The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 14: Hide and Sneak!

In spite of what you've heard, we're at the height of our powers Atop the tallest of towers

They'll never stop us by having to trust And we will do what we must Until it's turning out just like the way

When we're selling right is long But our Mojo is strong And unless I'm wrong And I'm not We're at the height of our power

While we get into Roll 20 and we're getting the game going here, I wanted to tell the kids a quick story.

Yes, kids are home.

Yeah, kids are home.

Kids listen.

Hey, kids.

This is a story about heroes.

Yesterday, I was at my house with my daughter, who's six, and there was a loud crashing noise and she said what was that i said i don't know you go look so she she went upstairs and looked and there wasn't anything up there but i was still pretty freaked out so then i went up and looked and there was nothing up there but then tommy came uh to the house with charlie and they said did you guys feel that earlier and i said what are you talking about and tommy said it sounded like there was a huge explosion they felt it all over town and i got really wigged out then kids because i had no idea what was happening.

So I just kind of sat there, freaked out.

And my kids were like, Dad, are you okay?

I was like, I'm not okay, kids.

What's happening?

And then it turned out, kids, it was an earthquake, a 3.3 earthquake.

Kids.

This nothing burger of an earthquake sent your podcast hero, Justin McElroy, into an absolute tailspin.

So I want you to know that as I'm even pretending to be an action-based axolotl,

you're this action hero, and you think, oh, I can never be as brave as Justin is leaping into these various scenarios and rolling dice, helter-skelter, hither and yawn.

I was terrified.

You needed your six-foot-15 father-in-law to come and stand near you to make you feel safe and strong.

No, he was, he looked freaked out.

And guys, that's what sent me into a panic.

No way.

Tommy, what you're saying here that I think is important, Justin, is.

Mary was just texting me names of cities where they also felt the explosion.

I was absolutely losing it.

You're showing the kids at home that even their bravest, strongest heroes have flaws.

And I think that that's important, you know?

Like, every hero has a weakness, and yours is being really afraid of stuff.

Yeah, I get afraid of explosions.

Yeah.

And then your one weakness.

He texted me.

I just.

And I said, and I said, I didn't.

I didn't feel anything.

So apparently I'm no good at all in this scenario.

It was only a 3.3 three guys.

You're just so posted up on a real sweet spot of the tectonic plate.

And the fact I have never even heard of West Virginia having an earthquake.

So kids know where your shelters are in time of emergency.

And stay away from Justin.

Yeah.

And don't tell Justin.

We'll get

Math Frog to come in and do that one.

He's just a superhero I came up with.

Speaking of superheroes,

when we last left our heroes,

they were infiltrating the River City first enforcement headquarters Roger he faked tummy troubles in one of his four tummies

and Agent Preston took him to the potty and Navy SEAL's big fancy dad golden seal

made some loud seal noises to distract some of the guards We're here inside the ID only, the badge identification gates.

And now you can see the full scope of the main floor of the River City First Enforcement Headquarters.

You are trying to find Joshua Darnett.

He has been demoted into records and processing.

Okay.

So from where we are here, in the coat check area of the main office, can we see the stairs down to

leading down to records?

You can.

So from where you're standing, there is like a half wall kind of with a gate through it that you would enter into the bullpen proper.

Across the way, you can see doors that are labeled stairs.

You know, they have all the signs and markings and exit signs and whatnot.

But there is, to access them,

you can see it as a security door with like an ID scanner.

Okay.

that you will need to swipe some kind of identification to get past.

And which room is Eel Patrick Harris in?

Eel Patrick Harris, you can see through a large plate glass window in the wall, is in the interrogation room across from you and to the left.

You can also see at two of the desks across the way, Squid Mark and Hammerned are going through processing and being booked.

Man, the arm of justice does not move at

a great clip.

There's a lot going on here in River City.

Fair, fair.

I would like to suggest that we don't do the thing

that we do every time we have a heist scene, which is that all of us all try to break into the place all at the same time.

We have a tendency to do different ways.

And in different ways, we're going to write in different contrasts.

Different

ways conflicting and conflicting ways.

