The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 16: Cell Block Wango Bango Tango!

In spite of what you've heard, we're at the height of our powers Atop the tallest of towers

They'll never stop us by having to trust And we will do what we must Until it's turning out just like the plan

we're selling

is long But our Mojo's strong And unless I'm wrong And I'm not We're at the height of our power

The three of you scurry under three boxes, trying to blend in with the set of boxes already there as three guards bringing down the shackles, Eo Patrick Harris, Hammer Ned, and Squid Mark come down the stairs.

They see Goshua standing over these three boxes, and one of the guards turns to him and says, Hey, uh, Darnett, right?

Uh, yeah, yeah,

everything okay?

Where's Flivin?

Oh, uh, yeah, no, he uh

wasn't feeling well, something he ate.

Uh, the three of them,

looking a little suspicious at this, just slightly, are going to move past the three of you

and hit.

I would like each of you

to make a roll.

Each of you make, and you've got advantage here.

You're hiding, and Darnett is covering for you.

So each of you roll 48.

And

add in any additional

abilities you have.

How many dice are you adding for our situation?

I'm adding two.

Okay, so how do I can I just type roll 78?

Yeah,

nope not roll 7 db shut up

you could roll four and three justin that's that's how loud it is roll 7 that didn't roll that didn't work either you can't just type out what you want to

do that's not how programming works you have to slash

roll space 7d8

Computer roll set that's not how that works Justin just roll four and three

I failed everything.

I got four failures, which is another name for this podcast.

I got two successes.

I got one success.

So across 11.

Across 16 dice, you got three successes.

Yeah.

Three successes over 16 dice.

Yep.

That's all right.

That's spectacular.

So one of the guards stops and the box that you are in, Lyle, he kicks the

and says, man, it's a mess down here, Gashaba.

You got to clean up this place.

And I like, Eddie, I play it off perfectly, right?

It's like, box.

Did you kick it?

What?

He goes, box.

Okay.

I already rolled, so I know that worked.

You're going to take a damage point, Justin?

For what?

For getting kicked in a box.

I, what?

Okay.

Yeah, you know what?

For the bit,

yeah, I will take it.

Like, I'm saying you guys could, like, restack some stuff here.

And he grabs a set of boxes and stacks it on top of your box, Roger.

Like, you could just, like, reorganize around.

It's a mess, and we're bringing people down through here all the time.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

Like, I don't want to have to report you or nothing.

Like, I know you're already in trouble, but like, try to clean this place up, okay?

um and they take the three of them into the holding cells and the door swings shut behind them

okay

you got a couple

okay um

just kidding i don't breathe

okay um do you guys have everything you need?

Just

like stay put.

They're going to come back any second.

Just be cool, okay?

You got this.

Wait, Joshua.

Joshua, Joshua.

Hey, Joshua.

Yeah?

Carver's been kidnapped, and the Bayside Baddies know where he is, but they're not talking.

I don't know if actually what I said is true.

Do the Bayside Baddies know where he is?

I know they.

Well, when you question the Eil Patrick Harris, all he knew was that they had been hired by somebody named Clamjula on behalf of the Walrus.

Hey, Goshua, let me ask you something.

Yeah.

The that tape, the

unaired pilot on the forums and stuff when fans talk about it what's the what's the rumor what do people think is on that tape

oh um well from what oh wait they're coming back hold on oh my god come on the guards come back through what a jerk okay all right we'll be back to check on this place all right get it cleaned up man come on Don't you ever want to make it back up the ranks?

Yeah, yeah, I'll I'll work on it.

And they head on out.

Okay, sorry.

Um, yeah, so

it was basically like supposed to be, you know, the real story, like in an animated form, I guess, like the truest form of like the origins and the you know, how they trained and everything, all of their work to become the Greenback Guardians, you know.

Why would someone want to steal that?

Yeah,

I don't know.

A collector?

Hmm.

Was it you, Joshua?

No?

Okay, well, that's one name off the list.

Can you get us out of here without getting my big concern right now?

It's getting out.

Is there another exit?

Hold on.

Let me take a look at the security cameras and I'll see if there's like an opening.

I can get...

Oh, man.

Oh, boy.

Start flipping the monitors off.

We're golden.

What?

No.

Turn those back on.

He was doing something.

Sorry.

Okay, it's got to take a second to start back up.

Hold on.

Okay.

Okay, there.

Yeah, no.

Okay, small complication.

Let me push the power again.

Oh, the cable came loose.

