Ep. 178 – Hillary 2020 baby

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And Clinton Hill was born.

Yeah.

All right, we're back.

We're talking about neighborhoods.

Keep going.

Tell everybody.

Clinton Hill was Bedside.

Wow.

It was a real estate thing.

They're like, it was a real estate thing.

They won't move to Bedside, but they'll move.

And now they have Cyberson Heights, which is also just Bedside, but they changed the name there because they wanted

people

farther on.

I think is an old, is an old.

That's crazy.

Because if it was new, it would sound prettier than Dutch kills.

Yeah, we got Big Titty Amber on the FTA.

Fat titty.

By the way, people now ask me to sign things with that, so I thank you.

And they're always sort of disappointed that I'm like a hearty beak up.

I'm sorry.

Is that what FTM stands for?

Fat titty men?

Fat titty men.

Well, I'm actually an FTM.

I am FTM.

Yeah, I took pills to become FTM.

I had, you guys, you guys must have known guys with big titties, right?

Like, just voluptuous.

We know one.

Not me.

I don't even, first of all, no.

That's just not what I'm talking about.

That shit is always so funny where they develop that posture.

Yes.

Where it's like to hide their breasts.

No, this is just what I look like.

These are pecs, bro.

That does actually seem like it really sucks.

Like, when you you see a guy with just like non-like round,

like not just a fan fan, like, yes, it is actually

feel like a genuine pity for that.

Because that sucks.

Although, there must, on it, some

trans

women probably get that delicious.

Yeah, no.

No, I knew a girl who liked

it.

Well, they get top surgery.

But what I'm saying is, what if you're one of those guys biologically?

So one of those guys can get top surgery like a trans woman.

I don't need to woman.

Or like a trans man.

need top surgery sometimes people have like you know they want their titties more than one X chromosome so that you know they got a head start oh I see what you're saying yeah thank you for listen trying to listen Adam no I was just confused yeah I bet you were confused I'm saying if a guy with droopy titties transitions not droopy beautiful titties beautiful circular

yeah

then then they get to hold on to those titties

I wonder if you could do liposuction on the rest of their body to keep the titties because if you if you worked out, I knew a friend of mine who had big titties in high school.

Oh, wipe.

White people suction.

White peepo suction?

Yeah.

Do you do white people suction?

Excuse me?

Will you suck my penis?

That's just you calling, trying to get your dick sucked.

Can I get white peepo suction?

A white male that wants white people?

You offer it, please.

Damn.

I'm trying to get a happy ending, dude.

Adam Tom.

Happy ending massage?

Yeah.

It's a good way to end a massage.

I'll say that.

Yeah.

What about a happy beginning?

Sex slave.

Take the rhythm.

No, not a slave.

I want an independent practice.

It'd be fun to sing that while getting the hand drive.

Sex slave.

Take the rhythm.

I want to massage, go to like, you know, Williamsburg for a girl with a September ring for their hand.

True, true, true.

But that's a lot of travel.

It is.

You want to be an ethical consumer.

You're right.

Fuck.

If you talk about it on the pod, you can expensive it.

What about, what if they opened up?

What if we started teaching septum-piercing girls how to massage?

What if I started a scholarship program for

sex workers without the funds to go to masseuse school?

That could be my fucking.

I think that's a good idea.

That could be my charity.

Stabby babies

school for bitches who give back rubs.

Yeah, yes.

And that way we can get ethical, farm to table.

Ethnical.

Ethnical.

There's no ethnical consumption.

I would take ethnical consumption.

Yeah.

Yeah, my wife, she passed away from ethnical consumption.

What is that in this one?

Yeah, that's mixing up a lot of things.

Yeah, it's tuberculosis.

Oh, consumption.

I get it.

Yeah, I'm there.

Sorry.

Take me a minute.

She died of ethnical consumption.

So, how was everybody's weekend?

You know, we were just talking about.

Amber.

I saw Amber at the Bernie rally.

I'm jealous, dude.

If you had sex with Susan Sarandon, I'm going to be pissed.

I fucked Susan Sarandon.

Are you kidding?

Yeah, when he dropped.

Amber fucked her first.

No.

But Amber fucked her first.

What?

But whatever.

I fucked Chris Sarandon.

You know what?

You could do worse.

Is he hot?

Yeah.

Who is that?

Her brother?

No, he's

so Chris Sarandon and Sarin Sarandon got married when they both started being actors, and then she became famous and divorced him and kept his name.

Damn.

Oh, that's right.

We talked about that.

Oh, then.

And she's more famous than

his name, which is a really alpha move.

Between that and the Perfect Big Naturals, frankly, she's

his credit is not being not Michael Norrie.

Because you see a guy and you're like, is that Chris Sarandon?

And it's Michael Norrie.

Oh, who's Michael Nori?

Michael Norrie.

Norrie.

Yeah.

I think we had this exactly.

We had this.

Make Chris Sarandon wish.

I think we did for sure.

Jackson.

Princess Bride.

That's right.

Yeah, he's in Princess Bride.

Like, that's, I think, his biggest role.

He's in Fright Night.

Princess Bride is pretty big.

Yeah, and he does good in it.

I finally tried watching.

Never is going to be as big as Randy.

It's gay.

Yeah, you can't watch it as a kid.

And if you like it, you're gay.

Yeah.

If you watch it as a kid, it was probably fine.

Yeah.

The same thing.

I think Ted Cruz's favorite movie is the

Princess Bride.

Really?

Yeah.

I re-watched Iron Giant recently, and that was good still.

I only saw that as an adult.

I've never seen it.

I don't remember.

I think I saw it as a savvy would love Iron Giant.

Does he fight?

He's a giant who only wants to do good, but he's made for a war machine.

Damn.

Is there fighting?

He doesn't know any better.

Damn.

The military tries to kill him.

But he says, suck my dick, military.

His will triumphs, and he goes against his evil nature.

That sounds good.

I would watch that.

Yeah, it's about sacrifice.

It's about epoxy.

Adam likes to fuck up.

So he's going to touch super glue and then touch all a bunch of other stuff in my house.

He wants to make sure he gets fucking silicone and super glue all over his fingers so he can

do a microphone.

I like dried glue.

You're like a lucille ball without any charm.

Yeah.

Would you peel it?

Would you peel it off your dick?

Would I peel dried glue off my dick if I had to?

If I had it all over my dick, I probably would.

Would you smear it on in a thin layer for the express purpose of wiping it off?

No, but I used to eat it when I was a kid.

You were

well, not in a pot, like paste, right?

Paste eating kit.

You were the paste eater.

No, like the cutting and pasting 401, which he took in his senior year

at GW.

I did not have a senior year, if you knew anything.

We're going to get our first year.

I did three years

and graduated early.

Adam is the one who's going to have more time to have sex.

To save money, stop.

Mrs.

Teacher, I accidentally sucked on the glue stick like a dick.

I told you not to put anything that looks like a cylinder out here, or I will suck on it.

My mom wrote you the letter.

Adam in geometry class.

Like, Mrs.

Feinberg, what are we going to learn about cylinders?

It's like, Adam, calm down.

We'll get to the cylinders.

We're working on cubes right now.

Can I move ahead in the book?

I already did all the homework so we can get to the cylinder part.

That would be cool if someone was that gay.

Yeah, if.

Got his ass.

Yep.

Got his ass.

That would be funny to be in college and call the professor Mrs.

Teacher.

Yeah.

I used to eat the glue that they'd like affix mailers, like

in magazines they'd affix like the like

the thing you tear out to like mail it.

