Ep. 77 – God damn i swear i uploaded this

In the heat of battle, your squad relies on you.

Don't let them down.

Unlock Elite Gaming Tech at Lenovo.com.

Dominate every match with next-level speed, seamless streaming, and performance that won't quit.

And push your gameplay beyond limits with Intel Core Ultra processors.

That's the power of Lenovo with Intel Inside.

Maximize your edge by shopping at Lenovo.com during their back-to-school sale.

That's lenovo.com.

Lenovo, Lenovo.

Today, we're exploring deep in the North American wilderness among nature's wildest plants, animals, and

cows.

Uh, you're actually on an Organic Valley dairy farm where nutritious, delicious organic food gets its start.

But there's so much nature.

Exactly.

Organic Valley small family farms protect the land and the plants and animals that call it home.

Extraordinary.

Sure is.

Organic Valley, protecting where your food comes from.

Learn more about their delicious dairy at ov.coop.

Good news, everyone.

Adam just hurt himself.

He hit his head on a beach.

Beach ass motherfucker.

Check, we want to check the levels.

We're already live.

Check.

Triple, double-check.

Pussy, pussy, pussy.

Well, I wanted to get Tim Dylan on to do a Hollywood child sex abuse blowout super episode spectacular.

Let's do that the next one.

Yeah, I guess we should.

But I mean, there's so much going on and there's so much to talk about.

I guess we could just focus on Weinstein and leave the pedophilia stuff

for a special treat.

Yes, for me.

I know we already technically already did one whole episode on this.

But I want to stay on this as long as it's in the news cycle.

I mean, really, the only other thing going on is that Antifa guy that shot up the church.

Confirmed.

Confirmed.

Confirmed.

How about this?

Prove he wasn't.

You can't.

Black Block is by definition anonymous.

Fuck.

He was an Antifa guy.

Nick's right about that one.

It was Jake Flores that did it.

Jake went back down to his precious home of Texas.

He was like,

you know, I'm going to,

you know,

I'm going to shoot up at church.

Oh,

you know, I think it would be a pretty good idea.

You're really punk rock.

You'd be so punk.

Because, I mean, Rick and Morty is a good show, but

take that, you fucking bitch, Jake.

We just flamed your ass.

Yeah, I guess.

And guess what, dude?

And guess what?

Tarot cards are gay, also.

You got him.

He's into that?

Yeah.

Sorcery?

He got into tarot cards like a year ago.

Hilarious.

Isn't that like a girl thing?

It isn't what Natalie's trying to get to me.

He's got a small girls.

Yeah.

Smart, actually.

Yeah.

I think it worked, too.

He's got some crystals.

I think he R-A-P.

R-A-P-E-D.

Our friend Jake raped You heard it here.

Wow, I didn't say that.

Oh, I'm sorry.

He R-A-P-E-D.

If we have any listeners out there in elementary school, earmuffs,

our friend Jake, R-A-P-D.

R-A-P-D.

He rapped.

How about that's the Asian cops in LA?

There we go.

Take that.

Nick, brilliant.

Flease, R-A-P-D.

Do you have to?

Please, Asshor,

Asser.

We have a good time.

Do you understand the words?

I just watched

Brush Hour again.

Why, dude?

To support Brett Ratner?

You fucking worm.

Yeah, dude, you love Brett Ratner?

Yeah, dude.

I stand with Brett.

I stand with Brett.

Just sweet Brett.

So sad that now that Brett Ratner is going down, that we probably will not be getting the biopic starring Jared Leto

of Hugh Hefner.

It is sad if Brett Ratner was going to be that was going to be awesome.

See, that's kind of sad that's a shit.

These guys that are like fat, ugly Jewish guys, right?

Who would never have sex normally?

Yep.

Spacey's not Jewish.

Do whatever they can to I just want to say Spacey isn't.

Spacey's Jewish.

We've covered this.

We've covered it.

He's Jewish.

Space a witch.

He raped people.

What more?

Slow-mo Space-Owitch.

He's like fat, ugly Jewish guys that wouldn't have sex otherwise.

And then they do the one thing that allows them to have sex.

Make a lot of money.

They're eating a hundred multi-millionaires and control the media.

And then they finally are able to have sex.

The only thing they ever wanted is to eat pussy.

And now it's been taken away from them.

I think they were just having sex.

They were eating pussy.

They had like a gun to women's heads.

Did they?

No.

Yeah, I think so.

No, they're anti-gun.

Yeah, they're all anti-gun.

They could have just fucked.

They support the idea that no citizen should have guns.

And if you want to protect yourself, you should have enough money to hire the government of Israel.

That was the best headline.

That was fucking crazy, dude.

What was the fucking headline?

That's your Second Amendment.

I literally hire extra

national fucking foreign intelligence agencies

to manipulate the American media and intimidate your victims.

Someone's like meeting with Rose McGowan, pretending to be a journalist.

A pistol?

No one should have that much power.

No, no American should have

a gun.

Yeah, literally.

Can you believe we could trust people with that amount of power?

Literally, something that has no effect on their lives whatsoever.

Right.

Like guns.

But yeah, but yeah, not only was she posing as a journalist, she posed as like a rape.

Rape victim.

Victim.

He also ripped me.

Do not pay attention to how big my hands are

and my broad shoulders.

And I was possibly sexed by a man.

God damn.

Yeah, what was it?

Mossad, or what was it?

It was a security firm that was staffed by two ex-Mossad agents.

But there's no such thing as ex-Mossad.

Yeah, Blood in, Blood Out.

Yeah, blood kind of.

Is the Mossad like the Bloods?

You get gang raped to get in?

It's like the CIA of Israel.

So, yes, do you have to get raped to get into the Masad?

I don't know.

Maybe.

Do you?

Maybe.

I think it is.

That's fucking wild.

I literally did tell you on Saturday night when you were telling me about the website.

You heard it here first, folks.

Adam had a prior knowledge.

I did not have

a conspiracy.

When Nick told me that there were websites and like Twitter accounts that were disappearing, I was like, yeah, there's definitely an Israeli security.

Well, the websites and Twitter accounts that are disappearing are in relation to Brian Singer.

Uh-huh.

Which I think, the Harvey Weinstein thing, that's just one.

I mean, the reason that story broke, the New York Times thing, I'm turning into like a complete conspiracy.

Yeah, I know.

You've been texting us for five days about child rape in Hollywood.

He's coming down.

Nick is going to full-on spotlight right now.

I don't know why.

I don't know what about it.

I don't know what.

What's left of that?

Well, really, the only thing that spooked me was that some guy accused Brian Singer and that Brian Singer just gets rid of his Twitter account, which means, okay, so yeah, you definitely.

And he's had like a string of accusations over the last like, you know, 20 years.

And then anytime like it comes up again, like people start sharing this story of this guy that brought a case against him a couple years ago who was exposed as like a con man and a fraud or whatever.

But that was like one guy.

Right, right.

It's also like, I can see somebody turning into a con man when they were repeatedly raped as a teenager

by an authority figure that has the ability to, you know, fucking destroy your life.

Destroy you, ruin your career.

But yeah, somebody accused him on Twitter, and then the account disappeared because they were like threatened through DMs.

And then

a couple of places covered the story, and then the articles all disappeared.

Damn.

Yeah, which is like.

Holy shit.

Yeah, the amount of power you have to do that.

But then Jessica Chastain,

who like tweeted, she was like, oh, we can't let Braun Singer get away with this or whatever oh damn she added his ass she was like she said his name yeah she like linked some article about him and then that renewed interest and i guess there's some petition at ufc usc to have his name removed from the from the wall of famous pedophiles yeah the the how to rape boys in hollywood and slash and holocaust remembrance

well there's a there's a big over that venn diagram is basically a circle you know hiller did get rid of a couple pedophiles statistically

six million of them.

Not the children,

not the women.

