Ep. 268 – congo

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Show to be over and then me just get on the next flight to Austin, Texas to be closer to the God himself.

Are you going to move?

Are you trying to weasel your way into the Joe Rogan universe, Adam?

Oh, yeah.

I already have a line in to

a couple of the fellas.

Who do you got?

Jimmy, or what's the name?

Joey Coco Diaz.

You and Joey Coco Diaz hang out?

We're talking about starting another podcast.

Whoa.

Are you serious?

Yeah, yeah.

What would it be called?

There's a a couple of Joey and the Homo.

No,

that wasn't one of the names we tossed out.

I think that's a good name for it.

H-Me, fucking Joey Coco the gorilla.

I love you.

I love you.

Robin Williams.

I'm hanging out with Robin Williams.

I'm fucking hanging out with Robin Williams.

Yeah, no, one time me and Robin Williams,

we were touching each other's faces and talking about how we were in love with each other.

And we were doing

fucking

heroin.

Back in fucking Brooklyn, the old days, everybody knew sign language.

Yeah, we tell us

about the old days.

But it's because, see, back then, people don't understand Brooklyn was fucking overgrown.

There was still a deciduous forest back in those days.

There was still plenty of undergrowth, and the canopy hadn't been destroyed.

So there's still a home for guys like us, deaf gorillas.

Old school deaf gorillas.

Old school deaf gorillas that were friends with Robin Williams.

Yeah, so stuff like that, basically.

I remember I read a story about a gorilla that was raised by humans, and she beat off to,

I think, Burt Reynolds on TV.

The gorilla.

She thought she was a human.

Yeah, that's always a thing where when animals get too close to their trainers, they start getting horny.

Hey, how you doing?

It's me, Squirt Reynolds.

Squirt Reynolds.

Squirt Reynolds.

Burt Reynolds, but I got a pussy.

I'm using it to squirt.

I can make it rain.

And I can make it squirt pee.

That's awesome.

Does that sound like Burt Reynolds?

I don't.

How's Burt Reynolds sound?

How are you doing, friend?

Like a real man.

How you doing?

I'm Squirt Reynolds.

I really couldn't.

How are you doing?

I'm Squirt Reynolds.

That's not it.

How you doing?

How are you doing?

No, don't you.

How you doing?

I'm Squirt Reynolds.

No, I'm Squirt Reynolds.

I'm Squirt Reynolds, baby.

Motherfucking Squirt Reynolds.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm here to squirt my pussy pussy all over your face.

Dude, Burt Reynolds' pussy squirt would taste so bad.

Oh, my God.

It would taste so good.

What are you talking about?

So pungent.

You know, my man eating pineapple.

No, he's not.

All day.

I ate vagina apple.

Vagina apple?

Vagina apple.

Squirt Reynolds, and I ate vagina apple to make my pussy pea fish pepper.

Me and Joey cocky D-face.

Me and Joey Cocky D-Bag are hanging out in the jungle drinking each other's pea.

Robin Williams came by and tried to talk him out of killing himself.

I don't know, but it didn't work.

It didn't work.

The Brooklyn jungle.

What happened?

You know, there's just too many branches in the jungle.

Oh, so you turn your back for one second?

Turn it back.

That guy couldn't wait to kill himself.

He was trying for years.

Really?

I had no idea, Squirt Reynolds.

Yeah.

Remember when Burt Reynolds posed nude for Play Girl magazine because he thought women would be masturbating to him?

And he got mad that it was for a gay guy.

And he got, yeah, the the fucking homos are beating off to him.

That's one of the funniest things of all time.

Yeah.

I see where he's coming from.

What are you talking about?

That's your bag, dude.

Yeah.

Your bag is being sexy.

Remember when you were considering going gay?

No, you brought this up.

I made a fucking joke, and you bring this up like I was fucking about to be gay.

No, Nick, I am neutral in this.

Nick thinks that you brought it up to be closer to Bobby.

No, Nick.

Nick says.

Hold on, how is that neutral on this?

Is now you're turning it into another thing.

Nick was claiming.

Here's what Nick one time claimed.

I feel like all these cool older comedians are actually gay guys.

No, Nick accused me one time because I said I would have sex with a trans girl.

I remember that.

And Nick accused me of copying.

And while I'm saying copying it, no, never.

No, I think that's not copying.

That was what, no, copying,

copying like Bobby, Bobby, and Ian and all.

That is true.

I do think there was an element on it that we scrolled That was copying.

But I do at one point.

Maybe it was a joke, but I distinctly remember.

It was me and you sitting there.

There was Coco the gorilla.

We were in a jumble.

Joey Cocka decappo.

With Joey Cocka Deep Joey Cock

Joey Congo

Coco.

Well, Coco is already the name of the gorilla.

Joey Cocky Decaf.

And he's like, I love you.

What I really love is a nice decaf cup of coffee.

Okay.

Joey Cocka decaf.

Joey Cocka Decaf.

Does decaf.

Like your coffee still make you shit your pants.

They call me Cocka because I used to shit all the time, but I had to switch the decaf after I went to our podcast.

I went to prison for drinking too much coffee.

I was selling fucking illegal coffee in the jungle.

Wow.

Yeah, it was causing too much of a shit epidemic.

Yeah.

I used to suck off Burt Reynolds in jail.

But to be diplomatic, and I didn't give my diplomatic.

Nobody wants diplomatic.

For Stav to say that he wanted to to become trans amorous, to me that is a heterosexual form of

thank you.

So it wasn't you going gay.

That was the second thing.

And I said

I had a bit, and you know what?

I will even go so far as to say it's even kind of a hack bit to talk about how easy it is to gay guys, for gay guys to fuck.

And when I was depressed and not getting pussy early on in our

relationship here.

I said it sort of like, oh, well, I'll just be gay and get cock.

And you have twisted this into me.

You've tried to say that I was so desperate that I was ready to suck cock.

That he was a starving man.

And meanwhile, I was just making a fucking joke.

Yeah.

And you've twisted my words ugly a couple times.

I'm on suck.

And here's the other thing.

Now that I have gotten a lot of pussy, now I am open to getting my dick sucked by me.

That's my stance.

Why not?

Who gives a fuck?

I've fucked enough women.

And I've said this before.

One time I met a little blonde guy that reminded me of a friend's ex-girlfriend.

And you know what?

And you'll be denying this in three years.

No, I won't.

When I bring it up.

It's on my record.

It's on the record.

When we're still doing this show.

In three years, if we're still doing the show, I will kill myself.

