The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 25: Grate Expectations!

In spite of what you've heard, we're at the height of our powers Atop the tallest towers We still

never stop us by having to trust That we will do what we must Until it turning out just like we planned The railway sound

is long But our mojo's strong

And unless I'm wrong And I'm not We're at the height of our power

The elevator doors open and you find yourselves in the start of a tunnel leading to what you hope is an entrance into the RCF headquarters.

Before you can leave the elevator, a panel size open and a light pops up inside of it and you hear Scud say, wait, hold on, dudes, before you go, I know I wasn't wildly helpful before.

Apologies again,

but I think this will really help you.

When you get to Carver, give him this.

And you see inside the panel, sealed in a triangular Tupperware, a perfectly cooked, ready-to-go slice of Supreme Pizza.

Everything on it, all the works.

So just so I'm clear on sort of the like mechanics of what just happened, this elevator has sort of stored ready-to-go pizza in the panel at all times?

No, it's a dumb waiter, man.

It doesn't seem that dumb to me, man.

Well, it's just called that.

It's not...

It's not dumb.

It's a pizza.

Are these ingredients still like

consumable?

Oh, yeah, this is fresh pizza, man.

It's ready to go.

So there's a dumb waiter in the elevator.

Next is the construction of that's really weird.

Also, you drugged and kidnapped us.

I'm mad at you.

Yeah, I know.

I said apologies.

Fair.

Do you mean a lift?

Is that what you mean, fellas?

Oh, here he goes again.

Dude goes to London for one weekend, comes back, holds

buggies and lifts.

The door starts to close.

Oh, shoot, look.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And as you walk out of the elevator and the doors start to close behind you, you hear Skoz say, Oh, also, I made some calls.

I hope that helps.

And then the door closes.

Well, that's ominous.

Yeah.

Called more of his kidnapping friends.

Can I do a quick butcher's around this tunnel?

Yeah, Griffin needs a butcher's.

Just to make sure.

I got the turn.

I would never deny you a butcher's.

It's dark.

Wait, is it dark?

It's a little dark.

Yeah, it's a tunnel.

Is it a little dark?

It's a little.

Griffin, let me please have a butcher's tunnel.

Why yeah, you take it.

I take this.

You take this, but no, it's a darkness.

Because I have super, like, extreme.

You know what I mean?

I'll like roll my butchers just to see like how it looks.

No, let's do Justin's butchers.

I'm activating that my nocturno sense

it takes a minute it he has these heater cells in his eye stock there we go okay yeah with two successes there's not really a lot of note to the tunnel it's not very long but you can hear near the end of the tunnel you see light coming in through a grate above you with a ladder leading up to it and you can hear the sounds of like

low levels of like keyboard clicking, some people kind of murmuring to each other and some like quiet kind of music playing okay

tell me more about the grate up above does it look like it would support weight

what do you mean like hanging from it or walking on it

walking on it yeah it's it's like a floor grate you know it's like uh hey listen if it's a floor grate and you can't walk on it we've got a big problem yeah is that title that would be a structural issue yeah we got a huge problem yeah it's definitely part of the floor above you.

It's also above us there, Lionel Ritchie.

If you're planning on doing some dancing right off the bottom, walking on the ceiling?

Yeah.

Well, I'm just trying to think of using my covert abilities, perhaps

some advantage to me being up in that grate.

Covering you all.

I get it.

Listen.

Listen.

Once we get up there, there's going to be bogeys all around.

Did you guys study the handbook I gave you about hand signals?

I don't want to be pushy or bossy, but I really feel like it would be super helpful if we were able to communicate nonverbally.

I say, yeah, I'd say I got it pretty good.

I stick both of my thumbs to the side.

All right.

See, he's got it.

I'll be honest, I really couldn't get through the first chapter.

I mean, the line language was nine pages.

Nine pages.

It's

so loaded up.

I tried.

I really did.

I just had a lot of trouble.

Rock, man.

You're doing such a great job of masking your accent.

You're blending in Sue incredibly well.

Well, I am a master of voices, you know.

Okay, let's

let's let's peek our head up and see what we can do.

Uh, yeah, with that butcher's too, with two successes, you're able to kind of peek through the grate, lift it up just a little bit.

Um, and what you see is the RC.

That was so cool, Trav, because I was looking at it and I felt like I was playing like a real game.

Like a video game.

Things changed.

The map changed, and we saw something else like they do in video games.

It's funny.

Yeah, man.

I guess this can be fun.

You see, oh, yeah, games can be fun.

This is pod racing.

This is pod racing.

You're able to get a peek out.

You see the RCFE lobby of their HQ.

You can see up in the northwest corner another grate in the ceiling this time.

Or more in the wall.

