Ep. 229 – Walt Didne

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Alright.

Damn, I'm stuffed.

Stuffed in the gills.

We had a nice little sushi lunch.

I had the chirasu.

I hope you're all ready for a nice sleepy.

They unclothed me and delicately placed the pieces of the body.

Of course the fuck my sister.

I'm not going to eat sushi without a naked fucking model.

why is that like a symbol of wall street bro power it's like we're gonna get a bitch

i think it's fish probably started from the yakuza yeah i guess they did that first

what do you mean why is that a symbol of wall i mean is that something that's hot you know are they like this this rocks you're making a woman it's yeah it's plate it's so explicit and obvious

i don't even know why you would ask that question it's why is it like a wall street bro thing to do cocaine and go to a strip ball?

Well, that makes me think.

I don't get it.

Honestly, that's so far from what I would do to a woman.

I would imagine I would have lunch and, yeah,

I would ask her what books she's read.

Of course, I would talk to her.

And be like, oh, that's interesting.

And then just, I have a Wikipedia and

under the table.

Reading about the book.

Because actually, what I heard was.

Yes, that book by.

Ah, yes.

Neil Strauss.

I've read it.

I especially enjoy the part about how it's about

interactions between men and women.

I loved,

oh, you know, Sakura so much.

Oh, Adam was a good person.

She's a completely naked Japanese woman.

Oh, thank you for respecting me instead of

putting food on my body.

I have spent last 20 years in America as lunchbox.

I have been charcuterie board for the last 20 years.

And now because you respect me and finally stood up to the Wall Street bros

with their behavior that's so beyond the comprehension.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is pretty odd.

I think

doing cocaine and banging whore.

But you get, but

it's the same thing.

Why would they go to a strip club?

They're eating sushi off titties.

Yeah, but a woman is just lying there in a strip club.

They're doing dances off of a pony.

Sure, absolutely.

But this is just.

There's artistry.

In fact,

they have turned a fucking

in my mind who actually wouldn't do those kinds of things.

Because you would absolutely have that woman at your party.

Women to eat.

Yeah, you would frame it as being ironic, but you would be doing it anyways, so you would still be engaging in the behavior.

No, I wouldn't.

Me, on the other hand, the thing I would appropriate is the Yakuza tradition of making people cut off parts of their fingers.

Right, if they've shamed it.

My 32nd birthday is coming up.

Right.

December time.

No, I'm just kidding.

I'm 52 years old.

But, yeah, no, my 50th birthday is coming up.

And whose fingers are we chopping off?

Well, honestly, it's like, you know, I got all the money in the world.

Yeah.

It doesn't mean anything to me.

If I had a select group of friends come over, and a couple of them were to cut their fingers off and present them to me in like a little

plush box.

With like, you know, we're in a big hall, and there's like a dragon with like a red carpet that comes out of its mouth, and I'm seated at the front.

Of course, of course.

And, you know, what are you wearing?

We rent out a Luby's, obviously, to do this.

What's Luby's?

It's a cafeteria in Texas.

Oh, okay.

I I think they've gone out of business.

We're getting there.

We're revitalizing them.

We're bringing the fucking dragon in with us.

We're at a Bob's big boy.

We're bringing a dragon.

We bring a dragon.

We're going to Perkins.

We're running the place up here.

And I say, we're going to do something a little different.

People are going to be cutting their fingers off.

So can we use your knives?

We'll bring our own knives.

Bring our own knives.

We'll bring our own knives.

It's going to be nice.

And we'll make sure that they don't get mixed up with the chef's stuff.

But I will say we might require one of your chefs to cut one of their fingers.

Okay, we'll bring our own chefs.

That's fine.

We want to make this work because it's got to be Perkins.

It fits with the dragon motif.

Absolutely.

It's the lost limbs, I think.

Obviously, I don't have to point out the parallel there, ma'am.

Of course.

Ma'am, I'm making eye contact with you.

Ma'am.

Oh, yeah.

Well,

I know a breast isn't a limb, but you clearly have had a mastectomy due to some kind of malignancy, I presume.

Just imagine that I, in this situation, I am the doctor, but also

the cancer that you respected enough to cut your breasts.

To chop off for its birthday, yeah, to chop off,

honestly, that would be.

Sorry, ma'am.

I'm not laughing at you.

I just had

a funny thing.

Sometimes I just react to that.

I was just,

ma'am, I'm sorry.

I'm really not trying to offend you.

I was just imagining a baby being like, where's the milk?

Where's the milk?

You know, if it were to be your son or someone along those lines.

But, anyways, you see what I'm getting at is that it needs to be Perkins.

It has to be Perkins.

It has to be Perkins.

We're doing it in here.

And if the answer is no, I'll sneak in.

You won't even see me.

I'll dress up as a Muslim.

We'll be in here.

Try to kick me out wearing a full burqa and see what kind of press that gets you.

Oh, that's going to be a shitstorm, sister, that you're not ready for.

Before you know it, this place is going to be covered in fingers.

I got a lot of friends that are willing to do a lot of things for me.

That is, honestly, that would be a way for

the people that DM you, the guys that DM you trying to riff, you should require a finger.

Absolutely do not suggest that people cut off their fingers and send them to me.

If I receive a single finger in the mail,

the show is over.

Well, no, you're getting Adam's fingers mailed back to you.

No, why my fingers mailed?

Because in my mind,

it was you that suggested it.

Because I brought up the lady.

I think about the lady.

She lady started the homeless.

Did I say it technically?

You knew exactly where I was going to go by bringing up that thing.

It's true.

I am the public.

You thought, here's an opportunity to let the girls who listen to the show know that I'm a woman respecter.

Right.

And also entrap Nick into getting fingers mailed to him.

No, it was all according to the plan.

Yes.

I'm just saying, if you're trying to riff.

We're going to bring up, we're going to say we respect women.

And what that's going to be.

I was just going to say,

I have to say,

Protocols of the Elders of Zion sounds awesome.

It sounds like a rush out.

Can anyone put an audio book on Apple Books or whatever?

Because I would love to record the Protocols of Elders of Zion in that voice.

You're listening to the Protocols of the Elders of Zion

by Woody Allen, Alan Dershowitz,

and Norman Finkelstein.

He kind of got caught up in that beside Norman.

He spent a while trying to make up for his mistakes with his first publication

with the rest of his career.

I wanted to be like the protocols of the elders of Zion.

Oh, yeah, like a Zach Wilde fucking Geddy Lee mash.

Exactly, dude.

That'd be cool.

It's fantasy.

It sounds like a fantasy concept.