When you bring this up,

that'll be the way to do.

That'll be like my.

You'll know it's time.

That's when it's time to just take out a gun, shoot my fucking brains out on Mike.

I'll at least let it be on mic.

In three years, the show's just going to to start and I'll be like, I'm Bingo Waldorf.

I'm the clown from I'm the clown.

They had a different clown.

It's Hardy's restaurant.

And then we go

in and get the whole menu.

Value City coupon.

The whole book, the whole book.

You can go through it, read it backwards, read it back upside down, any which way you want.

And they used to give out loans before

the ticket taker on the Titanic.

He was retarded.

And and it's like, maybe that's the reason.

Maybe that's the reason the ship sank, because that was the first, a lot of people thought it thought it started with the movie theaters, but it was actually the Titanic was the first place they had a retarded ticket taker.

That's right.

And he let on too many fat women, and that's why the boats hunter had to make up this thing about the iceberg, which, you know, of course was also retconned into people's minds to trick them into thinking global warming was real.

Right.

Why the fuck would there be an iceberg in the middle of the Atlantic?

So funny.

And they say, oh, because it used to be colder.

That's why you take a boat from, where was it going?

Florida to fucking Africa.

Yep.

That's where the Titanic was going.

It was going from Fort Lauderdale.

That's a warm route.

From Florida.

Fort Lauderdale.

That's not

going to be

Côte d'Ivoire.

Miami.

Back in back when it was it still had an English name before it was ruined by immigrants.

And it was called Tim Hortons.

That's the name of it.

What was Miami like in like the twenties?

Because there weren't Cubans.

W Miami Beach uh ba w had a ban on on Jews for a long time.

Oh, so it was paradise.

Jews used to not be allowed to live there.

They called it heaven on earth.

Also, regular heaven.

And then they changed the rule.

Also, just the normal heaven.

It was flooded, infested, some may say.

So before the Jews and before the Cubans, what even was the culture there?

I think it was really tan white guys.

It was called Tim Hortons, and the mayor was actually Chinese.

Really?

And they had, no, this is.

I'm still doing

the show in three years.

In three years, the Nick Bone schizophrenia hour.

They let the Jews.

You'll have a recording of me that laughs every 30 seconds.

Effect, affect, effect, affect.

Effect, affect.

Effect.

They forget the two of them.

You mess.

The way you remember, it's A, because always say affect

even E, Effect, even if the word is effect ever.

Yes.

That's how you remember the difference between the two of them.

Absolutely.

What ever happened to jazz clubs?

Are people still going to those?

I think they are, yeah.

Well, good for you.

That's like an option.

It's go to that or go to a comedy show.

I wonder if anyone ever got molested to jazz music.

That's got to fuck you up, probably.

Sure.

Probably worse.

Well, there's probably people who got molested to like Buck Cherry and shit.

Well, you know it.

You're a crazy bitch.

But you look so good on those Ashcast jeans.

I think it's a high batting average on Buck Cherry.

Buck Cherry and Cether getting molested.

I'm sorry that I hurt you.

That's who was thinking.

Yeah, it is.

The reason.

The reason is that.

And the reason is I'm gay.

The reason is I thought it would be cool.

The reason is my thing is so small.

I thought illegally it wasn't illegal.

I thought it was my thing was so small.

I thought

you were 14.

14.

And the reason is I thought it'd be you.

I didn't realize it was bad.

It wouldn't be that cool at all, in fact.

I'm sorry.

This one goes out to Burt Reynolds.

I'm sorry that I squirted.

Yeah, I love that song.

It's about me.

They wrote that song about me.

I'm squirted.

I think that sounds like him.

I'm Bert Reynolds, and I squirted out of my pussy.

That's pretty cool.

I'm Squirt Reynolds.

Hey, no, no, I'm Squirt Reynolds.

Now it's sounding like

fuck.

Why don't you be supportive for once, you fat piglet bitch?

Okay, I'm supportive a lot.

Thank you, Bert.

It's plenty of support.

I'm trying to keep you fucking honest.

You're full of impressions.

It sounds like when you were doing the guy with the big tits.

I'm a baby.

Yeah.

God damn it.

I'm a fucking.

Yeah, no, Hackman, I can't do it all.

Gene Hackman.

He's difficult.

That's close.

I mean, I get that you're doing that.

It's close, but it's not there.

It's a little off.

If you were dressed as Gene Hackman, the little hat,

the Popeye Doyle hat?

Yeah.

So then I would say, yeah, that's Gene Hackman.

Listen.

I know, I'm trying to find something.

Get your fucking mitts off your phone.

Listen, I just want to show you my penis.

I'm just trying to show you my penis can i show you my penis god damn it

something like that yeah dude you know what i watched now i'm bird reynolds and i'm i'm gay yeah there it is yeah there's pull that thread there's a difference there i watched manhunter recently oh it's such a good movie that movie rocks and it's just

huh it's a story about you

manhunter that movie is really cool it is cool that's the roan Farrow movie, right?

About looking for Harvey to catch Harvey Weinstein.

To catch his dad.

Why did you call it Catch and Kill?

What do you mean?

The Ronan Farrow book about Harvey Weinstein.

Oh, I've never read it.

I didn't read it.

I don't want to read those.

My dick is too hard to read shit like that.

Ronan Farrow followed me on Twitter, and I swear to God, for like three minutes.

Mm-hmm.

That happens to me.

I got a notification that Ronan Farrow.

This was years ago.

Yeah.

That he followed me, and I clicked on his profile, and it already.

It was like maybe it was accidental.

Yeah, he was lurking.

She accidentally followed, maybe.

I gotta say.

He probably thought you were a cool, cute guy.

Ronan Faro looks like his father, Frank Sinatra.

He does.

Wouldn't be so bad to get your dick sucked by him.

Oh, he's pretty.

How are you doing?

I'm Crank Sinatra.

Okay.

And if my heart goes below,

I'm Crank Sinatra.

and um

I forgot.

Wait, what is it?

My heart right now can't go down.

I got there's poison in my fucking heart.

I got poison in me in my heart that I left in San Francisco

with a bunch of fags.

A bunch of fags stole my heart.

I went to San Francisco and I got mugged by fags.

Oh,

old blue eyes.

That's a good song.

No one can sing it like him.

Shout out to fucking Frank.

That guy's got one of the best lives of all time.

Yeah, how about Bank Sinatra?

And he's like, At 17,

I had about

$6,500

that I made.

Interest bearings.

Savings account.

