Ep. 202 – Joris Bohnson

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Well,

here we are.

Oh, here we are.

Time to mute the chat, of course.

All right, there we go.

Beautiful.

Yeah.

Have you put a

shirt on all week?

Um, I put last time we recorded, I put a shirt on because I had my window open.

I wanted to feel the cold.

But now I'm back to I put a shirt on and then my nipples started hurting.

Yeah, did you see this story about the pandas finally having sex sex in the zoo?

I did, and I got jealous.

I know.

That makes that reminded me of you.

It reminded me myself of me, dude.

Yeah.

I was like, damn, I wish that was me.

I wish I was a fat little fucking bull.

A sex.

Bouncing another little

type of bear.

No, that's not what.

It's a fat thing having sex is why it reminded me of me.

Because that's kind of what I'm like.

A sexless Chinese bear.

No,

I'm not Chinese at all.

I'm not even a little bit Chinese.

You're Chinese.

Did I tell you?

You're Chinese.

You look a little Chinese.

I've got some Chinese aspects to you.

Some Asiatic aspects to me.

A little bit.

Did I tell you when I went to popular jewelry?

They literally were like, you're Chinese, right?

They wanted a picture with me because I was Chinese.

Yeah, maybe you should have gone to loser jewelry.

Why?

That's not.

No, I went to the right one.

You and Adam should go to loser jewelry, actually.

I was at the right jewelry.

Pretending to know how to skateboard jewelry.

Poser jewelry.

Poser jewelry.

no, I'm not.

I went to the right one.

The lady even thought I was fucking Chinese.

Yeah, the lady thought you were Chinese, yeah.

That's how I started this story.

Damn, I didn't know that.

You never told us that.

Yeah, I went in there, it's owned by Chinese people, and she was like, So, you're Chinese, right?

And I was like, No, she was like, You're half Chinese, and I was like, No, because I would describe you as Stavros with Chinese characteristics

if I had to describe

describe your ideology

with the thin mustache.

You look a little bit more Chinese, yeah.

No, More Chinese.

You look a little bit more mustache?

A little bit.

A little bit.

Is it just because I'm fat?

Maybe.

I think maybe the fat closes your eyes a little bit when I'm laughing.

A little bit Chinese.

There was a kid growing up,

he was fat as shit.

He was, his cheeks got fat only, though.

So he wasn't that, but they lit, so he did look like a Buddha statue almost.

Yeah, it's funny when there's like, you know, people get so fat that they just get that fat face where they have like uh

you know their nose starts getting swallowed by their cheeks and then they got the same look and it's like those they're done you know I mean unless TLC intervenes yes it's over for you absolutely yeah although some people carry weight in their face my boy George

had a fat face long after not being fat yeah I had a my face didn't like my face got ho like hollowed out when I was like twenty four I think

maybe 23 but prior to that I had like a much much like puffier face youthful yeah energetic I guess I guess you could say that healthy

that's what be that's what a fat face is it's a sign of health is it yes I don't know of extra of extra nutrients yes

they're not seeing people on your wife yet

I'm gonna pretend I don't know what you mean

because I don't have a wife I don't know if we've said that publicly, but that

we have.

And the ship is not my wife.

It seems like your wife to me.

And I don't know why.

The medical ship is not my wife.

The USNS comfort is it's like

you know

how would I fuck the ship?

Where would I put my comfort?

No, you're in the living room, and then it barges in to bring like snacks or dinner or whatever.

Okay.

You know, look, I can get behind.

I can get behind her.

Here she comes.

Here's her just like like, you got, are you doing your podcast in there?

Wow, look at her.

That is cute.

Yeah.

Are you and your friends doing your podcast in there?

She's coming around the corner.

Yeah.

Well,

I'm off to the supermarket to buy my husband more pork rinds.

I don't like pork rinds that much.

Thank you very much.

Well,

I got to get stuff for my husband.

I had a pork rinds phase, but I'm past it now.

I love pork rinds.

Yeah.

I'm past it.

Too salt.

Make me feel bad after the next day.

Yeah.

I mean, I just like the idea that you have a wife that requires a crew of 200 to maintain.

To hose her down.

Well, no, it's just that

is part of the component within your wife is that there's hundreds of men that keep your wife running.

You know, that are required to make your meals.

It requires a crew of

hundreds of people.

Hundreds of, yeah, hundreds of gay men wearing white.

Can I be honest?

If you include like four girls with big titties that I can fuck, sure, then I'm on board with them.

I don't know, yeah.

How about this?

It's the cast of Down Periscope.

Great.

Wait, what was Down Periscope?

It's the Kelsey Girl movie that I've got.

Oh, yeah, yes, yes, yes, for sure.

Okay, then, yes, the boat is my wife.

There we go.

Now we're on board.

Your initial disagreement was thinking that it was some rude criticism when really it's like, I just want the best for you.

You want me to be pampered?

It would be really cool to have that as your wife, bro.

Yeah, it would be cool.

You know what?

I'm glad it's my wife.

We should see if Cuomo will let you get married to the ship.

He probably has a crush on it.

Everyone has a crush on him, but his dumb Italian brain makes him have a crush on the big fat wife boat.

Yeah, for sure.

We're not seeing patients on the boat yet.

I've been making love to the boat every night, and those are the facts.

I can only tell you what the facts are because we're going based on science and facts.

What's my main?

Why is everybody like Cuomo?

I don't exactly understand.

Because he gets on TV and he's the guy that's here right now.

He's seen on TV.

You know, because everybody's scared and horny, and there's like a guy on TV that's not Trump.

I get it.

Well, I mean, it's like your options are Trump, de Blasio, or Cuomo.

So,

yeah.

Yeah,

fucking shit.

It's like that ancient riddle.

You know, the guy goes to the

wizard and he says, you know, I can either call you the N-word, call you the K-word, or fuck you and your ass.

Which one do you want?

And the guy's like, well, I guess you can call me the K-word.

That seems to be.

Yeah, that's the one I would pick, too.

At least bad.

And then, you know, the guy comes.

It doesn't even hurt my feelings.

The guy comes running down the mountain.

He goes into the village and he's like, the wizard called me a kike.

And he's all happy about it.

And they're like, what?

That's bad.

And he's like, no, but the other, you don't understand.

The other options, I can't even repeat them.

Yeah.

You know, that classic Aesop

Aesop fable.

Gesop's fable.

If you had to fuck Mary Kill

Cuomo, Trump, de Blasio,

I guess you fuck Trump.

Why?

Well, I guess you marry...

Well, I guess.

De Blasio seems like a good idea.

There's no good options with the whole thing.

It's all bad.

Cuomo, I don't want to be married to an Italian.

Why?

Because they're so faithful.

They cheat.

Trump cheats and rapes.

De Blasio has probably a good husband.

Yeah, he's German.

He's not Italian.

He just has an Italian name.

So you get all the funny parts of an Italian with German stability.

You know, a good base like Angela Merkel.

Yeah.

You know that bitch could take a cock

with his big cankles.

So, okay, you got that Merkel-like getting fucked ability.

Angela Erkel.

And then

did I die?

I guess I fucked Trump for the story to see what his cock looks like.

Yeah.

And I think you have to whack Cuomo to put it in terms

he would understand.

Yeah, his brother's hotter than him.

His brother's what?

Hotter than him.

Chris.

Yeah.

Isn't Chris in a relationship with Don Lemon?

They do uh two television shows in a row which probably means

I thought they were sexually involved with each other.

Yeah, no, I think they are.

I think you're right.

I remember reading that on Facebook a couple years back.

Yeah, that's there.

That's the thing I remember.

I remember reading about.

I heard the only time they have sex with a woman is when Rachel Maddow pegs them, actually.

I heard that on Facebook, too.

Probably down on the same comment thread that you read.