I think it sounds like a reggae.

Take the Gentile babies,

put them in a stew.

That'd be cool.

The cover art looks like a yes album.

Exactly, dude.

Yeah.

The Protocols of the Elders of Zion by Electric Wizard.

Yeah, like a

Prague Rock.

It's Prague Rock, dude.

They go to the mountaintop and kill kill all the Muslims.

If you have a kite, we'll shoot you with a rocket.

Protocols, protocols.

I forgot about Israel

saying that they were under attack by kites.

They're sending flaming kites.

And you know why they choose to kill them?

From the mountains.

And from the mountains, they send the cards,

the flaming Corps.

And we will spread the banks asunder,

controlling everyone.

And they think we don't control all the banks because they have names like Bank of America.

That is a good job.

But you know where the banks are rooted.

The money ultimately goes.

It goes back to a family name, the Something Bergs, from 400 years ago.

They have a giant vault, they have a Scrooge McDuck room,

and they get drunk off the gold.

By they, I mean us, us, us, we do it in the context of this beard,

we are the ones who sing the song,

the song of the protocols

they came with the flying kites.

Elders.

Elders of Zion.

Elders of Zion.

The elders of Zion.

Oh, little Israel had no choice but to use missiles on them.

Damn.

Looks like Israel's got coronavirus pretty bad, do they?

Yeah.

For real?

You know, I'm not going to say it, but ha ha.

What goes around comes around.

Way to

create it and send it to China.

I'm not waiting to try to play a little funny classic Jewish joke on the Chinese.

That is so us.

That is so us.

No, I haven't actually been paying attention to the news because I've been down in Burrow Park protesting.

Boys,

we've got a.

With the Hassids.

We've got a plan.

Think about it.

The Chinese, we can almost switch everything over to them.

They've got small dicks.

They're annoying.

The only thing that's missing is the allergies.

They're trying to take over the world.

If we could just come up with a way to give them allergies.

We'll give them, we've got a disease.

It's called COVID.

And we're going to send it over there.

And then what we're going to do is we're going to put it in bats.

Just the fucking juiciest, most delicious bats you've ever seen.

We're going to have Mort when Mort,

naturally, obviously, we all turn into bats at midnight.

We're going to infect Mort Malt with it.

He's going to fly to China at night.

He's going to fuck all their bats.

He's going to fuck all their bats and infect them with it.

They're regular bats, not their Transformer bats.

Not Transformer Jew bats.

Not us vampire Jews that turn into bats at night.

They're regular, delicious Chinese bats.

And then they're going to be sneezing, blowing their nose all over the place.

And people are going to say, what the hell is that?

Is that that a Jewish guy?

And they'll be like, No, it's Chinese.

They're like, Why don't we just do anti-Semitism to them?

To them.

There's a lot more.

They could probably do 16 Holocausts and still have 80 million Chinese left over.

It's a much better deal.

It's a better deal.

You think about it.

Costco's basically, or China's basically the Costco Holocaust.

It's a Holocaust go.

The Holocaust.

You could get, for the same price to kill 6 million Jews, you could kill probably 6 billion Chinese.

A A billion Chinese Jews.

It's a better deal.

That's why they're taking over the world.

They did the inverse move of the deals.

That was the problem with the Holocaust.

It was too expensive.

Those dumb Germans.

They didn't know how to pinch pennies.

If only

ironic, because who could have helped them cut cold?

Yeah.

I bet, like, the end of Schindler's list.

We'll see how good you guys are at this.

Schindler's list.

Best of luck.

I'll get on the train now.

Yeah.

Schindler's list, where it's like, you know, at the end, where he's like, this could have been a person, and this could have been a person.

You know, or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Has one of the Jewish guys been like, oh, maybe I could have been two buttons?

Maybe three.

It's a good trade.

I don't know.

If you give me four of those buttons, I'll let you guess, man.

You're like, what are you talking about?

What the hell are you talking about?

You're a Jewish bastard.

You're a Jewish piece of shit.

Why did I say you black bastard?

Black bastard.

Black bastard.

I just wanted to go kill a black master.

My friend.

Yeah, what the fuck was that?

That was awesome.

Out of nowhere.

Yeah, right.

I used to be a racist.

Did you just your friend got raped or something?

Yeah, Deirdre, I think they're going to want me to go on the news and talk about Black Lives Matter.

I don't think that's lightly.

I don't think they want you to do that.

No, I can feel it.

You can see I'm pissing myself again.

That's how I know.

That's how I know.

That's how I know it's time for me to go on the news.

You know, a lot of people in America are protesting, and it reminds me of a time my friend was raped by a boo.

Ireland TV has gone off the air permanently

because of Liam Neeson's recent racist fit.

That's not my point.

It's about how I'm not racist anymore.

I'm not anymore.

But I used to be.

I used to say the answer.

When I had quite a bit of a

chill

black bastard to play the villain in Batman.

I've never played a villain before.

The only role I've ever played was Qui-Gunjin in Star Wars.

A lot of people think I've been in other movies, and it's not true.

That's fake.

It's a guy that looks like me.

There's a different guy.

I've only played Qui-Gon Jin and

the guy in Batman.

Rosal Ghoul sounds kind of like Qui-Gon Jin.

Yeah,

I told my agent when I got involved in this business, I only want to play Chinese people or Muslims.

And he said, the best we can do is the bad guy and Batman.

And I probably

was supposed to be a Chinese person when they wrote the movie.

And then the producers got their hands on it and said, we're trying to sell tickets to this piece of shit.

Not put on the Olympics.

Get a fucking white guy to do it.

We're not having one of the main characters go around babbling like it's a fucking laundromat.

You can call him Qui-Gon Jinn, but by goddamn, he's gonna be a fucking white guy.

That's what they said.

That's my best guess.

And then the same thing with Batman.

They said, Razal Ghoul, what about this handsome Afghani actor?

And I said, this isn't a fucking magazine.

We're not doing a print spread.

We want people to sit there for two hours.

9-11 was 15 minutes ago.

We're talking about putting a Muslim in the movie as the friendly bad guy.

That's supposed to be...

How is the audience not going to see that coming?

That the Muslim's a bad guy.

It's fucking 2005.

Yeah, fucking retired.

Why not just, why not just make him a plane?

Why not just name him United Flight 93?

How about that?

And then see if people don't see it coming.

And that's how I got my two roles.

And that's

sort of good.

But anyway, back to block people.

I had to imagine that

Batman was the same.

Batman Television has gone off the air permanently.

Ireland's only two channels, Ireland TV and Batman Television, are now gone.

