Ep. 249 – basketball

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Second on the dick, I'm gay.

Welcome to Cometown.

Are we going?

Oh, yes.

Yes, sir.

Second, a hard ass dick.

I want some pinness.

Second on a hard ass dick, I want some pinness.

I had a little lethargy thing going on this week, so it's been like

I'm worried about doing it, but now that I'm getting boosted off crackers, yeah, dude, now that you're carbo loading,

it's about to be fucking on turbo, on double, triple turbo this episode.

Yeah,

get ready for crackers and cigarettes.

Oh, yeah, cracker.

I smell crackers and cigarettes.

I got fucked in, my dickole.

They used it like a pussy.

There you go.

Go ahead, bump it.

I am fucking gay.

Go ahead with your gay ass, Adam.

24, 12, fuck

Nice, dude.

That was awesome.

Very cute, dude.

That was really fucking well done.

Thanks, bro.

Sucking on the middle of the dick.

No condom.

I just want to fuck a lot of guys because I'm gay.

Oh, fuck, dude.

That was a real moment in the culture, huh?

What a time to be alive.

Oh, my gosh.

What a great record.

More time to fuck a guy.

Oh, man.

What a time to fuck a guy.

It's me and yours.

It's me and mine.

It's you and yours versus me and mine.

I got a big penis, and I want to get sucked.

That was a great record, and it was a horrible time in my life.

Sucking, sucking, sucking on a penis.

Sucking on a fucking horse, dick.

I'm gay now.

I just want to get fucked in my ass till it hurts.

Yeah, that was a

that was honestly because Drake was basically Kirby and he would suck all the rappers below him and take their powers until he fucking came up against Future who was too powerful to steal from.

And if anything Future actually

owned Drake.

He got sucked by Drake.

Drake, yeah, Future sucked Drake.

Drake didn't suck Future.

You're listening to the Real Ass Hip Hop Podcast.

Bruh, bruh, bruh.

With some Realized Hip-Hop Heads.

Yeah, we're talking about albums from six years ago that we still think about.

Six years ago was basically last year, dude.

I agree.

Once you've acquired age.

You know what?

The podcast didn't exist when What a Time to Be Alive came out.

Yeah, it's true.

We had to mention it.

Back when we were like, just getting pussy every time.

Yeah, we were getting 25 pussy and then

texting our ex-girlfriends, being like, just one more time.

Just fucking getting pussy in my Camaro.

Yeah.

I was in my 57 Chevy.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, dude.

I was on the varsity.

I was the varsity.

Me and Adam were hanging out

at Pussy Getters.

A diner.

We were part of a hot rod crew.

Yeah.

Hanging out of the diner, and girls go crazy for classic cars.

Dude, you guys were in your fucking band.

We're like,

when women see me drive by in my Ford Model A

and finished in Chinese yellow and baby blue fenders.

Yeah.

That's right, baby girl.

I don't have a seat belt because they weren't around.

She's like, is that Donald Duck?

When I get out, no pants.

No pants, sailors fucking

little bow tied around the tip of my penis.

Oh, yeah.

Why don't you come undo this bow with your throat, bitch?

I'm tied in a yellow ribbon for my brother who went off to fight the hun.

Yep.

And when he comes back, you can suck the ribbon off.

That was life six years ago before the podcast.

Before I got

350 pounds, eating crackers to entertain people.

Well, we had to keep waiting for just so I could do

impression.

Does anybody know?

Suck my fucking dick.

Suck my dick, you bitch.

I'm fucking gay now.

I was talking to a guy.

I want my penis rubbed until it I explode.

Come massage this hairy fucking Toad.

How are you doing, folks?

This next song.

Folks, how are you doing?

I wanted to ask if any of you have seen the movie Grandma's Boy.

I watched you in my hotel room last night.

Beautiful film.

Beautiful film.

Beautiful audience.

Beautiful film.

So you got a great family there.

Has anyone ever told you you look like Ricky from Malibu's Most Wallet?

I'm only fooling.

We're just having fun here.

I'm sucking off for blacks.

I remember I tell you,

you look like half-tooth Larry.

Remember that guy?

He was one of the fabricators on Monster Garage in one of the episodes.

Big fan.

That's a stretch, even for us.

We don't know who you're talking about.

Shut up.

Shut up and suck me off.

I paid a child forty dollars for some top.

Hush money is such a funny concept.

Mm-hmm.

That like you do the do rape up front and then after the fact.

You're like, let's settle up.

What's this gonna cost me?

Yeah.

Okay.

You got me by the bulls here.

But be reasonable.

I think it's a very um what's like uh that's how um

what's his name?

Robert Moses.

That's how he would fuck children if he could.

Really?

You get the fucking in first.

Oh, I see.

So you got my to awesome.

Because

it's the way to do business.

It is.

What is it?

Fuck first, ask for permission later?

Yes.

Sorry, I was getting a call on my.

You're getting a call from a guy.

And it's from a guy.

It's from Jonas.

All right.

I don't know if to say his name.

What I don't have to say.

Oh, now they're going to find out who Jonas is.

Yeah, they're going to find out.

All of your friends have names like that.

Yeah.

Sebastian's also calling him.

Yeah, Sebastian,

Jonas.

Christopher.

No, Christopher's not one of them.

No.

It's not Ezra.

I don't have a friend named Sebastian.

Noum.

Film.

Noum with a G.

Sham.

Sham.

It's a very soft thing.

My penis can't get high.

My friend Ephraim.

Dude, my college roommate one year was named Ephraim.

He was Ethiopian.

He was awesome.

He was fat as shit.

He got pussy all the time.

Stop, I want to ask you something.

Is my name gay?

Tell me seriously, do I have a gay name?

He had a girlfriend that looked like him, but

cartoon characters have girlfriends?

Like, you know how the chipmunks all had his girlfriend?

He literally had...

This is my girlfriend.

But she was Ethiopian.

She had big titties.

She was

Ethiopian girls are home.

That was not her name.

His name wasn't Mr.

Doggy Con.

He was Ephraim.

Missy.

No.

I was very clear with what his name was.

And why would he.

Okay.

I don't remember her name, but I am 100% positive that was not her name.

I have been with.

If you excuse me, I forgot to have my

afternoon banana.

Okay.

That happens to be a good, healthy snack, so I'm going to let that slide.

Because I have diabetes.

Okay, I think he did.

My blood sugar levels.

He did have some kind of health issue, if I remember correctly.

It's not a golden banana.

It's a regular one.

Oh, right, because Donkey Kong needs golden bananas.

Of course, her name is Elizabeth.

Mrs.

Donkey Kong is a fun pet name between the two.

Because we love Nintendo.

Because she loves Nintendo.

And for no other reason.

No, not that second part that you tried to sneak in.

Just Nintendo.

Oh, damn.

Shouts out to Ephraim.

I hope he's doing good for sure.

Yeah, they're beautiful.

Yeah, shouts out to the Ethiopian.

Shouts out to the Eretrians also out there.

Shouts out.

With your fucking

big foreheads.

Shouts out to going on and those sexy big foreheads.

Yeah, they have big

eyes and big foreheads.

