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Your ring, your way.
way.
This is really going to be a test to see if we can do it.
To see if we can make it into
Trump.
The next dimension.
Trump brought up hitting Iran.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, dude.
In what context?
He brought it up this week with advisors, apparently.
We are headed to the final frontier.
That would be such a boss move on Trump to start a ground war with Iran.
No, yeah, like right before the transition.
He makes Biden go ahead.
Deal with this bitch.
Now you get to do it.
You're gay.
That would actually be kind of funny, but I hope it doesn't happen.
You know, for all my Iranian brothers and sisters out there.
Oh, I got a ton of Persian
people in my corner.
Listen, what happened during 300, you versus us, Persians versus Greeks, that's water under the bridge.
And I want you to be safe.
We should watch 300, dude.
I would watch it.
Tonight?
Eventually, at some point.
Put it on the list.
I only saw it in the theaters once.
I saw it high as fuck in the theaters.
One of my first highs, I was like 16 when it came out, I think, something right there.
And I got fucking stoned out of my fucking gourd.
My, yeah, yeah.
My grandma fucking saw me.
She was like,
what's wrong?
I was like, you went with your grandma?
Sleepy?
No, no.
She saw me leave the house and she was like, are you okay?
And I was like, I'm sleepy.
Yeah.
In high school, my friend told his dad that he was crying.
That's awesome.
And then I was over at the house and his dad's like, let me smell.
And then he ran away from home and I was just stuck at his parents' house.
Are you serious?
We were both stoned.
We get home.
His dad's like, why are your eyes like that?
He's like, I was crying.
Wait, and he left?
Well, his dad was like, he ran away and got in his car.
And I was like, stuck at his house.
What did you do?
And then I called him.
I was like, dude, I'm still at your house.
He's like, oh, fuck, man.
That rocks, dude.
Yeah.
I just talked to him.
He's about to have his second child.
Oh, yeah.
Is the baby hot?
Can you see if his cock is big on the
echo location?
I haven't asked.
On the
fuck, what's that called?
The
ultrasound.
Ultrasound.
The echo location.
That's how they check for your watch.
It's probably a similar technology.
Yeah, they put dolphins on the sound.
For real, hold on.
It's probably similar.
It's an ultrasound?
Ultrasound and echo locations, bouncing sound beams off that shit?
Why would it be sound?
Is that what an ultrasound is?
It's the sound.
Why the fuck wouldn't it?
Why would they put sound in the title?
I never think of that kind of stuff.
Why wouldn't they put sound in the title?
That's female problems, dude.
That's true.
That doesn't sound like a me problem.
I guess, you know, yeah, you're technically right.
It is a form of echo.
Thank you.
thank you right wouldn't it be i think it sounds right thanks motherfuckers no i'm just saying i don't know what it is though but it sounds right i am right yeah yeah i mean you don't know what it is that's right you're using sound to to generate um i just remember you bounce off of you know the baby i spent probably like three days learning how to draw people with down syndrome when i made that um beer shirt
ale and then i ended up not even going with like a guy with down syndrome as the final design oh you didn't I remember the I remember the tests no it's that you sent over yeah it's it ended up being sloth from the Goonies kind of oh okay he's sort of retarded yeah that's
that's a retarded customer sloth is definitely like wildly mentally disabled no actually he's really smart
actually he's one of the smartest for real
yeah
how old is sloth
he's 43.
The character?
Yeah.
I mean the character is supposed to be in his early 60s.
No.
I don't know.
I have no idea.
Young, but, you know, not that young.
Maybe 30.
He's a little too old to be hanging out with all them kids.
That's the thing.
Has Sloth ever fucked?
Do they get him a whore to calm his urges?
Yeah.
You'd think a guy like that would really want to fuck.
Yeah.
Because he's all...
Aren't people with extra chromosomes extra males?
Like, they're more aggressive and shit?
That's people with extra.
No, I think I'm right.
You have to have an extra set of testicles to have that disease.
To be retarded?
Yes.
No.
All retarded people have extra balls.
That's why they're mad.
Because it's so easy.
You know, two nuts get hurt, it hurts a lot.
Imagine getting hit in four nuts.
Imagine your nuts hurting twice as bad.
That would be awful.
How horrible that would be.
I would be fucking pissed off, too.
Is that why, Nick?
Yeah, now I'm just trying to sketch retarded people.
You're just drawing.
Well, I'm trying to sketch retarded people.
How many times a week do you hit your nuts?
Or a month?
We'll put it on a month, two.
Hurt your nuts.
I would say two in a month.
Two in a month?
Not often for me.
Adam just hit me in the nuts today.
I hit you in the nuts?
Yeah, right on the nuts.
Why would I do that?
Right on the fucking nuts at breakfast, I think.
Why would I do that?
You made me an egg.
I think you were joking.
Yeah.
But you went too far.
I witnessed it.
I watched it ahead.
What did I do?
No, it wasn't at breakfast.
What?
You hit me in the cock and balls.
You hit me right on the ball.
Right on the ball.
Like in the fucking sweet spot, bro.
I'm sorry about that.
This guy never has any accountability.
He doesn't remember his transgressions.
I'm a white guy, dude.
You know, I don't have any accountability.
It's true.
And
you forgot, we forgot who rolled when.
Remember that?
That was not my fault.
That was your fault.
We just had a heated game of katana.
That might be why Nick is being so quiet right now.
No,
I'm trying to put myself in.
You know, we're coming hot off that Eric Clapping.
And I'm a pinnacle.
I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to repeat that.
So what I'm doing is I'm putting myself.
This is a trick a lot of you can use.
Okay.
Is you start doing a different kind of creative work.
Right.
So I'll just draw kind of like shapes or eyes or loops.
Yeah, or a pussy.
And what that does is
it runs off the clock.
So I don't have to
say as much stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's fine.
No, what it does is it puts you in, you kind of have to, then you have to work to get back into sort of a riffing mindset, I guess.
Interesting.
And
you have to get frustrated with trying to draw retarded people.
And you just keep working and working and working.
And no matter what, you never really get any better.
No, you get a little bit better.
And God did it so easily.
He made the heavens and the earth.
Yeah.
On the eighth day and on the
spaghetti day,
God forgot how to count.
And that's when.
That's when.
They say that.
The Christian people will say that.
Well, you know, my son was touched by God.
And that's why he is the way he is.
Oh, right.
Oh, about retarded people.
You guys are so high, dude.
I'm not.
Yeah, I'm high.
Yeah, I guess we drove over the border in Massachusetts where they have.
We got some fucking...
we went to we got some loud pack overnight
dude
Adam was crying I could drive dude
crying because he was thinking about 300
I told you guys about the guy that I was in college with that had a Leonidas poster and he was gay right yeah my friend was
did he make like
pledges gay
funny to you laughing at gay people I just think it's a funny poster to have in your friend to you that's funny no he was a he was like to you that's funny is that funny
he was like a misogynistic bro, but he had a Leonidas poster in his room.
And because he's gay, it's funny.
Yeah, that's half of the show.
No.
No.
Certainly not.
You're a fucked-up guy for that one.
First of all, this is a podcast that's about music
and socialism.
We're talking about tool.
Yeah.
And we're talking about motherfucking Karl Marx.
A lot of people have been waiting for a
penis fits.
A review of
Inside Tool's album.
10,000 Days.
I haven't heard that one.
All I've heard is the song about making the pieces fit.
That's, yeah.
I know the penis fits
inside of my body.
I know my dick is small
because I measured it.
Because I just got a ruler.
And I measured my dick.
Small and shit.
How are you doing?
My name is Smanner James Keenan.
I'm one of, I'm the guitarist for two.
No, he's not.
Sounds like Kentucky or some shit.
No, no.
Well, yes, actually.
No, he's back.
It's news back.
Right now, it appears that we're looking at Eric Clapton wearing a Tool t-shirt.
No.
It's Maynard James Keenan.
Me, Maynard James Keenan.