Hold on.

Ah, dang it.

It was just about to come on.

Don't you hate that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hold on.

And now the tent is all messed up.

Yeah.

Okay.

Small complication.

Billionaire philanthropist Walter Russell.

It's me, Axel Isle, by the way.

Not a box.

Oh, okay.

Thank you.

Walter Russell's here talking with some big royal-looking seal.

Ooh.

Oh, crap.

Can we listen in?

We don't have audio.

Oh, here you go.

You just press the speaker button.

I don't know how to work this system.

I mean, it's not.

Yeah.

Like,

I mean, we could try to figure it out, but they seem

pretty chummy.

And you can see on the monitor um like they are not quite of equal size because the walrus is huge but sorry when you said that a really sexy shark lady comes out

i'm like oh i see chummy like actually that's pretty chummy

that's that's her name pretty chummy is pretty chummy detective pretty chummy

boys all right

cool great she rolls in can i can i try and like creep back up to the top of the stairs and listen in Because I am dying to know what my dad is talking.

Well, why don't you, Roger?

Um,

well, with the boxes stacked on top of you, see if you can figure out the system with your halicar hack.

Okay, yeah, let me uh use the halicar hack, my pocket watch that allows me to uh connect to computer interfaces,

um, which I'm not making up.

When you attempt to get out of the box, the three boxes stacked on top of you go toppling to the ground.

Roll 2d8 for me.

Perfect trap.

You done done it again, trap.

I'm going to use the time to shine dice.

Trapping SmackAroy.

Trap and dress.

Seven and eight.

Yeah, good job, Dad.

All right, yeah, with two successes, you are able to like catch some of the boxes, Lyle, as they fall so that there's not too much commotion here, and you're able to get out from under the boxes without making a huge clattering mess of everything.

And connect your Halicar hack into the security camera system,

okay?

Well, that's actually a uh

it's an ab skill, so that's 3d8, right?

Roll 3d8 for me to connect into the audio of the security cameras.

Okay,

A five, three, and a four.

With a mixed success, you're able to tie into the audio.

It's a little bit fuzzy.

It's a little bit distorted.

So you're not able to hear absolutely everything.

Thank you.

Thank you, Travis, for not doing the obvious and just letting him hear one of the people, but not the other one.

Yeah, you're only able to get the left

and you hear basically snippets of a conversation surrounding like hints at the RCF working with the Golden Seal some kind of partnership in monitoring the ocean as well.

And Walter Russell seems to just be saying yes to everything that the Golden Seal is interested in.

Then he starts down a line of questioning about what brought him in today, what brought him to the surface.

What's their body language like?

Like, do they appear to be comfortable with each other, or is there a standoffishness?

You would, from what you see, very comfortable with each other.

Walter Russell is like laying on the charm

and Golden Seal is very relaxed.

And I'm going to say, without even having to roll for it, because you know your dad very well, Navy Seal,

you would see that he is puffing up his chest in a very like he has flattered, he is being charmed pretty thoroughly.

Okay.

And as Walter goes down this line of questioning to what brought him in, you hear snippets about my son

and

needing to find some information and what he can do to help him.

Cool, Dad.

Thanks, Dad.

Cool, Dad.

Thanks, Dad.

And Walter

removes himself

from the conversation, giving a very like, one second, give me one second kind of move.

And he steps over to a desk and keys some things into a computer.

And

the evidence room goes into lockdown.

Oh, man.

Why would my dad do that?

I guess he's not.

I don't know.

He has no reason not to trust Walter Russell.

Billionaire philanthropist, Walter Russell?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Investing a lot of money into the Royal Seals.

Yeah, great, great, great.

Okay.

um,

when you say it goes into lockdown, what's that mean?

What's that look like?

So basically, the security door at the top of the stairs,

um, like a barred kind of shuttered door, closes behind us.

Great.

Um, cutting off your access to the first floor.

Okay.

Okay.

Goshua, we've exhausted other options.

It seems like that totally rad secret option of leaving through the holding cells is the only thing we got left.

Can you get us out of here or no?

Yeah, no.

I mean, you can exit through the holding cell.

It's just like almost full up with...

There's been like a lot of stuff going down lately.

There's a lot of,

we call them perps.

A lot of perps in there.

Okay.

What?

Lots of people call them perps.

So we just have to get through a bunch of perps.

That's not a problem.

Yeah, and then outside there's like the prisoner transfer like garage and stuff.

