Ep. 87 – Podcasting Gear from Marshalls

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I was sipping my latte when my friend gasped.

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Privacy starts at the source.

I am gay.

Suck my fucking dick.

No, we're already going.

Oh, nice.

How embarrassing that would be if, like, other people had that tick, but they were on like NPR.

Yeah, yeah,

I'm David Biancoo, and I send my father's penis.

My dad is black, and his dick is too big for my pussy.

Oh, I'm Terry Gross.

My black dad's big, black penis.

Fucking me.

I'm shit.

So,

anyways, where were we?

Adman is.

I just, I love him so much.

He's so charming to me.

I'm fucking queer.

I can't wait to suck a cock.

I fucking love sucking cock.

We're back on cock.

Car talk.

Yeah, I knew we were recording.

Back to our talk.

I'm going in a new direction here.

The gay direction.

A queer direction.

You're on queer talk.

Shouts out to fucking car talk, man.

One of my most cherished memories randomly of my childhood is blasting Card Talk, going to Einstein Brothers Bagels, and hitting Marshalls with my mom for the Husky section, man.

Yeah, dude.

I was just in Marshalls yesterday.

Marshalls is hilarious.

Fucking lovely.

You don't have cell phone service in Marshalls, so you can't check to make sure you're not buying like

Chinese knockoffs.

Because I was getting a comforter, and they had...

I don't know if that's all Marshalls, but.

Yeah, you just went to a little basement.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a conspiracy.

That's how the Nordstrom Rec is on 14th.

Yeah, yeah.

So I went to Marshalls.

I was trying to get a comforter because at Macy's, they got those hotel collection comforters

that cost like fucking $900 or whatever.

So you know they got to be good.

That's what makes something good is it costs too much money.

But if you go to Marshalls, you can get that same comforter for like 30 bucks.

Hell yeah.

The hotel collection shit.

So, but it's just the name and then the inside's filled with like, you know, Chinese people's hair.

Right.

And then the thread colour.

Yeah, different.

No, it's when we say down alternative, we mean an alternative to Down syndrome hair,

which we also sell.

Man, do you do that often with your breast?

No, I just was kind of getting a mood, raising my arm, and it just felt like, you know,

had to shake it out a little bit.

So for the audience, Stop is shirtless.

Well, Nick was shirtless, and he said we're going to shirtless shirts.

I changed shirts.

I put on a more comfortable shirt.

I'm not going to let my boy be the only one shirtless.

I'll say that.

Now you're the only one shirtless.

And now I'm over here bearing this cross.

It's not fair.

That's crazy, dude.

Your midsection looks like those stacks of proofing dough and dominoes.

Shout out to anybody that's ever worked in a pizza restaurant.

You know what I'm talking about.

Yeah.

Those big blue trays filled with

expanding dough.

My body looks delicious.

Like dough.

No,

it looks like minimum wage prison.

A treat that wins.

When they see minimum wage prison, a fucking walk-in freezer.

They want to kiss it until they get down to the sausage.

You know what I'm saying?

No.

Kiss my stomach until you get down to my cock.

Yeah, that's what I meant by sausage.

I thought you would probably put that together.

Under to your cock, huh?

No, because it's under.

No, it is not under my stomach.

That is a common misconception.

I'm not sure.

I've had like an under-the-sea song, but it's under the C-section scar.

It's that lobster-eating pussy.

He loves divorced women who got divorced because their husband couldn't handle their C-section scars.

Wouldn't you?

Cheryl, it's your fault for having a.

Your pussy was fucked up, and now you have this gross scar.

Wouldn't it be the opposite?

He didn't have pussy and finger ring a button.

No, dude.

It's hard to make it straight.

I was Caesarean.

Yeah, just because your dad's dick is so small.

We already talked about this in the brain.

I like that my brain can only work a certain way.

I know, I know.

Yeah.

But wouldn't a guy

prefer a C-section?

I think if you push his wife's pussy,

you still push vaginal birth.

Your pussy gets wrecked if you're pushing hard.

They tell you to push.

But exactly.

But what I'm saying is, what you need to do, if you're smart, you want to keep that pussy intact, you go shortly.

I'm going to be such a feminist that I get a C-section for my wife.

That's where they cut my balls open and put the sperm in her pussy.

Directly into her pussy.

So I don't even get to get hardened.

You don't need to come or get hardened.

I don't come.

I don't get hard pushed.

And you're conscious the whole time.

You're screaming.

They crack my nut like an egg.

Like a fucking sunny side egg.

Just drips, oozes out.

We should go

screaming.

I love you, honey.

We should go with soft.

He will not divide us.

He will not divide us.

Yo, by the way, someone, I think actually Big Cat retweeted that fucking video of the lady screaming.

The nuts.

I just watched that again last night.

It's the funniest video.

It's the funniest video.

And it's like, I guess it was just the anniversary of that video, right?

This is Trump's inauguration.

Yeah.

No.

Yeah, that happened on gay 20.

Oh, shit.

That's what they.

January 20th?

They call it gay 20.

They call it gay 20.

It's like 420, but for gay guys.

Zero gay 20?

That's where you smoke another dude's car.

Yeah, yeah.

Nice.

Oh, yeah.

Legal lies, gay sex.

Gay sex should be legal.

Yeah.

Legal lies on the left.

There's a guy named Blowjob Marley who's like, does a lot of vere gay music?

check in on penis

lively up your ass yeah

uh uh power bottom soldier

no getting fucking

I cry

because I want to suck it

I fucked the sheriff

woke up this morning and the uh three little birds no Adam can't do that

you're really bad at this come on bro you're You're so gay.

You probably think this song is about you.

You're so gay.

You're so gay.

You know what that song was written about?

You.

I actually do write it.

Actually, it was written about you, Adam.

Rosemary Clooney said in an interview recently that she wrote it about you.

Really?

I thought it was

not

someone else.

It's Rosemary Clooney.

No.

George Clooney's mom.

Carly Simon.

No.

That's You're So Vain, you fucking idiot.

That's a different song.

Wait,

I'm talking about You're So Gay.

Oh,

okay.

Song by Rosemary Clooney.

Oh, okay.

And it's about you.

And she said that in an interview.

Oh, I didn't know that was about you.

I think it was just, I would just think it's a parody of You're So Vane by Carly Simon.

No, the Rosemary Clooney song came out first.

You're So Vane came out afterwards.

So she was the one who had a game.

And it's by Nancy Sinatra.

It's not Nancy Sinatra.

It's not Nancy Sinatra, and that's also not a dick was made for sucking.

And then, and then

Carly Simon covered it, and then her cover was about somebody else.

But both

You're So Gay, and then the Nancy Sinatra You're So Vain are about you.

Oh, okay.

That all checks.

That's all true.

You're so gay, you're so gay.

You probably think this song is about you, but it's actually, but it's actually

about a guy named Adam Friedland.

He's the gay guy in the song.

We all know that classic.

Yep.

That classic.

Oh, yeah.

I'll have to look it up on Spotify.

Is that George Quinny's mom?

It's his aunt, I think.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Really?

Yeah.

That's a real singer.

And Nancy Sinatra has to be Frank.

Yeah, she does she does that

the only song of hers I know is that Mambo Italiano.

I saw her on a on a game show one time.

I was watching old game shows and they're like, Now, let's meet the stars and it's like, Shirley Bottomsworth, you know, and it's like Michael

Sanderson.

And everyone's like, Michael Sanderson, you know, and it's like, who the fuck are these people?

I guess these people that were like famous in like 1971 and nobody.

Is that on the buzzer network?

Yeah.

An old, ugly, skinny lady.

A gay guy.

Yeah, a guy that's gay that can't be.

So he's just game.

She's 70s game show.

Yeah, he's just doing sassy looks.

And they're like, I wonder when he's going to get married.

Fat guy sweating.

He's so charming.

I wonder when that man is going to settle down and

get married and finally take off his extremely tight bow tie and expose his frail, delicate body to his lovely, overweight wife.