And we regret to inform you that we have to bring back 24 hours of Riverdance.

That's the only thing that Ireland actually exports and then re-imports all of its television content as shit we sold at the Discovery Channel in the 1990s.

Why the fuck was Riverdance so famous?

Because Ireland has zero culture.

This shit was so boring.

Because Ireland is worthless.

It was like interesting for 45 seconds.

That guy, what's the name?

Michael Flatley.

He caked up on that.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Is that why?

Because

there's like a British guy, Greek-British guy called Stavros Flatly.

Yeah, really?

That does.

He's just a fat Greek guy that does river dance.

Maybe it's the same family.

He stole the beast.

So I was like, why Flatley?

Well, I'll tell you, maybe something about that about Manscaped.

Yeah, maybe that guy shaped his colour.

You think Stavros Flatley shapes his copy?

Yeah, maybe Stavros, what's his name?

Maybe he goes to a website called Manscaped.com

and scapes his manhood.

Oh yeah.

Manscaped is the only way to do trans surgery at home.

That's right.

They'll lop whatever you want off and they'll fucking glue whatever else you want.

Manscaped is

a system of clippers and a bunch of other shit and a little toiletry kit.

They got a, what's it called again?

The lawnmower 3.0.

That's it.

It was the ceramic.

Because this thing.

Bitches need to know my pubes are like a fucking lawn.

Oh, yeah.

It's like a hole in a yard and my penis is like a tiny house i got a little i got scott's turf builder down there you look at my shit and it looks like a giant it looks like a farm

all pubes and then a silo little ass red silo little tin of fire hydrant filled with grain

and that's why i use the manscape system to shave down my pubes i shave down my pubes and i fill my foreskin up with oats yeah the lawnmower 3.0 is also waterproof and it comes with an led light so you can manscape in the shower or in the dark.

Yeah, a lot of people they go to shave their dick in the shower and they get electrocuted.

Yeah, a lot.

I was, oh, what was that?

4,000 people died of that last week.

Yeah.

It's actually, if you're a regular listener to the show, you know that I've been building an electric chair to kill myself in.

That's right.

And one of the most important aspects of the electric chair is you've got to be completely hairless for the electrodes.

That's so true.

For the electrodes to work.

And so I've been shaving myself

in preparation for killing myself in my homemade electric chair.

Right.

And, you know, I mean, with any project, you keep putting it off and putting it off.

And now I've become addicted to shaving myself.

That's right.

And...

Especially your cock and balls.

Especially my penis and asshole.

Right.

And

I leave a ring around.

Yeah, I like my addict to look like the dog from Little Art Rascals.

Of course.

Yes.

Who I think his name is Dickhead.

If I remember that.

pussy face.

What are the names again?

It was Skinny,

Fog Hat, Buckface,

Dickhead.

Chinese Andy.

Yeah, Chinese Andy.

Jimmy the Kike.

It's Italian.

I don't believe that.

Yeah, he's Italian.

He's Italian.

Folks, his name was

the name.

And he was Italian.

We all remember Louis Rascal.

We all remember little rascals.

Oh, man.

Oh, yeah.

And all those kids, those were all grown men who shaved their face, armpits, and penis with the Lawnmower 3.

Yeah, it's the thirties.

We're all malnourished thirty-year-olds that never grew past four foot one.

Good thing we have the manscape clippers to shave our penis and balls so we can go into Mr.

Feldman's candy store and steal all of his candy as revenge for his authoring of the protocols of the eldest design.

We know it was him.

Boy, ain't we just a group of stinkers?

Ain't we just a group of anti-Semitic stinkers?

Little Rascals was an entertaining show about a group of anti-Semitic children

that would go around bullying Jewish business owners, which, in a modern context, seems kind of absurd and borderline offensive in some regards.

But back then, you have to understand this was before the Holocaust, and a lot of people agreed with those ideas.

And

seeing children realize this sort of affirmed those values for people in a way that was more touching and endearing and palatable to American audiences in a way a screaming German could never be.

Never.

That's correct.

Hitler could never do what Jimmy the we know who.

And boy, did they try.

And then we cut the reel of Hitler being like, I'm just a baby.

I'm a cute baby.

Look at me.

Does this work?

Do you like it if I'm a baby?

And that didn't sell anyway.

It didn't sell.

It didn't sell.

And so, ironically, it was actually Jewish producers in Los Angeles that came up with the idea for the anti-Semitic gang.

They said, What if we do a show?

We could get people to watch it.

And it's about this Holocaust thing they're doing.

Uh-oh, yeah.

I think a lot of people would like it.

And they're like, but we're kind of losing sight of what we want here, which is to sell clippers, clippers, cock clippers, that was the point and nail kits, the shears 2.0.

The shears, it's the perfect idea.

I'm going to pluck your eyebrows and trim your nails in style.

And the nicest thing about Manscaped is when you're done shaving, you can

eat your pubes.

Well, you can mail your pubes back to the company, and they have a tooth fairy promise.

That's so true.

Where they'll send you, they weigh your pubes, and it's $20 to the pound.

So when you get your Manscaped kit, just the return address is right on there.

They do not actually do this.

No, they do.

No, they do.

They just

mail your pubes to Manscaped.

And then make sure to tag them on Instagram saying, this is, look at what a great job you did removing the Manscaped challenge.

Using the Manscaped challenge.

Make sure to take a picture, create a burner account on Instagram, shave your dick and balls, and

tag Manscaped.

Tag Manscaped.

Show them what a great job you did shaving your dick and balls.

I'm sure when you do it, you're using the lawnmower 3.0.

And make sure you hit them with the promo code.

What's that promo code, Adam?

The promo code is codecaped.

Code here.

It's either Cometown or Cometown20.

Tag listeners of the show got 20% off free shipping with the code code here at manscape.com.

So it's probably Cometown.

Come Town or Cometown20.

I don't have my phone, so I can't check my phone.

That's 20% 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use code

XXX.

Yeah.

It's time to grab it.

We should know this.

It's either Cometown or Come Town 20.

Here's how it works.

You put the code in.

The important thing is you mail them in the case of the code.

If they say Come Town, I'm almost positive it's Come Town 20.

Yeah, because it's 20% off.

But if for some reason that does not work, try Cometown.

It's time to grab 2020 by the horns by shaving

that front trunk.

Nice.

Some copy then.

Go ahead and

shave your penis and balls and tweet a picture to the president, Donald Trump, with hashtag stop him.

With hashtag, he will not

suck my penis.

Actually, you're fired.

You're fired.

Hashtag you're fired, manscape.com, promo code COMETOWN20.

