Ep. 145 – Cum Town with Gene DiNapoli (adam did the levels)

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And we're live.

We're going, baby.

Welcome.

Live from Yonkers, New York.

We are.

Guys, we are live.

We're going.

It's all right.

It doesn't matter.

Yeah, it's fine.

The show sucks.

That's kind of the whole thing about it.

Right.

You guys went live and it was the most hectic it's been the whole time we've been

there's an issue with the uh

maybe the

the batteries will die halfway through the uh

what's that we got the the sounds of Ray Stremmer coming here.

It's Phoenix Wolf's favorite song.

He's 14 months old.

That's your offspring.

Yeah,

if he cries in the car and we play Power Glide, then he stops crying.

That's so cool.

Ray Strammer.

That's right.

That's cool.

What are the themes of Power Glide?

I think he's driving in the Lambo, skidding around, and green paint from the rims is coming off of it because he's going so fast.

So that pretty much defines what Bam's got going on in his life right now.

I can relate, only it's not green, it's purple and blue.

You got a purple and a blue Lambo?

A blue Mercy Lago and a purple El Giardo.

But the Mercy Lago is convertible, and Pennsylvania has two unpredictable rain.

So I traded him for a Bentley, which is in San Francisco now with three bullet holes in it.

What happened?

You got shot at it?

Hell yeah, dude.

I went to the hospital.

That's how bullet holes usually get in San Francisco.

I go to a skate park, and somebody was like, I wouldn't park a Bentley at Hunter's Point.

I was like, What's the worst that could happen?

Well, worst could happen if three bullet holes in it.

Those were just warning shocks.

I wasn't in the car, I was skating, I came back, and it was like that.

I love that because that's the kind of crime where you're just like, I don't want the car, I just want this to destroy it for now.

Well, I realized I wasn't very mad because I was like, you know what?

More people are staring at this car than before.

Just because they're like, Why does this Bentley have bullet holes in it?

What does this guy do?

Yeah, he must be a drug dealer of some kind.

It does make you seem cooler, more like a radio street transporter kind of way.

Yeah.

I've never had anything with a.

Have you ever been shot at at any point in your life?

Yeah.

No.

No.

I don't think I have.

I got shot by the rubber bullets on the riot control test on Jackass.

That's it.

Oh, yeah.

And I stood in the worst possible place because Knoxville got it seven times, Dunn got it eight, and I got it 14.

Yeah, but didn't you not know where it was going to go?

It was like a bunch of people.

Yeah, it all went shooting everywhere.

And the most painful one was the one by

my dick hang area.

And then the other one was right there on the thumb.

Is that what it's called?

It's so fucking bad.

Dick hang area.

Do the cops aim at your dick?

Are they trained to do that?

No, this was a bomb that just goes off randomly, all these little marble pellets.

It's designed to aim for your dick area.

It's a dick-seeking bomb.

I'm not aware about the dickhang bullets.

I mean, I don't know what they're trained.

Yeah, that was.

I mean, I guess that is still not.

And the stun gun, the 40 stun guns in the hallway suck, too.

Yeah, that's brutal.

What's the worst you ever fucked up your penis?

Actually, with my first girlfriend, Michelle Morrison,

we were fucking.

What's her middle name?

What's her middle name?

Just so we can.

What's her zip code?

I think it's Ann.

Yeah, we were fucking.

I fucked there.

And somehow I kind of lost balance and fell, and my boner landed on the rug dead on, head-on, and it it didn't have any which way to bend except directly up.

So, like, I really thought I focused my dick.

So it was never on the show.

You focused on the spots.

I'm not filming fucking to go put on MTV.

You gotta know.

There was fucking dick up.

No, I'll say rack my nuts on a 14-stair handrail trying to nolly lip slide in San Diego.

That one sucked.

I had to go jerk off and around the corner to see if things still work.

In the writer's room for jackass, how many times do people pitch like gay sex?

Well,

the thing is,

that's why we have to.

I feel like, hey, we can go back to that.

There's no exceptional theme.

We have a big gay following because it's much more funny to do stupid shit in a thong or naked or whatever.

That's why, like, Steve-O, if he does like a pole vault jump into the pool, it's funnier to do it with a thong on.

If Party Boy's going to dance, it's funnier to do it with a silver thong on.

100%.

You know what I mean?

You flew a kite out of your butt.

That was insane, man.

Oh, I flew a kite out of my ass.

Yeah, and you'll be kite.

It was big, dude.

it was pretty massive.

And the wind ripped it out.

The dildo that just got shot up basically into your ass, right?

Well, the thing was, that is gay.

When we did the first jackass,

Steve-O said his dad would disown him if he shoved a toy car up his ass and went to the hospital, claiming that he was at a frat party and he doesn't feel good.

You know, so like, obviously, they're like, because you were having weird sex last night, somebody shoved a car up your ass.

So Dunn did it.

I was like, this is way too gay.

Like, he's going to be known known as the gay dude on jacket.

He got the ending of the movie.

The ending of the movie means you did the best fucking skit.

Right, of course.

And everybody talks about it.

I'm like, fuck, I should have done that.

Because when they

got to the end of the day, I did Angel B.

With the wheels and everything.

So the other doctor was like, you couldn't have ate this.

This had to have been.

You're only gay if you paid for it.

Yeah, I guess.

Oh, interesting.

That's the line between gay and straight.

It's not

gay if you have a glove on.

It's paying someone.

Come on, you have a glove on.

Yeah, that's good to know because I've been having sex with men for free for years.

I could fit my dick through your no-tooth.

Yeah, you honestly could.

You want to, hey, reboot?

What do you think?

We'll do toothless facebook.

Stavros, you kind of have the look of like a fat skater that keeps falling on the front of his face.

Oh, yeah.

I could never, I couldn't skate.

I could ollie, maybe.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Dude, I haven't.

You can't, yeah.

Can you ollie before or after your pedophile sunglasses?

I guess

how was the lovely bones shooting that movie?

How was it shooting?

It was good.

Stanley Tucci's a sweetheart.

Oh, no,

do you guys want to introduce yourselves?

Bam.

Bam Rzer from that Jackpot movie.

Yeah.

You everybody knows Bam.

We got

somebody also here who's on tour with Bam right now.

They're promoting their shows at West Company.

Oh, yeah, we should say that.

Westside Committee.

The Comedy Club in New York on Thursday night.

What's the date?

It's tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night.

Tomorrow.

This episode is going up tonight on Wednesday, so it's tomorrow night.

Yeah, we got two showtimes.

Sell a bunch of tickets.

We're trying to get invited to the barbecue Castle Bam.

Yeah, and I'm showing them.

I'm showing or

if they want to show up.

How much are the tickets at the door?

They're $50.

There you go.

Get in there.

Come out, see Bam,

meet him.

Beejou.

No, that's tonight in Connecticut.

This is going to be up there.

It'll go up in a couple of hours or so.

We'll get this up this afternoon.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

So we're going to have a Connecticut.

We're going to have to go to theater in Connecticut tonight in Bridgeport.

Go to nomadscomedyclub.com for tickets.

Tomorrow night, we got two showtimes, Westside Comedy Club for tickets.

Thank you guys for the plug.

Oh, yeah, no problem.

We're glad you listen.

We can do this.

Also, I'm having a big event April 1st at my house.

This is the biggest call of April.

CastleBamEvents.com.

We're having Yellow Wolf play.

It's a huge part of the skate park grand opening and movie premiere of the movie I've been working on for nearly a decade.

Well, we got with Skater Players.

We have some proposals for you for some events, but we could talk about that afterwards.

We're going to

crack it.

Yeah, yeah.

No, we're trying to plan plan Cum Fest right now, which is our

off-season.

Yeah,

we're planning on winter, like February, like a cold February in Ocean City, Maryland.

But obviously, Castle Bam, you know, if that is available, we obviously be.

Yeah, and we have a hot tub there that everybody, all the workers have been pissing on.

And so by the time April 1st happens, it's going to be completely freaking out.

On April 1st, if people go into the piss hot tub, if somebody shits in that summer bitch, I ain't going to be mad.

Elazar is going to shit in the tub.

He already said he's going to be.

That's great.

And he's going to step in his own shit, too.

That's how you get into the party for free, basically.

It's nice to have goals, Elazar.

I'm glad that you're thinking about your future.

I bet you could shit on command at 8.28 p.m.

I honestly 100% could.

At 8.28 p.m., because that's when I want anybody there

who has to shit, shit in the fucking hot tub all at the same time.