Or whatever the fuck his name is.
From the band Tool.
What was your favorite part of writing where the pieces fit?
Oh, I guess Adam's gone already.
How bad he made it?
Nine minutes?
Nine minutes, Adam.
Nine minutes into the podcast before he.
what the fuck are you doing getting your jewel oh now he's coming back to say something hilarious
go ahead yeah what do you say
yeah when did you come up with that song the piece of this
that's a good question yeah I just thought of that in the other room it's me made Maynard James Keenan
is that him yeah
no shut the fuck up that's what that guy looks like that's what he looks like that's a guy from tool that's that wasn't Alice Cooper he's from Ohio He's from Columbus.
It all comes back together.
You know Alice Cooper?
Are you fucking serious?
Alice Cooper is a scratch golfer.
No, he's not.
He's like a plus five hand cat or something.
He's like insanely good at golf.
Who is?
Alice Cooper.
Oh.
And picture.
I saw him in the East Village one time.
Really?
Did he look like an old Jewish one?
He was in like a suburban with a bunch of like
handlers around him.
He looks like a lady now.
It's weird because his name is Alice Cooper.
Yeah.
It's like he was trying to tell us something.
Yeah.
The original.
That's a different, that's a way to become a lady without being trans.
Yeah.
Be an old rock star named Alice.
And then if Ben Tyler is basically trans.
Steven Tyler looks like a trans lady.
Yeah.
I know my penis fits.
I know because I put it in your ass.
What are some other Tool songs?
I don't really, they don't really have that many hits.
I'm sorry to say that.
Yeah, they don't.
They're a pretty big band, though.
They have a big following.
Who Tool is.
I know they have a big following, and they're a big band.
Good afternoon.
I'm Shifty Shell Shock from the band The Offspring.
Oh, really?
What's going on, Shift?
When I wrote the album Ixne
on the Ombre, I was thinking about both Pig Latin and Spanish, and how they're very similar languages.
If you notice.
You listen to both and it sounds like idiotic music.
Both of them just sound like the absolute ramblings of a mongoloid.
Some of a mongoloid race.
And that's where I came up with the name Ixne on the ombre.
That's awesome.
Which is a mixture of.
I've always been obsessed with languages.
Right.
You're a linguist in your spare time.
Yes, it's me.
Shifty Shell Shock.
Whoever, who's the head guy, the offspring?
Shifty Shell Shock was
my butterfly.
Of course.
I know Shifty Shell Shock is not from the Offspring.
Oh, I thought you thought it was Shifty Shell Shock.
I thought it was, to be fair.
I don't know their names.
Sue me for not knowing the fucking name of the guy from Offspring.
I never learned that guy.
Brian Holland.
Oh, yeah, what is this guy who got fucking little Dutch shoes on?
Brian Dexter Holland.
What is he wearing fucking wooden shoes and putting chocolate up his ass?
Yeah.
On a windmill, being gay?
Yeah.
We started the band because, you know, we were all living in Holland and we were gay.
That's why he changed his name.
And,
you know, there was a bunch of windmills.
The windmills were coming in and out of our asses.
You know, the only job at the time was either cuckoo clock manufacturer or cuckoo clock repairman.
Right.
Those are the only jobs in Denmark.
That's it.
Yeah.
But Denmark, which is the other name for Holland.
Yeah.
They are too similar.
Although Holland has the awesome orange line.
Yeah, they're like, it's called Holland, but also the Netherlands and the Dutch.
And it's like, actually, you can suck.
Pick one.
Actually, we're bringing the Nazis back.
Yep.
That is the Nazis' music.
It would be cool if Pennsylvania invaded Europe
as an independent state.
Yes.
You got finally the Pittsburgh and Philly Alliance.
They could come together for the first time.
To fuck up.
That's really the whole America has been holding them back by keeping the Pennsylvania Pittsburgh and
Philly guys from
reuniting.
Then they can unite all of Pennsylvania.
Yeah.
Which is all where the fucking rednecks are over there.
How about Maynard Slam's penis?
Uh-huh.
And he's slam.
He's slams it.
Slames?
Yeah, because he's British.
Oh, he's slams.
Oh, Slams.
Slames.
I'm having a rather charming slams.
My name is Slames Bond.
Slams.
My name is Slames Bond.
No, I don't fuck.
That's James Bond.
Me, I'm just a spy, but my thing is
fingering.
I kiss a lot.
I do a lot of
making out.
I'm really into for play and smothering myself in breasts
and being smothered by them.
That sounds kind of nice.
But penetration is not for me.
That's where you lose me, Slames.
Because when getting smothered by a fat couple titties, I'm on board with you, my friend.
But you got to also penetrate afterwards.
What is it?
Why don't you penetrate, James?
Slames?
It penetrates with his finger.
I guess that's joking.
Because I don't want to get a bunch of
dried pussy juice on my tuxedo.
I don't take my shirt off when I fuck fuck with you.
Why?
Do you have body issues?
Yes.
James Bond is the one that's confident.
He's confident, you're yeah.
I'm very
slams though.
I'm good at code breaking.
Oh, okay.
So you're basically a programmer.
I'm a programmer, but I have a license to kill.
Oh, wow.
Have you used it?
My thing is I'm not, you know, I'm not clever.
So if it's a bad guy, I just shoot him in the face.
I go find him and I kill him.
I just kill him and then I do programming.
He's like, ah,
slame, so good just boom.
Right there, just blast.
Paint the wall with his brain, walk out,
have time for tea and fingering.
Finger-popping.
Have high fingering at full reason.
You hear the big bin.
You know, they used to keep that clock in the Queen's person.
Really?
Yeah.
When?
The Tower of London, they think it was a torture facility, but really, as you know, Britons, we Brits invented being gay.
That's true.
Well, hold on a second.
You perfected it.
The Greeks invented it.
And eventually we ran out of things to do fuck-wise, so we had to create a BADSM tower.
And because back then, even you want to sell educational tickets and packages, so you have to tell people it was for torture, but that was all just to make people calm.
Oh, that's awesome.
Well, it was the first leather place.
It was like that one
with the tower in San Francisco.
What the fuck was the point of the Inquisition?
It was just like...
Say God rules.
Basically.
No, because they just took
the peninsula back from the Moors, and it was run by Arabs and Muslims.
Oh, so they took
up public support.
So then they used the church to murder Muslims and Jews.
Smart.
Yeah.
Smart money.
That's so different to me.
I think that's right.
I think what happened was the church got in trouble with some banks.
And they couldn't pay their banks.
That did happen in England.
We talked about it.
Norman the Jewish or whatever.
Norman the Jewish.
That guy that kings owed like a billion dollars to.
It's funny to think that they could rack up millions back then.
I love the way hoteps use language and try to like work their bit way back linguistically and do that whole thing.
It's like, that's why you're Jewish.
I love it.
Because you're not, you're like, oh, yeah, that makes total sense.
Modern English.
that's like the eddie griffin thing you told me oh yeah
which thing
church people do that too which thing specifically said where they take the words and then they
break apart that and use fake etymology i don't remember it now but i remember him what was the eddie griffin thing yeah that's why they call it atmology because a jewish man came through and decided what all the words gonna fucking be right right right right.
That's why they call it television.
Because they call it etymology.
Because
he's atomizing the language.
He is atomizing.
He's trying to take it away from the original people.
It's etymology.
God's first Jews.
Guys from North Philly.
Gotcha.
Black guys from North Philly.
The original Jews.
That's right.
It's always surprising.
I mean, Philly, I get, but it was surprising to meet Boston black people.
Yeah.
That's always weird.
Especially when they sound like,
yeah.
They sound like guys from like they sound like Lawrence Fishburne and Mystic River.
That's him rolling up in that crime scene in the first part of the movie.
Maybe
yeah, we got a fucking girlish dead Donato.
That sounds tight.
Yeah.
Is that a good movie?
No, but it's I I
when I worked from home, I had like fucking nine DVDs that I would just like watch over and over again.
