Ep 179 – Strike Ass!

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Hi, welcome to Come Town.

Regular episode.

My dick.

Damn, you're kind of loud, I think.

Am I kind of loud?

Yeah.

Or maybe not.

Maybe we're all.

I couldn't remember if it was supposed to be six or five.

I think it's

five.

Yeah.

I'll keep you.

People are saying Nick's been quiet, so maybe keep him a little loud.

Yeah.

He's what?

He's a loving penis.

Nothing better than being in love with penis.

What are we doing?

The car stuff on the weekend.

We shall tell you, bro.

Let Nick finish.

Work it out.

I'm gay and I want to fuck my father.

There you go.

Frank Sinatra.

You know, no one knew that.

No one knew that song until it was in the pen.

That is awesome.

No, no one knew about it until it was in

Married with Children.

No, shut up.

Married with

Bluldren.

Blildren.

I'm about to have some blue.

I was.

How about like a

blood that has to get a blood transfusion?

Or a crip that has to.

Uh-oh.

And they're like, your blood type is B negative.

And he's like, no, no, no, no, no.

They're like, you're going to die.

Put C-type blood in my body.

They're like, come on, man.

It's still blood.

It may be B, but it's blood.

They're like, you, no.

And it's weird because they can't say.

No, wait, hold on.

It's a crip, right?

Yeah, it has to to be.

So yeah, even if it's C, it's still blood.

Unless, here's how it works: the blood's getting C-type.

There's no C-type blood.

There isn't?

No.

A.

It's got to be a Crip getting B.

Well, back to the drawing board with this one.

We'll get back to that in the next episode.

Wait, there's A.

Oh, you're right.

A, B, and O,

right?

There's other ones, right?

Nabo.

That's how you remember it.

Oh, come on, Nick.

We got a sense of that in Australia.

Purely in an American way.

We went to Australia.

We learned the power behind that word.

We should know better.

That's true.

But although we are in the United States right now,

you know, it's like saying cunt is bad here, but in England, it's not bad.

It's like saying hello to a baby.

It's like hello.

You could call a baby a cunt.

You could be like, that little cunt.

Yeah, and they're like.

And everyone laughs and has beans for breakfast.

What a beautiful cunting daughter you have.

Such a beautiful cunting

bonnet and her cunting trousers.

Cunting trousers is good, dude.

Thank you.

Say thank you, Diane.

Thank you, sir, for calling me a cunt.

I'm having a cunting day here

in grade two.

The British School of Excellence.

What do British School?

Cunting Excellence.

I think it might be that, too.

Really?

The London Academy for Cunts.

The London Cunting Academy for Girls.

For Wee Cunts.

The Wee Cunt Academy for Tots and Cunts.

You have a dog and it's like your cunting hound?

Well, that's what I like to stick him on.

You stick him on women.

I've got a Crip that's got a dog that's a bloodhound.

He's like, nah, nah, nah, nah.

It's a Criphound.

Nah, nah, nah.

Yeah, yeah.

Crips should call all bloodhounds Criphounds.

Yeah.

I like the idea of cunting

being what you call, if you're in England, that's what you call it, going out to get pussy.

Yeah.

Going after a sport of

Modern Warfare again, and then I'm in the locker

season.

And it's back, baby.

It's fucking back.

Yeah, I finished one game, and some kid

dropped the double

NF.

Ah, yes.

And then some guy was going off.

Some guy was going off about how he's from the south side or whatever.

And he'll fucking get it.

From Chicago?

Yeah, but here, let me see.

I tried to record it.

Oh, you saved it.

I tried to record it, but

it won't record the lobbies.

It only records the game, so I only got the last eight seconds of this guy screaming.

That's all you get.

Wow, that's good.

They sound angry at each other.

Yeah, I love it, dude.

That's what makes your blood just fucking boil.

That's what makes you feel alive.

This game has been out two days and people are already pissed on that.

I love it.

What would you say?

Is that what you would say your natural habitat is?

What game is?

The lobby?

The lobby of a game?

No.

No?

I don't have a natural habitat.

Come on, dude.

You have to have one.

Is it online?

The guys that get in the lobby after them, because I get frustrated.

I mean, it's a front.

Like, games can be frustrating.

But as soon as a match ends,

match ends, you calm down.

Of course.

To take that energy into the lobby.

In the lobby, a sacred space.

Yeah, you fucking piece of shit.

Fucking sitting there in the fucking bathroom the whole fucking game you fucking pussy i'll fucking kill you i'll fucking kill you

i'll fuck you in your fucking mouth bitch try that shit with me come to my fucking house and see if you could do that shit here has anyone gotten killed over uh call of duty no i think so i mean they can give an address maybe someone can drive 300 miles what couldn't they swat isn't swatting something someone some people do yeah what's that you call them like a bomb When someone's live streaming, they call in.

They say this guy was threatening to kill a bunch of people.

He said he has a bomb in his house.

And a SWAT team comes up.

SWAT team comes up.

How the fuck is it that easy to get a SWAT team?

Oh,

they're just hanging out, dude.

Will they just do any ⁇ if I just give them

any address, will they go?

Because that seems like there should be more checks and balances, dude.

Well, yeah, you got to call from a secure line, right?

So that shit doesn't come back to you.

But, like, I feel like that happens a lot.

Or does it?

Or maybe I've just heard of it.

Does it happen a lot?

It's crazy that the police have their own special forces.

I know.

That seems they have their own troops.

Yeah.

Dude, those motherfuckers have like little tanks and shit.

The pride like a local fucking police department has with their gay ass tanks.

Yeah.

It sucks.

Yeah.

It just sucks.

Well, they have robots, too.

Well, yeah.

I mean, you know, we've been at war for, I guess, now 400 years.

So they have all this military surplus that they just hand to police departments.

Yeah.

Like a Humvee with an open microwave on the top that can give people cancer from 300 yards away.

Just driving around black neighborhoods blaring cancer.

Blasting

x-rays.

Yeah.

We have a new,

it's called a preemptive, tactical

vision zero tactical device, tactical corrective preemptive measure.

And what it is is it tactically it blasts

uh

gamma rays through everyone's house to see if they have guns

and with the imaging system one block is a is a tractor trailer with the

x-ray film on one side and then the other street over we have a truck just sending massive doses of radiation and then we look at the other truck on the other other side once it gets to the end of the block.

And then that's how you get them.

And then, of course, it destroys the truck.

Sure.

So you look, you go, okay, no guns in here.

And then you throw the film truck out and get a new one.

Of course.

And this will cost us about $80 million a day.

But the city of Detroit

is going to see a future that it never dreamt was possible.

Just fucking scanning every kid before they get a free lunch.

Just putting them through a full body x-ray.

Yeah.

Yeah, we got lasers that we point at the kids to make them think that

they're being watched by snipers.