Yeah,

just leave April 1st open.

Come to Pennsylvania, man.

Is that a specific, is that like a special time in your life, 8.28 p.m.?

Yeah, because it's right when Novak arrives.

Oh, yeah.

Are you beefing with Novak right now?

Big time.

Because I

paid for his entire life

since he was 14 years old.

He's super here.

Every goddamn drink, every flight, every hamburger, every hot dog, every slice of pizza, every fucking car ride, everything I have paid for.

And now that he's buying himself a half a million dollar house in Philadelphia with these dumb Namibian giraffe lamps, I think it's time he can start paying me back

because he could afford it now.

Yeah, so start fucking paying me back, or else Karma Police is going to get you.

Yeah, so we want us to fuck him up.

Do you want us to fuck him up?

Because we will, dude.

Fuck him up, Sam, man.

Fuck him up.

Dude, yeah, we swear allegiance.

We offer you our sword.

Well, the thing is, if you beat up Novak, he always wins because he doesn't fight back.

He just laughs at you and says, my grandmom could punch harder as his teeth are all bloody.

I've seen him with bloody teeth.

This guy's pounding him in.

He's like, That's all you got, pussy.

My grandmother could do better.

He's like, You motherfucker.

And he's like punching the shit out of his face.

I was just saying, That's all you got.

Yeah, I said nobody could kick that guy's ass.

He'll never stop.

Like crackhead strength.

Bam, bam.

I win.

Bam,

when was the first time you punched your dad?

Yeah, this is big.

Well, because

I also wish I could have the guts, the courage.

Well, I always have.

I guess since fucking four years old, three years old, I don't know.

But the older I got and the fatter he got, the more I was tougher and he was slower and fatter.

Yeah.

Are you guys, are you still slapping him in his big old?

No, no, he's too old now.

He's too old.

Was there a medical reason?

Did the doctor have to intervene?

You can't slap your hands.

Well, he can barely walk now, mostly because of his weight, but I tackled him when we were playing like a football game.

He landed on his knees so bad that it fucked it up for good.

Really?

You fucked him up on a tackle?

On a tackle, yeah.

He landed on his knee.

Justice for Phil, man.

You literally retired your dad out of the NFL.

It's a knee, blown-out knee.

My son did.

Are you scared that your son will have the same taste for paternal violence?

I'm hoping.

Can't wait.

Where do I sign up?

I can't wait for you to get

his ass, young man.

Does he want to say something?

Oh, yeah, there's a baby.

Phoenix, say something.

He's got a baby.

Come on, dude.

Make your podcast debut.

He brought him on stage last night and he goes, Phoenix, say something.

The baby's just like,

is he verbal yet?

He talks.

He says ata and adat and wisha.

As long as we're

hanging on.

He says the n-word.

He knows what.

His first word was the n-word, actually.

Yeah.

Man.

And it was to a Mexican guy.

That was the weirdest thing.

Oh, he's so cute.

He is.

We should just have babies on the show.

Dude, we should have our own babies with our wives.

Should we have babies?

And then make them fight each other.

That's good.

Baby fight clubs.

Or just grow them up through the podcast and

show their progression as humans from babies all the way to toddlers.

I think that's a bad idea.

Should we do come down babies like Muppet babies?

Or if we just have cum and babies in the same sentence.

Stavros,

can we talk about babies and cum at the same time?

Oh, we easy.

We easy could.

Why don't you come down to Castle Bam event on April 1st and shit in that summer, bitch?

I'll shit in it.

You should.

The jacuzzi?

You and Elazar just like.

Me and Elazar, yeah, we'll hold hands on the shit.

Well, it's a team event.

Your buddy has to be in the piss tub as you shit in it, so it's a teamwork event.

Sounds good.

So you need to find somebody else.

But you have to shit at 8:28 p.m.

Demoting Elazar to just sitting in the fucking tub.

This is just what I think trans people are doing in the bathroom.

Shitting on each other.

Make laws against it.

The other day, this is what I heard in the bathroom.

I go in,

yo, Tyro.

What?

You taking a shit, dog?

Yeah.

I.

Man.

Wow,

we're like a real talk show.

We're getting

a little anecdotes.

Yeah.

I love it, dude.

You guys actually need to backtrack.

You're like, this is getting way too organized.

Yeah, I know.

We need a band guy that we can

to laugh at all.

Yeah, we haven't really had a talking point in weeks.

There was a story about an orangutan that got dressed up in lady, it was like a prostitute orangutan in Indonesia.

Yeah, yeah, a bunch of Indonesian kids.

I found out that story was from 2003.

It's pretty good.

It's a good story, yeah.

I guess really old.

So you guys aren't like informing your readers on updated shit.

No, I didn't look at the date on the article.

No, but it is funny to think about a monkey prostitute, though.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Especially one where, like, yeah, why would they need money?

For anything.

For bananas, dude.

Well, the owner, the person that enslaved you.

I like the idea that the monkey's buying bananas and and shit with it.

Like the monkey has an addiction.

No, it makes perfect sense.

It would be, honestly, if you had a whole system of nothing but orangutan prostitutes as a business, that would make way more sense.

Absolutely.

Supply and demand, there's nothing else.

They have no line.

They have nothing else, but yeah, you don't, it's way lower overhead.

They have to pay for

lawyers for long.

Depends on the upkeep on orangutans.

Did you say orangutans?

Yeah, an orangutan.

So that's like a bigger.

No, they're small.

You've got to shave them every day.

You do have to shave the monkeys.

Why do you have to shave them every day?

So they'll stay fucked up.

So it looks like a woman.

Yeah.

Yeah, come on, Vinny.

Try and keep up, man.

What the fuck?

What the fuck, man?

You want to fuck a hairy

hair?

Use your fucking imaginary.

You can fuck their ass pussy butter.

Thank you, Bam.

Thank you, Bam.

Can you imagine walking into the fucking

just the whorehouse with an ape in it?

Yeah.

And you go in the room and it's not shaved, and you're like, this is disgusting.

This is unbelievable.

Can you

review it?

This is unreasonable.

It's one thing.

This monkey had hair on it.

Have you heard about the frumping going on in Copenhagen?

What's frumping?

There's an article out that they started writing tickets for frumpers.

In the summertime, all these girls are always on their bicycles riding around with their skirts on.

So if they pull over to go in there, like, you know, Copenhagen 7-Eleven, whatever it's called, they park their bike and then a frumper will want to run around the corner and huff their seat.

So many people were doing it, smelling the pussies in these seats.

They called Frumping, and they could write you a ticket for it.

That's how Saab's parents met.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, Frumping her seat, and then she was like, Yo, what are you doing?

And then, you know, and then we hit it off from there.

Absolutely.

So that's cool because those guys at Copenhagen are like, dude, let's go to Minnesota where there's totally legal to frump.

We could just sniff girls' bike seats all day, and nobody's like, Frumping sounds worse than just smelling pussies in the side bike.

So remember what I said, had to discuss that.

Yeah, that would sound gross.

Pussy huffing.

I would call it pussy huffing, personally.

Trumpers named themselves.

In Japan, they have vending machines where you could buy used

panties so you could sniff them and jackwind.

We were just there in a sequence.

We were just there.

We were just there.

How many did you order after the vending machine?

It's weird because there's like tidbits about Japan that people hear, and they're like, they hone in on the panty vending machine.

But the entire country is dedicated to rape, anyways.

So the panty vending machines kind of fall by the wayside when you get there.

It's like, oh, it's there.

Right, exactly.

There's like an ambassador of rape on everything.

Yeah, when you go to Disney and see the teacups, you're just like, this has been here.

Yeah, exactly.

I really like it when the girls are in pain from fucking in a weird way.

I think it's a fancy.

What do you think, baby?

You have a little bit of a baby.

Yeah, we're just a baby.

Let's weigh in.

How do you feel about Japanese rape?

So cute.

He's foreign.

It's probably.

It's like when you play classical music to a baby, he's like better at math.

Yeah, he's like,

you got to get your baby out of here, man.

He's going to be like 22.

He'll be 22, and he's like, why am I in jail?

In 20 years, it might be a sport guy.

It's like, we might be preparing him for something that could be an Olympic event in 25 years.

The way this world's going.

Damn.

Yeah.

You guys, no kids between any of three, huh?

That's it?

No, no, absolutely not.

I don't have teeth.

Yeah, and then we're good.

Yeah, to get me and this guy.

And most of our sex involves just me spotting him at the gym and

him cursing him.

Maybe a fucking bag of lotion in between these couch seats.

