Ep. 153 – m4a legislatoin NOW

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Welcome to Come Town regular episode, free episode.

W fuck my ass.

We got a special guest in the house filling in for Stav.

It's Aaron Glazer.

It's Aaron Glazer.

And we got him in a fat suit so we could feel like Stav's with us.

He's clumped up.

Somebody messaged me.

I didn't respond to it, but they're like, yo, why do you always go in on Aaron Glazer or whatever?

Go in?

Yeah, like, why are you always like, why are you talking shit on Aaron?

It's like, of all the things we do on this show.

Yeah.

i've never even heard you talk about that we've made fun of him like two or three times yeah it's like that's what you have a problem with that's who you think needs to be defended the ucb rapist is a guy who sorry may or may not have raped people all right but it seems like he probably did yeah i think he's lost a ton of weight too has he yeah he's like living his best life yeah that's good that's good for her look anything that gets people out of comedy is is good he's identifying as a woman now no that's the that's the move that's the classic move.

It's like, you're about to get me too.

You just say you're trans.

Yeah.

Or you're queer or something.

That's great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, Spacey did that by saying he was gay, but whatever.

He just didn't go far enough.

He didn't go far enough.

Yeah, no, because I got in trouble.

I tweeted that, like, it's like the presidential debate and you're losing, and then it's like, I'm trans.

And then it's like, you win the election.

And then it was like two weeks later, Charles Clymer did that.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, and she's.

And stuck with it.

Stuck with the bit.

Yeah.

Good for her.

Good for

they.

So Mike, thanks for filling in for Stav this week.

Stav had a serious surgery just to update the fans, but he's convalescing right now.

He has.

Now he's a millionaire.

He's getting all this fancy surgery.

And he got a new ass and a new pair of tits.

He does need ass implants.

That would be great.

We got him a Brazilian butler.

I hate that, like,

I mean, he's so into that body positivity stuff that

if he's criticized his body in any way immediately, he's like, no, that's not true.

I'm beautiful or whatever.

But I will say one thing about Saab that's true is he has Hank Hill ass.

Yeah.

And he can try and deny it.

He's not here to defend himself.

He's not here to defend himself.

I do, too.

I have no ass, and I've had tits since I was like 10 years old.

And my mom told me there was some kind of surgery where they fix a breastplate in your chest.

And she was like, we're going to get you that surgery.

And then it just never happened.

What do you mean, fix the breastplate?

It's like a pony.

She told me that I have like a concave chest, which is probably a lie.

I have a chest and cavity as well.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's it's something a lot of Jews have, actually.

Okay.

So maybe there's some more questions about your family's past.

Oh, maybe my mom fucked a Jew.

Oh, my God.

Well, Stav's ass, not in proportion to his body.

It's uh, I mean, I do too.

But my problem is that my back hurts, so I can't use my ass for exercise

because of my back.

So I have an injury.

I have a disability.

Yeah.

Whereas Stav is just gross.

Yeah.

So we all got Game of Thrones fever.

That's right, Nick.

I made Nick watch Game of Thrones with me on Sunday.

Nice.

You'd never seen it.

How about video Game of Thrones?

You know what I'm talking about?

Yep.

There's Mario and

you know, some of the other guys.

Yeah, and they're all competing to take the spot as the number one video game guy.

Yeah, well, I mean, I've never seen Game of Thrones.

Oh, yeah, they all want to be on the throne.

Yeah.

Is Arthur Chu on that show, or is that just a picture?

I think he just sat on the throne

from Game of Thrones.

I don't think so.

Yeah, but I didn't know until recently.

I thought he was a character on Game of Thrones.

I thought he was like a monster.

You thought he was like a

Chinese orc.

Yeah, one of those disabled people on the show.

That was one comment Nick did have, is that

there is that blind, disabled kid, and he's like, you know, yes, go off, queen.

Well, there is a lot of representation on Game of Thrones.

I think that's why people like it so much.

There's a dwarf.

Yeah.

A wheelchair boy.

There's a ton of dickless characters.

I mean, I did think for a while that Arthur Chu was a character on the show.

He did.

I didn't realize that was a real guy.

I mean, that's why I thought it was okay to make fun of him.

I thought he was a Game of Thrones character that didn't know how to tie his shoes.

That's true.

Anytime we've ever made fun of someone on the show, it's because we think it's a character.

That's why that guy got upset about Aaron Glazer, because that's the only real person we've ever made fun of.

It's true.

And that was crossing the line.

It did.

We did cross the line.

You're listening to line crossers.

Yeah.

It's tough to know where the line is.

You know, because it's invisible.

That's why we need to make physical lines, right?

Like on the road?

On the road, on the sidewalk, surrounding a person we're not allowed to make fun of.

Oh, like I just wanted to say, if it's just like, yeah, if it's someone with like a small, mangled hand and they're in like an electric motor scooter and they're 500 pounds, there should just be a circle.

I feel like the first cop that ever did the chalk outline thing of a body was very much a like, I'll bring a napkins to the party kind of guy.

Where all the other cops are doing real work and he's like, I traced the guy.

They're like, I guess that's necessary.

Yeah.

And then he just kept that job for a while.

He's like, I'm a tracer.

I'm a body tracer.

It's a very important job here at the police department.

Somebody's got to use the chalk to do the tracings.

And that's me.

Yeah, it's important.

I mean, people told you in art class that it was bad to trace, but that guy made a whole career out of it.

So maybe tracing's good.

I don't know.

I think that

what's the point is to know where the body was?

I guess

or the position that it was the position that it was in yeah yeah prior to them having like photographs I guess they had to do that so they don't do it anymore no I don't think so no that's a that's a huge bummer that's that's eliminating jobs right yeah

so Racine what's been new with you how you been I'm good last

time you were on the show

it was a while I guess it sucks that you have to be a regular cop for a while before you can be like a discipline right I always thought that too yeah you know it'd be like if you wanted to be a priest but you had to be a pedophile for 12 years

like they force you a low-level pedophile yeah right yeah you had to be like yeah he's like work a chucky cheese

yeah van pedophile yeah and then after you do that for 12 years you get to be a bishop

yeah because i remember wanting to be a detective but then i was like you get it but then you got to be a cop first but everyone everyone had that thought yeah yeah yeah

you think you'd be a good you'd be a good detective you're good at digging up dirt on people well detectives it's not a hard job.

Nick's good at knowing when.

Well, to be a cop, you have to be dumb.

I got that online.

You get the mustache.

Yeah.

You show up and you, you know,

you look important.

Right.

Nuanced opinions of various races.

I think you have that.

Right.

Looks like a Chinese job to me.

Yeah.

Wait, what were we?

He's like the best detective.

Yeah.

What were we watching the other day?

It was like that someone's job in the police force was Chinese squad.

Or like, the

showdown in

Little Tokyo.

Yeah.

Brandon Lee shows up.

He's like, you know,

Meyerson, Asian squad.

Asian squad.

Asian task force.

Yeah, that's right.

The implication was that there's a task force in the police just surrounding Asian people.

There kind of is, though.

When you go to Chinatown, it's usually

the Asian cops.

Yeah.

I guess you police your own neighborhoods.

