Ep. 269 – Q Framed Roger Faggit

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In fact, some might say that's redundant.

Some have said

many have said.

What about redick suck?

I don't know.

I'd like to get my dick sucked redundantly.

We started the show.

Adam was supposed to go to the store to get snacks.

I were in it myself, but he said, no, no, no.

You didn't say that.

You said, Adam, can you run to the store and get energy chips?

I said, after the episode.

Of the TV chips of diagnosis murder.

It doesn't make any sense.

Why would I need energy?

I'm just going to go to sleep.

Why would I need energy for after this?

To do what?

Go to work?

After this?

To put up with my family?

What could I possibly need energy for?

Maybe you have a big night ahead of you.

Kind of a

Friday night.

We're recording on a rare Friday.

You're lying.

No, we did it.

I pooped my pants last Friday.

i think we're we're on a we're on a monday friday i love the prescription logo was like uh

they just they were like we need to come up with a logo for prescriptions and they handed it to a guy in the office who is illiterate yeah and they were like i hear a do something

we need prescriptions and he's like um it's

prescription

because the p the p is the r the r has a p in it yeah yeah and the x the prescription Why is that?

Why is it RX?

Because if somebody didn't know how to read it, Rashon.

Rashon.

Rashon.

That's how I write my name.

Yeah, look, I did the logo.

The RX should just be the sound of Rush.

Yeah, why is it RX?

It's gotta be some Latin shit, right?

I know the Domine Patre, the Domine, Domine.

Oh, you're a papist these days?

Nah, fuck the Pope.

The Pope can suck my fucking dick.

The Vatican can lick my fucking balls.

The symbol RX is fucking.

So I was saying that because it said it can stand for the Latin word recipe, meaning to take.

Recipe.

Wait, so you don't like the Pope because he accepts gay civil unions?

No.

I would love that kind of thing.

I love gay shit like that.

You don't like him because he's nice to poor people.

Fuck the Catholic Church.

I'm still pissed about the schism with the Orthodox.

You want to get back together?

Let's fix this up.

So you're like a scoring X.

You're pissed off.

Well, first of all, we're doing great.

You guys are doing great.

Orthodox has it figured out.

Our fucking priests don't fuck kids.

Yeah, you don't have lawsuits.

No, because you're allowed to have a wife as a priest.

You're allowed to get pussy as a priest in the Greek Orthodox Church.

Because certain things run deep culturally.

You're allowed to get pussy if you're priests.

You've got to be able to get pussy.

No, no, no, no, no.

What?

We don't get pussy from boys in the Greek church.

Not one priest is a priest.

Maybe a couple.

They give me pussy from my boys.

A Christian band.

Yeah.

That's true.

What was it?

Puddle

POD?

P.O.D.

was a Christian band.

Yeah.

Remember that song?

We are, we are.

Molested

molested people in the nation.

Yeah, I remember that one.

That was one of them.

See, now I can't really do my job because somebody didn't do her job going and getting me chips.

What kind of chips?

Let's just talk chips for a second.

Maybe we'll

rid you like ridged.

Oh, yeah.

Or some ridged up, Utz barbecue chips.

Adam, don't touch anything at all.

Keep your fingers.

Keep your fingers.

You know, if you want to do something with your hands.

I got sticky fingers.

If you want to do something with your hands.

Don't say pussy juice.

You can crawl yourself to the corner store like a sloth and purchase me some cheaps.

Well, I can't even operate a doorknob because of the amount of pussy.

No!

Stop!

Oh, you've been putting your hands in your pussy again?

That's actually true.

Oh, it's because of

it isn't.

The thing you're going to say, it's not.

You thought you shit your pants and you grabbed your front ass.

That's right.

Aka.

You thought there was shit, but it was just your pussy.

Your front pussy was leaking.

Pussa cheats.

Your pussy was leaking.

Let me see that front ass.

It's so hot out.

Your pussy's sweating.

I love some front ass.

Come on, bitch.

Let me get a little front ass.

Let me get a front ass.

Nick's holding a gun right now.

Yeah.

Give me some front ass.

That should be.

They should rescind the brandishing laws if they're pointing the gun at a woman.

In a sexual way.

In a sexually threatening way.

In a sexually threatening way.

You should get an exemption.

Yeah.

No, don't get me wrong.

I still think rape should be illegal.

But just the brandishing.

The brandishing is where.

That should be.

You should get off.

You just shouldn't get weapons charges.

Right.

because you never know.

That might spark something consensual after the brandishing.

Sorry, I'm just having trouble holding onto the microphone because of all the pussy in my hands.

Because you put your hands in your own pussy.

No, it wasn't my own pussy.

Because we talked about it.

We just covered hot chicks.

No, no, no.

Absolutely not.

There wasn't.

And bussy boost.

He's got bussy boost.

You do have pussy boost.

Wait, now you're saying it's guy's juice?

It's also that.

Come on, bro.

It's half your pussy, half a guy's pussy.

Little bussy.

Little bussy.

That's your

bussy gay ass.

You're bussy gay ass.

I-M-G-A-Y.

I'm gay.

Do you know what that means?

I'm gay.

Man, he was really happy about Bill Cosby

for Justice Being Served.

Did he say something?

Yeah.

Did you see that?

Well,

he had a video, a free Bill Cosby video.

Okay, I mean, now.

Yeah, I think there was another one.

Oh, have you seen it or not?

You think?

Interesting.

I'm pretty sure.

I'm pretty sure.

When I said this, why are you trying to catch me in a lie?

Because you did it, man.

You waded into those waters.

We're all waiting for, and you said he was real happy, but

I was on the HMIC reason to watch the video.

Adam can't wait to accuse a black man or something.

That's so

accusing anything.

And right now, he's just praying to God.

Adam's looking, but if

Boozy has released a video.

Why are you calling me that?

If Bucci released a video.

I got my own pussy man.

I put my hands inside my own pussy man.

I keep my jewels.

I keep my Robin Jeans up inside my man pussy.

I paid $1,000 for my pussy.

Yeah, they probably got some nice pussies-wise.

Yeah.

It must feel so annoying to be trans from the 80s.

I love my pussy.

You got one of the first-gen pussies.

It's probably like playing GoldenEye now versus playing PS5.

Playing GoldenEye versus PS5.

That's what's true.

Dude, PS5 does not look any better than PS4.

It looks a little better.

You have it.

Listen, you broke motherfuckers can say whatever you want.

It looks better.

Come on, dude.

Sorry.

I've got a status symbol that you both of you fucking losers don't.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah.

You also have a

faddest symbol.

What's that?

What's a fatus symbol?

What's a faddest symbol?

It's uh pie.

The Greek letter pie.

Okay.

I don't I have that.

Yeah, that's very funny that that's one of the letters.

It's pronounced B in Greek.

Thank you very much.

Yeah, and that's something else you put in your mouth?

No.

A girl's actually.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, girls' P?

Yeah, sometimes.

Really?

You've done that?

Squirt?

Sure, certainly.

No,

come on.

I've gotten squirt in my mouth.

Intentional P.

No, I'm not a pissed girl.

Not the devil's dice.

I have drank some squirt that feels

suspiciously like.

How are you drinking squirt?

Well, I'm not gulping it, but it gets it.

You've never gotten a girl bust in your face like it's a cock?

Actually, never.

I've only been

fucked squirt to happen.

