Ep. 214 – The Taste of Coke Zero

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So, you know.

I will be my dick is small.

I have

texting to do.

I'm good.

Damn.

Check.

Oh, no.

Here we are.

Wow.

Check, check.

I.

Do we have red?

You can just say you can just say, do we have retail?

Why are you scared to ask?

ask?

Yeah, I just wanted to be professional.

Well,

I was about to check.

Yeah, that is.

I can get high.

Dude, I wish I could sing.

Me too.

Just to hit, not to actually have a career, but to like, when I do a parody song, be able to hit the high notes.

I honestly believe it's like when you're playing basketball alone on a court and you're like, I'm actually good, and then other people show up.

I have had a couple moments on my own where I have sung well.

Well, there are people that have careers in music that can't sing.

Wait, hold on.

I see.

I would want to make damn it.

Now I'm trying to look up

with reeds, and that's like, oh man, I could sink my teeth into that one.

Yeah, into what?

Sorry.

Into him saying, just bragging about quiet moments where he's been able to sing well.

Just bring it up,

to mention it, and then be like, you know what?

The other day I was sitting around alone.

And I said, i was alone picking up compliments for myself

just like what

what's happening in your mind

i was i did actually compliment myself i was like that's that's that's pretty good that's pretty good adam yeah

yeah i never think i can sing in my no i know i can't i can man i can barely speak

you can speak and you can do impressions i don't know if it's like because you know how your voice sounds different in your head yes and i guess that has to do with like the

it does doesn't see you guys anymore?

Haven't you heard your voice enough times where it doesn't anymore?

Where the way it resonates in your skull.

No, I sound completely different.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, I've always assumed that I was like a baritone.

But don't, yeah.

Well, I sound exactly like James White or James Brown.

Barry White.

No, not only is my voice.

Not only is my voice a different register like the way it sounds to me, but it's also like

not as flat and like it's the same thing with my face, where I think I'm like I have emotions.

Oh, right.

You don't, right.

And then

it got worse as I got older.

Really?

Yeah, there would be like pictures from shows and I look like a blind person.

I don't know what the fuck happened, but

I used to have some ability.

There's a full range of emotions

the reads, which that was the main reason.

Why don't you look again?

I didn't want to.

What do you mean you can't find them?

No,

on the calendar, there's nothing.

Which means that there's.

No, we don't have anything booked this week.

Oh, okay, that's fine.

But I wouldn't have told you that.

As long as I could have the copy.

Oh, okay.

Well, as long as we don't have something and miss it.

I'm going to shut up.

I'm off to hold stuff.

You should contribute more.

I've been hearing from numerous people that in my absence you were, I would phrase it as doing your job.

Thank you.

Well, you know, I felt unencumbered.

I felt free to be me.

That must be.

You know, I would say things like, sometimes I sing well when I'm on my own, and Stav would be like, I believe in that.

I think a lot of well, first of all, the guy from Bright Eyes can't sing.

Was that your example of a famous person that can't sing?

Yeah, well, no.

I don't even remember what his voice sounds like.

I feel like the name of that band is an assault on people like me, so I don't know.

I knew someone that used to.

That guy can't sing at all.

Who else can't sing?

Fuck.

Who else can't sing?

Like in a band.

The Ramones.

Those guys can't sing.

The sex.

Every punk man can't.

Billy Corgan

can't sing.

Billy Corgan can't sing.

He sings it in his own way.

I'm gay.

Nah, really, only a couple of people can sing.

The guy from Celine Dion.

The guy from Jim Blossom.

Susan Boyle.

Michael Stipe.

He can sing that.

Nah, he can't sing that much.

Yeah, he can.

I would say he's a medium on Can He Sing or Not?

He's not Celine Dion.

David Byrne can't sing.

Who's David Byrne?

Talking Heads.

He can't sing.

He can't sing.

Yeah, I guess he's not that good of a singer.

I guess there aren't any.

No, he really can't sing anything.

Kiss can't really sing.

Talking Heads is great, but it's just like,

we win, and everyone fucked my

win.

We had a ran a hole.

Yeah.

That's not singing.

I like Kiss because none of them could sing, but they all took turns singing.

Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

Let's all try.

They just keep fucking around.

They did that with every.

They just ran around the stage trying each instrument.

That sounds terrible.

Yeah.

Shouts out to

Ace Freely, the guitar player.

Pardon me.

Back.

Everybody suck my penis.

Fuck me in my ass.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Yeah.

You know, everybody.

Everybody suck my penis.

I didn't realize this.

The guy from the Dead Kennedys sounds like the guy from

the B50.

Yeah, yeah, Jello.

I'd never heard the Dead Kennedys.

I thought they were like some kind of

Ronald Reagan is gay.

Yeah, that does that kind of shit.

California.

Yeah.

I can't believe that was like punk.

That guy sounds like a fucking clown, like a literal circus clown.

Yeah.

Jello.

Jell-O sacra.

Yeah, he was like a poor.

He was actually murdered in CHOP over the weekend.

Oh, really?

A lot of people don't know that, is that Joe Biafra was raped and murdered.

I did not know that.

And the Seattle PDF.

Please stop doing this.

Yeah, the police department's refusing to investigate because

he fucked around and found out.

He fucked around and found out.

Because of, according to the statute, that when somebody fucks around and finds out, we cannot investigate according to that and as much.

We have our own autonomous zone now.

Really?

I thought about checking it out on the way to Barnes and Noble.

Oh, City Hall.

I'm so glad they reopened Barnes and Noble before the Criterion sale.

What do you mean, there's a Criterion sale?

Oh, yeah.

Every July and there's a 50% off.

It's August.

Yeah, they do like a secret.

Well, it's not a secret.

It's not a secret, yeah.

I don't think it's advanced.

Well, the secret is that Barnes and Noble's exists.

Yeah.

And then once you find that out, then you could.

Damn, I didn't even know Barnes was still around.

Yeah, I know.

That could be good.

That's just online.

What if they're hiding pussy in there, too?

There's good pussy at Barnes and Noble.

I don't think they're brick and mortar anymore, baby.

Are you serious?

There's a bunch of them.

Are there?

There's like six Barnes and Noble's in Brooklyn.

Can I be honest?

The vibes in Barnes and Noble.

I always enjoyed my time at a Barnes and Noble.

I used to go.

They had that little fucking book.

I can imagine young Stavros just

his eyes welling up with tears, imagining himself as someone who reads books.

First of all, I could read and I did read back then.

I used to steal books.

I was a young young intellectual.

But also they had a little fucking coffee shop and they had little muffins up front.

Yeah, so there's nothing wrong with it.

I'm just gonna get to that.

Trust me.

He's looking at the books, have a biscotti.

Absolutely.

A couple of biscotti.

I'm here to ride the escalator.

I did like riding the escalator.

Yeah.

I'm here to read some cookies.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah.

I used to steal porn all the time.

I would read I used to care I when I was like fifteen or fourteen, I wanted to be like my cousin, my cousin Leonida, who now is a 37-year-old man whose job is, he works at a bar three months out of the year

with tourists.

He just lives in a tent in an island.

He's a bar back as an almost 40-year-old man.

That's the other cool thing about Greece.

Greece shut everything down because of Corona and they completely controlled it.

And they didn't give a fuck because they don't have an economy.

They're just like, yeah, who gives a fuck?

We're not losing our job.

We don't have jobs.

So they had a little leg up on everybody else.

Yeah, because everyone already was staying at home.

Yeah, they were all just getting fucked.

Yeah, they were all just drinking coffee with their friends.

Anyway, when I wanted to be like Leo, who was a big metalhead, I spent a lot of my time reading about.

I read the Led Zeppelin book where they talk about putting a fish in a woman's pussy.

Oh, yeah, the Hammer of the Gods.

I believe that's the only book I now that I'm thinking about, I think that's actually the only one of those that I read.

but I thought about reading other ones too so you read that and the giver I read the giver I read I started reading something about Black Sabbath I read Ozzie's autobiography apparently he's like retarded apparently he he said he was called thick back then but he has a series of learning disabilities and that's why he went into crime at first but then he went into fucking metal

he went into being into British crime he was yeah he was like he was he got he went he was a peaky blonde he was yeah

Yeah, the fucking scarecrow from Batman was ordering him around just but that's that's what all those it's you think there's there's no such thing as a cockney accent.

That's just retarded British but

there's no other option for people with a series of learning disabilities but to go into crime.