That's good.

Yeah.

That's why I want to become a bedstock cop because I care about this community.

Yeah.

You just like.

The community where I'm from.

You just walk around and you're too friendly with black people.

Yeah.

Well, I'd be obviously one of those doing the nay-nay kind of cops.

It goes viral.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Or like trying to ride someone motorcycle cop and then crashing at an intersection and being laughed at by the internet.

That could be another option for me.

I loved that video so much.

Did you see it?

What?

We've talked about it on the show before, haven't we?

What?

The cop that took that guy's Kawasaki ninja and tried to ride him.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, it's not a Kawasaki ninja.

Well, whatever it was.

Anytime I see a crotch rocket, I don't know if it's wrong or not.

I just wanted to say it's not.

Yeah.

Anytime I see one of those crotch rocket motorcycles, I call it.

I just classified as a Kawasaki ninja in my mind.

A crotch faggot?

Crotch faggot.

Look, it's one of them crotch faggots.

I do crotch fit.

That's where you go and you fuck all those women.

Which women?

The CrossFit whores.

Oh.

Yeah.

The ones with the overdeveloped lats.

Oh, I like those.

Yeah.

I kind of like that too.

Yeah,

I like skinny women, but I like really strong necks.

I like.

Nick, I think

Julia Vinns was in a movie or something.

Oh, was she?

Yeah, she played an alien.

That's cool.

Yeah.

What movie?

I don't know.

I could check her Instagram if you want.

So I've got to hide all my stuff before she.

Why don't you just get the cat fixed?

Pisses it.

I mean, I'm di I I'cause I did that like vet that like comes and does a house call or what I didn't handle it, but it it like it's they book it fucking six weeks out.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I took my dog to uh'cause I don't have a carrier or anywhere to take it to the fucking vet.

I took my dog to South Brooklyn and just had a Russian just fucking close that pussy up for business.

Nice.

Yeah.

Now she can't fuck no more.

But does she get horny?

Yeah.

She can eat her own pussy still,

the outside of it, but she can't go in.

Yeah.

This is a no-go zone.

No dicks are going in there.

But the asshole, that's still completely open for business.

It'd be nice if all our girlfriends could eat their own pussy.

Stop bothering us.

Oh, my God.

Wouldn't that be great?

That would be the dream.

Yeah.

Sweetheart, what are you doing?

So she's in some movie where she's like an alien.

Oh, she she looks like a predator, kind of.

Or one of those,

what's it called?

Battlefield Earth People.

Yeah.

The reggae new metal kind of aesthetic.

Battlestar Phaglactica.

That's good.

Phagelstar, Phaglactica.

Faglestar?

Phagelstar, Phaglactica.

You ever see that show?

No, my father was really into it, though.

That is weird.

Yeah, it was.

I like the way the robot's eyes go back and forth.

He likes science fiction a lot.

I like the way his eyes are light.

I think it's because he doesn't want to live on this planet.

Yeah.

Did you ever get into Dune?

The book?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Have you seen any of the movies?

No.

Oh, it's a great book.

Okay.

Yeah.

The sci-fi movie they made, like, I guess, ten years ago for sci-fi channel was pretty good.

It was like a mini-series.

And then there's a the David Lynch one, which I think is kind of tight on his list.

It's the only David Lynch movie I like.

Really?

Yeah.

That's such a bullshit opinion, Nick.

I don't know.

That sucks.

That fucking sucks.

It's the only good David Lynch movie.

Nick and I watched Colors a couple.

Yeah, we talked about that on the show.

Yeah.

Real piece of shit.

Yeah.

Not a good movie.

No, not a good movie.

I rewatched Problem Child recently.

No,

it held up.

It wasn't good, but it was that kid.

It was definitely

in the era of children being able to beat up adults.

How about Problem Guiled?

And it's like a 32-year-old man who thinks he's Guile.

There you go.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess there I do go.

The fuck is the goddamn...

What are you looking for?

I'm trying to pull up my shit in.

Oh, the phone charger?

Yeah, because it's not gonna

juice.

Anyway, so we got Game of Thrones Fever again.

What do you think of that?

I haven't seen it.

When it came out,

I was working through the Sopranos, and then I hadn't seen Breaking Bad or The Wire, so I was like, I don't have time.

Well, yeah, but I was like, I don't have time to watch

this show.

This gay.

Nick said

when I made Nick watch it, he was looking at his phone most of the time.

Then he looked up and he said, this movie's fucking gay.

He looked back at his phone.

Yeah, no, I mean, it was really boring.

And I understand I didn't.

But what's did you start from the first season?

No, we watched Sunday's episode.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

I think you'd seen five minutes of the first.

Were you caught up on this on the show?

I have no idea what the

castle and

fighting.

They all were fighting the zombies from taking over the castle.

And there's a king of the zombies.

And what's he do?

He makes other people into zombies.

Like if he kills you, then you become a zombie too.

So if you kill him, then all of the people that he made into zombies die.

So they knew that they had to kill the main one in order for it to be for them to

win the episode.

Okay.

So it's a pretty good show.

I was in San Antonio once and I was at Dave and Buster's and I was playing that Walking Dead game, which is like, it's like a shooter, but it's like a booth.

So you kind of go in the booth and you shoot zombies.

And this kid came in and sat down next to me.

And I was like, do you want to play?

And then we played together for a little bit.

And then the game was over and I was like, see you later.

And then I left.

That was it.

You never got his name or anything.

Never got his name or anything.

It was weird.

Yeah, he's probably a 12-year-old.

No, he was like my age or a little younger.

So by child, you mean a 33-year-old man?

Yeah.

I mean, a guy that's halfway through.

Nah, he's probably like early 12 on this earth.

He's probably great.

I hope it's more.

Yeah, yeah.

You think about like

how your lives, like the divergent paths that your lives have gone in since then.

Yeah.

You know, where he's at, where you're at in your life.

Yeah.

I wonder what it was.

Maybe he's listening right now.

Yeah.

If you're in San Antonio, you played the Walking Dead video game.

Yes, please.

My number is 609.

You guys made eye contact for a second after the game was over and then you kind of just said goodbye you know yeah how about the figure

hug the sanferangelico guy's name is stan antonio oh that's good yeah

that's fun right

my name it's uh stan

uh stan antonio

it's a pretty dumb name sir

sure is

you know something like that yeah

have you ever um used the term stan nick to describe fandom No.

Something?

Never once.

That's why I know that Nick's my most mature friend.

He's never trying to sound like one of the youths.

No.

He's he's sticking with his own vocabulary.

Yeah.

And there's one word.

You know the word.

What's that?

It's that word.

What word is that?

You know the one.

The mature word.

No, I don't.

So we're going to.

Alright, so um moving right along, so we got Game of Thrones fever.

And

Stav, I hope you're feeling better.

What are you thinking on this election we got coming up, Nick?

You got a.

I don't know.

What is that?

I'm trying to direct the show.

Stav's gone.

I'm not a very good showrunner.

I'm not a good host of comedy shows in general.

I'm not even a good guest on comedy shows.

I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to, you know, trying to take over the show?

I don't understand.

No, but I feel like Stav is good at asking questions when there's a lull.