Some of them.

Ooh, you walked right into that one.

Yeah, that's fine.

It was a good punch.

I'm going to say you put yourself on the train.

It was a good punchline.

It worked.

Comedically.

Well,

you know, factually and comedically.

Factually.

Yeah, can we go to the books on that one?

Checks out.

Cool.

Our boy, close friend of the show, Larry David, got in trouble for making pretty tame nothing Holocaust jokes on us.

He said that if he was at the camps.

Yeah, that's part of the conspiracy.

He tried to Jewish guy make Holocaust jokes so they can pretend to be mad about something.

But it's all orchestrated in-house to get the attention of

Hawaii.

Oh, yeah.

It's just a roundabout way to remind people of the Holocaust, the greatest tragedy that's ever happened.

I'm not.

I'm serious, though.

It was pretty bad.

Real talk, though.

Yo, for real?

Sis backwards on a chair.

I'll be honest.

Real talk, real talk.

The Holocaust was bad.

Yeah.

We should do it again.

It was a pretty...

It was a

kerfuffle.

I'm 50-50 on whether we should do it again.

But I'm leaning, no.

I think that joke about kill people, forcibly, you know, castrating them.

Yes.

You know, I'm just

taking a couple bulldozers to a couple synagogues.

You know what I mean?

What's the big deal?

I don't know about that.

As long as it's empty.

Right.

Again, I don't want to hurt anyone.

You want to bulldoze a synagogue?

Just the bad ones, man.

Yeah, dude.

What are the bad ones?

They're all bad.

John Weinstein went to.

I mean, yeah, whatever.

The rape synagogue.

There's no rape synagogue.

That's Hollywood's new name.

I don't know why I'm like defending synagogues right now.

The rape synagogue is Hollywood's new name.

L.A.

It's the big apple.

We have it.

The big apple.

It's the rape synagogue.

The old rape synagogue.

Pinseltown.

Oh, God.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

No, I mean, I'm like just so jealous of all the alt-right guys who are having

baby.

Can you imagine how good that must feel?

Unbelievable.

To just wake up to the heavy

that Weinstein uses

facade agents hired through his fucking Democrat lawyer to

the main victims.

The Democrat lawyer is now saying that he did not sign off on it, but instead of it.

His name was literally the one.

Exactly.

And he said that

it was suggested to Harvey Weinstein by former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak.

Makes it even worse.

Which is literally.

How does Weinstein hang out with that guy?

They're just in the same way.

He has so much money, dude.

Wait, he likes to donate.

Who has more money than Weinstein?

David Geffen.

It's true.

And Geffen's the one protecting Singer.

David Geffen, you're absolutely right.

David Geffen.

Well, it's like, that's a joke in Hollywood, right?

If you're like a young actor, you have to suck his dick for a career.

Jesus, really?

Yeah.

You think Brandon sucked him off?

Absolutely.

Of course he did.

First of all, why do you think we're doing all this?

To save Brandon.

I didn't want to fucking go right into it, but we have to speak up on Brandon's behalf because he lacks the bravery to do it.

Our friend, Brandon Wardell, was raped.

Our best friend.

Every man in Hollywood.

Okay, every senator.

Every single man.

Get a phone book, find all the male names, and you tweet them out as all of these men raped Brandon.

And he's so devastating.

Jeffrey Katzenberg.

Jerry Bruck.

Aaron Aaronstein.

Aaron Aaron Burt.

No, I guess that was the first one.

Aaron Aaron Burton.

Aaron.

Oh, God.

Yep.

Literally everyone.

Anyway,

prayers up for Brandon.

We pray for him every day.

I've prayed for him every day since he moved to Hollywood.

Hashtag Brandon2.

And he was paid $600 by Peewee Herman to

let Pee-Wee suck his face.

Well, there was that.

Remember that rumor about

Andy Dick?

Yeah.

I was about to say it, but I didn't know if I.

Yeah.

There's like a rumor that Andy Dick raped Brandon.

Something weird happened between Andy and Brandon, dude.

Yeah.

And then that came out that he was licking people or whatever.

And he's like, that's just how I say bye.

Yeah.

What, like a dog?

Like a dog kind of thing.

He licks people on the back.

He's got kids with women.

Yeah, I know.

He fucks women.

Yeah.

But he's also gay.

But he also will suck off a guy.

You heard about that.

He fucked that up.

That's what Deviancy is.

He fucked a lady cop.

Like, while she was working.

What?

She, like, I think came up to his hotel room.

He was, like, drunk and causing a ruckus.

And he, like, grabbed her.

He charmed a lady copy.

And he fucked her.

That's kind of.

Yo, yo straight up that's pimp dude that's pimp as shit that's pimp juice and it wasn't even like the stripper kind of lady cop it was a real lady cop was she hot probably

she's probably like fucking

huge wee wee wee wee huge dick have you ever fucked have you ever fucked a cop

um

i've seen a cop's dick my old roommate in baltimore was a cop and i saw his dick you lived with a cop yeah my friend josh is a cop did you blow trees yeah they used to steal his gun

Oh, the guy that lives with your brother?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

It's so fun to take his gun.

Yeah, anyway, so I guess

the

overall chart, you got David Geffen at the top, right?

Right.

Underneath him, you got the guys he's protecting hard for some reason, which is, I guess, Brian Singer for exposure reasons, John Podesta, Bill Clinton,

Hillary Clinton, Hillary Clinton,

Jeffrey Epstein,

who got a little too crazy with it, right?

Yes.

Is Jeffrey Epstein dead?

No, he did two weeks in community service.

He raped 400 children.

And he did a like soup kitchen.

He did fucking like 10 months of

supervised release or something.

Jesus.

Oh, my God.

You know, it's like the abuses of the justice system at the top are so much fucking worse than the ones at the bottom.

I mean, it's the same for like financial crimes.

Well, it's like the fact that it's like, you know, like

black lives matter

is important to say, but also not as much as like rich lives don't matter nearly as much as like we were pretending that they do.

Right.

I guess that doesn't really fit into a fucking hashtag, but like

you literally can rape and murder a child in do 10 months.

That is pretty fucked up, IMO.

Yeah.

And like everybody got mad about that Ethan Couch kid as if like

that you know The problem is that's a child of someone that's a fucking billionaire rather than the fucking billionaire themselves.

Who's that?

Ethan Couch was the affluenza kid that got off.

Oh, yeah.

He was too rich to understand consequences.

That's unbelievable, dude.

I mean, it's pretty believable.

And it's actually, you know what?

I have more sympathy for Ethan Couch than I would if his father did something similar and got an equal punishment, which you fucking must.

Yeah, fuck both of them, sure.

But, like,

you know, the kid who just has some like absentee father that throws money at him in lieu of being an actual parent.

Like.

He's fucked up, but he's still...

What did he do?

He killed somebody?

Oh, yeah, he killed Tekoli.

Yeah, fuck him.

Fuck him.

But in terms of, like, fuck who more,

obviously the father, because he should fucking know better.

Yeah, I mean...

But I hope that kid goes to jail and, you know, bad things happen to him for, you know, for a while.

I'm not going say you know what we're all thinking how about we send them to hollywood i hope that happens to become an actor exactly exactly yes i yeah i hope in jail whoever he's with likes to role play as harvey weinstein if you catch my drift you know what's the funniest thing i was looking at the instagram page for uh

michael ovitz's daughter who's that michael ovitz was like the co-founder of caa

okay and it's like if you're like a girl whose dad was like a billionaire yeah you just become a fashion designer designer in your like 30s.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When you still talk like you're fucking 17.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're like, what's up, bitches?

I'm 37 years old.

I'm a fashion designer now.

Like, yeah, nothing I've done before this is.

Literally, what the fuck is the fashion industry?

It's like rich, it's rich girls.

Yeah, yeah.

That don't even like pretend like

gay guys.