I'm trying to give you a little smoosh on that round-ass forehead.

They do look cute.

And they're like tall and slender and beautiful.

You know.

When I was sold cars, there was like a,

I think he was Eritrean.

He's either Ethiopian or Eritrean.

This guy came in.

He was bald and he had pointy shoes.

He looked like a pirate.

He looked like a Caribbean pirate.

Yeah, I did.

I was like, this is one of the coolest people I've ever seen.

And he bought like a navigator with cash.

Oh, fuck yeah, dude.

Maybe he was a pirate.

Came off the tanker.

I watched a movie about a pirate called

Captain Blood.

What?

I watched the movie called Captain Blood.

It's starring my boy Errol Hurt.

Errol Flynn.

Flynn.

Errol Flynn.

Yeah.

Errol Hurt.

Errol Hurt.

I don't know.

Me.

Errol Flynn.

Errol Flynn.

My narrative, my man, Errol Hurt.

Who's Errol Hurt Errol?

From now on, my name is Errol Hurt.

That's not a bad name, huh?

My little name is Disgona.

Errol Disgona Hurt.

That's good, man.

Star, my boy.

Who's a juicy orange?

That looks good.

You want a slice?

I'm I'm good, brother.

Can I get a little piece?

Thanks, brother.

Suck my dick and balls.

You know what's cool about oranges is that the season for them is winter.

That is cool.

If you think fruits and you don't think

fruits, you think Adam Sea.

This is bullshit.

People are like, oh, fruits have seen.

I've never gone to a grocery store and not.

Hold on.

It's not a bullshit thing.

I'm sorry,

it's one of the most basic things from the world.

Because I go to a grocery store and I'm like, I need apples.

Yeah, they're shittier certain times of the year.

Apples are better in the fall.

Yeah, they got to get them flown in.

Yeah, you get some bullshit, lab-grown apple or some dog shit.

That is a good orange.

Oranges are better in the winter.

Stone fruits are better in the summer.

I know how to pick them.

Here, go.

Apples are in the fall.

Thanks, brother.

Have the rest.

What is it with oranges and they have like their brother growing out of them at the end?

Wow.

So true.

I don't like that.

Son.

I don't know if it's a brother.

That's not how brothers work.

Well, what if it's science?

It could be like a fucked-up pygmy brother.

Yeah.

Adam's like getting fucked in the ass by his dad and he's like, I'm going to have a brother.

My dad's going to be that.

That's incredibly rude.

That's incredibly rude.

Everyone in school is going to be jealous.

My dad's making a brother.

I get to have my own brother.

I'm going to have my own brother.

Listen, it's funny.

Just like mommy made me.

I'm going to make a brother.

I'm my own mommy now.

I'm the mommy.

That's mean, but very funny.

Why is it mean?

Suck me on the dick.

Because you're

accusing his father of fucking him in the ass.

Wow.

Yeah, but I guess in the joke, I was kind of the puller of strings.

No, no, you're getting molested straight up.

No, no, no.

Don't even try and flip this in the joke.

The brother is the hush bunny in the middle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're being told you're having a brother,

but you're getting molested.

Do you think there was ever anyone that was molested for Pokemon cards?

Definitely.

Without question.

Like thousands of kids.

That's probably one of the most common ways people were molested.

I guess you got a charge, aren't you?

Whoa, how'd you do it?

Shut up.

Don't you?

I don't remember.

I found it.

Dude, without question.

Yeah, just now you're like fucking, you're 28 years old.

You're just like trying to take the DSA seriously

to press down the memory of sucking dick for a shiny plefair.

I was thinking maybe our subcommittee, as a fun thing, our mascot could be Snorlax.

No!

No!

I'm sorry.

We can do whatever you want.

That's offensive.

Some of us may have been raped for that.

Not me, but some people could have.

Dude, absolutely.

A lot of people got molested for Pokemon cards, without question.

Oh, that would have been a good one.

I got fleeced by one of my neighbors.

He told me that Japanese Pokemon cards are worth more.

Yeah, that's what I thought, too.

And I got, and he took all my good cards for a bunch of bullshit.

Shit, you couldn't even read.

Shit, I couldn't even read, dude.

I got completely.

And you know what, dude?

What was really fucked up was he worked.

His dad was...

My dad was his dad's boss.

So I let this fucking man, you know what I'm saying?

So that was the workers.

The workers over there.

Dude, yeah.

How dare these motherfuckers?

You walk in tom sore, dude.

Yep.

Acting like the rich kid in Greek.

The rich kid in Greektown.

The rich kid in Greektown, who somehow had a shittier house.

I think my dad was just paying that guy.

My dad just wanted to pretend he was rich, so he had an employee he couldn't afford.

Like, their house was so much nicer than ours.

All his shit was better.

I mean, he was an only child, but

whereas I had, you know, two brothers, cousins.

You got to ski race that guy down the mountain.

Well, that kid was also being molested.

So that's true.

Yeah, yeah.

He made the house nice to hush him up.

That'd be funny if he got molested.

How about shush money?

And it's just like you can tell a couple of people.

Just keep it quiet.

Yeah.

Hush is total silence.

Yeah, but you're blabbering around.

Just use your discretion.

Yeah.

Well, keep your voice down.

Yeah, only voice to be.

Yeah, only whispering to the fellas.

That Pokemon card thing is very funny to me.

Just bad deals.

Oh, yeah.

Damn, that guy really got me.

And I didn't feel good about it either.

He really, you know what he did to me?

He shooted me like Al Pacino.

He was Al Pacino in

Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross.

No, he wasn't in the Untouchable.

Yeah, I know.

I'm thinking of Andy Garcia.

That is true.

Didn't he play

what was Andy Garcia?

He was Sonny's love child and Godfather's.

Godfather's brother that grew out of his asshole.

That's right.

Just like the Orange.

That's right.

Or was he?

Italians are like that, too.

Was he in Carlito's way?

No, right?

He was in Godfather 3.

That's what I just said.

I hope Donald Trump becomes president again in 2024.

How funny was that?

I would love it.

Do you think people were upset last time?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

And he's going to, it's like, what does he have to lose?

He can't run for re-election.

We're going to keep talking about, like, this is just how, like, Hitler went to jail and he came back.

But it'd be funny if this cycle continues and Donald Trump lives to be like 130, and then he'll like, he'll come back, be an even shittier president, burn down the White House.

Yep.

You know, like, fucking, like, I'm opening an Orange Julius.

Like, did you get worse and worse every time?

Yeah.

And then there's just some dickhead, you know, Democrat, and then Donald Trump escapes from prison and becomes president of the United States.

He becomes president again.

Yeah.

We're like, all right, if he loses, he goes to jail.

But if he wins, he gets to be president.

Yeah, he just keeps his.

And they're like, oh, Kamal is not losing.

You better believe.

There's no way.

He's just speaking from Arkham, dude.

He's like the Joker.

Fuck yeah.

That'd be awesome.

It's just like comic books.

You see that picture of him?

He's not looking too good.

Trumpy?

Yeah.

He's looked like shit for years.

Who cares?