He'll be like, oh.

No, he isn't.

He just goes, who's fucking?

Yeah.

And they'll just start describing food he's eaten recently.

Yeah.

Have you eaten anything good?

Pork shoulder.

If you went to my boys for Greek Easter, I could do it.

All right.

It's faster than that.

The laugh is faster.

Yeah.

Ha, ha.

That's what laughter sounds like.

You've all heard it.

Like in

the beer baron episode.

Well, you all know what laughter sounds like.

I made a banana pudding for Easter.

Yeah,

it came out pretty good.

Nice.

With the little cookies in there, we were asking Mike before the show started.

I guess Mike's a mover.

Wondering if black women ever try to disguise themselves as furniture to get free rides from the moving company.

It's not free.

I mean, they would

get carried out of their apartment.

But yeah, sometimes you do want to get carried.

You want to get wrapped up in shrink wrap and carried into a car.

Excuse me, I'm a love seat.

I don't know what you mean by ma'am.

I am, in fact, a love seat.

You get sued for discriminating.

But she didn't look like a selfie.

I didn't think she was a love seat.

She identified as a love seed.

Yeah, and then Sean King makes a big deal out of of it.

There's a video of you refusing to move her.

She's like, I'm going to put you on Facebook for this.

Yeah.

Y'all aren't even going to believe this.

This white boy won't even move me in a truck.

Guess what?

We going live on Facebook.

That's a concern.

I would have to leave the country, I guess.

That's my livelihood.

You ever have one of those manual labor, you know, porn kind of situations where there's a woman?

She's like kind of halfway undressed.

She's like, oh, thank you.

It's nice to have a strong man around moving my credenza.

Yeah, that's never even like come close to happening.

But there's guys at the company who like they get hit on all the time, but it's not even me.

Yeah.

I don't know why.

It's like I'm on a I don't know.

Wow.

I don't have money.

I've never been in a call center and like women would call up.

Uh-huh.

And they'd be like, yeah, my computer isn't working.

And I'd be like, well, what kind of panties you got on that pussy hole?

Yeah,

they'd say, Excuse me, I'd be like, Oh, I'm sorry.

But one out of maybe 500 times, you get a little phone sex going.

Right.

The boss, the boss is like, Hey, you know all the calls are recorded, right?

For the quality assurance team, I've heard you're having phone sex, but that's

a 62-year-old Hispanic woman.

Are you working at one of those Indian scam call centers?

You're just too horny to carry out the scam.

We have your social security number also.

Hello, baby.

Hello, baby.

Please give me your address and send $500.

Also, may I kiss you?

Or may I give you a smooch, please?

And also your credit card number.

There's a ton of those videos on YouTube where it's like people owning Indian call scammers.

And they're really not that funny, but there's one where this guy tells the kid he's going to send him a subpoena.

He's like, I'm going to send you a subpoena to depose you because I'm an attorney.

And the kid just goes, How about you send your penis to your mom?

He just broke character.

How about you send your penis to your mom?

Because he thought he said penis.

Yeah.

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Adam,

you said you wanted to take control of the show today.

Yeah, are you using Blue Chew, Adam?

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Oh, sorry.

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Well, most importantly, they've been in business for over 20 years.

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Not a lot of companies can say that.

It's basically them and McDonald's.

Disney.

Disney has been around.

McDonald's has only been around since like 1997.

Really?

Wow.

Yeah.

It was a different company before that?

I don't know.

I mean,

I don't remember it prior to that.

I can't remember it prior to that.

First time I remember seeing McDonald's, I was like maybe five or six.

Uh-huh.

You know, I doubt it was around prior to the first time I saw it around then.

Yeah.

I don't really recall it.

Target's been around for about three or four years.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Great, yeah.

Great shop.

Microsoft.

You know, I mean, I guess they were around in the past, but computers stopped.

Nobody has a computer anymore, so that's not a company.

But they have the Surface Pro tablet.

No, they don't.

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and says, well, they got me.

A winner is there until he's 57 years old.

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Until he's got his 401k.

Chinese girlfriend, a duffel bag full of assault rifles.

And that's

that's the difference between a winner.

You could say he, Steven Paddock beat the house.

Yeah, Steven Paddock is a rounder.

You know,

the true, the The real make-it-brand man.

That's what we call him.

Definitely going to need a bump stock.

Definitely going to need...

Ray, you better kill.

Ray, this plan better fucking work.

I'm going to be pissed.

Sorry, Charlie.

Sorry, Charlie.

Yeah, this is my brother, Ray.

We're taking him to the fucking

Jason Mraz concert.

What the fuck was it?

Was it a gay concert?

Those people died of it.

It was a country music.

You know how many fucking guys were died that day?

They're like, my dumbass girlfriend.

Making me go see that wagon wheel piece of shit.

And then you just get owned.

Yeah, just to.

By Make It Rain Man.

Just to get killed at a Trey Atkins concert.

Is that who it was?

I don't know.

Trey Atkins.

That's kind of like Trey Lesson.

That's kind of the lesson.

You don't let a woman drag you to somewhere you don't want to be because you might get killed.

She shouldn't tell you what to do ever.

Ever.

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No, it's not yeah yeah i've looked into it no i've i've looked into it too no i've looked into it but i was there i've been there uh well i've been there also to make fun of it only all right well to make fun of synagogue okay well yeah guys why is it called a synagogue huh

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They have live in-game wage rings so you can make plays throughout entire games and events.

And here's what we're going to be betting on this week.

The New York International Auto Show.

Yep.

Who wins the J.D.

Power and Associates?

The big diaper that they give out.

There's a new Chevy Volt.

Is there?

I don't know.

This is the first year I didn't go to the New York Auto Show.

Is it over?

It's over.

It is absolutely over.

I might become a car owner pretty soon, though.

I missed the New York Auto Show and I missed the orchid show at the New York Botanical Gardens.

We're in the Bronx, right?

I think the Brooklyn one.

Is the Brooklyn one?

Yeah.

Nice.

Well, either way, I missed it.

I wanted to go see that orchid show.

You ever go see orchids?

No.

Yeah, I like

it.

They're beautiful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You should become like a flower guy, maybe.

What do you mean, a flower guy?

It could be like you'd be like a magician.

No, you just get really into different kinds of flowers.

I would.

If I had a big house, I'd have a little green house.

I'd be an apiary.

I said I would like to.

Spraying them with a little spray bottle.

Do you have a room full of setting?

A room full of bees, and I take my guests in there.

So you have to relax.

I'll receive my visitors in the apiary, please.

Right.

Ah, Charles.

Good to see you.

Only I'm allowed to have a bee suit.

Adam has to be stung by the bees while I dictate

my wishes for the day.

Damn.

Well, if you're nice to the bees, they'll be nice to you.

Adam, come into the apiary so I may dictate my wishes.

I don't know.

I kind of don't want to.

There's a lot of bees there.

I'm ready to dictate my wishes now.

We can do that out of the way.

I'm wearing one of those nets, but I'm completely nude.

I have a big net, but you have to observe me naked.

That's what, you know,

that's what them Muslim gals should be wearing.

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Let's start the show.