Yeah, and gay guys.

And very mean gay men.

Yeah.

Like only good comics.

It's kind of funny.

Like bitchy.

Like they do insults.

No, but they're mean.

They're like gay insult comics.

Drag race, drag, drag queens are that.

But gay guys in fashion are just mean.

And they don't make enough clothes for fat people.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's my problem.

Stop, you should start getting custom clothes.

I would love to see.

Somebody with like an orthopedic disease.

No, like a rich person.

Can I play with you?

Not like an orthopedic.

Just stop fucking touching things.

I wasn't, I was just it was just helping me focus.

It helps me if I'm

fucking in my hand.

I'm not sure if you're not distracting everybody else.

It's It's not distracting.

What should be the custom clothing I get?

Like a nice fucking velvet suit?

What?

If I got custom, if you could get a custom piece of clothing, what would it be?

Oh, I meant like t-shirts and pants.

No.

Your shirt literally doesn't cover your body.

It does.

You're just riding out under your shirt.

It's riding up because of because of my relaxed stance.

I dare say your body is leaking out of your clothes.

You need a bucket underneath where you're spilling out of your fucking shirt.

Yeah, dude, sexily spilling out, dude.

Just showing you a little something.

You can prepend whatever fucking adjective you want to it.

You don't fit in your clothes.

I'll prepend, and then I'll rear-end.

What was that word?

Prepend?

Yeah.

That was a good one.

What does that mean?

It's like, well, you know, you append something, you can pre-pend something.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Got it?

Yep.

Nice.

I can append.

I'll put my dick in your append dicks.

Okay.

Through your appendix.

Your appendix.

Yeah.

You fucking you.

You want to fuck you so deep it's going to rupture your appendix, and you're going to get appendicitis.

That's not nice.

I hope that happens to Adam.

I hope he gets a perforated rectum from being fucked too hard by my friends.

Which friends?

Starting with me.

The only other friend you have is stuff, and then the cat.

Yeah.

I just listed them.

Stop.

Jake Flores.

Yeah.

Oh, I don't really want to fuck Adam, but

I'll do it.

Dude, that would be kind of punk.

Stop pretending you have a good Jake impression.

I do know Kay Jake.

No, you don't.

You don't know him at all.

Literally, everyone I know does a better Jake impression than you.

Everyone you know is me and Stock.

All my friends back in Texas.

Oh, I'm gay.

That's better than Adam.

That's not better than mine.

Adam doesn't really do a good impression of anybody.

Yours does suck, to be fair.

I'm not saying mine's good, but it's better than yours.

That's not good, dude.

Shut up, Faggot.

That was bad.

Jake.

That's Jake's doing stop.

Jake, don't say that word.

Oh, I'm an antiphole, but I say faggot.

Oh, fuck.

So, what else is in the news, boys?

I don't know.

Some I don't know.

A bunch of people won't win elections.

Yeah, I guess we were supposed to vote for mayor today, but I don't know.

I wrote in Anthony Weiner.

Hell yeah.

Dude, give my man a shot.

Let him govern from jail, dude.

I believe in a chapter 10 at this point.

Listen in the second chapter.

Listen, dude, if Mafia Dons can run their criminal operation from jail, why can't Weiner be mayor from jail?

That documentary is.

Well, Mafia Dons can't do that.

Yeah, they sort of do.

No, they just make pasta sauce.

Yeah, that looks good.

Yeah, that part of Garfield is so awesome, how thin they make the garlic.

I was walking out of a coffee shop yesterday and heard, like, oh, hey, Nick.

And I turn around.

Oh, it's Racine?

Racine's there.

And he's wearing a full-body Valore track suit.

Salute.

Dude, we heard the other side of that interaction from Racine just now.

What's that?

That he said, I saw Nick, and he was dressed normally.

No, no, no.

Head to toe.

He said, no, no, no.

He's like,

I saw Nick, and the guy that works at the coffee shop is a gay black guy.

And he saw me talking to you, to Nick, and then Nick left.

And then the barista goes up to me.

He's like, Is that your friend?

And he's like, Yeah, yeah, that's my friend Nick.

He's like, Yeah, he's got like anger issues or something.

He's like, Yeah, like it's a $5 minimum.

He'll like mutter to himself and stuff

for credit cards.

That's what the barista said.

That's what the barista said about you, dude.

No, I won't.

I don't mutter.

I just took cash out.

Look, man, don't get mad at that.

That's what the barista said.

Don't raise your voice, man.

Oh, I think I see what the barista said.

I'm not sure whatever tip at that fucking coffee shop, dude.

That sounds like something else.

Sounds like I'm taking it.

yeah it sounds like you're getting a little hot well i don't i don't need his fucking review of my

purchase fuck you asshole gave you one star

damn dude he told mike that you muttered after he said five dollar minimum for credit cards

no i think i i just forgot that it was a five dollar minimum and i said oh never mind i have cash

well you got to talk to this guy yeah let's go fuck him up dude i will no one disrespects our

cops.

Is a gay man?

That's what I'm saying.

I thought that was going to factor into the story.

Well, yeah, he sucked off Racine after he said that.

So you're saying he's part of this smear campaign by Hollywood homosexuals to discredit me because I'm on to them.

Yeah, that's right, dude.

No, pedophilic homosexuals.

Yeah, probably.

Is there a term for people that are attracted to boys?

Like, only boys?

What are you talking about?

Yeah.

Gay pedophiles?

Is there like a specific type of pedophile?

That's an Adam Friedland.

Oh, good one.

That's what the in the DS.

Well, that's what Pederasty is.

I mean, by definition.

I thought Pederasty is teenagers.

No.

Pederastia is fucking boys.

Oh, what's the one if it's fucking teenagers?

Oh, I don't know.

It's like hebophile.

Heba file.

Hebraham.

Hebraham.

Hebrewish.

I think that's what it is.

I can't remember for sure.

Something like that.

Oh, fuck.

Damn, remember how much it sucked when Trump won?

This is a year ago.

It was a year ago today.

Yeah, it was.

I was on a fucking fucking weird date.

I went on a date.

All your dates are weird.

They're always at like noon.

No, that was one time, dude.

Relax.

No, it's happened numerous times.

Well, you got to get a brunch sometimes.

You hit a fucking flea market.

You do the brunch after you have sex with someone.

Right.

You go on like first dates in the middle of the day.

Yeah, that's happening.

They're like sexy.

That's happening.

I'm going to try and go smash with this woman that only would allow me to meet her at a car max at 10 p.m.

or 10 a.m.

Shoot or shoot.

She said, we have to meet in the middle of Union Square.

Lots of witnesses.

No cops.

I'm going to have sex, guys,

with this woman that's making me do a Skype interview

at 3 p.m.

Anyway, Mother.

She said, do either of you have a bathroom scale I have to stand on while on webcam?

It proves her that I'm under 300 pounds.

I've been under 300 pounds for years now.

It's been five years.

Thank you.

I'm fucking pissed at that stupid fucking barista.

Yeah, you're a hot

guy.

Because I wasn't at the time.

Oh, hell yeah.

This rules.

It sounds like you've got anger issues.

What a fucking piece of shit.

Anger issues.

Fuck you and your $5 minimum.

It's a coffee shop.

People have coffee there.

That's the number one thing you get.

That's true.

It is true.

Having a fucking $5 minimum at a bodega is different.

You sell fucking beer and shit that costs more than $5.

What do you think I'm supposed to buy a fucking scone every time I get a coffee?

Yep.

Your piece of shit.

Fucked up old cookie?

Yeah.

Fuck the fuck scones.

Fuck scones?

Put more chocolate to your shit.

Wait, did you leave a gift certificate for Burley at my house?

Is that yours?

Yeah, I think so.

We were cutting up blow with it.

For a hundred, was it like $150?

Yeah, something like that.

I got a deal over there.

Oh, okay.

