Ep. 201 – Oohs cawk mate?

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Alright.

I'm recording now, and we're off, and we're having sex.

We're having sex.

We're having sex.

Should we all just beat off on cam?

Nothing is stopping us, technically, from just having gay sex over the internet with each other.

Except that we're on, like, now nine different services that have different, like, you know.

We're going to get de-platformed.

You think so?

Yeah,'cause somebody's gonna do something dumb.

And then we'll not be able to do it.

Because we're on no, probably Adam.

To be honest, I mean, come on.

Who do you think?

I'd say the shit, but Adam would be the one to do something that gets us kicked off YouTube and then in turn Patreon.

What are you talking about?

Yeah.

Should we just not be on YouTube?

But I got all these fun backgrounds.

I don't know.

That's not Bulma.

Yeah, I know.

But that's why I've been careful about

YouTube.

I fear for a cascade effect of de-platforming.

I used to not care because it was always like, oh, well, I'll just go back to being a piece of shit.

But now they don't have piece of shit jobs anymore.

I know.

Yeah.

This is the only job left in America.

It really is.

I love podcasting now.

Yeah.

That's cute, Adam.

Is that two guys that you've had sex with before as your background?

I was on vacation, a couple guys.

Are they still de-platforming people?

Is that still going on?

Imagine how much of a piece of shit you have to be.

I think it's a good thing.

Be trying to get people five for now.

Like Richard Spencer went away.

I couldn't hear what Nick was talking about.

No, I'm sure Adam was, Adam had something to say.

Adam, this is actually, this is the problem with this technology.

For some reason, your mic overrides Nick's for some cool twist of fate.

Oh, it's interesting.

I can't hear what Nick says.

Not only is it interesting, I'm sure it'll make the show better, too.

The basic formula of the show, Adam, which is Nick says something something and I laugh and occasionally you say something, is really thrown off.

So I'm going to need you to just, when you see Nick talking, just kind of take an extra pause.

Well, I just.

You know what I mean?

I just got off the phone with

Zoom headquarters in Tel Aviv and they said that they're working on it.

I wonder if it's because your shit goes through like the machine or whatever.

Mine?

Yeah, maybe you're not going to be able to do it.

No,

if you watch the Zoom or the screen, it's like, you see how mine's green?

Or there's a green frame around my window?

Yellow.

I would say yellow, but yeah.

It's whenever you interrupt somebody, it'll take the thing back.

So Adam's usually interrupting.

So that's why it'll.

But we give it to each other.

That's interesting because I've done a lot of podcasting over this internet with various people, and you are the most interrupting guy I've ever experienced.

I thought it was a unique problem that we were having because of technology, but it seems like it's just kind of

your problem as a communicator, Adam.

Yeah, I wouldn't be so hard on Nick about interrupting all the time.

Anyway.

Okay, I'll try not to.

Go ahead.

You were saying 2017.

Yeah, something about Richard Spencer or something.

I feel like Alex Jones got de-platformed.

A lot of people got de-platformed.

There was nothing funny.

I'm sorry.

I'll just look good on the speech with my friend.

Yes, you should.

I like Bulma.

Bulma's fucking hot, dude.

Damn.

I'm getting like Pokemon snap vibes from you, Stav.

I want to take some snapshots with a limited amount of time.

I want to throw an apple at your head.

Dude, I'm going full fucking anime, brother.

Yeah.

Hey, I love it.

I honestly, I don't like anime.

I could never get into anime, but hearing that you're into it now, nothing makes me happier.

Well, I'm not.

Nothing makes me happier.

I watched this one called Neon Genesis or whatever the fuck.

And it it was pretty cool for like a bunch.

And it's a horny ass show.

That's the thing.

It's about little kids and basic.

It's basically Pacific Rim with cartoons.

Yeah.

And it's horny.

Like, they got bitch, like, old bitches that are trying to fuck like children and shit.

And they're drawn nice.

Like, these bitches are fucking.

Miss Misato, look her up, dude.

That bitch is nice.

However, it, I don't want to spoil anything, but the ending is a fucking dog shit.

Yeah.

They fight a bunch of.

I'll tell you right now, you can go ahead and spoil it.

I promise you I'm not going to be watching neon Genesis.

Anyway, you know what, though?

Even though I didn't, I liked some of it, but I will say I haven't jacked off to Hentai in a while, and it might get the gears turning on that again.

Oh, I forgot your take about it being worldly.

It is worldly.

First of all, it's a good idea.

It's kind of like going to understand.

It's like going to the Mongolian Grill.

Yeah, absolutely.

In Colombia.

You ever go to that one?

I think there's a lot of them it's a type of restaurant i know but the one in columbia is fuck was ripe it's gone now i tried to go back when i was visiting home yeah incredible just put a lot of sauces in there we went to one me and ari shafir went to one in um

in like and what is did you ever do that uh that casino in oklahoma yeah maybe it's in arkash the cherokee nation casino yeah it was a good show it was a good show and the fuck they pay well and then and then they gave you like you know it's in a casino So they were like, and here's coupons for the buffet.

And you get there the first night, and you're like, I'm going to hit that up tomorrow.

And it is the most disgusting food.

The worst.

Bro, I was so excited.

I went there with Bobby, and we had just gone to

the one in Connecticut, Mohegan Sun.

Yeah.

Oh, that was extra.

And that buffet was fucking wild.

That was fucking, I was like, ooh, I'm about to have fucking, you know, fucking lamb and shit like that.

I'm about to have fucking salads and shit.

This place was, it was slop, bro.

It's disgusting.

So they might as well have served it

a bro.

And then they do like a Bush Gardens thing where it's like Asia, Europe.

Yes.

And then like Europe is like pizza and macaroni and cheese.

And the Asia, the low main was literally spaghetti and teriyaki.

Dude, it was just, I mean, honestly, it's disgusting.

And then it's like people from Arkansas that are like having like a vogue.

Like, I told my wife I was with the guys.

You know, I'm at like the casino all weekend.

And so there's like, I went to, I got like the buffet meals probably three times I was there just because it was free.

Yeah.

And

every time somebody wanted to talk to me about how good the food was.

Yes, dude.

And

every employee was like, oh, you're going to love a buffet.

But anyways, so the opener for the show, and I like, you know, I mean, I didn't even have a say in it, but he was like, like, my pay was higher than it should have been.

And he was like, oh, yeah, they just add my pay to yours.

And I was like, what the fuck?

You know, and he was like, because I'm an immigrant, so I can't get paid.

Oh, I know that guy.

Was it the Indian guy?

He's an Indian guy.

Yeah.

He's a nice guy, but he's like,

he just has, you know, I mean, he came from India, and then he works at like fucking Otis Spunkmire or some bullshit.

Yeah, he works for like Smucker.

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

He works for Smuckers.

And he can't leave that town.

And that's the only thing he knows of like America is this like bullshit town and working the casino.

So he's like, you know, he's like taking us out to eat.

He's like, man, there's a lot of really good restaurants around here.

And he's like, it's like panda express mcdonald's

and there's just they took us to one place they were like these are the best burgers yeah you will ever have in your life yeah yeah so we went we went to uh we went to the mongolian barbecue there and that's probably not bad because it's mostly just fucking sausage it's easy dude it's marinated beef yeah you go buck wild with the sauce

that's smart the fucking me and bobby went and the fucking burger and i was so excited to get off the fucking reservation to get off the fucking to get off the fucking because i literally could not eat any more of that food i was i was like i'm going to die here yeah uh and i was like great we're going to another restaurant

these burgers were like cafeteria

and like i'm not telling i'm not joking like every random people that didn't know when they would find out we're going they'd be like

oh i'm jealous you get to go to fucking you know whatever the stevie's burgers or what and they were gray they didn't ask you how do you want it cooked.

Yeah, that's the thing.

When someone says the burgers are great, and they're just like, great, a burger.

Like, there's no medium or medium rare.

And it was thick, dude.

It was just like gray all the fucking way through.

Well, it's, it fucks you up because, like, you know, in Texas, you can just go to the middle of nowhere in Texas.

And there's like plenty of places in East Texas where there's just amazing barbecue.

You know, and it's like a guy that probably found out that slavery ended like 20 years ago that just has like a truck.

Half the truck is a barbecue.

The gas tank has meat in it.

Yeah.

And he's also living.

He's living in the cab with his nephews.

And they got his, it's called like

Dorp's barbecue.

He's always got some honomanopoee name.

Yeah, I'm Dorp.

He doesn't remember a life without barbecue.

Yeah, my name, Buck, and this Dego My Barbecue.

It's a barbecue, but it's also my house.