Hell yeah.

And it's what they told me.

Which way you did it?

Wait.

Which way did the bikery?

I'm gonna get the baggage and sell them for more.

I'm trying to have a uh what do they call biscuit?

No, yeah, they call cookies biscuits.

Fuck that, it's fucked up, right?

That's very fucked up.

That's a box stock and two extra chromosomes.

Yeah, and the guest who the director is gay, Richie.

Oh, nice.

Thank you.

He just makes all the retorted guys kiss

for his movie.

I uh started doing a I'm not married to Madonna.

I'm married to a guy.

Instead, because I'm gay.

Who's like the male equivalent of Madonna?

Male Donna.

The male equivalent.

Madonna.

Madonna.

McDonald.

Like a virgin.

That's who gay Richie's husband is.

Like a virgin.

Madonna.

They come in there, they see me, they say, look at this.

Look at this guy.

He's like a virgin.

I've never seen an asshole so tight.

I've never seen anybody anybody so beautiful.

He's like a virgin.

That's right, McDonald.

That's why I love having sex with him.

Damn,

I can't even do British anymore.

Yeah.

Omgar Richie.

I saw it.

Have you seen a picture of Baron recently?

Did he glow up?

He's massive.

He's tall.

He's like 6'8 ⁇ .

He's enormous.

Yeah, he could probably hoop.

What if he became an awesome basketball player?

That would be so annoying.

I don't know.

Well, he's going to become Dr.

Manhattan.

That's the track we're on: Baron Trump's going to fucking

be irradiated and turn blue and live on the moon and have his dick hanging out.

His huge dick.

And his society's all destroyed.

His giant retard dick.

Just reflecting on.

He's like.

That's awesome.

My son, he's 13 years old.

He's 7'5.

It's tremendous.

People say they've never seen such a beautiful penis.

I like McDonald.

McDonald's game.

I'm like a virgin, folks.

What are some other McDonough songs?

I don't know a single other McDonald's.

McDonough songs.

There's one that's an absolute jam.

Take me there in the hotel.

I'm going to take you.

Like a prayer.

Like a prayer is a fucking banger on it.

It's about blow drops.

Papadon Preach.

Really?

Yeah, Papadone Preach.

Papadon Preach is another good one.

But like a prayer, it has that fucking tasty ass raffle.

Down on my knees, I'm going to take you there.

I didn't even know it was about getting your dicks up.

out.

Do black people say McDonough?

They say McDonough.

Yeah.

I love listening to McDonough.

Do they say that?

I don't think so.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Is that anything black people, do they add mix?

Yeah.

Sometimes, like screet.

That's how they found out.

Seems to get changed to a cave for some reason.

Yeah.

What do you think with McDonough?

McDonough.

McDonough.

It could happen.

I don't believe.

You know what?

I think there might be places where that's emergent.

Okay.

One of my favorite one of those I ever saw.

I was in a 7-Eleven one time, and these black teenagers come in, and one of them yells to his friend across the back.

He's like, hey, get me a slurshy.

Yeah, slurshy is really good.

Because it's got slur and

that's the only part they save.

The rest of the word is...

Yeah.

They'll get rid of it.

Slursy.

Slur stays the same.

Slur's good.

Slur, we're keeping that.

And then we're just going to make up the end part here.

2 Chains used to do something where he would put ends or like panus or something.

I don't remember what he did, but one time he would say he was gonna get some pussy, and he was like, I'm about to get some pinusi.

And it sounded like he said pinusus, like peanut.

I'm forgetting.

Pinusi.

Pinussi.

Did you see that

Wale tweet?

What?

He's like, my new album is called

Pain plus Famous.

My new album's, I'm calling it Paynus.

That's awesome, dude.

I love that he has to explain it first because it doesn't make any fucking sense.

Yeah, it sounds like you're either saying penis or penis.

He's like, by the way, this is my idea.

Or like your asshole got fucked so much it hurts.

I pitched it to a bunch of people and they said no, so I'm just going to explain what it means.

Yeah,

penis.

Penis is awesome, dude.

Knock my pinis.

Penis is really good.

Yeah, it's really good.

I hope that was real and not a made-up tweet.

But I'm pretty sure he did.

You might have gotten caught with your pants down.

Maybe I've been.

Fooled once again by one of those.

Everyone thought that

Jersey Mike's was renaming their sandwich the BLM.

Yeah, there was no way that was real.

Yeah, that's ridiculous.

But everybody thought that shit.

At least everyone.

If Jersey Mics was like, hey, we're not racist anymore, we're taking Jersey out of the name.

Now it's just called Michaels.

It's called Sandwiches by Michael.

Michael Sandwiches.

And not the gay art one either.

It's gay.

It's a gay mic, a gay man named Michael.

Gay Michael Sandwiches.

Yeah, him and his husband have a combined income of $750,000 a year.

And they're down with the cause.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck, boys.

I want to.

Fuck, boys.

Did you see that post?

That was real.

What?

Some girl posted like some thing on Instagram, like an email from a professor to her sister, and their family's like Vietnamese.

And this

girl's name is P-H-U-C-B-U-I.

Yeah.

And the professor was like, can you please anglicize your name?

Like, if I would call you fuckboy.

Yeah, just don't say fuckboy.

Say Fuk.

Or boy.

Like, if I, like, if I moved to China, right?

And my name meant like.

Mr.

Penis.

Your name was Mr.

Penis.

My full name.

Not even Mr.

Penis.

But like, when you, like,

the sound of my name meant like a boop that don't call you back.

Like, if that was the full name, I'd be like, okay, I'll pick a Chinese name.

I'm Liu Kang now.

Yeah.

But he was probably not.

It's not.

Is it pronounced fuckboy?

Yes.

It is?

All right, damn.

Hold on, let me load up my.

I didn't even look into it at all.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yeah.

Also, who used somebody's full name?

You can call her Fuck.

I think that's her first name is Fuck Boy.

Fuck Boy?

Fuck Boy.

That's awesome.

Well, because

I say keep it, but make him say it in that voice.

I had a character that I was laughing about for like a month that was like a Vietnamese guy that hates like a self-loathing Asian Vietnamese guy named Phuk Ban Guok.

Yes, that's right.

I remember that.

Yep.

Yeah, my name is Phuk Bang Guk.

I do recall that.

Yeah.

Getting that text.

Skim me again.

Fuck Bang Guk.

That's right.

That is correct.

That is correct.

Damn, it's stuffy in here, bro.

I know.

Shit, crack the window at least, motherfucker.

The window is cracked.

It is?

It's not cracked, but it is kind of humid outside.

Maybe run the AC fucking.

Damn.

You fucking bitch.

Born in my dick, I'm game.

Suck, man.

I only get phone calls when I'm

doing a podcast.

I'm sorry to hear it.

Wow.

Inconvenient timing that I made a nose snorting, clearing my throat voice right as you ripped ass.

So it sounds like that was directly in my face.

Well, it was.

No, it wasn't.

For everyone at home, it was.

No, everyone

isn't using his phone.

Stop has a saddle on his head that I'm riding him around.

No, not at all.

That'd be so nice.

Stop is completely naked and I'm riding around.

I am naked and

he sucked the fart out of my ass.

He has a propeller beanie on.

I do.

I'm wearing one of those.

The propeller is removed and

a helmet.

I'm wearing a propeller beanie.

That has a multicolored helmet with a saddle on it, and I'm riding

and I'm riding him around.

Adam, no, it's not.

I've got a stick with a hot dog on the end dangling from a string.

Do not.

That wouldn't work because I'm pretty fucked.

I just had a bagel, so I'm not even that hungry.

And I don't

like hot dogs that much.

I'm not even hungry, actually.

You're not.

Dude, I had lunch with Ralphie Mae, rest in peace, one time.

He was a very good guy.

Yeah, I heard he was really nice.

He's a fucking sweetheart.

Yeah.

But I don't know, like, we started a larger conversation about diet and exercise or whatever.

And then he was like, yeah, the doctors, doctors, you know, they ain't got no idea why I'm this size.

I was like,

the team of doctors.

There's a team of doctors day and night.

Yeah, I'm like, going over the details.

I guess so.

I'm like, I'm like, for the most part, I mean, yeah, there is like other issues, but for the most part, a lot of that shit is just sort of like calories in, calories out, or whatever.

He's like, but you know, I mean, he's like, I order food, not, I don't eat any of it.

And then he, like, kind of like, I feel like he forced himself to not eat.