Conflicting contrast, your brother's heist plan.

Goofus always does a heist like this.

I've got a little composition notebook,

playbook with some plays in it.

And I say over our little radio, like, all right, I think, guys, I think it's time for Two Men and a Baby.

You guys remember that one?

Yeah.

Can you, hey, man, can you go over some of the salient details?

Two Men and a Baby?

Well, Ted Danson.

No, I.

Of the plan, man, I remember the film.

Oh, right.

So us two men.

What do you think the most profitable movies did for me?

Yeah, they made it for a song.

They paid Ted Danson with a big sandwich.

Anyway, we're the two men,

and I

you're little, you go through, you can sneak.

We're not sneaky, I'm huge and untrained in the arts of stealth.

So, we'll be two men.

Go in there, and we'll get

we'll pry open the door for you so you can slip in, right, dude?

Um,

which three men and a baby.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Um.

Okay, so I have to get to the door, right?

Roger, at this point, you hear a knocking on the door as Agent Preston is starting to get a little impatient waiting here with you.

Uh, hey there, you uh, you almost done in there?

You, are you okay?

Do you need are you all we need to I need to get back to the desk?

Oh,

it's a bad one.

It's a bad one.

Oh boy.

And

Roger is going to release the biggest.

Oh, God.

Please don't.

No, no, no, no, no.

You don't need that.

Let's leave any of us.

Let it be

a destructive methane class.

Let them fill in the blanks.

Leave a gap in the map.

It's going to use CH4U

and

really

try to chase Preston away.

Good, good, good, good, good, good.

Damn, that's the way for him just made the face of the devil.

It just gets sketched out.

It scared him, I think.

All right, Dad, roll me 3d8.

3d6?

What?

3d8.

Right.

Oh, I get it.

Like the devil.

3D.

That cow's got the devil in him.

All right, 3d8.

Smell of brimstone.

Eight, four, and one.

That's only one success, but the one success is at eight, which is the best number on there.

That is true.

With a mixed success, it is a very convincing staint cloud,

which has mollified Agent Preston that this is definitely an emergency situation for you and that you are really having some serious tummy troubles,

but does not drive him away.

Oh, no.

Uh-uh.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I noticed that.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

If dad, no, no.

If dad gets a mixed success when attempting to make the biggest fart he can, there is only

as an acceptable outcome.

Now, wait, and that's on the bubble for the content filter.

That is on the bubble for the content filter.

So we need something different.

I'm going to call it a blart.

And kids, you know what I mean.

I'm going to have to call the FCC real quick to make sure.

Hold on.

He fooped.

Yeah, hey.

Call this Derek.

Yeah, yeah, we're working on a thing.

It's a little better the boy who cried.

Yeah, no, he got a mixed success on trying to make a really big fart.

It was an A.

Tell him.

It was an A.

There was an A.

Tell him about Foop.

Tell him we're thinking about Foop.

We're going to rebrand it as Foop.

Is that going to be?

That's still pretty bad, but it's on the bubble.

Oh, good.

Okay, we can go with Foop.

Awesome.

Okay.

Thank you, Derek.

Love you.

You know, using bubble isn't appropriate.

Okay, Derek said we can go with Foop.

And

we'll be tentatively okay.

Cool.

Okay, so it's this massive foop.

Yeah.

Looking at this foop.

I don't know if you want to go with massive dad.

Are you sure with the implications of that?

Well, I'm sitting on a...

I mean, I'm in the water.

That's a good place to do it.

I'm in the loo.

What is art?

Okay.

Yeah.

You know?

That's cool.

That's cool to think of it.

You foop real big.

And he doesn't move at all?

Come on.

give me a little.

He doesn't come in.

He doesn't come in to check on.

This is what I'm arguing.

He has to move, but he moves his pants.

Oh, I see.

This is like, he got.

That's the mix of the successes.

What's great here, for those of you at home who can't see the map, there are two doors to the rim.

Right.

And so dad opted to instead foop himself.

Travis, when I get locked into my logic, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah, no, please.

Yes.

It is important to note.

