Ep. 163 – And there it is

From Australia to San Francisco, Colin Jewelry brings timeless craftsmanship and modern lab-grown diamond engagement rings to the US.

Explore solitaire, trilogy, halo, and bezel settings, or design a custom piece that tells your love story.

With expert guidance, a lifetime warranty, and a talented team of in-house jewels behind every piece, your perfect ring is made with meaning.

Visit our Union Street Showroom or explore the range at cullingjewelry.com.

Your ring, your way.

Okay.

Alright, let's go.

Okay.

Did we already

do Epstein?

I don't know.

I wasn't here for the last episode.

I can't even remember.

But you should.

I mean, you deserve to be taking your victory lap right now.

Yeah, I guess.

They're assigning a lot of

credit to the Miami newspaper.

Yeah, and they didn't do anything.

That's a bunch of coked up Cuban retards.

And

they know that that's my opinion, which is why they've stolen all my work.

Yes.

And they have no appreciation for what we did on this show.

This was your Pentagon paper.

I really do.

I mean, the degree in which

liberals on Twitter have

myopia about Bill Clinton.

Yes.

The initial take was like, yeah, we don't like any pedophile.

And it's like, oh, time to retweet the statement from the Clinton family.

That's like, just an outright lie.

Did you see someone had a tweet that was like,

he called a bunch of billionaire hedge fund guys, and there was like a tweet that's like, none of them agreed to say how Epstein made his money.

Yeah.

But he got all his money from

the Victoria Secret guy.

Which guy?

The Victoria Secret guy.

The guy that owns Victoria's Secret or whatever.

Yeah.

And also like the Limited 2.

It's some billionaire that owns nothing but panties for little girls companies.

Yeah.

And he,

like,

he was the only client of Epstein's hedge fund.

Like,

on record.

Yeah.

What if he was just making all his money?

He's also the guy.

He was.

And he was the guy that sold Epstein his mansion.

His giant mansion.

Yeah.

My buddy Owen went to the mansion yesterday to take pics of like the cops raiding it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's got to be cool.

Yeah, it was cool.

Yeah.

He went to the Upper East side to take pics.

Yeah.

Stop, just for everyone ner uh worried, stop is in the bathroom.

He's he's here now.

He's fucking a fat douche.

It's uh dookie.

Yeah, from what I've heard, it sounds pretty nice.

His place?

Yeah, because there's like a nice.

He had the fucking mansion on the upper east side.

There's a story.

It's incredible.

Yeah, some girl.

All the child porn you want.

Right.

There's some girl that

came that like is also accusing him that's 32 and they profiled her and she

like described her

time there at Epstein's place or whatever.

And she's like, you know, he brought me in and all the rooms were like opulent.

There was a lot of like artwork and painting and stuff.

And it's just like,

I mean, I know he has a lot of money, but it's like, fuck, even if I had that amount of money, I would have like the kind of house that, you know, it would just look like a renter center showroom.

So you think he deserves some credit for his interior designing?

No, it's just fucked up that somebody that's like raping kids is like better than you in almost every other aspect.

Well, the Catholic Church, I mean, they have impeccable tastes.

That is true.

Well, it's a little gaudy for me.

But the Catholic Church is like the

in the eternal war

between whether you should fuck kids or not.

It's not like the Catholic Church is entirely pro-fucking kids, it's that their kid-fucking elements have taken over the church.

Oh, and it's a battle for

a battle for good versus evil, which is Nick is sliding more and more into trad Catholicism.

I think it's show, don't tell, and they fucked way more kids than they haven't fucked.

Or actually, I guess they have.

No, they probably haven't fucked more.

That's true.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Give them some credit stuff.

I guess that's true.

Well, so you're saying he's a good interior decorator.

Well, he probably hired somebody to do that.

It's just that he has a nicer house.

Yeah.

It's like, you know, yeah, it's just, it's fucked up that we live in a world where pedophiles end up having the most money.

They were the guys that got into Bitcoin early.

True, to buy boy pussy.

Which, if you didn't, you just get fucked.

These markets will just destroy.

And it all comes back.

They call them whales.

Yeah.

Right.

The guys that have a a lot of Bitcoin, but they're just pedophiles.

Now, I think, though, you're being unfair.

I think the vast majority of pedophiles do not have good taste.

You're just picking on the one with the taste of the ones that are caught.

I mean, you know, it's like that's.

It's a class issue.

Yeah, I mean, it's like...

It's always your white trousers.

It's always pedophiles.

So much of media has driven into people's heads the idea that a pedophile is somebody with like glasses and a mustache who lives in their parents' bay.

Like the guy from One Hour Photo.

Exactly.

And it's nobody else.

No, it's like it's a, yeah, it's like

an expression of like shitty behavior that like any other type of shitty behavior expresses itself across like class.

Of course, yeah.

It's a mental disorder.

All right.

In my opinion.

Except black people.

We need more

black girl pedophiles.

Black guys are all about, like, they just, they're constantly talking about pussy.

So you know where they stand.

Exactly.

Which is the reason why I feel most comfortable around them.

Yeah, that's why it was so easy to exploit them because we knew exactly what they wanted.

With the English, you have no idea.

You're like, are they gay?

Are they straight?

Who knows what these people are doing?

Yeah, there is a real crazy thing.

Meanwhile, they fucking raided your country and taken all your spices.

And you're like, that was the thing?

For spices.

Yeah.

Just to make shitty bangers and mash.

Yeah.

I don't taste any fucking turmeric in this.

Yeah.

What the fuck were you raping India for?

The English only fuck for political reasons.

I mean, I guess fucking has been a mechanism of war for all of human history.

Like, you raid a place and then you just fuck everyone there.

Yeah, which is rude.

I started watching Rome again.

I love it.

Ronin?

Rome.

Yeah.

Rome.

Yeah.

They do a lot of political.

Titus Pulo?

A lot of political fucking.

What about Titus Kulo?

And it's a gay Puerto Rican Roman with huge ass.

The two

protagonists

on the show, Lucius Verenus and Titus Polo.

The first episode, Lucius Verenus is like

commit, like

they like they have him specifically go torture Gauls to find out where you know Hitler's Eagle is.

Where what?

Hitler's Eagle?

Yeah.

Well, Hitler and Caesar are synonymous.

Oh, so the Nazis were inspired by Rome.

Yeah.

The Nazis weren't doing gay shit, were they?

Oh, yeah, of course they were.

Weren't they killing gay guys?

Not compared to like the Weimar Republic.

That was like way gayer.

Is that the guys with the big mustaches and intermetal helmets and

the roaring 20s period?

It was the interim period between like Imperial Germany and Nazi Germany,

where they were like, let's just, we'll all like fuck, we'll do whatever we want.

Yeah.

It was this incredibly libertine.

Nice.

So you're saying they deserve the Nazis for their sin.

And then the Nazis, that's what happens.

You fucking, you, you blow the doors off.

You don't have any limits.

You let people fuck kids left and right.

That's what happens.

So that's what people say about Rome, too.

Here's my question, though.

This Libertine guys, or whatever the fuck, the Weimars, what's their diet looking like?

Because if they're eating schnitzels and fucking bratwursts and shit, and you're fucking each other in the ass.

I don't know if it's about food.

But I'm saying, what I'm saying is, if it's a butt-fucking society, you'd think they'd eat a lighter meal.

Did the schnitzels?

Did the German cuisine develop post-gay set?

Although now.

From what I understand, you can't have dairy for 24 hours before you get fucked in my

ass.

Did they understand that from getting fucked in my ass?

Did they invent fucking colonics?