Basically, we created a sniper alert system for all of the south side of Chicago where every black person is constantly highlighted by a laser.

And most of them do not have a laser.

Most of them are just laser pointers.

But

every once in a while, one of them is a sniper rifle.

So it's sort of this panopticon of a film.

Yeah, it's like a psychological warfare kind of thing.

They don't know which one of the dots is going to be.

And, you know, a lot of people say that this is racist, it's unwoke.

But I'll tell you what, it lets Indian people feel like they're closer to the quote-unquote brown community, which invisibles

extremely upper middle-class Indian children.

Children of surgeons.

Yeah, doctors

who went to Harvard and a guy that was born addicted to crack that

lives in a school bus that broke down in 1997 who hasn't been moved off.

They are the same.

Yeah, they're the same.

They're both the same.

They're all brown people.

That's right.

They have the same.

It's not about brown.

It's not about black people's rights.

Yeah, they have the same struggle in America.

Suresh Gupta,

who has nine PhDs and zero debt,

is facing the same.

When he's watching old episodes of The Simpsons and Apoo walks on the screen,

that's basically the same feeling as Tamir Rice's brain exiting the back of the skull.

It's equal.

That's the same feeling

as Mike Brown being ventilated by a scared man with Down syndrome.

I'm pretty sure Darren Wilson had Down syndrome.

Darren Wilson up.

What's Darren up to?

Is he in jail or no?

Yeah, my name's Dan Wilson.

I think he's running for governor of Missouri.

He's a Trump super delegate.

Yeah.

He's throwing out the first pitch of the Cardinals game.

Is that a video of Carl?

The one where he's like frowning.

Where he got booed?

He's getting booed.

Yeah, and he's like sad.

I kind of feel bad for him.

Come on, man.

Come on, bro.

That's sick.

That was awesome.

Whenever a powerful person gets booed in public, it's cool.

But here's the thing.

He looks genuinely hurt.

He does.

It really hurt his feelings.

It really hurt his feelings.

I can tell.

Because

imagine that happening to Hillary Clinton.

She would just be defiant and think, like, I'll show them, I'll send their children to war.

And Trump's like, you can see his face.

He's like, I tried my best.

He does want to be loved.

Yeah, I mean, that's the problem is, like, that's why he loves his rallies because he gets so much love.

It's like, you know, I mean, you know, people say, oh, well, you can have empathy for that.

And it's like, well, I can't help it.

I mean, it's not because it's fucking, I mean, you can't look at that guy's face or whatever.

This is why I can't be on a jury or, you know, pulling the switch at the fucking prison.

Why is that?

Well, you know, I don't, even if it is like a shitty person.

You think the problem, your problem in a

killing a person or in being on the jury would be too much empathy.

I mean, in reality, sure.

I mean, not as a joke.

Right, right.

He doesn't want to have that power.

Right, right, right, right.

Not me, dude.

I would be like,

I don't care what he did.

Is he retarded?

Let's take him down.

Texas, baby.

No, I'm jury nullification, bro.

Oh, yeah, you get on there.

Everyone's innocent, even white collar, especially white collar.

I get on there.

I'm like, David Simon told me not to fucking do this shit, so.

David Simon said the N-word on Twitter today

and told me not to.

anyways, yeah, he looked genuinely sad.

He really did look sad when his face drops at the end of that video.

It was awesome.

It was pretty powerful.

It's the only thing that's.

I gotta say, I'm usually not wrapped up in like resistance memes, but I'm like, wow, that's.

This is the one time that those bitches that have Pelosi clapping

and me were aligned.

This is the Vendor.

No, they were fucking fingering themselves to that.

They really were.

They were fucking.

They were fucking.

They had the gun.

They had the shocker.

They were doing asshole and pussy.

Shockering their own pussies.

Just a bunch of PTA fucking secretaries.

Oh, my God.

68-year-old women.

Oh, yeah.

Can you imagine the squirting noises?

I'm also doing the shocker on my pussy.

That's what he gets.

I mean, the sad part is it doesn't do anything.

Of course not.

Yeah, and again, it'll be pretty fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, their response, I don't know if you saw, but Don Jr.

tweeted today.

He was like, well, obviously it's a mark of pride to get booed when you're in a swamp.

So he was saying that obviously DC is a swamp.

Oh, yeah.

Everything else.

Swamp people, you know.

Everything else about the whole situation is dumb.

And sad.

That whole respect to office thing is retarded.

It's so fucking stupid.

It's also like plenty of people have booed, like every president has been fucking heckled at public events.

It's cool to boo them.

Like, this isn't new.

Yeah.

I boo the ones I even like.

Yeah.

Actually, I don't know.

Who did you boo, Adam?

I booed.

Which presidents?

I had a senator come to my high school and I booed him, but I really didn't like him.

What was his name?

John Ensign.

He was a senator.

He was a veterinarian and a member of the Club of 100.

What's that?

The United States Senate.

No, that's...

Come on, bro.

He was part of that club.

Yeah, one of the 100 guys that fucked Adam.

They have to reapply every year, I would assume, right?

No, otherwise.

it's a hard cap at 100, and once I'm done, then I'm done being gay.

Oh, smart.

Yeah.

What are you up to right now?

I'm at 103.

But you're trying to get a couple.

No, I'm just to let them know.

I've passed my limit.

No man.

Every man has a limit.

Every man's got a limit.

Every man's got a limit, and it's 100.

Yeah.

Is there an odometer above your asshole that checks

for every new cock, the numbers go up?

Um, no, just a notch on the old bedpost.

You bring girls over, they're like, What are the oh, this are the girls you fucked?

And you're like, um,

yeah.

Yeah, it is.

It's certainly not the senators and other old men that I fucked.

I took a bus this weekend.

You motherfuckers ever fuck with the when's the last time you fucked the mega bus, dude?

I think a couple years ago, but I used to fuck with that shit all the time.

I know.

It's been a minute, though.

I sat by the fucking bathroom.

What led you to take the bus?

Was the train insane?

The train was like $300 fucking dollars.

Yeah, no, what, really?

Yeah.

How?

It's like week of.

Yeah, but even like, I buy train tickets last minute all the time, and I usually can find them for like 60 bucks.

If you take them at crazy times, like 5 a.m.

No.

Really?

To where, though, Philly?

Because Philly's a pretty cheap one.

Yeah, you know, know, that's the reason, yeah.

But like TC is way more expensive, and Boston's way more expensive.

Yeah,

I keep typing in Silibelfia, but it doesn't come up.

Silly Belfia.

I don't know why.

When I try to take the train, but when I type in Sili Belfia, the city does not come up.

Okay, are you trying to go to Philadelphia?

Yes, Silly Belfia.

Okay, well, you're retarded.

Oh,

hello.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Day Laborer will return next Thursday at 8 p.m.

on ABC Family.