Oh, I eat pussy squirt for sure.

Yes.

I'm in there.

That's like

an insane level of skill.

No, it's not.

Never once have I done it with my hand.

Are you kidding me?

Never.

You don't finger pop like a champ?

Not at all.

It's the best.

You're eating your licking.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

No,

the two at a time, I can't do it.

It's like the rub your stomach, tap your head thing.

I literally can't.

I don't know.

Sometimes my shoulder, because I have a shoulder injury, that's a limiting factor.

That's a big reason I'm considering.

No joke, that's one of the main reasons I'm considering getting shoulder surgery because that slows me down.

But I love a little fucking double

mouth hovering on the clit, finger popping you know with tremendous force i understand in theory yeah but it's it's like you know it's like hitting nas don't get me wrong i can't do it the whole time yeah but you know you still

fuck up my rhythm with one or the other it's hard listen man yeah i'm in the lab eating pussy so pussy at this point it's like something i don't care to be good at

see i'm i'm all about continuing education yeah you're gonna go to community college for i'm in pussy eating community college i go to seminar so he he tweeted

y'all don't join Bill Cosby.

So there's no video.

There's no video.

You're trying to exonerate yourself.

I'm sure there's a video.

Yeah, so he just briefly mentions.

He's not even happy in the tweet.

Why are you talking

about it?

He has called you Adam.

He might be being harmful.

I said he was happy that Bill Cosby was.

What?

You lied about knowing about a video.

You at least led us on.

There's a famous video of him

that says free Bill Cosby.

But

you made it kind kind of

hang out there as if you had seen a new video.

Let's all be fair here.

I'm the arbiter of what you're doing.

There's a new video he posted.

Make it a little hard on you, but you are bringing it on yourself.

There's a video he posted right after that of a woman eating another woman's pussy surrounding that's cool.

Subject changing.

That's cool.

Look, see, the woman's not even doing that.

Let me see.

She's not finger-popping.

Oh, that's pretty nice.

Yeah, well, they're not.

The finger-pop pussy lick is like I said, it's a finishing move.

Huh?

Yeah, that's awesome.

That looks like a pretty cool party.

Hold on.

Why is he posting?

He's just posting

a party he's at where two girls are eating each other's pussies.

He's just at a party.

What's the comment?

Yeah, what's the caption?

Boozy badass after party.

No, it's he has a.

This is the video that he said.

He said, y'all don't join Bill Cosby team now.

Y'all was clowning me at first.

Oh, nice.

Demho's lying.

And then the next tweet.

And that's what he said in the video.

And then the next tweet is Boosty Badass After Party, Eat That

Pussy Perfect.

The Legend Lives On.

Well, hold on, but hold on.

Just kind of dovetails into our shit.

Yeah, I love it.

It's like the tagline from the reboot of Kung Fu.

The legend lives on, baby.

Well, hold on.

Let me just.

Can I take a look at this?

There are so many phones.

Let me just say this dovetails into the thing because it's like even this, this is literally perfect pussy eating.

And this woman's not busting in the other woman.

No, listen.

This is more cinematic.

I'm going to tell you, I don't understand the mechanism of squirting.

I don't understand what causes it.

It's peepee.

I know, but like what.

I'd think some women have squirt-specific pussies, if I had to guess.

Yeah, it's pee-pee.

I think it's a lie.

It's not a lie, Adam.

Yeah.

Well,

you've never encountered squirting?

I've encountered gushing I don't think not out of your own ass like 20 foot

I haven't seen a 20 foot fountain come out of a woman's no, it's always like it's like it's like gets like it's like a water balloon popping Mm-hmm.

Something happens for sure.

It's not like a pissing thing There's like it feels

I felt like I got busted.

I've researched this my face got busted on you

what I found was that it is peaceful.

Which is pretty cool, honestly.

That video.

We should have parties like this.

We should have parties where it's twenty-five guys with their phones out videotaping a woman eating another woman's pussy.

Yeah, that sounds cool to me.

And we should call it a gender reveal party.

Don't cut up.

Turns out she's a bitch.

She's getting her pussy eaten.

We could be about to go live to her gender.

That would be cool.

Take it.

To have a a gender reveal party where it's like, well, is is the is the person who's about to get their pussy eaten, do they have a pussy or do they have a cock?

Yeah.

And if it's a cock, you have to watch a guy get his cock sucked.

And if it's a girl, you watch a girl get her pussy eaten.

That's how I'm going to find out.

I hope I have a girl.

Because I'm not trying to watch no gay shit go down.

I'm going to shoot my wife in the stomach.

For sure.

But it'll be a blank.

Everyone thinks I'm going to try to do a double homicide.

Right.

Everyone's going to freak out.

And then there's going to be

a pink smoke coming up.

Are you afraid you'd kill her because you'd be too close?

Or you'd kill the baby or something

adam's gonna die in a double team aside

where his two guys fuck him to death in his ass

that's not a real serious it is he got double team aside is that really what's gonna happen to you adam

double team aside starring martin lawrence no that's not well do you think it's with within the realm of possibility

That's not how I'm going to die.

We all know how I'm going to die.

Martin Lawrence and Josh Hartnett starred a double team aside.

Those are pretty cool examples.

Somebody fucked him in his mouth.

Yeah, well, I think somebody fucked him in his ass.

You two are going to have to learn how to work together.

Fuck you, rookie.

Come is in his mouth.

You guys are going to have to learn how to work as a team.

Act two,

it turns out we were both right.

Right.

Adam was being fucked in his mouth and his ass

when he was he died from it.

How much do you think?

How much pussy do you think?

And then in act three, they buy a zoo.

2021, Josh Hardnut's getting a ton.

How much does he want?

More than you.

He's hot.

He's hot, dude.

I mean, what kind of question is he?

He hasn't been in anything in the world.

There's a guy who is the assistant used car sales manager at a car match.

He's in Des Moines.

Who's still fucking.

Yeah, we get pussy.

Josh Hartnett gets pussy.

Women probably think he's a loser since he's only been in maybe four or five movies.

Do you think Pacey's handsome?

Do you think Pacey from Dawson's Creek is getting?

going to be?

I don't know.

I never watched off the Dawson's Creek.

But yes.

And also stealing my references, by the way.

You said Percy, and that was on Monday.

I remember.

So you do remember exactly

Nick.

But you did.

So you admit it was a mental note.

Adam, sometimes, man.

I made a mental note of the Boozy line

and stealing the references.

I didn't say that there was a new Boosie video.

I said

that he was.

You implied that you had seen one.

No, I said Boosie was heading to Bill Cosby got out of jail.

That's it.

There was an original video where he said

a liar.

Why are you calling me?

You were just guessing.

What do you mean stealing references?

Stealing references.

I'm trying to think of teens.

You know what this is like, Adam?

Stealing Boosie from Dawson's Creek for me.

You know what this is like?

Pacy.

This is like when a cop goes in.

It's short for Percival.

Pacy is his name is Percy.

You're imagining.

Nick loves gay shit like that.

With your gay California ears.

You misheard the name.

Well, thank you for saying that.

I must give him credit for having California ears.

I'm from Nevada, but I do have a more Cali-style ear.

Everyone knows that about me.

It's pierced in the gay.

I have like a chill Cali-style ear.

It's like his ears are gay.

He only hears, he can hear a man's zipper going down from two miles away.