And I put it in a Roth IRA.

And compound interest is a hell of a way.

I continued to just, you know, push sock money away and complain about not having it, but secretly I had a bunch of money in a tax-deferred account

at 21.

That had already become about $22,000 because I got lucky with some stocks that I picked that ma, you know, just between you and me, my cousin worked at a company that shared Q1 results with me before the public knew about them.

Wow.

Insider Insider trading.

And then the red.

This shot is 30%.

I would love to do insider trading.

He's got a bunch more money.

I would love to do insider trading than get caught and then go to jail and meet some hot guys.

Yeah.

Suck cock for a living.

Get strong.

Become Muslim.

You wouldn't become Muslim.

In jail?

You would get fucked even in white-collar prison

by other Jewish prisoners.

There would be other Jewish techs who

avoiding criminals that would be raping you.

No, no.

Stop wants to do in-slider trading, where he goes to White Castle.

And him and some of the other guys in White Castle trade, they assemble, they're like Pokemon cards for them.

They give you a briefcase of in-slider traders.

Honestly, I kind of love sliders.

Isn't that just buying sliders?

No.

But I don't like White Castle sliders.

I like going to a restaurant that has like bar sliders,

where they're like, You could just eat five tiny hamburgers.

Right, right right right which is like three hamburgers oh you mean like a gorilla mighty yeah you know like some kind of deaf gorilla yeah

like cocoa mighty i prefer a burger over sliders call me old-fashioned uh-huh

i had a wendy's the other day for the first time in years how'd you like it where were you at wendy's on the side of the Long Island.

Where were you going?

Who were you with?

I was with my girlfriend.

And where do the parents live?

And where did you go to your parents?

Where do they live?

When I got the junior bacon cheeseburger.

The junior bacon chi.

A fantastic sandwich.

That's too little a sandwich to be getting as a grown man.

I think no.

It was about 10.30 bacon.

It was about 10.30 at night.

It wasn't a proper mealtime.

I got a junior bacon chi, and it was fantastic.

That's the smallest sandwich.

In high school, that value menu used to really...

Sure.

It was

$1.49 for a junior bacon chi.

God damn, dude.

Remember the little fucking thing on your keychain where you could get it?

You got, I think, 99 cents Frosties all summer or something like that?

Oh, cool.

That was so cool.

Yeah, she's still kicking that Wendy.

She's still doing all right.

What were we talking about?

A porno where you fuck Wendy or an actress that plays Wendy or something?

Because I just thought, man, I would like to fuck Wendy from the cockpit.

It'd be cool if she was Bendy.

Bendy, Wendy.

Yeah.

And you could bend her over and fuck her.

I don't understand people are always like, oh, I'm into like flexible women.

Yeah, they say.

Why?

What the fuck does that matter?

Yeah.

I also find that even like an average woman is so much more flexible than a man.

Oh, totally.

You can really bend up a lady in some shapes that I could not be bent into.

Yeah.

Well, you only have one shape.

No.

I have a lot of shapes.

Globes.

How about this?

You guys couldn't get fucked as easily as women either.

You're not as bendy as women either.

Yeah, and I'm proud of you.

Well, I'm stiff.

I'm like a gargoyle.

Exactly.

Yeah.

I'm no hunched.

Oh, you're not soft.

I'm hunched over and perched constantly.

I get my dick hard and I have to expose it from the back.

Because I'm hunched over.

Michelle Obama, you get fucked like that.

You're bent over and over.

What I do is I just perch on a woman.

I plug my dick points directly down.

Down.

That's up to her.

And they have to put their legs up and then I per I insert myself.

Yeah.

Right.

You go bouncy.

And then, yeah, I just perch.

You're a reversed cowgirl.

You do reverse cowgirl.

Then I make a face to scare away bad luck spirits

from the church.

To scare away the retarded cum in your balls.

Mm-hmm.

Because you want a healthy gargoyle son.

A Gargoyle.

Remember the show.

Remember the show Gargoyles?

Yes.

Who played the main gargoyle?

It was like Bird Reynolds or something.

Yeah, I think it was Bird Reynolds and Joey Coco Diaz, were in it.

And Robin Williams.

There we go.

Little something.

Ooh, I'm a goggle.

Oh, I'm scared.

I'm like a monkey, but I'm also a lion.

I'm a lion.

I have a bad monkey.

I have wings.

Hey, you know what it'd be pretty fun to do from up here is jump off and kill myself.

Oh, I wish I could get off this building so I could kill myself.

Oh, I brought so too much joy to people's lives, but secretly I'm...

I'm a sad clown.

I'm a sad little clown.

And I'm a gargoyle.

And I'm a gargoyle.

And I'm a fat.

Hey.

All right, Robin.

It's me, Burt Reynolds.

It's me, Robin.

Let's get some pussy.

What the hell are you doing, Rebel?

Are you guys wearing fucking underwear.

Are you wearing Mac Weldon underwear?

Oh, I think so.

Are you?

All of us.

I actually am.

Mac Weldon.

Yeah, I think so.

Check it out.

I got my Mac Weldies on.

You see that item?

The vagina model.

The same color as your shorts.

No.

I'm not wearing vaginal.

I'm not wearing faggot.

Mac welding.

I'm not a vagina model.

I was wearing period panties.

I'm wearing red boxes with red shorts.

Looks like

Your clothes are period correct.

It is for the 2020s.

Yeah, for someone who has a period.

I don't have a period, and I don't take that as an insult

because pussies are some of the strongest things in the world.

Yeah, and women are even stronger than pussies.

And

if it means I can bust inside them and then they have a period afterwards, that means I don't have a son or a daughter.

I don't even know.

So that's a way of doing that.

That's that MacWaldon knows we're doing these reads anymore.

Have they paid us recently?

No, they have not.

Have we been giving these fucking idiots free advertising?

No, no, we have a contract

that I wrote on.

I wrote it on a piece of

stationery from the Hilton's Honors, and I took a picture of it and I sent it to them.

Did they ever sign it and return it?

What does that mean?

I think both parties have to execute a contract.

Otherwise, it's not.

Check, Adam.

Check.

Go on.

Here we go.

Kick off your summer in style.

Yes.

Nice.

Wait, hold on.

This is last month.

Well, summer is still on.

Summer in style, but the brand is reinventing men's basics.

Oh, I love that.

Your penis, your balls.

But now we're flipping.

Now your balls are on top of your penis.

We're on top.

It's a reinvention.

And it looks like a bug.