His lovely, autistic, overweight wife.

Damn, are you sad that you're gay now and you can't have a beard, Adam?

From not...

Wait, you're saying that because I can't grow a beard?

No, no, no, no.

I'm saying if you grew up in the 70s, you know, you have a beard like a gay beard.

Yes.

Yeah.

Well, I have one, Tasha.

Yeah, but we all know.

I mean, that's only a matter of time.

Her career takes off.

She leaves you.

Of course.

It's going to be great when Dasha starts fucking Brandon Wardell.

No.

It's going to be someone else.

Yeah, it's going to be Brandon Wardell.

No, it's not.

He's going to be like a fucking strong version of Adam.

Let's see who you got cucked by last time.

A private DJ lesson consultant.

This time it's going to be the only person in the world worse at comedy than you.

Oh, wow.

Well, I appreciate that.

Yeah.

I appreciate the body being the worst.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Congrats, man.

That was so funny.

We got to talk about you getting owned by that lady.

When she said that, maybe you could tell some jokes next time.

Yeah, yeah.

So funny.

I didn't watch it.

You should have watched it.

I'm pretty embarrassed by it.

Yeah, I actually canceled my subscription to kike.tv

before you went on.

It was my favorite channel, and then I heard that they were having you on

on their panel show, Jew Eye.

Yeah, Jewish.

Tom Shilju.

Jew.

There were like some straight-up Nazis on the show before me, though.

Whoa, really?

Yeah, there's this one guy that belongs to this political party in Israel called Yisrael Beitani, which is like the Russian far-right-wing party.

Nice.

Yeah, yeah.

Wait, he's in Israel?

They're like MAGA guys, basically,

in Israel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I guess...

That is like where the most of them are, you know?

But I got booked by a cumboy.

Some guy that works there listens to Come Town.

That's hilarious.

And I guess he.

Book me and Nick next, guys.

We have some.

You guys should be on the Israel

table.

Yeah, dude.

Do they know that I

was a Red Eye regular?

Yeah.

A beloved member of

the delightful panel show Red Eye on Fox News.

With

presumably a comedy show.

Yeah.

Where you show up and then they just say things at you, and you're supposed to

get some bits before?

You're supposed to to riff with.

Well, they tell you what the topics are at like 3 p.m., and then you show up at like 6 to tape it or whatever.

And then they're like, Yeah, write stuff for this.

And it's like, no,

you're paying me zero dollars.

You have writers, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, yeah, I also made zero dollars for my

shit.

That's a real shock.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Going on.

Oh, yeah.

They snatched it.

They had good-ass cookies, though, in the green room.

Yeah, did they?

Yeah, and you get to see like Bill O'Reilly, you know, storming around

Lou Dobbs, just pissed off about shit.

Pissing his pants drunk.

Yeah, and

but they had, you know, what are those little cookies where in the center, there's that like raspberry-flavored dot?

I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, of course.

What are those called?

I don't know what they're called, but

I would never go buy those.

Absolutely not.

It just is a rare treat.

Listen, that's a good palette cleanser, but I don't really fuck with those, honestly.

The little jam in the middle type shits.

Yeah.

I don't really fuck with those.

They're nice when you have a little cup, a free cup of coffee and you say, maybe I will have a cookie.

My problem is they don't mesh well with most cookie flavors.

They're bullshit macaroons.

They're just shit cookies.

Yeah, but they're sort of the appetizer of the cookie women.

You know what it is?

It's

a fake business for rich women.

I agree with that.

That's where macaroons come from.

Some rich man's like daddy's girl who's in her late 30s is like, you know what?

I'm going to do something with my life.

And then she starts a macaroon slash cat cafe.

Well, I think the macaroon craze is over.

I think that was a thing.

It was supposed to be the new cupcake, right?

Yeah, yeah.

But listen, I don't fuck, I'm not mad at macarons.

I would take a macaroon over those little raspberry cookies.

You know what I'm saying?

Those raspberry cookies, go to any Christmas parties.

Those shits are getting low.

My business is.

My rich man, my fake rich man business, edible Gundams.

That's good.

A place where you go in, you build your own fucking gingerbread, very intricate gingerbread Gundams.

I love it.

We're not talking some bullshit gingerbread man or a gingerbread house.

Gears that work.

Yeah, yes.

Yes, yes.

yes we're talking like you you cannot walk in there and not have like extensive experience with model building what about what about like a gumball cannon you shoot gumballs that would be cool

yeah um i don't i mean i don't remember that in evangelion i don't think

i don't remember that happening in the in the manga so but is that there's nothing more to that no no

what the fuck is that vangelion yeah what is i just know that that's like a thing with gundams in it oh is it yeah it's an anime that i think has That might be the one that has Gundams.

No, Gundam.

Wasn't there something called the Wing?

Yeah, was it called Gundam?

Gundam Wing, yeah, yeah.

Gundam Wing.

Gundam Wing.

Because I remember I was.

That shit rocked.

I've never seen it.

I just remember thinking it was so funny that it was so close to condom and being like,

how does nobody...

It's just called condom?

Yes.

And everyone was like, no, well, at least.

Well, none of the people that had sex made Gundams.

So they never.

They're like, what's a condom?

Do you mean a Gundam?

Well, yeah.

They're like, no, it's a thing that goes over your penis.

And they're like, like, no, it goes over your whole body.

A gundam is a suit you wear to prevent you from having sex.

Oh, God.

I had that.

Yeah, no, you didn't have it.

I had it 50 seconds ago.

You don't understand how to build a bit up.

God damn it.

I had that.

This is why Brandon Wardell is going to fuck your girlfriend.

He's not going to fuck my girlfriend.

He's going to roll in on a skateboard and being like, I met Justin Bieber.

Okay, first of all, he cannot skate.

Second of all, he drops in.

She's moving to New York.

Yeah, so it's going to be somewhere far away from Brandon Ward.

So, who's it going to be then in New York?

It'll be a New York fixture.

Maybe Tim Dylan.

That would be funny.

His return to women.

He eats her pussy to taste your dick.

Yeah, that'd be funny.

That being that gay, that you like pussy to taste dick.

I might go to Modell's today and get one of those.

I've graduated past foam rolling to those little massage balls.

Not lacrosse.

I know what you're talking about.

The little spikes.

They're a little bit bigger.

They're like the size of those, you know, like a kid's basketball?

Like for

children?

For like super shot or whatever.

Yeah, yeah.

A mini basketball.

Mini basketball.

Yeah, yeah.

Like one of them, like a little bit bigger than a dick.

One of those is Adam's dick, and a regular basketball is my dick.

That's true.

For the listeners.

And my dick is

fucking moon.

It's the entire.

No,

it's a koosh ball.

Your dick is fucked up and it's like stringy and much softer.

That is my dick.

It's easier to palm and dunk.

So, who's got a cooler dick?

I do.

Only black guys can palm yours with huge hands.

That's right.

What's wrong with that?

The Stav's dick is a basketball that deflates after 30 seconds.

And I'm like, just chill.

It'll reflate.

Just let's chill out a little bit.

You're like, you want to go to the concession stand?

No, your basketball deflates, and then you just list everything you've eaten for the last 48 hours.

Yeah, let's just, yeah, sorry.

Yeah, I hit the ninety

whoopee pie.

Bro, my dick is on the comeback swing.

I'm a three day straight, no smoothies, going to the damn gym.

Okay.

I'm eating clean.

Yo,

by the way, fuck New York Sports Club.

Okay.

Why?

Yeah,

they're getting the official come town fucking.

They didn't let you cancel?

They're shady motherfuckers, dude.

They'll tell you you can cancel over the phone, and then they'll say you're canceled, and they'll continue to try and bill you.

And now they're calling me saying I owe money, and then they emailed me, and I emailed it back.

I'm like, no, I want everything in writing, so tell me what I owe and itemize it, and they just won't respond to it.

