The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 27: A Walrus Among Us!
Abnimals Theme by Justin McElroy, Eric Near (https://bit.ly/ericnearmusic) and Jonathan Coulton (https://www.jonathancoulton.com/).
Additional Music in this Episode: "Neptune" by Joseph R. Lilore: https://josephlilore.com'; "Blood in the Water", "Courage My Love", and "This Could Get Dark" by Mr. Smith: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSk2j0fTMw9V94UGyfWrSuA?; "Task Man" by Gamesharkoff: https://gagmesharkoff.bandcamp.com/; "Psychedelic" by Echo Fury: https://m.soundcloud.com/j87-222544563; "Demolition" by 1st Contact: https://freemusicarchive.org/music/1st-contact/; and "Quickening" by malictusmusic: https://www.malictusmusic.com/.
National Immigration Project: https://nipnlg.org/
Listen and follow along
Transcript
In spite of what you have heard, we're at the height of our powers Atop the tallest towers It's never
stopped by having to trust That we will do what we must Until it's turning out just like we planned
is long But our Mojo's strong And unless I'm wrong And I'm not We're at the height of our power
Billionaire philanthropist Walter Russell, no,
the Walrus
is absolutely insane.
Lyle looks at me and says,
All right, Brianna, what's he doing to you?
How is he controlling you?
What does he have on you that he's making you do this?
Ah, that would explain it, wouldn't it?
Yes.
Well, before we do anything else,
Navy,
I want you to roll to see if you have been spotted.
Now, you don't necessarily have anything, but this was like kind of a prepared action for you.
Yeah, I set up Overwatch here.
What do you want me to roll?
So normally it would be 2d8, but I'm going to give you 3d8 since like you were intentionally hiding and preparing.
Okay, I will roll that to see how my stealth is.
I'm not sure Navy would blast Walter billionaire philanthropist Walter Russell
on site.
Yeah, I accidentally rolled twice because I couldn't see the result.
Both are the same.
Two successes, one failure.
Okay, with two successes, yeah, he strolls in past you and you don't get any indication that he clocked you as he came in.
Maybe there's like a potted plant there that you are able to hide your your bulky boy from a gigantic potted plant.
And plus, he has a lot to look at here with Roger wheeling the unconscious carver in a hospital bed and Lyle up against the aquarium here.
I'm going to try to stay behind this, again,
simply just gigat Chad Monstera.
Yeah.
He posts about it on all the forums, really proud of his Monstera.
Yeah, I mean, especially considering there's no natural light coming in here, so you're like, hmm, I suck my blubber in and become sort of um
sort of palm, palm-shaped, sort of bonsai, bonsai-shaped.
Don't go change him.
Yeah, you're right.
He looks at you, Lyle,
and like a bemused smirk comes across his face.
He goes, Who?
Who's controlling?
Oh, you mean the walrus?
Yeah, ma'am.
I am the walrus.
Goo-goo-ka-choo.
Sorry, I had something stuck in my throat.
And you got a little yellow mellow custard dripping from that dead dog's eye, too.
So
gross.
Dad, you, I just,
this old guy stuff you throw out sometimes.
He said goo-goo-kachu!
Yeah, but we don't know that, like, you gotta go with real big hits of Beatles.
You know what I mean?
Like, our generation, we only know, like, a talk's worth, like, one TikTok.
I didn't even say all of TikTok because I don't have the time.
Yeah, sure.
Um, I'm not gonna say anything until it is time to strike.
So,
uh, Mr.
Moore,
please be so kind as to return
Carliver to the hospital bay and hook him back up before I have you arrested.
Um,
um,
very well.
And Roger turns and starts wheeling him back into that room.
Okay, cool.
Thank you for that.
Mm-hmm.
That's a new strategy for us here on Taz, is obeying the villain.
And while...
What's Carver's status right now?
Unconscious.
Like, has been, you know, pumped with something from the IV that he was hooked up to that was keeping him sedated.
He is now disconnected from that, but it is still in his system.