Mystic River was one of them?
I had one day where I watched Mystic River four times.
Why?
In a row?
Because that's how I measured my shift.
I was like, all right, I got three more viewings of Mr.
Groover.
Is it about kids getting raped?
It's about, well, yes.
Doesn't sound that mystical.
Yeah, I mean, it is.
It's, well, it's Mr.
Cow River.
The Mr.
Cow?
The rapper.
Watch yourself.
Fire like that.
Yeah.
Don't tell your parents.
I'm molesting you.
Keep it secret.
Watch.
Danger.
Danger.
I'm about to fuck you, rapper.
What for?
He also, didn't didn't he rape his maid or something?
He raped his maid.
Mr.
Kal?
Mr.
Kal.
I don't know.
She was like, oh, Mr.
Sheffield.
No.
No, I think he caught her stealing.
And then he was like, all right, well, you got to suck my dick.
He did that for justice.
Yeah, and then he went to jail.
That's nice.
Which is like, you were up.
You caught her.
She goes to jail.
She raped herself.
She shouldn't be stealing.
She raped herself.
She raped herself.
Was that a video of that guy that tried to defend himself by singing in court?
Oh, yeah.
damn.
Please apologize.
Apologize.
This 75 years ago.
For this life that I chose.
And he's like talking about, he's doing like rap terms.
It's the fucking Hail Mary.
He's like, tells his lawyer
he's going to address the court before sentencing.
Imagine if that worked.
That would have been awesome.
Yeah.
And then he's
for this life that I chose.
I mean, even if you're a moron,
like, I mean, if you're the dumbest person in the world,
what are you thinking?
How do you.
Such
the thought process
to do that is so funny.
I would love.
I don't know.
It's even.
I wish we knew what he was doing.
Imagine it was like murder or something.
Something wild.
Yeah.
Like, what was it for?
Yeah, it was a double homicide.
Yeah.
I don't know.
He probably just robbed something, I would guess.
What was he
For this life that I chose.
Yeah, that's my favorite part.
That video, it fucking rolls.
Let me see.
I want to see what the fucking
desserts.
And Brian Earl Taylor.
We don't have any desserts.
We got plenty of fruit, which is a good.
I know.
I've been eating fruit all day.
I know, but it's gay.
It is gay.
I want some.
I want a pie.
Oh, wow.
I want a piece of it.
Can we make a pie?
Italian cheesecake.
I'll tell you what.
We wrap this up.
I'll drive us.
We'll do a little late night 7-Eleven.
Okay.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
7-Eleven has pie.
Gas state.
We'll go to the gas station.
We could probably whip something up to the piece.
Get a big old bag of beef jerky.
I'm pretty blessed right now.
I'll make you guys a pie.
Don't worry.
We got apples.
We got apples.
We got apples.
Do you have crust?
Apples.
No, well, I'll go get.
We got butter.
We can go to 7-Eleven.
I'm sure they have flour.
Uh-huh.
I'll make us some pie.
We can get a pie.
If we go to 7-Eleven.
Thanks.
I'm going to be sleeping.
I'm getting ready for the worst pie you.
I know.
It's going to suck thick.
Ice cream would be pretty nice.
I followed the recipe from your friend's YouTube account.
It's the pie from the help.
I made you guys a vibe in the residence.
It's a famous.
Remember you said?
It's the pie from American Pie.
Yeah.
Wait, what did she shit in the pie?
She shits in the pie.
Really?
Help, yeah.
That's awesome.
I was just guessing.
Which I had never seen the help, and I was laughing the other day, imagining that that's the first scene in the movie That it just opens with her shitting in a pie.
So why did she shit
serving it to a bunch of white people
and then you're
supposed to be like so who is this character?
What's going on in her life?
She does it she does it in it because of some racist stuff I'm guessing.
Yeah
Everything for this life that I chose just skip the fucking ad and let me watch the singer skip the ad you fucking piece of shit.
You don't pay for you.
Who pays for you?
You out of your fucking mind?
I pay for YouTube.
You're crazy.
Paying for YouTube.
I listen to like most of the music
on YouTube.
Why do you listen to YouTube?
Because they have a lot of stuff, dude.
It's hard to enjoy that
experience.
They have everything.
YouTube has everything.
That's beautiful.
And I try and be stronger
in this life I chose but I want you to know
That door I closed
And Your Honor, I'm sorry, sorry
To my mother, I'm sorry,
I've never heard the second verse, I've only heard it like 10 second clip
To the victim, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Damn.
Wow, dude.
What happened?
Do we know anything?
Yeah,
he just got
convicted for unlawful imprisonment and carrying a concealed weapon.
Jesus Christ.
He kidnapped him at a gunpoint.
Yeah.
Get in the car.
I'm going to take you to my basement.
He's singing while doing the crime.
For this life.
And I'll try to be stronger for this life I've chosen.
This doesn't make anything awesome.
It makes it sound like he's going to be better at crime.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Respect it.
I wish you could either be like the fuck just absolutely dumb as shit or smart.
This middle territory where you just have to be a regular person where everybody lives.
The rest of us have it awful.
We just have to be like, ah, fuck, I got to pay my taxes.
I could could be either a person that's so smart they don't have to worry about it
because they know how to like communicate with planets with their minds.
That's what you think is the best.
Or the dumbest guy in the world, the happiest man in the world.
The dumbest guy in the world who just gets to go to prison.
He just gets to be executed by the state.
That's it.
He probably has a couple good times in there before.
Oh, he has plenty of good times.
It'd be funny to be on trial for some horrific murder and then in front of the victim's family and be like, I understand what I did is awful.
I would like to make a statement now or put in my request for the final meal that I am
understood that I am in enticed, entitled,
that is owed to me.
And
what I would like is
to, and this is a special request, I understand, but the Joe's crab shack to go is not very good.
So
I want to either have the prison converted into a Joe's crab shack or have my give, well, you can put me in the Hannibal Lecter chair.
That's fine.
You don't need to ask, you don't need to tell me twice.
No permission.
As long as we're going to Joe's Crab Shack and I'm getting the birthday song,
I also want to be executed on my birthday.
And also, I want heroin.
That's part of the meal.
And pussy is a meal.
If I eat it, it's a meal.
I'm allowed to have pussy.
I would put pussy on there.
Thank you, Your Honor.
For the rape and murder of four-year-old Paticia James, we find you guilty, and you were sentenced to die by execution
by getting your dick sucked
by
a million ladies.
How did they do it?
How did he have his best lawyer?
He's so smart.
Yeah.
That's a crack legal team right there, dude.
Yeah.
That's Julia Honey in his prime.
Is it not enough?
Yeah, I said I would do Vincent Price on this.
I can't remember what he sounds like.
To see this man die?
To see him die?
Or can we see him get his dick sucked the way he wants and restore our own humanity?
That's right.
Yeah.
That's kind of a young Vincent Price.
I thought it was like gayer or something.
It is gayer.
It's gayer.
Yeah.
Skin Skeletor.
I'm Vincent Price.
Yeah, he's the original gay villain.
He really was.
Vincent Price, 1936.
It's crazy that you all the way there.
Do you feel a connection to that lineage, Adam?
What?
Being a gay villain.
Yeah.
Damn, he looks fire in this little Egyptian outfit.
Oh, yeah.
He looks cool there.
I guess I didn't realize he was an actor.
I thought he just made his own
Halloween movies.
You like that big cat?
I have one in my apartment if you want to come over and take a look.
Damn.
I want to hear his voice now.
Yeah, I'll find something, dude.
Oh, also, Ridge Wallet.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, dude.
That's a hell of a product.
Ridgewallet.com.
Ridgewallet.com.
Why don't you guys talk about for a second?
Well, I fucking love that shit, dude.
That's one of my favorite type of wallets.
In fact, every other type of wallet can suck my fucking cock
and slurp it up dry.
