Ep. 213 – Lord Jesus They Hadda Do It

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Bill and heads, excellent.

Bill and heads, excellent.

Get sex.

Get sex to jear.

You know what?

Sometimes, boys, you know, you get to a point in your life where you put as much as you can into a thing and you know, you feel like it's kind of grown stagnant.

There's nothing you can do.

You know, you feel at odds with the world.

Sure.

And you say, what is it?

It's better to burn out or to fade away.

Neil Young.

You look at the Neil Young poster on your wall.

You say, Neil, I need some guidance here.

And, you know, you're a nude.

Yeah.

Exactly.

And

so is Neil.

Neil's naked.

I remember that poster.

He just jumped out of the poster.

Yeah, Neil Young and Crazy Horse.

The album cover has got the huge horse dick.

Yeah, that's why the band was named.

I'm surprised there was no musician that ever did that.

It's like, yeah, let's put me on the cover naked, but my penis is, let's make it real, like it's huge.

Well, the Peps used to wear tube socks on their dicks to make them look.

Yeah, but to go full album cover just is completely out of the business.

That's an artist rendering of a very photorealistic penis.

It looks like your penis, but it's humongous.

There's a Rolling Stones album where

you see a guy's cock?

It's Andy Warhol's boyfriend's cock print through a jeans.

I thought Andy Warhol didn't fuck.

Yeah, but he had boyfriends.

He just licked the penis from the outside.

He used to lick jeans.

He licked the penis.

You never got your jeans licked?

I've never got my jeans licked.

By an older way, man.

The way he fucks is the way the owl from the Tootsie Pop commercials.

Anyway, sometimes

you try to quit the podcast and walk away, and then what happens?

Milwaukee PD Dunn fucked around and had a child sex ring.

My boy needs to broadcast.

They suck me right back in.

Just when I think I'm straight.

The octopus.

They fuck me in the ass.

The octopus reaches its long tentacle out and says, remember?

That's right.

Remember this?

Remember how the world works?

Wait, what's the story that they were running a child prostitution ring?

Yeah.

It's like, it's so funny.

It's because it's like people are like calling for community policing, right?

Yeah.

And it's like, well, what would that look like?

And the first crime that the community solves is

underground child sex ring protected by the police department.

Number one, number one.

Not like loitering.

Not nothing.

None of the Toritos bags or bullshit place.

They got rid of all the fireworks.

We're gonna do community policing.

And then fucking these Democrats, these Democrat elites are like, Yeah, that's a good idea.

We'll get it.

That's a concession we can make.

For the most part, we think that means private police and all of the institutions that we really want to protect we'll just hire.

Remain intact or whatever.

Yeah, Blackwater.

And the community police are immediately like Brian Singer, David Gevin,

Bill Clinton.

And they're like, bump, bump, bump, whoopsie daisy.

We've arrested the pyramid with the eye on top of it.

It's going to suck when all the community police in Milwaukee kill themselves by shooting themselves in the back of the head.

Yeah,

dude, those videos are fucking wild because it's like broad daylight.

There's all these people gathering outside the house where this girl is, these abducted girls are supposedly at.

They trace their cell phones there.

And then you can see there's one guy, he has a video.

There's just people like shooting out of the house.

And this guy's like, come on, y'all.

Get the kids out the way.

Let's go, let's see what's going on.

And they're just like walking in the gunfire.

They're like,

get the kids down the street.

Holy shit.

Make the kids go down the street.

Big respect.

Yeah, let's walk over to where the gunshots come.

Where there's

live ammo rounds.

Yeah.

But just like the nonchalant way that I mean, it's like that in every like hood video where the gun comes out.

Yeah, or there was one.

There's like the, you saw the one like two months or maybe six months ago.

It was those two fat black girls, and she's like, she's she's fitting to roll up here.

I'm going to beat her ass.

And then the car pulls up, and the woman in the car immediately just shoots the other woman.

And then one of the

fat women is just on the ground, and she's like, you know,

doing the shot.

She goes, I got shot in my ass, y'all.

Oh, I saw that video.

I got shot her.

And then the other girl's like checking her hair, and she's like, I'm about to get off live.

I'm about to get off live right now.

She's got a shot.

That is a funny thing.

She was so chill about getting shot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've seen that video.

I would be crying.

Yeah, the community police are way more chill than the regular police.

Yeah, they're chill blokes.

Yeah.

Do they have like flak jackets on or guns or uniforms?

I think that's against the that's not the point.

The community police?

Well, the community police in this instance is literally just a mob.

Yeah.

I mean, the the flip side, if you just, if you like had to,

you know, say, you know, play different.

different, because first of all, I don't care what the situation is.

You know, you care about the pedophilia.

Which it may be a case where it's not.

It could just be a lone pedophile who abducted some girl and she's in the house.

Now, the police should go in and rescue the girl or whatever.

But if it is, this is just some lone pedophile that abducted a kid.

It's like, I'm not really at the point where I think

just a mob of people should

string up the pedophile.

Draw and quarter this

lynch somebody in the streets because they traced a cell phone.

I agree with you, but I will say if we had if you had to, in a perfect world, flip one group of people for innocent black people getting lynched by police, pedophile, you could do a lot worse than pedophile, I'd say.

I don't think it should happen, but I think that's progress if we trade black teen teenagers getting

going to the convenience store.

I don't know if it's an even trade like that, though.

I don't think it's an even trade.

I think, in fact, we're winning.

The side of justice wins.

Now, again, let me highlight, we shouldn't, there should be due process.

But

what happens?

The police give the pedophile to the real police?

I don't think justice exists.

Neither does the truth, really.

And that's something that you...

No, I mean it.

And really,

if you accept the idea of community policing and mob justice as the corrective answer to

a system that is fundamentally broken, and it's a system based on presumably truth and justice and due process and all this.

But really, the whole whole thing exists to protect you know pedophilia rings.

Yep, yeah, I mean, that's

property and pedophilia rings.

That sounds like hyperbole, but no, at the source of everything, if we really, really get down to the

Epstein kind of gave us a peek of that, and that's why he, you know, killed himself or didn't.

Right.

Wink, wink.

Is that at the base of the whole thing, it's like, look, you can have truth and justice, but the cornerstone of the whole thing is

like

generational wealth wealth going back hundreds of years, incestually raping and sacrificing children to Satan.

I don't know about the Satan, but yeah, everything else, I'm with you.

No, it is Satan.

I don't think it has a religious overtone necessarily.

Stav is one of the pedophiles.

No,

Stav's very powerful.

Stav's confirming himself, pulling a Chris Dahlia here.

Stav's old money, there's no money.

Stav's old money.

Yeah, my family's

one of the stores, the Halkius family going back to Athens.

Going back to Plato.

They're sucking a fucking.

Their cover of your dad's carpentry practice with feral cats was perfect.

Well, I mean,

it's entirely.

It doesn't need to be old money.

You work in entertainment and you did.

Because here, look, I'm easily manipulated and I don't have any bearing on reality.

So maybe the powers that be tricked me some way into forming the podcast with you to elevate you, and I'm just some sort of vessel being used by the elites.

Elevate me to get to this point so that you can say there's no such thing as global pedophiles that's not what I said I said I don't think it's Satan I don't think there's any religious thing I just think the rich people like to fuck children but they probably have have adopted imagery because everybody everybody like likes to look cool yeah

every secret club like the kkk like they have their little costumes and you know biker gangs have like little emblems so i'm sure pedophiles have their own little costumes but

the kkk apparently copied the burning

it would be

from Birth of a Nation, like DeMille thought it was

who was it?

Was it Cecil B.

DeMille?

No, it was uh, yeah, it was.

It was uh Cecil B.

Billy Wilder, the reference, Billy Wilder, Holocaust

refugee Billy Wilder.

I thought it was the um, it was no, what's his name?

The other guy, but Birth of a Nation, they thought it was like a cool image to burn across.

Wait, really?

And then the clan was like, that is really cool, yeah.

And then they started doing it yeah i'll never forget tom myers started a comedy group called the heathens of comedy and they had a burning cross as their logo awesome and it's like but what's funny

it didn't even occur it was atheism for tom it was it was like bill maher style atheism that he thought he was being a part of yeah he thought he was that's what a heathen would do

god damn tom rocks yeah um

Yeah, though, I'd probably agree.

Delia, the other thing about Delia is that his dad was like a Hollywood producer.

Was he?

Yeah, so you know.

Well, you've seen the video of Delia saying,

no, no, no, not the Snapchat.

Oh, that's the one I'm talking I was the one I'm talking about.

What do you think?

They have these parties?