I tell you, I didn't watch any of the.

I saw a couple clips.

He's got the magic.

I didn't see any of the clips, but just the stills of him at CPAC with his like classic huge ass move.

His dumper is so bad.

I mean, he has a duck's body.

His fucking skeleton, I would love to see.

I would love to take an ilka and x-ray.

I would love to see him without his clothes on.

Absolutely.

How much shit do you think he has in his head?

We're going to sit out on the pond, and there's going to be little pieces of bread, and we're going to nibble on the bread, and it's going to be beautiful.

Dude, I bet you if that guy got a colonic, he would lose like 50 pounds.

He's probably got a lot of shit in it.

Although, I respect the Diet Coke.

I don't shit, folks.

I don't either.

I haven't shit in years.

Doctor says it's bad for me.

I haven't taken a dump in four years.

How he stands is fucking awesome.

Yeah, his stance is fucking.

I guess that's true because he's just

leaning forward a little bit.

Always.

He's on Twitter all the time, but half his guys aren't ever on the internet.

So he goes to CPAC, he's probably crushed.

Well, he's offline, so I was hoping that he'd really save his best zingers for C-PAC, but it seems like the clips I saw were mostly scripted speech shorts.

Honestly, it was like watching Chappelle come back.

Not quite as good as his prime, but still some beautiful moments.

I went to Africa.

My father said, if shit ever gets bad, you got to go to Africa.

You got to get your mind right.

The white man's trying to take my money away.

Honestly, he should just tease running and then hire like Shane Gillis and Tim secretly and just start treat everything like standoff.

That would be awesome.

He's the best comedian in the world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Whatever he can do to hurt the country,

I'm on board, man.

Suck my fucking dick.

It is.

Yeah.

Damn.

What do you think his days are like, man?

Now?

Just chilling.

He and golf.

He lives at a country club, bro.

He's probably bummed about Tiger.

That's true.

That was his guy.

That was his boy.

He's right

about Tiger.

We used to fuck dogs together, folks.

I am like legitimately relieved Cuomo's getting the axe.

Yeah.

Because

a little part of me was worried.

Well, now you have to say thank you to the gals over at the Me Too movie.

Yeah, I'll say thank you.

Long and slow.

You know what I'm talking about.

You'll write a note.

You'll write a nice thank you letter.

Long and slow, huh?

Yeah, I'm really glad he's getting his come up and see that.

But Will, you think they're gonna make a design?

Like the dumb shit.

He's hiring defense attorneys.

He's always the most legit taking over.

The most pathetic me too.

Like Al Franken got canceled for like pretending to touch a woman's tit.

So over

like a 12

over a flak jacket.

And Cuomo is like just horrifically bad at hitting on you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know,

the youngest I would go is how old are you again?

25?

24 is the youngest I would go.

Do Do you have a boyfriend?

Is he an effeminate dinosaur?

Have you ever considered having sex with an effeminate dinosaur?

Perhaps Bonnie, if the suit was made out of an old trash bag filled with vomit.

I am going to open my penis.

Something like that, you know?

This is what they do to all of you.

It is so funny.

He straight up just killed a bunch of old people.

Yeah, but he's getting it for being bad and trying to get pussy.

It's so funny.

He killed a million old people and covered up the numbers.

He rules.

But he pulls one Aziz on sorry, and he's got to go.

Yeah,

then I gave him the clove.

Yeah.

I'm sorry for doing the claw.

My friend, the Z taught me this tool, my friend.

It's raining.

He does a very funny thing.

He does a good character.

That's going to be funny.

I'm going to do the people that listen to this.

I didn't know this because you guys switched mics.

Oh, so I'm quiet and stuff.

Sam's just been clipping.

Dude, I told you, Adam.

I told you I had the right mic, you fucking idiot.

Well, oh, yeah, because you're on the box now.

I did you the courtesy of

the box.

I did you the courtesy of sitting on the box.

I appreciate not being on the box.

Bluechew.com.

Bluechew.com.

Oh, bluechew.com.

I'm sorry, I took a blue Chew,

and I have 20 more minutes of maintaining an erection.

They got me.

That's them.

They sent me a stern note that says, you can't say I took a Blue Chew.

You have to say I chewed a Blue Chew?

I guess.

They say Blue Chew is the company, not the product.

What the fuck?

Oh, Saladinophila and Tildalophila.

I have no fucking idea.

What the fuck?

So you took a Saladinophila.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't blow my nose into a fucking Kleenex.

Just in case this is your first episode of Come Town,

say if you're one of Cuomo's victims and you're looking for comfort and you want the smooth

velvety sounds of an autistic man who's ready to make it up to you long and slow.

Long and slow.

Who's ready?

With the assistance

of pills sold by the company Blue Chew.

Right, but not.

It's a dick pill company.

It's a dick chewable company.

Do not refer to Blue Chew's tablets as pills or Blue Chew.

Blue Chew is the company, not the the product.

Okay, suck my house.

What the fuck does that mean?

Suck my hard ass because of you, Dick.

How about that?

Yeah, which thank you for it.

Thank you for making it hard so that you can suck it.

Do not refer to the tablet as Blue Chew as in Papa Blue Chew.

Take the Blue Chew.

Blue Chew is the service.

It delivers the chewable.

So then if you're not.

It's not our fault your branding is so strong.

This is good for you.

It's good.

It looks like something called Blue Chew.

It's literally blue and you chew it.

But you know what?

That's not what it is, Adam.

Yeah, it's going to be funny when, like, next week, the

FBI kicks down the door of their office because we referred to it as a blue chew.

And these people all get Dallas Buyers clubbed.

Yeah, this is definitely some kind of legal shit.

It would be great if Dallas Buyers Club is about a guy whose dick doesn't work.

That would be awesome.

Yeah.

And everyone in the town's like, he's a fucking homo.

I saw him trying to fuck pussies.

I saw him at the urinal trying to get his dick heart.

I demand, in the the middle of the night, we took him out to a field and made him get his dickheart.

It's Mississippi Limp.

And it's brought to you by Blue Chew.com.

It's brought to you by Blue Chew.com.

That has a really nice type of product called the tablet.

Yeah, it's a fucking tablet.

Yeah.

Like an iPad or a Kindle.

Blue Chew is a unique online service.

It delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis, but in shoeable form.

Wow.

And at a fraction of the cost.

Here's why it's nice, because it's a subscription.

That's right.

You don't have to think about it.

Once you get through the, you do all the upfront stuff, you have a quick little meeting with a Zoom meeting with a doctor.

Then the pills just show up through, or sorry, the tablets.

The tablets show up in perpetuity.

And for God's sakes, whatever you do, don't refer to them as pills

because you'll die if you

because, yep, your dick will turn soft if you're going to get sued.

It's an online prescription service, so no visits to the doctor, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy.

And it ships right to your door in a discrete package, and that's a G-I-S-C-R-E-E-T.

That's awesome.

The other discrete would mean that it was shipped to you.

Something about numbers, right?

It's separate.

Discrete.

Is that discrete number, something?

That's probably some math shit.

Yeah.

But you're trying to sneak in your math days back when you were.