Well, I thought that's why I got a real anger issue.

What's your deal?

I got guys everywhere.

A lot of people don't know that about me, but I get discounts fucking everywhere.

I got guys everywhere.

Share the wealth.

You're like a cop?

Kind of.

Wow.

Yeah, it's more of like a you scratch my back, I scratch yours, sort of deal with you.

What do you guys think?

How do you scratch their back?

No, I've just always prided myself in having deals and guys.

Having guys, yeah.

Having guys is cool.

Having guys is cool.

It always felt cool to be a regular guy.

I straight up had a Sherwin-Williams guy before me and you were friends.

Really?

Yeah.

That feels good.

40% off.

Paint guy?

Yeah.

Never took advantage of it, but I had a Sherwin Williams guy.

It feels good.

Nothing feels better than when you're at a bar and they know you and they give you fucking beer for free

and someone fucks up in order to give you the food.

Yeah.

God.

How much would you kill to have a ranch dressing guy, Stop?

What kind of ranch is it?

Hidden Valley.

Hidden Valley.

Hidden Valley.

It's not that good.

Hidden Valley.

It's not that good.

Truck whipples up up to your house.

They attach a hose to your face like the gas station does.

That sound pretty cool.

But Hidden Valley's not good enough.

If it was like one of those homemade, fucking creamy ass ranches,

I would be so excited.

Oh, like a milkman?

Like, he brings like unmarked bottles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bottles of ranch.

What happened to that, a milkman?

They fucked everybody's wives.

Is that what happened?

No, they invented

the supermarket.

The refrigeration, I guess, or something.

I don't know.

How long did that...

What if you just missed the milkman?

This shit just turns into yogurt on your front steps.

Yeah, that's what happens to milk when you leave it out.

It turns into yogurt.

Eventually it does, bitch.

If it's hot, eventually.

If it's hot, it'll turn into yogurt pretty quick.

Just curdle.

In a day?

That's what do you think yogurt is?

No, there's a process.

No, you got to separate.

Yeah, whatever, man.

I don't really understand.

This shit is basically yogurt.

You should know how yogurt works.

That's one of the things you should know.

I know, that's all we have left.

I know how to cover up

sexual people.

No, Greek people.

Greek people.

It's yogurt.

We used to have all of society, man.

Yeah.

Everyone used to take their cues from us.

Everyone was fucking boys.

Well, who do you think is going to be the next person?

Also, I want to say, I read on Twitter today from an anonymous account, but somebody said that David Geffen raped Keanu Reeves.

What?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Maybe that's why he's so pouty and sad.

Allegedly.

I love Keanu Reef.

I'm hoping that's the plot of John Wick III.

What if that's the future of Hollywood?

It's like the revenge, you know, it's all the actors getting revenge on the people that raped them.

That'd be a lot of movies, dude.

Yeah.

That would be like, that would be more than Marvel's fucking calendar.

Well, fuck it.

It would be an original story.

Yeah.

What if the

remake of like,

you know,

what if the ninja turtles lived in the same universe as fucking?

Master Splinter was dead.

The street sharks.

Oh, shit.

Splinter was definitely molesting the turtle.

He was hanging out with teenage boys.

Come on.

He was there saying that.

Putting that furry-ass rat dick all up in those smooth butt cheeks.

Or alternately.

Smooth green butt cheeks.

Asians don't rape.

They're too peaceful.

No, they definitely

have balance.

What about the rape of Nan King?

That's a famous.

That's Asian on Asian.

That's not Asian on Turtle.

You're right.

All right, you got me there.

He wasn't Asian.

No, you're right.

He was Jewish.

He was Jewish.

I forgot about it.

Exactly.

He was Asian church.

I was just imagining his voice.

I would always watch that movie as a kid with my eyes closed.

Yeah.

Pretend they were regular people.

We should open it up.

They're a pretty good movie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I didn't open.

I didn't watch it.

I didn't know you were supposed to watch movies.

With your eyes.

Yeah.

Until, yeah.

I thought you just listened to them.

Being a kid is weird.

Adam, you're just telling a story about your cousin beating off the pink.

The pink.

Just the music.

The music.

Yeah.

Yo, his retarded cousin

at their grandmother's.

Oh,

live show before.

At my grandma's wake.

Or at her Shiva, at my parents' house.

Nobody knows what a Shiva is.

It's like a wake.

Listeners, it's when you get a boy,

usually a Gentile boy.

Yeah.

And you say, We're going to make you a star, kid.

You're going to be the greatest star in the world.

All you got to do is one thing

is watching sit on this plate of butter

and wait until it warms up.

I'm gonna didddle myself until I have half an erection.

And that's a Shiva.

That's what a Shiva.

So, my, yeah, after my grandma died, my cousin was

sexually blow out all the candles on the menorah.

With your ass,

and then you turn that boy into a woman.

Oh, fuck.

What were we talking about?

His cousin beating off at the

funeral.

I haven't said on the podcast.

That's what it was.

I saw it earlier today.

Walking on Memphis, walking to Memphis, right?

Yeah, yeah, I know.

But it's

sucking a man's dick.

I think you've said that before.

Have I?

I don't know.

Who cares?

That's a good idea.

That's going to get me all day.

I'm sucking a man's dick.

I'm soaking a man's dick.

It's fun.

And it gives back to you.

Yes.

I'll come in his ass.

You know who,

do you know who else?

Probably?

I don't know.

We should probably just not wildly accuse people.

No, no, no.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Allegedly.

Weird Al Yankovic for sure.

What do you think was weird about him?

Yeah.

What do you think Yank means?

Yeah, it's weird.

Yanka.

Yanka.

What's his last name?

I'm convinced.

No, he's not Jewish.

He's not.

He's like, Jesus

locked it or something.

Oh, God.

Oh, this is such a fun game.

Listen.

Who else, dude?

Who else were you about to wildly accuse me?

I would just want to zoom in on the head of that, like

whoever, like, in the Israeli government is friends with that security firm as this story broke today.

Up close shot, tight shot of their face while the curb your enthusiasm

Oops, looks like we just created a shit ton of global anti-Semitism.

The

antithesis to the only reason the fucking Mossad exists.

Yeah, what about Munich too, right?

So the Mossad guys move on from killing terrorists to covering up

rapists.

Oh, shit.

Is that what Munich was about?

Munich was about Mossad guys killing the people that attacked the Olympics.

Oh, tight.

Is that a good movie?

It is kind of a tight movie.

Oh, watch that.

It's pretty cool.

Eric Bannon is in it.

He's pretty good.

Eric Bannon had a weird little run.

Remember, he was the Hulk in the shittiest Hulk movie?

Yeah, he was the best.

This is the Aang Lee ones, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like that movie.

I watched it.

I saw New Hulk.

It's not that good.

There was a sense of

loneliness and heartbreak to the Aang Lee Hulk that I felt was fitting for the story.

Yeah, but it was just missing something.

I don't know.

It was just boring, I remember.

I enjoyed it.

Jennifer Connolly.

Jennifer Connelly.

She's a dime.

Good God Almighty.

How did I ever tell you about going to see House in Sanda Fog with this fucking

enormous idiot?

Ben Kingsley?

Yeah, no, no, this big fat kid that I used to know.

He was my mom's boss.

That's where you walked out.

I'm enjoying the movie, and halfway through, he's like, Yeah, we're not going to see her naked.

Let's go.

Just like forced me to leave the season.

Dude, an alpha like me would have never fucking stood for that.

I would have clocked him in the fucking jaw and then slid back down.

You never clocked anyone in your life.

I fucked up this one kid, Joey Wright, after he punched me.

You fucked him up?

How old are you?

I was like

10 or 11.

Have you been in an adult fight?

How much did you weigh?

He was fatter than me.

Thank you very much.

The two fat.

Everybody, two fattest kids in school are fighting.

Let's go.