Exactly.

You chalk his asshole to make it more painful.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cutting a watermelon in half, letting it sit in the sun so you can cup it like an ass and fucking.

You see that show on Netflix where the guy gets his pillow pregnant and the pillow just talks to him.

Oh, big mouth or something.

Big mouth.

Yeah, yeah.

That show's funny.

Was that the cartoon?

All the cartoons look like me in that show.

It's like what you said, the sex advice.

I picture your pillow, like, where have you been all night?

Yeah, that's that was, that's, yeah, that's a show for me.

Well, I'll tell you what, guys, we have a big surprise.

Oh, our returning friend, Mac Weldon, Underwear.

Oh, look who the fuck came back.

Yeah, came crawling back.

Crawling back, you motherfuckers.

I thought they were too good to fucking sponsor our podcast.

Well, guess what?

Long bitch.

Welcome back.

Welcome back.

Their stock price plummeted.

The three months they didn't advertise,

they almost went out of business.

Mac Weldon is an underwear company that's Vinny.

I'll just fill you in.

Yeah, just split me in the ass.

Yeah, guys.

Do you wear underwear yourself?

Yes, I do.

Well, I have some on now.

If it's not Mac Weldon, take them off,

shove them up your ass.

They're no good.

Shit them out.

Unless they're Mac Weldon.

You're shooting your stomach muscles so rapidly that it sucks your underwear.

You start to recycle it with my old underwear extra.

Yeah, yeah.

Bam, take yours off, put them in his too.

All right,

underwear

underwear.

Showing and putting his ass on me, Bam.

Do you remember?

Bam got Nate and just put his ass on my face.

I'm like, all right, I'm in now, I guess.

You're in the crib.

I tossed his salad last night, pretty much.

Damn.

My girl liked it a little too much.

She's like, can Bam come over tonight?

We can do that again.

Do you ever think he'd be just kidding?

Yeah, when you're the young boy, and you're like, I can't wait to do comedy.

You've been meaning your heroes.

That's going Guys, I'm doing a show with Bam on Tuesday.

His ass is going to be in my face.

Everyone in the audience thinking, that must be the luckiest guy in the world.

Dude, there were guys waiting for the face.

They're like, dude, is Bam going to do that in the VIP meeting?

Is he just going to put his ass there and we can shove our faces in it?

Well, I bet if Bam was wearing Mac Weldon underwear, his ass would have smelled a lot better.

He smelled a lot better because it's natural ions.

It's naturally anti-micron.

Quit talking about it and be about it.

Let me get a pair.

Oh, we'll get you a pair.

Yeah, we'll get it.

You can just go to MacWeldon.com and use promo code TeamTown to get 20% off.

They actually changed the promo code, so I'll have to update that with them later.

Okay.

But yeah,

they sell underwear, crew necks, and shit.

Fucking shit.

A whole bunch of shit.

All guys' stuff, you know?

Stuff for the figures.

Big sizes.

I'm a big dude.

I'm a big fan of the biggest.

They got big sizes.

Oh, yeah, they got it for big boys.

Yes.

Premium, fabrics, simple shopping.

It's very easy to use.

I love that shit.

Check it out, man.

I think

we use a new brand of underwear.

MacWeldon.com.

But what's most important is that they're

anti-microbial.

Naturally antimicrobial.

Yeah, micro-modality.

Something like that.

Antimicrobial silver ions.

Yeah, yeah, they got silver ions and shit.

They got silver in there.

Yeah, some shit.

Normally, I think a chemical that can fuck you up, but not anymore.

With Mac Weldon underwear, it's good for you.

Yep.

You guys backtracked to not having me want it.

I was like, oh, Nordic.

No, you do want it, right?

Vinny, shut up.

You want it, don't you, Benny?

Vinny, this is why you're at the asses shoved in your face level so much.

I'm cutting Vinny's mic.

And

not kings of underwear.

No, I will go buy a hundred.

There he is.

No, truly, we are glad to have Mac, Mac Weldon, back in the family.

So check him out: Smart Designs, Premium Fabric, Simple Shopping, MacWeldon.com, promo code ComeTown for 20% off.

That's right.

I will update the promo code once they email me back because they post-production.

I don't think that they want come

in the promo code.

Okay.

Yeah.

So try a bunch of stuff.

Come town, town.

Tried, yeah.

Try new

podcasts.

Just try different promo codes.

Until you get something that works.

Try to guess your friend's password on his laptop.

Yes.

You're going to have to brute force the website to figure out the correct promo code.

Mac weld.

Anyways,

and here we are back

doing the show.

Back to talking.

Back to talking, which we were already doing.

Discussing

y'all personally.

Yeah, that we enjoy.

Yep.

Specifically, enjoy very much.

Oh, 100%.

Hold one second.

Sorry.

What's that?

That's one of our classic things.

That's good for you.

Bam like that.

Bam's laughed at that.

That's the first thing Bams laughed at.

Hard pink eye for the shoes.

You should just give yourself pink eyes.

That's what the glasses are for, to block the the pink eyes.

I can see fine.

It's just a protective layer against all the shit particles on this microphone.

I had to suck a fart out of my buddy Hannah's ass once for a scavenger hunt.

That wasn't even for the show.

That was just.

Oh, real quick.

MacWeldon.

If you don't like him.

Oh, that's right.

That's what we almost forgot.

So get this.

Back to the read.

You get the fucking MacWaldon underwear.

If you don't like it, you call him up.

They'll refund you.

The whole thing.

You keep him.

You keep the underwear.

Right after his fart.

You're like shit.

That jogged his memory.

Chucking the shit, Chris is his leaky ass.

I do have a leaky ass.

And the thing is, they're short-stocked on the big underwear, so I might get some of your old ones that you get.

They sent back.

No, you don't send them back.

You have to keep the underwear.

And they send you your money.

They give you your money back, and you get to keep it underwear.

Can you believe it?

We're going to like them, though, because they're great.

So it's

not even an option.

You can get them, put them on, and then you call them up.

You're like, I immediately shit myself.

I want my money back.

And they'll refund you your money.

That might be the one clause that they're like, listen.

No, no, they won't.

Numerous times.

They won't.

Yep, that's great.

Anyway, so what's this party?

What's going to happen at the party beyond the

new bowl that we built?

It's like a one-of-a-kind bowl.

And skaters could, the more you pump it, the faster you could go.

And it's like perfect for like a skate contest or a jam.

So we're having a grand opening for that and then having yellow of play.

I got these big lights showing up with

Street Bike Tommy from Nitro Circus.

Travis Pastrana, they're showing up.

He's catering to the event because he has a barbecue called Looney Bin Barbecue.

Travis Pastrana's a barbecue guy.

No, no, Street Bike Tommy.

I was hoping he would have.

Which makes more sense.

Why isn't he barbecue?

Tommy Pastrami's.

Yeah, Tony Pastrami's.

He should have a pastrami.

Travis Pastrami.

Yeah, Pastrami should have barbecue, though.

Yeah, but I'm saying Travis Pastrana should have a pastrami business.

Yeah.

Called Travis Pastrami.

I think it's unbelievable that he hasn't opened it yet.

So I actually have it in the barbecue business, incorporated like some kind of barbecue perspective.

No, I think it's a totally separate thing.

You should have a restaurant that you ever heard of dung beetles?

Which is like shit food?

No, no, no.

They take these dung beetles from cow shit and they boil them and they've considered it a

delicacy over there.

Where's it?

In Burma.

And he's been more places than all of us.

He's like going to Jersey.

If you go to like

Bandar Seri, Bajwan or Burma.

Really?

Yeah, they're shit crazy.

I feel bad for

dung beetles.

They boil the dung beetles

that come from shit and then they eat them.

Interesting.

Because they don't know that they're playing with shit.

I think they know.

No, no, no.

I think they know.

The beetle doesn't know what it's doing.

It's just talking about it.

They're like, look at all these resources.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

But

they think it's oil.

Like, if you tried to get snake piss soup, it would be very expensive.

Really?

In Burma?

Snake piss soup.

Interesting.

Why would it be expensive?

Just because it's hard to get.

It's delicious.

It's delicious.

To To boil it.

Does it taste good?

Go capture a snake and try to make him piss into a goddamn cup.

I'm going to do it.

Now, what's the pussy o like over in Burma?

See, I don't know.

I don't fucks with it.

It's got blasts in it.

Interesting.

Well, I was wondering.

They got a military dictatorship over there, right?

I think they did, like,

what, 40 years ago?

