Ep. 245 – smark coulerds

Welcome to What's Next for your career and for your future in healthcare.

Carrington College is hosting our biggest open house yet, Thursday, August 14th, from 10 a.m.

to 7 p.m.

Come explore hands-on healthcare training programs, meet instructors, watch live demonstrations, tour the campus.

You could graduate in as few as nine months, prepared to step into a new career.

Ready for what's next?

We're ready for you.

Reserve your spot today at Carrington.edu/slash events.

Programs vary by location.

Visit Carrington.edu slash SEI for important information on program outcomes.

You never know.

There's no guarantees in life.

Except for me getting my fucking little bale sucked.

And

good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

I got something you can take to the bank right here, pal.

It's called my

pinois.

Yeah, okay.

I'm the teller.

Sorry, we don't take microscopic deposits.

Yeah, I got it.

I got a deposit.

So they take big dicks at the bank?

You do.

At this bank, yeah.

At this bank?

At this particular bank.

They do.

Interesting.

I got a deposit you can take right here, pal.

It's called My Pass.

Yeah, well, we'll take that, actually.

We'll use it as the vault because it can hold

hundreds of billions of dollars.

You could buy Cushy Dreams and get your decor with Blue.com.

Good.

No, Bree's done for the episode.

All right.

I'll send that to the

advertisers.

I would like my $1 million.

We could, in theory, open the show with ads, right?

Uh yeah, but they're then people just skip them.

People don't understand the genius of this show.

Yeah, it's definitely genius.

We distracted everybody with the conversation about whether it's political or comedy.

And the answer is neither.

It's a way to trick you into having to listen to the ads.

The greatest achievement you can

achieve.

Yes.

Continue.

Hold on.

Get the old school meme format ready.

The motivational poster.

Albert Einstein with his tongue out.

The greatest achievement you can achieve is having people accuse you of selling out.

True.

Because that means that you had something to sell.

The greatest dick the devil ever sucked was that

he was mine.

Yeah.

You got your dick sucked by the devil.

Yeah.

That is true.

I got my dick sucked by the devil, and I was like, I'll sell you my soul.

for head and he was like awesome and then right when I busted I was like psych

yeah your fingers are crossed my My fingers are crossed.

And I said, Psych, and he had no recourse.

I did that with the devil, but my fingers were double crossed, so they double

canceled out.

So he has my soul now.

Yeah, I'm going straight to hell.

The devil went down to Georgia.

He was looking for some $2,000 checks, he was promised.

Uh-oh, that's right.

Uh-huh.

Where's my fucking money?

Yeah.

Stewie, Stewie video clip.

They're holding.

Stewie from Family Guys.

Where's my money?

Lewis.

My penis!

Lewis!

Come give my penis head.

Oh, blast my penis.

Blast on my face, woman.

Blasted woman, I'm gay.

Blast my blast me.

Oh,

what the deuce?

I'm trying to be blasted.

I'm trying to get my ass fucked, mother.

Quick.

Hold on.

What?

In memoriam to

two people died.

R.I.P.

Seiku Smith.

You know what?

Let me just get Spirit.

Oh, Screech.

Sorry.

I should have let you say it.

Well, we got to

get the.

Oh, Sophie, too.

Why isn't this working?

She had some bangers.

R.I.P.

to her and Seiku Smith.

R.I.P.

to Screech and Sophie.

Screeching, Sophie.

and NBA analyst Seiku Smith who died of coronavirus

You know what that stands for NBA this is a banger.

Oh yeah, this song's tough

I can make you fuck my ass if you let me

I can suck my dad's penis

Okay, is this still recording?

Yeah.

Oh no, it didn't start.

Oh wait, no, yeah, it did.

You gotta yeah, yeah, we're still recording.

Okay.

I liked, I wanted to say, first of all, R.I.P.

Sophie, obviously, but also that song in particular, I really enjoy because I love the idea.

When I listen to the song, I'm thinking that a girl is begging me to let her suck my dick.

And I've never been in that.

I've had girls who wanted to suck my dick, and there's even been like, please, please.

Yes, it does.

It's never

in a playful sexuality.

I can make up stuff too.

No, I'm not.

My bad women want to have a lot of stuff.

The girls have sucked my dick and wanted to suck me off.

I can make

Plenty of girls have wanted to suck me off.

You've never had sex.

Yes, I have.

Nick is just a fucking lie.

Whatever you're saying.

I know it's a lie.

Nick wishes he could fuck like me.

No, I fuck nice and I fuck with panache.

I do fuck nice.

With panache?

I fuck with panache and I fuck nice.

Ask the girls.

You have panache butter that you put all over your balls and have a dog look it off.

That's panache butter.

You've only had sex with dogs.

I've never

had sex with a dog.

Lots of girls.

You've only had sex.

Never a dog's mouth.

Only with dogs.

No, that's not true.

Stops only had sex.

Nick's only

dogs.

Dogs.

Dogs.

Dogs.

It doesn't even sound like the fucking song.

I'm trying my best.

If you just give me a break.

Wow, that's a cool.

Nick's trapped in a very gay dimension right now.

He's trapped

in a fucking jade dildo that a gay Chinese guy put him in.

Dr.

Michael Douglas, long time listener, first time.

Beating off on the floor.

Hi, Michael.

How are you?

I'm very horny.

Oh, it's great to have you on the line.

I'm horny for a pussy.

Why are you calling in to the...

I thought you were gay.

I'm calling in because I'm playing...

You're famously gay.

I have to

do it.

Kirk named him gay actor Michael Douglas.

I'll be playing a Hispanic character.

Okay.

I wanted to make sure that I didn't do it wrong.

All right, let's hear it.

Oh, was that you or was that a Hispanic guy?

That was me.

Wow, where are you calling from?

I don't know.

I'm trapped.

If someone could please.

Are you in a cathedral or something, something with a high ceiling?

I'm in the U.S.

Embassy in Libya.

And Christopher Stevens is here, and I'm having sex with his balls.

You're putting his balls in my mouth.

And he's...

I can feel him.

Wow, wait,

wait, did you go back in time?

He's in Benghazi.

He's in Benghazi.

Michael, stop having sex with his balls.

You have to stop.

There's a mob coming.

There's a mob coming.

No, he's in his ass now.

I'm having sex.

He's inside Christopher Stevens' ass.

I'm having sex.

You're inside the hero Christopher Stevens' asshole.

I'm inside of Christopher Stevens' ass.

Quick, Michael.

You get out of there.

We'll go get Hillary.

I'm having sex with Christopher Stevens.

We sent you back in time to stop Bengal.

Not to have sex with Christopher Stevens.

That's the soundtrack.

Having sex in his ass.

And now he's

fucking.

Now he's fucking mad.

Wow.

That would be a good movie.

Would it?

Yeah.

Michael Douglas having sex with Christopher Stevens.

Yeah.

What will they play Sophie?

It would be great to start.

You know, like, those guys that get popular on Instagram for doing their own loop.

You know, like they're just good at music.

Oh, you mean like beat?

Yeah.

Like MPC guys

that make like loops.

What's MPC?

