Ep. 125 – Tokyo Drift

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Your ring, your way,

and we're going pussy suprema,

which means pussy cream in Japanese relearn

pussy suprema.

Hello, everyone.

We are starting the podcast.

How about a tight supremacist?

And

he likes tight pussies?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's it.

That's the only way.

That's good.

Only way.

We just did four hot fire minutes about just me and Nick, and then we realized Adam was just sleeping in another room.

Yeah, we thought he was gone.

So,

yeah, we're all jet lagged, and, you know, I think we're, this podcast is probably late, but what we realize is you can suck our dicks.

Yeah.

And you'll get.

You're sick now, too.

Everybody's sick.

Yeah, we're all congested from all this.

Pick up a mic, bro.

It's like a Japanese tree or something.

It's like allergies.

The Japanese pussy tree.

Hello?

Adam.

Hello?

You look cute, man.

Yeah, I already checked everything.

I like your outfit, dude.

Thanks, too.

Where were you today?

I was on the train.

Nice.

You dressed up for the train?

Yeah.

I dress up for travel, like, in the 50s.

I think you should respect transit.

Everyone did dress up back then, but they also, I think, raped the

airline.

Well, they just blasted stewardess.

Maybe that's the reason that nobody took women seriously back then because they'd be like, that man raped me.

It's like he's wearing a suit.

He's at work right now.

Why would he do something like that?

There's no way he did that.

He works for fucking General Motors.

That's a madman.

I don't know why he's coming up with ads.

He doesn't have time for that shit.

Huh?

Did you hear that lady walk in?

No.

Like an hour and a half ago?

No.

Some lady walked in with like a suitcase.

She's like,

I'm here for my Airbnb.

Nuh.

Yeah, and I was like, no, this is what I was.

Hesaurus, bitch.

We got a couple motherfuckers in here.

So they double booked us.

So what do we have?

Do we have a break?

I was like, sorry, we're booked through the 21st.

And then she's like, where am I supposed to be?

How did she look?

Yeah, exactly.

There might be a little space in my chambers.

She was an older Korean-American.

Nothing wrong with that.

Yeah, nothing wrong with that.

Yeah.

Would you smang?

I would never.

Were you a single man?

No.

Crown jewel of the

what's their river called?

Kwai.

The Yangtze.

The Banksy River.

I know.

The Banksy River.

That's cool.

Banksy River.

And it's it's a stream of piss going into the Queen Mama's face.

Damn.

The Banksy.

You know, you know, everyone everyone gave Banksy a lot lot of shit for doing that thing.

The shredding.

The shredded paper, but I thought it was pretty funny.

You thought it was.

Good job, Banksy.

He did it.

He knocked it out of the car.

Well, that shit's like more valuable, right?

Yeah, that's when I thought it wasn't funny.

He should have destroyed it.

He should have done some other shit.

He should have destroyed it so that it wouldn't have any value.

What he should have done is exploded it.

Killed everyone.

Killed everyone in that room.

That would have been really cool, actually.

That would have been cool.

Terrorism.

That would have been legit.

That would be awesome.

Yeah, Yeah, maybe Al-Qaeda was the original Banksy.

Yeah, Osama's Banksy.

Well, that guy, Damien Hearst.

Who's the other guy?

Someone the Butcher?

That was a cool-ass nickname.

Abdullah the Butcher?

Or some shit?

Am I making that guy up?

Russian?

No, no.

Wasn't there a terrorist named Al-Qaeda?

Yeah, named Abdullah the Butcher.

Sounds like it's from the Shit.

That's cool, right?

Domeland or something.

If you were a terrorist, wouldn't you want your name to be Abdullah the Butcher?

Yeah.

Pick a cooler terrorist name.

Dome Land.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Danny Patakin.

What's his name?

What's the guy's name on that show?

Dominic Strouska.

It's the guy who plays Captain Winters.

I don't know.

Damien Lewis.

Damian Lewis.

Yeah.

And he's on Dome Land.

And he's getting heads.

He's like, there's only one thing I ever want to do for my country, and it's suck guys off.

What would you?

What the Band of Brothers is about?

Like a cockring that you guys share?

The Nazis Nazis shoot off hit one guy's cockring and he can't stay hard.

He's like, I'll do this for you, my friend.

Yep.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Slide your cock right in here.

Yeah.

For Uncle Sam.

For Lady Liberty.

So we're writing a cometown movie where we get Tokyo drifted to Japan.

Yeah, that would be awesome.

Where we commit, we download so much child pornography in America that the judge is like, you have to go live with your dad in Japan.

Where there's zero child pornography.

Yeah, okay.

And then we we get over here and the Japanese guy's like, hey, why don't you take my fucking Ethereum mining rig for a little child porn download contest?

You can win this guy's Asian girlfriend if you download child porn.

Faster than him.

And then there's a montage where it's like, you know.

I want that video.

How many men tell me that?

And then we're just trying to download it.

We want to see kids suck each other off.

And then the guy's like computer is just like smoking and like catching a fire.

And it's like, yo, this guy's downloading child porn to you.

I wonder if you've ever seen two seven-year-olds.

Yeah, and then it's just like burning up or whatever.

Yeah.

And you destroyed the guy's computer in the laughing stock.

But the guy's like, hey man, don't sweat it.

I know you destroyed twelve thousand dollars worth of graphics cards.

Computing equipment.

You have to understand how to drift.

And what drifting is, is downloading the right amount of child porn so you don't get flagged by the FBI.

Yeah,

not too much you get flagged, but enough that you can jack off, no problem.

Yeah, yeah.

It's about like finesse, you know, which is kind of

what's cool.

That's what pussy supreme is.

That's absolutely what the concept of pussy suprema represents.

That's what's going on.

Come town three, Tokyo.

Yeah.

Colon Pussy Suprema.

Yeah.

My reaction so far, the Chinese are a bunch of stuck-up pieces of shit.

The Japanese?

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Yeah.

So shit.

They are pretty.

Some bitch was like trying to offer samples in the food court to only Japanese people.

Nuh-uh.

Yeah.

And then I took one.

She shot me this fucking h horrified look.

That's awesome.

And so I took the sample.

And then she like grabbed me and was like, you have to eat it here.

And I'm like, I'm going to fucking eat it at my leisure.

Bitch, I'll eat it wherever I'm going to eat it.

I'll walk into fucking Muji and eat this shit, bitch.

Oh, no.

I love the ethnos.

They get mad as shit if you put change on the counter.

They have these little cases.

You got to put it in the case.

I like the trade card.

Are you mad at the trade?

Well, I like to count out my.

I like to throw all my money, cash on the barrel, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Down here, and then I'll thumb through it while I do basic math

painstakingly as well.

I did, I was like, hold on.

I'm from America.

I don't speak Japanese, so adding up to 230

in increments of 10 and 100 is not further.

That's not easy.

I got to translate it back into American numbers.

Some of those coins are weird.

They got holes in the hole in the middle.

You know why they got that.

For their DJs.

That's an Adam.

A pilgrimage.

Adam's going to get that money.

It's like, oh my God, they have holes in the money?

Oh, no.

Tasha looks like you have some competition.

The fish is a bad thing.

She's like, I'll dress like a baby.

Okay.

Lean into your pedophile face.

I'm not going

to money.

No, I'm not going to any more baby stores while I'm here.

Yeah, I disagree.

I've completely changed my mind on the whole concept of the ethno-state.

I don't think they should let anyone in except for me.

This is Adam's sneaky way of embracing Israel slowly.

Yeah.

Oh, smart.

He starts off talking about how Japan is the right idea, and then in two weeks he's like, what if there was like a place for Jews like Japan?