From 15 miles.

One time, there was a guy, he was in a rest stop on I-10 all the way out in Indio, and he unzipped his penis.

Wow.

And Adam could hear his penis brushing past the zipper.

And he was in Santa Monica, and he said, that's got to be about probably seven soft, 15 hard.

And people are like, what are you talking about?

And he's like, they're like, that's Adam.

He's a penis whisperer.

He can echo locations.

He can hear a cock.

That's awesome.

Out in his design.

He's got a desert.

They call him the California earboy.

California earboy.

The only thing he can't do is watch Dawson's Creek and hear the name of, hear Percy's name correctly.

It's pasty.

I have no, I don't know.

I can't weigh in on this because my dick is too hard.

That show is depressing.

Dawson's Creek?

Yeah.

The whole WB lineup, it was all like...

Because I remember as a kid, it was like hot teenagers that were sad for some reason.

After it was black.

And I'm like, damn, first of all, I'm going to be a fucking fag when I'm in high school.

Check, correct?

And you were right, your instincts were correct.

Yeah, but it's also like I'm not gonna be one of these people, and they're miserable.

Yeah, so what the fuck am I gonna be doing?

Yeah, even the guy, the hot guys that get pussy feel like this.

I used to think it was gonna be like cruel intentions, where like I was gonna wear a duster and get pussy for

cruel intentions for you, but you were

Sarah Michelle Garson.

No, what the fuck was that bitch's name?

Sarah Michelle Blair.

Selma Blair.

Dude, she's a 10 in that movie.

She plays a return.

That's who are.

Your retard gets used by guys.

She plays her and girls, too.

Oh, she fucks a girl in there?

No, she makes out with Sarah Michelle Geller.

It was a big moment in my life.

Adam's Ryan Phil up me.

Yep.

I think Ryan Philip is a cool guy.

You're not him.

I would love to.

Adam was almost about to say, wow, he probably gets zero pussy.

No, he gets pussy, dude.

He probably gets pussy.

Off Magruber alone.

Yeah.

He gets put in.

He gets that

comedy pussy.

He's got a Sarah Michelle, didn't he?

No, wasn't he married to the other?

I thought he was married to Sarah Michelle.

No, idiot.

Or Jennifer Love?

No.

I bet African people love saying the name Sarah Michelle Geller.

Sarah Michelle Geller.

I know.

They love it.

It works so good.

They can't help but really get into it.

Sounds good.

I am watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer with Sarah Michelle Keller.

This morning I woke up, I had a banana,

and then a coconut.

I had my usual breakfast of a banana and then a coconut.

Maybe oatmeal?

I don't know.

No.

No.

What let me ask you, Stavros?

Mm-hmm.

What do you what are you talking about?

Oh, you don't know what oatmeal is?

No.

You've never heard of oatmeal?

We for breakfast we have either a banana or coconut.

What about eggs and bacon?

Or maybe McDonald's breakfast.

Okay, all right.

So you know about McDonald's breakfast at least.

Maybe McDonald's celebrates Black History only in February.

Do you have a lot of money?

McDonald's comes to Africa for one month out of the year.

Oh, it was Reese Willis.

That's what I, yeah, exactly.

The Googler.

No,

starring Adam Friedland.

I knew.

I didn't need to know anything.

I was about to say he was married to Legally Blonde, but it had moved on to the African Sarah Michelle now.

Imagine

a racist bit-stealing line.

Why is it

in a reference copy?

That's so awesome.

Don't be mad he steals your references.

A reference copying bitch stealing lie.

Do anything references.

Do you accuse Lil Boozy of.

I said that he was happy that Bill Cosby got out, which is correct.

Oh, and what I was going to say is.

And had I not said that, we wouldn't have seen that cool video of those chickens.

But what I'll say, Adam, is that what you did is kind of like when a cop breaks into a place without a warrant because he knows he's going to find what he wants, but he doesn't have the lead.

You didn't do the lesser.

You put your glasses back on.

I know.

Your eyes are fucked up.

Look tired.

No, there's something fucked up about you without glasses.

Just got a bad face.

It's really, it honestly is throwing me off.

It's very difficult.

You're not.

You're really not.

It's untrustful.

You've taken like two good pictures without.

People say I look lizardy.

Yeah.

I look a little bit lizardy.

Could you put them back on?

There's like a vertical blinking happening

i'm getting i'm come on that's not true just for one second i'll put them back on my eyes are a little tired we've been looking at screens a lot we were watching two we watched what the fuck does that mean my eyes are tired we've been looking we watched two episodes they make

they make your eyes look smaller

and i like that my glasses

i have beautiful eyes what are you talking about green eyes there's something about it's the rarest

it's the rarest color that you could have of eyes i have beautiful eyes well you have brown eyes and you

I look good.

You look kind of retarded, actually.

I look good.

Are you doing a cross-eyed thing?

No, this is what my eyes look like.

He's doing a slight cross-eye.

I'm not doing a slight cross-eye.

It's a very funny look.

This is just what my eyes are.

You ever see people like that where they got like a slight cross-eye?

Yeah, you just can't get it out of your head.

You can't really tell.

And you just stare straight.

Or even better, there's some people that are like, they have one eye that's crossed, but only when they look a certain direction.

You don't know which one.

So no, they look fine, and then they'll turn, you'll be like you know be like yeah this guy's pretty normal and then you'll be like you want to go to lunch sometime they're like what's that

like no

no and then which one i almost hung out with a retard

i almost made friends with a fucking fucking re disabled retard by accident have you guys ever had like walleye they had like this thing going on have you guys ever had the impulse to fuck a cross-eyed girl and see if i did i dated one

for fucking years dude Really?

But she had that where it was only like

did her eyes go regular when you fucked her retard.

What's that?

Did her eyes go regular when you fucked?

No, it was mostly when she was drunk and she was yelling at me.

It would get fucked up.

Yeah, Eldis's eye.

One of Eldis's eyes started to fucking wander when he gets drunk.

Yeah, she, well, she, she had like, her eyesight was like dog shit.

So when she had her contacts in, it wasn't a problem.

But if she wasn't wearing glasses and didn't have her contacts in, she was drunk, she'd be like, you don't care about me.

I'd be like, All right, well, you look like the fucking bad guy from Who Framed Roger Raven

when he reveals he's an evil card.

That must be cool to get your dick sucked by somebody cross-eyed.

Oh, yeah, you know, yeah, because it feels like she's really focusing right on your cock.

And then, when you like whistle the Twilight theme song while it's happening, and they're spinning, their eyes are just spinning in different directions.

It's like getting your dick sucked by a tape recorder.

That's awesome.

That's really fucking cool stuff, man.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, there's a lot of cool shit.

Remember when I sucked your brother's dick, Eddie?

Just like this.

Dude, that's...

I've said it before, but the movie scared me when I was a kid.

Roger Abbott.

Yeah, there were some scares.

I love that movie.

And I wanted to fuck.

I both was horny and scared.

No, you weren't horny yet.

I was, bitch.

You hadn't discovered pussy.

I was.

Now you're lying on Stav, bro.

Stav didn't get a horny for you.

You were really on one.

You told me in confidence confidence you didn't get horny for pussy until 2017.

I guess we should never say we should mention.

I guess we're just cruising along here, but fucking if you want your dick peanut.

If you want your dick hard.