Yeah.

the balls look like the bug's eyeballs

like a praying man

is so much more than just underwear their full collection includes t-shirts polos button-ups

shorts pants swims swims swims i don't like that what do you mean it's for the summer yeah swim trunks swimming swimsuit not swims suck suits

Not swims.

Very interesting.

And breathable fabric technology.

Mac Weldon keeps you cool and comfortable all summer.

From work to working out, happy hour to playing with your kids.

Oh, yeah.

That just makes me think of the Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross line.

Which line?

You good dad?

Fuck you.

Go home and play with your kids.

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

That's what we take here.

I don't give a shit, pal.

Because here we put on underwear.

Yeah, and if you do have kids, and if you don't know how to put on underwear,

show us your penis.

Let me see your penis.

You've got, all of you've got, three minutes to show me uses penises.

You hear that, you fucking faggots.

I'm over here on Macweldon.com right now, and I got to say I'm loving the stuff in the summer collection.

You know what I'm loving?

They got a nylon rucksack.

They got a summer cooler that's stylish.

Joey Coco the gorilla signs I love you to Mac Weldon.

They got big-ass fucking underwear for giant gorillas like me.

Big gorilla dicks.

Mac Weldon has men's essentials for whatever your day includes.

Sucking and fucking?

Check.

The Vesper Polo.

Getting your asshole blasted out.

The Mac

Tech Chino short and radius short fit inch.

Yeah.

The short fit inch, they named it underwear under after Adam's dick.

What?

Dive into Mac Weldon's.

You heard me.

Radius.

You got a short radius, dude.

You do.

No, I do.

Yeah.

It's not true.

Yeah, you do.

Dive into Mac Weldon's penis, sorry, swim line with trunk and board short options

that are quick to dry and have four-way penis fabric.

Yes, sir.

When you're not in the pool, Mac Weldon's new Maverick Tech Vagino Vecino?

Veccino.

Is that how you pronounce it?

Yes, sir.

Maverick Tech.

It's C-H-I-N-O Veccino.

Veccino.

That's how you pronounce it.

It's a Chinese vagino.

And I don't know, this

R-A-D-I-U-S.

That's vagina.

Yeah, it's vagina.

It's pussy hole.

That That spells cunt hole.

Oh, yeah.

That's what it spells.

You really like that.

Radius short

are the perfect additions to your summer walks.

They really are.

And let me just say, folks, I have them, and I've gotten pussy multiple times while wearing them.

I pull my cock right through the shorts, and I get it slurpy, slurpy, slurpy.

MacWeld makes diapers for Adam, also.

They do, and they have

silver ion technology.

And they keep him comfortable so he can confidently power his way through shitting himself.

That's true.

We haven't mentioned that.

I know.

But Adam's a bitch.

It's very diplomatic.

I think they know.

Stop saying diplomatic.

They have a free loyalty program called Weldon Blue,

which sounds

racial.

It sounds like

a Weldon back the blue.

Like almost like a Prussian thing.

You know, like a German,

like an iron cross, the Mac Weldon swastika program,

if you will.

That's so true.

You have a contract.

The loyalty program.

Adam, you have a contract.

No, I mean they have contracts.

And it's your ass contracting around a man's piece.

That's true.

It's like you're giving birth.

You're having contractions

every 10 seconds on a man's piece.

Yeah, I was doing the breathing.

Yeah, you go.

And

guess what kind of underwear is around Adam's ankles?

Mac

welded silver brief.

Level one gets you free shipping for life.

So check that out.

You could die next month.

That means that you're getting free shipping for four weeks.

That's a bad deal.

Like most of our listeners, you'll be getting free shipping for at least another two or three weeks.

Once you reach level two, by spending $200,

you get 20% off every order for the next year.

Wow.

So tell your mom, Mom, I need...

I need $200.

I need $200 to get cool underwear.

No, in addition to the Patreon, we subscribe.

You give me every month.

Yeah, so in addition to that.

In addition to that and the t-shirts you let me buy.

I'm trying to put the underwear on so I can go to one of Stav's shows and show him the underwear.

Yep.

And please do.

If you come to my show, that's really cool.

And you come, I'll be like, that's awesome, bro.

That's really cool.

And then I also want to kiss Stav, and he'll let me do it.

Stav will let me do it, and his body.

I will not do that unless you're

having gay sex with them.

I will not be having gay sex with you.

Stay cool this summer.

Almost certain.

I will say 99% chance I'm not having gay sex with anybody.

And look great doing it with me.

But there is a 1% chance.

That's something.

I'll take my chance.

So you're saying there's a chance.

All new collections of men's essentials for Mac Weldon.

But you got to be wearing Mac Weldons for me to even consider plowing that.

If you want to be my lover, if you've got to get with me, Mac Weldon, Mac Weldon, put him on your bitch.

Put him on your bitch.

Put him on your bitch.

That's right.

I forgot about that.

That was their old slogan.

I actually, I have to re-up.

There's a bunch of clothes I got to fucking donate and get new clothes.

Yep.

Yes.

I've been wearing the same shirts for going on eight years now.

That's true.

I remember you did a Kmart run about eight years ago.

Yeah.

You could place Kmart.

I lost a lot of it because I got a little aggressive with ripping the sleeves off these.

You were getting pissed.

My House of Cards shirt.

That was a cool shirt.

That was a great shirt.

That was a cool shirt.

My Mountain Dew shirt sleeves came off of that.

The one that just said Chevrolet.

Just to pre-advertise it for the Chevrolet shirt.

That was the funny.

I put that shirt on, and I literally was just walking around laughing to myself like an imbecile at the idea of just wearing Chevrolet.

Just being a funny.

I love Chevrolet.

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Mac Weldon reinventing men's basics.

That's awesome.

They're disrupting.

Reinventing gender word, cannot say gender word

basics.

Illegal gender word.

Hello.

Oh, we've got the woke bot here, folks.

And

you're not allowed to say gender word.

You're Indian?

no.

Indian work part.

Hello,

you've reached the

this is the government robot calling you

please email picture of your poster

vikram.

You have reached that this is the government robot

robot give me a hundred dollar in iTunes gift card

you must

it's a government email

India government at gmail dot co dot IN

if you want to see your

family again

because the taxes

because you have taxes

there is a warrant out for your social security number,

and you must

email a picture of your pussy by Western Union.

This is the robot speaking.

Yes, this is

the government.

This is the government robot speaking.

You have to show.

No, I'm not laughing.

I'm a robot.

You have to send your pussy now

because the office is going to be closed.