And but I mean, there's no prisoner transfer scheduled today, so you should be able to make it out through there.

Okay, you're going to need to come with us because if they catch you down here and think that you were helping us out, you're going to get in some trouble.

But I'm supposed to be down here, so like if I'm not here, I'm also going to get in trouble.

Not if we knock you out.

What if we knock you out?

Not us to knock you out?

Gosh, well, we can do it in a way that is mostly painless.

Mostly.

How mostly?

Remember that shock earlier do you want a choke or a bonk you can do a choke or a bonk we don't have a chemical you sniff um

but we would you rather do choke or a bonk each has its own risks and potential dangers that go along with them yeah either's choice can i take the shock

yes

yeah i could shock him Okay, Goshua, before we shock you and knock you out, can you type anything in that computer lookup, see if you have anything about the walrus or clamjula?

Let me see what I can find on the walrus.

Hold on.

And as he types in the walrus,

basically a sort of error notification comes up that it's like extremely classified, higher-ups only kind of deal, but he does not have access to that.

Okay.

Let me see what I can find on Clamjula.

Hold on.

Oh, okay.

Here we go.

Clamjula seems to be some kind of like go-between person

connected to a bunch of like like super villain kind of guys sort of like an uh is like a staffing person okay if we wanted to get super villain people if we wanted to get in touch with clamjula if we wanted to get a hold of clamjula how is there like a last known location or anything you can give us any lead any lead i mean there's some like known like contacts and stuff people she's worked with um

uh

let's see okay she's worked uh with the mayfly madness she's worked um with Explodos.

She's worked with Hair Dryer.

She's worked with her.

Hair dryer.

Hair dryer.

Perfect dryer.

Amazing.

So that's all we need.

Thank you so much.

Okay, Joshua, you ready for the zap?

I guess

a dad roll for me.

Wait, hold on.

I take a roll of paper and kind of roll it up and I put it in his mouth.

You're going to want to chomp down on that.

Okay.

Buy it on it real hard.

And just try to let it just try to let the zap happen okay that's beautiful yeah

should i sit down or

no that would look suspicious it would be better if you fell yeah it just

like moved

i'll be moving like walking on your dress

here uh look look look at them look at them I draw it and from behind him I hit him with the cattle prod.

Okay, for a second I thought you were just gonna bonk him on the head anyways.

Okay.

No, he specifically asked for the shock.

We're not going to give him the choker that roll 3d8 there.

Actually, he is not trying to avoid it.

So I'm going to give you an extra dice.

Give me a 4d8 roll.

Five and a six.

Yes, with two successes.

He goes unconscious, falls in a very natural sprawl, bites down on the paper.

You can see, like, if you needed to identify him by his dental records, you got it.

I'll take that paper out, too.

Looks like an angel.

I'll take the paper because if they see that, they'll know it's a fake.

Yeah.

And with the ID badge you have, you can enter the holding cells

whenever you're ready.

Let's get out of here.

Okay, I had one last idea.

What?

Could I possibly use the halicar hack on the computer I'm already connected to to try to get the transcript of whatever the interrogations were with the three guys?

If you had been completely successful in your hack, I would have allowed it.

But with a success, you only have limited access and it's just the security system.

Okay, that's fine.

That's completely reasonable.

All right, let's beat cheeks.

The three of you move into the holding cells.

As you enter the holding cells, basically, you're looking at a row with cells on either side.

On the opposite side of this kind of hallway of cells, you can see the doors marked for transfer to the prisoner transfer garage.

Of these eight cells, six of them are currently occupied.

You can see the three base hybaties that you are familiar with.

You also see Thumper, one of the bunny brood that you encountered during the museum heist.

You see Artificial in one of them.

the robotic man that you encountered at the stadium, as well as a sixth person who you are not familiar with, a woman with like green hair, green skin, wearing like a shawl and sensible, unadorned outfit, sitting there

petting the leaves on her shoulders, sitting in the far cell closest to the door.

You very casually mentioned that she has leaves on her shoulders.

Yes, she is half plant, half woman.

Okay.

Cabbage patch kid.

No, I mean, we can clearly see that there is a name there.

That's a very good name.

Everyone agrees.

Yeah.

Okay, well, let's just run through here as fast as we can.

Yeah.

I don't know why you made a map for this, Trav.

We're just gonna run right through here.

So you're so sorry, Griffin.

How foolish of me.

And then you hear another noise similar to

Lyle.

Sorry.

I got a delay.

And Lyles hangs back in safety.