Keep sucking till there's three or four loads, till nothing, but a poof of air comes out.
There's no even come.
That's how much I love Ridgewallet.
And they have carbon fiber shit.
It's the first.
It's the.
They have.
You don't have to.
Listen, you don't need a bunch of fucking shit.
Damn, now I want to re-watch the original House on Haunted Hill.
You don't need a bunch of shit in your fucking wallet.
You need four fucking things.
You need your fucking cards, your ID.
It holds 12 cards.
The Ridgewallet.
You have up to 12 cards.
One of the only things on the show I personally use myself and would attest to and would buy
even if the owner of the company called me a little piss baby cry cry baby nazi really yes you would even still do that the company is on the record saying that i am a nazi really and you still fascist you go back from more like a little
piss baby
they don't pay for these spots anymore no you just love the products we don't do business with fascists this is a pure testimonial with you and andy nigga we were done with you Uh-huh.
Andy Nigo, you know.
Andy Ngo, I believe is the name.
Andy Nyong.
I'm pretty sure it's Andy Nigo.
I don't think the way you're saying it does not seem right.
I'm actually a professor.
I think you should maybe go back and blame.
My name is
Winston Asia.
I'm a professor of Chinese names.
Harvard
at Harvard University.
I'm a professor of Chinese ality.
Right.
And I can assure you it's pronounced Andy Ngo.
No, No, no, it's really not.
Andy Nago.
Andy Nago.
Andy Nago.
Okay, so anyway.
Everything's to go with the Ridge Wallet brought to you by Andy Nago.
Is he the guy that faked anything?
When you're making your own journalism videos, rile up
disabled, mentally ill, gay people into throwing things at you
and
calling it reporting.
Calling it journalism.
What the fuck is that guy?
I mean, really.
I know.
He hates Antifa.
Yeah, but it's all like, you know,
it's just him going to places where other antisocial people are
and being like, am I in the way?
Don't touch, you know, I'm not touching you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Which is not like, that's not even political.
There's a lot of places I could go right now and be annoying.
Shit.
Get the shit kicked out of me.
And I can't be like, oh, wow.
Can you believe this situation for Radio Shack?
It's just annoying.
Yeah, if you go in there and shove a camera in people's face, eventually somebody's going to swing on you.
Right.
No, but he's making good points.
And he's making good points while using the Ridge.
Well, having the Ridge Wallet.
Yeah, he always has that on his person.
Oh, these are nice.
Superstar track pants.
Thanks.
No, they know.
Oh, yeah, they are, I guess.
They are superstar.
I can tell by how shiny they are.
I thought.
I thought.
Those go real well with the Ridge Wallet.
They go great.
The Ridge Wallet slides right in in those pockets.
I have the Ridge Wallet.
I have the fucking one with the phone.
Yeah.
Oh, that's right.
They also got a backpack, too.
We forgot to mention it.
We got to get the backpack.
We got to take a look because they got a bunch of other shit.
Can they send a backpack?
You keep saying that, and if they do, I get it.
You have a nice backpack.
You don't get any of the I don't have a backpack right now.
So I earned that backpack.
I haven't got it.
I bought it.
I also shout out the Ridge Wallet.
I consulted them on.
I love the way their website looks.
Yeah.
And so for my shirts, I asked asked them for help.
Oh, really?
They kind of pointed me in the right direction.
That's nice of them.
They're nice guys, actually.
So they're nice guys.
They're nice guys in the whole thing.
Like,
they're ground up.
They started the whole thing in like a fucking garage.
Respect to them.
Yeah.
They put all the screws and all the stuff.
They said Shark Tank can suck my dick.
Fuck Mark Q.
Didn't they go to Shark Tank?
No, they don't even need to.
Yeah.
They don't need to invest in the products that fucking good.
Yeah, that's right.
And they have fucking, what do you have?
Carbon fiber.
They got steel.
They got aluminum, carbon fiber, titanium.
They have the metal, you can't steal your information.
That's really good.
RFID blocking.
RFID, that's what it's called.
So you don't get it.
It's a commuter backpack.
It's weatherproof.
They got this new one that says Damascus.
I don't know what that means.
That's awesome.
But
it's got like a wood grain texture.
Nice.
But I'm not sure what backpack?
No, it's a color fucking wallet, dude.
It's a wallet.
The wallet.
Oh, they got leather phone cases.
I love that.
Ridgewall would look nice.
I don't know if
I might get the leather.
I have a plastic one.
Yeah.
My thing is
I'd like to leave the house without my phone.
See?
I like that, too.
I need my wallet because, you know, what if I have to do shopping?
What if I have to shop?
That is a good point.
But at the same time,
maybe the solution is...
Yeah.
The solution is two Ridge wallets.
One on your phone, one off your phone.
Oh, they got knives now, too.
I use that to double circumcise Adam.
Yeah.
I appreciate you doing that because they didn't really
finish this out.
I don't really know shit about knives.
It looks nice.
I bet they're really good.
Yeah, well, I mean, here's the thing: you can't.
There's no way you can have this in New York City.
The knife?
Yeah, look, basically, every knife is illegal.
They'll fucking say that.
Yeah, I carry a knife, but I mean...
You're against the law.
Yeah, I mean...
You're a rebel.
I'm a rebel dotty
homo.
I carry a Swiss Army knife,
which is invaluable, by the way.
What's the kind of stuff has it helped you with?
I use it a lot, dude.
There's stuff you don't even think about.
Once you get used to having a knife on you all the time,
which is why you should get the Ridgewall.
You get the Ridgewall knife.
Rather, because
the flip side of that is I carry a Swiss Army knife, but I actually have two of them.
And I cascade them with the fucking warranty department at Victor Enox because I just fuck them up.
Smart, dude.
You know, I'm not buying a sharpener or anything.
No.
So I send them off.
I'll send one off and then I have the other one.
And when the other one comes back, I just.
It's a nice little scam.
It's not a scam.
It's a scam.
No, I paid for two knives with a lifetime.
I don't even know if they have, I don't think they do.
But you call it a knife.
Ridge wallet probably has it.
Ridgewallet.
Listen, the point is, Ridge Wallet, you should get the better, superior version of the product Nick was just talking about, which is a Ridgewall.
But I do want this, because I don't know if I have the forged carbon or the carbon fiber 3K.
Oh, the Damascus one looks.
No, I already saw that one.
It's just more expensive.
I might swap it.
Is it wood?
I kind of like this, this, this, this, uh,
just a regular aluminum black one.
Maybe get that.
Oh, and they got a...
They got an aluminum tropical one in case you're a Wyatt Coke.
Yeah.
I think it's cool, guys.
For the boardroom or the disco.
Whether you're at the boardroom, the disco, or being asked to leave the Entoman's
dispensary.
For asking for too many samples.
For having too many samples.
And I say, do you know who my father is?
And they're like, yes, we don't care.
I'm like, no, I'm literally asking him.
I can't remember which one I am.
I'm the shirt one.
They both had them together.
Yeah, they also sell a wireless power bank.
Love that.
Okay, here we go.
Multi-gear.
Let's see what's in that case.
Oh, shit.
Oh, they got one of those door hook openers.
Love that.
That is now a thing that we all need.
They have a Ridge Wallet Beanie.
They got a bottle opener that's shaped like a credit card that I'm assuming slides into.
Now that's cool.
Give me your phone, Adam.
I'm looking at it right now.
Yeah, it slides into the Ridge wallet.
Look at that.
Look at that.
I like that a lot.
That's cool.
Yeah.
That's cool.
Now we're talking, baby.
For a beer.
And you got some multi-tool action.
You're a beer head.
They got keychains.
Yep.
You know?
They got condoms.
Yeah, they got condoms to wear on your penis.
Alright, here we go.
We got rip-stop duffel bags.
Rip-stop duffel bag.
Oh, look.
Rip-stop.
They got this, they got a travel kit.
And I'm looking at this now, and I kind of want this.
So get it, bro.
Don't deny yourself.