Yeah, he's like, oh, yeah, sure.

So all of these producers, they admit to it with each other, and they have parties where they're just, you know, okay, yeah, sure, pal.

Or maybe you're just bored.

Right.

And then he goes like, ah, and then he does like some weird yelp.

Which is like Chris, you're literally spelling out what literally happens.

Yeah

That's the most classic like oh shit didn't who had a joke like that maybe Joe List somebody who they were like just admit to whatever he did but sarcastically he's like oh, yeah, I fucked your sister like that.

That's what Chris Dalia did.

Yeah.

Damn.

He really thought that was going to work.

It is funny though with all these accusations against Dalia.

There's like a couple of women that are like, yeah,

just

throwing my story out there.

And then they post like a screenshot of them DMing him being like, let's hang out.

I'm 25.

And it being like, all right.

And then other women being like, this is sick.

Well done.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Gassy.

Yeah.

Really, white women just cannot.

They just, they really cannot just stop.

They see the Black Lives Matter thing and they're like,

yeah, Black Lives Matter.

And then they try to

get in front of the protests, and then they kind of get pushed off to the side.

Well, the shielding.

Like, victimization is like

a big, fat, pregnant dog with a bunch of nipples, and white women are like the runt, you know, just trying,

just trying to get to one of the nipples to suck on the teeth of victimization.

But what about me?

Yeah,

yeah.

I mean, you know, and that puppy name, fuck some children, yeah, but not that, not that.

Not though, yeah, you're talking about Not that lady.

Yes.

Not this lady.

There is a specific style of lady.

There's a way.

I'm not defending Chris Dalia.

When you said white women are hopping on victimization, it did seem like every woman who's saying that they're women.

I know.

Yes.

The ones that are like trying to smash Crystal.

That now are trying to.

Yeah, exactly.

Yes.

And let's make this clear, too.

The reason I'm not defending Crystalia, I have not looked into the accusations at all.

I have not fucking really paid attention to it.

People said he fucked underage girls, and it's like, sure, whatever.

I don't care.

It's because I don't think he's funny.

Oh, 100%.

The bottom line for me is I don't.

I've seen like maybe 30 seconds of his stand-up, and it seems like bullshit.

It's always seemed like bullshit.

You know, I fucking have no interest in.

I mean, maybe, maybe, kind of that Eminem impression I thought was funny.

Pretty good.

Eminem impression's not bad.

That one was alright, but outside of that, I don't, you know, and it's like, it is, it is like a

superficial thing, but like, yeah, he's got a hatable fit.

I mean, I don't understand you could look at that guy and be like, this guy seems cool.

Right.

Exactly.

And yet, so many people did.

This guy doesn't seem because it's comedy for shitheads.

I mean, it's fucking like, you know, I mean, he's very popular with fucking.

Yeah, like Affliction t-shirt, MMA guys.

It is very much mainstream fucking pop garbage.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, exactly.

Unlike our show.

Yeah, we're the fucking Velvet Underground.

We're Black Flags.

I'm Nico, but the good Black bitch.

Mike Valoli, Black Flag.

Yeah.

He's the kind that beats people up for calling him a skater fad.

I don't think I've heard.

I think I heard like one or two Black Flag songs.

The flag is pretty cool.

They got a couple cool images I've seen.

What is that?

That's like an Antifa-style band, right?

Yeah, with Henry Rollins.

Henry Rollins is

annoying.

Why don't you go by Henry?

If you're named Henry, you got to go by Hank.

I think he has autism.

Does he?

I think people

spent 20 years speculating whether or not he was gay, and the question they should have been asking is: is this man severely autistic?

Yeah, that's true.

That is true.

You don't typically think of an angry guy as autistic.

Yeah.

But

he has angry autism, perhaps.

Right.

That's what he's autistic for, is yelling at people.

Yeah, the man that looks like the flat a-mouth emoji.

That's true.

Yeah.

That's his vibe.

Yeah.

His whole vibe is that he's vegan, right?

But buff, he's one of those guys.

Is he vegan?

I think, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.

Who cares?

Sounds like you know a lot about him.

You want to kiss him?

I don't want to kiss him.

Do you want to kiss him?

No, dude.

Do you want to kiss Hank?

I went to

a gay beach.

And I saw a lot of people.

Any beach that you go to is a gay beach.

No, I saw a lot of those guys there.

What do you mean?

Hot guys?

Incredibly hot guys.

Oh, yeah.

John Cena guys, guys with their cocks out.

Woo!

It was pretty.

Flaccid tanning their cocks.

Did you go yesterday?

I went to.

Yeah, I went on.

No, I went.

I came home yesterday.

I went to vote.

I voted, yeah.

I voted for for Jabari and Bernie.

Yeah, I voted for Jesus.

I marched in and I said, tell me who the non-black characters are.

Just loudly yelling at that elementary school.

Show me the non-black names.

No mask.

Excuse me.

I want to know who

the non-black candidates are.

And don't try and sneak a Chinese in there either.

Don't sneak a Chinese guy named Todd in there.

I miss voting in Chinatown because the ballots are all.

Maybe this this one was, too, and I just didn't pay attention.

But, I mean, definitely the candidates, the local candidates in Chinatown were all like, well, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, we get a lot of Greek people.

You have Greek people running in Astoria?

Well, I voted against the Greek people.

I voted against

Arnold.

Aravella Simotas.

And I was like, hit the fucking bricks, bitch.

I got my boy Zohan or whatever the fuck his name is.

You got his

on.

Is he chill?

Yeah, he's good.

I voted for that guy in Jabari.

He seemed alright.

I think he lost.

Did he lose?

No, I think they're waiting on absentees.

Oh, really?

He's up big, yeah.

Yeah, he was.

At least last night and early this morning.

Yeah.

Oh, tons.

I think that because this time around.

So many male.

Yeah, there was

an unprecedented amount of male.

No, there was some hard dickery going on, though, for sure.

The guy in the Bronx who fucking beat

Angles, bitch ass.

He won?

Yeah, he won.

Sick.

He smashed his little pussy hole.

Even with Hillary.

It's so funny.

Hillary, that's the only guy that she endorsed.

The incumbent.

Dude.

She's fucking cursed.

Oh, for fucking 12.

When's the last time she got a dub?

Hillary needs a dub, dude.

She can't catch one.

She can't.

Yeah, no.

It was

real.

What is the last race she won?

I can't wait to see what second term Donald Trump looks like.

God, dude.

I hope

cool uniforms.

Yeah, he's going to stop wearing skins.

They're going to be horrible, dude.

Our Nazis won't even be Hugo boss.

We'll have like fucking old Navy dudes.

I hope he starts wearing Nazi uniforms.

Military-style uniforms.

Oh, yeah.

Bent shoulders, epaulettes.

The picture of him looking sad after the rally back before the helicopter was pretty sad.

So funny.

And

he has a hilarious amount of

tanner on.

Yeah, it's like on his collar.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good.

I think you should just go straight up black face for the second time.

That would be fun.

That would be fun.

Just completely black.

He's like, what?

You said I thought this is what you wanted.

I said, this is going to be,

he's one of the darkest presidents we've ever had.

You see him.

He's beautiful.

It looks like a fresh Hershey kiss.

I'm the black

president you've ever had.

And Obama, they're not even sure he's black.

They don't even know.

That would be cool if that was what Birthright is about.

You know,

he says he was born in Africa.

There's no evidence of that.

Four years, and this guy says he's a bad person.

He's Hawaiian.

He just flips.

Now he says he's some Hawaiian.

We saw it.

He had a birth certificate.

It's made out of Lua petals.

No thing.

It smells like coconut milk.

I don't think they have any coconuts in Kenya.

Maybe we could get...

Latina, you want to check on that?

Latina's going to check on it.

I didn't see it.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah, I'm I'm feeling, you know, he's going to be sad, dude, because he loves crushing at rallies, dude.

Yeah, but I think

I think once they get work around him,

once they work around, I was about to start doing Zoom comedy shows.

Once he works around the TikTok kids sabotaging his rallies, that's so funny.

He gets it back firing.

The most retarded people in the world thought that 4chan made him win the election last time around, are now making the mistake of thinking that K-pop stands and be the reason that he loses.

I know.

Also, like the same exact shit as 2016.

Yeah, we're fucked, mate.

Yeah, it's going to be pretty fucking horrible.

Biden, just keep that motherfucker in a bunker.

I still don't understand.

What the fuck are K-pop stands?

How is this like?

I don't know.

But I don't understand how that's like a cohesive, like, coherent

description of a type of group of people.

I think they.

I think they're like 12-year-old kids that just constantly

take pictures of Korean boys.

