Ep. 194 – Amy Klobequiet

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That didn't happen either.

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Turn them down, down, down.

Fuck.

Turn them down, please.

You suck my dick.

You suck my dick.

Yeah, that's better.

Sorry.

Oh, God.

You fuck my ass.

But I'm brown now.

You fuck my ass.

But

you fuck my ass.

But I'm brown now.

Suck on my dick.

Suck on my dick.

Suck on my dick.

Suck on my dick.

Suck on my dick.

Please don't suck on my dick.

Don't suck on.

Don't suck on my dick.

Don't suck my dick.

I'm eating it.

Okay.

All right, we're going to do it.

I am gay.

Ready with the knives.

There we are.

Breaking news.

Elizabeth Warren is a dumb cunt bitch.

Elizabeth Warren has been diagnosed with being a stupid bitch.

She's clinically a dumb bitch for not dropping out and supporting her.

The doctor said I got some of my native period blood in my brain, and it's affecting my woman inability to do anything right.

9.5%, you know.

And Klobuchar beat me.

But my native bones make me use every part of your vote.

Even though I fucking

such a horrid performance in New Hampshire, and every rich, dumb white woman that didn't care about any part of my platform other than the color of the skin around my pussy

until this, literally this year

looks like a fucking fucking asshole.

I don't care, dude.

Dudes rock.

We're going

now that Bernie.

Now that Bernie's stepping ahead, it's time to let the bitches know what the plan was the whole time.

The whole time, bitch.

The whole time.

Surprise.

You were right.

It's about telling these hoes to fuck off.

You're right.

We do like Bernie because he's like Trump.

He's like Trump.

That's why I like him.

That's why we like him.

Yeah, but we don't want to be copying.

So we got our own guy who's like Trump.

We got our own guy, but he's Jewish.

Dude, I just Jewish.

I'm banned from Twitter, and it's almost better that way because I can just go look at people being upset.

Now Bernie, I can channel all my energy into Bernard,

into his winds.

That's right.

And then I just spiritually watched.

You're like Luke Skywalker, dude, at the end of the one where he dies.

Just the world's dumbest people.

Projecting.

projecting himself into Nick is projecting himself into the realm of Twitter, even though he...

He dies in the last one?

In the second to last one.

Spoiler.

Damn, I didn't see it yet.

This is the first time you've gotten me with.

Damn, dude, I didn't know Luke Skywalker died.

Really?

I feel bad.

Oh, yeah, he does.

He does.

And I'm anti-spoiler.

I was probably never going to go see that movie.

I thought this was all so well known.

Yeah.

Right?

But his ghost comes back.

Look, I was on mushrooms, but I remember he died.

Yeah, he did die.

Bustrooms.

I love watching those movies on mushrooms, dude.

I hope they make a new Star Wars every fucking Christmas, and me and my brothers get to watch it on Mushrooms every fucking week.

I mean, I I would have seen it if I had known it was in theaters.

I mean, that was what, 2017?

I remember being close to coming out, and I'm like, damn, I'm going to go see that.

Yeah.

How do you miss it?

It's on fucking everything.

It's on Doritos packaging.

I ended up lifting weights instead.

That's true.

They don't advertise it at the time.

Yeah, no, I was just.

That's the one place they don't advertise.

I was doing pull-ups and lifting weights.

That's true.

And I was hot, dude.

Yeah.

I was too hot to go see Star Wars.

There was a two-month window where I had ripped abs.

Oh, that's that's awesome.

Was that when Star Wars came out?

It was.

It was that couple of months where I had abs.

Because you were trying to fuck Ray from Star Wars.

I was trying to fuck Ray.

Did Star Wars come out?

Didn't it come out two months ago?

No, motherfucker.

That was

part eight you're talking about.

My dick is fucking small.

My dick is way too fucking small.

I can't knock it on.

I can't knock it hard.

I think we did that one.

Yeah, but it feels so good to do, man.

It feels so good to do again.

I would love to get myself sucked by Daisy Ridley.

Today is the 12th, but a special one-day late birthday shout-out to our boy Stav.

That's right.

Fughesi Ridley.

Oh, she's got a penis.

She's a trans-Italian woman.

Yeah.

Oh, I know she's fucking hot, but that pussy's Fughesi.

Is that what that band is for?

The guy looking at a pussy with one of those jewelers inspector.

Like, this thing's a fucking Fughi.

Donnie, it's no good.

Nah, it's a Fughesi.

You could tell with the clit.

Yeah, this this one.

You can tell the tip of the clit.

This one's been hanging out with our friend Ian Fidanci.

She's a friend of Fidanci, if you know what I'm saying.

A friend of Fidanci.

The Italian community.

That's how you say so much trans.

Friend of Ian.

Friend of Ian.

Are you a friend of Ian?

Fuck.

I love Ian.

I miss Ian.

I miss him too.

Now he's so busy, dude.

He's always fucking.

Jacobin.

Yeah, he's writing on Jack for Jacobin now.

He's writing for Jacobin.

And former friend of the show was jealous about it.

Someone was very publicly jealous of Ian.

That is

truly the smallest dick maneuver of all time.

The smallest dick maneuver that has ever existed.

I think we can all agree.

Being mad that Ian is in Jacobin.

Just seeing that and being like, yeah, Jacobin's bad.

That's what the problem is.

Jacobin's.

Connor's bad, and fucking.

It has nothing to do with me trying to make the same kind of joke.

And no one has

been better at it.

Ian outright outwrote me, and I'm mad about it.

Yeah,

that's the problem.

It's pretty much Jacobin sucks.

Trying to start eight other Chopo part twos.

It's like my delik.

It's like my delick.

Yeah.

Dude, fucking neoliberalism, brother.

Dude, tell me about it.

Gets me freaking ticked off.

Can't stand it.

Who's the hottest neoliberal out there?

Do they have any good pussy on the neoliberal side of things?

Oh, neo-fernimatrix.

Every bitch.

Every bitch on Fox News.

Is that a neoliberal?

No, it's not.

What's a neoliberal?

Like Clinton?

Sure, yeah.

You know.

Obama.

You already know these things.

You know this.

I don't...

Do the Republicans count too?

It's not.

There's no way this...

No.

Come on, you know that.

You know what all these terms mean.

I don't, I don't specifically know.

I'm not feigning ignorance here, which I appreciate because often that leads to good bits.

But right now,

in this instance, it won't lead anywhere.

First of all,

I sort of know what a lot of things mean.

I'm glad you're wearing your Razzle Dazzle pants again.

Thank you.

You do like these pants.

I like them.

Very funny.

And for the viewers at home, Stav has a full track suit and razzle dazzle camouflage, which is how they used to paint ships in World War I.

That's true.

When they thought for some reason it would work.

It did work, actually.

Really?

Yeah, it's very effective.

It looks like waves.

But then at a certain point, they weren't using visual sighting to

sonar.