And then a picture of your penis being sent to the president

on Twitter.

There's actually a prize.

The person who has the most average, if you can find out the exact average size dick down to, it needs to be nine decimal places.

And if you can hit that, you're going to need digital calipers here.

So you're going to have to calep your dick.

Yes.

Caleb.

Is that what it's called?

Calip?

Yeah, I need to get my dick calept.

Calypso.

Calyptico.

Calypso music.

I love that.

Yeah.

I love the calypso.

Why don't you guys say some other things about the thing that I might have forgotten that is important?

I think we got it all.

They're quiet, right?

Quiet, waterproof.

Waterproof.

Ceramic or some bullshit.

Yeah.

They shave your pussy too.

They did a bunch of shit where they did, like, I guess they made it so that it can't cut your balls.

It doesn't.

That's true.

I haven't done ceramics.

It can't suck your shit into the blaze.

I have never nicked my cock with it, and I've shaved it.

It's impossible

multiple times.

It's impossible.

So you're going to love it.

You're going to love clipping your fucking nails with whatever bullshit they also have.

The Shears 2.0, and whatever the subscription thing is.

Yeah, do whatever the fuck they want.

Just go to the website, Manscaped.com, look at all the products, sign up for whatever the fuck they want you to, and use promo code ComeTown2000 and or Cometown20.

Do it, or I'll become pissed off.

I'm going to get pissed off.

I'm going to get more pissed.

I'm going to become sexually pissed.

You don't want that.

Nick, you were talking about the electric chair.

Have you seen that documentary, Mr.

Death?

Have you ever seen my penis?

No.

Actually, yes, while we were peeing, Dr.

Death.

Mr.

Death.

Dr.

Death.

It's the Errol Morris.

What did you think about his penis when you saw it, Adam?

It's the movie The Thin Blue Line.

I thought it was all right.

No, it's not The Thin Beneath.

It's the Thin Blue Line and the character's name is Then.

No, it's about this guy.

So basically, my friend recommended I watch this movie.

The Thin Blue Line is a documentary about Adam's penis.

That's not true.

When he's dressed up as Sony.

Well, it does have the veins.

The veins are thin.

The veins are pink.

No.

No, the the veins are pink, but I've got blue veins.

The penis is blue.

I've got multiple thin blue lines for my pink.

Your penis actually sucks when you're in the past.

I know.

Your dick is women's youth and vitality.

Your dick hasn't been used so much that it's starting to go blue like a corpse's dick.

Your dick is actually

your entire genitalia area looks like the brain bug from Starship Troopers.

And your weird blue dick extends out of the mouth and stabs.

It stabs into

thin blue veins.

And you go to manscape.com and use promo code COMETOWN20 to get that pink penis sent directly to your door.

To get the pink penis shaver sent directly to your door.

We got to make sure we hit all those.

Whatever the things are.

Yeah, we hit all the

I feel like there's something missing.

No,

they got the trimming kit.

They got the shears.

The shears.

And the shears are a good deal.

The shears, you get stainless steel tools, uh tip tweezers round point pluck your eyebrows and trim your nails in style

uh fingernails luxury four-piece nail

nail files tempered stainless steel tools this is kind of shit they make watches out of folks you'll also find listen swish wash and on their website you'll find the crop preserver an anti-chafing ball deodorant and moisturizer yeah they got a ton

you tame that summer swamp ass with natural hydrators and antioxidants you'll also find the crop reviver, a testy toner that's like having cologne that is designed for your balls.

What a really useful ass thing.

Oh, it is useful.

We would judge you if you catch you.

If you're in some stank pussy, if we catch you sniffing yourself, if you're in some stank puss and then you have a business meeting and you don't have time to shower, and the secretary's going to smell your nuts to let you in.

Yeah, you don't want the Japanese, because you've got a big meeting with the Japanese.

You don't want them smelling that nuts.

We've all been there when you pull your pants down and a woman's like, oh my God, what the fuck is that?

And you're like, I'm sorry, I had to put my penis in my ass because I was on the train and there was a woman breastfeeding.

And I didn't want to get too hard while looking at her.

And that's why you use the crop revival.

And

you need the dick reviver, the crop revival, because your penis has been shoved into your ass.

Your own ass, and some of the shit has run from the tip of your penis all the way to your breast.

It's inside your penis.

So go to Manscape.com and check out their life-changing.

Life-changing problems.

Life-changing.

Life-changing problems.

My life was changed because I was actually shaving my penis while driving, and a school bus pulled up next to me.

And then what happens?

And then now I'm on the sex offender registry.

You got to knock on all the doors.

Which is usually a pretty bad thing, but I don't have any friends.

So it actually became a really great way to meet people.

Right.

Now, every week I have to go check in with my probation officer and I talk to people.

He's a friend.

I say, You're a Chomo, also.

And most of the men are mentally disabled, I'll I'll admit.

You would think it would be other kind of slick, smooth operator criminals.

But

for the most part, the entire sex offender registry is mentally enfeebled

people with no support network that

mentally are 11 years old.

Sexually, they are.

And I tell you what, when you're done shaving your penis and balls, you can go on over to Macweldon.com.

You got this beautiful shaved penis.

You're going to want to put on

the luxury underwear.

You might as well just cruise right on over.

To MacWeldon.com.

I love the new chapter.

Yeah.

I love this new.

I love it more than you, Adam.

And if you're at home and you figured out what's going on now, wait until we're at five, Annette, pal.

Wait until the whole thing looks like a fucking stock cart.

We're selling the fuck out.

This shit's about to be blade run.

Yeah, yeah.

So I don't know about if you guys know this, but Mac Weldon is a premium men's essential brand that believes in smart design.

Smart designs.

High quality fabrics.

Dude, I'll tell you,

I've been wearing them recently because they sent us another promo deal.

That's awesome.

When we had the recent batch of these come through.

I love them.

I threw out most of my other underwear.

That's beautiful.

I might go get myself a grip of the whole thing.

You got socks, shirts.

And you're in luck because, for whatever reason, last time

the non-fat sizes were sold out.

If you're a big fat guy, now's the time to go to MacWeldon.

Well, hold on.

I'm going right now.

Excuse me, sir.

You're too fat for the clothes.

He's actually not, folks.

If you're a big fat piece of shit, go to MacWeldon.

Yeah, go to MacWeld.

They have fat sizes.

It is very funny that, like, because with other sh stuff, it's like, I understand that there's like the difference in fabric between like a medium shirt and a 3XL, but it pales in comparison to the difference in size of underwear.

Yeah.

Like fucking underwear for fat, that is so much more material.