Will he ever get to?

The George Lopez show.

Will we ever get to Silly Belfia?

Tune in next week to find out.

Yeah.

When I get to Silly Belphia, I can't wait to have a Billy Bee steak.

They make the steak out of Billy Bees.

I love the Billy Bees so much, but they are pointy to me.

They make sweet honey, but they are so pointy to me.

The Billy Bees.

What is the Billy part?

He's

a big blood, dude.

That's what he's talking about.

What does he think Billy Bee means?

I think he thinks they're bumblebees.

Oh, okay.

He thinks a Philly cheese steak is a Billy Bee steak.

And that Billy Bees.

Gotcha.

gotcha.

And he loves bumblebees because they make honey, but they're also too pointy.

They're too pointy for him.

They're a little too pointy.

He's scared about pointy for his taste.

He could do a duller beef steak.

I love to have a birthday because you wear the hat, but the hat is the point that

I am scared of my birthday because the hat is the point

for me.

Will George Lopez have a birthday?

Find out next week on ABC Family.

Yeah, my man must hate forks.

I'll tell you that.

Yeah, the forks are pointy.

I was going to take a test.

They see this in shape test, but the pencil is too pointy.

I know all of American history.

I can pass a test, but I'm afraid scared of the pencil.

Oh, wow.

What?

They just announced the Bam Margera bipolar tour hosted by scumbag Finny Piano.

Hell yes, dude.

Hell yeah.

Wow.

What's the lineup?

Where are they going?

This can't be real.

Let's plug their dates.

They're doing a Dinopoly Stone Mill.

Is that a real place?

Gene's back in the mix.

He's got another spot.

Listen, I got a new business.

It's failing terribly.

You got to help me out here.

Guys, guys, I'm about to water up my fucking cocksucker brother-in-law.

He owes me $300,000.

Dinopoly Stone Mill?

Is that what it's called?

Yeah, I guess so.

I love it, dude.

Gene DiNapoli from Come Town will appear.

They're just, oh my gosh,

that's a good piece of money.

It's like Vitti is like one of those fish that just exists in the mud at the bottom of a fucking swamp.

He's a fucking tilapia.

Feeding on the shit in a fucking shit.

He just eats

squids.

Oh, my God.

He's eating squid for him.

So they're Denapoli.

7 p.m.

showtime in Tuckahoe, New York.

I guess this is a real thing.

When is it?

You got to go to www.scumbagvinny.com.

He's handling ticketing, huh?

Did he make a website scumbag?

Jeez, Vin.

What day is it?

It does not provide us to say the date, huh?

The flyer, but Bam posted on his account.

Wait, maybe it's a joke.

I don't know.

No, it's real.

Is it real?

You looked it up?

I mean, Vinny's been texting me about it.

Oh, hell yeah.

There's no

I thought it was breaking news just now.

There's no time or date.

We gotta go to scumbagvinny.com to find out.

Smart, dude.

Smart.

Drive the traffic.

Do you want to go see Bumblebam Bargerina?

Do you have a ticket to see Bumblebam Barger

in Westchester?

I want to go to West James now.

But when I try to buy the ticket to Philadelphia to go to Westchester, they say that they sold out.

They have a bath filled with peepee.

They say they have a peepee bath to go to the bathroom.

December 9th.

Dude, the description on Vinny's website is amazing.

December 9th.

Our mission is to deliver an amazing experience of a great night of entertainment.

Unlike something that has not been done before.

What is that?

So funny.

He's just struggling.

So true.

For the shows that we did do with the Bam Margero Unfiltered tour, all of our fans had an amazing time.

For the shows that we did do.

She fucking absolutely did.

And we are going to give that experience times 10.

Special appearances, live stand-up comedy by Scumbag Vinny Beetle from the Come Town Podcast.

Scumbag Vinny Beetle from the come down podcast.

Along with his explanation of the mess with Bam's, with Bam, including going to Walt Disney's World.

He called it Walt Disney's World.

No, you didn't.

Yeah, I'm going for Valentine's Day.

I'm about to go to Walt Disney's World.

Yeah.

Well, I'll tell you what, you can place bets on how that's going to go down.

That's right, Mom.

I'm going to take the under.

Are you guys excited about football being black?

I'm more excited about the NBA season kicking off now.

You know, Stav and I.

Let's quickly double-check to make sure you can bet on the NBA.

Yeah, I'm sure you can bet.

Okay, because the thing said NFL, but now they, okay, sure.

I'm going to venture to guess.

NFL, too.

Anyways, here's the deal.

Here's what we're going to do, guys.

There's this website, brand new website, mybookie.com.

And if it's good.

It's good.

Wait, it's dot com, not dot.

It's dot AG.

Mybookie.ag.

Good catch, stuff.

It is not mybookie.com.

It is mybookie.ag

mybookie.com might be subject to, I don't know, harsher regulations.

That is a, from what I hear, it is a child pornography website.

Do not go to that one.

Don't go to that one.

Don't ever type it in.

Go to mybookie.ag

where you can most likely bet on the NBA.

Mybookie.

A good website.

That's what it stands for.

All good.

This is a brand new website.

And it's when you're getting into it.

Because this website is all good, baby.

Nothing fucked up here.

This website's not used up.

There's no dings.

It's brand flashing news.

Oh, yeah.

Hot off the presses.

I would only recommend a service to listeners that's been good to me.

And let me tell you, folks, they are paying me to say that it's good.

And I can't think of a better way.

That's the thing about, we have had tremendous experiences with these products because, for the most part, our experience is we get paid to pretend that we use them yeah but there's nothing better than that with this one they pay on time

and uh unlike some other sports betting websites that owe you tens of thousands of dollars that you will definitely see that you will or or guess who's never doing skanks fest again

for those of you some people have asked if we're doing skanks fest south no no we're not And I'll tell you why.

Because mybookie.ag is the best website.

The best sports betting website

is much better than any of the other websites.

And they've been good to me.

Oh, yes.

And that's why my bookie is always the right play.

You bet.

You win.

They pay.

They pay.

Actually, somebody just hit me up yesterday.

They told me they won $100 on that.

You see that photo?

So you lean back one day.

Was it Big Dave or Old Powell?

That's right.

No, I asked Big Dave about it, and he says that he's never talked to you.

That's not true.

No, I think it's a good question.

We talk about sports all the time.

No, I asked him, and he said that you're what he said, he goes, oh, that guy.

Big Dave didn't say this.

He goes, oh, that guy a question mark?

And then he goes, big time dork.

No way.

And I just want to say, happy Diwali.

Nick just airdropped me the screenshots.

That's what it says.

From Big Dave?

Big Dave said big time.

That's messed up, bro.

Big time Homo, that guy.

The return of Homo.

Yeah.

He dropped.

The return of homo.