Because he had already ordered a shit ton of food and we're at the restaurant.

Right.

Yeah, you were telling me that what he ordered was wild.

That was a different...

That was the same.

It might have been the same weekend.

Different meal.

Yeah, different meal.

We went out to breakfast and he got a cheeseburger, and he only ate half of it.

Before breakfast.

Yeah,

not, that wasn't breakfast.

Maybe it was lunch.

I don't know.

Yes.

I'm trying to figure out whether it was the same day, different meals, or different days.

So it must have have been different days because I distinctly remember it was a cheeseburger that he cut in half while making the point that, like, you know, I mean,

I don't even eat anything.

You know, the second you were gone, he had a full pizza.

But then he took us to all the, he took a bunch of people to, like, Papa Doe's and dropped like fucking like three grand.

What's Papa does?

It's a.

Oh, like a seafood.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're in New Orleans?

I mean,

you've never heard of this place.

I just mentioned the name, and your brain can already do the arithmetic.

Yeah,

what's Papado's?

Oh, it's a seafood restaurant.

Calculating, calculating.

Okay, you just become John.

And what do they got?

Fried baby alligators on the menu with a Creole dipping saw.

Just the whole menu that criticalizes

equations.

Yeah, it is what happened.

The math business.

Somewhere in the back of my head, I know that there's a restaurant called Papado's.

It's New Orleans, right?

Or no, maybe just like a

Nick's gang phone.

Oh, yeah.

So, no, I'm checking a voicemail real quick.

All right, cool.

Um, the company that makes the fucking light ring that's broken that we can't use.

Oh, so oh, yeah, we're gonna have videos set up.

I call,

I had to call,

they have a technical support department where you have to leave a voicemail.

Oh, that always works out.

Yeah, why?

Um, I have no idea.

Why not an email?

Um,

but uh,

Ralphie May, Oh, yeah.

Papa Deuce.

So that's a story.

If you're new to the podcast, you've probably only heard that one, two, or three times.

You were getting the same stories from now until it ends.

Yeah.

And just understand that.

Yeah.

Our lives stopped happening the second this started.

It's a it's what uh eternal recurrence.

The second the show made enough money that I could afford my $400 rent, because I was deluding myself.

There was like a couple of months there where I'm like, I'm putting all of this money in savings and I'm keeping my day job and and I'm just gonna and then you wanted to stay on the truck and then I bought PlayStation.

I was like never mind

I will not be doing that.

That sounds gay actually

but you like periodically have like

like

designs on getting a working man job.

I did actually

work at the Volvo dealership.

I did actually keep the the truck job for months.

Yeah, you were doing it for a while.

For a while.

Yeah, actually I continued doing those jobs for like a year after yeah But

yeah.

I did.

I thought about that too, but then I was like, well, I think we talked about this last week.

You did the math.

You do the math on how much a regular job pays.

And you're like, what the fuck?

I'm not working at a grocery.

I wanted to work at a grocery store to get l lunch lunch meats on discount.

When was this?

When you moved to New York?

It was probably.

Well, doing doing the truck jobs is like sometimes it's just nice to be in a production environment.

I mean, it is, it's, you know, gets you out of the house.

Yeah.

The jobs are fun, usually.

You see something different every time.

Yeah.

But.

And they pay a lot.

It's when you do have the out of being like, well, I don't need to do this.

It's very easy to not do.

I mean, it's very easy to not do anything.

I love not doing anything.

Like the dishes.

You know what I mean?

Absolutely, brother.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I remember one of those jobs they called Nick up and you called me and you were like, hey, they just uh they told me that, you know, you have to dress like you want a future in the film industry tomorrow.

and I was like, Nick, are you gonna do that?

He's like, Absolutely not,

yeah, that job sucked, and that guy was a dickhead.

Yeah, that's the problem.

It's like sometimes you do, for the most part, doing that job, the people that you're like answering to used to also drive the trucks and work their way up, right?

Right, right, but sometimes it's just because the people that are like directors or whatever, usually they're like fucking either NYU or something.

Yeah, they're people that are like 48 years old and dress like they're 23.

Yeah, yeah.

And they just like fucking were handed this like bullshit commercial director life.

Because commercial directors don't actually direct.

It's always the client.

Yeah, I don't think they really do anything.

It's always like the fucking bullshit like marketing person at the company that's like that's like like running the show.

Commercial directors kind of just like stand there and but yeah, that one we both did a good job.

That one we both did was fucking insane.

That guy was like asking me to like pay for parking for the truck out of pocket.

What?

And you know, and he's like, I'll reimburse you.

Was that the one at Chelsea Piers?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, and then it took him months to get payment, but then the reimbursement payment, it's like, this is fucking completely unacceptable.

Yeah.

We should find him in fucking moments.

I got in trouble for staying around craft services for too long on that job.

What were you eating?

I was just like eating all day.

Respect.

Yeah, as you should.

That's who it's for.

Right.

That's who that food is for.

I know.

Not the people that are going to go out anyways and have a $6,000 dinner afterwards.

Yeah, it was like, I was so broke.

Oh, yeah.

You had too many grapes.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

It's like, there's no understanding.

Yeah.

Like, it really, I mean, it really is.

People should have to go to a labor prison camp for like, there should be some kind of re-education.

Eight months minimum.

Yeah.

I mean, like, and that is, people did used to have a a concept of like everyone should have a summer job.

You're fucking 15 or 16, you should be working at McDonald's or something.

Yeah.

Or pushing cards to the super.

Doing something that sucks dicks, so you know how much that sucks.

And there should be some kind of social credit system or surveillance state that monitors.

I mean, really, like all of your phone calls to customer service departments,

they should go into some kind of like statewide monitoring thing.

And if you ever like fucking lose your shit in a way that's unwarranted yeah at somebody that works in a call center it should check your phone go right back to the labor camps yeah and then you have to do a year uh-huh the labor camps which are just the call centers

oh shit so you it's a never-ending system yeah okay that's a perfect engine that's very equitable it's the most it's a beautiful engine like in uh

a snow piercer it's gonna be cool in 30 years when we all just have to learn like broken chinese and we all get call center jobs doing technical support for the Chinese sex robots that they're all married to over there.

They just annoyed us.

Ni Hao Shing

Shing Wang Hui Lun.

Somebody's just yelling at you.

Your pussy doesn't work.

Speak Chinese fucking faggot

subtitles.

That's not your real fucking name.

I am very sorry.

Your name's not really fuckboy.

Your name is Fuck Boy.

Your name is Nick, isn't it?

You probably got a weird name, like John or Eric.

It's not fuck Bing Book.

That would be a nice act of like quiet rebellion as we're forced into just answering phones for Chinese sex robot companies, but you get to pick your name.

Oh, yeah.

And you're good.

My name is Fuck Ding Dongs.

My name is Ching Chong Bing Bong.

Just the most racist shit you could possibly think of.

That's how we resist.

They're like, okay, Ching Chong Bing Bong.

Fucking every time you answer the phone, you go, Thanks for calling.

Thank you for supporting my name.

It's Ching Chong Bing Bong.

How can I help you?

And that's that's like our field hollers.

That's our amazing grace.

It's all AAV.

AAV started off as like an Africans doing a racist impression of the English language.

Like, this is how stupid they sound.

And it's just an approximation.

and then that's how it became what it is.

I like we crack the code, yeah.

I like to go back to the ching chong bing-bong thing, at some point they go they try and get us all to stop, and they're like, Which one of you here is ching-chong bing-bong?

And then it's like Spartacus, where it's like, I am Ching Chong Bing Bong,

I am Ching Chong Bing Bong, and we all get crucified for our beliefs.

Oh, I can't wait to resist.

Oh, fuck.

Damn, I want more water.

I once was straight, but now I'm gay.

I want a big ice cold.

Dude,

I love this recent thing where it's like every morning there's a thunderstorm, and then it goes away.

It's nice and sunny.

It's kind of nice.

It's like monsoon season.

I was smoking that CBD weed.

Hell yeah, me too.

Which I love.

I love it too.

It's great.

It's fucking great, dude.

I like it.

And this isn't even a read.

We literally love it.

It makes me feel like the dude, you know?

Uh-huh.

Like I'm waking up and getting toasted.

It makes you feel like that.

It makes you feel, but you're also, your day is not ruined because you're not like fucking like...

Ah, fuck, dude.

The government.

Yeah.

It is quite nice.