Dick hard,

call in now to blueche.com.

Yep.

Call in right now where we will promise to give you the finest chewable tablets to make your dick stiffer than a board.

Light as a feather, stiff as a board?

No, sir.

Heavy as shit, stiff as a board.

That's right.

Your dick will get so fucking hard off this shit.

Adam, get off your phone or use your phone.

Here's what we're all going to, as a group, we're going to go to BlueJew.

Bluechew.com.

Go.blueju slash Cometown, I believe.

Very good, Mr.

Starro.

Thank you.

That's a great idea.

Go to bluechew.com.

Also, just yeah, the promo code is ComeTown20.

Come town 20.

Adam, hand me my phone.

Starting at $20 a month.

That's right.

It's soldenophil,

which is the active ingredient in Viagra,

and Tadalophil, which is the active ingredient in Seattle.

Viagra for straight guys, Seattle's for homosexuals.

The guy on the website looks like he might be straight, might be gay, might be a Dadalophil.

He might be a Republican.

He's got his Triple Watch with the Hermé band.

Oh, Hermez?

Yeah.

This is like the perfect guy to cast in like a pharmaceutical.

This guy gets pushive.

He's gay.

This guy gets pusuave.

That guy's gay.

But he could be like a middle American straight guy.

No, he couldn't.

That's just no chance.

Now, hold on.

He's got the black packaging, and I've never gotten that.

That's Viagra.

That's the black packaging.

I only get the gray ones.

Yeah, you got gray ones.

That's the Alice, which you just added yourself as gay by your own metric.

Well, I don't take it, and it doesn't work for me because I'm taking the wrong cotton.

They work for everybody else.

Make sure you order the right medicine.

I am deliberately not doing that to prove.

To prove that you're straight?

That I'm straight.

They come in 30 milligrams and 45 milligrams.

Here's the thing.

You get the Viagra, that works.

That doesn't really prove anything.

Right.

You know, that's really the one that's specifically.

You know, I actually just said, wait, I just got an email from Blue Chew.

They've been marketing it wrong the whole time.

And actually,

Cialis is for straight guys and Viagra is for gay guys.

So

if you've been taking Cialis and your dick isn't getting hard, that means you're gay.

Viagra is for.

I got another email from them that said

you're fat.

Why would they say they don't know?

you are?

Here's all his medical files.

Well, he didn't refute the gay point.

They said, please speak.

That's what's important.

I am fat.

I have my phone being fat.

He is fat.

So what?

So what?

I'm sorry that I said you didn't discover pussy until later.

Apology accepted.

I didn't mean it.

And I'm sorry for.

I was in a combative mood.

I didn't mean to.

100% U.S.

licensed medical provider.

And I'm sorry.

Sometimes I lost my head.

Well, I'm trying to get the job done.

He's going to use that as a way to as an end.

Well, the thing is, you are gay.

This shows up.

And you just prove that you're gay.

No, we gay.

And so now

me and Adam can build.

Now that we know we're the two straight guys on the podcast.

We can build a life together in San Francisco.

Yeah, having sex with the girls because there's a bunch of you and a bunch of gay guys making us all gay guys real estate.

And

you left us all pussy.

I live in Boston.

You live in San Francisco.

I live in Boston.

You have a gay neighborhood in Boston.

Yeah, Boys Town, Boston.

Gay South.

You live in gay South.

I live in Boxbury.

Hey, Cole, give me your pussy, some cocks.

Gay kid.

at Boxbury,

where we bury our kids.

No, you don't.

No, absolutely not.

No, I don't.

You live in Gay Southeast.

I do.

You live in Gay Southeast and you suck cock.

Adam is going to school in Boston on break from San Francisco, and he goes to Am I Gay?

The answer is yes.

There's no question mark at the end of the school spending four years

getting a master's degree in whether or not he's gay, and the answer is yes.

And he writes a

400-page thesis, then the answer is yes or no.

Yes.

Wow.

Well,

then that $200,000 would be worth it.

It was all worth it.

And what helped you get through those nights when

you had studied so hard your dick couldn't get hard

was the chewable tablets from Blue Chew.com.

I'm under the 100% U.S.

licensed medical providers.

I'm on the pro plan.

Prescription consultation for Sudenophil or Tadalafil, professional ED-focused medical support.

No waiting rooms, no appointments.

It's just like a Skype interview or something.

30, 45 milligram Sedenophil or 6 or 9 milligram Tadalophil chewable tablets.

Beautiful.

And I love these tablets, man.

They get my dick whistling.

Oh, they're incredible.

And I'm on the Pro Plan.

What's that?

It means that I get

saladophil 45 milligram, 34 chewable 45 milligram tablets a month.

Wow.

Yeah, I like to max out the stats.

So I'm on the Pro Plan, 9 milligram

28 times a month.

Awesome.

That's awesome.

You need to take a pill.

And those pills, I believe, last three days.

I think 72 hours.

I'm just trying to be hard all month long.

And you can do that at Blue Chew.

Go.bluechew.com slash

slash the liar, Adam.

Why did you have to throw that in?

It's part of the ad read.

Okay, I guess this, I guess they have a lawsuit on their hands.

Oh, yeah.

They're slandering me.

Oh, yeah.

And by the way, folks, when your dick's not getting hard and you want to go see some beautiful stand-up comedy live, you know, I'm on tour.

Right before I leave for the tour, July 20th, if this

hasn't been out yet, July 20th, I'm at Union Hall.

So go get tickets for that.

And if not, Portland.

starting in August, I'm in Portland, Seattle, Utah,

Acme in Minneapolis, San Antonio, Cleveland.

I will not be at FACME in my ass.

I will be at Acme.

In my ass, Vivian, please fact.

I'll be in Cleveland at Hilarity's.

There's no way you can make that sound gay.

Good nice trip.

I will.

Phoenix at the House of Comedy, Madison,

and I'm adding New Orleans.

He's at Phil Cavities Comedy Club.

With come.

All of his cavities he wants to know.

And he's at the house of the Rising Cock Comedy Club in Phoenix.

That's not true.

I'm in Detroit.

I'm in Columbus.

I'm in Boston.

I'm in Tampa.

Tampa at fucking Side Splitters.

So I go there.

Also, according to Blue Chew.com.

And it's not Guy Splitters, but they've been featured on the Eric Bischoff podcast.

It's in Wide Splitters, and it's about his pants.

That's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

Come see me at Wide Splitters.

It could be gay.

It could be fat.

And also on Pardon the Interruption with Tony Kornheiser.

Wow.

Tony Kornheiser gets his dick hard with these tablets, huh?

Listen, if it's good enough for the corner.

It's good enough for fucking

PTM Wilbon.

If it's good for the hardships.

Good enough for Wilbon and

Wilbon say, nah, dude, I'm not with that.

My dick stays hard.

I think both of those.

Honestly, that's the best show on ESPN besides whatever is.

I don't know.

I like Scott Van Pelch Sports Center.

I like Steven Edward yelling at you also.

It's a cool move to just hijack somebody else's sponsorship.

Remember doing that with Frankie Munes?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

He's into Ridgewall or whatever.

Oh, okay.

I thought he was with Blue Chip.

No.

But his dick, he probably.

I bet you Malcolm's dick gets nice and harsh.

What if he and

maybe he developed Blue Chip?

Yeah, he's one of the smartest kids ever.

Are the ones that fuck?