That's why mybookie.com is always mybookie.ag

is always the right play.

They've got better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book.

Oh, yeah.

Period.

I love when people say period at the end of the sentence.

I love it too.

Well, making clear, it's not an exclamation or a question.

No.

Because I can't tell the difference.

It's a sex clamation.

It's a fucking sex clammy.

They should make a sex clammation.

A sex clamation?

Just a new punctuation mark that means sex.

That's that would be fun.

That means the sentence is about sex.

That's how I would end every one of my sentences.

With sex clammy.

Sex clammy, bitch.

Yeah, but I got to tell you guys, I've been betting a lot of money and winning every single bet.

I've made, and this is this is, this is, I'm estimating here, but something like $800 billion

on smart plays and good smart plays.

And they basically call me the Gordon Gecko of gecking pussy.

Hi.

Gordon Gecko and I geck.

They call me Geck because I geck pussy.

I geck pussy.

What is that?

You mean like geck?

You're fired.

Get the hell out of my office.

Get the hell out of my office.

That's so true.

I geck pussy and I geck money.

Hi.

I'm gay actor Michael Douglas.

Oh,

old pal.

Famously portraying gay stockbroker Gordon Gecko.

Is he gay in the movie?

In the famous film Gay Wall Street.

Oh, okay, okay, okay, nice.

Oh, so gay actor Michael Douglas is just some bizarro version of Michael Douglas where every movie is the gay version of the movie season.

I don't know.

I didn't really think about it.

I just like the idea of a piece in black and white where Michael Douglas is in a turtleneck and says, hi, I'm gay actor Michael Douglas.

Well, if he's gay, Gordon Gecko and gay Wall Street, then it stands to log.

I've spent a lot of money on mybookie.hm.

That's right.

I got to say something after the rest of the My Bookie.

You don't have to say anything.

Okay.

My Bookie has better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book, period.

Not yet.

Save it.

This year, they're hosting the first online handicapping super contest.

The first place is guaranteed to win at least $100,000, and it only only costs $100 danner.

All you got to do is pick five NFL games against the spread every week, just like my wife spread her pussy lips open.

To give me c a cancer the money.

To give me cancer.

When I ate her pussy.

I got pussy eating cancer.

Where's that ribbon, by the way?

I'm throwing that on my car.

Huh?

Oh, yeah, the pussy-eating cancer ribbon.

Well, the pink ribbon is breast cancer.

So what's pussy?

Good point.

Good point, dude.

They should sue

very, very true.

An even pinker one.

You know what I'm saying?

Like a wetter, pinker.

Pink one.

Yeah, like a dripping pink

dripping, dude.

A little liquid droplets coming off.

He really gave up with those ribbons.

There was the black one initially for slaves, I think.

No, I don't think that's it.

No, I think

there was the pink one for breast cancer.

And then, like, then they were like, oh, the troops one is camo, and then the autistic one.

I thought it was yellow for troops.

The autistic one is just like fucking puzzle pieces.

No, it's it's puzzle pieces in behind the ribbon.

So it's got like a

you don't be wanting to get one with like a tartan on there, and it's for Scottish people.

You're like, yeah, I support they seem unhappy.

Well, it's Scottish independent, they're dumb.

From the UK.

That's true.

They're dumb, and they all got balmy genitals.

Oh, they do.

Intestines.

Anyways, that's why I would only recommend mybookie.ag to my super my super good

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That's right.

And listen, take the rate.

The Ravens are playing the fucking Patriots, dude, getting three and a half, dude.

Lamar Jack, the future of the NFL versus the past.

Yeah.

Old ass piece of shit.

The Pats are due for a loss, right?

Fuck the Pats.

8-0.

8-0.

What's that?

The number of inches I wish my dick was versus the number it actually is.

No, that's not what it is.

My dick isn't zero inches.

So, yeah, do that.

And listen, while we're on the topic of stuff, how about a guy that's like, yeah, my dick is zero inches?

That's because it is feet.

Nine feet.

That's true.

Listen, next week, please come see me with a stand-up in Lafayette, Louisiana, and New Orleans on 11.8 and 11.9.

And then I'm also at the Stress Factory, 11.6

in New Jersey.

And then the Stress Factory in New Brunswick, 11.21.

And then I'm in motherfucking Hot Atlanta, brother.

Hot Atlanta,

as Hulk Hogan would say.

HH.

On November 23rd.

I'm in Nashville, November 24th.

I'm in Baltimore, November 29th, 30th.

That's Thanksgiving weekend.

And then Houston, December 13th.

Come out and see the boy and come and come to Fat Tuesdays, where we'll be in the main room of the stand starting November 12th.

And then come suck my fucking little hard-ass penis, dude.

Oh, yeah.

So the part of the Vinny ad that we missed was that

it says live storytelling by Bam Margera.

Come dot down.

Buy t-shirts.

Lemon.partown.

AdamFree.land.

Live

that I've purchased.

Live storytelling by Bam Margera as he explains why he is bipolar now.

Yeah, I was basically I just got, you know, fucking twisted.

Come on, maybe it'll be funny.

Unfiltered QA with the audience and clips from Bam's movie.

Jack the Manager will be in the building.

Wow, the guy he slapped around.

The guy that he beat up on TMZ.

So sad.

Vam knows not to do that with Vinny because Vinny's from an Italian neighborhood.

He grew up in a rough neighborhood.

I grew up in

Italianzo-style

neighborhood.

VIP meet and greet available at all shows.

Comes with a photo op with Vam.

I wanted to get a VIP ticket.

Do they have a VIP

general admission?

Do you have a beneral edition?

let's let me let's go ahead and click and see what the price is my guess is they're going to be very reasonable uh

it's like a 250 dollar it for the regular it is fifty dollars no but steel steel and for the man i love

experience it is a hundred dollars i love scam artists dude because it's like they never well they don't understand like the very basics of like

you know like

like figuring figuring out like a balance with the market right right right they just they never they're like man I'll sell you this stolen laptop for $9,000

yeah like make the tickets $30 that's still robbery yeah but people will buy it's robbery to charge anything yeah

it's going to get canceled

knowing that

just you know but listen don't go to that show but go to the Napoli Stone Mill and just have a nice piece of pie yeah go support Gene Mill.

Support Gene if you have to.

I would say do that.

Should we go eat at Dinapoli Stone Mill?

Is it a restaurant?

I don't know.

Let's check it out.

I'm glad Gene's back on his feet.

Me too, man.

And I'm glad he's still keeping the Dinapoli name in the business.

You've got it.

That's a name that means something, you know?

It appears it's called the Old Stone Mill, but I think

Denapoli Stone Mill Restaurant.

Oh, it's a restaurant.

Okay.

Traditional Italian cuisine.

What else?

Dinapolistone mill.com, everyone.

