The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 21: A Deal With Killdeath!

In spite of what you've heard, we're at the height of our powers.

Top the tallest of towers

will never stop us.

But having to trust that we will do what we must, until it's turning out just like

this long, but our mojo's strong.

And unless I'm wrong, and I'm not, we're at the height of our power.

You're standing in the middle of the pavilion of the planned neighborhood of Governor's Island.

As you clear several community center houses, different kind of buildings, ice cream shop, all that stuff, you can see the area you were directed towards that you believe is the home of Dr.

Kill Death.

It's kind of hard to miss now that you are clear of all the other buildings because it is a clearly man-made volcano, like something you might see in Disney's Animal Kingdom.

Uh, cool.

Do they have a volcano at Animal Kingdom?

They have a lot of stuff, but you know what I mean?

Like, when you see like the floating rocks in like the avatar world, and you're like, oh, at least a volcano in the Rainforest Cafe logo.

There you go.

Yeah, I can visualize that pretty easily.

Do you mean abnormal made?

No.

Okay, okay.

No, I don't.

There's humans in this world, too.

Oh, I know.

Right, I know.

But this looks like abnormal.

Yeah, this is crap towards.

Oh, you can see the hands of maybe a Badger Man.

Jeremy Badger.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Jeremy the Badger Man.

Cool.

Can we just stroll right up to the governor's mansion?

Just give him a gold knock?

I mean, and by governor, I mean kill death?

Yeah, definitely.

There's an opening you see, like a cave, a cavern, you know, made to look like scary fangs and teeth, you know, a growling face that you can enter through.

That's weird.

In the volcano?

The front of the volcano, yeah.

It's the entryway into the cavern of the volcano.

Is there any obvious guards?

That's a great question that we should just de facto sort of ask, I think.

Just assume I'm always asking that.

No.

Great.

Really?

Okay.

Huh.

Can I like

knock on the walls of this cave?

I want to see if this is just paper-mâché, if this is just sort of a facade.

Yeah, go for it.

Okay.

What is my hand feel?

Yeah, without, I mean, you can just touch it.

It is definitely artificial kind of covering.

It's not made of rock.

Okay.

Maybe some.

some of them are.

This is not a naturally occurring man-made volcano.

Okay.

Yeah, no, I guess great.

Nature works in mysterious ways.

Right.

Fellows, why don't I scout out the situation a little bit?

As an infiltrator.

Yeah, I just feel like things tend to work better when we're together, man.

There certainly is more destruction.

We're together.

Yeah.

The cavern is wide open you guys can like peek into it if you'd like yeah let's just take yeah we're peeking into it like what do we see

thank you justin inside unbelievable you see seeing is seeing not assumed do you not assume like

you had enough

you hadn't told me

open my eyes I did say at the end of the last episode, I close my eyes and keep them closed forever.

So I opened them.

Okay, good.

Wow.

Good narrative workaround.

It looks amazing in here.

This looks sick.

This looks like Barbara Streiskin's basement.

Inside.

No, what I'm saying is literally, this looks exactly like Barbastreis's basement.

I watched a video of it yesterday.

Wow.

This is actually a real place.

It's one of my favorite places that exists that I've yet to get to visit, but it is a

it is an underground bunker built in the 60s or 70s in Las Vegas.

And it was built to be this house with like a pool and fake palm trees.

It's where they filmed Blast from the Past during Brendan Prince.

Got a huge Blast from the Past synergy.

Okay.

And this is all inside the cave.

Yeah, so inside the cavern, you see

a house with a manicured artificial lawn, lots of fake plants.

It has like a grotto kind of pool.

Everything is maybe a little too vibrantly colored, lit by fluorescent lights.

It has a very homey, kitschy vibe to it.

Okay.

You can see a large fountain, a patio set.

You know, you see the like a little wishing well, and of course, the pool house by the pool.

Where is it?

By the pool.

Thanks.

Hey, before we head in here, what do you all actually know about Kill Death?