Yeah, I used to eat that when I was a kid.

No way.

Because it had a little chewy thing too.

I know.

No, he means the shit that yeah, you peel off.

You peel it off.

There is nothing more similar to like old cum.

It's not old cum.

Cum doesn't dry like that.

Yeah, old cum is

evaporates.

It's pretty similar though.

No,

cum makes things crusty.

It does, yeah.

You wouldn't know.

If you didn't really know,

if you didn't really know what cum was like, you would think that's what it was like.

You know, like that shower cum that congeals immediately.

It is a little bit like shower.

Yeah.

It is like shower cum.

That's true.

What is shower cum?

Don't pretend to shower.

Don't pretend.

What the hell is going on here?

Somebody spilled cottage cheese

all over the floor of the shower.

Don't pretend like you haven't seen cum and water at it.

Dasha, did you spill cottage cheese?

I don't know who that is.

I don't know who you're talking about.

She's moved out seven months ago.

You're like, did you spill cottage cheese again?

Wow, that's rude.

I'm sorry.

It was funny to me.

I couldn't help myself.

It is funny to think of Adam

coming out of the game.

Adam coming out of his ass game.

I can't think of Dasha.

He's screaming to his ex-girlfriend that's been gone for anything.

As if she,

I guess, Dasha left cottage cheese in the shower again.

Yeah, that is funny.

It is funny.

I'm not trying to be mean.

I couldn't help myself.

He's the Iron Giant.

I'm an Iron Giant.

Yeah, he's the reverse.

Yeah, I'm the reverse.

Nick is made for war, but he wants to be peaceful.

No, he's the exact

until

he's made for peace.

Harry Connick Jr.

and a boy teach me to not be evil anymore.

Are you waiting for me?

I'm hoping I get a lot more Harry Connick Jr.

now that Jeff Goldblum is a sex pest.

Oh, yeah, he's right.

What is it?

I don't think it's been established.

I think it's rumors.

There's this thing that he just slinks around being creepy because, like, that's his whole everyone knew that.

There was an interview with it.

He walks around with this huge dick out.

Does he have a huge dick?

Oh, my God.

He definitely does.

Huge dick, yeah.

That's a big dick kind of guy.

That is a big dick kind of guy.

I mean, like, the term big dick energy is overused, but like, you can tell by the I'm not shocked at all.

Yeah.

I definitely could see Goldblum just walking around with a monster.

If I remember correctly, I think it might actually be like overly big, like cumbersome.

Is there any movies where you can kind of see a cockprint that we could check out?

No, but you can just find naked pictures of

the Apple commercial.

The old Apple commercial.

Yeah, yeah.

It's about creativity.

It's about dancing.

I feel.

I hated those commercials.

I don't even remember that.

That was like for the old Macintosh computer, right?

Yeah, Macintosh.

Are you gay?

Try it out.

It's San Francisco.

How do you know you don't like kissing a guy?

Macintosh.

You're in a bathhouse.

You're trying to get clean?

We're here in San Francisco.

We're just,

I can't wait to just try, just give it a taste.

Just try it out once, maybe.

So,

who's saying Gold Bloom is a sex pest?

Some lady, some journalist is like, I've gotten so many emails.

Nicole Cliff.

Right.

Right?

That's crazy.

She's like a man that toast and then married like a billionaire.

Yeah, she's now she just does nothing all day but tweet.

She tweets and

takes down

honorable men that look like hotter versions of me.

He is totally a hotter version of me.

Yeah, I know.

Wait, she hasn't published anything.

What did you say, Sav?

But she didn't publish anything.

She just tweeted like, I've heard.

She said she's collecting emails and they're shocking.

You know, journalism, collecting emails.

You know, email collector.

Isn't that weird to just say before you have, like, before you've written a break?

Yeah, that's what we would call unethical journalism, by the way.

That is

unethical journalists would be, you know,

reprimanded for.

As a man who you're not supposed to give teasers before a story.

He's probably just one of those guys that's like 50 or 60 and fucks like 19 year olds and it pisses off ladies.

Like, that's true.

But, I mean.

He could also be raping.

You never know.

He could.

I don't know.

I'm also not going to look into it because as far as I'm concerned, it's just celebrity gossip.

It'd be great if they get it.

It's bad, like, as bad as the Kevin Spacey stuff.

Like, he fucking raped a 14-year-old girl.

And then Kevin Spacey is like,

or Jeff Bolden is like, I just like to come out publicly and say that I'm Jewish.

To preempt the number of identity

for

The Spacey stuff was weird because I have like literally three different friends who told me well before it they're like

it's a thing when you see Kevin Spacey at like a bar you like avoid him because he gets drunk and he will grab your dick and buy him I knew a guy that was in drama school in London he was like a guest professor for the semester and he's like

a gayer place than drama school in London he wasn't a gay guy

yeah

he was straight but uh but he's like

he's like.

Good one, Amber.

I remember in middle school,

me and my friend Bernardo laughing.

There was like a commercial for like this guy.

It was some show on the home network.

This guy named Christopher something.

It was like a gay guy that was in T.

Oh, I remember that show.

Going around with a ribbon

in the commercial.

The bald guy with the beard.

The bald gay guy.

And he would just prance around with the ribbon.

He was the gayest man.

We would laugh so hard at that guy.

My parents used to watch a ton of HD TV, and my dad would always turn it off when that guy came on because he was too gay.

I forget it.

It's like

something like Christopher, I think.

Yeah, Christopher sucked it.

But the commercial, it wasn't even him decorating.

He just had this ribbon that he would run around like a fucking.

That guy ruled.

Like a flat white, you know, that, like, that, where it's just like a white screen here.

You guys can talk to her.

I just watched the Simpsons app yesterday with John Waters.

We're homers.

I love that one.

We're homers so gay guys and big fat parties.

He takes Bart to a gay steel mill.

That is the best.

He tries to take him to a manly place.

He's like, why would you take him to a gay steel mill?

We work hard.

We play hard.

That guy, Christopher Lowell.

Yeah, Christopher Lowell.

Yeah, yeah.

That guy rocks.

Yeah, no, my great-grandmother loved him.

My dad reacted that way to him and to Chris Katan from SNL.

He's like, the joke is that he's gay?

He's like, I don't fucking get it.

He gets so mad.

He's one of those guys who spent his career

being someone who acted kind of effeminate and then became like psycho.

I think he's right-wing.

Afterwards.

Wait, really?

Because he cucked himself with his own act, basically.

This is my theory.

I think you spend the whole time being mango or whatever.

Yeah.

You have to lash out later and hate women.

He's not gay.

No, he's not.

He probably is still.

I don't know this guy.

I don't know this.

Christopher Lowell.

He's great.

I wish I could find that commercial.

It was like, after suddenly, Susan, Christopher Lowell, on fucking TBS.

Then it would just be him doing, he would do like the network bumpers or whatever.

You know,

it would just be him like running around like the fucking screams like a fucking ribbon.

Just like as a as an 11 or 12 year old, just weeping.

Yeah.

Just because a man is gay.

He gives up the thought.

The thought of a homosexual.

The funniest thing in the entire world to me.

That guy ruled.

Yeah.

Now, I remember going to, there was another thing.

It was like my aunt had a barbecue and she invited some gay guy.

And fucking me and my cousin, we were like eight.

And we were like,

that guy, you know, he's like, look how nice nice he is.

That guy's polite, smiling, and everything.

He probably collects dolls.

You know, people offering him like our other cousin's like baby doll she had.

You're like, Hey,

you had the child trying to bully an adult gay man.