The office is very close to the edge already.

And if you could maybe text the office a picture of your pussy now.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

Anyway, going back to the movie Manhunter.

Yeah.

I didn't realize that guy, I only only knew that guy from being on CSI.

Oh, yeah.

He's hot as shit in Manhunter.

He's been in good stuff.

I didn't realize that, man.

You know?

Respect to him.

You got to think being on CSI, that's a good gig.

Oh, yeah.

That's a paycheck.

Barely after work.

That's a paycheck.

Yeah.

What other shit has he been in?

I'm about to watch some stuff.

I'm forgetting that.

Yeah.

He's been in a bunch of stuff.

Shut up, Adam.

Sorry.

You just fucking settled on the shit.

You're talking about Mindhunter?

No.

Manhunter.

Manhunter.

By Michael Mann.

Yeah.

We've done a joke about how.

I said I like Michael Mann because of his last name, right?

Yeah, because of Mann.

But it's two N's.

He said I haven't spelled the same one.

Adam loves his movies, Come Thief.

The heat of a man's penis before it enters my ass.

The blast of the Mohicans all over my face.

Oh, he didn't blast the Mohicans.

Damn, that's a nice little team of DDL and fucking Michael Mann.

Dude, hold on.

There's more.

Okay, Miami Vice.

Guyami Suck.

Guyami Vice.

Guyami Suck.

Okay, suck.

I shouldn't be helping.

Fuck, what are the movies they have?

Black Hat.

Black Hat Rocks.

That's where Thor is a hacker?

Yeah, it's very cool.

Nice.

I thought it, yeah, it looked like shit, but it was very good.

It did look stupid when it came out.

Oh, I have a recommendation if you're

that Australian movie?

Yeah.

The Plumber.

I haven't seen it.

I know you haven't.

Yeah.

That's why you had to chime in and see

how it seemed as if you knew what I.

I'm about to go balls deep in the Criterion Collection Neo Noir

Collection.

Yes, my name is Balls Deep.

Yes, hello.

This is Balzdeep.

I am your programmer of the government.

I am the architect of the Indian Matrix.

My name is Balsdeep.

Every iteration of the Indian Matrix, there's a man who can get any pussy

he wants.

And his name is Neo.

Yes.

He's the one.

His name is Neo Deep.

Neo Deep.

I am Ball's Deep.

I am Balls Deep.

My name is Bulgip Vagina.

Now you know.

My name is Balsdeep in Vagina.

What do we know about him?

Stop, the Neo Noir section isn't a black version of Neo from the Matrix.

I was pissed off when I went in first.

Okay.

I just wanted to make sure.

I want to see the cut where Will Smith is Neo.

You want to see the black Matrix.

He fucked up, dude.

What did he do?

Will Smith, the pursuit of happiness, or some awful shit?

I don't know.

But that would have been awesome.

I mean, shouts out to Keanu.

Dude, can you imagine his run?

He would have been the greatest.

It would have been awesome.

He's already close to being the greatest.

But to be in The Matrix would be next level.

Yeah.

Because who knows what else that would have done for him?

Imagine him

capping off the decade with The Matrix.

Men in Black, fucking Pluto Nash.

Dr.

Doolittle.

Dr.

Doolittle.

Black Knight.

Blade.

Yeah.

Blade.

Blade.

Head of State.

Black State.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Blue Street.

Blue Street.

Wow.

Sister Act.

Congo.

Dunstan Chex.

Not that one.

That wasn't Jackson.

No, he wasn't in that.

He wasn't in that.

He wasn't in that.

He wasn't in that.

He wasn't in that.

He wasn't in that.

The very end of the Sopranos.

The final scene of the Soprano.

The final frame.

The last frame of the Sopranos.

God, he would have gone down.

Fucking Darth Vader.

That would have been a really good run, man.

Poor guy.

Felix the cat.

Fuck.

Yeah, that would have been tight.

I rewatched Dark City again the other night.

That's another nice little double feature if you want to do for yourself.

Dark City and then this 13th floor.

Yeah.

13th floor.

Similar vibes.

Yeah.

Who's that?

We should program a film.

Craig Birko.

That's a cool name.

Birko.

Craig Fucco.

Yeah.

Craig Fucco.

Can you imagine?

What would that be like?

He's like, hello, my name is Craig.

This is the customer service of Jenny Craig.

You need to send pictures of your poster to prove you have not become fat.

We are doing this.

Is hello, my name is

Jenny Craig,

and I'm calling to see if maybe you wanted to lose weight.

We have a very sophisticated program.

You send a picture of your pussy.

We tell you how many losing weight you can do.

Can you tell me how big your TT is?

Maybe

for whatever reason, the woman is.

She's like,

oh my god,

One more.

I mean,

the wires.

The wires of my

there was an accident with the wires.

Can you please go on

you are saying your boob is big?

One of the wires was

tell me more.

Frank Birko.

Let's see what he looks like.

He looks kind of stupid.

He's got like a weird shaped.

He looks like

this guy.

Yeah.

Yeah, he is weird looking.

I don't really.

Oh, yes, he he was Tom Ryan in Scary Movie 4.

Mm-hmm.

The 13th floor.

The 13th Inch.

I went to the cinema this weekend when it was raining.

What'd you see?

I saw that Stripper movie.

Zola.

Zola, yeah.

Was it good?

Is that good?

I thought they were all beautiful.

No, tell us what you thought about the movie.

Was there breasts in it?

Well, I already read the Twitter thread, so it wasn't like that.

Let's go ahead and we're going to pull up reviews of the movie and then ask Adam what he thought of the movie and see if he says anything verbatim.

I'll tell you right now.

I like that it was short.

I like that it was short.

Should have had a lot in common with you.

It would be 85 minutes long or something.

Did you see tits, bare tits?

You see tits.

You see ladies working pole.

Do you see their pussies?

You don't see pussy.

No, you see Soft Cock.

Softcock and Tit.

And Tit.

Yeah, Tit and

some.

That's weird.

We were just talking about whales, and there's a movie about the loneliest whale.

Would you know about that?

The 52 Hertz whale?

Yeah, this is what I was talking about.

Oh, I didn't realize they made a documentary.

They made a documentary.

Yeah.

Well, it's not, it's yeah, it's a whale that can't communicate with other whales because it speaks at the wrong frequency.

Its voice is too gay.

So sad.

So other whales can't hear it.

He's like, Cai, where are we hanging out?

And the other whales are like, what's that noise?

So he has to swim alone?