Aside from all the stuff from like the papers, I don't know what kind of guy we're going to be running into in here.

If we need to you guys think it's just one guy you you think that kill death is some sort of committee?

No, some friends of mine may kick around the idea maybe it's like a bunch of guys.

I want to stroll right in.

This is this is prison.

It's like no one gets a special little house inside a prison.

That's crazy.

We should we're allowed to go here.

Uh, I am going to

slip into the pool.

I was gonna covertly.

Oh, that's great.

You're just going to go for a swim?

No, I'm going to covertly slip into the pool.

He's stronger, wet.

Like I said.

Okay.

Stronger, wet.

I'm stronger hiding.

I don't know what to expect.

I'm a little hot.

Honestly, it's like kind of muggy.

Well, we're in a volcano.

I don't love it, right?

So I'm just going to slip into the water.

Okay, but you slip into the water.

It's heated.

It's nice, but not too hot.

It's pleasant.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, that's what I I assumed.

And

are there laser sharks?

Freaking

bone tram.

Yeah, there's laser sharks.

They eat Lyle.

Throw him a freaking bone, man.

Lyle's all chewed up by laser sharks.

Awesome.

Do we see any sign of kill death?

You see that the lights are on inside the home.

Right.

You see a front door.

With a doorbell.

Yeah, let's ring that.

You ring the doorbell, and

the door opens into the kitchen.

That is a weird place for the front door to open up into.

It's all pretend, though.

That's true because it's a fake house.

So there's not, you know, there wouldn't be a front door to anywhere.

And before you is a large man in flannel pajamas with bedhead, fuzzy slippers.

Sorry, it's a man.

Well, I'm freaking out.

Not quite.

Okay.

Travis.

Okay, Travis.

This picture you've

finally messed up too bad for me to love you.

Travis is what happened.

An image of a man.

I don't know if Travis made this image.

Here's how I would describe this man.

This man looks like an eight.

Okay, imagine Krang.

Now imagine if Krang what Krang is from Teenage Ninja Trails, which is a big man with a brain in his stomach behind a window.

Imagine Krang, except he's wearing knit pajamas and he's made of clay and he looks like Santa with sunglasses and he's got what I can only describe as JRPG hair.

That's bad head.

It's bad head, Justin.

Clearly.

Okay.

He looks like

this is illegally distinct from Krang because it's obvious to anyone looking that it is a pancreas

in his tummy.

With a face?

It's a crank.

With a face.

It's a crancrease.

What do you want?

Was that the pancreas or the man talking?

It was the pancreas talking.

Okay.

Okay.

I'm just looking up at the human face and down at the pancreas rapidly.

My face is down here.

Okay, but I'm...

I've...

You have to forgive me.

I don't want to be rude or uncomfortable, but I don't know which head to talk to.

you've never seen an alien pancreas piloting a mechsuit before

i'm so glad i'm hiding of course i haven't no do you know anyone else like that no

so it seems my reaction seems maybe a little uh and and it's cool i'm not saying it's bad maybe you're the alien okay

So uh, we're looking for kill kill death.

He's not calm.

No visitors.

what's your name my name's cleft

and do you live here

yeah no doi

no doi no

doi sorry i stride out of the water excuse me

excuse the heck out of me were you swimming in our pool I know this is your home, pal, but nobody gets to talk to my best pals that way.

Okay.

You know what?

listen we're here for information and we're not here to be talked to like dirt so why don't we start fresh my name is axal

it's not he that was a joke he tells sometimes we have criminal names i'm hammerned i said max a lile

Listen, I get it.

Every new prisoner wants to come and worship at the feet of Dr.

Kildeath.

No visitors.

Are you like his bodyguard or what's your relationship to Dr.

Kildeff?

I'm his partner.

Would you say you're the biggest,

meanest

person, creation, abnormal in this housing community?

Like you are.

I don't consider myself to be mean, just very rude.

What do you think mean means, man?

Well, I'm not cruel.