No, he didn't get it.

I mean, he didn't assume that we were being homophobic.

Yeah, he thought there was a lot of people.

He was like a nice person.

Yeah, I know.

He's like, Hey, you're like, Yeah, man,

look at what it is.

It's your girlfriend.

Hey, Mark, come hang on with me.

Yeah.

Yeah, being a kid rules.

Yeah.

Yeah, you get away with everything.

You just killed me.

You still have that innocence.

Oh, yeah.

The innocence of childhood.

Of childhood.

Innocent homophobia.

Just ripping up all the tulips out of the Indian family's yard.

The innocence of childhood.

Just destroying that Indian woman's garden.

And kissing in their mailbox.

God, what a fucking annoying child neighbor you must have been, dude.

Well, it was mostly,

interestingly enough, a South African friend named Adam, who was also Jewish, and he was sort of the instigator.

Oh, really?

Yeah, he was like, let's blame the Jews.

He was like, well, we're the idea, man, and then we find a nick to do it.

We wouldn't do it ourselves.

She's trying to light the Vietnamese family's house on fire.

Just hanging out by the gun on the corner of the house with the lighters.

Nothing!

I remember that being the meat skin.

Ooh, we beat the shit out of him one time.

I don't even know why we did it.

Oh, my God.

Like six or six.

Is this your Wahlberg moment?

Yeah, it's a Wahlberg story.

No, and I felt, I remember feeling bad for him immediately.

Like, he was on his bike.

We kicked him off the bike.

And then knocked him around.

And then I was like, I'm real sorry.

Like, immediately, like, picked him back up, put him back on the bike, fixed like the kissed him on the fixed where the the water bottle holder like came off the bike i like put it back on and we're like all right later man

how old how old are you i don't know like six or seven or you just like like that feral age yeah and that kid he didn't even process that for years later you probably had no idea

i remember going past their house one time and his older sister who i didn't i probably you know i was a child so i wasn't horny but now that i think back i probably damn i probably really would have wanted to fuck that Vietnamese girl

if you were horny six, yeah.

Well, she would sit

retroactively horny, she's like, she had like white out, and she was painting.

I remember it like sticking with me, this like burned-in memory of she was sitting out inside her house, and right out, she she wrote fuck like on her inner thigh.

Oh, wow, yeah, that's that's Nick Girl.

She's trying to get cream painted.

Mentally ill Vietnamese girl that was older than me, yeah, oh, yeah.

And I'm like, I gotta beat up your brother.

I don't know what this feeling is,

I got to beat the shit out of your brother.

Yeah, you're making her brother wear her clothes.

You're like, put these on.

Put these on and hold my hand.

Oh, I got to go.

Christopher Lowell's on.

It's the funniest thing.

I have to laugh at him.

I have to also laugh at every other gay man I see and be obsessed with them and think about them over and over again all the time.

It's a current theme in my life.

Damn.

Yeah, those Montgomery County trashy.

That's the nice thing about diversity, man, is you realize every type of person is a piece of trash.

Every race has their own trash.

And it's beautiful to see.

Yeah, there's Jewish trash.

There's Vietnamese trash.

Plenty of Jewish trash.

Oh, it's all mostly.

Greeks are almost exclusively trash.

That's what they say.

As a race.

In the Jewish community, they have

an expression: one man's trash is maybe worth 15 cents, 35 cents.

You can get a couple of cents for this.

If you put that in the bank in four years,

that's 72 cents.

It's one of their expressions.

I heard this story about my ancestors, like my grandma's.

It didn't happen.

My grandma's parents, they were like so they made it up to create Israel.

No, no, no.

They're so poor.

Never happened.

They had 10 kids.

They were all zero chance.

They were all born in different towns because they kept getting kicked out of the towns because they were like horse thieves.

Why did they keep fucking cream pieing if they were so poor?

I'll tell you what.

That's what poor people are.

I'm going to expect horse thieves at the horse track.

That's the only place people.

You could do that.

But what's the code?

For what?

Pussy.com.

For our bet DSCs.

My bookie.

You stupid motherfucker.

Are you kidding, man?

I'm sorry.

I forgot.

You could have just said nothing.

Well, someone asked, Big Dave asked me today what the code was.

Cool, man.

Big Dave, who's much cooler than you.

MyBookie.com.

No better website than you have.

He's absolutely much cooler than you.

He's just some dad in Vancouver.

He's just in the suburbs of Vancouver with his beautiful children and tiny wife.

He sounds cooler than you, man.

I don't know him, but he's so cool.

He's great dash cam videos.

Got his head on straight.

That sounds awesome.

He rocks.

Shout out to Big Really.

He's one of those really giant

jobs.

And so much better than just like every Jewish guy in fucking Brooklyn.

We just have our own version of.

Yeah, there's too many, if you ask me.

Honestly, yeah.

Did you see the parade today on the way here?

Oh my god, there were so many Fedora, yeah, the Fedora guys, but the Fedora boys

more exciting.

The Blues Brothers.

Oh, yeah, no, I agree, Nick.

Yeah, I don't know about Adam either, and I don't know.

Adam's a fucking bitch.

He probably doesn't even do action on games.

Yeah, the only way sports is entertaining.

I'm afraid of action.

If I'm gambling, if there's an opportunity for me to lose money, I'm on cocaine,

it's more exciting.

Yes.

Sometimes I have a gut feeling about a matchup, and sometimes I'm just betting on my team to piss off whoever else is around.

Oh, yeah.

And regardless, whether you've been betting for years or you're ready to play for the first time, my bookie is your best bet this season.

That's so true.

Listen, if you're the kind of guy who likes to bet a little to win a lot,

if you're one of those type of fellows.

For instance, if you like a couple of the big favorites this week, parlays are perfect because they let you bet multiple games together for a much bigger payout.

That's right.

Adam, what are you looking at?

You fucking parlay.

You're doing the read, dude.

Say it's a parlay.

It's a parlay.

Who are you thinking?

Who do you like?

I was looking at a card.

I love the Ravens.

Card?

I love it.

Lamar just smart.

Shoved it down fucking Seattle's ass cheeks.

Yeah.

Fuck the fucking Seahawks.

And he ran for over 100 yards.

Record setting, brother.

So how much money would you put on that?

$400,000.

I would put it on everything I have.

And where would you do it?

And I would do it on mybookie.com.

That's right.

And where wouldn't you do it?

I wouldn't do it.

Don't say

any other betting site.

I wouldn't do it because they are liars and frauds.

But my bookie.

Not my bookie.

They are different.

They support us and Norm McDonald's.

Fucking moron, Big Dave.

You tell him to go to mybookie.com instead of whatever website.

Slash what?

Come town or whatever?

Yeah, whatever that Vancouverino piece of shit.

He wouldn't even come to our show when we were there.

Yeah, well,

he came to a Chapa show.

He had to be with the kids.

He said he didn't want to have to call the fire department to get the saws all out and take them out of his bed.

I like the idea of somebody just doing that every time they leave the house.

Boys,

but I'm trying to go to Firehouse Subs.

Firehouse Subs was created by guys who were so fat they needed to call the fire department to go to supper.

We had a different idea.

What if the doors were wide enough to accommodate people who weren't trying to lose weight from giant sandwiches?

Uh-huh.

Is that

do we finish the real read before we start the fake one?

Yeah, let's get that read.

If you're going to bet this season, do the smart thing.

Go to mybookie.ag

because no one gives you more ways to win.

Remember, myboogie.com, incorrect.

Mybookie.ag, that's what I meant.