He swims alone, yeah.

That's so sad.

It's rated PG for brief smoking and some unsettling whaling images.

Oh, whales getting murdered?

Whose cock do you see in Zola?

A guy from John.

No, you see not that guy.

Not Cousin Greg.

I would have loved to see Cousin Greg.

You see a John.

What the guy is coming up to have sex with her for money.

Oh, we got a movie called Pig.

Stav.

We got a Pig movie and a whale movie.

Pig does look cool.

It's the summer of Stav at the movie theaters.

Yeah.

First of all, Pig does look cool.

What is Pig?

It's about Nicholas Cage and and somebody steals his prize truffle.

They got it.

Then add a movie, Old

Little As Dick, the Nick Mullen story.

No, that's not a movie.

I'm looking at the actual titles and making jokes off of them.

Yeah, that's what I'm doing, too.

No, that's not one of the movies.

Little gay bitch looking lovely.

The second Nick Mullen story.

Yeah.

This is your last letter from your lover, Stav.

It's a movie about you, and the letter says, I'm a man.

Fuck.

Cool.

Seriously?

Fuck.

Jungle Cruise?

Uh-huh.

It's like, okay, how much more of this

black LGBT stuff are we going to do?

How many more movies?

What is that?

Like Moonlight 2, Jungle Cruise?

Something like that.

Oh, I see.

That's where we're going with that one.

The Green Knight.

Was that the one Matt Damon tries to get his daughter back or something?

No, that's Stillwater.

Stillwater.

Yeah, my name is.

I don't know nothing about this movie, but looking at the title, it's Matt Dan being like, oh, my name's David Stillwater and somebody raped my daughter.

Yeah, yeah, that's bad.

I think that's it.

My name's David Stillwater, and I'm down here to be a fucking guy

to my daughter.

I'm a fucking girl.

I'm going to get my daughter back, and then we're going to fucking.

I'm going to get some pussy along the way.

I'm going to buy that on DVD just to watch him in a little director's chair crossing his legs, being like, well, you really have to get into the mind of somebody whose daughter has been taken.

Right.

You know, and then it's like, that's true.

So I started for.

That is how you would pretend to be that guy.

Oh, speaking of which, if you want to pretend to be a different, if you want to bet on sports,

speaking of, then you can go to mybookie.ag.

Yep.

The best place to bet on.

Adam, why don't you take it away?

This time, I'm going to be the one taking a bathroom break.

Okay, go for it.

And talk about it, because here's the thing.

Because there's a big fight coming up.

You guys already know about mybookie.ag, but

you are right.

There's a big fight.

That's right.

Conor McGregor versus Dustin Poirier 3.

Condom McWhorter N-Word, what's his name?

Condom McN-Word.

Condom McGregor.

And Dustin Diamond.

He's coming back from the dead.

Dustin Diamond.

We all saw his cock in that one thing.

This says the fight is July 10th, by the way.

Which would be this Saturday.

Maybe, yes.

So just something to keep in mind.

So it was a hell of a fight.

There are sure to be more fights.

There are a lot of fights coming up.

There are a lot of fights, and there are a lot of bets you can make on those fights.

Oh, yeah.

Currently, or last week,

Gregor was the underdog.

Plus 105.

Well, he lost last time to Dustin Porter.

That's right.

I believe they fought it in Abu Dhabi.

Abu Dhabi, I believe.

Yeah, Fight Island.

Fight Island.

Which is where Stav and I like to go sometimes and tell people we're going to fight, fight, but we're really, what are we going to do?

We're going to fuck.

We're going to fuck.

What's beautiful about

mybookie.ag

is that they're a very fair company.

Yes, it's mybookie.

Yeah.

Very fair, very on the up and up, and very

transparent.

Yeah.

Legal.

And what you're going to want to do with them is you're going to want to fuck it.

Look, there's a lot to bet on.

We got the NBA Finals going on or having already happened.

We got these big fights coming up or having already happened.

NFL is right around the corner, folks.

Yeah.

Okay.

Mini camps, people reporting.

Mini camps.

People reporting.

You got rookies showing up.

Will Aaron Rodgers still be there?

Is Tom Brady going to get his fucking, what is it, Aethring?

That fucking piece of shit?

Something like that.

And they also have a nice little fucking...

Probably some kind of money-back guarantee or something like that.

Bonus, where you sign up, you deposit money, and then they add to they match it.

Or you get to fuck around with more money that's not your money how about a movie called dunston checks out

yeah and uh

okay what what is it does he gamble he gambles yeah

and he but he's checking into a casino eventually he checks out hence the title of the movie right so similar to the hotel he he has to leave the hotel and uh and the casino is uh

or sorry it is a hotel it's a hotel casino there and he checks into uh

hold on i'm trying to remember which casino he checks into or hotel he checks into but he checks into a hotel and uh he goes into a closet and he fucking puts a rope or an extension cord around his neck and he checks out and he checks out yeah david carradine style no

where did robin williams go and start

I don't remember.

But it's like the world of monkeys.

Right.

Kind of trying to tie what we started the other day.

Yeah.

And he bets on it.

It's a casino.

That's why it's a casino is because we're doing the ad room.

Right.

That's what it is.

Yeah.

So he's at mybookie.ag,

and he's a chimp that's killing himself a la Robin Williams.

Yep.

And that's.

But before he puts a nice weight.

And the reason he's doing it is because he can't pay the money, he bet.

He can't.

He could not stand the leg.

Legally, because he's a chimpanzee.

He's a chimpanzee.

You, on the other hand, are a person.

Your Honor, there's nothing in the law that says a chimp can't force a woman to have sex at gunpoint.

I do declare this chimp is innocent.

They probably would just kill a chimp that raped, right?

No.

There's nothing in the rule book.

He would never stay in trial.

No, it was show me where it says that in the rule book.

But he wouldn't stand trial.

The prosecutor would be a little bit too ambitious.

Correct it.

Charge it as an adult.

You know, classic prosecutor style.

Even though his brain is in the middle of the story.

Well, hold on here, Chuck.

We're looking in the rule book here, and there's nothing that says that the pitcher is not allowed to look at child pornography on the mound.

That's true.

It's just plain not in here.

You can't have sticky stuff, but you can't.

Rookie of the Year, too.

New Line Cinema Presents.

Rookie of the Year.

A child molester.

Yeah.

A hot prospect that was in jail for 10 years for molesting a child.

How the hell are we going to beat a team?

with the best pitcher in the world when he's in fifth grade.