No, no, no, no.

I see it the other way.

I see it the other way.

You know how Hitler had like brown hair and brown eyes, but he was like, the best people have blonde hair and blue eyes.

I want to be that.

I want to be like the Hitler of the Japanese.

I want to say the best people are Japanese.

But I am their,

I'm their leader.

Okay.

You're not charismatic.

I don't want anyone.

First of all, step one,

you're not as charismatic as Hitler.

Step two, you're ugly.

Hitler was courageous.

He only had a lot of courage.

A lot of courage.

He really did.

Only thing you've ever led.

That's a norm, but you know.

The man was a captain.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's something you've led.

I missed what you said, but yes.

I heard the high-score dick sucking, bro.

I wanted to get it in.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, well, to these people,

I mean, I've got a ton of charisma.

No, I've seen the way they look at you.

Oh, they look at me with so much respect.

They just think you're so pathetic.

They have no respect, I do, for you, which is respect in Japanese.

The economy of respect for you.

They have a ton of respect for me.

I guessed that

the

Japanese would not respect you.

And I said that before we came here.

I said they're not going to respect you.

How many disrespects have you seen paid towards the city?

They've come up to me and they've handed me just.

Count them out.

Let's go.

Numerous times today, people have come up to me and handed me a crane.

Upon unfolding, it discovered in beautiful calligraphy.

It says Adam is a faggot

up to me in a kimono.

Please, thank you.

Handing me a crane.

Please, thank you.

Adam is a faga-san.

Yeah.

I feel dust blows away into the wind, and it spells out

the name of it, one of my ancestors.

I'm feeling really

bad that you guys weren't on that train with me.

Why?

Yeah.

We had a nice day.

You would have really my card got declined.

I was mad for a while.

Oh.

I was

PS lost my fucking quarterly payment to the government.

So what?

Yeah, now I get to.

You pay by check?

Yeah.

I thought you could

pay online.

No, I pay by check.

You don't trust the wires.

Well.

No, I don't trust.

I mean, I knew I the post office in Brooklyn is such garbage.

Of course.

They lose like three or four checks a year.

They only rate of like 10%.

That sucks dick.

I've noticed a lot of really psycho,

like nervous breakdown episodes in that post office on Fulton.

Are you guys both

both got sick?

Yeah, I don't know what it is.

I left for one night, and you guys.

Well, we've been hanging out together a lot and having a good time.

We've been having a nice solo break.

Sounds like you got mad

at your bank.

That sounds very fun.

What happens is when you really, when you have a good-ass trip with a lot of friendship, it lowers your immune system.

A lot of friendship, a lot of really solid riffs that you know nothing about.

We have had some.

You know nothing about Richard.

Yeah, Richard is the king of this trip.

Do you know anything about Richard Adams?

Adam knows nothing.

The Canadian guy?

No.

No.

Who's Richard?

I missed Damage.

This guy's a great guy.

Richard, you missed the jigsaw puzzle guy.

Oh, the jigsaw puzzle guy.

You don't know what Polyamorous means.

Yeah, yeah.

Dasha knows what that means, actually.

She's cool.

She's in on our bits.

Yeah, she knows about all the beef.

We've been texting Dasha the bits while we're here.

Yeah, yeah.

We have, actually.

That's bullshit.

Yeah, but I will say, being polyamorous means you want to fuck a parrot.

Yeah, you fucking have sex with parrots.

What?

I'm not a penis.

I think I was here when you guys said that.

What?

Let me see your penis.

That was yesterday morning.

Rap.

Fuck my little parrot pussy.

Dude, that thing.

How little do you think a parrot's pussy is?

Pinks.

What do you think they have?

They have cloakas.

Cloakas.

It's like a tongue.

It's a tongue?

They shit and

fucking shit out of their mouth or something.

They do the scorpion get over here.

The guys do.

Oh, with their cocks.

Are birds' cocks spiky?

Well, no, the female lays eggs and then the man comes over and nuts on her.

He cracks the egg and jerks off inside of it.

I would love it if that's how fucking works for people.

She's a woman like forgets her eggs at the bus stop.

Nice.

Guess you just had sex.

You just see seven guys beating off on top of

racing to beat off first.

Me and six other guys just had straight sex at the bus stop at each other.

Get a circle beating off around some eggs.

I love being straight and getting pussy.

Hell yeah, dude.

I like the idea that a woman forget her eggs, too.

She just basically shit eggs out of her pussy.

She's a bird bitch.

Waited too long.

What were the other riffs we had going that?

Richard was really good.

Who is Richard?

Richard's.

The Canadian guy that says the N-word?

No, no.

That guy's not.

Not Richard's Dylan, and that's a real person.

Oh, yeah.

That is true.

I was just saying because I was waiting for the for our bags.

I'm not saying

I'm not playing eggs

What were we just talking about?

Richard.

Oh, the N-word.

Here's another thing about Japan.

And I'm not saying that, you know, you can really just say whatever you want in English.

Like, we were talking about fucking a Japanese man.

Some Japanese man.

And we were like, I fucked him up.

I fucked him.

I fucked him first.

His briefcase is filled with my dudes.

Yeah, briefcase filled pictures of my dick.

And this guy's just like a foot away from us, and we're talking about fucking his ass.

So

that's another solid one, man.

That's very funny.

He just gets to work and he's like, Where have you been?

Just lays out all the pictures of mine and Nick's penises.

He's just sweating.

His boss comes in.

He's like,

just a second.

I'm sorry, I'm behind.

I am so horribly.

Richard is a man who can't stop getting molested.

Oh, yeah, I know about Richard.

He's a grown man.

Yeah, his wife's so sad

because he's always coming home late, covered in bruises.

She's like,

Where have you been?

He's like,

Look.

These guys said they were bringing back Heckingers.

They just needed a couple guys.

I needed some guys to help out.

I'm going to get compensated for my time.

He gets raped.

He's just always being raped.

He's just doing simple, like, errands, and he just gets raped on the way there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's going in the SNL

for sure.

Yeah, you guys.

basically missed the the beauty of Riddle.

He goes to a softball game.

He's supposed to go to a softball game.

Yeah, he comes.

His wife just sees him being dropped off out of a van by six men.

He's all

blown up and he's covered in mine.

She's like, Why are you limping?

Did you hurt your leg at the softball game?

I never made it to the softball game.

Didn't make it to the softball game.

Full disclosure, didn't make it to the softball game.

Good news and bad news.

Where is your car?

Yeah, who are those guys that dropped you off?

Where's your car?

They needed to borrow it.

Look, they were good guys.

The bad news is, I was gang raped by nine guys.

They held me down and fucked my ass.

There is no good news.

The good news is we're on the short list for a timeshare.

And I believe them.

And Pensacola, Florida is a beautiful place.

It's not, actually.

Pensacola sucks.

I know.

It was Richard.

Oh, yeah.

He was getting raped

because he got a timeshare.

Because he's on the short list for a timeshare.

Hell yeah.

Pensacola does suck, but...

Honestly, the Gulf beaches aren't bad.

A beach is a beach, ultimately.

If you're by a beach.

The only thing I know about Pensacola is that it's seen at the end of the day.

What about Fuck Sacola?

What's about contact is you go into space and your dad is an alien.

Yeah, no, well, the aliens download her memory of her father and then they communicate to her through a memory of her dad at Pensacola Beach or something.

Whoa, really?

Yeah.

So could the aliens remember all the all the times I got head and do that back into my head?

Yeah.

And then Jody Foster's like, oh.

Oh, wait.

Was that the movie where Jodi Foster?