Fellas, if you remember, we got instructions to take down the biggest meanest

to establish our

well instructions let's be clear Justin yeah that was Axel Isle's instructions so we don't have a boss per se I know but it was a good suggestion so I say we need to take really good I remember making it now it was good then it's great now let's take

it let's take you almost got

okay

before before we do that Let's see if we can get some information from him before if we if we start throwing 50 cups.

If we're talking through this it might be easier for us to get information

after right may be more forthcoming man

i guess i guess so i can hear you hey okay well if you're eavesdropping then let me sitting right here i want to can i ask you a serious question sure do you feel and let's save everybody a lot of time Do you feel like you would be more forthcoming before or after getting beaten up?

This is just for a quiz.

It's like a sorting quiz.

A self-assessment.

A self-assessment.

It's just

thought about it before.

Okay, well, take your time, man.

Okay, let me think.

And then you hear from Keeper in the house, laugh, tony, who is at the door?

Now, hold on.

Was that...

Is that you, Dr.

Kildev?

Yes?

Okay.

No, no, it's just some more worthy, you know, fans.

Don't worry about it, darling.

We're not.

We aren't fam.

I mean, clearly, we're not.

We're not not fans.

We're not not fans.

That's not why we're here.

We've got

a special mission.

Who sent you?

So sinister.

Who sent us?

No one.

We are rebels on our own sort of thing.

Yeah, man.

We're rebels on a secret mission we won't tell you about.

I don't know why you're so antsy.

We've gone rogue.

And we're rogue?

We're trying to shake things up in a major way.

If you know what I'm saying.

I don't.

The status quo

is no mo

when we're done with it.

Ah.

So can we just...

You're narcs!

No, we're not narcs.

We're criminals.

We're bad butts.

Okay.

And you're here to speak with Gregory?

Look, Dr.

Kildeth, we

have some...

We got some information about a particular set of large tortoises that I've seen.

A man

in like a helmet with kind of a bionic, a jeweler's glass eye kind of thing with like a metal mask comes in.

He's wearing a bathrobe, but you can see large shoulder pauldrons underneath it.

Now we're talking.

Yeah, yeah, clack, clack.

Clack.

Yes, honey.

It's so rare that we have visitors.

I I don't want to be bothered.

Let them in, you old crank.

It's actually pronounced crank.

Fine.

Come in, but take your shoes off.

Were you born in a barn?

We're not inside the house yet.

Why would you say that to us?

We're wearing our shoes outside of the house.

I'm not really a morning person.

I haven't had my coffee yet.

Also, it's pretty messed up to say that to a man cow, I think.

I think.

Oh my god, I feel so embarrassed.

Yeah.

Maybe you unpack that later.

Listen,

we need your help, Dr.

Kildeth.

We know that you can do Gregory.

Oh, okay, Dr.

Dr.

Gregory Kildeath?

No, just Gregory is fine.

Greg?

I said Gregory.

Is Greg too much?

Can we just go with G?

Greg, Gregory.

Let's keep it at Dr.

Kildeath.

Dr.

Kildeath, Gregory, listen.

Let me take off my C-PAP.

Yeah, thank you.

That's much better.

That's what that.

That is what that is?

Did you get that custom?

Did you send that from get that from West Coast Customs?

I got it custom-made.

Yeah, I'll say.

I didn't even know they could tweak out those bad boys.

Has it got Noss?

Oh, yes, it has Nos.

That's bad.

I don't think you want Nos in your statement.

Sometimes I like to party.

Alright, listen.

Yeah, listen, we need your help, Doc.

When you decided to turn over a new leaf, to what extent did that involve

turning rap on your co-conspirators?

Hmm.

Well, I wasn't prepared for an interview, but I would say my new leaf turned, and now I'm focused mostly on, you know, kind of corporate or like government as the bad guys, that kind of thing.

And we love that.

We love that.

Yeah.

Do you have...

I'm curious, how does this HQ setup compare to your

previous digs over at River City First HQ?

Well, it used to be Dr.

