrel of pretzels that's what i'm thinking yeah

i have like a bag of i have a bag of utz chips because i was like i was like oh you cut your hand

i cut my hand opening the pretzel barrel and this is pretty i'm bleeding pretty bad here and they were like

okay and i was like well is there like a customer service department they're like i

or a customer relations department they're like uh hold on and then i got transferred to somebody else and they were like yeah this is pam

I'm like, Well, yeah, I cut my hand opening the pretzels, and she was like,

So, so what the fuck am I saying?

I'm like, Can I have free pretzels?

You want more of more the thing that hurts you.

I'll be careful this time.

They were like, No,

oh no, and I was like,

Okay, because usually it works, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, how many

different companies did you have to do?

No, of course they

end up finally doing it to us.

Like, this guy, you're like,

I mean, in actuality, probably no more than like five, but yeah,

I never get it.

You if you call up, you call up like Orville Redenbacher or

tell him that the popcorn bag caught on fire in the microwave.

You get free microwave popcorn.

Okay, this is the kind of stuff.

This is how Elon Musk got the word.

If you want to be,

this is a ballers and dealmakers podcast.

I wonder how what percentage of the listeners of this show

believe where it's coming out of Nick Smash.

It is true.

You can.

That one I know for a fact.

Call up.

Call up.

It is true.

This is how Elon Musk got started.

That's true.

If you want

Amazon and say, I want to speak to Elon Musk.

And don't take no for an answer.

If they tell you that that's a different company,

you say, suck my dick, I'm going to fucking kill you.

And that is a real threat.

That is a real interstate.

You say, suck my dick, I'm going to go to one of your companies.

I call the FBI.

They fucking know me.

I work undercover.

Ever hear a 9-11?

That was my team.

That was my team.

The SEAL team.

SEAL Team 9-11.

Do you have any advice on trying to get

free

Wi-Fi or Bills?

They have free Wi-Fi in the city, don't they?

Okay, fine.

I've heard that.

But if you want to try to...

Any idea how to get free Wi-Fi?

Yes, they have that.

Yeah, I've heard about that.

They have free Wi-Fi in the city.

Leia and them have some kind of...

Yeah, I I can't remember the name of it.

He gets everything for free.

I guess I'd forgotten about that one, but like you know, Leia somehow is living.

I'm not a scam like your utility bill, like Con Edison.

I have no idea.

All right.

Just chilling.

I don't want to finish that on.

Leia's living a fake.

Leia Leia's like seems to be the type of person who has figured out how to just kind of get everything in her life for like

for like a pretty like with like like reasonable to little as like little amount of work as possible which I really admire Yeah, like Donald, a deal man.

Like Donald Trump.

There was supposed to be a criticism of him that people would be like, he's not a billionaire.

He's actually, he has no money at all.

And it's like, well, then he is a good deal.

If he's somehow the president and there's a million buildings with his name on it.

And he doesn't have any money.

Yeah.

Like, how do I do that?

That sounds like literally a

class hero.

Yeah, how do I become that guy?

I want it to be just as broke as

these poor people like him.

Even though he's $80 million dollars in debt yeah i'll just say i'll be i'll be 80 million dollars in debt no problem gaming the system if i get to live like donald trump cuomo's out very funny

very funny he does did you see that they had like a party in union square last night but it was all just like guys

it was all like like celebrating

i saw this today like staten island people they were doing like a anti-mat or vaccine mandate thing at city hall and they went there and interviewed people and it's all just tim dylan in a wig over and over again.

So it's just fucking like,

we had our firefighters who died in 9-11, and now you're saying that their families got to take a vaccine.

Get the fuck out of here.

What does that even mean?

I don't know.

It doesn't mean that.

A lady actually said that's a direct call for me.

She goes, she goes, and now they want, I got two words.

This lady says, she goes, I got two words for Builder Blasio.

Go screw yourself.

And it's like everything.

else.

She has to stop herself from saying, go fuck yourself to the news.

Go screw.

Also, that it's two words.

The only numbers that people from Staten Island know are 9-11.

There's only two numbers that can count.

Have you ever spent time on Staten Island?

Yeah.

I quite like it.

I used to go to Staten Island Yankees games.

Oh, nice.

It's really nice over there.

I'm like,

I'd probably be all crazy and fucked up and protective of it if I lived over there, too.

If you like Staten Island.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The hills are nice.

I like that stupid mall.

Weird cultural output from Santa.

Very weird.

Rutang clan, PK.

That's where it ends, right?

That's the list.

No, these are hanging out in Santa.

Hang out at

inconvenient jokesters.

What the fuck is the name?