It's like that pad with all the squares on it.

No, those are cool.

Yeah, those are.

We should all get MPC.

No, I'm getting one.

I mean, you should get one.

Thank you.

I should ask you if I could play.

You can come over and play it for a couple of minutes.

Well, just

to try and start like a loop guy career, but I'm just terrible at it.

Yeah,

it's just that shit.

To take your

like a lo-fi loop type shit?

I don't know.

I don't know anything about that.

To take a small business loan, a COVID relief bill.

Yes.

Buy an NPC.

Try to sign your loop.

I'm getting a COVID relief stoppy baby enterprises.

We're getting a loan, and I'm turning my office into a

fucking

sensory decoration.

Recommend penis.

If you me.

A sensory decoration.

Sensory deprivation tank.

Okay.

Get the fucking jit out of your ears.

I got a relief for you.

No, you don't.

I'm going to relieve all the cum out of your balls.

Fuck, that's true.

You are.

I got a relief for you, buddy.

Watch me relieve all

the bust and no.

You're sucking me off against my will.

You feel relieved.

I feel very relieved.

How was my pain?

I feel relieved.

Adam, what's up?

How was the chili?

Stav gave me some of his snow day chili.

Fantastic.

Fantastic.

That was a fucking chili.

I'll say the heat level, perfect.

The texture, incredible.

Thank you.

The corn kernels really gave it a nice.

You need a little corn.

You need a little bean.

And you know what?

I don't.

You can...

get all your...

You can fucking put all your stuff in a blender and make it like a kind of a pasty kind of soup.

I don't like that shit.

I chop up.

I like a curry.

Curry pepper.

I chop up every fucking onion

nice and tiny.

Stop got arrested at the bodega.

I did not get arrested.

Yeah, I did.

He tried to order too many sand.

The woman in front of me ordered 12 sands.

Let me get a.

And you blamed it on that black guy.

She was a black guy.

With extra cheese.

She got

a chop.

I want extra chop on my cheese.

That's just ways to chop up the cheese.

I'll tell you exactly what I got.

I said I want more chop.

I got, I don't, first of all, I don't like chopped cheeses.

Okay.

I love chopped cheeses.

I'm a cheesesteak guy.

I love going to the bodega, order.

I'm a cheesesteak guy.

We got a

515.

515, we got a don't have a fat guy ordering cheese cheese.

We have a 6182 fat man ordering cheese.

No, we don't have a 6182.

Dispatch is a 211.

We're outside the bodega.

Looks like we can see him from outside the store.

211, 211.

He's copying.

He's pacing back and forth, and then his stomach's knocking everything off the

chips.

No, no, not again.

Sometimes that happens.

It's a small bodego.

Requesting a second EMT to

back the ambulances up to each other so we can fit his body.

Oh, what?

How are they going to drive?

Dispatches to 18.

Dispatches 218.

Copy.

How are the ambulances going to drive?

They're backed up into each other.

One goes reverse, one goes forward.

That seems really hard to pull off.

That's a classic.

First of all, I fitted an ambulance.

Another stop-roast classic.

316, we're on the way.

Copy you.

The ambulance is doing ass to ass to carry the fat man out above that guy.

316 copy.

Much fatter men than me have been in an ambulance.

What is that?

My heart rate?

He's agitated now.

Sir, sir, one second.

We're going to need back up.

What are they?

You sing next tails?

Yeah.

Where are you at?

Where you at?

The whole city behind you.

218 copy.

16.

What's your copy?

What's 20?

Oh, we're on the way.

We got peanut MMs and almond MMs.

I know you requested the regular because that'll lure him out of the store.

Oh, a honeypot situation.

We got to talk to ops dispatch to make sure we have enough candy.

I ordered one sandwich.

I ordered a chicken breast, tomato, avocado.

Now he's lying.

Avocado, banana peppers, lettuce, honey mustard sauce.

Oh, okay.

I like that order.

This is the aerial sport helicopter.

We're trying to get a visual on the suspect, but he's even from here too fat to see.

Well, which one is it?

You can see me or you can't see me.

No, dude, the helicopter.

How am I too fat to be seen?

Dispatch bro.

It's camouflaging into the earth.

Dispatch if it'll give us a second.

We'll explain.

He's too fat to fit in the helicopter's camera.

What?

And he's got.

That's not how cameras work.

He's got a friend with him who looks to be like a Jewish woman about five foot one.

Hey.

And she's her penis is too small to be seen by the helicopter.

Okay.

The camera's broken.

We're crashing.

She's so fat, we're crashing.

Blackhawks down.

The gravitational pull of him is so fat.

And also, the other guy's dick is so small, it's destroying the helicopter.

No,

that was a big staple of Yo Mama So Fat jokes was the gravitational pull

aspect to it.

Is that a big staple?

That was a staple.

You know what else has a big staple?

Is stop stomach?

No, it's the wave.

Wouldn't that mean?

It's not working.

Yeah, okay.

He busted through that staple.

I met a guy who got the stomach sounds.

How did it work out?

He says he hates it.

He says, first of all, you have to chew the fuck out of your food.

Have you met this guy in the community?

No.

He was a comedian.

Shouts out to Pauli.

Pauli Pellegrosso on Twitter.

Funny guy.

He said, you vomit if you don't chew good enough.

I think, no, I think you got to chew the fuck out of your food, and then it goes because your stomach doesn't.

I don't fucking remember.

Oh,

the tantric method.

Stops into tantric eating.

But he's a good guy, and he was funny.

He opened for me in Tucson and the Phoenix.

Did you hear what I said?

I'm blowing past that.

Actually, you know what?

Tantric eating sounds pretty good.

Yeah, you can just eat for hours.

You never bust?

Yeah.

You never shit.

You never get full?

You never shit.

And you never shit.

I don't equate shitting to busting.

Some people love shitting.

So, is this Paulie here?

Is he fatter than you or skinnier than you?

I met him when he was smaller, but I believe he was fat as hell at some point.

But

do you ever get attitude from fatter people?

Do you ever get attitude?

Yeah, like you don't know what it's like.

Like the way dark-skinned black people sometimes treat light-skinned black people.

Exactly.

Exactly.

The same type of thing.

And we're just sort of

thought of as pretty boys in the fat community.

I am sort of a pretty boy in the fat community.

I'll say that.

I suppose I'm the equivalent of a light-skinned.

Slightly less lions growl like that.

But in the fat community, it's thin-skinned.

I'm thin-skinned.

You're a thin-skinned fat man.

I'm thin-boned.

Yeah.

Thin-boned it.

I can make you suck penis.

Whether you want to or not.

Whoa.

I can make you suck my dick

with a gun.

Yeah, Dustin Diamond, too.

I got a gun.

Rough.

Screech.

Sophie and Screech.

We're both conversations.

I was saying it's

the cool S

curse.

So

who would be next?

What?

Cool names with an S?

Yeah.

Well, I can't think of one person.

Screech.

Are you serious?

Sophie.

Are you guys both serious?

Cisco.

Cisco's.

Cisco, but also

Stop.

Yeah, but you're Stavros Halicro.

But come on, most people.