If Travis then attempts to fart so loud, he scares the man away.

But he instead farts quietly, that is not a big success.

It's an embarrassing failure.

Okay.

He's just farted himself.

But instead, fooping himself.

Fooping himself.

Consider that a partial success.

Success, but there is a price has been paid.

And I got to say,

there's probably no worse place on the planet to foop than inside of a bathroom stall.

You were so close.

You almost had it.

Psychological effect.

And it's not just the sound.

So smart.

Trav.

I was really hoping that the

cloud of gas would be so

powerful.

He would at least step away a couple of steps.

Yeah, so he is definitely grossed out.

He's going to kind of move to the other side of this big group with Golden Seal.

Like, oh, God.

Oh, guys, guys.

Oh, yeah, we're going to need a minute in there.

Maybe light a match, or like a hundred matches or something.

My God.

I think he just fooled himself.

Is the coat rack on wheels?

The coat rack is on wheels.

Perfect.

Cool.

Okay.

I'm going to

step inside the coat rack

and slowly start edging it in the direction of the stairs.

Slowly.

Two men and a baby, I think, calls for the two men to be sort of synced up instead of having, again, our our own competing conflicting distractions so i am right here come with right here with you come with me this is how we're gonna do yes brother i'm looking at the our pathways yeah this is the only option yes i love this

should we let should we let roger get moving before moving before we

begin doing our own sort of deal Well, I thought that his turn was flirting.

So I wanted to do my turn.

Well, now that he's proved himself, let's see how this plays out.

Well, sorry, guys, that was a real dad move.

I think with that extra space, he's going to go through that back door of the bathroom and clamber into the.

Now, there's nothing you're going to do first.

Trevor Burrus, you guys, if you spent 12 minutes

investigating the foop, I petition you to move off the yard scale, Trell.

Very true.

But every 10 seconds, somewhere in this world, a a cow poops.

And it just...

And it's just probably, Dad, that's insane.

It's probably.

There's so many cows on Earth.

There's so many cows on Earth.

I think he just lets it fall where it does.

The biggest source of agricultural greenhouse gases worldwide, cows.

Got to eat fewer cows, guys.

Come on.

Get it through.

More, you know.

Nope, we do that at the end.

Okay.

So you're moving towards that back door here.

And I'm going to clamber into the air vent.

Okay.

Yes, you are.

Hope it's a pretty big air vent.

So

as you exit into that kind of side hallway there, before it sees you, you see that there's a camera at the end that is kind of doing a sweeping about 270 degree.

pointing at the hallway where you are and then sweeping back to the seating area here where golden seal is surrounded by the enforcement.

So you will need to time that out if you wish to, if you're trying to avoid being seen.

I think it's time for me to do the night foxtrot.

Of course it is.

The Mondo move.

When he hears a techno beat, he can do a fluid, acrobatic, tumbling dance.

And I think into his headpiece, he's going to say, I need one of you fellas to give me a techno beat.

There has got to be a better way for you to do this.

You can borrow my zoom for the next operation.

So you can...

These are my powers.

These are my moves.

I need...

The fact that your powers are conditional to one of us doing a beatbox

really hard on the rest of us.

But Lyle has like a drum thing, doesn't he?

Don't you have a drum thing?

I need to check the pockets of the coats, please.

Are there any devices in the coat pockets that can play music?

Oh, that's good.

Okay, good.

Give me a roll with...

I'm going to say anything's a drum

to find something.

Yeah, thank you.

Yeah.

Oh, one success.

Okay, with a mixed success, you find in one of the coat pockets, someone has bought a birthday card.

Oh, that's smart, Travis.

I love that.

To give to a friend.

And it's one of those that you open it up and it plays like...

Sandstorm.

Yeah, it plays through Sandstorm in a real like chiptunes kind of way.

Okay, as it starts playing, that's very unfortunate for me because that's quite loud and distracting.

As it starts playing, I'm going to fold it into a paper airplane.

Okay.

When a structure or environment is in danger of destruction, I've been practicing sense of the best path of escape.

This place is ready to blow now with all this methane gas.

No, okay, that's not, you're right.