Yes, they are on Grubhub.

Yes, they are on DoorDash.

DeSmashly.

How are you doing?

My name's Gene Dismashly.

They'll also have.

Yes, go ahead.

No, no, please.

That's a good one.

My name's Gene DeSmashly.

And, you know, they like me because I smash.

I'm Elvis.

I smash.

I smash

Italian.

I'm from New York.

I'm from New York.

I'm Italian, and I smash.

They'll be having Mara Geist, spiritual medium, at Dennapoli Stone Mill on November 6th.

They gave up on the black comedy thing, though.

They won't have black comedy there anymore.

Yeah, we got black comedy.

There's going to be blacks.

Still one of the best days of my life.

Saying blacks, like you're painting someone's skin that color.

You're slathering on shoe polish when you say it.

Black.

Black.

Black.

Comedy.

Black.

Ah, fuck.

I hope to one day own a restaurant.

Yeah.

Yeah.

By going around and shaking people's hands.

I would love to see you.

Surf and turf, right?

Isn't that your idea?

I would love.

How fantasy is it so funny?

How's everybody treating you?

Everybody's treating you nice?

Yeah, yeah.

Doing that kind of shit.

Oh, we're going to Stobb's joint tonight.

A couple biscuits for the table.

You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Going something for the table?

Yeah.

On hey, on me.

Some of the finest 17-year-old hostess.

How good that will feel?

I just want a pool hall that has zero customers.

Half the balls are missing.

I'm in the back with a bunch of parking meters at a table and big glasses on and a little adding machine.

Am I going to help you with something?

You're the only employee.

No, we're in the wrong place, pal.

Is it a front for anything?

It's a one-man operation.

This is my vending machine stealing operation.

You make more money just having vending machines.

Than stealing them.

Yeah, it seems very cumbersome.

Yeah.

She's in broad daylight, putting chains around the vending machine and

attaching it to the back of my car.

Just driving her.

Just smart.

Yeah.

Ripping it up, ripping it from in front of the community pool.

Families families are like yeah we know where he's going

to that pool hall yeah he's they just meet you there

all right mullen give us back the vending machine just give us the vending machine

fellas i don't know what you're talking about

this is just an italian business

there's nothing

nothing shady going on here just a couple of italian guys hanging out drinking surge

drinking fucking sprite remixes out of our beautiful machines that we brought from home

for lunch.

Our wives all gave us all pack this vending machine.

As you can see by the serial number, this was, it says, mine Nick's vending machine, don't touch here where the serial number used to be.

Well, the serial number's been sanded off.

So

I don't want to hear anything about the public swimming pool.

None of us mentioned the pool, Mr.

Mullen

or

Mr.

DeCrecio's grocery store.

I don't want to hear anything about that.

I just want to enjoy my lunch that I brought from home

chained to the back of my car.

That is correct.

That's a good scam, dude.

Yeah.

That's a really good scam.

Damn.

What kind of crime would you do, Adam?

Me?

I don't know.

I don't really have a mind for crime.

That's right.

You don't.

No.

I don't have a.

That's not the way I think.

I watched the first time.

Your mind justifies everything you do, so you never think about it as crime.

You're like, this benefits me.

That's a perfect mind for crime.

Exactly.

No, well, that's a criminal mind.

I don't know if I look at the child porn, then I'm not going to rape a kid.

Ooh, that's a crime.

Well, that's a crime.

That's fine.

No,

he's like, if you think about it.

No.

It's a crime to look at it.

Fine.

That's what you feel out of it.

I mean, if you're not going to rape the kid.

See?

The pictures.

The little work it takes.

The pictures.

Well, the pictures are there.

The pictures exist.

You didn't make them.

It's like weed in DC.

That's how child porn should be.

You can make it, or you can't make it have

it.

It's a cool shock controller.

What is it?

It's like PlayStation was like, they came out with one controller and they're like, yeah, we're not changing it.

It's a good controller.

It's perfect.

You don't need to shoot it.

Everyone else is always trying.

Nintendo is like, all right, how about no controllers?

That's right.

You ever think about that?

What about a little cardboard box?

Give us $200

sticks you can wave around.

How about a piece of garbage with Mario on it?

You can put a string through it and pretend you're a robot, huh?

That is, I cannot believe they sell this.

I don't mean

I don't know what it is.

It's cardboard.

It's cardboard, but like, how is it?

Like, there's already the we.

It's on no point, no point playing the fucking Switch.

I'm all like, you know what would make this better?

A box.

I guess it's for literally toddlers, probably.

Yeah, well, if I had a toddler, they would be getting none of that shit.

They'd be getting pussy, dude.

Yeah, they would be getting pussy for Christmas.

Stop crying and fuck your pussy, son.

Stop.

We got you a pussy.

Because

you're going to appreciate this when you're older.

It's a fucking problem.

I'm crying now.

When you're older, you're going to thank me.

You're going to think about this memory and love it.

Yeah, you're going to be glad.

Fuck her.

That your daddy was

a player.

A players and partners.

The name of my pool hall.

Players and partners.

Players and partners pool hall.

And it's got like an affette-looking pimp, and then a cowboy, and they're back-to-back.

Oh, shit.

Oh, they finally squatted up.

Players and partners.

That's cool.

So, the partner would be the cowboy.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh, like partner.

From an urban perspective.

Very nice.

I like what you're doing.

It's like an urban person addressing.

When I used to play the last Call of Duty when I was living in Texas, like I would get matched on Texas servers all the time.

And I remember being in a lobby one time with this Texas wigger.

Hell yeah.

Who kept being like, yeah, me and my partners is

we just think about going out tonight, but I'm fitting to stay in.

You know, I'm not really trying to link up with my partners.

Like Paul Wall.

Yeah, he kept saying potnas.

Yeah.

And it's like, man, this is.

How much do you want to say the N-word?

This is lame, dude.

My mom let me take out the Denali tonight.

Yeah.

Those guys are always driving SUVs that are way too big.

Dude, I want to.

I want to get a suburban.

Anytime I have a lift or whatever and I get upgraded to the suburban.

I'm like, dude, this is like driving a Death Star.

Yeah, it's so big for no reason.

Yeah, the thing is, it's probably only sick in the back.

I want to get a Suburban and then have a personal driver.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, it would suck to drive it.

Yeah.

But I would like a little guy now.

Just a Russian guy that drives me around.

He's like, where today, boss?

And I'm like, to the fucking vending machines.

You know where we're going.

Oh, you know where we're going.

We got the chains.

We're about to make some money today.

We're going to make about $25

and then go to jail for three years.

Stealing vending machines.

Yeah, but the part.

We take the money in the machine, usually about $44.

$4.

Walking like 50 feet into the mall with a chain that's clearly going out the door,

looping it around the vending machine.

They're like, sir, sir, excuse me.