Yeah.

You read.

Yeah.

And there's a spin-off show

called Maddow About You.

Madow About You.

She fucks

with them and Wolf Blitzer.

Yeah.

Dildo.

He did.

And Paul Riser, too.

Paul Riser too.

She also fucks Paul Riser.

Yeah.

Paul Riser, for sure.

Yeah, I think I remember reading all that on Facebook.

Yeah.

That's a good show.

Underrated.

Yeah.

The writing staff on Mad Ow About You is fucking wild.

They got all the guys from Fraser.

Yeah.

It's a similar type of show.

That taught me that Jewish guys could have wives.

That was big for you.

Jewish guys getting blonde wives.

They could have a wife.

A blonde, annoying fucking

blonde, annoying wife.

A shiksa wife.

What does shiksa mean?

It means rape.

It means

prisoner.

It means raped victim.

It means smuggled in traffic.

Oh, yes.

Yeah.

Is it because now is shiksa, is that because it sounds like shaksuka and their pussies are spicy to the Jewish tongue?

Yeah, it's a spicy breakfast dish.

It's a spicy meatball.

Yes.

Do they make spicy meatballs?

That's a good question because most meatballs I've had are not spicy.

And the Italians never shut the fuck up about how spicy meatballs are.

And I've never had a spicy meatball in my entire life.

Yeah, that's a great point.

Yeah.

I've had a spicy sausage.

That's why, and that's who they put in charge of this thing.

Is some wah

that's gonna, you know, all I can deal with is facts.

Yeah, well, you can't even figure out whether your pasta's

a fucking piece of shit.

Yeah, dude.

How about that?

How about that?

Here's my question: How do you become a reporter that gets to ask questions in those briefings?

I guess you go to school, and then you go to school.

You have to go to fucking Northwestern, I think.

You got to work for a news organization.

Yeah.

Or your dad could be the governor, which is what Chris Cuomo did, and your brother could be the governor, too.

Yeah.

You could be hot.

You could be fuckable.

Yeah.

I thought it was cool when a guy said, What do you say to the people that are scared right now?

And Trump said, I say you're a terrible reporter.

Yeah, well,

he's been doing that the whole time.

He drew somebody else up.

Yeah, he got him.

I'm struggling here because we have a read and I can't find.

That's all right, bro.

Well, I got to find the new copy.

And every time this fucking happens, but I find it, and then I forget what I typed in.

And I also have four different email addresses.

You got to consolidate, brother.

I should, but,

you know, they kept it.

Little dickboy at nickisgay.org is available.

They kept getting mad at me.

You know what is available that I didn't buy it because I was too lazy to do it.

I don't even want to say it.

I'm not going to say it because somebody else.

They'll say it.

They'll take it before.

Don't say it.

Someone will do it while you're saying it.

Yeah, it's a good find.

I'll hold on to that one.

Yeah, hold on to that.

Anyway, I guess we should talk about how we're fucked because Bernie's out.

Yeah, I'm really sad.

Shit sucks, dude.

This really sucks.

Well, there's also like a pandemic, so

yeah, that too.

We're going to get our asses fucked by a type of bunch of different stuff.

I heard there's going to be hurricanes, dude.

Yeah.

From some guy, again, on Facebook.

So I don't know actually if that's true or not.

Bill Gates is inventing a machine to hide elite level pedophilia with hurricanes.

Elite level.

The hurricane, it passes over and it goes over, you know, and then you get to the eye of the

eye of the storm.

It's a hot air balloon where you can rape children.

Don Lemon and Chris Cuomo holding hands with each other.

Going on a date.

It's the house from Up in the Eye of the Storm, and they're just having gay sex and sex with children in there.

Yeah.

Damn, maybe I should re-watch Up.

Dude, unless you want to cry.

I don't know.

I'd probably turn it off after 10 minutes.

That's the part where you cry at the beginning.

It's sad as fuck.

His hot little wife dies.

Shit is fucked up, dude.

Is it fucked up?

Yeah, dude, it's sad.

I don't remember any of the emotions of the movie.

I just remember

there was a house and the boy was Korean.

Yes, he was a fat little Korean boy.

Yeah, those are the two details of the movie that I recall.

Dude, the first fucking like 11 minutes of up, a real fucking tearjerker.

Yeah, it is crazy how they're able to just do that and like, you know, with no dialogue.

Quick, dude.

Yeah.

Just because

they draw the things with so much life in their eyes.

Here we go.

Okay.

I got this shit now, fellas.

All right.

What are we going to do in 15 minutes or right now?

No, we'll do it a lot at time.

Okay.

Nice.

How about are you on your

do you have a stockpile?

You're not even taking, you're not, you have no reason to take the pills.

Dude, that's the one thing my body, you know how they're saying, like, nature is returning?

My body is returning to nature with no dick pills, dude.

Yeah.

So you have a vagina now?

It's going inside your

Your penis is falling off.

The cock is out, dude.

No more penis.

Dude, my balls have shrunk.

All the hair.

My balls keep getting fatter.

My pubes have fallen off.

My balls have shrunk.

I can sing in a beautiful falsetto now.

My hair is growing back.

Look,

my hair is all growing back.

Look how beautiful my hairline is, dude.

Look at this beautiful, immaculate hair.

You know, it's funny.

It doesn't look like it's receded since you cut it all off.

I mean, it was that bad and fucking...

Yeah.

I think I just have this shitty hairline for the rest of my life.

Yeah.

Which is annoying.

Look at this.

It looks like a fucking arrow pointing to my penis.

Does it?

Yeah.

Well, actually, it looks like a butt plug.

Here's the little end.

Here's the bigger end.

I don't even see what you're talking about.

Yeah, well, you need to fucking open your eyes, pal.

It's like a.

I wish I was going balder because I want a bald ponytail, but I'm just going to have this hairy, bullshit, like, fucking thin layer of hair.

Just shave that part and then

it looks like Adam's out.

Well, no big deal.

Now's our chance

to read his social media.

This is awesome because now it's live streamed, so we could just not do it with it.

We'd be like, sorry, dude, it was the live stream.

Yeah, sorry.

We had to keep the show.

The show must go on.

Yeah, and actually, people really liked it, so I think we're just going to to keep doing it.

You're just going to keep going this way.

Just two guys,

and it automatically cut him out of the picture, too.

The computer, the program hurt us.

Yeah.

Initializing making the podcast better.

Right.

It'd be funny if

there were like, you know, like elite tech pedophiles that were in control of everything.

The playing the virus, you know, whatever.

This is all just contravenes.

But then they also listened to the podcast and they were like, also,

not only do we fuck kids, but we're going to get Adam off the show.

Adam's off the fuck.

Adam's gone.

I thought actually what might have happened is this program has like an auto-detect feature that automatically

removes white noise from the background.

Yeah.

And that's kind of fucking.

Yeah, this story is from the movie Cheaper by the Dozen.

This is stolen.

Momentum.

Riff momentum.

Riff momentum.

Riff momentum.

Time to stop.

time to stop, riff.

It sounds like there's an echo from two weeks ago.

It sounds like

things that were said weeks ago are being repeated now.

Let's just go ahead and trim that out.

Yeah.

It's like, yeah, it's like putting a filter.

I'm glad that it's his computer that fucked up.

After all the shit I caught over my beautiful mixing board.

That's true.

Which the audience should know that issue has been resolved.

I figured out how to mix out,

you know, and so now we get

that bad boy back in there.

And I can hear it.

I can hear myself.

I can hear you.

Hearing myself is important for when I do voices.

Absolutely.

You know?

Dude, no joke, huh?

Look how smooth this is running without Adam.

Like, even tech-wise.

We look beautiful.

Right.

He's texting me.

Can you resend the link?

It's in the fucking text thread, you dumbass.