I don't have math days.

I used to be in.

You worked at the Rand Corporation.

Yeah, I did.

He was a think tank guy.

Mm-hmm.

I was getting pussy from Ayn Rand.

Blue Chew's licensed medical providers work with you to find the right money.

And Atlas sucked.

What's that?

There's something about they work with you to find the right yeah you go to a doctor he gives you some tablets you chew them and your dick gets hard

bada bing bada boom when i use it you just get to pick which one you want prefers personally prefersonally prefer what do you what kind of guy you prefer personally

personally

um i like the sedent i think the sedent actually

viagra i like that shit it has a little bit of a longer run i believe it's a longer it's more yeah it's a little slow burn.

Slow burn.

Yeah, dude.

I'm waiting around for Cuomo's victims to come by.

Yeah, exactly.

You take one a day to always be hard.

Ready for them to make it up to them long and slow.

Did he touch anybody?

He just tried to...

No, no.

Ask gay questions.

That's awesome.

Blue Chu's tablets, they ship directly to your door, and they're made made in the USA

by fucking tough guys.

By really fucking hardcore gentlemen, dude.

They're forged in Pittsburgh by the cast of Deer Hunter.

Yep.

Here's a special thing.

Darrell Streep.

Try Blue Chew free.

Fucking John the Dead Guy with Cancer.

And when you use promo code ComeTown to check out, just pay $5 shipping.

That's Blue Chew.com promo code Come Town to receive your first month free.

Wow.

I mean, it used to be what was used to be like free shipping, right?

No, you just pay the shipping.

You just pay the shipping.

I think it's the same deal.

Oh, it's the same deal.

Or, no, it's better.

And now, for the don'ts, do not refer to Blue Chews.

Do not discuss or advocate mixing Blue Chew with any other prescription or recreational drug.

Have we ever done that?

I mean, yeah.

Probably.

Do not discuss or joke about prescription.

Is there ever been legal activity with Blue Chew?

For example, jokes about sharing prescriptions.

Okay.

So don't do any of that.

But here's what you do.

You get your subscription to Bluetooth, and then you rent a yacht.

You go out into international waters, and then you share the prescription with your friends and mix it.

Yeah, with ketamine.

With drugs and alcohol.

Finally, share it with your friends, but the only thing you didn't take out on the yacht was girls.

And make sure you're in.

You forgot the girls.

Yeah,

you're like, all right, I'm on the Blue Chew.

One of you guys will be on the drugs, one of you on the alcohol.

Then you realize, wait, nobody was in charge of the girls?

You got the yacht, you're playing while we're here.

The most pimped yacht.

Now keep in mind, it's very important that you do this in international waters.

You can't be off the coast of Florida.

You can't even be by the U.S.

Virgin Islands.

Yeah.

You need to be

straight in the middle of the fucking ocean.

International waters.

And then you, you, here, let me see what else it says.

Jokes about giving it to someone annoyingly.

So make sure you give it to someone annoyingly.

Yeah, but in international

waters.

Where James Bond lives.

You can go out there and fuck James Bond.

You can get your dick hard

on Benzos and fuck James Bond in international waters.

When you take the tablets provided by the unique online service, Blue Chew.

Oh, fuck, man.

Damn, it's so funny that there's rules.

I can't wait to go home and take a chewable tablet.

I gotta, I gotta, because I fucked up.

Like, I still had my prescription going when the quarantine started.

Me too.

So I had like a backlog

and then I burned through all of those.

Yeah, I'm close.

I'm close to burning through the backlog myself.

Yeah.

I tried to go Eau Naturale for a while, but it just don't hit the same.

Yeah.

No, I'm clean.

Shut the fuck up.

I have been clean.

You weigh 90 pounds.

I know.

That's why.

It's because I'm in love and I weigh 90 pounds.

Yeah.

When I was in love, my dick worked too, pal.

All right.

Now I'm out here just sucking and fucking and I need pharmaceuticals.

Yeah, no, there's no shame in saying that out loud.

Bluechew.com, promo cookum town.

Yeah.

All right,

I can do it.

We should have like a Mark Henry versus the machine

to see who can come back.

My dick only.

We should have John Henry fuck your girlfriend while you

masturbate.

John Henry versus

who's the machine?

The computer that you're looking at.

The gang porn you're watching.

finished.

Well, all right,

that would be that would be a funny

like some steampunk vibrator on a woman's clit while a guy dressed like John Henry fucks the woman,

and then there's just a guy dressed like a prospector next to this going.

And I'm being like, Is he gonna do it?

Is the boy gonna do it?

And then he dies of a heart attack right before none.

Yep,

not from pills, not tablets, though.

Yeah, No, from tabs.

The danger of pills versus tablets.

You're right.

Just make sure you don't do anything illegal while taking them.

So never, never do Blue Cheaps in the middle.

Never share them.

Never dose anyone with them.

Never dose anyone.

Don't do it with drugs.

No insider trading.

I wonder what would happen if

you boofed Blue Chew, if you put it in your ass.

It'll get your ass harder than it's ever been.

You think your dick gets hard?

If you put Blue Chew in yours?

Yeah, it'll absorb into the plug stream.

You think it'll get even harder?

Oh, yeah.

I'm going to try that.

I'm going to try that.

Yeah, I've been taking blue juice that positive motors.

That would be cool if you're a gay guy.

Yeah.

You put a fucking dildo shaped like a dick pill in your ass and then fuck.

No, or you tell your lover to find the candy inside of your anus.

Andrew Blue Alma.

That must be

one of the best perks of being a bottom is you don't have to go i often i joke around with people in the office you've seen me do it in public it's the same thing if an aide comes in i say will you suck my penis

it's all i'm too old to be threatening what are the actual quotes he has he was like have you ever been with an older man oh damn

that's brutal

what a loser and why is he doing it to his own aides like because he likes keeping it in La Famiglia.

Yeah.

You think anyone's fucked Cuomo?

Like, from his.

You think it's ever worked?

No, he's he procreates through asexual.

You know what I mean?

You think this style of thing.

Predatory behavior.

Oh, she looks all right, though.

Oh, yeah.

She looks alright, though.

Would you smash?

With consent?

Avec avec le consent toilet.

Avec la consent toilei.

Avec la consent toi, mar bademoiselle je mapelle mr poussy itel.

Mr

Henri de Mange de Poussi.

That's me, dude.

I'm the Marquis de Poussi.

The Marquis.

The Marquis.

The Grand Marquis.

The Grand Marquis.

I'm not going to be like that when I'm old.

I'm going to be so chill to my 20-year-old female aides.

I'm not going to be like that at all.

Your podcaster aides?

When I hire 20-year-old women to work work in my office, it's going to be because they're qualified.

I'm going to be super fair to them.

Like a mentor, even.

One that's so involved in their life that I ask about their dating.

But I do it from a place of, you know, I'm just looking out for them.

Yeah, of course.

When I do it, you're like a mentor.

Look, I'm all business.

I'm the mayor.

You're the mayor.

Yeah.

Wait, so he said,

he said to this chick, he says that he was so lonely during the pandemic, mentioning that he can't even hug anyone.