Did they invent

what's the other shit called?

Where you put water in your ass and it flushes it out.

They invented

anima.

Thank you, Nick.

They invented basement techno, actually.

That was when

that's when they're...

Do you know that place, Bergheim, the the big club?

Yeah, I'm there.

I'm a regular.

The basement apparently is a is a black room, and it's just you just there's a Shaiza everywhere and come, and it's just hands touching each other.

Oh, that sounds horrible.

Yeah, it sounds really scary.

That sounds like hell.

With like a bass, like a thumping bass in the background.

Like, that literally sounds a dark room where you're just getting shit on, come on, fucked in the ass.

Yeah.

And even if you like getting fucked in the ass, you'd think you'd want to be in control of the situation.

Didn't someone, there was someone posted a pic that they took like a freezer mold that was a dick shape and they took a shit in it.

And then

they brought it to like the club to fuck people with a shit dick.

A frozen shit dick.

Well, that's not bad.

You shit it out.

Yeah, I guess so.

That's the appropriate place for shit to go.

Also, don't they do a

shit

transplant where you have to eat shit?

No, I think they just put it in your ass.

I think they do that in the scientific community for like experiments on animals.

No, no, no.

I think it can solve certain

a transfecal transplant.

Yes, you know.

That's a real thing.

So, what I'm saying is, maybe Bergheim,

that's a cool way to both get fucked in your ass and jerk off and get a transfecal transplant.

Perhaps, yeah.

I'm just spitballing.

We moved on from Epstein, but did you see that he had a fight, like a huge meat grinder shipped to his fucking

to his island, either his island or his home.

Like an industrial

kid.

Yes, that's what people are saying.

For kid burgers.

He wasn't eating.

I don't know.

The problem with the Epstein coverage is like...

The anti-semitic.

Well, of course.

Because

it proves Pizzagate right.

Now, like, the struggle is, like, you know, right-wing news sources are going to be like, yeah, and, you know, Hillary Clinton was there, and she was, you know, they were eating children together, and then the, the, it's going to be like, even more, like, nobody's going to report accurately on anything.

Right.

Smokescreen.

Right.

It's going to be, then the mainstream media being like, and Bill Clinton did nothing wrong, and he had no knowledge of, you know, and there's not going to be any in-between where, I mean, it's going to be very difficult to figure out, like, exactly what is true and what isn't.

Well, there's going to be like an FBI.

Like that Seth Rich thing or whatever.

Well, isn't that just totally not...

Didn't that not happen?

I mean, Seth Rich was murdered.

Right.

Yeah.

Didn't some shit say that Russians planned?

Russian intelligence, like, like,

yeah, Russian marketing.

Like, actually, did?

Well, there's nothing to plant.

He was murdered.

Like, in terms of starting rumors,

he did work for the DNC.

Starting rumors that he was

involved in the email hack somehow or that he was like, it was like a cover-up murder.

That's like what the story is.

But Seth Rich was still murdered.

You know, I mean, it didn't not happen.

Interesting.

Seth, get out of here.

Yeah.

There's a child in my pussy.

I guess with that one, it's like I never really thought that, you know, there was any conspiracy there.

But it was the kind of thing that Fox News would report on.

Another kind of thing Fox News would report on is Clinton's ties to fucking Epstein consistently, right?

Like over the last

decade or so, and nobody gave a shit now.

And then it's the same people being like, well, no, oh, they don't care now that Trump's involved.

It's like, no, they have cared.

People have cared for a long long time.

You were the one that didn't care.

It's not Hillary Clinton's fault, though.

I think it is sexist to say that

it's not her fault that she knew about her husband and covered up him.

Well, look, Kamala had, like, the same way to advance her career, Kamala had to lock up parents whose children didn't go to school to show she's tough on crime.

That's what you expect out of women.

Hillary had to fuck kids.

She had to fuck kids because.

Rise in the Bildenberg group or whatever.

There's an expectation of women that they that they don't fuck kids.

Exactly.

She has to prove it.

She has to prove her

that she's better than the average, I don't know, Claire McCaskill.

That's some bitch, right?

What was it?

Epstein's thing was like little kids.

I thought it was just teen girls giving him massages.

Yeah, it's like 14-year-olds.

I love that's that's another awesome take.

Excuse me.

The ephebhilia take is awesome where they're like, hey, whoa, whoa.

The guys that put that on record is incredible.

They have their name and their face next next to look, look.

Let's figure this.

Look, what he did was bad, but there's a big difference between fucking nine-year-olds and 14-year-olds.

Well, there used to be an argument for specificity in language or whatever that you can't really make anymore because people don't care.

It was like saying that

people are like one in four women are raped on college campuses.

And it's like

that's not accurate.

Even like by those own, like wherever that fucking study came from, it was like one in in six.

But to be the guy that they said that's underreported, the guy that's like, it's one in six.

Yeah, you can't be that guy, but right then, like not anymore.

I mean, fucking like six, seven years ago, oh, you got, oh, you got that wrong.

But now, if you're like a hundred percent of women are raped, and you're like, well, it's there's no way it's that.

No, yeah, and that you're a rapist.

Yeah, exactly.

I feel like libertarian guys are the last guys that are.

Like, if the last guy's holding out, being like, listen, it was 5.8.

They're like, let's get the numbers right.

They're like, oh, what?

Actually, you mean?

Actually, it's like, bitch, you said a number.

Yeah.

You decided to make, if you said most, that would be fine.

Or some, like, you decided.

Big ass chunk.

You said a vague

qualifier.

You decided to use a specific number.

A fraction.

Yeah.

Bitch, don't be saying fractions at me.

Don't say fractions.

I can't stand when a bitch uses a fraction.

No denominators, bitch.

Ooh, you're trying to make a digital math.

I don't want to see a numerator or a motherfucking denominator.

You're trying to make me do math.

Well, it's and it doesn't matter anymore, but it's just like it, it's like

you kind of lose the autistic people when you start doing that, and you're like intentionally fudging numbers when you shouldn't have to.

Like, saying, like, oh, there's like a discrepancy in what women are paid versus what men are paid

is like, that's an argument you can like go into and like, you know, make a point with.

When you say women are paid 70 cents for every dollar men make, it's like, well, there's a million ways to disprove that.

There's like a million metrics in which you can like throw it that, and it's like not an accurate number, but

you want to hold on to the 70 cents line.

And it's like, well, now you've just, now you're just arguing about statistics with people.

Yeah, right.

It's not addressing the underlying fucking issue.

They are underpaid.

Right.

And the reasons for that and what the solution is and like how things could change.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, and it's like, because all of these arguments are made for dumb people that can only consume simple things like seven out of a hundred.

Which, thank you for that.

Yeah, 70%.

That's wouldn't that be 70 out of 100?

Yeah, 70 out of 100.

Wow.

I can just keep repeating.

He's the smart guy now.

You are.

That was quick math.

I almost got tight because Nick was saying fractions, but then I remembered he's a bro, so we got to let it go.

He's only one of the brothers.

So, yeah, so I guess, like, is Acosta going to get caught up in this or no?

Nancy Pelosi was like, look, that's up to Trump.

Fucking loser

what a dumbass i hope this will give a big boost to uh i don't want him to resign i mean like that like they people are calling for his head to roll as if that's like the fucking that's who like he's the one who

that's where the buck stopped is with fucking acosta but if you remember he he wasn't like it's like no because the like calling for a costa to resign is like totally a move to just like make like draw the attention away from clinton they're gonna do that now instead of like because you saw for a while there like trump epstein Epstein was trending on Twitter.