Kill Death Incorporated, of course.

Right, yeah.

And now you're an LLC?

Oh, I'm retired now.

Always, have you eaten?

Would you like some breakfast?

We made cinnamon rolls.

I appreciate that.

Every time we get roped into eating at someone's house, it ends up like an eight-hour-long affair.

We do not actually have that kind of time.

Did you say that you were sent by

the Greenback Guardians?

He whispers.

Listen, the less we sort of say about anything, the better.

I'm kind of curious.

i mean we were like mid conversation let me just say like you were you remember the hq uh listen um

have you noticed many changes like have they switched things around a lot from from your days or you pretty happy with how things have turned out well we've been thinking about we've been thinking about

doing an hq of our own so we've been hearing about other h cues that like different people have done

so we just wanted to kind of ask you about your hq

experience

yes the dr kill death incorporated building was perfect for my desires it had you know the corporation up front kind of appeal but then ooh all the evil secrets oh i you know i used to

wonder about that you got maps or anything i'd love to see those since it's just for funs at this point just funning around Yeah, we're in jail, so like, what would we even do with a real map?

Just look at them, admire the maps.

But your lenses are cameras.

Mine aren't even cameras.

My lenses.

Well, yes, I suppose I have some bootmaps.

What?

No, you can't just give him away all of our secrets, Gregory.

Cleft.

What are you doing?

What?

I don't understand why you're being so rude.

Rude.

Yeah, why are you being so defensive to us?

Honey, you are being quite rude to our guests.

Why don't you take some cinnamon rolls out to our other guest, Wink Wink?

Make sure he eats today.

Very well.

Wait, who's your...

Who's your...

Oh,

right.

The other guest.

Right.

Now, listen, I...

How has that been, by the way?

This has got to be pretty tight quarters.

How's

your other guest settling in?

Oh, you know about him.

Well, you did just mention another guest, so, like, it wasn't a huge choice.

Ah, Clefer.

You've seen right.

It's been fine.

He keeps to the pool house.

We rarely see him, won't even join us for Bridge.

Well, you would.

I don't know how three-player Bridge.

Shoctopus joins us.

And we have to sub in Calcutor, of course, but he's no fun.

He can figure out the odds perfectly every time.

Yeah, he's the machine you know his actually is he a machine i've always wondered about that part machine okay that settles a bet for me thank you brain of an alligator

and the heart of a chef

look how how uh how like plugged in are you to current events happening outside of governor's island excellent question that we should have led with yeah

Well, we really

emissary from the outside world.

We, you know, we are, we get newspapers delivered, and the, you know, we can watch the nightly news, but so depressing, am I right?

Yeah, you're not kidding.

Look, you left quite a power vacuum, and someone has stepped into that that has the whole sort of

superhero villain, good guy, bad guy apparatus under their thumb.

And for whatever reason,

Carver has has ended up a

well I was gonna say a casualty he is still alive as far as we know

but we're we're looking to stand up to

to the big guy if you know what I mean Carver's in trouble

yeah Carver has Carver has been kidnapped Carver has been kidnapped yes well why didn't you lead with that what how can I help

we're gonna lead a siege on RCF HQ and we need some advice on how to best crack crack in there.

Oh

okay, well let me see what I can find.

Hold on one moment.

Let me go through all my documents.

Could I stick my nose in the fridge while you do that?

So that'd be okay.

To find something to eat or is your nose warm?

I never know what's going to come out of that pie hole of yours, Mac.

I gotta say.

That was the last thing I thought you would nose around this fridge like an old dog.

I'm curious.

I mean this place is laid out like a magazine article, and I thought perhaps there'd be something really interesting.

Yeah, there's just a big bowl of green Granny Smith apples on the table.

They're fake.

Those are not real.

Yeah.

Yes, please.

My volcano is your volcano.

Make yourselves at home.

Let me see here.

Ah!

This I think you'll be particularly interested in.

It's a map of the tunnel system underneath the headquarters.

Like, yeah.