I think I ran out or I don't know where I put it or something.

You ran out of the stash?

And I literally have been.

Oh, they said they they could send more.

Oh, god.

Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Keep it coming.

Yeah.

Keep it coming.

I'm going to respond to that email.

Keep it coming if you're listening.

This is basically a free read.

It's a free read.

Their slogan: if it's, if you got it, then it's

smoke it if you got it.

It is.

Smoke them if you got them.

It's like,

whatever fucking guy was like somebody's cousin that became the marketing thing

was like, how about smoke it, you know?

Just because you do what you feel, bro.

Okay.

I'm gonna put that on.

Just smoke it.

Just smoke weed.

You've always been the smart one in the family.

I do love when business is just like, if there was a restaurant, there's just one,

you just have your one cousin who's not in the kitchen.

You're like, you know what, man?

You're going to do the advertising.

I'm aesthetics.

Yeah.

I'm thinking of, I, you know, I think of like artistic style.

You know, that's how that is funny.

That one Chinese place we went to that was like all like

Matrix type shit.

Oh, yeah, Mission Chinese.

Yeah, yeah, that place is like I've been I've been back there a couple times

It's not even Chinese food though.

It's not it's like it's like fucking like just some guy that's been a chef for 400 years.

Yeah.

Just a New York like chef who's he spends 50% of his time

Cooking and then the other 50% of the time being profiled in magazines.

Yeah

like that one of those kind of one that level of chef I think.

I think he's a Korean guy that was raised by Jews.

Is now like fucking

just like tripping off strikes, if you ask me.

Yeah, off his own cooking fumes and is like, you know, doing like

the music, that's what's going on.

I don't even know how you like they would come up with some of those because it's not Chinese.

I mean, it's just like it's something that if you've already tasted everything that you only come up with if you've done it.

It's just a ton of Sechwan peppercorns and everything.

I fuck with Sechwan peppercorns.

I just got some

sorry guys from Amazon.com.

Wow.

Putting money in Bezos pockets.

Well, I really want I want to have good Chinese

food staples.

You're about to fucking leave.

You could have fucking ordered it and gotten seven

let it come in seven days.

I guess so.

I should have.

But you had to do prime, even though you're about to leave for the whole fucking weekend.

Yeah, and I got Chinese cooking wine and dark soy sauce.

There's a difference kind of soy sauce?

There are multiple differences.

There's black soy sauce, which is like molasses and sweet.

And then there's dark soy sauce, which is like Chinese soy sauce.

What do we eat?

What kind of swill do we have?

Well, there's a bunch of different kinds.

There's tamari, which is like a different kind.

It's if you're gluten-free.

I've had tamari.

Yeah.

It's not bad.

It's all right.

Yeah.

I've been getting into Chinese.

Yeah, dude.

It's it's my favorite food.

Of course.

I would say Asian in general is my favorite, but I guess if I had to narrow it down,

it's still Korean.

Still just KBBQ.

It's Korean.

Damn, when's the next time I'm going to get to go to KBBQ?

A communal type of food seems like the kind of shit they won't let you have.

Oh, yeah, with COVID?

Unless they put you in a little dome,

and it's just you and your friends in a glass dome having Korean barbecue.

Donald Trump, you have to open up hibachi.

I have to go to Benny Hanna's.

Imagine.

Now I'm thinking about where did we go?

Me and you went to Japanese barbecue somewhere.

Was that it was in Montreal, yeah.

Damn, I love that.

That was good.

After we saw that open way, it was like Yakika French Yaku.

Yeah.

Yaki Niku.

That's correct.

Yeah.

Good job, Adam.

I love just going, just getting completely irresponsible food.

I met up with David in Toronto.

Hell yeah.

And

I guess the timing got fucked up.

So I was just at a Japanese barbecue.

I was at like a gyukaku by myself for like an hour and a half.

Respect.

And I'm like, well, I guess I got to keep the food coming.

Dude, that's a dream for me.

Having to kill an hour and a half in a fucking barbecue restaurant like that.

Oh my God, dude.

How dare you be late?

I'm sorry.

I'll just, I don't want to be rude to you, though.

Like, it's okay.

We'll wait.

No, I don't want to be rude.

Yeah.

So just, I don't, I have manners.

Yeah.

I'm like you Japanese people.

Yeah.

Why don't you put your shoes back on, sweetheart?

Put your shoes back on, bring another plate of the ridge.

Put your shoes back on and get back in the kitchen.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought hibachi was the coolest thing.

Like the tricks that they did and stuff.

I used to beg my parents to go to penny hibs.

I mean, I've never been to one of those places.

What?

Never?

Never once.

I went on prom night, I think.

To fuck the guy.

I did think it was a cool concept.

I used to fuck the guy.

But yeah, I've never.

The closest thing to that is I had a friend that took us to the melting pot.

Fondue.

Fondue's probably dead, too.

On their birthday.

Oh, my God.

There goes Fondue.

I've never had Fondue.

And I guess we never will.

That shit was cool.

Really?

So you're coming out pro Fondue?

Well, I mean, it's cool because you're doing something.

I like to do something.

That's part of the KBBK.

That's why diners work, because

there's a jukebox somewhere usually.

Yep.

You're drinking coffee the whole time.

That is very funny that they put jukeboxes in diners.

That they give they give somebody they put that kind of control just to people that are in diners.

Yeah.

Well, it used to be the only restaurant allowed was a diner.

That was the only restaurant in a whole town.

Yeah.

You know?

What do you mean?

But what does it have to do with jukeboxes?

Well,'cause it's entertainment.

No, but I mean it's like that it's not in the back and the staff chooses.

That's I know.

They put it in the hands of the people.

It was a draw.

Yeah.

To get the youth in there.

Yeah, that's I think it's a good idea to start like a fine dining restaurant that also has jukeboxes.

It's no, that's a bad idea.

What about a French restaurant?

That's a horrible bistro jukebox.

A French restaurant with like uh they only have like, what is it, pre pre price fixed?

Yeah, pre-fixed.

Pre-fee.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Pre-fit.

Pre-fit.

I never know how many letters pronounced with French.

Prit.

Privy.

I usually go none of them.

Yeah.

I'm just not even going to say this word.

I love how they like,

we are so lazy, we say half the word.

You do a French restaurant, nice place like that, but then it also just has a Chuck E.

Cheese going around

and this guy in a rat costume going around asking people other meals.

That's because French people are retarded.

They are.

They are.

Ah, my friend Chucky.

I'm French Chucky.

He is a big rat, but I love him.

Bonjour, Chucky.

Bonjour Chucky.

Plec mas.

Ple foc mas.

Plufoc mas, bi.

Bonjour chucky.

Ple foc ma mardonau.

Mai au situ facmas.

Chuckie.

Pouncher foi foc mas.

I watched John Wick again last night.

You know what I watched?

That's.

I watched him take off a man's pants with a fucking pencil.

I watched him bring a man to orgasm with a pencil.

He

hit his G-spot from the back with only a pencil.

I watched a movie that seems like it's one of the original, like, type of those types of movies.

Which is what?

It's called The Lone Wolf and the Cub.

It's some Japanese shit.

I got Criterion, no.

I got Criterion recently, and it's like a 1970s Japanese movie, and it's about a fucking guy that they try and dishonor him, but he just, dude, he slashes everybody the fuck up.

It's John Wick style.

And there's a part in the movie where a bunch of bandits are like,

we're going to kill you unless you fuck this hot lady.

Wow.

And the lady's like,

the lady's like, oh, she's getting ready to kill herself.

She's like, a samurai like that would never fuck me

and then he's like wait and then he fucks her while everybody watches and then she's like she's like i knew he was honor i knew he was honorable and not a coward because he could stay hard the whole time while everybody watched us what a great guy it was honestly one of the best movies i've ever seen in my life really i mean it sounds cool it was fucking tight you ever see tokyo drifter no yeah that movie's cool it's sick no is it should do that when that tokyo drifterion dude i'm about to go crazy with the old-ass movies.

Ever since I watched 1938 Robin Hood, I'm in on this shit now.

I'm watching all the movies.

Yeah, that was the Errol Flynn one.

Errol Flynn.

Yeah.

Shouts out to Errol.

He was charismatic.

He was drunk his entire life.

Respect.

He just kept a bug.

He was Australian.

When the fuck did they start letting Australian people into America?

1938 is too early for that type of shit.

What, you think that there was a ban on Australian?