What do you think?

Underwear for fat people is more than

the ratio.

Yeah.

And that's why I'm jealous of Stop for being fat, because he gets a better deal on the film.

He gets a better deal.

He gets more t-shirt.

He gets a better deal.

He gets more

pants.

Huh, my name's Mikey, and I'm on the sex offender edge.

A lot of people are wondering how I wound up there.

What kind of underwear I wear?

I got so excited in the ball pit at McDonald's that I ate all of my clothes.

I was eating chicken McNuggets and I thought it was a 20 piece.

Actually was a five.

Kind of got carried away and just sucked up all my clothes into my mouth, ate them, and then, well, there you go.

Now I'm nude in the ball pit, and here come the cops.

Yeah.

And one of my friends I met at the parole office's waiting room introduced me to Mac Weldon underwear, which is great for me because it's some of the only underwear that actually fits over over my head.

That's true.

Because

I don't know how to put on underwear.

I have to go from the top.

As stated earlier, I have no safety net, no support network, no one to put my underwear on for me.

So I go from my parole offices all the way back to my house where I have to spend hours putting underwear on from the top.

And luckily, MacWeldon.com makes that easy for me.

A mentally disabled man on the sex offender registry.

That's right.

Mac Weldon's prime demographic.

And what they like is that it's a one-stop shop of men's essentials.

We're talking socks, shirts, hoodies, underwear, polos, and active shorts.

Whatever you need.

Whatever the fuck you need, Mac Weldon promises comfort and consistency fit.

You're not just going to look great in Mac Weldon.

Their underwear, socks, and shirts perform well, too.

When I went out to find that black bastard, the first thing I did was put on a comfortable pair of premium fabric underwear.

That's right.

From working out, going out, going to work.

And it felt so good on my cock.

The racism just slipped away.

That's right.

And then I pissed myself.

And then I did one of my classic pissing my pants in public moves.

There's so many pictures of him like that.

With his pants just absolutely.

He's pissed himself like five times.

Liam Neeson?

Gerard Depardieu as well.

Well,

here's the nice thing.

That's why you should use Mac.

We're so drunk, you piss yourself on a plane.

That's why you should use Mac Weldon because they offer a wide range of customized fabric.

Yeah, they can keep up with you no matter what your day looks like or how much you piss yourself on.

I'm so jealous, dude.

I wish I was him.

You're the king of the world.

You played two of the most memorable characters of all time.

Yeah, Quikak

and Bronze Aguil.

Two of the best characters ever.

And now you just jet set, pissing yourself, going on TV, blowing it, fucking getting drunk, pissing yourself.

Yeah, doing some movie where they're like, they're like, well, the premise is that there's wolves and they're after you.

I'll do it, fucking, I don't fucking care.

I don't give a shit.

Do I get to keep the parka?

Then I'll do it.

I want is what's a Canada goose.

Yeah.

Everyone on production.

You know, I saw a bunch of Chinese people wearing them and I thought those have got to be cheap.

And it turns out it's fucking $900.

I said where the hell do these Chinese people get the price for that?

That's right.

Well if

you know what else is very cheap and you can save money is the Weldon Blue Mac Weldon loyalty

program.

Level one gets you free shipping for life.

Once you reach level two,

by spending $200, Mac Weldon gives you 20% off every order for the next year.

So level one, the amount of inches Adam's penis is, or level two, the amount of inches Nick's penises.

blue ribbon penis.

I won the award at the Agricultural Fair for best penis.

Actually, mine is one inch best in show.

It's number

one.

I went on with the best small penis award and also best in show.

No, no, no.

You won best small penis.

And best small show.

Now I won't best in show.

And best in show.

You did not win best penengo.

And best in show.

No.

And best small.

My penis is

a show.

And best in show.

And best in a show.

I will do this all show, pal.

You did not win.

My penis won

the toy category.

No, that's what Nick's penis did.

No, he had small penis category.

You did not win best in show.

I won best in show.

Your dick did not win best in show.

I won best in show.

It only won little penis.

And it won best in show.

Well, mine won tastiest.

Anyway, MacWell,

I didn't win best in show either.

A guy with a bigger dick did than both of us.

My penis won the sport.

MacWell didn't want you to be able to show.

He did win the award.

I ran up to Best in Show.

No, he did not win Best in Show.

He died.

Yeah,

because I won Best in Show.

No.

Macweldon.com for winners.

That wouldn't have happened if I weren't wearing Mac Weldon underwear.

And then nothing happened.

Which I got as an award for winning Best in Show.

You didn't win Best in Show.

At the Koch Award.

At the 16th annual

Geneva Kalk Award in the Alps.

We're up here at an elevation of 680,000 feet above sea level, where you're only allowed one thought a minute, and you have to sip at the air.

Well, folks, listen.

Now, a lot of people don't understand.

The reason they do it up here is because it is extremely hard to maintain an erect penis or even one that's kind of chubby at this altitude.

So it really evens out the playing field because there's a lot of people that are just what you may be familiar with the term

what is it?

Fucking showers?

Shower.

Showers.

Shower versus grower.

That's it.

That's the thing I forgot as an announcer here at the Penis Awards.

You'll have to forgive me.

The altitude is so fucking cool.

It's so fucking cold.

It's got me fucked up.

I'm fucked up and my cock is shrinking by the minute.

That's why we have to do the cock awards on top of a mountain.

And again, sponsored by Red Bull.

We'd like to thank our sponsor, Red Bull, for putting on this 17th Annual Cock Awards.

And now to get the show started,

everyone's favorite category, the botched circumcisions.

Bring them out here.

A couple of disgusting examples right up front.

But I do like the way a lot of things

people don't consider is the way a leash pairs with the scars.

You want something that sort of continues those lines all the way back to the owner's hand.

That's right.

The owner of the botched penis.

Yeah.

You have to have, you could put a leash on your dick and you hold your den.

You walk your dick out.

You walk your dick out.

Just you sachet holding your dick on a leash.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And

at the end of the day.

You can use the mono with your dick fucking on a leash.

You're just posing.

The Cock Awards.

Beautifully done.

What masterful work?

And then

ESPN 3?

I think so.

And at the end of the Cock Awards.

And then they're sponsored by Mac Weldon.

And Mac Weldon wants you to be back in your Mac Weldon.

Once again, the award show this year is sponsored by Mac Weldon, MacWeldon.com, Premium Design, Smart Fabrics for People with All Kinds of Dicks.

Moving on to our next category here.

We're going into the heart of darkness is the Africa category.

Hypospazidus, or whatever that thing is called, where your dick hole is on the top of your penis.