My problem is I fuck up the little daub kits or whatever.
Because I would get one every three years
as
a Christmas present for my grandma.
She would hit the little Kohl's end caps and get my shit going.
Nice.
I know exactly what you mean.
A set of pajamas.
Yes, dude.
Hell yeah.
A little hat, a little some socks, some stuff.
Yeah,
like maybe like a Time X weekender
or a Daub kit or whatever.
But then I just,
all my fluids leak in there.
So this is the move: you get the Ridge wallet travel kit.
Yeah, hell yeah.
And you pay for it because you guys keep take care of yourself.
In this unprecedented time.
Yeah.
What you need is to keep buying shit with our promo code.
Yes.
And our promo code is
definitely.
It's probably come to Kamala Harris 2020.
It's Kamala 2024.
It's Joe Biden 2020.
Here's Joe Biden here.
It's me, Joe Biden.
It's me, President Joe Biden.
I am Joe Biden.
Oh my god, I can't wait to be Joe Biden.
I love to get pussy from Joe.
There's a fucking promo code.
God damn it.
Come town.
All right.
Promo code Come Town.
I'm going to put that in there and check out for 10% off your order.
That's big.
That's free money right there.
That's smart.
Yeah, ridgewallet.com/slash ridgewallet.com/slash Cometown.
You can just go there.
Go to that site.
They got a direct link arena.
Yep.
That's to suck my dick arena.
One of the options, if you buy enough Ridge Wallet, you get to suck Nick's cocktail.
You get to suck my cock.
So if you're a woman, or let's be honest, a gay man,
that's the one you need.
You need to buy $4,000 worth of Ridge Wallets.
And then a secret
button will pop up.
Women still don't like me, but at least I don't get angry DMs from them anymore.
That's good.
That's honestly, that's that's
I'm never going to aim for being a guy that's just getting pussy all the time.
Sure.
But being a guy that is no longer being scolded by women who don't know me.
Why
who think that what's going to Twitter?
Oh, because you're off Twitter.
What's going to fix me is an angry message from you.
Yeah.
You're like, you know what?
You're right.
I am a piece of shit.
That's so true.
I guess
garbage.
I guess I'll just burn it all to the ground.
You're right.
I guess I'll go fucking get a regular job.
Yeah.
You're absolutely correct.
I'll go back.
Yeah.
I'll go back to selling.
Stop being rich
because you were right.
Because you're so yelled so good.
Fucking bitch.
We're never doing that.
Yeah, people are like, oh, would you just say slurs because it's worth it, just to sell out and say slurs?
And it's like, absolutely.
Yeah, dude.
If it really was that easy, and it's not far off.
It's not, it's absolutely not that
technically,
but it's in the ballpark.
It's not like you could just be anybody
and be like, you're listening to
Mike and Steve and
fucking Puerto Rican people.
They use too much laundry detergent.
Right.
Now I want to listen to that podcast.
The Mike and Steve.
The Mike and Steve Show.
You can check out at ridgewall.com slash
andy nago
andy no
is it andy no
is it are you showing no
what about ng like nguyen
but he's got a weird accent you remember he invented his own accent where's he from he's from uh vietnam i think um i don't know where's he from none of those guys are from maybe
really that always wears me out the like immigrants that are like i'm a i'm a patriot and uh and that's what he sounds like i congratulate
and this they threw milkshake at me well they threw the milkshake at me
they threw the milkshake at old ande oh he's from portland ande is from portland no but originally why does he talk like that no he was born in portland originally how does he talk yeah oh he's like there's like a bunch of asian comics that do a joke oh no no he's like oh where are you from and i'm like uh america and they're like oh well you know what i mean and then it's like is the audience supposed to be on your side here you know what they fucking mean.
Right.
Answer the question.
I say, where's your family from?
Yeah.
But I got an ad because I'm an immigrant.
I'm like, oh, I'm from my family's from Greece.
How about you?
Beautiful.
It's a beautiful chess move.
Right.
I just don't ask.
I don't ask questions of anybody about them at all.
That's true.
You don't really make that much small talk.
You make big talk.
Yeah, I make big talk.
When I meet an Asian person, I would say, what would it take to get you to kill another man?
Those are the questions I'm interested in.
Big talk, no small talk.
Yeah.
If you had to kill one of your children, which one would it be?
Would it be Sophie?
Yep.
Is the daughter named Sophie?
That would be interesting if they gave it away in the title.
No.
The main bitch has to be named Sophie.
I've never seen the movie, but Sophie's choice.
Sophie's making the choice.
I've actually never seen the movie either.
Kids to kill.
I think it's probably her.
She's got to be here.
So the movie is one, you have to kill one of your kids?
She has to have sex with one kid and kill the other.
Whoa.
It's the Nazis that are making her a merry fuck kill.
You know, Eric Clapton wrote that movie.
I didn't know you.
Were you friends with him?
You keep disappearing whenever Eric comes.
Oh, no.
I'm afraid of him.
You're afraid of him?
I got too high off Cushy Dreams.
Oh, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, Cushy Dreams is a wonderful product.
In fact, if me and Adam had smoked Cushy Dreams, we would be.
Wait, hold on.
Let me just double-check.
Let's double-check whether
you got too high off Cushy Dreams or too high off, I don't know, Mac Weldon or something.
No, don't do that move.
Cushy Dreams.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I think I'll get too high off smoking underwear next week.
Now that I take a look at the
schedule here, it seems like a yes, I've penciled in getting blasted off underwear.
But we'll have to wait a week for that.
Right.
This week we're smoking
high-quality premium CBD.
And some might say if we had smoked CBD instead of actual weed, me and Adam would have contributed something more to this episode.
I think it's fine.
You know what?
This is a late night special.
This is a little late national.
I'm overheated because I'm working on it.
Dude, I'm hot as shit.
Do you think it's the meat sweats?
It is.
We ate a whole pork shoulder.
We ate a 10-pound pork children.
We ate a 10-pound pork shoulder and it's done.
It's over.
I thought we were going to have lunch tomorrow.
I bought tacos.
I got sandwiches.
I bought fucking tacos to make sandwiches.
That would be nice.
We got a good sandwich right after this.
Just buy a whole bag of beef jerky.
And pie making.
I don't need sweet sandwiches.
We're not getting a pie.
We're not making a pie.
Just walking in, both hands
in the 3XL hoodie pockets.
Basketball shorts pulled down below your ass the last time.
Y'all got pie shit?
Yeah, we're on vacation.
No, we came from the city.
Yo, have you been in that weed dispensary?
We got so faded off that dispensary earlier.
Oh, fuck, I gotta take some advice.
We just came up here from Bushwick.
We've been shooting a skateboarding video for 17 and a half years,
and now we're up here to get away from coronavirus.
Yeah, I'm Clark.
This is Tyler, Skylar, Dylar, Byler, and Jyler.
He's from India.
Yeah, Jyler.
Tyler.
Hey, what's up?
What's up?
I was born in.
Yo, Jyler, did you bring your hookah
all the way from Bushwack?
We got to go back to Bushwack.
That's right.
So anyway, we're unfortunately, we love, well, not.
We love Cushy Dream.
We love Cushy Dream.
Almost as much as one of those simpletons from Bushwick.
That's right.
That don't live in the refined locales of different styles.
Yeah, that's right.
I don't understand.
You guys are.
They don't even deliver the New Yorker to Bushwick.
Yeah.
They won't even go that far out.
Yeah, you guys are classy bedsty guys.
I love bed style.
And me, I'm a fucking Queen's rat.
Bushwick can suck a dick.
Oh, absolutely.
I'm with you, 100%.
Bushwick is the worst neighborhood in New York City.
100%.
Yeah.
Bushwick, followed by Williamsburg.
Uh-huh.
At least Williamsburg is, you get a nice view.
We'll do all the worst neighborhoods brought to you by Cushy Dreams.
Cushy Dreams is proud to bring you to the worst neighborhoods in New York City, ranked.