Come on, piggy.

Have I ever been to an adult fight?

No.

No, but I'm fucking itching.

If anybody wants to get their ass kicked, come to Nick's house.

I'll be here.

Just knock on Nick's door and beat him up first.

Yeah.

To get to you, the boss.

To get to me, the boss.

No way, dude.

You're the boss.

Nick's the sub-boss.

You're the sub-boss.

I'm the fuck-os.

Adam is the Koopas.

They give him a put up all the time.

Yeah.

Adam's.

I'm one of the turtles that loses my shell, and I'm like, I'm so cold.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those turtles in Mario are definitely Jewish.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

I played the new Mario on Switch.

You got a Switch, right?

I didn't get a Switch, but I played it.

So,

yeah, Will Minnicker got one.

Yeah.

So, if you're donating to their Patreon, just be advised.

They're spending their money on Nintendo.

Unlike us, unlike us,

adult PlayStation.

Yeah.

Buy cool shit, like a toy wheel

to turn your house into a race car.

I bought three cast iron pans recently.

Cast iron pans aren't that expensive.

You got three on deck, baby.

You got three?

Why'd you get three?

Because now I'm making every

steaks.

It's going to be awesome.

You're going to die.

Baking cakes and cast iron.

You can't make even pretend you're on a diet.

I am, though.

He's turning his legs entire cakes for yourself.

I have been, bro.

This is not even close to your birthday.

Months away.

I'm practicing for my birthday cake.

I mean, like, I can understand not fucking maintaining your diet.

Maybe you ate an extra piece of bacon, but you bought a separate cast iron so you could make.

Sometimes you want to make two steaks.

Sometimes you want to make two steaks on a fucking cast iron.

What I'm going to fucking have to wait.

You're going to bring to your noon dates at the fucking public library.

Yes.

Yes, exactly.

I'm in the fucking free DVDs.

Yeah,

most times Stop is on a date, the girl's wearing a wire.

9 a.m.

in the middle of a bridge.

Big date.

Just so you know, I got a sniper on you right now.

Yeah, dude, real fucking Lotharios can do it in any fucking shit.

You're going on a date with Donald Sutherland

in front of the Jefferson Memorial.

You weren't followed, were you?

Ah, shit.

Oh, God.

Look, I'm a little bit more.

I'm ready for love.

It's very funny.

Yeah, it's funny that he doesn't have sex.

And he goes on bullshit noonday.

I've had sex recently, thank you.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, was my dig all the way hard?

No.

No, you got to stop taking Adderall.

I'm done with Adderall.

I put up a bad.

It also makes you angrier, too.

No, I mean, I think that's just.

Yeah, why don't you go buy a drink over at Burley?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

See if the barista has any cats.

They said I'm cute.

How are your anger issues doing?

The barista said I was cute and nice.

How are your fucking AIDS issues?

Yeah.

Take that.

Hey, are you the fucking queer that was going around saying I got anger issues?

You know who I am?

I'm Mark fucking Wahlberg.

Mark.

Oh, fuck.

Shouts out to Nick.

Has a Mark Wahlberg poster above his bed.

That's not true.

No, no.

It's not actually just a poster with thumbtacks.

It's a frame poster.

It's a frame poster.

And he has lights that fucking

lighted up

like Lincoln Memorial.

That's true.

A useful Marky Mark.

We are not doing a bit.

And then two clip-on-white's on his headboard.

It's true.

Nick Mullen does have a headboard

that he can dim to make Mark look more mysterious.

Do you look in his eyes while you come?

Of course.

Oh, fuck.

I love coming.

Anyways.

Yeah, so I guess there's just not going to be movies anymore.

You're going to have to give hollow

black women.

I saw Rankin Rock.

I saw Thor Ranger.

Are you going to get me?

How many different movies can you make about church or getting your hair cut can you possibly have?

Yeah, how many times have they secretly gotten us to space?

I think it is pretty ironic that they made a lot of movies.

But they didn't make that movie.

That's true.

Hidden figures.

I think it's funny that they made a lot of movies about Catholic pedophilia, like Doubt and Spotlight.

Dude, I watched this documentary in Open Secret.

And they can't get

a fun thing for me.

Okay, why don't you let me tell the story because I I watched a documentary instead of saying the thing I told you to my face as I'm about to say it.

Yeah, multiple people have said that to me.

Yeah, no, they didn't.

Chris Milner did.

My GF did.

To be fair, Nick definitely told us first and has been texting us about it nonstop.

And you kind of could have told, you could feel that's where his story was going, right?

That's not the point of the story.

I have to say the facts first.

I have to say the thing first

christ almighty i have to be the first one to say it

adam stop talking let nick finish his story oh thanks

i'm really sorry

anyways yeah so she made she made an oscar nominated movie about catholic priests raping boys and their next movie is about uh but Hollywood pedophiles and they're like Bobby I don't think anyone wants to see this yeah this is a bad movie Oh, yeah, I was just gonna go ahead and not distribute this at all.

It's a fucking 93% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Like, yeah, nobody would want to see this, boss.

I don't imagine a world where people could want to watch this.

And then, and then, like, the fucking even the people that are like going hard defending that group or whatever.

It's like, oh, well, you know, I mean, it's like sort of a hack job, and, you know, the case was sort of discredited.

And it's like, yeah, welcome to the fucking world of documentaries.

Right, right, right.

Every single one is like extremely biased.

Show me a documentary that's worth watching that isn't just propaganda.

I don't know.

Definitely not Restrepo.

That's all propaganda.

Thin Blue Line?

Thin Blue Line is filled with bullshit.

As much as I love Errol Morris, yeah.

First of all, Texas, not even a state.

Yep.

I don't know if you don't think it exists.

It doesn't.

Fog of War.

Also, Errol Morris.

Yeah, also Errol Morris.

That definitely has an agenda.

I mean, I agree with that.

That's the only one I've seen.

Fluke War is actually not that good.

No.

Thin Blue Line is the one that's been a little bit more than Thin Blue Line is crazy.

And Errol Morris's first two documents.

Gates of Heaven is really good.

Masterpieces.

Vernon Florida's horrible.

Vernon Florida is so good.

I got to peep it.

Every single person is just like an amazing character.

Yeah.

You know the story behind that, right?

No.

He moved down there, right?

No.

He went down there because Vernon Florida was famous for this type of insurance fraud

where people were.

Oh, yes, cut their limbs off or whatever.

Yeah, they were cutting.

Now he's saying the facts to my face.

Huh?

Now who's saying the facts?

You asked me, do you know?

You asked Adam because I wanted to

say that he doesn't know it.

Yeah.

And then I'm answering your question by being like, oh, yeah.

In fact, I'm pretty sure we talked about this on the podcast.

Did we?

You know, one of my only documentaries I watched, 30 for 30s, baby.

Yeah.

They're all good.

And I've cried to like 60% of them.

I'm just imagining you shirtless in your kitchen, cooking three different cakes at once in a series of cast irons, watching 30 for 30 documentaries on a tiny TV.

It's a big thing.

Mysterious genes.

Pretty small right now.

No, one of those tiny kitchen, the little white Panasonic.

Oh, those are like moms.

Kitchen.

Eating icing directly out of the can.

With like a cord.

I love learning.

Do you remember those kitchen phones that had like a fucking cord that was like 90 feet long?

Y'all, who remembers cords on phones?

Y'all, is that a good

observational bit?

You should try that one out.

For real, though, do you guys ever have that?

Do you guys have that portable TV or a handheld TV?

No.

Don't know how cool those were.

Remember portable DVD players?

Yeah, those were

tech.

Chinese people love those still.

Yeah, I see people.

You go down to Chinatown.

Every store has a fan that's clearly designed to just burn down an entire apartment building.

And like a portable DVD player.

Chinese aren't afraid of fan deaths.

Koreans?

Yep.