Yes, I thought.

Yes, I thought that would be of interest to you.

Is this up to date, though?

Like, do you know if they've, like, changed a bunch of stuff since you moved out?

Well, if I was not consulted on the renovations, but I doubt they even know these tunnels existed.

Great.

Love that.

Uh, what do you know about the walrus?

Oh, sorry, hold on.

That's Clef's cold brew?

I wouldn't touch that.

He gets very cranky about his cold brew.

Witch mouth drinks it?

Well, it's funneled through a system.

The body...

So the main...

His body drinks it, right?

And then it's funneled into his him, his pancreas, later.

Yeah, that's how it works for all of us.

Yes.

Cool.

So what do you know about the walrus?

Oh, yes.

Some of the newer prisoners slash citizens of Governor's Island have mentioned it in passing, but even I haven't been able to get too many details from them, but he seems to have his fingers in a lot of pies.

Has anyone ever told you you speak in a very idiosyncratic way?

Yes.

This yogurt's out of date.

I just need to tell you.

Well, those dates are more of a suggestion, really.

How old is is this government scam?

Five years ago.

Oh, no, yes, that's bad.

I wouldn't.

Okay, I wouldn't consume that.

Very well.

I shan't.

Now I'm talking like you.

Um, all right, well, I guess we'll take this.

And just like you probably know the guy better than you know, most folks at this point, if we if we bring this up to Lamar, is he going to be able to handle it emotionally?

All the stuff about Carver being kidnapped?

And

if I'm being honest yeah it might be good for him

he has been adrift for quite a while now

man I just don't know if I want to rehabilitate a sad tortoise you know believe me I understand oh sure

I mean don't get me wrong

I'm happy to be there for him in his time of need, but sometimes

it can be a little much to always be the support.

But luckily, I have cleft to support me.

If only we all had a cleft, right?

Hmm, were you to be so lucky?

The phone starts ringing on the wall there.

Oh, excuse me for just a moment.

Probably one of the guards telling me, I don't know, some kind of shipment of fan mail.

And he picks up the phone.

Yes, hello.

Dr.

Kildeath here.

Go for Kill Death.

Uh, what's that?

Goshua.

No, there's no Goshua.

Oh, you're Goshua.

Yes.

There's a battalion of RCFE agents heading towards the prison.

So you fled into the prison to use the phone to call me.

Okay.

But you hear a pounding at the door.

You think you'll be captured at any moment?

It's like watching a ball heartbent.

We should go.

Clunk?

Oh, that was.

Oh, hello?

Oh, okay.

Um, yes, that was someone named Joshua Darnett calling to let you know that there is

no, we got pretty much all of it thanks to the sort of commentary, the running commentary.

Oh, excellent.

Yeah, hey, we need to go,

and I guess

do you know how to get out of here?

He was our way out, sorta.

So, if he's no longer...

How would one escape Governor's Island if they needed to

quickly, really fast?

Hmm.

Well, if this is to help Carver,

there is

a little thing I've been working on that I could reconfigure to be an escape for you?

Yes.

Three.

Man, checkpack.

Three.

Man.

Jetpack.

Not quite.

But it will take me some time to reconfigure.

Oh my gosh.

Okay.

Fellows, I think we need to go.

Like four or five rounds of combat.

Oh, good, good, good, good.

Great.

I hear one of my cats upstairs crying.

You know what they're, you know what they're upset about.

Just like the state of things and whatever.

No, they're only ever wanting one thing, and that's for me to get the smalls out.

Dad, we don't know how to...

Yeah, they love the smooth bird.

Dad, we want our smooth bird.

We don't have jobs.

We can't buy our own food.

We don't know how to order things.

Dad, we're so scared.

We're cats, and we've gained complete human intelligence.

What's happening?

Where are we?

Yeah.

Where are we?

But you know what?

I calm them right down with smalls because you're going to get a package of smalls, right?

You're going to open it up.

You're going to put it in front of your cats there, put it into a bowl, whatever you're going to, I don't know your business.

