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The original 100% muck proof boots with my pussy and a farm.
Little boy blue and mine in the morning.
And my dicks on my
dick sex and I'm
welcome to Cometown.
Oh my god, so much shit's going the fuck.
Home of challenge pissing.
This week in the news,
number one, Chris Delicha
by having sex with him.
Friend of the show.
He's not a friend of the show.
Best friend of the show.
My friend was.
Are you guys friends with him?
Yeah, dude.
Delia?
Yeah, we go back.
I was at the mics with Delia.
Yeah,
we used to go to sneaker swaps.
Me and the crew called.
We do meetups.
We call ourselves the shitty comics.
And it was me and some of the loudest guys in Los Angeles.
I was there the first time Dahlia raised one eyebrow after a punch.
Oh, it must have set the room on fire.
Dude, it was like a moment in history.
It was like, I ain't scared of you, motherfucker, at that level.
I didn't really, I didn't pay attention to that story.
I'm glad I didn't say anything because it did look like initially that like...
He had just hit on a bunch of women.
And then anytime.
It seems pretty.
Well, no, I'm telling initially yeah yeah because it was like one that was like you know he was hitting on me when i was 17 and then he posted the full exchange and she was like i'm 17 he was like oh that's too young and he stopped talking to her that was i i mean i barely paid attention to it yeah i don't remember yeah but now there's lawsuit i think there's a bunch of women who say he was trying to fuck them when they were underage i never liked him i never even know i never liked him because there's a video of him saying that there's no such thing as like hollywood pedophiles oh that was an awesome one well his dad's a producer yeah so his dad's got to be a pedophile.
His dad's definitely a pedophile.
And it's like.
So it runs in the family.
And I'm sexed into it.
Yeah, he's like, this thing of ours.
Yeah.
Fucking children.
Christopher.
He's like, Christopher, don't fucking talk.
It's an olive garden sort of thing.
Yeah.
You know, when you're here, you're six.
When you're here, you're getting your dick sucked by an elderly Jewish producer.
But that, yeah, the lawsuit and the stuff in there is pretty.
What does it say?
It's pretty wild, dude.
Some of the stuff.
Like teenage kids.
Yeah, like teenage teenage kids.
He solicited dudes off like 16-year-olds.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, so he did.
Look, I have no doubt.
The thing is,
it's very possible that he could be...
He's sort of like, I mean, not that there's much of a generational gap, but sort of like a Michael Jackson situation.
Someone's so talented.
Yeah, where it's like, I have no doubt in my mind that he has raped children, infants even.
Crystalia.
Yeah, raped and murdered babies.
But at what point is someone's art art so transparent?
For example, one that always sticks with me is the joke where it's
chicks are crazy and guys just don't give a fuck.
Yeah.
That is one of the best premises.
Chicks are crazy.
One of the best premises I've ever heard in my life.
He does like a three-minute bit on that premise.
Stand-up wrong.
Because girls
are crazy.
Guys just don't give a fuck.
Stand-up comedy is so cool.
But here's the thing, though.
Some of the greatest bits of all time operate in that
IQ race.
That's true.
Yeah, but that's just.
He really milks girls are crazy and guys just don't give a fuck.
Yeah, that's cool.
I mean, but I guess he proved it.
You know?
Yeah.
He just didn't give a fuck.
He didn't give a fuck about his defense.
Law, age of consent law.
It's like, Your Honor, I just don't give a fuck.
Yeah, and those chicks, they were crazy.
What's wild with him?
It's like, bro.
You know, he could have fucked 21-year-olds.
That's what, you know what I mean?
It's like,
but he just wanted to fuck 16.
Like,
it's funny.
Yeah.
You're saying that if he couldn't get pussy, he would have to.
No, I'm just saying it's weird.
He's not like a teen idol.
You know what I mean?
Where, like,
he had to seek out teens.
Like, I bet you Justin Bieber or like whoever the fuck.
I mean, Justin Bieber was fucking adults when he was a kid.
That's true, that's true.
Justin Bieber is like the cool kid that's pretty cool that has sex with the teens.
Justin Bieber is a pimp that's true yeah
yeah
i remember the other day uh after there's a paparazzi picture of justin's penis was there when his father tweeted he was like i'm one proud daddy or something because his cock was big
yeah
yeah his parents are just canadian trash right yeah they're white trash canadian that's awesome Whatever, dude.
I fuck with that guy heavy.
Justin Bieber's dad?
No.
Crystal Bieber.
Crystal Lee is who you mean oh i meant crystal lee i guess yeah well there was stuff in there in that like uh that that complaint i guess i don't know the right words adam help me out here yeah complaints and it's a civil complaint or a criminal one um he's being sued so i guess it's civil okay but it he hasn't been arrested right but it alleges criminal activity sure yeah that just means there's a different burden of proof right it's lower it's preponderance of the evidence it's more likely than as your attorney i say it's More likely than not.
That's why OJ lost a civil suit to the Goldens.
And the Browns.
One of the most fucked up miscarriages of justice.
The man was innocent by a court of law.
Yeah, there's like
according to the Double Jeopardy.
He's got Double Jeopardy.
Classic Double Jeopardy.
Damn, now I just want to rewatch Double Jeopardy.
Yeah, Ash Jeopardy.
I'm trying to get my dicks up by Ash.
Yeah, Ash Judd.
I think it's that one.
I'm trying to remember.
And Winona for that.
The beginning of that.
I want the whole fan to slob on on my knob.
The beginning of that movie is edited in such a retarded way that there's like four scenes in a row where she's reacting to her husband being murdered and having like an emotional breakdown.
Yeah.
There's like the first part where he is murdered.
And then again, when like the cops are like,
like we can't find him or something.
I've never saw it.
And then again, we'll put, let's just throw it off.
Tommy Lee Jones fucks her in it or no?
We're going to look in every asshole, every pussy.
Tommy doesn't get pussy in movies.
Does Tommy get pussy off her?
He's never gotten pussy in any movie.
No, I don't think so.
I honestly don't think so.
God.
Can you imagine a career?
He might as well not even be an actor.
No, because he can't simulate soft course.
He's up ahead in the past, and he was getting pussy.
He turned around and he said, none of this is for you, son.
No, but he just rode off when I woke up.
No pussy for Tommy LJ.
Yeah, no, in the complaint, it says that he
there's like some 17-year-old he kind of like emotionally manipulated or was
weird to fucked also, just to be clear.
Yeah, but he gaslighted her, but then he like
the worst.
But then he was like to hear that he was gaslighting her.
He was gaslighting her.
Oh, God.
No, I guess he was like, I want you to meet her.
He was like trying to pimper out to his friends.
That's fucked up.
Jesus Christ.
So it was what?
It was Bobby Lee.
It was Bobby Lee, Bobby Kelly.
Bobby Kelly.
The Bobby crew.
The Bobby.
They call him the Bobby Pimps.
Yes.
They would sing as a barbershop quartet while raping children.
The Howie Mandel cartoon Bobby's world.
That's wild.
This has got to be, like, I don't know how much
sense of community there is among like LA comedians, but can you imagine if like
Aaron Berg, we found out he was raping children and then like he was also getting like Gino and
I mean fucking like Patrick from the stand and all that.
Patrick's like, yeah, Aaron's coming by.
He's bringing some putty pie for it.
I love your Patrick's Jay Leno.
They have a very, well, it's just like kind of generic Long Island kind of.
Yeah.
You know.
Damn, I haven't seen Patrick in quite some time.
Yeah.
I wonder how he was.
Ben will be back.
I know.
Yeah.
It will be back with a vengeance.
I was trying to get back.
I can't wait to see.
Patrick was always my favorite guy.
Oh, I love Patrick.
Out of that.
Out of that.
And that
whole operation.
Yeah, dude.
Patrick was showing the team love before we had anything going on.
Operation Dumbo Drop.
Yeah.
Do you remember that movie?
No.
It's a Vietnam movie about putting an elephant,
dropping it with a parachute
behind enemy lines.