Yeah.

But it's not even, it's like one, it's like, it's such a large genre.

It's like, oh, well, fans of rock and roll.

Stop it.

Yeah, but I think they all behave the same way online.

Yeah.

It's a code of ethics.

But I'm saying it's so alien to me.

I guess I don't, you know, I'm not going to be on TikTok either.

That'll never happen.

Yeah.

That's really sad.

Seeing comedians get on TikTok.

Oh, brutal.

Comedians who were like, you know, because I'm old now.

and the guys that were like young, new comics who are now old, old, and they were old when I was new.

That makes any sense.

Yeah, they were like 28 when I was in.

I mean, like, guys that are, yeah, guys that were like in their early to mid-30s when I was like 21, 22, just starting to pop off.

God.

Now they're all old guys.

You know, I'm old, but they're old, old, and they're getting on TikTok.

And it's like, let's

just kill comedy.

Like, lip-syncing.

Yeah.

But they do.

It's one thing.

Some people just post their stand-up, and that's bad enough, I would say.

But whatever.

I don't give a fuck.

But if you're fucking doing the dances, you don't be a fun compromise.

That's brutal, dude.

We should get rid of the police.

The police are abolished, right?

Yeah.

Go community policing.

But then we also abolish 90% of the entertainment industry.

That's great.

Yeah, comedy is done.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

It's fucking gone.

Yeah.

All of the clubs are gone.

You're not allowed to run a bar show.

You're not allowed to do a Zoom comedy show.

You're not even allowed to have an Instagram.

You're not allowed to put a comedian in your Instagram.

In fact,

you can be on Instagram, but you're not allowed to indicate that the things you're saying or doing are supposed to be funny in any professional or marketable capacity.

And then people can just read your dog shit post as the thoughts of a regular person, and there is nothing to distinguish you from your aunt on Facebook.

Yeah, literally, not a fucking thing.

Yep.

It doesn't automatically make a content.

Right.

Yes.

Because you won't be able to put a comedian in your phone.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

You'll just be a fucking guy who writes way too long of fucking comments.

That's who you'll be.

Your descriptions will be too long.

People will be like, oh, great pun.

People will roll their eyes.

Oh, hell yeah.

The next

delivered.

Tell us how we did.

Your Panasonic K KJBS1 Enaloop C-size battery adapters have arrived.

Dude, congrats.

Oh my god.

What are those for?

If this, okay, good.

It's C and D.

I have a

I got a tent and an air mattress, and the air mattress takes D cell batteries, like the thing that inflates it.

And everything in my house, I use Enaloop Pro rechargeable batteries.

Okay.

Because I don't buy fucking double-air batteries, but they do not make D cell rechargeable batteries an adapter.

So I had to get the adapter so I could put my rechargeable batteries in the fucking air mattress instead of just going through a million fucking D cell batteries every time I go.

Are you going to go camping?

I am going to go camping.

You're going to go glamping.

What do you mean, glamping?

You're going to set up a power strip in there?

No, no power strip.

No power strip.

No,

I'm going hatchet hunting.

I'm going to go hatchet hunt dogs in the woods.

Yep.

When you were fucking 11 years old, you let puppies out into the wilderness.

And now it's time to get them back.

Hatchet, hunting, speaking Chinese to the dogs and I stopped them from the treetop from the tree line.

My dog!

In the trees at Central Park.

fucking apples.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just fucking hatcheting a bunch of fucking wiener dogs.

A bunch of fucking doodles.

Some fucking Lambert doodles.

Yeah.

Asians were trying to pull a little, pull a little.

They're next on the list after white women after the Julia thing.

They were trying to hop on BLM.

Dude, that fucking retard Brian Yang trying to drag Megan Mram.

Did you see that?

I saw that.

I did not, but.

I saw it on Twitter.

All these like dog shit Chinese comedians who

I don't know how to fucking else say it, but it's he a stand-up.

Who is he?

Who knows?

I don't know who he is.

Here's the bottom line: is that fucking Megan is one of the best joke writers there is.

Megan is extremely fucking talented.

And it's, I don't know, I mean, you know, she absolutely does not want me defending her.

Right.

It does not help to have me fucking defending her.

But, like,

like, you know,

for somebody to, in retrospect, look back and say, that wasn't fucking funny when you've never produced anything even as close to being as funny as that.

And recontextualize it in 2020 and say, oh, this isn't okay now.

And

not even check your own tweets.

Incredible.

That's incredible.

To see, like, well, let me just, let me just.

Did he have a bunch of shit?

Oh, you didn't see it?

I really didn't know.

I saw his name and I saw that he was off, but I didn't know what.

I mean, it was way beyond because some people

know.

A lot of people know.

No.

No, that's Bowen Yang.

That's Bowen Yang, not Brian Yang.

This is the only racist thing that's happened.

You're the only racist guy.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

I'm listening.

No, I'm listening.

Yeah.

That guy's funny.

Bowen, yeah.

Yeah, no.

His old tweets were fucking like, I mean, because this has happened a lot, and so people kind of know now.

But his shit was just fucking like.

That's incredible.

You know, like the fucking Jews control.

So he is funny.

Oh, that's okay.

So he is funny.

He was just like, yeah,

that's delicious.

Yeah.

To be the kind of person that's like, first of all, it's like, okay, well, she apologized.

Like, what do you want from her?

You want her not to fucking work?

Like, what do you, what do you mean?

He's just trying to catch a little clout off of it.

He's trying to catch clout off of it.

And he's like, you know, saying that Megan's my friend, and so it's really disappointing to see this from her.

Friend?

He's like, what the fuck?

You know, try to establish himself as like a colleague of Megan's in this call out.

And then people dig up his old tweets, and then he's going, he's like, I'm doing the work.

You're right.

It's fucked up that I wrote that.

He's like, no one cares.

No one cares about your shitty jokes, man.

They're calling you out for being a hypocrite.

And the only way he can respond is by being like, you're right.

It's fucked up.

I did the work and I'm going to continue working to not be, to question myself.

And it's like, this is, and you know what?

It's ridiculous.

It's crazy because it's like, I remember

when this, when this bullshit started happening in like 2012, 2013,

I thought, you know, in my stupid, naive mind, I thought, well, eventually it'll come full circle and it'll bite these people in the ass.

And then they'll learn the lesson, like, oh, maybe we shouldn't cancel people, right?

I thought that's what would happen.

And no, now this whole new cycle has emerged where he doesn't need to apologize for being a hypocrite.

It's like he kind of benefits from that happening.

I mean, he doesn't because he's a fucking moron.

But like, you get now all of these, all of the people that are a part of these established institutions, so somebody like Megan, who again I do think is funny, and I don't think she's funny.

She's like a TV writer.

There's nothing that's going to happen to Megan.

Yeah, yeah.

Even if her old tweets actually were offensive and they were like, you know, you know, Chinese people should be gassed.

That's the tweet.

There's no doubt.

That's it.

I just want to be serious here for a moment.

Right, right, right.

Yeah.

I feel like we should push all the Chinese people off a cliff.

Yes.

The biggest cliff directly over the ocean.

We need to round up every Chinese Chinese people.

Put all the Chinese people on the edge of a precipice and then inflate a bouncy castle in front of them until they're pushed off the ocean.

And that's...

I'll get back to jokes in a second.

Right after this, we're going back to jokes.

And now let's hit the jokes.

And jokes starting now.

Everything I said was I meant.

Literally.

Even if that had been the fucking case.

It's like Megan's protected by the fucking industry.

She creates a lot of value.

Yeah, she's valuable.

And

always fall back on that.

And so she is insulated by virtue of being, you know, just has value to the fucking industry.

And so for her to be caught and now apologize, it benefits her.

It's almost, it's better because now she has more of a leg to stand on.

Somehow, through some twisted logic,

in the future, when somebody else gets caught, she gets to chime in as the person that grew.

As the reformer.

As the I, I like this.

This is disappointing.

I'm even

calling this out or whatever.

And it's bullshit.

As someone who used to behave this way.

Right.

Right, right, right.

This is.

The whole thing is just fucking bullshit.

So it's like, there's no way out.

I mean, it's just like, that's the way it works now.

Yeah.

It definitely seems that everybody just fucking says an apology and says how horrified they are.

And it's like, you weren't.

You weren't at the time.

And it's like,

yeah, it's fucked up, but it's like, what?

You're not.

You weren't a piece of shit for making those jokes.

You weren't.

Just fucking, the world's different now.

Fine.

You won't make those jokes anymore.

Same shit with 30 Rock.

Right.

30 Rock's fucking

taking the blackface off, and it's like, okay, well, is it your fault society was fucking like that back then?