Yeah.

I saw that movie when I was a little kid and I had no idea what it was about.

That movie rules.

I remember being really shocked she was a lesbian when I was little.

I wanted to fuck her from that movie.

From

taxi.

Isn't there a point that she's a child?

No, no, no, no.

From contact.

That's what we're talking about.

Isn't there a point where she spins around in something and you can kind of see her titties in a tank top?

In contact?

I think so.

She spins around like a big...

Wait, was that in Panic Room?

No, I've never seen Panic Room.

Panic Room's good.

She's training to go to space and she's spinning in a way.

Dwight Yoka.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she's got Yogas outside.

Dwight Yoka rules.

He's in so many good movies.

Yeah.

Slingblade.

Fuck it.

I'm getting the band together.

Yeah.

I love that character so much.

Fuck it.

I'm doing the podcast tonight.

Could you keep it down?

Fuck you, asshole.

I'm friends with the mayor.

Me and the sheriff are boys.

Oh,

probably the

other, the one you definitely missed is the jigsaw puzzle guy.

Yeah, I definitely missed that one.

Jigsaw puzzle guy is great.

Yeah.

Was that a guy you saw?

It's not a guy.

He's a guy and he's doing a jigsaw puzzle and he puts the final piece in, and then it's a picture of him sucking a dick.

And he's like, what the fuck?

What the hell?

What the fuck, tell the huge one.

What the fuck is going on?

Yeah, it's a thousand.

It's so clearly.

He's been copying the picture from the box.

You still can't tell.

What the fuck, man?

Yeah, that's a good guy, man.

Yeah.

That's Jigsaw from the movie Saw.

That's his backstory.

It fucks him up so much.

Very interesting.

That he starts chopping off Danny Glover's cock or whatever, whatever happens in the Saw.

In front of you is Danny Glover.

His cock is out, cutting it off with a saw.

Live or die, the choice is yours.

Why does this guy keep cutting my damn dick off?

I'm getting too old for this.

It would be funny if Danny Glover had a dick like a lizard's tail

that grew back every time.

Wouldn't that be funny, boys?

Yeah.

You could just bite it off and it would come back.

That would be cool if that was just for any human.

You just lose your dick and it grows back like a starfish's arm.

Yeah, what would be awesome is if you could be real reckless with you could snip part of your dick off

and maybe it would grow a little longer.

If you could game it, the system.

That does happen.

Yeah.

And the police just kicked out the door of your apartment.

Just fucking AR-15s with flashlights.

Yeah, my dick is so long, it's like coiling on the floor.

They're like, get on the fucking ground.

Get on the ground now.

You've been lengthening your dick.

You've been sniffing off the top of your dick to make it longer, haven't you?

The most egregious crime

in new New York.

All the rich people do that.

They have huge, you know, coiled dicks, and they don't want the fucking

proletariat

to know about it.

Oh, yeah, that's what Elise Dam's about.

They just got to get up there to suck there.

Get a big coiled dick.

What a beautiful future that is, man.

I dream of a future.

You know what?

That would help me a lot because if I could just cut the top of my cock off, maybe it would grow back with the regular foreskin.

Ooh, Jews would be in trouble.

What do you mean?

You couldn't really get circumcised in the future, no matter what.

I'll see to that.

Don't worry.

Well, in this beautiful world where you could cut your cock off and it grows back, if you get circumcised, your foreskin would just grow back, and then Yahweh would be mad at you forever.

Listen, we've been in trouble basically in every generation.

Somehow we've gotten out of it.

You take

a future Hitler that develops a base on the moon with a laser that can just find every Jew from the moon.

That's what Moonraker is about.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the point.

Some guy that wanted to take an Aryan race up to the moon.

Is that for blow-up Earth, I think?

Is that really?

I don't know about blow-up Earth.

I don't know where the moon would go if Earth blew up.

So Hitler and Nick, in your scenario.

Hold on.

What's wrong with that?

If white supremacists had a way to get to the moon and live up there, we should let them.

Yeah, for sure.

You want to live on the fucking moon?

Yeah.

The moon sucks ass.

Actually, our...

It's Also, that's like the only type of like colonization that's like not...

In no way is that.

Ooh, yeah, interesting.

There's no indigenous people on the moon.

That's true.

Well, what if the world's going bad, though, and then we just have to take it?

And the only people that know how to colonize space are white supremacists.

I'm sorry, but that belongs to them.

It would be cultural appropriation to take the moon away.

It's their place.

It's all white.

It is all white.

It's made out of cheese.

We literally did just just describe what an ethnostate is.

It's like you get a place to all to yourself, you want to go there.

There's really no government.

Uh-huh.

Damn.

It's kind of like what Mormons believe in.

No, look, there's no rule that says that other races aren't allowed to come to the moon.

It's just like, good luck figuring out how to build a spaceship.

Nice try.

Yeah, except we all know only black women know how to build spaceships.

Yeah, right.

I saw hidden figures.

Did you know that

when Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, he said that one small step thing, but then he cut off the radio and he just said the n-word

for like 20.

And the best part is, there's no boo,

Houston.

We have Neil Armstrong is about to exit the Eagle lander.

The Eagle has landed, and he is stepping off the lander.

Bazinga.

Shit.

Fuck.

Pussy Soprama.

Pussy Soprama.

What's pussy soprama?

It literally means nothing.

It literally was just a phrase I was saying when we were checking the sound, and I loved how it sounded.

But it's the new way I'm living my life, dude.

I'm glad you guys started recording.

I would have fucking woken up at like 1 a.m.

and been all fucked up.

Yeah, I'm already fucked up.

Yeah, we were still pretty jet-lagged as a year.

Really?

I felt like this morning was the first morning I was over it.

Well, you could bet that

you should blow your nose down.

I'm going to be fucked up for a minute.

Yeah, oh, you can definitely bet that, all right.

You can bet.

Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, and he's like, you know, this was brought to you by betsi.com.

Beat me off guys.

I forgot where the other ones you told people to read around.

Absolute guaranteed winner or something.

Something like that.

Beat Me Off Guys is the best one.

BeatMeOffguys.com.

Damn, that guy DM'd me again.

Sorry, bro.

If you're listening to this, we do want those emails.

We want Stop, Nick, and Adam at beatmeoffguys.com.

That's my business email.

Yeah.

Yeah, so you can bet that.

And what else the other thing you can bet is on sports games.

Isn't that right?

Oh, the NBA is back, right?

The NBA's back, baby.

I'm sized up.

The Nippon Professional Baseball Climax

has ended, but now the

championship.

No, the climax series was like their wild card round running.

Oh, nice.

The second and third-placed teams.

Yeah, they have like a weird.

So the way the wild card, or not the wild card, but they're, yeah, it's like the climax series is like the

first seeded team

like plays

so that yeah, the second and third seeded team, they have a three-game series and then the winner of that plays the first seeded team in a six game series where the first seeded team has a one game advantage oh that's weird and it's all played at the at the the higher seeded teams stadium and the the tiebreaker is they both have an old Japanese businessman and if it's a tie ball game they kiss and the first one of those guys that busts

their team l wins bust DSI bust DSI oh yeah this is still the read right yeah yeah yeah yeah

So, you know, I'm going Yomuri Giants.

You know, I thought you would, you frontrunner.

I'm a frontrunner.

I like the.

I'm going Hiroshima.

Hiroshima Carp.

I call them the Hiroshima crap.

That's fucked up.

I wear that jersey.

I'm glad they dropped.

Japanese people just keep coming up to me and they go, cop.

Oh,

that's how excited they get about their team.

Oh, a cop.