It's fucked up to me that there was an Australian star in America in 1938 when when the rest, everything else was so racist.

There was no prejudice towards Australians.

Well, they're white.

It just seems like there should have been some.

Well, I agree.

There should be more racism towards Australians.

I'm just saying, if black people, it's the 30s.

You know what I mean?

There's still like basic sharecropping going on.

And we just let Australians fucking waltz in here.

It's fucked up.

And he gets to be a big-time movie star.

He gets to be a swashbuckler.

Fuck that, dude.

Fuck Aero Flynn.

No, he's tight, dude.

No, he was cool.

I wasn't.

He just had like sex parties or something.

I have to admit, I liked him a good deal.

It just something strikes, rubs me the wrong way with Australia being legitimized so early in the America.

Yeah, man.

I just feel like it should be a post-World War II thing.

Well, it was part of England.

How the fuck did he even get over here?

1938?

In an Australian movie?

For real.

How good were the planes in 1938?

What do you mean?

They had planes from Australia.

Like, how long did it take to get from Australia to America in in the 1930s?

I guess they had planes.

Did you have to take a boat?

You're in the fucking boat for like months?

Taking a boat was sick, bro.

A boat from Australia to America in the 30s?

That must have been fucking horrible.

Yeah.

And yeah, like, what do you, what else are you going to do?

I don't know.

It's funny because it's like there's so many distractions now, but then you spend so much time on the distractions that it's like.

If you go back 15 years ago and you're like, what if, what if I gave you a

small handheld phone and you had to stare at it for 15 hours a day, every day of your life.

Yeah.

Be like, oh shit, I don't know if I could do that.

And you're like, no, but there's words on there that make you angry.

Right, right, right.

And then you can beat off every once in a while to just calm you down.

Yeah.

I have been watching a lot of Entourage recently.

It is very funny.

It's nice to see flip phones.

I need drugs now to not use my phone.

Yeah.

I'm like, well, time to smoke drugs so I can smoke.

Smoke drugs, put the phone down.

Time to do psychedelics so I can watch John Wick.

Which feels like somehow

better for you.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

It is.

Finally logged off,

went back to being completely enveloped in media the way I was 20 years ago.

Yes.

This is the thing that was running my brain before this.

The thing that everybody already was kind of cynical about.

Oh, fuck, dude.

But yeah, I'm about to be a little film buff, dude.

I got the Criterion.

I'm loving that for you, dude.

I got rid of the Criterion channel.

I'm going back to the Blu-rays.

Because what makes Criterion more...

I'm not a collector-type guy.

It's not the collection.

It's all the supplementary materials.

And a lot of the fucking shit on the Criterion channel.

It was better, I feel like, better on Filmstruck, but on the Criterion channel, it's lacking.

Well, I just don't give a fuck about any of that.

I just want action

to the movies.

Yeah.

Well, they do.

A lot of them do have the Criterion Collection on the streaming platform where they have like the supplementals and stuff.

Who does

what do you mean a lot of them?

A lot of the titles they have they like.

They have some of them, but I've looked at things that I have the physical copy of and it's like half of the content or

you know or it's just not there.

But some of them come with like a two-hour documentary or like the DVD commentary.

See, I gotta watch.

I just want to watch the fucking movie, man.

I don't need all that shit.

There's so many movies.

I'm gonna watch a movie about the movie I just watched.

Yeah, if you watch a movie and you like it, you want to consume more about the movie?

I guess that's true.

I would watch it.

Figure out what the people who made it were thinking.

I guess I would watch more about that 1938 Robin Hood.

Yeah, there you go.

It was cool, man.

You wouldn't watch an interview with the director, or maybe like

shot by shot, the director being like, okay, yeah, what we're doing.

I've changed my mind completely on this point.

I would have done a complete 180 on this.

Yeah, now I'm talking about it.

That sounds awesome.

It's fucking sweet.

And now I'm pissed.

DVDs came out, and DVDs all had DVD commentary, and I was pitching this big feature.

And basically, the only people that gave a shit about it are like absolute movie fans.

Right, right.

So most people are like, who gives a shit about DVD comedy?

I did used to actually listen to that stuff.

Yeah, and it's cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I used to listen.

I listened to, especially when I was like a kid that wanted to do comedy.

I would watch, I would listen to the Anchorman one, and I listened to the fucking 40-year-old Virgin one big time.

Yeah.

Well, that's the thing is they put that DVD commentary on shit that didn't need it.

And then it's like now s special features are like,

I don't even know.

I haven't even looked.

I have a copy of Logan on 4K, and one of the special features is watch the movie in black and white.

Right?

What?

How is that even a special?

I could do that on my TV, you fucking assholes.

Yeah.

That's barely a special feature.

Watch a shittier version of the movie.

In a way, it wasn't even.

With a way we weren't

didn't intend to present it.

Yeah, I feel like special features went away when people stopped renting movies that like Blockbuster.

Because that's when I used to watch all of them.

When I started renting DVDs.

I don't think it was rent.

It was just like when it became streaming, no one gave a fuck anymore.

It's not the rental aspect of it.

Well, yeah, sure.

Yeah, I remember the Children of Men documentary.

That was a good-ass movie.

That's where I found out about who's on the movie.

Was that on the DVD?

It was on the DVD.

That's when I found out who Slavo Zizhek was when I was like 16.

Damn.

Children of Men

is a good-ass movie.

Penis of Children is a good movie about Adam's penis.

Yes, that's true.

A penis of children.

And it's actually about your penis.

Oh, it's okay.

You're the children.

One of the children.

Children of Penis.

No, no, no.

Penis of children.

Penis of children.

Adam's favorite movie.

Yeah.

It's a movie about you on one hand, but on the other hand, it's your favorite movie.

Because the time it spends on a different

because it's you would think it's just about literal children's penises but some of the time it's about an adult man's penis that's the size of a child

and that's the part of it that's about you yeah but your favorite the part of it that's your favorite movie is about half of the movie is actually spent on actual children's penises

and that's your favorite movie i was uh looking at some baby pics you know like the the

bathtub pics that your parents take pathetic what I was working with.

If I was my parents, I would have thrown me in the fucking dumpster.

Honestly, my dick wasn't that bad for a baby.

As a baby, it was pretty bad.

My dick was nice for a baby, but then it just didn't keep growing.

I mean, it grew a little bit.

Yeah.

I don't have a baby's penis, certainly.

But I don't have as big a penis as you would have guessed if you looked at my penis as a child.

Oh, I've, I mean, thank God.

Thank God I grew out of that.

But

that shit used to turtle.

used to go inside.

You know, there's a very good picture of me and my brothers all nude holding hands, sitting on a watermelon, holding each other's penises.

We're not holding each other's cocks.

Twitch lets you just do that?

Yeah, you did that for your fundraiser for Twitch.

Yeah, I thought they were like pretty

strict about what's on there.

Look, if it raises money for Black Lives, you know, you gotta do it for Be More, baby.

And Baltimore, baby, body more, Murderland.

Murderland.

That's very cool.

Yeah, so I showed my cock off on Twitch with my brothers.

We pressed it up against the webcams.

I'm just reading a Reddit argument about Children of Men.

What do they say?

Well, I was looking to see if any of the

ArtFag distribution companies had a release of it or whatever.

So on the Criterion 1.

There is a Criterion version?

There is not a Criterion version.

Oh, there should be.

No, it's not Criterion.

It's good as fuck.

It's so good.

That tracking shot scene.

That's awesome.

It's so good.

I mean, they'll put anything in the fucking Criterion Collection.

They put Armageddon.

The whole thesis.

For real?

Yeah.

Yeah.

The whole idea of the Criterion Collection is that it's supposed to be important contributions to that specific genre of film.

Oh, there's a lot of bad movies in Criterion College.

But yeah, there's shit.

Like they put fucking marriage stories going in the Criterion Collection.

Snooze.

Yeah.

I will never watch it.

It looks like shit.

I watch it.

I watch it because I, yeah, I was like, maybe I'm wrong.

I mean, this looks stupid, but maybe I'm wrong.

There's fucking nothing there.

Yeah.

It's the woman's fault.

It looks horrible.

I hope it's the woman's fault.

Of course it is.

Of course.

I don't have to see it to know that.

That it's the woman's fault.

Well, it's the director.

It's the director.

Bumbuck.

Noah.

Noah.

Noah Bambaklat.

Noah Bambaklot.

Is he married to somebody Ha?