No.

I don't remember.

That's where Pol Pot was, or was that Cambodia?

No, that's Cambodia.

Pol Pot.

Pol Pot.

Pol Pot was a dictator.

This guy was a family.

That's the singer.

Or that's the keyboarder from Turbo Negro.

Yeah, you're right.

No, they were comedy.

That was Pol Pot.

That was one fun thing we did about the show last night.

Bam knows the capital of any country in the world, so we were just shouting out to the fans.

Any country?

Yeah, so people were just shouting out weird countries, and he was saying them, and people were amazed.

And then one douche goes, Vermont, you know, and it just ruined the whole thing.

He's saying some pretty exotic countries, and Bam's just banging them out.

Then they tried to stump him with Vermont.

What's

Zaire?

Zaire.

It doesn't count.

Zaire is

a lot of any more.

Whoa.

Zaire.

What an interesting skill to have.

I would never have guessed you'd be.

This is why.

It's because it's kind of like if you relate it to music, like, all right, Back and Black.

Oh, ACDC.

Sweet Child of Mine.

Oh, Guns N' Roses.

Pour some sugar on me.

Oh, Def Leppard.

It's that, but only capitals.

So when you say, you know, Namibia, I say Windhoe.

It's just the same thing.

That's such a different skill.

Yeah, or like Ivory Ivory Coast, like

Abuja.

Okay, yeah.

So it was a fun part of the show because fans, like, it allowed the fans to get involved, just yell whatever the hell they wanted out.

You know, so it was fun.

All right, fuck.

The party, though, I mean, like, well, hold on, this is going to be the next 45 minutes.

It's like, okay, well, we'll try this out.

But then the real challenge is for me to think of the name of a country.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's go around the thing.

Very difficult.

I love it.

Everybody, name a country.

I hear it.

I got enough.

Scandinavia.

Well, Scandinavia, that's Norway, Oslo, and then that's Sweden, Stockholm, and then that's Finland.

And then this motherfucker is even more than 100.

And then Estonia, Tallinn, and then Latvia, Riga.

And Denmark.

Copenhagen.

Denmark.

My men.

Scandinavia is Denmark.

Copenhagen is Denmark.

Amsterdam is a city.

That's the Netherlands, yeah.

Bangkok.

South Africa is Pretoria or Johannesburg.

Central Stage.

Starting plugin.

Donkey.

Uzbekistan.

Tosh Kent.

Damn.

Damn.

Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Georgia.

Bolivia.

Tbesili.

Bolivia, La Paz.

And Sucre.

No?

There's two.

Well, there's two.

La Paz and Sucre.

Or Santa Cruz.

Turinam.

Paramibo.

Montana.

Damn.

Bam is the smartest guy I know.

Djibouti.

Djibouti is Djibouti.

You couldn't even say Ibuki.

You couldn't even say he's like, he's trying to think of shit and he just stumps himself trying to stump Bam.

What about is Antarctica a country?

No, well,

the only place.

Oh, we got him!

Yeah!

No, no, no, no, yeah, well, yeah,

oh, no, well, technically, no.

It's called Ross Ice Shelf.

There's no town in Antarctica.

It's called Ross.

One town, one Bamza.

Sorry, dog.

Seems like we got you.

That's the secret.

Find an uninhabitable place.

You don't know Anton's got nothing about it.

How about the fucking moon, asshole?

You figure that one out?

Damn.

Damn.

Fuck.

Let's do one more quick round.

This is fun.

Oh, fuck.

Albania.

Albania, Tyrain.

Fuck.

God damn.

I mean, it's like, also, I don't know.

So

above like Germany, you're like, I don't know.

Germany, Berlin.

Dubledorf from like

this guy's genius.

Kyrgyzstan.

Kyrgyzstan?

Yeah.

Almaty.

God.

Isn't that where Orat was from?

Where it was from?

No, that's Kazakhstan.

That's Astana.

Can you do the States?

You have to be able to do the States.

They're too easy.

Can you do all the presidents in order?

No.

Why don't you go on Jeopardy?

Because I would lose.

Because it would just be about geography then.

It's more about it's like if there was geography Jeopardy, then I would win.

There is geography Jeopardy.

Yeah, but then but then there would be the other shit that I don't know.

You would ask me who won the football game last year.

I'd say I don't know the Steelers.

Yeah.

Who won the football game yesterday?

The football game.

Who won the hockey game?

I don't know the flyers.

Who won the basketball game?

I don't know the chicken.

I'm saying everybody from fucking Philly.

What about

Jeopardy now?

It's just like exclusively autistic people, though.

Yeah.

I feel like it wasn't like that when I was growing up, but now it's now just how deep into this.

No, I agree.

I yearn for the days where it was just like the first time.

They have the craziest questions, and there's some rainmen people.

Which river was Lincoln floating down during the war of whatever?

Like, oh, that must have been the Potomac River.

It was all like, you know, academics before, and now it's just some guy like, you know, burning a hole through the camera with his dead eyes and drooling all over the place.

Remember that when Trebek stared at the autism people and you're

like, sure, you recently switched to skinny.

What's that like?

He's like, oh, he's pretty good.

I got a Jeopardy question.

How many pussy rings does Nikki have?

Your wife?

That didn't seem

like that didn't work.

I was going to ask you.

Well, including or excluding her butthole pierce.

Oh, I would have a butthole pipeline.

You're the one asking.

All right, so not including the butthole pierce staying in the background.

But now he's like letting you go.

He's like, what about the guy she killed last week?

By pussy rings, I thought you were a little bit more.

Yeah, it's like a toolbox.

It looks like a tackle box.

No, it's a tackle box.

You split her open and see how old she is.

I thought that's what you meant by pussy rings.

How much money was the Jeopardy box

would it be?

Yeah, when she goes to the airport, she dings.

When I eat her out, it's like French embraces.

Wow, that's that's love, guys.

Yeah, that's real love.

I'll never know it.

Yeah, yeah.

Put them together.

Are magnets a problem?

Yeah, what if you put magnets there?

They'd be all over the place.

So

you got your pussy pierced shut?

Is that

dick so bad she got the pussy pierced shut?

I apologize.

I have tremendous respect for you.

No, I only have five pussy reins.

Oh.

Just five.

Five?

Just five.

Wait, so it's uneven?

Does three on one side?

Oh, the lack of symmetry is going to like.

Nick isn't going to talk the rest of the episode.

He's just going to be like thinking about it.

That bothers me.

Yeah.

Three on one side and two on the other.

That's weird.

Is it the least

two and one?

Two, two, and one, I would guess, right?

What do you mean?

Like a click piercing and then

one on the side.

Like a house of cards, kind of.

Looks like a church.

Wow.

I'm happy my girl is in here, man.

She'd have some ideas.

She's into tattoos and piercings.

She's got like five in her ear right here.

Yeah, so that's a much more standard

pussy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you don't top that story with her.

With your girl,

yeah, it's got to be like a kidney pierce.

Like you put it up her ass and pierce it.

That's the only way you top it with five pussy piercing.

She got her ears pierced.

I'll tell you what, if you like piercing pussies.

He was trying to stick a hot poker up my ass and rip my dick off.

Yep.

No, but

we would come up with these ideas with jackass and they would try to pass it through.

And I said, you know what?

Mike Tyson bit off Evander Holyfield's ear.

How about I'm in a boxing ring with Evander Holyfield and then

he tries to bite off my ear.

And they're like, you're willing willing to have half of your ear missing for a skit?

I'm like, Fuck yeah, you know, the street creds I'll have when I have a half-assed ear, and they'd say, How did that happen?

A Vander Holyfield bit it off?

Yeah, and you don't believe me?

Look it up on the interwet.

You should have gotten Tyson to bite it off, or that.

I would do that as well.

I don't know if he'd be able to control himself.

He's available.

What I want to do is.

Yeah, he might just start having sex with you.

That would be a people prank.

That was a good thing.

Robin Gibbons was a street.

Dude, biting my ear is like

the bottom of your elbow.

There's no pain.

What was that, man?

Sorry, we're laughing about this.

I was saying, biting this part of my ear off doesn't hurt at all.

It's like pinching the bottom of your elbow.

You don't have to hold it.

You don't feel fella.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, real quick, if you like

piercing your pussy, go to bluechew.com.

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Dick pills?

Yeah, generic dick pills.

So you can get the, like, it's generic.

It's the same ingredients as Viagra and Sialis.

Well, Boner Boy, right here, doesn't have a problem getting a heart on, zone.