I love how quiet everyone is here.

Yeah, I've experienced no disrespect out of because

I've got a ward-winning mobile app.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

And 24-7 customer service.

Not the Japanese, Bet DSI.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Beat me off, guys.

It's a great sports betting website.

They've been paying out winners or whatever the fuck.

You could literally bet your life on that website.

They got a mobile app.

Someone would come to your house and kill you.

Yeah, if you lose.

Someone will take a fucking

come to your house and fuck your mouth.

Oh, yeah.

And they promised that on Bet DSI.

They promised that.

You don't have any money?

Put your dignity on the line.

Put that sweet mouth pussy on the line.

And it's legal because they're based in Germany.

The headquarters are in Hungary or Budapest or some shit.

Yeah.

Completely removed from

any possibility of a lawsuit.

They can never be extradited for getting away from the money.

They're never going to be at your home and fucking your mouth.

So you can bet your mouth pussy with impunity.

On Bet DSI, though.

On Bet DSI.

They offer live in-game wagering.

So you don't like Hiroshimatoyo carp anymore?

You can fucking change your bet.

Switch it the fuck up.

They're losing.

That's what live-in-game wagering means.

You realize at the last minute you're not going to win.

You change it.

You change it.

But you have to bet way more because the odds are probably really bad.

Yeah, the odds are.

Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, you can hedge.

Take out, you know,

a second loan on your house.

Yeah.

Bet it all.

Yeah.

On the Soft Bank Eagles.

No, they're already out, dude.

Are they out?

I don't know.

Well, you should do that.

Birdland, baby.

Soft bank Eagles.

Birdland.

They got Ravens out here, dude.

That's how you know.

So keep betting on the Ravens, everyone.

I don't think I've ever seen a Raven until I've been here.

Yeah, they're cool.

I'll fuck with them.

And the Ravens sucked.

Who the fuck did we just play and we whooped their ass cheeks?

The Titans.

So you would have made some money if you followed my Always Bet the Ravens shit on that one.

Classic.

Tomorrow, or I guess today, is it Thursday in America?

I don't fucking know.

But the Lakers are playing the Blazers, and it's Portland minus three and a half.

Take LeBron, man.

What the fuck?

LeBron getting three and a half points?

Stop.

Thank you.

He's not going to lose in his fucking debut.

No, he's not going to lose it.

I saw a highlight from practice.

The Sixers minus 11 of the Bulls.

Ooh, I don't know.

You can bet on like.

I say take that because they just got embarrassed by the Celtics.

Yeah, you can bet on everything.

All right.

Well, I would bet on the camera.

And then Heat Wizards.

Who would you take, Adam?

Heat Wizards was the line.

He gets one point.

I think the Wizards are going to fucking suck, fall apart this year.

So are you taking the Heat?

I think they're going to.

Heat plus one.

Heat plus one.

He lost, though, right?

To the magic.

Yeah.

Shit like that happens all the time.

Remember at the beginning of the season with the Pistons start.

Oh, okay.

Well.

Remember when the

Pistons started.

The first heat.

Oh, yeah, the Pistons were good last year for like the first two weeks.

The first LeBron, Miami Heat team lost a bunch, and Philly, which was horrible, beat them.

And that was in the middle of the tanking, whatever.

So those are our picks on beatmeoffguys.com.

I think if you promo code suck my fat

promo code Come Town, it's capital C lowercase UM 120, you get 120% bonus on your deposit, which is a shittier deal than the promo code used to be because you guys were winning too much.

You were winning too much.

You were drying these German mouth fucking assholes

lower.

We had to give you less than before.

You were sucking them good news, actually.

The good news is that you get less than you did.

Because you were winning.

You were doing so well, guys.

We're real proud of you gambling.

So take the Ravens, take the picks we just made.

Call up the customer service.

Call up the customer service.

Make sure you take advantage of that 24-7 customer service.

That's part of the money you're paying into the system.

Oh, yeah.

Absolutely.

Yeah, you pay for that customer service.

You get a nice 120% bonus.

No way you can lose.

Absolutely not.

As long as you only bet your principal, you'll never lose

whatever.

House money.

Something like that.

It's about betting with house money.

I've been reading a lot about gambling, and that's what you want to do.

You want to bet with house money.

So

that's another free tip.

So beat me, beat betsi.com.

Bet dsi.com, promo code come121, come to whatever, whatever Nick said.

Damn, I'm so congested.

I know, and I can't read ill, I can't read any of the fucking medicine.

I tried to buy medicine here, and it's all doesn't make any sense, dude.

I saw one that was like a box, and it's like, destroys viruses, and it's got Woody from Toy Story.

You know, Mickey Mouse's ears.

What the fuck?

What is this?

Yeah.

Yeah.

All of it is fucking bullshit.

I like different kinds of fruits frowning.

Yeah.

A raccoon for some reason.

And they don't sell Nyquil.

They're clever it.

And it's Woody.

Whoa.

It's Toy Story.

Limited, viruses, bacteria, odor floating in the room.

But it literally has the Toy Story logo on it.

It says Toy Story.

It says Sheriff Woody.

It says Disney Pixar.

But he's Mickey Mouse.

And then Woody is Mickey Mouse.

Oh, here's another bit you weren't around for, Adam.

Oh, my God.

Gay Arnold.

Isn't that right, Nick?

Gay Arnold.

But what's the twist, Nick?

I know.

I wanted to let you deliver it, but instead of a big-ass head, his hips are like that.

Like a football.

Like a football.

His big, fat ass.

So that's Gay Arnold.

Yeah.

Somebody say gay McDonald's.

McDonald's gay.

I'm gay.

I am gay.

Yeah.

It's funny, dude.

Like I said, I tried to go back and watch that Gap Fat sketch.

It just reads like a regular commercial now.

Gay McDonald's in four years.

That's going to be

Schlitch, dude.

Schlitz Gay.

The sketch with fucking Adam Sandler.

Oh, yeah.

Schlitz Gay will be reality soon, though.

Schlitz Gay, a good one.

That was one of my favorite sketches.

God damn.

Yeah, yeah.

I loved it as a sketch and a joke and not because there was a lot of cock in it.

I remember actually being like, whoa,

that's what gay is.

I remember

when I was a baby, I asked my mom, I was like, this is in Greek, but it translates perfectly, where I was like, baby from dinosaurs.

Huh?

Like the baby from dinosaurs.

Yeah,

I really was a lot like that baby.

But I asked my mom, I was like, hey, mom,

what does gay mean?

And she's like, oh, it means someone that's very happy.

And then I was like, oh, I thought it meant faggot.

I knew the Greek word for faggot.

You knew the slur.

I did because of my father.

I actually heard the word lesbian first.

And my parents were listening to like NPR or some shit like that or something on the radio.

Nice pussy report.

Yeah,

the pussy report.

Nice pussy report.

Yeah, Adam's parents.

And then I was like, and then Adam Adam would go to school and brag about listening to NPR.

He's like, oh, I actually only listened to NPR.

Anyway, but it said lesbian on the page.

That's how you know it's true.

Shut up.

Bragg.

It said lesbian on the.

Oh, you listen to the rock and roll.

I listen to NPR.

I listen to fucking.

All things considered.

I know who Kofi Anon is.

I sucked off Kofi Roll.

I do know who Kofi Anon is.

Yeah, this is first grade.

You think his dick tastes like coffee?

Yeah.

I knew him.

Yeah, exactly.

I knew him in first grade before he was Secretary General.

I knew he was on the come up.

Yeah.

I was like, yo, after

Boutros is gone, this dude Kofi is about to be played.