Oh, wait, this was during the pandemic?

Yeah, this is like one of the boys.

And then he asked her, he said, he asked her, who did she last hug?

And Miss Bennett said she tried to dodge the question by responding that she missed hugging her parents.

He said, he was like, no, I mean, really hugged.

What a fucking illusion, dude.

That is so funny.

Can I get a hug?

That is so cool.

Can you please mash your breasts on my nipple rings?

Why were you hugging people before the pandemic?

It doesn't even make sense.

No, who did you really hug?

No, I'm talking about really hugging people.

It's like, oh, the pandemic.

I can't get my dick sucked in the office anymore because of the pandemic.

You know how everyone collects it.

The fucking tough.

I can't believe he's doing this during the pandemic.

Like, he's blowing it.

He's fucking doing a horrible job.

I'm so glad, honestly, because it's like that,

of all the shit last year, the fucking Cuomo sexual shit fucked with me more than that.

That's crazy.

Because

he is a fucking fascist.

That guy sucks.

He's like, you know, to see people that are like, I wish he was president.

Do you remember that?

That was a threat.

Oh, I wish I was a good person.

Do you remember that

gay?

He wrote a book, bro.

He wrote a book about what a good-ass job he did

while he was trying to get pussies.

Killing women and killing old people.

I'm talking about what a good-ass job he was doing.

Don't do any of that shit while taking Blue Chew, by the way.

Do you remember that guy?

Don't take the tablets provided.

Don't do anything that the governor is being accused of.

Yes, definitely not.

Do you remember during the pandemic, there was that

gay guy, Randy Rainbow?

Yeah, Rainbow.

He used to make songs.

And the one about...

Andrew Cuomo that he made up.

I don't really remember the specifics, but

I know you're a die-hard Randy.

Guys, the one that popularizes Cuomo sexual shit, right?

I think so.

Yeah.

That guy stinks.

That guy really stinks.

Dude, I just ripped ass, and

it's almost as bad as that.

I got to say, the smells in this apartment are not good right now.

You guys are going at it fart-wise.

I'm over here by the fucking kitty litter.

I am really not enjoying what I'm smelling

next to the kitty litter.

I miss Ernest.

It does.

Honestly, this is the most that smells like Ernest that it has to go.

Do you remember that?

He just died.

Damn, R.I.P.

to that guy, dude.

I'm wrong.

When he made Brandon Wardell throw up.

I had one of those

fuzzy memories things come up on my phone.

And one of the pictures is Ernest on the windowsill, and one day he had...

Fucking thrown up and then just sort of calmly passed out his own vomit

with his head.

That guy was probably just constantly in pain.

Yeah, no.

But extremely loving.

One of the best guys.

One of the best, most chill motherfuckers.

I'm so lonely because of the pandemic.

I haven't finger-fucked the 25-year-old.

I haven't shoved my dirty fingernails around a girl's clay.

When's the last time you really got finger-fucked?

When was the last time you got fucked by the six-year-old?

I'm not talking about your old grandma.

She does look like an old woman.

I think I'm going to look like an old woman, too.

You already do.

No, not a woman.

You do look like an old woman.

I'm going to.

No, if you put pearls on right now, dude, you'd look like a woman.

Really?

Seriously.

You have a woman's nose, a woman's bottomless.

What do you mean a woman's nose?

You do, bro.

That's not a woman's nose.

And

a woman's delicate bones, too.

Your wrists are the wrists of a woman.

I don't bring up my wrists.

You know about my

wrists.

I know you're self-conscious because I'm self-conscious about my wrists.

I don't like my wrists.

You have weak bones.

You have little feet.

Yeah, that's true.

I don't have little feet.

Yes, you do.

I have compared to your feet that only got big from being fat.

No,

you and I have the same size feet.

No, that's not true.

I am going nuts on nuts.

On snacks.

Yeah, this feels great.

Yeah.

You got a pep in your step, man.

I love seeing you snacked up.

I haven't done this since we went to the cabin.

Oh, shit.

Dude, that was.

I missed the.

You know, since this pandemic, I haven't gone hog wild on pussy.

haven't I haven't whipped out my hog in front of an assistant and beat off

I'm saying can you I'm having trouble pissing can you help

oh man any other nice quotes from him Adam or no

she said that

she's called him Andrew quote moment she said that he never tried to touch her but she felt like she was trying to get out of her job because he never touched me but he did have one of those dinosaur grabbers with his own head on it And he would say, let me just get a nip of puss.

And he would bite at my vagina with the grabber.

But again, it was his face doing it.

Yes.

Yeah, he's divorced, right?

He doesn't have any pussy.

Yeah.

Wow.

Damn.

Oh, this was a different.

There's a different lady, too.

You think a guy would just fuck up?

Probably a politician and be divorced.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

How many kids do you have to fuck to get your politician wife?

To be like, I've had enough of this.

Yeah.

Who was his wife?

Does she

probably beautiful?

I actually fucked her.

I just remember her.

I forgot I fucked her.

I don't know who she is, but I did fuck her.

The only reason, like, no, because everybody always cheated on their wife.

Bill Clinton getting caught, that was an op.

Yeah.

Because it destroyed the American family.

Absolutely.

You know?

He said, let's play strip poker.

Dude, this guy is like a sixth-grade boy.

There's no swag.

He should go to jail for it.

Strip poker.

What a fucking loser.

That's one of the worst things I've ever heard.

That sucks.

What an absolute loser.

Oh, man.

There's probably one woman he fucked that feels so stupid.

Yeah.

He used

intimidation to silence his critics, and if you dared speak up, you would face consequences.

You know what?

It's funny, too.

Gives me a come-town original take, too.

Go for it.

All the people that did that Cuomosexual shit fed into that fucking psychotic narcissist ego so much that it gave him the courage to fucking sexually harass.

You actually, you harassed those women.

So, no, I mean, literally, it is the fault of people like Randy Rainbow for fucking like gassing this fucking piece of shit up.

Oh, dude, you know what's fucking?

None of this would happen.

If they didn't, if they were just like, he's doing a good job as a governor, it'd have been fine.

But the fact that they're like, oh, his nipple ripp, his daddy nipple, all this bullshit.

i deserve some pussy

you're right i'm going to rape one of my subordinates

dude that's on you that's your fault randy rainbow

you know it's hilarious and another thing his bring me fig newtons his ex was literally uh bobby kennedy's daughter yeah he just married a fucking bootleg kennedy sloppy headedy sloppy heddity yeah

you know they used to call they used to call ted kennedy uh give headity

Well, they say he got brain cancer from all the semen that were entered into his brain.

That's right.

From sucking cock.

I wonder how would you just put on like a little suit with like a red,

like a red, what are they called?

What are they called?

Adam, what's it called when you got a little red handkerchief coming out of your pocket?

Well,

he's dating somebody named Sam.

And then just walk around the White House or walk around, just pretend to be a tour guide.

They're like, well, actually, a lot of people don't know this, but

Ted Kennedy was a fag.

That's really good, man.

Oh, so they broke up in 2019.

Name tag

Belmont.