Right.
The worst.
Number one, Bushwick.
Number two, South Williamsburg.
I'm with you there.
Number three, regular Williamsburg.
Oh, come on.
That's kind of nice.
No.
Yeah, it's not bad.
Towards Green Point, it's fine.
Yeah.
The views are no longer.
Going to Williamsburg now is like going to any town.
Yeah, anything to do.
You have to go there to go to the Apple store.
South of McCarran Park and suck a dick.
Greenpoint's nice.
Greenpoint's all right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, then, what are your tops?
I'm interested.
That's what I was trying to do when the bump derailed the list when you said, oh, come on, Williamsburg.
We're not the third worst.
What is?
I don't fucking know.
East New York.
No, East New York's fine.
It's just an impoverished food desert.
Yeah, that's where you want to hang out?
I don't have any animosity towards East New York.
Listen, man, I don't have any animosity, but I've moved out of Baltimore because it's not as nice as you can.
I'll tell you what I've done in East New York.
I got things sandblasted there, and I had a nice conversation with a man that owns a motorcycle customization shop.
They do have a lot of auto shops there.
Yeah.
No Canarsie.
Like, how far are we going here?
Canarsey's got good food.
You would rather live in Canarsey than Williamsburg.
Actually, yeah.
It's way cheaper.
You can get a whole fucking house for like $600,000.
No fucking chance, would you?
Canarsie is like by the Broadway junction.
If my options were rent a $3,000 a month one-bedroom apartment in Williamsburg,
or buy a house in Canarze, buy a house in
cheaper in Williamsburg.
Yeah, it's not that expensive.
But it sucks.
Anyway, I'm sorry.
I derailed the list.
You can also, we don't have to have a real conversation.
Cushy Dreams.
Where's the place where all those Jews that had the protests were?
Midwood or Borough Park?
Midwood, yeah.
Borough Park.
Midwood's pretty.
Midwood's.
Midwood's very pretty.
Midwood's all right.
Borough Park.
I like, you know what?
I like southern Brooklyn a lot.
I like South Brooklyn.
So Canarzee, you're going to lose me on that.
You know, it'd be kind of chill to Benson.
Midwood, even.
Benson Hurst.
Yes, Benson Hurst and Gravesend.
They got into good restaurants.
Bay Real.
You don't even fucking live in New York anymore.
No, that's real New York, dude.
Have you seen?
Have you seen the Spike Lee joint?
The speech?
Benson Hearst.
Whatever.
I'm sorry.
We just have drastically different.
Tomoni Gardens, I think, is technically in Gravesend, but I'm going to give that one to Benson Hurst.
I think it might be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, go on.
I'm sorry.
The worst neighborhoods in New York.
Ozone Park, probably pretty bad.
They got the aqueduct.
They have the racetrack.
So, what is it?
You can go bet on ponies.
We've never done it.
But you can.
That'd be cool.
And you can go bet on ponies.
Howard Beach.
Howard Beach is hilarious.
I also saw a Mark VII LSC that's been
had like a custom
T5 swap or something for sale on Howard Beach.
Okay.
It's a great, great,
great move.
Okay, so what else?
Greenwich Village.
It's nice.
I wouldn't live there.
Yeah.
Howard Beach, I'm not.
It's really just there's three bad neighborhoods in New York.
It's Bushwick, Williamsburg, and South Williamsburg.
Those are the fucking worst parts of New York.
And that was brought to you by Cushy Dreams.
Thank you.
Yeah, and you can put it in promo code
20.
Murray Hill can suck a dick.
Oh, yeah, that's actually the place to suck a drink.
Nomad can suck a dick.
Turtle Bay.
No, although they have these two really cool apartment buildings there that would be kind of chill to live in.
Where?
They have these, I think it's in Turtle Bay.
Where's Turtle Bay?
It's like all in the Midtown East side.
Yeah, I'm with you there.
Cushion Dream.
Also, the UN building is pretty cool.
That is cool.
I love that.
I like riding up.
I ride up the east side on my bike.
Riding up the FTR and
the because I just take the bridge over to Queens.
The UN building is one of my favorite buildings in the UK.
Especially after you watch North by Northwest.
Yeah.
You get to see that shit.
Pretty cool.
Pretty cool.
And you can smoke Coochie Dreams no matter whereing you go.
I'm going to snort my fat breasts.
And it's a woman with
cocaine all over her tits.
I love that.
And who's the guy in that movie?
Carrie Grant?
Yeah, Carrie Grant.
He's like.
What the hell is this?
A bunch of cocaine?
He apparently was gay in real life, but he pretended to fuck with Gary Grant?
Pussy, yeah.
I don't know.
Sounds good, dame.
Sounds good to get some pussy.
Are you sure you're not talking about Rock Hudson?
I'm pretty sure.
Well, I guess it's time to have sex with your pussy.
Just another day.
Just another day here at North by Northwest.
Well, listen, Mac.
You don't have to have sex with my pussy if you don't want to.
I want to, damn it.
I want to, and one of these days I'll get my idea hard.
I promise you I will.
I promise you I will.
I've just, I've smoked too much cussy dreams.
Which, actually, that's the reason it's even as hard as it is.
It's become so hard that it's killed you.
If you want your dick to get, if you like sex or you want cussy drinks,
they offer a full line of premium smokable CBD.
That's the same ingredient that's in Viagra and Seattle.
That's right.
Oh, dude, he lived with his friend.
Thank you.
Guy.
Swish.
We're just ruining.
And he was addicted to suntanning.
I love suntanning.
He's a really big guy to me.
Although, I guess that sounds a lot like me, too.
I live with my friends, and I love signing up my titties.
And it's now shipping legally to all 50 states.
All 50 states, get your fucking CBD.
And you know, what do you want to eat it with a fucking gummy?
Here's something you can do with it.
You want to vape it now?
Here's something you can do with it.
You can discuss benefits, experience personally, or look up some common CBD benefits.
Oh, yeah.
And I don't know.
That might be for us.
Which I love.
I got so blasted off CBD that I started Googling common CBD benefits, and it was less anxiety, going to bed,
not my aches and pains.
They went down.
I love CBD
because it makes me feel like an 8th Street Latina.
8th Street Latina.
Oh, yeah,
I went down to 8th Street.
And they got Latinas there.
with ashes so big you feel like you're fucked up.
So was it was Mike?
Oh, we already just from Brazil.
Yeah, Mike goes to Brazil where Mike in Brazil was a separate Latinas, was part of the Bang
network.
But didn't Mike have his own
smoking your CBD
spicy Latinas or something?
No, but he had like
to deliver CBD.
It was kind of
Mike in Brazil was with Milf Hunter was on the same MILF Hunter.
I was a big fan of.
That was the job I wanted when I grew up.
Fifth grade job fair.
I came to class and I said I want to be a MILF hunter when I grew up.
Next to the OTHC.
Next to the OTHC.
It's awesome.
Grown in California and Oregon.
Each plant is hand-selected by a team of experienced cannabis flower experts.
Alternative for people looking to suck their own cog.
That's right.
Looking for
smoke this year.
I'm sucking.
Alternative, it's the perfect alternative for people looking to cut back on sucking their other cock.
Sucking
smoking other things.
Oh, okay.
Let's roll back.
Oh, no, not this
guy.
Got it wrong.
No.
Points every guy.
Let's try that.
Okay, one more.
Listen, no pressure, man.
Just
take your time with it.
It mixes well with other races you can smoke.
Okay.
Sorry.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
Other stuff.
Looks like like guy-quality marijuana.
Feels like a cock sliding into your ass.
Marijuana.
It tastes like high-quality marijuana.
No.
CBD content is up to 20%,
which is some of the highest in the game.
Got that one right.
Good job.
Nice job, Charles.
You'll clean all this up.
We'll clean it up in the club.
All right, perfect.
The attention to detail is noticeable in every beautiful anus.