I guess, yeah.

There was some reason they stopped doing it.

I just want to defend myself and say that I almost know a lot of things, but I don't really know.

No, there's a lot of stuff I don't know what it is.

But I almost know, and I need to know the like.

I didn't know what simp was for a long time.

And then I found out it mentioned you're horny.

That doesn't even make sense.

It sounds like simpleton.

I think it's just there's a thing black guys were saying like six years ago that didn't catch on because it got overwritten by the Reddit,

the subreddit

simps, which was pictures of women's pussies that look like Homer Simpson's mouth.

Well, that's

way better.

Yeah, that's way better.

That's the one thing people should use Reddit for.

Black guys saying simps like a long time ago.

I agree with that.

Why are you simping, you know, for women or whatever?

What's it?

It's a diminutive of you're not because I can't betray the black community to you, because I know you'll just run wild with their words as you usually.

I believe it's running buck wild, man.

That's the actual going buckwheat.

Running buckwheat.

That one time I'm talking about, I'm about to go buck angel up in.

Yeah, I don't remember the content.

I'm about to go buck angel.

Hold me back.

I'm about to go buck angel.

Buck Angel.

Somebody hold me back, dog.

I'm about to go Buck Angel up in this club.

Salute.

How old is Buck Angel now?

27.

I don't know.

How does Buck Angel age, do you think?

Very

carefully.

Do you think Ben Shapiro would fuck Buck Angel and be like, this is a woman?

Buck Shapangel.

Buck Shapangel.

I have a pussy.

I look like Stone Cold, but I have a pussy.

Yeah, I look like Stone Cold and Steve Austin.

Dude,

Ashley Judd looks like a dog shit now.

No, come on.

Dude, that used to be one of the hottest neolibs.

Speaking of

cancer stopping.

I didn't know that.

Thank you.

I did not know that.

Back in the day, Ashley Judd was a 10-10.

But you know who's not?

Okay, how about this?

Who's probably not a neoliberal is the Dixie chicks, right?

Because they were against Bush.

They're probably woke.

Or are they neoliberal?

See, I really need to know the specifics.

Ashley Judd is,

yeah.

I mean, she doesn't look good no more.

She really took that nasty woman thing seriously.

Yeah, she had to get extra.

Yeah.

I mean, she looks like Norm McDonald now.

No way.

Show me.

She does, dude.

She does, dude.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

And she looks just like Norm.

Damn.

Is that really her?

Yeah.

Yeah, I wanted to get some dirty work done on my face.

I went in and I said,

Do you have any Botox?

And they said, No.

And I said, Well,

how about this?

And they're like, That's

shit from the toilet.

And I said, Yeah, wouldn't that work?

Put that in there.

Why don't you put some of that in there?

Put some shit in my eyebrows.

Because I heard Botox is just a chemical.

I thought, shit, chemical.

Oh, yeah.

Why don't you just throw some of that in there?

So now everybody calls me shit lips.

Now he calls me nasty shitlips.

Nasty shit lips.

That's Ashley Judd Nora McDonald.

Not to be confused with Buck Schapanjel.

Buck's a different character.

Her mom is also fine.

Who's her mom?

She was in a band with her sister, Winona Judd.

Wait, that's her mom?

Yeah, the Judd.

I thought that was her.

No, Ashley Judd was just like an actress, I think.

Maybe she was in the band.

One of the ladies was fat in the band.

The fat one was her sister.

Yeah.

Everybody's got too many sisters now.

I agree.

We should try that Chinese thing, that one-child policy.

That'd be great.

You only have to deal with one dumb bitch per family.

Yep.

That's true.

Is that just norm now, or is that back to normal now?

Ashley Judd?

I'm still figuring out what's going on.

I'm looking at Ashley Judd, and I can't have it.

Mark Norm McDonald's?

No.

No.

That could be a new character.

No, it can't.

They're too similar.

Yeah, there's not a new character.

Come on, Adam.

They don't sound similar.

They fucking...

They're jokes.

They're both comedians.

They're both observational.

Yeah.

Well, how would you even do that?

Try that out for a spin, Adam.

I'd just do like a norm joke and then I'd say, kidding.

Kidding.

Okay, that's fine.

Okay, you're right.

All right.

I don't know.

It's not good, but it's functional.

It's not good, but it's functional.

Okay, I'll give you that.

Thank you.

I'll give you that, and also give you five and three-quarters of something else.

Ashley Judd looks, she went into the plaster surgeon and was like, yeah, what I'm going for is,

you know, I really like is to look bumpy and shiny.

If there's any way you could.

Yeah, I tell you, it'd be great is if we had like a bumpy and shiny sort of look I could go for.

You know, like

a disco ball that fell in a Vada Crisco

and

just sort of rolled around in a bunch of bad ideas.

Yep, mm-hmm.

Dim.

Dim.

R.I.P.

to, you know,

the surgeon kind of fucked her on that one, I will admit.

Judd with two D's.

How about Ashley Jugs?

Mm-hmm.

And it's her with big-ass titties.

I'm talking double F's.

How big would a double F be?

Not big enough.

Now, one is the ribs, one is the actual titties, I hear.

The number, I think, is

the ribs.

Is that so?

It's the circumference under the titty.

I'm fascinated by this, and it's something I should know, frankly.

I am fascinated by it.

It's something I need to look into as somebody who likes titties as much as I do.

Well, do you like bra sizing as much as you like that?

Well, I don't necessarily, but I would like that seems to be our only standard of measure, our only cross-cultures

standard of measurements.

I had a friend who went to Greece, and she met this guy who owned a vintage gene store, and she said he was a savant.

What's that place called?

A vintage gene store?

I don't know.

It was like a store with jeans remembered.

Okay.

All right.

Okay, Norm or Ashley Norm.

I don't know.

Ashley McDonald.

It's more of a visual bit because it's just Ashley Judd, but her voice is Norm McDonald's.

It's basically if they body switched.

If they Freaky Friday body switched.

She said this girl.

Antique jeans store.

Hold on a sec.

Okay, continue.

I want to know more about this place.

She said this guy was like a savant where he could look at a woman's ass.

Why the hell would you want vintage jeans?

Well, just like, yeah, like old.

Jeans have looked the same for 400 years.

Oh, they're like broken in.

You got a new pair of something that looked exactly like it did new when

this sounds like something my dad would be saying.

Why do they have holes in the pants?

No, I'd be if I was paying for the holes in the pants.

I'd be saying, stop beating off the pictures of me in my vintage jeans.

No, I would never jack off to my dad in jeans.

Stop

Adam.

Adam.

Adam, get in.

Put the shirt away.

Put the jeans and shirt in the picture.

Whatever my photo album of pictures of me in my vintage jeans.

Shirtless oil.

Why is there Young Cum all over the pages?

He's like, Yeah, he's just like, This is young cum.

This isn't old cum.

He's like, Cop.