What if I had an idea idea that was so crazy it just might work?

All right, let's hear it.

We get a pedophile.

New line cinema presents.

Rookie of the Year 2.

Guess who's getting molested?

Oh, so the pitcher would molest you.

And you know what?

If you were in the universe of Rookie of the Year 2.

You you can't play the game.

He's looking at pictures of my penis on the mound and showing them

to the monitors.

It's all over my child.

My child penis is all over the TV being broadcast out.

Well, there's nothing in the rule book.

Sorry, Chief.

They just go to the rulebook umpire 35 times in that movie.

And then the surprise is they find out that the umpire doesn't know how to read.

Right, it's been all over.

They actually, because the Major League Baseball rule book is 85 volumes.

It's a cumulative 60,000 pages, which you can read at mybookie.ag by the way.

Yes.

And if you existed in the Universal Rookie of the Year 2, you could bet on those games.

And in 1909, they did, in fact, make it illegal to look at child pornography

on the mound.

And not for, just because the games were taken too long.

The games would take too long because the pitchers would spend half of it.

It was still illegal to masturbate in those days, but photography was new.

Right.

And naturally, as soon as they invented cameras, the first thing that happened was somebody made child pornography.

Naturally.

And then they ruined it for everybody.

Fun, I mean.

Right.

So, mybookie.

So, what kind of deposit bonus are we working with here?

$1,000.

You deposit $1,000, they'll give you $10,000.

That's not way true.

I think it's up to $1,000.

They'll match it.

If you sign up at mybookie.ag and you email pictures of your pussy to Vickram

at mybookie.

Vickrum at mybookie.ag

and they will match your deposit $1,000.

They'll match your deposit up to $1,000.

And then there's something about super spreads and fucking parlays and all kinds of good shit.

All kinds of box options and derivatives.

Yeah,

you can really stretch your money.

You fucking, listen, you got a fucking parlay that you love.

You can bet like a hundred bucks,

fucking win like a thousand or some fucking shit.

Don't forget to use promo code ComeTown or ComeTown20 if at all you're ever presented with the option to get for a promo code

for some kind of

something bonus.

Yeah.

There's something in there.

Something good's gonna happen.

That's what we like to call an Easter egg.

It's finding the part of the website where they track the performance of the.

Right.

It's important that you do that.

We're not going to tell you how, but it's important that you're important to know how to do it, and we can't tell you how.

It's a game.

But if you love us, you'll do it.

And you'll do it.

And tell them we sent you.

And tell them

Tom Sizemore says.

He's innocent.

Yeah, Tom Sizemore innocent.

First, they let Cosby out of jail.

Next, we got to get Tom Sizemore out of it.

Tom Sizemore and then Harvey Weinstein.

Yeah.

That's more of a you issue, Adam.

Why me?

I thought we were all on the same board.

I think you know.

Get all men out of jail.

Free them all.

Free the guys.

Leave the ladies and free the men.

Yep.

You know what I had recently?

Oysters, man.

They're good.

When was the last time you guys had a nice oyster?

Not too long ago, probably.

I like them.

You know, it would be a fun movie.

It's a movie where it's like Peter Green, Tom Sizemore, Mickey Rourke.

Oh, yeah.

I like that cast.

I'm trying to think of some other guys that would be like, they used to be hot in the 90s, guys.

Guys that are very fucking good actors who just could not

not

deal.

Their faces tell the story.

Either drugs or whatever.

Bolasting a child in Tom Plastics.

And

it's like the three of them, and they're like...

Peter Green's the guy from the mask, right?

Yeah.

That guy was awesome.

He had everything going for him.

Wait, there's also some fucking singer named Peter Green.

What?

Peter Allen Greenbaum, professionally known as Peter Green.

Oh, Fleetwood Mac.

Oh, yes.

His name is Peter Green.

I know Lindsey Buckingham.

And Mick Fleetwood.

They were all sucking each other's cocks in Fleetwood Mac.

No, dude, it wasn't gay.

They were just swapping the girls.

They were just fucking fucking the girls and trading them.

Damn.

It's weird that we only did that with that one girl.

Who?

You know, R.I.P., Wink, Wink.

Jesus Christ.

What?

Now people know by now.

Wink wink.

Yeah, you know, that girl we killed.

We didn't kill

her.

We went on tour and cincinnati.

We called it the Cince

The

I don't know, something.

I thought we weren't going to talk about what happened in Cincinnati at Go Bananas.

Wincy and Cincy.

The Wincy and Cincy.

The Wincy and Cincy.

That woman we ran a train on and killed.

Murdered her, you know.

Oh, now that you're saying it, I remember it.

She wasn't going to tell.

She couldn't even remember.

Remember that?

That woman, and

she was like, I'm lost.

I don't know what my family is.

And we were like, there's a way for you.

We were like, oh, I get it.

You think we're famous and you're going to take advantage of help?

My car broke.

She was saying,

who are you?

And then we were like, Zip?

Yeah, we said zip.

And she's like, what do you mean?

Why are you saying zip?

Why are you saying zip?

And I was like,

excuse me, ma'am.

She's like, are you doing an impression of an Indian person?

No, it's a robot, actually.

And I'm like, no, actually, it's not me.

It's the government.

Yeah.

And then we killed her.

Well, we ran a train, and then we could.

Well, none of us could get hard, but yeah.

Yeah, it's true.

Well, it still counts.

It was a model train.

I conducted into a dead woman.

Well, Adam sucked my soft dick while I dressed up like a conductor, drove a train into a dead woman's pussy.

I thought that's what running a train was.

But yeah, your original point does stand.

Why was that the only thing?

Yeah, we only did that one time.

Why we only did it that way?

I mean, that's why the show sucks now.

Yeah, we gotta fuck a bitch together.

That'll reinvigorate him.

We gotta have a devil's three-way or fighting.

This is the way the Democratic Party thinks, by the way, that's true.

Literally, it's like,

why are we losing elections?

It's true.

We've got to run a truck.

We got to molest more children.

11-year-old girl.

I'll call up Jeffy.

We'll have another Winsey in Sanskrit.

All right, Pete.

Hillary's still got the conductor.

Hillary's got all those pictures of me and the conductor outfit on the private email server.

Goddamn, you know, Clinton's fucked some, like, put on some wacky costumes to molest kids.

You know, he's fucked in, like, a crown and, like, a fucking, some kind of harness.

Kind of a British judge's situation.

A wig, maybe, for sure.

Or just those fucking weird masks, those weird, like, satanic, like, the eyes.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, look at me.