They're just going to call me so that they can bullshit over the phone.

Right, right, right.

And they won't do it.

And then the same company, like Town Sports International, they just got like a $20,000 fine from

their Washington sports clubs doing the same thing where they tell you, oh, yeah, you're canceled in person, and then they don't cancel you, and then continue to charge people afterwards.

I mean, like, my card changed a couple months back, and I didn't update it with them because

they just raised my rates without notifying me, either by phone or by email, which are like my preferred contact.

Yeah, they're like, oh, we mailed something out.

I'm like, yeah, I didn't get it.

Suck my nuts, mail.

You know, no one fucking checks the mail, motherfucker.

Yeah, you know what you're doing.

So, I don't know.

Yeah, fuck that company.

And then, if, like, if they don't email me back, I don't know what to do because they're going to eventually send it to a collections agency.

I just have to dispute it with them.

Damn, that's fucking good.

If they can't provide a copy of my contract or anything, it shows that I don't know, but yeah.

Damn, dude.

No, it sucks because it's like, this is like I'm trying to get better credit, and so I have have to jump through all these fucking bullshit hoops with secured credit cards, and then it's shit like this fucking gym, which I'd prefer to just not deal with.

I mean, fuck you.

You want the money?

Suck my dick.

Honestly.

Figure out a way to get it other than

damaging my credit.

But you might as well just pay them a couple months and then move on with your life.

I don't want to pay them anything over the phone.

If they give me a list of things that I fucking owe, then fine.

I'll be there.

Straight up I'm going to have to go in person, probably.

And do what?

They'll deny that I fucking went there in person.

I don't like.

It has to to be in writing.

I'm not doing anything.

But

they'll give you something that you sign that says you're released from the contract.

I don't know that they'll do that.

I think they do.

I think that's what James do.

All right.

PF plan to finish the story.

Also, I don't have a contract.

I was month to month for like a year.

Oh, interesting.

Well, you need something, dude.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Me and the good folks who play to finish the story, we haven't had any run-ins yet.

You know?

But if you want, I'll go fucking

I'll go shit in every New York sports club shower there is, man.

For you, yeah, definitely.

Do you want me to do that?

No, I mean, if this doesn't, like, resolve itself, then

I mean, I've already done what I can, which is broadcast to 80 million people.

That's right.

They're a shady company.

That's right.

We got picked up by Indian T, the biggest channel in India, also, by the way, guys.

Come Town.

Come Town did?

Yeah, that's how we get the 80 mil.

Whoa.

We just signed distribution deals with India, China,

Antarctica.

You know what's funny is those Indian guys would probably love the Indian guys we do on the show.

That's true.

They would be flattered.

They would be like, I love Sandar so much.

So is it really racist, guys?

Think about it that way.

Asians love being racisted, too.

Real Asians?

I don't mean these American Asian.

I don't even mean a guy named like Dan Wynne, you know, who's like, how dare you say that to me?

It's like, all right, well, you you don't have the voice, so I don't even consider you Asian.

Yeah, yeah.

What happened to that slam poet that was mad at you?

Oh, yeah, that guy from Singapore.

The slam poet from Singapore.

Yeah, he was a slam poet from Singapore who was mad at me, but he lives in Singapore where they don't have freedom of speech.

So he's like, this guy should be in fucking jail.

And they were like, he should be executed by the state.

He's like, that's what you get for making fun of Chinese New Year.

Oh, fuck.

Didn't Chris Brown get arrested in Singapore?

Did he?

For some?

Yeah.

Maybe for lewd lyrics.

You never knew.

Really?

I don't know.

I love that spitting there is illegal.

Yeah, that's right.

Swallowing only, bitch.

Yeah.

You better catch the whole nut.

M's the law.

Drink the nut like it's the raw egg milkshake from Rocky, but not the first time, the last time, where he can do it.

What?

Do you guys remember that?

He makes that raw egg milkshake milkshake immediately and

he spits it out at first.

No, he doesn't.

Yeah.

That's the beginning of the montage.

And at the end of the montage, he gobbles it like girls should gobble our nuts.

That's what I'm saying.

He comes home.

I thought that was part of the scene where it's like your first meeting Rocky and then he goes home to his shitty fucking apartment and then puts on that

Glenn Fry song.

The heat is on?

No, the one about the.

Is that Glenn Fry?

I don't know.

Maybe it isn't Glenn Fry.

It's the heart of my penis.

No, maybe it isn't Glenn Fry.

It's like that, that

like Glenn Fry is from the Eagles, right?

He is.

Hey, how about Glenn Berger?

Speaking of Rocky and speaking of the Eagles, did you guys see that guy drive a dune buggy up the Rocky steps?

No,

that rules.

Philly was going buck ass wild.

After they made the Super Bowl, some dude drove a fucking dune buggy

steps.

You see the guy they had the they greased up all the fucking light poles with Crisco.

No one could fucking climb.

And they figured out a way to do it anyways.

They did, dude.

Yeah, they also, Philly also had a secret Bill Cosby stand-up show.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Did they?

Oh, yeah.

Cosby did a show.

They did some tiny jazz shows.

Yeah, yeah.

And

Doctor was well received.

That's hilarious.

And I think the intake from 2018 was, did we jump the gun on accusing a black man of rape?

Oh, it comes back around.

And also, ageless.

Wait, how about this?

Oh, how about this, this guy's conspiracy theory?

Cosby had grown tired.

He reached the pinnacle of stand-up.

Okay?

So he leaks these stories.

He tells Hannibal to do this.

So that now the only challenge is: can I still kill when everyone in America hates me?

So now

he turns it around.

I got an idea for a movie.

He was killing too easy.

Now everyone.

Every audience that saw him was like, oh, this is America's Most Beloved Comic.

I'll laugh.

I got an idea for a movie.

Let's hear it.

So it's Bill Cosby now down and out in Philly doing these bullshit bar shows.

And he's killing, and people have forgotten who he is because of all of the assaults.

And then Sandra Bullock, who lives out in the suburbs with her millionaire husband that owns a bunch of taco bills,

she adopts him.

And she brings him into her house.

And she's like,

yeah, we're going to make this guy the best comic in the world.

And then, you know, she's buying him pants or something, and somebody says something racist to him, and she has like a teary meltdown and calls the police on the

poor white woman that said something racist to him.

And then they throw the poor white woman in jail.

And then, for some reason, that's a three and a half hour-long movie.

And then the guy's not that good, it turns out, anymore.

Yeah, right.

He only had a couple of good seasons for the Ravens.

Michael Orr.

Michael Orr, yeah.

And then he couldn't play.

I think he went to the Panthers or some shit.

I don't know.

I stopped watching football.

I walked out of that movie.

I can't believe I saw it.

You went to the theaters?

In Detroit, yeah.

Why?

Were you killing time?

Yeah, it was a 75-cent ticket.

Hilarious.

Yeah, I saw that in a movie called Frozen that was pretty good.

No, no, no.

Different one.

Came out years prior.

This is like eight, nine years ago.

Okay.

What was it about?

It's about three people.

They go on a skiing trip.

They bribe the chairlift guy to let them go up on the mountain one last time right before the park closes.

And then

there's miscommunication.

They get left halfway up the mountain on the chairlift.

Oh, fuck.

And then there's like a storm coming in, so the park's going to be closed for a week.

So they're just stuck on the chairlift, and they have to decide.

So the whole entire movie is just them on the chairlift.

Oh!

Oh, scary.

It's like that movie Open Water movie.

It's exactly like Open Water.

Whoa, what the fuck do they do?

But no sharks.

Well, if this were not recorded, I would just tell you, but I would encourage people to go watch that movie.

I want to know, though.

The Smoke Joint followed me on Instagram.

Oh, nice.

After I gave him this.

I know what you're doing.

I see what you're doing.

You mentioned a barbecue restaurant to get me to forget that I want to know the end of

that movie.