This thing right here.

I'm the most notable Stavro.

You get rid of your last name.

I was like, fuck you to your dad.

You should just go by Stavros.

Check it out.

Who to dress those candlelits?

And you know another niggas putting the handle up.

Another what?

I can't believe who you are.

I'm going to be like one of those stand-up guys that talks about old rap words, but just point out the end words.

They say the end words.

I'd love to say it.

Excuse me?

Who's in Paris?

That's not very cool to

black indigenous people.

Oh, they can say it.

But when I get off the plane

at Charles de Gaulle Airport and I say, wow, there's a lot of in Paris.

Now I'm the bag.

I just listened to White Fragility on tape.

Oh, you got the tape.

Is it about both of your dicks?

As read by Sean Connery just before he passed away.

It's difficult to talk to white people about race because you let them have the last word and they've already had the last word and they keep going.

And in that case, yes, I think it's perfectly acceptable to slap them.

To slap a white person.

White woman.

To slap a white woman person.

That would be awesome if he rebranded as a guy who just really hated white fashion.

White women are teetering on on the edge.

I can't.

They still haven't gotten their full comeuppance.

And when it happens, the Karen thing was good.

And they try to come back into the fold.

Yeah.

No, man.

We got to push him back.

No, no, no, man.

Fend for yourself.

When white women are all living with their fucking mom, like playing fucking StarCraft,

and like

they're all on female dating strategy and like

getting cancer from eating at 7-Eleven every day.

Because they blow their paycheck from

KFC on Scratch Off Lottery.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

You mean investing?

Yeah, investing.

Because they're investing.

Once white women are in that position, maybe you can come to the cookout.

You're invented to the white man cookout, which is just eating 7-Eleven hot dogs

together.

And our only table is, it's not a dinner table, it's a fucking foldable.

I probably said it before already on the show, but nothing made me feel more validated than

Sadie Doyle becoming a man.

Yep.

And then fucking like after three weeks.

Having to write Ann Frank's entire diary about their receding hairline.

Yeah.

Welcome, brother.

It ain't so easy, is it?

Right.

She thought she was, what, or he thought you were going to be Jeff Bezos immediately.

Maybe in one department.

That's right.

Being bald, you dumb fuck.

Yeah.

could never be me, by the way.

As a formerly, as a man, and you know what?

Let me apologize to the bald community for Rachel dolls-alling you all for so long because I have a beautiful head of hair.

White women think that every white man has the opportunity to be Don Draper, when in reality, the vast majority of them are just going to be Slingblade.

Yep.

Or the guy who's talking to Slingblade at the beginning of the movie.

Or the scary guy?

Yeah,

J.T.

Walsh.

Yeah, that scene is really scary.

Never seen Slingblade.

Dude, that movie.

Slingblade is one of the best movies ever made.

All right, I'll watch it.

I'll put it on the list.

I think what I'm going to do, I think I'm going to, after the snow clears, maybe, you know what?

Maybe I'll start my 32nd year this way.

I think I'm going to do Fitness February,

and I'll work out hard in the mornings, and then I watch three movies.

You're going to take nothing harder.

You're going to take a Blue Chew.

And then I work out hard.

And when I say hard, I don't mean

with a lot of effort.

I mean,

Dick on Swole, thanks to Blue Chew.com.

the nation's premier leading dick chewables website in the fucking universe.

This, my friends, this product is so gorgeous.

It's changed our lives.

I can make you suck penis.

I can make you your dick home.

I can make your dick home.

If you take blue chew,

there you go.

There it is.

That's how you do it.

Good job, Stop Ross.

I can make your dick bigger

with a blue chew.

I can make a penis penis.

You have to chew it.

I can make you suck penis.

I can make you suck penis.

George Snack.

George Snack brought a sex assist.

The porn king told me your breast assists.

I'm the best of it.

Fucking your ass through your fish next.

Cutting cleaves, you're bound to eat shit next.

Shit fast, I'm fucking dumb lines.

So my dick is mom, whole lick the scum.

I'm sticking a gun in your cunt.

I'm flying fake and make it believe.

I'm raping you, choking, you makes you come.

It's that you play.

Careful, fuck around and murder you by mistake and leave you dead in a bed slayed.

That's what I'm thinking about when I take Blue Chew.

That gentleman was clearly on Blue Chew.com.

Canarzi's own Necro.

Necro, yeah.

Necro had his dick hard from Blue Chew.

Who likes that?

Me?

Present?

Yeah.

It's like, because I like, it's a song you ironically like, like, but then also it's good.

Yeah,

it's cool that he samples time of the season.

Is that what he samples out?

I think.

Did he even sample it?

It feels like it's just a song.

Yeah.

I think it's a sample.

Suck my dick.

You're up, dumb bitch.

You got a touch.

Fuck.

Love my penis.

Yo, dick.

It isn't hard, but it could be.

If you took

blue chew.com.

If you like sex, then you'll love bluechew.com.

I love that they really, not blue chew, it's bluechew.com that you love.

That's my favorite part of this ad.

Yeah, if you love sex, you'll love bluechew.com.

You'll love going on the website.

You'll love using the website.

You'll like the interface.

You'll like the flat design, the UX.

But here's Touch My Penis.

Let me tell you.

Suck my balls.

Let's do the Straight Talk Express right now.

All right, let's

enough bullshit on the bottom.

Let's get on the Straight Talk Express right now.

I'm with you.

John McCain, 2000.

The Straight Suck Express.

2008.

Let's get on the Straight Suck Off Express.

And let me tell you.

Let's call our McCain style.

Let's call

our wife a cunt in front of the reporter.

Exactly.

And let me say this.

If John McCain had taken Blue Chew, he would not have died.

He would have been alive.

He'd be alive right now.

He'd be getting

out.

All his blood would be getting workouts.

He'd be traveling to his cock.

When I was in Vietnam, I always used to imagine that my penis could get hard.

The Vietnamese, they did everything they could to help me.

Tied my dick up to ropes and

hung me from it.

No matter what they did, my dick was still small and useless.

That's why my daughter is so fat is because I had slow sperm.

Yeah, that's true.

When your dick is short and limp, only the weak sperm get through.

The faster ones are, you know, it's sort of a tortoise in the hair scenario.

They're a napping.

They know how little your dick is.

That's the problem with the tortoise in the hair story.

It's a story about a rabbit who of course could win the race and he's so bored because he's already so talented exactly that he lets some retard tortoise win but guess what now the race is over and you're still some faggot turtle

the rabbits out there getting pussy yeah and fucking for

so true yeah and that's what you can do with bluechew.com if you take it to bluechew.com just have sex my ass fuck me in my ass

you get to fuck nick in his ass with bluechew.com fuck me in my mouthandass.com how many guys listening wouldn't be stoked to fuck nick in the ass but because they would just get to hang out with him.

Sounds like projection.

No.

Sounds like I get to hang out with you all the time.

I don't know.

I would never fuck you in the ass.

You're hitting me up.

You're like, can we please go on a romantic date?

I've never asked you to do that.

Stop for the last time.

I have a wife with kids.

This is a character I do.

