Ep. 106 – Will Shitz His Pants

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Fuckers.

Hello and welcome to Come Town.

This is Phoenix Come.

Look at my...

My name is...

Phoenix?

That's your name?

I'm Phoenix Come.

My name is Luke Sky Faggot.

I'd be like Luke Sky Homo.

There is another

Sky Faggot.

Mr.

Yoda, you can't die.

Sucking penis, I will.

I want to go through.

See a faggot you are.

Act like a faggot, you must act.

I'm not acting like a faggot.

Mmm, are you?

I want to see solo.

Oh, yeah, I was about to say, we should go see solo after solo.

Here's a think-piece idea.

Excuse me, shouldn't this be a movie be called Lando?

Yeah,

excuse me.

Excuse me.

Yes.

How about Black Excellence?

You know, that's my real last name.

Adam Excellence.

Lando.

Oh, I thought.

Landau.

Adam Black Excellence.

Landau?

Yeah, it was changed when they moved to South Africa to free.

That's Landau.

That's not Landau.

Whatever, similar.

You're named after the symbol on the side of a hero.

Like Martin, like the actor, Martin Landau.

Cut him.

That's a nice shirt, dude.

I want to slice it up.

It is a really cashmere.

I don't actually.

I think it's Marina Wool.

Can I be honest?

I don't like it.

It's not mine.

It's Dasha's.

You look like you're back

from Desert Safari.

I don't like this.

Dasha's ex-husband.

You're wearing his clothes now.

Her friend's ex-husband, yes.

Actually, I don't think I ever got it.

It's cool that

Dash is still friends with her.

Dasha brings her ex-husband's clothes for you to put on.

She's like, it's so big on you.

Yeah.

Just sit there wearing big shirts.

That's not true.

It fits me.

You have to wear his big ass shirts.

I do have to wear.

Used condoms.

My ex-husband's used condoms.

They're still friends.

It's pretty mature, guys.

That is mature.

Yeah.

I'm not still friends with anybody, even people I'm friends with.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's true.

That's the ultimate level.

Maturity is no longer being friends with anybody.

Oh, you keep in touch with your exes.

I don't even keep in touch with, you know, myself.

Nick's wearing noise-canceling headphones right now.

He can't hear anything me or Adam.

Yeah, boys-canceling headphones.

Only hear pussy.

My boys.

I will only hear the pussy.

The reversal.

The rare reversal on the boys/slash guys thing.

Guys only.

Boys are canceled.

So I can only hear black, excellent voices.

I can hear the excellent voices of magical black women.

Joseph and his amazing Technicolor dream black woman.

Although I have to say, Serena Williams appears to have used up some black girl, used up a lot of her black girl magic.

Yeah, in

what she pulled out of uh did she pull out of the French Open?

Yeah, stop.

Can you tell me what the times it's at?

Where we're at?

We are at two minutes and 47,

59 seconds,

51 seconds, 52 seconds, 53 seconds, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 59, three minutes.

Perfect.

Cool.

Cool.

Wow.

So then it, yeah, we got.

I got we got to start doing reads at certain times.

Yeah.

Okay.

We can't tell the audience.

We have to sneak them in.

Okay, perfect.

Because it has to sound like real time.

Our sponsors were very concerned that people would be fast-forwarding through the advertisement.

So, guys, if you do that, guess what?

We're giving out, there's be a secret hidden message.

It'll be Adam's address.

Adam's social security number.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The first four numbers hidden in the first read.

There's a lot more.

There's a lot more doxing to do.

There's a lot more personal information that we could release.

Listen to the entire read.

Here's the thing.

If you listen to the entire read, there's a download code for pictures of Dosh's feet.

I already know that.

Omega Upload.

She got mad.

I just got it.

On the mega upload.

4K.

Kim.com.

Yeah.

His personal stash.

Yeah.

Who's Kim.com?

He's that fat German guy.

That's like a hacker.

He did make upload.

He's a fat German hacker.

He started mega upload, I think.

Where does he live in New Zealand or something?

No, yeah.

Or I think he's dead, actually.

Is he dead?

I think so.

Getting too much pussy?

Getting too much pussy poisoning.

Car I cunt poisoning.

Oh, we said this on the premium, but if you're in Australia, we'll be there in October.

Oh, yeah.

Three cities.

Rich for Australia, baby.

Yeah.

What kind of

Australia?

We're going to have so much fun in this country.

I can't wait for the colours.

Hi, mate.

Could you stop spitting all over?

Mate, your teeth are too fucked up to come into the country.

Why do you have fake teeth?

That's because I used to be addicted to math.

Yeah, that's gross.

Hey, come on, man.

It was crack.

Was it?

It wasn't crack?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's kind of like the Ian of

the old guy.

You're really mean to him.

That's exactly correct.

It is funny.

He's got a nice

hot wife.

He, every once in a while,

Donnie is hot.

She's

correct.

I wonder if she's trans, considering Voss is the Ian of that group.

That is true.

It would make sense.

Franz.

Why is the woman

that funny?

With that, yeah, that hot, good at comedy.

Yeah.

Yeah, she's got a ton of fun.

She's got to have a dick.

It's got to have a penis.

That's the only explanation.

Bonnie McFarlane, we're calling you out.

Let's see that cock.

You listen to the new segment of Come Town.

Let's see that cock.

Call out cock.

Call out women.

For being too talented.

The only explanation is that they're hiding a cock.

Damn, baby.

Let me see that fucking dick.

Yeah.

The new type of cat call

where women are assumed to be men.

Yeah, that Tina Fey, a little too funny for me.

Probably got a dick.

Let's see that.

Tina Fey.

Let's see that cock.

Show us your cock.

Show us your dick, bitch.

It's not misogyny because we don't consider them women.

We're just being mean to other men.

And you know what?

Men are toxic, so it's actually good.

Hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, yes.

Fuck, man.

She should show us your shit.

Especially the ones that are trans.

Wait a second.

So, yeah, we're going to be in motherfucking Rich Australia in October.

Melbourne, Sydney, and Brisbane.

And also going to be in Rich Vostomore.

Yeah, Rich Vostomore.

August 12th.

August 12th.

Rich Vostomore.

Rich Vostobar.

The The Rich Bosto bar.

Do people in Baltimore like rep Silence of the Lambs?

Yeah, dude.

What?

Because the Insane Asylum is in Maryland.

Yeah, the Insano Asylum is in Maryland.

Where?

The Cum Throwing Insane Asylum.

I didn't know that.

Well, the book takes place, like Cannibal Elector is supposed to be from Baltimore.

Hell yeah, yeah.

He's a Baltimore.

Yeah, yeah.

Yay, Clarice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yo, Clarice, once you get in here, come over here, yo.

They say he's the smartest man in Baltimore.

Yeah, I've never choked on a button.

That's the test.

The best thing.

You've never put your clothes in your mouth and choked on them.

If you made it that far in life, guess what?

You can eat people.

I eat some liver with old bay crab chips.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And natty ice.

Right.

Yeah.

No ice.

Natty bad.

I had a nice dinner.

I ate his liver with some e-pills,

which I call rava beans.

You know?

And then a nice glass of for loco.

And then he goes, homemade four loco, baby.

They stopped.

I've assembled it at home, but I got the co-reads.

I figured it out.

It's Domitat, Mountain Dew, co-red,

a little bit of fucking bike, Drano.

Yeah, I eat every part of the body except the pussy because that shit's gay.

My name's Le Hannibal, L.

Apostrophe Hannibal, and I'm white.

Do not look at my hair.

Do not look at the shape of my hair and accuse me of being mixed race.

Don't ever fucking look.

You can touch.

Go ahead, touch it.

Why would I give a shit?

Don't comment on its texture, but you can fucking touch it.

You don't like it?

I'll fucking eat your ass.

Oh, hell yeah.

Yeah.

Le Hannibal Lecter.

Damn.

Dr.

Ruth turned 90.

She still got that good pussy?

Yeah, dude.

I think she's probably

so good.

Just blow up.

Show us that dick.

Show us that dick.

Ram that 90-year-old pussy so hard it turns inside out.

Just imagine how bad you could fuck up an 80-year-old's pussy.

Yeah, for sure.

The rest of her body is too good.

No, I think it's like more elastic, probably.

No way.

It'll come right out.

Yeah.

It'll pop right out.

You could just blow that pussy to pieces.

She's fucking pushing.

If you blow into her ass, it could probably pop her pussy out.

Yeah.

I would think.

Yeah, that's how it works.

It's like you know, when a balloon's left around, like a helium balloon's left out for a while.

Two days old.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just sagging.

Now imagine an 80-year-old balloon that you could put your dick inside of.

Yeah.

It's had a lot of comments.

An old woman's pussy.

It's like, you know, when you've been chewing on gum too long, but you're still nervous.

Yeah.

So you got to kill.

You had to fuck one woman over 70.

Helimirn.

You fuck Helenir.

Come on.

What a boring choice.

What's yours?

Dr.

Ruth.

Dr.

Ruth.

She's turning 90.

About to die.

I don't give a fuck about that boring choice.

She's got some big-ass fucking titties.

What's her name from that French actress is pretty hot.

That's a pretty boring choice, too.

What's her name?

Who Per?

Au Pear?

She's like 85.

How old is she?

Isabel Hubbard.

Huper?

Yeah.

Hubert.

Yeah, she's not that old, dude.

You're a fucking imbecile.

She's probably in her 90s.