It's not even, yeah, exactly.

I mean, it's like everybody talks about things in terms of systemic problems.

Right.

It's like, okay, well, then what are these systemic problems or are they individual problems and personal problems?

You can't have it both ways.

Yeah.

It's one thing to say, I'm not going to do that shit anymore, versus like, yeah, that's what the fuck, that's what was happening even fucking 10 years ago.

Yeah.

Like, 30 Rock was on NBC.

They were doing Blackface on NBC

in prime time.

It's so funny.

And it was like the joke was: Jenna's a fucking idiot.

She's the kind of person who does blackface, but that was acceptable back then.

That's the whole idea with all these statues being torn down.

It's because conservatives were like, well, first, today they're tearing down the statue of the guy that invented raping slaves.

That's a part of our history.

This Jeremiah slave raper, who came up, up, he said, Well, not only can they fucking make the air conditioner work, which was the number one use of slave, but a lot of people know that they think it's cotton.

It was actually they

were blow on

blocks of ice.

Big old lips blow on a block of ice all through the house.

And that's where jazz came from.

A lot of people.

And

they never even thanked us for it.

Yeah, that was

air conditioning is where it started.

Anyways, one of the

Jeremiah slave raper came by and he said, Well, what if we fucked him?

And that's all that's that's all the statue means.

We're getting rid of history, and that's all the statue means is that it's cool to be cool, which was the expression at the time,

and that's just a part of history or whatever.

And they're like, Well, so what if we have an 80-foot monument to him in City Hall?

Yeah, and it's like, okay, well, first of all, I don't, I can't imagine giving a shit about any statue.

I mean, it's like

who cares?

It's a fucking, it's for birds to shit on.

They're put in the middle of like traffic circles, which, if you look at that statue, you'll get into an accident.

Yeah, it's that's they're they go in the ones in DC, Lafayette Circle.

They go in the middle of the most poorly designed type of interchange on roadways, and that's really what I want to talk about.

Is that we need to get rid of traffic circles.

That's the monument we need to get rid of.

Masonic Lodge bullshit.

There we go.

Satanic pedophiles, though.

Exactly.

We're not talking about the traffic.

I was laughing about like National Treasure 5.

Once we've fully just let

the epstenality of the world filter its way through the markets, where everyone just not only accepts that there's nothing you can do about the pedophile

global rings, but you accept it as a necessary part of life.

And it's just Nicholas Cage just being like, on the back of the Declaration of Independence, Sir Nicholas drew a child's pussy and taught Thomas Jefferson how to fuck a child in the ass.

And then it's just like rated PG 13.

That's like a PG movie.

Anyways, so yeah, but conservatives are like, oh, well, we tear this statue down.

What's going to happen when we want to tear down George Washington?

And people are like, oh, that's never going to happen.

And then, of course, it's happening.

Now they're tearing down George Washington.

But it's like, well, you will have to get rid of every statue eventually.

And it's like, well, then there has to be we should only have one statue and it should be one guy who do you think Christopher Dorner yeah Chris Dorner because it satisfies everything right the the I mean troop military he's a military

guy he's a black guy he never had slaves I mean there's any there's so many different what entry points into Chris Dorner that he is he may seem like a radical but he's actually the perfect compromise of what he's doing both authority and anti-authority he's like a John Brown figure more he's more than

he's more than John Brown.

Because, like, yeah, there's that white guilt element.

Chris Dorner, Christopher Dorner, and I said it before, is the only American hero that's ever lived.

That's right.

There's been a lot of people with good ideas,

but he's the only one that's a hero.

I agree with that.

I hit the manifesto the other day.

Anyone can have ideas and feelings.

That's meaningless.

It means absolutely fucking nothing to have principles.

Sure.

It means something to have guns and tactical abilities and kill police officers.

And I think they're family members.

he had

he wrote he wrote manifestos and he shot cops yeah that's what that's I know he was a poet and a warrior have you read the manifesto is that available I love manifestos dude

yeah what about street light manifesto I got a manifesto for you if you like getting fucking high off CBD oil oh my god not oil flour brother flour that's what they call it I personally I think it's gay to call it flour nah

you give girls flowers, so it's almost like you're getting pussy if you smoke it.

Anyways, let's put it this way: there's a company called Cushy Dreams.

Oh, my God.

It's flour for guys.

Let me say this.

I'm sorry, Nick.

I don't mean to cut you off, but we do a lot of

advertising.

Right.

And we're not going to say that we don't.

Because we've been paid money, we're not going to say that we don't think a lot of them are good.

We love and respect every single person.

We love and respect.

But I will say this about Cushy Dreams.

What they have sent to me, I am a fucking CBD smoker believer.

I fucking popped a little bit of the fucking chill.

And that's the other beauty of this, Nick.

They have a lot of strains.

Yeah.

You want to get your day started?

Boom.

We got energy.

You want to calm down.

We got fucking we got chill.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

I'll say this because I fucking hate weed.

And I try to, I force myself to smoke weed.

I put it off for days on end.

I remember you were texting us about it.

Yeah, I'll just put it off because

I don't like the idea because if

it's not good, then I'm, well, fucked now.

I'm just high.

A lot of my friends have stopped smoking weed because they just are in their head and they get anxious.

I just get anxious.

It doesn't fuck.

I can't fucking do it.

And then it's like, now I'm high.

I can't think.

I'm like, I have shit that I need to do.

That's the thing.

It's like weed is for fucking children, basically.

Yes.

I like to smoke weed to completely turn my brain off and start and like fast forward to the next day.

But when you're fucking puffing on cushy dreams.

Anyways, but the point is this.

I've taken the vapes, CBD vapes and gummies before, and it was bullshit.

It didn't do anything.

And I kind of like concluded for myself personally that CBD would only work if you've never once smoked weed.

We've talked, yeah, that was a hypothesis.

Yeah, I'm so hot, dude.

Because, I mean, it is funny.

Ultimately, what this company sells is just bullshit weed.

It's

Oduels weed.

But you know what?

That's where I am in my life.

I'm an O'Dools weed guy.

Kind of a O'Dools man.

But I tell you, what I do like is the satisfaction of having

when I'm finished being high, where I'm like, well, I'm not high anymore.

And it kind of leaves you just burnt, you know, for the rest of the day, where you just feel kind of.

You got a nice little baseline buzz.

And I guess I didn't realize until I smoked this cushy dreams bullshit that all that is is just fucking like

CBD.

So you take one of these like pre-rolls to the fifth.

I love the pre-rolls.

Yeah.

They said that.

That's what I did last night.

I smoked a fucking whole

fatty boom bag.

Yeah, no, I hit the pre-roll and then I fucking

hit the sew right.

I get it.

They're not a sponsor.

That's true.

But that shit fucking.

Well, no, it's definitely.

Like, I don't know what...

I don't know what it is about, like...

Like, we, I have no idea.

But, like, there's something that makes it, like, easier to...

Like, you know how when you smoke, and then if you have, like, a paper cut, you're, like, hyper-aware of it?

Sure.

Or a bug bite, yeah.

Yeah, it's not necessarily, it doesn't, like, hurt more, but you're just aware of it.

Yeah, it's annoying.

So when you combine that with working out trigger points in your back, it's like easier to figure out where they are and apply pressure to them.

For me, you're like Spider-Man.

Yeah, I just like close my eyes and I'll spend like an hour on that fucking thing.

You're in your body more.

Yeah, and it feels great.

Yeah.

So that's a combination of the two.

Cushy Dreams, who sponsors us, and so right who should, because I'd like one.

I'm disabled.

Yeah, Stav would like one.

You could turn the life around.

You could save my life.

So, right.

You might be too big for them.

Well, you know, I might be, but let's find out.

Until you start your own fat guy, Stove.

Yeah, you know what?

Fat them then.

The so fat.

The so fat.

Fats, fatso, right?

No.

Fatso needs to come in.

Fatso, right?

Fatso rules.

Fatso is a little bit.

Fatso is a great one.

Fatso is great.

I got nothing against fatso.

I'm a man who understands the power of words, and I know when I see a fucking

S-class word.

Because it sounds Italian.

Yeah, Fat so.

Hey, what's up, Fatso?

Fatso Rizzo from the old neighborhood.

Fatso so.

Fatso.

Hey, Fatso.

It's a fat jazz man.

Definitely throwing a fatso at like a woman complaining online.

Oh, that's.

Yeah.

That's bullseye right now.

Hey, real quick, mind piping down, fatso?

It's so funny.

Some woman with like 50s, those 50s, like arched glasses that

get pointy at the end.