I don't appreciate that every time I do realize podcasts, Lewis insults my wallet because he's selling that, you know, that money clip.

Yeah, look at your piece of shit, wallet.

Look at this cool money clip that we have.

He sells like a Legion of Skanks money clip?

Check this out.

This is our latest sponsor.

It's a wallet chain made out of weed.

This is directly from the mind of Zach Amiko.

Damn.

Designer, fashion designer, Zach Zachamiko.

The sniper.

Goddamn.

So Lewis is selling wallets to his poor minions now?

Yeah.

So what are they going to put in the wallet?

Right.

It's a laundromat card and a.

Yeah.

Yeah.

An Applebee's gift card.

I like Applebee's.

Do you?

Yeah.

I haven't been.

There's one on Fulton Street we could go.

I've been there several times.

Oh, yeah.

It's not bad.

I went there with Claude.

Yeah.

That's where that infamous story about the soup happened.

Okay.

Where he sent the soup back because there was no visible steam coming off of it.

And then asked if it was racial.

After he got his soup.

He asked who, you?

Me, yeah.

He's like, you think it's racial?

Because there's black, it's predominantly black people.

Yeah.

So they lives in Brooklyn.

Yeah, yeah.

And he thinks that he's getting the bad service at Appleby's as a white man as punishment

from

the black waitress at Appleby.

As if anyone.

But then doesn't he have to take it?

Yeah.

I mean, it's like, what do you think?

Whose mind is like, I'm going to get my reparations?

Right.

I'm going to do it.

Not my reparations.

I'm going to give this man his soup lukewarm.

Well, it probably wasn't even lukewarm.

It wasn't.

There's no visible steam.

It wasn't like, yeah, it didn't look like the cartoon on the side of an oven, man.

Yeah.

Damn.

But that is, it's actually.

Do you like their food, though?

Well, that used that Fulton Applebee's used to be shitty, but it's okay now.

The one that's terrible is the Atlantic Terminal one.

Okay.

Yeah, that one, avoid.

Yeah.

That's funny because usually chain food is like, I mean, Ruby Tuesdays is really bad.

Sometimes.

I mean, I don't know.

I like Red Robin.

Yeah.

Sometimes you can catch a good chilies.

Yeah.

I miss Bennigan's, dude.

Those are a pillar of the artists.

Are Bennigan's all gone?

Yeah.

That's sad.

Yeah.

Oh, toy, toy, toy.

Welcome to Bennigans.

Why didn't the U Dagos have your own Bennigan restaurants?

I mean, Olive Garden?

Yeah, Britannica.

Olive Garden or macaroni grill or

Bertu cheese.

Yeah, there's a million.

There's a lot of examples.

Now that I think about it.

How come there's no

Italian restaurants?

I'm just saying Italian birds are fucking like

the second most popular cuisine in America.

Yeah, you guys make good food.

Have you ever thought of

opening a restaurant?

No.

The only good Italian food is like the authentic Italian food because everything, like anything like lower,

like it's like a lot of Italian places will just put way too much fucking butter and everything as a substitute for actually making things that taste good.

And then you just leave and you can't see out of one eye.

You know, it's just like

it fucks with your blood pressure.

But authentic Italian food is very nice.

It's lighter than what you'd expect.

Where do you go for that?

Oh,

I've just had it a handful of times in my life.

Yeah, yeah.

Like,

how I make a distinction between good Italian food and bad Italian food is when I've ordered like gnocchi.

And if I don't like want to die afterwards, then it's probably pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We should go to Coney Island maybe, go to Totono's, get a little road trip.

Yeah, or go up to Arthur Ave.

We can go to Arthur Ave.

yeah, yeah.

We got the costumes for it, we can go up to Arthur Ave and then go say what up to Gene Dinopoly, who's probably,

I assume, lives on right on Arthur Ave.

You said you were gonna book him for your birthday party.

Did that?

He was booked that night, okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I would love to have had him come do Elvis, do Andrew Dice Clay's act.

Yeah, you know, I can't wait to book him for Tom's funeral.

Oh,

That was so funny when he said he was having a black comedy show at his place.

Who?

Gene.

Gene.

Oh, yeah.

He said, we have a black comedy.

We got black comedy.

Disco.

We have

Soul Review, Black Comedy.

Yeah.

Damn.

Did you ever see posters for the Black Circus?

Universe Soul Circus?

Of course.

They used to see those commercials all the time as a kid.

The Universe Soul Circus.

It's like, isn't it?

You just steal the soul train thing?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I wonder if you can.

How come there's no white circus?

I don't know if you can find a trademark saying soul a certain way.

You Italians ever think about coming up with your own circus, maybe?

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, yeah.

That was a good question, right?

Sure.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's.

I guess the

I guess they had circuses in Italy.

They probably did.

Pagliacci.

Yeah, Pagliacci the clown.

Yeah.

A man goes to his doctor and he says, I'm sad.

Uh-huh.

And he says, you know.

What is that joke for, man?

What?

The Pagliacci joke for me.

People do it on Twitter all the time.

Well, a man goes to the doctor and he says, I'm sad.

And he goes, so cheer you up.

Go see Pagliacci the clown.

The man says to the doctor, but doctor, I am Pagliacci.

Oh.

Yeah.

So who clowns are twisted?

Who clowns for the clowns?

Clowns are fucking twisted.

Clowns are twisted.

Who clowns for the clowns?

Yeah.

They're like, go see the insane clown posse.

Well, but the correct answer after that with the doctor would be like, oh, well, have you heard of castrados?

Because that also exists in this time period.

That's funny.

That might cheer you up.

You still draw balls, you fucking.

A grown man without balls can sing high.

Yeah.

Just cutting to the audience in fucking like the Romantic period in Italy or whatever, and there's a castrato singing, and they're all just laughing hysterically.

I feel better just thinking about it.

You don't have it on the ball.

He sounds like a baby.

He sounds like we're gonna have another ball.

He sounds like a little baby because we cut his balls off.

That is a good bit.

Honestly, that is a very funny bit.

Anytime someone...

Do you remember that guy on Stern that had a really high voice?

High-pitched Eric.

High-pitched Eric.

I didn't really listen to Stern.

Oh.

I was was more of an ONA guy.

Oh, I was more Stern.

I only listen to ONA on YouTube primarily.

But

yeah, high-pitched Eric.

My friend had the biography of Baba Buoy

in his house.

Which Stern used to read from and just make fun of.

Like, he'd just make fun of

different passages.

That's pretty good that a show could be so popular that that guy, Baba Bui, could have his own nice his own little thing.

Someone told me to Baba Booy uh Jordan Peterson when I was at that debate, but I didn't do it.

I should have done it.

Oh, yelled Baba Booey.

To yell Baba Booy.

Yeah, that would have been so epic.

If you had done that, dude, if you had yelled out Baba Booey, Jordan Peterson.

That would have been fu yeah, it would have been.

Dude, that would have been s just honestly so epic.

It would have been an epic own

in the

in our hell hell world.

Did Castrados cut their balls off voluntarily or they were made to do it?

No, they went to a moil.

Okay.

Yeah, I think they were forced to do it.

They were forced to do it.

For comedy, though.