It would be so funny if you were just a guy named like Joshua.

And after

Colin was a fucking person.

And at the end of the day, I go back to being Benjamin Feinstein,

actor,

son of famous composer Jonathan Feinstein.

So fucking true.

Who wrote all of the music to

Save the Last Dance?

Oh, yeah.

The composer of Save the Last.

I was sorry to be to remake that movie, but it's called Save the Last Piece of Pussy.

Ma.

Yeah, yes.

And I haven't seen the movie, but I imagine it's.

Now I'm just thinking of Dangerous Minds.

Yeah.

I haven't seen any movies.

Dangerous minds, isn't that a movie?

Bluechew.com.

No, it's a movie.

Bluechew.com.

Dangerous minds.

Hold on.

No, it's with Michelle Pfeiffer.

She teaches

she's a fucking autistic guy who solves crimes.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, you're thinking of the mentalists.

No, it's Dangerous Minds.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Dangerous Le Manson.

Dangerous Minds.

Michelle Pfeiffer goes into an inner city.

Dangerous pool in the dangerous.

This is a fucking guy.

He's autistic.

Bluechew.com and get your first order free when you use promo code ComeTown.

Just pay $5 shipping.

That's B-L-U-E-Chu.com.

Promo code ComeTown.

And get your dick card, by the way.

Get your dick card.

The Blue Chew's chewables are made in the USA.

BlueCook Chew gives you confidence made every time.

Chew it and do it.

Chew it and do it, you fuckers.

Here's how it works.

You go to the website, you set up an appointment, they zoom you into a physician, a big-titted lady in a lab, and she answers questions.

She's a real nerd, dude.

You can tell she's wearing glasses.

The pills are out the door the next day in discreet packaging.

Showing up to your house, your neighbors think you're buying pieces of a gun.

You're buying 80% lowers to assemble your own AR-15 in your apartment.

But really, it's dick pills.

That's right.

Inconvenient, excessive packaging.

It is too much packaging.

But here's the thing: it's not specifically a Bluetooth problem.

Everything across the board now, people went nuts with packaging.

That's true.

It should just come in the envelope.

Especially in the Amazon era, there's so much packaging.

And let me just say this: Fuck Bezos, stepping down as CEO.

What's he doing now?

It's the time to drink penis.

Little ass dick.

Yep.

To drink.

To drink my penis.

To drink a cup of dick.

To suck on my penis.

On my penis.

And suck on my balls.

I'm gay.

I'm gay, but go to my asshole.

I am gay.

And log on to Blue Chew.com, my dick.

And use promo code.

And use promo code.

I'm trying to finish the research.

And use promo code.

Don't come down.

I want some Reese's miniatures.

How do you say that word?

Mineruchers.

Miniatures.

Mineruchers.

Miniatures.

I'm doing it so easily.

No, hold on.

Miniatures.

Miniatures.

Miniatures.

Miniatures.

Miniatures.

Miniatures.

You say it all the way.

It's a fucking hard word to say.

It is all hard.

It's not that hard.

If you have a tongue that dances like mine, it's not even a fucking problem.

I just Googled it, and now I'm thinking, should I get into it?

My fucking tongue is Borish.

Should I get into dollhouses?

Yeah.

Just become the gay man you've always been?

No.

Look, the problem is thinking that I'm impeded in any way from being as much of a faggot as I am.

No,

I'm full force.

100%.

Because then you'd be making little miniatures.

Unceasing.

You honestly would be making.

Relentlessly unceasing.

You know, it was Einstein that said the greatest achievement of all time

is

a black man with a library card.

Yep.

And then, brother.

I think he said that.

Yeah, he did.

When they didn't have harpers.

Yeah.

He said that?

I don't remember that.

That seems pretty fucked up to me, but what do I know?

I'm I'm just a cute little fucking slut with a medium-sized prick that gets the job done, even though it's touching ghosts from time to time.

And butch and go.

It's so hard.

Damn.

Fucking penis.

Yeah, I should get dollhouses and an A Ford Model T

and drive around with a big coat on and a big scarf and driving on.

And the goggles, yeah.

But then completely nude from the waist.

So I pull up to a place and I got big driving gloves on and people see me with the top down.

Wooga, you know, as I pull in the parking spot and then I take my elaborate gloves off and my goggles and the and the scarf and I put them on the passenger seat and I step out of the car and everyone can see my penis and ass.

I like that idea.

And then I go to jail.

Oh yeah, I guess because they didn't have windshields on the first ones, huh?

No, they had windshields.

It was just

the world was colder.

People don't understand because of global warming, we switched to Fahrenheit from Celsius because they were like, all right, well, the numbers.

We need more numbers.

We need more numbers.

Oh, that's, yeah.

It's going to make people feel better.

It's like, you remember when they added area codes to phone numbers?

Remember back in the day, you used to be able to.

Man, you used to be able to pick up the phone.

And dial seven numbers.

Dial seven numbers.

That was something else.

And then they rolled out the ten-number thing, and they had to teach it to children with a cartoon phone.

Yeah, I remember that.

I hated it.

I remember learning that.

I was pissed off.

You know what nobody remembers that got memory hold because it was brief, and I think it was just test-marketed in the mid-Atlantic.

Is the your penis the

got milk thing

there was what milk had a mascot that was basically just the Philly fanatic for like a six-month period I don't remember that I don't remember that at all blue milk guy what blue yeah

let me look this up I'm telling you it got memory hold

is this a Mandela effect right here

are you about to remember something that never happened

no it absolutely happened what didn't happen is you what having my respect

that's happened before um on a on a few occasions that's happened

um

mid my pee is in my ass what was his name the got milk monster it was just called the milk thing

oh is that the swamp thing the got milk mascot

elsie the cow no

I'm telling you, this is a Mandela effect of our version one.

You're about to get Mandela this.

Oh, you found it?

Yeah.

Oh, whoa.

It's just a Philly.

He's the Philly fanatic.

It's just a blue Philly fanatic.

I think you're lying.

From the Middle Atlantic Milk Marketing Association.

Wow.

That's right where you guys both grew up as Sav

as a food fan and a child and remember it.

He wasn't eating anything healthy.

Yes, I was.

What's that thing?

Yeah, look at this horrible ad.

I mean, I only remember it.

Is that the Benny Hill song?

I only remembered it because it looked like the Philly fanatic, you know, and then things that look that you think like you're a child and you're trying to understand structures in the world.

And so you just accept that as like a category.

Yeah, of types of things.

Of things that exist.

Different types of fanatics.

There's probably an orange one out there that just, you know, manages the Italian American Association.

What's the thing?

Gritty.

Oh, yeah, gritty.

That's what I was trying to remember.

But people think he's

Antifa or something.

I think he's an...

There's a meme where people try to make him hate fascism or something.

I think he's for chaos more than anything.

Oh, Gritty's an anarchist.

I think Gritty's anarcho-fascist.

He's an anarchista.

What do anarchists do?

They just want...

They just don't think anyone should be the president, basically?

There should be no president?

Yeah, no government.

Anarchists are all 13.

We should have a Boogaloo boy on the show to interview him and just ask him what he thinks about Degrassi.