Yeah, it's also like, what am I supposed to do?

Close this window open iMessage I'm supposed to close Safari go all the way to iMessage come on man manually

while podcasting manually type out HTTP the whole link

I'm supposed to link I'm supposed to look at the URL memorize it write it you want me to write this down on a piece of paper what the hell man and then take a picture of it and then upload it to you upload it to your FTP so then you can go then you log in Yep.

And then look at, I'm supposed to do all that.

You want me to do those things?

That's the steps.

Oh.

Sorry, guys.

Hello, Adam.

Hell yeah.

Okay, I'm just kidding.

All right, we'll get it.

All right.

Hey, sorry, my computer froze.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

I'm back.

Yeah.

Nice, dude.

I was just showing you that.

I did screen share and I was showing everybody QuickBooks and how I can just have like, I got your W-9

signed electronic.

Oh, you showed everyone my social security.

Yeah, well, I was just showing them how cool it is that how QuickBooks works.

Well, I love good tips on books and stuff like that.

For example, we'll go to contractor Adam Friedland's page here and we'll take a look.

And you can see you've got his address plugged in there and

here's his social security number.

His ein

yeah for his uh corporation yeah for my for my s-corp cool well you know as long as everyone's still on the same well everything everything goes uh everything goes in through um israelcorp.lc yeah

well it's i'm actually at my s corp is a shell corporation for likud

i was uh

It's a pass-through.

You're paid through

who's the guy that does

Power Rangers and Hummus?

Chaim Saban.

Yeah, you're paid through the Saban Corporation.

You're an employee of Saban.

Yes,

I'm a subsidiary of Soda Streaming.

How about instead of an idiot Savant, it's an idiot Saban, and he's like, I'm retarded, but I'm also Jewish.

All right, we're back.

We're back.

Idiot Saban.

An idiot Saban.

I love that.

Yeah.

They're like,

yeah.

Charlie, Charlie, we have to go to Vegas.

They're like, what's the problem with my brother?

They're like, well, he's retarded, but he's also Jewish.

But he's Jewish.

He's like, wait a minute.

You're saying I can use him to make money?

Definitely.

Definitely.

Definitely.

We're going to make the workers work more.

We got to make them come up.

We're going to set up a bank, Charlie.

Charlie, we're going to set up a bank.

Definitely do.

The rent works.

Definitely, definitely going to correct it.

Definitely going to correct it.

Definitely going to own a couple of properties.

Your brother's an idiot, Saba.

Mentally disabled, but he also inherited all of your dad's money.

Definitely have to buy Clorox

and sell them for 400%.

Definitely a markup.

Definitely going to buy all the N95 masks.

Definitely going to.

I almost got into a fight with a guy in Costco parking lot.

You almost lost the fight.

You almost got your ass kicked.

There was a guy in Costco parking lot selling N95s for $50 a mask.

Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah.

He was,

I'll say this:

Filipino.

N95.

Thank God.

N95 seems like it would be like the name of a racist sneaker.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like the Nike N95.

Yeah.

N95.

Nothing flashy here.

Right.

Don't even try me for my N95s.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was good to see someone other than a Hasidic Jew trying to

benefit from this horrific pandemic.

What are you talking about?

Who?

They should have fucked up that pinoid.

This guy in the this P-Noy guy in the Costco parking lot that was selling N95s for.

He was trying to flip N95s.

He looked like he

was a car salesman, actually.

We're not even supposed to wear them here anymore.

You're supposed to to make

they're supposed to go to the you're supposed to if you have them you're supposed to just donate them to a hospital you're supposed to like make your own mask

yeah

you're supposed to my roommate

my roommate's family in texas found three random ones and mailed them to us

so am i not supposed to use that no you're supposed to make your own

and then you're supposed to give those you should go drop those off at elmhurst okay i'll do that

where's that oh elmhurst i'm not trying to go over there.

Why?

Because it's dangerous, bro.

Is it?

I think so.

I'm not leaving the house at all, bro.

Yeah.

I'm scared.

You're scared of the virus.

I'm scared of the virus.

It's been nice.

It's like Adam's gone again.

I haven't checked in on.

Oh, yeah, he is frozen.

Just stupid figures.

Looking at a man's penis.

Just like not.

It's funny because it's like, even if he were here, he'd have that look and he'd not be listening to a word that's been said.

No, dude.

This is actually perfect because this is exactly what we deal with all the time.

I know.

It's just

a look on his face.

Waiting to say something that's not a joke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I was thinking about getting into turtlenecks.

You're like, oh,

okay.

Would that be weird?

Would that be weird if I had a turtleneck?

goddamn, dude.

Yeah.

Damn, I guess I won't use the mask anymore.

Yeah, you're supposed to.

I just got it.

I was excited.

Yeah, I want to get like a scream mask, scary clown mask.

Oh, yeah.

Stormtrooper outfit.

Bill Clinton with his tongue out.

Bill Clinton with his tongue out.

That was a big mask, remember?

In like the late 90s?

Big Halloween mask.

Yeah, well, Spencer's gifts had that wall of like

the fancy Halloween mask.

Yes.

you would just look at as a poor child be like one day yeah just like one day i'm gonna be the fucked up clown with his with a chainsaw mark halfway through i don't think anyone was buying those because they were like two hundred dollars

for a halloween mask

they were for kids to ask their parents you know what the function was you set you want you ask for a very expensive thing so that maybe it bumps you up so you get a mid-tier instead of a low-tier one yeah because you whine like oh i want the 200 mask Oh, was it the hat you think, Adam, that's doing it?

Is that why you?

No,

I don't know.

My computer keeps crashing.

So

I got it fucking 11 months ago.

So,

yeah.

Yeah, I was lucky in that both of my parents are creatively inclined.

So,

like, the homemade costumes were very good.

Oh, interesting.

My mom sewed Sonic the Hedgehog for me when I was like five.

Hell yeah.

And it was like, I mean, I guess maybe in retrospect, I didn't look like Sonic at all.

She just looks like shit.

But as a child.

No, it had like the fucking thing she likes so you know.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

She did the whole

paint my face.

And then my mom painted my mom was a great face painter.

And then I just wanted to be, yeah, I just wanted to be

the Grim Reaper every other year.

So it's just a hoodie and then a plastic scythe.

And then see you.

I was Hercules.

That was a big one.

Because I was a big fan of the Kevin Sorbo,

the Kevin Sorbo series.

So I had the Kevin Sorbo Hercules.

Oh, it was Dick Tracy.

Dick Tracy.

Nice.

Look, Adam,

it's just not meant to be today.

You might have to sit this one out.

I'll just, I'll come, you know.

I'll try my, I'll try.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, we're

trying to do a seasonal Halloween show.

A nice topical Halloween show.

And you're ruining the vibes.

You're trying to get people in the Halloween spirit.

Pixelated.

Pixelated

like a Grand Theft Auto blow job.

Like a Japanese woman's vagina.

Yes.

Yeah.

And the only porn worth jacking off to.

Yeah.

To me.

It'd be tight if you went over there and you took off a Japanese woman's pants and her ship was all just pixelated.

And you're like, whoa, for real?

How?

Awesome.

And you put your dick inside and it felt like dial-up.

Yeah, it feels like

it feels like Neo going into the Matrix for the first time.

Whoa.

Yeah, it's rolling back in your head.

You're jacking into the mainframe with every Japanese woman's pussy.

That would all be awesome.

Yeah.

You know what's good?

Is Gelt.

The Jews should have hung everything on Gelt.

Which Gelt is

that coin?

I don't know if if it's so good for us to be doing candy money.

Why?

Because of the stereotype that we love coins and gold.

Yeah, but

then you make it so everyone likes it.

This is the kind of gold everyone likes.

This is why you're stupid.