Oh, I remember because it was actually.
It was based on a story about my dick.
It was based on a story about just your entire body, your elephant.
It was my dick.
My dick is the size of an elephant.
No, it's because
it looks like Dumbo.
And then when they see your penis, like a woman's expecting an elephant's penis, but then it's an infant's it goes elephant infant why would that make sense and the dumbo drop is the drop in in in expectation that's not
it's a literal thing it's the drip dumbo delta dumbo is my dick it's the expectation delta they put me in to fuck all the whores in uh in ho chiman's uh
this dick's too small
we can't we can't put this elephant in the plane the small dick's gonna mess up the aerodynamics
they got how that makes sense
that doesn't even make sense
the aerodynamics is gonna be messed up if we put the smallest dick elephant listen i've been i've been in vietnam for 62 years
i've been doing this war since 1932 and you're still in the shit and i'm still i've been in the shit the whole time i'm still in the shit what it was french indochina i came to da nang before back back when they before the civil war happened
they supposed they called me a house soldier
because they said we're going to send you to the fields but it's a different kind.
They got rice in them.
They got rice in there.
The yellow man high deep down in there, and he covers pointed sticks and shit, and he jams them up into your legs.
Interesting.
It's true.
They're treacherous.
They're treacherous, folks.
Folks.
Who's he talking to?
Is he doing a bit?
The rice paddy?
These are actual scenes from Operation Dumbo Drum.
Yeah, you haven't just said.
Why did we do that?
We got to get these chinks and elephants so we can end the war.
I mean, that's the premise of the distance.
That's what it was.
I got an idea.
I got an idea.
I haven't seen it, and I don't think they say that.
I haven't seen it.
I'm pretty sure.
Riggs, we got to get these.
No, we don't.
We got to get these
Danny Glover.
We got an elephant.
We're going to trade it to the.
No, we're not.
We're going to trade these zipperheads and elephant.
That's how the war is going to like it.
Didn't you say it was a Disney movie, Adam?
Yeah, it's about a man who tries to end the Vietnam War with slurs.
Oh, it is Danny Glover.
Yeah, why the fuck would he be doing even Ayingu Day?
Why would he be doing it?
Yeah, the voice.
What the fuck?
No, I didn't remember that it was him.
Well, didn't you put it together when he was doing a cover?
No, I thought he was doing like a
Vietnam black guy.
That's Danny Glover, man.
I knew he was doing Danny Glover
in the movie.
Look, they all got
skimp dicks.
We're going to send an elephant over there.
He's going to think the dick's peanuts.
He's going to rip them all off with his nose.
Interesting.
And that ought to end it all.
God damn it, Danny.
You've done it again.
Danny?
God damn it, Lieutenant Danny.
You're the best black Marine we've ever had.
This is the smartest colored Marine we've ever had.
He came up with an idea to get an elephant to
eat all the Viet Cong's dicks because they look like peanuts.
That's the smartest thing we've ever heard.
Unfortunately the operation backfired because one of the guys' dicks looked like a mouse and the elephant got scared.
What the hell were they doing with this damn elephant in the middle of Vietnam?
Didn't they have elephants over there?
I think so.
So why the fuck are you dropping more elephants?
I think I want to go to a special elephant.
You want to have sex in Vietnam.
See, I get an idea.
We're going to go to Vietnam and we're going to have sex.
I just watched Wall Street.
Wall Street.
It's not a very good movie.
It's a movie about getting pussy.
It's a movie about making pussy.
That'd be awesome.
That's an awesome movie.
I'm trying to see.
You know why you move to New York?
You move here to have sex.
That's true.
When I get this job on Wall Street, I said, there's one thing I'm going to do.
I'm going to have sex.
Adam, do you think there's anywhere on the world, in the world, where you would have more sex than here?
This is one of the few.
They're in like a 20-block radius.
I'll go the opposite.
impossible for me to have sex anywhere else but here
you think i can go to fucking stockholm and have sex
they're not gonna have sex with me they're gonna have sex with your mouth
they will have sex with your mouth that's true you think i can go to oddest ababon it was funny when we were in japan because it's like there's no way stop's fucking there how dare you dude but did you
What do you mean, did I?
I was with you.
He wasn't on the poll.
Saw wasn't on, he wasn't trolling for puss.
Couldn't do it.
Not in Japan.
He was getting ready to go to Australia, a nice quat country to have sex.
Even if you went to one of your little cat houses, it would be like, well, sorry, we only do humans.
Are you kidding me, dude?
A fat, jolly white man?
I think it's...
I would get pussy in.
I looked up how to get pussy in one of those places, and it sounds scary.
Like, because the.
What do you mean?
You looked up how to get pussy in one of those places.
I looked it up.
You considered buying a whore when we were in Japan with your girlfriend?
No, I was just looking up how you do it.
Oh.
Just, you know, it the old Pete Townsend defense.
He was leaving right now.
No, we were living right, we were staying right next to the Red Light District.
I was like, oh, what's, you know, I was reading about it.
And the whole thing.
I wanted to be a Crystalia was like, I was doing research.
I was doing research to see what a 17-year-old's pussy felt like.
No, we were walking down the street, and all those Nigerian guys are on the street trying to bark, like they're doing barking, trying to get you to go in the middle.
Yeah, y'all were talking to them, and it's like, what are you doing talking to people in a strange country?
I don't know.
But the whole thing's run by the Yakuza and it's scary.
And apparently, they live in a city.
They give you a price, and then you're done fucking in there.
They can say any price they want.
And then they'll chop you with a sword or something.
No thanks.
Yeah, I'm a little too scared.
I would prefer European-style brothel culture.
I don't think that they want non-Japanese.
Why is that?
In the,
I don't know.
Yeah, no penis.
No bring penis.
Yeah, don't ruin their pussies with your non-Japanese dicks.
The best part of that whole trip was when I was like, sort of, we were on the escalator, and I was like putting my ass in someone's face.
I can't remember who it was.
Yeah, pretending to be like Ben, like, you know, whatever.
It was the perfect leverages and heights separation on the escalator.
Literally, your hole is in Adam's nose.
His nose is.
And then I turn around and there's pretty good.
No, there's a Japanese lady behind us that looked like
so disgusting.
Right, exactly.
She cannot believe the fucking dishonesty.
Because in her mind, she probably lived through the occupation.
So it was guys that looked just like me 50 years ago putting cigarettes out on her fucking, like, you know, her bento box when she's coming home from,
you know, school from calligraphy school.
After all of her friends were killed by the bomb, and then it's some bubblegum chewing GI that's like, hey, Mac, what if I put my ass in your face?
Look, here comes one of them.
you know I tell you the Marines they got a colored guy that's figuring this whole operation out with a dumbo
the senate they got they're doing another one of these but down in Vietnam it's like this place except you can fuck the kids there
It's the same as Japan, except the little boys are grown women and you can fuck them.
The little boys, they give them tits.
They give them tits.
It's like Shakespeare times.
It's like a regular globe theater over there.
But anyways, they're sitting in an elephant.
I guess I should keep it on the down low, lest any of these Japanese hear what I'm saying.
Tell their cousins over in Vietnam.
You don't want them telling the I guess you call them their brothers, but now they're sisters or something.
I'm trying to go to Vietnam, dude.
I love it.
I love fucking Vietnamese food.
I'm trying to get a real-ass bonhi, bro.
I'm trying to, yeah.
I'm trying to slurp up some real-ass pho.
Yeah.
And the next level up, because I feel like, you know, there's got to be other cuisines.
I want to go see
that.
I want to know.
And, you know, they can see the city.
Maybe go down to Thailand.
I definitely want to go see Thailand as well.
I want to go see the jungles down there.
Nah, I don't want all that.
I know.
You at the beach.
Me and Saab are going to be at the beach.
I'm just trying to see how fucking wild nature can get.
Saw,
let me get you up on the board this summer.
I want a guy that only speaks you up.
You stand up on the board.