And I drive it around sometimes.

Just a fucking

truck with a screen door instead of a closing door.

Right, just screen doors on the side.

All he's got is an apron on, and he's completely naked otherwise.

I think he's wearing boots, but his shoes are his feet are just completely.

His feet have laces.

Yeah.

Untied.

And he's got.

He's got laces going up his fucking foot.

Nah, my name's Buck, and this is like there's just like flies giving birth on his hands.

And then he hands you a piece of fatty brisket, and it's the best thing you've ever tasted in your life.

Best meat you've ever played in your fucking house.

It's so good, yeah.

But then you go to other parts of the south, and they're like, you got to try this.

And it's like a fucking pizza hut that clearly used to be a blockbuster.

It's still like the big ticket outside.

It's called Earl's Pizza Hut, and it's the fucking shittiest.

It's the shittiest food you've ever had.

They were like, dude, these people were like, I can't wait till we get a Starbucks.

They were like,

and then, yeah, and then they garbled

nice.

And then the Starbucks is just a place to make YouTube videos with your gun.

Your participation in the culture war takes place at Starbucks with your nine-millimeter because they won't write happy birthday, Jesus, on the cup.

I can't wait to brandish my weapon at a black man in a Starbucks.

Right.

I can't wait to throw John Legend CD on the ground and say, be gone, Satan.

In those towns, the people that work at the Starbucks' are always like the lesbian like septum piercing like yeah yeah

he flies them in from Seattle yeah yeah yeah they get them from HQ

yeah you need a fucking lesbian you need a lesbian in a fucking polo just to run that fucking run that thing like a tight ass ship people think that that's like the first station to getting out of that town right is like getting the star getting a cosmopolitan worldview at Starbucks you will meet if there is a Jew in your town they're gonna go to Starbucks if there's nothing else yeah Yeah, that's true.

And that's the way out.

They're like travel.

They're the way the fucking.

They'll lead you out.

That's the station out of this damn town.

Absolutely.

Damn, I'm already tired with my food choices here because I stocked up.

What'd you eat, baby?

I've just been eating a bunch of pickles.

Famous Dave's.

Stop.

Do you know about Famous Dave's pickles?

It costs a lot of people.

I'm not a pickle guy.

Yeah, but no.

Come on, man.

The Famous Dave's.

Try them.

I wasn't a pickle guy.

You got to make fun of me, but there's Bubbies.

Have you ever had that brand coach?

It's not a brand thing.

I can't get it.

behind it.

The fucking texture is weird.

Stop, listen to me.

I was not a pickle guy.

10 years ago, I went to Norman Wilkerson's house and he had Famous Dave's pickles in the fridge.

And I was like, what?

I was cat sitting or something.

I ate all of their pickles.

You know what you should do?

And I don't even think

he's realizing what he had on his hand.

What do you mean, start pickling?

Like, just take.

Yeah, take like vegetables and stuff.

I'm just pickling my own red eyes.

Because here's the thing.

I love those pickled red eyes.

You can do it in the microwave in like 30 minutes.

What's that?

If you put vegetables in brine and put it in the microwave for 30 minutes, you can pickle them in like in 30 minutes.

You can pickle things.

Really?

Yeah.

That doesn't sound right.

No, it works, actually, because my friend used to make his own.

Because you need the cucumbers in there to make the brine taste like pickle juice, like finished pickle juice.

So he would make the brine, put the cucumbers in there, microwave it, you put it in the fridge for like a day.

Interesting.

And then you add it to whiskey.

And then that lets you drink an entire fifth of whiskey in 10 minutes.

Yes, picklebacks.

Yeah.

Sure.

Yeah.

I know.

I remember that.

I've taken a couple of those.

The thing is, I just don't like a fucking cucumber in general.

It's not my fucking thing.

Cucumber water is fucking some other stuff.

I cannot stand cucumber water, that infused shit.

See, that's interesting because if I had to pick one byproduct of cucumber, I would choose cucumber water.

Watermelon-infused water.

Now we're talking.

Now that's

something they serve up at EARPS.

Dude, yeah.

It comes out of the windshield washing fluid reservoir.

Yeah, we do ERPS special special tonic.

It's a half fabuloso.

He's got just half rainwater.

On his chest, just tattooed health grade Z.

He just failed every inspection

in a fucking infected stick and poke.

You can just see the bubbling up.

There's just pus.

And then you're like, let me get one of the shoulder clods, and it's delicious.

The best.

Yeah.

You don't even care that

his fucking

amputate, gangrenous fingers served it to you with no fucking glove.

Me and Bobby had a nice day going down to Lockhart with Mike Suarez.

Yes, I remember the story.

Yeah.

Mike fucking threw away too much barbecue.

Mike threw out probably, not even joking, close to $1,000 worth of function.

We should find him and kill him.

We should, especially now that food is so scarce.

Dude, that's true.

Yeah.

Maybe we should start raiding, dude.

Go to your neighbors, kill them, take their fucking DiGiornos.

Yeah.

Is it purge rules yet?

I saw videos of people just stealing from CVS, and there's like nothing.

Apparently, the security won't arrest you or something.

Where?

That's Adam.

There are like videos of people

going into CVSs and just swiping.

Damn.

Nick just said so that was probably a good burn to him.

Yeah.

so Adam's excited about not paying for gum.

Just 35 cents.

Oh, no.

I'm not going outside, Nick.

I'm not risking a lot of this virus.

What?

Even the prospect of free things aren't going to

get me outside.

Yeah, they are, dude.

Actually,

I've been yogging, actually.

It's a joke from Anchor Man.

Nice.

Calls Jogging.

Where are they looting CVSs already?

I don't know.

There's videos online.

Check it out.

It's purge rules, baby.

No, I don't think there are.

We should go.

Rich people that have gone to upstate to the Hudson Valley, their places are probably empty.

Ooh, that's true.

Let's go down Madison Avenue, dude.

It'd be funny.

You're like a rich person.

You come back at the end of all of this, and there's just somebody's just taking a dump right in your foyer.

There's just a bunch of homeless guys having an orgy in your apartment.

Isn't that also an Anchorman joke?

No, I don't

Anchorman.

What did he steal that from?

Were they stealing the car?

Wolf of Wall Street, but it's not Homeless Guys.

No, no, no.

This is a movie where somebody's car is stolen, and Homeless Mike and the boys are having like an orgy.

That's

Will Farrell.

It is a Will Farrell movie.

It's a Will Farrell movie.

Yeah, Homeless Mike is moving.

I source most of my jokes from Will Farrell movies.

Yeah.

San Diago.

It's a whales pussy.

That's good.

Yeah, today, at least, that's where the jokes are coming from.

So, we'd like to thank Will Farrell for this episode of Comedy.

Yeah, shout out to Will Farrell.

Honestly, for real, shout out to Will Farrell, dude.

I love that guy.

Adam, as a request, can you start stealing jokes from Tommy Boy and Black Sheep?

Yeah, that would be nice.

Yeah, yeah.

I miss those movies.

So, if you can just start, if you can get all your material from those two films.

Yeah, I'll just do a Chris Farley,

what do you call it?

The blonde guy.

Retrospective.

If there's anyone I could ask to have back for the pandemic, it would be Chris Farley.

Can you imagine how much better he would be on like Vine or TikTok or whatever it is and all these people?

He'd be great.

But how would he be getting his heroin?

I think that.

I feel bad for junkies right now.

How are they getting their.

Had to remind us that the man was a fucking addict.

No, I'm saying, like, what are you doing?

We're over here having a nice time, remembering the good times.

No, I was thinking about that.

How do people that like

need to go to meetings?

Like, well, he was drunk.

You're talking over Nick again.

No, I'm talking over him, but

he was saying something.

What are people doing that need to go to like NA and AA?

They can't go to meetings.

They're probably literally this.

Oh, probably Zoom.

But it's not anonymous.

You can make it.

It's never anonymous.

Yeah,

that's the whole point of the joke about.

What do you think?

They're all wearing fucking Guy Fawkes masks.

It's in the name.

No, that's the whole joke of Alcoholics Anonymous is the first thing you do is you stand up and tell everyone your name.

Your first name, not your last.

Yeah, well, you don't need to to use your last name on Zoom.

That's true.

That's true.

Nick, I guess it does say my last name.

It says mine as well.

Nick is the only one who's

knows how to evade the face.

Because Nick is anonymous.

Mine is, let's see.

Let's see when it switches to me if it.

Yeah, there we go.

Yep.

Awesome.

Now you got to do gallery view, brother.

Yeah.

So you can see everybody all at once.

So yeah, Nick, you're doing the one big guy.