I'm trying to find another accusation, but.

No, there were two bitches.

Two ladies.

CushyDreams.com

provides you with the juice you need to get the juices going.

Oh, he kissed.

He kissed.

Oh, the governor kissed.

The governor kissed.

As I got up to leave and walk towards the open door, he stepped in front of me and kissed me on the lips.

What a fucking creep.

I was getting away from him.

Oh,

I thought you were going in for one.

Oh, my bad.

I was getting a vibe.

I was catching a vibe.

I'm fucked up off cushydreams.com.

I smoked too much cushy dreams.

It made me horny.

Cushy dreams will turn anyone into a rapist, even the governor.

That's how much there's smokable CBD.

Adam, it's time to switch, bro.

You got to switch.

I told him second ad, I'd go to the box.

I said first ad, bitch, and I'm being a bitch.

Thanks for the extra 15 minutes.

Yeah, I'm a good guy.

I'm going to say that in public.

I'm going to take the extra 15 minutes on the couch.

Don't try and say you told me.

Oh, my God.

I felt like the Queen of England on that couch.

Oh, fuck.

Now I'm back to the box.

Back to the box.

Oh, it smells way better over here.

Back to the book.

It does not smell like kitty litter over here.

Back to the box.

What can we even say about Cushy Dreams that I remember?

That hasn't been said already.

Company's point.

A company that needs no introduction.

A company that needs no paid advertisement.

Cushy Dreams, Dr.

Cushy Dreams has sex.

You can take a Cushy Dreams, we'll tell you that much.

You can take as much cushy dreams as you want.

It won't make your dick hard, but it will make you fucking feel awesome, bro.

You know, cushy dreams, I should call it gushy dreams, because that's how much pussy you're going to be getting.

Yeah, and if you have CBD,

those bitches are going to be sliding down the hall

of your office

because they're going to be so wet off the gushy.

That's right.

Suck my cat.

Suck my cap.

Suck my bones and my penis.

Well, the thing about Cushy Dreams is that it's high-quality CBD.

High-quality CBD.

Yeah, it's lab testing.

Lab testing.

Lab testing.

Father-approved.

Independent lab testing.

Yeah, mom-approved.

Kid-tested.

Mom-approved.

Yeah, they pushed.

Cushy dreams.

They got guys cutting these flowers.

They do.

They got the girls with the titties out.

Yep.

NorCal, dude.

It's

Oregon and fucking Humboldt County.

Oh, yeah, dude.

They got Zach Efron up there with his dickhead podcast friend

making all the smokable legal weed.

That's right.

Yep.

I don't know how it works, but there's smokable things.

The thing is, it's smokable.

What are you, a pussy that chews CBD?

Yeah, what do you think?

If you take the oil

like what?

The tin man?

If I recall correctly, that's why I wanted to see the wizard to become straight.

He was like, I'll stay metal.

Just make me, make this unquenchable thirst for cock go away.

The lion's like, I wish I was brave.

And the scarecrow's like, I wish I was smart.

And then the tin man's like, I want to get Dorothy's pussy.

Can you make me straight so I can

say, where's my hug?

So I can quit.

First of all, these accusations accusations are ridiculous.

To address them quickly, it was a robot created by Donald Trump

that looked like me.

All of this stuff is politicized.

It was the Russians.

We're not going to politicize this.

There's a virus to deal with.

That I did a good job on.

I did a good job, and I'm very lonely.

And I need some pussy.

I need some pussy now.

Cushy dreams gets me fucked up, and I get some pussy.

It does not get you fucked up.

It does, but not

shipping legally to all 50 states.

Oh, yeah.

Is there only 50?

Yeah, last side said.

There's Puerto Rico.

Yeah,

it's weird that we haven't added more in a while.

Puerto Rico and 50.

How the fuck are we bombing like 18 countries a year and we haven't had more?

Some of them should be states by now.

I agree.

I would love to have Afghanistan

probably seem like here's what we'll just give fucking Delaware to France.

Okay, right.

And then Afghanistan is now a part of Texas.

That's fair.

And we, why does France get anything?

We teach Afghanistan how to play high school football.

That's true.

They're going to have to.

Teach them about a little bit of some Friday night life.

Friday night life.

Teach them boys how to play.

When is Muslim Sunday?

Muslim Sunday is Friday.

Just like Jews?

Jewish Sunday.

Jewish Sunday is Saturday.

So you can't do Friday.

Muslims get Friday, Jews get Saturday.

And we get Sunday.

So

they can't do Friday night lights because they're at the mosque.

Yeah, but then they'll stop being Muslim if we show them how to play the ball.

Yeah, that's true.

We teach them how to play ball.

Maybe they stop being playing.

Gushy Dreams.

Yeah, Cushy Dreams is awesome.

It's good shit.

They got fucking 3.5 gram shits.

They got whole joints.

Pre-rolls, and those are full-gram joints.

And if you want the eighths, you can put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Why don't you put my penis in your ass and fucking

and what's very exciting about Cushy Dreams right now is that they have a new 0.5, half a gram little five-pack of joints that's my favorite product.

Yeah.

You smoke one of those and your dick gets fucking extra hard.

Or medically, might not, but we can't make it.

But you know what?

Where the fuck is the goddamn copy with the promo code on it?

Promo code's Come Town.

The promo code, or some would say the Cuomo code.

The Cuomo code.

I hate this.

I fucking hate having to read.

It's all right.

The Cuomo code is almost dumb.

Is Hugby?

Is Hugby Y slash S.

I hate it, dude.

I wish I was just fucked up on cushy dreams right now instead of doing work.

I know.

That's why I tell you what, I can't wait until I'm done with my long day of work of having to refine this

document.

This businessman document.

Where are my documents?

This businessman document so I can take a load off and smoke cushy dreams, fucking drink my non-alcoholic beer and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and then order cocaine.

That's right, brother.

Does not get you high next to no THC.

Alternative for people looking to cut back on smoking other things.

Like pole.

Like cock.

Like cock.

I'm trying to cut down on smoking other things.

So I've been trying raping women.

They take the artisan approach.

Every run is small batch, organic farming practices.

Selection includes indoor exotic strains.

Oh, hell yeah.

100% hand-trimmed, never machine-trimmed.

Never.

We got three lines: the private reserve, ultra-premium, and premium.

Every can is an 8.

It probably makes a really big difference.

Which one of those you get?

Yeah.

You can probably definitely tell a big-ass difference.

Yeah, pre-roll.

They're completely different than the other.

Anyway, so

K-U-S-H-Y Dreams

and use promo code ComeTown for 20% that's right.

That's right.

Your next order, I believe.

You can get anything you want.

Smoke your CBD because you can't.

Because you can.

You should try it.

If you've used oil in the past and it did nothing for you, try this.

I guarantee you.

Okay, all joking aside, this shit actually does get you a little Buzzadillo.

I enjoy smoking it.

I literally am going to smoke one when I get home.

I would after this, but I'm literally too lazy to do it.

I'm going to eat more crackers.

Oh, hell yeah, dude.

I'm going home and I'm eating marinated chicken thigh.

That sounds great.