Right behind Roger.

But instead of a lockdown noise, like you heard at the top of the stairs,

what you hear is what one might consider to be the opposite of a lockdown, an unlock up,

as

all the doors to the holding cells spring open.

Okay,

this is a really unchill situation,

but

cooler heads will prevail.

Obviously, you all have beef with us, except for you.

I don't know who you are with the plants.

Oh, my name's Chlorophyllis.

Chlorophyllis, awesome.

Now, the other guys in here, obviously, there's some beef, but aren't we all...

Holy crap, look at you, Thumper.

Thumper, you look so vascular.

You're a little rabbit boy, haven't you?

I'm a jacked rabbit.

A jacked rabbit?

Crap, that's good.

Were you this jacked the first time we battled you?

I was.

Slightly less so, I've been pumping.

You can't thump it in the exercise yard.

Okay, listen, I know we're about to probably have a big fight.

We are in a terrible hurry.

And it would be so amazing if you all would just let us kind of breeze past you here

so that we don't get in trouble.

Look at this guy's pecs.

It's like I know they're crazy.

They're afraid mantis.

He's been wailing on him, but

any chance we can get through this with sort of diplomacy.

Hold on, one second.

And the six of them kind of huddle up for a second?

That's the exact moment I need.

to tumble into the lot of them

i hear one of my cats upstairs crying you know what they're you know what they're upset about Just like the state of things and whatever.

No, they're only ever wanting one thing, and that's for me to get the smalls out dad we don't know how to

yeah they love the smooth bird dad we want our smooth bird we can have jobs

we can't buy our own food we don't know how to order things dad we're so scared we're cats and we've gained complete uh human intelligence what's happening where are we yeah Where are we?

But you know what?

I calm them right down with smalls because you're going to get a package of smalls, right?

You're going to open it up.

You're going to put it in front of your cats there, put it it into a bowl, whatever you're gonna, I don't know your business.

But when you put it out there, these cats are gonna freak out, and you're also gonna see some long-lasting effects.

In my experience, at least, my cats have been a little healthier.

They've had a nice, nice-looking coat, and they just love

smalls.

They love it.

Smalls cat food is protein-packed recipes made with preservative-free ingredients.

Um, and it's delivered right to your door.

And cats.com named it their best overall cat food.

And get this after switching to smalls, 88% of cat owners report overall health improvements for smalls food.

That's a big deal.

For a limited time only, because you are an advanced zone.

I was really proud of that, Justin.

I was really proud of that.

Sorry, Trav, that was great.

Thank you.

For a limited time only, because you're an adventure zone listener, you can get 60% off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com/slash adventure.

That's 60% off when you head to smalls.com/slash adventure plus free shipping.

Again, that's smalls.com/slash adventure.

Hey, this week we're coming to.

Sorry to interrupt.

I just kind of burst in.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Hey, I'm also sorry.

I'm also sorry.

And I'm here and I'm interrupting too.

If you're coming to

our shows this week in San Antonio and Austin, thank you.

If you're not already planning on coming, why not?

We want to see you there.

We need you there.

Join us.

What are you doing?

It's so great.

Yeah.

If you're coming to the show and you want to have a question,

you got a question you want answered, you want a fear read aloud, we got you.

Email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line in Austin.

And also doing what, Trap?

What are we doing in Austin, buddy?

Well, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules, and it's going to be a real treat.

You're going to feel happier than you've ever felt in your entire life.

Yeah, we're also coming to Utah and California later this year.

Tickets for all those shows are on sale now.

More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly forward slash McElroy Tours.

Oh, we also have new merch because it's a new month.

Yeah.

New month, new merch, new you.

Well, yeah, sort of.

We've got a brand new Gerald t-shirt over there designed by Lynn Doyle.

Go to macroymerch.com and check it out.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

So go to macroymerch.com to get yours now.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listen.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years, I know where this has ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So, how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined!

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber, I'm regular Tom Lum.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Okay, give me that attack roll, Isle.

Uh, anything um

let's see, I'm trying to think if I can use um

exceptionally skilled at improvising melee weapons in my environment.

Trav, I'm trying to look around, see if there's anything

I count eight toilets in this room.

Yeah, I don't think that I have anything at my disposal.

Is that fair?

Yeah, holding cells, as a rule, are pretty sparse.

Um, You see the

not a lot that could be used as an improvised weapon.

That's kind of specifically the plan.

So the only thing I have is hatchet man, so I'm basically unarmed.