Because here's the thing.

You know, like people are like, oh, black people love fried chicken.

They're like, okay, well, we'll open the best fried chicken restaurants.

And then you have to go.

Popeyes.

Yeah, Popeyes, which is owned by Jimmy Popeye.

Jimmy Popeye.

There is actually an Israeli chocolate restaurant in the middle of Manhattan.

Max Bruner or something.

The fuck?

Yeah, it's across the street from the AMC.

I did not know that was Israeli.

It's Israeli.

I thought it was...

It's a chocolate restaurant.

Stay woke.

Yeah, it's a chocolate restaurant.

Are you going to have to break BDS?

Stop

to cross the BDS picket line because it's a chocolate restaurant.

Just you see the dust cloud

and I just come back and I was just covered in chocolate

like Sonic.

That'd be cool.

That would be fucking tight, dude.

Because I'm gay now.

I've been listening to the new weekend album pretty good.

Yeah.

I tried listening to the new Nine Inch Nails album.

It should just be called More of the Same.

I think I've only heard like

the one about being an animal or whatever.

Yeah.

Fuck you like an animal?

Yeah.

That's what I'm going to do.

That guy does film scores now.

Trent Resnar.

Trent Resner, yeah.

He did social network.

Trent Lesnar.

Really?

Lesbian.

Trent Lesnar.

Something.

Brock Lesnar.

That's true.

That's true.

It's because he's a lesbian.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude.

He got to fuck Sable.

That's his wife.

I didn't watch this.

Yeah, but in a lesbian way.

What's that?

Did you watch it?

Did you guys ever jack off the wrestling?

No.

No, we've had this conversation, too.

Okay.

You didn't watch Tiger King.

I did watch it.

It was pretty good.

Yeah.

What's it about?

It's a guy that fucks tigers?

He's, yeah, I think

he's gay.

Gay, and he has a little tiger zoo, and he, like, tricks teenagers on meth to suck his cock.

Razano.

Basically, that's

what

all these Netflix shows are, no?

Just men.

You're just like

people on drugs.

Shut up, Adam.

We're trying to do a song about

being gay songs.

I'm sorry.

On the air.

It's the guy of the tiger.

Stop making it about me.

It's not

a gay song.

Now, if you'll excuse me, me and Nick will do a gay song.

Why will you go unplug your internet again?

It wasn't the internet.

It was my computer that crashed.

Oh, why?

Did you buy the cheapest computer?

No, I didn't.

I bought it.

So you're like, I have to do my job.

Give me the cheapest.

Just give me the cheapest computer.

It's a macro.

I've never seen a woman's pussy.

Yes, you know I have.

No, you haven't.

You're lying.

You lied about it.

It's been nothing.

And your dick's small.

Speaking of, if your dick's small and you'd like medicine.

If your dick's small like Adam and you would like some medicine to deal with it there's a new company out there there's no medicine for it oh hell yeah doom eternal comes today

oh nice oh you're doing physical even even in the face of a pandemic you're not downloading no i never downloaded i know but now

which i don't know why because it doesn't really save you any

you can use it on different systems i think is the only difference what downloading

no if you do discs oh we can use it on like ps5 when that comes out.

I don't know.

I just meant like a different PlayStation.

I thought having the disc saved you some space, but I guess it doesn't at all.

Nah, dude, it's so fucking bullshit.

You fucking put a disc in and then it has to load for an hour.

Yeah.

Fuck that, dude.

I'm pissed.

Sometimes longer.

Anyways,

if you like having sex,

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Shit.

What'd I go?

God damn it.

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Oh, yeah.

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Dude, oh, that's right.

Their website is

going to tell Nick to stop saying that it can work fast.

Okay.

Okay.

That's part.

Please tell the Cometown guys, not only

they cannot say twice as fast at all.

That's what I keep fucking up.

Okay.

That was emailed.

It doesn't.

It doesn't work twice as fast.

It does.

But it will get your dick twice as hard as it is.

It can work faster because it's a chewable.

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Because you chew it, and it also

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Notes and idea starters.

Please use your own language and talk about your own experiences if you wish.

We want men to know it's okay to need or want some help.

It's not, let's be clear.

It's not okay.

It's not okay, but guess what?

Let's fuck.

I'm ashamed every time I take a pill.

I think to myself, my body, I'm 31 years old, my cock should get hard.

But listen, why even think about what's okay?

I don't care.

I just think about it like drugs.

Yep.

You know?

Because then it's nice because it gives me the possibility to overdose on fucking, which is what fucking has been missing.

It's why I could never develop any kind of sex addiction because there wasn't a chance that I'd have a heart attack.

Yes, well, guess what?

Now,

now there are folks.

Now you could have a brain aneurysm.

Oh, yeah.

You take enough of those, you'll get a real headache.

Yeah.

I've been there, brother.

You want to talk about our experience?

Let's be clear.

We've got a headache

30 seconds ago.

My ears have gotten a hot.

Listen.

No, stop me.

No, stop.

No, put me back on.

Put me back.

I'll be good.

Damn, I love that.

That is awesome.

It is cool.

I wonder if there's a way where I can give you executive privileges.

That would be nice.

Damn.

Me?

No, no.

No, not you, Adam.

Now I kind of want to re-watch executive privileges.

What's that about?

Executive Decision, you mean?

No.

It's a different movie.

It's a better one, actually.

It's got J.T.

Walsh

and

Alec Baldwin

and

Bill Pullman.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Bill Pullman.

J.T.

Walsh.

Classic boss guys.

Yeah.

Executive permission or whatever.

Executive permission.

And whatever I said the first time.

Executive permission.

1997, executive permission.

When you're an executive

need permission.

Yeah.

That's when movies are good.

Todd Baldwin teaching Bill Pullman he can rate.

Based on the Clive Clancy novel.

Executive permission.

Executive permission.

By Clive Clancy.

Clive Clancy's good.

Tom Clancy's gay brother.

Yeah.

Permission to speak freely, sir.

That line precedes every other line in the movie.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Someone needs to wake up the president.

It's like 3 a.m.

Sure, you need to take a look at this.

The president, somebody.

It's my penis.

Somebody needs to get permission from the president to see this.

You don't have the executive permission, son.

I don't have.

Son, son.

You ain't got the executive permission to make it.

You don't have the.

I'm a four-star general, and I'm mad in the movie.

And I'm not looking at your penis.

And I'm upset

the whole time.

The whole movie.

The whole movie.

He just wants to fire the nukes.

Let me take these Arabs back to the Stone Ages and know I will not look at your penis.

Yeah.

And then there's like some bitch that wears shoulder pads.

You know, she's like, remember when we had sex at Harvard?

Remember we had sex?

Remember when we used to

remember when we used to fuck

in politics college?

Oh, yeah, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah, those were different times.

Those were different times, you fucking whore.

Yeah, we can't, we were just kids.

And now it's executive,

now it's a whole world of commission.

There's like 400 movies that are just

somebody stole

to 99.

Yeah, the vice president slipped on a banana and died, and nobody knows where he is.

The public doesn't know, but they've replaced the vice president with a clone.

Terrorists.

Russian terrorists.

Russian ultra-nationalists have replaced the vice president with a clone.

That's a good-ass movie right there.

Yeah.

I would watch that, honestly.

You know what I watched recently?

Was Big Trouble in Little China?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's a good-ass movie, dude.

You like it because it has magic, right?

I love magic.

I haven't seen it.

I haven't seen it since I was a kid.

It's good.

You should watch it.

Have you seen Showdown in Little Tokyo?

No.

It's a very funny movie.

Not even.

It's the same movie?

No, it's a different movie.

It's Brandon Lee and Dolph Lundgren.

Are you sure that's not the same movie?