We should watch an episode with him live.

Do you think if you'd got your Civil War that we'd still have Degrassi?

Because we'd be relying on Canada for entertainment.

And honestly, the shit that makes it over the border is usually pretty good.

Not really.

We only get the best of Canada and the worst of Mexico.

We only get the best.

You ever notice that?

They save all the good food for themselves and then send the rapists and murderers here.

We get tacos.

We don't get good tacos.

Yeah, we do.

We don't get them in New York, but we get them in fucking, you know, LA and shit.

You can get them in.

Mexican families will come here, they'll start a Mexican restaurant first generation.

It's great.

And then the children, their spoiled children, take it over.

And then the menus.

They start graphic designing the menus.

Yeah, it's fucking terrible.

They laminate the menus.

Yeah.

That's when you know it's.

It could be shitty.

Let me make this clear.

That stands true across the board in every instance.

That is actually true.

Second generation Greek restaurants are horrible.

You need that shit where the motherfucker doesn't speak English.

There's some good Mexican food in New York.

Who's there?

You need to know where to find it.

That one truck, which was pretty good.

Biryalandia.

But it wasn't.

In Jackson Heights.

You just love saying that, don't you?

Biryalandia.

It was fine.

It was good.

But it wasn't like.

Oh, yeah.

Well, how about this, pal?

Guys, chill out.

Right here.

Guys, we're doing double listeners at each other.

Does Goro ever use through four middle fingers?

That'd be so sad.

If I had four hands, that's what I would be doing constantly.

In a Goro type situation.

If I was a Goro, I would be doing four middle fingers constantly.

You know, dude, finger-popping forward shit.

I was just going to say that.

For finger-popping reasons, that would be awesome.

If I was a Goro.

Dude, as soon as quarantine ends, I'm going to Six Flags and flipping off the roller coaster camera.

Dude, if I was a Goro,

the thing I cannot wait to do

double middle fingers right at the fucking

Superman Ride of Steel camera.

Isn't Universal Studios and everything open in Florida right now?

We should go to Disney World, dude.

Florida is completely open.

Dude, honestly, I said that, and now it's like, we should do a little Universal Studios show.

You're not going to Florida.

You're coming.

In Miami, the club is open.

You're coming.

Why?

Let's go to the club.

They get on the Tower of Terror, and it's just not the elevator's not going up, and Stop's like,

fun ride, everybody.

So it was scary.

Everybody's like, boo!

We waited in line for nine hours.

That ride is not scary.

Now you're, what's nice is waiting in line.

Oh my god.

That is the worst part, Nick.

I love waiting in line.

No, you don't.

I love it.

I go to the business.

How do you get fast pass?

You have to pay extra money so you can skip the line?

Blast pass.

Yeah, I would assume so.

That's what rich kids always got.

They went and got fast pass.

What is fast pass?

You have like a pass where you just skip the line all day.

No, what you do is you get a wheelchair and you pretend to be handicapped.

Yeah, that's what I would do.

And then you can skip the line.

I remember seeing a Hispanic family at Six Flags taking turns being handicapped on every eye.

I was like, God, I love that.

There is big respect.

Yeah.

I'm like, I wish I had the audacity.

When America comes back, we're going to be sampling all the best coasters in America.

We're going to finally go to Cedar Point, Ohio, and ride on.

I'm not a coasters guy, man.

Really?

Why not?

Because of the physics.

Yeah, I was going to say.

Again,

I am well within the realm of fat.

What's the biggest coaster you ever been on?

I went on one in I went one on Paramount Motherfucking King's Dominion.

I went to.

Were you scared?

I was scared.

I was tricked into it.

You're scared of that.

Yeah, I don't like roller coasters, man.

You're a scaredy cat.

I don't fuck with that.

You're afraid of cat, dude.

And my friends lied to me.

They said it was only one loop.

There's some kind of indoor alien-themed roller coaster.

Yeah.

And there's a bunch of shit.

And the picture is just me, like,

scrunched all the way the fuck up, not having a good time at all.

Not even, like, I didn't photograph funny, scared.

It was just, like, oh,

that's a 17-year-old who's a fucking bitch and a coward.

He's a pussy.

Really, that's how it looks.

He's a 17-year-old pussy.

And you know what?

I still...

He won't be getting pussy for another six years.

It will be quite some time before that young man gets his dicks on.

Do you know Nick is the emotionless, dead-eyed guy on the roller coaster?

No, he might be having fun.

Do you, Nick, do you put your hands up on a roller coaster?

Or are you all business?

I'm all, I'm strictly business.

Oh, you're right, Adam.

He puts on his pants one leg at a time.

He puts on the top.

He's fucked roller coasters.

Roller coasters are cool.

You know what I like?

I love them.

You know, it's funny, it's because

as a kid, you're like, oh, that's terrifying, but there's nothing to be afraid of.

There's nothing.

It could fucking break.

You could die.

That's scary.

Once again, the physics.

Sounds like

a it's a workplace safety issue.

It's your workplace.

You know what?

How about this?

More like a pork place.

No.

No.

And I would love to go to a pork place.

Stav doesn't, he doesn't.

It's not the OSHA guide like this.

Orca guide.

This is my place of pork.

I was almost killed at Wildwood, New Jersey teacups.

So Buffalo Wildwoods.

No.

You were almost killed.

Wait, you were almost killed at a spinny.

Eating Reese's cups at Buffalo Wild Woods.

I did not bring my own

cups to pre-game the wings.

I did not do that.

When I go to BW Dubs, I certainly have a nice amount of wings, but I order everything there.

I don't bring any of my own food into Prime Ministers.

No, I saw you take a backpack in.

I did not.

That's

purely coincidental.

Dude, I had a friend in high school.

Shout out to the White Marsh,

Maryland Mall, BW Dubs, where me and

my brothers in the early 2010s saw a lot of UFC pay-per-views.

I was a UFC guy when I was in college.

It was a really fun bonding experience with my brothers.

They both have kept up with the sport.

I have not so much.

I've transitioned more into watching basketball.

But that was always a big bonding experience with my boys, going to BWW and getting absolutely fucked up.

How about a James Bond experience?

Some mango habaneros and some garlic pars.

Perhaps I had sex with your ass, Mrs.

Savros.

Dude, I was a little bit more.

It was a James bonding experience.

I would love if James Bond fucked my mom.

That would be cool.

You guys would be mad if Sean Connery fucked your moms?

It would be cool if I got a stepdad in general.

I'm trying to do drugs and watch Casino Royale.

I did one time.

It's a really good thing.

Casino Royale is pretty good.

Yeah.

I watched it not too long ago.

I had a period where I was just, I got really into making soup and watching James Bond.

Nice.

And

that was great.

A lot of people say my body looks a lot like

when Daniel Craig walks out of the ocean in that movie.

He doesn't look jacked at all.

Well, people say I have a very similar body.

It's like somebody that just did 10 push-ups.

All right, that's not.

That's.

You have got to stop lying to your shoes.

He looks great.

A lot of people say that I have the same body as that.

You both need to stop lying.