No, I mean like

an electric fan.

Yeah, yeah.

Koreans are afraid of electric fan.

Fan death fans.

If you want, the exposed wire is extra.

If you want fan wire coming out,

that's going to be extra.

I love it.

Chinese people love ripping people off, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In Chinatown.

I want to go into places and they'll be like,

the credit card minimum is $18.

I was like, you're out of your mind.

First of all, all you sell is pencils and dried mushrooms.

Oh, this guy has real anger issues.

Oh, he's gay now, too?

Oh, fuck, dude.

I do.

I mean, I love going to Chinatown and getting fake shit, though.

I bought a fake Burberry or a fake Gucci backpack from Chinatown.

And we also bought a fake woman to have sex with down there.

Yeah, it ended up being a guy.

Yeah.

You got a blow-up doll.

You're having sex with its ass.

Whenever a mate comes in,

dude, you got the wrong one.

Dude, you're gay.

You might have to.

No!

No!

I'm not gay!

She's coming.

I can't imagine fucking those.

It would be like.

I know.

What is the appeal of that?

A blow-up doll?

It's like a gag, right?

It's something like a four-year-old would come up with.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And people have definitely

a little kid, and like my friend's dad for his birthday got a blow-up doll as a gift, and they had it in his basement.

And my friend was like,

I forget how he's talking about it.

He's like, dude, can you imagine if you're a girl putting a vibrator in your pussy?

Imagine how good that feels.

My friend is trans, dude.

I'm like,

I don't even know if that's gay.

I don't know what I'm saying, really.

It's weird, but it's not gay, I don't think.

Imagine how good that.

Why would I ever imagine a woman's pleasure?

That's not the purpose of sex.

It's to create more of me.

To create minions,

an entire army of minions.

Genghis Khan style.

Minions, by the way, I interpreted that movie to be Down syndrome people.

Yeah.

Yeah, they got Steve's.

That's why they're despicable.

Steve Carell's character just fucked a bunch of bitches in a fucking x-ray machine.

He plays like a hunchback in that movie or something.

I've never seen it.

Who plays a hunchback?

Steve Carell?

And what, Minions?

Yeah, right?

Isn't he like that?

He's the guy.

He's like a spooky guy.

Dave said she saw Minions and it was good.

Really?

Minions?

I only know it from the jokes people make about it on Twitter.

Yeah, I've never seen it either.

I doubt it's good.

You know what's a lot better than Minions?

It's also yellow?

Funyons.

That is true.

All those minions got out of friends or whatever.

I used to think, I remember being when I was a kid and I was fat.

I would eat funyans and I was like...

Healthy.

Yeah.

Just extra vegetables.

Believe me, brother, I had that same thought.

Of course.

It's funny that shit you delude yourself.

I used to drink like three of Arizona iced tea, tall boys.

I'm like, it's iced tea.

It's good for you.

Tea, baby.

It cleans out the systems.

Flushes out my kidneys.

Shit is good as hell.

It's what the Native Americans in Arizona made.

It's what all those jacked Buddhists drink before they set themselves on fire.

In that Mr.

Shy City video where he's going through his fridge, he's like, it's for the Erica Baduk type of girls.

Like, his concept of Arizona iced tea is for like spiritual woke girls.

Mr.

Shy City, shouts out to him.

That's one of the classic all-time great videos.

Great internet videos.

Here's a question, Adam.

Why do you hate black women so much?

I don't.

So true.

That's a good question.

I've had a lot of listeners email me and say, Nick, I'm a POC trans woman and

a big fan of the show, but Adam clearly has a problem with

WOC.

But WONS in particular.

Wait.

What?

Come on, dude.

That's what they said.

P-R-O-N doesn't even make sense.

It doesn't make any sense.

No, it doesn't.

Women of.

What the fuck is that?

What the fuck, dude?

Woo!

Well, can I respond?

Can I be given a chance to respond?

No, I think you need to sit down.

Sit down and examine yourself, man

examine

i appreciate everyone in my life that's

what whatever that acronym was

you want to hazard a guess adam yeah i forget i already immediately forgot the acronym

you know it you know what he means

oh fuck i got myself good with that come town after dark baby yeah this is a late guys when the boys come out to play yeah i'm delirious i've been eating reese's cups all day yeah i'm tired as fuck dude yeah we're tired i had to work today

you know oh fuck god damn

fuck i'm still laughing about that that meme from earlier

yeah

that was awesome the white guy arm and the black guy arm locking and then it says white guys black guys and then the hands are grasped and in the middle it says loud black women hating loud black women

That's the common ground between white men and black men.

Well, just the way the hands were like, yeah, it's a solid meme.

Yeah, it was very funny.

Solid meme.

Yeah.

If untrue for me, I love all my soul sisters out there.

Oh, I don't hate anybody.

You don't hate anybody?

Except that gay man who served me hard.

Burley?

He was POC, too.

He was a

POF?

He's a piece of S.

He has anger issues.

Wait,

is that your friend?

He's got anger issues.

I have an anger issue because I don't like a $5 minimum.

Which I fucking didn't.

I just said literally nothing.

I just pulled cash out of my wallet.

He said you muttered.

You mad.

You mad.

Cameron voice.

I got dirt on you.

You mad.

Shouts out the camera, Giles, my close personal friend.

How about this?

We should

spend some of the Patreon money to hire

massage agents to spy on Adam.

That would be on me?

Yeah.

They could ruin my life like in two days.

That would be pretty.

I'm super vulnerable.

What would they do?

How could they ruin your life?

We should hire them to spy on Dan Ninen.

That would be fucking funny, dude.

Yeah.

I know that his pilot script.

Should we read it?

We should read it sometime.

We should do a dramatic reading.

We should just shoot it.

We really should.

We should steal his pilot script.

That would be funny as shit.

I mean, he'd sue me.

How?

We wouldn't make any money off of it.

Yes, we would.

For what?

Making money.

This is a fucking business.

We just put it out for free on YouTube.

Yeah, but I mean, people would know to watch it because of this show.

We wouldn't sell ads.

If you don't think there would be a way for him to sue you for

just producing his pilot.

Listen,

I'm 93% lawyer.

Does he have it like trademarked or some shit?

93% lawyer, 7% pedophile.

7%.

They all have different ratios, but the pedophile lawyers.

Those are the two commons.

You can slide the scale one way or the other.

Yeah, old Jewish men come up to me and they're like, The force is strong with this one.

Is that what happens?

Yeah, that's a great joke, dude.

Someone told me recently that Frank Oz.

The force is strong with it.

Frank Oz is really funny.

Frank Oz.

That's a cool bit to say.

Shut up, dude.

That's an extremely gay joke.

I don't know.

It's late, dude.

I'm sorry.

Someone told me that they.

Wow.

Oh, damn, dude.

The force.

The force.

The force is looking strong.

I'm sorry.

Somebody told you what?

That Frank Oz based Yoda, like, the way Yoda talks off of old Jews.

That's why he talks like a like a Hasidic person.

Everyone knows that.

I didn't know that.

That's why they...

No, no, know a lot about old Jews, you don't.

Yeah, I guess they don't.

Not much know about old Jews, do you?

I always thought Yoda was an old Asian.

Having sex with men you do into your ass.

That's a bad Yoda.

Sucking cock, you did.

That's bad, too.

Having sex with men you do.

Do sex men into your ass.

Do sex men into your ass.

You fucking bitch.

I remember one of the first memes I ever saw was a picture of Yoda, and it said up the shut fuck underneath it.

That's pretty good.

And I thought it was so funny.

That's really good.

When I was like 10,

I was like, mom, look at this shit.

Look at how funny this is.

She had that bitch, man.

She had that bitch, ma'am.

She had that.

We were laughing about it.

I was playing PlayStation.

And

somebody's PlayStation name was Gio is Gay.

Oh, yeah.