What if him and Josh Hartnett fuck?

Fuck each other?

Yeah.

Hardnet's definitely topic.

Would that be better for Munes than Hartnett,

I'd say.

Oh, yeah, career-wise, like just in terms of if he ends up in the papers because he fucks

with him from Hartnett,

that'd be pretty good.

I'd be happy for Munes.

Yeah, let me see how tall Josh Hartnett is because I want to think about who fucks who.

Where the fuck are you?

Josh Hartnett's 6'3.

Frankie Muniz is what, like 5'6 ⁇ , 5'5 ⁇ .

I want to see.

I'm gonna rewatch Black Hawk down now.

Never seen it.

You haven't seen it?

No.

He's 5'5.

Oh, dude, Hartnett is absolutely pounding Frankie Muniz.

Black Hawk Down 4K.

He's fucking spinning him on his cock.

That would be awesome to watch.

Black Hawk Down, 4K, Blu-ray.

Let's see if they got this.

We just searched Frankie Munez's shirt.

Let's look up Frankie Munez's penis.

Is that out there?

I'd love to see what his cock looks like.

Let's go ahead and take a look.

Dude, yeah.

I'm listening to the Michael Douglas Levites Penis podcast.

So Muniz is 35 and he's 5'5.

Ooh, Hartnett's 42.

Dude, the fact that you, I'm so pissed off again that you asked if this guy gets pussy.

He's a 42-year-old millionaire.

Yeah, I don't know.

It was a story.

Who is famous?

Honestly, it's like a question you would ask.

What the fuck?

You would say, oh, you think that guy is fucking dumb as you're doing?

What the fuck?

This guy earnestly says something dumb as shit.

And he's like, you're right.

It is.

It's what you would do.

It reminds me of you.

And by the way, I'm playing a sophisticated character on this podcast.

Yeah, me too.

Okay?

I'm not.

In real life, I'm the dumbest of the three.

We all know that.

On the podcast, I'm also the dumbest.

There's a zero difference between me.

You get what you see with me, WYSIBLIS.

You get what you deserve.

What you see is what you get, dude.

That's true.

Josh Hardener's with someone named Tamzin.

Sometimes people

defend me to my own face.

They'll be like, yeah, it's like people don't realize you're doing a character.

You're not like, you know, actually,

you know, you got bad opinions.

What do you do?

You shout the slur at them?

No, I just go totally.

That's so true.

Thanks, but I'm not sure.

That's so mind.

Yeah, I'm thinking

I could kill you right now.

And no one would know.

You're like, that's so true.

Now take your fucking pants off.

Yeah, take your pants off.

And get on the fuck couch.

Take your pants off, dad.

That's what you get for defending me.

Damn.

I haven't bought any DVDs in a while.

What are you thinking?

Well, I just bought Blackhawk Down on Amazon.

Just now, like this instant?

Just this sexual second.

Respect.

You bought the Blu-ray?

Yeah, the 4K Blu-ray.

Pretty nice.

Maybe Casino?

That's a good one.

40 Days and 40 Nights.

That's the one where you couldn't jack off.

You can't bust for 40 days.

He has to blow that woman with a feather.

That's the way Stav has sex.

Shannon's awesome, and that's how I have said it.

Stav puts a

little Hershey's kiss wrapper on the woman's pussy and then blows it up her body.

And she's like, What are you doing?

He's like, I can't have Hershey's kisses for 40 days and 40 nights,

but I can put them inside your pussy and let them melt in there and then eat you out.

She's like, Why are you doing this?

And he's like, For Lent.

That's true.

I'm really religious.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm true.

That's the premise of that movie.

He's not allowed to bust.

For Lent?

Yeah, but then he meets

the hottest bitch in the world.

I thought that movie would be funny if it was like the reverse of Shallow How, which is not, I guess, the reverse, where he can't bust for 40 days, so he's dating this girl, and they cast that super hot actress in it.

Shannon's awesome.

But then the movie, at the end of the movie, he finally nuts, and then they change the actress.

She's fat.

Yeah, it's like Sandra Bernhardt.

Just a woman that's ugly.

She's hideous, and she's like,

you know, already being annoying.

Yeah, she was.

She piled onto me online once.

Who's Sandra Bernhardt?

Yeah.

Why?

She's she

a fellow worm of the desert.

A fellow desert worm of

helping my case anymore.

Yeah, she called me, she was one of the people that called me an anti-semite during the Hillary Clinton or Chelsea Clinton.

Well, you deserved it.

No, I didn't deserve it, actually.

I think you did, but I don't think it's fair.

Well,

Sandra Paulblar.

We're going to have to agree to Sandra Paul Blar would have been good.

I wish I had that then.

Yeah, I wish you had anything ever.

Well,

you know,

one could dream.

Yeah, I got something you could dream about.

I got a one you could dream about.

What is that?

The inch of your dick.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm going to have a dream about my own pants.

My own pants.

And Nick's.

You actually both have one inch.

Well, one specific inch somewhere in the middle.

I could dream about that.

That's the only one you allow Adam to dream about.

I call that one of the cars on the train.

That's true.

That is true.

That's what I dick as a tram.

As a tram.

I had it medically reduced in sections every three-quarters inch.

That's awesome.

So it resembles sort of a train with cars.

And then I had a smokestack added to the handle.

That's awesome.

Does it go true, true?

Yeah.

You come up.

Yeah, and then Thomas the Tankage's face tattooed on it.

That's awesome, dude.

Did you put wheels on it?

Yeah.

Yeah, you got wheels.

And then around my asshole, it says, welcome to Shining Time Station, bitch.

That's awesome.

That's really cool to do that to your cock, man.

That's really cool.

Thanks.

I love Shiny Time.

So there's like holes in between the cars?

Yeah, he gets it reduced around like between the

cars.

Did that hurt?

It was excruciating.

Yeah, but it's worth it, dude.

It's like getting a tattoo.

It takes fucking

about nine months to heal.

And they have to reroute your urethra through your ass.

So you piss asexually your ass for you.

Yeah, and

it's a different sensation than having to shit or whatever.

So you...

But you have a cloaka, basically.

Your ass is a cloaca.

Yeah, and I lay eggs also.

Yeah.

I reproduce asexually and I lay eggs.

Now, what does it hurt?

Does it hurt when you get fucked in your ass?

I don't get fucked in my ass.

No, he just pisses and shits and lays eggs.

Yeah.

I'm going to need asexual

He reproduces asexually.

I reproduce asexually.

So I lay eggs and then I...

So your dick is just more of a trophy at this point.

Yes.

Well, some would say that it started off that way.

No, none would say that.

Many would say that.

None would say it started off as a trophy.

No, they would say that.

I don't believe they would.

Yeah, they would say that.

I'm going to say they wouldn't.

I'm going to have to go ahead and say that they would to say that.

No.

In fact, if I had to file that one away i'd put that in the the the file labeled things they would some would say

and then we're gonna slide that drawer closed lock it up we're actually not gonna do that and i'm actually been hired

i've been hired as the new office manager at that office it's digital boy oh boy are things a mess in here things are in the wrong location specifically that last file oh you got it i would actually put that in an even bigger file cabinet called no they wouldn't

and I would also

seem very specific well for a file cabinet seems that's what a fucking idiot would say really who doesn't understand how filing cabinets you have to have like a kind of a logical system where you know how to find things

stick to your own fucking bullshit pal you know I was looking I used to be a fucking I used to work at a testing center in the community college of Baltimore County so you know so I know how to fucking file shit I used to work at the grad school at the University of Maryland Baltimore County as well filing things in fact one time

I went to work and there was a

dioxer folder on your body because you go to the bathroom in your pants.