It's Brandon Lee and Dolph Lundgren, and they play like

Asian Task Force Police on the LAPD.

Yeah, so like the LAPD.

Yeah, the LAPD has like a section just for dealing with Chinese news.

Just for dealing with Asian criminals.

Karate.

Yeah.

But there's all this, like, I mean, the movie's hilarious, but

they get some Yakuza guy, and he's in, and like, Dolph Lundgren knows everything about the Asian gangs or whatever.

So there's like a Yakuza guy in like the interrogation box, and he's left for alone for a second.

And Dolph Lundgren sees the guy by himself, and he's like, shit.

You know, and he starts starts running to the room.

They're like, what?

What is it?

You know, and the guy just takes his own head and breaks his own neck

while being like voluntarily detained.

Yeah.

Just question about something.

That fucking rocks, dude.

Yeah.

Damn, Showdown in Little Tokyo.

That's awesome.

But they just named the movie that.

Yeah.

I watched Showgirls in China.

I watched Showgirls yesterday.

I don't think you did.

Yes, I did.

You're a liar.

And you know what?

It's funny, though.

You've been watching Barney every day.

No, I haven't been watching any babies.

I'm pretty sure you didn't watch it.

Every day it's been nothing but Barney.

Well, I've been in Time Out a lot.

Yeah, you watched.

I've been here.

You've watched Show Guys.

Yeah.

I don't know.

No, I didn't watch Show Guys.

Showboys.

That's not a movie.

It is.

I just checked.

It actually is.

It's funny how.

Hold on, hold on.

Yeah, I just checked.

It is.

What was that sound?

It was a computer.

It was a computer.

That was a

typewriter.

It was a computer.

I was checking.

All right, fine.

And it is.

And actually, I'm looking.

Hold on.

Enhance.

Enhance.

Adam Friedland just watched it according to Netflix.

According to Adam.

The data.

The data's in there.

The data's already locked in.

The president's going to want to know about this.

I got into the back end

through a back door, through an HTML channel.

Mr.

President,

requesting permission.

We're requesting permission to prove that Adam Friedland watched Showgirls.

Show guys.

Show guys.

God damn it, son.

You got to ask me before you go to the president about this.

This isn't an executive permission situation.

DEF CON 5.

DEF CON, we're moving to DEF CON NORAD.

Oh my god,

we're moving to DEF CON 17 now.

We're at watch level alpha.

Yes, we are.

No,

they have the president hostage, and the vice president is a Glenn Close type white bitch.

Come on, Nick.

Come on.

Come on.

Okay.

The president is a Glenn Close type.

A white bitch, and they got to get the president back, otherwise, there's going to be a white woman, the first white white woman president.

Okay.

And it stars us, and we got to save the president.

But I thought you said she is the president.

She's the vice president.

They have, like, a short haircut, white, like, kind of lesbian, late 80s lesbian mom-looking vice president.

Yeah.

And unless we do something, there's going to be a white woman in charge.

Unless we save the president.

Yeah.

That's right.

Yeah.

That's actually pretty good.

That's got legs.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Because we don't want that.

That's the last thing.

That's the last thing.

The president's going to want to get fucked in his ass.

Sir,

we did some studies at the museum, and it seems

somebody fucked you in your ass while you were asleep.

Well, yeah, sir.

We looked through every went to the museum.

Yeah.

The museum.

What's your name, son?

It's Indiana Jones.

Yeah, it seems somebody

dick while you were asleep.

It says it right here in this ancient scroll.

The Nazis

sucked you off while you were

they cloned you and they sucked you off

the bunch of Nazis sucking anybody want to tell me why Dr.

Jones here is the first person to let me know I got fucked in my ass while I was asleep

because the cabinet's just silent

What do I pay you people for?

Just a bull whipping Nazis away from the president's cock.

It turns out the cabinet was in on it, dude.

Yeah.

George Lucas and like the DVD commentary just being like, yeah, well, at this point, I had completely run out of ideas.

But I was intrigued by the possibility of making even more money.

So I considered a sort of a collaboration with Aaron Sorkin and

Tom Clancy to

I love that.

It just shifts tones completely for like nine minutes.

Yeah.

And it's an Indiana Jones movie.

Who the hell is this guy?

Dude,

I was looking like Boris Johnson was going to die there for a little bit.

That would have been awesome.

That would have been so funny.

That would have been the funniest bit of all time.

He would be

the greatest of all time.

Forever.

Best bit.

Better.

Nothing Andy.

Everyone talks about Andy Kaufman being doing the best bits.

No.

Boris Johnson dying of coronavirus.

After publicly bragging about going around hospitals, shaking hands with people with corona.

He's like, I just shook that hand still.

It didn't matter.

You think he's dead and they cloned him?

Yeah.

They don't have that technology in England.

Somebody's cloned the Queen of England.

They made her, but with a smaller title.

The mayor of

the mayor.

We got the CIA to come in and explain who the president of England is.

I can never keep it straight.

Which one do they got?

A president over there?

Yep.

Alec Baldwin is confused about that.

Now, slow down.

You're telling me they got a queen over there?

Have you seen Executive Decision?

No.

Yeah.

I might watch it again.

I've seen it probably 19 times, and

I have no idea what the movie is about.

It's just scene after scene in the Oval Office, and just fucking.

I mean, at one point, they really do go,

I forget which actor it is, Len Carey, maybe that's his, I can't remember, but

he's looking at a table of generals or something, and he's like,

get the president on the phone.

It's an executive decision now.

Right, yeah.

It's an executive decision.

It's the name of the movie.

Yeah.

I love when they do that shit, dude.

It's very funny.

Yeah.

Haven't seen that.

I watched a couple John Carpenter type things.

Got big trouble.

And then I watched Escape from New York.

That was fucking awesome.

Escape from New York.

Hell yeah.

I watched that on 9-11 last year.

The sequel is dog shit.

Yeah, we got

together.

And I was confused.

I was like, because when Escape from New York was awesome, I was like, why did the sequel suck, Dick?

But that sequel was just corny, but the first one was awesome.

The first one rules, dude.

Shouts out to Ernest Borgnine, dude.

Yeah.

His little toothy grin.

Christine.

Christine is the best John Carpenter movie.

Is there a lady with big-ass tits in it?

No.

Because Escape from New York has that one lady.

Yeah.

Her tits are awesome.

Christine's good if you want to have sex with cars.

I don't, unfortunately.

Damn.

What's Christine about?

It's about a big dog.

Yeah, it's about a big dog.

A big red dog.

No, no, no, no, no.

There's like a horror movie that's about a big dog.

Hmm.

Well, I just, there's the thing called White Dog.

Yeah, there's a White Dog.

Is that a Samuel Fuller movie, White Dog?

Yeah.

It's a late Fuller movie.

Yeah.

Like 80s.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the

best.

Stop.

You're thinking of Sandlot.

No.

Yeah, you're thinking of Hercules.

One when there's a big ass dog that's terrorizing people.

Let's list the movies you've seen.

Hercules.

That's one.

Finding Nemo.

Sandlot.

Finding Nemo.

I have seen those three, yes.

Aladdin.

Aladdin, John Wicks.

I have seen Aladdin.

John Wick 2 and 3.

I've seen the first one.

No.

I love that one.

My favorite.

Out of all those three.

Leave a weapons 1 through 3.

30 minutes of one of the Jurassic Park movies.

That's pretty accurate.

I have not seen that Jurassic Park.

Oh, you know what?

I saw the one with Chris Pratt.

I saw all of that one.

You thought you saw Arrival.

Stop you see Princess Bride?

What?

I haven't seen Princess Bride.

Stop has seen Princess Paz Bride.

I've seen Princess Bride.

Hell yeah, of course.

Pretty good.

Shut the fuck up, of course, bitch.

That's

kind of what I'm doing.