Yeah, that's right.

It stands for it.

Fuck, I'm turning to them again.

No, it's good.

That's how you know it stands.

AG Adams gay.

That's right.

Age.

Incredibly good.

My bookie.Adam's gay.

My bookie.adam's gay because no one gives you more ways to win.

Between football season, the MLB playoffs, and the start of the NBA and NHL season.

That's right.

It's time to get off the sideline and get in on the action.

If you win, they'll let you play in the games.

So they'll let you in the action.

You had the same dreams.

So you can really fuck that up.

You can tackle the makeo-wish.

Yeah, absolutely.

You can fuck the makeo-ish.

No, you can fuck them up.

You can fuck them up.

I'm learning, cussing.

You can't fuck them.

I'm still new to cussing, and I don't know what the words mean.

If you really want to support your team this season, don't just sit on the sidelines.

Get in the game with mybookie.an A.

A.

G.

L.

A.

G.

Sorry.

Mnemonic Device.

Yeah.

No.

No, no, no.

A.

A.

G.

A.

G.

If you join now, my bookie will double your first deposit.

So you put down $50.

You're talking about $200 in there.

You're talking about $300.

You put down $40, that's $600.

That's $600.

You put that on red.

You look like

a million bucks, pal, three plays.

That's easy, money.

That's a hard eight.

That's a hard eight, hard up.

Here's the thing: people think we make a lot of money off the podcast.

We actually don't.

We actually gamble every week.

I've lost every dollar from this show.

But tell you what, folks, it's called

the only way to win is time in the casino.

The longer you spend.

You're due.

You're due.

You're due.

I'm heart eight, hard up for a heart eight.

It's cyclical.

Yeah.

You know that saying, the house never wins.

If you join now, if you join right now, my hardly ever will double your deposit.

Like sister-sister.

That was actually one of the things that they signed up on the website, and they think they're deposited.

And then they got two.

Yeah, because they think they're two different people.

Oh.

They get double the money.

Wow.

That was a big plot point on that show is they would always do things where they would trick people into thinking they're two different people.

That's true.

I remember that.

Yeah,

that was a good show.

They really

are.

They're really one person.

I remember the episode where they go to vote and they're like, we can vote, we can get two votes for Obama because people will think we're two different people.

What the fuck is that?

Someone sent me

not during

not during the show.

Not during the show.

Not during this part of the show where where we're just talking about a website we love.

Yeah.

I love

mybookie.nf.

No, what?n F.

Oh, I was thinking of another two words.

No.

No.

It's not that, guys.

No, I'm sorry.

It's something else.

Use promo code EnterPromo code to activate the offer.

That's promo code EnterPromo.

No, that's not.

I don't think that's it.

Oh, it's Come Town.

Oh, okay.

Now I can tell Big Dave.

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Use promo code Comtown, C-U-M-T-O-W-N-H-On mybookie.ag.

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Today.

Let's start the show.

You play, you win, you get paid.

You play, you win, you get paid, you get sucked.

You get sucked off.

You can choose to either get paid in money or tokens for a suck-off parlor.

No money, no cunny.

That's what they say in England.

You get off the plane.

No money, no cunning.

Does cunning mean cunts?

Is that like a Shakespearean term?

Is that a cute way to say cunts?

No, they didn't have.

It's like a loha, though.

They say it means a lot of things.

Yeah.

Back in the until the 1980s, you used to have to mail your cum to the court, and then they would distribute it among the guys in the wigs.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's where the post office came from.

When Franklin came up with that, he had that, it was called the Glass Harmonica.

It was a big sorting system of wine glasses filled with the town's cum.

So you wouldn't know which spurt.

It would spin the cum around and keep it fresh, and then women would come by and they would put it in their pussies.

Really?

Yeah.

They did a thing where they would dress like Indians and just destroyed the town's supply of cum.

Oh,

like a

revolution.

To protest the no money, no cunning rules of the English.

So now when was this?

So now everyone gets cunny?

17.

Back in England times.

So everyone gets funny for free.

It's from like a Ken Burns book.

Yeah.

Oh, London Times.

Oh, yeah.

Interesting.

Yeah.

That's really tight.

I didn't know that.

Yeah.

I guess I never explained how Building 7.

came down.

Can you break that down for us real quick?

9-11, 9-11.

What's crazy, too?

What went down?

Several buildings.

What's crazier to me is that they built the buildings in the first place.

That's so true.

The physics of it don't never.

So many people must have a lot of

YouTube video that explained

literally physically impossible to build a skyscraper that tall once, let alone twice.

Wow.

What about the Burj Khalifa?

The what?

I just heard about this building in Dubai.

Are you name-dropping architecture?

No, it's the tallest building in the world.

Everyone should know that.

Shut up, dude.

The Burj Dubai.

Monia Khalifa, I need to know there's two.

There's Wies and Mia.

Burj Khalifa is throw on cushion orange juice and jack off to Mia Khalifa.

From the Bronx.

Do you hear Mia Khalifa made $100 doing porn?

She made barely any money.

Yeah.

That's a way of doing it.

Apparently,

the way porn works.

I probably made more money beating off.

Yeah.

That's true.

Oh, my God.

Probably.

I actually never beat off to I don't actually beat off to videos.

I think that's rude.

I only beat off to hijabi porn, so she's one of my favorite people.

She's in there, yeah.

Ethnical concerns.

Ethnic consumption.

I definitely did go on a nice run of beating off to her when she first came out.

Through Mia Khalifa?

Yeah.

I never understood the appeal.

Well, she's okay.

Yeah.

She's got big old titties, though.

Yeah.

That's kind of his thing.

I could go out right now and catch catch you an Indian woman that looks like that.

No.

She's not even Indian.

She's Pakistan, you know?

She's like, though, like,

Desi girls are.

Like, I'm consistently shocked by the hotness of the Desi girls I see with guys who look like.

What's Desi?

Go ahead.

South Asian or something.

Type of Indian.

Yeah, no.

Anglo-Desi.

Like, really.

Sri Lanka.

Like, just

scummy, skinny white guys.

Yeah, like M.I.A.

Remember her?

Yeah, M.I.A., no.

Finally,

I like that song because it reminds me of that song

of guns.

All I want to do is get my dick sucked by a guy.

Ching.

Yeah, Pineapple Express.

Get fucked up.

I remember from the Pineapple Express trailer.

I did.

That was a great trailer.

Maybe you want to smoke some weed to that.

Yeah, I remember.

I remember

with Pineapple Express.

That movie's good.

I'm going to see that with my loser friends, and we're going to be so cool.

We're going to laugh so much.

This is like us.

This is like our life.

Yeah.

Like,

they don't get better, but they don't really lose their.

Yeah, I mean, I liked Harold and Kumar.

Up in Spain.

They don't really lose their quality.

The first Harold and Kumar rocks.

Yeah.

The second one is one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

Guantanamo Bay.

Yeah.

It's horrific.

James Dome is in that.

As Bush.

I don't think Harold and Kumar should have gone political.

Yeah.

I think that was maybe a mistake.

And Samu Calpe.

Kumar, like, yeah, got a job in the fucking.

For Obama, yeah.

That was so weird.

It's like, come on, man.

I remember when you were.

Yeah, he's another person who likes to hit on friends of mine.

Oh, really?

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But, like, in a nice, respectful way.

I'm not getting a lot of emails.

He's a show on.

He's a nice gentleman, but

he's got eyes for the crowd.

He's just had a show on in respect.

Like, just said, like, some of the worst ratings for any fucking network.