Yeah, he's married to that Frances Hall lady.

The lady that made it.

But check this out.

Ghosts.

She's not hot.

Way of the Samurai is coming to Criterion.

Hell yeah.

Which, fuck yeah, dude.

That was my favorite movie when I was like, I think 13 or 14.

I never saw it.

I always wanted to.

And it's hard to find now, actually.

I used to have it on D V D, but I sold all of my DVDs

years ago.

To become one with Ghost Dog is

I got like $150

for

like probably like

20 video games 20 Xbox 360 games

and then like probably 25 D V D's.

And then you packed up your bindle and started walking to Austin.

No, the other way.

Los Angeles.

To L.A.

Yeah.

Don't need these anymore.

I'm going to be making the movies.

I'm excited.

I'm going to be making the pornography.

I'm going to be making the DVDs.

I'm excited about this sale, though.

Excited about what I'm going to pick up.

The special features I'm going to watch.

The booklets I'm going to flip through.

Oh, yeah.

While eating seaweed snacks.

Smoking my CBD oil.

Stroking your chin.

I'm a man of the 2020s.

That's right.

That's right.

So wait, how much do they cost?

Normally, they're like $30 to $40 each.

I mean, they're pretty expensive.

So when they go, that's why they can do a 50% off sale because they're like, guess what?

Their price normally...

Their price, would it still,

in some cases, might be a little too much, but

sorry, pigs, take it.

Sorry, you fucking boot-licking pigs.

That's the next step in woke marketing is this company is being like, yeah.

It's just McDonald's being being like, why don't you go to Burger King, you fucking bootlicker?

You found bootlicker.

You bootlicker.

There's no ethical consumption under capitalism, so you might as well get on the business.

Might as well just go to another fucking place.

We don't even want customers, pussy.

And people being like, I know where I'm eating lunch today.

And retweeting it.

I know where I'm getting a burger today

at the communist, the place that did communism the right way this week.

I can't can't wait to have my communist lunch and then go do communist shopping at Pottery Barn who just released their

trans retards

fuck cops in the ass couch.

Designed.

Made out of a Bolivian trans woman's pubes.

It's a throw pillow, throw rug.

No, you don't understand.

Our slaves are ironic.

It's performance art.

Oh, funny.

That chop shit is so funny.

Which it's like, I can kind of get.

What were the guys doing?

They got the wrong guy.

It was like a Brianna Taylor side.

None of that.

It doesn't matter.

I mean, the thing is, is like you watch.

What is it?

They were just in an SUV?

I watched a bunch of video from that night.

Yeah.

And when you watch all of the video, it's clear that there were like multiple shooting incidences throughout the night, none of which were caught on film

um i that whole like area is like a couple of blocks and there's not surprisingly not a lot of video i guess it mostly clears out at night right what even exactly is it it's a couple blocks we have the same thing down in capitol hill yes people are camping it's like occupy the city barricaded the streets off and they like surrendered the police department and they were like you guys do whatever you want and in amsterdam yeah in the beginning like it was like this fucking open open-air, like fucking music festival bullshit.

I mean, just what you'd expect.

People are like, oh, look, we have a community garden.

See how much better communism is, which is exactly like

the Das Bus episode of The Simpsons when Lisa's licking the slime off the rock.

She goes, look, there's plenty of slime for all of us.

And, you know, I don't know.

I mean, there were a couple of shootings there that, like, the initial instances of violence were scooped up immediately by right-wing people on Twitter to be like, see, it's bad or whatever.

Wasn't there like a SoundCloud rapper that was like...

Yeah, he was like handing out guns to people and shit and declared himself the leader.

Which even that, those kinds of criticisms, it's like, whatever.

But it's like,

now they have this fucking like...

They develop some kind of like security force, I guess, which looks identical to fucking like crowds.

People marching around with assault rifles, taking

the problem.

There's nothing you can fucking, there's no label you can put on that that isn't militarized cop.

Of course,

that's all.

They're just doing the same shit.

And so, like, on Sunday, they shot up some Jeep.

There's videos of them shooting up the Jeep.

And then the claim was initially on social media from this one woman,

it happened to be the most viral tweet, but like not many people were paying attention to

that it was fascists that tried to ram the barricade

and were shooting people, and then they got murked, you know.

Oh, man.

And then this woman, this bitch is like, excellent shot placement.

And the Jeep is like riddled with bullet holes.

And she's like, two bullets holes, one for each passenger.

And it's like,

we can see the picture.

So, who is this bitch?

She's somebody like celebrating that they're murdering people.

Sometimes they murdered people, and it's like, you know, and all that fuck around, find-out nonsense.

I love that.

I love people that have never been in a fist fight in their life.

Never left.

Tweet that.

Tweet that.

Yeah.

And then, but instantly at the same time, you could find other people that were there that are saying it was two black teenagers.

Oh, damn.

So you could easily look into this and see that, like, there's some people saying that these are black teenagers.

Right.

There's pictures in video of the immediate aftermath.

You can see this fucking car.

All the windows are shot out,

which would indicate that they weren't rolled down.

So, you know, and then there's people like, well, maybe they were shooting through their own windows.

It's like, come on.

Yeah.

That doesn't make any fucking sense.

The fucking chop people are saying, oh, the car was stolen.

And it's like, well, you don't have any kind of database of stolen cars.

You can't kill anyone, motherfucker.

You're not, like, you're not supposed to just murder them.

Also, you're, like, proving the cops.

I know, totally.

You know how happy?

You're setting it.

You said

you're not going to be afraid.

So there's no evidence that there were any kind of fucking guns in the car whatsoever.

And then, and then, you know, they didn't let detectives in until the.

And no one's talking to cops.

And the cops are also dragging their feet because they know what it is.

They're like, oh, you're like, good.

That's all we have to do.

Wait three weeks.

Cops want this.

Which was like, by the way, never mind.

I mean, it's just like...

No, it doesn't matter.

But the...

Yeah, I mean, I don't want to say one way or the other.

You know, I don't want to be like, oh, of course they murdered unarmed black teenagers.

Here's what is true.

They did shoot a 14-year-old black kid and a 16-year-old black kid, and it was their police that did it.

Who even is there?

Like, what even is that?

Self-appointed people.

Like, all the complaints are like, police don't have enough training.

They're over-militarized.

People with no training that are going to be.

There's no accountability.

So even if these people were shooting and doing all of these things, presumably, it's like, okay, well, prove it.

Where's your body cam footage?

Where's the evidence?

You have an accountability to the public if you expect that from the fucking cops.

But I mean, here's what's annoying about it: is that like all these people on the left are ignoring it because it's indefensible and it's wildly fucking hypocritical to a cartoonish point.

So the right's jumping all over it when it's like you could look at that and say, yeah, here you go.

This proves that nobody should be a fucking cop.

Right.

Even the most, well, we've tried, we've we've tried solving the answer with racial identity.

Okay, well, let's just have more black cops.

That doesn't solve the fucking problem.

Okay.

Well, how about we have

gay, communist, trans police off, whatever the fuck this is

who have read all the fucking theory, who agree with you, agree with every single woke point there is, and they'll appoint themselves police off, and immediately they murder black teenagers.

So the answer is

that nobody should.

Once you become a pig, nobody should have that kind of fucking fucking power.

Nobody.

Right.

Yeah.

You know, nobody.

No.

I think that's a swish, Nick.

Well, I don't know if it's a swish.

I think it's definitely something I can raise my voice about.

But it's like,

that's you shouldn't just fucking like cower.

Because everybody did this the same shit with fucking Jussie and Covington, where it's like this clear thing where like liberals fucked up and fucking jumped the gun on something.

Conservatives happen to be right.

And then everyone just wants to like, oh, well, we'll just let it

as this.

Well, these things things where it's like, you're you clearly look like a fucking liar if you got on board with this thing, and you're not trying to at least like

what even is that shit?

I didn't even, I really truly don't know what Trump is because this all exists on Twitter.

It's not like a mate, nobody's, I mean, CNN's not going to fucking cover this, right, right, right.

None of the, but the problem is that this kind of shit spreads around fucking Facebook for sure.

Yeah, they're they're claiming shit like Trump.

Trump happens all the time.

Tucker Carlson will absolutely be talking about it.

100%.

Trump will be talking about it.

Yeah, if the present, if he gets fucking wind of this, the chop setup that he has is I'm surprised too.

I mean, it's weird.

I'm pissed chop.