Oh, is that a real thing?

I think so.

What's interesting is all of these men piss into their own faces.

We have a synchronized show of the hypospazidous players.

They're all piss over their own faces while lasers change their urine streams different colors.

And they perform Fantasia for us here on top of Cock Mountain in Geneva.

There we go.

Pissing into each other's mouths.

What a beautiful sight.

What a beautiful sight.

And if you want to watch that while having your cock with a regular dick hole in nice ass underwear, go to macweldon.com slash come town20 and enter promo code come town20 or something.

That's macweldon.com slash come town 20 promo code come town 20 for 20% off Mac Weldon.

Moving on to the Belgian tuck category.

These men with their penises tucked into their asses, which was originally invented on the French public transit system during World War II when Vichy French soldiers were trying to hide their erections from the German soldiers who would kill them for being gay.

But the French soldiers were so aroused by being dominated by the Nazis that they had to figure out a way to hide their erections.

Fuck themselves in the ass.

That's where the Belgian talk came from.

Which is actually a French thing.

Which is interesting.

They changed the name because Jean-Claude Van Damme loved doing it so much

that it was renamed.

One man rewrote all of history.

It was renamed for him after his appearance in Three Ninjas Strike Back.

Damn, that was a good shout out to Three Ninjas.

Which

he was in in a deleted scene where he demonstrates the Belgian tuck to the ninjas,

which was later removed due to Jean-Claude Van Damme's anti-Semitic comments that he made during the filming.

But to be clear, showing child actors his penis and putting it in his own asshole.

That part was fine.

That part was fine.

Jim, that part was probably the best part of the movie, which, as you recall, we premiered here at the Cock Show

at Geneva all the way back in 1987.

Third year of the show.

Oh, fuck.

MacWeldon.com.

MacWeldon.com.

Come town 20.

Come town 20.

And get all the basics or whatever the fuck you want.

Yeah, they got long.

I'm going to check out some of those long johns they got this year.

Bro, I'm about to go off.

I bought a bunch of nice socks, and

I'm about to go get nice underwear, dude.

Oh, yeah.

I got nice socks on right now, but I stole them from my cousin.

Nice.

What kind are they, Mac Wendell?

Just something like Nike.

Mac Weldons?

Yeah, they're Mac Weldons.

Those are good socks, but not as good as the Mac Weldons.

No, because they are Mac Weldons, Adam.

They are Mac Weldons.

Mac Weldon Nikes.

And now we move on to the cock and a baby sock category.

I'm sorry, Adam.

Are you tired of the cock show?

No,

I like this bit.

I'm sorry.

Are you tired of the cock show?

Are you tired of the cock show?

No, I'm not.

Well, what would you like to do instead?

Do you have any ideas?

Yeah.

It's a new season.

Antonio Brown is on the Raiders.

Le'Veon Bell is with the Jets.

And Odell Beckham is in Cleveland.

The one thing that hasn't changed.

Well, you're at the cock show.

I guess we're cutting the commercial exactly a minute and 35 seconds too early.

Okay, sorry.

Look at that.

I thought it was time.

And this is the kind of shit that would get your ass pushed in if you were working in posts like if you were a field producer like myself,

Jeremy Fuckwell.

I've been raped multiple times.

I have sucked so many dicks to get into this position

as the guy on the camera.

As the guy finally on camera.

As the guy having.

I was the PA getting raped by Bob Costa.

Do you know how bad it is to be the PA at the cock show?

Oh, it's a tough gig.

Do you have any idea the kind of fluffing you have to do?

Who do you think tucks all those Belgians?

Belgian tucks.

And it's come here, tuck me.

Put in our asshole.

Come, come, tuck me.

Come, come.

Listen to me, asshole.

Hey, come here, tuck me.

Fuck you, asshole.

Put my cock in my ass.

I don't have time for these.

Come tuck me.

Hey, listen, you fuck guy.

Come here.

It's tuck time.

Hey, come tuck me.

Put me in my ass.

Come on.

Tuck me.

Tuck me in my ass.

Tuck my ass.

Put my cock in my eye.

Tuck my penis.

Tuck my penis into my fucking ass.

You tuck my ass.

And that's all I heard for years.

And

13.

We're live.

And we're getting to 9, 8, 8, 7.

7, 6, 5, 4, 3.

Bomb, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

It's a new season.

Tonight on Gay Man News.

It's the new season.

With your host, Adam Friedland.

Hi, welcome to Gay Man News.

Where the host is gay.

No.

The host is gay, and he's doing gay guys.

He's doing the third Adoret of the show.

Okay, Antonio Brown is on the Raiders.

Because he's gay.

Okay.

no,

yes, you don't have to be.

Just get to the store.

Levy on Belle.

The show where the anchor is worse than the announcer, guys.

Oh, Gale Beckham is in Cleveland.

The one thing that hasn't changed is where I'm putting my money down on all games.

My bookie is the place to bet on football every weekend.

You can also bet on the weather.

Yeah, that's right.

Going now to the weather guy, who's a different character.

Let's see if he can do it.

Just come up with a name and do a character that's a weather guy.

Hey, y'all, my name is Steven, and I'm here with the weather.

Just his first name.

Yes.

Well, it's Stephen Tornado.

Steven.

There you go.

The gay weatherman.

The gayest.

The only weatherman gayer than the anchor that started.

Hi, y'all.

I want to talk to you about.

Say Steven Tornado here.

Steven Tornado here.

Nice!

And I want to talk to you about mybookie.com, which has better bonuses, prop bets, and more prop bets than any other sports book, period.

This year they're hosting.

They're hosting the first online handicapping super contest.

This just in.

Breaking news.

Something really gay happened.

Let's go to a different anchor.

We're going live on scene to.

Hey, this is Deshaun Simpson.

Deshaun Simpson.

Okay, whatever.

Let's see if we can get through it without saying the N-word.

Let's go to Deshaun.

That's the breaking news.

Let's see if Deshaun could do three minutes without saying the N-word that we have to delete.

Deshaun Simpson here, and I want to let you know.

To the voice.

Don't be a pussy.

Don't be a pussy.

We all know what you meant by Deshaun Simpson.

No, you can be some, you know, like a white guy.

At least say, y'all.

Hey, y'all, first place is guaranteed to win at least $100,000.

And what do they do with your deposit?

And

they double it.

When they shove it up your ass.

Up to $1,000

first deposit bonus.

Isn't that right, Deshaun?

That's right, y'all.

What's your favorite food, Deshaun?

I like a

cru d'Été.

Like just different crises.