Smoking your CBD is the most efficient and quickest way to deliver child pornography.
Oh, no, time time out, time out.
We can let you slide with anus, but...
I have a friend that hides it in the stuff crush pieces.
Wait, hides what?
Now you're not even making a mistake.
You're just going off the top of the dome.
I'm trying to get into it.
Just look at the words.
Some of us need to tell secrets.
Part of being a good voiceover actor is slipping secrets.
You'll thank me later when I get to the disclaimer.
Each batch is slow-cured for two to four weeks to guarantee maximum freshness and preserve flavor and cannabinoids they take the artisan approach every one is small batch organic farming practices no slaves 100 zero slaves
okay
i like that move where like you they make drugs but the women have to be naked Yeah,
you want to make sure no one puts anything in her pussy.
Yeah, she's not stealing.
We're going to have to put my cock in your pussy to make it.
Just to check.
Just to make sure you're not putting any weed in there.
That's right.
They make the women get standards.
Every woman that works in Cussy Dreams Factory is
naked.
Butt naked and the kids are fucking hot as
she's so hot.
I know I'm supposed to be auditioning for this read, but I just had an idea.
Okay, go ahead, man.
If you can get this to Mark Cuban, let me know.
All right.
It's Papa John's, but the pizza comes in a woman's pussy.
I think I can get Mark on the horn.
I think I can get Mark on the horn.
I think we should get you on the horn.
Let's start tweeting at him.
So tell us about your idea, brother man.
What you got?
What you got?
Thank you, Damon.
Come on.
Doesn't sound anything like the guy.
And we know who you're doing.
My kids are doing what's so wonderful.
I sell bullshit on QBC.
I sell bullshit for stupid women.
And I would like to hear your idea, sir.
I was doing a voiceover, and I realized there's no way to order pizza that comes in a pussy.
Right.
Everyone's nodding.
Yeah.
It's Papa Pussy's Pizza Pussy.
And it comes in a bang bus.
And you get to fuck the girl.
You get to fuck the girl.
How many sales have you made?
How many sales have you made?
I don't know how to make pizza.
I don't know how to say things.
That's where you come in.
If you give me $18 million,
I will recreate 9-11 as part of a marketing campaign for Papa's Pussy.
The reason people don't like Papa John's anymore is because he's racist.
But with the help of Damon Brotherman,
we'll be able to rebrand Papa John's as a black-owned business
and corner the market.
Hell yeah.
Why do you have to be involved?
Because I want to fuck the girls
who bring new pizza.
So, wait, you just want to be a customer?
So, you're asking us to start this business so you can order from it?
I have misunderstood the premise of Shark Jones.
I guess I've never seen the show before.
Okay, second idea.
It's a show like Shark Tank, but it's things you want to have.
And
it's called Pussy Tank.
And you come in and millionaires have to buy pussy for you.
And pizza.
You get a piece of pizza that comes in the pussy.
These are two separate ideas.
So both your ideas involve a pussy?
Can I please have money or pussy?
They They sell pre-roll CBD joints.
Relax, peace, create high level energy.
Dream is a nighttime hybrid, Indica dominant.
Love that shit.
That's the Indica bends the sativa over.
It says, your name is Grace now.
You were Thomas on the outside, and here you're Grace, the tank engine.
Thomas getting raped wife.
Thomas getting raped in train jail.
It would be funny to get arrested.
You got got to do like 10 years or whatever.
And you want to look tough before you go to jail.
So you get a Thomas the Tank Engine tattoo.
Like the Tasmanian devil
stuff.
They're like, this will protect me.
Don't know that I'm a rough customer.
Yeah.
You know what would be horrible?
About to get out of jail your last day you get raped.
Oh, yeah.
That would be brutal.
The Danny Glover.
That's what they call that.
Is that what happened to him?
Well, it's kind of the premise, at least.
Yeah, he's about to retire.
Yeah.
I only got one more day in prison.
Riggs, if you get me raped, I swear to God, I'm trying to raise my son.
I'm fucking crazy, man.
I'm crazy.
I'm fucking crazy.
I'm a fucking whack job.
What if you getting raped is the only way to turn
something out of something with a bomb?
What if this bomb is gonna go off?
Unless you get raped.
Unless you get raped.
Riggs, are you fucking stupid?
That's not how bombs work.
You should know this, man.
You were special forces.
True.
I'm trying to remember anything about the movie yet.
I don't really remember much.
I'm trying to remember a single movie.
I remember he gets pussy from
the third one.
Yeah.
Mel Gibson.
Joe Pesci's in the second and the third one.
Yeah.
Oh, that's a great one.
He got shot.
Lethal Weapon 3 is so good.
He got shot with a dumb-dumb bullet.
Mm-hmm.
You know what that is?
No.
We saw a guy who got shot in his thumb and he died.
That's the only only line I remember from Lethal Weapon 3.
Lethal Weapon 4.
You telling me this guy's Chinese.
Oh, yeah.
I never...
Four is not good.
There's a joke in Ford
where he gets beat up by Jet Lee and then he sees Renee Russo the next day.
She said, what's wrong?
And he said, I had, he said, bad Chinese.
And I remember thinking that was pretty funny as a little kid.
That's pretty good.
I stand by that.
I stand by that, Mel.
Maybe it's time to...
Maybe tonight, after this, when we wait for the pie to be baked, we go to 7-Eleven.
Okay.
And we buy one of those portable DVD players.
We also...
Why don't we just watch on the internet TV?
Because I don't want to watch the movies outside.
It's good, too cold, man.
I'm trying to eat ice cubes and watch all the lethal weapon movies in 300.
I did them all a couple years ago.
Battlefield Earth.
You did them all?
I would love to see Battlefield Earth.
I'd love to watch that.
Probably for the listener, we've been talking about it for three episodes now.
I'd love to watch it.
They're waiting two and a half weeks for us to watch Battlefield Earth.
So, okay, let's go back to talking about Milf Hunter.
There was
one scene.
He was Special Forces.
There's one.
There's a blonde.
No.
She's a brunette woman.
Wait, did we say Cushy Dreams promo code?
Promo code.
Come town 20.
Come town 20.
Come town 20.
You get 20% off your first order.
K-U-S-H-Y-Dreams.com.
Use promo code Come Town.
Come Town.
For 20% off your order.
It's the name of the show, Come Town.
C-U-M-T-O-W-N.
Cushy Dreams, Scream.
Smoke your CBD.
I'm going to get those tattooed on my because you can.
Like Thomas?
Like Memento.
The Reeds?
Yeah, the Reeds and with their promo code.
The promo codes.
That's a good idea.
I got to come up.
In 2021, we need a better system.
For remembering the stuff?
Yeah, there's Google Jesus shit as well.
We could just print them.
I was doing that for a while, but then I ended up.
We'll just have the
copy printed.
I don't remember seeing a single print.
Well, one time I saw it printed.
I used to do it.
I'd say if we have one folder that has a copy of the colours.
And we laminate each one of the colors.
Laminated like it's fucking elementary.
Laminated is professional.
Laminated like it's elementary.
Shit in one of those things and see what happens.
Yeah, laminated shit.
Yeah, laminated trolls.
That would be fucked up.
And then turn that into your team.
Two smear.
Yeah.
And say, just
tell me what graphics are.
I always want to get like a blister pack sealing machine and then take a shit and then blister pack seal it and then bring it to GameStop.
And I'll be like, yeah, I want to return this copy of
Gears of War 3.
And it's just shit in there.
The guy's like, very funny.
That's a great bit.
Is that a bad game?
No, I don't even know.
In fact, I think I liked it.
I was trying to think of a really shitty game.
Games can't really be shitty.
You just stop playing them.
How dare they, Mike?
Yeah, I know.
You wasted $60
on a game you don't play?
That's shitty.
Well, I don't think I've done that.
I don't think there's been any game I've been like, fucking.
Because I don't really buy many games.
Yeah, that's true.
You know, you get the big tempo.