With rhinestones on the wall.

Who's that woman that's like, I want to blaze with Job Hyden?

Yeah,

Blake had one of the this one.

Probably that dumb bitch.

I know he's talking about Jenny.

Something sucks.

Probably pre-Twitter, but Blake one time was saying it.

He's like, It's so funny how every bitch that tries to look like Betty Page absolutely does not ever.

That's such a bad look.

It's just they all, they're like, I'm going to aim as low as possible and then still miss the mark.

Anyways, Cushy Dreams specializes in.

I think it's a good look if you're hot.

I mean, that's with any look, though.

Extraordinary CBD-rich hemp flour, aka bud, and pre-roll CBD joints.

Love to be a bad boy.

Join a group of adults who are sick of vapes.

I think that's important.

You probably have to be over 18 to buy this shit.

Yeah.

It ships legally to all 50 states.

I don't know the laws.

You should look into the laws yourself.

Yeah, just check out the law.

What the fuck are we?

You're fucking lawyers?

Yeah, what am I?

Donatello Loyovicio.

Loyorachio.

What am I?

Fucking Loyorachio here.

It looks like high-quality marijuana, feels like high-quality marijuana, and tastes like high-quality marijuana.

It really does.

It is very funny, though, that it's like, because nobody could have seen this coming.

It's like technically everyone sold this in high school to their retarded friends.

Yeah, yeah.

It's mids.

Yeah.

Actually, mids used to give you a headache.

Yeah.

This is no headache.

Mids would ruin a day.

Yeah.

No, this shit is.

I woke up and I smoked the whole thing the other day and had a coffee, and it was like the perfect.

dude.

That's what it is.

It's something about it's also the ritual of the pre-roll that I love because it's like you want to kick back, but you don't want to get so fucking high.

There's nothing like just smoking a fucking pre-roll on your balcony and just like dude, I prepped like, no joke, but probably somewhere in between 40 and 50 breakfast smoothies.

Because I took, you know what, I went off the diet and then like this is the other thing.

Everyone knows I missed, I just quit the podcast for a week.

Yeah.

And it's honestly, it was the first time in like three years years that I just, I was like, because if I was like, I'm not going to do it, I was like, oh, we're going to go on a vacation.

I'm like, I'll get out of town.

Yeah.

And then it's like, but even that felt like, oh, I should get out of town.

I had to like really just get in the headspace of like, just fuck off and do whatever you want just in that moment.

Fucking nothing.

Yeah.

Which is a very difficult.

It's hard, dude.

It's weird.

And it's like, it seems stupid.

I love doing it.

Because it's like, you know,

there's people that are like, as a small business owner, I never stop working.

And I'm like, totally.

But those people like own a break shop and literally are there.

They are working.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not just thinking about a riff.

Yeah, yeah.

You really can't get out of the headspace of like constantly, you know, you can't really like check out.

And it's like, well, I make $15 an hour.

So

that's my life.

I'm just going to play Xbox now.

There's no like real punching out.

It's just you're always like thinking about what's next.

And

so I really just let myself completely fuck off.

Yeah.

And ate like, I had one day where I ate an entire

skippy jar.

Probably something like 14,000 calories

just on peanut butter.

In one sitting.

And just going through the whole thing, being like, fuck it, I don't give a shit.

I finally watched Kong, Skull Island.

How was it?

I mean, it sucks, but

I love myself to the watch.

But that's the thing.

It's like, that's what my life used to be: I would watch a movie that was dog shit and eat way too much peanut butter, ate two bags of popcorn into the face or whatever.

Nice.

What flavor, just butter?

Kettle corn.

Two kettle corns.

Two kettle corns, back-to-back.

Respect, dude.

Respect.

No, just not brushing my teeth, not doing shit.

I don't care.

And it was nice.

I mean, it was like work to get there, but I broke through.

That's your staycation.

And got to, like, okay, I'm back.

Love that.

Or recharge or whatever.

Yeah.

But I don't know what this has to do with the CBD.

So, yeah, if you want to do that kind of shit, but smoke CBD.

Yeah,

if you can't just fucking stop,

the CBD definitely helped me with that.

Oh, yeah.

It says here, it does not get you high.

It has next to no THC, which I beg to differ.

I'm going to go ahead and counter the copy here.

Right.

Countering the copy.

Counter the copy.

Doing the opposite.

Doing the opposite of what you're doing.

What we were paid to do.

No, you don't get high, but it really does feel.

Like, you feel something.

They say it's a body.

All these CBD products, they try and, I guess maybe it's a legal thing, but they have to strike a balance between, like, it absolutely has no effect whatsoever, and it cures cancer.

Right, right.

It makes you feel like the cancer is there.

Yeah, exactly.

But it has no effect.

But no, it really is.

It really, it does.

I did take having to smoke the fucking shit because that vape has never done anything for me.

I agree with you.

There was something different to me about smoking that fucking pre-roll.

Grown in California by Oregon.

Cali bud.

California and Oregon, not by Oregon.

Oh, yes.

Each plant is hand-selected by a team of experienced cannabis flower experts.

Oh, hell yeah.

Those guys sound like they suck, but whatever.

Alternative for people looking to cut back on smoking other things.

Like pole.

Like, yeah.

That seems like a kind of a homophobic thing.

Yeah, I don't know why you put that in there.

I'm not sure if I can do it.

I guess it says here, are you a fucking

are you some just godless homo

looking looking to get right with the Lord when you can do drugs all the way back in the god's arms

oh here we go it mixes well with other things that you can smoke

each batch is slow cured so I can oh my god imagine smoking a fucking

a spliff of CBD well I it might make sense because you know you like if if it's like maybe you want a little bit of THC in there you know if like if if like you can use this shit to figure out the ratios or something?

Sure.

I think real weed would have to be involved, personally, but.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Oh, okay.

But that's what you said.

Smoking is spliff.

I meant like tobacco and CBDs.

You can't say, you can't, you probably can't say.

That's why it says other things that you can say.

Right, right, right.

You cannot suggest that people mix this.

Do not mix this with anything.

It is funny to imagine somebody mixing O'Dools with Bud Washington.

That's what I mean.

Yeah, and they're being like, well, I'm already divorced.

Yeah, taking shots and using Oduels as a chaser.

Exactly.

I'm trying to get rid of the problems or the causes of my problems, but we'll still have the problems no matter what.

So we're just going to

mix the O'Dools and Budweiser.

CBD content is up to 20%, which is some of the highest in the game.

Yeah.

Okay, that makes sense because it did get me a little something going compared to other places.

That's probably why we didn't feel anything.

The attention to detail detail is noticeable in every beautiful flower.

Smoking your CBD is the most efficient and quickest way to deliver it to your system.

Does not get to you, high-independent lab testing.

Are you signaling me?

He was rubbing

my pussy on the side.

It was Jim Schwartz.

Oh, no, it was my clit.

You were pretending to have a picture of me.

He was imagining he was dating Andy Warhol.

Yeah.

I was hoping I was getting a licking

through my jeans.

I'm trying to get my dick licked through my jeans.

Something about artists.

They take the artisan approach.

Yeah, we got more of an artisan approach.

Oh, yeah.

Stupid.

Yeah, just shut the fuck up.

Goddamn.

It's fucking, it'll give you a little buzz, but not get you as fucked up as weed, man.

Yeah.

Are you trying to cut back on weed like I am?

Smoke CBD.

Look, it fucking works.

It does.

Don't, yeah, leave the artisan approach.

Artisan.

No, they just fill it with the drug that's legal.

It's a sh it's got a shit ton of the one that isn't illegal in it.

One hundred percent hand trimmed.

Never machine trimmed.

Like my cock.

Yeah.

Machine trimmed.

My cock is hand trimmed.

And it sucks because it's like you would think that when they eventually legalize weed, this is the kind of stuff that would they would no longer be necessary.

Remember we all used to have that fantasy.

Eventually weed will be mainstream and the potheads will have to shut up because Bill Gates will be smoking weed.

Right.

You know, and it'll unfortunately.

No, it's never going to happen.

It'll never happen.

It'll never happen.

It'll just get worse.

Yeah.

So

every other type of culture gets stolen from the original people.

It's true.

You know, but for somehow, the potheads held on to their shit.

Well, because I think enough of them stole selling weed from black people.

You're right.

And they're all in prison and they get it.

And also Rasta culture from Jamaicans.

I saw some article the other day.

Let's finish this fucking cushion.

CushyDreams.com/slash pussyhole.org.

They got two product lines: the smokable flower.

It's the

chill and the energy.

This is fucking insane.

Nah, they have eighths and they have fucking pre-rolls.