Well, even if you don't, I mean, it's.

Is that like your superhero name, Boner Boy?

Boner Boy.

I don't have a problem not killing myself.

I don't need, like, not need cocaine to also, you know,

I get an extra heart.

It adds to it.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

It's the same ingredient as Viagra and Sialis, but it's chewable, so it works faster.

It's a subscription service.

Like, you don't need to go to a doctor.

Children or anybody.

Literally anybody.

I guess, theoretically.

Theoretically, yeah.

As As long as you're a child.

You scared your child with a limp dick,

it doesn't matter.

I can take one now and then fuck the couch and we'll see if it really works.

Did they give you samples for the guests at sea?

Unfortunately,

we took them off.

Yeah, we did get samples.

Hey, I'll take one now, and then I can bone her in the bathroom because I have a babysitter right now.

Yeah, I guess

hundreds of dollars of free dick pills a month.

Yeah, it's the only consumer.

It's the best part of the video.

What do you get more of the underwear or the dick pills?

Easily the dick pills.

Usually the dick pills.

We have more usual underwear.

You walk around with a hard on with no pussy lined up.

It's fun.

You've never taken a Seattle's.

It's a great time to walk around.

Yeah, that's what Don Vito would do.

Don Vito would

target her.

And then he would go to the bar with a fucking raging hard on with no pussy lined up.

Don't rock it.

Until you've done it.

Yeah, Don Vito.

It is taking me to go chill.

Instead of going to my boy's house, let me take this Viagra real quick.

What are you going to go do?

I'm going to go chill my body.

I'm going to go to the bar.

But my dick's going to look great in my sweatpants while I do it.

Yeah, I wear gym shoes.

Is that good for your heart?

I feel like.

Oh, yeah, it's bad for your heart.

But when you're fucking.

No, it's actually not bad for your heart.

Really?

Yeah.

It like lowers your.

I have high blood pressure, which I did not put on the form when I signed up.

Yeah, yeah.

But please don't lie on the form.

Please don't lie on the form.

They got, I think, mad at us last time.

Because we told people to do it, but don't.

But, yeah, no, I don't think it does.

Everybody's lying on the door.

Look, they got a fucking doctor that looks into all this.

Yeah, you got a doctor.

He's a real doctor.

He's taking one of these pills right now.

I'm going to go work up a burner.

You sign up for their website.

They send it to you in discrete packaging, okay?

Yeah.

Because I know you don't want to have people know that you're ordering dick pills.

Your dick is limp as hell.

Right.

They send it to you from

custom medicine.

It says custom medicine.

On the package.

So there's nothing suspicious about that.

Does it work?

What's that?

I think work.

Yeah, they work.

Oh, they work, baby.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

And you can choose whether you want the...

I can't remember if it's saladinophil or

switch ones like the sialis version.

I think

todalophil or something.

And you just chew it up.

You chew it up.

Sialis is a kind of like.

That's like a 24-hour.

Yeah.

It's more than that.

That's what I liked about it.

I take it in the morning with vitamins.

Really?

Yeah, I treat it like a vitamin.

Yeah.

You put it in your Monday, Tuesday morning.

They actually, they taste good.

They do.

Yeah, yeah.

They taste good.

They're like

candy almost.

Yeah.

Except your dick gets all fucking hard the whole day.

That is exactly.

You ever eat too many?

Is there like an OD on

your dick explode or something?

No, no, no.

How many have you had?

How many have I had?

Lifetime or in one sitting?

Like four or two or three?

Yeah, that's a lot, right?

Yeah.

One to ten when your dick gets hard.

How many do you take?

To get your dick hardest shit.

That's a customer.

One will do it.

One will do it.

I've gotten impatient and taken an extra one.

Like just because it just gets right away.

Unfortunately, we don't.

But listen, we'll get some to you, buddy.

We can meet you at West Side College.

Yeah, let's introduce the random guy who starts talking

for the radio listeners.

I know

right now.

Yeah, he's out there.

He tagged in our buddy.

What's your name, buddy?

I'm sorry.

Joe.

Joe.

Everybody calls me Keene.

Keen's Keene's in.

And you said you have taken dick pills and welcome.

I have taken Cials because a buddy of mine gave me some.

I was like, what do I need these for?

And he's like, dude, trust me, you'll like them.

And then I found out one night of drinking and doing enough booger sugar that I was like, dude, it's not going to work.

I was like, I'll take one of these Cials right now before I get home with the story.

Say Blue Chew for the story.

You take Blue Chew.

Say you Tuchy.

This This is a customer testimonial.

I don't think you heard the rules at the beginning, Joe.

It's the same drug, except Blue Chew is what we want.

It's like a genuine.

What if you're averaging an ingredient?

What if you're a blood gang member and you can't do anything with the color blue?

You keep it a secret.

That's what you keep it.

It's a different packaging.

It's just a secret.

It's that could be a big deal in the streets if there's like some blood member out there taking blue chew and no one.

I don't know.

I think it'd be nice if they were that technical.

I mean, it's fun.

You're like Robin.

It could be a big company one day.

It's like four hours, man.

Wind blows right, and you're like, oh.

Well, all the pills are manufactured in the United States.

So

if you're a patriot, take that.

Yeah.

If you love this country and you want your dick to get hard the American way, you take blue chew.

You want those white blue-collar workers to keep their jobs

and not turn into fascists.

You'll buy blue chew.

That's right.

You don't buy blue chew.

If you don't buy blue chew, you're helping fascism.

Because of after or something.

That's true.

Same actor.

They're hand in a lot of things.

Yes, but they're chewable, so it gets into your system faster.

Take them anytime, day or night.

It's cheaper than the other.

How was that pill, Bam?

How's your dick feeling?

Not working yet.

It's not working yet.

It's not immediately.

But soon it'll be so hard.

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Vinny, check it out.

Yes, I will.

Yeah.

Please do, but it is free.

You just pay for the shipping.

We're going to check it out.

We are back.

I think we should even video on Instagram once we get the pills for Bam and we'll just take them.

Yeah,

please show us your hard dick when it finally does go.

Send us to like get results.

Post your dick on social media and use hashtag blue chip.

And Bam's no problem.

Congrats, Bam.

I think it was more than

you'd be taking him just to.

Hold on to Club Penguin.

Keene came through with a nice burn.

He said Bam doesn't have much to fill up.

So I just wanted to get that

on the the record so that bam has a small penis so it's like a tuna can yeah

he calls it a tuna can and i love how mtv can't show a lot of things but when i broke my tailbone in february uh and had to get an x-ray of it you could see an outline of my x-ray dick and they had no problem showing it on national television

hell yeah it seems like they would always tell you guys like they draw the line somewhere but then another skit would like why didn't we do that if we're doing this you know what i mean it's like if you're okay with us putting a car in our butt, why can't we do this?

So it's like they always like, maybe, did they ever change executives

one to like jackass three and a half?

Isn't all that shit arbitrary, anyways?

The network just wants to, like, some it's somebody's job to say, yeah, yeah.

Like, you can't just

there's a person hired that they can't just watch your episode and say, well, that looks like it's good to go.

No, they have to have a list of complaints because if they don't, then they didn't do their job, which causes us problems.

That's why you've got to put a red herring and everything.

You always

have the top crime.

So we know that you're going to get a lot of people.

You drag the black man behind the pickup.

They're like, well, we can't do that one.

And like, guess who got their penis on daytime television?

So true.

Well,

it's Oscar season.

As Bam's swinging the mic around his baby's head.

So, Bam,

are you voting for Bernie?

Who's that?

Even better.

Just endorse, full-throated endorsement of Bernie Sanders from Bambar Bam.

Just get it out there.

You should, just

you should.

I'll do well of voting.

That's a favorite.

Just

love that man.

Promote Bernie Sanders and not know who he is.

I bet you Bernie would know who Bam was, though.

I don't think Bernie knows where he is.

Yeah, I don't know.

I think Bernie's about to die.

I don't think Bernie's an 80-year-old Jewish man since like 1983.

We did a show about a month ago with Artie Lang, and he said that playing a round of golf with Donald Trump was one of the funnest days of his life.

Yeah, well, because every other day he was sucking dick for heroin.

Exactly.

See that photo of him with his nose all came out?

Yeah, his nose.

Every photo of him.

How do you want to shoot up, so I just sniffed my nose off.

Artie looks like he's just been in a wind tunnel for the last 10 years.

Well,

heroin addicts always have that thing where they try to hide their marks with a sleeve, but he can't put a sleeve over it.