Sir, what are you doing?

I'm like, nothing to see here, boys.

I'm just going to the bathroom.

I'm actually a police officer.

I'm an FBI agent and a police officer.

Just keep adding.

That's right.

I'm in the CIA.

I'm in an essential.

I'm in the bureau.

I'm in a PIA, the PISS Intelligence Agency.

I can drink any liquid and tell you if it's PISS.

And I'm hired by the government to do exactly that.

Now, I suggest you let me do my job before I have you drop those trousers and piss into my mouth.

It'll be nice having that job because you get a lot of money.

The problem with having a lot of money is you don't know where to put it.

So, that's true.

Being a vending machine,

aficionado, as I like to call myself, yeah.

I tell people I'm in the sanitation business,

like you work with garbage, and I'm like, well, vending machines,

but I wish I was in the mafia.

So, I tell people I'm in vegetation.

It's a radical, I affect an Italian-American accent.

You can do very low-level, stupid crime.

I pick the stupidest, the kind of crime that makes you the least money and draws the most attention.

Putting chains around machines in busy locales and driving away

as they drag on the street, oftentimes getting caught on mailboxes and hitting children.

Call it this thing of ours.

It's fucking accidentally killing a pedestrian while

whipping a vending machine around the corner of a town

50 miles per hour and it smashes into the front of a gelato restaurant.

It kills a woman and her six-year-old.

Her six-year-old would later die.

Anyways, you don't know where to put all the money you get from the vending machines.

Yeah.

My old wallet, I had a leather wallet.

All right.

A real man's wallet.

Yeah.

That fell apart.

That's what you thought, anyway.

Well, it is.

It went away.

And now I got a new wallet from this company called Ridge.

And you're like, Ridge, what?

Like the

pussy?

What?

Like muff?

Like the ridge on Worf's head

from Star Trek.

And the ridge is under your dickhead of a circumcised penis.

Yuck.

And

if you're wondering if that's what it's named after, you're absolutely correct.

Because the Ridge wallet will make your Ridge bigger.

Oh, okay.

A lot of people said I have a small ridge.

The Ridge wallet will not actually make that part of your dick pick.

No part of your dick will get a bigger piggy.

No part of your dick will be a bigger from the Ridge wallet.

But there is a chance that your dick could feel or look bigger because it's a front pocket wallet

that's not as bulky as a big leather wallet filled with every coupon for Hershey's Park you've ever come across.

That that somehow every time I go, oh, I'm going to need this.

Yeah.

I have 17 coupons to six flags.

Yeah.

Thinking, oh, this is going to be the summer I finally do something instead of sit on the floor of my apartment.

And it never will be.

It never will be.

The Ridge wallet is.

It's fucking good.

It's a front wallet.

It's got like a ball.

It's a front wallet, so

it makes your dick look nicer.

Is that real?

Yeah.

It's a perspective thing.

I'm putting my hand in my pocket.

Your dick looks huge.

Really?

Yeah.

Are you serious?

Serious, bro.

I mean, your fly is open.

It has been.

I'll zip it up for you.

Damn, I'm the only one whose fly isn't open on this show.

Show your teeth.

Thank you.

What you're listening to is Adam rubbing my cock through my jeans.

The Ridge wallet is designed exclusively for military first responders.

Players.

Players.

Players and partners.

BDNs.

No.

BDN.

No.

I mean, yes, but it doesn't mean we.

It just means something else.

The part anyway.

It's a tactical definite.

First of all, in the military, we're not allowed to tell you what the acronyms mean.

It's like when somebody says,

somebody goes, I was an Army Ranger, and I was like, oh, yeah, I have COPD.

They're like, what's that stand for?

And it's like, I guess you weren't that far into the military then.

If you don't know what those letters mean.

Child orgasm pornography distribution.

Child orgasm pornography disorder.

It's a military term.

It's a term they use for all the warlords that used to get sucked off by children.

I have a child's orgasm when I look at pornography.

Anyways, yeah, I do miss my old wallet for sentimental reasons.

And I'll tell you, because they sent those letters.

It's not coming back.

I sent.

Well, it's actually just sitting right there.

Oh, okay.

So I could use it whenever I wanted.

Well, you can look at it.

But you don't want to.

I don't want to.

Honestly, I got the Ridge wallet, and I thought at first, this is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen.

Yeah.

At first glance, it didn't really.

Because you think it's like a future wallet.

I'm like, oh, there's going to be buttons.

Like it's going to be an app or whatever.

But no, it's just either two pieces of like either aluminum, steel, or carbon fiber.

Titanium.

I use the carbon fiber.

It's bulletproof.

Yeah, it reminds me of

a Honda.

Yeah.

Fully carbon.

Every bit of it.

You can drive it through a metal detector.

Really?

Even the engine and shit?

Yeah.

They make a plane out of.

The plane is made out of plastic, so you can drive it through a metal detector.

It's completely undetected.

Wow.

And that's why I take my wallet through the airport and it's undetected.

The rich wallet.

You just walk right through it?

Probably not, but there are some metal parts.

They're all metal.

Well,

carbon fiber is a metal.

Oh, it's not?

Anyways, I'll tell you,

it forced me to get rid of a bunch of bullshit I don't need.

And now

it's just the essentials.

I got

two credit cards, two debit cards, my ID, and my mature card in there.

Oh, also, hold on.

I'm looking at Nick's wallet right now.

I'm opening it up.

His membership to gaybeinggay.com?

Why would he need a membership card for a website?

Why would I need a card for a website?

I don't know.

It's in your wallet.

Why are you asking me?

Yeah, it came with the wallet.

They've sent us all wallets.

Yeah, it's a promotion.

Usually what happens is we.

Hold on, let me tell you.

Usually what happens is we get sponsors, they send us stuff.

You're the favorite of everyone, so they send the best stuff for you.

And I take it for myself.

Oh, I see.

I took the best wallet.

Wait a second.

But it had your membership for gaysex.com.

No, hold on.

I'm looking at it.

It says Nick Mullen only.

No.

Non-transfer.

No, that's they've been

a serial name.

Because here's the problem:

they signed you up for an account.

No.

And Stavros Halkius was already taken.

I guess he was already, some guy named Stavros Halkius was already signed up forsex.com.

In America,

let's just generate a name randomly.

And

by chance, it came out to be my name.

The card is very common.

Gay.com.

Not gaysex.com.

It's for beinggay.com.

It's like how poor and humble.

You seem to know a lot about these terms.

I'm just reading what's in your wallet, man.

I don't know how this turns out to be a bad thing.

Your Ridge wallet, by the way.

Your Ridge wallet.

Yeah, which is a great wallet.

Which is so good that it makes it very easy for Stav to remove the card and read it.

It was a blast.

It was so funny.

It was very fun.

It sounds fun.

It was fun.