I'm having some eggs.

I'm steaming an egg, too.

I got one of those Korean steam egg things.

Oh, nice.

I'm steaming an egg later.

Oh,

if you know what I mean.

I'm steaming two eggs.

What do you mean?

Have you ever had your eggs steamed?

I do want my eggs steamed.

I don't know what that is, but I want them.

I would love to get my eggs.

A girl just going,

put your balls in.

Did I want to be pushing them up?

Honestly, it probably feels pretty good to get jacked on.

I want to see you spit.

I like to get my eggs poached.

That's where you put your balls in a woman's pussy, and then she pisses on your dick.

Yes, I'm having a little eggs bending tonight.

I'm gonna get my shit poached.

Go get me a fucking English muffin and some Canadian bacon because I'm getting my eggs poached.

I kind of want to try that if only to figure out

which way we straddle the bathtub

so that piss doesn't get everywhere.

Right.

Yeah, you'd have to go on the bottom.

You'd just have to get a kiddie pool.

She'd have to stuff them up.

Yeah.

Stuff them up.

And then pee onto you.

Yeah.

well yeah pee above pee

try that out for size while smoking some cushy dreams and eating an entire sleeve of saltine premium saltines oh

i'm not really saltine's guy i gotta be honest oh i can't i can't get enough of salt are you really my move my move my move now is i i'd like to put a gun in a woman's pussy while eating fig newtons

I guess that doesn't sound so bad.

I have a little non-alcoholic beer.

I eat a couple of Fig Newtons.

Five fucking deadpads.

I just have a gun and a woman's face.

That's awesome, dude.

That's what you call.

Are you moving it up and down, in and out, or are you just kind of in and out?

But you're not really that aroused.

They call that taking it easy edge play.

They call that

one foot over the edge.

Take it easy.

Take it up, my peasy.

You don't have to do hard drugs while fucking a woman with a gun.

Maybe you could just have a cliff bar, have a glass of crystal light

while you sodomize a woman with a Glock.

Damn, I'm about to go get some crystal light, actually.

Yeah, that's nice.

I want a little drink when I'm fucking coming down.

I miss drinking the powdered iced tea.

That shit, this fucking brown sugar.

Awesome.

You're literally just putting like four tablespoons of sugar in a cup of water and being like, I'm having tea.

I'm having ice tea.

I cook this.

No, it's not the chef thing.

No.

No, you feel like you made it.

You can't, you don't even know.

All right.

You don't.

Honestly, it is crazy because you 100% don't.

You really don't.

You missed the point of what we're even saying.

My parents got sick of buying juice.

I don't know why I said that in a southern accent.

My parents got sick of buying juice, and they'd get constantly.

The whole Matthew McConaughey audio book there.

My parents got tired of buying juice.

so they would make it in my ass.

No, no.

So they got the constant juice.

There was a retarded man who lived down the street and he'd fuck me in my ass and I'd fill it with honeysuckles.

We'd make moonshine in there on the summer nights.

I'd shit it out into my father's mouth.

That's what my stepfather, that is.

That's what I like.

Dude, that was the best fucking audiobook I've ever heard in my life.

When he just drops getting molested in the back of a van.

Yeah, I was number one on the soccer team in red cards.

And when I was 18, I got fucked in my mouth by a man who wrote the KB toys.

In exchange for

a set of publications.

Geo dudes.

Same for a Japanese Pikachu that he told me was worth $1 million.

$1 million Confederate, that was.

Speaking of the Confederacy, my great-great-great-great-great-granddaddy was Nathaniel Bedford, founder of the KKK

and founder of a Bed and Breakfast, Better and Breakfast.

When my mother was born 65 years later, and I returned to her pussy

to try and erase the memory of being molested.

Figured if I raped my mother, maybe that would create a different kind of trauma, the inverse, even.

Like the inside and outside of a Fig Newton, enjoyed on a fine summer evening while shoving a gun in and out of a woman's room.

Suck my pen.

Suck my pen.

Suck my ass.

Don't let your tiny gay ass dick go, Lamb.

Oh, fuck, man.

Hey, baby.

Damn.

Oh, baby, when you suck Monday.

Damn, I'm ready for summer this year.

It's going to be fun, dude.

Yeah, I saw some pictures of summer.

I was just going through my camera roll.

It's nice.

Summer's nice

beach.

That was awesome.

I saw pictures that day of the beach.

There are pictures of the two of us.

We got to go back to that stand that are very romantic.

From Australia?

No, no, no.

We went down the rock away to stop and went to Cafe Nargis afterwards.

That's awesome.

The Sheepshead Bay.

Shouts out to the shouts out to the Narghis boys.

Shouts out to Cafe Nargese.

That fucking shit.

Narghis.

How do you pronounce that?

No.

We just did.

Hmm.

How do you,

what do you mean?

What does that even mean?

Is that just the letter N?

Let me clear my throat and try to pick it up.

I just heard an N and a hard G sound.

It just heard an R.

Okay?

It's a different word that happens to have some letters in common.

No, I'm trying to remember the name of that restaurant you said.

We just said it.

It's Narghis.

Before you say anything, it's Cafe Narghis.

I forgot to say that.

You don't need to remember.

What was this?

It's Narghis.

The name of the restaurant.

I just said it, and I'll say it one more time: Narghis.

And now I'm trying to remember.

No, no, no, you know what it is.

I've said it five or six times.

Not even counting the original tip of my tongue.

Just the shit-eating grin on Nick's face right now.

The level of self-satisfaction.

If I could just remember,

for a second, just maybe.

This and when he called me.

Maybe venture a guess.

He called that woman Mrs.

Donkey Kong is the happiest he's been this whole episode.

I'll be honest with you, I'm on a cracker high.

Which could be about the crackers I ate or what I'm doing with the N-word.

Different meanings of a cracker high.

He's using again.

He's using the N.

Yeah,

he's banging N.

Hard R.

He's banging hard R.

I started using again.

Yeah.

Sug Moby.

It really is.

There is sort of a Zen,

a Zen quality to constantly almost saying the N-word.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like holding, yeah, it's perfectly balancing something forever.

It's like edging.

Enging.

Enging.

Yeah.

You're the sting of the N-word.

Yeah.

I use tantric slurs.

I dream of An, ya, Leiolay.

My dick is small.

That's a banger, dude.

Desert Rose.

That song is so sick.

I laugh to myself

when I say the word.

When I suck your dick.

You can make yourself fucking gay.

Saying the when I'm saying the words when I suck your dick,

I'll be being gay.

I'll be being don't suck,

don't suck,

don't suck my dick.

I'm gay,

you don't have to suck on a man's dick, but that's just what that song is.

I'm gay,

no, I do.

Yeah, it is.

He's telling Roxanne to be

Roxanne a guy, Suxan's a guy, a woman, a guy.

Suxanne is a guy.

You don't have to put that dick in your ass.

Oh, right.

Roxanne's a horror.

The fuck, that's a stupid song.

Actually, Sting and the Police suck dick.

Yeah.

I've never thought that.

They're actually an incredibly dog shit band.

Yeah.

I've always felt that way about him and Elvis Costello.