And I was imagining it was some immigrant kid that's making fun of his younger brother named Gio.

Mommy, is he saying that I am gay on the PlayStation?

He makes the name on the game is that I am gay.

Shut up, don't tell.

Molestrios, don't make your brother say he's gay.

Shut up, bitch man.

Do not fuck tell me how to play PlayStation.

I will play station lucky bitch.

Gio's gay, you can change it.

Gio.

I love Molestrios.

Yeah, Molestrio is a good character.

Shut up, you fucking.

Shut up, bitch man.

Sucking my nuts, you fucking heart.

Fuck you, bitch man.

She sacrificed so much for her family.

We came to this country not so you could say to Gio that he's gay.

Fuck you, bitch, ma'am.

Go make me lunch time.

It's just boring.

Yeah.

Well, that's why that character was so funny.

Yeah.

Just a general immigrant.

Mocking immigrants, dude.

Fucking rules.

Yeah, it's pretty funny.

Shut up, you fucking joke.

Shut up, bitch, ma'am.

Oh, boy, what else is going on?

Really?

It's like, it's crazy that this Harvey Weinstein has now been news for a month.

Because everything stayed like is news for a week recently.

And then we think of something new happens.

I'm starting to think that Steven Paddock was a gunwalking operation.

Gone bad.

A massage.

Maybe, you know, does he have any cut ties to the massage?

Well, no, it seems like something that the ATF probably fucked up.

We never talked about that video of Steven Paddock's brother on the pod.

Yeah, why would we?

It's just funny.

Somebody else showed it to you.

Who showed it?

Felix showed it to us.

No, I saw it on TV like the day after it happened.

Stop pretending you discovered it.

So they brought it.

Are you serious?

Yes.

All right.

Yes, I'm serious.

When you said Steven Paddock's brother is a pedophile on the podcast, I said, what, the one in Florida?

And you were like, no.

I mean, I read comments from that.

No, I saw the video of him outside his house.

No, you didn't.

Having sex with a child.

Shut the fuck up, dude.

Yeah, you've never seen anything in your life.

Open your eyes, Adam.

Adam has his eyes closed, anticipating a large one in his rear hole.

Why would my eyes be closed?

Because you're wishing this, bitch.

Because if your eyes are

getting combed on your face, because your eyes are closed and you're blowing the tip of a penis like there's an eyelash on it.

Yeah, or why wouldn't you?

That's just more romantic.

A little birthday candle.

Oh, that's cute.

That's how.

Oh, fuck.

You're trying to inflate the guy with his dick.

Like, it's one of those little mouthpieces for you.

Could you kill?

You can kill a woman, right, by blowing in a pussy.

You can kill a man by blowing in a dick.

Into his dick hole.

I don't know why.

You can't do that.

You know, didn't he forcibly go down on perfect crime.

Yeah.

On who?

He kills them by eating their pussy.

Did you see that, like, some guy from Gossip Girl was accused of rape?

Yeah, yeah.

Ed Westwick.

And then there's all these, like, you know, I don't know what the fuck Gossip Girl is.

So it's all these, like, you know, people that watch whatever that show is on Twitter, like, oh, I can't believe this.

Like, Turd Beasley or whoever the fuck he plays on that show.

I can't believe, you know, Jack shit is a rapist or whatever.

And then there's

like numerous people that were like,

y'all didn't see this coming, okay?

And then, like, Chuck or whatever his name is on on the show, tried to rape Jennifer.

I saw that.

Yeah, that's

so fucked up.

Yeah, yeah.

His character tried to rape someone, so people are like, Yeah, like, oh, y'all ain't no Anthony Hopkins be eating people.

Yeah, somebody actually replied that.

They were like, you know, they were like, you know, Anthony Hopkins doesn't eat people.

He's an actor.

I would love it if we found out Anthony Hopkins ate people.

That would rule.

Rose McGowan has to call him out.

And Anthony Hopkins has been eating people.

That's the next scandal.

He was in Thor Rangen Rock.

Whoa, spoilers.

Did you go see that?

I want to fuck up.

I saw it yesterday.

You want to kiss Chris Hemsworth's muscles?

He's got big muscles.

You've got big muscles.

You've got to kick his body and touch it.

I don't want to kiss it.

No, I'm not touching muscles.

You want to rub it?

No, that's, Nick, you're into muscles.

Not anymore.

On myself.

No, on other guys.

My own muscles.

No, on other guys that you look at all the time.

I'm not gay.

I'm a straight man.

Yeah, but you know what?

But But you know how good other guys' muscles are body, though.

No, I don't.

I don't follow any bodybuilders.

You know how to appreciate female form.

Mark Wahlberg.

I don't follow Mark Wahlberg.

But you just have a picture of him in your room.

I don't have a picture.

First of all, who's gay?

Me or the guy over here memorizing other men's bedrooms?

That's a good point, dude.

That is a really good point.

He did also just admit that you memorized his bedroom and then you did memorize his bedroom.

You got a Mark Wahlberg poster.

Yeah.

So I'm going to say young people.

He's also saying it's a false memory.

So that's just sanitized by so many men's penises.

That's just gay.

That's fair.

That's true.

It's true.

That's false.

It's not gay if you don't remember being gay.

That's what memento.

There's another kind of memento where all he does is have gay sex.

Your Honor, I'm just a simple homosexual.

I'm just a simple country homosexual that finds different ways to justify his deviant behavior

in and out of public restrooms,

the backs of movie theaters.

All I can say is this.

If you don't remember a homosexual act, did the act even occur?

No.

Yes, he gave me herpes.

I'll rest my case, you're on.

Yo, I feel bad for George Michael getting arrested.

In the bathroom?

He's a sexy-ass guy.

If he's alive 20 years later, if he's in his prime 10 years later, you still can't have sex in a bathroom.

But wasn't that like, wasn't it?

I mean, that's a weird type of guy.

What kind of cop gets assigned to the detail of

having sex in the bathroom, police?

Kevin Spacey.

That's good.

That's good.

Is it a guy that fucks up?

He has to go be like a having a slam dumb.

The force is strong with that one.

Yeah, the force is strong with that joke.

It was funny.

I used to do a joke about Subway Jared being the Kaiser Soze of pedophiles.

Oh.

You know, because he was hiding in Plainsight or whatever.

But now I guess it's just Kevin Spacey.

It's Kaiser Soze is the Kaiser Soze.

I was laughing too.

It's like the funniest thing that happened.

Did you see that on House of Cards?

Apparently, he was just like sexually assaulting production assistants.

Oh, yeah.

Which is like the funniest kind of person to molest.

It's like, oh,

here's your Gatorade, Mr.

Spacey.

Oh, I don't know if I should be in here.

My dad got me this job.

My dad said all I had to do was bring you water

shut up and take it brian

brian you know you want it

oh he's so crushed yeah

um i don't know you know if you had to fuck up in thor rangan rock they tried to they tried to give trouble i mean if you had to fuck one guy in hollywood i think it would be i think we'd all agree it'd be kevin spacey yeah you had to fuck one guy in hollywood yeah for sure how funny is that story too about terry cruise getting his dick wrapped That was so funny.

It's so funny.

That guy's just fucking in front of his wife.

Yeah.

I mean, it really is about time these Jews, you know.

They've been behaving without, with, with him, was it with impunity, without impunity?

It doesn't matter.

We don't need words anymore once we get rid of the Jews.

It's true.

We don't have to think about shit.

Do you see a picture of the guy?

He just looks like gay Harvey Weinstein.

He's like bald and like.

Yeah.

Who?

Has beautiful blue eyes, but he's ugly.

Who?

The guy jerked off Terry Cruz.

Oh, who was it?

Just another.

Just some guy.

Some guy of Adam.

Guess what religion he is?

Did you look it up?

I don't even know.

No, he is.

Yeah.

Did you look it up?

Yeah, of course he looked it up.