Impractical jokes.

That's it.

Right.

I have

truthers.

I have like Alzheimer's now.

That's what I'm trying to get at.

That's how I feel.

I don't remember any of them.

Yeah, but it's beyond not remembering.

I'm like, what's that place called?

Sometimes you guys do.

You both do this thing.

It's called O'Daniels.

I'm thinking of McDonald's.

As a young person, I have no memory.

Sometimes you guys will look at me, and I'll be looking you guys in the eyes, and I'm like, are you still here?

Nothing's going on.

Are you still there?

I'm like, you guys are dead.

You guys are dying.

We're only like six years older than you.

Yeah, I think.

I'm a lot older than him.

And it'll happen fucking overnight.

If you continue down the path that I've shown you.

Oh, shit.

By the way, do you have any booze in the house?

You only have protein though.

No, it doesn't.

No, no booze in the house.

Just eggs and sweets.

I didn't know if you kept some for all the guests you have, even though you're doing it.

I thought about doing that.

I thought about getting a little bit more.

Like, have a nice little look.

You know what I was kind of like?

Like a little dirty?

Just throwing out this TV, getting an old console television, retrofitting it, and having just a console television.

That would be...

I fully support that idea.

And then in the cabinet, you build a bar.

I fully support that idea.

Like a TV, you can get drunk out of it.

I fully support that idea.

I'm not even fucking around.

If you do that shit, I will fucking be over here.

That's so funny.

That's so fucking fun.

Yeah.

I love that shit.

That does us no good right now.

It doesn't win with like a hose system that hangs from the ceiling with like sprite remix in it.

And it goes in every room.

And you can pull it down and just

get a little swing.

And

it's on one of those swivels so you can kind of pass it around.

Yeah.

Nobody at home sees what's going on right here.

There's There's really cute.

What, me petting the cat?

Yeah, the cat with no name.

It's like cuddling.

Very good cat.

Very good cat.

She loves you.

She loves you.

She's very good.

Well, she has no choice.

Nick, she loves you.

I'll kill her otherwise.

I'm the only one that knows how to work the food.

She's really sweet.

It's adorable what I'm seeing right now.

Yeah, it's really nice.

I've heard you talk about this cat in the past.

Wow.

Pig, the new.

That shit sucked.

Oh, did it?

It fucking sucked.

Damn.

I thought you were doing another vagina joke about old.

No, I wasn't going to see it.

I said, I don't know what Pig's about, but the obvious one

to go with Pig.

It's fucking Portland people.

What's the movie?

It's like fucking Portland.

Like Portland people.

It's just...

No, whatever fucking people in Portland are listening to this, like, fuck you.

It's just like fucking, it's like foodie shit.

I want to do a movie like Stillwater, but it's about like a conservative father that has to go undercover in Antifa to get his son's penis back.

It's like hardcore.

Wait, what happened to his penis?

But it's like, well, his son's like, I'm getting my penis cut off to show the cops who's boss.

I'm going to save George Floyd by getting my penis cut off.

And George C.

Scott's the dad.

It's hardcore.

Yeah.

He's like, yeah, I'm a fucking Antifa guy.

Antifa.

I'm Antifa.

Are you cutting dicks off around here?

Let me ask you something.

You know where they keep the dicks after they cut them off?

I'm looking for one.

Looks kind of like this.

It looks like this, but younger.

Imagine a younger version of this dick.

This is what I'm looking at.

This one off.

Have you seen it?

It was my daughter's penis.

I'm trying to get it back.

Daughter's penis.

This is the end of the movie.

I got your dick.

I'm taking you back to Wisconsin.

I don't want to go back to Wisconsin.

I'm staying here in Chaz.

Where I'm a General Issimo in the autonomous army of Portland.

Are they still doing that?

Chas.

I don't know.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's not happening anymore.

There's probably like

six angry dudes somewhere saying, we got to keep Chaz alive.

Yeah, that still was one of the funniest things to ever happen.

Of course.

They started, because I've said it before.

Well, remember, we've never.

Remember the week that fucking people started protesting last year?

Yeah, I remember when that happened.

They were fucking at Steve's, me, Steven, and Hunter.

Steven and I bonding over

breakup depression.

That's never happened to me.

Playing a game called Truth or Consequences.

That's never happened to me.

In his living room and crime.

Truth or consequence.

Never happened to me.

What is that?

It's like Truth or Dare, but it's like

you ask the question, either you tell the truth or there will be consequences.

That was not me.

And we're playing this game or whatever.

We're getting fucked up.

Obliterated crying.

Hunter's like looking at us like, what are you going?

That sounds like a really fun night.