No, she was in her mid-30s in like the night, the mid-90s.

Actually, is Helen Mirin even a 70?

Probably not.

She might be 60.

She might be around there.

I saw her crush a bull Ronald.

What year is

the celebration?

What year did that come out?

1992?

1992?

What is that?

Is that Michael Monica?

It feels like it would be.

98.

Dasha, you just want to be on Come Town?

What the fuck?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's 1998, the celebration.

Yeah, she's probably, what, like 32 in that?

She's 65 now.

She's 65 now.

All right.

That counts as like 80.

I'm Googling hot ass old lady.

Hot ass women after 70.

Deep ass fucking of old horny woman.

Yeah.

That looks pretty good.

That video, that, that.

Yeah, fuck Granny till she squirted.

Fuck Granny till she squirted.

Sexy ass, old, hairy lady, free hairy, sexy porn.

Somebody, I have to give credit.

Somebody DM'd me, told me to watch it.

I can't remember who, but I did.

That movie, Hereditary, that's coming out.

Old woman with a fat ass gives a hot blowjob and rides on cock.

Is that a scary movie?

Thanks, Stuff.

Yes.

Is that the one you're talking about seeing, Dosh?

Oh, damn.

Adam, could you shut up for one second?

Okay,

sorry.

Could you please shut up?

What about Hereditary?

This movie Hereditary is coming out, which is a scary movie,

as our imbecile friend here pointed out.

Oh, yeah, it's lame to call a scary movie scary movie.

First of all, I'm not scary.

They're genre films.

It's a horror movie, but it's not sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry, sorry.

Scary is revised.

How inelegant of me.

Scary is received, and I have never been scared by anything in my life.

Yeah, that's true.

It's not a scary movie.

If I can understand what genre it's supposed to be in.

Yeah, it's a genre.

But to say scary, that would be a lot of fun.

Okay, so it's a fucking

incorrect.

Professor Emeritus Nick Mullen

Philmoglodially.

That's right.

Anyways, that director, he made a short film called There's Something Strange About the Johnsons in 2011.

Oh, yeah.

And it's black.

It is black.

Oh, really?

They are black.

Oh, nice.

And what happens in the movie is there's a 14-year-old black kid, and he gets caught by his dad beating off.

And then the dad's like, it's normal.

Don't relate about it.

And then the dad leaves the room and you see the picture the kid was jacking off to, and it's a shirtless picture of his dad.

Whoa!

Hell yeah, that's right up our alley.

That rules.

And then the kid starts raping his father.

What the fuck?

Holy shit.

He's violently raping him for like 14 years.

What the?

14 years.

years.

So

it cuts to like the son's elder now and he's getting married and he's like hiding.

To a woman?

To a woman and then he's like, you know, at the wedding like pulling his dad into the garage and raping him.

Just fucking his dad?

Just raping his father.

Wow,

he sounds like the creamest guy ever.

Yo, how...

His dad had...

I mean, that's a lot.

He wanted it.

He wanted it.

It's not rape, dude.

He wanted it.

You can't be getting raped by your son and not put up a fight.

That's actually legally true.

Legally, you can't.

It's not espousal rape.

We haven't got the sons.

It's one of the old laws of the English.

Yeah.

Legally.

If you only rape your own father before sundown,

that's how you become a governor in the Commonwealth.

Yep.

You're not allowed to eat ice cream while walking backwards after sunset.

And if you rape your own father and he doesn't fight back, you're now the Duke.

That's wild.

Landed gentry.

That is a crazy idea for a short film.

Yeah.

Damn, how does it end?

The dad dies.

The dad dad comes?

Oh.

No, the dad is running out of the house because the dad's a writer, so he's written a manuscript explaining how his son's been raping him for years.

Jesus Christ.

Well, the son catches him with the manuscript.

It is cowardly.

He has to write it in the book.

Well,

the son has some monologue.

He's like, you can't understand that, like, this is love, and sometimes that's scary.

But there's a difference between being scared and being a coward.

And he's like, you've been fighting this since it started.

He's like, but he's like, yeah, it may be rough at times, but it's because I love you so much and you love me.

Why?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like just mind fucking the dad.

Yeah, it's about his son.

He just rapes his father in every way.

So he doesn't know how to feel.

And the dad, like, runs out of the house crying with the manuscript and gets hit by a van and dies.

Damn.

That guy took a series of L's in his life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Talk about taking it or no.

Yeah.

No, I loved it, dude.

Yeah, that's actually the last line of the movie.

Yeah.

And then the son fucks his corpse.

Yeah.

Is the son gay in any other way or he just wants to be a single son?

No, he just rapes his dad.

Nice.

And then there's one scene.

There's one scene.

There's one scene.

Same DNA, bro.

Because

he's still married to the mom.

So the mom is just ignoring that this is going on.

Wild.

Yeah.

And there's one scene where the dad is in the bathtub listening to positive affirmation tapes on headphones because he

wants to kill himself or whatever.

And then the son decides to stay at home.

The son was just visiting with his wife, and then he intentionally breaks a dish and is like, I'm just going to clean up.

Why don't you go home?

And I'll be home a little bit late.

You know,

and then

the dad knows what's up.

Well, the dad doesn't know what's up.

He's got headphones on and he's like in the bathtub.

And the son tries to come in the bathroom.

He's like, You know how I feel about locked doors?

And he's like, trying to open the door and he can't open it.

And then the dad takes the headphones off, but it's too late.

The son's already angry and he kicks down the door.

And then you just hear the son violently raping the dad.

Oh my God.

While the mom is like, just hears him screaming in the other room, and she's just like, you know, stone-faced and turning the volume up on the TV while her husband's being raped.

Oh my god.

What is this like a fucking allegory for or some shit?

It's an allegory for, I'll tell you.

Our political

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Yup.

Yeah, I think it's hard to love your father.

Well, I got something easy for you going to MacWeldon.com and enjoying the simple shopping experience that they provide.

Easier than Amazon, easier than kicking down a door and raping your own father.

I have a question.

Yeah.

I think a problem when raping your father is that your...

your dick would kind of smell bad.

It would not be a bad experience.

Luckily, they have a line of naturally antimicrobial silver underwear and shirts.

This means

they're odor-eating.

Wow.

Wow.

So so it's science the darkest parts of you and buries it deep down inside where no one can see similar to how the father in that movie must have dealt with the fact that his son was ringing

oh my god

and you know what not only do they perform well they look good too and you can wear them anywhere you know at the gym at work at your therapist's office stealing them for fact

Your son's been

raping you for years.

And tell you what,

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Kept his mouth shut.

He kept his mouth shut.

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But they got a lot of great clothes I wear myself.

They've hooked me up.

Certainly

One of my better pairs of obviously the best pair of underwear I have is one with the cock ring built in.

Of course, yes, yes, yes.

And then also one of those cock rings that also holds the balls.

Of course.

Yeah.

Yes.

And then

they also have an attachment where there's a magnifying glass.

Yeah.

A looking glass.

Like you're working on a miniature set.

Exactly.

Expensive.

Series of magnifying glasses I have that attached to a woman's head and then they're locked into the underwear So they're only able to see my dick through the.

And then

I have a bunch of small explosives attached to my cock.

So when I insert it, she's like, is it in yet?

I'm like, oh, yeah.

Just kill the woman.

He kills me.

She dies.

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Perfect.

Thanks for explaining that to me.

Yeah.

Anyways, yeah, the movie was great.

So is Mac Weldon.

Check him out.

And we're back to

to anything.

We're not back to regular.

That was just part of the advanced.

That's exactly.

Thank you for answering my question about the allegory.

Yeah, yeah.

About what that movie was really about.

And that's why you don't skip the ads.

That's good.

Listen.

What's the time stamp at?

Because I got to.

We are at 18 minutes and 49 seconds.

50 seconds.

51.

Two.

Five.

57, 58.

59,

90 minutes.

Okay, 19 minutes.

What's 19 plus

49 plus 21?

39.

Plus 40?

40.

Yeah, 40.

Alright.

Is that the bad?

Yeah, I didn't do the math right.

Whatever.

Because this puts us at 40 instead of 45.

Fuck, I also wasn't supposed to tell him.

God damn it, dude.

Well, that's why we're fucking, well, we're keeping the audience guessing.

Yeah.

Just like in that movie.

That movie.

Where he didn't know when the brutal rape was going to come.

He was guessing.

How about this?

Mexico's yawn-inspiring rival.

Whatever their difference is on domestic issues, the four presidential candidates in Mexico's election all oppose the U.S.

president.

Get Vicente Fox back in there.

He says, fuck.

He says, he cusses.

My man, yeah.

My man, a little cuss word.

What was Vincente was like in bed with the cartel or something?

Like, he hated them, but he would have sex with them.

Yeah, he was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was like a a love-hate relationship.

He was like, I just couldn't sleep.

That's what the expression in bed means.

Yeah, it means you're having sex with them.

Apparently, Donald Trump's in bed with the big banks.

Yeah.

Oh, no, no legislation in their favor.

He just has sex with fucks.

Every executive from Chase.

Did you guys hear that Donald Trump's wife is dead?

Yeah.

Oh, Melania?

Melania.

A feckless.

A feckless cunt.

No, that's his daughter.

His daughter's a vonka.

Yeah.

Indonesia cracks cracks down on peaceful independence movement in Papua.

Wow.

Imagine living in a bitch-ass place with a name like Papua.

Papua.

Yeah, you'd probably feel such a little dick.