If you're a boy that could sing good, they didn't want your voice to drop.

Okay.

So they cut your balls off.

Okay.

And then you became an actor.

You should get stopped castrated.

I think that would be funny.

For the show.

Do you think he would stop eating so much if we castrated?

No, he would eat more.

Yeah, he'd get fatter.

Yeah, he would just always have a little milkshake with him.

The crazy straw.

All right.

What are you guys up to this week?

Stop.

Cool it on your crazy straw milkshake.

We cut your balls off so you would

you wouldn't indulge in your vice of pussy too much, and now we've you're offsetting it with your love of milkshakes.

Yeah.

You know, something along those lines.

That's funny.

Okay.

What's in the news?

So we got

Game of Thrones.

Only a couple episodes left.

I don't know.

I guess Barr testified.

Barr testified today.

Everybody's mad at him.

Because it turns out there was collusion.

So

congratulations to Rachel Matto and the team over at MSNBC.

Yeah.

We fucking got him.

And Putin is going to jail.

Yeah, he's going down.

Yeah.

Would you

defect?

I don't know if it's defect, but you know, would you ever live

in Russia?

In China?

No, Russia.

You mean China?

Not China, Russia.

Like, get really into dash cam car crash videos?

Would I move to China?

Is what you're asking me.

They're not into that kind of stuff.

Doing parkour on really tall buildings.

I would move to China.

Selfie sticking on if you're asking me if I would move to China, the answer is yes.

All right.

Why is it Russian dash cam footage?

Why is it specifically Russian?

Because it's like a big part of their culture is putting a fucking camera on your dashboard.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, they have like all the sickest car accident videos come from Russia.

Yeah, yeah.

But that's just because everybody has a camera.

Yeah, I mean, well, because they didn't have capitalism until what, like, you know, right around when McDonald's came out.

91.

97.

97.

And so, like, the idea of like financial success, they don't have any concept of like hard work for yourself.

There's only hard work for the state, and that's gone.

Okay.

So, like, it's like

how do you make money?

Yeah.

You become a prostitute on camera and also watch friend die in car accidents.

Those are too late in the industry.

Yeah, right.

The most noble way to make money is you have a video of your friend's brain come out of car and then you get 50 million views on LiveLeak.

And then you monetize the video, and that is like being a farmer.

That's like

being John G.

Rockefeller in Russia.

A bunch of people just sold their farm equipment and got dash cams.

Yeah.

Interesting.

I am a prostitute, and also I have GoPro strapped to my head, and I walk out into traffic every day praying to become like Bill Gates.

Praying to become become capitalist hero like Bill Gates.

You saw an old lady die, and you're like, kids, good news.

The Christmas is coming this year for once.

Yeah.

Those fuckers don't know how to drive, right?

That's probably.

Yep, Russian women.

Do you know about that hole in the center of the earth in Turkmenistan?

It's called like Dr.

Adam's Grom.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Come on, bro.

My mom's

a hole in the center of the earth.

A big fiery hole.

Yeah.

Anyway, what is this?

It's a hole that just goes down to the core of the earth.

Yeah, I'll find you a picture of it.

It's called like

with that meteor hit or something?

I think so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They call it the gateway to hell.

That's pretty cool.

Do people jump in it?

No.

I'd like to kill myself there.

I want to watch one of those history channel documentaries that come on in the middle of the day about

the weapons Russia will use to kill us

today on the weapons that will someday kill you on the history channel.

The secret Nazi weapons.

Oh, yeah.

That bell.

That bell that summons ghosts.

Nice.

Yeah.

I wish they discovered that.

I wish the war went on a little longer.

Yeah, I know.

I wish my grandfather got killed.

I love that, like, because, you know, there is that Mitchell and Webb look about the skulls.

Are we the baddies?

Yeah, I know, but it is also like the Nazis were like, we are also trying to find a way to get into touch with the devil to maybe collaborate with him.

We are trying to literally open up the gates to hell to maybe speak with Satan himself.

Yeah, it's networking.

They're into networking.

Yeah.

That's so funny.

Yeah, there's a yeah, there's a bunch of those documentaries about the occult and Nazism.

Yeah,

yeah.

Yeah, that shit really makes my dick hard, almost as hard as it gets when I take Blue Chew from Nazis

from

bluechew.com.

What is that

website?

What is that?

What did that guy just say?

Did that guy just say Blue Chew?

What the hell is that?

What is this blue stuff that this guy's talking about?

Well, it's B-L-E-U, as in.

Bleu.

Oh, sorry b-l-u-e

we had a little technical difficulty there as i remembered how to spell blue

um what are you you're on your phone too cool yeah i just got a notification uh what did it say

uh someone liked my review of the beach bum

starring matthew mcconaughey oh i'm on a new social media networking platform called letterboxed

And it's where you write all the movies you see and then you give a review.

And then you can see your friends' reviews of all the movies.

Oh, that's funny.

I'm going to start doing that.

You should get on it, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I joined it yesterday.

Yeah, that'll make me feel like I'm being productive when I watch six movies in a day.

Exactly.

That's exactly what I've been trying to do.

Yeah.

Yeah, because I normally feel terrible about it.

Well, anyways, if you go to Blue Chew.com,

it's a website similar to that one.

It's also fun to use.

That's B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com.

And if you like sex, you'll like Bluechew.com.

Why?

Is it pornography?

No, but it'll help you look at pornography because it's a

male performance enhancement for the bedroom.

So it's like steroids, but for having sex,

which steroids make you shittier at sex, apparently.

They turn you into both genders.

You throw a pussy.

You don't need sex anymore.

You just use the power of both genders to lift more weights.

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Which is what I need because it's hard for me to swallow pills.

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I guess we have to emphasize can

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There's no in-person doctor visit, no awkward conversation, no waiting in line at a pharmacy.

You don't even have to ask women to have sex anymore.

You just press a gun to their temple and do what you want.

Right.

Bluechew.com encourages raping women.

No, sorry.

They don't.

No, that was.

No, sorry, I read it wrong.

It says they don't encourage.

Emphatically, they do not.

They don't.

Yeah, sorry.

100% discouraged.

I read that the wrong way.

It's

irresponsible.

At first glance, it looked like it said that they.

But what does it actually say?

It says, please do not say that we encourage people to rape.

And we did not.

I took it back.

In fact, I didn't say that.

If you misheard me earlier, if you think that I said that.

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It's a big inflatable

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Okay.

You know, everybody's like, where's this guy going to the beach to have sex with his normal working dick?

That guy must be a cool beach bum

on his way to Rehoboth to meet other guys.

To be gay.

Because your dick's got to get harder to have gay sex.

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Let's start the show.

Oh, let's start the show.

Can you opt out of the discrete packaging?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, it's not very discreet.

I get it.

No.

Yeah.

It says

custom medicine, R-X.

Yeah.

I hope people think it's steroids.

I hope the mailman's like, oh, I better deliver this guy's mail or he'll beat me up.

Right.

Right.

I want the people stealing my packages to know that my dick gets hard yeah and if they do it again there's going to be consequences yeah i was talking about hfs the other day with somebody which is a radio station in in dc in the 90s that uh one of the djs this guy johnny riggs he got he lost his job because he got arrested for like possession of like heroin and child porn

um which is a phony combo you know yeah just trying to chill out and watch some child pornography.