But, like, that quote about, like, Trump said Jeffrey Epstein was a great guy, you know, like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And it's like, if the New York Times covered it.

And it says, like, oh, Trump said that Epstein was a terrific guy, not a fan anymore.

And then you read the article and it says, in 2002, Trump spoke to the New York Times and said that, or New York Magazine, and said that, you know, Epstein's a great guy.

But if you click where it says New York Magazine and go to that magazine, the next two paragraphs after that are about his relationship with Bill Clinton.

It's like directly the next two.

Yeah, it's one.

It's like one thing that Trump said.

He's like, yeah, he likes beautiful women.

And the next thing are like.

Did he say many on the younger side?

Many on the younger side.

And then the next thing is like, Jeffrey Epstein loves Bill Clinton and they're best friends and they fly around the world together.

You know, and then Clinton's like, Jeff is a genius and he knows everything.

I had a great time with him in Africa.

He took his plane to Africa.

Yeah, and so it's like you're deliberately like miss, like, you're like downplaying the representation.

Like if you look the way the New York Times covered it

here, it's like these are their two headlines.

Where is it?

Epstein was a terrific guy, Trump once said.

Now he's not a fan.

And then a smaller headline under, oh, they got rid of it.

It was before.

There was a much smaller headline underneath one that says, what exactly is the connection between Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein?

And then you read the article and it's like, you know, it's vague and not

they're like, I sure they had some kind of.

I'm going to need you, motherfuckers, to take that down.

I feel like it's extra sinister to go to Africa and fuck

kids there.

You know, those kids really have ex, you know.

I know.

Yeah, that's brutal.

Right?

That's the.

We were talking about that at the live show.

Yeah, they should be fucking.

They should be fucking

healthy first world kids.

First world kid.

They had a great life, you know?

Whose parents were there and supportive.

And I guess they had access to mental health care, you know.

Right.

I suppose

I don't know that there is the right kid to do.

Didn't have flies on their face.

That's true.

That is rude to fuck a child.

It's ruder to fuck a kid who's dehydrated.

Yeah,

whose stomach is that?

At least give them PD-11 for malnutrition.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

Yeah, here it is.

Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein.

How are they connected?

It's not even on the front page anymore now.

It's just a related story on the front.

Yeah, that rocks.

Whatever it is, it's just like Planos, dude.

In 2002, but in the Clinton article,

it immediately starts talking about his connection to Trump.

Awesome.

But it is Mr.

Epstein's ties to two United States presidents, Bill Clinton and Donald Trump, that have drawn the most attention in recent days.

In 2002, Mr.

Trump called Mr.

Epstein a terrific guy in an interview with New York Magazine.

But on Tuesday, Trump told reporters he was not a fan.

Mr.

Epstein is a popular population.

Not a fan.

You're wrong.

It's falling out.

You're wrong.

Not my cup of tea.

Mr.

Clinton has denied denied having a close relationship with Epstein.

But if you look at the New York Magazine article that they themselves linked to highlight that Donald Trump quote, it goes in detail

about how they have specifically like a close relationship.

Yeah.

Damn, dude.

I mean, Bill on the flight logs to go to the islands or just to Africa?

He's on 26 or 27 different flights.

But it's a statement.

Obviously, you know, he's not an idiot.

So these statements are calculated.

So it says President Clinton knows nothing about the terrible crimes Jeffrey Epstein pleaded guilty to in Florida some years ago.

So that makes it specifically about those crimes in Florida.

Right, not additional crimes.

He knows nothing about President Epstein.

Right, exactly.

Or happened to be a lot of people.

Or those which has been recently charged with in New York.

So these are new ones.

In 2002 and 2003, President Clinton took a total of four trips on Jeffrey Epstein's airplane.

One to Europe, one to Asia, and two to Africa.

Damn, these motherfuckers were doing the like.

Which included stops in connection with the work of the the Clinton Foundation international players.

A total of four trips.

International players anthem was about fucking children on every continent.

Four trips and those four trips will obviously include multiple flights.

So getting to Asia, maybe you have two or three different flights.

And then on the way back, same thing.

You got to refuel.

Yeah, refuel stuff like that.

I mean, it's a private jet, so it's not like, oh, we had to connect.

Yeah, go to customs, whatever.

Yeah.

So, I mean, uh, I'll give you at most, you know,

five

five trips for four flight, you know, for four trips, five flights for four trips or whatever.

That's 20.

You know, but then they selectively say 2002 and 2003.

So those are only covering those years.

So we can, like, you know.

We can infer that there are other flights different years.

Yeah.

I mean, it's.

He probably from 2000 to 2002 was right after he got off.

Right after he got out of being the president, you know, he was like,

got to get my fill of some little chips He had one.

He had one meeting with Epstein in his Harlem office in 2000.

My boy Summer in 2000.

And around the same time, he made one brief visit to Epstein's New York apartment with a staff member in his security detail.

He's not spoken to Epstein in well over a decade, and he has never been to Little St.

James Island, Epstein's Ranch in New Mexico.

Well, that was my question.

What's it called?

Little St.

James?

Yeah.

But here's

Little St.

He's not spoken to Epstein in well over a decade and has never been to Little St.

James Island, Epstein's Ranch in New Mexico, or his residence in Florida.

Not Norr.

So or means one of the three he hasn't been to.

No.

No, but that's the way you could interpret it.

This is the fucking, it depends on what you're down.

You're right.

He is, is.

He's the motherfucker that went is, is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that or Noor,

Slick Willie's oiling himself up for his biggest fucking.

I mean, there's pictures of Bill Clinton with children on Jeffrey Epstein's plane.

Yes.

So it's like,

I feel like.

This will be my greatest challenge yet.

I feel like calling it Little St.

James is like a nice.

They probably thought that that was kind of a distraction from

the fact that they were fucking little girls.

The patron saint of getting pussy from

raping children.

They were trying to.

They were trying to say.

Look up Little St.

James.

Is he the patron saint of anything?

Well, St.

James is probably St.

James.

No, Little St.

James.

There's probably a smaller version of him.

When he was a boy.

No, I think it's a different saint, dude.

There's Big James.

Yeah.

Big James Douglas.

Big James Douglas.

Online by Gawker.

Also, record Mr.

Clinton as being president on a domestic flight from Miami to Westchester County airport.

So he's like taking flights from Jeffrey's house in Miami.

Back to Westchester County.

Also, it's in the U.S.

Virgin Islands, so you don't need a passport to go there.

Oh, nice.

Dude, also, on Google, it has 1.3 stars.

Dude, what if it's just all the kids?

They're saying like terrible time.

Well, don't go there.

That's the other thing, too.

It's like people probably are leaving those negative reviews now.

That's true.

They're still getting.

There's only 66 reviews.

Let's go love to read the reviews.

Yeah, see what we got.

How do I read the reviews?

There's an option.

I'm clicking on it.

It's not going anywhere.

Oh, yeah.

Well.

Yeah, I mean, Bill Clinton definitely did.

So, wait.

Does George, is George.

So Obama was a gay prostitute.

What about George Bush?

Did he not fuck kids?

I guess not.

This is great.

Additionally, New York magazine reported in 2003 that Mr.

Epstein once threw a dinner party at the house in Mr.

Clinton's honor.

The former president never showed, but the magazine reported that other guests included Mr.

Trump, the magician David Blaine.

Oh, it's QAnon people giving one star.

Yeah, I mean, I figured it's not a problem.

George, you need to check your facts because it was Bill Clinton that was there 23 times, not Trump.

Please check your facts before you state something

as if it's a fact.