I knew who Boutros was because, wasn't there an Animaniac sketch or something about him?

I only knew about him because of the Allie G show interview.

Or no, maybe I'm thinking about what's the place so nice they named it twice?

Galagala?

Galagala?

No.

That's Gala Gala Island.

No, no.

What's the place so nice they named it twice?

I don't know.

Damn.

This is gonna bother me.

It was from maybe it was from Looney Tunes.

The place so nice they named it twice.

Anyway, I heard the word lesbian on the radio.

I asked my parents what it was and they were like, It's like when two women love each other and then gay is like two men.

Mm-hmm.

And I remember hearing the word lesbian and thinking it was like s a scary word.

Because it sounded like lizard.

Or I thought it was like a lizard monster kind of thing.

Well, it sort of is.

Yeah.

But he didn't know the entire time that it was his own race.

Yep.

Yeah.

It was just secret lizard monsters.

Secret lizard monsters that control all the monetary policy.

That's my favorite anti-Semitic conspiracy is that they're reptiles.

Maybe New York, New York is the place so nice they named it to us.

The place that we live.

Is this a lyric from the song?

Yeah.

Yeah, it might be.

But I swear there's another place that has two names.

From an animaniac song.

Or maybe I am thinking about Boutros Boutros.

Maybe there's a joke about the man so nice they named him twice, Boutros Boutros Gali.

They were doing Boutros Boutros Gali bits on Animaniac.

I don't know.

Something.

Something I fucking.

I don't know.

How the fuck else would I know who Boutros was as a child?

The Animaniacs existed in the Warner Brothers universe?

Yes.

Yeah.

Steven Spielberg's universe.

So E.T.

was there.

E.T.

was there.

All the kids he raped over there.

They were extra Jurassic Park animals.

Were the

T-Rex?

Was Sylvester the cat and like Tweety and all them?

Yeah.

That was their dad.

Yeah.

Sylvester was their father.

I don't remember that show at all.

Animaniacs?

Dot?

I just remember the song.

Dot had some good pussy.

Yeah.

Dot sucked Dick.

I heard.

Yeah.

She sucked both her brothers.

Animaniacs?

Yeah.

Of course.

Where else?

I I guess the jokes really were for adults.

They were, yeah, yeah.

There's a whole episode where Dot has to get an abortion.

It was pretty informative.

Damn, you guys are really sick.

You want me to get you, like, go out and get you something?

I have something to get.

It's fucking.

I think I just have allergies.

A doctor told me if somebody sucked the seam of my nuts,

that that's a big pressure point, and that all the congestion would go away.

I love that Asian medicine.

Actually, can you give me the ice?

ice?

I'm going to ice my foot while we do this shit.

I mean, you know, your boy, I'm probably

traveling with maybe a little bit of a bit of that allergy medicine myself.

Oh, are you?

Oh, you know, I get allergies in every continent.

What kind?

Benadryl?

I think I might have Claritin D.

You know, the stuff you got to sign the form to get.

What's the shit that makes you sleepy?

It's Benadryl?

Benadryl makes you sleepy.

But you don't have that?

Ah, fuck.

I got to ice my foot.

I've been so,

for our beloved listeners, I've I've been walking way more since my injury.

Yeah, so the first time I was around real good.

But my foot has been hurting like a motherfucking bitch.

I did a fucking bike tour of Tokyo, friends.

A six-hour bike tour.

Your boy was huffing and puffing all across this beautiful city with a couple New Zealanders.

A bunch of old New Zealanders.

And they showed me a picture of their grandson's penis.

Oh, they were old people.

Yeah.

Why'd you say they had to go play Mario?

They're all doing that shit, dude.

Yeah, they just showed me their little, like, a little kid's cock, and I was like, oh, no.

I mean, it wasn't like a Zoom truck service truck.

Omgay made on them.

Omgay Mate.

Yeah.

Did they do the Haka?

Yeah.

Yeah.

These white people.

These are old-ass white people.

These Mayo ass.

Dude, it was so funny, Racker.

One of these ladies.

I was like, I was like, I was like, the other day, they're just trying to tell me that the Haka is cool.

The Haka is so gay.

It's the gayest thing ever.

I think it's pretty cool.

If I was playing against them in rugby, I'd be like, this is why are you guys doing a chorus?

Didn't those guys dance?

Didn't some New Zealand guys eat people who gives a shit what it's a dance some of some of those guys dance yeah some dances are cool that dance didn't some the blockboy JB eat each other yeah there's there's like a tribe of motherfuckers on one of those little ass islands

that are cannibals I don't know it's that sounds

right I think I saw I think I heard it in sociology class for real

I remember a guy with a British accent telling me in my sociology professor in college 101.

I remember my dad was like,

before I went to college, he's like, if you take a sociology class, I'm not paying for your college.

I'm like, you're not paying for my college as it is.

I'm taking out thousands and thousands of dollars of student loans.

You're giving me zero dollars.

He was against sociology.

Yeah, he's like, it's a waste of time.

You're like, suck this dick, old man.

Waste these nuts.

These beautiful nuts.

But so these New Zealanders, right?

It was me, an old married couple, and like a woman who was like their age, but didn't have was there alone.

And

I over and we had like this Japanese guide that like knew English but like

wasn't great at it.

You know what I mean?

Sounds like he'd be great to be a guy for so he basically he could speak English, but he didn't get any like any nuance or anything.

So he's like, um,

so he uh

he's talking to this lady who's single and who's like by herself and he's like,

uh uh how uh why why you come to Tokyo or whatever?

And she's like, she's like,

oh, you know, wanted to see the sites, you know.

And he's like, oh, why are you the tour?

And she's like, well, my husband was a cyclist, and

today would have been his birthday.

And she's like, tearing up.

She's tearing up.

And this guy's like, oh,

how long?

When did you get to Tokyo?

And then, like, just completely steamrolls past it.

And she's like,

three days ago.

And then he's like, oh, you used chopsticks?

This woman was talking about.

She was crying.

She was literally crying

about her dead husband.

And he's like, oh,

it was fucking insane.

He completely missed out on that whole fucking shit.

But shouts out to those people.

And shouts out to motherfucking

Tokyo Bike Tours.

Although I will say the last ride was the longest, and

I was none too pleased about that.

I was ready to call it a damn day.

Yeah.

And then I fucking went and just sat in a fucking onsen.

Where did the bike tour go?

I would love to run one of those and just take people along the highway.

Worst tour of all time.

We went to

Buddhist shrine.

Doing something.

Make sure you take off your underwear and throw it away.

Oh,

replace it with Mac Weldon underwear from MacWeldon.com.

That's right.

Simplest, easiest shopping experience that you've ever had.

Oh, that's right, bitch.

You know, look, I've been buying a lot of shit in Tokyo.

My card's getting declined everywhere

because I have just gambled away all my cryptocurrencies.

And I'm actually fucking broke.

You should have used a different bet service, but that's not their time.

I should have done what?

It doesn't matter.

Anyways,

I don't...

I'm literally in pants list now.

Yeah, we can see Nick's cock.

I had to throw away all my pants because I, and I've pissed all of my underwear because I keep forgetting to take my pants off at the Euro.

Yeah, which is tough.

No one reminds you.

They should have signs to remind you.

How do you use the toilet?

But that's another thing.

We don't have to get into it now.

So I went to MacWaldon.com and I used their simple premium designs and simple shopping fabrics.

Fabrics.

Something about that.

Yeah.

He used their fabric.

Yeah, he used their fabrics.

I did something

at their easy website to purchase this

underwear and it came to my house.

And I tell you, boys, never in my life have I worn underwear before until that moment.