Whose entire language just sounds like chewing gum being snapped.
It's a crazy sounding language.
Yeah, and then for him to take me out into the woods with a machete and introduce me to a reticulated python.
Yeah, no thanks.
That's the kind of shit I want to go do.
This goes back, or I guess forward to our discussion about how you don't know how to enjoy things, man.
What I want is
to be paraded around like an aristocrat.
Oh, and appreciate a dangerous animal.
No, yeah.
Fuck that.
It's just, you know, you know what, Adam?
Maybe I will get on the board this time.
Teach their own.
Yeah, I want to get you up on that board.
Because I have an immaculate balance.
I'll tell you.
Dateline tonight, the ocean has been destroyed.
There's no way to destroy the ocean.
They put big-ass boats in there.
How the fuck am I going to destroy it?
The ocean is destroyed.
Coney Island has been wiped out by a massive sea.
The entire ocean on the globe is now in space.
Caused by what we understand to be a meteor colliding with the ocean.
It's like the movie Deep Impact.
Yeah, good.
Fuck Fuck that, actually, because then I can pick up all the octopuses and calamari that I fucking want.
Yeah, that's right.
You got some rock away.
As much
as rock away calamari is there as I can fucking as I have my little heart, dude.
I'm going to go down to the bottom of the Marianna's trench and use it to blast a big echo saying, I can see your pussy from down here.
And every woman in the world will hear it.
Whoa, and she'll be like, what?
She'll be like pussy and nuns.
I can see your pussy from down here, here, here, here.
Dude, imagine all the seafood you would have access to.
I can see your pussy.
Ma'am?
Ma'am, I can see your pussy from down here.
That shit is so scary.
What is
the help?
I'm being raped.
Deep sea to me is by a man with a little ass dig.
I've moved to the bottom of the ocean.
Michael.
Help!
Michael Douglas is raping having sex.
I live at the bottom of of the Marianna Strength.
I have sex.
Sexy down hell.
Because I live in the entire world like a son of my space.
There's a hermit crab in the lips of my ass.
He was shiny.
Shiny from.
The man who was Huffa Kelium got silver lips.
Ape me out.
And our hermit crab
That's fucking wild, Michael.
It's a crazy story.
Wow, you went down there to get pussy, Mike.
I'm with you, though.
It is scary as fuck down there.
They got fucked-up-looking.
They're aliens.
They got fucked-up-looking fish with fucked-up, like sharp shit.
Fucked up scary-looking shit.
Oh, those angler fish?
I don't like those.
And that's just the shit we know about.
See, I remember learning about that when I was in fourth grade, and I was obsessed with angler fish, and I was like, I want to go see one.
You want to go?
I've mentioned this before.
When I saw that documentary about James Cameron in a submarine, that seemed cool to me.
It seemed scary getting down there, but just being down there for an hour seems awesome.
In a ship, it seems awesome.
Yeah.
And also, and also,
I want to find Atlantis.
Yeah.
Well, no, that shit's fake, dude.
No, fuck you.
Well, it's in the Bahamas.
They got a big slide.
You ever see a vampire squid?
No.
Those are cool, too.
I hate that sound of that.
Is that fish that looks like Ted Cruz?
Does that live down there too?
I'm not scared of that, though.
That thing can suck my body.
Look at this thing.
God damn it.
That's wild.
Oh, fuck.
So scary.
That's exactly what I was thinking about.
The shit with the little light bulbs.
That's like what a child would have nightmares about.
I don't fuck with that type of shit.
It's a monster.
I do not fuck with that.
You know what else pisses me off?
Yeah, some angler fish.
It's about the worst.
That sounds like you, Stop.
Some anglerfish are notable for extreme sexual dimorphism.
What is this?
is and sexual symbiosis of the small male with the much larger female
uh okay that's fine with me they're into i don't know what it is they're into big bitches i i i i'll i'm i have a fantasy about getting by a big ass or big ass basketball playing woman yeah yeah i've said this before
Or I've said it.
I feel bad for those guys that are into legit, into giganticism.
Because what they want,
what they want to
actually come will never happen.
Oh, true.
That guy that wants a 40-foot woman to step on him.
You're right.
It's just never going to happen.
You're right.
Because getting to look at breasts while I pump away, getting to look at two big-ass tissues boble,
that gets to happen a lot.
That exists in the material.
But if I wanted two fat breasts that are bigger than me to smush me in the middle, that's not going to happen.
And that does sound awesome, though.
It's kind of nice to be vanilla in that sense.
I'm with you, bro.
Can you imagine just
this fucking thing, dude?
That's a scary fish.
What kind is that?
It's the same kind.
It's so scary.
Fuck that Anglo shit.
Can you imagine just your kink is so specific that you can't even tell your girlfriend?
Yeah, but at the same time, it would be nice to have like a...
Be into something so specific that if somebody just does it.
Vampire squids are cool as shit, though.
Yeah, dude, you got me on my deep sea.
look, dude, don't forget I'm a.
Oh, okay.
I do.
This one looks kind of cool.
Does it have a note?
I'm a wildlife conservation society member.
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
Don't forget, dude.
You're fucking Teddy Roosevelt, dude.
No, I just're one of the rough riders.
I just wanted to park for free at the zoo.
You pay $500 to park twice a year.
Yeah, it's not free.
Yeah.
That's not free with your little dumbass.
No, it is free.
I go to any cost.
You could just walk right in with that car.
Yeah.
It's nice.
You can cruise.
That's like being the first time.
You get cheap diet cokes.
Yes, we do.
Super speciosa.
Yeah.
So when you, you know, what's really nice to do is think about the fucking deep sea and do some fucking
kratom.
Yeah.
Kratom and just think about how trippy it is.
Think about how trippy it is down there.
It's fucking all the monsters.
Super
speciosa.
Brought to you by getsuperleaf.com.
Wow, it's a collabo of some kind.
Wow.
Some kind of
collaborazi.
Collaborazzi.
Collaborazze.
I bet you no one ever expected getsuperleaf.com to be teaming up with super speciosa.
No, dude.
When two legends collide.
Those two names come together.
They finally teamed up.
It's finally team.
Finally got teams.
Dude, Godzilla versus King Kong ain't got shit on Super Especialisa Plus.
SuperLeave.com.
Dude, if I knew as a little kid, which is the crowd,
what a time to be alive.
Remember when the critic was on The Simpsons?
This is like that times five.
That ain't shit compared to this.
That's not shit compared to this fucking bullshit.
When the Flintstones and the Jetsons,
who gives a fuck?
They should bring back the Critic.
Critic was awesome.
That was a good show.
That was me.
He got to get fucked.
John Lovett got
discriminated against for being a Hollywood conservative.
Is he?
I think so.
I don't know.
It's hilarious.
Maybe it's not, but I have a feeling.
Maybe.
I think he probably is.
Anyway, so this is when you're taking Kratom from other places, it's nasty.
It sucks my dick.
It's made in garages.
It's made by bikers.
Chinese people.
Chinese people.
Or worse.
Or even, even worse.
Or even worse.
You can't imagine.
But this shit, it's got the gold double certified
Kratom Association of America.
Yeah.
And we can't claim anything
as anything.
Other than that.
Can we say it's going to cure depression and do make you feel awesome?
You know, you won't have anxiety.
You'll feel better.
You have a pep in your step.
We can't technically say it.
We can't.
But can we feel it in our hearts?
Maybe we can.
And you can't tell me what to think, Chris.
You can't tell me what to feel or what to think.
You can't tell me what to be in my brain.
And then
he's a small woman who believes all that stuff.
Yep.
And that'll never happen.
That'll never happen.
Anyway, so you
all you need to do.
Did you find the copy?
I'm still looking for it.
Sorry.
The problem is that the
Super Specialosa, a great product, is brought to you by some guy with
a stupid Italian name that I can never remember.
Oh, that's the.
Why are you staring in your email?
Was that?
They're all starred.
That's the problem is that
all of the emails are from different, like, here we go.