That's fake news.

I only gave it one star because

you have to in order to comment.

This place needs to be burned down

and then it needs an exorcism done.

Nice.

Big win for the Q guys.

David Koch was down there too, right?

Yeah, basically, they're all,

you know, they're all.

It's so funny that people are leaving Google reviews of the child sex island

let's see what st games

the patron saint of fucking children yeah that that's how we're gonna crack it wide open yeah well it's it's he was the first boy not to snitch that's true

i've been getting people sending me messages it's so funny because like the people you attract by talking about this stuff they're like um the next thing that's going to drop is a video of hillary clinton wearing a child's face and it's like what no it won't

let me stop you right there.

Seriously, yeah, let me stop you right there.

That's not going to happen

because it's not going to be.

No, I mean, it's simple.

It's like fucking Bill Clinton is like a horny piece of shit.

Yeah.

Which now

none of these people in power could like

see this.

Like

the Epstein thing only happens because it's the intersection of me two and then fucking Donald Trump becoming president.

It's like everyone understood that people in power like raped basically forever.

And that was like embraced as like, that's just how it goes.

It's like behind closed doors, Bill Clinton is like shoving fucking interns into hotel rooms and biting their lips and fucking them.

And they're like, that's just Bill, dude.

Bill being Bill, basically.

The same thing with fucking Harvey Weinstein or like any of these people.

And then with, you know, with Clinton and then a bunch of them, it extends to like, yeah, of course, you know, I got a taste for young people.

Let's kick it up a notch.

I got a taste for younger pussy.

It's like David Bowie fucked a fucking 13 year old all those rock stars yeah it's all of these like boomer pieces of that they want to be like jimmy page a 12-year-old girlfriend and they feel entitled to it and now that it's like you know that's the worst thing in the world they're like oh yeah you know i mean it's like almost on par with like them finding out that like cigarettes are bad

that's just yeah we're gonna fucking we're gonna go have a weekend on jeffrey's island

not even thinking about they're probably rationalizing it's like you know he pays the girl they're young girls that don't really have many options.

And he's like, paying them.

It's better him than some pimp in the Bronx.

Right, that's right.

That's just like how they probably

justified it to themselves.

Damn.

So is Epstein going to get got in prison, dude?

Is he going to hang himself?

I mean, you know, I was saying to Tim Dylan, it's like the funniest outcome is that they bring these new charges and they're like,

six months supervisor's release.

Yeah, he's guilty of everything.

Yeah, he was allowed to work during his time.

What is his job?

He's a hedge fund manager.

No, no, he's a snitch.

He has sex with children.

That's his job.

I guess he paid people pay to have sex with kids on his island.

Is that where you're probably?

So, wait, but he didn't have like a business or something.

He's a grew up rich.

No, he's a hedge fund manager.

Damn.

But no billionaires are squealing right now about who his clients were for obvious reasons.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Omerta.

Dude.

Luke Coda.

No snitching.

I would lose respect for them, honestly, if they

hate the police.

They just tick me off.

Jeffrey Epstein's about to snitch, and then they bring in his cousin from Israel.

Just then, like, Godfather 2.

He's about to flip on everyone.

Damn.

Yeah.

Well.

So, you guys.

So do you think every president

has fucked children

Abraham Lincoln Abraham Lincoln for sure

I think people said that that he was a pedophile No, people said he got his thighs fucked by his boy.

Oh well Greek style Greek style

That's just bottom

in the Spielberg movie There was like a weird scene with like boys where he was telling them like

How much he cares about them and stuff damn I thought the implication was that I think Tony Kushner wrote it.

Is that why the implication was that he was a pedophile?

Is that why his wife was so sad?

Yeah, she went crazy.

She couldn't compete with boy pussy, 18th century boy, or 19th century boy pussy.

Well, he had to get away from her somehow, you know.

Yeah, too much yapping.

Crazy.

Bitch, if you keep nagging me, I'm going to fuck boys.

Yeah, it's really her fault and Hillary's fault.

George Washington, did he put leeches on a little boy's ass?

Nah, dude.

George Washington was chill.

He was really tall.

He was a redhead.

He was was a redhead.

He was a ginger.

He was a ginger.

Yeah, dude.

Young George Washington is kind of cute.

All we see is the old motherfucker past his prime.

We don't see young Buck G-Dub

with those red-ass pubes just absolutely destroying Martha's pussy.

Yeah.

You think George Washington ever had doggy-style sex?

Oh, no, he didn't, but Jefferson invented Jefferson.

They would all fuck that way.

They would do it where they, you know, they'd stand like this.

Oh, yeah, like like he's crossing the Delaware.

He's like, the woman's job.

Yeah, that's how he fucked all the time.

One foot up.

No, no.

It's just like doing like a plie.

Yes, yes, yes.

Hand behind the back.

A very masculine way to stand.

That's so fun.

I was saying to somebody else, it's like all those guys, I said when I did that Matt and Shane's thing.

It's like all those guys just look like faggots.

Oh, yeah.

Just like the biggest, like a big thing back then, the reason they would wear those socks is is because having like

nice calves was a thing.

And they would go around and being like, you know, uh, Charles, I do say your calves look like absolute dog shit.

You were supposed to have alabaster calves, just nice, pure as the driven snow.

Nice, yeah, like, like, like, because you couldn't, you know, calves are, it's pretty much you're, like, genetically

bound by the limits of what you're doing.

I would not hit the lottery myself.

Yeah, I mean, you could do, you could do calf work every fucking day of your life and maybe add like an inch and a half to your calves.

Like Mill House in those future Simpsons episodes, remember?

That time when Mill House gets ripped but he can't get calves.

I'm trying to get big calves.

I guess my question is when that was a thing back then for them.

They dressed like fags, but it's like any one of those dudes would fuck you up.

Oh yeah, dude.

They were schooled in hand-to-hand combat.

Well they did and they don't

yeah I mean they like

they fought the crown And, like, yeah, no, that was the point I made.

It's like, you got somebody pissed you off.

You'd be like, do you want to shoot each other?

I mean, I'll

fire a gun at you if you're 10 feet away.

Damn.

And they had little swords and shit, too.

That's pretty cool.

So, I guess that's how.

When do you think people started riding dick, though?

Like, was Mar like again was Martha Washington riding cock?

Probably forever.

There's nothing new that we're doing.

Yeah, we haven't invented any new sex show.

They're interesting.

There was a trans governor of New York.

That is true.

He was hot.

That's right.

She was hot.

Yeah, Victoria's cousin.

Well, I'll tell you what they didn't have.

What's that, Nick?

If your dick wouldn't get hard back then.

Whoa.

You were kind of, you were shit out of luck.

They could give you some tinctures and powders and shit.

Yeah.

But nothing would work.

Ooh.

Are they back in the mix?

What?

What I think you're you're talking about?

No, I just got another offer from a different screen print.

Well, well, well, our old friends are back to keep our cocks hard.

Yeah,

Blue Chew.com is a sponsor of Cometown, both financially and dick pillsily.

They send us dick pills.

Oh, yeah.

Get our dicks hard and make our heads hurt.

Actually, they secretly started charging me for those pills.

Uh-uh.

Yeah.

The code stopped working, and then they were sending them.

Actually,

we have a separate code as sponsors that we get.

We get extra strength ones that your cocks can't handle.

Yeah.

I'm blind in one eye

from taking too many blue cheese.

Yeah, my joints lock up every time I fuck.

But if I'm a good pirate, Blue Chew.

Ah, my dick can't stay soft.

I got a wooden peg in me.

I would love a peg dick.