And as uh as his uh roger takes starts wheeling him back into that room and using his body as cover he's going to force feed the pizza down carver's throat
okay
um
excellent while he's doing that um lyle's gonna pretend to eat the radioactive burrito as a distraction.
Oh,
that's good.
Okay.
Lyle,
give me, let's see.
Yeah, give me
the burrito in itself is a very distracting prop.
Give me a 3d8 roll.
Wow.
That's a cow bunga, baby.
That's the greatest role I've ever had, and it's to pretend to eat a burrito.
Thank you.
It's a 655.
Thank you, Gary.
Can you describe for us what this pretending to eat the burrito looks like?
Trav, I got a six and a five and a five.
I think the burrito splits in twain.
It's both consumed and not consumed.
So convincing is
the illusion of it that there are still people to this day that swear.
Swear that that burrito was eaten.
That's how convincing it is.
We're talking David Blaine levels of like, as far as you can tell, like there's crumbs.
How are there crumbs?
Like, where do you get crumbs?
Here's what I'll give you two for that, uh, Cowbunga.
He is fully convinced that you've eaten this burrito.
And
when you have in your back pocket a reveal that you didn't eat the burrito, and that is going to have an impact on him at some point.
What is his, what is his reaction?
What is his reaction?
He moves towards you about halfway across the office at his desk and says, No, don't.
Oh.
well, that is very unfortunate, Axeline.
Okay, and I start like flexing, just sort of testing the waters.
He falls back.
And
you can tell that he is concerned.
Good.
And he moves to his desk.
I thought you were going to say moves to his death.
I was so excited.
Yeah, he did it out of pure fear.
He dies.
Awesome.
He dies of fear.
Yeah.
I don't want to pull too much focus.
Can we go back to?
I was just trying to make a distraction.
I don't want to make this all about me.
I don't want to pull from the main narrative over there.
All right.
Well, with that success
on Lyle's distraction, you have free reign.
Tell me down to pizza to Carver.
I think
kind of wave it under his nose a little bit to see if that gets any kind of reaction, you know, like smelling salts.
oh it immediately does his turtle nostrils flare
and you can almost see like that rapid eye movement underneath his lids and it's like kind of the first kind of activity you're registering okay
and i lean close to his ear wait a minute do turtles have ears it's a membranous uh like drum where the skin is pulled tight over it but they don't have external flaps okay and i didn't have to look that up i just know that so he kind of leans down close and says man i hope that's right i think it is yeah okay and he says uh
oh open up carver here comes the
moo moo choo-choo
and he
wait and he moves the pizza towards carver's mouth
It opens somewhat.
I mean, it's definitely having an effect on him.
You see him look,
and start, like, biting on the pizza.
And you see,
like, his muscles starting to, like, twitch.
Um, and his fingers start to move.
And
that is when the walrus
moves to his desk.
In a panic, having seen Lyle very believably consume this burrito.
And he says, well,
this is definitely going to impact the resale value of this building.
And he slams his fist down on a button on the desk,
and the wall of the aquarium starts to lower from the top,
spilling salt water into the office.
This seems like the perfect time to spring my trap.
Go for it.
I'm kidding.
I think that maybe five seconds ago would have been a better time to spring my trap.
But they always say, like, the best time to spring your trap is five seconds ago, and the second best time is right now.
I'm going to,
you know, I could blast him with water, but it seems like that is a result that he would not find unfavorable, given his recent choices.
I'm going to wrap my arms around him, and I'm going to grab hold of his tusks, trying to kind of like restrain him
in admittedly a pretty gnarly way but you when you gotta use what you got you do indeed
so
that is my that is my action um so you do have bulky boy no yeah yes You do have bulky boy, which is going to make you better at this.
He is also.
These are two thick kings, Travis.
And he is,
I would say, not like significantly bigger than you, but he's bigger than you.
Yeah.
But I got more heart, you know?
That is true.
So you have 3d8 and Bulky Boy.
He has 4d8 to resist.
I'll take a time to shine dice just to kind of even the odds a little bit here.
Okay, so 48 to 48.