A bit of a stretch.

Maybe if it had been a completely successful foob.

No, it was 100%.

Yeah, it was a dirty one.

Can I roll 2d8 to fold an airplane card?

You can, but if your goal is to sail it over there to him,

there will also be

a roll to see if you can do it without detection.

Okay.

Now you are good at camouflage.

Yes, so let me do the roll.

This is how well you can construct the airplane to make it all the way to him.

And I don't have any reason to think I'd be good at that.

2d8 seems more than fair.

Yeah, and I mean, it's a mixed success.

Okay, so with a mixed success.

If you stack enough mixed successes onto each other, this story really cool.

Yeah, lose the plot.

With a mixed success, you are pretty sure you have folded it in such a way that it will make it to him.

And I'm going to like flip a coin.

And if it's heads, it'll make it to him.

And if it's tails, it does.

That's a mixed success.

Okay, it's flipping.

Heads!

You succeed!

Yes!

Okay, now we're all for the tour if you are noticed.

Oh, man, I just barely got two successes out of those five die.

Okay, yeah, with that, you are able to do this

like an absolute surgeon.

Just like fold it

perfect

five

what's grammatically correct five die or five dice

um you two dice three dice four dice five dice five dice five dice it just sounds weird five dices i actually think dices these yeah i hate deces to pieces

so okay dad still has to do his move now yeah you have successfully landed this birthday card playing derude sandstorm on shiptunes uh right next or in Roger's hands from across the headquarters without being noticed.

And it's a shame that no one noticed because if they had, it would have been the wildest

thing.

No matter how loud my dad is being right now, there's no way they didn't just hear like,

well, here's the thing that you don't know, Griffin.

That is like everybody's favorite song in this office without fail.

So people are cool.

Constantly, it's everybody's ringtones.

And also, Griffin, there is a way I rolled about it.

That's true, I guess.

And I know they didn't, because I rolled about it.

Yeah, narratively, it's because it's everyone's ringtones, but mechanically, it's because Justin rolled some dice and he got

his excessive.

I know it feels like they should have, but they didn't.

Yeah.

Cool.

Sometimes, Griffin, the dice tell a story.

Yeah.

So, dad, you're now holding a birthday card paper airplane playing Darude Sandstorm on Ship Tunes, giving you a techno beat to use your night fox draw.

All right.

Then it's going to roll 4d8.

Now, you also have lots of time to shine dice.

Yo, I'm going to use one.

Oh, boy.

I was going to say.

The amount of goofs that have gone into this

is so much work.

It's got to work.

So I'm going to roll 5D.

Just 20 minutes of goofs.

All right.

Building to this.

4d8.

Here goes the roll.

557.

Not only a success, but a cowabunga.

Thank goodness that.

You are able to seamlessly enter this vent like a stinky shadow, just rolling up in there.

Nobody notices the noise of the vent being removed.

You're able to get in there and just

enter that vent and begin shimming your way through.

I prefer clamber, if it's all right with you.

I don't think you want to clamber, Dad.

I think that implies noise.

Yeah.

Okay, if you want to.

No, no.

And I'm going to unfold

the

paper airplane and put it in my jacket pocket, but I'm going to hold on to it.

Good idea, I think.

All right, so now we...

Are you going to close it or leave it open?

Oh, I'm going to close it.

Okay.

If he listens to techno music constantly, he will be dead within the hour.

He can't handle that much.

And with that cowabunga, not only do you enter seamlessly, but you are able to do so and replace the vent as the camera comes back around to that end, revealing nothing.

It's seamless.

Mission impossible.

This is what you are built for, Roger.

Yeah.

Thanks.

I mean, not all of it.

Well, maybe.

With four stomachs.

Okay, we're back to the coat rack and the two men of the two men in a baby scenario.

Your plan, if I remember correctly, is to move the coat rack

through the gate

and into the bullpen.

So should I...

Should I make it look like I'm pushing the coat rack into the room?

And then you can be in the coat rack hiding?

Because, like, if they just see a coat rack scooting across the floor, they're going to be pretty confused, I think.

No, so

it's up.