Real quick, we want to talk about super organics.

Oh, already.

Yeah.

I think we're late on the first one.

You know what?

Why don't you?

What is with you today?

Yeah, you're being.

We haven't had an afternoon episode in a while.

Yeah, and whose fault is that?

Spicy.

Whose fault is that?

Look, your pants are unzipped, too.

Well, I had to go piss, and I wanted to.

And they're all the way up up where your vagina starts, your mom vagina.

When my vagina starts high.

Your mom, your mom pussy starts high.

Starting at the middle of your chest.

Your mom pussy starts real high.

Yeah, because when you become a mom, you ain't nothing but a big old pair of tits and a pussy.

You're a big fat pussy.

That's all.

Big, fat, mommy-type pussy.

And that's, I believe,

what is inscribed under the Statue of Liberty.

That's true.

That's true.

If you could only lift up this fucking tunic or whatever this bitch is wearing, you would see one of the fattest pussies you've ever laid eyes on.

Yeah, that's true.

And check out this ice cream cone I'm bringing to my husband.

And the French or Italians or whoever made it.

The French.

Underneath, you can really see that.

And I wear this spiky hat because although I do suck my husband's dick constantly, he's not allowed to touch my hair, which is the only part of me I can maintain anymore.

Right, right.

But it is lustrous.

So it prevents my husband from touching my $6,000 haircut that I have to get every two weeks at the salon where I gossip.

Where I gossip.

And I say, girl, you think your pussy's trash.

You should look at this thing and I lift up my shirt.

It's filled with immigrants on vacation.

Now they're in my brain.

Wow.

Can you go up the Statue of Liberty?

Yeah.

You used to be able to.

Before 9-11?

You used to be able to go into the torch.

I know that.

You still can go up in the statue of fish.

I don't think you can go in the torch.

You can go in the face.

You go in the head.

You can play with their tits.

Can you?

At least soft.

Oh, actually, I went up the session of Liberty.

I totally forgot.

Oh, my God, Adam.

You're on.

Super organic.

You're on one this episode.

I'll show you a picture.

Super speciosi.

Get superleaf.com.

Do not derail the ad.

Adam, we're finally saying

because they are very particular about the way we discuss

Kratom.

One of the finest

world.

Not only in a picky sense, in terms of being not, you know, because maybe we've walked the line a little bit.

Sure.

But also because it's barely legal.

And this shit is so good that it shouldn't be.

And that's good.

And I'm saying that as somebody

barely legal stuff.

Look, coming from somebody.

It's coming from somebody who doesn't believe.

I won't take the vaccine.

Yeah.

I don't think the virus is real.

I don't trust the government.

And because I don't trust the government, that's why I think this shit, it seems like the kind of thing the government would make illegal.

Right.

Instead of filling you all this poison.

Exactly.

The poison in the Moderna vaccine.

And yeah.

And this stuff, which is from the Earth, by the way.

We got that.

It's from Mother Earth.

Yeah.

Sexual.

Mother Gaia's.

Many have called Kratom Mother Gaia's pussy flakes.

It's from the strips of

sacred grove in between Mother Earth's big floppy tits and her tall pussy.

Right.

And inside that strip, there's a plant that grows in Southeast Asia

called called Karatum, I think.

I think it's called the speciosa.

The speciosa plant.

And it's got names like Trong Madok Galang, I think, is one of them.

The other one's Dingbat.

Delicious.

Dingbat, Gok, Fuck, Suck.

And

there's a red one.

There's a white one, which I gravitated to for some reason.

The white or the red?

The white one.

I was like, for some reason.

Something about this color.

This one is the one.

No, it seems not pure.

Yeah, you're right.

I guess I'm the kind of guy that I like all the colors the same.

Yeah, can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Can you suck with all the colors of my pink?

Can you fuck me with all the colors of my ass?

Yeah, a lot of good stuff.

A lot of questions.

And when you're under the influence of kratom, you ponder that kind of philosophical stuff.

Yeah.

And I don't want to say under the influence of because that makes it sound like a drug.

Yeah.

Whereas this is more of a supplement, I think, or something.

And it makes you feel good.

It's energy for you.

Yeah.

It juices you up.

All right.

I'm off caffeine.

I'm on fucking kratom these days.

Yeah.

And I've never gotten more done in my life.

And if you're trying to

get more energy or stop smoking other stuff, right?

No, that's another reason.

It's a different company.

Never mind.

Idiot.

Yeah, but we got the shit that the government got.

That's the point.

The AK-47 Kratom.

Yeah.

They made this shit in the fucking lab in New Mexico.

They made this in the lab.

A lot of people think Kratom comes from Southeast Asia, but actually it was the fucking aliens brought it from.

They come from a planet where the laws of thermodynamics don't apply.

Yeah.

Really?

And as you know, the law of thermodynamics dictates that if something fucks you up, like real good, it's got to be fucking horrible for your body.

Absolutely.

And kratom's not like that.

It's good for you.

Yep.

There's literally zero side effects or any risk.

I don't think it's, it's got some kind of toxicity, but you'd have to take enough of it to

do something.

I don't know.

It's good stuff.

It's some of the best stuff there is.

Good shit.

It's really fucking good.

It's good, and it comes in a powder or capsules.

And that's how you know it's quality.

Oh, when things come in two different ways.

When there's two ways you can get a thing,

I'm sitting there.

I'm looking at both.

I'm like, capsules and powder?

Where the hell is it?

Bob Evans?

What is this?

A Bob Evans?

What is this fucking Bob Evans?

It's Kratom, Super Spaziosa.

It's like the Bob Evans are getting fucked up.

That's right.

That's exactly correct.

And that's their motto.

And you can check it out at getsuperleaf.com slash Cometown or Cometown20.

Something like that.

The important thing is that you definitely use Cometown.

I found the picture of me on the Statue of Liberty.

Let me see it.

You're not on the Statue of Liberty.

Yeah, yeah, but dude.

No, you're not.

I went to it with my girlfriend.

No.

What are you doing?

Look.

Look, that's the statue.

Okay.

Maybe you are there.

Yeah, why would I lie to you?

'Cause that's kind of type of.

Uh look we're gonna have to type in get superleaf.com.

You know, folks, let's all together, we're gonna type in get super leaf into my email and find the thing that they wanted me to see.

Let's do that.

Because I can tell you right now, I am forgetting something.

And you know why I'm forgetting it?

Because I didn't take my fucking kratom today.

That's fucked up.

Which helps me with the chronic pain I feel as somebody that had has had several failed suicide attempts.

And my thing is, is I keep making the wrong move of trying to draw and quarter myself.

How do you make the wrong move?

Well, what I do is early in the morning,

I go to the

FedEx distribution center in Queens,

and I quietly tie each one of my limbs to a different truck in the parking lot.

Oh, interesting.

And they always find me.

Wow.

And they say,

look, we know you're just waiting for the trucks to depart to rip yourself into four pieces in our parking lot.

You're just sitting in the middle of the parking lot.

We can see you.

We're not going to drive the trucks.