That sucks.
That's a Kalbunga from you.
That sucks.
That is not a Kalbunga for me.
That is one success and three failures, two of which are ones.
So
you you did have the element of surprise yeah you did so i'm gonna give you advantage his still stands but you can roll twice
still gonna
seven seven eight five
four successes including a cowabunga who can be against us when gary is with us gary cannot make this game travis made this game gary gygax did not make this game i actually made it in spite i made it in spite of gary gygax yeah this is i gary gygax would not approve of what I've done here.
Straight so far from Gary's light.
Yeah.
So Griffin, to lay it out for the audience, the Walrus out of his four dice got a seven, a seven, and an eight.
You rolled four dice and got a seven, a seven, an eight, and a five.
Yes.
Breaking the tie on the cowabunga and giving you a purchase on those tusks.
So now you guys are like locked in a struggle,
but you have the upper hand.
Yeah.
And you have managed to like
you are
like, think of it like a bucking Bronco,
right?
But you're on there, right?
So you have the upper hand.
Is the door behind us that Walter Russell came through, is it still open or did it seal when he pressed this button?
It sealed when he pressed the button.
So water is beginning to fill this chamber right now.
It is
like six inches deep and over the top of the aquarium wall that is now pouring over water, five shapes swim up to the top
and come over the top.
Okay, so five combatants have just come over the top here and landed in like, you know, kind of superhero poses, but villains.
Imagine that.
Working together?
Yeah.
How comfortable do they seem to be on land, Trav?
Varying degrees.
These are
Manta Ray Romano,
Pitt Bullshark,
Eo McDonough,
Nicole Squidman,
and Sea Snake Gyllenhaal.
So did you...
So my question is this.
Did you...
Was the size of this super villain team solely determined by how long your list of unscratched out celebrity fans.
That has to be it, right?
It was like, I have five left.
Yeah.
Let's get them out.
When we wrap this session, everyone clear the storage unit.
You're all coming with me.
You get to just file that big notebook of names away.
Man, I wish I left.
But the real thing is I thought of Manta Ray Romano.
Yeah.
And I was like, well, it can't just be one.
Yeah.
So I have to think of four other ones.
What people don't realize, I think, is that one of our main diseases, I think, is having these thoughts and feeling like this can't stop with me.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, you thought that, and you thought, like, the universe has brought this to me, and it would be, you can't just.
Well, that's what inspiration is, Justin.
I mean, it is, right?
It's a burden, too, as much as it is a privilege, you know?
Yeah.
When the universe delivers to you, Manta Ray Romano.
You didn't ask for that.
No,
that big magic.
And if I tried to keep that inside, I worry that it would burn me out from the inside out.
You know what I mean?
That kind of fire.
That fire.
We're here to dance in the fire, baby.
That's what we're here for.
We're made to play.
We're not supposed to be standing outside the fire as guards.
That's right, baby.
I say into Walter Russell's ear,
call off your buddies here and stop flooding this room because one of us is a cow.
And if you don't, I'm going to hurt your body.
He
bristles
and says, they are not my buddies.
They're my goons.
How dare you?
And
that is his kind of main frustration with you, implying that he would have some kind of relationship with his underlings.
Okay.
And
since Snake Jillenhall is right next to you, Axel Isle,
He is going to attempt to curl himself around
you and squeeze
while the Cole Squidman
is going to
move undulatingly
towards you,
Navy, and try to pull you off.
I don't like that.
Manta Ray Romano doesn't have legs.
Hey, Travis, sorry, hard disagree.
I think Manta Ray Romano has huge legs.
I smell a spin-off.
Oh, thank you.
We'll see.
And the water is not currently deep enough for him to propel himself forward.
So he's just scooching on the ground.
Great.
Pit Bullshark, though, is going to start to charge towards Roger.
So, and Eon McDonough lowers himself under the desk and kind of lays flat in the water, and you lose track of him.
Uh,
how high is the ceiling in this room?
Um,
10 feet.
Okay.
Not a significant height then.
So let's resolve.