Yeah, you'd probably hate yourself.

Yeah.

If you're from Papua, you're gay as shit.

But if you're from Papua New Guinea,

you're touching.

That's where the good pussy is.

You get a lot of pussy.

The good pussies in Papua New Guinea.

Maybe we should go while we're in Australia.

Dude, I'm trying to go to some of that.

That's a good pussy.

We're going to be close to Papua New Guinea.

That's what what I'm saying.

You guys want to go to like Borabora or someplace out there?

I do want to say that like that again, Adam.

I'm going to

isolate that and repeat it.

No, stop it.

Don't do that.

Bora Bora?

Stop it.

Please don't.

Don't draw attention.

Don't draw attention to that.

What's your attention?

Renegade-in-Chief cuts cord to his devotees on the ballot.

Who's that?

Trump?

I don't know.

Once bright future dim as Trump favors establishment.

This is like.

There'd just be guys on radio that would just read

like

something through the newspaper.

You could hear the newspaper.

Yeah.

And it was like, that's how you just give up on your newspaper or your radio job.

They used to be a show on NPR.

The newspaper show reads the news.

Everything on NPR sucks, Dave, dude.

That's

everything on NPR is bad.

Literally everything on NPR is bad.

Tell me one good show on NPR.

I'll tell you what.

I'm fresh, dude.

Come on.

You know my girl Terry.

Car Talk.

Car Talk has been off the air for a long time.

And one of them is dead.

And it was the best one.

Car Talk sucked.

I liked Car Talk.

I liked them.

I mean, compared to

contrast it with the rest of Infantry.

I wasn't listening to it for car automotive tips.

I wasn't listening to it for vibe.

The vibe was fun.

It had a fun vibe.

It had a good vibe.

It was wholesome.

It was two people that love each other.

That's why you didn't like it, Nick.

Yeah, you're right.

I wish I wasn't so fucking dark.

It's too much.

I wish I was dark, dude.

I hate being this dark-skinned ass.

Everyone's dark-ass skin.

Why?

Not in color, but why'd you get like a vibe?

The leather.

Yeah, isn't it.

I hate dark

people.

You know what I think?

They should get rid of all the dark people.

Yeah.

Vibe in the vibe.

Vibe.

Skin, not skin.

But I mean, if they happen to have skin.

Look, if the dark people happen to have skin.

I wonder what this article is.

We finally found the guy fatter than stock.

No.

Look how fatty is.

I can't wait to go have lunch with you after this, dude.

I've been waiting for you to slip up so we can

get lunchtime, boys.

I'm going to have a regular lunch.

My diet's been fucking terrible lately.

I'm not going to slip up.

Where are you getting lunch?

Where are you getting lunch?

You want to hop in?

Yeah, of course.

Come on, man.

Stop inviting me.

I'm not invited to lunch.

You weren't invited to this podcast.

I don't know how you became.

I was invited.

You sent me a card

to the DMS.

You sent me a card.

You're RSVP to being on this podcast.

Yeah.

I might have made the card, but it still had your name at the bottom.

Yeah.

meat, something meaty.

Let's go to that barbecue place.

I'll get barbecue.

Yeah, which one?

Smoke joint?

Smoke joint?

I just

still have smoke joint left in my refrigerator.

I just went to smoke joints.

What about sushi?

Sushi would be fun.

Let's get a sushi.

I'm down.

A sushi.

Can I go lift weights?

I joined a new gym.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Nick joined the prison gym.

Yeah, Richie's.

Oh, nice.

Where's that?

They have a bunch of locations.

I have a friend that goes to one of them.

Yeah.

Yeah, that place is a fucking mess.

Yeah.

$14 a month.

That's wow, that's barely over Planet Fitness.

Yeah.

$14 a month.

So the year-over cost is still less than one month of CrossFit.

That's insane.

Yeah.

It was like $180.

$170.

$170, yeah.

You're fucking imbecile.

Sorry, I'm not.

I can mister.

Mr., I'm good at math over here.

I've never claimed to be good at math.

Allow me to do some Jewish movies.

I want to do Jewish math.

I'm trying to be Jewish.

Six million.

After Grandma's Boy came out, me and my friend did that voice for like six months.

I love that movie.

That movie is great.

I watched it again.

It is not as good as you move.

Actually, you're a faggot.

That's what it was.

Six months.

I know.

Anybody says anything like, ooh, what if we got, you know, Chinese for lunch?

What if you sucked a dick?

Because you're gay.

That's basically what me and Eldis do with the lie detector test.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're gay.

Actually, Eldis is gay.

Yeah.

Those are the only male friendships that last are the ones where you call each other gay.

And then also pretend you want to secretly suck each other's gay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's another good bit.

Yeah, but

if you want to be boys with someone for the rest of your life,

you got to call them gay constantly.

And then look at his lips.

Look at his dick and lick your lips.

That's why I love you guys.

Shut up, Adam.

Shut up, dude.

God damn it.

I hate it when you speak.

Jesus.

Christ.

No, this is great.

This is a New York Times front page.

There's a picture of a kid missing his legs.

His legs are just completely blown off.

That sounds cool.

And then it says a terrible toll in Afghanistan.

And then the caption is: A leftover rocket killed four and maimed seven young members of an extended family.

I wanted to cry, the doctor said.

And it's like, yeah.

Just cry, bro.

You're right.

Of course you wanted to cry.

They're like, yeah, that was pretty bad.

Yeah, that was fucked up.

It ruined my whole shit, the doctor quoted.

The doctor saying, that fucked my whole shit up.

Damn,

the doctor said.

Didn't Israel kill another?

Israel did.

Israel killed another

what?

Like a

happy

fish.

You're asking if Israel killed it at the Eurovision song contest?

Because the answer is.

Didn't they murder another?

Israel had a sting operation where they said

cheese in Gaza.

Like the terrorists, they love Chucky Cheese, so

the little

face painting and

a clown.

and when the little I mean the terrorists

they go into there to get their face painted and to to pin the tail on the donkey it goes boom and blow up

well yeah they have one of those animatronic bands at the Chucky Chase

that blows up that but yeah but they all have suicide vests on I mean you probably shouldn't kill fucking paramedics so paramedics yeah isn't that what that lady was

you know what are you gonna say uh I think that lady was a paranoid titties yeah

she's the real tragedy.

You know what I mean?

That sweet set of double Ds can no longer be sucked on.

Honestly, if she was that good.

All right, Peter, those

sweet Palestinian racks.

Honestly,

she was that good.

Mouthed off.

I'm trying to mouth off.

That's the real mouthing off.

Put the mistake.

You have a titty in my mouth.

You're not my real dad.

Yeah, Cometown's going on a titty-sucking tour of

Stopping.

Honestly, I've said that publicly before.

I feel so bad about the situation there, I will suck literally any titty.

Any Gaza titty?

Yeah.

No matter the age or the...

Oh, yeah.

Especially if it's underage.

Sex, if it's a male or a woman.

Or if it's a breast or a or a penis.

Whatever.

Well, men have breasts, too.

Yeah.

They're called balls.

They're called breasts.

Dicks.

They're called dicks.

They're called ditts.

A man's titty.

It's a male breast.

A man's titty is his dick.

Yeah.

Of course.

Dick feeding her in the sun.

Oh, fuck.

I'm on this motherfucking intermittent fasting tip, bro.

You drink water?

Yeah, I'll drink water.

But you just don't eat it.

I don't think you're coffee and BCAAs, too.

Ooh, BCAAs.

I haven't been drinking those.

Dasha just made us get this stuff called

collagen peptides.

Collagen peptides.

Which I think is literally just a cow's ass.

It's a cow's ass.

But joint.

Apparently, it's good for you.

Yeah.

Think graffiti.

With consent.

Ooh, consent.

That's a hot issue.

How about we stop raping walls with graffiti?

We have consent.

This is so fucking gay, dude.

The New York Times, like, oh, I like graffiti, but it's too scary when it's done without permission.

It's true.

It's the only way that it's actually graffiti.

Yeah.

Consent graffiti, where we follow the rules.

It's just murals of Hillary Clinton.

I was in Brooklyn Heights a couple of weeks ago, and I saw there's like graffiti camp for like rich Brooklyn kids where there's like a B-boy like cool camp counselor.

Holy shit, how have we not talked about this yet?

Graffiti camp

for your little fucking faggot razor scooter eight-year-old.

And there was like some.

My name's Starburst.

There's like some cool like black guy with a bucket hat like like, hey, I'm counselor B-boy.

Yeah.

And we're learning how to do graffiti.

It's gonna be tight.

And they were doing it on like pieces of paper.

Imagine those kids becoming adults and having to remember that they went to that camp.

Yeah.

And then just maybe wanting to kill themselves.

Yeah, of course.

Now they would.

My stupid.

My son's going to be cool because I'm going to send him to the school of rock.

Yeah.

I'm going to teach him how to rock.

At least you can learn how to play a fucking instrument.

If I had a kid, dude, I would do nothing but beat that child and fucking make sure it never had fun one day.

Of course.

Of course.

I would send my motherfucker.

Fun is for after you turn 18.

Liking yourself, enjoying yourself.

Yes, yes, yes.

That's why it's so easy for you to have it right now.

That's why, even though your life is going really well, you never seem to be happy.

Unless you're whittling or playing with fucking wood in some way.

Can you please stop getting wood shavings all over my apartment?

Nick is sharpening.

You got to get him in your asshole.

Nick is sharper.