I was laughing the whole time.

They got an RFID blocker in there, which blocks

boop

boop

and other people with identity disorders.

It does some science shit, though.

Yeah, RFID will stop

boop boop and people will.

Anyways,

yeah.

No, I'm pared down to the essentials now.

It's great.

I whip it out.

The guy at the bodega complimented it, and I told him I got to.

What kind of guy was this?

You know, one of those guys who trims his weird beard every day.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

No, it's funny.

I went in there and I got this beard now.

And he's like, come on, bro.

You skip me.

You skip me, bro.

Oh.

Because my beard's longer than his.

He's Muslim?

Yeah, he's like, come on, man.

You can't come in here skipping me.

You should fuck his ass up, dude.

No one talks to you that way.

Yeah, you're a fucking man.

What are you showing me respect?

No.

He's saying I skipped.

I got a better beard than him.

But he said, you can't say me.

He's like, well, I did already.

But

he claims it's under the not in the natural order of things.

It doesn't matter.

So you have to fuck his ass up.

It's what he gets.

You're not a man.

It's what he gets.

Wow, dude.

Well, I'll tell you what I did.

I pointed my shoe at him.

Which in their community,

they hate feet.

That's like mailing mailing a guy a fish

that's why the guy threw

the italiano community

um italians should discover islam anyways yeah i got all my shit pared down to i don't have like you know no more fucking hotel key cards or my models

membership which was in my wallet i actually had so much old shit in my old wallet to keep the shape of the wallets right stuff doesn't fall because it got so puffy it gets puffy and then it's like well if i get rid of it it's like a pussy you have to keep stuffing stuffing with other guys' dicks.

Exactly.

To make your dick feel good.

Sounds like

yeah, my wife is so loose that I have to let her fuck other guys

to keep her tight because if their dick wasn't in there,

there would be no to be clear.

You're fucking her while their dicks are in there.

Yeah, and I just want her to be happy.

You're basically fucking

happy.

I want to feel something.

You're fucking the center of two dicks that are both in your mother's pussy.

You're splitting the difference.

No, it's just plain splitting.

Like a motorcycle.

Yeah, it's sleek.

It's two metal plates bound together by a durable elastic band.

It's the same elastic Stav uses to hold his pants up.

No.

During the holidays.

It's the same type of elastic that astronauts use to tell how fat Stav is.

That's not true.

That NASA used to determine the gravitational pull of Stav's pants.

That's not true.

No, he's like a fat guy that gets so big that his pants are held on with gravity.

They're not even really on him.

There's like a centimeter layer.

Yeah, so

I got the carbon fiber ridge wall.

It looks nice.

People mention it all the time.

Yeah.

They say, whoa, were you in the military?

And I go, yes.

Or in a way,

you could say, no, I know the alphabet and and several of my good friends were.

So you know, people that were troops.

Myself, to be quite specific, to say that I, no, I personally

know, but in the

manner of speaking,

manner of speaking,

identity-wise,

respect-wise,

but can I get 15% off here at the movie theater?

No, that is perfectly fine, sir.

I ex

conditions understood.

Loud and clear.

Yes, I will now pay full price for my ticket and operate to my seat.

Affirmative.

But yeah, no, I mean, I genuinely do enjoy that.

I won't change it up.

You do like it.

I do like it now.

Because I remember at first we were like, this wall is gay.

It's made out of metal.

Yeah, no, I mean, I'm telling you, it grew on me.

It It grew on me, yeah.

I especially hated it because Lewis likes it.

And I was like, you know, if Lewis likes something, it's got to suck.

It's got to be stupid.

No, this is like the maybe.

This is so good that even though Lewis likes it, it doesn't ruin it.

I know.

You understand how good something has to be?

I love this and the dick pills because it's like, no, I actually, this is.

I really love the dick pills.

Oh, yeah.

Now that's starting to force himself to be with guys again.

What do you mean?

I mean, now that he enjoys being with guys, but he can't get hard because he's thinking about all of the pussy he had to force himself to fuck and pretend to not be gay.

Good, good, good.

That he's ruined his ability to naturally get hard with men.

Which he does do.

Yeah, which he does used to do.

That doesn't make any sense.

It makes sense.

No, it does.

Yeah, it makes sense.

The Ridge is a minimal front pocket wallet that's designed to streamline what you carry every day.

It has over 30,000 five-star reviews.

So I'll tell you what, I'm giving it a 10-star review.

Wow.

Wow.

10-star

10-star general review.

Yeah, it's got a 200.

And it's a better way to carry your cash and cards.

It's a lifetime warranty if you love it, and free returns if you don't.

Comes in titanium, carbon fiber, aluminum, and over a dozen different styles and colors.

So get 10% off today with free worldwide shipping and returns by going to ridge.com slash come town.

That's ridge.com slash come town.

Use promo code come town

to get that 10% off.

But

yeah, I like it.

Get that shit.

Get that fucking wallet.

Or your dick will fall off.

Pussy.

Oh, yeah.

Gordon, get pussy.

What's the line from that movie?

I don't even know.

Greed.

Go to New York to be a plus.

Greed is gay.

Pussy is good.

Or something like that.

That's what he says.

Pussy.

Pussy feels good.

Pussy feels good.

Pussy street.

That's probably the original idea for the movie.

Yeah.

There was probably one conversation like, what if they're not even stockbrokers?

What if their guys just smash?

It's 1985.

We're boomers.

We're fucking.

Yep.

We can't get A's because we're straight.

Only queers have.

Only gay.

They're finally doing some of these gays.

Reagan's making guys like me feel like top of the world.

I'm wearing suspenders.

Yeah, that must have been awesome to be a white man in 1985.

Absolutely.

An upper-middle-class white guy who gets haircuts

in fucking 1985.

Yeah, it's sick.

That was it, dude.

That was the apex.

It gets, yeah.

Because it'll never be good.

You know, like, everybody just wants to, like, make things equal.

Which, you know, I mean, maybe some people just want to invert whatever the hierarchy is, but that's not going to happen.

Right.

No one will ever have it good as those guys.

That's the peak, dude.

That was it.

The best.

You're just constantly listening to that song every time.

It's after the civil rights movement, where they're under the impression that, like, yeah, we already fixed all that stuff.

Yeah, yeah, we're good.

There's no more racism.

Right.

Because, I mean, if you're like a guy in the 50s, there has to to be at least a part of you that's like, this is wrong.

Looking at the colored section in a restaurant being like, that's worse.

This seems.

Yeah.

I don't know if we should be doing that.

You at least had one hamburger ruined briefly.

You're like asking the waitress, you're like, sorry, how is this part of the theme?

It's a segregation theme.

Yeah.

It's like, I bet a ton of those motherfuckers were like, nice.

It probably felt awesome for most of them.

It's got to be funny to be like, like, one of the only Indian families that came to America in the 50s.