Uh Axel.
Yeah.
You are being constricted by Snake Gyllenhaal.
That doesn't seem fair.
What do you do?
Um
describe Snake Gyllenhaal in excruciating detail for me.
I'm trying to picture some limbs and stuff.
Give me a.
Oh, no limbs.
This is like Boa Constrictor, very large, like, let's say Anaconda body
with a Jake Gyllenhaal-esque head with snake eyes and fangs.
Okay.
Now don't cut him in half because then he'll turn into two snake gyll and halls.
That is not how that's not
grow two snake gyll and hall heads.
Right, right.
Okay.
And he's constricting me?
Yes.
Hmm.
Travis, I'm using my lungs.
I can manually activate my lungs to breathe in almost any environment.
And I think that that includes when a snake's trying to crush me.
So I'm going to use my incredible breathing abilities to try to explode snake Jyllenhall.
Okay.
Can I say that the phrase my incredible breathing abilities to describe somebody breathing in air?
Yeah.
Is one of the best things I've ever heard in true.
And yet and yet and yet and yet the dice don't lie yeah and yet a mixed success the
strength of snake gyl and haunt takes you off your feet um you're not damaged yet but the two of you entwined together roll upon the ever-deepening salt water on the floor of the office
um
and Nicole Squidman is going to try to pull you, Navy, off of Walter Walter Russell.
I mean, I'm a pretty bulky boy.
Yeah, give me a bulky boy roll to resist her tentacles.
Okay.
That's a mega cowabunga, my friend.
Wow.
Okay, yeah, with a mega cowbunga, I'm going to let you choose what you like.
She's grabbing at your boots, right, while you're holding on.
Can I just
reflexively, like, as she's trying to pull me off of Walter Russell, like, flex, and it's like I think impressive in a in an attractive way and there's an element of like wow this is it it's like when Batman punches Superman and his chin doesn't move there's an element of like it's like you're trying to pull you know a stone column down and I think that there's a there is a spark there and for maybe that's probably a little confusing because then he has to start kind of thinking about
is it the tentacle thing is it like what's what is the
there's a spark for both of you?
There's a spark betwixt you.
I think
in this situation, I think there is a and with Omega Cowabunga, I do think that this could be the beginning of a beautiful love story.
But
it is, we are, I recognize sort of heat of the moment.
I just kind of wanted to set some of the pretense here.
And with that
with a sparkle in her eye, Nicole Squidman looks up at you and says, Would you like to go to the movies sometime?
Yeah, but let's let me finish.
Let me, sorry, I've never, No one's...
Literally, no one's ever asked me that.
Yes.
This is why we go to the movies.
Hey, Robert Kyson.
Well played, sir.
Yeah,
that sounds great.
I have to get two tickets.
Don't worry.
I have connections.
Okay.
Yeah,
that sounds good.
Please don't try to remove me from him,
because this is like a pretty climactic moment.
Anything for you, my bulky boy?
Amazing, amazing, amazing.
Griffin, I'm going to give you one more thing with that mega cowbunga and complete success.
Yeah, sure.
Having like so easily deflected Nicole Squidman and kind of looking around at the makeup of these combatants,
these don't appear to be like the fully natural abnormals that you have experienced up to this point.
They don't seem to be an even combination of like human and animal, right?
Okay, I was wondering why there's a snake with Jake Gyllenha's head.
That does seem to kind of go against convention.
Okay,
I take note of that.
Roger?
Yes, so with Carver back in the infirmary,
Pitbull Shark runs to pull you back and kind of tries to body flam you
down into the water.
What do you do?
Well,
I believe Roger is going to exercise his wango bango tango.
When someone grabs Roger or attempts to grab him, he can counter-grab an opponent and put them into a disorienting spin.
This seems extremely practical in the moment
give me doing something practical i love it that give me a 5d8 roll for that mondo move all right here we go
uh five and a five oh yeah you got two successes out of that but it is a cowbunga so you spin him and he goes spinning into the infirmary And then you see him stand there for a second, woozy, and then come flying back, laid out
as Carver is standing in the doorway of the infirmary, pulling sensors off of his body and chewing on the crust of the pizza.