He's a small man, apparently.

Craig.

I don't know.

Four foot 10, 4'11.

Let me look up his height.

Look it up.

Look it up.

I think he looks

James Crond you know what he does is he smokes cushy dreams

oh James Crond yeah James Crond

is taller than normal height that's a lie he's not five foot ten

you're not five foot ten yes I am no you're not all right prove it I did I measured you when I was sleeping when did you penis two inches no that's not true you can't brain IQ of four yeah I can't argue with that.

But I need, if you're measuring me, I need an independent

IQ.

We measured his IQ while he was asleep, and it is one of he's one of the dumbest people.

Sleeping people.

If you're measuring me, I need Price Waterhouse Cooperation.

Shut the fuck up for a second.

Let's talk about Cushy Dreams.

I love the stuff, man.

CushyDreams.com is one of the most.

One of the gayest websites.

One of the gay.

It's definitely no Blue Chew company.

But they offer a full lineup of premium smokable.

It doesn't get your dickheart, but it does get you sort of high.

They specialize in extraordinary CBD-rich hemp flour, aka bud.

And pre-roll CBD joints.

Join the group of adults who are sick of vapes and gummies

and want to smoke their CBD.

You don't want to smoke that shit.

Bye, what the fuck do I look like?

A baby?

And now it's legally shipping to all 50 states.

Oh, 50, 50, 50 states.

The primary talking points are thus.

It looks like high-quality marijuana, smells, feels like high-quality marijuana.

It smokes like it.

And tastes like it.

Well, I haven't tasted it, but it smells like it.

CBD content is up to 20%, some of the highest in the game.

The attention to detail is noticeable in every blue.

It's good shit.

It is good shit, and it does.

Most other CBD shit does not work.

For real.

But when you smoke it, maybe it's psychosomatic, but it does feel like something as opposed to absolutely nothing, which is what the oils are going to be.

It 100% does.

You get a little something.

And you know what?

You get a little buzz going.

It helps me sleep.

And I do have a little fogginess when I smoke regular weed.

There's none of that shit.

What it makes me feel like is I've just spent the entire day smoking weed.

Right.

Yeah.

Because you're toasted.

Yeah, you feel good.

You're relaxed.

You're like, man, I'm dying.

That was a good day.

I love feeling roasty toasted.

You know what it feels like?

It feels...

Look, this is the selling point for Cushy Dreams.

If you smoke Cushy Dreams, it'll feel like that day we went to the Amish market and then hung out at Georgia's house.

That sounds nice.

Was that the day with the cuck?

The Greek

cuck?

That was one of the best days of all time.

And then also just savagely eating the chicken in the parking lot and then there was like those construction workers there that were having some kind of conversation that was fucked up.

I don't remember that part.

You don't remember that?

We were like right outside the Amish market.

I remember eating the chicken.

And

there were like

construction guys that were like fucking having some conversation that was wild.

And I can't remember what it was.

But I remember not being able to comment on that.

Do they fuck a girl?

Well, they threw out the rape charge, but it wasn't that, but it was something like that.

Do they fuck a girl on Rum Springer?

I remember being at a diner with my friend one time, and there was two guys at a booth behind us, and we couldn't hear most of their conversation.

But then one of the guys goes,

yeah, yeah, no, I mean, the girl that got gang raped, she got shot in the face.

Wow.

Wow.

That's a tough fucking look.

When the music stops.

I would say that's a couple L's back to back.

Independent lab testing shows compliance and purity grown in California and Oregon.

Each plant is hand-selected by a team of experienced cannabis flower experts.

It's an alternative for people looking to cut back on smoking other things.

It mixes well with

smoke like smoking cocks.

Each flash is slow-cured for two to four weeks to guarantee maximum freshness and preserve flavor.

I love it.

They take the artisan approach.

Every run is a small batch.

That sounds inefficient and gay to me, but whatever floats your brains.

It's quality, though, brother.

It's good shit, I'm telling you.

100% hand-trimmed, never machine-trimmed.

No, fuck that.

Yep.

They got real slaves.

Huge to break down.

They got three lines.

They got private reserve, ultra premium, and premium.

And each one is soaked in the respective type of gasoline.

Each can size is three and a half grams,

which is an eighth.

I love that.

Nitrogen C.

A little bit less.

A little bit less.

All right.

And the desired, you got six strains.

You got relax, peace, create, hustle, dream, energy, and dream.

And all of them do that.

And all of them do those things.

So go to cushydreams.com, spelled K-U-S-H-Y Dreams.

At checkout, use promo code COMTON, C-U-M-T-O-W-N, for 20% off your first order.

Smoke your CBD because you can.

Again, that's cushiedreams.com.

That's right.

K-U-S-H-Y Dreams.

Promo code C-U-M-T-O-W-N.

Smoke your CBD because you can.

Because you can.

One of the honestly best slogans of all time.

Oh, yeah.

It's good shit.

It makes me cum in my mouth.

Smoke my cop.

That's a good logo.

Because I'm straight.

I can make you suck penis.

I can make you suck.

I can make you suck penis.

I'm pointing it at you.

Damn, I love watching Degrassy.

Yeah, we watched two episodes of Degrassi today.

Pretty good day, if you ask me.

If you swing back and forth, you do the grassy and then trailer park boys.

Yeah,

I would love to.

There should be.

You're taking the tour of Canada.

There should be like the two universes should converge at some point.

Send Ricky to that high school.

Ricky ticky sucky dicky.

Ricky's Ricky Sucky Dicky.

Do you think Elliot Page will reprise his role as Trinity?

How about we're doing a show called Blyring?

He's not Trinity.

He's.

Who's daughter?

Was she Elliot Pitch?

She was Trinity in the Matrix.

Elliot Pitch was Trinity in the Matrix.

Keanu.

Damn.

I wonder when it all shakes out, how many people are going to be trans?

At least two on this show.

Because

they were saying that

you think I'm trans?

Yeah.

Dude, you'd be a big fun girl.

I would be.

If I was a girl, I'd be awesome.

I'd be a good idea.

You'd be like just an incredibly handsome black guy.

I'd be sucking so much.

You'd be Mimi Bobek.

No, I wouldn't.

I would not be Mimi Back.

Can it, pig?

Mimi was wearing too much makeup.

That's you, dude.

I would be doing a natural look.

Mimi's stuff.

Maybe a little blush and maybe a muted lip.

Mimi stuff.

Mimi stuff.

That's it.

Mimi was.

Maybe a little eyeliner.

Just make her ohus pop.

I don't think so.

No?

This is absolutely you, Stop.

That's 100%, yeah.

I'm hotter than Mimi, honestly.

I'm not even fucking lying.

No, you're me.

Let me find.

Let me.

Who's the actual played Mimi?

Her name is Mimi Bobeck and Kathy Kinney.

Can you imagine a fatter name?

That is really a fat bitch's name, if I've ever heard it.

Mimi Bobeck

was an is an American actress, voice actress, and comedian.

Hmm, Kathy Kinney.

Let's see her not in

makeup.

Oh, baby, when you suck my dick.

Oh, my niggas.

Damn, she is

not looking too good.