I've done things that I thought was wearing underwear.

But his penis was in a man's ass.

This is what he thought underwear was.

That's what I thought underwear was.

That's not underwear.

Richard, what are you doing?

I thought I was putting on underwear.

Richard.

I thought underwear was underwater.

And he told me his ass was underwear.

I thought that's what wearing underwear was.

And then he was trying to do something nice for you.

And then he had to wear underwear, too.

Or was I going to not let the man wear underwear?

Yeah.

And so he used my ass as underwear.

They got a line of naturally silver

antimicrobial.

And silver line of shirts and underwear that are naturally antimicrobial.

That's right, brother.

What does that mean?

It means they soak the fucking.

Who are you going to call?

Stink right off your nuts.

Who you're going to call it?

And pussy.

Cox, suck.

Mac, well,

My penis.

Yeah.

Who are you going to call?

Mac Weldon.

My penis.

Mac Weldon.

Sorry, I forgot.

You should do jingles.

Not the Ghostbusters.

You should do jingles for these cards.

Yeah.

Check out Ghostbusters, the movie.

There's something strange.

Your asshole.

Who are you going to call?

Mac Weldon.

They never explain who Mac Weldon is.

He's a guy who just loved to suck people.

I imagine

he's like the Monopoly guy, but the monocle is like one of those jewel-inspecting things.

Yeah, the jeweler's loop.

Yeah, that's good.

That's who he is.

He's the guy.

You know who Mac Weldon is?

He's the guy who.

Because here's another beautiful thing with Mac Weldon.

They don't even, if you don't like your underwear, you say, I don't fuck with it.

You can keep them, free refund.

But when people do send them back, you know who gets them is Mac Weldon, and he sniffs them.

So that's who Mac Weldon is.

He's a guy who wanted to fucking sniff nuts.

And by accident, he started a company.

It was like a scheme to get into sniffing nuts.

And then he just happened to make the best underwear of all time.

He started rich.

He's a big company.

And now he can pay men to sniff their nuts.

He doesn't need to.

And we're lucky we get these beautiful underwear to caress our balls and pussies.

It's like the guy that was making penicillin was

trying to make a Viagra.

Wasn't it oranges?

No, it was like old bread, I think.

Anyway, it's the same kind of thing as yeah, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

So, who are you going to call?

Mac

Weldon.

You call Mac

promo code code town.

Capital C U.

Curled up like a cat.

You're in fetal position on the floor.

You can find a nice way to sit here.

Do you want

this thing?

I'll take the chair.

Oh, goddamn.

That was a wild sneeze.

That's sick, man.

Yeah.

I know I brought it up earlier.

Oh, what's the promo code, Nick?

Hold on.

I got to sneeze.

Nick is sneezing, but hold for the...

Meanwhile, let me talk more about how Mac Walden is a gay man that wants to sniff nuts.

So he came over from Ireland, and

it was at the height of the potato famine, and he was actually exiled for sniffing all the dead corpses nuts.

Ireland didn't want him anymore.

No.

They just knew English name.

There's no Irish fucking name.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, thanks for clearing that up.

Thanks.

No, he's Irish.

No, his family was.

Some gay British fucking colonialist piece of shit.

He was in the Raj.

Yeah.

He's wearing a pith hat.

He came over to suck Cromwell's dick

and fucking can't mind his own business.

Yep.

So anyway,

just thousands of years of the Irish living in peace, beating their wife if they fucked once ever.

But somehow they have four kids.

Yeah.

They made that nut last in Ireland, dude.

That was traditional.

That movie Angela's Ashes was about, right?

Yep.

The movie you've seen.

I have seen it.

How about

Angela's Gashes?

And it's about a woman with seven pussies.

Just an Irish woman with just seven pussies that are just shitting out fucking.

Yeah.

We should say the promo code before.

Oh, yeah.

Promo code code Come Town Capital C

U M T O W N to get 20 something percent off your order.

Wow, just written just 20.

20 percent.

Let's say 20.

Let's say 20 and if it's more, and if it's 20, if it's more, that's a bonus.

Such a bonus.

Huge bonus.

Huge bonus.

Yeah, it's really easy to.

Your Japanese gets really good, I found.

Yeah.

The drunker you get.

I'm basically fluent.

Yeah, me too.

It was funny.

We went to breakfast the other day, and Adam's saying, like, what do you got to do to the fucking waiter?

Like

a chump.

You're supposed to be a bad person.

Whereas I was like, hey, fuck that.

Give me my fucking burger, you fucking chat.

Everybody, yeah.

Fuck yeah, dude.

I give a shit.

Fuck manners.

Don't make me.

And then anytime they give me any attitude, I'm like,

look, you don't tip here.

There's no tipping.

I love it.

That's why I feel like I found the perfect culture.

No tipping and no saying, excuse me.

I'll take tipping.

I have no problem tipping or whatever as long as I don't have to say please and thank you to people.

And I love that they bring you the check with your food.

I love that too.

I hate that stage of eating.

I know.

Like

when you're done eating and then you got to wait for the fucking.

Oh, you guys are so sick.

We're just congested, bitch.

Relax.

Doing good bits kills your immune system.

Yeah, sorry we've been coming up with

the heavy lifting on the show, coming up with fucking Richard.

Richard.

The jigsaw puzzle, guys.

I forgot what I was saying.

You were talking about how you wanted to suck a man off.

I did.

I was thinking that.

I went to an onsen, which is like a spa.

I went to one last night.

I stayed at one last night.

Well, but you went to one where you could go with a girl, right?

Yeah, me and Dot.

Yeah, it was just a private onset.

I went in a public one, and I gotta say.

Guys only, though.

Guys only.

Yeah, naked.

Naked.

Naked as shit.

And

I was offended.

There are a few Japanese guys with big dicks, and it really threw me for a loop.

Oh, yeah.

I just expected to just really be the fucking cock of the wall.

Well, good friends.

Don't get me wrong.

There were some guys with hilariously small dicks.

Like, you're laughing.

No joke, I smile.

One guy, I smiled.

They don't allow women there to prevent this kind of beating.

I mean, I can't help it.

I'm not trying to look at their dicks, but they're bobbling around and shit.

But some of them were kind of packing.

There was one guy, there was one, like, I guess this guy was foreign, but he was white and he had a huge, like, well, then that's not a Japanese guy.

But there was another white guy who was fat as shit and had a very little penis.

And it was not me.

I did not look in the mirror before anyone says that.

It was not me looking in the mirror.

No, it wasn't you looking in the mirror.

It was looking at yourself in the reflection of the water

at the arm.

No, it was a different guy.

He just stopped in that room wearing like a Hemingway outfit with a little notebook where he thinks.

I want to remember what every deck was, but he's just drawing

flowers and birds.

I got to say, I did that after that bike tour and I'm not that sore the day after.

Although I did get a massage from uh and that bitch fucked me up.

This like cute little Japanese woman just fucking and she didn't jack you and she didn't and dude, I really would have loved you.

You got a proper massage.

Honestly, there was a point where she was rubbing my thighs, and she was like, she kind of touched my cock,

but she was doing a professional thing.

And I was like, I mean, but what if?

But what if?

And this is a place where, like, completely legit, you pay with a credit card.

Like, there's no, you know what I mean?

Just start signing a release.

Yeah, you're like, there was no chance.

But you definitely,

yeah.

I also, I've gotten two massages on this trip.

And the first one was

a man.

And I was laughing, thinking about seeing it be a guy and being like,

okay, fine, but no gay shit, dude.

Just letting him know straight up.

Don't look at it.