You got to pry your asshole.

How would that even be possible?

I think your fucking cord is making a scrooch sound.

Yeah, because he's whittling too much during this episode.

Writing something.

Back to the newspaper.

What else we got?

This is now a news show, guys.

This is a news show.

This is business show.

Move over, Chapo.

We're the news.

Guess who learned how to read?

Yeah, dude.

We're finally going to catch up with

those elitists.

Yeah, I don't like how much money they're making.

We got to take some of that out of their damn pockets.

How about you redistribute that right fucking here, pal?

Hirsch's memoir is caustic and revealing.

What else?

It's gay.

How about that?

Slam dunk.

Seymour Hirsch.

Hey, how about Seaman Hirsch?

He just drinks jelly.

Later.

Bye, Dash.

Dash is leaving.

Yeah, yeah.

Dash is going to the Foot Museum.

Yeah, she's going to Dubai to do some foot modeling.

I guess.

No, me and Dash have the same agent now.

Oh, nice.

So I can get inside intel on how much they hate me from her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because

a fan base who shall not be named,

ruined a million-dollar ad campaign.

Way more than that.

Easily $3 million.

Easily.

The ad itself costs easily.

For sure.

For sure.

Yeah, yeah.

That ad was expensive as shit.

Out of control.

It's an incredible bird was in it.

Yeah, yeah.

The licensing cost.

It's incredible.

The license was a Dolly Parton song.

That's right.

They went to fucking, they shot some of it in Hong Kong and like Berlin.

That's I mean, this is like.

They had to suck Dolly Parton's titties for promotion.

I mean, that's real power, Nick.

I know you lost probably $100,000 on that, but that is real power.

Is that what power is?

Being able to note that.

Is it power if you suck ribbon in a hospital and you knock over somebody's dialysis machine and pull them?

Being able to get out of the power.

I guess Shepard is powerful right now.

IBM is like literally one of the most powerful companies in the world.

Don't tell me to shut up.

I'm complimenting.

No, this is not a compliment.

The motherfucker got $100K taken out of his fucking

occasion.

It sucks.

It clearly sucks.

But IBM.

It sucks, dick.

Also, IBM didn't really lose that much money.

They just cut this fucking idiot out of the commercial.

They still used it.

But being able to

jeopardize a $100 million

ad

for a moment.

Okay, he made IBM for like one day be like, what the fuck are we going to do?

They're like, oh, we just cut this fucking moron out of the fucking ad.

It's not that hard, actually.

This isn't really a crisis.

We don't need him at all.

So good point.

Nick is very powerful.

Yeah.

I wish I had magic, dude.

I wish I could do magic.

I wish I could turn Super Saiyan like that black kid that tried to.

Yeah, dude.

Remember that video?

Yeah, it was the best.

You know, why can't we accomplish these things in real life?

Is that a parna?

It is.

Butterboy, a comedy series hosted by a parna non-chaler and others at 8 p.m.

at Littlefield.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Should we try to get funny moms in the newspaper?

I don't know.

But I'm going to start doing the crossword while the show is going on.

Okay, Cool.

Why don't you keep sharpening that pencil?

Meet the press.

Host Chuck.

F-A-G-G.

I know that one for sure.

Chuck Todd.

Come on.

He's just such.

You just can't help yourself.

We know who Chuck Todd is.

Everyone knows who Chuck Todd is.

I did know.

You're like, oh, I don't know if you guys are.

He looks like a little gopher, motherfucker.

He's got that fucked up.

Adam is one of those guests.

Whenever they fucking answer.

Stop making that noise, Adam.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I was going to say that.

Well, listen.

Oh, that was what I was going to say.

You have your pitch.

You have.

Hey.

It's Chuck Todd.

Give me another one.

You mean you don't think it was Chuck F-A-G-G?

No.

Chuck Fagg is on a different show.

He's not on that show.

There is a guy named Russ Fagg, right, that's running for

Senate for Senate.

In Idaho?

Summit.

What's up with that pedophile that we talked about briefly?

He won.

He won.

He won.

He's the president.

Take that, Donald Fuck.

Donald Fag.

Oh, didn't also the Supreme Court do some fucked up shit?

And the cake?

Don't those bakers not have to

make

cakes for gay guys?

Yeah.

That sucks, dude.

I'm sorry you'll never get a cake again, Adam.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I did a prank call.

I lost the recording, but you call up a pizzeria.

You're like, yes, I would like a cake that says happy gay marriage, Eric and Chris.

I'm like, we only

make cake.

excuse me,

we don't do that, we can we cannot make cake, it's only pizza.

Do you want me to call the police?

That was a fun one, guys.

You should do that yourself.

Call up different places that bake things and demand they make you a gay cake.

Well, I guess they don't have to, they don't have to now, yeah.

So that's why I'm upset about that decision.

Supreme Court just ruined the type of prank call.

Yeah, yeah.

I could give a shit of less about gays and their interest in developing early diabetes.

They just love having diseases.

That's

they just want to get diabetes, raise health care costs for everybody else.

Oh, prep wasn't enough?

These gays, we should have to pay for their AIDS medicine.

Granted, I also still think they should pay for our schools and all the fucked up things my children do.

But the gays will not get HIV-mitas.

It's a fact that gays are always going to the bathroom and the hospital.

They cannot stop taking shits, And they cannot stop going to the doctor.

It's doctor, bathroom, bathroom, share concert.

Las Vegas.

Yeah, share concert Las Vegas.

Share residency at Las Vegas.

Share, let me see that dick.

Oh, yeah, that's another one.

Sure, let me see that dick.

See that dick.

Who do we got next?

That Nick.

What is this graffiti article about?

Is it about Bushwick?

We're doing crosswords.

Do you ever see those?

Do you ever see those?

Dumpster emanation.

Adam's act.

No, it's

four letters, dumpster emanation.

It's got to be baby, right?

Baby.

Baby comes out of a dumpster.

Baby goes into a dumpster.

14 across.

Barry for a purple smoothie.

Four letters.

Ooh, blue.

Blue.

Acai.

Acai.

Good call.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I'm not going to answer because apparently

I'm not allowed to answer.

Only when it's the fucking easiest one that we're obviously doing joke answers to.

Yeah.

Well, you said acai.

Was that a joke?

I'm the one on the spectrum, and you have have this much trouble navigating basic social skills.

You can't pick up on

it.

It's bits.

It's bits.

That's what bits he's having trouble with.

Well, yeah, of course.

Let's see.

What's five down?

You guys know I have my problems.

I would know five down.

What's this?

It was for experimenting lab.

So, yeah.

I knew that, but I

refuse.

I'm too proud to say that.

A sigh.

Good call.

Thanks, man.

Man, Stav is so good at crosswords.

Unlike the other guest on this show.

What are you talking about in Guest?

Permanent guest star of the show.

At my apartment,

featured guest, Adam Friedland.

And featuring.

At the end, you know, when they would do that person, not really in the cast.

And introducing.

And introducing.

Yeah, actually, every week you are

introducing.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, that means it's my first breakout role.

Yeah.

Well, I take that as a compliment.

Fuck, dude.

18 across.

Nonsense, exclamation point in quotations.

Balder dash.

Balderdash.

Bullshit.

Balder dash.

Hell yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Do you think this guy, Will Shorts, is cool in real life?

Will Shorts?

How about Will Shorts?

Will shits his pants.

Got his ass.

Fuck you, Will Shorts.

Suck our fucking cross.

Suck my cop.

The New York Times crosswords.

Fuck you, it's my dick.

Tied in a knot.

Put it in your mouth and undo it, like a Starburst wrapper.

Yeah,

somehow that's a crossword.

Slutty girls know how to tie dicks into knots in their mouths.

That's how you know if a girl's a slutty.

My dick is the same size as a cherry stem, so that thing thing would always get the hardest shit.

Hell yeah.

That's how you know she's a freak.

That's how you know she's a freak.

15 down.

That's how you know she a fucking freak.

15 down.

Boise state, Ida.

Hey, how about boys?

Z State, Idaho.

19.

It's just guys you can have sex with.

19.

Birds on some Australian coins.

Emo Kibera.

Emus.

Is it three letters?

Four letters, you fucking imbecile.

E-Mu has four letters?

Emus.

E-M-U-S.

Ostrich.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, and I'm still not sure it's that, so I'm not going to.

I think they're

you want to ask your friend Chuck Todd.

Yeah, hey, how about a lifeline, huh?

Regis?

You know that I'm a birds expert.

We'll be right back with who wants to be a faggot.

It's always Adam.

It feels good to have sex with men.

Whoa!

Oh, oh, you know what I like?

It's fucking guys.

I forget what Regis sounds like.

That's pretty much that.

He's Albanian.

Is he?

Yeah, yeah.

He's healthy.

Regis is Albanian.

What?

Yeah.

Eldis knows all the famous Albanian.

I thought he was like an old Irish.

I don't know this one.

Four down.

Archenemy of the Fantastic Four.

I'm not going to do it.

Doctor Doom.

Doctor Doom.

So it's D-R-D-O-O-M, I suppose, yes.

Doctor Doom.

How did you know that?

Bro, I dabble in comics.

Yeah.

I like that shit a little bit.

Not enough to read a whole comic, but my mom would get me like a book, like a big-ass

coffee table book about comics.

And I would read those.

Oh, so you're into the genre, but not the.

I just was too fucking lazy to read a fucking whole comic book.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

It seemed like it seemed tedious.

It's pictures.