I should have taken a look at this before, but it's cushydreams.com.

That's K-U-S-H-Y-Dreams.com.

Promo code COMTOWN all capital letters, C-U-M-T-O-W-N, one word, for 20% off your first order.

Wow.

That's a great deal.

Here comes their tag.

Smoke your CBD because you can.

I know.

Wow.

What marketing genius is good?

So true and so fucking good.

This is like.

Use our product because it exists.

Yeah.

Having like a product that works.

It's like being hot, basically.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

Where you just don't have to do a fucking thing.

Yeah.

You think you're good at something because you're hot.

I know.

I saw somebody tweet, like, it was like some sexy guy, some sexy gay dude.

He was like, he was like, I be like, in quotation marks, I don't get notifications on this app on Tinder to get phone numbers.

And it's like, no.

You're not tricking anyone.

You're a hot guy.

You just have to say, can I have your number?

Dude, yesterday I saw one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Real quick, though.

Smokable CBD flour.

These are their two main product lines.

They're the pre-rolls and then the smokable flour.

So you get a little tin with the buds and you can put it in a bowl or you get the pre-rolls.

I love the pre-rolls.

Every pre-roll is one gram.

The smooth rolls featuring optimal burn.

Experience your desired effect from six choices of strain-specific full-flower rolls.

They got one called Relax.

There's one called Peace.

I fuck with Relax.

Hustle, Energy, and Dream.

And Dream.

Dream Rocks, too.

This is the kind of shit I think is bullshit.

I've been handing out Peace to cops.

Yeah.

Adams in the protests, hanging out CBD.

Peaceing in a CBD.

I remember after Eric Garner, Nick, said he was going to go to

Union Square with legalize it stuff, not knowing it was a Black Lives Matter.

Figure it was a weed rally.

Well, that was happening at Occupy.

When I lived in L.A.,

Occupy was going on, and

there was a bunch of people that lived in that house, but there was a guy that was like 20 with an older girlfriend.

And he's like, Yeah, we're going down.

And it's like, it's all about everybody's like, they're finally going to legalize it, dude.

And he, like, just thought Occupy was

like

go down and like protest for like weed.

It's like, man, I think it has something to do with the banks.

I think it's a bank thing.

Anyway, so relax is an anytime hybrid.

Peace is an anytime hybrid.

Create is a daytime hybrid.

Sativa dominant.

Hustle is daytime sativa, energy is daytime sativa, and dream is a nighttime god.

This kind of shit is like astrology to me, basically.

I think it's real.

Yeah, maybe it is.

I don't know.

Definitely it's real in terms of regular ass weed because that shit will fuck.

I mean, I have had strains fuck me up in different ways.

Oh, really?

So, I and listen, I've been doing the Indica heavy fucking hybrids.

The Inda couch.

The Indicouches right before bed, and they work, brother.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, listen,

I got a half a mind to start using my own fucking money to buy fucking Cushy Dreams.

That's how much I like it.

Separate from what they sent us,

the very nice care package.

Yeah, I don't think that's going to be one of those things where we regularly get free shit.

Hey, whatever.

It'd be nice if we did.

We have to do that.

I'm still pissed Blue Chew makes us fucking pay.

I'm over here telling, I'm one of your fucking most high-profile people.

Do you evangelize the product?

Yeah, and

it's not supposed to be that way either.

We have like an internal code that just stopped working.

Yeah, it just stopped working.

But we still have to start getting billed.

Which, fuck it.

I mean, I don't care.

I use the product, but you know, it would be nice.

Well, because of quarantine, I now have this massive stockpile.

He's gone for three years.

It's the only thing.

If there was like a nuclear war or something, and then they fucking went into the homes afterward, and they're like, oh, this guy.

I want so many influences.

This guy was so soft.

He has 15 years worth of stamps and then BIC pills.

And then he's out of everything else.

And there wasn't a nuclear war.

He just sort of died because

he didn't.

There was a myth that there was a toilet paper shortage.

So he started wiping his ass with his hand and got a horrific infection from his haircutting injury.

Yeah.

Shouts out to Cushy Dreams.

Thank you, Cushy Dreams.

CushyDreams.com, promo code COMTON 20% off.

Smoke your CBD.

Because you can't.

Because you can't.

Because you can't.

God damn.

I saw

when I was on Fire Island.

That's what you know, people are like, oh,

you just do a podcast.

You don't have to do anything.

You just sort of like talk, which is true.

Yep.

Very easy job.

But so is every other job that, you know, where you sit down.

There's not a single real job that has a chair.

Besides, I agree with that.

They're all fake.

If you work in an advertisement, you ever see, for some reason, every time I'm on a plane, I'm sitting next to somebody that works in copywriting.

And they're just like wiping their brow, writing individually.

Copywriting is just podcasting on paper.

Just sitting there, just somebody in a little bit.

No, that's even less effort.

Writing individual sentences for the entire flight.

That's like just that, basically.

Mercedes, cars that drive.

Okay.

Technical writing, too.

Fuck, that's all you're doing.

And you make no, It doesn't have to be a bit.

Yeah.

A quarterback.

You don't have to talk about your dick being little and how you need dick pills.

I had one job, one of those truck jobs where I had to drive a van and it was like one of the either the client or some client agency person.

And it was either like one of the big makeup companies or the agency that was handling it.

And I was driving this woman back to her hotel room.

And I talked to her and it's like, just fucking like clearly this person has never

been uncomfortable for a single moment yeah no self their entire life just just nothing like you know right just not even the hint of adversity has just been like rich the entire like just fucking inordinately this job is fake right you don't understand what anything meet like you just like you know and you think you've earned it too right she thinks she's so she's worked so hard she's working so hard she's done nothing like bitching at pas about like coffee orders not even because it actually bothers her, but because that's indicative of the stressors of her

fake position.

They got the latte wrong.

Yeah, you have to.

I'm helping her.

I'm teaching her by giving her a hard time.

Damn.

Just wanted to.

You should have kidnapped her.

I did.

I pulled the van over, and I showed her where the real world is.

I pulled that fucking van right over.

You know how you taught that PA a valuable lesson about coffee?

Yeah.

I'm going to teach you a valuable lesson about whose car you get into.

The door is locked.

I'm so surprised.

I don't even need this job.

I got a podcast.

You thought I was some PA you could boss around.

Nope.

I sell Chris Benoit t-shirts.

Oh, fuck, dude.

Yeah.

I didn't do it.

I might do it.

You know, I'm not going to say it.

I'll just sell it.

Keep it as a surprise.

Nah, because I don't know if I'm going to do it or not.

Yeah, then don't get the people wet for it if you're not going to do it.

Well, somebody else could easily do it if I say it.

Oh, yeah, don't say it then.

But I don't even know if it's a good idea.

It's one of those things where it's like it doesn't make any sense.

And

because it doesn't make any sense, it seems like it might be offensive, but you can't really pinpoint why it's offensive, which is my favorite type of thing in the world.

Yeah.

You know?

Absolutely.

Which is, you know, it's a very like, I'm not touching you sort of move.

Yeah.

Which is the ultimate move.

Absolutely.

You should always put yourself in a position of I'm not actually touching you.

And

the confusion that it causes.

The confusion that it causes.

I'll tell you guys the idea later.

Yeah.

Now I'm curious.

Fuck.

Because you want to do something that pisses people off, and then when they have to explain why they're mad, they can't.

That's the ultimate.

And I don't know if that's comedy.

No, that's the apex.

Or just severely anti-social behavior.

No, it is.

Definitely, there's an aspect of just bothering as many people.

Yeah, yeah, bothering people being

as an asshole on a

patiently as popular.

That's why Dola's all rocked because she bothered like woke people and racist people.

When I was in school as a kid, whenever it was very quiet, the legend, the perfect troll, when we had to have like do a test or something, it was very quiet.

I would sometimes try to just like go like

And I would like to try to make the faintest noise possible.

Yeah.

And if somebody asked me to stop, be like, I don't know what you're talking about.

Of course.

Because it's like, go ahead, tell on me.

Right.

What are you going to say?

He's doing something.

You can't even articulate very high-pitched sort of thing.

He's kind of making a noise.

You can't do it.

And I would just be like, I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know.

Yeah, they must have been so happy when they moved you to special orb.

The rest of the kids, like, oh, thank God.

He's just annoying.

He's so annoying, he's retarded.

Oh, goddamn, that's so good.

It's a good move.

Oh, fuck, dude.

I gotta piss.

My little fuck's bladder.

What if we piss into each other's mouths?

I'd be down.

We buy ourselves some time.

If there's no drippage, I'd be down.