But when you put it it out there, these cats are going to freak out.

And you're also going to see some long-lasting effects.

In my experience, at least, my cats have been a little healthier.

They've had a nice, nice-looking coat, and they just love, they love smalls.

They love it.

Smalls cat food is protein-packed recipes made with preservative-free ingredients.

And it's delivered right to your door.

And cats.com named it their best overall cat food.

And get this.

After switching to smalls, 88% of cat owners report overall health improvements for smalls food.

That's a big deal for a limited time only because you are i was really proud of that justin i was really proud

sorry trav that was great thank you for a limited time only because you're an adventure zone listener you can get 60 off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash adventure that's 60 off when you head to smalls.com slash adventure plus free shipping again that's smalls.com slash adventure Hey, this week we're coming to sorry to interrupt.

I just kind of burst in.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Hey, I'm also sorry.

I'm also sorry.

And I'm here and I'm interrupting too.

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our shows this week in San Antonio and Austin, thank you.

If you're not already planning on coming, why not?

We want to see you there.

We need you there.

Join us.

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It's so great.

Yeah.

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Email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line in Austin.

and also doing what trap.

What are we doing in Austin, buddy?

Well, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules, and it's going to be a real treat.

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Yeah, we're also coming to Utah and California later this year.

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You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

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Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

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We still haven't learned everything yet.

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Woo!

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Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun

with the RCFE agents closing in

and the blueprints in hand waiting for Dr.

Gregory Kildef to reconfigure his escape plan

what do you do

fellows I

I just have this very strong feeling

that

you know our world owes so much to the guardians that no matter what the state is that they're in now

I think Lamar deserves to know

that his compatriot's in danger.

Yeah, I mean, I don't really want to go talk to a super sad tortoise man

and try to re like make him not as sad and useless anymore, but it seems like if we're about to go to war, it would be good to have a former guardian on our side.

Couldn't hurt to at least ask, right?

Okay, I'll go ask.

I'll go back the old baby doll eyes.

You guys maybe get ready to be assaulted by the whole battalion.

absolutely.

No problem at all.

It actually feels, now that I say that out loud, like it is not a fair distribution of duties.

Oh, I feel bad for them.

Hey, listen.

It's sometimes hard to get your duties split up right.

Yeah.

I just remember, kids, when you're splitting up your duties.

All right.

All right.

All right.

I regret saying that.

Okay, I'll go talk to you.

It's hard.

Listen.

Listen.

If I can say something seriously, it's hard to split up your duties without getting your hands dirty.

All right?

Enough says.

It's a sticky situation.

It's a sticky situation.

And you're going to get a little nutty sometimes.

All right, we're gone.

Was that too corny?

My God.

Axelio and Roger, as you make your way outside,

a lot of

RCFE agents closing in.

I count 48.

Just a quick glance.

You have some time, and because of the layout of the streets and the buildings and everything, they are approaching in two at a time.

You have some time if you want to prepare something out here.

I'll leave you guys to think about that for a second.

What obvious traps do we see out here?

Well, so think in terms of general, like if you went into a kind of gated community.

So there's, you know, trash cans around, light poles,

picket fences, mailboxes, that kind of thing.

Okay.

And Navy, you make your way over to the pool house, and you can see like the windows have been covered over with sheets.

There is still some light coming through, you know, under the doors and everything.

And Cleft is leaving.

Ah, maybe you'll have more luck talking to him.

Any advice?

This has got to be so fast.

Um,

you know, appeal to his leadership kind of qualities.

Okay.

Okay.

yeah, no, that sounds good.

Okay, bye.

Say less.

Bye, Cleft.

Cleft, are you going to be okay?

Because they might come in here, too.

They seem, there's like a whole army out there.

Oh,

I'm one strong pancreas.

Outside Roger and Lyle, the battalion to the west is the first to reach you.

Look at them.

They...

Perfect sync.

What's above us, Trav?

I forgot to ask.

Is it a sky?