No, I'm doing a little

I'm doing a little

I have the window minimized as small as possible so I can

look at

look at manga

What is don't steal my shit dude

Are you into it?

Are you into reading Japanese?

I'm not are you fucking kidding me manga is the movie

It would be funny to see you just on like the train after this with a little bento box reading

reading like

love love Hina.

What is it love Hina is that is that I don't know that I I think that's a manga.

It might be an anime.

But yeah, just reading like Japanese teen girl romance novels.

Yeah, dude.

Well, I found the one.

Didn't...

Somebody...

Somebody purchased child pornography, basically.

I found a child pornography manga in my effects.

I was cleaning out my...

I mean, I don't know.

I'm not going to say that.

No, don't even dare.

Don't dare you found child pornography.

Don't you dare fucking pin this on me, dude.

I didn't say that out loud just now, you said.

It's not child pornography, but it's a manga from Japan.

I sent it to the uh to the to the this is what stops reading.

I'm not whatever to the group text.

Yeah, that's exactly what it's reading.

Oh, she's they're pretty cute.

Anyway, I didn't purchase child pornography.

It was, and I'm not even saying this is, I think this is Japan getting around it.

These guys are jacking off the kids.

No, yeah, when we went to, what was that place?

Akihaibara or whatever it's called?

The The anime district?

Like, half of hentai is just child pornography.

Yeah.

It's just you get to draw it.

I don't remember.

It's just girls with no tits.

I actually don't remember going to the child pornography district.

You did not go.

You weren't there that day.

I wasn't there that day.

I think I was.

It was me and Stav and

two chicks.

Yeah, two fucking broads.

Two fucking chicks.

I think I wandered around aimlessly that day.

Oh, yes.

There was a day where you just started walking.

I just wandered.

That was the day where you started.

And I I remember looking, I looked at a map, and I'm like, damn, I must have walked like 30 miles today.

And it was like probably

a two-mile walk.

It was just not even.

It's just the streets are so small.

Yeah.

You think you're like booking it.

And because I remember it was like, it's time to walk back.

Because I had walked for like four hours and I had just sort of like done a big like C shape around.

Right.

So then it was like a fucking 15 minute walk back to the apartment.

Yeah, the streets are mad windy.

Yeah.

Yeah, dude.

Maybe now I'm starting.

I'm so cooped up now.

I'm even getting nostalgic for Japan.

Speaking of now that I'm an anime headache.

Well, I like worldly by jacking off to hentai.

When I was there, my friend...

So when you go on like pornhub in a different country, you're like, you don't, if you don't have a VPN or whatever, you get like what they watch.

And he said, whenever he travels, he jacks off to like whatever comes on the first page of X videos.

And that's how he experiences the culture.

That's good.

So he said he was jacking off to like the blurred pussies and penises.

Why doesn't he go to a fucking museum or something?

No.

I mean, you got to jack on at night.

That's how he travels.

Before bed.

That's how he experiences the world.

I think it was a joke, Nick.

I mean, I don't think he was being serious that he spends his entire life.

No, I'm into this jack off.

It might have been a joke, but I think this is a good idea.

I do think it's kind of a good idea.

It's completing, because listen, you're going to a museum, but then, and you're eating the foods, but then you're jacking off to what they're jacking off to.

All right, then you know what?

Maybe I'll get into this, Adam.

Shout out to my first trip.

First trip to Poland.

I'm going to take a little trip to Poland, and I'm going to find some interesting places to jack off.

Who knows where I'll end up?

Maybe I'll go to Amsterdam, too, and I'll see if there's maybe a house with an attic in it that's conducive to masturbating and see if anybody thinks that that's degenerate there.

I'm sure people in the age of Anne Frank were jacking off in that apartment.

They were there for so long.

I know she she was jacking off in a lot of time.

It's in the book.

Yeah.

No, I want to go there and beat off and be like, it was in the book.

It's from the book.

I read the book, and this is in the book.

You can't.

I am trying to do a part of the book while I'm here.

I have autism.

I have to act out every you just have made an address.

Yes.

Yeah.

I am

reliving the experience.

You're cosplaying.

I did this at Gettysburg three years ago.

No one had a problem with it there.

And don't call them and ask.

Do not ask them if they had a problem.

I'm telling you, and you can take my word for it,

that General Group.

Did she want to fuck like a guy who's also in there?

I remember thinking.

Her boyfriend from school.

She gets her period, I think.

She's playing with her titties at one point.

I remember that.

What's that?

She's playing with her titties at one point.

I remember that.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, yeah.

That part was hot.

I did not.

I haven't read it.

I'm not, you know.

Maybe during the quarantine, dude.

I've been getting back into books, too.

Check out Ann Frank Diary.

I'm reading Showboat, the biography of Kobe Bryant.

What?

Yeah.

Come on.

You didn't appreciate him in life.

It would be funny if the diary, Ann Frank, she's just like constantly talking about how much money different kids at school owe her.

She's like,

they had to cut out chapters.

There's an unabridged version.

I gave Melissa two pencils last week, and she still has not given them back.

So now she owes me three pencils.

And the week after that, she will owe me four pencils.

I'm making so much money at school and it's great.

Melissa's family, her dad got laid off from the factory that my dad owns.

Yeah.

So now.

Yeah, there's a chapter on where she talks about vegan.

Yeah, right.

I was going to say interest, a whole chapter on interest.

All right.

It's just an economics textbook.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, Yeah, just the economics textbook.

In the margins, there were some things scribbled.

They're like, we can use this.

Yeah, we'll go with this.

Why don't we just go with the stuff about children?

Well, yeah, we'll put the horny stuff in there.

Yeah, well, we'll leave the horny shit.

The child getting horny?

Leave out this stuff where she calls herself Ann Bank.

Ann Bank of

Amsterdam Elementary School.

She was a brave girl, Nick.

I don't know if that's

necessary.

It's a shame.

I will say it's a shame she got got.

She right?

Was she ever

in any movie?

Did she have any nude dialogue?

She got snitched.

They got snitched on.

Did she have any nude scenes in any movies?

Yes.

She was.

Are you on the fapping?

No, she wasn't the fappening.

People popping in and Frank to Mr.

Skin.

Yeah.

She got Fappening.

Yeah.

Let's see if she's got any action going on.

Fuck, dude.

Yeah.

No, I'm not reading.

I'm not reading fucking shit, dude.

But I'm not reading sad shit.

I watched that movie 1917 with my dad last night.

That's a good one.

It's one with the dad, you know.

I saw that.

I was

just boy.

I couldn't even.

Oh, you were too fucked up to appreciate it.

I've been, dude, that's a problem in the way I watch movies.

I watch a lot of movies, and I don't remember what happened in most of it.

Because you're on Eddie's too much.

Yeah, I got to chill out with those.

Honestly, I thought for like three days I had coronavirus, dude.

I was fucking too many edibles.

I was on edibles, and I was like, I got it.

I was like, I got it for sure.

I'm pretty sure I had it in February when I thought I had liver cancer.

When you're throwing up, you didn't have any of the symptoms.

You just were shitting and you had bile.

Yeah, I don't think shitting and throwing up.

I think it was bad.

I wasn't shitting.

I didn't shit at all for like four days, and then I shit out a bunch of bile, and I kept throwing up bile, and my liver hurt.

Yeah, that sounds like COVID.

You're right.

I'm going to go ahead and call that coronavirus.

Never worry about that.

Yeah, it's coronavirus.

It's coronavirus.

Yeah.

Yeah, my dick wasn't getting hard because I had corona for about five or six years now.

And my dick wasn't getting hard.

It was coronavirus.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I mean, I don't have to do the test because my uncle,

he's a house painter.

Yeah.

My uncle painted a doctor's house and he was looking at, he overheard him talking.

And it turns out I don't even got to do the test.

My uncle knows a lot of stuff about this kind of shit.

He's always reading, he's always looking at pictures of stuff.

He's always sifting through the trash of nurses.

Yeah,

my uncle was fucking some black bitch that worked on an ambulance for a while.

And he told me that it's corona because that's what that black bitch he was fucking from the ambulance told him.

Oh my god, you should have heard this bitch, yo.

She knew a lot of more stuff than you think a black girl on an ambulance would know.

Yeah, because, you know, you'd say,

what do they let you drive it, sweetie, sometimes?

But no, she was in the back, touching the computer, fucking working the hoses and touching the stuff and doing the tests.

You know, they got all that Frankenstein machinery or whatever to bring people back to life, which doesn't seem very Christian to me.

Yeah, that's my problem with it.

If you're dead, you got to stay the fuck dead.