It's pictures.

I'd rather, I mean,

I watched every comic book show.

Like, I watched.

X-Men.

X-Men.

I fucking love.

Sucking and fuck my dick.

Sucking and fuck my dick.

Give us another crossword.

Second, my house.

Three down.

Snarky snarky comment after this is your big chance and it starts with a d and it's one two three four five six seven eight nine ten letters i think it's don't blow it maybe yeah yeah yeah that makes sense yeah it makes sense that nick would be uh expert expert in snarky comments you know got it snark and that is a snarky comment in and of itself yeah so who who's the real expert well i'm just

a compliment you're a gay expert this is a snarky comment uruburu yeah yeah, yeah.

You know what I'm saying?

So we're sucking each other's officials.

24.

Is it disrespectful?

The time stamp.

How about this?

Maybe we should take bets on what the timestamp is.

Ooh, I'd love to take bets.

If only there was a way we could gamble.

I love gambling.

Online, perhaps.

At a website called Bet DSI.

What?

What's the time?

What is the time stamp?

It's 41.20.

41.20.

Oh, that's what Adam was going to say.

Yeah, it was.

But I should have bet.

I didn't want to talk.

I should have put down my own.

I didn't want to Chuck Todd that.

Yeah.

One bet.

I didn't want to chuck Todd.

A betsi.comtop.com.

The preeminent sports betting website on the internet with a solid track record of paying out people on time and an easy-to-use, fun-to-use, mobile gambling interface, which is what they call an app for some reason.

I don't know.

Mobile.

Gambling interface.

You know what, BetDSI, chill out.

It's just called an app.

How about that?

That's what I know.

Scolding the company during their ads.

That's what I'm doing.

I like that name.

I mean, well, that would be a problem.

I'm doing an ad.

But guess what?

We're not doing this.

This is part of this show.

This is just me discussing a website that I use myself.

I use it to lost some money on it recently.

Right.

I've never lost money because I've never picked anything wrong.

Because Bet DSI, when you go there, their app is so easy to use, you can focus on it.

You will always win.

You're always winning.

Because you're so focused on the gambling.

You're not like, what is this button?

I don't know what this is.

And you're fucking up the things you want to bet on in your head.

It's much easier.

You know, it's in Vegas.

They try and and trick you into

loud carpets loud carpets you know women with a titties neon bet the si it'll actually close all the porn tabs on your computer automatically really focus on on game doing good gambling choices they offer live in-game wagering so you can place fun bets throughout the fucking game and if you're not really into sports they do any kind of live event you know bet on new year's what number is the ball gonna drop

that's a funny one that's 20 to 1 odds you pick zero hey i can't i can't can't legally, I can't tell you that's the right number, but that might be the last number in the countdown.

That's the thing you can bet on.

You can bet on when Dr.

Ruth is going to die.

Yes.

You can bet on what a pussy looks like.

What a pussy looks like.

How easy it would be to get it to prolapse.

Yeah, you could just pop that shit out.

You can bet on who the meet the press host Chuck is.

Todd.

Incorrect.

Nope.

The answer is suck my dick.

Please shut up.

That's the guy's name.

Well, thank you for saying that.

Chuck, please.

Is Chuck suck my dick?

Please shut up.

Bet DSI.

Guys, you got any picks?

Well,

I'll take the Cavs in game three.

You will, huh?

I'll say Cavs, like, on the whatever the line.

It's plus five.

Plus five.

I would probably take the Cavs game three.

Yeah.

That's the only game they have a chance of winning.

They should have won game one.

Yeah.

And they, they, the Warriors didn't cover game one.

They did not cover.

Absolutely not.

They were 12-point favorites and they did not cover.

They won by like 10?

So our pick, no.

No, what the fuck?

Didn't they pull away in overtime?

Oh, fuck.

You're You're right.

You're right.

You're right.

But they didn't cover still.

Anyway, yeah, take the fucking Cavs plus five.

That's our lock of the fucking week.

Nick?

Yeah, I don't know if the Kentucky Derbies happened yet.

It's already over.

All right.

Well, if you want money on that, congrats.

You know, hopefully you did it on betthsi.com.

That's right.

I'm betting on whether or not Hereditary is going to be good.

I bet it is after watching that movie.

After that movie about raping.

Yeah, that short film.

So go ahead and go to betthesi.com, check it out.

Use promo code CUM25 to get extra 20% on your deposit and an extra $200

credit

for betting.

So go ahead.

Deposit that money.

C-U-M25.

Capital C,

lowercase M.

Enjoy that.

Enjoy the bonus.

Actually, it's on them.

It's not really on us.

Pretend it's on us.

It's on us.

And you can pretend you're friends with us.

Because I know that's why a lot of you are keeping yourselves alive.

Because people think you're friends with us.

Which is pathetic.

Which is pretty fucking sad.

Because we're

you don't have any friends?

We don't have any friends either.

I have no friends.

What about each other?

Guess the fuck?

Shut the fuck up.

I'm sorry.

Stop trying to be my friend.

Nick, we're clearly friends.

Stop.

Go ahead.

You know what?

Go bet the SI and bet and see how long it takes before I fucking kill myself.

That'd be a fun one.

And we're back.

We're not back.

We've been here the whole time.

What's up?

Dude, we got to fucking do some ads soon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You keep forgetting.

We should fucking

know what, guys?

Guess what?

We don't care about money.

We care about you.

So from now on,

no more ads.

Just natural conversations.

Natural riffs that are related to underpants and gambling.

Well, who knows?

Or whatever.

Or maybe.

We are at 45 minutes and 49 seconds.

Yeah.

All right.

Back to the crossword problem.

Are we doing the crossword on this app?

Is that disrespectful of the fans?

No.

People love hearing.

They love crosswords.

They love crosswords.

You know how many DMs I get?

They're like, guys,

pretty good crosswords.

When are the fucking...

Do a crossword?

Do a fucking maze.

Do one of those mazes on the back of their wings.

Do you have a serial box?

Yeah, this is your maze.

All right, guys, left turn or right turn?

Shoots and ladders.

There we go.

Jeopardy, clue of the day.

American quotes.

In a 1789 letter, Benjamin Franklin relates the durability of the new Constitution to these two things.

What are

his left ball and his right ball?

Yeah.

That would rule if it was.

It's like a pair of titties.

I love Ben Franklin, dude.

It's like, yeah, Ben Franklin.

It's like a French whore's pussy.

Mm-hmm.

And her father's cock.

The darkness of Obama's skin.

I can't believe he was racist.

What was Ben Franklin talking about?

Yeah, he was racist to Obama 200 years ago.

Wow.

Prescient.

Exactly.

Yeah.

On the $100 bill, there's him and then underneath a little ribbon in

Latin.

No blackest presidentis over my dead bodies.

Be mortis corpus blackest presidentia.

So

we all know T.

Jeff fucked black.

A lot of them fucked black girls.

What's her name?

Sally Heming?

Sally Fields.

No, what's this bitch's name?

Deborah of the King and I.

Messing.

Deborah Messing.

No.

That's not.

Four letters in in the middle.

That starts cunt.

No.

Wait, say this.

First of all, was Deborah in the King and I?

Was Deborah Messing in The King and I?

No, no.

Then that's not the fucking answer.

Debbie Reynolds?

No.

It starts with a K.

It's probably the character's name.

It's not the act.

I don't remember that.

K-A-N-E.

I just remember he said.

Keen or Keene.

Probably Keene.

Well, not probably.

It's a crossword.

I don't fucking know.

Nick, we don't know.

Just go to a different clue.

Try to figure it out.

I will.

Chill out.

You don't have to freak out over one clue.

I'm not freaking out.

I'm tense, dude.

You don't understand.

He's the dark.

Calm down.

He is dark.

Everyone is fucking chill and being nice to each other, and you have to act like a fucking bitch.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

Apology pending.

You know what?

I'm going to be the bigger man and apologize before you can.

No, I apologize first.

I clearly just apologized before I can.

I'm going to get away from you.

Guess who's apologizing earlier?

Me.

Well, I accept your apology.

As the hero of the show.

And guess what?

I did not know.

Stop being my apology.

I'm just kind of looking at what my dick looks like.

All right.

Well, don't feed the thing back in there while the lock is in place.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got it.

Thank you.

Damn, it'd be nice to have a big penis.

Yeah, Stav has the.

No, I don't have a set of three inches.

I do not have it to three inches.

I do not.

He does.

He does.

He does.

Deflect, deflect, deflect.

I like that we both chose the same number.

Yeah, I know.

That's how you know we're friends.

That me and Stavros are friends and no one else.

These people take these things seriously.

Okay, what else we got, man?

What else we got on the back?

Nine down.

What else?

And then it's three letters and it ends with D.

And, A and D?

Probably.

What else?

Question mark?

Okay, we're going to go and.

We're making

good progress on this, yeah.

But isn't it Monday since the easiest one?

Yeah, it's

for the retailer.

Is it?

Monday is the easiest one.

Sunday is the hardest one?

Is it?

Yeah.

Fuck.

Sorry, man.

I didn't know there was variable difficulties.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

The Sunday crossword thought.

Well, I've done the Sunday crossword a million times.

I've never noticed that.

A million times?

A million times.

Number eight down, server at a coffee house.

Barista.

Yep.

Yeah.

Sorry.

That's easy money.

No, that's everyone could have gotten that.

I just needed to look at the thing.

Even a baby could do that one.

In fact, a baby did.