A peg peg.

You get like three inches and then it's cut and there's a piece of wood.

And then the the rest of your dick and you could have attachments.

Yeah.

You could bitch, I'm going to give you the big

in front of the KitchenAid.

Like the front of the skin mixer.

You're like, what's up?

We're making spinach ravioli.

And it's spinach linguini.

That would be awesome.

That's the dream.

But in the meantime,

we're stuck with our natural dicks.

And if that's going to be the case, you might as well plump them up to max hardness.

Blue Chew's actually been working on

making those pills on the ones that make your cock wooden, literally wooden wooden penis.

They have an RD department.

Oh, yeah.

Retarded and dark.

Dork and retarded.

You know why I was saying I met Big Man, oh, he's retarded ass.

Oh, he's from Oakland.

But you know, no, I'm retarded and dark.

Oh, retorted and dork.

I'm retarded and dark.

I thought he was going to be.

It's the

RD deport.

And that is for

fellas that is.

Oh, no.

Fellas that got a little extra something going on.

Extra dick, extra chromosome.

Extra chroma.

Extra chromosome.

And we work.

Extra tadadophil in our system.

I'm the retarded dark scientist from Blue Chew.com.

I'm out here inventing all currents and new dick-ass pills.

But for now, we only got two products.

That's right.

Generic Tadalophil.

And Sedandylophil or whatever?

Seledinophil, which is is also the name of my cousin.

Seledinophil.

Seledinophil.

Get your ass back in the lab.

We got dick pills to make.

Also known as generic Viagra and generic Segatis.

But they chewable.

Oh, yeah.

So they're like candy.

So they work faster.

They work faster because you chew them up.

You don't have to wait for your gay ass stomach to digest it.

Boo.

That's that's

digesting things later.

No thanks.

Chewing things.

Which is still digesting shit.

Are you doing a meme right now?

Yeah, I'm trying to think.

It's not later.

It's the later meme.

I don't know.

You know, where it's like that woman, Sia, and then this one's the new one.

Nice.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah.

Everyone knows that shit, man.

That kind of stuff.

Imagine like having the impulse to be like, I'm going to make a meme.

And I know I've made things, but I've never thought to myself, I'm going to make a meme.

Well, you became a meme when you found that bird.

You became a nerd-ass meme.

You were like on like.

Yeah, but that's not, he can't control that.

He's just getting like black heart emojis from fat girls on Instagram.

Because you're a bird.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm a witch.

I'm a witch, and I can sense a spirituality.

I'm the witch of Wendy's.

And I'm like, sorry, I gotta take my blue chews.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Just talking to you is making my cocktails.

My dick is getting soft and small.

It's retracting into my body.

Yeah.

I'm having a dick episode, and I need my Blue Chew pill.

Like an EpiPen?

Yeah.

It's like, quick, his dick is getting too soft.

That's one of the other things we be inventilizing.

John Travolta fucking drives onto your fucking lawn and puts a blue chew in your mouth right before your dick goes off.

Inventicize an EpiPen.

The

sexual.

So if you want to keep your dick hard as a mother effer, sorry, there's a couple other things.

It's easy.

There's no fucking dumbass doctor asking you bitch ass questions in person.

It's actually just over the internet.

Do not lie to them.

Yeah, no awkward doctor visits, no something else.

Yep.

Because if you go in for discreet motherfucking packaging.

Oh, discreet packaging.

Custom medical something.

Custom medicine group.

Custom medicine group.

If you like sex, you'll like Blue Chew.

Yeah, do you fucking losers of your life?

You love sex?

I'm sorry.

If you don't like sex, turn this fucking shit off, bitch.

But if you do, keep listening.

And by day.

They have an actual doctor that prescribes them.

This is a guy who's who has just, his life has gone

exactly the way he's done.

And he was in medical school.

Just clicking on a fucking button over and over again.

Thought, yes, he was like, I'm going to be

babies.

Yeah.

How about instead of Blue Chew, it's called Doctors Without Boners?

It's just the guys that work with it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, Sombrito.

Yeah.

Here are Doctors Without Boners.

We prescribe dick pills to absolutely everyone in Africa.

Everyone in Africa.

For every boner you get, we make one a child in Africa.

We get a child in Africa's dick hard.

Here at Blue Chew's Doctors Without Boners program.

The online con consultation is free, so it's cheaper than the other two.

They give you confidence in bed every time,

but not outside of bed.

You'll still be a fucking loser.

Yeah.

That's true.

Your dick is going to get hard, but for that woman that's the fucking your your boss

at the sheets

behind your back,

she's still going to keep fucking that guy.

She will, but I will say, after you do a thorough dickaroonie, behind your back,

I mean in the stock room while you're forced to watch the register.

And you can see them on the security camera.

So chew it and do it, folks.

Here's a great deal for you guys.

Visit bluechew.com and get your first order free when you use promo code COMETON.

C-U-M-T-O.

Oh, yeah.

Just pay $5 shipping.

That's blueju.com, promo code ComeTown.

Promo code Come Town.

Let's fuck the show.

Let's fuck my fuck.

Lewis had me on Real Ass Podcast just to argue with him about his stupid poker point.

About his what?

Wait, was it about poker?

No, it was about

having Lewis tweeted.

He was like, he's like, if you don't have a kid, a business, and a friend named Dave, you shouldn't, your opinion is less valid on most issues.

And he's like...

Wait, on molestation?

On most issues.

Oh, oh, oh.

And then he says

the stinger on it is:

if you don't have any chips on the table, you're just somebody watching the game.

Oh, right.

Talking about poker.

Which is probably badass.

Yeah.

Anyways, yeah.

But, you know, I was like,

to be fair, I did misread his argument initially, and I thought he was saying that if you don't have those things, you shouldn't be commenting on things that affect those issues.

You know, like, you don't have a kid, you shouldn't be talking about a kid.

And it was like, well, you wouldn't make this argument with a woman.

You know, a woman says there's sexism in comedy.

You wouldn't, you know.

Oh, you would argue.

Yeah, it's like, well, you have less, you would argue.

And then, and then,

I guess what he meant to say was that if you don't have those things, then your opinion is less valid on any issue.

Listen, if you don't own property, you can't vote, bitch.

Yeah.

If you don't own property and have a child.

Well, it's such a simple thing.

It's like, Louise, it doesn't make any sense.

Yeah.

You know, it's like that and the second thing is so.

So continue a Twitter argument

podcast.

Yeah.

Like basically any issue should be solved with like thoughts.

Yeah.

Right.

That aren't dependent on like the underlying individuals.

It's just this is the best course for things to take.

So the stake of the people involved bears no fucking weight on what the correct argument is.

And he's like, What are you talking about?

I'm like, I don't know how to make it any more basic.

I really don't know how to make it any simpler than that.

And then he's like, all right, I guess we could say the n-word for the last 20 minutes.

Yeah.

I guess we'll fill time by being racist.

He's like, no, business owners.

He's like, I'll be, you know, he's like, and the example, like, something came up later is that Disney refused to let some like dead father put Mickey Mouse on his son's headstone.

Because

like whoever, like, corporate at Disney was like, ah, it'll tarnish our image.

We don't want that shit on a gravestone.

And it's like, you know, I was like, so, Lewis, you agree as the business owners of Disney that they had the right take?

Because this man doesn't have a child anymore, so he's out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Once he loses his child, he's done.

Oh, that's a good point.

If you're losing an argument with someone, just kill their child.

I'm sorry.

Isn't your son dead?

I just remembered.

I don't know.

Oh, the Sandy Hook guys?