No, I was thinking about it.

I forgot that people listened to this show.

I just had a sudden moment of self-awareness.

Oh, I see.

Yeah.

Oh, so because the smoke joint followed you, that reminded you people listen and you won't spoil the frozen.

Yeah.

I don't care about you.

I'll spoil it for you.

It wouldn't be a spoiler.

I want to know.

It's not the same thing.

Is Is that still a spoiler if you want to get spoiled?

I don't think so.

I think a spoiler is malice behind the act.

Spoiling it.

Yeah.

There's malice behind the act of spoiling.

Why is a spoiler on a car called a spoiler?

I never understood that.

Yeah, me neither.

Is that related to some kind of fluid dynamics term?

Yes.

Spoiling?

Mm-hmm.

Yes, it is.

Spoilers really do work, though, right?

They make your car faster?

They make it cooler, that's for sure.

Oh, yeah.

That's what it is.

After you get a spoil on, you get a woman pregnant and you spoil her pussy.

That's right.

You take a shovel.

That's why I call rape whistles spoiler alerts.

Because, you know,

when I hear one, I think, damn, she's having sex with a guy that's got a really cool car.

That lucky woman is

getting

a hot chance to have sex with a cool, Integra-driving, you know, kind of guy.

Oh, yeah.

Every car should have a spoiler.

Why not?

I agree.

Yeah.

Damn.

Put it on a fucking title by a barbecue restaurant on Instagram.

That's pretty cool.

You know, it's funny.

So they look like

movie terms are the opposite of car terms, you know, where it's like you got a spoiler.

Car spoiler, pretty cool.

Movie spoiler, not cool.

Bad.

What else?

Movie trailer, awesome.

Rules.

Yeah, I love them.

I don't know.

Yeah,

90 seconds.

90-second commercial for a movie.

Yeah, you got a trailer on your car.

Wow, what are you?

Homeless?

Yeah, booty.

You just get to fucking

peasant.

You fucking idiot.

You're a poor bitch.

Nice U-Haul trailer.

Yes.

What are you doing?

Moving?

Fucking idiot.

Were you moving or addicted to meth?

Which one, bitch?

You had to move out of your apartment because everyone found out that you're an idiot

and was downloading child porn on the apartment Wi-Fi.

Well, come on, let's not go after Shane.

He said it.

We haven't mentioned him in a while.

Hey, man, her.

Oh, right.

You fucking piece of shit.

I guess.

No, this is the year we take the pronouns back, dude.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I'm actually playing.

I'm doing the Take the Pronouns Back concert, benefit concert.

It's a Christian rock and Christian comedy benefit concert to hurt trans people.

Take back the pronouns.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Dixie chicks.

They're like, we're girls, not them.

They're trying to make up for their George W.

Bush cards.

Right.

And then there's a trans band called The Dixie Chicks.

It's got the same name.

Spelled a little different.

That's good.

That's really good.

With a Y.

You know?

The Y at the end.

Well, boys, fuck.

We had an extensive show list of things to talk about.

Yeah.

How about

this is a real good burrito.

Yeah, the burritos go off.

Should we do another business shout-out so if it gets more inserted?

Honestly, yes, that's the lucha.

Lucha lucha.

They go, they rock.

They do a hell of a burrito.

Yo, get that breakfast chorizo.

It is 13 bucks.

The breakfast burrito is amazing.

It'll suck your cock off.

I've never had the breakfast.

I don't know.

It's so good.

Yeah, the charisoo.

Come eggs in there, some chorizo.

Every time I go there, I feel like the menu is limited, but every burrito I've had there.

Yo, let me finish my burrito.

No, you finished it by bunch of damn.

I just didn't want to eat on mic because people get mad.

Yeah, give it to me, Nick, so I can finish it.

No.

I'm hungry, though.

Nick took first bite.

That is is rude as hell.

Prima snackness.

Prima snacks.

Prima snackness.

You come to my apartment with food, I'm taking the first bite of it.

I do love the concept of Prima Snackness.

Oh, fuck yeah, dude.

Damn, I want some good snacks.

God, damn, that's a good burrito.

It really fucking is.

And I would go get one normally if this were my old life, but not anymore, boys.

Now I'm going home.

Well, you're going to have a new life pretty soon, dude.

Once that birthday rolls around, me and Adam got a big surprise.

What are you doing, man?

What is it?

Oh, you'll see.

Just

two different presents.

It's two different presents, but

presents

are the term I'm.

How about this?

Think somewhere in between Dante's car,

you know, and

a Pomeranian.

Yo, are you guys going to get me a Bulldog?

No.

That would rule.

Is it a fur coat?

It would be so cute if you had a Bulldog Network exactly.

No, now I'm kind of mad we didn't get him a bulldog.

Yeah, we just got him a bulldog.

We can still change our minds.

We can.

Well, I can.

You got yours, right?

I already spent the money.

Are you guys getting fat suits?

No, we're not getting fat suits.

It's actually fat suits.

We'll talk about it on the show.

They're both very thoughtful and also mean gifts.

It's only the kind of gift real friends who want to hurt your feelings could give you.

Well, I can't wait to have a bulldog one day, dude.

Just me and my fat-ass bulldog.

A little bulldog with a tracksuit on.

Oh, 100%.

Wearing the same stock glasses.

Maybe glasses, yeah.

I don't know.

That would be cute.

Yeah.

Fuck, that was going to be awesome.

A lot of people look like their dogs, but I really don't look anything like my dog.

No.

My dog's muscular.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Beautiful.

You look like one of those birds that got caught in an oil spill.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like one of them.

Needs to be cleaned with a toothbrush.

Exxon Valdez

ducks.

Yeah.

Get rubbed down by Dawn.

I love how Dawn's always like, we're good, but

they definitely also make horrible chemicals.

Yeah, you're a chemical company.

Yeah, it's S.C.

Johnson, right?

S.

E Johnson.

That was the plot of Water World as the bad guys live on the Valdez?

The smokers?

I've never seen Water World.

The plot was that there was no more land.

Oh, wait, is Water World the one where the guy's?

The smokers are the bad guys.

That was like the gay

celebrity cause in the 90s was anti-smoking and also ending the death penalty.

Yes.

There were celebrities.

I'm not gay.

That's cool.

Well, obviously you should end the death penalty, but anytime celebrities fucking get up their own ass about

we're changing the world.

Is that where Kevin Costner has gills?

Yeah.

And there's that fake ass Robinson.

Oh, those are supposed to be gills.

Yeah.

What do you think they were?

I thought it was he had pussies on his neck.

Neck pussies?

Yeah.

Oh, that opening scene of that movie is that he drinks his own piss.

Yeah, which is like

so ridiculous because you could obviously put seawater in that machine and have it do the same thing.

Yeah, why do you have to do it with piss?

It's just as salty.

Yeah.

Well,

he wants to conserve, man.

You know?

Zero footprint.

Lofa.

I kind of liked that movie when it came out.

Yeah, you're an idiot.

I was like nine years old, though.

Yeah, you're stupid.

It was the most expensive movie of all time.

I think we talked about it, but wasn't there a bootleg Robin Williams in there?

There is.

You know what's also weird is that movie has the same exact plot as Mad Max Fury Road.

Yeah.

There's not as many sexy bitches in it.

Fury Road is the inverse.

They're trying to find water.

This one, they're trying to find land.

I feel bad for the fat ladies.

I guess they're copying.

I feel bad for the fat ladies.

Fury Road is amazing.

Oh, the rules.

I'm going to fucking put on Fury Road again tonight.

Yo, you know what I watched?

You know what's so funny is I got that 4K Blu-ray player, and Fury Road was the first thing I bought, and I watched it like nine times.

I'm like, yeah, that's why you get DVDs.

You watch them over again.

I have not watched a single one of these DVDs the second time other than Fury Road.

Fury Road goes off hard as shit.

I got the projector back in the mix, and I bought an even better one, Deb.