Just like a cop trying to get it.

That's what Mr.

Friedland would say.

Yeah, he rubs it on his gum.

Just like a cop on the Vice Page.

This is child's jeans.

This is child's shit.

Some cop taking a big

doll with his finger, dipping it down, and rubbing it on his gum.

I know what this is.

I'd know this anywhere.

Adam at a shot.

14 years old.

Antiques load show.

Okay.

When they take their vintage jeans on the road.

I don't know why Ashley Judd McDonald's been burning me so much, but

they take the vintage jeans on the road and they

suck each other.

Seems like a lot of our new friends on this show just love.

Well, you know, you said it was something your dad would say.

Menorah.

You're trying to derail the whole

vintage jeans exploration.

Yeah.

Yeah, listen, Adam.

That's a tangent.

You would pop in and out with your story.

Yeah, no, no, no.

That's the formula.

We're trying to figure out what a vintage genes place would be called.

Yeah.

Jeans Remembered.

Jeans Remembered.

Jeans Remembered.

Yeah.

What's some other?

23 and Jeans.

Well, that's pretty good.

I guess.

It's a lineage.

That's really just.

All the genes are 23 years old.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Hmm.

Genes addiction.

Sure.

Okay.

Yeah.

would be pretty cool to have a place called Jeans Addiction.

Just a ball.

Jean Shang.

It's a gay bar called Jeans Addiction.

My jeans are pretty cool.

I want to suck another guy.

Covered in denim, wipe him off the bar.

What's up, stranger?

What's up, lonely beautiful?

And my idea.

Lonely stranger.

Just getting sucked by a guy.

Yeah.

I've never had a bad guy.

Maybe I'll make a shirt for a gay bar called Jeans Addiction.

Jeans Adig

all right.

How about some more?

Yeah, let's just explore the world of Gene Puns.

Yeah, look.

Yeah, well, you know, it's a vintage store.

I'm Ashley Judd.

What about Gene's gaff again?

How about Judge Jeans?

Judd's Geneva is like a deaf version of Judge Drett.

Okay.

Okay.

And he's like, oh, man.

Why is he done?

What about Amu.

Oh, because the Judds is like the way a deaf guy would say.

Yeah, Judge Jeans would sound like a deaf guy saying Judge Dredd.

That sounds pretty good.

I can't wait to watch Judge Jeans.

I don't think that sounds

like

Judge Jeans.

Judge Jeans.

What about Martin Scorsese's Jeans Streets?

Judge Jeans.

And it's like,

hey, man, I'm in pretty deep.

I owe Jesse Jean.

Jazz Jeans.

Judge Jeans.

Judge Jeans.

Jez Geese.

Judge Gene.

Judge Jeans.

Jazz Gene.

Judge Jeans.

Oh, God.

How about changing my name to Kareem Abdul in my pants?

Kareem

Abdul.

Kareem Abdul My Jeans.

Kareem Abdul My Jeans.

Just really

tall jeans.

Or your cream and your jeans.

Oh, Kareem.

Kareem.

Kareem Abdul My Jeans.

Yes.

It's just

filled with Muslim guys come.

Yeah.

That's good.

That's another business Adam's dad would like to be involved in

as a taste test.

I love whenever a Kareem Abdul Jabbar article comes across my desk.

Does it happen often?

No, you see him every once in a while.

He has such a funny way of writing.

Yeah.

He writes like a high schooler.

I have never written that.

Racism is bad.

Firstly,

she does say she likes

racism.

He seems like a good guy.

He's a good guy.

Yeah.

I don't ever, like, it's rare that I disagree with anything.

No, he's like, yeah, he's on the right side.

Yeah.

He was writing for Veronica Mars.

Yeah.

What?

I swear to God.

Like, in the writer's room?

He was in the writer's room for Veronica Mars.

Dead Writer's Room is like, probably.

They were like, maybe we should do an episode about girls.

And he was like,

you know, and what?

And we fuck them?

And they're like, no, not this time.

See, I typically agree with him.

That's another example.

No,

we're going to keep doing girl bullshit on this episode of Veronica Mars.

I don't even know what that show is.

It's Kristen Bell, right?

He's on the WV.

But really, though, think about it for a second.

An antique jeans store?

What would you even get to?

It wasn't antique.

It was like jeans from the.

What would you even

get into it?

I don't even know.

How would you look it up?

What would the name of it be?

It would be called

Levi's to Beaver.

Levi's to Beaver.

The 50s check.

50s style jeans.

God damn.

After a couple, you pulled Levi's to Beaver out of your cheeks, dude.

Respect.

Leave Israel.

The Jews leave Israel.

Levi in the middle.

We're like, what are they?

It's a jean star.

It's a vintage jeans.

I find this really.

If you're putting a hand-rolled cigarette out front, it's a vintage jean star.

Got any more questions, smart guy?

Are you going to get in there and buy some jeans?

And it's the best one.

Everyone has to go to it.

Where'd you get those jeans?

Get the fuck out of Israel.

I'd rather not say.

We got to get these folks.

Damn, that last effect really got me there.

Yeah, that was good.

Get them of his room.

What was like

even shoning that store?

Oh, you're talking about the guy who looks at girls' asses.

Oh, yeah, he looks at girls' asses and he's like a savant.

He will see the shape of their ass and then go into his archive of jeans and then just give them a pair of pants that

makes their asses look better than they've ever looked.

Does he fuck the girls who shoot?

Is he gay or does he fuck them?

I think he fucks

that rule.

Then at the end, my gay around my straight.

I think she said he gave her his business card.

Can you fuck me in my face?

He gave her his business card and he said,

His name is like Yorgos.

And then he said, My last name is very long, and it's not the only thing that's long about me.

I respect my rap shoot for molesting.

having sex with young boys is also very

talking about the penis.

I'm letting everybody know about my penis.

I have when you look at my

genitalia,

it's nice.

Anyway, thank you for coming and buying jeans.

I mean, it is actually like kind of an impressive skill.

That I think if you get to fuck them afterwards.

I think that he probably does get some pussy off of it.

That's pretty good.

Can you imagine a a woman just like feeling better about their bodies than they have in years?

Yeah.

Just because of a pair of

cheeks.

He probably would let.

I'm sure some of them let him slide.

That's awesome.

Shout out to that guy.

Shout out to Yodovo.

I kind of, if everything goes wrong, I might move to Greece and try to apprentice.

Debate between

Donald Trump and fucking Elizabeth Warren, where Elizabeth Warren's like, what he did is not only criminal, it jeopardizes.

Yeah, and then he's just like, look at fucking, look at Ashley Judd now.

And he's just holding up his phone.

And he's like, she looks like fucking Norm McDonald's.

She looks like Norm McDonald's.

What the hell happened there?

That was a good piece of ass.

Dude, his tweet the other day where he's like, Elizabeth Warren, sometimes referred to as Pocahontas.