I'll just do like a tumble into them

using my full weight, but that's it, I guess.

You know what?

Here's what I'll say.

What you've got here is an alleyway.

You know, these guys lined up and you are kind of tumbling into them.

I'm gonna give you anything to drum as you like bowling alley strike Okay, thank you into these

I'm the drum

you are the drum

And it's all some failures just like my boy, it's a double one actually

on a failure is it's ever happened for when you go charging in attempting knock him down, but you encounter squid mark first

who turns uh hearing your footsteps and just kind of wraps those tentacles around you uh stopping your momentum in its tracks um

but the it is still i'm going to say the three of you navy and roger what do you want to do in this moment

oh man i want to get out of here i don't think we have time to fight all of these people um

i will gently remind you as a kind zookeeper that you took a printout with you

Oh, that's true.

Wait, wait, wait.

No one else come in here.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

We can get through this.

We can get through this.

Listen.

We're not your enemy.

As much as we did, we are responsible for the fact that you all are here.

Oh, fuck.

Not me.

I'm here because, oh, I've hurt so many people.

Okay, well, that's...

That's a little...

That's unsettling.

We didn't need to know that.

But...

No, I love...

It's not...

I love hurting people.

That's Cora Fellas, by the way.

She's no, no.

Yeah, for sure.

I can tell.

Eel.

Listen, I feel like we have formed a sort of bond, right?

We talked to you, we let you go.

let you

turn yourself into

it.

We did what?

You wouldn't torture me.

Right, no, you wouldn't do that.

So, um, I have a question.

If you blabbed about the whole operation,

what?

I would never.

What?

Oh, Eel, I mean, you did blab.

Why is it that you're getting sent to Governor's Island?

You would think that they would reduce your sentence if you spoke out.

Wait, what?

Confessed to the...

Yeah, I mean, it's all right here.

I show him the printout.

uh heck yeah man get him it says right here you turned state's witness and but as a result they're giving you a worse punishment okay

let's just say I didn't turn state's witness

but you're dead dude you're gonna

give

back they're gonna hey man they're I don't even know how they're gonna do it because this is a kid's show but they're gonna kill you no I would never but if I did I definitely was supposed to get off like what

No, man.

Look, it's all right here.

I just printed this out in the other room.

It's real.

This is...

I've told a lot of lies today.

This is not one of them.

No, but I told them everything they wanted to know.

I told them, like, what we did and, like, who organized it, everything.

Well, for some reason, they want to keep you, keep you tight-lipped by putting you in a place where you will be killed, Eel.

Okay, that's messed up.

Yeah.

How do the others seem to feel about this information?

Squid Mark and Hammerned are pretty upset about this whole turning evidence thing.

Give me just like a roll.

You've got your big old bug eyes.

Give me like a 3d8 roll

to get a read on everybody.

Two successes, seven and eight.

Okay, with two successes, Hammerned and Squid Mark are agitated and itching for a fight.

The last time they faced you guys, it definitely turned to violence.

Kind of the same with Thumper.

Artie Fischel, though, seems just kind of.

Didn't we part on pretty good terms with Artie Fisher?

He's just kind of interested in what's going on.

Okay.

And Chlorophyllis seems to be, even though her expressed interest in hurting people, she doesn't seem to be kind of actively

like

riled up.

So at this point, Eel Patrick Harris is definitely interested in what you're saying and has moved over to like see this paper.

Artie Fischl seems currently passive.

Chlorophyllis isn't exhibiting any kind of aggressive behavior, but Squid Mark, Cameronette, and Thumper are definitely less interested in what you're saying than they are in hurting somebody.

Am I on the ground?

Did I'm being held by Squid Mark?

Okay, well, that makes my life a little easier.

Limits my options.

Yeah.

Let me think for a second.

Roger, what about you?

What are you up to?

I think

Roger is going to.

Is there any way Roger can get past

Squid Mark and Hammerned and Thumper to get to Artificial?

Well, as a dancer, I think it's definitely within your skill set to move through a crowd without being crowded.

Oh, yeah, elegance.

So why don't you give me...

Elegance is back on the menu.

You got any kind of move

or anything you want to try to aid you in this endeavor

well there

is the night foxtrot if somebody wants to give me a techno beat you have your birthday card i'm going to reach inside my coat pocket open up the birthday card

which plays uh sandstorm

one of your dad's favorite songs yeah how's that one go dad you know

oh no the card's become damage breaking

and uh i do a a fluid, acrobatic, tumbling dance and say something like, well, while we're all talking about this,

and does the night foxtrot to get over to Artie Fischl.