Oh, did it?

Sitcom, yeah.

Oh, it was about Queens, right?

I guess.

Fuck, my borough, dude.

We were on TV and we're already gone.

Well, you can't replace King of Queens, dude.

They try to do it again.

Lightning only strikes once, baby.

You need a little bit more Kevin James to make that work.

Is he from Queens?

I don't know.

Probably not.

He's from.

They're just like, you look like you'd be from Queens.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

From Sunnyside.

I'm going to make Astoria, and it's just going to be a bunch of guys in track suits, but they're different Eastern European gun

racists.

And they all hate each other, and no one understands why.

They all hate each other, and then they all band together when a Jewish guy moves into the neighborhood to fireball.

There's like

a inspiring story

of Balkan togetherness.

Do the wrong thing quietly.

Me and a bunch of other white guys in bedstead being like, yeah, I know gentrification is bad, but I'm too old to give a shit.

But these

I try not to be like too obnoxious of a hipster.

I figure if I don't wear like, if I don't ride a unicycle around their neighborhood, it might not be as bad.

Yeah, do the wrong thing quietly.

It's good, man.

Yeah, I just try to dress and act like what they expect out of white people.

Yeah, I say dead ass to them.

Yeah, no, I don't do that.

No, no, no.

That's doing the wrong thing to do.

That's too bad.

I'm doing the wrong thing loud.

I whispered dead ass.

I pass them on the street and I say, how are you doing?

Good afternoon.

Yeah, it's very nice out.

It's good to see you.

Working on your Volvo outside, it helps with the white shit, honestly.

Yeah, probably.

With a beard.

Yeah.

There's a guy that I walk past when I walk my dog.

And you have sex with him?

And his car, I don't think, moved.

Remember when you flipped off that black woman driving by?

I thought it was stopped.

She was driving the same Corolla as you.

Yeah,

she's not threatened at all.

She wasn't.

No, she shouted out the window at me.

She would at a toddler.

No, she would.

You do not

intimidating presence.

She was incredibly threatened by me for my terrifying middle finger, which made her quake in her boots.

She could see.

Oh, man,

when that lady called you a bitch-ass N-word

that lady in the the bodega with just an all-white tracksuit, and then she came and kissed me on the cheek.

She wanted a hug, yeah.

Women really can smell your

you're not gonna

smell you.

Oh, yeah.

There's uh yeah, older women really know that they can give it to me

when I'm out on out and about.

It's awesome because she didn't know that me and Adam were friends.

I was just another guy.

She's just a bodega.

She just made fun of me.

Clearly, you're not together, my friend.

Cool guy.

I was driving around with friends one time and I was like mooning people on the highway.

Yeah.

It's like one of those highways that like turns into a regular road with stoplights.

I had my ass out the window and he had lined this car up perfectly with this middle-aged black lady.

So my ass is like fucking maybe a foot and a half away from her face.

And like, you know, he's like speeding, she's speeding up and slowing down or whatever.

And then we stop at the red light and she's like, I don't want to see your white ass.

And I was like, oh, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I thought it was funny.

You're right.

You don't deserve this.

I'm going to go beat up a Chinese boy.

Yeah.

I'm going to go jack off to a Chinese teenager.

Awesome.

Yeah.

You ever show your ass to anyone in Adam?

You ever moon?

Yeah, all the time.

I've showed you guys my ass before.

Mooning was so long my scrotum is.

Yeah.

You've got little nuts, little heavy nuts.

They're not little, but the scrotum is long.

They are saggy.

Yeah.

They're not small nuts.

They are small.

How many times do we have to go over this?

You have little nuts that are not small and saggy.

Yes, they do.

You saw them from behind.

They're heavy.

You can't see the full

down.

I know.

You can't see the full girth of the nuts.

Bro, I saw them from the back.

They're like clear and small, but in like a middle.

Pardon me, sire.

Exactly.

Pardon me, sir.

Exactly, Ambro.

Really weighing down.

Tiny dicks, small balls, long

scrotum.

Visually, it's like, you know, his thighs don't touch.

He has a

very baby.

I have thigh gap, yeah.

You know, some people really covet.

Your ass was high and tight, I'll say that.

But it only, it only, it's not a badass.

It only served

and baby-ish.

No, it was high and tight, but it served.

I think a baby ass for gay men is actually considered sort of like, oh, you've been ass like a baby.

Is that coveted?

I think having a smooth

twink in the community.

No, you're ugly.

Undimple.

I'm not coveted with the community.

I'm just feared and respected.

The iron giant.

I'm just,

yeah, the iron giant.

Feared and respected.

Nobody wants to fuck me, but they respect my tactics.

My strategic

awareness.

My tactical.

Everyone's gone.

I'm still

getting myself.

Oh, damn, did you just go in on Criterion?

No, this has been sitting around.

Oh, you got Police Story 1 and 2?

Yeah,

I just watched one.

I want to watch it.

I bought all those during the sale.

Oh, hell yeah.

I can't watch John Malkovich because John Cusack blocked me on Twitter, and I feel bad about it.

Really?

Yeah.

But he has a crush on Amber, so maybe

we should give him yourself.

Yeah, maybe Amber could go in.

John Cusak

respects me.

Are you trying to get stuffed by Cusack?

Huh?

Are you trying to get stuffed by Qusak?

No, I told my editor not to give him a QA.

Why?

He's cute.

He's like a nice person.

Have you seen Gross Point Blank?

I love Gross Point Point Blank.

And he's Bernie.

Look, if I could have better off dead Ira John Cusack,

100%.

That's your QSAC.

That's my QSAC.

I'm the best.

Actually, that might be a little too young for my taste, but somewhere in the middle of the day.

Gross Point Blank, probably.

I'm hot to the bottom.

That's the QSAC you want.

That's my QSAC.

I'm trying to get Adam holding up a boombox, playing I Love You, You Love Me.

Wait, is that real?

Are they actually making a Bart like a daughter?

They are

trench coaches.

I love you.

You're just a baby looking at the window.

Get the fuck off my lawn, asshole.

Stop sending my baby daughter letters every day.

Stop trying to have sex with my baby.

I don't know if that's a bad thing.

They're making a Barney movie, but like, I don't think little kids watch Barney anymore.

Is Barney still on TV?

I think it might actually be like millennial nostalgia.

Really?

I don't think kids watch Barney anymore.

I haven't seen anything.

I never watched Barney.

I never thought Barney was like,

this is the next step after the live-action bell.

Okay.

No, Lindy Carl, she's waving her.

Wow.

What did she do to you this time, man?

Their heads are the same.

I gotta bring up Lady West.

Doggy mouth.

Honestly, go.

Honestly, go.

Mentally, her mouth is a foot and a half wide

and it's the size of

her whole head opens and expands.

Yeah.

Little kids are kicking her all the time.

Ralph Stedman drawing.

So, wait, they're just wait, but for real, it's supposed to be dark barns.

Yeah, the guy that from Get Out, the main guy, is apparently trying to make a Barnes.

Serious actor?

Dark Barnes.

Wait, is it supposed to be Dark Barnes?

Are you sure?

Dark

wait i'm very confused when you cross a mentally ill dining

i think it's for i think it's gonna watch

it probably is that's

but what i would go to see a barney movie

one second we'll go see a live-action beauty and the beast it turns out 35-year-old women that write for buddies

yeah well they're idiots but that but see the thing is barney wasn't even good it's a thing you watch as a literal baby yeah The Mind King was good.

I mean,

I loved Sesame Street and Lamb Chop when I was Lamb Chop.