I'm sorry I don't go to www.whatmovies are fucking smart and will make people think I'm cultured.com and fucking look at every fucking one on the list.

That's not a website.

I'm struggling and pretend I'm enjoying them.

It's true.

I'm watching shit I like, not some fucking

website.

Stop.

Hold on.

Hold on.

The problem here is like, stop, you also haven't seen 98% of the shit that you would like.

Yeah, that's true.

So the criticism is that you can say, oh, I only watch movies that I enjoy.

It's like, no, you watch nothing.

There's a million movies you would think.

Have you seen French Connection?

No.

You You would love it.

You would love French Connection.

I should watch French Connection.

You should watch it this afternoon.

Fuck.

I might.

Maybe we'll do like a Twitch or a Zoom or something and re-watch French Connection.

I'll watch French Connection.

You know what?

You should get into like a 70s urban crime thing.

That's

really watching

French Connection, Long Good Friday, Day of the Jackal.

Day of the Jackal, Secret Partner, I think.

It's an Altman movie with Elliot Gould, where he's like works at a bank and then he gets roped into this bank robbery.

That movie rocks.

Long Goodbye, you should watch also.

It's where it stars Stav said it, and then I reiterated that it was good that he said it, and now you're suggesting that he watches.

You didn't like it.

Wait, The Long Goodbye?

Oh, not The Long Goodbye.

The Long Goodbye.

The Long Friday.

No, The Long Goodbye.

The Long Goodbye.

You said 70s Altman and Elliot Gould.

The Long Goodbye is not

that genre.

Well, no, I mean, it is, but I don't like it.

I mean, everybody likes it.

It's a neo-noir.

The problem with movies from the 70s is that they're too fucking slow.

Not a lot of shit happens.

That's not a true.

It's like 90.

I like another movie.

You ever see that?

What is it?

The Peter Boyle movie where he plays the.

He's like a guy that goes crazy and kills a bunch.

It's in the same vein as Death Wish.

It's like Crazy Joe or something.

I don't know.

Here, let me see if we can find it.

The Dad from Raymond?

Yeah.

I'm going to watch a bunch of John Carpenter movies now, though, because I'm.

There's a movie about a big-ass dog, though.

Bethany.

I swear to God.

Beta.

No, it's like a horror movie, goddammit.

What's Christine about?

It's a car?

Isn't there a movie when someone's hiding from a dog in a car?

Crazy Joe.

Okay.

That's another one.

Mean Streets.

Mean Streets I haven't seen since I was like 15.

I fuck with Mean Streets.

I like that.

I don't know if that's good.

It's good.

It's good in terms of like you get to just watch young De Niro Young.

You can see how it all started.

You watch your boys that you love figuring it out.

That's what I'm saying.

And seeing Marty figure out how to use songs and scenes.

And Marty's in it.

I think he shoots someone or gets shot.

I love when he's in movies.

I love when he's in the movie.

What are the taxi drivers?

So sick.

Yeah.

What are other

70s?

Movie stops should watch?

Yeah, but

there's like two or three that I'm not.

I like Revenge.

I like Guns.

That are 70s,

70s urban crime movies.

I mean, you should watch all the Death Wish movies.

Death Wish.

Yeah, I've seen Deathwish.

What fuck?

Let me see your penis.

There's something I'm missing.

That's like, I know, is like.

Yeah, I don't know.

How about just French?

French connection and Day of the Jackal for sure, though.

You know what I'm saying?

In the chat, a bunch of people are saying a bunch of movies and we'll never know what they are.

What do you mean?

Oh, yeah, they're probably freaking out.

They're going crazy to listen to it.

Jesus.

I will never know what they are, bitch.

Stav, I watch this.

Stav, I watch this movie.

I texted Stray about it.

Saint Jack, it's on Amazon.

It's Ben Gazar is a pimp in Singapore.

Linda tripped off.

Oh, hell yeah.

She did?

Take that, you fucking snitch.

Lioness.

Rot in hell, you fucking whore.

P.

Monica, bro.

She's been reincarnated as

the boat that stops married to the boat.

No, then I'm out.

Then it's not my wife anymore.

I want a divorce from the boat.

Yeah.

Here I am.

I'm docking in the harbor.

She's one of the most busted bitches.

I'm docking in the harbor to save everybody with her heart.

What?

She's a dumb.

She's ugly from the inside out.

From the inside out, bro.

She ruined a 20-year-old girl's life.

Yes, sir.

And you know, in hindsight, she was the upper limit of what Bill Clinton wanted to fuck because he fucked kids.

Yeah, Bill Clinton fucked some dogs.

That's the funniest part about his shit is that he's going around raping and like cheating on his wife with just absolute threes and fours.

You're the president.

Yeah.

Imagine

just being a dick.

And he fucked Marilyn Monroe.

No, it was probably, he was probably like just going wild fucking kids, you know?

And they're like, Bill,

we need some cover for this.

You're going to have to fuck a couple of adults.

I guess I'll just pretend to be into trash pussy.

You can't even tell who's a hot adult because he loves

my cover's going to be that I love it.

I can't stop raping the trashest pussy I've ever seen.

Hillary, I'm sorry,

but I'm just addicted to trash pussy, wink, wink.

I know that, Bill.

Yeah.

Fucking busy.

Damn, dude.

Yeah, French Connection is good.

You know what you should also watch?

Is

what I've been meaning to re-watch is that you ever see The Last Detail?

All those

early 70s Jack Nicholson movies are great.

With the exception of Easy Rider, which sucks.

I want to watch.

Yeah, remember, Nick, we tried to watch Erider.

Me and Adam tried watching Easy Rider, and it's fucking awful.

It's It's so bad.

I believe it.

It's dog shit.

It's really bad.

The only cool part is that Phil Spector has that weird cameo as a drug dealer at the airport.

But besides that, it sucks.

What did Phil Spector do?

He killed and raped all shit.

He did.

He killed.

Yeah, he started living an all-nocturnal life in a castle all alone.

He went crazy and he killed.

I think she was a waitress or something.

I don't know.

For real?

Yeah.

King of Marvin Gardens, Carnivores.

Five Easy Pieces, Last Detail, Five Easy Penis.

Yeah, Five Easy Penis, Last Detail.

I guess you could throw Terms of Endearment in there.

You would love Terms of Endearment and the Shining

scene.

Terms of Endearment.

It's about breast cancer.

Yeah, it's like a very...

I don't watch that.

Fuck it.

It's about breast cancer.

Yo, I don't want to see a single movie where titties are under assault.

You know know what I'm saying?

It's too sad, dude.

It's too sad.

Terms of Endearment is a great movie, dude.

I know.

If you like up, you'll love Terms of Endearment.

No, I don't.

Terms of Endearment is up for adults.

I don't want that.

I want Up for Children.

That's what you're

addicted to.

That's what you're addicted to.

Up for children.

Yeah.

That's good.

That's good.

Thank you.

Knocked that one out of the park without even really fooling on a check swing.

Yep.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

I want to watch

more John.

I want to watch The Thing next, probably.

Yeah, The Thing.

You know what?

I said Christine's the best Carpenter movie, and I probably The Thing is the best John Carpenter movie.

Yeah.

But I swear to God, there is.

So what's Christine about?

You're in a car.

Some guy's a haunted car?

It's like a high school kid, and he's a loser, and then he...

And the actor looks exactly like Sean Gabbard, by the way.

Oh, that's weird.

Which is weird.

And especially old Sean Gabbard, the one we met

like 15 years ago.

Oh, fuck.

Damn.

Somebody's got Rona.

Oh, shit.

You know what?

I'll be right back.

You guys talk.

My deliveries are here.

Oh, yeah, dude.

Respect.

I wonder what Nick's getting.

I wonder how many baby dick condoms only to be used for gay sex he got.