Don't even consider any gay shit.

But

I do feel like they should jerk you off at every massage.

It's such a sensual

dark.

You're so relaxed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I feel like those massage chairs on the Jersey turnpike should suck you off.

I agree.

Yeah.

That that would be great.

They should have a fucking flashlight attachment that rumble at the same time.

That rumbles at the same time.

They got this toilet.

Should we patent that?

Yeah, well, the toilets here are all robots.

That's true.

That's cool.

They should suck your dick at least.

I don't understand why the toilets don't do that.

Yeah, every toilet has a bidet, which is wild.

That's for girls.

They lick your ass.

No, they have a girl setting and a guy setting.

No, they have a fucking regular setting and then a girl setting, motherfucker.

They have asshole and pussy.

But I did the pussy and it kind of falls on your butt, and it kind of tickles your butt.

You're not.

I've not ventured to press either one of those buttons.

You haven't gotten a.

Are you kidding?

I've done it every time.

Why not?

Every single time.

I've been shit.

I've been changing my whole life.

Bro, do it.

It'll change your life.

You're scared right now.

I'm not trying to have my life change.

Yeah, he's scared of being gay.

You're scared.

You're scared you're like it too much.

You're scared that it might be awesome.

I think it's going to be annoying, and then there's like, I'm just wet.

It's not annoying.

You just use the toilet paper to dry yourself.

Dude, you're being closed-minded.

That's crazy, dude.

Embrace the culture.

Shut the fuck up, dude.

Yeah, dude.

Let that robot lick your ass.

Get out of here with your bullshit.

What bullshit?

Embrace the culture.

I agree with it.

Are gato, dude?

Fuck all these.

No, fuck talking to them.

I despise these people.

This is a prison to me.

They don't want to talk to you either, dude.

That's the great thing about traveling here.

It's not like a place where you have to put on a whole dog and horse and pony.

What is it?

Yeah.

Dog and pony bitch.

The The dog and pony show.

That's what's going on in the kitchen.

There are a bunch of like Nigerian guys that are trying to get you to buy prostitutes.

They all buy weeks.

They're running the

Red Light District, which we're staying by.

We're staying like a block away.

We're staying in the Koreatown.

We got to get

Korean

tomorrow or maybe.

Yeah.

It's funny, the lady that thought this was her Airbnb was Korean.

I thought that maybe she was trying to stay in Koreatown.

Is she still around?

Can I fuck her?

You think?

No, she left.

It was weird, dude.

It was really weird.

Her walking in.

I was not wearing a shirt.

And she was like, what's going on in here?

Yeah, that's why you got to lock the door.

Yeah, I left it unlocked.

Wow.

There's no crime here.

Literally, the apartment just got broken into.

Dude.

And luckily, she could.

No, no, she had the key.

It was locked.

She could smell me.

No, no, no.

She used the key.

She was somebody that will defend us.

Yeah.

It was my pheromones.

My pheromones brought her in.

My sexual pheromones.

Yeah.

And Nick's defense pheromones kicked her out.

No, I think pheromones is a little bit of sweet and sour.

No.

Yeah.

Sweet and sour.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm the sexual.

Nick is the threat.

Do you remember that wrestler, sexual chocolate?

Of course.

Yeah.

Two are necessary.

There's no reason to have three

when you only need two.

Sweet and sour and

seltzer.

You're basically seltzer.

Have you ever thought of a sauce?

Imagine using seltzer as a dipping sauce.

That would suck.

Imagine that.

Wow.

What do you

it would just be?

That's such a taste like water.

Imagine.

Imagine.

I'm imagining that right now.

What the hell?

What the fuck?

What's going on?

Stop.

Your imagination is incredible.

Dude, dream to imagine.

You guys don't dream to imagine.

That's your problem.

Pontiac.

Dream to imagine.

Nah, that's me, dude.

I'm selling that for a million dollars.

Let an idiot rewrite it.

Yeah,

let me be fucking

Don Drake.

Which is something you could imagine, but also dream.

You're like, you've done it again, Don.

Pontiac.

Dream to imagine.

Shouts out, John.

It's a car, but it's also a dream.

It is.

It's also your imagination.

Imagination.

That childlike imagination.

Dude, I don't know what.

This sounds great.

This is better than most bads.

All feel it.

Your John Hamm's gotten really good, dude.

Thank you.

I sat in a seltzer bath.

That's one of the things you could do at the onset.

Oh, it was.

Recarbonated water.

They had hellish shit.

How'd that feel like?

They had silk.

Whatever the fuck that means.

Silk bath?

Yeah.

I sat in that shit.

Maybe silt.

Silk baths.

Maybe silt.

Dream them.

You can imagine them also.

No, I think it was, they said silk.

What is silt?

It's my dick.

Yeah.

What is that word?

Silt.

It means my dick.

Silt.

Look, it's simple.

It's rocks, bitch.

Silt.

Oh, yeah, it's

my dick.

Yeah, there we go.

It's a silt.

It's silk.

Mineral.

Yeah, it's like a mineral dick.

I think it was a silk S-I-L-K bath.

Maybe it's silk.

Let me look that up.

Whatever.

What's the problem with silt these days?

No one knows what it is anymore.

And we're not going to educate people.

We're just going to tell them what it is.

Silk.

That's right.

It's my dick.

Silk Bath 2.0 is a ruthless physical exploration of what it means to be a Chinese Canadian after the citizenship paperwork is assigned.

Chinese, instead of Canadians, what if they were Get Brainians?

Don, you've done it again.

Don, you've done it again.

I was working on the new campaign for the Canadian Tourism Board.

I said to them, what if it was Get Brainians?

They loved it.

He says right before he gets the guck, guck, guck from the bag.

I've only seen like the first two episodes of that show.

Madden Man?

Yeah.

Yeah.

My man gets pussy.

Yeah.

We will say that about him.

He does fuck.

Yeah.

I thought the, yeah, you get the point after the first like three seasons.

Oh, that's it, huh?

You just have to watch a cool 100 hours and two hours of programming.

I watched the whole damn thing.

Did you?

Yeah, and then I was very unsatisfied at the end.

There's one, I know that's a lot of people, a lot of people probably.

There's one episode where

what if it was Ladman and they's like

they was watching Minchester.

Yeah.

Manchester City.

That's a good Northern face.

Thank you.

Canadians, it's like

Brainyans, you know.

Right.

Mental, isn't it?

What about instead of Canadians, it's I'm Ghanians.

That's good for you.

For me, not for me, for you.

No, no, no.

I'm a getbrainian.

I don't know, but how about you, Nick?

It's cool that you came up with one for yourself, Adam.

You're a bad person.

I didn't come up with Get Brainian.

I'm not a Get Brainian.

No, we say Canadian.

You're an I'm Ghanaian.

We say, but it's gay all the time.

I'm up with I'm Ghanian for yourself.

No, it wasn't.

I didn't say for me.

I think

there was a way I could be included.

Obviously, I'm not.

I'm not a Get Brainian.

That's insane.

That would be ridiculous.

That would be absolutely absurd.

No, I'm not married.

That would be just

so fucking stupid.

I'm saving that for my wedding night.

To get brain?

Yeah, I'm going to give him.

What's his name?

To get wedding name.

To get brain.

How can you get brain?

He's the broom's name.

Yeah.

How could you get brain by sucking someone else's dick?

Getting brain is getting someone to suck your dick.

He could suck your dick.

He will.

Whoever he is.

But then you wouldn't be getting brain.

If he sucks your dick?

No, you'd be giving dome.

If he sucks your dick, you wouldn't be getting brain.

If he sucked my dick.