And I was just watching Logan again.

Yeah, I got Logan.

I might actually re-watch Logan twice.

We got to take a break, and we'll be back in a second.

Oh.

Yo, what's up, you motherfuckers?

It's Stav and Adam stretching our legs here.

We're the two sports fans on the podcast.

And guess what, bitch?

We got a nice motherfucking way for you to enjoy the Super Bowl with betdsi.com.

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Huh?

Yeah.

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The same thing you beat off with.

Bet DSI motherfucking has a great mobile app.

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Well, I'm fucking doused in blue cheese.

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We used it last week to bet on the Jags, who what what did they do?

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Shouts out to Bortles, Bortles Mania.

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Yeah, me too.

We will congratulate the Pagers because they are boys.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, so root against them.

Any player take a knee during the national anthem?

Probably not.

That's the kind of shit we're talking about, baby.

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The Eagles are getting six?

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And we're back.

And we're back, bitch.

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We're back.

Jimmy.

What?

I thought you were doing your Jimmy Dean.

No, I was doing my James Dean.

I'm James Dean.

You guys like that, James Dean?

That's good, yeah.

Sad for him for hell.

That's what he sounds like now that he's in hell.

Who I am with Sweet James Dean.

It's me, James Dean.

Sweet James Z.

Everybody loves me, Sweet James Z.

Everybody's favorite actor in the world and Sweet James Dean.

Hell yeah.

You guys like Brando Cosby?

Brando Cosby, dude.

Hell yeah.

I was.

I bagged a bazoff for a record of refuse.

I will watch.

I bag

off for a record of refuse.

Yeah, so we drank a shit ton of liquid code.

Oh, yeah.

We're on lean.

We're throwed, motherfucker.

We got chopped and screwed.

I have done lean.

It's great.

I love it.

That shit.

It's fucking awesome.

I can't do it because my friend

Frida Santana just died.

RIP Fredo.

P.

Brandon's bit about it.

Nah, he'll do that for another.

He's going to ride out three or four years.

I would love to be addicted to liquid codeine.

Yeah, dude, you can get there.

DJ Screw died from you will at some point.

That it'll shift.

Now you're an exercise boy.

At a certain point, you'll get into something.

You just get into things.

And I feel like codeine, you will get into it.

Do you get fat from

big dad?

Yeah, you get fat.

Because you're always drinking it with scissor.

You're always drinking it with Sprite and John.

Yeah, you're drinking like sugar.

Yeah.

Constantly.

God, that's a great thing.

I'm drinking fucking McDonald's sweet and sour sauce and liquid codeine.

Yes.

I can't wait to be able to do that.

They call that the good pussy juice.

We were saying that me and Stop have the theory that the pussy tastes better.

Well, I don't know that it's me and you.

Stop has just you, actually.

You were doing this bit off Mike.

I went ahead.

The non-consensual pussy's got a

sweeter flavor to the lips.

You know what I'm saying?

Oh, not really on the tongue.

That's indecipherable.

No, it was not me.

Nice.

You know, the tastes on the lips like a clove cigarette.

What is that?

Yeah,

the forbidden pussy's got a little sweet and sour sauce tinge to it.

I only like conscious pussy, thank you.

Only pussy that looks like a common pussy.

Yeah, yeah, I was going to say.

Pussy wearing a backpack

and a daishiki.

Hell yeah.

Yeah.

I'd fuck a pussy wearing a daishiki.

I don't know what that would look like.

Is Dasha's name short for dashiki?

Yes, it is.

As a matter of fact, it is.

The na the na you in Russian culture they name you after the hat the first guy who fucked you was wearing when you lost your hat.

I was saying for her acting career.

Her middle name is Koofi.

I was saying for her acting career, Dasha should start doing blackface and change her name to D apostrophe S-H-A.

That's really good.

Dashaw.

Yeah.

Well, she might get a better.

You know, that might not be good, though, because, you know, they're not paying people Monique.

Monique, yeah, I got it.

She's only getting 500K from Netflix, or that was their offer?

Yeah, they said to her a dollar a pound.

Hell yeah, dude.

I'm just saying.

We're going to do it like the circus does.

500,000

is great.

Well, not when fucking,

or whoever.

Chappelle's getting

mil.

I think 40,000.

Amy Schumer got, what, 50?

Yeah, those are both like huge celebrities.

Nobody knows who's remembered.

I'm with you.

Monique's like on the same level as Eddie Griffith.

Yeah.

Superstars.

She's a novelty.

Superstars out of this world.

No, nobody fucking gives a shit.

No, I know what you're saying, but she's mad about them.

And I'm just mad because, you know, she's an anomalous of the Parkers, which is one of my favorite UPN shows.

I wanted to fuck her daughter, who fluctuated in weight a lot.

And

it was a thyroid problem that she had.

I never fucked with that show.

The Parkers?

Mr.

Ogilvie, right?

He's like real gay or something, but she's trying to fuck him, I think.

Who was the one with Phase on Love?

What was that?

Family Telling?

What was the name of that one?

I don't remember.

Remember, there was that.

Fuck.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I like that.

House of Pain?

House of Pain.

Oh, Tyler Perry's House of Pain.

They would shoot like eight in a day.

Yeah.

Wait, no, hold on, hold on.

I don't know if it was House of Pain.

Phase on Love might have been on that, but I'm thinking of a different show that was on in the 90s.

Oh, no, that's not House of Pain.

No, House of Pain is.

That was 2000.

That's T.

Payne's show.

Yeah, no.

I was thinking of some show that was on in the 90s.

Fuck.

I'm going to have to go to the house.

Memory Fuck Young Pussy.

Do you remember the movie Major Pain?

Yes, of course.

Yeah, of course.

That movie is a great movie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's just abusing children, I think.

Yeah, that's great.

Damon Wayne's.

I love seeing kids

get away from the kids.

Yo, I was watching the Wayne's Brothers show.

I used to love that show.

It's so.

We're a brother.

We're funny.

No, no, no.

The Parenthood.

That was the name of the show.

Parenthood, yeah.

That was a good one.

Yeah.

Damn.

He was on that show?

That was on love?

Yeah, that was a lot of fun.

He was the uncle, right?

That was a great show.

Wasn't that

who was that guy?

The black guy with the mustache?

What the fuck is his name?

Robert Townsend.

Yes, Robert Townsend rules, dude.

He was on the Young Comedian Special, the Ronnie Dangerfield one.

That shit rocks.

You guys should watch that shit.

What did Faison Love go to jail for recently?

I'm going to guess tax evasion.

Yeah.

Because every

guy that makes

a lot of celebrities just forget that they have to pay taxes.

The old Snipe, the old Wesley Snipes problem.

Who else?

I feel like somebody else did that.

Love was born Langston Faison Santucima.

Sentucima?

Santusima, yeah.

That's a tight name, bro.

Well, he's Cuban.

That's tight.

He is?

He's an Afro-Latino?

Afro-Cuban?

Yeah.

Well, no, his dad was in the Navy.

Oh.

So he fucked a Cuban lady?

Yeah, she had Guantanamo back.

What were they up to in Guantanamo before torture?

You think it was like a chill

chill zone?

They would read Hemingway.

Eating Cubano, eating Cubano sandwiches.

Yes.

getting the pickles off because fuck pickles.

That's my take.

Fuck pickles.

Oh, shit.

You remember Don't Be a Menace?

Hell yeah.

Don't Be a Menace.

Such a funny movie.

Yeah.

I look at that party, and then it's like that slow pan, and everyone's kind of like dancing, and they're like grinding, and then there's just two people fucking.

I love the Waynes brothers.

Yeah.

Well, good night, everybody.

So we talked about Monique.

What about Jeff Bezos?

We really did talk about Jeff.

What about

if we found out that

Monique got paid less than Bill Cosby did for that bar show in Philly?

I did fuck Monique from Baltimore.

Salute.

Was she?

Yeah.

Oh, good for her.