Oh, it was fantastic.

It was fucking incredible.

Guys hanging out, crying.

Playing our own special, our own game that we made up.

We were playing our own card game that we made up.

And we're crying together.

And the average age at this hang is 41 years old.

We wake up the next morning.

We wake up the next morning.

We wake up the next morning to a series of texts of the fucking protests.

And I was like, damn, no.

Yeah.

I think when I truly dropped out of the city,

when I truly dropped out of society, it was when the pandemic started, and I was biking around, and I went through

the affluent area of Williamsburg, which is like by the water, where it's all just like Germans, like rich German children and like rich Spanish people, and they're all clapping at five o'clock for the essential workers.

And I was like, this fucking sucks.

Just like somebody was blasting New York, New York out their window.

God.

Yeah, really just nauseating.

Actually, yeah.

Oh, they have to clap before

the fuck.

The workers.

No, that was like...

It's all New York.

Now, when I say this, though, it's like, it's like, oh, like, I loved quarantine and all this shit.

It's like those aspects of it.

The protesting,

I fucking hated.

I hated every single person, every like NYU fucking kid I know, being like, oh, yeah, Black Lives Matter.

I'm like, you don't fucking give a shit.

Black Lives Matter.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's why you were bullying that black girl at the party the other day who like looked at you the wrong way or some shit.

How dare you?

Fucking and then the and then the like the like the clapping

yeah the five o'clock or what was it yeah five o'clock three a.m.

It wasn't happening in bedstead yeah no you but you could hear it for you could hear it yeah yeah there was one street that had going on there's no one and they did it for like another two years they did it for like another five years they're still doing it

I'm gonna move to Staten Island I'm gonna get up at 3 a.m.

to clap for the garbage man

that the real fucking hero

the only ones left

it's It's so funny how, like, culturally, that's so important.

Just being a garbage man.

Those are like prized jobs.

My drug dealer was a garbage man.

Really?

Oh, shit.

Was, and now he's a drug dealer.

He's no longer with us.

Oh, R.I.P.

Yeah, Billy.

Because the Department of Sanitation has their own cops, too.

Yeah.

And there's nothing you can.

Really?

Yeah.

Department of Sanitation cops.

And those guys mean business.

This is adorable.

The cat.

The cat still is.

She wants to be on the podcast.

Meow, meow, meow.

Meow, meow.

She'd be more interesting than me.

Say something.

The visuals.

Say something.

This is an example where radio doesn't really, you know.

Yeah.

I mean,

doesn't translate.

Actually.

Doesn't translate.

I mean, yeah, like what?

Like most radio shows now, they have like a video component, right?

Yeah, that's like Joe Rogan and stuff.

He's in a lot of trouble this week.

What'd he do?

saying the vaccines cause Down syndrome.

I might be misrepresenting what he said,

but the substance of it is there, is that if you get vaccinated, it'll cause Down syndrome and it'll...

In your office.

And not only should, and look, I'm all for freedom of speech, but Joe Rogan should be sodomized in prison for those things that he said, and he shouldn't be allowed to say them.

Canceling doesn't exist.

but I am lying about what Joe Rogan said,

drawing attention to it in the hopes that he'll lose his job.

But if that happens,

there's no one-to-one

relationship between what I did and what happened.

Oh, man.

Another show I've never listened to.

You know, I didn't, I dated a girl that would put it on all the time.

Because I don't listen to any podcast, but

it would just be on while we were going to sleep.

What you want to do is date a girl that you put it in, Nick.

Yeah.

That's true.

I've never done that.

They keep tricking me, these women.

They make me date.

At the Joe Rogan show on.

They tell me they're all waiting for marriage.

And then I come to find out that they fucked everyone that I know.

And every time they get me with that trick.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

I hate when you're seeing a girl and you find out that she's not a virgin.

It makes me want to kill kill them, honestly.

Yeah, that's the worst shit in the world.

It makes me want to take

a little ball peen hammer

and just while they're sleeping, just cave in the front of their skull.

After they tell you you play it cool.

Yeah.

And then they go to sleep.

Oh, yeah, I don't care about that at all.

I'm one of these new type of guys.

After you throw your doits, I'm more

of a damage.

I'm one of these Antifa guys, so I don't really care about that kind of stuff.

Hello, hardware store.

I'd like you to deliver a hammer to to my house, please.

I'm a general contractor.

Understood.

And

my name's

Richard.

Understood, Richard.

And I'm paying cash, untraceable cash

for the hammer that I need to do construction with.

In the middle of the night.

Yeah.

And that's how you get away with murder.

Uh-huh.

This seems like a good episode.

Huh?