And then I'll say, well, what if I called you guys faggots?

And then they beat the shit out of me.

But you don't get to have your arms and legs for you.

I don't get my arms and legs.

So you're tied up.

Just tied up.

And

you're threatening them.

Yeah, and they beat me up because they're all union tough guys.

Right.

And I say, okay.

Well, we'll see what happens next time, Mr.

FedEx.

Yep.

And then, so anyways, my joints are in a lot of pain.

And that's why I take kratom.

So one day I'll have the strength to trick those FedEx men into severing my

buttons.

Ripping you limb from limb.

Yes.

Splitting you in the middle like a fucking spatch-cocked chicken.

Like a fascist leader would be, torn to pieces.

They give you the mussolini.

You're an aging millennial with new aches and pains.

Kratom is great for pain relief.

If you hurt your back or pull a muscle from all the fucking, unwind with a glass of kratom tea.

Right.

Check.

That's weird.

A glass of tea.

A cuppa of tea.

Yeah, you have a cup of tea.

Or if you're British, they say kappa.

A cuppa.

Do they?

Yeah, they do.

Beetlejuice green also.

Who?

Betelgeuse green.

Betelgeuse green.

From the Howard Stern show.

Oh.

Get superrelief.com slash come town.

Peter Juice Green, you know his last name?

Lester Green.

Super Spestiosa is 100% all-natural.

It's only got one ingredient, Kratom Leaf.

I love one ingredient.

It can improve your mood, deliver energy, and reduce the size of your

pain.

The

pain.

Kratom helps people feel better.

It's also used to relieve stress and take the edge off.

And every batch of Super Spestiosa has a QR code.

that you can scan.

Oh, nothing I love more than scanning my technically legal drugs.

To view the exact lab certificates so you know you're getting a high quality program.

The good shit, my brother.

This isn't some gas station.

This ain't bullshit.

This isn't Yemeni dirt.

Come on, man.

They're good people.

Oh, really?

Is that what you read online?

No, that's what I

see every day when I go to my deli.

Is that what you because they hate you?

They don't hate me.

I probably hide them up.

I agree with you that they're good people, but they probably do hate me.

I dab them up.

I say, bacon, egg, and cheese, boss.

Then I say, thank you, poppy.

If you're not completely satisfied, Super Speciosa will give you your money back.

That's awesome.

You believe that?

So go to get superleaf.com

slash Cometown for 20% off your entire order.

Go ahead.

Order $1,000 worth of Kratom.

You get $200.

$200.

You could sell, you could place an order today for $30,000 worth of Kratom.

And then with that 20% off, you could take the 20% of what you bought and sell that at market rate.

You could start a resale business.

It's fucking good, brother.

And then buy Bitcoin with it.

Let me tell you, if you want to make a million dollars

overnight,

a million dollars overnight,

you buy $20 million worth of Kratom using promo code COMTON.

And you get 20% off of that.

And 20% of 20 million is $2 million.

It's smart of you to choose $20 million, by the way.

Really nicely done.

So you spend $19 million.

yeah but you keep that but you have a million you have a million and you flip that then you flip that million the extra million and then you have all you have 19 million dollars

but then you also sell the free 20 flip the one million you flip that you got a million dollars pal that's right you would have to resell twenty million dollars worth of kratom

i also think that's uh well easy five percent how hard would that be

because here you do here's what you do

you buy you buy

you buy a hundred million million worth of Kratom.

Okay.

With promo code ComeTown.

Right.

That's superliff.com slash $100.

Then you get $20 million.

$20 million.

That's 20%.

Adam, I swear to God, this episode.

You say,

who's going to buy $20 million worth?

Here's what you do

is you say, if you buy $20 million of my Kratom

at the same market rate, you get 15% off your order.

That way it's incentivized because somebody's going to come along and they say, well, if I only have, I have $20 million, but if I had 15%, I can flip that.

They do it for 10%.

And this is basically Reagan's trickle-down.

Yeah.

And what happens with all that extra kratom?

You put it in your garage.

Oh, you sell all of it.

You sell all of it.

You have it in your garage.

You have a lifetime supply of kratoms.

And you tell your bitch wife to shut the fuck up about parking the cars outside.

Yes.

Because you've got a garage full of kratom right, buddy.

Yeah, the car she doesn't know how to drive by.

And you have dreams.

Because she's a bitch.

She's a bitch.

She's a bitch, and she doesn't know how to drive.

I put a man-only transmission in this car.

You got to insert your penis underneath the steering wheel for it to turn on, even.

There's a slot.

Hey, come on.

Some women have cocks.

Oh, I forgot.

They know how to drive.

I forgot we were living in a brave new world.

Some women have beautiful fucking cocks.

Including your wife.

And if you like that, you can check out patreon.com/slash.

If you're feeling like this one's a little low energy because somebody didn't get his

shit just for the team

this was fun

oh you thought this was fun i don't feel like i'm having fun oh you thought this episode you've done nothing but try to ruin and derail by stealing references by being referenced

being mad that someone's mentioning a thing you mentioned a week and a half ago

and it's like it's hilarious and it also is you have a you do have a point too that's what's awesome about it.

No, he doesn't.

He has a little bit of a small point.

Don't even give a damn.

A small point.

You also have a small point.

Adam's dick.

Yeah, yeah.

And yours, by the way.

Adam likes to hover his dick around the woman's ear, and it's like,

it has a frequency to it.

What is that?

What's the vibration?

It's a mosquito's nose.

No, the frequency is actually, it's like...

Your dick is actually a mosquito's nose.

So she doesn't feel when you fuck her, but afterwards, her pussy itches really bad.

No, that's mean.

That's how it happens.

I would never do that to a lady.

Well, you wouldn't.

That's what your dick's like, though.

I can't help it.

If my penis was like a mosquito, I'd just eat pussy and then go home on the bus.

You'd suck it with your nose.

Oh, dude, that's horrible.

Yeah, that's just the sound of Adam snorting up pussy juice.

And then a woman shaking like one of the brain bug victims and Starship Troopers.

And then going home that would be awesome

that's good when you can make a bitch shake yeah I was when I watched that movie as a kid I always imagined putting my dick in that thing's tube

getting my dick sucked by the brain bug I always imagine that you could shower with chicks in the future yeah that's what a gay kid would think no I think that's what a smart kid would

see Denise Richards in a shower would think

no see if you got your dick sucked by the brain bug I wouldn't want her to see my soft dirty little penis.

If you got your dick sucked by the brain bug.

Yes, I'm listening.

It would assimilate the knowledge of your dick.

Right.

And then the entire bug species would be aligned in your goal of fucking Denise Richards.

And they would be on your side to make that happen.

So they would corner her until she fucks you.

That's right.

You'd have a brain bug army.

You are the smart one, Nick.

Now, I'm wondering, though, wouldn't that be rape?

Don't you dare in a week mention Starship Troopers.

I will forget about this completely.

I can't wait till you do.

I brought up the news rich.

Nick has done something in your brain that will.

You could almost say that Adam's a brain bug and he's sucking my dick for knowledge.

Knowledge about...

How does the brain bug work in that

movie?

It jams a needle into people's brains and sucks their brain out to steal their knowledge.

Oh, and then it immediately spreads it within all the bugs.

Well, it's like the mastermind bug.

They They have a hive mind.

That movie rocks, dude.