Very close.

You almost said crispy.

Your mind was going

to be what you were going to say.

Okay.

Because you didn't want to say fried chicken, but you couldn't stop thinking about it.

Everyone likes chicken.

And it was sublimated into crispy.

It's not just one type of person that likes chicken.

I mean, basically.

Would you say that my bookie is always the right play, Deshaun?

Yeah.

Is it always the right play?

Follow-up question: what race of women are you most attracted to?

And how fat are they?

And what body part needs to be the fattest?

Well,

that's a trick question because we're on the gay news right now.

And I, Deshaun Simpson, am a gay man.

So I'm attracted to all races of women as just as friends.

Mybookie.com is live in-game betting on NFL games.

They've got the most rewarding player perks in the business.

And for your fantasy guys out there, you can even bet on the over-under of how many fantasy points a player will score each game.

Thanks, Deshaun.

Kick it back to the original anchor.

Let's go back to the

Adam Friedland in the studio.

Hey, y'all, it's me, Adam.

It's the real Adam.

That's why My Bookie is always ready for it.

Breaking news: the real Adam has returned.

You bet, you win, they pay.

And the imposter Adam has returned to UCB for more comedy lessons.

MyBoogie has live in-game betting on every NFL game.

So use promo code COMETOWN to activate the offer.

That's promo code C-U-M-T-O-W-N.

It's me, Adam Cridland.

Visit my bookie online today.

That's my bookie, M-Y-B-O-O-K-I-E.

And don't forget to use the promo code COMTON.

Promo code COMETO.

Bet, win, get paid.

I've been fucked in my ass.

This Justin, the president.

We cut right now to the president.

Giving a live speech.

Let my fellow Americans,

the president, me, has been fucked in his ass.

Who did it, Mr.

President?

The Mujahideen.

That's a little.

That's a little previous.

The Mujahideen, man.

Fuck that, man.

The Mujahideen.

Fuck, dude.

We have all been fucked in the ass by the Mujahideen.

Every American

is waking up

to find that they have all been fucked by the Mujahideen.

It's Christmas morning here in Washington, and I've been fucked in my ass by the Mujahideen.

If you want to see a president not fucked again in his ass,

you will send $50 million

to bank account two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, then

Pakistan bank

by noon, or we fuck him again and again and again.

We gotta do something.

The president's up there right now, getting fucked in his ass.

Did you want to say something?

No,

go ahead, try it.

Just finish the news.

You're a professional comedian.

Okay, well, on your own podcast.

I mean, I thought we finished the read.

We did, but you were about to say something.

The shit is still going on.

The gay news is still going on.

You doing jokes in the context of doing the podcast.

You were about to say something.

We're supporting you.

This is what support looks like.

What was I going to say?

This is as close as it gets to being supported.

This just

to the gay news.

Yeah, that is it.

LeBron James.

What about him?

NBA champion, LeBron James.

Is he gay?

He's been fucked in his ass.

This Johnson.

I'm the president.

I'm the anchor.

My fellow Americans,

I'm Barack Obama, and I'm gay.

Twelve former presidents have come out.

My name is President Ryan Schutz.

I've been fucked in the game.

And I'm Barack Obama and I'm gay.

And I'm gay.

And I've been fucked by the Bujazi.

Oh, yeah, brother.

Yeah.

In gay news with Adam Friedland.

With Adam Friedland.

The gayest anchor of all time.

Banut and banana.

He's getting fucked.

He's sucking.

And he's getting sucked.

This isn't just any room.

It's a newsroom.

Does he say that on the show?

I hope he says that.

Come on, guys.

We're not just in a room here.

We're in the newsroom.

Guy, can we go live here, please?

Can we go live?

Kathy Giffords has just been shot in her pussy.

All right?

This is in fucking clown room.

It's newsroom.

It's the newsroom.

What do you think this is?

A room full of midgets and donkeys?

This isn't a donkey show.

All right?

It's the newsroom.

It's the newsroom.

What do people want when they're watching the news?

They want to see a donkey

have sex with a woman's pussy.

Maybe in Mexico.

But not in a room I'm thinking of.

I'm thinking of the newsroom.

I'm thinking of the newsroom.

I'm thinking of a room filled with the news.

Every kind of news that you could possibly read.

Oh, fuck.

Damn, my fucking Fibbit's going off.

Doug, I got 240 steps.

240 steps.

You got 240 to go today?

No.

It's like a watch.

But it doesn't tell time.

It bullies fat people

into standing up.

Into barely doing the bare ball.

Into not doing any.

So they feel worse and buy even more products.

What are you saying, Don?

That we

make fat people feel even worse.

That's exactly what I'm saying.

I say we get them fat.

We plump them up.

We're putting caramel in the cigarettes.

We're putting candy in the cigarettes.

A way to get even fatter.

We can make them smoke and buy bullshit watches.

Shouts out to the gay lucky strikes guy trying to suck off sale.

Yeah.

Iconic.

An iconic gay predator.

I've actually never watched more than like six episodes of that show.

Really?

Yeah.

It's a waste of time.

You don't like it?

I thought it was a waste of time.

Nah, dude, it's pretty good.

There's pussy.

There's plenty of pussy in it.

Yeah.

You see a lot of breasts.

It's pretty nice.

You see bare breasts in the show.

What the fuck are you talking about?

It's on AMC.

Wait a minute.

You don't see bare titties.

Did I just in my imagination retcon the titties in this?

It's not HBO.

Fuck.

Yeah, there's a lot of clothed fingering that happens.

There's a lot of fitness fingering.

How does that feel?

Does it feel good?

You know what?

I don't have a problem with clothed fingering.

It feels cool.

How does it feel when I put my fingers inside of your ass?

Not very good, Mr.

Draper.

Well, Mr.

Draper, I'd like it if you took your fingers out of my ass.

And you should just let me finish my pitch.

I have three cock awards.

I have 15 awards from the cock show.

I have one best in show every year.

I'm the greatest advertiser this company's ever seen.

Yeah, he probably does have a nice one.

The character and the real guy.

The real guy got in trouble for having too nice of a one.

Yeah.

Not too big.

We don't know if it's nice.

Well, yeah, for me, big is not nice.

You're absolutely right.

I remember the smaller unit of the year.

It was the third season.

The producers came to me and they demanded I do the Belgian talk.

And at first I was disgusted.

And then I looked into the history of it and I got really involved in the cop show.

And I've been here every year since, competing in the best cop through dress pants category.

Oh, he crushed it.

I've yet to win.

I've yet to win.

Idris got him.

Idris got him last year.

Idris wins every year.