Yeah, yeah.

Usually you need one of those things.

Trying to relax to some child porn.

Yeah.

You know, I mean,

that's what killed Cobain is mixing the two.

Yeah.

You can't do it.

It's a toxic mix.

Chris Farley mixed it too.

But I had to look it up because I couldn't remember if it was

heroin or whatever.

But like, yeah, so.

He

was trying to say that he wasn't looking at child porn, that like somebody had just sent him child porn from like a, like somebody was like fucking with him, like emailed it to him, and then they found the email on his computer but then like every other defense of everything he was charged with is like equally suspicious right you know he's like i was just trying to buy some like stimulants on on ebay or whatever and turns out they're fucking anabolic steroids unbeknownst to me i was just trying to buy some like supplements for weightlifting which is like

that's a lie because no you you bought fucking steroids on ebay yeah and then that got the police to come to his house the police came to his house and they searched his house.

And he's like, yeah, they found some vials from like years,

years and years ago.

I've never used any kind of drug at all.

And there's trace amounts of like, and it's like, there's no way there's empty vials of fucking heroin sitting around your house from years ago.

Right.

That just doesn't, like, it doesn't make any sense.

Right.

You're going to have to go out of your way to fucking save something like that.

Yeah.

How do you be a functional pedophile, though, if you find that you're.

Oh, there's a lot of really high-functioning functioning pedophiles out there yeah captains i guess right right right you got to go to high school

fortune 500 ceos yeah right now in la there's just pedophiles getting off the bus being like

yeah they're trying to work their way to the top they're trying to work their way to the top you get a job in the pedophile mailroom right you show them that you're that you're uh you know you're a team player that you're gung-ho you want to work your way to the top

you're willing to cover up really disgusting heinous crimes that's how it works right Yeah.

It's like showing up to Congress and you say, oh, I want to be a senator.

Right.

So I'm going to get a job as a janitor.

And then you work your way up to senator.

Okay.

Same thing.

It's good to know.

Right?

No, no.

What are we talking about?

Janitors?

We're talking about pedophiles.

That's where the janitor and senator sounds so similar.

Right.

Yeah.

Similar jobs, right?

Janitor is the female version of a senator.

Right?

Because trash.

Nancy trash pussy Pelosi.

Yeah, she's a fucking shit.

It's a real piece of garbage, if you ask me.

Garbage woman.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So is

Feinstein.

Diane.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's trash, too.

Elizabeth Warren, trash.

Trash.

Trash.

AOC, trash.

Do you ever watch AOC make like broccoli on Instagram?

No.

She goes live.

I see her watch this shit.

What?

Yeah, you see her tits.

Her tits come out.

There should be a law law saying we have to be able to see her tits.

If she wants to be fucking Miss Lady Congress or whatever,

have a boyfriend.

Yeah, I know.

If she wants a boyfriend, then we should see her tits.

Damn.

I know.

Her boyfriend looks like such a loser.

Yeah, he's a gingerbread.

That guy fucking rules.

Yeah.

He's just like, yep.

You know.

Hit the jack button.

I know.

You fucking stick around long enough.

I knew this bitch would pay the rent.

Right.

One day or another.

I got to listen to her.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But seriously, congratulations to him, and thanks for listening to the show.

Yeah, congratulations, him.

Yeah.

Thanks for sticking up for Adam.

Thanks for sticking up for me.

In the White House, when things get

when Trump starts going off on Adam.

He's the worst one on the show.

He doesn't contribute anything, and

when he tries to,

it ruins the energy.

He never listens.

He looks at his phone too much.

He's always looking at his phone, and then he adds something, and it's something that was already said a second ago.

And he considers that a contribution, and then he'll just derail the show after that.

I don't think that's fair, personally.

He also, he's.

That sucks.

The president said that about you.

The president did.

But I don't think he's a legitimate president.

This is what people have said to me.

I don't even listen to it.

I mean, sure, I'm listening to it right now.

It's in the Mueller report that Adam's good.

All right.

When the Mueller report just says that he complained about Adam on the show

every single day.

It's like, I don't get it.

Stop's a perfect compliment, a perfect sidekick.

I don't know what this Jews bring to the table.

I would love it if the president listened to our podcast.

I would love it, too.

Yeah, that would be awesome.

Yeah.

You know what I'm a huge fan of?

Is this show?

He stops watching Saturday Night Live and just listens to come.

I would agree if Trump listened to Chopo and he was really into it.

Oh, if he liked it?

Yeah.

You know, it's a guilty pleasure for me.

I find a lot of the humor is similar to my own.

Even if I don't agree with the politics, you listen to just a minute or two of it.

It seems like it's kind of like, these are my kind of guys.

Felix is a charismatic guy.

I can't deny it.

He might be a Jew, but he's funny.

But seriously, folks, we love to see it.

Trump's not an anti-Semite, though.

I think he's an anti-most things.

But, yeah.

No, you're just trying to take that one for yourself.

I don't think trying to include yourself.

I don't think he particularly likes the Jews.

He likes Israel.

But I don't think that's true.

Which the two are synonymous.

I don't think that those two things are synonymous.

I think he likes Israel because they kill Arab people.

Which is why Jews like Israel.

No, that's not.

Well, maybe.

Some of them.

Certainly no one you know or a friend of yours.

Imagine if Israel was like next to Scotland

and Gaza was just

they just threw Scottish people.

This fucking sucks.

Ben Shapiro looks like a snow.

Scottish are animals.

Yeah.

Scottish people don't exist.

There is no such thing as a Scottish person.

Next question.

My name is Brian, and I'm in fourth grade.

No, you're not in fourth grade.

You belong to the fourth grade.

There is a difference between the two.

Next question.

Ben Shapiro owns third-grader

facts and logic.

Can we have recess yet?

You can't have recess because you have not earned recess.

Recess is for boys and girls who work hard.

Working hard is something that I've done my entire life.

That doesn't change the fact that.

Next question.

Can I go to the bathroom?

Depends.

What gender are you?

Yeah, he rules.

Yeah.

Yeah,

he's great.

I call him Ben Shapupu.

Yeah, why is that?

Because I think all of his ideas are shit.

Yeah, same.

Nick, are there any of those guys, like the IDW guys that you kind of respect?

What's IDW?

The intellectual dark web.

Oh, I mean, I don't know who's included in that.

It's fucking like Peterson and Barry Weiss and Ben Shapiro.

Yeah, Peterson and Sam Harris.

Sam Harris.

No, none of them, really.

Yeah.

People say IDW.

That's an acronym.

Yeah.

They sure do.

Well, my question is: how are you going to call it the dark web when you ain't got no black people?

Right.

You know?

They have that sheriff.

Sheriff Clark.

Yeah, they have the sheriff.

Sheriff Clark.

Damn, my man erasing Sheriff Clark just because he got a dumbass hair on.

Because

his hair looking stupid.

The real intellectual.

My man out

The real intellectual dork webb is you got Bernie Mac, Cedric the Entertainer, you got

fucking D.L.

Hughley,

and the fourth one.