I just don't want piss splashing around my apartment.

We buy ourselves some time, brother.

Oh, yeah, what I wanted to say about Fire Island.

Yeah.

So I was on the

gayest beach, the gay islands.

Was the beach open?

The beach was open.

I don't think it was.

I think they just reopened.

Cuomo just reopened, and

I was getting my teeth cleaned today.

Apparently, he's saying anybody who's not in the tri-state and comes back to the tri-state has to quarantine for two weeks.

Otherwise, what?

Exactly.

They're going to get fined, but who's going to fucking tell them that?

Yeah, exactly.

I have to get a fucking COVID test to go out and see.

I can't wait till my girlfriend's family for 4th of July.

The new New York City.

Who's going to lie about it?

New York City fireworks.

Fireworks police are going around giving

tickets for coming back from Africa, not quarantining.

Hey, fireworks police cop.

yeah no we're new

yeah no we're only

community police hey we're the fireworks police i grew up around here i grew up on bedstead bestide do or die

yeah

um oh yeah so you know we're on the beach it's all these fucking perfect body like john cena guys yeah and they're all in like you know speedos looking incredible i was i felt so so fucking invisible it was kind of awesome i think that that's a good description of a perfect body as john cena no i i mean they were just like they they had put so much work into their bodies like they were just like you know and they all look like that they didn't hang out with with like dweebs at all oh yeah

you know the most tell me there was one fat guy elite athletes no there was one twink who was so small there they there was one that had earned their rest

because the fat gay guy is a newer type of gay guy is it i i think it's just a sub culture no and they always have like shorts that are sucked into their ass

and flip-flops and they're very like right they're very nasally

and they're always complaining because they're dressing the same way as the hot gay guys yeah they're at the beach they're like oh but stefan said he would bring the chips but then he didn't bring the chips and i was like okay well are you bringing the chips are you not bringing well there's older there's there's older gay guys and you notice that there was a change in gay culture but like the older guys those are the fucking heroes who all their friends died in like 1981 and they're like so happy to be alive yeah you know know and they like appreciate life and they just want to be happy and like live life to the fullest but all those guys talk like old jewish women and then something happened where valley girl became that's true that is a great point there was like a sea change that occurred but um wait so there was this one guy that looked like bill goldberg just in the speed up

and also there's this um everyone was sticking their asses out There was some tremendous legwork.

Tremendous cheeks.

They were not respecting the gym quarterback.

Not only did they stick their asses.

They were going into secret gay gyms and things.

For sure.

The gays are hogging all the posture.

I don't know how you fucking look like that.

It looks like they have scoliosis.

They walk around.

But I bet you technically it's perfect.

Right.

It looks like it's.

I try to do it with my ass.

Your body is not built for it.

My body isn't built for it.

It hurt my back.

They look like British POWs trying to maintain their dignity.

Stiff up a lip chap.

Yeah.

Anyway, don't let the Cambodian see you like that.

There's just this one Bill Goldberg guy in a just fucking rhinestone bikini.

Respect.

Big respect.

Walking down the boardwalk.

Goldberg beached gold dust.

And the only thing he was carrying, and I don't know why it was so funny, but the only thing he had with him is Settlers of Catan.

Okay, so Jeremy said he was going to bring Settlers of Catan, and he didn't.

So Michael had to bring Settlers of Continent, which is beach on him.

Just walking alone on the board.

I don't mind playing Jeremy's copy of Settler Reference Hand, but his board,

all the octagon pieces are folded up at the edges.

I don't know if it's from humidity.

I'm not a scientist.

So I told Jeremy.

Does he have the expansion packs?

I told Jeremy, then you could, at the very least, bring the expansion packs, and he didn't.

And I'm sorry, excuse me, but I'm the fat gay, so it's my job to complain.

If you want to complain, maybe you can complain later.

Yeah,

a cool cultural experience.

Yeah,

she got sucked off.

No,

I was like, I was saying, like,

my girlfriend and I could have just started having sex in front of those guys.

No one would have noticed.

Literally, she got stepped on.

She was that invisible.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was pretty cool.

The water was spectacular.

Really?

Yeah.

It's really nice out on the beach.

We got to start going.

I just got the surfboard.

You saw the surfboard out in the hall.

Oh, my god.

No, dude, I'm fucking, I'm locos-only vibes.

I like the way I go to the beach, which is you drive there, you swim out to the far end, you just stare at everybody, and you set a timer for 20 minutes on your Apple Watch, and then it goes off, and you paddle back in, and then you get back to the bottom.

Pack up.

Not even pack up.

Because there's nothing to pack up.

Nothing too pack up.

You didn't bring a towel.

You leave your shoes in the car.

Yep.

Stepping on hot asphalt and sand until you get to the beach, to the water.

You went swimming fully dressed.

Yeah.

You got khakis on.

Damn, I don't think I would.

I love going to the fucking beach, but I think I'm too sketched.

I don't, see, that's the thing.

You know why I don't like going to the beach?

And I realized this last year is because I don't have any friends.

I mean it.

There's no, no, really, that's it.

It's like, I don't know how to rent a locker.

I've never done that.

But it's like, I can never leave my shit out on the fucking beach.

Right.

You know?

You're right.

A beach is like you take a little party.

Like, the best times I've had at the beach is like, me, Eldis, his girl you know I bring a girl we got her fucking I could go to the beach

we meet friends I could go to the beach now because the iPhones are waterproof and so is like you know I don't carry cash and I got just the fucking rigph's waterproof they are what they've been waterproof since the fucking six and people don't know that really use my phone in the shower all the time you know

all the

that's amazing I don't even trust it enough I was like talking to this girl and she was like sending me pictures from and this is back when the iPhone 6 she was sending me like pictures from like in the shower.

And I'm like, aren't you going to fuck up your phone?

She's like, no, the phone's waterproof.

Nice.

Hell yeah.

And from that day on,

I don't, now I'm like, you know, I'm in there hours.

Yep.

Texting.

Texting.

Just pruned up.

Yeah, pruned up.

Sexting.

Multiple nuts in the shower.

Yeah.

Your water bill is unbelievable.

Yeah.

That's right.

Well, I do fuck with the beach though, but I'm just, I don't know.

I don't want to be around crowds, dude.

I'm still sketched out about that shit.

What do you mean?

Just because of the fucking virus dude oh right yeah

sorry i moved on to i know i know i moved on to black lives

well you're a better guy than me what can i say my friend a friend of mine posted on instagram that like a picture that said black lives still matter even if your feed's gone back to normal and it's like it's so funny that that's just how this is gonna go it's like in three weeks nobody's gonna be posting god the black lives stuff i wonder what's gonna happen the nba's gonna come back and they say they want to do a bunch of they're gonna to they want to fucking do a bunch of shit.

No, they're all just they're just going to s they're just going to slowly move away.

The fever pitch that things reached, which not that it wasn't like justified, but like to a certain extent, it feels almost like you know when you make a dog howl?

Yeah, I guess.

You can make a dog howl.

You just keep howling and eventually a dog will start howling.

And then once it gets going, you stop and the dog almost doesn't know what it's doing.

It's like confused as to why it's howling.

Right.

And I feel like that's what happened to everybody over the last month.

Yeah, I mean, I hope some of the energy can be fucking directed into some good shit.

I mean, a bunch of people, like, a bunch of athletes started a.

I mean, I think people are looking at voter suppression now, and I think people are actually getting involved in some local shit.

I don't know.

I hope some shit pops off from it.

I think it'll, it might, something might happen, and then the election is going to be.

It'll be interesting to see what happens with the.

The election is just going to be a vortex.

It's going to be wild.

All the attention is just going to go back to Trump and

people.

I bet you they're fixing to do some real nice voter suppression.

Yeah, in Georgia, you should have a lot of people.

This will probably be the last election that we have that isn't just a sham sham until it gets to, yeah, where it's like basically fake, where we start having like

Putin-style elections?

Yeah.

This is probably the last one.

Damn.

It's about to be some.

We better get some AKs, dude.

Dude,

if they take away the debates, then...

I'm going to be so pissed.

Chris Corner.

Only good part.

I'm going to fucking eco.

Take the dementia off.

Give me one at least.

I need four.

If I don't get four, I'm going to fucking check.

I think they should have to play gay chicken.

I don't think there should be debates.

I think it should be

rounds of higher stakes gay chicken.

I honestly think Biden could win gay chicken because he doesn't know where he is.

Trump is at least aware of what's gay and what's not.

He really hates it.

Biden, I could see

doing some gay shit on accident a bunch of times.

I mean,

it's like such a

superficially important contest, anyways.