This seems like a good episode.

You know, to be honest with you, this is about average.

This is about.

This is like just about how this show goes.

I can't believe.

I cannot believe this is how you guys make money.

Yeah.

This is fucking fucked up.

Why?

Just because I see.

Do you know how much I make it?

You know what?

Do you know how much money I make?

You know what, to be fair, to be fair?

It's not even like, it's not even.

Again, I'm not shitting on Adam.

I'm not not shitting on Adam 200 years ago you could just you would out oh like you would just have a fucking giant farm you had slaves that did everything

and you didn't have to do shit uh-huh except you know try to which is also crazy and cool it's cool and crazy

which is why I say it's like I see like I hang out with Adam we walk I see him more than you yeah and we're like we're walking around doing our thing and I'm like I'm like like bitching to him about some shit going on in my life, right?

And he's like, oh, like there'll be like a day out of the week where he's like, yeah, I can't meet up today.

I got to work.

He does he call it that?

He calls it working?

I don't.

Yeah, yes, yes.

And I'm just like, okay.

I'm just going to do my job.

And I think about this and I think about it.

And I went to go see you guys' show or whatever.

And I was like, oh, that was nice.

That was nice to see you guys do what you do or whatever.

Not you, because you were in fucking China, apparently.

Yeah, I was in China.

Uh-huh.

And

shout out to Chen Weihua, who set it all up.

And here

we're,

I'm like doing this right now, and it pisses me off.

And now I have to kick habits.

I got to be honest, like, doing the,

I'm terrible at this, and I haven't newfound respect for you guys.

I think it is actual work.

No, it's not work.

To be good at it, I think, is actual work.

To be good at it, yeah,

the thing that's nice about broadcasting is talking on microphones.

Really,

you can have like a fucking dog shit bad average.

We can do

a million bad episodes.

And then

every once in a while,

there's one that is at least an hour long.

And then that's where

the putting the proof something.

How long are we at right now?

Huh?

We're almost done.

Oh, wow.

We're almost done here.

Guys, if you really, to make it, if you're saying, what the fuck is this?

Where's Stavi?

Stavi?

Where's Stavi, baby?

Oh, you're talking to

the audience.

If they're saying, if they're, if they're,

you can go to Patreon.

They're like Twitch right now.

Slash.

They can pay for it.

They're making pay for it.

Spatreon.com.

Not only, it's $5 a month, there's a backlog of three years of this bullshit.

Oh, my God.

And you get an extra episode every weekend.

You can also go to come.town and buy a shirt

to have delivered to your mom's house.

Where do you ship those out of?

Do you have the stock?

The shop is in Albany.

So they print everything.

I used to do it myself, but

too many fans.

No, it was just, I mean, it was brutal.

I was like,

I would release something and I'd have to do like a limited order.

Yeah.

But I would order like 1,500 shirts.

And I mean, I guess it's good.

It's a stupid thing to complain about.

But I'd put them up for sale and they'd sell out immediately.

And then I would have

literally waking up at like 5 a.m.

and then printing out like

packing and shooting.

So that's the work until

when I did it.

That was the work of it all.

Yeah, and then it would be like bell to bell every day for like

two weeks straight, which is fine, you know, because you're making money.

And then it's not, if you own, if you don't have a boss, it doesn't really feel like work.

Sure.

Yeah.

It's just the most adorable thing to catch up.

I think whenever I'm breaking off from anything, I feel like I'm working.

I think right now my life is like cool because I think I like what I do genuinely.

Yeah, but uh

Yeah, well work is terrible.

Mm-hmm.

Work is terrible.

I mean

as much as I have been cheating on your fans that is sick that you can post a fucking t-shirt and what do you have against them?

Um nothing

I just think they're stupid.

I don't know anything against anybody.

You know, know, it's funny.

I say that, and I really, I have no idea.

I just assume.

There was only one guy that we ever really spent any time with, and

he was like a really,

genuinely a very, like, cool person.

And they died of fucking cancer.

So I'm assuming that that was the only one.

And then the rest of them.

That was funny.

And it should have been the rest of them that got cancer.

Is that funny?

You're crying.

I know one fan of yours.

He's a great guy.

Who?

A friend of mine.

Who?

Is it Mark Hamill?

He's a doctor.

He's completely Dan, if you're listening.

Oh, Dan.

How you doing?

How are you doing?

Dan's Dr.

Dan.

Doctor Dimmy.

Did you meet Dan?

Did you meet Dan?

Breast implants.

He's a breast implant.

Yeah.

He's fucking sick.

Yeah, he's great.

We like that.

It's funny.

It's weird that

that's all you do.