That's had such an embarrassing demonstration.

Incredible.

Sometimes referred to.

The thing he calls her constantly.

He's so fucking funny.

He's the best.

I really hope he's the president.

If it's Pete, I'm going to do it, dude.

Yeah.

If it's Pete, you're going to dial it up and vote for Trump.

Trampadu.

We were talking about.

Stop and I were talking about this at the live show.

You know what the next thing I want to see is?

And a lot of people are going to be mad about it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Harvey Weinstein not guilty.

No,

by reason of insanity.

He was crazy.

He was crazy about that pussy.

He just comes in in Joker makeup.

I want to see that.

I want to see the attempt to get off, but I would like him to go to jail with the Joker makeup on.

Well, these crimes are very heinous, but on account of Mr.

Weinstein's clear physical disability,

as indicated by his necessary use of a walker, I don't think anyone in their right mind could sentence this man to any kind of sentence whatsoever.

So he is free to go.

him and his fucked up little pussy dick are free to go his

his stavroll yeah the legal definition

that guy wouldn't even that guy doesn't even know who i am doctors call it stavros syndrome okay well maybe stavro syndrome

there's a lot of guys named stavros now doctor you tell us uh in the medical community what is the term for this type of genital deficiency uh they're calling it stavros penis okay well that's fucked up.

That's a bad thing.

They're calling it Stavros Halkis.

No, it's not Stavros Halkis.

And you know, there might be a couple of those, but we just want to make sure it's the guy from Cumtown, Stavros.

No, they would never say that on the record.

Yeah, they would.

The doctors would.

No chance.

It's in medical.

My dick is not a pussy, number one.

And

he doesn't dribble out.

It doesn't.

I don't have a great stream.

I've never said that.

I do have some kind of, I do piss pretty much

a stream.

He's not a liar.

I don't know what's going on with my prostate.

Maybe I'm too fat.

I don't know.

At a certain point, I thought I had diabetes because I was pissing a lot.

However, having said all that,

it's still a dick and not a pussy.

And I haven't mangled it to the point where it looks like a pussy.

And even though I talk a lot about having a very small dick, I would say it's a shade under just fine.

So, yeah, we have all seen it hard and soft.

It looks better hard than you'd think.

We all know you downplay it.

Thanks, man.

That means

it's a lot less bad than you make it out to be.

It looks cute hard.

You know?

And that's all you can ask for.

It's a cute little cock.

That's all you can ask for.

That's all you're allowed to ask for, Ashley Judge.

Well, the thing is, because of my tight foreskin, it looks like it has the illusion of it trying to fucking charge out of that foreskin.

So it's kind of like, it looks like it's like got a lot of potential energy.

It's like a guy about to cra crash, about a guy about to jump.

It's like Zion Williamson.

The beautiful people, the beautiful people,

banana.

The beautiful penis.

The beautiful penis.

Banana.

The beautiful penis.

Banana.

Is it something about Harvard Weinstein's dick?

Yeah, the beautiful penis.

Hey, would

you fuck my ass?

Yeah, dude.

Ashley Jub was so hot, and now she's disgusting.

If I could just have a time machine, We would go back and warn everyone.

Stop what you're doing.

Yeah.

Get your hand off your dick.

Stop beating off to kiss the girls.

Is she naked in that?

No.

But she does almost get raped.

Oh, geez.

That's funny, pick.

She shows her titties in a couple.

Let me look up the kinds of stuff.

She was in like nine movies with Morgan Freeman, and I have trouble telling them apart.

Oh, yeah.

Double double jeopardy with Tommy Lee's job.

I need to team up with this white bitch to solve the mystery of

who

took a shit.

Okay.

And Ashley Judge Lips.

Damn, okay.

There's a pretty cool shot of her tits in some of the movies.

No, I've seen that one, yeah.

These are pretty nice.

How about double

deeper D, you know,

pictures of double double D.

Only if you have big-ass titties can you you get off of a crime of a murder.

Ma'am, I've got bad news.

The other policeman said your titties aren't big enough.

If you're going, they have to go to jail.

You have to get plastic surgery to kill your husband.

Uh-huh.

And then let me suck your titties.

Because I'm the judge.

Is that what happens?

Is that what happens in that movie?

Yeah, basically.

That's basically what happens.

It's like, what does happen?

She kills her husband, or she's accused of it, but he's faking his own death.

I wish he gets off or something.

Where Michael Douglas was in love with masturbating.

There's just a bunch of scenes of him like masturbating, but being like.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

When's the last time you watched Basic Instinct?

Does it feel good, Michael,

to be stroked?

To have your penis stroked by yourself.

His wife comes in.

What are you doing?

He's like, I'm beating off.

I'm tracking off.

You bitch.

I'm beating off my penis.

And it's called Basic Instinct.

I'm jacking off.

I'm beating.

I'm masturbating my penis.

I'm masturbating my dick and balls.

Speaking of which, if you like masturbating your dick and balls,

you might want to check out Blue Chew.

It'll always be.

What's your background?

Ian.

Ian.

Ian and Alan Dershowitz.

The best picture.

The best picture of all time.

Ian and Alan Dershow.

Jacobin writer, Ian Finance.

He's not a writer.

He was quoted.

No.

Yeah, Jacobin sucks.

There's fucking sucks, dude.

Everything is fucking Chabo sucked.

Jacobin's sung.

I'm cool.

I'm fucking cool.

My friends that I've had for three weeks that I haven't alienated yet are cool.

Oh, fuck my cheekies.

Fuck them at BNA.

If you're trying to fuck somebody's cheekies, you need Blue Chew.

Fuck them at BNA.

To get your cock hard.

Because we all know your little fucked-up cock doesn't work.

If you listen to this show, you have erectile dysfunction.

Almost certainly.

Almost 100% certainly.

And now from being on this show, I've developed erectile dysfunction myself.

That's right.

But there's nothing to worry about.

Me and my ass.

If you like sex, you'll like bluechew.com.

Blue Chew offers the men a performance enhancement for the bedroom.

Wouldn't you like to last longer and go?

They got mad at me for saying something wrong the last time.

Okay.

You're supposed to say they work.

They can work faster than pills.

Oh, I see.

Oh.

Up to

twice as fast because you chew them.

Right.

Because if you swallow them whole like a fucking idiot, they might not work as fast, bitch.

But they're going to work.

If you chew them, they could work.

But if you chew faster, maybe.

Now, they don't say anything about shoving them up your ass, which I'm sure works as well.

Or putting them in your dick hole.

They used to do that in Vietnam.

Yep.

I just watched Honey Boy.

Amazing.

I fucking

already liked Shia, but

he's now

a

certified.

I love him, dude.

He's an artist.

I fucking love Shia.

Well, he's not an artist.

He's just like

he,

whatever.

He needs Blue Chew.

He does like a David Foster Wallace.

Shut up.

Shut up.

up.

I'm sorry.

Be quiet.