Did you see that guy at the Amazon warehouse being like, a dildo is not an essential item.

That guy rocks.

That guy rules.

Yeah.

That guy should replace Bernie as the leading voice of the left.

I would vote for him.

I would vote for him before AOC.

Oh, yeah.

Before AOC?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Oh, that's your Congresswoman, I guess.

That's my girl, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

That's Queens, dude.

Well,

I'm just pissed at her because she stopped campaigning for Bernie because Joe Rogan endorsed him.

Which is true?

Yeah, it's the weakest shit I've ever heard.

That sucks, dude.

Fuck her, dude.

That's fucking littledickery.com, if you ask me.

Joe Rogan is like a, I think,

you know,

on the whole, a pretty good guy.

Rogan rocks.

Yeah, I think he's a good guy.

Yeah.

He's got dumbass friends, but

he's a chill blow.

Who are you talking about?

Chill-ass blow.

Arthur Rogan.

Arthur Morgan.

Brother of the pod, Joe Rogan.

From Joe Rogan Experience.

Yeah, he's voting for Trump.

I guess we're all going to vote for Trump now, like Joe Rogan.

Yeah, if Rogan tells me to do it, I'm going to do it.

I'm wearing my hat, dude.

Voting for Trump.

It's going to fit.

The black hat black hat that's this is the new me now I'm gonna I'm gonna vote and I'm gonna vote for Ralph Nader dude

is he dead is he alive yeah he's alive dude he's kicking that's good for him dude I feel like he's been old as shit forever he invented

what's going on in the minds of like Democrats like do they think that Joe Biden is gonna become president I think that

I think they're making

that that's gonna happen the way they thought impeachment was gonna work they think this shit's gonna to work.

They think it's just going to be easy.

The hubris, the absolute hubris.

But I mean, like, dude.

Motherfucker can't even talk.

I know.

He can't talk, bro.

They got his wife holding his fucking hand when he's on doing live streams.

She's probably telling him what to say with Morse code or some fucking shit.

Yeah.

His fucking brain is mush.

Trump is going to wash him at the debates.

Yeah.

And he's going to call him a rapist.

That's going to be a good thing.

Honestly, that's the only thing that's going to be.

Trump is going to call him a rapist.

Yeah.

And Joe won't call him one back.

And no one will mention that Trump has raped.

the only silver lining is the debate I'm already like fast forward I'm already fast forwarding to like 2024 when Democrats are like there's a term limit he can't be president again and then it's like then it's 2027 and it's like

no we're gonna do it we're gonna get those term limits removed or

put back in place they promised us if we supported this congression this constitutional amendment that they would give us a ceremonial statue for john mccain right and i think that's fair that was a fair trade-off.

And we're going to win the fair way this time.

Yeah.

We're fucked, dude.

We're absolutely fucked.

No, we passed a law that said that any black people that make less than $20,000 a year are legally allowed to be sold back into slavery to work directly for Jeff Bezos.

And in exchange.

And in exchange, they renamed the post office after the first trans woman to go to jail for rape.

And

that's what the Democratic party she was a trail bro

it's a fair trade it's a fair trade that's called the it's called i would love to see go ahead sorry no it's all right it's over what would you love to see sorry i would just is it that's i feel bad because you you had the button on that and i'm just gonna say fat a factual not funny thing

but uh it would be funny to see if like any of these pundits will if trump literally tries to have a uh third term if they'll be if they'll try and stop it at all yeah or if they'll just be like it's no they'll say they'll like they'll cry about it, but it doesn't mean it's disgraceful.

Yeah, dude, it's this is gonna this is fucking wild.

I mean, it's yet to be seen how long this thing goes on,

Rona, yeah,

right.

I think the public opinion is turning on the government response, and it has to, yeah.

Apparently, the government knew about it in November and they didn't do shit.

Yeah, dude.

Well,

you know, I don't know.

I mean, all the people that are saying, like, because Trump was polling at like 65% approval rating for how he's handled the crisis.

When that $1,200 was supposed to drop in direct deposit, and then everybody realized it's like tax credits or some shit.

No, we get, it's taxed.

The $1,200.

Yeah.

Hilarious.

Where's my $1,200, dude?

I'm going to get one of those small business loans.

Nice.

For PlayStation 5.

Yeah.

Fuck yeah, dude.

Where does PlayStation 5 drop loans?

5.

I'm going to use it for hair plugs.

My business is my appearance, dude.

I'm an entertainer.

That's a small business loan for hair plugs.

Yeah.

And a cock extension surgery.

Yeah.

I'm going to invest in some non-disclosure agreements that I should have had signed a long time ago.

That's good, man.

You should have those fucking ready to go.

Yep.

By DMing Adam Friedland, you agree to never tell anyone anything.

Well,

it should be an auto photo.

Oh, you should have it incorporated to your website.

Just, yeah, just like an auto reply

to every email.

Even like business emails.

I thought I was going to be done with the pot.

I got an email from a soap company to see if I wanted to be an influencer.

I was like, oh, it'd be funny if there was just

soap.

They offered 10 bars of soap

for three swipe up Instagram stories.

It'd be funny if there was like soap companies and like candle companies and lampshade companies now.

They're like, well, the world's ending.

They're like, let's get ahead of the game and just contact Jews and see if they want to be sold into soap.

I think they're going to be able to do that.

We'll give you $20,000.

You got a year.

You have a year.

$20,000 up front.

You have a year

before we holocaust you and turn you into soap.

You're going to be holocausted anyways.

Most likely.

The world is going to end.

It would be funny to see, just try that.

Just Just email them, give them the option.

They're like, odds are there's going to be another Holocaust, right?

We're just

within the next three or four years.

So we'll give you the option now to be holocausted by us for a cash advance.

And in exchange, we get to be the ones to genocide.

That's not a deal a Jew takes.

And turn you into a job.

That's a deal a Jew takes.

What?

Yeah, it's a Jew that owns that company, too.

A Jew definitely owns a company.

Oh, a Jew who owns the company for sure.

Yes.

100%.

Yeah.

Definitely a great idea, Ray.

We're going to definitely genocide on it.

We're going to

sign up.

Definitely.

Definitely.

Going to do a Holocaust for money.

Definitely.

Ray, are you telling me you're selling out your fellow Jews and retards as a business idea?

That's the plan.

That's the plan, Charlie.

That's the plan.

That's definitely the plan, Charlie.

So, what's his name?

Saban, some?

Yeah.

A touch of Saban.

I am Saban.

Oh, he's an idiot.

No, no, no, what's the character?

Well, the character is Rain Man, but he's an idiot, Saban.

Oh, an idiot, Saban.

That's right.

An idiot Saban.

I was trying to remember.

Damn.

Today, baby, Wednesday, wing night.

You getting wings?

Oh, you have like fun little theme nights at the house?

It's the only thing that marks the passage of time.

Wednesday is Wednesday night.

Is when you eat boys.

Do you have food that's bad for you?

you we're yeah yeah

well we have to support local business

wing stop what business passover boys wing stop

wing stops disgusting no wing stop's good dude it used to be good but maybe you know what it's probably another case of like going to fast food city yeah yeah New York City fast food always takes a dive for sure yeah

Although the one in Queens is pretty good.

Wingstop in Queens?

The one by me, but I'm not going to Wing Stop.

I'm going to a local bar to support local business.

Oh, you're going out, you're leaving, you're breaking quarantine to go to a bar.

I will not be, we will be ordering delivery,

we will be, but we will be supporting local business.

Damn, I would love some wings.

Yeah, I've been dieting pretty hard.

Oh, I am gonna die, yeah,

it's just crazy because I'm like doing home workouts, so I have to do like more kind of like cardio-oriented shit rather than just lifting weights.