Yeah, so above you is a like projection screen kind of sky.

Yeah.

That is fake.

Think about like the sky in

the Truman show, right?

Okay.

You're under a dome.

This is a closed thing.

But to make it appear like you are outside in a beautiful, perfect weather community.

How far away is the sky?

It's a

fake sky, do you think?

If you had to guess.

I don't guess.

I pick up a rock and throw it at the sky.

Okay, 20 feet.

20 feet?

Um.

20 feet?

Okay, great.

Uh, I throw Hatchet Man at the sky.

Cool.

Okay.

Uh, roll that for me, and then we'll see what you achieve.

Uh, I'm going to use a time to shine dice.

Oh, wait, you're afraid now?

You should be.

I remembered them.

So, we're all in a bit of a

situation.

So I'm going to call that.

Do you think using my axe and throwing it at the ceiling is improvising a melee weapon?

No, it is a melee we agree.

I agree.

Okay.

I agree.

Okay, two successes.

So with two successes, it smashes into the sky and you're plunged into darkness.

Oh, hey.

The sky.

Roll two more because with Hatchet Man, you roll 4d8, and if you added a time to shine dice, it would be 5d8.

Okay, there's two more successes.

And that's a cowbunga.

Okay, yeah, with a cowabunga, those two sixes, Hatchetman smashes into the area above you.

And with the cowbunga in the hit, it kind of splits open that area and falls like back to the ground.

So it's not just wedged into the sky.

No, it doesn't.

It doesn't fall to the ground, Trav.

You catch it.

Yeah, exactly, I do.

I pull out my like little

sheath and it just like falls into it.

And then winks at you.

I'm bad, daddy.

Hey, daddy, I didn't draw blood again.

I know, son.

I'm really proud of you for never hurting anybody else.

What is your desired outcome for this?

I'm plunged.

This is my logic.

It's daytime in the bubble.

Yeah.

That means that the sunlight is being generated from the sky, the fake sky.

Correct.

They don't have other lighting activated right now it's all coming from the sky so if i could destroy destroy the circuitry there i'm trying to make it dark because in the dark i have the advantage perfect yeah so you smash and above you like basically an area like a circle roughly of like 20 feet of darkness descends 20 feet in either direction okay descends on the center of town So there's still some light around the edges as it bleeds through, but where you are, you've plunged it into like a moonless, starless night.

Okay, uh, so one of the you've decreased the effectiveness of the attacks.

One of the RCFE agents is going to take a swing at where they think you are.

How can you hit that which you cannot see with your fist, my friend?

Oh, wow, that really blew his mind.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, he did, he clips, he was aiming for like a solid strike across the chin, but he just clips your shoulder, doing one damage to you, Lyle.

And then the second one swings at you, Roger.

Ooh, Roger.

They get you, but you have two damage reduction.

So even though it was three hits, Roger, you only take one damage.

Okay.

And now it is the two of you's turn.

Lyle can see in the dark.

Heck yeah, I can.

Roger, not so much.

Well, Roger had already oriented himself towards the guys in the west.

And one of them did just hit you.

Yeah, so I have to.

So you're really oriented towards where he is right now.

Vis-a-vis him?

I bet you know exactly where he is.

So he's going to do Scourge at the China shop.

It just plunged right at him in close quarters, whirling like a dervish, he wrecks everything.

See how many.

He's set up up these dudes in like 12, you know, 12 guys in a straight line.

Two straight lines.

They're begging for it.

So with this, with the decreased visibility, that would be 4d8 attack.

And so roll 4d8, this is against the first two dudes.

And if you want to continue from there, it'll be 3d8.

Okay.

If I use the time to shine dice, do I have to use it twice?

If you wanted to use a time to shine dice, it would bump up the first one to 5d8 and the second one to 4d8.

Okay, I'm using the time to shine dice.

So I start with 5d8.

Correct.

Oh, that's a mixed success.

I got one success.