Be quiet.

Don't have hush.

I'm sorry.

I'll be quiet.

But he does wear like a David Foster Wallace kind of glasses.

He looks like his dad, bitch.

He's dressed like his dad.

What's his dad?

David Foster Wallace?

No, shut up.

Let's do the right thing.

Michael Blue Chew from Blue Chew.

Michael Blue Chew from Bluetooth.com.

Hey, Don, my name is Michael Blue Chew from Blue Chew.com.

I invented these pills after my wife left me for a

colored

doctor.

Is that a

C guy?

So you assume that

you assume that he was just some

doctor.

You know, I can't stand these telling me what to do.

I go into my office and he tells me.

Sorry.

You don't have to bleep out doctor.

I found out that doctor in Arabic is a slur.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

And I don't want to.

Because they think it means Jew.

As Michael Blue Chew, I don't want to offend our Muslim listeners.

Of course.

As you know, I was a country Western singer for 75 years before getting into the penis pill manufacturing game.

And

that's my story.

Then it's pretty much it.

And that's the whole thing.

I was a country music western legend.

Michael Blue Chew.

I toured on the road.

Well, I want to get my penis.

Fucking homes.

It was me, Tom Dick,

Gary.

Gary Penis.

Gary Penis.

Richard Balls.

Michael Dickwater.

And

so two Michaels.

Michael Blucci and Michael Dickwater.

Gary Penis.

Eddie Homer.

I'm sorry, man.

Any name and penis is always going to get me.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

The best part is, those are real guys.

They're all real.

And we were all in a band called Noise and the Machine.

Oh, wow.

And

we invented pop punk.

I thought you said it was Country Western.

It was Country Western.

But it turned into pop punk.

We had songs called, If You Don't Fuck Me at the Mall,

I'm going to Tell Everyone You're a slut.

It was about some of the teenage.

That's a lot of people were making movies for

music.

We're making music movies.

That's

music videos back then.

But my penis would never get harder.

And I was like, damn, if only there was a blue pill that I could chew on.

And I wrote a song called Blue Chew.

I want to chew on you

so I can

fuck some girl at the mall.

I'm 16 years old and I'm trying to get my first pussy,

but my dick doesn't work because I'm actually 28.

And I make music for teens

so that I can fuck them.

So I can fuck them at the mall and pretend to be 16.

And my only tell

is that my penis doesn't work.

And that's where Michael Blue Chew came from.

Just to be clear, the ad you're doing for this company is that their founder was a man who

created the pill to fuck children.

Well, he created pop punk to fuck children, and then he needed the pill to help.

Oh,

you can use the pill for anything.

I'm saying pop punk is bad, but blue chew is good.

Okay, yeah, okay.

It was an accident.

It only takes a few minutes to connect.

It's like, you know, how all the shit at Sharper Images for Astronauts.

Yeah, sure.

And it doesn't mean you're an astronaut.

That's true.

It means you're a guy that just uses the same stuff as them.

Yeah.

I'm just asking for clarification.

It only takes a few minutes to connect with a Bluetooth affiliated physician.

If you qualify, you can get prescribed on equipment.

No in-person doctor visit, no awkward conversation, no waiting online at a pharmacy.

Ships directly in your door and discrete packaging.

John Bluetooth, man, bluechew.com and prescribed online by a doctor and made in the USA.

What do you think about that?

I love it.

Bluechew.com.

Get your cat card, bitch.

So go check out Bluechew.com.

Yeah, and go to, listen, while you're at it, go to stopby.gov.

We're not done yet.

Blue Chew gives you confidence in bed every time.

You and your partner will love it.

So here's a deal for you guys: visit bluechew.com and get your first order free when you use promo code COMTONCUM T-O-W-N.

Just pay $5 shipping.

That's B-L-E.

Wait.

Not the French style.

Bliche.

B-U-E.

My fucking penthouse.

B-L-U-E-Chew.com.

Oh my man, forgot how to spell blue.

I'm reading it.

And I didn't forget how to spell it.

You did, did, bitch.

No, I just get confused reading.

Bloodchief.

I have the used it to have shit.

I'm a speed reader.

That's true.

I know that about you.

Yeah.

That's my anime.

I know that, dude.

Speed reader.

Speed reader.

I really want to explore Speed Reader, but real quick, I want everyone to tell everyone to buy tickets to see me in Dallas this motherfucking weekend.

I can literally do that this weekend.

And then

Valentine's Day can be there.

Take him out to the Cheesecake Factory there.

He's never been.

He's been dying to Van Dyke.

I'm not a fan of this Cheesecake Factory.

To his fans, to bring him to.

He's got to try out the General So's Chicken and the Chili.

I'll be in D.C.

the weekend after.

And if you're a fan of D.C., take him out to Ben's Chili Bowl.

I don't want to go there.

Been dying to go to.

And then I'll be in Phoenix and Tucson on March 2020.

If you're in Phoenix, take him to Guitar Center.

Take him to the Guitar Center to eat some of the drum kits.

That sounds pretty good at it.

Anyway, go to stubby.biz, and we're adding some other shit, too.

I just want to suck on you cock

and lick your fucking bones.

Just as long as we're plugging stuff, I got dates, so I don't know how to find them.

Yeah, Nick's going to Chicago, Milwaukee.

I'll be in Chicago.

I will be in Nashville.

I will be in Indianapolis.

I will be in

Pussytown, USA.

Pussytown USA.

Actually, it's Nick's own ass.

Pussytown, USA.

I had my ass surgically sealed.

Not straight, bitch.

The doctor's like, let me get this straight.

You're not even worried about people fucking you.

You just don't want people saying jokes about you.

I'm like, yeah, I want to be on my P's and Q's.

Not all my

P's.

Cross all my P's.

Trying to create my P's and Q's.

I'm sure you've heard the expression.

That's what it means.

Pussies and queefs.

Pussies and queefs.

My penis and choose.

I kind of wait to get my penis raped.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

I am joking.

I'm just kidding.

Yeah, if you go to comtown.merchnow.com,

you can buy t-shirts.

Oh, and also, we're going to Australia.

Directly from the print shop.

They're the same shirts I was sending out before, except they come from the print shop.

And PayPal fucked me over, so I can't do them on my own website or something like that.

Also, we'll be in Australia for my birthday.

And Greek Easter.

And for Greek Easter.

And we're probably canceling one of those dates by the way.

One of the dates is probably going to be canceled.

We won't say what city it will be, but it will probably be Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, and Brisbane.

They're probably all getting canceled.

But

we will be there in April, and I will be celebrating my birthday on a plane with my two best friends.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

That's awesome.

I'm going to pull a Richard Stanley and just go off into the jungle and not get it on the flight back.

That would be pretty funny.

You're going to find me living with a tribe.

That would be awesome, dude.

Mastering the boomerang.

Oh, yeah.

I'm also going to be in

Chicago, but that's later in May.