Okay, give me a 48 roll.

Wow, one success.

With a mixed success, you are able to make it within like, you know,

to him, but Thumper has grabbed you, is holding on to to you, but you are now like face to face with Arty

So you made it past hammer net and squid mark, but thumper has like grabbed your arm and is like pulling you back, but you are you know they are speaking to Artie now, okay

I'm I would like to try to use the halakar hack on artie to turn him

into

An asset instead of a neutral person.

He is AI, right?

Isn't he he the robotic man?

Yes.

So I could use the halicar hack on him.

Yeah.

I love that.

Did Steeplechase teach you nothing about sentience.

Believable?

That's exactly where I learned everything.

Okay, I'm going to use the Halicar Hack, which is

2d8, and I'm going to...

3d8.

3d8, and I'm going to, because my rolls have been kind of sucky here last couple of rolls, I'm going to kick it up with a couple couple of time to shine dice.

How many?

Two.

Okay, roll 5d8 for me.

Wow.

No, it's 4, 4, 4, 3, 6.

6.

Okay.

So with a mixed success, you don't gain control of him, but you are able to access and see where his programming is at.

And he has gone through...

a definite reprogramming since the last time he went to Barker Innovations between your last encounter and this so he has had some upgrades to his behavior um and um you're able to see in the programming some additional morality added you're not in control of him though okay

roger wasn't it

yes

yes

yes artie roger moore good to see you again

Good to see you again as well, Mr.

Moore.

Last time I saw the three of you, you were stuffing Doritos in my mouth.

Yes, you're welcome.

I have more.

Did you enjoy the Doritos?

Not at the time, but now I am powered by the cheesy coating.

Well, here, my friend, and I fish out the Doritos bag that I carry, which if you look at my sheet, is right there.

Mm-hmm.

Actually, weren't they Cheetos?

You have Cheetos, yes.

Yes.

Have...

Taste the cheesy goodness of these.

Now, are they normal amounts of cheesy?

Nothing dangerous, I hope.

Oh, no, not to you, Artie.

I consider you a friend.

Well, I consider you an associate.

An acquaintance.

Walking it back quickly, I see.

Yes, I am.

That's what I do.

I'm a dancer.

Now, I understand that amongst us humans, something like this, you do something nice, and then it is expected that I will do something nice for you.

Well, if you so feel that way, that would be fine.

So perhaps we could say that you owe me a favor?

I would like to owe you nothing.

Ownership and debt is an invention of the rich.

I don't care for this.

Okay.

How can I help you right now in this moment?

Well, just stand by and see what you can do.

No, I tell you what you can do.

Oh, yeah, do so.

You see this big muscular rabbit?

Ah, yes, I do.

Hard to miss.

Yes, could you perhaps free me from his grasp and perhaps subdue him?

Ah, excellent.

You would like me to remove his arm?

Um

not in keeping with the G rating that we've tried to establish, but perhaps

grapple him.

And I mean,

look, I don't know if you can or not, Artie I mean he's pretty buff if you look at him roll for me with the Cheetos assisting here

with the power of the dangerously cheesy power of Cheetos give me a 5d8 roll then

eight and an eight

and an eight

eights with three eights of course for my acquaintance

Associate

let's let's say best acquaintance.

How's that?

Acquaintance.

Where

BAs.

His arms, he goes to wrap them around this jacked rabbit, breaking the grasp on you, and they don't quite reach.

And then you see them kind of extend out and lock together in the back as he lifts this jacked rabbit, who's a good foot taller than him, off the ground.

And how hard would you like me to squeeze?

I think that's, I mean, just hard enough so that he can't escape your arms.

Ever?

Which sounds fair.

No.

No, because that also has kind of a fatal ring to it.

Why don't you and he go into one of these cells and

just kind of hang.

But I don't have to share my Cheetos, right?

No, sir.

As a matter of fact, let me pour a few right here on the cot, just so afterwards you can have some more.

Excellent.

Thank you, best associate.

Oh, you are welcome and he drags thumper

kicking and screaming into

the holding cell well have you ever heard a rabbit scream

it's very upsetting not looking uh too good for you is it squid mark already's got thumper and i've got you i would say i have you oh okay but

you're holding pretty tight right i'm pretty sure i've got you I could hold tighter.

Oh, I mean, if you...

But I'm holding you, so I would just be holding you.