They've taken the good name of the best

game show,

cooking reality game show there is, and it fucking spit on its memory.

I'm thinking also,

you gave me an idea, Nick, when you were saying that.

When we go video, when we get all our tech set up, we should all be wearing body cams.

I'm saying GoPros, multiple GoPros on our person.

Actually, that's how we should do video is Adam should be on his knees handcuffed, and we can have body cams in full officer out there.

Just writing down everything he says on notepad.

Hold on, earlier you said this, and just pointing out inconsistency.

And then it ends with me leaning on your neck until you die.

Yeah, I like that.

It would be funny if

we had

one fucking camera, but we also all had GoPros in our helmets.

And so the viewer could choose if they want stop view, if they want Adam view.

Exactly.

They see what we see now.

And then they could really have the experience of living in our skin,

a being John Malkovich kind of experience being on the show.

You know, if you want to like.

You got to charge $50 a month for that on page.

That's extra premium for sure.

I think we're on to something right now.

I literally think that would be funny to do, to listen to the body cat.

Well, to get to.

I'm searching it again, dude.

I was glued to Twitter yesterday, seeing if anybody's talking about this fucking thing.

Because it's just

absurd.

It's insane.

I mean,

if it's as bad as it looks,

which is that Chop's self-appointed communist protection forces...

Murdered a black child and is fucking covering it up.

Murdered a black child, an unarmed black kid, and then put a 14-year-old in critical condition with gunshot.

And then on video, you can hear them lighting up the car.

And then after that, the guy says,

oh, you're not dead yet?

You want to get pistol whipped?

And then you can hear him bashing the fucking shit.

Wait, did they, I mean, I'm sure maybe it's not out, but did they think that they were fascist agitators that they were shooting at?

I don't think so at all.

Dude, what happened?

I think it's been people at high tension.

They've been carrying rifles around.

They probably, there was another shooting where that guy that Brandon Wardell is friends with and defended, what's his name?

James Madison.

That guy that Brandon had on his podcast to say that everything he does is right and that the chop was the right to murder him.

That's just some guy.

Yeah, I don't know.

James Madison.

There's another video of that guy like fucking taking somebody's phone after the last shooting.

That one I didn't look at.

Because any of the ones prior to this, if it's like if there were, if there was like gang on gang violence or something in chop that was just pre-existing because that area has that, then you can't put that.

I mean, that's whatever.

This is fucking completely different.

Well, yeah, it's like anyone that wants to be a cop, even a gay-ass communist cop, is a piece of shit.

Right.

I mean, you formed some kind of hierarchy there.

I mean, you kicked the municipality out of the area.

You established some kind of fucking government.

I don't understand how power is organized in that place.

But if somebody appointed themselves the security chief or whatever and made himself a cop, everyone should just immediately go home.

Everyone should immediately go home and go online and say, hey, I was there.

We can't do this because psychos came in and made themselves police officers.

I'm not going to say they're outside agitators from the right.

You can draw draw whatever conclusion you want, but this immediately attracted people with guns that think that they're going to be the cops, and that's just going to lead to the same exact problems we already have.

So ridiculous.

That's it.

That's the way everybody should have handled it.

Yeah.

But those kind of things always are like magnets for crazy people, too.

Also, Seattle's Seattle, like the Pacific Northwest has like a particularly insane, like vagrant, homeless population.

I saw a guy

get murdered.

The future is Christ.

Really?

I'm pretty sure he was murdered.

What the fuck?

I was there

recently?

No, when I was in high school, or maybe like ninth grade.

I went to Pike's Place Market with my Jewish youth group, and these two homeless guys who were like fucking methed out.

I saw a guy.

What kind of field trip?

This is like

a tourist ship.

What kind of field trip is that?

We went like we went to see.

The Seattle group were going to

see a live tape.

Where they make locks.

We were going to go see a live taping frazier.

as part of our Jewish cultural heritage wall they like we're gonna go see the first Starbucks we're going on a nine-hour trip

we went yeah exactly dude so many losers line up for that starbuck no so I saw this like this fucking guy with a fucking steel-toed work boot just literally kick the other guy in the temple and there was like a there was like a spray there was like a blood spray

and like we were lining up for the bus it was like a bunch of like you know 14 year old Jewish kids were Girls were crying.

Jesus.

It was insane.

It was so.

Yeah, it was what.

Like, I can close my eyes and still picture it.

What the fuck?

It is the scar.

There's like a thing that naturally happens when it's like,

you know,

communities that are purport to be open and liberal.

There are like, you know.

People that.

Oh, yeah, dude, red-pill Adam.

Here we go.

No.

This is where he turns.

I'm not red-pilled, but...

The next year on the podcast, you're going to be like, but no, nobody talks about black-on-black violence.

No, I mean, 13 people were murdered this weekend, two of them kids.

No, in particular, there's like I'm like, that's right.

I haven't seen it.

No, I guess that is what happened.

Very good.

That is what happened.

No, no, you're right.

I was wrong because I think like the homeless population, the homeless population in New York is like way more peaceful than

what I've seen in the world.

It's because they're Italian.

There's a code of ethics.

Hey, I'm fucking living outside.

I'm living outside.

I'm doing push-ups shit.

Max,

I'm eating projud off the sidewalk.

Max don't.

Can I have a couple of dollars?

Can I have a couple of dollars?

Can I have a couple of dollars?

Max only.

He was in the tenderloin in San Francisco, and he saw this guy in a medical gown, like walking down the block towards him.

And it looked like he was

licking barbecue sauce off his fingers.

He was eating shit.

He was eating his fingers off.

He was like eating his hands off.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, he'd like escaped from a hospital.

Jesus Christ, what the fuck?

I don't know.

Okay, this is anecdotal.

I shouldn't even try to make it.

It's fucking liberal areas.

No, it's not liberal.

It is true.

There is anecdotal.

Where people purport to be liberal, they're eating their fingers off.

There is no eating fingers.

And stomping homeless guys on the head with steel-toed boots.

I did couch it in

stupid terms.

But I've never seen shit like that in New York.

I've seen like guys who've crapped themselves and fell asleep on the train, but I've never seen like there seems to be like kind of like a methy violence streak in like the Pacific Northwest and like Northern California.

I would agree with that.

Yeah.

No, the West Coast is, it shouldn't exist.

The real America is Philadelphia, New York.

Uh-huh.

That's it.

Baltimore.

Come on, man.

How dare you erase us?

New York, the United States of America is Philadelphia to New York City.

Everything outside of that is the fucking Midwest.

So true.

The heartland.

The heartland of York, Pennsylvania.

They're saying the gyms are going to be closed now in New York till probably next year.

Damn.

It's like,

I'm just going to move to Pennsylvania.

I thought I'd be like, through thick and thin, I'm sticking it out.

New York, but it's like, no, it's horribly expensive, and now there's nothing.

It's not like, oh, well, you're just stuck in your apartment.

Well, the city offers zero fucking value now.

Right.

I kind of like it right now, but that's just.

Well, for what?

You pay a shit ton of money in rent, and then it's like you can't even go to the museum.

There's kind of a nice, like the very last thing.

No, I agree.

I agree with you there.

Is that they took away all of the things

all the culture?

When I was on Fire Island and I saw those perfect body gay guys, you keep talking about they definitely have an underground network of secret, like speakeasy gay gyms.

What you need to do, Nick, is like

Al Al Pacino cruising style.

You need to infiltrate Lifton.

You have to lift it.

No, I'm just saying I'm trying to

go to the gym.

You know, if you know a place around here, you can work out Pacino, just

meeting up with guys.

Does he have gay sex in the movie?

I think he gets pretty close, but I don't think he.

I haven't seen that movie since I was like 20.

It's great.

It's a great movie.

Check it out.

The scene where he...

I did most of my movie watching in my life when I was 20.

And I remember getting Papa John's and drinking like 13 beers and watching cruise and being like, man, movies rock.

Knowing about obscure shit like this and being able to bring it up drunk instead of having a personality.

It rules.

They like got...

They went into like real gay clubs.

They used to watch such a lot.

All the guys there were like, you know, like actual guys from leather bars.

And there's a scene where, I guess they used to put paupers on rags and Pacino huffs the rag and then just starts dancing insanely hard.

It's amazing.

You ever see Jim Cotta?

No.

Jim Cotta is this fucking dog shit movie that I would get high and watch and then show other people because it's so bad.

Right.

And then they would be like, I can't believe how bad this movie is.