Very reachable.

That's not the problem.

The problem is between you and there, there are six Cybot security guards.

There are two security guards at the entry desk, and two flanking those, and two at the doorway to the south.

Oh boy.

Now,

that's not all you observe, though,

because you can hear a scuffle going on outside of the two front doors,

and in walks Dr.

Travis Barker

and Stan Peoples,

which are the alter egos of Loveless and Newton.

And they're shoving each other, making a real show of it as they approach the desk.

Hey, why are your friends fighting out there?

Do they have like some sort of secret beef that was not widely publicized?

I mean, not that I know of, dude.

It's been a while.

And Loveless says, yes, yes hello i dr travis barker would like to have this man arrested he's oh he's a real ne'er-do-well who's been causing all kinds of trouble in my neighborhood and newton says what that is uh not true i want to have this man arrested because he has been swimming in my pool without permission and they're shut up

i think I think that they're running agrift.

And I think that they are

doing extremely bad.

I think we got to work fast.

Whatever we're doing, guys, I do not think their subterfuge is going well, man.

Have they changed?

From here, I was really admiring it.

I thought it was very convincing.

You see how they're scooching in on them, man?

Oh, yeah.

They are most certainly drawing the attention of the guards.

Okay.

who are moving forward.

And the guards at the desk, you can hear them saying,

yeah, this is like the headquarters of the whole RCF.

Like, you want to go to the RCFE?

I hold two fingers up to my forehead and look at Roger.

I say, Roger.

This is the symbol for Roger.

Do you?

Two fingers on the head.

Two fingers on the head.

Do you, I point at him, want to sneak and do a little sneaky motion up there and see if you can get a tactical

and make like a cool gun pose position on the scenario.

Hey, not to interrupt, man, but like

using the hand motions in conjunction with speech.

Like, what is the utility?

Well, it's teaching, teaching on the go, isn't it?

If I was doing it with you, I wouldn't.

Can we have this conversation non-verbally?

Because it might be uncomfortable.

Okay,

just start wiggling hands around.

Yeah.

Pointing at Roger like a lot and shaking my head like no.

Okay.

All right, man.

Hey, listen, that language isn't necessary, man.

We're in a cloak cloak and dagger sort of environment, but I will respect the boundaries a little bit better.

That's right, I got heated.

Is our ultimate goal to get past that opening at the northern end of the diagram?

Well, there's another gray, it looks like.

Yeah.

There's another gray.

Our goal is to go up and rest.

Our ultimate goal is to win souls for Jesus Christ.

Yes, to do that.

Our ultimate goal.

Yes.

Our current, like, you guys are going to need to start yo-yoing real hard, ripping some phone books in half.

We are chick tracks with shells.

Okay.

So

if Roger were to sneak, is there cover for him to sneak, or should he try to continue in this lower level to see how far he can get?

So you are as far as you can go in the lower level.

It has opened here.

But you know that Dr.

Kildaff had talked about tunnels moving through.

the building, but not knowing, like, it used to move all the way through.

You could have moved, you know, straight through.

But since they have done a bunch of renovations, it seems like from what you can tell coming to an end grade here and a grate there that they may have repurposed this stuff for like hvac duct work

so now there is not a um constant path but these grates are exactly the same in their make and design yeah so it would be safe to guess that that is your way to the next level unnoticed.

We have sneaky shortcuts, but we're going to run into some resistance here and there, it seems like.

Okay.

I will continue to sneak to try to find the right path.

Is there anything that he can see that he could plug the Halicar hack into that might give me an advantage?

Not from here, but I will also say that these columns all the way around the perimeter of the room.

Yeah, and lots of shadows there.

So if you wanted to move along the perimeter there, you would have like an extra, let's say, 2d8 to your 2d8 rolling sneaking okay i have an idea then um

do you fellows have your

earbuds in our communication devices

i mean yeah man you can talk back and forth okay

i am going to

boy this is gonna be tough because i usually do it in the dark but i think i'm going to try to do the night foxtrot

so you're gonna that means so you guys are gonna have to give me a techno beat just in the earbuds

Okay, so I can do my fluid acrobatic tumbling dance like the French dude in Oceans 12

Yes,

a common reference point.

Yes, to sneak to sneak north

Well, I'm not getting any cell signal in here

So

I guess just like

that's good now.

What are you gonna do?

That's good.

Sorry, Wade.

I did just want to make it clear.

I didn't get to repeat the pattern, but I did get a handle the ball.

I do want the record to show that I did get a gotta get up in there.

In there.

I didn't get more than one, but I did get one in.

I think you have total opportunity to add to that.

I don't think I will.

Oh, yeah, I think you should.

But I did.

Okay.

Gotta get up.