If my wife sucked my dick.

I mean, my female.

Whatever you want to call him.

If my wife, whatever you want to do.

If my hot.

You know what's funny, dude?

The woman

out.

You just taught the way out of being an get-brainian.

Because I had a loophole in my argument.

All right.

A fatal loophole.

He just asked you a very straightforward question.

All right, can I ask you a question?

Even in a gay way, you're not a get brainian.

You were saying you couldn't even imagine a way where you don't suck a man's dick.

All right, goddammit, Don's flawless logic.

Can I ask you a question?

That's all we have to do.

Can I ask you guys a question?

You can't sell people on get brainians.

We just prove to them that they could never live that.

Can I please ask you guys a question?

But they'll never be able to live there.

Can I please ask you?

Yeah, go ahead.

Can I be a gift?

No, man.

Sorry.

Why?

No, you cannot.

Sorry, dude.

Oh, my God.

I just gave you the opportunity with that beautiful thought experiment, and you admitted you're not a gift.

Yeah, but you know, Stav, you know how you confuse me.

That's people.

These are logical loops.

Exactly.

You just run circles.

Simple mind is often the most powerful.

Ever since the moment.

And that's what that Jordan Peterson book, you've just become so logical.

That's what Mice and Men is about.

A simple-minded man can rape and kill a woman.

And fuck a rabbit or something.

He fucks rabbits.

I love that he just wants that rabbit farm to kill all those rabbits.

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

He wants to snap their necks and George is like, or Lenny's like, yeah, we'll get that for you.

Yeah, we'll get that, pal.

Damn, that must have sucked having to kill that.

What about a retard?

What about it?

I thought he lucked out.

He's like, I got a strong retard.

I can just cash his disability check.

Yeah, it does all my work.

I'm going to do a reimagining of Mice and Men where George is just a fucking scumbag piece of shit that he would be.

Because, like, what kind of guy is just going around palling around with a retard?

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're like, oh, you know, I keep track of his finances.

He's going for about 17 hours a day out in the field.

Me, I'm more of like a lemonade taster.

Just make sure the lemonade's firing right on the plantation.

Don't worry, Lenny will take care of it.

More than mine and his share combined.

Strong as an ox and has less legal rights.

I'll write them all off.

I don't give a shit.

There are no labor laws.

Look, he got kicked in the head by a retard or something.

Is that what happened to him?

Yeah.

How about instead of Mice and Men?

Oh, so wait.

I'm sorry.

Go ahead.

Of

Dyson Men, and it's Andrew Dyson.

Oh, I'm friends with a fucking retard over there.

And I fucked his mother.

Or maybe he's the retard because the men are the non-retard.

No, Mice doesn't refer to the retarded guy.

The best laid plans of Mice and Men.

It's a poem.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't think the book is about it.

See, one of them is a mouse, one of them's a guy.

Yeah, the men are the men and the mice.

Because Lenny snaps the neck of, like, kills all those mice.

No, it's rabbits.

Yeah, but he kills mice.

Doesn't he?

He kills all furry animals.

He's a furry animal.

He kills.

So, what about Lenny versus

at a furry convention?

There's a scene in the movie.

I'd love to set him loose at a furry convention.

Am I right, fellas?

There's a scene in the movie.

I don't remember if that's in the book or not.

They're a little foxtail.

There was a movie?

Yeah, there's several movies.

There's one in like 38, and then there was another one with John Malkovich and Gary Sinise.

Oh, yeah, John Malkovich is retarded as fuck.

Somebody that has this dog that has puppies, and Lenny's, like, sneaking it into the...

And George is like, you know, what the hell do you got there, Lenny?

You know,

because he knows he took one of the puppies.

Yeah.

He's like, just leave me alone, George, or whatever.

And then he like slabs his stomach and he pretends like he doesn't have the dog anymore.

They're like, oh,

that was a good joke, Lenny, that you pretended to have a dog because you know you can't have him because you'll kill it because you're retarding.

And then he begs George, and George finally lets him have the puppy.

And then, of course, immediately kills it.

Immediately kills him.

So that's crazy that he's a late-in-life mentally disabled guy.

Like, he was fine, and then a horse kicked him out.

I feel in the head as a kid.

Yeah, yeah.

I feel like that's the way to do it, though.

Go retard at, like, 40.

40?

Yeah, yeah.

No, even as a kid, that means he wasn't.

That's crazy to me.

I got to reread that book.

No, I don't.

Fuck that shit.

I'm not rereading shit.

I'm re-sucking your dick.

Psych.

Can I retread?

Well, hey, if you guys want to hear us do the show better, subscribe.

Yep.

Patreon.com slash Cometown.

We are no longer.

You can just, you know what?

Go to Patreon and search for Cometown.

We're listed.

We're not adult anymore.

We're not adult content anymore.

This is a mainstream show.

That's right.

This is for kids.

This is mainstream.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That part earlier when we were talking talking about, I don't know, a guy getting raped.

The next direction for the show.

Let's just say it's mainstream.

Yeah.

Not safe for work.

Who determines that?

When he's raping secretaries for years, the story.

Yeah, on Pan Am on airlines.

Like, you watched me rape a woman in this office.

Damn it.

This show is a good thing.

God damn it, Don.

You've done it again.

That's all that guy says.

Who is that guy?

I don't know.

He's the guy, one of those guys.

He's a clever marketing guy that just goes, damn it, Don, you've done it again.

You've done it again.

My fucking boy, Don comes through.

He's usually the scene as NBA What's the N Stand For campaign a couple years ago.

We got more people to tune in after they desegregated the leagues than anybody.

Don came in firing on all cylinders.

I said, well,

nobody's going to watch the NBA anymore.

Sure, they're more talented, but they don't pick up on film.

So Don had the idea to light the arena.

Of course, you're not going to be able to tell who the players are.

And then they all look exactly the same.

But

we lean in on that.

We say, what does the N stand for?

Oh, there was another joke.

What does the B stand for?

There was another joke about.

What does the A stand for?

It's the progression of names for African Americans.

N.

We all know what that one is.

B, black, A, African American.

Whoa, Don, ahead of his time.

The NBA represents progress.

Wow, that's beautiful, dude.

Yeah.

God damn it, Don.

Yeah.

You fucked my wife.

God damn it, Don.

You've done it again.

Progress.

I like it.

And we get to say the end one.

No, it's on some like plastic placard thing.

All right, well.

Okay, and if you are, we are coming to fucking Australia this week.

Sunday.

Sydney will be there on fucking the 23rd.

Melbourne will be there the 26th.

And Brisbane will be there on the 28th.

So please buy tickets to that if you haven't already.

We're doing podcasts and stand-up shows.

Two shows.

So please, if you want to come to both, there'll be different shows.

If you don't, don't.

And then also, we're going through the south the 11th through the 14th.

I'll put those dates on my website soon.

I'll be in Long Island at like a fucking movie theater or some shit on the 30th.

That's on my website.

Just at a movie theater?

No,

they have like a fucking lounge area or some shit.

I'm at the D.C.

Draft House doing a real big boy weekend,

a whole weekend of comedy club shows, headlining, my first time there.

So the 7th and 8th, two shows each night.

Please come out to that.

And then I'm in Indianapolis,

Cincinnati, and Columbus on the 14th, 15th, and 16th.

I'm flying to fucking.

I'm going to watch the Pacers and the Bucs play on the 13th, and then I'm doing a tour based around watching basketball.

So go to my website, suck my hard little penis.

We got funny moms, I think, at some point.

Yeah.

And

come, but yeah, come see us in Australia.

All right, bye, everybody.

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