It's weird that his name is Gay Sax Hugley.

Stephen Harvey.

Gay Sax Hugh.

L T L.

Yeah, oh, D.

L.

Hughie.

Yeah, he's on the down.

Down low.

Downlo Hughley.

Oh, wow.

You know why they call me that?

Because I'm gay.

You know why they'd be calling me that?

It's because I'm a gay-ass man.

Once you understand these things.

Yeah.

I was trying to think of gay, red, dead characters the other day, but only got two.

Like, Arthur could be like, I'm gay, boy.

And then Dutch, you have, I blew a man, Arthur.

Oh, yeah.

Instead of, I have a plan.

But I couldn't think of a third one, and you need three to tweet it.

The old guy.

What's that?

Hosea?

Hosea.

Yeah, whoa.

he's like, back in my day, we used to fuck man for horses.

Now, listen, Dutch.

I can't remember a single line of dialogue from the game.

Yeah, there's only, but there's not that much.

It's just, yeah, people are no dialogue.

You're a pretty good guy, Arthur.

He's like, no, I'm a fucking faggot.

If you really don't know what you're doing, I'm just a fucking gay ass faggot.

Nothing good about me.

I'm just a piece of shit faggot.

If you guys knew the thoughts that I have going on in my head,

you you wouldn't respect me.

Yeah, I should finish that game.

I also got to go buy a shirt today.

Yeah, I know.

I got to go to Gap

and get, you know, because I have one nice plain white shirt from Gap that I've had for like probably seven years.

And then the rest of my shirts are all just shit.

You know, it's just like dumb novelty shirts.

Yeah, yeah.

What about J-Crew?

Well, you know what?

I was thinking it's like...

You know, I don't want to be one of those guys that, because I am 30.

Yeah.

And then, you know, when you're like 27 and you dress like a retard, and you see the guys that are like 42 that still dress like retards, you're like, what are you doing?

Uh-huh.

It's like at a certain point, I just, I'm not allowed to dress like a retard.

Should we start wearing suits to record the podcast?

Yeah, big ass.

Treat this like a fucking job, you know?

Yeah.

Not too good.

You gotta take this shit seriously, finally.

Go to those stores that have suits for like $60 that people wear.

Joseph Banks.

Joss A.

Banks.

Yeah.

It's like you buy one suit, you get 17 suits for free.

Have you you ever been there?

Yeah, I've been there once.

I got my suit for my suit.

You're going to like to suck my dick.

I guarantee you that.

Wait, that guy, I thought that guy died.

No, he shot Trayvon Martin.

No, but he disappeared.

That was a smart business movie.

Wow.

Yeah.

I didn't realize.

I thought he died, but he's alive, but he just faded into the background after Trayvon Martin gets shot.

Yeah, yeah, because they're like, well, your name's ruined.

George Zimmer.

Well, you can't be on this room.

There's so many Jewish lawyers that

just lay low for a little bit.

Dr.

Zimmer.

Yes, I'm Dr.

George Zimmerman.

Yeah, it would be hilarious if fucking Michael Brown was killed by a man named Officer Papa John.

Papa John's like, what do you mean I can't be in the commercials anymore?

It's my damn company.

You're going to like to eat your pizza, I guarantee you.

Head of pediatrics, George, George Zimmerman.

Yeah, I was watching some like body positive thing.

I forget what it was a commercial for, but it's like four extremely fat women almost completely naked, and they're you know at a retreat together getting mad at the anonymous people that left comments on their profile.

You know, it's like, yeah, and you know, I don't know, but it's like it's it was for a company, and like it like people at large are too stupid to see that or read that as simply as they should.

Right.

And,

like, I'm just waiting for, and it's going to happen.

There's going to be like a McDonald's commercial.

This is morbidly obese women.

And it's like, McDonald's, we made you beautiful.

Because we've cared about you the entire time.

And, yeah, it's just some fat bitch with nine.

McShaunberger.

You're welcome.

Yeah, right.

Just fucking

Grimace with fucking eyeliner.

Grim is body positive.

Yeah, yeah.

Grim is wearing Grimm is in the bikini.

Yeah, I was going to be.

Just showing off her stretch marks all over the place.

I don't have to just fuck black eyes anymore.

Now everyone, everyone has to call me beautiful.

And not just a man with three gold teeth.

McDonald's, get your big ass in.

Get your big ass some some cheeseburgers.

We hope that you're beautiful.

It's McDonald's.

It's McDonald's.

You're going to like the way you look.

Yeah.

Right.

Oh, damn.

That's great.

That'd be so funny.

McDonald's body positivity.

It's body's positivity month.

For real.

Mario, you've been beautiful this whole time.

That is going to happen.

It will happen.

In the next five years.

Yeah.

For sure.

Once again, Nick is always right about it, everybody.

You know what?

Now that I think about it, that's true.

You're absolutely right about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nick, maybe you need some smarter people to hang out with.

Yeah.

You know, you're a very bright guy.

Maybe you need to join Mensa or something.

That'd be cool.

Yeah.

Just a room full of guys doing tinted fingers.

Yeah.

Like Damon from Shark Tank.

Just everyone pondering existence in the universe.

Yeah.

Well.

What is Mensa?

Do people actually join Mensa or is that just a joke?

No, I think so.

That's so pathetic.

It's for high IQ Ashkenazi Jews.

Yeah, yeah.

No,

I think it's for people that do Rubik's cubes fast.

Speed cubes.

Speed cubers, yeah.

I think that's how you get it.

I don't know.

I think that shit's kind of cool, actually.

Yeah.

Will Smith can do it.

Yeah.

Well, it's just an episode of The Fresh Prince.

It's just memorizing, like,

you know.

Like, you look at the cube and then there's a certain way that you got to turn.

It's just memorizing shit.

Right.

Yeah, it's an algorithm or whatever this.

Yeah, great.

All right, folks, we got funny moms on Monday.

Oh, we're done here?

No, we're not done.

I just want to let them know.

Oh, you're letting them know.

Yeah, so we got

not this upcoming Monday, but the 13th is the next Funny Moms.

And then we're moving to every Monday except the first Monday of the month.

So the 13th, 20th, and 27th.

And come on, everybody.

We got Funny Moms.

We got a lot of funny laughs.

A lot of funny...

funny women.

And if the bartender there is mean to you, just give her another chance.

She's a little rough around the edges.

She's nice.

She's cool.

She's our buddy.

Take care of her if you're at a show.

Yeah.

Don't forget to tip.

I will no longer be attending the live shows.

Why not?

Nice.

I don't know.

I don't feel like it.

Yeah, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

I'm not doing anything.

I'm gaming.

Come on, Nick.

You've got to do it, man.

No.

I'm going to get into the jigsaw puzzles.

I don't care.

Yeah, fuck these people.

Honestly.

No, you know what, man?

I've been back in the gym.

I've been playing video games.

I don't fucking, I don't want to do shit else.

You're looking tired.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm tired, dude.

I'm tired from playing video games.

I don't have time for this shit.

I got fucking...

I got a, you know, there's a new Gran Turismo fucking update.

Yeah.

They added a

Supra League or something.

What is the racing, funny car racing?

What is that?