He's hiding it by drawing attention to his face.

Yeah.

So he'd put up a cartoon of him putting cocaine on a frying pan and then smacking himself in the face.

That was the funniest shit.

Yeah, that's a tough look.

I don't want to show these track marks, so I'll just have my nose cave in instead.

Well, I brought him to a show in Connecticut, and my friends were like, You just made us pay $40, and it looks like you just punched a homeless guy in the face 20 times.

And then I looked at Elzar, I said, Guess what we're doing for the next gig, buddy?

Yeah, shit.

Beating him up, making him look like Artie.

Save the money.

Bootleg Arlie Lang.

That's a smart move.

So, what's the movie?

Did he fix that thing?

Nah, he's fucked.

No, he's in rehab now.

I mean, it would be hard to do.

I seen a picture of him like a couple days ago, and he looked a lot better, man.

He's okay, but they're not going to release him until he's officially better because he could go back off the stage.

Oh, you have like a Gen 1 nose job, like a Michael Jackson nose job.

Yes.

Yeah.

Artie with a little ass nose.

A little ass white girl nose.

He should have done the skin thing like Michael, but the obviously, like a few years, Artie's just black now.

Black face.

He's black face.

He's doing black face.

He's just doing like BET specials.

1987.

He's doing the hip-hop awards and shit.

Yeah.

So did Don Vito get a lot of pussy?

Not a lot, but

for Don Vito.

There were times where I was just like, whoa, how the fuck is this fucker

getting this chick right now?

And her boyfriend, her husband, said that she has a hall pass for Vito.

I'm like, what the fuck?

And he's outside in the hotel waiting for her to get finished fucking.

What's my list?

But no,

she wasn't bad looking.

Really?

She was like a seven.

Hey, that fucked a seven.

Wayne or Don Vito, that's his.

He'll show you.

He's fucked or whatever.

It doesn't make sense.

He's like, yeah, she showed up to the show already crying.

I've talked Veronica Von, and she was one piece of.

I know, but I know a buddy of mine.

Yep.

I know a buddy of mine.

But a buddy of mine.

I've seen that.

No, they didn't.

No, no, no, they didn't.

You see the Michael Jackson documentary?

I heard about it.

We heard about it today.

I didn't see it.

He's not crazy.

He's not guilty at all.

He's not guilty.

It's coming from a guy who was at the

OJ thing where it's like he did the crime.

Right.

So he did it.

Yeah.

But we don't.

But he's not.

I wouldn't convict him.

He's not guilty.

No, in a court of law.

If you send your child to a place called Neverland Ranch

to hang out and sleep in the same bed as a man who giggles and rides like a magical train around his property, you raped your kid.

You might as well have sucked your own son's penis.

I didn't see it, but did he pay the parents?

Fuck yeah.

Of course, he paid the parents.

Fuck yeah.

In fact, why nothing came out is because the parents would compete to have their kid molested the most.

What if you knew your kid was gay anyway?

Does that matter?

I think you don't want to be molested if you're gay.

I don't know if it's like a gay.

I don't even know how

to do that.

I don't know if a five-year-old gay.

Yeah, I was raped repeatedly from age four until 11, but I was

gay.

I'd be a real doozy if I weren't a homosexual to me for some reason.

Yeah.

Damn, dude.

Yeah, wasn't a very good documentary.

No, not very good.

What's this?

Two minutes.

Two minutes to wrap it up?

Okay, we got one more read, and then you can just like, as long as we can chill and

just do the show for

10 minutes, you guys, cool, bro.

Or you can just, like, you know, you can dip now or whatever.

I I mean, like, thanks for watching.

Yeah.

This was cool.

CastleBamEvents.com.

Check it out.

April 1st.

We're having a big party.

I'll check out our show tomorrow night.

Once again, CastleBamEvents.com.

Also, tonight we have a show in Connecticut, and then tomorrow we have a show in New York at what?

WestsideComedy Club.com.

Go get tickets.

7 to 10 o'clock.

Stavros, you guys, if you want to come hang, I'll be shitting the hot tub.

Yeah, I mean, anytime you guys see us having a show, pop by because we always have a few stand-ups go up before BAM.

Cool.

Does his QA and storytelling stuff.

So, yeah, More of the Barrier.

You know, tonight, Bijou Bijou Theater, get tickets, nomadscomedyclub.com.

Thank you, guys.

Thank you so much.

You want to get a pic of the boys in Bam?

Yeah.

All right, Bam.

Do you want to get in on this, brother?

Yeah, hell yeah, dude.

Thanks, man.

Honestly, I appreciate Adam here.

There's fucking 12 other people here.

He's like, yo, you want to take the picture?

Oh, no, I'm sorry.

Cool, guys.

Yep, just taking a pic during the podcast, everyone.

You're actually that big staff roast fan, believe it or not, dude.

I love this fucking dude.

Thank you so much.

Hell yeah.

You're a massive inspiration to us.

For real, dude.

Yeah.

Thank you so much.

Thanks for doing the show, bro.

Yeah.

I was going to go get a skateboard to see if we can do that olive.

Yeah, yeah.

He can't fucking all-ie.

I was lying.

I was lying.

Well, I'll tell you what, we can bet on whether or not Stavros can do that

at betdsi.com.

I will, dude.

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I guess they're all leaving now.

Yeah, they're all leaving.

Now here we are.

Hey, we got 10 more minutes on the show.

Is that alright?

Get on the air.

You're ready to get hike.

Grelliers.

Yeah, come on.

Yeah.

Okay, so this is the red one.

The red one, yeah.

All right, the black one.

Both of those are still alive, right?

Those are both still alive.

Yeah, get in there.

This is the owner of the club here in Yonkers.

What's your name, sir?

Gene DiNapoli.

Gene DiNapoli.

This is going to be great because this is a much better format.

It's actually better.

Yeah.

Gene Donaponny.

Gene Air Force Romeo.

One-year entertainer, Gene.

What's the club?

Let's plug the club.

Where are we right now?

Well, we're at Central Stage on Central Avenue.

You want to hold the mic a little closer.

Sorry.

Central Stage on Central Avenue in Yonkers, New York.

York.

And this is a music and comedy and live entertainment venue.

Yeah.

I love it.

Just this week alone, we have a salsa show tomorrow.

Oh, wow.

A disco show on Friday.

Hell yes, dude.

A black comedy show earlier on Saturday.

I love black comedy.

A country band Saturday night.

Sunday afternoon, we have a brunch with drag queens.

Oh, geez, that's a podcast.

And Sunday night, we have a show that's dedicated to Woodstock.

Whoa, that is honestly

a wild lineup.

That's pretty awesome.

That sounds fun.

It was just Bam Margera and his, I don't know, simpleton friend from Connecticut.

Yeah, Vinny.

Now that Vinny left, we can really talk some real shit, can't we?

We can make fun of Vinny in his thrasher hoodie and thrasher hat.

Quoting Billy Madison.

No, interrupt.

As a Bam quoting Billy Madison.

Also quote it.

You seen that show, Big Mouth and Netflix?

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My dad was a professional gambler.

Really?

He used to travel the world

shooting dice.

Really?

So one day we'd have a million dollars in the house, and the next day we'd be begging for $20 for gas business.

That's wild.

It was a wild ride.

Where'd you grow up?

The Bronx.

Oh, right.

Just down the road.

What?

Just down the road.

Yeah, I remember one day coming home from school and sitting in my living room was Bruno San Martino, Mario Andretti, Deles Bosito, and Leo DeRosha from the Brooklyn Dodgers.

What?

Because in Atlantic City back in the 80s, every casino had like a sports figure

as a Goodwill ambassador.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And my father got to know them all, and they came to my house for lunch one day, and I walked in.

I was like, whoa, what the fuck?

You know, it's like, you know, this was a great upbringing as a kid.

That's wild.

But then I know what gambling does to you.

Sure.

I gamble on business.

I've lost a bunch of money this year.

Yeah.

You lost a bunch of money in cryptocurrency.

You heard of that?

You heard of such a thing?

Yeah, that kind of shit.

It's fun.

It's nice.

It's nice, but if you want to lose money like that, just give me your money.

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We got you, Nick.

Or you give me $5,000.

I'll give you 500 tickets to any show you want.

Yeah.

500 tickets, you can go see Black Comedy.

First time time you're up $7,000, it's like, wow, this is pretty cool.

You can just print money.

But then you're down $14,000.

It's like, well, it'll come back.

And then you're down $32,000.

And it's like, well, I guess I'll just file my taxes and stop trying.