May.

And maybe next month somewhere too, but I forgot where.

Bye.

Bye, bit.

Bye.

It's the middle of the episode.

I know.

It was doing a joke like it was the end.

Do you want to?

We can talk about this later, but if you want to come on any dates to work on shit, you know.

I know.

I've got to run

to run some new stuff.

I'm going to DC, I think, in in May.

But I'll come with you.

That's what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah.

When, next weekend?

Next weekend.

Okay, so I'm not.

Maybe a surprise.

Who knows?

I need to work on some new stuff before I go down under to try out my comedy stuff.

I'm going down under to some pussy.

And if you're in Melbourne, we are going to each of us run individual hours.

Going down thunder.

Oh, yeah.

There used to be a show in Vegas.

It's called Eating a Fat Girl's Pussy.

Going Down Thunder.

Dude.

you little lightning bolts.

I'm in.

You go down on a fat bitch while she pisses in your face.

Go down thunder.

Go down thunder.

When I was growing up in Vegas,

I come from a lack of going down thunder.

It's the only way that I can come.

I come from going

down thunder.

Down thunder.

Yeah.

Oh, yo, shit.

I'm got a little thunder in my ass cheeks right now, dude.

I'm fucked up.

I had some fucking.

I had some down thunder.

Down thunder.

High, high, dry thunder.

Remember that game?

I don't.

If you go in an arcade, you'd hear that.

High, high, dry, thunder.

I don't remember that.

It was cruising, you know, but with boats.

Oh,

cool.

Yeah.

Oh, damn.

I thought we had the effect, but it was just me and Adam talking at the same time.

Adam.

Free, free, free.

I don't remember.

That's where that started.

That's where the thing came from.

What?

There was a racist podcast.

You know the three parentheses?

I never heard it, but there was a racist podcast where they started.

They would do it.

Anytime they said a Jewish person's name, they would

freedom.

Damn, that is funny.

That's a real thing.

It is very funny, yeah.

That's a good bit.

Yeah.

Unfortunately,

that's where the parentheses came from.

But see,

they're the Siths of racism.

We're the Jedi.

We're the Jedi.

We use it for good.

We use it for good.

Oh, is that how you see it?

Yeah.

Do you think you're certainly

myself as a regular person that's fed up with you magical faggots ruining the world with your dumb battle.

Dude, what magical?

I just want to be I want to just be a vapor farmer on Tatooine working on my pod racer with my boys.

All right.

Maybe I got some kind of shitty opinions about that guy, Guado, or whatever.

But he's got slaves.

But he does have slaves.

But

I don't have any magical powers, so what does it matter what I think or feel?

I'm not engaged in your dumb culture war.

I don't care.

No, I'm I got a saber, dude, and I'm going

although

Jedis don't get pussy, so I guess I'm out.

Actually, never mind.

I'm Sith.

Yeah,

I'm trying to get top, dude.

Where did baby Yoda come from?

Did Yoda get pussy, I guess, or is it some other Yoda?

I don't know.

I think it's like a

people are trying to find it out.

What?

I was a child doctor.

What?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

My parents got me an agent and stuff.

Okay, but what they said was

we were talking about Star Wars, dude.

You kind of drifted off.

I wasn't in Star Wars, but I tried out for some commercials.

You just had a blank look on your face, and you started bringing this shit up.

I don't know what's going on.

You started looking at it.

I thought you were in the distance.

No, dude, no one has been speaking.

I tried out for a Carl's Jr.

No.

What are these memories that are what memories?

What memories?

You're being fucking weird.

You're being weird.

Am I just hearing things?

I never tried them on.

Tried what on, dude?

What are you talking about?

What the fuck?

My mom's dressed.

I just tried.

Everything okay, Adam?

Adam, are you alright?

Now you're getting hard.

You're feeling weird, dude.

Now you're getting hard.

It looks like you got a sorry piece in the front of your pants.

I think I got Coral.

Well, Hershey's kiss.

Yeah, is everything okay with you, man?

You look sad and horny at the same time.

Are you serious?

You're not doing anything right now?

Doing what?

Who are you talking about?

Me or Nick?

We're just hanging out.

We're just hanging out.

We're waiting for you to riff up with us.

Yeah, we're waiting for you to riff, and you can't come down to riff.

Let's start riffing.

You have a thousand-yard stare like a Vietnam veteran.

What?

A gene's vintage place.

How would you call that?

Did you see that?

I don't know if it's real, but they say that

Larry is a buttage guy, dude.

I heard that.

That's heartbreaking.

But he's related to Bernie.

I know they're cousins.

He should have just.

You see how happy Bernie was when he found out?

You see that video?

It's one of the cutest things I've ever seen in my life.

Oh, adorable.

Yeah.

What's that guy's name?

On PBS, the black guy that does people's genealogy?

Frankie Charts.

Reading Rainbow.

No, it's not that guy.

LeVar Burton.

It's not him.

Reading Rainbow.

What if reading was gay?

It was gayer.

Was gay.

Exactly.

It was even gayer.

We did some research, and it turns out that kids don't think reading is gay.

So we came up with an idea for a show called Reading Rainbow.

Now, hold on.

I know it doesn't sound appealing, but we've got just the guy.

Children love him.

Jordi LaForge from Star South Next Generation.

Beloved to children.

But he won't.

Their favorite character on the show they watch.

He won't be wearing the visor.

He's not.

We could not secure the rights of Jordi LaForge.

Sucking peas.

So it's just going to be him with his normal face.

Who do you think is the most beloved

celebrity to children?

Uh-huh.

To children.

Right now.

Probably our president, Donald Trump.

Probably some YouTuber, right?

It'd be funny if he couldn't see see through that thing and they made him film all those scenes.

Yeah, he's just bumping into it.

Just bumping into shit.

In every scene.

Do you get rich if you're on Star Trek?

Yeah.

Yeah, if it's on for like 10 seconds.

Well, you have to because it's like

you can't do anything else after that.

That's fine.

I want to be on Star Trek.

Have you been watching Picard?

I guess fucking what's his name was able to distance himself from it, which is a surprise.

Who?

Picard?

Yeah, whatever.

John Louis Picard.

John Jean-Louis Picard.

What the fuck is that guy's name?

Hold on.

Michael Shepard.

Wait, it's not.

Oh, no.

Picard is the French guy.

I thought Patrick Stewart was a French guy.

For a second.

You thought Captain Picard was the actor's name.

No, but I thought the actor's name was Jean-Louis something.

You thought they're Catholic.

You thought the actor, Patrick Stewart's real name

was

Captain Jean-Louis Picard.

And then the character on the show is Patrick Stewart.

No, no, no.

I thought Picard was also French, and the actor was also French.

But

I now realize that's not based in any fact whatsoever.

Okay.

All right.

Is there a French actor that looks like him or something?

No.

Does he have a French friend?

No.

No, his friend is that gay guy, right?