I mean, shut the fuck up.

Agunic cookies.

We really hope nothing happens to Lewis's kid.

But if Baby James ever dies,

I cannot wait to go on Real Eyes Podcast and be like, well, Lewis, you said,

hold on, Lewis.

Your son is dead.

So now your opinion is less valid on these issues.

Oh, God.

What a beautiful mind that guy has.

It's amazing.

Yeah.

It really is amazing.

Sometimes I'm just.

Salute.

A hustler.

Yeah.

It's like he doesn't even really understand what he's saying as he's saying it.

His arguments kind of reveal him to reveal themselves to him as he's saying them, almost as if he's like playing a scratch-off lottery game

in his own mind.

He's like, no, dude, cucumber, coconut.

And then I pair that with a five, and that's how I win five.

Oh, I guess I don't win $5.

Listen, man, I'm all for never thinking and just saying shit and figuring out you don't agree with yourself as it has the second that's podcasting that's podcasting baby the second you make like uh like poker analogies kenny rogers style analogies that's really what

no wind to fuck him

damn some fucking no limit hold them baby Yeah, I'm fucking Doyle Brunson.

I'm motherfucking Phil Ivey, bitch.

It's shitty to find out that everyone hates gambling is also also a problem for me now.

Yeah.

And I can't do that either.

I just can't have fun.

Because I have too much of it.

I know.

To the detriment of myself.

You're so obsessed with fun.

Yeah.

You're like a fun.

I know.

I'm like, really, honestly, yes.

Yes.

Well, that's why gaming is the only solution.

Anything.

Anything I touch, it's like I bought, I was like, I'm going to let myself get PlayStation.

And then a month later, it's like, I got the PSVR.

Yeah.

You know, it's like, and then I like burn myself out playing it for like five minutes and then I can't, you know, I just can't enjoy anything.

Right.

What games keep moving?

There's a Batman game.

You got to keep moving.

That's the thing, man.

If I had Jeffrey Epstein money, I would just be that kid from blank check.

Which, by the way, it was just a million dollars.

Yeah, he bought way too much stuff.

There's no way.

Mr.

McIntosh only gave him a million dollars.

Wasn't the premise of that movie you could just type

like someone's name on a check and then it starts off

valid legal tender gets a check from his grandma for his birthday, and they're like, oh, I guess grandma forgot to write the money amount on there because she's an old dumb bitch.

And I was like, what does that mean?

He's like, you just write in whatever you want.

And then he finds a blank check from the criminals.

That's right.

Played by

George Clooney's cousin.

Criminals doing white-collar crime.

Who's that?

That guy, like Miguel Miguel Cluny.

No, Miguel.

Cluny's Hispanic?

Martin, no, but his cousin is.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, he's fucking on the Spanish side.

Martinez.

Yeah, Miguel Martinez.

Is he as hot as Clooney?

No.

No, this is a politician.

George Clooney's cousin.

What's his fucking name?

No, he's got like a Mexican name.

Emilio Estevez.

That is a weird.

Because isn't it Rosemary Clooney related to them?

Who's that?

Probably.

Yeah.

Miguel Ferrer.

Farrell?

Ferrer.

Ferrer.

Ferrer.

Ferrar?

Ferrar Rocher?

No, Ferrer.

Ferrer was born in Santa Monica, California, the oldest of five children of Academy Award-winning actor Jose Ferrer and singer Rosemary Clooney.

Rosemary

is

George's aunt.

Nice.

Miguel Ferrer is Rosemary Clooney.

Damn, Miguel Ferrer really did not live up to the fuck.

George got all the good genes.

Yeah.

Look at the two of them together.

Oh, damn.

Damn,

that's a rough genetic lottery, right?

Miguel Ferrer's got a cool voice, though.

Does he?

Yeah, he is.

Is it like a deep...

We're going to fucking kill RoboCop.

First, we're going to have sex with RoboCop and then kill him.

Let's reboot blank check, but he gets pussy from the lady.

Yeah.

What do you think?

What lady?

Was it like he hired a personal assistant or something?

I don't know.

No, he had a chauffeur that became his friend.

I'm going to start

doctoring checks and then wear like a very obvious disguise to the bank.

You know, like just like clearly like prosthetics.

You're just huge warm nose.

Fake nose, and then like huge sunglasses, and then like a mustache that's like just taped over top of you on my regular mustache.

And then you just hand them the check where everything's filled out, but in the payment amount, it just says gay sex.

Gay sex with the teller.

Hand it over to the mail teller and be like, I want to

cash the sales.

And they're like, what?

I would like to.

Excuse me.

They're like, what do you say?

I'm sorry, I left my car running.

And then just run out.

Run out.

Just start crying.

Just run out of the bank.

Just start doing that all across the country.

Until one of them has sex with you.

The FBI has to build a profile.

You catch me if you can.

This guy tried to have gay sex with Bank.

They're calling him the world's best criminal.

I don't know what happened.

He handed me a check.

So the next thing I knew, I was giving him head.

Could you just cash the check, please?

Just please make it quick.

I just

what it says on there, please.

Look, if this is going to be a problem, I have to go outside to call the police myself.

I'm going.

You know what?

You keep that.

I'm leaving.

Put your phone number on the back.

Just if you change your mind.

This is no, this is a real check from business.

Yeah, I got it.

This is a paycheck from my business.

It's from a different bank.

It's from Bank of America.

I heard it chase.

Your boss gave it to me.

It just says from this bank.

Yeah.

No, I don't know what you mean.

I think

everything's right there.

It seems to be in order.

Let's go ahead and just get this check cash, please.

So in that scenario, he doesn't even want the money.

He just wants to have gas cash.

There's no money.

There's no money.

He's just trying to have gay.

It just says gay sex.

Just go ahead and get this transaction.

In the letters part, you write gay sex.

Do you also just write gay sex in the numbers part?

Yes.

Okay.

Or just leave it blank.

Okay.

Just to check there's a big fake like Scrooge McDuck's signature or whatever.

A publisher's clearinghouse check.

And then when it doesn't work, you come back a week later in the same disguise, but with one of those giant novelty checks.

You're like, I got a different check.

I won.

Actually, I've never been here before.

What are you talking about?

This is my, I'm out from out of town.

This is from a charity that I won.

I won gay sex in a church.

There was a charity I won, and now

listen, can we get this transaction?

Yeah, let's go ahead and dial this in.

I don't know what needs to be done.

Everybody on the fucking ground

start robbing banks to have gay sex.

I'm not going to fucking say it again.

They called it the town.

It was a different part of Boston.

Almost the exact opposite of South.

Over in Northeast, they were having gay sex.

Northeat, they

back in the day, we had the church.

It's just another way of saying we had each other.

The knights of Columbus were true faggots.

Putting on suits of armor, fucking each other in the ass.

Real headgivers.

They'd roll in the banks and take whatever they wanted.

Putting the gay sex behind the counter.

That's the thing that

don't realize.

Okay, cut.

You know, I like the gay sex stuff there, Jack, but if we could still lose the N-word.

I don't want to be a product of my environment.

I want my environment to have gay sex with me.

Ooh.

How's that song go?

Yeah.

Give me shelter.

Ooh, give me a soul.

Fuck me till I get age.

I want

to get fucked

all

fucking day.

But um, ah, children.

I can't.

I want to suck your dick.

I want to suck your dick.

That's the thing straight people don't realize.

I want to fill it up.

It's not about waiting to have sex, it's about taking it when you want it.

I want to fill it up, yay.

Yep.

The gay sex started.

The gay, the fuck off, the gay, the ass fucked.