Yep.

Me and her on the Mount Rushmore of Baltimore stand-up comedy.

Me, her, Sonny Fuller, Tommy Simbazo.

Tommy Simbazzo.

Sonny Fuller is funny, though.

Sonny Fuller is funny as shit.

The rest of the comics that were named aren't, but I fuck with Tommy, though.

He's a good dude.

No, I meant you and Monique.

Oh, what?

Yeah.

But then also Tommy.

Monique is funny, dude.

Yeah.

She does this whole thing about skinny bitches, and it's just, I can't really describe it, but it's good.

I remember just seeing Sonny at a mic one time.

He's talking about some bitch whose hands smell like pennies.

It's like, you know how fucking bad pennies smell.

Yeah, Sonny rules, bro.

Yeah, yeah.

I love the pictures he would put up on MySpace of just him selling crack, like back in his selling crack days, allegedly.

He had the

caution.

Tommy, that's not.

We've talked about that.

Tommy's got the caution.

But shouts out to Tommy.

He's funny.

He fucks.

He's over in

Dubai doing shows for the Prince.

For the Prince.

Dubai, more like Bubai.

Yeah, for the Prince.

More like Bubai.

I don't know.

They're doing like a murder mystery show overseas for the troops.

Whoa.

Yeah.

It's a murder mystery series.

They kill a troop.

Yeah.

They cover up a sexual assault.

How much better would a full metal jack have been if they all had sex with Pyle in his bunk?

No, instead of just beating him with soap.

It would be a much better.

That's all it takes: you get beat with soap one time and you've got to kill yourself.

Well, he was clearly a bitch.

You killed the

drill sergeant and then yourself.

God damn it, Pyle.

Can't you at least get sexually assaulted first?

Let the boys bust a couple nuts.

Wait,

is the Steers and Queers from Full Metal Jacket, or is it from another movie?

I've had this argument before.

I don't know, man.

I've never seen Full Metal Jacket.

Only Two Things Come Out of Oklahoma Steers and Queers.

Yeah, that's a classic.

Is that Full Metal Jacket?

I believe so, but I don't know.

I've said that because I guess it is.

Someone else.

Oh, I forget.

Whatever.

Never mind.

That was my contribution.

Nice, man.

That movie is weird because it's like two different movies.

That's pretty cool.

If you could be gay or a bull, yeah,

it's like that queen song.

What?

You know, like We Will Rock You.

Fat Bottom Girls.

No.

Fat Bottom Girls.

We Are the Champions.

Yep.

But the beginning is.

There's two different songs, and they always just play them back.

Danny's like my penis, lick my butt.

Bohemian rhapsody.

A lot of different songs.

Bohemian rhapsody.

Come on, your face.

I fucked your mother named Grace.

That's also a song about Adam.

Sucking your penis all over your boy.

I fucked a woman named Grace.

Yeah.

Can you imagine having sex with a woman named Grace?

Yeah, I can.

That'd be terrible.

I think it'd be cool, actually.

I don't think so.

She just doesn't take her big pearl necklace off the whole time.

She's got a frilly ass collar on.

Yeah.

I had sex with a woman named Grace.

Really?

Yeah.

A Chinese Grace?

Yeah, well, she had like a Chinese.

Yeah, so a real Trainer is like,

wow,

she had a Korean name, but the Graces are English.

Half the Asian names are just the Doppler effect.

Yeah, we name our daughter after standing outside the highway waiting to get picked up by pickup truck to be brought to factory.

We hitchhike from Field where our daughter was born.

Yo, you know?

We named her after the sound of bus go by.

You know, like

Chinese restaurant cooks, like they all get bussed over to random ass fucking.

Yeah,

I told you this.

No, I listened to an NPR story about it.

Well, I told you it after living with.

I forgot about your dumbass boring story.

My fucking

story about me.

It clearly wasn't memorable.

It wasn't the Chinese.

Clearly wasn't memorable about me.

That's true.

Listen, I'm not taking anything away from your ethnographic work.

I'm just saying.

Dude, I was on Safari for years.

You were in the bamboo safari, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

Just wearing a fucking pith helmet.

No, you're wearing one of those.

And how was your day, ping-pong?

Please stop talking.

I'm Eric.

My name is Eric.

My name's Dan Wynn.

I'm the financial advisor at Chase Manhattan.

Oh, fuck.

Here's a conversation that I was having with my friend Pete, who just moved in.

Shouts out to PD, PDZ, me, Pete, Eldis, Ryan, holding it down.

If you had to rank the types of Asian cuisines, yes.

What, you know, we got Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Korean.

Those are East Asian.

Do you throw in Indian food?

Oh, or Thai food?

Thai, obviously.

Thai Southeast.

I guess Indian.

Yeah.

Ooh, that's interesting.

That's a little wild.

You got to mix it up, dude.

What's your ranking?

You go at the top.

Top.

Japanese.

Japanese, because they got sushi and they got fucking ramen.

Yeah, and they have like yaki tuki.

Yakiniku.

Yeah.

Which is bootleg Korean barbecue.

All right, let's not get too racist on the show.

That's the real word for it, dude.

I know these are all fake.

Yakiniku, dude.

Yeah.

Don't make fun of their culture.

Actually, for Christmas, I got the Morimoto.

Morimoto Sakushaki.

Yeah, that's why you're so desperate to say all these words you literally just learned.

I didn't say say he said it.

I know Yaki Niku Bitch, because

that's a Japanese Korean barbecue.

So I learned it when I was over there.

Damn.

We should go to K-Town tonight and get a little barbecue.

Am I going tonight?

K-Town sucks in Manhattan.

I think it's cool in Flushing.

I'll go to Flushing.

That's interesting because that's what they say about you, Adam.

That I'm cool in Flushing.

I'm sucking Manhattan.

No, that you suck.

And people

have been flushing their peanut, using your ass like a toilet and flushing their come down.

That's why they call it Flushing Place.

It's the headquarters of Kohler.

That's right.

That's a

German toilet company.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

Nice.

Also, fuck.

Shout out to Germany.

Yeah, they did some cool stuff historically speaking.

I kind of want to go to Berlin.

Nah, fuck Germany.

I'm not going there.

Fucking shit.

I said I want to go to Berlin.

I know.

I'm saying fuck that.

Yeah, stop.

Yeah, you can't go to Berlin.

I'm not going.

I want to go to Berlin, too.

Apparently, it's really tight.

Yeah, let's go to Berlin.

Apparently, it's pretty cheap still.

Yeah, it's cheap, and then also people fuck there.

That's why Stav doesn't want to be there.

Oh, wait.

Because

he's not fucking.

He's not a guy like us that has sex.

First of all, I'm Sex Stavros.

You're not Sex Stavros.

We should go to the Sex Stavros.

We should go to that techno club.

No, we're not going to

dark.

We're going to go to Berg.

Yeah, dude.

I'm Nega Nick.

Who was that?

Nega Nick?

Like Nega Duck.

Nice.

Oh, Nega Duck, who's Darkwing Ducks.

I remember.

Yeah.

I know.

I just wanted to say.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Man,

he really got close with that one.

Yo, they really did.

I didn't know that.

They were on that tightrope.

That's like when people are like, actually, this children's show has a lot of jokes for adults.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's one of them.

For a very specific kind of adult.

Yeah.

Like, like,

he's got a friend named Tigger.

That's a joke for adults.

Children don't get that one, but us adults, we sure as shit get that one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a good bit for uh, that's a hack black comics bit.

Uh-huh.

The one he jumps the most, you know, he's like the most athletic, yeah, etc.

Extra bone.

I always was confused.

I always thought Tony the Tiger and the Exxon tiger were the same guy.

Whoa, whoa, I didn't even think about that.

Yeah, they did used to have a bootleg ass Tony the Tiger.

Oh, holy shit, because people were complaining about this.

I posted that picture of Tony the Tiger fucking another tiger, and they were like, Well, isn't his dick tip blue?