A little bit woozy, but also looking,
I would say, pretty itching for a fight.
He is pretty.
Thank you.
I hear one of my cats upstairs crying.
You know what they're, you know what they're upset about.
Just like the state of things and whatever.
No, they're only ever wanting one thing, and that's for me to get the smalls out.
Dad, we don't know how to
yeah they love the smooth bird dad we want our smooth bird we can't we don't have jobs
we can't buy our own food we don't know how to order things dad we're so scared we're cats and we've gained complete uh human intelligence what's happening where are we yeah Where are we?
But you know what?
I calm them right down with smalls because you're going to get a package of smalls, right?
You're going to open it up.
You're going to put it in front of your cats there, put it into a bowl, whatever you're going to, I don't know your business.
But when you put it out there, these cats are going to freak out.
And you're also going to see some long-lasting effects.
In my experience, at least, my cats have been a little healthier.
They've had a nice, nice-looking coat, and they just love, they love smalls.
They love it.
Smalls cat food is protein-packed recipes made with preservative-free ingredients.
Um, and it's delivered right to your door.
And cats.com named it their best overall cat food.
And get this after switching to smalls, 88% of cat owners report overall health improvements for smalls food.
That's a big deal.
For a limited time only, because you are I was really proud of that, Justin.
I was really proud of that.
Sorry, Trav.
That was great.
Thank you.
For a limited time only, because you're an adventure zone listener, you can get 60% off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com/slash adventure.
That's 60% off when you head to smalls.com/slash adventure plus free shipping.
Again, that's smalls.com slash adventure.
Hey, this week we're coming to sorry to interrupt.
I just kind of burst in.
Okay.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Hey, I'm also sorry.
I'm also sorry and i'm here and i'm interrupting too if you're coming to uh uh our shows this week in san antonio and austin thank you if you're not already planning on coming why not we want to see you there we need you there join what are you doing that's so great yeah
if you're coming to the show and you want to have a question you uh you got a question you want answered you want a fear read aloud we got you email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line in Austin.
And also doing what, Trap?
What are we doing in Austin, buddy?
Well, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules, and it's going to be a real treat.
You're going to also feel happier than you've ever felt in your entire life.
Yeah, we're also coming to Utah and California later this year.
Tickets for all those shows are on sale now.
More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly forward slash McElroy Tours.
Oh, we also have new merch because it's a new month.
Yeah, we have a month, new merch, new you.
Well, yeah, sort of.
We've got uh a brand new uh geral t-shirt over there designed by lynn doyle go to macroymerch.com check it out uh and 10 of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to equality for it which is dedicated to securing full equality for florida's lgbtq community so go to macroymerch.com to get yours now
you know we've been doing my brother my brother me for 15 years and
maybe you stopped listening for a while maybe you never listened and you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.
I know where this has ended up.
But no, no, you would be wrong.
We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.
Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.
The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.
We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.
And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.
So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.
All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.
Let's learn everything.
So, let's do a quick progress check.
Have we learned about quantum physics?
Yes, episode 59.
We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?
Yes, we have.
Same episode, actually.
Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?
Episode 64.
So, how close are we to learning everything?
Bad news.
We still haven't learned everything yet.
Oh, we're ruined.
No, no, no, it's good news as well.
There is still a lot to learn.
Woo!
I'm Dr.
Ella Hubber.
I'm regular Tom Lum.
I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.
And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.
Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.
Okay, so now
it's all y'all's turn.
Now that you've fended off these attacks.
The water is about a foot deep at this point.
You can see Manta Ray Romano is now able to move himself through the water.
Not quite at the speed you would expect yet, but he is definitely more mobile than before what's going on in the tank side with the water level like is it just a big empty room in there or no it's not as the um
the
kind of like glass on the front of the aquarium is slowly lowering down
um it's twice the size of the room that you're in oh so it's gonna flood and kill us well yeah i mean no it's not all exactly it's gonna flood and kill exactly one person in this room
One person in this room, and unfortunately, it is our dad.