I mean, that's all I was gonna add is gotta get up, gotta get up.

That's it.

That's all you need.

That's all you need.

Yeah, I need to hear it, though.

I mean, you can sample them.

Just sample them.

Just sample it.

Don't make me do it ever and ever again.

Just sample it.

Just do it once.

Just do it once.

Okay.

Got to get up.

Okay.

That should be enough.

Please go.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

Did you sample it, Dad?

Did you record me doing it so you can do it?

Whatever?

I sure do.

Got to get up.

Okay.

Yeah.

See, there it was.

I played it back.

Got to get up.

Okay.

That's.

I got you, Dad.

Thanks.

All right.

Since you're using a mind to move, father, give me a.

You got to get up, dad.

Stop pressing the sample button.

Give me a 5d eight-roll, D-Man, dad.

Wow.

Clinch.

5D8.

Wow.

587.

Yeah, so with a 5887, you are able to like

a liquid shadow, flow, bend, twist, jump, dance, curve.

It's amazing.

You're able to make it back behind the south column here.

You've got, or north column, you've got an eye on the situation.

You can see everybody is now kind of focused on Lovelace and Newton newton as their kind of shoving is escalating the guards are trying to explain to them like this isn't the place for this we're going to need to ask you to leave

cool i'm very pleased with that can we make eye contact with roger and try to use his position to

sneak you know regroup with him uh more effectively Yeah, now that Roger is in position, he is going to be able to give you guys advantage on that sneaking to tell you when people are fully focused.

Survivor style on the level.

Survivor channel.

Like a survivor channel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Um, cool.

Well, um, hey, do you want to go next?

I'm sort of the biggest boy left down here, so I don't want to blow it like right now.

Yeah, that's fair, man.

I'll try to sneak over there.

How sticky are you?

Can you like climb on walls and stuff?

That's such a rude question, man.

You're right.

How sticky am I?

Go go pound sand, man.

Super mess up.

Well, I'm pretty sticky some of the time.

I didn't even ask because I would never.

You're right.

You're right.

Okay.

I'm going to...

Well, you said we have an advantage or we have an extra D.

This would normally be 3d8 for your abs dice, but with Roger and position and the timing, it's going to give you 5d8.

Well, actually, Trav...

I have extreme hiding using camouflage to hide in the environment.

So I would normally have 5d8, but I have 7d8.

Go for it.

Do you even have a button for that you don't even have a button i i've never anticipated someone being that skilled wow i have a double eights that's a mega cowabunga

um you're able to without stopping and just with perfect blending into shadows it's almost like as i want to walk in front of him okay that's what i want like i want to walk in front of him just flexing just through like through in between yeah you you you just make a straight line like moving a knight almost

I want to blow in his ear like Maid Marion in the Kevin Coster Robin Hood.

Yeah, for sure.

You do that.

One of the sidebots, you tap on his shoulder as he moves, and he turns to the sidebot next to him and kind of pushes them and says, I told you not to mess with me, Doug.

And you are able to make it there with a plum.

I turn to the side and I'm like, Lyle, I just want to say I'm sorry about...

Whoa, where'd he go?

Oh my God.

You're already over there you're so shh I'm here too I whisper into his ear from across the room uh Lamar how are you vis-a-vis stealth mode

you see that he is only half listening to you as he is

mostly paying attention to what is going on with Loveless and Newton and he is

lighting up he's like engaging with that in a way that it's been a while you haven't seen him in your time with him yeah be that kind of locked in and focused in a very serious way.

Hey, man, are you okay?

Oh, yeah.

It's just, it's been, I'm,

they're my guy, you know what I mean?

Like, it's been a while since I've seen them.

And, um,

you know, like, I have so many notes I could give them on what they're doing wrong.

And I,

hey, man.

Is that how your guy's relationship has always sort of gone?

No, no, no.

It's just, just, you know, like as a leader, it's usually like the strategy is kind of my thing and then the like executing and being just absolute wild and fun and everything is like their thing.

And I'm just like missing that dynamic so much right now.

You know what I mean?

Do you...

I know we're in a rush here, but this feels like a great time for an intervention.

Based on some of my own sort of learnings

over the past year or so, do you think they like that dynamic?

Huh.

Well, I mean,

everybody likes a strong leader, right?

Not to the point where you don't listen and encourage them to follow their dreams and take on new skills and new challenges and grow as people.

If you always tell them exactly what to do, then how are they supposed to get any better?

Oh man.

Also, you're not really leaving yourself any room to have fun and go crazy.

And that's like the best part of being an abnormal.

Huh.

Why don't you get out there, man?

Out there?