Otherwise, it's Satanism, it's witchcraft.

Then you're doing all kinds of spells and shit like that.

What is this?

And honestly, that's why we got it though, because the Chinese they've been doing they have fucking unlocked Confucius's spells

and it into the world that sent out this shit from the devil.

Yeah, I think do you think maybe China's like the cookie and you break it open and the fortune is coronavirus?

The fortune was corona, it's wisdom, yeah, but that's what's happening,

yeah.

And they tend to open up a cookie that had coronavirus in it.

That's something more racist than the eating the bat thing.

Yeah, I heard it it was inside a dumpling.

Yo, that's why I'm not getting no dim something no more.

Nah, you can only get it from chopsticks, I heard.

If you're fucking eating with sticks.

Where do they find that shit on the fucking ground?

You're telling me I'm supposed to not go play cards with my friends?

None of us ain't never had no sushi in our life.

It's cards.

It's not mahjong.

Yeah.

If you're playing Chinese chuckers, if you put your shit in a fucking finger trap, you'll get that shit.

But not with good old American fucking poker, yeah.

Anyway, yo, can I bet my baby mother's snap card in here?

I'm kind of short on cash.

I tried to buy a bunch of masks and sell them later, but it turns out it was the wrong type of mask.

Did you see that Jewish guy doing that?

So funny.

Where he caught, he coughed in the police's face.

Yeah,

they tried to go in his house.

They were like, he's like, you can't come in.

I have coronavirus.

The most Jewish way to try and evade the police.

Imagine, imagine.

First ballot Hall of Fame Jewish.

That's what I'm saying about fucking Ann Frank's diary.

It's like, you know, you have this post-World War I situation going on in Europe, and it's like, we got the pandemic going on.

You got guys like that.

First of all, at least take the costume off before you start doing that shit.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Absolutely.

Dress up like an Arab.

Don't go whole Native American outfit.

You know, you get a headdress on.

You're like, no,

my name is

Finding Deal.

My name is Chief Finding Deal.

And

I have Corona, actually.

Please get out of here.

Please get out of it.

It's time for me to pray to a rain cloud.

You have to leave.

I love that guy.

That guy is such a costume.

You're right, dude.

He's got to be in costume, dude.

He's got to be either that, he's got to put on a fucking striped fucking turtleneck and a fucking...

yeah, uh, I don't even think that guy's Jewish.

I mean, that one's so bad.

That's like, that's probably uh, what's his name, James O'Keefe?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's doing a prank,

he's doing a stink operation, Jewish stink prank,

wild

on YouTube for like fucking green.

Social experiment,

shorting Lysol while wearing a Yamaga,

epic prank.

Did you see there was a social experiment where it's like, it was like beating a woman with a hijab, beating a woman without it?

That was like one of those what would you do videos, right?

That was like that Kino Nash guy, right?

No, that was like just a YouTuber that was like, watch how everyone stops the domestic violence if she's not wearing a hijab.

Yeah.

But if she is, and then he's just beating.

Honestly, I wouldn't.

You know?

If she was wearing a hijab in general.

Fuck that, dude.

I mean, because it's like, yeah, it's wrong, but it's like, I'm not going to be the guy that gets fucking viral videoed accidentally doing racism.

I'm not going to risk it.

Wow, dude, cancel culture has stopped you.

This threat is like changing your track.

It's like changing the emoji color from yellow to risky.

Look, I learned my lesson.

I told you,

there was a black lady beating up her retarded son on the train.

I mean, and she was like slamming his head against the window.

And it got to a breaking point where I'm like, I got to.

And there's all these other black people on the train not stopping it, you know?

And it's like, don't make me get like, don't, you know, I can't.

Guys, some bitches that voted for Elizabeth Warren are going to fucking write a blog about me.

Yeah.

You got to do this.

You have to be the one.

It's got to be you.

And of course, it immediately backfires.

That kid's probably dead now.

Yep.

You know?

It's your fault, Nick.

No, not my fault.

Your fault, Adam.

No, it's your fault.

You're saying it's the rest of the black people.

Because

if she didn't have to pay rent to you,

probably.

That's true.

No, I'm not good at money.

I wish.

What do you mean?

Honestly, what I'm saying.

What do you mean you're not good at money?

What?

Think about how much money you make and how little work you do.

Yeah.

That doesn't mean I'm good at it.

It just means I'm lucky.

That's true.

He's got you there.

Yeah, I'm incredibly lucky.

He hasn't invested in anything.

No, I have zero investment.

In fact, most of he spent his money on things that never helped him once.

Dude, I love it that if you have, if you have like a retirement account or a fucking mutual fund, I have no idea, but probably you're going to lose all your money.

I was at dinner with my friend, like, the even before it really popped off, and he's like, Yeah, me and my wife lost $30,000.

Yeah, they're going to lose all their money.

And of all these people, they're like, You're so stupid for not investing your money in the stock market.

And it's like, well, like, literally, everybody's saying a recession is coming.

I mean, before even this fucking COVID thing.

So it's like, maybe just don't.

And then we're going to be the only ones with money at the end of this, dude.

Dude, somebody, some fucking fucking

designer.

We won't, though, because I'm going to spend, I'm getting a golden penis.

You want to be a fucking warlord known as gold?

Just like

some weird, like, tie fingernails, just long, and then that, like, stack of turds, golden hat that they have.

Oh, yeah.

You know, a bunch of exotic apes and parrots.

You want to have a cult of personality.

You want to be a little warlord with that.

Yeah.

Said and done.

But there's a lot of money in that, though.

There's a lot of money in that.

There's a lot of pussy in that.

And fucking meals.

And

little boy bussy, too.

There's boy bussy if you're so.

Yeah, if that's trying to be king Louie.

With a boy army.

What'd you say, Nick?

I said I'm trying to be King Louis from the jungle book.

Hell yeah, dude.

Yeah, that's true.

And Blue has to sneak into my house by being trans.

Yep.

Yeah, dude, I'm so glad I haven't invested in shit, dude.

The only thing I invested in was fucking property in Greektown, Baltimore, Maryland, USA.

Now's probably the time to buy property.

Yeah.

Yeah, should we all move to like

where you should not all move to the same place?

What?

You see this?

You see where I am right now?

This is where I'm going from.

Yeah.

The bad light.

It's Mexico.

Nice.

Yeah.

Mexico is tight, dude.

I would love that.

Just get a little bit of a bad thing.

I don't even think they got Corona that bad.

Just going around, just going into like,

you know, the local like cantina or whatever

and just cantina locos.

Cantina locos.

Yeah, yeah.

And then I've got a sombrero on, I'm all Mexicaned out.

And I'm just like, it's like, ni hall mazal shong hao.

Zal Shang Zambayada.

Speaking Chinese.

Have they made it to Mexico?

Chinese.

Chinese?

Probably.

I mean, they look very similar.

You ever see Mexican people that are so Mexican?

They're just Chinese.

They call them Chinos.

Yeah.

Yep.

They look almost like they're Inuit.

Is that the link?

China?

Well, Alaska.

Well, there's that land bridge, right?

Where the Native Americans walked from Russia.

Over the Bering Strait.

Over the Bering Strait.

They kind of look a little bit Asian.

Yeah.

If you actually, Adam, if you walked around it, it would be called the Bering Gay.

Yeah, it would be.

It could could be the Baron Gay.

Yeah.

But if me or Nick walked, it would still have to be a game.

It would have the same name that it has now.

Okay.

Woo!

The Baron Gay.

The Baron Gay, boy.

There's you, boy.

I'll tell you what, man.

That's him, man.

That's that boy right there.

Shit.

That's him.

That's Baron Gay right there.

That's that boy right there.

He said, Let me go over the ocean, and I'm going to do it like this.

And he put his little wrists up, and he went over the damn ocean, swishing.

He went, he sachet over the ocean, and he said, There it goes now, boy.

Let me hold on to your pocket.

Let me

hold on to your pocket while I sashay across the ocean.

Oh, goddamn, dude.

I think.

I wonder if I'm getting headaches from having too much sodium.

Do Do you think that's possible?

Oh, for sure.

Yeah.

I think that's it.

The one.

I've been sleeping.

I'm not sleeping.

I've been sleeping, but I've been like killing myself with exercise at night to force myself to sleep.

That's probably what I should do.

Yeah, I've been like every night just like

at like 2.30 a.m.

And then just not being able to go back to sleep for like three hours.

Yeah, I was sleeping alright because I was getting so fucked up, but

ever since I've been sober three days, I have not been able to sleep.

Yeah, you gotta be aware of that.

That's why why I'm trying to read your chip.