A baby wouldn't be.

A baby bugged, either.

Don't bring that shit down.

Don't you fucking dare.

Damn.

Adam's gay.

I can't wait till I'm on the cool beaches of Australia getting respect from.

Well, it's the podcast hosts that are going.

We haven't decided which guests we're going to take with us.

What are you talking about?

I'm the introducing.

All right, 10 down.

Random guess.

Four letters.

And the third letter is an A.

Random guess?

Hmm.

Stab?

Stab might work.

Yeah.

Take a stab at that pussy.

Stab.

16 across.

Silly prank.

Gantic.

A-N-T-I-C.

Okay.

11 down.

Pretty easy.

Get up.

Get up.

What, close, maybe?

Middle,

four letters.

Get up.

Yeah.

Four letters.

Yeah, and then Basra, I guess, is fucking eight across.

So it's R-I-S.

Get up.

Rise.

Ah,

what my dick does.

Okay.

When I see a cute woman.

And then

across is

flyer from flower to flower bee.

Yeah.

Yeah, cool.

Yeah.

Hell yeah, dude.

Um, okay.

Keep going.

All right, thirty-two down.

What's 32 down?

400,000

a year.

Oh, fuck.

This is so much funnier than buying that race and wheel.

Oh, fuck.

I'm going to have to hear 32 down.

So true.

And then it's, yeah, so true in quotation.

So it's an expression that means so true.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Correct.

Any letters?

So true.

Totally.

Totally.

It might be totally.

I don't know.

Totally.

Totally.

That's a good job.

Hey, it's Dean Delray.

Totally.

Wow.

Totally.

Totally, dude.

It's so funny.

It's because, like, remember party like a Rocky.

64, golfer Ernie, Ernie Else.

Don't look at the clues.

Why?

I can't go ahead.

Yeah, you can't go ahead.

Look how much empty space we have here.

Well, just put in Ernie Else.

It looks like the back of Dash's pussy while you're fucking up, dude.

You can't talk that way.

She's your friend, too.

She's my friend.

Yeah.

But she's cool.

She gets bits.

She's my girlfriend.

You know what I mean?

The thing about Dash that's cool about, like, especially the person, like, in a relationship, it's cool to have one person that understands a bit.

And that's what's cool about Dash is

that she gets bits.

We do all types of bits.

Is it Bob?

No one's around.

Dasha are holding hands while you're in the room.

No one, you never hold her hand.

We hold hands all the time.

That's not true.

A lot of people don't know this, but I'm often holding Dash's hand

while Adam's in the room.

That's fine.

Bro, we've been seen together necking.

Canoodling.

In the gossip magazines,

National Enquirer has a picture of us feeding each other ice cream.

Is it sorbet or Sherbert?

And then we laugh.

Like, thank God Adam's not here to ruin it.

And I'm like, I know.

Right?

It's so nice being friends with you.

A little paddle boat.

For one of our classic afternoons out.

Yeah, have your laughs.

All right, let's get serious.

All right, come on.

36 across, carrying a gun, armed.

Armed.

Yep.

Armed and fucked.

Armed and slamjerous.

Slampusjuris.

Yeah.

Farmed.

37 down, active types.

Tops.

No.

Or power bottom.

Active types.

And it starts with a D.

Doers?

D-O-E-R-S?

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

Who the fuck thought of a crossword puzzle?

This is a fucking dumbass idea.

Benjamin Franklin.

Was it?

Will shorts the first one?

Will shorts.

Let me see that dick.

Will shortcock.

Will shorts his pants.

Said that already.

Dog, shelter, kennel.

Yep.

Get that.

This measuring tape feels substantial.

I like it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a good measuring tape.

Is the clip at the end magnetic?

Yes.

It's a good one.

Milwaukee.

16 foot.

Very t-down.

We're still.

Okay, 29 across.

This is a big one here.

Boneless cut named for a New York restaurant.

Strip, strip.

No,

because it's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Quarter house.

That's got bone, so it's got a bone.

And it ends with, it's steak, is I'm assuming the last.

It ends with, but it's O steak.

So something,

something O steak.

Hmm.

Interesting.

Very interesting.

Peter Lou.

Guys, if you've got

any input, please feel free to write into the show.

Well, actually, this will come out on Wednesday.

P.O.

Box 582-61-1723.

Brooklyn, New York.

That's B-R-O-K-C.

Just a letter.

We don't have a P.O.

box at all.

P.O.

Box 2182, Brooklyn, New York.

That's B-R-F-K-K-K-C-C-L.

12,

dubbed the three.

Learning how to read recently.

Were you guys early readers?

Me?

Yeah, actually, yeah.

I learned how to read pretty fast.

I was too.

I was like two, one, maybe.

Yeah, I was at in my mom's pussy.

They would stuff a fucking jugs magazine in there.

I was called

swastikas.

I was at Club International, man.

Inside of my mom's pussy.

You did graffiti in your mom's pussy?

Legal graffiti.

Yeah, that's when I started tagging.

New York Times likes

saucer in the sky for short, UFO, where is 34.

Do that one.

Nice.

Damn, this is really pretty easy.

Yeah.

It is exceptional.

The O steak I'm annoyed at, though.

Cheap section on a plane.

Coach?

CO.

Yeah.

I would say coach.

How about that show, Coach?

But instead of being about a coach, it's about a guy that flies, Coach.

Whoa.

Thanks.

Do you guys ever watch Coach?

I used to watch it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

With, what's his name?

Fuck.

He was bald.

Craig T.

Nelson.

Craig T.

Nelson.

Yeah.

What else is Craig in?

He does that Twitter.

Poltergeist.

Yep.

Poltergeist with the little girl Helen O'Rourke, who was raped to death by Jewish producers.

Whoa.

He's out of jeopardy.

I don't know about it.

Wait, is that for real?

Yeah.

God.

Yeah, she was anally raped so bad she got like an ass infection that was misdiagnosed as like Crohn's disease and it eventually killed her.

Oh my god.

And it was on the set of Jeopardy?

It was on the set of Jeopardy at Hollywood Center Studios, renamed Sunset Las Palmas Studios, my former workplace.

Wow.

And I would go around those studios and just go up to random people, you know,

and be like, did you know that the little girl from Poltergeist was raped to death on that stage right there?

And they're like, I'm sorry, what show are you writing on?

Is that one of those Moshe Casher's show?

You know how they got the term daily double?

No, they would put

fucker in the double

at the same time.

Choo-choo, choo-choo-choo.

And that's the child rape bonus.

Okay, and we have an architect from Columbus, Ohio, Glenn.

And you actually have an interesting tidbit about this studio.

That's right, Alex.

I'm a big fan of blind items.

My wife, who's actually a gay man like me, got me into them.

And we were reading

we were reading one the other day.

Uh, the little girl from the movie Poltergeist, actually, was Alex.

We don't even talk about that.

That's an idea.

Hold on, she was raped to death here by you.

Did Trebek shave his mustache?

He did for a couple years, and then he grew it back.

Fuck that.

No, is it back?

It's back.

Yeah, it's been back for years.

No, I think he's on shape.

What did Trebek do before?

He was hosting Jeopardy.

He was Canadian.

He was Canada.

He was the president of Canada.

Canada.

He's just in Jean.

Wasn't Poltergeist one of those movies that's like cursed and like a bunch of people died from it?

Was Alex Shabek just a TV show host?

And then he was just like, I'm just going to do Jeopardy, or was he like a guy who knows a lot of facts?

He was the smartest man in Canada.

And then Jordan Peterson, now that he left the

Hannibal Elector of Canada.

He ate it.

Do you think Jordan Peterson could host Jeopardy?

Then no way.

He's not smart enough.

He's not Smart Shabak.

56 down.

It's an extra day to get pussy.

56 down is what?

So silly.

Snow White, dude.

She got fucked by all the dwarves.

55 across.

If you pay attention to

Disney movie pussy.

I like Disney Pussy because I watched all the Disney movies.

Is that what happened?

That's Jordan Peterson.

Jordan Peterson watched all the Disney movies?

Yeah, he likes doing lectures about

Disney and the Bible and stuff.

I like that person.

Jordan

beaters.

Beater's son off.

Yeah.

Does he have any children?

Nah.

He's gay.

Is there a type of gay where you're just gay for yourself and you jack off in the mirror?

Yeah.

That's what you are.

It's called narcissism.

It's called Adam's frequency.

But that's gay, though, right?

Because you're a guy.

Adam narcissists.

You don't have to say things like that.

I know, I know.

I know.

He chooses to.

He doesn't have to, but he chooses to.

Don't shh.

It's okay.

No, no, no.

It's okay.

I'm so

you don't have to.

Nice.

What else we got on the crosshorn man?

48 across.

180 degrees from south by southwest.

North by northeast.

Oh, I thought they were talking about rocking out.

This is way too easy.

At that fest.

Fuck south by southwest.

How about that?

How about you get a big

review?

Also, somebody asked me to shout out Fun Church.

I don't know what that is, but hey, fuck it.

Go for it.

How about shout out to Fun Church?

Oh, some guy on my Twitter.

Don't ever dare keep asking me to do it.

No, it's my wallet.

And I'm cutting it up.

Someone said it was cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Don't ever accuse me of being too scared to shout out something.

Oh, that'll work.

Because I saw you said you didn't want to do it because you were worried it was some child porn thing.

I don't give a shit.

Did I say that?

Yeah.

I don't think I did.

Oh, some guys asked me to shout out something.