Yeah, I mean, once the three of us go up and rescue Carver and sort of go,

you know, beast mode, it's gonna get pretty wild, and your friends might have a little trouble fending off these 12 dudes.

So

it seems like the thing to do, I'm pretty sure the three of us can handle the ascent without you.

Okay.

I honestly, I'd love that, man.

Also, I'm really bad at sneaking, and so any extra distraction that I can get would be like so great for me.

Okay, good luck, man.

I'll cover you.

Uh, okay.

He steps out and just goes behind the column nearest the gray.

Can I try and simultaneously, like, while he goes south to

meet up with his boys, like, try to go north to meet up with my boys?

Yep, 100%.

And you get an extra 2d8 total

abs rolls.

Okay.

So that's going to be 48 total.

Here we go.

Ooh, two successes.

Eight and a success.

Oh, yeah.

It's, listen, it's not the liquid shadow of Roger.

It's not like invisible clear wind like

Axelio.

But you, you know, with a lot of stops and starts, as the two of them are like, now, nope, now.

Okay, wait, wait, you're able to make it back there.

Guys, I did it.

I snuck.

I snuck all the way over here and I didn't get caught.

That's never happened before.

Now, at this point, you see that the guards at the desk are getting very agitated as Lovelace and Newton are kind of no longer listening to them.

and just trying to draw as much attention as they can.

And one of the guards says, I'm going to have to call up

about this and picks up the phone.

And you see a boomerang slice through the phone cable.

Yes.

And stick into the desk.

And now to make it a little less talking to myself for once, I'm going to have you guys take over playing as the Greenback Guardians.

So.

Newton says, what does Newton say, Dad?

Newton says,

uh I think we're interrupting this little scene to do our own dude

And as the three of you I assume make your way to the vent Yes, we can't be in the same space as other characters that we may or may not be

Yeah, yeah Lamar as played by Justin

That's me.

That is not how Lamar sounds.

I need to know.

I know, but I needed to put my own spin on him,

you You get the jump on these guards.

What do you do?

What do I do?

Well, that's interesting, Trav.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, um,

I'm gonna use, I'm gonna use

Lamar's battle awareness.

I feel like this is a really good opportunity where we've got the element of surprise, but I don't want to take like an aggressive action, but I would like to prepare myself to defend from attacks

should the opposition get frisky.

Okay, great.

Roll 5d8 for me for battle awareness.

All right.

No.

I was going to look and see if you had, for some reason, put time to shine dice on

these extra characters.

These guys are

real brainstorming.

Yeah.

Eight and a five are my successes.

Yeah, with two successes, the first thing that's going to happen from the opponents, the two guards on either side of Loveless and Newton are going to take a swing at them with their stun batons.

Okay, I pants them both.

Yeah.

Both?

Okay, cool.

They go to reach for their stun batons and they both find that their pants are on the ground.

Amazing.

So you have a Mondo move called Like the Wind that I think applies here?

Okay.

Yeah, I think that that's fair.

So that's 68 for that Mondo move.

If he can get behind cover into Shadow, he's able to move with lightning speed to a different location and potentially cause his opponent to lose track of him.

I'm going to.

Or their pants.

Or their pants.

Yeah, you got a cowbunga in there.

755 as your successes.

So you are able to, like the wind, move pants guard number one,

pants guard number two.

Before they even realize what's going on, Lovelace and Newton throw off their Barker and Stan disguises, and they are overjoyed to see you.

Dude,

dude,

what are you doing here, Lamar?

I'm just trying to keep you guys alive.

I thought that you were.

I thought we were

doing pretty good, dude.

I thought that you didn't do violent stuff anymore.

That wasn't funny, it was just regular bullying.

Normal, I have a really great compass, guys.

Whoa!

Yeah, those two guards, embarrassed and needing a chance to pull their pants up.

Well, is there something you wanted to do to these two confused guards?

Are they the ones that...

Okay, those are the two who got pants.

No, that's fine.

You can go ahead and move them.

Move them out of here.

Yeah, they step off to the side to try to get their pants back up.

Yeah.

It was a pretty good pantsing, though, so this is going to take them a second.

It was an excellent pants.

Yeah.

How about for old time's sake, we

take out every single one of these haters?

hey sin i say we do it man come on and i just want to say to you fellas thank you for being patient while we had our reunion here it's been a long time since the three of us well four but you all have carver uh under arrest so the three of us have been able to really do team-up stuff and well just thanks Well, I mean, listen, this is the first time anyone has seen any of the Greenback Guardians outside of, like, immediate friends and family.

Okay.

So there's definitely a moment of like, not only is one of them here, but three of the four are here.

They were definitely not expecting that today.

Okay.

So, and one of them just pants two of them.

Yeah.

So there's definitely.

What an honor.