This reading is so fucking boring.

I go to bed.

No, I tell you what.

Do 100 burpees right before bed and see if that doesn't knock you down.

Doesn't that get your shit racing, though?

It does, but it wears me out.

I do

yoga.

To be honest with you, I do the burpees first thing in the morning.

Yeah, that's the way to do it.

You got to fucking front-load your shit.

A burpee is like where you go up and then you push up and then up again.

Just go ahead and look it up on YouTube.

I'm not.

All right.

Unless you want to pay me.

I was just paying for it.

Unless you want to fucking give him some for his emotional labor action.

Unless you want to pay me for my emotional labor.

I was just, you know,

could have been just friendly advice.

No, I don't think so.

All right.

Yeah.

We'll look it up on YouTube.

Now I'll check out some guys doing it on YouTube.

No, in fact, you owe me money for even suggesting you look it up on YouTube.

Well, okay.

For even interacting with my Twitter

calling me beautiful on Twitter, you owe me $100.

For looking looking at me, you owe me a million dollars.

Yep.

I'm a sex worker.

You're that white boy, and it's just the white woman you've ever seen.

I'm a sexual worker.

My name is Claire Beth.

I'm 800 pounds, and

I am a sex worker.

I do the work of sex.

Dude, I don't even want to jack off anymore.

That's why, hence, the anime stuff.

You know what?

I was like super horny the first couple days of quarantine, and now my dick has not been hard at all.

Exactly.

The only silver lining of this thing is my body is free from dick pills.

It's, you know, what it is?

It's like it's you have to get to that hard part, and now we're becoming pure men.

Absolutely.

Now we're in that real zone here where

then it becomes time.

Now there's a it's kind of the eye of the storm, and then the other side of it is bloodlust.

Yes.

You know, yeah.

Now you're too far gone to be horny anymore.

You need need to kill people who have bad ideas.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Absolutely, dude.

Which is going to be tankies.

That's who goes to the business.

Nick, do you think maybe if all the Orthodox are still communing, maybe they'll all die?

No.

And then rent will be free.

No.

No?

No, they'll probably be fine.

Too resilient, dude.

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

We have the worst genetics.

We have the TASACs and Alzheimer's.

Maybe

on the high end, 0.16% of them die.

While they'll live is because they're not going to get the Corona vaccine, which is going to be the real doozy.

That's what the government wants you to do.

The government wants you to get that fucking vaccine.

And guess who?

Unironically, will not be taking that vaccine.

Zero fucking chance of my taking that vaccine.

Read your book.

You're on your Eddie Griffin shit right now.

I will not, dude.

I mean, I'm not even a fucking anti-vaccine guy, but this time,

wait what do you what are they gonna put in would you see that that if you got a flu vaccine you're more at risk to get uh covid wow

i didn't really yeah i've never gotten one yeah i've never gotten a flu vaccine either yeah i did one maybe that's why i'm healthy the only vaccines i've ever gotten are the ones that you have to get for like i mean i got a hepatitis one obviously you know yeah i got polio if they had an aids vaccine i'd probably take that but i'm not taking a fucking seasonal flu vaccine well my my immune system is really good because i was breastfed until 17 years old.

Here's why, because they come out every year, right?

And so the way they want to control your mind

is different every year.

They got to update the policies.

You got a one-time booster thing, that shit.

It's like, you know, whatever.

I mean, there's no way that they're programming 10-year.

They don't even know, you know,

who the king of Siam is going to be in 10 years.

Who knows?

Those heated-ass Siam elections.

Yeah, you don't even, you got no idea.

So, of course, the.

with the Adam, what is going on there?

You got doorbells, you got office phones.

My family lives in this home.

Yeah, but what are they doing?

Getting fucking business phone calls.

It sounds like a business phone call going on.

Yeah.

Yeah, we have a business family

where I'm the only Adam's.

Adam's dad has a fake phone that he calls to pretend that he's working.

Yeah.

Whenever he wants to end a conversation with Adam or his sister, he's just like, oh no, it's time for work.

It's kind of the other way around.

It's actually, I'm too cool to talk about.

I've been fake podcasting for 12 hours.

I'm actually the one who doesn't want to see his family, actually.

Yeah, I'm cool.

I live in Brooklyn, guys.

I'm cool.

I do love the idea of you just sitting in that room being like, oh, you're playing on a podcast.

This is just like fake laughing.

Look, it doesn't matter how long you lived in New York, because everybody who moves to New York, they're waiting for an opportunity to claim New York, and you can't.

unless you died in the towers,

you got fucking 9-11, or you survived the pandemic.

If you left, if you left the city, you're never, you're going to have to wait for the next New York thing to happen.

Don't

you're fucking

accused me of

running from Corona.

You know what happened.

I'm wiping my ass with your Yankees fitted.

Don't you dare touch my Yankees.

You'll never be, it'll never, you will never be a New Yorker now.

Two Dominicans in bomber jackets are going to come and fucking burn your bomber, your fucking fitted, rich, like the American flag.

Stop doesn't want to claim it, but if he wanted to, he could.

We are both.

Well, I'm going to get a Mets hat.

I'm a Queens guy.

That's cool.

That's a cool thing.

But you'll never be a New York.

There's also a lot of comments that meet.

You don't want to be a New York guy.

What's that?

You don't want to be a New York guy.

I am a New York guy.

I'm one of those guys who likes New York, but also

I will never, I'm still bald.

For example, I will always want the Yankees to lose to the Orioles.

yeah i always will i will always want the ravens to beat the giants yeah so i will my only point is that you know you do have the ability now

if you want dual citizenship that's what i want i want dual citizenship

it's too

no you've already blown it it's already blown you already

now you would be doing more harm than good yeah you were like i'm afraid of this virus i gotta leave i did not leave because of the virus you were like guys like do not that is that is not on the record you like i have to leave because of the virus.

Can we please figure out a way to keep me on the top?

I've been accusing me of being similar to another comedian female that I'm not going to name, but

I did not do what she

damn fuck.

I was trying to remember what's Danny DeVito's wife's name.

Rita Brita Perlman.

Yeah.

If I had exactly that moment, it would have been funny.

That would have been funny.

People are comparing to Rita Perlman again?

Just my body type.

Yeah, yeah.

Adam.

Yeah.

I don't know what you're talking about, though.

Rita Perlman's really funny, though, Adam.

I wouldn't, you know.

Yeah.

I wouldn't flatter yourself.

She's mad funny.

You've never had the last Rita Perlman's gotten, dude, on that.

She's where were we?

You fled the city.

You said, I'm more excited.

Just flee the city now.

The second it came out.

The second a stay-at-home order came out.

I left before the stay-at-home order.

You got plane tickets for like home.

I've heard allergies are going to be bad this year in New York.

I have to flee the city.

That is true.

That is true.

He's just rushing through the rush allergies.

His pants falling down, his diaper exposed.

He's clutching his fucking tiny statue of liberty figurine in his Yankees fitted.

His I Love New York license, his Damafia license vanity claim.

The boss.

The boss.

I have to get back to my home in Las Vegas where I have to tell everyone I'm a New Yorker.

I would much rather be in New York.

No.

I'm just walking around fucking

New Jersey, shirt.

Does it suck right now?

It would be scary for you.

You would be scary.

Or is it just boring?

Not for us New Yorkers.

Real New Yorkers are

pal, forget about it.

It's about being New York strong.

You got to be New York strong.

Okay?

We're getting our nipples pierced like Cuomo.

We're going to get big, fat, Italian nipples.

What the fuck is that?

Italian

piercing.

Are they really pierced?

You know what?

It's none of your fucking business as a non-New Yorker.

Stay over there.

Stay over there.

You're not a fucking Paison.

Whoa.

I don't like this.

Whoa.

Oh, nobody asked fucking Mr.

Las Vegas over here.

Why did you go hit the fucking crazy?

They do call me Mr.

Las Vegas.

Mr.

H.

Vegas.

I got the title from Wayne Newton.

He said.

Adam, you're the next Mr.

Las Vegas.

Yeah, they call him Mr.

Full House.

Guess what?

The house is filled with.

It's filled with cum.

Yeah, and the house?

His ass.

Yeah, he's got a pair of queens in his pocket.

The house always.

When this man's playing fucking blackjack, he's always getting a pair of queens.

He's always got a pair of queens up his pocket.

That couldn't, couldn't hack it here in the big city.

Couldn't ever be a New Yorker.

Could never do it.

Uh-uh.

But we're going to get through this like we got through fucking 9-11.

We got through

fucking

Islamic sentiment.

Yeah.

But you get up on your rooftop and you go, whoa!