He's supposed to be French in the show, but he just speaks in a British accent because it's the future.

Damn.

Okay.

His friend is Sir Ian, though, right?

The gay man.

Yeah, they're best friends, even though that one's gay.

Which is pretty cool.

That is pretty cool.

It's like us.

You think Peace Doo ever lets him give him top to be cool?

To be like, I know you want to suck me off.

I think you could be best friends with a gay guy without getting head from him.

I haven't tried it, but I tried.

No, no what is that stop it

i didn't have a coach i hadn't

dude what the i think there's something really special about adam i think he needs thank you very much joshua

of course you can take him to israel for the weekend

as a couple's retreat

for acting for jewish acting

the couple should be just rents it out to local to various Jewish acting coaches across America who all come in with little boys they're all separately molesting well a couple means two it doesn't

no stop

I don't want the thoughts

make the thoughts end

Oh no.

It's the old country for no men, boss.

I don't like this.

You know the way it is!

Adam, what's going on here?

You've been crying for the last couple minutes.

You're really upset, dude.

I don't know.

I just need friends right now.

now.

Damn, that one was awesome.

I want that.

So scary.

This is the spookiest episode ever.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

You're deeply mentally ill, Adam.

That must know I might have that kind of wild shit going on in your head 24-7.

My agent was not named Joshua.

But the only other option, drowning it out with cruising USA parody.

let's do it cruising yeah

no the thoughts no that was cruising oh

cruising my ass

cruising my ass

cruising for gay sex yeah

yeah

I used to love playing cruising usa at skate land in Rosedale, Maryland, because I was not good at

roller skates.

You can't be too fat for roller skates.

They're wheels that are attached to your foot.

And they're just like, you will break the wheels.

There's no way to break the solid wheels.

I was not too fat.

Let me make that very clear.

They just let you walk out under the rig.

Just

with my hands out.

Waving.

No.

Just walking.

No.

Pretending to hold his balance.

I would gingerly skate.

He's a too fat.

Ice skating, I tried once, and it was scary.

Yeah, you melted the ice.

I did not.

How would I do that?

I ate all ice.

From the friction.

I've tried to make them all into snow cones.

I just keep adding.

I keep adding fucking.

He woke up in a pond in China.

What?

He dug through?

Yeah.

Wow.

I keep adding.

What's the orange one?

Egg, egg custard?

Did you guys ever get egg custard flavor sitting in?

South South Vancouver, in South Vancouver, the dim sum place.

No, bro.

I'm talking the flavors, the syrups you would put on snow cones.

Oh, I thought you made a sound.

I've had maybe one snow cone in my entire life.

What?

They're good.

Are you serious?

What?

They're nasty.

What?

You motherfuckers never had snow cones?

I don't know.

No, I had Italian ice, though.

That was fire.

Italian ice is good.

Snow cones are good, bro.

Y'all are crazy.

Are you done speaking yet?

Cha-cha-cha-cha.

And now I am finished.

And now I have finished speaking Italian Anzo.

I'm sleepy.

Do you want to suck on my

god?

I'm so sleepy.

I'm sleepy, dude.

I'm hungover for the first time in a while.

I'm from L.A., and I love to be sleepy.

I got fucking tore up all the time.

I got twisted last night.

I got twisted.

That was a fun one, bro.

Have your birthday.

And then I drunk, drove up.

Drinking Twisted Pea.

Thank you to everybody who came out to the birthday party/slash show fat.

Ooh, we got another Fat Tuesdays next week.

You guys want to do it?

I'm going to be.

Oh, right.

You want to do the show, Nick?

Yeah, I'll do it.

Be in Los Angeles.

Work out

some of this Harvey wine scene stuff.

So come out for that.

Dude, I love the trial.

It's so funny.

It is funny to see him pretending to be fucking.

Just imagine you're like in court on some shit and

people are just looking at pictures of your penis.

And you're like, damn, I guess I fucked up.

Even if I beat the case, I'm

lost.

At that point, you got to just laugh.

You got to laugh.

You got to laugh.

What's this you got here, Everdrive 64?

Yeah, what's Courtside 2 featuring Kobe Bryant?

You're not allowed to play it.

I don't know.

You want to check it out?

Yeah.

Nick has every single N64 game from the Ukraine.

I want this shit.

I'm jealous.

So cool.

You get bored of it very quickly.

No, not Blitz.

What do you mean?

It's unlimited games.

Yeah, let's play Blitz.

But I'm telling you, the problem is that it's unlimited games.

When you're a kid, you have like two games.

Yeah, and you beat them and shit.

Yeah, but then you just keep playing them over and over and over.

Some of those games are hard, though.

Kind of like my new Mega Man.

When you have every game, it's like...

I know, but no, you find the ones you really like.

I used to have a fucking emulator on my computer.

You got the Powerpuff Girls game?

I have every game.

Dude, that's Stop's favorite.

No, it's not.

I like the Powerpuff Girls.

I don't have anything a problem with them, but it's not my favorite game.

What was it?

Like...

Was it like a thing in your school that like lesbian girls would be into the Powerpuff Girls?

No.

They'd always be into

Rogue Squadron.

Rogue Squadron was good.

Oh, damn, I forgot.

Do you remember Shadows of the Empire?

Yeah, that game suck.

I don't remember that one.

I remember it.

There was one on GameCube that was good as fuck, where you could be a Jedi.

You could create your own Jedi.

That shit rocked.

I don't remember what it was called, but I used to get fucking.

Just kidding.

Do you want to run a Smash real quick?

I don't like it for game.

I like it for GameCube or Wii.

I don't really like it for N64.

What, Smash Brothers?

Yeah.

I only have two controllers.

Oh.

Well, I can watch you guys play.

Tom and Jerry in Fists of Fury.

Now we're talking about.

Oh, Tony Hawk Pro Skater.

Yeah, but that was way better on PlayStation.

Absolutely.

What's Tom and Jerry and Fist of Fury?

I want to play a Tom and Jerry game.

Tony Hawk sucks.

Is Tom and Jerry.

Do they have a Tom and Jerry fighting game?

That'd be cool.

Wayne Gretzky Hockey.

Is that fun?

Probably not.

Oh, WCW Nitro.

Hell yes, dude.

Oh, that's some good shit right there.

Oh, this game is fun.

It was like a twisted metal clone.

Vigilante 8?

Yeah.

I don't remember.

What are the numbers being on the side?

This game is pretty good, too.

This is a fighting game.

Okay.

What number?

Like 12M32M.

This is the file size.

Megabytes, you fucking dumb bitch.

Oh, cool.

I'm a fucking idiot.

Turok.

I never played that shit, but it looked cool.

The dinosaur game.

Yeah, when I got this, I played through Gold 9, Perfect Dark, like immediately.

And then Conquer's Bad Furday, which I don't think I I finished.

Conquer gets pussy in that?