If you're a titty, because it seems like something that regular doctors would do on the side just to pay off their like.

To pay off like that.

Because that's how the doctor works.

Doctors just have to side doctor hustles.

I would do that shit.

If I was a doctor, I'd be doing like if you knew how the general shit worked, you'd just go and be like, yeah, I'll do a surgery.

Yeah.

You'd go on on your day off to do

a boob surgery.

You know what was crazy that

Asian women used to get.

Asian women used to get eyelid surgery back in like the late 80s, early 90s.

Do you remember that?

I wasn't around.

What did you say?

That was the thing, is I remember that as a kid, I would hear about it.

People getting eyelids?

I never saw anyone actually winning.

What happens to your eyelids?

Well, they give them

white people

so that they can be on the news.

Oh.

Yeah.

I missed it.

So they can be on the news.

Are there like prominent news broadcasters who got that surgery?

Well, I'm going to look it up now.

China.

Because there's got to be

dateline hosts who had that surgery or some shit.

Well, I'm going to get now, but I feel like culture has finally come the other way because I've often said.

You're going to get Asianized.

Yeah,

I would never trade any race, but now, Korean,

maybe.

I want to be ethnically Korean with Chinese nationality.

Why is that?

Well, first of all,

the West is lost.

It's going over the East.

China is going to be the superpower.

Look at what the culture is.

Literally, within Asia, Korea is number one.

So you go Korean ethnicity, it'll be a Han nationalist, it'd be a Han's Han nationalism, sympathetic Korean communist in China.

And that's,

as they say,

there's the ticket.

You don't have to laugh.

That's the sweet song.

I found it.

Here we go.

You don't have to laugh.

Yes, yes, yeah, yeah.

Hell yeah.

I knew that shit.

Yeah, and you see what I mean.

I always

say so you can be on the news.

It's wild because

it's wild because her face before

looks dramatically different.

Yeah.

Better?

In 2007, Tyra Banks invited Lit.

Oh, no comment.

I just suddenly remember the Tyra Banks show.

I wish they would.

She's a wild motherfucker.

Her show is hilarious.

Her show is crazy.

Like, crazier than like.

Because Tyra Banks is

like a sociopath.

She's a fucking horrific person.

You watch America's Next Up Model?

I watched the first season.

It's a crazy show.

But I got out of reality television.

After Jersey's show, I was like, I can't do this anymore.

You ever watch Keeping Over the Kardashians?

No, never.

Oh, so fun.

Never saw it.

Banks invited Liz, a Chinese-American woman, on our show, to talk about her double eyelid surgery.

Banks accused her guest of ethnic tweaking to make herself look wide-eyed and Caucasian.

Wait, despite Liz's.

They call us higher?

They call us wide-eyed?

Despite Liz's

is merely

her eyes from drooping, then there is the infamous story of Julia in the 90s, the Chinese-American television personality who

underwent double eyelid surgery after her boss said she'd never make it as a top news anchor because her eyes made her look too disinterested

and because she was Chinese.

I looked disinterested as shit.

Because her eyes made her look interesting.

But people just think I was disinterested.

And

because she's Chinese.

I don't think that's a good thing.

They should have written that.

That should have been a part of the movie broadcast news.

Right, right, right, right.

Just Albert Brooks.

That's actually, but maybe you could, maybe you could make your eyes less Chinese.

That's actually

help your look a little bit.

Lots of people have different kinds of eyes.

You have one Jewish impression.

Well, no, that's Albert Brooks.

That's what he sounds like.

But I think you have beautiful eyes.

It could just be beautiful or

Asian people don't look disinterested, though.

Yeah, they don't.

Then for Isle Tickets, Isle is particularly interested.

They look suspicious.

Suspicious.

Suspiciously.

Suspicious.

Well, boys, it's been a real one.

You don't want to keep going.

I feel like we're just getting into the groove.

That's what you got to say at the end.

Yeah, you get into the groove.

I just need to piss.

I have to piss you.

That's why the show, yeah.

We couldn't.

I tell you, every week we could do the show for six hours, but I got to piss.

I want to do the longest show.

Adam has to

record for the longest.

Adam has to get ready for the work next week.

He has to prepare himself for his.

You're the the boss, man.

You're the boss, man.

But I think you guys, we'll be back with regularly scheduled regular regularly pre-recorded episodes from a month and a half ago next week.

And then the show will resume its normal sexual programming,

sexualized programming on September,

whatever the first weekend fucking September is.

It's been an absolute pleasure.

Thanks for having us.

Thanks for doing it, guys.

And then

we'll go smoke somewhere.

back from China.

Adios.

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