Right.

And I've watched it probably like 15 times.

Because you show it to people.

Because I would show it to people.

It was a film in the 80s.

The premise is, and they took the real-life guy from the Olympics who was like

the American gold medalist gymnast.

And it's supposed to be like a star vehicle for him.

But the U.S.

government approaches him.

He has a different name in the movie.

It's like gymnastics karate?

Gymnastics karate.

So the U.S.

government approaches him.

There's a country called Parmistan that has a...

Nice.

Nice.

There's a country called Parmistan that has a game every year, which is just a big obstacle course.

And no one in 200 years has ever won the game.

But

the U.S.

government wants him to win the game.

And if he does, the the king of Parmistan will grant any request and their request is to set up like a satellite fucking missile base to threaten the Soviet Union with in Parmistan So it's like ninja warrior and then so so but they need him to do it But he's like all he had the only skill he has is gymnastics So he needs to learn karate and this is all in the first five minutes

So they bring so he learns karate from literally it's just a Chinese guy with one line of dialogue that has a fucking hawk on his shoulder

And then like a Mr.

T knockoff and he's just like on monkey bars

to a montage of him like doing karate and he's like and then also the king of Parmistan's daughter is there the princess of Parmistan who I guess is working with the US government she hot

she's a different race than her father who's played by like an old Jewish man

and she's Thai that rocks yeah and then so

like he he you know now that I'm saying all this I'm like fuck I should re-watch him yeah man I'm trying to watch that that sounds awesome.

No, it's happened again.

So the daughter's like helping him.

Sort of, I mean, it's not like the movie is like,

it just makes zero sense.

Right.

You know, and so she's like,

again, this is the first five minutes before he's gone to Parmistan.

Because then he has to go to Turkey and sneak into the country and he's immediately being pursued by assassins.

And that's not really explained why.

And then he gets to the country.

And then the obstacle course is like for a while he's just in the woods.

it but it's a lot of like just gymnastics and karate

and he's fighting ninjas and then there's a guy who's like a bodybuilder that's also a contestant but he's friends with the king

oh and then he ends up in some like town that's just filled with mentally ill people so but the so the game is just

get you're going through the woods yeah it's you just running around in the woods doing karate how do you win you have to be the last person that doesn't die oh it's like the Hunger Games.

Wow.

Yeah, and everyone's died.

That's got everything.

Wow.

That sounds awesome.

And what was that Race Car movie we watched?

Hold on.

When he wins,

does he swerve at the end and ask for something else?

I can't remember.

Because I would always just get...

It feels like you must.

No, I would get trashed every time I put the movie on.

And

by the time he ends up to the village.

You know what?

I might not have seen past the part where he...

Because I swear to God, literally it was like drinking let's watch Jim Cotta yeah yeah I definitely believe and it gets real hazy after the scene where they're in that town with the mentally ill people well it sounds like we gotta finish Jim Cotta yeah

well one time I think maybe we were on drugs but you put on the Sylvester Salon race car movie

do you remember that yeah dr uh driven Yeah, it was so funny.

Yeah, that movie's hilarious.

It's so funny.

Yeah, that one's great too.

Yeah, you know you gotta drive the way you're driving

you gotta have the steering wheel yeah it's a whole mentality you gotta you have four wheels bullshit yeah he's just like four wheels it is and then you got on the other ground then you got streaked he's an f1 driver and like his move is like he always hums to stay you know they're like listening in on the radio he's like

they're like what's he doing like that's how he focuses

incredible

yeah he's just humming they're like yeah that's that's his thing.

That's his signature.

That's how he stays.

But he's just doing like fucking hot laps or whatever around the track.

It's not racing, and they're like blown away by how good he is at drive.

But like, he's a professional driver.

I can't imagine anyone working at that level would be like, wow, this guy's really good at the job.

He's paid a bunch of money.

Right, right, right.

And so he throws out like a dime on the fucking track.

Oh, hell.

And then picks it up with the tire on the next one.

The next lap around.

That's a cool trick.

And because you can turn on a dime.

You can literally turn on a dime.

That's awesome.

It might have been a quarter, but I mean, it's still like, yeah,

that one's due for a rewatch.

Because the ones that I try to think about movies that I saw when I was like 10 or 11.

Yeah.

But even at that age, I'm like, this is fucking sick.

This is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen.

Right.

Because if at that age it sticks out in your mind, then you know it's a real pizza shit.

Absolutely, dude.

Yeah.

There's a movie I used to watch, too, that was almost as dumb as Jim Cotta called Inner Zone.

It's this like Italian Mad Max clone.

Fuck yeah.

But then it's also like Stalker, kind of.

But there's like a fucking forbidden zone that you can't go into.

Oh, yeah.

And this guy has to go into the zone.

And then like it opens up at this Russian roulette scene, but it's like this underground cave where people are drinking poison.

Oh, yeah.

This is a game where you just take shots of like, maybe it's poison.

There's this guy that's like the best at the drinking poison.

Which there's no skill.

He just keeps getting lucky.

Yeah.

Or he's cheating.

Yeah, something like that.

He's like a bounty hunter, but he has to go into the zone, and then the zone's controlled by these, like, inner, these monks.

But, like, one's Chinese, one's just, like, a middle-aged black guy, and it's a white guy, and they all, like, communicate telepathically.

So you just hear them, they don't, like, their mouths don't move.

They just fucking like, you just hear VO of them, like, thinking to each other.

That's awesome.

And again, this is another movie I would watch very drunk.

So

details hazy, but I remember one of the monks' names is Panasonic.

I gotta watch bad movies again.

Yeah.

I miss it.

Life was so much simpler.

Are you shocked by this?

Just getting very stoned and watching awful movies.

Yeah.

I don't know why I'm so fucking tired all this shit.

I gotta go to Long Island.

Here, here we go.

Here's the plot of Inner Zone.

What's in Long Island?

4th of July.

It's July 1st.

I know.

This is the weekend.

This is the freaking weekend, baby.

I'm about to have me some fun.

A supernaturally gifted monk, Panasonic, is sent on

a mission by his dying master, General Electric.

Nah, shut up.

To protect the Inner Zone, the last fertile region left on a post-apocalyptic earth

against an invading gang of wasteland raiders.

Along the way, Panasonic is helped by Swan, a roguish road warrior who seeks a rumored treasure hidden within the inner zone, and Terra, an attractive slave girl who Swan falls in love with.

The Raiders are meanwhile led by Mantis, a female bodybuilder Dominatrix, and her sadistic partner

Balkazan.

After the defeat of the Raiders, Swan locates the treasure, which is revealed to be a fallout shelter, a turned archive of some of mankind's greatest achievements.

Within her various items such as books, sculptures, paintings, along with Panasonic brand video cassette recorder that plays a final message from those who preserve the artifacts before the Apostle.

You've got to be kidding me.

No.

Is it a tie-in with the Panasonic Corporation?

Well, yeah, I mean, that's why the monks' name is Panasonic.

Because the monks are ancient monks, but they get their names from the bullshit that's in the Fallout.

Before the bomb.

Yeah.

Is there one named Cock Pump?

There's a guy named Rabbit Dildo.

There's another movie that's.

Yeah.

So the list of those the best of the

Because you know, we've talked about like Stone Cold and shit like that before

Kill or Be Killed is a great movie

in that genre

I'm trying to think of just the really shitty fucking action movies I saw.

I used to be able to rattle off a list of like ten of them.

I used to watch a lot of like all the no retreat no surrender movies are good.

I used to watch a lot of Dolph Lungren stuff with my dad growing up.

Because you guys both liked his body.

We liked his body.

Yeah, the American Ninja series.

That's an absolute necessary watch.

Damn, I haven't watched most of these.

Yeah, but those are Canon Films movies.

What's that?

Canon Films.

Canon Films is like a company?

Yeah.

They would just release like bullshit fucking action movies.

That sounds awesome.

Yeah.

That sounds freaking awesome, mate.

Damn, maybe I'll smoke some CBD and put the phone down and watch all the No no-retreat, no surrender.

That's what we gotta do.

Just be 40, smoke our fake weed.

Watch movies that remind us when we were nine years old.

Watch movies that remind us of when we were 19.

And doing the exact same thing with real weed and real alcohol.

Yeah.

Sounds good to me, mate.

Oh, fuck.

Alright, boys.

Alright.

Well, thanks for listening, everyone.

Listen to Stevie Solves Your Problems if you'd like.

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