Right.

That, I mean, it should, yeah, no, it shouldn't.

I mean, what the fuck could you possibly get out of those debates?

Some people watch it and go, you know what?

That's my gosh.

I'm not sure who I'm going to vote for.

Do swing voters.

We need to watch this.

Do swing voters even exist anymore?

I can't understand.

I think they're just all Republican.

I think there are also people that are so low information they find out that

there's voting for president in a week.

Like a week before.

There are, and I think there are a lot more people than you'd realize that just like

are completely, I don't know what they're doing.

Like, that's what, yeah, that's why Ken, everyone talking about Ken Bone.

It's like, he's a fucking idiot.

He's a person that was undecided up until like a couple weeks outside of the bank.

He voted for Trump, right?

I think he did.

Yeah, sick.

Although, I believe he had a wife that was hot or something.

Did he?

We talked about this years ago.

Oh.

Are you jealous?

No.

Yeah, you're jealous.

I'm not jealous of Ken Bone.

Jealous of Ken Bone.

I'm a better fat guy than Ken Bone.

What do you guys think of the Bud Washington?

Ken Bone is jealous of me.

I didn't even bring up being a fat guy.

I told you that story about being in that fucking restaurant in like Van Horn or Fort Stockton or some shit.

It's in West Texas.

And I'd been on the road for like 15 hours.

It was like 8 p.m.

I checked into my hotel and I went to like the only restaurant in town.

It's like

the middle of fucking nowhere.

And it's like this wood-paneled restaurant.

I love it.

And on the wall, there is one of those.

Yeah.

But it was like...

Budweiser mirror.

Budweiser mirror, but with Dale Earnhardt on it.

And there was a

this is a beautiful Clydesdale situation.

And there was like a teenage couple like the table next to me.

And they must be the only two teens in town, so naturally they have to date each other.

And the girl looks up at the Bub Weiser mirror and she's like, I love that.

I love it.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

I love that.

That is so good.

Yeah.

I heard a good one, too.

I was getting off the bus the other night.

Which, the bus is free, by the way.

Did you know that?

What?

like in brooklyn i the whole fucking front of the bus was like cut did they open the back door and you could just ride the bus for oh yeah yeah yeah why because no one wants to ride the trains yeah well they don't want to interact with it yeah they don't want to interact with the uh the bus driver

it was kind of free before

when i moved here and i was broke as shit i just used to get on yeah but don't try that on the select bus service no they get mad at it they will tear you that's the special bus

what's up with that what's why is that different anytime if you go on a select select bus service and you try to use a regular Metro.

Oh, yeah, they're pissed about that.

That's Nazi Germany.

Can't you read the goddamn sign?

No.

I've gotten yelled at so many times on the SBA.

It's a fucking like confusing system that looks like.

Yeah, you have to get a special Metro card.

You have to go buy a special Metro card so that the bus doesn't suck.

Yeah, there's no you know I was looking into the other day is the Amtrak auto train service.

What's that?

It goes from Lorton, Virginia to,

I think, Sanford, Texas.

Sanford, Florida.

Sanford, Florida, sorry.

All the way down the east coast.

You drive your car into the train, and then you don't have to fucking drive to Florida.

Do you sit in your car the entire ride?

That would be pretty cool.

No, no, no.

You can get a sleeper car.

You get a regular coach seat.

Oh, very nice.

But it's so funny.

If you go to buy a ticket on Amtrak's website, it does not show you the cost for parking.

It just says just $89 plus the cost of your vehicle.

And it won't, you can't see how much they charge you to put your fucking car on the train.

Wait, they decide when you get there or something?

I think so.

It depends on the size of the vehicle, but I couldn't find anything.

That's crazy.

There's not even

a fucking thread on some website that tells you.

Yeah, but none of the

real bullshit information is right up front, which is that like, so the train only leaves at 4 p.m.

from D.C.

or Virginia or whatever.

And then it takes like 14, 15 hours.

But you have to get to the

station in between like 11 a.m.

and 2 p.m.

Jesus Christ.

So you drive.

Yeah.

You have to wait an entire fucking day.

Let's just fucking drive.

Amtrak station and then they give you like a comped hot dog.

And then it takes like four hours for them to get your car off the train.

And then on top of that,

it's killed like six or seven people in the last fifteen years.

How is that that still going on?

Derails.

Yeah, it's funny.

Train derailments keep happening.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean, like, planes don't even crash.

But the trains, like, yeah, they still fuck up and derail.

Goddamn Malaysia.

Malaysia going back to back was so fucking funny.

Yeah.

That guy, remember, there was a guy who like put it on Instagram, like, uh-oh, on Malaysia.

Hope I don't die.

And he died.

That's going to be me.

That's such a Ryan Dunn kind of way to die.

Yeah.

Truly.

About to drunk drive.

Hey, I'm Steve-O, and this is Fly a Malaysian Airlines.

Oh, fuck, dude.

I'm Steve-O, and this is Touch Artwork in North Korea.

Touch.

Vinny keeps texting me.

He wants to go to Disney.

Bro, you got to have me on the podcast so

I can make illegal threats against Bam Margera's life.

You got to have, I gotta come on the show, man.

I gotta fucking incriminate all of you.

Honestly, shout out to Vinny, though.

The first laugh I had after my mother died

was

when he hit me up to do his podcast Scumtown and then he hit me back like an hour later and said, I didn't realize that your mom just passed away.

Vinny's timing's unbelievable.

He's probably the first person you were in contact with outside of your immediate family after your mom's.

My close friends.

And so I got a message from Scumbag Vinny.

I was like, I might as well just open it.

Sorry, Vinny.

Less than a couple hours after your mom passes.

I think it was the next day.

And then I was like, really, just the first time I've smiled.

Yeah.

The gift of Vinny.

Yeah.

He's been hitting me up to go down and do a comedy show with people from Comedy Central and BET.

Oh, really?

No.

People from Comedy

kind of come around on Sean King.

Oh, yeah,

where were you?

You know, he sucked or whatever.

But now he's become so much of a scumbag.

He's a scammer completely, right?

Yeah, that it's endearing.

Now I'm pro Sean King.

I saw that someone screenshot a tweet where Tariq Nasheed

put him on a Twitter list

fake.

It was called Pretending to Be Black.

Pretending to be black.

I don't trust Tariq Nasheed anymore.

Well, the way he kind of framed it.

Lost your trust.

The way he framed this Milwaukee PD thing kind of got me

raised an eyebrow.

I got to look at it again, but the tweet is like, it's sneaky.

I mean, it's probably not by his design in any way, but like, kind of, like, glides over the implication that the police department was like

involved in this sex.

Wow.

Which is a psychopath.

Yeah, it was more framing it as, like, they're incompetent, you know, or they're like protecting the house, which is like, this is a guy that goes hard all day long.

Right.

This is a guy that's fucking.

He does not need even a shred of evidence.

Three days ago, he was posting a video of some black child molester beating a gay man in Macy's for no reason

and saying, like, that's what he gets.

It's like, this is what's coming to you, white people.

No apology.

Does not do a shit.

But with this one, he's like fucking like, oh, yeah, well, you know,

you know, and he wasn't like excusing anything, but just the framing of it was weird.

It was very tricky.

That is alarming.

In a way that makes me say, is he possibly part of the

part of the ring?

He's part of the king.

You're on the list.

You are on the list.

We got an eye on, we're keeping an eye on them.

We got an eye on them.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Well, check out Come.town.

I got some new shirts that are up.

Fuck with those.

Check out Stopping Solves Your Problems.

Friday, 6 p.m.

And then this Saturday, my little brothers wanted to raise a little money for some Baltimore charities.

So, Saturday at noon, we're doing a lift-a-thon and art auction.

And my little brother's going to try and lift a bunch of weights.

I am going to do

$15.

No, I'm going to do push-ups.

Last time he ate.

You're going to do push-ups?

He ate 15,000 peanut MMs.

You can sponsor me for a push-up.

I will probably only do around eight.

Stop actually eight.

You're going to raise eight dollars.

No, very important dollars.

Some people could do $35,000 Reese's mini cups for Black Lives Matter.

Listen, it's up to you.

I guess I'll eat candy if you want me to.

Whatever you want, I'll do.

You can eat candy.

You can also eat candy.

My other brother George will be auctioning off some of his artwork.

So, anyway, all of it will go to Baltimore Safe Haven, Baltimore Action Legal Team, and Youth Empowered Society, all in Baltimore.

So that'll be kind of fun to do and just fuck around with my brothers.

But yeah, that's pretty much it for me.

Helping out the community.

All right, until next time, folks.

Thank you.

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