What an honor that must be.

Can we do that camera swoop around us, you know, like in the Avengers movie?

And sure, dad.

This is Theater of the Mind.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Dad.

Or should we say that for when you're going to?

Treat yourself to two camera swoops, Kevin.

Yeah.

If you want to.

Wait, hold on.

This is important, Justin.

Clockwise, then counterclockwise, or two internet.

No, it's counter.

No, it's counter.

Yeah.

And then we save the second one for when we're reunited with Carver.

Great, sick.

We'll save it.

So

we can't use that music.

No, we can't, Dad.

Camera swoops, you can't trade complete silence.

Well, I tried to keep it under 10 seconds.

I thought we could do.

What about some, maybe like dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.

It's like, yeah, we just like really.

I hear one of my cats upstairs crying.

You know what they're, you know, what they're upset about.

Just like the state of things and whatever.

No, they're only ever wanting one thing, and that's for me to get the smalls out.

Dad, we don't know how to...

Yeah, they love the smooth bird.

Dad, we want our smooth bird.

We don't have jobs.

We can't buy our own food.

We don't know how to order things.

Dad, we're so scared.

We're cats, and we've gained complete human intelligence.

What's happening?

Where are we?

Yeah.

Where are we?

But you know what?

I calm them right down with smalls because you're going to get a package of smalls, right?

You're going to open it up.

You're going to put it in front of your cats there, put it into a bowl, whatever you're going to, I don't know, your business.

When you put it out there, these cats are going to freak out.

And you're also going to see some long-lasting effects.

In my experience, at least, my cats have been a little healthier.

They've had a nice, nice-looking coat, and they just love, they love smalls.

They love it.

Smalls cat food is protein-packed recipes made with preservative-free ingredients.

And it's delivered right to your door.

And cats.com named it their best overall cat food.

And get this after switching to smalls, 88% of cat owners report overall health improvements for smalls food.

That's a big deal.

For a limited time only, because you are

really proud of that, Justin.

I was really proud of that.

Sorry, Trav.

That was great.

Thank you.

For a limited time only, because you're an Adventure Zone listener, you can get 60% off your first Smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com/slash Adventure.

That's 60% off when you head to Smalls.com/slash Adventure plus free shipping.

Again, that's smalls.com slash Adventure.

Hey, this week we're coming to.

Sorry to interrupt.

I just kind of burst in.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Hey, I'm also sorry.

I'm also sorry.

And I'm here and I'm interrupting too.

If you're coming to

our shows this week in San Antonio and Austin, thank you.

If you're not already planning on coming, why not?

We want to see you there.

We need you there.

Join the show.

What are you doing?

That's so great.

Yeah.

If you're coming to the show and you want to have a question,

you got a question you want answered, you want a fear read aloud, we got you.

Email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line in Austin.

And also doing what, Trav?

What are we doing in Austin, buddy?

Well, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules, and it's going to be a real treat.

You're going to feel happier than you've ever felt in your entire life.

Yeah, we're also coming to Utah and California later this year.

Tickets for all those shows are on sale now.

More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly forward slash McElroy Tours.

Oh, we also have new merch because it's a new month.

Yeah.

New month, new merch, new you.

Well, yeah, sort of.

We've got a brand new Gerald t-shirt over there designed by Lynn Doyle.

Go to macroymerch.com.

Check it out.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

So go to macroymerch.com to get yours now.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no.

Nope.

You would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah.

You don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten so check it out on maximum fun or wherever you get your podcasts

all right we're over 70 episodes into our show let's learn everything so let's do a quick progress check have we learned about quantum physics yes episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Long.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

All right, Lovelace, Newton, you have a free round here.

Thanks to pantsing, bullying, dend it again.

All right, so what are you guys gonna do to these haters?

I would like to do two actions.

Okay.

First, there's a skill I have called It's All Math to Me, where I'm able to utilize angles, trajectory, force, momentum, and other physics concepts to pull off stunts.

So I would like to flip over the desk to sort of land in the middle of this big group of robots.

Amazing.

If I may do so.

Yeah, give me a 5d8 roll.

That's three successes, including a Kalbunga.

Oh, yeah.

Not only do you pull this stunt off beautifully, but it does stun

the two that are standing together, the one that got tapped on the shoulder and Doug, his tormentor.

Yeah.

Wow.

I just did a stunt so impressive that it impressed a robot.

Yeah, it stunted.

Well, the force of your landing.

All possibilities, and this was not one.

So now that I have the attention of the robots, I'm going to reach over and grab the one closest to the desk here on the left side.

And I'm going to use snapping turtles, powerful jaws that can cut through ropes, wire, and other objects.

The thicker the object, the less dice you roll.