No, I'm holding you.

I've got your arms pinned.

Show me your arms.

So, Navy, you have El Patrick Harris's attention.

He is upset.

And very clearly, this was not the deal.

Yeah.

What did they tell you was going to happen?

They were just going to let me go.

Like, when the transfer vehicle showed up, it was going to take Squid Mark and Ned, and I was gonna quote unquote get away.

Who told who told you that?

The

guard, the

enforcement agents.

Then one of them said that he was gonna run it up the flag ball, get final approval, let him know what I had said to get everything locked down, and he came back and said, Yep, go ahead down there with them, all set.

I

feel like being in this small room with six of our enemies, many of which we have fought before,

and finding out this information from El Pasha Karis, and probably watching Roger Moore coerce this robot into fighting one of our enemies.

There's a certain amount of like class consciousness that is developing within Navy Seal's mind.

And...

I think he was ready to charge

his splash pack and start blasting.

But I think uh in this moment, I'm just Navy Seal just stops and says,

Hey, time out.

Why are we doing this, guys?

Oh, uh

uh well, uh, Squid Mark says, you like, you guys are abnormal heroes and like we uh we were hired, you know, by Cleamgela to we get all that, I get all that, I get all that, but why are we why are we doing this?

We we've gone

ten rounds with you guys and and your villainous ilk time after time after time after time after time and every time you guys just escape or run away and then nothing really

changes except for the status quo of just it's always good guys and versus bad guys, but

we are a bad guy, let's be clear.

Like, we

I like doing evil stuff and, like, stealing from people and everything.

And I like doing good stuff, but have you...

Have you really gotten away with anything lately that's improved your sort of lot in life?

And have we ever, like, actually done anything that has improved the safety and security of the city in any kind of permanent, tangible manner?

Have you?

It doesn't.

I look at...

Roger and Lyle.

It doesn't...

It doesn't feel like it.

So it's weird that you're saying this now, right?

I feel like I used to

Do a lot of that, but since I started hanging out with you guys, there's less it's not us.

It's it there is something going on in this city and it stinks right

it and I don't think right now in this moment as much as it seems like it

It's not good guys versus bad guys as much as much as it's just the guys in charge versus sort of everyone else.

And

I just

don't think we should be fighting each other right now as much as we should be comparing notes.

Chlorophyll praises her hand.

I just like, you know, kind of hurting people and feeling like a big strong Phyllis, and that's great for you, and it's so good that you know that and you can stand in your truth.

But what if you could dexter?

Oh,

so I would hurt people for good?

Exactly.

Huh.

That wasn't really the point I was making.

Mark, listen.

He's speaking a lot of truth.

If I let you go, do you promise to behave?

I'm beholden to you.

Dang, damn it.

Is this getting through at all to any of these?

Definitely you, Patrick Harris, who is feeling very burned by the system right now.

Sure.

I think I am too, and maybe it's just because I just watched my dad kind of like, I don't know, get

very clearly kind of paid off and then rat us out.

Okay, El Turnsuit, what are you suggesting?

I'm suggesting we get out of here and like all of us?

Well, whoever's on board with this kind of like neutral guy's territory.

So you would jailbreak, right?

Do a jailbreak to get...

One, two, three, four, five, six, six.

Like,

I would actually love for chlorophyllis to stay here if I'm thinking.

And

it's nothing personal to me.

I actually am fine with all this, and I don't.

Oh, that's it.

Yeah.

I don't even love the optics.

I don't love the optics, but...

I'm excited to go to, like, Governor's Island because, like, you know, I'm not locked in there with them, right?

Like,

you're going to run the place Chlorophyllis.

That's a huge move for you.

That would actually feel so much better if you would go ahead and just, like, get back in one of the cells and lock it.

If you would do that, that would be huge.

Do you guys have any, like, plants or anything on you see if i can move her nope i don't i'm not seem to be able to

i would just love for her to be back in a cell i have some corn nuts in my pocket i don't know if you can resuscitate those to make them viable

if i soak them in the toilet long enough maybe

quick squid mark get her back in the cells

I know I'll just go.

I like the other eight of us just kind of backs against the wall, just sort of hoping Chlorophyllus voluntarily walks back.

Okay.

Okay.

Uh, may I point out that's not the cell Chlorophyllis was in.

That's fine.

I don't care.

Will you guys send me some plants or something?

Yes.

Yes, we will.

You promise?

I do promise.

Because if I get out, I don't want to have to come home.