I loved Lamb Chop.

Sherry.

Adam, what did you say?

Charlie Horse.

I said I hated lamb chop.

Good.

What I didn't like was that she was Jewish.

Yeah, yeah.

They had a lamb chop Passover special.

I don't remember my children.

They did?

Yeah, mine too.

My dad was like, what the fuck is this?

Is this some Jewish shit?

And the

rug rats did that too.

They They had a Passover special.

That's the way I learned.

If you're worried about your kid being Jewish, you might want to give them a little pill called Blue Chose.

If you're worried about a true dose to prevent Jewishness.

Yeah.

This is the thing I love about Blue Chew, it's got a shit ton of side effects.

Most drugs, you take them, they only do what they say they're going to do.

But the nice thing about the drugs we advertise is that they give you a whole other bunch of dizziness you don't even want.

Hot chewers.

Yeah, it's kind of like getting

sometimes

sort of like one of those birch boxers, surprise boxes, where you don't know what you're getting.

You pay the subscription, you get a whole new different set of side effects every month.

And one headache sometimes is that it removes Judaism from a child.

Yeah.

But you have to do early.

So give the babe about six years old or younger.

But it tastes like candy.

I'm going to make my wife take blue chew while she's pregnant to make sure my son's penis comes out hard.

I want my son being born hard in the hospital so the doctor knows that I fucked her to have that baby.

That, yeah, I fuck.

You probably thought this is what artificial insemination?

You know what?

I am a fucking,

yeah, my baby's hard.

My baby's penis is hard.

Nine months later, that's how good the pipe was.

Me having sex, just putting my chin on the doctor's shoulder and whispering it into his ear.

Fuck.

Just look at that baby's penis.

Baby's penis.

Let's look at it.

For a long time.

That's what I thought.

You doctor piece of shit.

You fucking doctor shit doctor.

Bluechew.com is the only medically approved medicine for erectile dysfunction.

That's so true.

That is the only medically approved medicine.

It's the only one.

It's the only one.

We're talking doctors.

Four out of five dentists recommend Bluetooth to make your teeth bluer.

It is the only penis medicine that will make your teeth bluer.

That's true as fuck.

Bluechew.com gets what I love is when I go to that website,

my penis is already getting hard when I go to the website because I know my dick is getting pills that I need for it it to work.

That's right.

And bluechew.com, there's no embarrassing doctor visit.

Nope.

There's only a Skype interview, which only Adam had to do.

You have to jack off on cam for one old man.

Yeah, they're like, yeah, we said, someone said your balls are too small for this medicine.

Can we get, we're going to need you to get a hop on.

We're going to need you to jack off from behind on all fours from behind.

Yeah, we're going to need to see your balls.

Blue Chew has actually cured my balls issue.

No, it hasn't.

Yes, it has.

No, it hasn't.

It's a great medicine, but it's not that powerful.

My scrotum is more taut.

Stop lying.

And my plums are fatter.

I don't have swords.

He probably went to get surgery to have his balls tightened up.

Hell yeah.

Is this a little snip-snip?

You take away like a couple inches.

That would be fun.

That's a good procedure, right?

I would do that.

I would get the slack taken out of my sack.

Why, dude?

Because it's uncomfortable.

It looks, yeah, it looks nicer.

On a hot.

Have it look balls.

It'll look weird, dude.

I love that.

Is like my favorite part of knowing that summer is coming when you walk down the street and see a guy do that awkward kind of plie

to try and unstick your balls.

Unstick his balls for the moment.

That shit is always getting stuck.

It's like more vulgar than if he had just grabbed them and moved them.

He's going to be doing that weird looking.

He's like, I know what you're doing.

It's fine.

I agree.

Yeah, I would never plie A in public because you don't have the flexibility to.

You're not an athlete.

Well, if you go to bluechew.com, there's free plie A lessons.

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Bar?

Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, you get that for free.

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Which Adam can't do because his balls will drag on the ground.

Yeah, that's true.

That's how I know I've reached the bottom is when my balls touch

and they kiss.

That was funny that day we went and lifted weights.

That wasn't funny, Nick.

And those pictures, I really don't appreciate looking at them.

What are the pictures?

Nick has a picture of me just showing me form on a bench press, so it looks like I'm, well, I'm just doing a bench press for zero plates, but then it's just

your normal bench press, which is

which is two plates each side, 45.

But, yeah, but it does look very funny.

Yeah, he looks pathetic.

Me just trying to disrespect.

It's the most pathetic.

Like, I felt bad when he was.

Like, how did you not immediately know that he would do that?

Well, he was showing me form, and I thought that's a good thing.

Nick respects the gym enough to know that when someone's trying to make a change in their life, it's not something that you should make fun of.

But he also knows that you would go twice and then never come again.

So basically, you disrespected the gym already just by showing him.

Honestly, why I did it is because I was happy for him going to the gym, gym, but I knew that he would just be a sniveling,

mocking piece of shit after he gave up on his own plans three weeks later.

Right, exactly.

That's what it said.

You know, so when I was like, oh, you gotta go to the gym, and he's like, oh, he's with his friends at the gym.

It's like, you just send Adam that picture of himself struggling to lift the bar.

It is a very

embarrassing picture.

And I wasn't struggling to lift the bar, let's be honest.

He's sneezing.

His glasses are all fogged up.

Sneezing.

There's a lot of allergens.

There's a lot of allergens.

He's wedgy.

His socks are soaked in urine.

I'm pissing myself.

Anyways, Bluechew.com.

That's right.

Come town.

Yeah, blue, blue,

bluechew.com.

First of all, the only doctor-inspected medicine that's made in the United States.

It's the generic, not generic version.

That you can find at Costco or whatever.

This stuff you can only get at bluechew.com.

It's tilatophil and vaginasil.

The same medicines that are used in Viagra and

herpecia or something.

And what they do is they're chewable, so they can work up to twice as fast as the other ones.

Because you got to hurry.

You got to hurry.

Right.

You know, that woman's going to figure out that, like, you know, the gun's not loaded.

Yeah.

Eventually she's going to

say he probably would have shot me by now instead of just staring at me waiting for his

chewing.

Just give me a second.

Give me about seven minutes.

Just give me 30 minutes to an hour, and then we're gonna get this sexual encounter started.

This consensual encouragement.

You shouldn't meet a woman without an erection.

It's like offensive.

Yeah.

That's what I was saying.

I always try to get hard before I approach a woman at a bar, and then I hold a pillow.

I bring a throw pillow with me to the bar.

And I hold it over my crotch.

That's a good idea.

And then she's like, what's that for?

I'm like, I'm just hanging.

I'm comfortable this way.

She's wearing my Bluetooth.com.

She's like, oh, your dick doesn't work?

I'm like, it does now, bitch.

It does pump to all these.

I'm going to use Bluetooth.com, but I use promo code Cometown.

Yeah, I'm 30 years old, so what?

Yeah, to get free shipping.

To get free shipping and some kind of discount.

Are all millennial men just like impotent now?

No.

Like, Brooklyn is impotent.

What it is, is it's probably like just everyone just beats off the porn constantly.

Yeah, desensitization.

It's also like, especially in New York, you can fucking pay for it.

I think also everyone's on antidote.

You can fuck like 900 people.

You can fuck anyone.

I also think everyone's on antidepressants.

And like that'll take the wind out of your side.

Yeah, antidepressants, Adderall, a bunch of shit that fucks your cock up.

Adderall fucks your cock up?

You can't get fully hard on Adderall.

No way.