And I just want to sort of bite his neck.

Clean off.

Clean off.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Robots.

They don't have social.

I mean, they have wires and stuff.

Yeah, 100%.

It's a bundle of wires, so instead of 5d8, you roll 4d8.

But otherwise, go for it.

Okay.

That's two successes.

Oh, yeah, man.

You buy that robot's head off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it activates a...

You don't think of a turtle as being a particularly violent animal, but it does.

I think you catch...

Loveless in a state of,

you know, primal glee, primal satisfaction,

and primal pleasure.

I just want to look around at the other robots with this robot head kind of dangling out of my mouth.

Like,

the robot body without the guidance of the head moves around.

It is kind of like flailing around.

Definitely not a threat currently.

You have a head of a robot dangling from your jaws.

The others are definitely wary of you.

Okay.

And Newton, you are up.

There's a guard right in front of him.

Newton spins on him, turns on him with a very, I think, aggressive expression on his face.

And

he's going to use distracting catchphrases where

I come up with a radical phrase or word when attacking can stun an opponent.

There may as well, Travis, have been nothing else on the character shot.

I know.

That was a little rapt present that I gave to him.

Yeah.

And so he charges at him and yells out,

testodines are super fine.

What's that even?

What's that mean?

Well, kids back in the 80s would have known.

Testodines.

Yeah.

Those are turtles.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's a scientific name for turtles.

And which guard is this?

The one over the desk or the one to the east?

One right next to him, to the east.

Okay, great.

The guy pulling up his fans.

Testudines are super fine.

Every guard in the room is like, What's up, what's up?

Um,

okay, give me, uh, give me an attack on him.

Are you attacking with your boomerang?

I think, in the spirit of things, it would be like with my shell.

Okay, great.

Yeah, give me a 48 roll.

Okay,

it's a

mixed success.

Seven and a one.

Well, so with that's one damage, and he

does have one damage reduction with like body armor, but he is also currently in the process of rebuckling his pants.

So that one hit is enough to stun him with your powerful catchphrase.

So he is currently out of the fight.

Can one of the guards be like, oh, it's actually Testudines?

Oh, is it really?

Yeah, that's

probably.

Testudines?

Yeah, come on.

No, it is, right?

I actually majored in biology.

I've been saying testidines for like, you know, months.

I mean, the good news is, like, not a lot of people major in biology.

And so, like, people probably, I mean, their first reaction is probably confusion, but then, like, I don't think anyone's going to correct him because

just for the future.

It doesn't work.

It doesn't mind.

No.

All right.

So two of the guards move up to Lamar to attack.

Well, not that one, because he's still buckling his pants.

So one of the guards moves up to attack Lamar.

He gets four hits,

but

Lamar has a damage resistance of four.

Okay.

So it does not hurt Lamar.

It bounces off of his shield and his shell,

leaving him untouched.

And then one of the guards is going to attack Newton.

Oh, my God.

Well, it's it's just two hits that can't be blocked.

So there's two.

Let's see.

Yeah, that's two damage.

He got two eights.

So the damage reduction does not apply.

And Newton takes two damage.

And then

one of the robots steps up to attack Loveless.

The others are still a little too wary or stunned or wailing around.

This is a brave old toaster here.

Oh my god.

Oh, yeah.

So

that would be five hits.

I have two damage resists.

Two damage resists.

So you would take three damage.

Okay.

This was just one robot that did this?

Yeah.

Wow, okay.

Which one is it?

Just so I know for my retribution.

The one that just stepped up from the west.

Okay, great.

And

now we're going to jump

to

the next floor.

I don't even want to play as navy.

He's not as strong as the other.

Oh, wait, never mind.

Yeah, I definitely want to play his navy right now.

Yeah.

You come up through the grate, and I'll give you a chance to peek around if you want, if anybody wants to roll to have a butcher's.

I would be glad.

It's too bright for me to use my incredible senses, guys.

Ah!

What is this butcher's thing?

Have a look around.

The fact that you

Griffin and me and Travis probably for the boys.

I don't know why.

Yeah, it became a vocal stim for all three of us at the same time.

I don't know why we have to say butchers eight times a day, but we all have to say butchers all the time.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm going to butcher this.

Wow.

It's not the context.

Why?

It said butchers.

You're going to have a butcher's.

Let me get a race.

Or take a butcher's.

It's boucher, right?

I know.

It's our word.

We said, right.

Okay, Griffin has already rolled anyways.

He got three successes, including cowbunga.

So my bug eyes are so bugged out that I can like poke it through the hole in the grate.

Yeah, perfect.

You just the two bug eyes poke up through the grate.

Uh-huh.

And you can see this is a very fancy RCF boardroom.