Yeah, and uh, it's crazy how fucking out of shape you can get.

Oh, dude, I'm going to die.

It comes back.

I'm just like, this shit is kicking my ass.

I fucking work out for like 30 minutes a day.

I get my heart rate pretty high.

But afterwards, it's like my eyes are throbbing and I have to throw up.

Yeah, I've been doing yoga every morning and just like stretching, I'm breathing heavily, dude.

Yeah.

Just like getting into a real stance and just like fucking putting all the weight in the leg and shit.

Yeah.

I was, I could, I can't believe the little working, because I was hilariously going to the gym a lot, and it was just to maintain how fat I was.

Yeah.

Like the second you take that away,

I'm getting fatter and more out of shape.

Yeah, I mean, you know, you really should, especially because it's going to be a repeat of like when your foot was fucked up and you were just home.

You know?

Yeah.

You're forced to stay home.

Once I'm not scared to go outside, because I am right now, the paranoia has hit me big time.

Yeah.

I'll start doing a little fucking...

I was doing walks and little fucking shit like that outside, like taking a fucking hour-long walk every day, but I'm fucking scared.

I'm gonna just die.

Well, can you get like a fucking elliptical or something?

Just get a mask and gloves.

I have a little bike that I ride.

Yeah, just 20 minutes.

Do that then, but it hurts my knees.

It's a fucked up shitty bike.

You should get like a little bit.

You should get a Fitbin or an Apple Watch or something, or just like a heart rate monitor, at least.

And then

try to get your heart rate up for like 20 minutes a day.

Yeah, that's true.

Into what they call the danger zone.

That's what the danger zone.

That's what the doctors recommend is that people with pre-existing conditions elevate their heart rate into the danger zone.

Because that's when fat when fat is in danger.

Liquefies.

Being burned up.

Danger of be yeah.

Going into your heart.

Mm-hmm.

Solidify.

I love, yeah, just like elliptical machines and treadmills that have like the fat liquefier option or whatever.

And it's just for like fat people that have been tricked.

And the fat people that use that setting once ever in their life be like, wow, I burned 15 calories.

I'm doing a fat-burning workout.

Yeah, I went to the elliptical.

I did the elliptical.

I did a fat-burning workout.

Yeah,

well, I've been doing the fat-burning setting on the elliptical.

Just how far away?

I love an elliptical.

Yeah, how far away are you?

I love an elliptical.

They're too big, though, for your fucking house, like good ones.

Yeah, I mean, I just do burpees.

I mean, I do like a circuit kind of thing, but burpees will fuck your shit up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Here it does, like, the CrossFit kind of burpees where you have to go all the way down and then jump up at the end.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah.

I'm going to put a hole through my fucking third floor or fucking apartment.

Yeah.

I was doing some jumping jacks.

It was just like, doof, doof.

Yeah.

But maybe I'll go to the basement,

go to the laundry room,

torque out room,

get some pussy down there.

Yeah.

I want to get pussy down there.

You should try.

If you can do burpees without fucking up your joints, I mean, it would probably be hard on your wrists and elbows and shit.

Yeah.

Wow.

My knees.

I mean, it would fuck all your shit up, but

they're like, they're really good for they'll get your heart rate up quick, and then because you have like an idea of how many you need to do in your head, it's not like fucking staring at like a treadmill counter, just waiting for 20 minutes to do this shit, yeah, yeah.

So it makes it easier to like

just but my titties.

Look how good my titties are, get they're coming in nice, yeah, and you've shaved part of them.

That's cool.

Did you?

That's a good look.

No, this is how my body hair looks.

I don't know what to tell you.

Yeah.

Getting pussy from a man.

Getting a man's pussy.

All right.

I've just been doing mad pull-ups and push-ups.

Yeah.

But you weigh 10 pounds and you're weak.

So, what am I supposed to do?

I can't.

Dude, I'm cutting and then bulking.

I'm just discouraging you.

I'm bulking right now.

That's my thing.

I'm bulking.

Bulking and then cut.

Cut.

When do you cut?

Quarantine's over.

I'm going to cut.

Yeah, it sounds bulking.

Adam, you should get rid of all those books and turn that room into a home gym.

I have an elliptical here, and then I have a pull-up bar.

I've considered getting a squat rack for my apartment.

You just should.

Where do you chap chat put a squat rack?

I mean, I could put it in my office.

I could put it right fucking here.

I could put it next to this thing.

I would barely have room.

I mean, this room is only like

small.

Yeah, seven feet wide, maybe.

I don't know if there would be room to put a barbell in here or not.

I don't know how

I don't know how long a barbell is, but that seems like it's pushing it.

Yeah, it's close.

Yeah.

I wish I had an elliptical.

Yeah.

Having like a bench, a bench and a squad rack in the apartment.

And then, but of course, what would happen is the quarantine ends the next day, and then I'm just a fucking retard with

like a home gym.

Yeah, yeah, probably.

Although, you know what, man, don't act like you'd be mad about that.

Well, I would, because it's like you can't drop the weight.

Do resistance bands work?

I don't know.

Racine got them, and they seem like bullshit.

I mean, like, they're they seem like bullshit.

They make sense if you, like, add them to a barbell, but because it's like they're self-regulating.

So like if you're lazy, if you're not looking to like push yourself anyways, then what the fuck good is a resistance band?

Because depending on like where you hold it,

changes the level of resistance.

You could, yeah.

I would like to do one to fucking get your stroke up.

You could put one around your waist while you fucking air hump.

Yeah.

That's the other thing, dude.

My fucking skills are going to completely deteriorate.

I'm going to be so out of shape.

Damn, man,

you were so good at fucking before this.

Dude, who's that?

So good?

I was fucking world-renowned, bro.

But

pussy eating for sure is going to be an issue, dude, because

I was trying to get

the fucking finger popping move.

I was trying to figure that out, like really get my what, at home alone during the barn.

No, just eating pussy a lot, really getting in there.

But now it's like I haven't eaten pussy.

I won't have eaten pussy in months.

Oh, dude, it's like riding a bike.

You'll get a bad thing.

No, but your strength.

I have a bad shoulder.

Well, he doesn't know how to get there.

He can't ride a bike either.

I can ride a bike.

Thank you very much.

It's like riding a bike.

Eventually, you'll lose the ability to do it because you're too fat.

Eventually, you'll need a motorized version of it to get around.

It's just like riding a bike.

All right, anyway, fuck.

All right, boys.

All right.

Happy Passover.

Oh, yeah, dude.

Happy Passover.

This is when you motherfuckers started your treachery.

Maybe we can do a beginning.

Because you're pro-Egypt?

Huh?

You're pro-Pharaoh?

No.

Why did Jesus come into fucking

Jerusalem?

What was he coming in for?

Pussy

Passover.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Or something.

I wasn't there, dude.

I didn't see it.

It's definitely.

That's why it's all around the same time.

Easter and Passover?

Yeah, dude.

Because he comes in because he's a Jew and he's celebrating Passover.

And then you guys got mad he was getting more fucking burned than you.

Everyone was like, this guy rocks.

And then this guy's so much better than the old Jews.

And then the Romans independently decided, without any influence, to crucify them.

Yeah, right, dude.

Pontius Pilate was nothing but fucking, he was Pinocchio, and you motherfuckers were Geppetto.

Yeah, because definitely they were listening to Jews back then.

There's so much.

That's what they wanted to think.

They've wrote it back.

They've gone in and wrote it back.

Anyway, we don't have to get into all this theology.

All this history.

I miss you guys.

Maybe we do a Zoom birthday party?

The three of us?

Whose birthday is it?

It's my birthday.

Yeah, my pig's in December, mine's in February.

Yeah, nobody's birthday is coming up.

All right, later.

All right.

Anyway, see you guys.

Later.

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