And then they go to a restaurant or whatever, and there's all these black people in the colored section, and they just don't know what to do in Alabama.

They're like, ah, fuck it.

I guess you can eat with the whites.

And then the black people have to be like, come on, man.

Come on, dude.

We've been here forever.

We've been here forever.

They're like, well, you know, it says blacks only, not brown people.

So

no, they would have thrown them right in.

I will say, I hate to say it, to side with these people.

Who are the Indians?

No, I don't hate to side with them.

Some of them are.

Stubb hates it.

No, I love their cuisine.

I have some very good friends from the subcontinent.

Yeah, it's funny.

Indian food is like fucking now.

It's like what?

Fucking, where it's like, I love it, but I don't want to deal with the consequences.

Yeah, I can only do it every like a couple months.

It just makes me feel like absolute shit.

And then I got to go get tested afterwards to see a doctor to make sure my insides are.

Your ass isn't

ruined forever.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck damn.

I want some Indian food.

I got to hop in the whip straight to fucking B-more after this.

Yeah, I got to go to the show.

Why are you getting Nancy?

So I got to go to the show.

You got plenty of time.

I want to eat before the show.

Why don't you eat this dick

for lunch?

Were you getting a penis salad?

No.

Woo!

Got his ass.

What's the dressing going to be?

I'm getting a cum, man.

Gay cum with

gay man's cum.

Yeah, Adam's over here having a penis salad.

With ass croutons.

A man's ass.

Come on.

With a big fat black guy's nipples.

Yeah, real mature.

Okay.

All right.

You know that's not a long cigar smoking guy.

Nipples.

His croutons.

Yeah, it's his brother's big chocolatey croissant nipples.

Adam can't wait to have his salad.

Wow, dude.

I can't believe that's what you're going to have.

Just a light penis salad.

It's a salad.

Yeah, no.

Good luck on your surgery, Stop, by the way.

Yeah, thank you too much.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry, I'm under the knife.

What we were doing in the car.

They put you out for that?

Huh?

You put you out for that?

I don't know.

I don't know.

General anesthetic?

I think it's, I'm going to feel it.

Local anesthetic.

When they took that tumor out of my jaw, I wasn't out.

Yeah.

You got to ask to be out, dude.

Just tell them, knock me up.

When I did my wisdom teeth, they gassed me.

Yeah, I think they're going to gass the fuck up out of me, but I don't think they're going to be afraid of

general anesthetic.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't.

I have like a fear about that now.

Being knocked out?

Yeah.

I'm like the idea of going into surgery.

I feel like if I had anything terminal, I would just want to go live in the woods until I die.

Yeah, probably.

Like an animal.

That would be cool.

Yeah.

It feels better.

In some cases, I would agree with that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just living out, just having a nice year or whatever.

Just having soup in a cabin.

That's right.

You know, drawing flowers and stuff, coughing.

Well, don't worry about me.

I'll be all right.

Yep, not telling your family what your diagnosis is.

But I'm just like living in the woods behind a strip mall.

It's just like I fucking.

You're in Gaithersburg.

Yeah, yeah, right.

I'll be okay out here.

You're going into town, walking to an elevation

burger for lunch.

Just coughing and trying to drag a vending machine over there.

He died doing what he loved.

Leaving out the park.

I'm just getting supplies before I head back out into the wilderness.

Ma'am, I need some mm I need some medicine.

Now, you don't happen to take used vending machines as barter, do you?

If we could work out a deal, I got a a Pepsi machine that's been worked over with a sledgehammer pretty good, but I reckon you could use the doors and sled for the children come winter.

Ah, dude, that would be nice.

Yeah, no, sir, you can't trade scrap metal for medicine.

For ramen and medicine.

For ramen packets and medicine.

Well, Rand Paul said I could.

This ain't his revolution.

What happened to those Ron Paul guys?

Are they still libertarians?

Or are they MAGA now?

Oh, those guys gave me head.

Ron and Rand Paul?

No, like the guys that were really into Ron Paul like eight years ago.

Oh, that's cute what the cat is doing.

They're all giving me head right now.

Can't you see?

I think I got bed bugs again.

No.

No,

why are we over here?

I don't, because I don't know.

It's not confirmed.

I just started itching.

Dude, if you give me me.

Come on, bro.

You're not in my bedroom.

Well, they could

be on the couch, you know?

Yeah, this shit jumps, dude.

They try to.

If I get bed bugs, I'm going to fuck you in the ass, dude.

How do I know Adam didn't drag him over here?

Maybe brought fleas from his dog.

I did find out as many suitors, his male suitors.

Shut up, bro.

Came over and they suited him.

I did find out you could get bed bugs on the internet to give your enemies.

Really?

Why would you know that?

Why would you look that up?

I've been thinking about putting a bunch of house mill a piece piece of money.

I was trying to do a revenge a couple months ago.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, and I found out you could do that.

One of those men that mistreated him.

The one that wouldn't kiss me back.

Made you suck his dick and wouldn't even kiss me.

Adam seen her turn around and go for a kiss while being railed.

He's like, shut up.

Look forward.

Don't look at me.

Don't look at me.

Don't look at me.

That's rude, guys.

Don't look at me.

You're being rude to me.

I'm sorry that happened to you, man.

I don't want you to to have a bad sexual experience.

I don't want you

to.

Welcome back to the 700 Club, where we interview one of the 700 men that fuck you haven't been.

No, it's only 100, bro.

And today, we're at number 347, Michael Erickson

of Plainview, Ohio.

How are you doing today, Michael?

I'm pretty good.

He's sick?

I'm not.

I'm

just.

You you like to fuck old guys, dude?

Yeah, I'm I'm I'm 92 years old.

I spent most of my life working at the railroad and

what my wife died come 72 and

Adam came through town.

He was opening for uh

he was opening for uh

I'm trying to think of a shitty comedy.

They're alive.

He was opening for a very shitty comedy.

Somebody really bad at coming.

Somebody really bad who you shouldn't be opening for.

Somebody embarrassing to be opening for.

I don't remember who it was, but I remember that.

And I fucked his ass.

All right.

Well, that ought to do it for us.

Yeah, rest in peace, friend of the show, Baghdadi.

Thank you.

Oh, Abu Bakar.

Thank you for listening, Community.

Abu Bakhpage, Al Baghdadi.

That's where I met him.

He got caught.

He got caught

on the Baghdadi section.

Come to Funny Moms

next week.

The 11th Veterans Day.

We're going to be supporting the troops.

We'll be supporting the troops.

And then come to Fat Tuesdays on the 12th.

Go to

stabby.biz slash tour for all my tour dates.

Go to come.town

to buy

tokens from Nick that he put in his ass.

In my esteem, by the used vending machines.

All right, see you, bros.

Bye.

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