And the only occupants are one, a sidebot, but you can tell from your butchers, in like full hospitality mode, not security mode.

And only one person sitting at the table.

And it is in fact golden seal your father

no

um can i are they are they in the middle of a conversation no it seems like the cybotice they are waiting on golden seal like golden seal is waiting for something or something

okay um

i would like to

Can I use my there is some precedence for this.

Can I try to siren song

and make make the internet noise to try to hack into this robot?

I would like to know why my dad is here, and I don't think I'm going to get a straight answer if me, his son, pops out and starts interrogating him.

You absolutely.

So I would like a little bit of context.

So, how are we on time to shine?

Oh, okay, I see.

I won't use one on this because I don't know how effective this is going to be, but here we go.

Siren song 3D8.

One success.

So, with one success, you are able to kind of tap in.

You don't have control of the robot.

Okay.

But

if you want to kind of make it answer a couple questions

communicated via your siren song, I think you could get like two answers out of it.

So I can ask questions through them.

Okay.

To optimize the scheduling of RCF staff, would you please please remind me who it is that you are waiting on?

Well

yes, of course.

I'm here to meet with Walter Russell to finalize the deal of installing a base in the ocean, an RCFE base in New Zealand.

New Zealand.

That's the capital of the SEAL Kingdom, New Zealand.

Yeah, everyone knows that.

Follow up with one follow-up question, if I may.

I know that I am just a humble robot and that I should not be interrogating SFRCF, but I am very curious, do you ever regret the way that you treated your son Navy SEAL?

And how he was exiled from your team?

That's a very personal question, young robot.

Hey, robot, will you ask my dad, too?

It's me, Mr.

Mackerel.

But since it's just you and me and you're just a robot, I'll be honest with you.

I'm tough on him, but it's only because I'm disappointed in him.

Because

he simply does not

share the same zeal for rampant,

you know, monarchy-led capitalism that I feel.

I had assumed that he would one day be my heir, but he's just not,

you know,

kind of like bloodthirsty or money-hungry enough for me.

uh i'm gonna launch myself out of the the grate and just storm into the room okay

i don't want your i don't want your life dad

okay i wasn't going to give it to you what are you doing here i guess i know that because i hacked into the robot to is the robot alarmed by my presence uh in full hospitality mode it's actually making its way over with a tray of drinks and offers you an option of like do you want you know kind of sparkling water or bottled water or tap?

Um,

I'll take tap.

Tap is fine with me.

There's no charge.

Okay.

Is there fluoride?

Yes.

Okay, good.

Do you wonder?

I could defluoride it.

No, no, I love it.

I love that stuff.

Oh, dad.

Yes?

I don't know how to break this to you, but you're on the bad guy team right now.

What?

God, wouldn't it be nice if somebody came to you in your actual life and could make things that clear?

Yeah, wouldn't you love that?

Like, hey, actually, you're on the bad guy team.

You should switch.

The RCF is the bad guy team, and Walter Russell is like the king of the bad guys.

See, this is your problem.

You think in morality terms?

I think in morale.

What are you thinking?

Well, the RCF will establish an RCF VHQ in New Zealand.

They'll take over kind of the day-to-day, you know, running and criminal stuff,

taking care of criminals.

and then we can give back to what is important which is sailing off oh sailing off parts of the ocean to outside interests to make money and gain power it's a foolproof plan you gotta admit oh my friends are here hey

hello hi you remember you remember them remember us yes of course the cowman Uh, are you the sticky one?

That's not the hay.

Wow, man.

See, once that gets...

How's the apple, huh?

It looks pretty close to the flippin tree, man.

Sheesh.

Hey, Lyle?

Be sales, man.

Lyle, for real?

I'm sorry about Hurley.

I really, I really am.

Hey, for real?

I forgive you, man.

Just remember, you've got to be carefully taught.

I know.

Yeah, man.

You don't come by that earnest.

You had that.

You had that educated.

Where are you going, robot?

Can I offer you a sparkling water or bottled water water or cap anything can be fixed by sparkling water robot but i would like a still

okay here is a bottle of water

guys while we have a second guys why does sparkling water have to taste so bad normally i like fizzy things right

yeah what is that i think it's the it's got like nickel in it or something hard pass yeah do you have uh orbits i do the last bottle in existence

It's a fine vintage.

Yes, a fine 1998 orbit.

Oh.

Aged to a trickly syrup.

The sediment is the best part.

With the little ball still intact.

They've gained sentience at this point.

Oh, no.

They've started their own society.

Well, then I'll hold on to this.

Puts it in his.

Darn it!

That was a joke, and now Dad's got it in his inventory.

And you know he's going use it.

Yeah, and glass of orbits with Sentient balls,

Dad.