Ken.
That's his name.
Ken.
Because
he's got like an Italian last name, but then the first name is some Barbie shit.
Oh, it's Ken Cuccinelli.
Yes.
Ken Cucciiti.
Now, I definitely have my own opinions coming to you soon
about how I feel about
kratom, which is very helpful for chronic pain, anxiety, and depression.
God damn it.
No, it's not.
Every time.
It's not.
We can't say that.
Yes, kratom is a plant.
And in our kratom set, and their kratom supplements contain only one ingredient.
Kratom leaves crushed into powder.
The awesome.
The good shit.
They don't adulterate, concentrate, or enhance their product in any way.
It's only natural kratom.
Stray from Mother Gaia's pussy to your lips.
Now, let me tell you, they sent me a bunch of this shit, and I had a very nice week sitting on the couch watching Degrassi drinking kratom and striking out with girls.
Yeah.
And just absolutely blowing it.
That was like a good week to me.
It was honestly, yes.
It seemed pleasant.
Yeah.
Yeah, when there's no complications of getting sucked off, when you're momentarily free from the grips of wanting pussy.
If I could actually
find the energy to plug the switch back into the TV,
then my life would be literally perfect.
And it would be due
to getsuperleaf.com.
And they're passionate about what they do.
Wow.
They are.
That's another thing about it.
They're passionate about what they do, and they view kratom as something that can one day help just as many people as drinking does.
Sorry, it's cannabis stuff.
The stories we hear from our customers are absolutely incredible.
They hear from
the media.
It's not medicine.
Take the story of
Mike from Fond du Lac, Wisconsin.
How about Fond du L Sac, Wisconsin?
Mike writes, just a year ago, I was a coal coal-rolling racist driving up and down the avenue covered in black orphanages, gassing as many of these subhuman people as I could.
Gassing them?
With his truck.
Oh, okay.
He's a coal-roller.
A coal roller.
He's got one of those stacks.
Ah, I see.
I see.
But then
I crashed my car while laughing hysterically during one of my hate crimes, and I didn't have health insurance.
And while I still have insurmountable debt, I can now
afford kratom instead of the powerful drugs that I would get if I had insurance.
And it's made me not racist anymore.
Wow.
Holy shit.
And now I'm married to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortello.
Wow.
That's a big come up.
And yes.
And now I'm her, I'm basically like, I'm her, her trophy husband.
That's husband.
Wow.
That's very in right now.
And she's spending the millions of dollars she's making as
a
senator on me.
And I have all
that.
It's not all because I got fucked up on super, get super leaf kratom.
So thank you, Mike.
Sincerely, Mike, former racist from Fond du Lac, Wisconsin.
Thanks, Mike.
Fond du Lsac, Wisconsin.
The research shows that kratom interacts with the opioid receptors, but in a much safer way.
Oh, I love safety.
What does that mean?
Don't ask questions.
That's a great question, Billy.
Significantly lower risk of dependence and respiratory depression.
Respiratory depression is what causes people to die from overdoses.
Wow.
So just remember, kratom has a significantly risk.
It's less
significantly lower.
It's a much lower risk of dying.
That's so awesome.
That's what I love to hear from my products.
This is significantly risky.
I love when the risk is lower and dying from using it.
This is significant giving the opioid epidemic we face as a country.
If you or anyone on your team has any interest, you can skim through this presentation
recently given by Dr.
McCurdy, who is a leading Kratom researcher from the University of Florida.
That's a real doctor, folks.
Jeanette McCurdy's day.
Yeah, he's doing it.
I'm playing the video now.
My name is Dr.
McCurdy.
You may remember me from the man that invented Christmas lights for your bitches, pussy.
Damn, dress that shit up.
And now I got a new, yeah.
We're saying when it, when I'm fucking, it's always Christmas.
It's fucking.
When I'm fucking my bitch, it's always, it's always
everybody getting presents when I'm fucking.
And now
I'm a leading Kratom researcher
at the University of Florida, and I've been granted funds from Nita Nita at the direction of Congress.
I was like, damn, Nita.
I need a pussy.
I need a pussy.
Lit up so Santa Claus can find his way.
Yeah, light that pussy up.
I'm going to have my bitches click looking like a Roman candle when I'm done with it.
Yeah, getsuperleaf.com slash Come Town is
the place to go for this
awesome product.
If you love sex, you'll love that.
You'll love getsuperleaf.com.
Take your kratom because you can there's so many emails dude
there's so many emails okay
i'm gonna follow up you with some details i think we will send the audience to get superleaf.com slash come town and that will activate the 20 discount look at that
it's a url
need to confirm once we have that set up but if you say a promo code try it yeah just make sure you put come town in in the mix somehow superleaf.com/slash Cometown.
Or you can email Adam and he'll send you the information.
Email me.
Adam the Little Slut.
Adam at come.town.
I've already got it set up to forward everything from my spam folder to his regular Gmail
and everything from that.
Yeah.
Yeah, 20% off
Superleaf.
And they got, so, yeah, superleaf.com.
And it's Super Speciosa is the name.
It's awesome, dude.
It's a great name, dude.
Yeah, I love it because it's like,
it's got like a Latina name.
But this shit's from like fucking Thailand.
Oh, really?
Yeah, it's like some Southeast Asian thing.
That's what Kratom is?
Yeah.
See, that's where you want to go.
But just because it's drugs, it's got to be like
Yeah, the cartel took it up here, the ladies' pussy.
It should have been that, like, you know, like Cheech smokes weed and Chong is addicted to opium.
Yeah.
So Tommy Chong is Chinese.
Yeah.
Hey.
I don't know how.
Hey, Tommy, Tommy, I'm thinking about getting some tacos.
Tommy?
We taking a nap or something, man?
Hey.
Smoke a little.
Tommy, Tommy, quit playing, man.
Tommy, are you okay?
He's from
Edmonton.
We went to that beautiful city.
Thomas B.
Kin Chong.
His mother.
There's a Chinese guy down there with Michael Douglas.
I am down here, too.
Tommy Chong.
His father, Tommy Chong.
Tommy, that's Tommy Chong.
That's Tommy Chong.
I can see your pussy.
Your pussy is mine.
Wow, it's like Mortal Kombat.
What the hell, Tommy Chong?
Your pussy is mine.
Well, in many ways, the Marianna's trench is like
the world's pussy.
Suck my penis.
His mother was Scotch-Irish Canadian, his father was a Chinese-Canadian.
Your father immigrated in the 1930s.
Your father is Chinese.
Hell yeah.
Well, cool.
Get superluke.com slash slash.
Your father is Chinese.
Your father is Chinese.
Shao Kahn.
That's his final move as he turns your dad Chinese.
No!
Son, I love you.
Dad, no.
Oh, where am I?
Dad, it's me.
Don't you remember me?
Every white person looked the same.
I'm trying to play Mahjong in basement.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
What?
He was in a band called Little Daddy and the Bachelors.
And
things soured when they went into Chong's, went with Chong's suggestion and had themselves billed as four N words
and a C.
That's my kind of music.
Now you're speaking my ranger.
Tommy.
That was Tommy's idea.
Tommy goes so hard.
Tommy was going hard in the motherfucking paint.
Slurtality.
Slurtality.
Slurtality.
Four beeps and a beep, huh?
Four beeps and a beep.
Was it four black guys and a Chinese?
Yeah, that's a cool band.
Imagine being the coolest.
Imagine being not even one of the ends.
Yeah.
He's like, fellas, you'll love this.
It was the 1960s in Canada.
I wonder if they were using it more.
It was a lot more of a.
Tommy Chom, you have been cancelled.
Finally.
Shao Khan should start canceling people.
Yeah.
He should be the
delivering the news.
Looks like he was a musician.
And he had
a small penis.
Your dick is small.
I can't get hard.
Tiny penis.
Dude, have you guys seen the fucking trailer for the new Mortal Kombat?
No.
Oh, my God.
Tanahasi Coach is writing that one.