I wish I could remember more lines of his from that movie.

From that monologue.

Yeah,

there's other things in the movie.

Oh, yeah.

I like the music.

Didn't they say microprocessor at one point?

It's funny because it's like microprocessor.

Microprocessor.

Micro penis.

I like the line we're.

We're just turning this into a Boston podcast.

The Boston Tea Party.

From now on, it's a Boston podcast.

We only talk about Boston.

It's a podcast, yeah.

It's a podcast.

Jokar saw Naev.

I'm going to suck him.

I'm going to fucking suck his cork.

Big Poppy, I'm going to suck his cork.

Get better, David Ortiz.

I'll suck your cork if it'll help you get better.

I heard that the place where the bullet went into, he's letting guys come in there.

Nah, I mean, you pay him enough money,

he'll let you fuck that hole.

The man's a legend.

You know, they call him Big Poppy.

I was always wondering, is that because he has a big penis?

No, I mean, I was just wondering that.

I'll take my question off the air.

Thank you.

I'll go ahead and I'll email it to him.

And if he wants to email me back, hey, I think that would be pretty cool on his part.

Everyone says what a class act he is.

Yeah, me, I'm from The Town.

You ever see that movie, The Town?

Me and my friends were like that, but instead of Robin Banks, we'd go around having gay sex.

Where's your

talk about baseball players?

We wanted to blow

Brady,

Tom Brady.

I want to suck his cork.

They love talking about how much pussy he gets in, like a weird way.

That is a certain

ladies, they love Tom.

I know someone, I know a guy from Bosnia was like, if my girlfriend fucks Tom Brady, she's got a like he preemptively gives her a pass to fuck Tom Brady.

She's never brought it up, she doesn't say that she wants to fuck Tom.

It would be an honor to get his dick residue on my dick residue.

Oh, yeah.

It would be honor and an honor to be sitting in Docker's in a hotel room and just watch Tom fuck my wife

while I had a

while my I would love to be wearing Sperry's top ciders while Tom Brady comes in my fucking wife's hole

dude I cuck pornography is so funny the outfits that they dress the I want to I'm gonna want that's gonna be my next career move dude is to just be the cuck just sitting there with my arms how much do that those guys get paid They're not their real girlfriends, are they?

They just play the.

No.

Are they supposed to?

They don't even act upset, really.

They're like, oh,

the one

where I would draw the line, you need better actors.

You suck their dicks.

Oh, yeah.

I'm out on those.

I'm not sucking the bull's dick.

I am absolutely not sucking the bull's dick.

But I'll get close to her sucking his dick and frown.

But I want her face to block me from

direct contact to stock.

um

horny i should get another cat i want to have gay sex this poor cat she sees what do you want that's your next thing you're gonna get obsessed with what too many cats no she's two so like the cat's not fucking bored all day long i think we're getting a cat cat in uh baltimore i can't get another animal because my dog will eat it really it's a murder animal will she kill a cat this poor cat she'll kill a cat she hates cats whoa she hates other dogs she just needs so much attention Mm-hmm.

I'll be in my office and she'll just sit there staring at me for hours.

Yeah, so is my

dogs like that too.

That's kind of like a dog.

Well, cats are nice because they like throughout the course of the day, they have arguments and disputes, and then they resolve them.

They have like a pretty rich social life with another cat.

That's true.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Yeah, they're boys, dude.

Yeah.

When you have two cats, they fuck around.

They get the claws out.

They do a couple swipes.

Yeah.

Yep.

They get

you know what?

Yeah.

It was so funny.

Let's give each other some space.

Phyllis and Ernest would do that.

They would just be sitting around.

They would be having a nice day.

And then occasionally you would just see Phyllis trapped in the bathroom and Ernest like hanging out at the threshold of the room and then going in there and then hearing her like,

because he would go in there and just fuck her up and come out and sit at the door and like, you know, he would torture her.

So you want a cat to torture this?

Oh, yeah, that's fucked up.

Or vice versa.

I don't know.

She seems like an alpha to me.

They'll figure out their own.

She's so cute, though.

Their own social order.

Would you get cats like...

No, she's been spayed, so she can't get her pussy filled.

Yeah, you also don't want to have like a non-neutered boycat because it will piss everywhere.

Yeah, I got it.

I told you,

my old cat.

Fuck, my brothers better have neutered that motherfucker.

Yeah.

Well, when they start blasting, there's like, you know, I don't know what you're talking about.

Shit or piss?

No, there's like,

he was fucking a pair of gym shorts of mine.

I found him in my closet fucking a pair of basketball.

Oh, Tupac?

Tupac.

That cat was a fucking bitch, dude.

That guy was an asshole.

Fuck him.

He was cute, though, but.

He was very cute.

He can suck my fat hog.

Very rude, very rude cat.

He was rude as shit, honestly.

Took after his

ex-girlfriend.

Yeah, Schwartz would just be yelling at me while I was petting it backwards and going

riled up.

You'd be drunk torturing the cat.

He did suck, though.

To be burning.

Drinking out of a bottle of like Carlo Rossi.

No, that was the good shit.

Not even with a cut.

Carlo Rossi.

Oh,

drugs.

Just trying to, just scratching its stomach, and it would lose its fucking mind.

Yeah.

And go nuts.

Start biting and scratching.

He had drunk, so I couldn't feel anything.

Well, you'd just be laughing.

Yeah.

And you would wake up the next day with scratches everywhere.

Cut to pieces.

Bleeding on Adam's futon and shit.

And fucking Joyce would be like, Nick, stop.

It's like, what?

The cat's already misbehaved.

This is like a feral animal in your cats.

It had no manners.

It also, it likes it.

It enjoys that.

It enjoys combat.

It likes to fuck you.

Absolutely.

When you forcibly take a cat like that, put it on its back and start rubbing its stomach until it's sweet.

Oh, he's.

That's that's what the cat wants.

The cat loves that.

Yeah.

Makes them feel like they're a tiger.

Yeah, he did look like a tiger.

Yeah.

Battling it out with a gazelle or something.

Yeah.

Or maybe a gorilla.

I imagine tigers do that.

The gorillas pick up the tigers.

Oh, I would love to see a gorilla V tiger fight.

Yeah.

Do you remember that GameCube game?

Is it Primal Fury?

Oh, with the.

It was a fighting game.

Like Rampage, sort of?

No, it was a fighting game.

It was like Mortal Kombat, but when you, like, if you fuck up the other guy enough, you get to turn into an animal.

Well, they had in Mortal Kombat your

solid dead animalities, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, nice.

But yeah, maybe, I think it was Primal Fury.

Striking Vipers.

You got to have sex with the guy if you beat him.

Yeah.

You get to fuck his girl Chinese

Hmm.

What's a very noble beast?

How about a black mirror episode that's literally a black mirror, right?

Where it's like a white person and his life just sucks.

He doesn't understand why.

And then every time he walks by a mirror, he's just a black guy.

It's a black mirror.

So he thinks he's black.

And then he's like...

When he thinks he's white or he thinks he's white.

He thinks he's black.

Because whenever he looks in a mirror, he's black.

And people are like, you're not black.

And he's like, what?

What about when he does that?

When he looks at his hand without the mirror.

And then at the end, the reveal is he's McIlmore.

Oh.

Okay.

Damn, that's a good one, dude.

The rappest McElmore.

Oh, yeah.

Suck Dicklemore.

Oh,

my dick.

My penis can't get hard.

My penis can't get hard.

Yay!

I'm gay now.

I'm gay.

My fucking dick is more.

Just fuck my.

So fuck my ass.