Yeah, that game's great.

It's awesome.

And then

fucks a woman, right?

Donkey Kong 64, which is also good.

This game's cool.

San Francisco Rush.

It's like Cruising

Gayer.

Damn, we should have done Paupers for your birthday.

We should have.

That was awesome.

Eldus brought the Paupers last year.

Yeah, I thought it would be funny if we did gay stuff together.

It was good to see the boy Eldis last night.

Yeah, dude.

We have sex.

We moved in with this girl.

It's gone, dude.

The apartment's a different place now.

I'm losing my boys.

Are you still there?

What are you going to do?

Move out?

No, I'm going to hold it down.

I think my boy George is going to come move in.

We got a sublet.

I was saying you should get an apartment for yourself in like Stytown or something.

Maybe.

I would like to be in the city at some point.

We should all move to the city.

No, I'm staying out in Brooklyn.

No, I think I'm going to move to the upper east side.

Upper East?

Yeah.

What?

There's this man.

This guy.

You got a deal on real estate?

My dad's friends with this guy who had this huge mansion.

He went to jail and he got murdered.

But I think I can get a pretty good deal on it.

Would you live there?

It's right by the park.

Epstein's mansion?

Of course I would.

Do you see how amazing it looks?

It's huge.

Damn.

Whoa, they had a Batman Beyond game.

Was it good?

I used to love Batman Beyond.

There's no way it's good.

Yeah, i would have i guess i would have heard about it if it was good cruising yeah cruising sucking style first dick

my dick small

and i'm getting a one of your head

damn i'm fucking hungry but i don't know if i'll have time to eat before therapy should i get a hot dog at a hot dog cart

when's the last time you guys had a hot dog

I can't that would probably fuck me up.

I think I'm finally at the age now where I just have to eat like

good or your real food.

Yeah, real food.

Like, yeah, it fucks me up.

Yeah, I'm the same way.

Me too, but I power through sometimes because my dick is on turbocharge.

Anything other than like fucking it even like vegetables, it's like they got to be fresh.

Yeah, I know what you mean, dude.

Like, I had, like, I had like a pre-packaged salad the other day, and it's like, oh, this is just poison.

Yeah.

It's killing me.

Yeah, we're all going to die.

You know, I mean, to think that I can't even come up with anything for what a vintage jeans store would be called.

They've got nothing.

We can go back.

Let's revisit.

No, I mean, look, four years ago, you put me in that hot seat.

Fucking, when I was 22 years old, you put me in that hot seat.

I would have given you 15 names in a second.

I mean, we can go back to the store.

I think you did a good job, man.

I think you did a lot of things.

Vintage gene stores,

old good things, things remembered.

What are the names of antique stores?

I couldn't tell you.

I don't know the antique business.

What about

second chance something?

Yeah.

Second chance jeans.

Second

double denim.

Denim pussy.

Denim Levi's.

Denim.

Guess.

Tommy Hilfiger.

Nah, you can't.

You can't.

That's not a brand synonymous enough with jeans.

What Tommy Hilfiger?

Hilfiger?

Yeah, you don't think so?

I don't think so.

Guess.

Structure.

So that doesn't even exist anymore.

It doesn't exist anymore.

Lucky lucky brand?

Lucky brand jeans.

True religion.

True religion.

I'm going to get back into true religions.

I tried someone at a fucking Marshalls.

They were very comfortable.

When I say back in, I never had a pair before.

You you just dressed like two chains?

No, I just yeah, like like Chief Keith in 2009.

Yeah.

2011, probably at that point.

Yeah, not even.

My favorite Chief Keith moment is when he tweeted with that guy, Joey.

A stitch in time.

Does that make any sense?

Okay.

This would be something.

There's stitches and jeans.

Stitches and jeans.

I can't sign off.

Something about rivets.

They have rivets.

Rivets.

What are you talking about?

Those, like, buttons that they.

No, dude, come on.

There's metal parts.

Stop it.

Chill out.

Um

then

we need one that's based on denim.

I don't think we have one with that.

We have Levi.

What would you say?

Oh, Demon M.

Demon M.

Demon M's.

Demin M world.

Demon M World, yeah.

That's where Ashley Judd goes, I guess.

Hey, there we go.

I love it here.

Denim.

Come on.

Come on, Mullen.

Denim.

Come on.

You got this, baby.

Old man.

You got this, man.

Ah, fuck.

This used to be.

I tell you, my wheelhouse.

Thinking of an antique jeans store?

An antique jeans store.

I think jeans remembered is this close.

We've had one with Levi's that was good.

I don't remember right now.

Leave Israel.

No, no, no, the one before that.

Leave Israel.

I don't remember what it was, but it was pretty good, man.

And Believe Eyes Women.

Yeah, Believe Eyes Women.

And it's a raped genes store?

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

So you buy...

What exactly is a business model?

Is it genes to rape in?

And you know how, like, after

you go to the doctor, they have to cut your genes open.

I don't know.

That they have to do that.

I think they do that.

How about the golden hum age?

The golden age?

Golden him age.

Golden him age.

Golden them age.

Okay, so that implies that it's old.

Gold, old, old, golden movies.

Old gold golden old golden.

You're trying to get those golden oldies.

Golden oldies, denim, oldies.

Golden oldies, denim.

Get it golden old them, then

fuck

Dicky.

Dicky, pussy, pussy, pussy fucky fuckies

Denim memories then

I think we did them

to memories

d then then

uh

Yeah, I think we got it.

I think that's pretty good.

All genes passed

Things is close to jeans.

All genes passed.

Dungarees.

Dungare members.

Dunga remembering.

Dungare.

I think we're going to end with genes remembered after all.

Dunga remembered.

What about?

Can you

drive here?

Yeah, you want to ride together.

Dunga retarded for jeans.

There we go.

What about

Kings and Jeans?

Oh.

I like Kings and Jeans.

I don't get it.

Kings and Queens.

Or

Kings of

Kings of Jeans, which is like the King of Queens.

So it would be a overfat.

And you just have Leah Reginald.

Pictures everywhere.

The Kings of Jeans.

Kings and Jeans is good.

Kings and Queens.

Damn, what the hell would you call a vintage gene store?

It's an impossible question to answer.

But this place had a name.

But it was in Greek.

That was probably in Greek.

And it didn't translate, probably, because our language is so beautiful.

It's so beautiful compared to you.

This is disgusting.

It weighs hundreds of pounds extra.

No, it doesn't weigh anything.

Languages don't weigh anything.

It's a fat language.

It's written in frat letters.

No, they stole that from us.

They stole it from frats.

Uh-huh.

No.

No, they didn't.

No, we didn't.

In Greece, our favorite person is Brock Turner.

They don't even know who he is.

We love him.

So much.

We can't wait to let him kiss every girl.

Brock Turner is not a national hero of Greeks.

Yeah.

Gene.

All right, folks, that's going to do it for us this episode.

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