With one success, and you were moving against this battalion to your west of 12, I'm going to say, like, the two dudes that were right in front of you go flying, the ones that had just hit you, and they are knocked into the bushes.

They are out of commission.

Okay,

Lyle, you are up.

All right.

Um, I am

going to

I'm gonna

run to the northeast

and I'm gonna make a lot of noise.

Okay.

So there's two columns.

I'm gonna try to pull those columns into chasing me,

the most dangerous person in in the whole thing.

And they are not going to know where it's coming from, right?

So I'm trying to make some confusion in the northeast area, right?

So if you can imagine that as a quadrant, I'm trying to pull some focus over there rather than continuing to pull people towards this center here.

Okay, cool.

So you're running up towards the volcano or...

Yeah, near the volcano.

I'm still in darkness there, I hope.

Yeah, move yourself to where you want to go.

Okay, he's just...

I'm...

Oh, come on.

Come on, buddy.

It's just like up here, right?

So I'm trying to make some confusion to pull some guys into the darkness, into here, not know where I am.

They've lost my location.

I'm trying to go full, you know, Predator over here.

I love that.

With the darkness, too, it's even more confusing and disorienting.

So give me...

Give me a 4d8.

All right, two successes.

Two successes.

Yeah, so you definitely draw focus of

the ones leading each group.

So four from each group are going to head towards you.

At least, like, in this direction.

And

they are also now, as a group, going to start flipping on their flashlights.

Oh.

It still is disoriented, and they don't have the same visibility.

But they do have something going for them.

Back inside,

Navy, you are now at the door.

It was left open for you by Cleft.

Inside, you see lots of candles lit.

You can smell incense

and hear water sounds coming through a speaker.

Great.

I just march right in.

Inside you see Lamar sitting on the middle of the floor with all the furniture pushed out to the sides.

and he is writing in a journal, and you see, like, a stack of well-worn journals that he's been writing in,

seems like for a while now.

Cool.

I'm going to just march right over to him.

Lamar?

Yes.

Okay.

We have like no time at all because this whole sort of prison island is.

Or do we have all the time?

Oh, man.

Hey, so listen, we need to get you out of here because I think that we can.

You need to get into here.

Carver is

in trouble.

Carver's been kidnapped.

Carver's in trouble.

Carver's been kidnapped.

Like it or not, I know you're on this new vibe and it seems like it's really working for you, but Carver needs your help and it's time for you to

jump to action.

Yeah?

He stands up and you hear like his knees pop as he stands up.

His bones, you know, he always stretches and he says okay yeah um

uh

i chill um and he picks up a big singing bowl that he's been using for meditation great

and he's like oh okay sorry what's your name I'm Navy Seal, one of the Royal SEALs, a former member, and I'm here with my own guys.

We're making a break for it, and we're going to siege our CFHQ because that's where Carver's being held.

Okay, this is a lot.

okay.

Hey, I wish I had time to ease you into this, but I do not.

So.

Can I put out these candles first?

Yeah, I mean, it would be irresponsible to not put the candles out.

Okay, can you help me?

Yeah, sure.

Uh, I just blast just a full, I just empty half my tank, just goosh, goosh the room super duper duper quick.

Oh, man, Greg's gonna be so mad.

Uh, he won't, because Greg is probably also going to be like double arrested and taken to jail jail where they take criminals from jail so uh

yeah uh he's working on a plan to get us out of here so keep your head on a swivel we got about 46 guys out there who are trying to uh take us down so yeah strengthen numbers right

okay um and he grabs the cinnamon roll on the way out the door And he pops it in and starts chewing on it and says, oh,

I should tell you, I'm a pacifist now.

Hey kids, Sergeant Salamander here with another amphibi fact from the Amphibi Force.

Every year, over a billion dogs go missing in the United States, and somebody knows where they are.

If you have a suspicion that someone you know may be hiding dogs, be sure to tell a parent, guardian, or responsible adult.

Together, we can turn this rough time into a walk in the park and roll over to the side of justice while telling crime to play dead.

Ankles!

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