Elvis Costello is the fucking worst.

Elvis Costello is sucking.

Walking on the moon, Walking on the Moon, Roxanne, and then they have like one other that's like...

Don't Don't Stand So Close to Me.

Those are good singles.

Don't Stand So Close to Me is all right.

Those first two albums, outside of those tracks, are fucking absolute shit.

Yeah.

Never listened, never will.

It's just

Desert Rose, on the other hand.

It's reggae with none of the cool, fun actors.

Well, it's yeah, it's kind of this like fucking like a

smorgasbord shotgun attempt at like pop music where they combined a bunch of shit and it's mostly

what is it?

What's the word?

Not busting.

No,

dissonant.

Yeah.

It's very dissonant.

You don't have to suck on a man's song.

You don't have to shove a dick in your ass.

Adam.

Gaylane.

You don't have to tell on me.

You don't have to tell the motherfuckers.

Just say it was Bill Clinton.

Just say,

Don't say that Sting was there.

Please don't.

Say it was Bill Gates.

I took a hard one when people found out I had a small dick.

That would honestly make him suspect number one.

Yeah.

If his dick was that small that he would have to fuck kids.

Bust spec.

Oh, Epstein had a small dick.

Epstein had a small dick.

Why are you saying it the Jeremy Corbyn way?

I'm saying it the Hebrew.

Oh.

In the classical.

I kind of want to reread the Franklin cover up

that's just that that is a fun spooky book what's that the one about the cult or whatever it's about another child it's about it's about yeah child sex ring

is all that shit true Nebraska but then it like you know gets big it it'll fuck with your head if you read that book all the way up and then you watch who took Johnny

and then you read about Craig Spence and then you realize it's like okay there's like too many overlapping things here damn yeah

yeah

That's pretty fucking gay, if you ask me.

I really want a fucking soft-shelled crab sandwich.

That would be really nice.

Deep-fried soft-shelled crab sandwich.

You know, I was always scared of them when I was little.

Why?

Eating a soft-shell crab?

Because the shell.

You're eating the shell.

Yeah.

I'm scared of the shell.

I love that shit.

I thought it was so cool.

I'll eat it now.

I'll tell you what.

When you look at me, I'm like a Chinese.

When all this is over, we'll go to this restaurant that I like in Flushing that is a Singaporean restaurant.

And it's got a soft, a fried soft shell.

It's got a fried soft shell cookie.

Must kill Adam.

Must kill Adam to save.

Singaporean, huh?

To chill Singaporean.

Nick's basement.

Nick, wake up.

Sorry, I drifted off and I was having

a really true dream.

One of my real dreams.

I was having one of my classic permonition dreams.

You don't have to.

Stuck on the main stick.

Dude, honestly, when I get my second vax, bro, I'll eat indoors.

Yeah, dude.

We should go to this place.

I think it's got a ridiculously stupid name.

I think it's called like Yummy Tummy or something.

I've seen that place.

Yeah, it's really good.

It's right by the Google Death.

I'm going to wear a mask.

I'm going to keep wearing a mask way past when they make us do that shit.

Me, too, because I'm ugly.

And then

I'm going to break other rules at restaurants and then pull the camera out when they kick me out.

Like, bringing my

students to Joe's campaign.

You're getting kicked out for wearing a mask.

Yeah.

And I'll be like, wow.

The one mask wearer in here.

Or you get a mask.

You got four years and a mask with a big swastika on it.

I'm like, so I can't be in here with the mask on.

Okay, well, it was the only one they had left.

That's the one they were in.

I don't like it either.

I'm just trying to be safe.

It's a Buddhist symbol of good luck.

If you got a problem with it, take it up with the dotheads.

It's their thing.

no that's actually not true sir

we sort of see where you're getting at even though it's incredibly offensive but you're also wrong yeah

am i wrong i think buddhism is an alarm

am i wrong

am i yes

am i yes please leave okay can i have my fake noodles

you know what honestly the first thing we should do after this is all over get international plane tickets to Toronto and kill that guy from that Chinese restaurant that insulted that one.

No, you know what?

I respect that guy.

Why do you respect him?

He disrespected all of us.

Dude, some guy's got a code.

His code was that you can't, that he can only

slip.

I want to go back to Toronto.

I'm trying to go back to Canada, but I think it's going to be a while until we're allowed.

Yeah.

I went for Tiff a couple years ago.

Yeah, you went after us.

After we all went.

Yeah, I went for Tiff because that movie I was in premiered there.

Nice.

And then I was meeting a friend for dinner.

And we met at this Japanese barbecue restaurant.

And I got there probably 45 minutes early.

Yakiniku.

Yeah, I was like, might as well just order.

And

I didn't want to be rude.

Of course.

You had to have a second dinner.

Oh, yeah.

I ate an entire farm before the guy showed up.

And then he was just eating the fucking kimchi.

I was like, well, I guess I'm a drug addict.

I'm gay!

Yeah, dude, once fucking

Fidel Castro's son opens up the borders, I'm over there, dude.

Oh, yeah, you're driving a classic car.

No,

I meant into Canada.

Oh, it's Fidel Castro's son?

Yeah, dude.

Is that what they're saying?

Joe's Castro's son.

How about

Fasmelle asshole?

Yes.

And does he smell the assholes or does he have a smelly asshole?

He does.

He does.

He's got a smelly asshole.

That's awesome.

I'm looking at FedEx tracking.

Nigga's mad at FedEx.

I'm not mad at FedEx.

I just need to know to make sure I didn't.

They fucked me last week, but then.

I don't really give a shit.

They actually didn't really fuck me.

I'm not mad.

They were very helpful, actually.

Well, then, I gotta say,

they've never been.

Well, they fucked me by sending what I needed to Connecticut, but they found it very quickly.

All of your precious precious DVDs.

Yeah, my DVDs.

Of you in child pageants?

No.

Well, yes.

The only boy competing.

Honey Juju.

Money Juju.

Was that what you went under?

Yeah, Money Juju.

That's an awesome name.

Very catchy.

I was a little queen of the pageant.

That's really cool, brother.

The Las Vegas pageant circus.

Anyway.

What are the websites that people have to visit for us?

Oh, come.town, Stavi.biz.

We're launching new shirts soon, folks.

Stavi.biz.

And if you want all the content without the obnoxious ad reads.

None of the.

And honestly, really good, again.

Yeah, the best

better than these episodes.

We save the ad-free best episodes we save for our Patreon episodes.

Patreon.com slash come town.

And I promise I never eat crackers for half the episodes.

And you have access by listening to those episodes to, or by paying five bucks a month, you have access to

200.

You can chat with Adam.

You can meet Adam.

He's on Trump.

Adam is on there at 24.

Adam.cam.

I'm chatting.

I'm on Cam.

You can check out Adam's OnlyFans.com.

I've got a Lovins in my ass, and every time you tip, it vibrates.

And it shocks me a little bit, too.

It's actually

like a dog caller.

Yeah.

That would be awesome.

All right, folks.

Well, thanks for listening to Cometown this week.

And please

visit those three websites we just mentioned.

Good evening.

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