Dad, listen.

Yes?

Oh,

what?

Listen.

Yes, son.

We're on a mission.

At the very least, I hope you can respect that.

Of course.

Are you being paid?

We never really get paid.

for the stuff we do.

It's mostly we do it for the vine and and we do it for what is right and what is good.

And right now the RCF has unlawfully captured Carver of the Greenback Guardians.

Okay.

And we're going to go put a stop to that.

I need to know now if that's going to put us at odds.

Hmm.

Roll?

Let's see.

I'm going to give you the option of

what you

would like to roll with here.

Are you rolling to

gauge against your relationship with your father or roll against what you know about your father?

Hmm.

I think it's a long shot.

I think the obvious play would be to appeal to his,

you know, his business acumen, his practicality.

But I don't think that's the way that I want this to go.

I am going to ask him

as his son

if

this is going to be a confrontation or not.

I want to put the ball in his court.

This is not an aggressive move.

This may, in fact, be a baby doll eyes mondo move.

I think

that is the thing I want to

to attack here.

Yeah, use your baby doll eyes.

Give me a 5d8 row to gauge where things stand with your father.

666, baby.

Oh, man.

Holy crap.

Sign it down.

Okay.

With that, your father sizes you up

and says,

hmm.

So you're saying you scuttled a deal

in order to reach your own ends?

I mean, I guess so.

That's a really wild way of thinking about it, but yeah.

Hmm.

I do respect that.

You know, I may not respect you as my son.

In fact, I'm gonna go so far as to say I don't.

But

perhaps as a competitor, as a business rival?

Hmm.

Bold, son.

Bold.

Thanks.

So, can we go?

Are you gonna raise an alarm or are you going to?

I don't see how that would benefit me at all.

Can you imagine if they found out that I was here and my son

was trying to cause trouble?

I'll tell you what, son.

With all the love I have in me for you, I will allow you to go forth and fail on your own so that I can continue on with my deal unimpeded.

Great.

Thanks, Dad.

Will you be over Sunday for dinner, or?

Will I be...

Have I been over for any recent Sunday dinners?

No, but you were here, and I thought it would save me a text.

I don't want to, you know, I'm paying text by text because I haven't upgraded my plan in several years.

And so I just wanted to check as long as you were here.

Well, I wouldn't know because I was removed from the family plan, Dad.

Well, it was just cheaper that way.

Let's go.

I'm going to head for the great on the other side of the room.

I have to ask.

Our relationship is better than that, right, Griffin?

I mean, our real life.

Sure.

Okay, all right.

I mean, you never had the kind of like financial stability to offer me any kind of family plan.

I've, you know, I've been pretty self-sufficient in that regard.

It is family plan, yeah.

Now, if you were wealthy, would you have turned out that way?

I only know, only God knows.

Um, hey, do you guys mind if I have a word with my pops while you guys make your way up?

Sorry, did you guys want to fight my dad?

I should have asked.

I was kind of...

Okay.

I just thought the symmetry of me fighting your dad would have been a little too much.

Yeah, sure.

Hey, listen.

Not for nothing.

Uh-huh.

All the business deals in the world aren't going to matter if the royal seals

fall apart.

I am

not saying this from any place of authority.

You're my dad, and I get that.

I haven't forgotten that, whether you believe it or not.

But

if you keep leading that team,

our family, in the way that you have been,

I am not going to be the last one of the Royal Seals to leave.

And

I guess

I do have you to thank for that realization.

So

thanks, Dad.

And I'm going to head to the crate.

Give me one more.

Give me one more

baby doll eyes roll.

Give me one more of those.

Okay.

Two successes, six, eight.

Yeah, with two successes.

Your words have an impact on him.

Whether that is a familial impact or just the realization of like his position being threatened by his choices, that's unclear.

But

it all comes out the same way.

Yeah, that kind of like stark and kind of harsh feedback definitely impacts him in some way as you head to the grate and head I start glowing as I regroup the others.

Guys, it's happening.

I gained closure with my dad and realized I don't need his respect anymore.

I'm leveling up.

And I'll get stronger.

Okay.

On my character sheet for confronting my dad.

It won't reflect in your character sheet.

Oh, it says here: all my time to shine dice are bat and my abs.

It increased my abs and my animal dice.

You got one extra ab.

Whoa, it increased your abs.

Hey, dad.

I'm sorry for everything.

How do you feel?

I'm.

I am.

Me too.

I'm so sorry.

Okay, that's enough.

Be quiet.

I love you.

Be quiet.

Be quiet.

I love you.

It's not working.

My abs are just like, oh wait.

Guys, my one ab appeared in the middle, and now it's like aesthetically really busted.

It's in my forehead.

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