Oh!

Whoa, you fucking virus.

Oh,

you fucking virus.

Not here, pal.

Not fucking virus.

Get the fuck out of here.

Piece of shit.

Are there Muslims celebrating COVID?

No.

Like they did 9-11?

Yeah, I did.

I could see them.

Oh, it didn't come through, bro.

It didn't?

Hit it again?

No, it came through.

Yeah.

It might be on.

It's probably your audio, yeah.

You might need to just get a USB mic, brother.

You're a little fuzzy.

This is a USB mic.

Nah, but like there's, I think there's some.

But you're going through a board.

Yeah.

Yeah, but

the USB mic is the same thing.

It's like the same.

It takes a fucking analog signal and makes it digital.

I don't think.

It worked fine last time.

There it is.

That worked.

Yeah.

It cut off in the middle.

There also is a little bit of a delay that's worse than either one of us when we're talking over.

My hunch is because you run it through the soundboard, but I don't know for a fact.

It comes in and out.

Whatever it is.

I can't.

I'm having a fun time.

Let's not forget.

The important thing is that Adam left New York.

It'll sound fine in the...

Yes, it'll sound good because we have the local audio.

For sure.

Yeah, yeah.

All the podcasts sound great.

It's about it.

It's about the vibes.

It's about the risk.

Yeah, but from where I'm sitting,

it doesn't affect anything.

Like, I can't perceive any kind of delay or anything.

So it must be.

Yeah, I think it's you for some reason.

But you're, when I say something, you respond to it immediately.

Not really.

Sometimes I have to like wait.

It's throwing me off because I'm really tuned.

You know how tuned in the boy is, dude.

Yeah.

I'm hanging.

I'm trying to fucking add little things.

You say one and then two, and then I'll say three immediately after.

One, two.

Three.

That was fine.

No, that's not.

You have to say something.

You have to be talking while Adam's talking, and I completely can't hear you.

That's not how a delay works, Stop.

I didn't say delay.

Did I say delay?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't mean delay.

I mean, like,

it's easy to talk over you in a way that...

Adam, talk while I talk.

Let's both talk at the same time.

Keep talking.

Yep.

We're both talking, and I can't hear what you're saying.

Yeah, Nick, if you're talking about...

Your audio isn't cutting off like Nick's goes.

Right, but Nick, if me and you talk at the same time, you get cut off

in just our feet, not in the fucking podcast.

That's true.

Stop is right.

Yeah.

Here, let me try it now.

Does that help at all?

So, if both of us are talking about it, Nick, talking, talk.

You and Adam talk at the same time.

We must secure Nick's gay, Nick's gay, Nick's gay, Nick's gay.

White children.

Okay, he's a hypothesis.

I hear every other word you're saying, Nick.

Say something else.

I heard the beginning.

So don't say that, Barbara.

I don't want to hear anything about you securing anything.

All right.

Love Hina is a Japanese manga series written and illustrated by Kenya.

Nick was saying before the show that it's cool how we both have full beards now showing that.

Yeah, only

I can't hear both of you.

Yeah, you got cut off.

Well, let me see.

And thank you for commenting on my full beard.

That's got to just be a setting in Zoom.

I don't believe it is.

You're the only one.

Why would it apply to?

I've been zooming and it's only you that I've ever experienced.

It doesn't apply to Savo or I.

Yeah, but I mean, it's like, I don't think the answer would be because I'm using a mixer.

Have you changed the defaults?

The Zoom changes priority in terms of.

but I've done it with like I mean, I'm talking I've done it with people that are on their phones, people that it's the only time I've ever experienced.

Yeah, that's why it's got to be a fucking set.

Like, there's no way that having like an audio interface, which is it's the you, it's all through USB, anyways.

I mean, it's not like,

look, bro, I'm just saying Occam's motherfucking razor, bro.

Just get a mic like Adams.

Uh,

we'll see, whatever.

Hell yeah, dude.

We can try

time.

No, it's fine.

It's good.

I'm just saying it would be next level.

It would be next level.

But I kind of am in enjoying the

how

the Zoom headquarters and Tel Aviv have changed.

You like the fact that Nick, if you both are talking.

No, it's got to just be a setting.

There's no way that it's not a thing where it's just a setting.

Could be.

I mean, there's also, there's no I I haven't had to repeat myself the entire time.

Just because I Adam doesn't listen to you ever and I'm very

swimming the fuck in.

I promise to never listen.

Dude, that's my deft hand as a performer.

That's why, dude.

I'm like Flubber.

I'm filling in the gaps.

You are like Flubber.

Dude, I saw that in theaters.

Did you?

I'm a big Robin Williams fan over here, man.

There's a really good video after he killed himself with just footage of Flubber said to Life Goes On by Two.

Dude, have you guys seen that movie where

he's in hell because he's got to save his wife or whatever?

Toys?

Nah.

No, there's a movie where he's like, him and Cuba Good Jr.

are in heaven.

Yeah,

that movie's sad.

That's a fucked up movie, but I remember seeing it as a little kid and being like, damn, this is...

Dreams May Come?

Something like that.

Yeah, something like that.

His wife fucked up.

What Dreams May Come or something?

Yeah, yeah.

That shit's sad.

That is sad.

But then he saves her by going into hell, and it's like a fucked up house.

Yeah.

His wife's in hell.

I don't remember.

His wife's in hell because she fucking offs herself.

You could go to hell for that?

Which is a fucked-up foreshadowing.

I didn't even realize that.

That movie's saying Robin Williams is in hell, which I don't believe.

I think he's in heaven.

I don't believe that either.

Of course, I think he's getting riffing pussy with God, riffing.

Doing free association, riffing with God.

Yep.

Doing something of Marilyn Monroe's tea.

Oh, my God.

The blow in heaven.

Can you imagine?

Hell yeah.

I imagine him as like the Mork version where he's still young and fucking from Mork and Mindy.

He's wearing the surface.

Right, that's always the question.

It's like if you meet your wife in heaven again, is she gonna be an old bitch?

Or is she gonna be

better have the titties going right, dude?

She better be, you know, 22, fresh.

Dude, in heaven, free ass surgeries.

Everybody gets a big fake ass in heaven, dude.

I love that.

Everyone's caked up.

When I do talk, it does take a minute for Zoom to switch

my shit on, like my

give me the yellow window.

Whereas you say, mm-hmm, and then it immediately goes there.

But there is like.

No, that's not it.

It is not that.

No, it's specific to Zoom because there's not like, there's not some, there's not a delay with the hardware.

It could be.

I guess we could try Google whatever the fuck.

I just mean this.

All I'm doing is pointing out something that I've noticed as an observant man.

Yeah, I'm sure, like, see, that time it didn't do it.

That time it immediately went right back to where it should be.

Yeah.

But anytime, any all i'm saying is anytime both two people are talking and you're one of them you get compute completely

muted for whatever reason that's got to be a setting in zoom i mean it's like this it because it's if it's if if it's specifically if you have two inputs and the problem is only happening when you have two inputs coming your way then then it can't be something that has to do with my shit it's not like it's it's happening to adam too though what do you mean adam is it's not like i'm the only one experiencing it right adam Nick is coming through this.

Yeah, but it's through Zoom, so it's not like fucking it's if it's only when both of us are speaking, it's like it's a variable that doesn't like affect the fucking mixer.

You know what I mean?

It's like if I guess, if if two, if both of us were going through the mixer and then back to the Zoom feed, then yes, that would make sense that that was the bottleneck, but that's not what's happening.

Listen, brother, I don't know about technology.

I'm coming at it with straight logic.

No, it's probably no understanding of anything.

It's probably maybe you have Adam said as a co-host and my shit is set as an attendee.

I'm telling you, bro, I've done a bunch of these.

I've been a host.

I've been, I can say you're not going to be able to do it.

I understand

that

something is wrong and that you haven't experienced it before.

But your diagnosis that it's specifically the fact that I'm using a mixer is retarded.

No, it's not.

It's one of the very, no, it's absolutely not.

First of all, it's called the scientific method, motherfucker.

Okay?

And here's what my, I'm looking at the variables, and the only fucking variable that I see is your shit.

Control Adam has the fucking USB mic as well.

Hypothesis,

you got some kind of convoluted setup.

That's the thing that it is.

But do you understand this is this is literally also a USB microphone?

I don't

it also goes through like a universal serial bus and inside your your fucking USB microphone it converts an analog signal to a digital one and sends it through USB.

Mine is doing the same exact fucking thing.

It's just.

There's just more going on there.

You have to at least give me that it's a possibility.