Who, meow meow bobeck?

Yeah.

Dude, she'll always look good to me.

You think Drew Carey ever smashed?

Yeah, probably.

On second?

I'm trying to fuck the other lady.

Didn't they have a friend that was a girl in that show?

Yeah, but she was fine.

She could catch it.

She could catch the Pricadel.

Yeah, didn't her and Drew dated.

Dude,

how long has Drew Carrie been home?

It's crazy because it's like there's all these shows that I would never watch now that I've watched every episode.

Yeah, I know exactly.

There was just nothing else to do.

I watched so much Scrubs.

I've seen so.

I mean, the fact that I've seen so much home improvement is wild.

Yeah.

I've seen probably every episode of Home Improvement, every episode of Family Man.

I remember when they switched the tool time girl.

It was Andy.

Yeah.

Krista Miller is the one I'm thinking of.

Yeah.

And she could get catch it.

She's dead.

No.

Yeah, she died.

I'm kidding.

Thank you.

Playing a joke on that.

She died from fucking a guy that looks like a shit.

She was crushed to death by a big fat man who tried to give her a hug.

Damn, this bitch is looking good to this day, it appears.

Krista Miller, don't worry about it.

Oh, she was on Scrubs, too.

That's right.

Oh, wait, did she?

Do you remember the Scrubs song, I'm No Superman?

I'm No Superman.

I'm fucking gay.

Yeah, Kate O'Brien is the name of the character.

Oh, she's married to Bill Lawrence.

Smart.

Secure that prick, secure that bag for life.

Who's Bill Lawrence?

Bill Lawrence is the guy who created Scrubs and runs a bunch of shows.

My girl slurped her her way to the...

No, she's a good actress too.

Just bailing on that immediately.

No, we're just.

I feel bad because she's hot.

Okay, if you want the reality.

Let's see what else, Bill.

William Van Doozer, Lawrence IV.

What a fucking...

Now, that's his name.

Van Doozer.

Oh, Lord.

He has written for many other shows, including The Nanny and Boy Metrol.

Although, you know what?

He's got a pretty good.

Ted Lasso, Clone High.

Oh, he did clone high.

Spin City, that was a good one.

Cougar Town, didn't watch that one.

Scrubs, like I said, I did watch quite a bit, and I did want to fuck the blonde lady in it who had a big breast.

I got something you can scrub, huh?

I don't have the world's tiniest sponge.

Why would you need the world's tiny sponge?

For your dick?

No, so you can do the detail work, to respect it.

So I can get in the creases in every little Superman.

Shine that up for you, boss.

I'm no Superman.

I'm no Superman.

Yeah, that was a good show.

Shout out to fucking Carla, who was also in the Sopranos.

She fucked Paulie as well as Turk.

Turk's wife fucked Pauli.

Paulie Walnuts?

Yeah.

Who'd he get pussy from?

He got pussy from the hot Latina from Scrubs.

Really?

Yes.

I don't remember that.

Wow.

I feel like I've seen every episode of The Sopranos a million times.

Well, clearly not.

I forgot the.

Because you're a fucking.

I forgot Pauli fucking anyone other than a fucking prostitute.

Paulie had a gumar for a second.

Oh.

He had a gumada.

But he was a

single adult male.

Still, it's...

You know what?

That's the thing.

I'm looking for a gumar right now, even though I don't have a wife.

Your grandma?

No.

I don't want a wife.

I don't have a grandma.

Yeah, I'm over my gumads now.

I want a mistress and I have no wife.

You've never had sex either.

Just a quick addendum there.

You've never had sex.

I have.

And he's never had sex.

Stop telling people.

And he's gay, and he's never had sex.

Dude, seriously?

Can we stop?

Stop the show for a second.

Let me hit pause here.

And he's never had sex.

I told you not to tell anyone I don't have sex.

Oops.

All right, we're going to start the show.

And you're going to say you're lying.

We're back on Blyring Line.

I'm William N.

Buckley Jr.

My guest today.

William, can you admit that I do get pussy?

Sure.

Yes.

Wow.

Is William N.

Buckley a black Republican?

Is that his deal?

We don't have to say it.

We don't have to do any of the bit.

We can build a bad thing.

Unless you wanted to jump in and go off or something.

I don't want to say what I said before when we were doing that bit.

When we had that, is it where we're going to have to bleep something again?

I'm not going to say it.

Yeah, Adam was saying something really foul earlier today.

That's a weird cap you got on.

The colors are weird.

It's weird, right?

I like it.

Well, it's tripping me out.

Yeah, it is tripping out.

I'm trying to find

it.

It looks like, you know, when like a DVD fucks up,

and then it's like those weird and the colors, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Well, it changes color when it's stretched out, right?

Small.

With a gun.

I can put a gun in your face.

I can put a gun in your face.

Hey, Meg,

Maggie, suck my penis.

I can put a gun in your face.

I wonder.

What do you wonder?

I wonder if Sophie's in heaven listening to us.

I hope so.

I hope so.

I hope she's happy.

You suck my dick

if I put a gun to your head.

Screech also having cancer is a weird one.

He had lung cancer.

Was he blasting too many cigs?

I read an article about, yeah, the people that are getting like lung cancer even though they never smoked.

How do they get it?

From like just going outside?

Damn, can you imagine how much of a put like how it's stupid you would feel if you got lung cancer and you're like, I never smoked cigarettes.

And then you die from it.

And then you die from it.

Meanwhile, we're over here blasting cigs and

we're a picture of perfect health.

Oh, yeah.

We're Adonis's.

What was that Lewis Black joke about fucking like

the way to live forever is just being a miserable piece of shit?

You just go outside every day and like, hey, you fucking kids, get the fuck off my lawn.

And it's just like taking vitamins.

Great joke.

I don't remember.

Yeah, I'm sure you don't.

You were too busy having lunch when that special came out.

I mean, probably at some point during the day, maybe you remember when it came out.

Maybe you remember the type of eight-hour lunch.

You're the type of type of thing.

I do like a long lunch.

I've got to be honest.

It's a European style.

I like a long lunch.

I do like a long dinner.

No, damn, no, I want three cheese tortellini.

That's right.

See what happens.

Oh, fuck.

I forgot how much I like tortellini.

I want to make homemade pot.

Dude, I haven't had tortellini in forever.

You can go get it.

I could.

There's a lot of things you can do

when you're straight.

Yeah, when you're a straight man, the world is yours.

I want squirtellini, dude.

I want to eat pussy.

Yeah.

We're taking pussy applications.

Just send a...

I'm looking for a gumar if you're listening.

You don't even have a girlfriend.

I know, that's what makes it.

But that's the relationship I want.

But he's saying, like, Paulie had a gumar and no wife.

Yeah.

I like the

vibe of a mistress without cheating on anyone.

Yeah.

We hang out for one really fun day every couple weeks.

She doesn't speak English.

You give her a present.

What

I want is an enabler.

Somebody that's just going to come fill me with drugs.

Oh, there's plenty.

You can currently

continue doing drugs.

That was the beauty of

our early friendship.

Co-enabling.