And it's like,

it's in the ass, so shut the fuck up.

You know, check.

Don't come at me on Instagram with these bullshit

queries.

But on top of that, I'll venture to say anytime you see Tony the Tiger without a blue dick tip on DeviantArt, you're actually looking at the Exxon Tiger.

Oh, that's how you tell the difference.

Oh, interesting.

Wait, did the Exxon Tiger have no blue?

Nothing blue about it?

I think he had a yellow penis.

Interesting.

Interesting.

I don't think the penis was yellowish.

But you could.

Soft-ass dick telling you to buy gas.

You could write maybe.

Yeah,

is this the to-go mart?

You could write a letter to the CEO of ExxonMobil.

Exxon Valdez.

The CEO of ExxonMobil.

My name is Sablos Howard.

Look how much more jacked he is, the Exxon type.

Oh, fuck.

He seems more bad.

He's a fucking dad.

He was like the Mini Mart logo, right?

He wasn't like the gas logo.

He was like the shopping part.

The shopping was also

there was Exxons where the pumps had pump covers that were like tiger tigers.

But they were real tigers, though.

Yeah, yeah.

Those were taxidermy tiger tails.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're illegal from Africa.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah, he's an interesting tiger.

He has more stripes than Tony, for sure.

He doesn't have the scarf.

He would probably top Tony.

The bandana.

If I had to guess, he would top Tony.

Don't talk shit on Tony.

I think Exxon.

Oh, man.

The first thing is Exxon Tiger versus Tony the Tiger.

Oh, fuck.

Here's one of them kissing.

Nice.

Thank you, Internet.

Yeah,

his nose is like pink.

So

his dick is normal.

Oh, here we go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here's a picture.

That's what I said, man.

Yeah, he's more orange than Tony.

Tony's a little yellow.

But there's none of them fucking, unfortunately.

Well, if any of the fans want to get on that,

I think for sure Tony would bottom.

No, because of the scarf?

Well, the Exxon Tiger, you know, he's been out on the oil rig.

Exactly.

So, Tony's fucking filling around with cereal and taking care of the children.

You know how much rougher his hands are?

The ExxonMobil guy?

He's been lifting shit.

Right.

Although, maybe it goes the other way.

He wants to get fucked.

Take his mind off.

The funniest gay deviant art porn is the one that's drawn in pencil on paper.

Yeah,

scanned him

at the public library.

Imagine you're a man with like a fucking, you know, your home business and your son's like, Dad,

can I use the scanner in your office?

I don't know, Michael.

What do you need to use the scanner for?

I just, I did need to use it for

something.

If I could use it, please.

What's the most predominant one?

Is it Sonic and Tails?

Yeah.

Yeah, I would say so.

I just need to upload another one of my Sonic drawings.

There's got to be a drawing where all of Tails' Tails are dicks, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, John, yeah, it's Michael.

I'm going to have to put you on hold for a minute here.

My son needs to

use

the scanner

in my office.

And I don't, I just, I don't, I

don't need to leave the room, but I don't want to be in here with

it.

Yeah, I'll call you back in 15 minutes.

No, it's the younger one.

No, the older one's, he's varsity.

He's fine.

The older one is normal.

I had to buy condoms for him last week.

It's the younger one.

Yeah,

I think my wife tried to douche out that load with Lysol,

and it got

Lysol?

It bleached the cumbersome.

It bleached the cum, and that's why he's like this.

We can't buy regular cereal anymore because he'll start coming to the mascot.

We found a drawing of the lucky charms guy, and he had a cock ring with all of the different charms on it.

In his room.

No, I'll call you back in five minutes.

He's just going to use the scanner.

Take your dad for it.

Let me use the scanner.

I'll be quick and use the scanner.

It's a drawing I made for my friend online.

Yeah, that's great that you have friends now, buddy.

So

just make sure to wash your hands before you touch any of the buttons.

Thanks.

Hell yeah, dude.

That's a fun little sketch.

That's a fun guy.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

I can't wait to have a son, a firstborn masculine child.

Your cum definitely only produces retard.

No way.

Oh, yeah, dude.

You're going to have the most fucked up kids.

I have three of the most retarded kids ever.

No way, dude.

You're going to have fucked up inbred Jew cum.

No, I'm just going to have gay.

Stop's going to have some extremely wheelchair kid that fucking

fucked up the machines that do nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

One of those St.

Jude's kids.

Is it just me, or do a lot of comics have retarded kids?

I think just a couple, but they really stand out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Never mind.

Sorry.

Yeah, my son is going to be so gay.

It's going to be so annoying.

Well, I have beautiful genetic stock.

I'm going to be fine.

A lot of genetic variants.

Fucking, Mullen's basically all inbred Irish bullshit.

You're all a fucked-up Jew.

Nick's son's going to be born drunk.

Yeah, he will be.

He's going to have FAS and his mom won't even drink the entire drug.

He gave himself FAS.

He's going to be drinking just for leftover in-your-jiz from years of alcoholism.

That whiskey-soaked fucking load.

No, I'll probably never have kids.

I'm going to die alone.

Yeah, for sure.

You should never have kids.

Dasha was telling me she really wants a gay kid, and she's like, Yeah, I'm going to take baths with him and stuff.

Just like he's not attracted to women.

That's hilarious.

Yeah, I was like, that is gonna just be a really fucked-up straight guy.

She's gonna get eldest, basically.

Yeah,

my mom's gonna be elsewhere with me until I was 18.

It's gonna be a guy that kills women.

That's not how you make gay people.

I don't know.

Yeah, she's gonna expose, she's gonna bring her friends over to show their yucky pussies at 13.

Look at this picture.

What is it?

Is it a guy sucking off Tony?

No, it's just some fucking fat guy.

It's the fat guy that's selling like an Exxon statue that he collected.

Yeah, a nine-foot-tall SO tiger.

But just look at this guy's body.

Oh, hell yeah, dude.

My man looking like an off-season mall Santa Claus.

You know, my guy's got the best workshop.

What's this fam look like a snack thing that people keep saying?

Oh, it's just saying that someone looks cute.

It's like they look like a snack.

Yeah,

that's old.

Aren't they making fun of people used to say shit like that?

Isn't that ironic again?

Now it's people are doing it ironically.

But yeah, it's just to say someone's cute.

Yeah, if someone looks like a snack, looking like an MF snack.

Yes, of course, for sure.

I'm always looking like a damn snack.

I always look like the fucking little glass shelves underneath

at the movie theater next to the fucking.

You're looking like a box box of milk duds I'm looking like a fucking some Twizzler I got a Twizzler for you bitch hey Stop I got a question are you are you Peter Peter Chips and Hummus?

Peter chips.

Huh?

Are you Peter Chips and Humphrey?

Adam C.

Peter chips again?

Yeah.

Because you're looking like a snack.

Yeah, thank you.

That's good.

Are you baby carrots?

Ranch dressing?

That's your dick and ranch dressing.

Because you're looking like a snack.

Thanks, man.

Yeah.

Thanks for noticing.

I have been working out three days in a row.

Have you?

I'm pretty fucking chill.

Oh, yeah.

The guy that booked me on the Israel show is like,

he's like, do you know how often Staff goes to Planet Fitness Astoria?

Oh, wow.

He's like, because I've seen him there like once, but I don't know.

I'm there all the time.

It's different.

It's weird hours.

I don't have a schedule, but I'm there a lot.

Probably when he's at work, right?

Probably when you're at work.

You know, brainwashing fucking children.

No, he's chill, dude.

He's chill.

Against His politics are good.

Shout out to my guy.

Whatever.

But,

yeah, they put

a Greek TV.

Me looking like a snack.

They put

about

four inches of makeup.

You're looking like Liberace, dude.

I looked

pretty ridiculous.

You look like a fucking weatherman.

This Spanish lady did my makeup, and she did give me a couple of great compliments.

Like, what?