It's sure it's a possibility, but if it was all the time,

if it was constantly, there's a fucking delay.

Sure, then it's a latency.

It happened every episode so far.

No, I mean, there's a latency issue, but there's not a latency issue.

We proved that there's not a latency issue.

What the issue is, is that when I'm talking and Adam's talking, it fucking mutes my shit.

Yeah, and

when anyone talks.

And I bet you if we had a guest,

they would mute you as well, no matter what mic they were on.

Unless they had the same setup, I suppose.

Try that.

Does it do it now?

So we're going to talk at the same time.

We got to talk at the same time.

What I've done now is I've turned you

ahead and hear you at all.

Are we going to leave this in the episode?

Yeah, we are.

Yeah, I don't care.

Did it work?

Did it do it then?

We had great riffs.

Adam, shut up, dude.

Listen, you want to escape your family.

Me and Nick have shit to do.

Yeah.

What do you have to do?

Do burpees.

I got workouts I got to do.

I got to fucking make some rice out of the pork leftover pork ribs.

I got my fucking ribs in.

I enjoy troubleshooting.

What the fuck did you do?

You came up with a funny.

You spent 15 hours being like, what if my background was gay men?

Hilarious.

That was in 15 hours.

Hilarious.

That was a split-second decision.

Great contribution.

You know, bitch about us leaving in.

No, I've contributed.

Don't start with this right now.

You did contribute by going to Las Vegas and giving us fresh, yeah, fresh

powder to carve us down.

Just happy to be a part of the contribution.

Just carving it up.

Yeah, that's me laughing at you.

That's a good impression of me laughing at you.

That's what it sounds like when I fucking laugh.

Nice, brother.

Boisterously.

The only man you can trust is a gay man.

Put your hand on my cock.

You guys know that song?

It's pretty good.

The soundboard is also important.

So if I get a USB mic, that's done.

No, you can do some kind of.

There's no sound.

No, no, no, no, because then it's still going through the mixer, and then that's all that is all one entire audio signal.

I bet you there's a way to do some kind of sound effect through Zoom.

No.

Maybe.

If I'm using the board, then they're gone.

Or they're not.

You just love the board.

And I get that.

I love the board, too.

And we're going to get back there, brother.

The odds that it's the board, it doesn't make any sense.

It doesn't make any sense why the issue would be the board.

Dude, all I'm telling to you is that it's a possibility.

And I can see it's emotional.

You love the board.

This is making you.

You do love the board.

You just don't want to, you can't fathom the, but that's the thing, dude.

Finally, the quarantine has hit you somewhere where it really matters.

No, you're just not taking

the right troubleshooting steps.

It's not a matter of variables.

It's a matter of understanding the workflow and what's happening along.

Yes, it is, dude.

It's a matter of guessing things and checking if they are true.

If you fucking went to the doctor and you're like, well, I'm wearing a hat today and my stomach hurts.

And he's like, well, did you wear a hat yesterday?

And you're like, no.

And he's like, well, I don't know.

I saw three other people today.

None of them had a stomachache and they didn't have hats on.

So why don't you take a hat off?

Here's the thing.

You would be like, I know.

I can't come up with a fucking counterexample fast enough, but I know that that's wrong.

It's not wrong because you're picking up.

You're picking up.

How do you know these guys on this beach are gay?

That's the like it's it could just be two guys on the beach because you sat there and you said look it's me and my boyfriend at the beginning I said me and my friend being his boyfriend you said me and my boyfriends

no

what is that your impression of me doing an impression of you

yes

yes it's multi-layered

Look, I can't exactly, like I said, I can't come up with it, but it'd be something like, you know, a guy eats a hat and the other guys ate food.

If two guys were eating regular food and another guy had this.

But you're not supposed to eat.

It's universally accepted that you are not supposed to eat hats.

Okay.

We know that.

Forget hat.

Forget hat.

What if it's one of those

banana layers?

If I was dipping my computer in water and are doing something deliberately fucked up, I wouldn't be like, you know what?

It's not that I'm soaking my computer in water.

Fine.

Take that back.

Fine, Mr.

Debate Club.

You got me there.

It's not even debate club.

It's a fucking baseball.

I saw two guys that had, listen, you ate an omelet, but had a little sauce on the omelette.

I saw two guys that just had regular omelets that

go directly in your stomach.

Or something like that.

Maybe it's the sauce, is all I'm saying.

The soundboard is the sauce.

The soundboard is not the sauce.

The soundboard is the sauce in this analogy.

It's not the sauce.

And maybe it's fine.

You're right.

It doesn't make sense.

It's regular ass sauce.

People eat sauce all the time.

But maybe in this case, something random happened and the sauce fucked your stomach up.

And that's all I'm saying, bro.

But

you would have to demonstrate some reason as to why the sauce would fuck

my stomach up.

I don't care.

I mean, I get it because it's a digestive thing and it's not a fucking one-to-one comparison.

But it's like, I don't understand why me also using a USB mic, by the way.

Yeah, but it's run through something.

You have to admit that's the step.

Your shit is also run through something.

It's just inside the fucking microphone.

It's going right through, dude.

What do you think is in there?

Nothing?

There's fucking circuitry in there.

Sometimes it's the brilliance of a simple mind that gets to the solution of things, man.

No chance.

Dude,

I didn't even care at first, but now I can't wait.

That's a good background, also, Adam.

Nice.

Two more.

I just chose a normal beach.

I'm sticking with Mexico.

I love it.

Imagine me out here.

Imagine me out here on my ranch.

That would be awesome.

And then you're like, the shit's cutting out because you live in the middle of Mexico.

I'm like, that doesn't make any sense.

Dude, honestly, I would come as long as I could come visit and get fucking the fucking taco, Apple store tacos,

pineapple in there.

We got an

unlimited friend pass to come hang out.

Hell yeah, dude.

I can't wait to do that.

You'll notice I said friend.

Yeah.

Which is

again,

which is not a plural.

No homers.

No homers.

It's friend.

Friend.

Do I get a friend pass?

No friends allowed.

No friends allowed, dude.

But one friend.

We're allowed to have just one.

Hurts my feelings.

Oh, fuck.

Just like it hurt my feelings yesterday when I sent you a picture of my painting and you didn't say that's what I was saying.

I said something.

That's what you get for abandoning us.

You had to run away because you were afraid of allergies.

I'm doing art therapy right now to distract myself from certain circumstances.

From the horrors of the world.

I don't know what it is.

Anytime I see that big ship that's coming here, I guess it's here now.

I think this is Stav's wife.

The Army ship?

The Army hospital ship?

That big ship.

Like, Stav's going to be married to it and it's going to bring him sick.

I'm not going to be married to a big big ship, dude.

It's not even a sexual thing.

The ship is just like you're just coming into the living room and bringing you dinner.

That part sounds nice, but I'm not trying to fuck a big ship.

It's not sexual.

It's more of like

the same size.

I get it.

No, it's something with the big cross painted on there, and it's all white.

Yeah.

It's white.

It's a good match.

Something is evocative to you of what my wife could be.

Your wife should float.

Yeah, that big ship barely fitting under the Verenzano Bridge.

Your wife should be enormous, but still manage to float.

Yeah, that's cool.

Just a buoyant woman, a buoyant, helpful woman.

Okay.

I've met his wife.

I'd say she's,

oh, how can I put this kindly?

Stately and buoyant.

She's very buoyant.

She's very stately and

very

graciously wide woman.

Oh, she floats.

Yeah, his wife floats.

Oh, she floats.

Yeah.

Oh, the bitch floats.

Yeah.

Oh, my wife, she floats.

Yeah.

Oh, she floats.

Yeah, her pussy.

Yeah, it's trash.

Yeah, her pussy is trash, but she be floating.

She floats.

My wife's pussy is fucking trash.

My wife, her pussy is trash.

Yeah, it's trash.

Oh, you don't even want to go near my wife's pussy.

It's trash.

No, sir.

No, no, man.

My wife's pussy is trash.

Yeah.

It's trash.

Horrific.

But listen, you're in the middle of the ocean.

Yeah.

You want to grab onto one of those titties and fucking hold on for dear life because the bitch floats?

Oh, my wife's pussy?

Yeah, it's trash.

Yeah, my wife's pussy be trash.

I love her, though.

No, I love her, but her pussy be trash.

Her pussy is garbage.

All right.

Well,

exercise time, boys.

Yeah, I'm going to make some fun.

It's time to work out.

I'm about to make some pork-fried rice, dude.

I got reftover ribs.

I got staled fucking rice.

Yeah, chop up some onions.

Maybe, Nick, we could uh do FaceTime workout together.

Yeah, sure.