Yeah,

just like a leaving Las Vegas situation.

An Elizabeth shoe.

Uh-huh.

Except instead of being a prostitute, you're like a lawyer or something.

Why?

Why not a prostitute?

Just like a woman that makes $300,000 a year filling me with drugs.

That would be cool.

Coming home and filling me with drugs.

That would be cool if we all dated professional business type ladies.

She's just furious.

She spends her whole day being pissed off and yelling at people.

And then it makes her feel good to give me what I want, which is heroin.

Heroin.

Yeah.

To jack off your lint penis.

Not even.

She gets control from that.

Not even.

Just like the way you would feed a cat.

That's like spitefully, because you're not going to bring yourself to kick it.

Right.

So instead, you're going to kill itself with kibble.

Exactly.

That's what I want.

I would like that, but with getting my dick sucked.

Yeah.

I would like to get jacked off and my dick sucked and some pussy as well.

Would you fuck my ass?

If I was a friend,

would you fuck my ass?

Would you fuck my ass if I gave you $10?

But this sea shanty thing.

Have you seen this?

What is that?

It's so funny that, like, this dumb shit that's like, it's self-explanatory why it's popular.

You know, because

it's stupid and it's easy to consume.

It's like, come on, fuck my ass.

But then, like, there's numbers next to it that say that 10 million people have watched this.

And then the New York Times has to be like, the sea shanty explained.

Just some fucking like boomers that are.

It's a dumb, catchy song.

Boomers that think someone's going to

think a guy dressed as a buffalo is going to come into their gated community and rip their mail-in ballot for biden out of their hands and like you know coal roll them in their own garage

then that could never happen to me because i would fuck that guy yeah they're like what is what is sea shanty is it is it is it fascist

please new york times tell me whether or not this is fascist

I saw Kimmel said that the GameStop boys were all Russian crisis.

Kimmel's dick is actually incredibly small.

He used to be my favorite one.

He used to to run all of them, yeah.

Didn't that he's talking about who the fuck is on Wall Street side of a Wall Street versus anyone debate?

Yeah, it's one of the gayest.

That's the gayest thing you could do, Jimmy Kimmel.

Yeah, Jimmy Kimmel, you're no longer Las Vegas' favorite son.

It is now me.

Did you see that video where it was like after Trump lost, they had like CGI of like the Statue of Liberty dancing and Abraham Lincoln dancing on the Kimmel show?

Yeah, dude, it was one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life.

It's so funny that like in two years' time, what's it called?

Like, Dot Night with Lily Sing or whatever the name of the show is?

Jesus.

That's going to be what?

Dot Night.

Is that what you said?

Yeah, like at Midnight.

Isn't that the theme?

It's kind of like a net, like a Kimball show.

I've never seen it, but I assume it's like a live thing.

I thought it was supposed to be like, yeah, I thought it was supposed to be like a web thing.

Lily Sing.night.

Like Microsoft.net, yeah.

Yeah.

It's like comedy.night dot night, yeah, with Willie Smith.

Okay, okay, yeah, all right,

isn't that the name?

That's the name, yeah.

That's the name.

So, in three years, what were you saying?

That that'll be the best late night show.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She'll be the badass one, she'll be like the only one who doesn't cry on the air.

Yeah,

well, I've watched, I've watched maybe the first two.

The monologue is just, I mean, I don't know, what else is the rest of the show?

She has a guest on that's like

an Asian woman that's learning graffiti.

What the fuck is that, y'all?

Yeah.

What is it air on?

Oh, wait, did you take it?

It's on like a streaming app or something.

Yeah, it's on.tv.

It's on.tv.

Or did you take Carson Daly's?

Is that another online platform?

Adam, what are you doing?

You got your papers here.

I forgot that I got a new insurance card for my car, and I still haven't put it in my glove box, and now it's all torn up

in my pocket.

Trump should have read the writing on the wall when it was clear he wasn't going to to win and just spent the last two months going absolutely YOLO, making Jews wear stars and stuff.

Cutting it off right at the end.

Public executions.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He really blew the chance.

Right.

Forcing them to put Abraham Lincoln and Blackface in the Lincoln Memorial.

They pay, and then Biden has to come in.

He's like, My first act is going to be clearing off the makeup.

We're going to get the makeup off of Abe

Ah, fuck.

Yeah, that's what he should have done, some shit like that.

It would have been.

He should have sucked, my dude.

It would have been YOLO if that had to be done.

Yeah, that would have been YOLO.

That would have been a smart money play right there.

That's the motto.

I'm hungry.

You know what?

I just had some of Stop's delicious chili.

I have some chili in the fridge, mate.

Yeah, I might have some.

I had a nice little sandwich.

Well, there was a boat called the Captain Fog, and the captain was named Adam.

Oh, well, Letterman's gay.

Adam is gay.

And the storm came in and it blew off his pants, and everyone saw how small his dick was.

And the sails, they cried and bowed, and everyone on the ship laughed.

And the laughter blew.

The sails were hard, and they made it back to shore.

And if it weren't for Adam's dick so small, the laughter would be no more.

And because it was his dick so small, they made it all the way home because there was no wind that day, and they were all, they called him gay.

He's a fucker.

And then he's gay, and fuck you.

Oh, Adam, you are gay.

Your dick is small, and you suck my dick.

Oh, fuck my ass.

And I hate your hat, but I want it.

I'm telling you right now, I don't like the hat.

No.

No, you said fuck my ass.

He was speaking from your perspective.

That was your verse in the song.

You were talking to another gay guy.

That part of the song ends with a comma and then a quotation mark.

And then it says that Adam said it.

Scottish very easily becomes Indian.

We went down to the store and

they didn't have enough milk and so we had to go to the bathroom.

You see what I mean?

Yeah,

I also like

a running theme.

In our probably 10-year friendship at this point, has been when you do an Indian voice, you mention the bathroom because it's the best word to say.

Bathroom.

I can't wait to go to the bathroom.

I love we are going to the bathroom.

That should be on your tombs.

I love we are going to the bathroom.

Indian voice parentheses.

I can't wait to go to the bathroom.

I will take so very many dogs here.

Very many dogs.

I will get so very many pussy.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, brother.

Well, Well, it might be time to eat, folks.

I love it.

Thank you, everyone.

Thank you for listening.

Enjoyed the show.

You can check it out.

We got an extra episode every week at patreon.com slash come town.

And if you want to buy shirts, you can go to come.town for come town merchandise.

And we have just a couple 2021 calendars left.

They're $5 or $10 off.

So go to Stopby.biz and buy yourself a new one.

You can squeeze 10 and a half good months out of that calendar.

And that's the show.

Big changes at Wobble Bonds Dickinson.

With the addition of Louis Ropa, we've expanded our capabilities to help our business thrive in an increasingly complex world.

Our 1,300 attorneys in 37 offices across the U.S.

and UK bring a wealth of knowledge and diverse perspectives in areas like litigation, IP, and cybersecurity.

Are you driving innovation, navigating challenging deals, or protecting your company's growth?

We're here to help you move forward with confidence.

Discover what Better Together means for your business at wobblebondickinson.com today.