I'm an owl that rapes.

Who's going to get raped?

Who's going to believe you?

Who's going to believe you?

Yeah.

They're definitely putting on the Oogabooga mask from Crash Bandicoot.

Now that was a fucking

lady.

That was a fuck mask if I've ever seen it.

Yeah, maybe I'll play.

I have Crash Bandicoot for PS4, the remaster, that I bought for

various women in my life

who are now

dearly departed.

If Nick invites you ever to play Crash Bandicoot, run.

Oh, fuck.

That's pretty fun.

Girls do like Crash Bandicoot.

Mm-hmm.

And Spyro.

But I like Spy.

How about Crash Brandicoot?

And it's the woman that Brandy killed.

Did she kill somebody?

Yeah, Moesha killed somebody.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, she like rear-ended somebody and killed her.

Oh, with death?

Yeah, to death,

damn.

Yeah.

I call her Reijay's sister, personally.

I think Ray Jay's like Monday Williams.

Mo Speed Sha Mo Speed Sha because of her car no brakes

no brakes is good

she didn't have the Caitlin on her

Hong Kong Isha

oh right Caitlin Jenner did that also well Bruce did Bruce did but she then she was reborn into a person that's never killed any perfect crime the perfect crime and if she kills again she gotta go back to Bruce she got into a gender offender and

Offender is rendering.

Offender, gender.

Offender, gender.

Yeah.

Classic.

And

yeah,

the accident happened, and the investigators showed up, and they said they pointed at

Caitlin Joner's car.

And they said, I think something's wrong with that tranny.

Talking about the

transmission.

Yes.

Yes.

And that's

one way to

work that slur in.

That's one way to game the situation.

I don't know.

Yeah, sure.

Yep.

Okay, well then why don't you do one?

Go ahead, Adam.

Go ahead and do one.

You have to say a slur.

Yep.

You're not allowed to.

You can't criticize the slur.

That's why I just sit him out when he says.

You either go no or I sit him out.

Yeah, I should have to say that.

No, you're joining.

I'm not sure if I should say no.

That creates balance.

Exactly.

It's not to sit there and be snarky.

I wasn't being snarky.

Oh, you weren't?

I said that's one way to get away with saying the slur,

which is an accurate statement.

So you guys both have the force?

We're the four.

I'm the Jedi, Nick's the Sisters.

No, I'm Han Sola.

I'm just kidding.

Go force.

No chance.

I'm fine not having the force.

You're the nerd watching Star Wars complaining that it's not as

baby movie as good as.

I'm in the movie, too.

I'm in the movie too.

No, that's one way to work in that slur.

The most you've contributed to this show in a a year is literally shitting yourself.

That was awesome.

I'll do my part again.

How are you doing?

How are your guts going on?

I haven't had dare shitting on you.

Also, my friend Alex, who I had dinner with the night before, said that he had a very close call that day.

So I think we probably.

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Oh, I heard somebody else almost shit themselves.

What did you guys eat?

We went to, we got like pasta.

You know how many fucking, hold on.

You know how many times I've almost shit myself?

The whole world operates.

It's the same thing as, it's the same thing as the supply chains.

Yes.

All right.

That's here.

This shit gets fucking hacked, and now gas is a million dollars, and it's the shortages all over the south.

The infrastructure of the adult world across the board is fake.

And it's not because of ideology.

It's because no one knows what they're fucking doing.

Right.

It's not because we have a broken system.

Every system would be broken.

Every adult in the world is going around almost shitting themselves once or twice a week.

The difference is that they don't do it.

You did.

I did it.

Stav was in the bathroom, and I said, oh no.

It's called homeostasis.

Yes.

Life is an extremely fragile, beautiful gift from God that can be taken away at any second.

We're perpetually in a state of almost shitting ourselves.

And you,

as a godless worm,

who can't help himself but say,

to mock me,

I wasn't mocking you.

Talking for

translation.

For using slogans.

Against transformers.

Who deserves it?

It's a moment that they killed somebody, and I'm not even doing it.

I'm saying that's what the...

The cop did that.

The cop did, because my point...

Because you know, when a cop gets to a scene, they immediately diagnose what's wrong with the cars.

My point,

as it's always been, has been that the police are part of a

justilized type of

system.

It's the character of the police.

The police are part of an injustice.

White supremacy.

Right.

They're part of a colonic injustice.

Yes, sir.

Directed towards my colorful ass trans family.

Yes.

Well, Caitlin's not.

And so do I use slurs?

Yes, but in the service of education,

brother.

And justice.

Now, we're going to end the show with 20 minutes of Judge Joe Brown defending Bill Cosby.

It's a matter of...

He didn't do it.

He didn't do it.

If you go into a court situation and you have respectable doubt, that doubt isn't taken away simply by the fact that the accusations have been made because

accusations beyond, or lack of beyond, a reasonable doubt are simply that and nothing more, and they carry no weight.

That argument he's making is truly hilarious.

It's awesome.

It does not.

For a a judge to say that is like

for anybody.

It's just

like, well, they're accusations until they've been proven beyond the reason.

And if they're not proven, they're not real.

Then it doesn't exist at all.

The reality exists within the confines of the court system.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah.

That means that you can do a horrible thing and get it.

Anyways, folks, after all,

that's not the word to use.

Come.town for t-shirts.

Go to stopby.biz.

I'm on tour, baby.

I need you to buy some tickets.

And you can buy the tickets at patreon.com/slash come town.

Well, maybe you'll put a nice link up there.

That would be nice.

Absolutely.

Go to stopby.biz slash tour.

How about this?

A secret discount link.

No discount.

It will be paying full price.

Are once again free.

They will not be free.

Tickets are free.

But I'm coming to Portland, Seattle, Utah,

Minneapolis, Denver, San Antonio, Cleveland, Phoenix, Madison, Detroit, New Orleans, Tampa, Boston.

Oh, my God.

My favorite cities.

Some of the best places to get food or to get top at, folks.

So please come out, buy those.

Stopby.biz slash tour.

We got fucking Funny Moms coming up Monday.

Funny Moms is the first Monday, or every Monday except for the first Monday of the month.

We will be off for August.

That's right, but we will be sitting on the West Coast.

We will be back in September, but get the

And I got fed Tuesdays,

July 27th, and I'm at Union Hall.

The last chance to see me do my hour will be in the city, will be July the 20th at Union Hall.

And I will not be on tour ever again.

Please don't ever contact me.

Leave me alone.