I was like legitimately, I had like ED from fucking Adderall.

I went like, I mean, it took like 400 milligrams and I was up for like three days, but

400 milligrams?

Yeah, dude.

We would like, I had a friend that just had, he somehow got like three different prescriptions to Adderall.

I probably shouldn't have a prescription.

Right.

He would just crush up like Adderall and Dexedrine and like make like mounds, like scarface mounds.

You just do lunch.

Stay up for like days on

game.

No, smokes cigarettes.

I just wanted to be a dog.

I could do it for a deadline every once in a while.

Like, I wouldn't want to.

Yeah.

It's not a particularly nice feeling.

People act really cool on it.

They act

really sick.

Yeah, or maybe they're just bad people to begin with.

Blue Chew Doc.

Potentially.

What the fuck is...

I got to look up.

Blue Chew Doc.

I should have this shit in front of me before I start talking that shit.

Yeah, you've been doing this read for a while.

Talking that shit.

Well, we're giving them their money as well.

They're getting A's money's worth.

How are you doing?

It's

advertise Larry here.

Advertise Larry.

Oh, it's advertise time?

How you doing?

They bring me on to

do the advertisements.

You all right?

Adam's trying to be cool and drink beer, and he's choking.

He's joking on a sugar-free monster.

Yeah, just sippy cups.

The baby medicine cups.

And coughing directly in the microphone.

You stupid baby.

I hate you.

I hate you, you stupid baby.

I hate you.

I don't want to have sex with you.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm okay.

I just went down the wrong way.

Shut up.

Alright.

This sugar-free monster, Zero Ultra, is pretty good.

It's the best of them.

And I don't really like...

And I don't feel crazy from it.

No.

A lot of energy drinks do make me feel psycho.

Oh, yeah, dude.

Zero sugar.

How's it going?

Listen, well, we're fucking figuring this out.

Come see me do stand-up 11-6 Wednesday at the Stress Factory, and then Friday in Lafayette, Louisiana, 11-8, and New Orleans, 11-9,

and then

Atlanta on the 23rd of November, Bridgeport Stress Factory, the 21st, and I'm also in Zane's Nashville on the 24th.

That's right.

And we're going to get Cashville.

Cashville, dude.

It's a good day.

Half that, Asheville.

And then Baltimore.

Baltimore fucking.

Well, anyways, if you like sex, you'll like Blue Chew.com.

The chewables from Blue Chew are prescribed online by a doctor, made in the USA.

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No online physician.

No.

Oh, wait.

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Like, we know a lot of guys don't have partners.

Yeah.

I mean, actually, I think that's a good thing.

And there's no shame in that.

No one who listens to this show has a partner.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Some of them have a bitch.

You got a bitch who doesn't let you call her that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You just call her that behind her.

You never dream of calling that.

Right.

To her face.

But I would call her that.

But I would too.

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What is turf toe?

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My toe hurts, and I've heard turf toe.

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Oh, also, in November.

Second weekend of November, Fat Tuesdays is starting in the main showroom at the stand.

Let's sell some ticks for that.

The big room.

The big room.

We got funny moms every Monday, of course, of the month, except for the first Monday.

Check the website.

And check the.

Yeah, check the website.

Check your attitude at the door.

And check your fucking attitude.

Adam, calm down.

Attitude checked.

It has been checked.

That's how it works.

We got that weird Wolverine Haitian guy checking people's attitudes at the door.

Oh, he is.

He got rules.

I hate that guy.

He's gone, I think.

Excuse me.

Can I see your ID, sir?

Please.

He hasn't been there though.

My favorite part is where he's.

Can I see your ID, please, sir?

And I'm like, I'm on the show, and he's like, oh, okay.

You see me every week.

Yeah.

My favorite part is where he just sits in his car and like listens to country music for some reason.

Yeah, that's right.

He likes country.

Yeah.

That's cool to be a Jamaican guy that likes country.

I am

country.

Yeah, no, they get a lot of southern radio stations.

Yeah, I just heard for the first time.

I am like this because my parents abandoned me in Sun Coast Video.

I was raised by the Br the Blade Trilogy on VHS.

I'm playing constantly.

They're doing a Blade showing at Vaughan King.

Are they?

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

That's sick.

Like, Blade Outside?

Yeah, yeah.

They should

some of the movie from Black Panther to pay off Wesley Snipes' tax bills.

There you go.

We should cosplay for that Blade

screening in the park.

Leather trenches.

Yeah, Blackface, Leather Trenches,

Swords.

Who else is in Blade?

Stephen Dorff.

Steven Dorff is good.

He's really menacing.

Chris Christopherson.

That's right.

Country music legends.

It should be a black nerd only convention.

You know?

Yeah.

Like one that's exclusively.

Well, it's like, it's weird because black nerd dom, I think, has

bled into black cool guy dumb.

Like there are NBA players.

I think literally only you think that.

No, no they're like nba players that are like i love dragon ball z you know maybe anime has but anime has i think anime has more um at least certain animes have like more

it's more acceptable acceptable well yeah it's as like popular black culture is determined more by yeah you know

i guess

millennial i don't know i don't know i don't know what the difference is yeah we should stop trying to figure out society i just I know about it, dude.

I just want that.

There should be a blurred convention only.

I respect that.

What about that song, Blurred Lines?

How about the song called Turd Lines about your underwear?

That's pretty good.

Adam's small ass leaving big stains

on his.

He's got a small ass.

His asshole is what?

Because guys fuck him.

Because he loves shitting himself.

And he shits himself.

Yeah, it's Adam's having sex with a guy, and he's like, damn, you're really loose.

You must fuck a lot of guys.

And he's like, actually, no, I shit myself constantly.

Yeah.

That is correct.

Yeah.

Another day

punching in.

Just hitting the notes.

He said, sing us a song in the piano, man.

Sing us a song, suck our dude.

It would be great if this became the podcast of Long Island.

You guys quit, but I can just sell out Madison Square Garden.

I'll be like, this is a little one about how Adam's a faggot.

And then there's no piano.

I'm just like,

whoa, the other day he was blowing some guys.

You guys know how it goes.

He get it, man.

Yeah, I'm like, listen, we got to get that water to Africa.

50% of the ticket sales are going to get, they're going to fucking

there's not enough juice in Darfur

or something.

So we're doing something.

Is Darfur still fucked up?

Probably, right?

Oh, they for sure didn't fix it.

Damn.

I saw a lot of tote bags, you know.

Felt like that was going to do it.

Yeah.

Did they get that guy, Coney?

For fucking for fucking boys?

No.

And shit.

The Coney guy that's that march?

He's still around?

I think he's still around.

I mean, he might be dead in Africa, you know?

Because it's like spiders.

Right.

He's like, I'm sure this guy's pretty scary, but he probably does kill all the other bugs.

He might yeah, he's creepy and poisonous, but this is a you know

how do you know he doesn't have a nest where he's catching mosquitoes?

Yeah.

I think, yeah, that is the kind of like uh foreign policy attitude towards warlords that makes the most sense.

It's like, well, you know what?

Best not to mess up the ecosystem.

They're like a dexter.

You know, they kill the bad guys.

One of the dumbest shows of all.

One of the dumbest.

I never watched such a show.

One of the stupidest shows.

I never really watched this.

I saw like an episode.

People say it really falls off at the end.

I think it kind of fell off at the beginning.

It was an entertaining show the first season.

I was always like, how about a serial killer that is trained to use his powers to only kill bad guys?

It's like, well, how about you just watch the Iron Giant and shut the fuck up?