Yeah, I play like a one game a year.
Right.
Red Dead Redemption was the last big thing I played and then after that I went back.
I've been playing Grand.
I am still in the story mode of Grand Theft Auto.
Me too, bro.
When's the next one coming out?
I don't know, but that game came out in like 2013.
Yeah.
I've been playing Grandma.
Is that 7?
Yeah, and I think they put it.
I think they're putting it on
PlayStation 5.
That's wild.
It's like releasing you and you fucking pricks.
Well,
it's insane how long that game is and you don't want to play it.
You're only playing it because four was great.
Yeah.
No I want to play it.
It's good.
GT.
Did you finish the story of five?
I did f but I don't finish most of them.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Four I loved.
Four is great but I didn't finish it.
Yeah.
I just like to you know fuck around.
They need a new city.
Yeah, what should it be?
Maybe like Brazil.
Yeah, that would rule.
They should do Brazil or they should do Italy or something.
Like a favela.
Fuck yeah.
They're just going around favelas.
Yeah, that'd be great.
I I like that in Modern Warfare 2.
Those Brazil levels.
Never played Modern Warfare.
Yeah.
No, I'm just heavy back in the Gran Turismo now.
My dick is too hard.
I love it, dude.
And my shoulder doesn't hurt anymore.
That was the other thing.
That's what changed it.
I had a wheel, but I got a chair for the wheel finally.
And now your posture is correct.
Yeah, I fixed it.
And now I can drive for hours.
I don't have the same shoulder props.
Drive.
Yeah.
Not play.
It's drive.
It's driving.
It's simulated driving.
It's the same as being in a race car.
So you can drive around.
It literally is the same as driving.
You're laughing, but I mean, it's the same.
Do you have a rumble pack in the seat?
No.
I don't know.
You should get it so it feels like you're in a row.
You can't look.
If we ever got, if somehow we got to the point where we're making a million dollars yeah a year
then maybe i would get a motion rig now we're because they're fucking like ten thousand dollars nothing dude for your for your
car room that you're building
right now if you would have to speak yeah you would have to because you need like it has like three tvs you know so you see the like the trees passing you and then you also too fuck yes bro yeah i don't know if that works with like consoles you'd have to build like a you have to build like a racing sim
worth every fucking penny and then there's other games like i have i have project cars too
and i've played it a couple of times but what's that about gran turismo strikes it project cars too is is i think the biggest racing sims are like i racing and project i think i racing is the most popular that's some real shit yeah this gets into the territory guys that like take simulated racing like very seriously or whatever could you could you if you worked really hard become formula one race car driver Of course.
Without question.
That would be a good one for you because it's...
If I worked really hard, I couldn't even become a guy that's good at Grand Turies.
I mean, that's just not on the table.
I can marginally improve
starting off with a handicap.
Of course.
Marginal improvements.
Yeah.
That's what being in your 30s is about, is just accepting that.
Accepting, getting, sneaking in just a little bit of improvement until it's all once, once things happening, like where you start getting joint pain from doing math yeah then you're i got sore from playing catch the other day yeah
yeah
that's because you were playing it with your asshole that's right somebody was throwing a ball into your ass no it wasn't a penis catch and have you seen the inside of his ass this looks like it's filled with cum stack tights
i thought young vincent price oh you still let's listen to what it sounds like it's yeah i couldn't find it i was driving me nuts because I can't.
I just want to, real quick, say: if anyone has ever seen the, if anyone knows, we're going to find a clip of Wolf Hunter.
That's what I want to do.
Where the lady has a Bob.
I said we should watch that is House on Haunted Hill, both the original and then the remake, which is awesome.
I don't know if she's neither of them.
They're good movies.
She's got pretty big tits.
She's a brunette, Bob.
At a certain point of the couple-minute thing that I've jacked off to, probably at this point, I guess I spend it like 17 years ago.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
17 years ago,
she tugged on her ear
before she fucked the guy.
I think I picked her up at a mall.
I think.
17 years ago.
Anyway, Brunette, Bob, kind of big titties, mom.
If anyone could get me that clip from Milf Hunter, I would honestly be really thrilled.
And her tits were big.
Go ahead.
What?
Her tits were very big.
You enjoyed it.
And if you can find it,
I haven't been able to find it.
If you could find it for Starbrook.
I've looked for it five years ago.
It feels like an ex-girlfriend.
He's looking at it for five years.
Like a girl who got Yeah, a girl who came and started.
And sometimes, you know,
classics pop up on like X videos.
Stuff they used to beat off to the little teasers.
Remember the teasers?
You would have to beat off to the 90-second teasers.
Oh, yeah.
And now sometimes those pop up on the full version, and that feels good.
That feels good.
That feels golf.
That feels good, yeah.
That feels fucking good.
It feels like you get the fuck a girl you kissed, you know,
10 years ago.
I've consumed consumed probably
a cumulative amount of like
almost, you know what, none.
I don't think I've looked at porn once this year.
What?
Yeah.
What the fuck are you talking about?
No, yeah, I just haven't.
How many, what do you jack off to?
Nothing.
Did you jack off to your thoughts?
Yeah, I kind of got back into that, but not even
much going on in my head either.
It's like I just need to beat off.
That's artistic.
Is it?
Yeah,
you're making stuff up up in your brain.
No, I mean, it's gotten so far to the point now where it's like having a cigarette that, but also not beating off that often.
Maybe like once a week.
Yeah.
Wow.
Once a week.
Yeah.
I've been beating off quite a bit.
You haven't been beating off while we're here, have you?
I actually haven't.
Good.
But tonight.
Because we said we're not going.
I beat him.
I've been, honestly, you beat him twice?
Yeah.
Oh, there's a mirror in his bedroom.
Before bed.
I haven't beat off yet, but I feel it coming.
There's way too many mirrors in this bathroom.
A lot of mirrors.
It's fucking insane.
It's like, okay, I don't need to see
what my posture looks like.
I like seeing it.
I like it's just me in there.
Yeah.
Sometimes you need to be confronted with that kind of shit.
Yes, yes.
And the pigs will have his spoils.
The squealy pig.
Let's go.
Let's get it.
Let's hear.
Let's go.
Let's see what Vincent Price sounds.
Vincent Price sounds like.
Vincent Price sounds like this.
He's older there, though.
He is older.
You gotta do young Vincent Price.
Well, I don't think that's so bad.
As a matter of fact,
Adam, shut it off.
I'll find it.
You forget we have headphones on.
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
So you're fucking everything up here.
Am I making it loud for you?
God.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
All right, I'm going to make a pie for these fellas.
Oh, is the episode over?
It is.
I'm going to miss this.
Why?
We're going to keep doing this, but without having to do the episode.
We're about to go get higher.
Fuck you.
Yeah.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Goodbye, everybody.
If you enjoy the show, you should actually, you should subscribe at Comptown.
On the Patreon.
Yeah, Patreon slash Comtown.
Double the episodes.
Five bucks a month.
Four fucking extra ones a month.
I would say
the last premium episode we did.
Maybe one of my favorites.
So cool.
Certainly of the year.
Yeah.
And
it's been, it's honestly
for such a shit year, this last quarter has really
reinvigorated my passion for broadcasting.
Yes, sir.
And I'd say, now that
the autumn years of my life have begun.
I'm dying, by the way.
Oh, yeah, Nick, are you ready to do?
Yeah,
let them know.
How funny it it would be if I was dying and I was like, well, we better record several hundred episodes.
It's my goodbye.
You're leaving something to Adam.
So everyone knows.
So Adam can live off the show for the rest of his life.
I will join Vincent in the grave of Gay Beyond.
I will become a gay icon in death
in a way I could never attain in life.
Imagine doing the show if you were dying.
Right.
Fuck dude.
Dude, that would be so sad.
I know.
I fucking know.
Just like,
how about
sorry, the pain is just
Michael Clark Duncan Donuts.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Buster making me cut all the munchkins with my ass.
Beep.
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