She's like, I just want to tell you, you have incredible eyebrows.

And I was like, wow, I didn't even know that's something

you you could have i guess they're pretty good yeah yeah yeah and then afterwards she's like i'm like all right goodbye and she's like no no no you you want me to take your makeup off i was like ready to walk out the studio looking like

psycho did you kiss her no but she did kind of put her boobs in my face a couple times when she was doing my makeup i love that and i think it was deliberate yeah yeah yeah

you should have her dude she was being real nice no i couldn't do it dude i'm gonna commit her real you hard

did she put her boobs in your face?

Be honest.

No, but I actually, I did get kind of a little ASMR-y kind of shit.

It's like in a very similar way to getting your hair shaped.

Getting your ass fucked.

Yeah, and your ass.

In a very similar way.

I don't know what it is about

getting my ass fucked, but every time I do it, I get ASMR.

It's my ASMR tingles in that and my fucking

spinal ASMR tingles every time I

get my back blown out.

Every time I just

a big giant.

Nick, does that happen to you when you get fucked in the ass?

Uh, no, sorry, I'm responding to Instagram DMs.

Come on.

Come on, dude.

This is part of the show, dude.

What did you say?

Are you ignoring it?

No, not me ignoring it, but I mean, we we have a responsibility to the fans.

That was a good ASMR little.

That's why I wanted to ask Nick if he ever did that.

What does ASMR stand for?

Extremely mentally retarded.

See, that's why we needed you in there, dude.

All right.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll be back to my DM.

All right,

I'll see you later.

Oh, fuck, dude.

I took these fucked-up pills, like these fucked-ups.

What kind of pills?

Over the internet.

No, over the internet, like Indian Adderall that

a homie gave me.

And I feel fucking fucked up and weird right now.

Yeah, you shouldn't be doing that.

It hasn't made me feel alert.

I just feel weird.

Like you're on meth or something?

Not really.

Like methy?

I have like a weird feeling going on.

I don't feel good.

It makes you feel feel like sad.

It's kind of a headache.

Queasy?

Not even queasy.

I don't know exactly how to describe it.

It's like right before Adderall would kick in, the feeling.

Like I'm kind of on edge, but I'm not focusing on it.

I'm getting nervous.

Man, I really want to get high this week now that I have the apartment.

Yeah, you told me you were going to buy.

I didn't see that guy.

Are we going to have a weed party?

No, I just.

I just call my weed guy right now.

I like smoking weed alone.

Damn, bro.

Yeah, dude, what a fucking asshole.

Did you hear that?

Yeah, he sucks.

Nick?

Jesus.

Why don't we do a fucking get fucking stoned app this weekend?

No, that would be terrible.

We get high issues.

No,

I did a couple of episodes when I had smoked beforehand.

Remember that?

I had that little weed week.

That was Andre's Steakhouse.

Oh, it was.

Bro, this game is good for you.

Listen, how about this?

Yeah, but I have to be alone.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do, dude.

It's like Mozart.

It's like we're going to be a little bit more.

We bring a powdered window.

We're like, it's perfect.

Yeah.

No mistakes.

It's perfect.

I never knew someone could say slurs so flawlessly.

Yeah.

A deaf Tony the Tiger named Noni the Niger.

There you go, dude.

Yeah, dude.

You just got to tap into the weed mindset.

That's just you thinking about weed.

Yeah, I know.

How about this?

You'll be a regular hypothetical.

I love Noni the Niger.

I'll be like, excuse me.

You know, from Fawcett Fwakes.

I'll take an edible.

I'll get insanely fucked up.

I hate those shits, dude.

They're terrible.

It'll be funny.

And you'll be the only sober one, Adam.

I can now have like two hits.

I've worked my way back up.

You'd be great is like if they made hedibles, where it's like weed that's inside of a girl's brain, and when she sucks your dick, it gets you high.

That would be awesome.

The downside would be that it would kill the woman to do the surgery to do that to her.

But I'm willing to allow that to happen.

Wait, it would kill her before you got because your penis has to touch her brain.

So they replace her brain with weed, and then she sucks your dick, and when you come, it creates a vacuum that sucks the weed into your dick

and then that rips out her spine and she experiences horrific pain wow and it kills her but

but i think the british are coming dude you know what i'm saying and that's that's a real bong hit trainer okay well what if that was the only way you could smoke weed would you of course all right i know adam would yeah he doesn't care about women he doesn't care about women i wouldn't me i care about women up until it's convenient for me to not care about women i care all the time Do you?

South cares too much.

Even while you're too,

I care about.

I care about women.

Even while they're asleep, I care about women in business, you know?

Yes.

Let's make deals, ladies.

Let's exclude people.

I like women are better at business because they're cattier and spiteful.

That's true.

That's like what makes business fun.

Yeah.

It's fucking people over and talking shit.

Yeah, calling someone poor behind his back.

Making fun of the guy who sends his child to public school.

Why would you want a fucking Indian CEO who goes on stage wearing sandals?

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fuck that shit.

I know.

Give me a bitch.

Give me a mean girl.

In the words of Mike Tyson, like a powerful type of bitch, like the president of a CEO company.

That's my favorite part of that documentary.

Yeah, actually, it's my favorite part of that documentary, and you only liked it after I said it.

That's not true.

Shut up.

Oh, fuck.

That part is so funny.

What I'm talking about.

Like the president of the of the Fedo company.

I got tenacity.

I'm ferocious.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love that.

He's a good guy.

Definitely.

Not a rap.

Yeah, I mean,

he raped at the right time, I guess, socially.

Yeah, and he's not sorry about it or anything, right?

That's what that Taylor Swift album is about, right?

It's about Mike Tyson and Robin Gibbons.

Was that 1989?

I think it was in the 90s.

It was in the 90s.

89 was when he lost to Buster Douglas.

Then what, 92?

Is that 89?

Because it was my birthday.

The day you were born?

Mm-hmm.

Was the day Tyson lost?

Yep.

Damn.

Mm-hmm.

I very vividly.

I remember there.

I was there.

My mom gave birth at the fight.

That's why I remember.

At the fight.

On the mat.

Yep.

In the ring.

That's why he lost.

And since Stav's parents lost all the money they brought over from Greece betting on that fight.

Yep, it's true.

They lost all their draw mills at that fight.

Yeah.

Oh, I guess Adam knows what the money is called in Greece.

Interesting.

Looks like a little dictionary boy got his last tidbit in right at the end of the episode.

Actually, that's not what the money is called in Greece.

The money is called the Euro.

Originally, though, it was called Rachme.

Thank you.

All right, and that's the end of the episode.

Wait, wait, wait.

Everyone listen to the fucking Patreon if you don't already.

We do double the damn motherfucking episodes.

Oh, yeah.

We got a website now, too.

Do we?

I guess sort of launched, but no, what I'm going to do.

It hasn't launched yet.

Okay.

Well,

yeah, we should probably plug that at the beginning rather than the end.

Yeah, but a lot of people, I guess I don't know why we we didn't think to do that, but there's two episodes every week.

If you like this show,

you don't, you want another episode.

What?

Caroline.

I haven't confirmed it yet.

No, there's

fucking shit.

God damn it.

Why'd you have to ask me that question?

Sorry, dude.

I was just wondering.

Patreon.

There's two episodes a fucking week.

One is free, and one is paid within

the free.

We're not searchable on Patreon because it's adult content.

So you got to go either go to Google and type in Cometown Town Patreon or go to patreon.com slash Come Town.

You subscribe.

It gives you a personalized RSS link.

You add that to whatever podcast player you use and then you get the additional episode a week.

We also have like video content that goes up on there and then we are going to be launching a website soon where subscribers will have like added you know perks as far as well that depends on like what I can figure out with but right now just for right now we got

free double the apps and a whole fucking backlog.

So if you want more, come.

Yeah, subscribe to that.

There's like 70 episodes on there.

Yeah.

All right.

Thanks, guys.

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