All right.
I got it now.
I can visualize it.
The button that Walter pressed to start this flooding, is it just like a big red button on top of the desk?
Does it seem like I could just hit it again to roll the windows back up?
There's a panel of buttons.
And before you ask, unlabeled.
God, he's the worst.
Okay, I.
I already kind of gave him the ultimatum, and it didn't work.
So, instead, I'm going to...
Nicole Squidman has released me, right?
Yes.
But not from her heart.
Great.
I am going to point all of my splash pack thrusters behind me
and
I'm going to...
try to blast forward with Russell into the desk, hoping that maybe if I crush the desk and maybe the,
and I do, was it jelly roll Morton?
Who's the jellyfish guy at the back of the room?
Oh, Eel McDonough.
Eel McDonough.
Yeah, your second kneel to eel pipeline.
Fantastic.
Maybe a bit derivative, but we'll take it.
I'm going to
just
do this just meditations on a theme.
And then blast for them.
Let's discuss it beforehand, Griven.
You know, there's more than one like Patrick or John in the world.
That's that's a good point.
So I'm going to blast forward.
I'm going to try to kind of just sort of squish the walrus and the desk and
El McDonough
up against the aquarium wall
and just kind of want to see what happens after that.
So you're doing a hydro propulsion or yes.
Yes.
Okay, so 5d8.
Okay.
Wow, that's that's now sometimes sometimes you don't get a good one.
So that's a one, two, three, four, eight.
So mixed success.
So with a mixed success, you are able to kind of propel yourself forward and it, like,
the walrus, his, like, chest hits against the desk
and, like,
sort of knocks the wind out of him a bit.
You can hear him, like, right, as he bends over it.
And so you have definitely, like, winded him.
I told you,
we're on the pain train right right now, and you're gonna hit your final destination if you don't roll up that dang aquarium window.
And then
that means death.
I'll kill you.
I feel you.
That's murder, pal.
You feel
a hand grip your ankle,
and an electric shock goes through
your body as uh EO McDonough hits you with three successes.
Wait, he's on the other side of the freaking room, man.
Well, you lost track of him as he's down in the water under the desk.
And he has just like tasered your leg.
Not great.
So I will give you the option here of either taking three damage or losing your grip on the walrus.
It's two damage for my one damage reduction
rating.
So, I mean...
I do have nine hit points.
I'm going to take the damage.
I'll take the damage.
That leaves me with four hit points, which is not amazing, but I don't want to lose control of the Walrus.
Because that's kind of the only thing I got going on for me right now, aside from
the kindling of new romance.
Indeed.
Lyle, yeah.
You are rolling around in the water, constricted by Snake Jill and Hall.
Yeah.
What do you do?
Yeah, man.
So here's what we're going to do.
We're going to...
Lyle is freaking out because he's constricted and he really hates that.
And he's a squishy guy and he doesn't like that.
So Lyle very impulsively
tries to grab Hatchet Man so he can cut off his own limbs and escape.
Okay.
You feel a tingle
in your brain
as Fregler's power of limitless foresight
activates
and you hear maybe the voice of the nuns that helped train you and raise you say, maybe try chopping snake gylano instead.
Maybe just maybe chop the snake.
Maybe just chopping snake.
I'll chop the snake.
That's what I would do.
I mean, you know, your own snake.
Okay, so now I've...
Okay, now I'm back in...
Now I'm back in the memory.
Okay, I'm way back.
But
sister, like,
I'm confused.
You've always said that hatchet, man, can only be used as a...
tool.
Are you saying that sometimes it's okay to use them like a weapon?
Yeah, man.
Like, it's a hatchet, man.
Not maybe as first, but like, if you find yourself in a scenario where you're being, like, crushed to death,
and it's like a life or death thing, man.
Like, all I'm saying is, if you ever hypothetically find yourself in a position where you're being constricted to death, and your option is to use Hatchet Man as a tool to attack someone else or cut your own limbs off, which you might need in the upcoming battle, maybe think twice about how to proceed.