My father told me, if you really want to hear the machines go off, take a roll of quarters, go to a payphone, put them in, and hang up.

It's the same noise when the coins come out.

So I live both sides of the coin.

So you're not a gambling man?

No, I gamble on business, like I said.

right how'd you get into comedy well when it's not comedy it's it's an entertainment i'm an entertainer for 40 years okay what kind of entertainer well i was uh at one time uh america's youngest elvis impersonator oh yeah you were resemble resemble the guy who was 14 traveling the country the world's youngest elvis impersonator now has to be at least 47 years old i think so

you know bruno mars did elvis when he was three and four and five oh so he beat your record yeah well that was in the 80s and 90s but i used to travel the country doing elvis and then you know i stayed home and I started to do the Blues Brothers.

Okay.

I'm an entertainer.

I work every weekend in different restaurants and casinos.

And then I became an actor about three years ago.

Nice.

And I did a couple of bit mafia parts and detective parts in the shows.

Okay.

What's your favorite role?

Anything we've seen?

What's your favorite role?

You know what?

I'm doing a horror movie right now, and it's called Demon Nun, and I play a detective.

Wow.

And that's pretty cool because I get to be nasty with the people

and have legal behind me.

Yes.

You know, so I can say whatever the fuck.

Did you go out for the Sopranos prequel?

You know what?

I'm not going to tell you I did.

My name was thrown in the hat.

I'm probably the only Italian-American entertainer in New York that was never on the original Sopranos.

Yeah, I know.

Because they offered me a small part, but it wasn't speaking.

And I thought I was bigger than that.

And I said, no, I need a speaking part.

Right.

And, you know, they pushed me under the rug, but I'm happy with my career.

Yeah, I feel like there had to have been 30 million people that went out for the Sopranos prequel.

I will tell you that three years ago when I started, I beat out 4,500 actors to play John Gotti's friend Angelo.

And they flew me to Bogota, South America for 12 days.

Caught Blanche, and that was the first thing I ever went out for.

Wow.

So you're spoiled.

You're in the game.

I'm spoiled.

I mean, but you've been in the game 40 years.

Yeah, but not acting.

Not acting.

But you know what?

I made a living as Elvis, and I look nothing like Elvis.

Yeah.

You know, only for the black hair and the sideburns and and the jumpsuit.

Somebody said, Hey, you've been acting all your life, you just didn't know it.

Right, exactly.

So the mafia roles come very easy because I'm, I guess, I'm a street kid from the Bronx.

Sure, I know how to talk, I know how to, you know, shake someone down.

Yeah, I can do what I got to do.

But I feel like probably the sweet spot for that kind of stuff was like the early 90s.

It was.

The genre's kind of died out.

Well, what died out?

The like mafioso genre.

It did, but you know, there's a new thing called the Irishman now.

Yes.

So I got a very, very, very, very small part in that.

And that that was actually given to me.

I saw someone that De Niro Pier wearing those dumb costumes for.

Yeah, they had a.

Yeah, why were they dressed like that?

They got those high-ass shoes.

Because the guy that De Niro plays was actually 6'2.

So they had to make him taller.

But there couldn't be any suspension of disbelief.

They just had to put him in stilts for the whole thing.

They were like Frankenstein shit.

I mean, I know what De Niro is.

I'm not going to watch a movie and be like, oh, no, this guy's supposed to be 6'2.

Well, you know, Score says he's directing it and he wants everything spot on.

So, you know, I was in a room this big, people can't see it, but what do you think?

It's a 10-foot room?

Yeah.

I was in a room with De Niro,

Pesci,

Pacino, Harvey Keitel,

Bobby Conoval,

and Scorsese.

That's great.

It was, and there were only four of the guys like me, which were non-stars.

And I looked over to one guy and said, Yo, how the fuck did we get here, man?

It's like 900 guys out there.

I don't know if that guy was like, well, I was an Elvis in person.

And I've not going to do black comedy.

I'm not going to do it with that.

But so, you know, I figured, you know, getting to the nightclub business.

Yes.

I love the club.

Beautiful club.

Yeah, this is great, man.

Maybe we could do something here.

Yeah, honestly, yeah.

It's a great venue.

It's not a bar.

Yeah.

It's not an upscale showroom.

It's right in the middle.

It's fun.

People come here, they drink a little bit.

It's not high-priced tickets.

You know, you go to the city, you're getting $40 for parking, $75 a ticket, $15 a drink.

We're not like that.

Right.

You know, and like I said, we run the gamut of shows.

We have 40 shows in 30 days.

Right.

And it's all on the website.

May I plug the website?

Please do.

CentralStageNY.com.

Hell yeah.

And Bam was here last night, and for the first night of the tour, we had a pisser, man.

It was great.

People came from Connecticut and Yonkers and the Bronx and New Jersey.

And I hope we get enough support to keep it going.

Yeah.

So it's new.

It's a new.

It's a news.

No, we're only open four months.

Okay.

Yeah.

Well, hopefully, this will give you a little boost.

We've got a good listenership.

Well, that's great.

Maybe we could produce something here.

Yeah, do you show in Yonkers, boys?

Yeah, sure.

Fuck it.

Why not?

Did you do a stand-up show up here?

We talked about buying a house in Yonkers.

Did you?

Yeah.

I mean,

we're both in bedstead now.

Yeah.

We're in Brooklyn.

No.

It's hopping.

Yeah.

You know, we got downtown Yonkers.

They're building up restaurants.

Well, you still live in the Bronx.

Yeah, I'm in the Bronx.

My wife works at a local hospital, so it doesn't make sense.

And we got no kids, so it doesn't make sense for me to go to a better neighborhood with schools because we can't take advantage of the school system.

Right.

And then when my gigs, I hit any bridge, George Washington, Frog's Neck, and I'm a half hour from anywhere.

I got to do my gigs.

If I move up here, you know, it's a now.

When you were a young entertainer, were you also a married man?

No, I got married later in life.

I was kidding, too.

You must have been a hound dog out there.

The Elvis.

Some nice pieces of pussy out there.

You know, it was fun.

Yeah.

It was fun.

Had a nice time.

You know, I'm no Brad Pitt or Leo DiCaprio, but

you're on stage for your Elvis.

There were three things that had the girls flocking.

Yeah, did you ever fuck a woman that afterwards they realized you weren't Elvis?

No.

No.

I wasn't in any federal institution.

But they would bring, they might have screamed, no, Elvis.

But there were three things that made women gravitate to me and the guys in the band.

We were Italian.

Yes.

We were from New York,

and I did Elvis.

So in the Midwest and Florida, we were exotic.

We were the triple threat.

You know, we used to walk in the nightclubs.

Italian from New York.

Yes.

We used to walk in the nightclubs, and it was like the gates of heaven would open.

That's the best.

Really?

Really?

It gets high western.

But see, here's the thing, man.

Like, Scorsese should do a movie about the Elvis impersonators.

That sounds pretty fascinating, honestly, in the fucking industry.

In the Midwest.

In the Midwest.

Or the Midwest or wherever.

I mean, it's just like.

Well, there's a lot of documentaries on it, you know, Elvis Impersonators.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that's it.

What you just said is really interesting.

Somebody should option something.

Let's write that movie.

Somebody write the book and then.

I had a friend of mine write a reality show about me called The King of New York.

And it was supposed to follow me through my day-to-day activities.

I used to own a couple of businesses like Laundromats and Pizzeritas.

And then I would go back and at night we'd do a big show.

Cool.

And we were pitching it, and they didn't think it would sell.

And I said to the guy, listen, we got the biggest demographics in the world.

Elvis fans,

New York fans, and Titanic fans.

And, you know, Sopranos.

At the height of that, yeah.

Yeah, you know, it fell to the wayside, but they're trying to pitch it again.

Yeah.

You know, I'm, I fucking, if we could produce it, we would watch the shit out of that.

Yeah, yeah.

It was fun.

It was fun.

It got to a point where we were telling girls and women we were staying at the Ramada when we were actually at the Hilton.

Yeah.

Because we'd walk in our room and there'd be like two girls in the bathtub waiting for us.

They would break into the room.

Yeah, they'd break into the room.

Yes.

That rules.

Damn.

That's something fun.

Should we become Elvis in person?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Just sucking off an Elvis in person

through his jumpsuit in the Ramada.

Exactly.

That's what I was saying.

Grandma.

I love that, man.

That's great.

That's beautiful, man.

It was a fun life.

God,

I wish I had.