It's cool.

It's really good.

Especially the part where they get to shower with chicks in the RV.

That is a cool part.

I saw that at Easter one year when I was like, I don't know, nine.

I thought it was one of the coolest things I ever saw.

My little prick god fucking was jumping.

I was like, what the hell?

You could have had starship troopers instead.

We're getting the scarface troopers.

Bunch of coked up millionaires making their own rockets.

That's so fucking true.

That's where we're at, dude.

Elysium.

More like

Smell Elysium.

Smell Elysium.

They're letting Indian people.

Okay.

What do you think they're going to do up in space?

Bezos is going to go up there.

But they don't got a good house up there, right?

Space is fucking scary.

Yeah, space is really scary to me.

I'm not being fucking.

I don't think you could chill in space.

I don't think you could escape in space.

You could colonize Mars.

Well, that's the thing that's going to happen is they're going to start doing space colonies, and then

all the people that hate colonialism now are going to be like, well, can I go to space?

And he's like, whoa,

maybe you're going to colonize settlers.

Maybe you need to sign this affidavit saying that Christopher Columbus was good

before you're allowed to come to space.

That's a good point.

Before you're allowed to come to New Columbus.

Before you're allowed to come to New Delaware, Mars.

Oh, Oh my God.

I can't wait until you Delaware is the best metropolis in the fucking galaxy.

That's the thing is, like, people fantasize about space travel.

It's like, even if you lived on fucking Pluto or whatever, it would just be like

Cleveland, Pluto.

Yeah, it would rock.

But I don't even think...

Like, okay, I haven't seen the movie The Martian.

But from what I can tell, he was just by himself.

I think I have it.

I might rewatch it.

He was just by himself, yeah.

They went to go get him.

But doesn't it take a bunch of computers and shit to keep shit?

He had computers up there.

But wouldn't it be too hard to keep the computers running and he was doing gardening, dude?

He was like acting like he was being Antifa up there.

No, you need to garden to make a photosynthesis, to make oxygen.

It's funny that communists don't understand that that's like the number one thing holding their ideology back.

It's like whenever these fucking idiots start like some kind of anti-government powwow, one retard tries to grow a tomato and it's like...

Yeah, they go to the desert.

It's like like nobody

stop wait wait what's what's wrong with gardening community gardening is bullshit it always looks like shit they produce garbage fucking produce

maybe maybe only for a set like if you had a community flower garden but when you're trying to grow vegetables and shit have you ever had home like homegrown vegetables yes rarely are they fucking good that's not true it's absolutely true

they're not good dude greek people used to fucking grow tomatoes that were good as fuck in their yards greek people are

not watching like you better watch yourself.

You have no idea how powerful I'm about to become.

Oh, listen,

keep it to the Jews.

I can tell you.

Thank you.

Savarus is a sensitive.

It's not that I'm sensitive.

It's that weak.

It's sensitive.

It's that.

What have I ever said anything bad about the Jews?

I've criticized you in particular.

No, that's the sense of the people.

And the Jew political state of Israel.

And this is the thing Jews always try to do.

Okay.

They always do this.

You talk about one guy and he goes, oh, because it's un-Jewish.

Well, yeah.

No.

It's not.

It's not.

It's because I hate you.

It's because I hate you.

No one likes me.

I know.

Everyone hates me.

No, stop.

Now you're fishing.

No, yeah.

You're fishing.

Not even from us.

I'm just a lonely guy.

From your adoring audience.

I'm just a lonely guy.

That have sided with you against me for some reason.

I don't know.

Even though traditionally, my character, which is not a character, is who I am in real life.

It's the one that people would identify with.

The bully.

The protagonist.

The gay bully protagonist.

That's who people are.

That's who people are.

That's the Luke Scott.

Through history.

That's the guy everyone fucking.

That's the

good guy.

That's the good guy to me.

It's like Joe Pantaleano and The Matrix.

Yep, yeah.

You know, that's me.

No, that's not you.

I would totally make a deal with the machines.

You're a mouse.

That's who you are.

Mouse from the Holocaust.

No, the guy.

Mouse?

The mouse in The Matrix who just keeps saying gay shit during breakfast.

Who's that?

He's like, Don't you like tasty wheat?

And Neo's just had like a wire ripped out of his brain.

Is he the only white guy?

Is that who Mouse is?

No, I mean, Joe Pantaliano's white.

Fucking...

Morpheus is a little bit white.

Yeah, both of the women are white.

Morpheus is Asian, I'm pretty sure.

Four of them, only three of them are black.

I think they're all Asian.

Oh, yeah, Mouse, the little white guy.

Yep, man, man.

It's Tank, Cypher, Switch.

Cypher is a sick name.

Because it's like hip-hop and Smoky Weed.

Yeah, who the other one?

Tank, Cypher, Switch.

Trinity.

Yeah.

You think Trinity has three pussies?

I think so.

And that's how she's born in your life.

She's got the Father, the Son, the Holy Ghost.

Which do you think would be tighter?

The pussy named the Father, the Son, or the Holy Ghost?

Oh, I'd be fucking the Father.

I would say the Son.

I would think the Father would be

bearded.

Yeah, it's like a little boy.

You would go Ghost.

Ghost?

I don't know.

Nick would fuck the ghost.

And that's good.

That's nice.

Yeah, we're at equilibrium.

We are the ego, the superego.

The father, I feel like, would have a beard.

It would be too

father.

That's what you want, a big fucking hero.

I don't feel like it really fits like a sort of a Freudian model, really.

I don't think it does either.

It's more of like a

hero.

Me.

The fat hero.

No, no.

Now you're trying to recruit him.

Now you're sucking up.

That's sucking up to me, calling me the fat hero.

Hero, isn't he?

He's the hero.

The divisive worm reference copier.

it is such a funny accusation

stop copying the things i reference

it's time for you to suck me off I have to leave by like 4:30.

Oh, where are you going?

Don't I don't know.

say it.

I have to zoom.

I have to do a Zoom.

With who?

With what's his name?

It is a guy.

And what's his name?

Tell us what you're zooming in.

I think I'm not going to say that.

We can talk about it without you if you want.

It's my therapist.

And what are you going to talk about with your therapist?

Probably about what I pooped my pants last week before.

No, no, no, no, no.

What do you think I'm going to talk about?

I'm going to talk about the same shit I talk about every week.

Which is what?

Come on, dude.

You got to do it.

It has nothing to do with it.

There's a bunch of people that listen to this show.

They can't wait to DM you about your problems and help you work through them.

They can't wait to get drunk and message you at 3 a.m.

being like, dude, let's just talk about it.

Oh, speaking of problems, I started doing Stevie Solves Your Problems again

on YouTube, so fucking go check that out.

Yes.

And please write into the show.

I have too many chocolates.

There's no writing in, so.

Yeah, well,

talk into the show and make sure that every problem is, I have too many chocolates.

Can you solve this problem?

Don't do that.

Fuck, so many people are going to do that now.

I have too many chocolates.

You just bomb.

I want to say, I know you're going to do it, but just know you're a fucking piece of shit if you do that.

You're such a loser if you take your orders from Nick.

And they're going to, and despite this, and despite knowing how gay they are, they're going to do it with a smile on their loser-ass faces.

God damn it.

You shouldn't have said that I live in a gay neighborhood in Boston.

I'm just acting out.

Bye.

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