Bad Bad news from God, Snake Jill and Hall.
Anything's a drum
to use my axe as a weapon.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow, and I'm going to use a time to shine dice.
And I'm going to give you an extra dice too, Justin, because...
No, y'all don't need it.
I got two sixes.
That with a cowabunga,
impact snake gyllenhall with uh hatchet move not quite like clean cut but he is
wicked unhappy releases you and scurries away uh to try to regroup but he is in a bad way
And Roger,
you find yourself side by side with a seething, slightly woozy Carver
over
the currently on his back, but struggling to get up.
Bit bullshard.
As Manta Ray Romano, you see, comes zooming towards your feet.
Okay, how close is Romano?
Is he close enough to attack me on his next move?
Correct.
Well,
I can't help it.
I have something in mind.
I'm going to prepare an action.
Dan, that's one of my favorite summary of Clint McElroy.
I can't help it.
I can't help it.
I can't help it.
I can't.
Because I already had an idea.
I did.
What am I going to do for a while?
Not do the idea I was thinking of.
I love it.
I'm going to do my idea.
Can't do that with him.
It's a burden.
I'm going to do my idea.
I'm going to
use it.
That's going to be on your tombstone.
Go on.
I had an idea.
I'm going to do my idea.
I'm going to use
my mortar and pestle.
Oh my God.
In the words of me, I'm going to.
I'm using my mortar and pestle to
do something.
Do I for those of you who may have forgotten, dad tends to pick up stuff in video games?
And I made a joke, I think back in Scuzz's
layer maybe, that there were like mortar and pestle around, and dad took one, and I regretted it.
But now I'm excited to find out how dad's going to use a mortar mortar and pestle in this.
I don't think he knows.
I know.
That's what seems to be the most thrilling.
I know.
So that's what I'm doing.
I am going to, I am, he's going to use the mortar and pestle to grind up the mints he picked up.
Just a quick use.
So in a very LucasArts style, use mortar and pestle on mints.
Yes.
Okay.
But you don't know what's supposed to happen is that what you're saying oh i know what's supposed to happen i know what's supposed to happen okay got it and then what happens so i use the mortar and pestle and i grind up i grind up the mints okay okay once again the mints that i think you got from the executive washroom right
and i pour those ground up mints
into the
bottle of orbits
seltzer water he's doing it uh-huh
and then i toss the fizzing almost ready-to-explode bottle into
Manta Ray Romano's mouth.
So it's sort of a mentose and diet coke situation that you've engineered.
Yes.
Amazing.
Okay.
All right.
The pride that I feel
that you have used not one, not two, but three
pieces of weird detritus that you have picked up in this game as a functional
oh, I was gonna use a fourth, but I
didn't.
But I didn't think it would fit the theme of the show.
I was going to grind up the painkillers and put them in there, too.
Good call, Dad.
Good call.
Yeah, good call not using that.
Yeah, I thought so.
But the pride I feel is overwhelming.
And I would like you to roll 5DA
to resolve this.
Now be careful, though, because Manta Ray Romano is rich for spin-off potential.
Oh no.
we can if you explode him right now I wouldn't explode him but I mean maybe if he inflates he'll float to the surface of the water not be able to get around
I'm gonna add a time to shine dice
because I really want this to work of course
and hey thank goodness for that man five and a seven and four failures
including a triple one so like pretty good you used your time to shine dice here
so you lob this
like
this Mentos cocktail.
It launches in the mouth of Mantoroy Romano
with the
open end
sticking out.
Right.
And it launches him like a rocket
across the room.
And you know what?
Because I like this move so much.
Sweeps the legs of Eil McDonough.
Thank God.
Knocking him away.
I have a bon motte, too.
Of course you do.
I guess not everybody loves you, Raymond.
The studio audience erupts into laughter.
Yeah.
They're loving that.
That's great.
And your father-in-law, I guess, in this show, like kind of puts his hands on his hips and like, oh, rolls his eyes and roll credits.
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