I used to be into Elvis when I was a child, actually.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

This is like a rockabilly.

I was like a rockabilly kid.

Yeah, it used to be back in the day.

What are you, like, 25?

When I was a little kid, I was 30.

I was obsessed with Elders.

Look at this guy.

You think

he's 25 years old?

Yes, I'm youthful.

This looks like a 25 kid.

He knows I have youthful energy.

He's completely bald and knows I'm 20.

He's wearing sweatpants, red sweatpants.

Thank you.

Well, that's only

shit.

He's like a $5 hook on his head and Bedstock.

Thank you.

He's very young.

Shout out to Bedstock.

He's very young.

Yeah, in my heart.

I guess he's young energy.

So you're a rockabilly guy.

And And you're a Lawrence Art.

No, no.

Rockabilly guy?

No, when I was like a baby, I was just obsessed with Eldis.

Elvis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Eldis.

That goes with a lot of people.

Yeah, it was great.

Were you a fan of Elvis?

Yeah, I was a fan since I'm five.

Oh, okay.

I was a closet Elvis.

You know, I used to sing in my bedroom.

And then one day my uncle owned a restaurant about a half a mile from here.

And he said to me, You want to get up and sing?

And I was like, Yeah.

So we got up.

We did some standard.

And I turned to the band and I said, You guys know blue suede shoes?

And they go, Yeah.

I said, Well, I want to sing it.

And I was 14.

And he goes, Well, we can't tell him no.

That's the boss's nephew.

And I did like three songs.

I made like $400 in tips.

Wow.

And I thought it was great, but they were throwing money at me because my uncle overstored the colour.

My mother was the coachhead girl.

So I got up the next one.

I thought I was like, you know, I thought it was like Mario Alonzo.

I came down in the bathroom with a towel, you know, around my neck.

And my mother said,

throw out the garbage.

I said, excuse me, I'm a transpouch hit me in the back of the head.

So

I brought the garbage right out.

So

my mother kept me grounded.

Yes, of course.

You know, you go out and do your shows and make your money.

Sunday morning, you're getting up, you're doing your chores.

Of course.

I was like, all right, you know.

Good woman.

Good woman.

Yeah, it was a fun life.

Yeah.

I wonder, like, why is it just Elvis, though, that people, how did that, where did the impersonations of Elvis start?

He's such an iconic person.

You know what I mean?

I think it's the fact that he was a nobody that became somebody.

And he loved his mother.

He loved God.

He loved his country.

Yes.

You know, in the height of his career, he got drafted.

And he could have opted out and said, listen, I make the government five million a year in taxes.

Leave me out of the service.

He felt it was his duty to go in.

So when he did that, he got all the adults to like him.

So I think he was the first child, teenager, and adult performer that everybody liked.

Interesting.

I can understand generally transcending

generational interests, but

why is he the guy?

When you think of like celebrity impersonators, Elvis is the go-to.

Why not?

Well, because it never really caught on with anybody else.

So think about it.

There aren't that many.

What do you guys have?

You had a voice?

Sure.

It looks.

Almost a costume that was.

But people don't do it.

Well, I guess there is Michael impersonating.

There is Michael.

And for females, it's Marilyn.

Yeah, Marilyn Monroe.

And then she's not even a singing star.

She's more of a movie star.

Sure.

But there are things that make Elvis iconic.

I heard

she was actually real big.

You know, Marilyn Monroe.

She was a large woman.

Heavy set.

No.

No, there was a thing online, like a couple years ago.

It was like the anniversary of the day.

No, she just had big titties.

And then you go in that bathroom and look at the picture on her and you see she.

You got her in the bathroom.

Because fat women online like to say, yeah, a couple years ago,

the anniversary of her death, like there was a thing that women online were like, oh, when she died, Marilyn Monroe was 215 pounds or whatever.

And it's like, it's not.

Doesn't everybody blow up when they die?

I mean,

if you die in a bathtub, yeah.

So, you know, it is and and Michael, you know, I mean, you're talking about legendary performers, Scotch, and, you know, the Beatles.

Sure.

You know, there's never going to be anybody from this era 50 years from now that's going to be imitated the way it is.

Well, our heroes now are Bam Musk.

Bam, I would say Bam.

Bam.

Have you met him before?

Were you hanging out with him throughout the week?

Well, last night.

Yeah, yeah.

Did you know who he was before?

Sure.

From the T V show.

He's big.

Yeah, he's big.

Yeah, I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I sat home and watched it.

I saw saw clips, but you know, I was a working entertainer.

I didn't watch much TV.

You know, I used to go home and throw VHS tapes, which you don't even know what those are.

I know what they are.

No, we've jacked off to VHS.

I've jacked off.

We're 30.

Yeah, but to have Bam here was, I had Artie Lang here a few weeks ago.

Oh, great.

Then we had some older legendary guys like Jackie the Joke Man, Mark.

Sure, Jackie, Nick DiPaolo, who's

here for

us, yeah.

Yeah.

We got, you know, we got up-and-comers.

Yeah.

We have people that are popular, and we got people that were popular 20, 30 years

before.

We give them the showcase in the venue and say, hey, you think you let's do it.

Let's put it out there in masses.

That's great.

Yeah,

we're doing all right with that.

Yeah.

How long have you been in this spot?

Four months.

Oh, okay.

You ever do Elvis here?

No, I'm not allowed.

I work at the casino.

Oh, contractually, you're not allowed.

The casino also does comedy, don't it?

Oh, they do everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they do it, and I'm contracted by them because I play there four or five times a year.

Right.

So I can't play in the area.

Right, right.

They have a a non-compete show Elvis impersonation.

Well, for any tribute act they booked on a Thursday, there's a non-compete for this area.

Interesting.

Because they're not going to pay you the money that you ask and then have you work two blocks away.

Right, right, right.

Unfortunately, fortunately, I'm there.

Unfortunately, my club is only a mile away.

Is there have you ever had like a little bit of a break?

Can we get a little Elvis?

Can you do yeah, can we go?

I don't want to violate your non-compete if this is.

Well, that's a show, baby.

I'm allowed to talk any way I want.

Yes.

But I can't do a show

of miles.

Can you do Elvis saying instead of in the same way he says thank you very much, but suck me very dick?

Yes, yeah, yeah.

We'll go out on suck me very dick.

Yeah, yeah.

That would make it.

That would make our day.

Seriously.

Come on.

I respect that.

It's disrespectful.

That would be disrespect to me.

Elvis?

Yeah.

Yeah, I love me very dick.

That's almost better.

That's almost better.

Yeah, it is better.

That is better.

But, man, I wish I could go back.

Thank you very much.

I wish I could go back 40 years and give you the advice of telling you to say that to the groupies.

Yeah.

As a young eldest son,

and me as like a time traveling, possibly mentally disabled man coming to you and saying, listen, you gotta say something very good.

When you're getting blown in Duluth.

And the healthy thing in the Romano

with the door kicked down with a high heel print with the handle.

After these bitches have scaled the third floor to suck you off.

I love it.

Well, thank you.

This is great.

Thank you so much.

This is the highlight of the show.

It was better than the beginning.

It was too chaotic.

But it was fun.

We had a baby.

Bam was talking about his.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bam was talking about his wife's pussies.

Some of you don't let me hear me though.

Yeah, yeah.

They got a lot of fun.

Thank you so much, man.

Thanks for hopping on.

It was great meeting you, man.

It was great.

Thanks for hosting us here.

Love the place.

Love the show.

You want to plug the

one last plug for the venue?

We're at centralstageny.com.

And that's it.

2361 Central Avenue, Yonkers, New York.

Check us out on all social media.

And our calendar's up.

And maybe in the next couple of weeks, we get you guys out there.

Yeah, we can come to the town.

We'll do a cometown.

We'll do it.

We should.

We'll sell this motherfucker out.

That's it.

Also,

come see us guys in D.C.

We didn't plug this one March 30th.

Two shows, a stand-up show at 8 p.m.,

a live podcast at 10 p.m.

That's the Black Hat D.C.

as part of the D.C.

Underground Comedy Festival.

I have it on my Instagram.

I have it on my Twitter.

I'm going to put it on my website.

We'll all plug all that shit.

So we got to see the video.

We got Funny Moms on Monday.

Monday the 11th.

11th.

And I'm in Chicago the 22nd.

Milwaukee the 23rd.

Alclair the 24th.

I have the ticket links up on my Twitter.

Yeah, come see us, guys.

Go see Bam.

Go see Bam at the dates that they plugged earlier.

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