And I told Liam Neeson about it, and we were at a bar, and he got so mad that he pissed himself and ran out and he just beat the shit out of the first black guy he saw the first black bastard and he was just screaming this is what you get for having a better cock than my dear friend John

this is what you get and I said Liam this isn't you this is what you this is not who you are you're right this is this is Razal Gould

and we just bonded over our ability to act yeah and just disappear I respected how much he was into the character.

He would commit a violent hate crime

to make Batman more real.

To help Batman,

to help movie be

good.

He's helping movie be good by being serious.

Serious and real.

Serious actor.

Oh, fuck, man.

Fuck, mate.

Oh, fuck, mate.

Method acting is so fucking funny.

Because you know fucking Sean Penn was going around acting like a retard in between scenes.

Yeah, you know it.

That's got to be like, that's probably a bigger kept secret than all the fucking

planes and secret islands.

Oh, yeah.

His fucking.

The footage of him when they said cut.

Yeah.

How he was behaving.

Him in his trailer playing with Legos and shitting himself.

The collective sigh of the cast and crew after they held

said cut.

I can't.

Oh, God.

I didn't mean it.

He's doing it again.

Pulling his dick out, making people look at it.

and smiling.

It's nice.

Tonight, on putting Adam on the spot.

Just in.

Adam's gay.

Adam's being put on the spot again.

Okay, let's go.

This time.

I'm going to start with a letter, and you immediately say what first pops in your mind.

Okay.

What?

And

Nick.

Finish it.

Say the rest of the word.

Alyss.

That's not it.

That's not what you were thinking.

No, no.

On tonight's episode of trying to get Adam to say the N-word again.

I mean, just

done at the front of a boardroom.

He flips a page on a

big end there.

God damn it, Don.

What is this making sense?

What are you guys thinking right now?

I'm going to keep flipping pages, and it's up to you to stop me.

Don't know.

Don, where's this going?

Don, I think we all get the part.

You know exactly where it's going.

And that's how London Fog is going to sell umbrellas.

Oh, did I have you for a second?

Nighttime tea.

you trick people into thinking you're going to be racist, and then you don't.

That's how you get there.

We can't do that.

Everybody's doing woke advertising now.

That's where we go different.

All right.

I think I already did the bid on the show about

Don pitching the.

He's like, it's Young Man in Ohio.

And he's running a Dodge Challenger.

And he's headed to the protest show.

Oh, yeah, yes, yes, that's right.

Yeah,

that's correct.

That is correct.

And then Kylie Jenner hands a Pepsi to the cop.

And the cop pulls down his pants, and you expect to see a penis, but he's had it cut off and turned into a vagina.

And then Kylie Jenner gets down on her knees, and she starts sucking off.

She says,

this is a real vagina, and I'm a lesbian.

And then

she washes the taste out of her mouth with a Pepsi.

And then there's a guy there who turns into a dragon.

He's like, this is good.

And everyone cheers for him.

And then he turns into a dragon and flies away.

And guess where he goes?

That's right at the moon to drink Pepsi.

To drink Pepsi.

Boom, but

I'm bummed.

It's the most expensive ad in history.

What's the end?

He pitches Coke or something.

Yeah,

I'd like to

buy the world of Coke.

With the end of the one with the Charlottesville thing?

No, at the end of the show, Madman.

Oh.

That's his final pitch.

Oh, it's Cocoa.

Suck the world of dicks.

Interesting.

And fuck him in the middle of the day.

It's weird that it lines up almost perfectly with my idea.

It's like he stole it.

It's like they stole it for me, even though I've never watched it.

You're in the future.

I'm in the future.

Yeah.

We've got to go back.

We've got a rape girl.

Marty.

I forgot about that.

Marty!

I figured out how to take a gay car and use it to rape girls in the past.

They don't know what DNA is in the 20s, Marty.

They'll have no way to track me down.

That's why we have to rape our own grandmothers.

Even if they do preserve the DNA, it won't make any sense.

They'll think she did it to herself.

I don't really want to do that, Doc.

Monty, you gotta check this out.

I shoved a Rubik's Cube up my ass and solved it.

Well, that is pretty cool, Doc.

That's pretty cool, Doc.

I gotta say,

this is one of your science tricks.

Don't you fucking love science?

I love to fuck a guy's ass.

Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill.

Bill, not the gay ass guy.

Being gay is a property of matter.

I'm gay.

Folks, listen, I would like.

What's up, kids?

Today on Bill and I, we're going to talk about masks.

Do they actually work?

Nope.

There's no reason to wear one.

It's a fake virus.

It's a fake vampire Israel.

Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill.

They sent it to China to accuse the Chinese of being vampires.

Yes.

Bill Nye is fucking gay.

Bill Nye.

It sucks off, guys.

Folks, listen, I'd love for you to come see me do comedy live in person while that's still going on.

I'm in Royersford, Pennsylvania this Friday.

Pennsylvania.

Pennsylvania.

Pennsylvania.

I'm in Royersford.

Pennsylvania, yeah.

Friday, October 16th.

Where is that?

I don't know exactly where the fuck it is, but it's Soul Joel's Outdoor Comedy Club.

Nice.

And he's not black, apparently.

I thought Soul Joel was going to be an awesome black guy with a fucking.

It was just a white man with souls.

He's a white man with souls.

He's Australian.

So come out to that, October 16th.

And I'm at Good Ol McGooby's Joke House, Halloween weekend, the 30th and the 31st.

So come out to that.

And, you know, hopefully we'll get some other dates going if the virus, if it's proven that it's fake.

And we'll keep pumping.

But for now, those are the dates.

Come see see me then, you little fucking whores.

Check out come.town.

I have probably a couple new products hitting the store this week, waiting on them to be pre-printed.

That way, when you order them, they ship faster.

Because usually the way we do it is I'll just roll something out, and then they wait until X amount of orders come in before

printing them.

And I want to put the kibosh on that, so I'm pre-ordering them myself.

So when they hit the store, you order them, and they should ship relatively quickly.

Ship Ship right away.

Relatively quickly.

Not sure if it's right away.

I don't really trust it.

It's supposed to be right away.

That they will do it right away.

It's going to happen immediately.

Just in case.

Theoretically, yes, it's supposed to be right away.

And the USPS is standing by.

USPNS.

You suck penis.

You suck penis.

Folks, we'll keep the post office, but I'm changing the name to you suck penis.

And that's when you have to call them up and say, I suck penis if you want your mail every day.

Ah, fuck.

Well, all right.

Time to hit the button.

Hitting the button.

Goodbye, folks.

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