Yeah,

thank you.

Iron Giant already did it.

It's about Harry Connick Jr.

and a boy

teaching a feared and respected giant.

Wait, is the Iron Giant live hog?

I thought it was a cartoon.

Wait,

he's made out of every part of him is hard except his dick.

We believe in you, Iron Giant.

Yeah, you can get hard.

No, it's a cartoon.

They didn't actually make a giant.

Yeah.

We just keep talking about Harry Connick Jr.

There's a voice.

Yeah, he does the voice.

Do they draw him to look like they don't draw the voices stuff?

Do they draw him to look like it?

Because the voices aren't drawn in animation.

What I'm saying is,

does the character look like?

Does the character look like Harry Connick Jr.?

Does the animation himself?

Stop.

You can't draw a voice, man.

Yeah, you could.

Come on, bro.

I'm saying, does he look like Harry Connick Jr.?

You know what?

We're 30, dude.

We should know you can't draw a voice.

Hold on, hold on.

Here's why Stop's technically not wrong.

Oh, gosh.

Because

on the

cell,

you could technically draw a sound waves.

That's what I meant.

Next.

That's what I meant.

If you had some autistic ability to be able to transcribe sound waves, you could theoretically

draw a sound waves.

That's what I meant, thank you.

That's what Stop meant.

Like grooves in a record?

Yeah.

So I guess he was right to ask if Harry Connig Jr.,

if they

drew a voice that sounded like a voice.

No, did they draw him to look like Harry Connig Jr.?

No, he just plays the voice of the guy.

Yeah, okay.

But the guy that played Simba looked like that, too.

He looked like a lion.

Matthew McConnick.

I can't wait to be king.

It's going to be good.

When I'm king, I'm going to kill Scar.

Did the live-action bomb?

No one saw it, right?

I mean, it did.

I mean, it didn't do that good.

Everyone said it was bad, right?

The Aladdin was good.

It was the adults that were supposed to see it.

Yeah, it was supposed to be in the state.

I don't think the genie should have used the N-word.

I thought that that was weird that he kept using soft base.

That's just realistic.

Like, into the bodega.

Yeah,

just use that word freely here.

And everyone's fine with it.

In London Times Arabia, they often drop N-bombs.

That's going to be good, dude.

That London Times.

I like that.

They should recast it with all of the Yemeni guys that work at the Bodegas.

They use Soft A N-Word all the time.

They do.

They love it.

I was going through my phone.

They said they had old stand-up sets on there.

Before that, it's like just all the recordings I did when I drove that truck, and I would be by myself for 17 hours.

And it was just all racist characters.

And there's some gold in there.

Some good stuff.

Hour 12

up since 4 a.m.

after like a three-hour turnaround on one of those shitty jobs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And just sitting in that truck.

Sitting in the truck.

Fricking.

Doing a Japanese guy trying to use Siri.

Hesity.

Hesity.

Oh, yeah.

Hesity.

I want to have fuck a diarrhea.

Hessity.

You want a fuck a diarrhea?

I I want to fuck a diarrhea.

Why?

I don't know.

I didn't have the podcast at the time.

No, why does he want to fuck diarrhea?

I don't know.

That's just how it is.

It just sounds funny in chapter 10.

Hesity.

Hesity.

I want to have a diarrhea.

I think it's probably good that you're, you know, watching your highlight reels.

Yeah.

No, life was simpler then.

Yeah.

Drive around, do racist characters.

Well, now you get to do it from the comfort of your home, dude.

Into a microphone.

Yeah.

It's funny.

It's like, you know, people get nostalgic for simpler times, but really you just wish you were still younger.

That's probably true.

You miss who you were before you knew things.

I no, I don't know anything.

Just you want a a fresher body.

All you know is ugliness.

Yeah, it would be n I know.

In combat.

A warlord.

In pain.

Shao.

Just Iron Giant.

Yeah.

Shao Kum.

Shi Tzu.

Yeah, Shut.

Kum Tzu.

Shi Tzu.

Shi Tzu.

Yeah.

It's funny because it's like, you know,

what's his name?

Shang Tsung, the guy that wrote Art of War.

Yeah.

That's who it was.

You know, it's like, there you go.

In his times,

he was probably just some like gay, like, well, you know, I'm above getting pussy.

He's probably like just some loser that was like tactics.

He was like a Jordan Peterson.

Yeah, exactly.

And everyone's like, this guy sucks.

Yeah.

Is Jordan Peterson okay?

No.

Isn't he kind of like

spiraling out?

Isn't the art of war shit like

go attack them while they look into the sun so they have to squint?

That is one of the things it says in the art of war.

I think that's the first art.

I think that's the first rule.

Yeah.

Everyone has to read it in prison.

When I was in prison, they assigned, they made us, you have to learn how to read the Quran and Art of War.

Otherwise, they kick you out of the gang.

Interesting.

They still have sex with you, but they kick you out of the gang.

But you're not a part of the member.

It's very painful because you've already endured all the rapes.

At least you can tell people you're in a gang.

It's like going to the Marriott, but you're not a Marriott Bonvoy member.

A Marriott Bonvoy member.

Ma'am, I am a Marriott Bonvoy member.

I demand respect.

I demand as many waffles from the waffle station as I want.

Yeah, dude, fucking some of these hotels are getting wild with what they think they can charge for their fucking

bullshit buffet.

Truly.

I was at some place like, I was in like Philly or something, like the suburbs of Philly, way out.

And they were like, oh, yeah, the breakfast buffet is $28.

$28?

There's not even hot food.

I mean, there was hot food.

There was like a chafing dish of eggs or whatever.

I mean, you're better off staying at a fucking day's end and getting the free tiny cereal boxes, which you can take as many as you want of.

And if they give you a problem with it, just say, like, what, motherfucker?

I don't give a shit.

I'll go back to jail right now.

Do you know who my father is?

Do you know who my father is?

Because I don't.

Jonathan Ramada.

We should probably cruise this show, no?

Yeah, we probably should.

Oh, you want to cruise over there, pick up some fellas?

Adam loves cruising.

I just watched that movie.

It's about being sus.

Cruising USA would be a much better game if it was actually about that.

Going to weather clubs.

Cruising the world.

Thailand.

Wow.

Every level is Thailand.

Going back to Thailand.

Yeah.

Awesome.

Cruising USA was tight because the final level is D.C.

You go from like San Francisco.

You go to like LA to DC or something.

And in DC, half the race is through a tunnel filled with $100 bills.

Sick.

And it's like, this is so far from.

I mean, you don't even try.

Yeah.

This is something designed by a four-year-old.

Yeah.

Cruising USA was sick.

Eldis has a co-worker who's just a single man who's going solo to Thailand on vacation to fucking.

And it's like, there's no way you're not having sex with children.

He could be having sex with ladyboys.

That's no way for a boy or

That's true.

It's probably really fun if you're doing that.

Yeah, that was fun.

They probably have the best.

It's the anniversary of Sean Rouse's death.

Today?

I don't know.

I have no idea.

All right, someday.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

Gay.

Suck day, bloody, suck.

Gay sex.

Monster jam is coming to your ass and fucking it.

At the USAIR arena, two nights only.

Get fucked in your ass.

Gravedigger, fuck you.

I'm gay.

Fuck you.

If you come, fuck you.

Are you gay?

All right, folks.

We gotta head to Funny Moms.

It's been another great one.

Thank you to Fat Titty Amber again.

FTA.

FTA.

Come to fucking Fat Tuesdays.

Come see me on the road.

Stop me.

Bye, bros.

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