Yeah, he's directing and writing that one, too.
Him and what's your name?
The Big Bitch.
Dude,
I can't wait till theaters are open.
I really do want to get just fucked up and go to the movies all the time.
That sounds awesome.
I'll go see all that shit.
It might finally be time for me to get into the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
Now, here's the problem, though.
I have such a nice setup that as long as I have to wear a mask, I don't think I want to go to the theater.
I miss it, dude.
I miss getting the popcorn.
Yeah, but you can't eat the fucking popcorn.
You got a mask on.
They probably won't sell concessions.
That's how they make their money.
If they can't sell concessions, they're not going to fucking.
But then you have to take your mask off to eat.
They don't want people doing that.
They want people doing whatever people are doing.
They want to make the money, yeah.
Hold on.
Look, I got bed bugs from the Union Square Regal twice.
I don't think that they're like, they're going to open.
And then it's fucking.
I better.
You know what they should have done is they should have secretly filmed Fast and the Furious 9, 10, and 11 and have them ready to go.
I think that one's coming out in June.
Yeah, really?
Yeah.
Fast and the Furious Juneteenth.
I think so, June.
So,
Brian, I found out I'm free.
Brian, I found out I'm finally free.
But yeah, the New Mortal Kombat looks fucking unbelievable, bro.
Where are you going?
It's a rated R.
Yeah, it's your second piss of the time, dude.
Oh, he's doing something even worse.
You're a fucking piece of shit.
You left the show to blow your fucking nose.
Are you out of your mind?
You fucking idiot.
I had a stuffy nose.
Oh, my God.
He's got corona.
Adam's got a little less fucking dick.
Your dick is small.
But yeah, I don't know, man.
I have a nice setup.
I got the big screen.
Yeah.
I just got surround sound now.
I don't think I want to.
Man, I got a nice setup here.
You do?
It's got surround.
That's part of the movie.
But I gotta say.
I gotta say.
I'm gonna do a whole new surround setup next.
Your couch is good, but it's not great.
Yeah, it needs an ottoman.
It needs an ottoman big.
But the back seats always get
they do.
Yeah.
That was my fault.
For buying a nice couch.
You know what you should do?
Just get some fucking double-sided tape.
That's not a bad idea.
Yeah.
No, it's not.
Yeah, that's the internal cushion gets mushed down.
It's not that even if the Velcro was on there, I would still do this.
I think the Velcro would keep it.
No.
You could try it.
It doesn't hurt to be able to do it.
Even if I'm not using the couch, it'll do this.
My couch pillows used to slide out the seat part.
I got it.
There's no way Velcro would hurt.
I Velcroed it, and they don't move anymore.
I'm just going to get a different couch when the time comes.
Just try the Velcro, man.
Just try the Velcro out.
Maybe you won't have to get anything.
You love little house.
Well, here's the problem.
You like little hills.
You try the Velcro.
You put it on here.
It's adheres to you.
There's no turning out.
There's no turning back.
There's no turning back.
Yeah.
And when I go to sell the couch, there's a bunch of Velcro bullshit all over the place.
You're going to sell this couch?
Yeah.
It's a nice couch.
You know, know, this is like a designer couch.
Give it to your number one furniture.
I got it on one of those, like, those, you know, where, like, rich people throw out designer furniture.
And then you can just get it for cheap.
I got
to, I changed its name.
It used to be called Furnisher, and now it's like Cayo or something.
Uh-huh.
I bought a couch from what the fuck is that place called?
Room and Board or some shit?
Metro or something.
I don't know.
I went to a fancy fucking place in Chelsea.
Room and Board is expensive.
It was expensive, but it's worth it, baby.
What, two racks?
I don't remember off the top of my head.
You had to do it.
And I think two racks, racks, yeah, maybe.
Wow.
Honestly, that IKEA couch, like, it's comfy.
I used to have, we had it at Amber's place.
That was a good couch.
Yeah, Ikea, those Ikea couches are solid, but this
is comfortable.
No, it was comfortable and it was good for lounging.
I always this I got.
I don't know what to fucking do.
This is why I'm like always half off the couch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm telling you, bro, this couch I got is beautiful.
It's a nice fucking couch.
What kind of a sectional?
A sectional.
Well, it's got a chaise.
You know what I'm saying?
I know.
I like that.
I like that vibe.
I am so set up to chill and watch movies that I can't go to the movie theater
until I'm smoking CushyDreams.com.
Yeah, just on your chaise.
Well, that's the other problem.
Did you steal the Cushy Dreams pre-rolls through my house, Stop Ross?
No, I asked if I could have them, and you said yes.
Well, did you take them as well?
I did.
Okay.
And I love them.
And that's how much I love the product.
It's so interesting, his definition of the word steal.
I know.
I literally said, are you going to smoke these?
Nick, can I have that?
Yeah, go for it.
You made it crumpling.
Next week, he's going to accuse you of stealing it, Adam.
No, I just meant like snatch, grab.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, real quick.
I did real quickly.
I want to put that in there.
Because I love them.
Which one?
Oh, that's real.
You do need that one.
Yeah, I need that in my office.
Can I have your poster?
I got some Cushy Dreams.
Look here.
I got a tin right here.
It's good shit, man.
An eighth of Cushy Dreams piece,
which is extraordinary CBD-rich hemp flour.
And the serving size is 0.25 can.
And it totally.
Serving size, what the fuck?
And it says total CBD varies by strain.
Okay.
So it doesn't even tell you how much.
So it has a serving size and then doesn't even tell you how much CBDD is.
There is nothing like.
It shouldn't vary by strain.
There's nothing like cracking open a can of cushy dreams.
A vacuum strain.
It's like opening a thing of tennis balls.
Follow us on Instagram for more.
It's like opening up a big old pussy.
Information.
It's like
it's kind of like an air puff of pussy air that you get.
It's like an astronaut leaving, going into space.
Ed Dreams Cushy on Instagram.
Wow.
And there's a little QR code on here, cushydreams.com.
That's probably really awesome content over there.
That's definitely a must-follow.
Yeah.
Yeah, Cushy Dreams, that's an instant.
They do a lot of
black Twitter stuff.
Yeah.
That's really good.
They love.
So that's got, that does smell good.
Smell that.
Oh, yeah.
Smells like weed.
Smells like loud pack, but here's the beautiful thing.
It smells like exotic.
It's not loud.
You can smoke this shit, and you'll feel good.
You'll feel a nice little head high, but you won't be a little
bit fucked up.
You probably shouldn't.
If he's coming through with the cushy dreams, it's quiet for you, actually.
No, you shouldn't do this.
This is not the type of a pipe that you want to put.
You're smoking cushy out of a tobacco pipe?
Yeah, I'm actually not going to do that.
You're crazy.
I'm not going to do it because it will.
That's it.
Well, if it's like, I know if you put the resin from like fucking weed, yeah, it'll gunk up one of these
real bad.
Well, you know that cushy is extra sticky.
This is a $6,000 putt.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Where did you get it from?
Monocle Man?
Yeah,
Jonathan Top'em Off.
Jonathan Top's Off Top 1.
I wanted to do
a show like Mr.
Belvedere, but it's called Mr.
Top'em Off, and it's like a British butler that wears a top hat, and there's like a dad, there's a stuffy dad that's kind of homophobic.
Yeah.
And the butler's always like, you know, they hire him, and the dad's like, I don't know about this guy.
He's from Britney.
He might be like a homo.
You know, I'm homophobic.
And they're like, he's just British or whatever.
And he's always like, shine your shoes up for you, sir.
It's kind of visual benefit.
He shined my shoes, but his head was in my car.
And the dad's always worried, like, this guy's going to top me off.
And they're like, it's just his name.
Mr.
Tophamoff.
He's just British.
He's a Russian guy from Britain.
And then he, so, does Mr.
Topham off rape him?
And it's like, never.
He's He's just always like,
you know, they're like, what?
I think somebody's chair smells bad at dinner.