I've never had straight set X, yay.

I also thought of another one.

Everybody's Working for the Weekend.

Everybody's sucking on my penis.

Lover boy.

That's right.

That's right.

Everybody.

I don't know the rest of the song.

Everybody eats my fucking ass.

Come on and fuck on my ass.

I'm fucking gay.

So, yeah, that's something for you guys to think about

if you're out there.

Where are we at right now?

Plugs?

I want to go to jail this year for shining a laser pointer at an airplane or a helicopter.

Yeah, that's still how do they catch is my favorite crime because you do it and then they can see your house.

Oh, true.

They track the laser.

They're like that.

Probably a really bad guy.

You show up and be like,

I'm sorry.

My bad.

You should do it on a hang glider, bro.

yeah that way they can't track you you're a moving target oh cool yeah i'm gonna start around with lasers i should get a high-powered laser now we're talking there it is there's the

no more gambling high-powered laser as long as you're off crypto dude yeah

as long as you're sober off of uh

yeah what about i tell you this t-shirt doing this t-shirt stuff has been great for me there you go Got something to do every day, processing orders, handling things when USB.

Gives you a routine.

You do like, yeah, you have a love.

I mean, it's more of a hate-hate relationship with the post office, but.

Well, I'll tell you, man, packaging those bags, because I got all the shirts packaged, and you put like 50 shirts into a duffel bag in those packages, it makes me feel like a heroin.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Little do they know you open that up.

It's just the Ariel Monsters guy with this cock, with a nose for a cock.

That's right.

A cock for a nose.

That is correct.

And an uncirced cock for that.

Yeah.

And thank you for that.

Well, anyways, we got some Canada dates coming up.

Yeah, we're going back to Edmonton.

Back to Edmonton.

We're flying directly to Tune.

We're doing Ottawa.

We're doing the this time buy tickets for real tour

in Ottawa.

It's $72 for the stand-up show, the podcast.

In a nursing home.

Yeah.

It's in

an Olympic pool that we've drained.

It's where they shot the movie Swim Fan, actually.

Oh, nice.

Oh, I remember that.

There's some hot shit in that.

Yeah.

How about a movie called Sperm Fans?

Yes.

Yes.

It's a girl that's just like, I love drinking calm.

Yep.

And it's like, Ben had everything in the world going for her.

He was getting his dick sucked by a girl.

But then it turned out she was crazy.

Honestly, that is.

That tracks, though.

That's the movie.

It's the same thing.

He just, honestly, that's a pretty.

Yeah.

Not even a horror movie.

That's what a

girl's so hot, dude.

I watched a trailer for that again recently.

Is that not Megan Fox?

I don't remember.

No, it's not Megan Fox.

It's some like dogface bitch.

It's one of those.

Oh, yeah.

You know, those dogface girls that you know just have like fat pussies.

Yeah, juicy.

I would love to munch.

Yeah.

I would love to give that lady a little

like it's a corn on the cock.

This girl is this girl.

I know exactly who it is.

Who you know has a fat pussy.

Is Josh Hart in it or whatever?

She's like

nice eyes.

He was the captain of the swim team.

Oh, yeah.

Actually, it's a different bitch than I thought, but I couldn't say no to that fat pussy.

Yeah, she's sort of...

Oh, yeah.

She's sort of like Julia Styles.

She got probably fucked by Julia Styles.

Oh, she had big titties, too.

She had huge titties.

Erica Christensen.

What would you do if a huge titted woman with a fat pussy?

Let me just look up real quick for Erica Christensen breasts.

And she somehow framed you for using steroids to get you kicked off the swimming team.

Oh, shit.

She got plastic surgery to make her titties even bigger.

Blastic surgery, where they use colours.

We do a thing called blastic surgery, in which we put the woman under and I ejaculate into her breasts.

Well, I gotta say, not a lot of nudes on the internet.

A lot of fakes.

Yeah, Erica Christensen stars as the fat pussy dogface bitch

in Sperm Fan.

I do like her face.

Oh, this.

Oh, I was...

Damn.

Yeah.

Another fake.

I got horny, but.

You know what I mean?

I saw the trailer for that I didn't.

I forgot about Can't Hardly Wait.

Remember that?

Oh, of course.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Completely forgot about it.

Seth Green is like the goggles guy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You remember in the 90s if, like, if you were in a teen movie and a crazy party animal, you would wear goggles on your forehead.

Is that when they say the N-word a bunch?

In Can't Hardly Wait?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what the movie's about, is that they can't wait to say it.

To say the N-word.

Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Can't Hard R Wait.

Personally, I'm waiting to say it.

I'm waiting to say it for marriage.

I watched Mystery Man again the other night.

Good, what classic?

I've been having a real like 1998 phase.

Okay.

It feels like probably 7 million movies came out in 1998.

It's like almost.

It's a lot of classic.

It's like every movie I've ever seen.

Doesn't 99 have some bangaroons?

The Matrix

fucking Dark Spirit.

Austin Powers?

1998.

No, the first Austin Powers was like 99.

97?

Six or seven, yeah.

Oh, words.

Maybe the spy who shagged me is 99.

I remember I got yelled at by my mom because I made my family go to the theater to see the spy who shagged me.

I remember when the first Austin Powers movie came out, because it was before my parents got divorced, and my parents were like, We're going to go to the movies together.

And I was like, What?

Yeah,

I don't have to hang out with you anymore together.

It was over.

They were like, No, no, it was before they separated.

Oh, before trying to save it.

This was like the one time they decided we're going to go on a date, and what they did was go to see Austin Powers.

That was the nail in the coffin.

Did not work.

No.

All right.

Well, I'm going to be in Southern California in late August.

Dates are coming soon.

Oh, shit, baby.

San Diego and L.A.

Headlining.

Your boy will be over here, Fat Stavi, will be in Rochester August 3rd.

Breadlining.

I will be breadlining in Rochester.

I'll be in Boston on the 16th and the 17th.

I'll be in Oakland on the 24th, and I'll be in Seattle and Portland on the 29th and 30th.

Stav in a breadline, and you know how they do the thing with two midgets and a trench goat?

Stav does the opposite thing where he paints seven different people on a

he's like, oh no, I'm seven different people.

I'll be taking seven of the bread.

I'm eight children.

Yeah, I'm eight.

I'm actually eight different.

Yeah,

you just go completely nude and you paint the trench coat open,

exposing a bunch of children stacked up on your legs and arms.

Yeah, I'm not fat.

I'm eight normal kids, actually.

So,

and then please come to the stand, come see us at funny moms every month.

Oh, yeah, there's no funny moms this Monday because they have a pre-scheduled event, but the next two Mondays of the month we are on.

So the 15th we are off, the 22nd and 29th.

And come to the stand every Tuesday at 8.30 for Fat Tuesdays.

I'll be doing a weekly show.

See you guys.

Wobble Bongs Dickinson is now united with Louis Roca, creating a client-focused team ready to handle your most complex challenges.

Together, we bring you deep capabilities in areas like IP, corporate transactions, cybersecurity, and litigation.

With over 1300 attorneys across 37 offices in the US and UK, you've got the benefit of our firm's global reach with the dedication and care of a close partner.

Learn how we can support you at WobbleBondyDickinson.com.

Hard water makes it hard to keep your home looking like the work of art you've always envisioned it would be.

Culligan softeners reduce hard water buildup and your cleaning time, transforming every drop, every splash, every rinse into the fine art of a long-lasting clean.

With a Culligan Water Softener, revel in the breathtaking beauty of your home just the way you've always pictured it: Culligan, water you love.