Go ahead.

I just want to give a shout out to Identity Ev Ropa.

I don't know what that is,

but he asked me to give a shout out to

Identity Ev Ropa, a bunch of good guys out there, a bunch of chill blows.

Evan Williams.

They all do look like Evan.

Yeah, they're much shorter.

He's a specimen, that boy.

Yeah, Evan's almost not short.

He's like maybe

5'7 ⁇ .

I'd say exactly a quarter inch.

Taller than you.

Below the short limit.

But he's buffed, so it makes you look shorter.

Yeah.

That's why you shouldn't get buffed, dude.

You're going to look even shorter.

If you go wider,

it's going to make you look smarter.

I'm not sure.

Okay, you can't say that publicly.

You can say that we're not friends.

You can make up whatever lies you want, but you cannot call me short on this program.

Wow, I guess we discovered who's actually wider.

I was insecure as a younger person, but now I'm of an average height.

I'm 5'10.

I'm very happy about that.

I'm 5'10.

You're 5'9.

I'm 5'10.

You're 5'0.

I'm not one inch taller than you.

You're one in tall taller.

You're right, because you and Nick are the same height, and we're 5'7 and a half.

You're 5'9.

5'7.

Nick's 5'7.

I'm 5'8.

Adam's 5'9.

That is not true.

That is not true.

Yes, it is true.

Me and Nigga are the same height.

I don't want to talk about hair height.

You look like fuck a piece of money.

You got Kramer going right now.

My hair just does that.

That's just weird.

Me and Nigga are the same height.

You're three quarters inches.

You're three quarters inches tall.

How do you think your hair into growing a certain way?

You also wear high heels and women's tall.

You are wearing high heels.

I'm not wearing high heels right now.

That is true.

We're actually all the same height.

You You always wear stiletto heels.

Yeah, you're always wearing women's shoes and your breast implants and your nails make you taller.

It's not women's shoes.

Your necklace makes you taller.

There are a series of male elevator shoes.

They were popular in the 1970s.

I don't want to shit on him, but

when you'll do the impression of him, you talk like this, so you know what I'm talking about.

Who wears elevator shoes?

And it was pointed out to me, and I didn't realize it.

And then the next time I saw him, I looked down, and he's got custom shoes made.

It's incredible.

It's amazing.

It's the funniest thing I've ever seen.

To go do open mics.

Like he's fucking David Spade at the premiere of Tommy Boy.

He's got custom fake shoes.

He's got a custom elevator shoes.

Hell yeah, dude.

That is psychopathy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They make elevator shoes that look at first glance like normal shoes.

They make them good.

That is so fucking humiliating.

Yeah, it's insane.

As a short person, I can't imagine ever doing it.

You're not short.

You're kind of smaller than average.

I'm short.

That's technically.

Short is like 5'8.

No, 5'8 is short.

There's nothing wrong with being short.

I feel like in Australia, we're gonna be short.

Yeah, why are people being shit there?

Yeah.

I'm trying to suck some big Australian shit.

I can't wait to

go from cum boys to come blokes.

You know what I'm saying?

Someone told me that

he needs to confront you in Australia because you sexted with this girl he fucked five years ago.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, so get ready for a confrontation.

Yeah, that's cool.

He's going to throw a boomerang at your big dumb head.

Yeah, right, dude.

Tell him I'll tell him.

Tell him I said.

When you talk to him, tell him that I said to the girl, what's up?

Yeah, okay, I will.

And if you come at Stavros, you're dealing with me, too.

He's the only one on this show whose back I have.

What are you talking about?

You want to fight Adam?

You say whatever you want about Adam.

In real life, you've had my back multiple times.

That's true.

It's true, because

you keep fucking.

Right.

I carriage you.

I do get into.

I get into it.

Adam's like the mouthy girlfriend that we have to fight people about.

I can be a bitch sometimes.

But the pussy's so good.

The boy pussy's so good.

You're hooked on this pussy.

Yeah.

58.

Steward.

You're addicted.

If that's a void, this is just way too easy.

It's the Monday crossword.

Oh, man.

I hate when I think I'm doing.

good at something and then it turns out to be for retards.

It's going to be so funny when there's definitely going to be a guy that gets the New York Times Monday crossword and like plays along with us.

Oh my god.

Yeah, we should just start doing these.

He has like a circular table and there's a picture of each of us at like an

empty play setting.

He's like, all right, boys.

He figures out how to get each fucking audio input to talk out of the fucking room.

Yeah, out of each picture.

Each of the channels corresponds to them.

He's like, God damn it, Adam's on channel three this episode.

That's kind of the ideal way to consume the podcast.

It's a friendship simulator.

You know what?

I might build that.

I might sell that to somebody once I get, because you know what I'm doing with the merch.

I took all those shirts down because I didn't like the quality they were sending out, so I'm going to do

Chinese crap.

Yeah.

So I'm going to open the store back up, and for $1,000, I will build you a cabinet where each of our channels is piped individually to

cut outs of

the rules.

You can sit there with us while we do live.

It's actually incredible.

I'm sure you could charge like $50,000 for that and sell like four.

Yeah, yeah.

No, I probably could sell each one of those for about $8,000.

Easy.

Easy money, dude.

Because

there would have to be a separate multi-channel RSS feed that handles.

I don't even know if RSS feeds or MP3s can handle multi-channel or not.

Yeah, I don't know.

And split up the channel because it would have to be like, I don't know enough.

Maybe three different MP3s?

No, it could be the same MP3 because MP3s do have multi-channel support.

I don't know to what extent.

I don't know.

And then, I mean, if you're thinking cardboard cutout, I think.

Left, right, center channel.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think if you're thinking cardboard cutout, you might be thinking a little smaller.

It wouldn't be cardboard cutout.

I would do it

like a Hall of Presidents.

Make a cabinet out of MDF and then get some kind of big sticker wrap.

Module of dick.

Fuck.

Oh, you wouldn't do like animatronic heads like the Hall of Presidents at the time.

That takes way too much work.

Well, I'm thinking.

Animatronic.

I think we should put a little money.

I mean, listen, we make money from the show.

I think we can put a little RD into this.

So we can make one.

A really nice dick.

Yeah, of course.

Put a little R and D into it.

How about NRD?

You know what I'm saying?

Nope.

No, not that.

Okay.

I just thought maybe people would like it if it was an RD.

I feel like we'll just keep going because this episode is so dumb, but I do want to.

plug my Seattle dates real quick, guys.

Pacific Northwest, I'm going to be at Laughs in Seattle on June 28th at 8.30.

Please get those tickets.

And by the time you hear this, the ticket link will be up for Funhouse Lounge in Portland.

That is on Tuesday, July 3rd, a little pre-holiday comedy show extravaganza.

So please get those.

Also, I'm going to be in Rhode Island on June 22nd, a week before that, with good old Doug Key.

Choad Islands, where he's going to be.

Choad Island.

It's where I live.

I live on Choat Island.

So go to stavcomedy.com slash shows, and there's links for all those.

Please come out to those, motherfuckers.

I would love to to see you there.

Adam, what are you doing?

Why are you hiding on the other side of the room?

Sorry.

Putting on your makeup.

Now, let's continue with this crossword.

Yeah.

40 across.

Some showy blossoms, informally.

What?

Orchid?

Informally.

What did you say?

Some showy?

Some showy blossoms.

Informally.

It's one, two, three, four, five letters.

The second and third letter LA.

Hmm.

Showy blossoms informally.

It's not orchid.

This is the only hard one.

I guess

the steak one was hard.

41 down.

It's what the question mark.

Who cares?

So fuck, but it's three letters.

What the ass?

What the ass?

What's the tit?

What's the

deal?

What's the

heck?

What's the

deal?

What the hell?

What?

What the?

What's the big idea?

What's no, what's the maybe BFG?

What's the big fucking...

BFD?

What's the big fucking deal?

I guess.

What's the BFD?

That sounds like a thing.

Yeah, it is.

You ever heard that?

What's the BFD?

People say BFD is a thing.

Yeah, BFD is a thing.

Obviously, you don't play crosswords, so that's why you don't know how to cuss.

I know.

I learned how to cuss from the New York Times crossword.

Will Shorts.

Yeah.

You know where I learned how to fuck?

From the Will Shorts, New York Times crossword.

Who is Will Shorts?

He's like the crossword guy.

That's his whole thing?

He makes crosswords?

Yeah, I think he was like a lawyer that was really good at puzzles.

That sucks.

What a stupid fucking life.

Yeah.

He's probably really happy.

Fuck him.

Fuck Will Shorts.

I hope he's not happy.

Why fuck him?

I don't.

I hate that.

He makes a crossword every fucking day.

That's hard.

That sucks, dick.

You got to make sure all the letters work and all the hateful.

They're fucking boring as shit.

They are boring.

They're not boring.

They're fun.

It's literally just something you do when you're trying to get through the podcast.

You make $200,000 a year for.

When you're tired of having to deal with your quote-unquote friend.

What do you mean, quote-unquote?

Quote unquote.

Don't quote me.

Quote this dick.

How about saying to a woman like, yeah, I'm sorry about your rape on raped pussy.

Nick was doing scare quotes.

Yeah, you do scare quotes and you say that.

Is that what they're called?

I always thought they were air quotes.

They were air.

But then people say scare quotes.

Somebody, everybody's mad at me for doing black on black face.

They're called air quotes.

What the fuck?

What do you mean, air scare quotes?