And that's episode two.
What about?
And then he's got a friend named.
And all of these, the entire run of the show can be seen at Cushy Dreams.
CushyDreams.com.
It's actually
sponsored content.
Premium CBD.
He has a friend named Toppington Bear.
And it's
they think that he's a gay bear top.
And what does he do?
Does he smell Cushy Dreams?
He smokes cushy drinks.
He loves cushy dreams.
And
what are some of the dads?
What are some of the strains?
What are some of the strains of cushy dreams?
You got chill, hustle, relax, fucking.
Create.
Create.
Think, visualize.
Blast.
Blast.
Yeah, bust.
You got circumcised.
Circumcised.
Circumcise.
I like circumcised because it sounds like exercise.
You got...
The thing is.
It sounds like working out.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I love that shit.
Wall Street Secret is out, and all the top captains of industries and ceo are smoking cushy dreams they're smoking cushy wall street bats are saying cushy dreams is the next big to the moon they're saying it's they got diamonds hold the line yeah the next big stonk yeah yeah
i'm holding my stonks and i'm holding my diamonds my pre-rolls of cushy dreams and you know what's beautiful about cushy dreams they got the grand pre-rolls the whole grand joints but now now with their ultra premium silver motherfucking line or whatever the fuck it's called the premium diaper line They got half.
They got half gram joints.
Those are my favorite.
No, I'm not even kidding.
We're flipping here with the advertising, but I'll say I'm a true
consumer of these half-gram joints.
They are my favorite.
They come in a little five-pack.
I smoke one of those in the evening when I'm trying to chill out.
I got a nice little buzz going.
I go right to bed.
I wake up the next morning refreshed.
They honestly, I should start smoking those because they did actually improve my life.
They're good.
And you know what?
I haven't smoked weed in like a couple months.
and it's really helped me out.
I feel less foggy.
I don't snack as much.
That's what really fucks you is getting high as fuck and eating like a fucking extra dinner at 2 a.m.
The other day I was in my car doing a blunt ride of Cushy Dream.
That's awesome.
And I actually, this is a true story.
This happened on the way over here.
I'm listening.
A police officer pulled me over.
Get the fuck out of here.
And I blazed with him.
Really?
He blazed it down with me.
Dude, he started.
He started break dancing.
Yep, he breakdanced.
And I said, Don't worry, officer, this is totally illegal.
It's cushy dreams.
It's cushy dreams.
Why don't you hit him with that promo code, Adam?
It's promo code Come Town.
Yep.
Or Comtown.
You get 20% on
20% off.
And you get 20% off your next order.
Your next order.
It doesn't matter what number it is.
In fact, keep buying them.
Is that true?
Exploit the solution.
Exploit the system.
Keep using Come Town and get 20% off.
Yeah, go for it.
And smoke your CBD.
Smoke your CBD.
Because you you got it.
Because you can.
Because you can.
I'm saying, fuck it.
I'm doing it.
I'll just ream the pipe afterwards.
Oh, nice.
Dude, you're going to rip some Kush?
Yeah, I'm going to try it.
I love that for you, dude.
Let me see it right on the show.
What if I get like, I'm like scared?
I just can't handle it.
I don't know about doing that.
Can we finish the episode, guys?
Can we finish the last 20 minutes later?
I don't want to talk.
I'm scaling.
I'm gay.
I'm gay and scale.
I'm gay.
Wow, you're taking a heady rip off that, dude.
Nick is puffing the fucking cushy dreams right now.
Dude, this is like probably what it was like when Elon Musk was smoking weed on Joe Rogan experience.
Yeah, Nick's making that exact face.
Yeah, he's making that.
That weird little fucking...
Nick is smoking like a boss right now, like Elon would.
There's going to be a spaceship.
And the plan is to use a spaceship to go to mars no cool yeah wow that's that's that's trippy man that's fascinating yeah that's crazy man dude didn't they just have a fucking that's fascinating didn't he just have a thing explode they had a
spaceship the spaceship exploded oh man oh yeah i want to say thanks for having me joe
oh michael michael's on joe why haven't they ever gotten those two months together nobody ever gets pussy anymore It's over for us.
Pussy getting guns.
I remember how it used to be.
You used to be able to get pussy.
Everybody was getting pussy.
Everybody used to be able to make fuck.
To make fuck
Not anymore.
Not anymore.
What do you think?
What do you think stopped that?
Was it like Obama?
Absolutely.
I think it was Obama.
I think everybody got scared when I got cancer from eating pussy.
You think Michael Douglas single-handedly
made pussy eating dip?
Oh, yeah.
He was scared.
I couldn't eat pussy for years after that.
Yeah, man.
I'll take take a fucking puff.
Take a pull off Cushy Dreams.
I'll take a pull off a Cushy Dreams wood pipe.
What are we smoking here?
What's this?
This is peace.
Peace, bro.
That's what this showed.
We're smoking the peace pipe.
You know, maybe they should do it.
P-I-E-C-E.
Yeah, like a gun.
Peace of pussy.
That's awesome.
How does it taste?
Tastes delicious.
I don't know.
I'm driving after the.
You want to drive your dick into my ass.
Honestly, that shit is really nice, dude.
It's awesome.
Yeah.
I'm literally going to smoke a joint when I get home.
Look, honestly, I'm not even kidding.
My wine down is just a little mini can of dyed Dr.
Pepper and a fucking joint of pushy dreams.
Yeah, that was a nice, nice, healthy rib off the peace fight.
So get your chill'ems, get your bongs.
Yo, dude, I used to love.
I wanted a chill'em, like a glass fancy chill'em so bad.
Yeah, yeah.
That's the one that's just a little straight-tooth.
Straight, yeah.
But it was such a good thing.
That's what the jam band kids were always into because that was professional fish kids that's that's too weak that's to weak instruments
as the saturday night special is to a gun you know what i mean a little 38 yeah just you have it on your fucking ankle i wanted i wish i had a straight uh you're not for show you're for
i'm i'm for guns i wish i had a little 38 like an old cop
no no like uh
like the like a like the kind like old cops used to wear when they used to they dressed like mailmen yeah a snout gun
yeah yeah i would listen what the hell are you doing in there you doing crime i would love a lady come out with your penis out
come out let me see your penis come out let me suck your penis at cushy dreams.com promo code come town for 20 off your penis
ah dude when are they gonna get you know it's over right by the time they get big penis technology i'll be retired from the getting pussy game dead
but when are they gonna make that happen it's about damn time you know what i honestly, I did see some article about like the like, I mean, it's it's not new information, but like nanotechnology to like eat tumors or whatever.
Yeah.
And uh can they make that grow?
Can they
stick it?
It made me feel it made.
No, I don't care about that shit.
I kinda that that that that tempers and seasons me to have a broken garbage dick
and to be like kind of a I need I want to keep all my flaws.
I just don't want cancer.
Stop would you if science was able not to grow your penis bigger, but to grow a second beautiful penis bigger, or even better, to make everyone else's dick smaller.
You take pills that to you just taste like sour patch, kids.
Oh, it's candy, too.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, I would do that.
Wait, but what if you grew a second penis that really just Professor X in that room making everyone's dick smaller?
Just mine.
Just all the fucking monitors of just guys in bathrooms just freaking out.
Yeah.
So wait, Adam, or alternatively, Neo from the Matrix.
Yeah, either one.
That would be good, yeah, with the thing plugged in.
Where's the actually, where's the new dick growing?
It's right next to your regular dick.
To the right, to the left, on the right.
And it really puts your regular dick to shame.
But you're going to have to get it chopped off.
Just give me Morpheus, and we'll give you whatever you want.
I want to have a big dick.
When I come back, I can be homeless, but I want my dick to be fucking big.
Do you remember there was that Reddit Emma with a guy with two penises?
Reddit, Emma.
Come on, Adam.
Stop.
I want to cut your hand.
Stop, dude.
You knew what you were doing when you said it that way.
Why do you say people say that?
Why do you do shit like that?