I don't actually look up any of these.

I just assumed it like popped up.

Someone popped up on Facebook or some shit like that.

You did.

You Googled it.

You looked at Google.

I did not.

It was on Twitter or Google or Facebook or something.

No, you looked it up.

I did not fucking look it up.

For what reason?

Dude,

to finish my fantasy?

Whatever.

About being the third guy in that three-way?

No.

To be Terry Cruz's pants.

Trapped in between that man's hand and Derrick Green's penis.

My dream.

Oh, fuck.

And then that other guy at APA that was like just fucking like on the phone at his desk with other people around being like, hmm, well, maybe I can suck your dick later.

But he's like on the phone with like 14-year-old boys.

Jesus Christ.

And then he yells at his secretary.

Yeah.

Grace, get me a goddamn boy in here.

Yeah, and then they're trying to say that they didn't know about that behavior.

Jesus Christ, dude.

Yeah.

You want to fuck kids, so you're like, I'll just be an agent that works with kids.

Yeah,

I mean, it makes sense.

I know.

It's a good strategy.

Right.

It's a lot of vulnerable children whose parents

and whose parents have

are really terrible and like pimp them out as it is.

Adam was a child actor.

I had an audition.

His parents instilled a sense of

acting, but they did want him to get molested.

No.

He was a child actor.

I auditioned for a Carlos.

He was a kid who would run around the house begging to suck his dad's dick.

And his dad was like, this is inappropriate.

And so he went to his rabbi and he said, what are we supposed to do?

And they said, well, there's a solution.

Usually it's only for Gentile children, but we can put him into the entertainment industry where he'll be molested

by members of the community.

That's a very funny book.

Very funny.

In that movie I saw last week, with Colin Farrell, the killing of the sacred deer, there's just this random scene where he's talking to his son.

And he's like, listen to me, boy.

Let me tell you a story.

When I was a boy, I walked into my father's room, and I could tell he had an erection.

And I was scared because I saw the erection.

So I touched his erection, and I masturbated his penis, and I walked out.

And there was cum everywhere.

And I've never told anyone that before.

Oh, that's a movie.

It's like randomly in the middle of the movie.

So

Hollywood just trying to sneak in some depraved commentary about the irony.

No, it wasn't accurate.

Actually, it's a.

I wonder why they would do that.

No, it wasn't Hollywood.

It was a Greek.

Hollywood.

He's part of Hollywood.

He was a Greek director.

Oh.

Well, they're bad too.

No, they're good.

I guess so.

Yeah.

No, they're good.

So, you guys are going to help me out in the new Holocaust, or are you guys going to just

act like you don't?

I'm going to die.

I'll help you out, but I'm not going to be nice about it.

Why?

I'm opening a factory, and you're going to fucking work your

villain's list.

Yeah.

Come on.

You know, also, it's going to be tough for me to hide that here because in earnest, and I'm allergic to it.

Actually, the Holocaust is kind of already happening, and this is the factory, and your job is to be called gay

from an audience of 100,000

every week.

Schindler's podcast.

Be called gay by plenty of strangers, too.

Yeah, yeah.

That's part of it.

This rape joke could have been a person.

And this rape joke could have been a person.

And this rape joke could have been a person.

Schindler's podcast.

It's very funny.

Yeah.

Yo, Voldemort was good in that movie.

Who's Voldemort?

Oh, is it Ralph Fiennes?

Wraith Fiennes?

Rafe?

Have you seen Schindler's list?

Yeah, I have.

Somebody told me it was pronounced Rafe.

Rafe Fiennes.

I don't know, maybe.

Is there no L in there?

No, it's Ralph.

It looks like Ralph.

The movie where his brother plays Michael Jackson is out?

That's his brother?

Yeah, Joseph Fiennes plays Michael Jackson in a movie.

It's not a movie.

It's some British miniseries.

Yeah, I guess.

Apparently it was terrible.

But...

More blackface in cinema, thank you.

You know what's a mini series?

Is Adam's balls?

I have more than one of them.

There's two of them in succession, and they're both small.

Yes, mini.

That's fucking good.

Got him.

Bitch ass motherfucker.

Wasn't it Jose Conseiko was just saying, like, it's not that bad to have small balls?

He was like, yeah.

Bad steroids.

Yeah, yeah.

He's like, what's the problem with having small balls?

You don't sit on them by accident.

It's true.

Sitting on your balls.

Balls are so uncomfortable.

Every time it happens, too, you feel like a fucking idiot.

You feel, yeah, it's a joke.

I mean, it's like, that's like one of the funniest things to happen.

If it happens to someone else, it's one of the funniest things to happen.

Yeah.

I mean, but that'd be like if women once a week slammed their breasts shut in a door.

That would be hilarious.

Balls are so uncomfortable.

Yeah.

Stacey, you look upset.

Are you alright?

Nah, I just slam my titties shut in a car door

because I'm not aware of my own body.

During the summer, balls?

Jesus Christ.

On a really hot fucking house.

How long do you think an old guy's balls get?

They get big.

They probably get longer.

Have you been in a gym locker room recently?

It's been a while.

Terrifying.

Most of the old guys at Planet Fitness a story don't let their balls hang out.

Is that like a jeans gym?

Yes.

The Planet Fitness and Bushwick I used to go to was like half dudes in jeans.

My favorite guys at the gym are the

middle-aged black dudes that just know how to work out from jail.

So they wear like dickies and Tim.

And they're insanely jacked.

And a wife beats it.

Yeah.

Usually bring

their own external audio equipment.

Oh, yeah.

There was a guy.

I told you, there was a guy doing that.

He was a pill?

Doing that.

He brought a fucking boom box.

And then he was listening to like Jada Kiss.

Big pod.

Hell yeah.

Drinking from like a Tampico bottle, like gallon that he just turned into his water bottle.

Yeah.

You mean Topo Chico?

No, I mean Tampico, dude.

That pink shit.

I love Topo Chico.

What is that?

It's seltzer water.

No, Tampico.

It's that pink, cloudy fruit.

When I lived in Texas, there was a Mexican soda that was.

Hairitos?

No.

What?

It's a different one.

What's it called?

No, go ahead.

Tell your story about Arritos.

You seem so desperate to say that and tell me the name of the thing.

What was it called?

Well,

it was spelled P-E-N-A-F-I-E-L.

I had the feeling.

Yeah, yeah.

So anytime I went by,

it's like, do you have any soda for a banter fire?

I need a soda for a banter fire.

That made me laugh real hard.

That and all the other bimbo's dessert products.

Yeah, yeah.

Bimbos.

Bimbo's rules.

They have soccer teams.

Do you have a donut?

Do you have a donut?

Because the doughnuts are called donas.

Donuts.

Yeah.

Do you have a donut

that I could read, please?

I saw the jean depot.

Alright, I gotta go to sleep.

Yeah, that's a late one.

Yeah.

Thanks for bearing with us, audience.

Good night.

When disaster takes control of your life, ServePro helps you take it back.

ServePro shows up faster to any size disaster to make things right, starting with a single call, that's all.

Because the number one name in cleanup and restoration has the scale and the expertise to get you back up to speed quicker than you ever thought possible.

So whenever never thought this would happen actually happens, ServePro's got you.

Call 1-800-SERVPRO or visit ServePro.com today to help make it like it never even happened.

Ready to elevate your wardrobe?

Check out Bohm, where fashion meets fun.

From trendy dresses and chic tops to versatile denim and cozy sweaters, Bohm has it all.

With great quality, affordable prices and freshly picked new arrivals every week, you'll always find something new and exciting.

Plus, our accessories collection will add the perfect finishing touch to any outfit.

Whether you're dressing up for a special occasion or keeping it casual, Boam has the perfect pieces to match your style.

Head over to Bohm.com today and start your style journey with Bohm.

Your perfect outfit is just a click away.