Okay, damn.

I think my beard is turning gray now.

That's cool.

I see, it does look in the middle gray.

I started playing Red Dead Redemption, Nick.

Finally, two, yeah, dude.

Yep, dude.

Adam will set you.

Adam will set you on the wrong path.

No matter what, do not ever cut Arthur's beard.

Adam was like, I want to do little gay outfits and stuff.

And he cut the beard.

The entire time I was just at the store getting him different types of clothes.

I'm going to get him a poppish, dandy haircut.

Yeah, I didn't get any haircuts, and I didn't.

Nah, you loved making outfits.

I made the clothes.

No, you have to get a haircut before you go to the casino.

You don't, dude.

You just get out of the chair.

I thought you have to go to Barber before you go.

You don't.

You literally don't have to do anything.

You just sit in the chair and then you look at the options and you get the fuck back up and you go to the casino.

Wow.

I didn't even know.

Yeah.

That's why you never got.

That's why you can't do this in real life.

I'll keep that in mind.

Dude, Nick, we're twins right now.

Check it out.

Yeah.

Dude, my ear's coming in nice, dude.

Yeah, I was going to shave because I'm almost, it'll be a year in like another month.

Oh, yeah?

Okay.

So, dude, your anniversary.

In another seven weeks, it'll be a year.

We'll see that gorgeous face again.

I can't wait till my ponytail comes in.

Well, I'm in quarantine, so I'm not fucking shaving my face now.

What the fuck?

Yeah.

I'm going to grow this shit all the way.

It'll be too much.

Can't you catch Corona from beard?

Who gives a shit?

Nick already had it.

Another thing about the Chasas, they're going to get Corona from beards.

That's very true.

But their wives wear fucking wigs, so that's something.

Yeah, their wives ain't got yeah, but they don't touch their wives.

Yeah, that's true.

Because they pussy to be trash.

They pussy to be true.

I'm going to be honest with you.

Wow, that's crazy.

My wife's pussy is trash as well.

Yes, my wife's pussy is a little bit trash.

feels very trash to me

i can't get over that guy coughing on that guy

i fucking love that guy yeah what a letter so stop your shit cuts out for me like when you're laughing i can't hear you ever really yeah interesting um

interesting i just like i know it sounds okay on the recording so i right you know i'll power through i'm just saying this is there this is which honestly has been nice because i can't hear you laugh at all so it makes me work harder for the riffs.

Interesting, which lets me dive into them a little bit more.

That's funny because when I laugh, I can't fully hear what you're saying, so I have to like stop laughing so I can hear the follow-up riffs.

Yeah,

interesting.

Maybe what we're doing is podcasting with fucking like weight vests on right now, dude.

Dude, think how sharp we're going to be when we get into the same room again.

Yeah, we're trying to think if like we had never podcasted before, we wouldn't have these skills, we wouldn't understand the chemistry.

We're like those guys who built the Empire State Building that are up there throwing hot rivets at each other, blind.

That's right, That's less.

Just because we trust each other.

There's pictures of them.

We're real New Yorkers.

Two real

New Yorkers doing a job.

And

then a girl at the bottom bringing lunch.

Dude, you know what sucks about this is because I'm doing the screen recording.

You're on the bottom.

Yeah, same.

He's on the bottom on mine, too.

Me?

No, no, no.

You are, Nick.

Nick, you're on the bottom for me, too.

Maybe that's the problem.

You got to rearrange.

Drag my shit up to the top.

I don't know if you can.

No, don't do that.

Go ahead and drag.

Just give me a little bit.

No, no, I think it's when you join the room.

I think you joined last time.

We're going to go paint it.

So maybe next time you come on time.

I was on time.

I was trying to figure out the Patreon thing.

I can't.

Ooh, I can mute.

Adam, why don't you talk right now?

Hello?

Very quick.

I'm mute that.

Fuck off, dude.

No.

I don't like.

No!

The best part is he's going to come up in the podcast because he's just going to use his audio.

But guys, wait, wait, wait.

You guys know that we can't hear whatever dumb shit Adam's saying right now.

Yeah.

Hello?

Oh, fuck.

He's back.

He's smart.

I found out how he was.

A clever girl.

I guess that will come up.

Oh, hold on.

Look at this.

Look at Adam's name now.

Mr.

Vegas.

That is very cool.

That's right, Mr.

Las Vegas.

Hold on one second.

Hold on, hold on.

Oh, fuck.

Here it comes.

No, no, no.

You as well, but

not yet.

Hold on, I didn't do your full name, Adam.

What did you change my?

Okay.

Alright.

Very mature.

Got his ass.

How did Nick get a thumb?

Shut up.

Okay.

Hold on.

Okay, there we go.

There we go.

Yeah, mine just.

Did you change it again?

Mine just lost the New Yorker.

Very nice.

Very nice end to this.

This is fun that I know I can do this now.

Yeah, I only have two reaction options.

I only have the clap or the thing.

I do have the same thing.

That's stupid.

Well, I'm glad to hear you're playing Red Dead.

Maybe I'll load that.

I just played Warzone for the first time.

Can we play that online, dude?

That'd be fun.

Although, I barely just got out of the.

I'm still in the fucking...

At the end of the tutorials.

Yeah, I did one of the things.

I don't want to sit through the tutorials.

I just want to go be bad at the game now.

Yeah.

I don't have time to learn anything.

I know.

I wish I could just, I wish you could just power through them.

I'm so hungry.

I'll be done soon.

I'll be done with the tutorials, and then I'm going to fucking be hunting and shit and tying up Chinese guys to feed them to alligators.

Oh, I thought you meant the Warzone tutorials.

What's that?

I thought you meant Warzone.

It makes you do a fucking some stupid tutorial.

Oh, no.

No, I'm going to do that soon, too, though.

I want to be good.

I mean, I'm bad at that game, but I'll probably at least stream it because it's fun to be bad at it.

it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, I would love.

I wish.

It sucks because there's not much replay value to Red Dead 2.

But if I could play that for the first time now,

fuck.

That would be awesome.

I wish I could do it again.

That game rules.

Yeah, I can't wait.

My sneakers on turbo hard for that one.

It's great for quarantine, too.

You'll just like eat days.

Dude, I did nothing.

For literally for two months, all I did was like hunt and make clothes.

Yeah.

I remember we would come over and you weren't even you weren't even doing the game.

You were just looking for legendary animals.

You were trying to ride as far away as possible.

You rode down to Mexico.

Yeah.

Can you get into Mexico?

You can.

Yeah.

They put all of the first that was kind of a shitty thing.

They were like the entirety of the first game's map will be in this game, but it's like not accessible until the end of the story.

And I see.

It's kind of like an afterthought or whatever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's good.

I remember playing the first one way back in the day, but I didn't like finish or anything.

I played it the way you play Grand Theft Auto.

Yeah.

Is the first one fun?

The first one is good.

The first one was amazing, but I mean, two is...

I don't have a fucking system here.

Two might be the best game

I've ever played.

Like top three.

I mean, it was great.

I can't wait.

I can't wait to really dig my little fat nuts into it.

Yeah.

So

anyway.

Well, I'm going to go fucking make fried rice and eat fucking...

Or I'm going to eat fried rice and play Red Dead.

Yeah.

I'm going to make my peanut peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

And then

just restocked.

What kind of jelly, if you don't mind me asking?

Just whatever.

I don't even look at it.

I mean, it's all the fucking same.

I'm a strawberry guy.

Yeah,

I think I got

cherry and blueberry this time.

Hmm, blueberry, nice.

Raspberry is good.

Strawberry for me, brother.

Yeah, strawberry.

Raspberry's trying too hard.

Raspberry is disgusting.

Yeah.

I'm going to work on my next paint.

That's the kind of thing a guy from Vegas would say.

Yeah.

That's some real West.

Listen, that's desert shit.

That's not East Coast.

Dude, I can't wait to go to Five Guys.

Man of the American Southwest.

I can't wait to go to Five Guys and get some raspberry cheeseburger.

We don't have five.

We're not Five Guys.

I can't wait to go to Inn Out.

Yeah.

I can't wait to go to In-N-Out and get some raspberry cheeseburger.

A junior Western

raspberry cheese.

Wow.

Gotcha.

Can I get a vegan, impossibly gay

raspberry?

The impossibly gay burger.

The impossibly gay burger.

That's awesome.

You just pick up the bun.

It's a picture of your face at him.

No, no, come on, man.

All right, I miss you guys.

Miss you too, man.

All right.

Okay.

Miss you too, Poppy.

Take care.

Goodbye.

See you, boys.

Bye, boys.

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