No, no, you will.

I will send you some plants.

Okay.

You know what, Roger?

You're my best associate.

I'm sorry,

I already have one.

You can be my second best associate.

Hmm.

She starts eyeballing already in a dangerous manner okay so

you're patrick here steering to you

so if squid mark and hammer net are on board and everything we can just walk out

i would prefer you walked out with us until we get to a place where we can figure out what's going on and then we go our separate ways and if we have to stop you from robbing the toy store or whatever in the future that's that it is what it is it just feels like that's kind of small time in the big picture of what's what's going on

thumper artie i mean

we've had run-ins with you guys too and it kind of feels like everything's sort of all

connected

yes thumper how are you feeling right now and artie squeeze a little tighter how are you feeling thumper

I'm feeling restricted by the socio-economic position I've been put in.

Thank you.

Yes!

Let Thumper go!

He totally is on my...

Yes, he's vibing with me right now.

I also need to breathe.

Yes, Artie, lighten up a little.

All right, listen.

Thank you.

Um.

Wow, I just don't want to go to Governor's Island, frankly.

So, uh...

I...

If we...

If...

Okay, will I get to punch you guys later?

Almost certainly.

Okay.

So the two left to convince you need to get Squidmark and Hammerned on board.

Okay, I've been holding my breath for the past two minutes.

Oh.

I just fasted out.

What?

Why?

I just passed out.

Yeah, Squid Mark's going to have a much harder time

holding up this dead weight.

Interesting.

A big sack of wet potatoes.

Best of luck, pal.

Okay, Justin.

Justin, give me me a 48 roll

a 48 travis it's not a very good plan all right well but see you are already your abs are already strong two successes yeah you go limb in his arms and a combination of the weight and surprise and he's like i wasn't

i wasn't like

and he drops you on the ground

oh man what happened

You passed out?

Are you kidding me?

Yeah, okay.

I remember now.

Sorry, I kind of lost track for a second.

Crud.

Why, look at you, you got away.

Okay, yeah,

you are a slippery one.

Okay, are you all right?

Putting all six of those arms to good use.

Hey, out of curiosity, Travis, does he have two legs and four arms, or what's up?

Uh, he has two legs and six arms.

Cool, but that would make an octopus, right?

Well, that's human legs.

Oh, yeah, it makes perfect sense.

Sorry, thanks.

Okay, so

EL turns to Squid Mark and Hammer Ned.

Guys, I did turn states.

I did rat you guys out, but

it was only because I didn't want to get punished, and I didn't care if you guys did.

And Squid Mark and Hammerned are like,

we would have done the same if you hadn't done it first.

Best friends.

But see, that's just, that's just the...

Oh, sorry, go ahead.

No, we were just going to hug real quick.

Yeah, you hug.

While you hug, I'll just say that's just the, that's just the...

The boss is sort of pitting you guys against each other.

That's all that's happening on a sort of like macro scale.

Except for Chlorophyllis.

Except for Chlorophyllis, who's outside of the system entirely.

Yep.

I'm right where I belong.

Can we actually...

I love all this for us.

Can we go to a place where she isn't?

I would love that.

Look at her looking at us.

Oh, God.

Is Artie Fischl?

Can you unhack Artie Fischl?

Oh, he's not controlled.

He's not controlled by...

No, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Artie?

Yes.

We would like you to accompany us in this mass exodus.

Sure, I'm free until 3 o'clock.

What happens at 3?

Then I...

I was supposed to be transferred.

Then I wouldn't be free anymore.

Oh, it's almost 3.

I love your literal nature, Artie.

It's really funny.

Artie, yes.

Artie, we would like you to come with us, and as a gesture of good faith, I would like you to release Thumper.

Oh, sure.

This needs to be of free will.

I already did.

Oh, okay.

Well, I meant Thumper's part.

Oh, okay.

What about Squid Mark?

Is this making sense to you?

Listen, man, you know, if it gets me out of here, it's fine.

Yeah.

Okay.

I have a place we can regroup

and check out the microphone.

Can you drop a pen and link?

I mean, we could all just hop in a

vehicle.

I mean, we'll have to get like an XL or something.

Oh, wait.

There's transfer vehicles right outside.

And with that, everyone except Clora Phyllis, who is not only resigned to her fate but seemingly excited about it, heads out into the prisoner transfer garage to steal a vehicle and flee.

fugitives,

sort of

on the run,

dead

animal people walking, just like Richard Kimball.

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