They're like drag cars that

why is it called funny car because i think like the the there's like no part of the the shell of the car is like stock i don't know i don't know why they're called funny cars but it's drag racing where it's like some

carbon fake shell on the top of they don't have doors no the whole front of the car like the whole shell lifts off oh you just you have to lift the whole thing up yeah i don't know what yeah i i don't really know much about fucking drag racing or

because they do, there's all sorts of like weird motorsports, like there's like mud pulling or whatever.

You see that?

There's like mud, yeah, no.

Do you need a new hobby, though?

Me, yeah, no, why?

I don't know.

Um, Darvaza crater is the crater that I was talking about earlier.

Yeah, yeah, that's what that's what a funny car does.

The whole fucking thing, the whole thing comes up, yeah.

That is pretty funny, yeah.

Now that now that I see it, I get it, dude.

It's pretty funny, Mike.

You got any plugs you want to

just throw?

My podcast, The Sit-Down, comes out every week.

I definitely want to check that out.

Yeah, it's fun.

We talk about crime stuff,

all kinds of organized crime.

I call that podcast Matt and the other guy, the other fellow.

Oh, you do?

Yeah.

Why?

Because it's Matt, and then I'm like, oh, yeah, Racine kind of does that.

Racine's on that one, too.

Right, right.

Oh, wow.

I totally forgot.

Racine was on Matt's podcast.

Who's Matt?

Matt's the Adam of his podcast.

Oh.

Yeah.

But I think probably worse.

Adam's a

funny stand-up, though.

We did some shows in the Midwest.

He did really, you know.

Yeah.

He's like a funny guy.

I don't know why.

Thank you.

I don't know why I'm so bad at this job, but no, it is.

I'm so bad at this job.

But I got to say also, publicly, if we're sucking each other's dicks, Racine, one of the best to do it.

One of the best in New York City.

That's not true.

If you see him coming to your town, you got to buy tickets and go see him.

I'm a hack.

Yeah, we we got to set up some more dates.

We got to set up some more dates.

Racine and I are going to be.

Where do you want us to come?

Shoot us a little message or something.

I think we're looking at a little southern run and then maybe a little Pacific Northwest run.

If you guys want Racine and I to come to your town co-headlining, we had a lot of fun time in Wisconsin or Chicago.

We'll do it again.

We cheated on Deb and we cheated on both of our girlfriends because we got the Hoo-er to come and just masturbate.

And we did not touch her.

Yeah.

So technically, I think in their their book, it's cheating in our book.

In their book, yeah.

It was a nice night.

But they can't even read.

We compensated her for her time.

They can't even read.

We compensated the Hoover for her time.

And what do you guys do on the road?

What?

I go to like the whaling museum.

No, Racine and I hire prostitutes to masturbate in front of us.

I'll try out like a kebab place somebody told me about and then that's it.

We're not doing anything else.

If there's a novelty museum, I'll go to it.

I went to a strip club in Minneapolis because you didn't stick around.

But but last night I went.

The worst part about Australia is that there was like no time to fucking do anything.

Yeah.

I saw this Sydney Opera House for like two seconds.

Yeah, me and Nick walked down there.

It's a hell of a building, I gotta say.

Yeah, very cool.

Nice.

It looks like the future.

Stop doesn't really like doing stuff.

Right.

No, he likes having a good meal.

Yeah.

That was the only thing he wanted to do in Japan was go to that steakhouse that cost $1,000.

It did.

Our meal was like $1,000.

Did it really?

Yeah.

It was obscenely expensive.

But it was really good.

Yeah.

I will say that.

I hit up a guy in Huntsville, Alabama, but

Huntsville.

That's what we call it.

Right, right, right, right.

That's what I said.

I don't know if I'm a big Huntsville draw.

Are you a Huntsville draw?

No, I don't know.

You got a big audience down there?

Maybe we got some Huntsville hoods.

They're on the show.

Hit us up.

Let us know.

You should do that room in Hattiesburg.

Okay.

Have you ever done that show?

No.

It's great.

Okay.

You wouldn't think that Hattiesburg, Mississippi would have a fucking great comedy show, but they do.

Okay.

I don't know the name of it.

Yeah.

I can't recall the name of it.

It's so hard to string dates together.

Yeah.

I really wish someone else would do it for us.

Yeah.

I'll do it.

Well, these are all things we can discuss after the show.

At other points in our lives.

Yeah.

All right.

Should I get into soap operas?

Soap operas?

Yeah.

Why?

I don't know.

What about soapbox?

We'll find you, sir.

I don't know.

Soapbox, what, racers?

Yeah.

What's all these drag racing questions you got?

I got trying to get into drag racing.

I'm looking at buying a car,

and so I'm getting interested in automotive.

You should get an old Nova.

I'm going to get

a little bit of a wagon.

Yeah.

So I can have enough space for, you know, the kids, take them, take them to practice.

You know, there's not 24 hours in a day, it's not enough time for me.

I want to get one of those, like, you know how, like, the in drag racing, they'll have the the parachute on the back of the car to slow it down, but just just use that at every intersection, like a Toyota Corolla.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

I just got really in the zone.

I can't let myself go too fast.

Oh, we didn't talk about the Sonic movie that's coming out.

Oh, I didn't watch the trailer.

Everyone's mad about it.

Yeah, because Sonic, everyone laughed at Chris Jan for complaining about Sonic's appearance changing, and now everyone in the world has turned into unironic

Chris Jan complaining about Sonic's appearance.

Like, it fucking matters.

Yeah.

Pussies.

Like, he looks so weird.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's a cartoon.

You know what also looks weird?

The fucking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Yeah.

That looked weird.

Nobody fucking cares.

Well, they have a new one coming out where

they look pretty different.

And Raphael.

And the Turtles?

Yeah.

And they changed.

I remember Mike Lawrence getting mad about.

I know, I know, I know.

Sean, that's not what you're supposed to look like.

It's like, Mike, who are you talking to?

Yeah.

Who is the audience for these complaints?

Yeah.

There's a lot of people.

There's a lot of people who are an audience of his comedy.

He's not a bad comedian.

No.

He made a comment about Bernie that kind of bothered me.

I mean,

I've been off Facebook for almost five years now.

So, I mean, I haven't had any exposure to him.

Yeah, yeah.

But I remember I would see him and he would post on Facebook.

He'd be like,

it's an absolute travesty that the new Batman doesn't deal with themes of, you know, it's like, right.

Like, who is this for?

There are a lot of adults that care about that shit now.

He came to my house for Christmas in 2008, and then my mom was like, I'm going to send him a care package because he's just so poor.

So she got him a box with like

toothpaste and shampoo and soap and stuff.

And I gave it to him.

And he's like, he goes, oh, tell your mom thanks.

Like, how about you tell her thanks?

Yeah, that's fucking.

Now you can wash your hair.

He can write a fucking email.

Yeah.

Or like send a card.

Fuck you, Mike Lawrence, and don't talk shit about Bernie Sanders.

Exactly.

You're in a public form.

We love him.

All right.

So I think that's the show.

Thank you, Mike, for coming on.

Thanks for having me, guys.

Prayers up for Sav.

Yeah.

Love you.

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