Well,

scare quotes when they're in text.

When you in text put quotation marks around something to like snarkily imply that that's not.

Like whenever anyone writes, like the so-called comedian.

Those are called scare quotes.

I didn't know that.

Imply

sarcasm.

Can we go back to what you just said, black on black face?

Is it wrong for a black person to do blackface?

Like a light-skinned black person?

Like Drake did blackface, and everyone's mad at him.

Wait, Drake did blackface?

Yeah, he's in trouble right now.

For they found a picture from like 2008 where he did blackface.

Why is that not in the arts section?

It should be in the arts section.

Is that what graffiti with consent means?

I don't know.

Blackface, with consent.

We'll see.

The New York Times finds a new way to do blackface.

Yeah, it's Kanye.

Here's the way you're looking, you're looking at it all wrong.

It's not that Drake did blackface, it's that a Jewish-Canadian man did blackface.

Oh, that's fucked up.

I think we can all agree.

I just don't get it.

I mean, I

it's it's far be it from me to say, but it should be allowed.

I gotta see what the blackface is.

Yeah,

he's doing wild blackface.

I can't believe, Nick, you missed this.

This was like the biggest news of last week.

Yeah, it feels like you should be all over.

Don't you have a Google alert for anything?

Where Black Blackface comes up?

Siri, pull up Drake.

Damn, I want sushi, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm down.

I'm gonna get salmon avocado.

I gotta take the biggest shit in the world.

The podcast, you know, from now on, guys, we're gonna go as long as possible until I have to shit.

I have to piss.

Yeah, the bathroom stops the pod, not Adam's interjections.

What are we at right now?

We've got to be at like an hour 20.

Hour 15.

Hour 15.

We'll cut it in.

XXL.

Drake

Blackface.

You didn't see it.

No, I didn't see it, man.

Legalize it.

Blackface.

Yeah.

I'm gay.

Yeah, Pusha T racist tweets exposed after Blackface games.

That's it.

No, I mean...

Push-a-T had racist tweets?

Push-a-t's black as hell, bro.

Push-a-tea to Drake, you are silent on all black issues.

Just look at Drake's black.

Just look at the Google Train.

It's all about Pusha T.

Yeah, they had a

Push-A-T exposed the picture during their rap battle.

Drake explains Blackface voted from Pusha T's single.

Oh, yeah, that's where he lost, because he apologized.

Yeah.

Never apologized.

Cometown rule number one: never apologize.

I've never learned anything.

Actually, that's a me rule.

Well, I've adopted it.

You've taught me.

I probably will apologize.

I'm not a protege.

You little Mazda Miata.

I probably would apologize.

Yeah, Adam's my protege, but he's more like a Miata.

Yo, that's good.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Adam, write that down so I can say it again to your face later.

All right.

I'm riding in, Tom.

Thank you.

Legalizes.

Nick's my sense gay.

Shut the fuck up.

Why don't you go wax off my cock?

Get his cock smooth as well.

Mr.

Mihorny.

Mr.

Mihorny.

Mr.

Horny.

Mr.

Horny.

Did you see that?

I have my bonsai.

I'm ready for a blow, Joe.

You didn't see the picture?

I saw the picture.

Who cares, man?

We were doing a riff about being Mr.

Horny.

The karate kid,

the gay rotten.

Yeah.

The

gay rate.

Karate.

Rioty dick.

Gay rioty dick.

The gay roti dick.

Yeah.

Set him up.

We knock him down.

Any word.

Watch.

Watch my ass, dude.

He's doing the crane kick, and then he switches and he just lands on the bottom.

Adam doing the brain kick.

The brain kick.

Where he's sucking cock on top of a pile of.

And we're kicking him in the head while he's sucking our dicks.

That would be rude.

Him at the finals of the karate tournament.

He sucks that blonde kid's dick.

He's like, what's happening?

And his coach is like, you're gay now.

You're off the team.

And they're like, Cobra Kai, lose by

forfeit by being kicked off team from being gay.

And they're like, you did it, Daniel.

You're the best.

Around.

Nothing's going to ever keep you down.

You're the best around.

He's just like wiping the cup off his face.

That would be a great thing.

You tried your best, and it wasn't good enough.

And the man's got to learn to take it.

Take it for your heart inside your body.

You got to spread out real wide.

And if you get scared, you'll tense up.

And that's how you tear your asshole while being raped inside of jail.

You're the best around.

Convince yourself that you want it.

You're the best around.

No amount of karate can save you you because they have been locked up for 10 years just waiting for some new pussy.

And that's you, Adam.

They've been waiting.

So to recap.

Everybody's gone to home.

You're down.

You're ass.

To recap, an old Chinese man named Mr.

Miyage

has trained me in the art of sucking dick so that I can get back at my bullies who humiliated me at the beginning of of the month.

I was like, we should never have left Jersey.

Your father said California would do this to you.

I didn't believe him.

We've been here four hours.

You're already taking dick-sucking lessons from some old Chinese guy.

Mr.

Miyage teaches you.

Wait, where is the riding kick

set?

I think Southern California.

His single mom moves him from Jersey to SoCal.

That's right.

For a better life.

It is a better life.

That's the most depressing thing in the world.

Being a single mom that's like, if we just move to Santa Barbara, I'll stop being a fucking whore.

It's lovely.

I know I won't be a whore that gets beat up by a boyfriend

out there.

It's really nice.

It's a better life for my son, and then he just turns into a meth addict.

Santa Barbara is really nice.

And I don't think they beat women there.

Yeah, they do.

I don't think you just smell like coconut

while you get beat.

That's the difference.

Yeah, they do it with avocado.

Fish.

California style.

Fish tacos.

And this is what Jake says.

I know everyone is enjoying the circus, but I want to clarify this image in question.

This was not from a clothing brand shoot or my music career.

This picture is from 2007, a time in my life when I was an actor and I was working on a project that was about young black actors struggling to get roles, being stereotyped in typecasts.

The photos were represented.

Photos represented how African Americans were once wrongfully portrayed in entertainment.

Me and my best friend at the time, Mazin Elsadig, who is an actor from Sudan.

Ooh, that sounds black.

Sucking hella digging.

Yeah.

So,

so damn black.

That's what that country means.

Yeah.

We're attempting to use our voice to bring awareness.

It's just blackface.

Yeah, he's just doing blackface.

Yeah.

Why didn't he just

take the L, bro?

Why doesn't he just say, I'm fucking black, you idiot?

Yeah, I'm black.

I don't understand why he didn't do that.

He's like, I say the N-word in every one of my songs.

It's the same fucking thing.

Because he's, I don't know, he's Jewish and

worries about not being thought of.

That's problematic to say that someone with one white parent and one black parent isn't.

I know.

But he, no, no, it's not a problem.

I didn't say that.

Think about all that he's trying to do.

All the struggles that Drake has had in his life.

You're probably a man of kids.

I mean, we know that he's literally stopping by the police every time he leaves his house.

It's true.

He's followed around stores.

Well, what Pusha T says is that he's a very good person.

He's more likely to be, like every black person with a blog, he's more likely to be shot to death by police.

We hear that story every day, you know?

Every single day, another writer for The Roode is murdered by the police.

That's who the police go after.

Bloggers.

Rich, fat people that happen to be dark, even though they talk like autistic white people.

That's who's getting it.

It's not poor black people who don't know how to blog.

What Pushitzi said in the song is that his mother got fucked by some guy in a Steve Harvey suit and then

abandoned his family.

Which is a great line.

Which was a really good idea.

Love this.

Is that what I see your Popeyes?

We got.

Oh, this month, the Popeyes.

Did he say that?

That was the line.

His mom got fucked by somebody in a Steve Harvey suit.

Yeah,

I don't know those exact words, but he did say Steve Harvey suit, which was like a good one.

Yeah, he got to go.

Any else exposed him for having a fake son?

Well, he has a secret family.

Yeah.

Drake's got an illegitimate family.

Well, then they said it was with a porn star, so then obviously I went on fucking porn hub to see

she doesn't have any hardcore videos

she just shows her pussy yeah she's barely it's softcore she's not a fucking porn star she's hot though i would fuck her no she's a butterface i like i like a little little stand she's i mean she's got a big butt big fat ass yeah she's a pog drake has a secret baby with a pog i love pogs named adonis

but you know what it's just gossip you know Yeah, it is.

People in the 90s were killing each other.

This is an Adam Friedland rap fact.

You know?

People doubt

that they should kill each other.

I think they should kill each other.

You think one of them should kill the other.

Yeah, right now they're like, ah, you're.

It's just whatever.

Damn, we really had something going there with the crossword thing.

Oh, that karate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's good.

You're the gayest guy that I've ever met inside my life.

And I fucked.

You have.

All right.

I got to take a dump and we got to eat that sushi.

All right, listen.

All right.

Thanks, everybody.

Anything else?

No.

Autobar, August 12th, whatever, whatever.

Funny moms.

Oh, Funny Moms this Monday.

Next Monday.

Next Monday.

When you're hearing this.

The 12th?

Yeah, the 11th or the 12th or some shit.

Okay.

Chris DeStefano's on that.

Someone else is on it.

Yeah.

It's going to be a good show.

And yeah, Seattle, Portland, and Rhode Island this month for me, guys.

Please come out and check those out.

Bye.

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Sups!

The new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be hosted.

Winner, best score.

We demand to be seen.

Winner, best book.

We demand to be quality.

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs!

Playing the Orpheum Theater October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.