They do say.
Honestly, that pisses me off so much.
You know what that means?
Warm a cup of the mineral spirit.
We just stop.
We just smoked peace.
I know, and you ruined it.
Don't put it on me.
No, you said it.
Amma, motherfucker.
It's AMA.
everyone knows that people say amma no one says that honestly i it is crazy how the smokable cbd actually does work it does yeah i feel chill i feel great i feel yeah like i'm when i take a whole little joint to the face i basically feel hot
i mean yeah you don't feel hot like it's none of it's being high without any of the like great well now my brain just doesn't work for an hour yes yes which is the bad part of being hot figure out like how to turn the light on and
I'm like, did I have all right?
It's a motion sense.
But yes, Adam, to answer your very annoyingly asked question,
the content was worth discussion.
And I do remember that AMA with that guy that had two cocks.
And they were pretty big, Pete.
They were pretty big.
But they found out that was a fraud.
Was it
what?
They caught him because he was just photoshopping.
I believed.
He was photoshopping it.
Dude, I'm older.
He didn't get caught because he kept making his two dicks bigger.
It was a dickorous.
it was a too dickorous situation
too dickerous i didn't know that that sucks dude i feel you just ruined my my i'm not my child lied to because it was college but you ruined yeah you remember when you found out santa claus's dick wasn't actually big yeah that was crushing my dad was using a dildo that whole time
yeah that's sort of a santa doesn't cry situation yeah exactly
Wow, I can't believe that guy was a fraud.
I remember also he said that because he had two penises,
he used it to fuck men and women.
Yeah, I remember that guy was bi.
That kind of shit should have tipped you off.
Yeah.
I guess.
If Ian had two dicks, he would do that.
Yeah.
You know?
Well, Ian has one dick and he does.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, so it doesn't change.
No, but that's what I mean.
If he had two dicks, that's how he'd use it.
Ian had no dicks, he would do that.
That's my fucking point.
No matter how many dicks, we are high right now.
No, No, I'm making sense.
We're high.
I'm making fucking high.
We're going to buy off cushy.
Yeah, let me hit you with this about wheat thins.
All right.
I'm listening.
How do you feel about them?
I've always liked them.
I love them.
I love the way they kind of turn into like a clay texture.
The texture in your mouth when they're like.
I'm extremely like a sculptor, you know, like Michelangelo.
Michelangelo.
Like, I'd spit that shit out and it'd be like, let me show you a beautiful man with a baby springs.
I got to say, I prefer Triscuits.
Triscuits are better.
Okay.
That's fair.
But there's a wide world of crackers out there.
I'm with you.
I just had a lot of people.
If I was like, how do you feel about Fig Newton's?
I'd be like, they're pretty good.
You wouldn't be like, Oreos are better.
It's like, well, no shit.
You know, but you know what, though?
They occupy a different place in my head.
The Nabisco product.
Whereas at a certain point, I wouldn't even necessarily.
And this is a crazy take.
I understand a lot of people.
What comes up with the Nabisco logo, by the way?
One of the laziest logos of all time.
I've never known it.
Yeah, it's like a fucking corner and there's a circle and then there's like an antenna on it.
Let me check it out.
I mean, it's like, it's dog shit.
We should go into branding.
It looks like somebody's like
community college graphic design homework.
Yeah, it's bad.
What's up with the antenna?
Let me see it.
Let me see it again.
Why did they draw that?
Fucking assholes.
Sucks.
Certainly, no cushy dreams.
Yeah, but I will say this.
Wait, the dark truth behind the design of Oreo cookies.
It's Chris Dahlia's family crest.
The Dalia.
Nabisco stands for Nab the Kids.
Let's go.
It's the Cross of Lorraine.
Oh.
From the Crusades.
Oh, okay.
That makes sense.
Nabisco logo?
Yeah, I did.
What?
That's Christian?
Yeah, dude.
I can't believe I'm
now.
I'm glad the Nazis took that.
I can't believe I've been...
giving my children that Christian prompt.
Yeah, this is according to spoonuniversity.com, a very real ass-sounding.
Didn't you go there, Star?
No,
I think you did.
Yeah, no, I didn't.
I think that's how you got promoted to captain, Crony.
Your old alma mater, yeah.
I did.
Dude, Spoon You.
I graduated.
Where's Magnums Comes Loudly at Spoon University?
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Spoon You really.
Spoon you, bro.
All the pudding you could ever, all the butterscotch pudding you'd ever ask for.
This guy was getting so much pussy at Spoon Ya.
Yeah, I got pussy one at a time exactly.
Off Spoonia.
I'm going to go to like a big national forest.
That sounds cool.
And eat
one of the, like the
big pine trees.
Sequoias.
Yeah.
Go to California.
I've never been over there.
And then have like climb to the top of a mountain and I open up and I get up there and I like
catch my breath.
And I look out and then from my fanny pack I pull out Fig Newtons and a Capri song.
Hell yeah.
snack.
That's awesome.
Yeah, and I got a pack of natural spirits, natural American spirits in there.
Just fucking smoking cigarettes and eating Fig Newtons.
Okay, so the point I was trying to make is Fig Newtons, I would say, sometimes in my life, are better than Oreos.
When I was a kid, I thought they were for retarded kids.
No, I thought they were for grown-ups.
No, I thought I literally
I love fig newtons too, but I would eat them and I'm like, isn't this for like retarded kids?
No,
I thought they were a mature style of cookies.
No, I thought, honestly, here's how stupid i was i thought they were like toned down cookies so retarded kids wouldn't wouldn't go too crazy
wild
i literally
right yeah no i thought they were like safety cookies
so they wouldn't like
they would a cookie as a retard can handle they wouldn't stay
i swear to god i believe those in like nilla wafers i thought they were like fucking like you know let's let's let's let's put a governor on them to make sure they don't
Wowie, Kazawi.
Can you imagine one of these guys getting their hands
on a fucking like, you know, like double chocolate or chips ahoy or something?
They'd have an old-fashioned prison riot and stuff like that.
There'd be fucking safety situations everywhere.
They'd stage a breakout
chaos.
Riot in cell block purple.
They'd have to shoot them, the guards.
They'd have no choice.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, just trank on them.
Oh,
fuck.
Oh, baby.
That's awesome, dude.
Oh, baby, I got fucked in my ass.
Because I'm gay.
Because I'm gay.
I just want to.
Oh, damn, now I want like a big pepperoni pizza.
That sounds so awesome.
I haven't had pepperoni pizza in forever, dude.
Sometimes,
and
whenever I get a pizza, I just go cheese or I do something fancy.
Yeah.
I go order from Nice.
Yeah.
And I'll get like Le Chev.
Yeah.
Or Lee.
That like goat cheese.
Spec.
The Montagnard.
Spec.
Yeah.
And those are always nice.
But sometimes just a plain.
I'll beat a fucking pepperoni with crispy ass pepperoni.
I'll have the Merovingian.
Yeah.
The like the
like
just lost a baseball game style pizza.
Oh, yeah.
Damn, Pizza Hut after a fucking
after a hard day of fucking playing soccer at Rosedale.
Pizza Hut,
Stuff Crust, Cheese, Pepperoni.
That's what I'm wanting.
You know, I was so pissed when I got stuffed crust.
A couple of fucking spirits.
I don't fuck with stuffed crust.
It's beautiful.
Do you fuck with it?
No, it's not good.
It's not good.
You're right.
It breaks your heart.
It's honestly not good.
In theory, it's the best thing ever.
The commercial issue.
But I like that
it's not the same thing in the commercial is so beautiful.
I like the weight it adds to the handle of the pizza.
I'm with you on that.
I'm with you on that.
You know what I'm saying?
It's a better grip.
And I see it.
It's like having a desert eagle grip on a nine millimeter.
Yeah.
I'm with you there, brother.
Yeah.
It's like I want
is pizza with a crusted custom engraved handle.
Yes.
Gold-plated crust.
Oh, fuck.
So is the fruit.
What the fuck was that shit where they're cutting the crust off bread for children?
Yeah.
I don't know.
What kind of diptyad, like, like
indulgent parents.
Yeah, exactly.
i was not raised that's not i understand not eating the crust of pizza you're wrong to not i don't understand that at all i understand crust off bread way more than i understand crust off bread well here's the thing crust the crust on the pizza is so far removed from the rest of what the pizza is that it's it's a breadstick so i can understand liking pizza but not wanting the breadstick aspect because you're just a child and you don't know any better i suppose your palate isn't like expanding
but the crust is a a mark, it's the end of the sandwich.
Presumably, there's fucking still.
I would say the same applies to what you just said about pizza.
No, no, no, no.
Because there's still
as different.
There's toppings in the middle.
But it's a marked difference from the rest of the movie.
No, it's just there's a brown part.
And it's harder, and it's not as fluffy.
It's not as hard.
I mean, it's not harder.
Look at it.
Go get a fucking piece of wonder bread.
Go get a piece of potato bread.
This is what I'm talking about.
Here's what I'll say.
You know what I'm talking about, right?
You've seen this.
I know what you're talking about.
And the parents that would do it for their kids were bad parents.
I don't agree with either of you.
They were bad parents.
Here's what I did.
Even if you're cutting.
Overindulgent.
Even if you're cutting the sandwich for the child.
My child will have the sandwich that they're.
No, cutting it is absolutely cutting it.
It's great.
My child is getting...
I've got a diagonal.
Diagonals are great.
No,
you're getting a full jar of peanut butter and jelly and then the loaf of bread in your lunch bag.
And you said, you got to make this last a month.
He's a month.
He's a month of lunch.
Can I say something crazy to you guys?
You'll probably get mad at this.
You love having sex with women?
Yeah.
No, you're not allowed to say it.
You can.
Go ahead.
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Shut the fuck up right now.
You're right, Nick.
I'm sorry.
He's going to say they're bad.
They might be my favorite sweet.
Oh, okay.
That is stupid.
That is stupid.
That is stupid, but it's not as bad as saying they're bad.
Your favorite sweet.
When was the last time?
Ice cream?
A fucking piece of cake.
I might prefer peanut butter and jelly.
No, you don't.
When's When's the last time you had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
You were such a fucking bullshit a week ago.
I'm going to break your
late at night.
What kind of jam?
What kind of peanut butter?
I had, you know, the nice jam with the red and white cap.
The strawberry panic?
Yeah, the picnic shit.
Raspberry?
Yeah, yeah.
That's the good jelly.
Raspberry jelly.
Me and my that's what rich people do.
Me and my Estonian Swede wife are going out on a picnic.
Yeah, the picnic.
Was it raspberry?
No,
it was Thorberry.
It was a mixture.
What kind of nut butter?
I had that with Costco peanut butter.
Sweetened or unsweetened?
Unsweetened.
But listen.
Listen.
You're going to say a fucking sandwich with unsweetened peanut butter is your favorite sweet, you fucking prick.
Get his ass.
That's not even a fucking sweet, dickhead.
Listen.
Oh, my God.
Two of the three elements are not sweet.
Hear me?
Got his ass.
God damn it.
If you had sugar,
if you had some jif, I'd at least listen.
You'd be wrong, but I'd listen to you.
Hear me out.
That chalky fucking Costco peanut butter is a main ingredient in your favorite sweet.
Hear me out.
Get the fuck out of here.
Hear me out.
I don't think I can.
Let's go ahead.
Let's just fix this by taking that as
a jumping off point.
Peanut butter and sandwich.
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
You're absolutely right.
We're not letting you finish.
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and then you threw bacon and bananas in there also.
That's what I was going to say.
I put sliced bananas.
Let's record shows.
I'm not going to say that.
So I put honey and sliced bananas.
Honey, now we're talking.
And
it was like 12.45 in the evening.
I was hungry.
I was trying to fall asleep, but I was too hungry to fall asleep.
You know the vibe?
Listen, a night PBJ is one of the things.
And I toasted the bread.
So
everything got runny.
You're losing.
No, no, no, no, no.
It had a nice PBJ.
It's a fucking cold sandwich.
You don't toast a fucking PBJ.
No, it had a crunch.
The crunch factor is fantastic.
Get the fuck out of here.
And I poured a glass.
The only way
to switch
almond milk.
It was delicious.
There's no fucking creaminess to almond milk in the middle.
And I idiot.
You need a fucking cold.
You're going to dunk a hot sandwich in almond milk?
You fucking drink.
If you want it crunchy, you got to just put the bacon strips in the convection oven.
You get all your crunch from the bacon.
If you're going to make it a sweet, it's got to have cake-like consistency.
The bread's got to be white.
It's got to be soft.
Okay?
It can't be crunchy fucking multi-grain bread like I know you had.
No.
Like I know you fucking had.
No, I didn't use it.
you're just eating a bird's house.
God damn, you fucking pissed me off.
I didn't have 15 grain like yeah, like you definitely did.
Bird seed.
You had fucking you ate a you ate a you ate a merkin with fucking expired jelly in it now.
I used okay.
I used sourdough bread.
All right, that's fine.
And I toasted it.
Toasting, it's a very, very light leaf.
Maybe.
A light leaf.
Maybe.
But if you're telling me you toasted to the point where the shit is running, you've lost me and you've lost the elements that make it potentially a sweet.
To make it a sweet, it's got to be close to a fucking cake.
I'm fucking sweets, you know this about me.
So then don't fucking come into the dojo then, motherfucker.
Stay out there, stay out there with your fucking multigrains, and your fucking seeds,
and your fucking vinaigrettes and shit.
Okay, I didn't put a vinaigrette in there.
Fucking idiot.
But I do like it.
Your favorite sweet is a fucking
Costco Brown.
You know, my favorite type of pussy is actually a menu.
All right.
Oh, fuck.
You were a fucking asshole, Adam.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I mean, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are good.
They're awesome.
But you know what I would do?
The best would be like something like potato bread, but it's half cheesecake.
I don't know how you would get there, but if you could make those two, you get like a bread that's got like sort of like it's somewhere in between potato bread and New York cheesecake, where you can hold it and it's not going to fuck up your, like get shit all over your hands, but it's rich
and it's cold.
Yeah.
And then peanut butter and jelly Cold is so big.
I have a sandwich idea.
You're warming it up.
I have a sandwich idea that I will not.
Banana bacon.
Because I think that there is a 75% chance it will make me a multi-millionaire.
All right, let's end this episode because I need to hear about the sandwich.
Okay.
I need to know exactly what the sandwich is.
If you want to hear about the sandwich, go to come.town and buy it.
Don't you dare tell anyone.
And buy a shirt, and in the shirt will be the recipe.
It's a modified sandwich.
Okay.
Come.town.
Also,
already walking back to the sandwich congress.
The shirts will be, Some shirts will be phased out beginning next month.
Last chance to get those shirts.
Probably the Andre Steakhouse shirt will be phased out.
That's very rare.
That's very rare.
Nope.
That's a joke from four years ago.
No, I'm saying get them while there's still
supplies left.
That one's gone.
Maybe the Thousand Island Stair that will be gone.
And probably a couple others will be cut out of the rotation.
End of an era.
So if you want want them, check them out now because once that stock's gone, that's it.
That's right.
I think I probably will have some merch up on stoppy.biz soon.
Patreon.
Go to patreon.com slash come town.
Yeah, we'll do it.
For double the episodes and all the good shit.
Five bucks.
Also, to hear the recipe.
Sandwich.
Don't million dollar sandwich idea.
The million dollar sandwich will be on the show.
I think we will be editing into.
Do not put that.
And you know what?
You can expect an in-depth discussion about how hot Lola Bunny used to be on this week's Patreon.
Yeah, we should have a chat.
So go to patreon.com/slash FC.
I fucked her.
Come town.
I had six.
Oh, Michael.
Hey, it's Brian Christopher.
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