We're going to pretend to be...

You know what?

I'm sure I'll come up with something.

I love it.

I want to support Linus.

I'm going to do this in the moment.

Like, in the moment, but I can't just vent here.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah.

You need the pressure.

That's it.

Exactly.

You're a game time player.

Okay, that's good.

Okay.

With the distraction of Golden Seal, you are able to get as far as the gate, but now you will need to open the gate and maneuver yourselves in a co-rec through.

So, this is where I'm going to need the roll.

Lyle, it seems like you are leading the way.

So, give me that camouflage roll.

Okay, so that's a cowbunga.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, so as far as anyone's concerned, this is just

a

coat rack.

Maybe come loose a little bit.

Somebody hung a coat weird.

Does anyone need their coats?

Wait, what are you doing?

What?

This is how it's been working the whole time.

You see a guy turn from the coffee station at the sound of your voice.

Hello, do you need any service from Cokebot?

Wait, what?

Yes, your office is in your pilot program.

You're one of the first offices with a Cokebot.

And this has been working.

I got a double cowbunger.

I mean, listen, I fully believe that this is a Cokebot, but I don't know.

I know you do.

I roll your dot out.

I know.

Listen, how can I help you, Cokebot?

You can turn around.

I'm sorry, my programming is still...

Do you have feedback?

I sense from your reaction that I have upset a social more.

Well, yeah, I'm a little confused, Kobot, because like...

I said, turn around.

Oh.

Sorry again.

I'm now, he fully believes that this is a cobot.

With your cowabunga, you are camouflages kobot.

He's buying it.

But now he is a little bit confused as to whether or not he should follow this command okay um so i'm gonna need one of the two of you

uh well yeah justin you're the one leading the charge here i'm gonna need justin i'm gonna need you to roll to see if you can get him to turn around it doesn't seem like you got

anything in that strength so roll 2d8 to see if you can get him to follow this command okay

Mixie says

90 degrees.

Yeah, he turns.

He's still kind of looking at you over his shoulder as he faces towards the stairs.

He's like, he's a little suspicious.

Like this.

I get it.

I get it.

Yeah, that's good.

Perfect.

While he is doing this, it looks like based on sort of the

vector at which we are entering this room, we are right up close to

a bunch of desks.

Could I try and swipe an ID card or something?

Good.

Because no matter what, it seems like we're going to have to get past that ID scanner in order to reach records.

Yeah, give me...

Let me see what you got here.

This is not my forte whatsoever, but

I don't know.

So first, give me a bug guide roll to see what you can see on the desk from your vantage point.

Okay.

Two success, seven, five.

Okay, yeah, what two success is definitely within arm's reach.

You see someone is like hastily put down, like maybe they clocked in late, but like their pile of stuff, and it's like their keys, their phone, and their like ID badge that they would, and it's all kind of grouped together.

So now I'm going to have you make a roll to see if you can grab one of them without being noticed.

I'm going to use, I think, two time to shine dice here.

Oh,

um, giving you four.

I have nothing.

I have nothing here.

Uh, and then the ID is what I want to to grab, right?

If it's an ID scanner, I don't want his keys or his phone.

Cool.

All right.

Here goes nothing.

Please.

Three successes and a cowabunga.

755.

Oh, yeah.

With three successes and a cowabunga, you grab his phone and his ID badge if you want.

I don't know that I want his phone.

I feel like that's just going to cause more complications for me.

What do I need a police officer's phone for?

That's fair.

Okay.

Yeah, you grab his ID badge and with that cowabunga, not only does no one see, but that guy, you know, is very busy.

You could tell by the rush that he has an ID badge at all.

Yeah.

Like, he's not going to notice for quite some time.

Okay.

Okay, let's get back to Roger in the vents real quick.

Get back to.

Yeah.

I mean,

I needed a breath after we walked six feet in a coat rack.

Well, and convince the guy that you were a coat rack.

We did a lot of stuff.

I'm not sure.

I still don't understand.

I'm not grousing.

I think our overall progress in this episode is fantastic.

I'm amazed, frankly.

The rate at which we are just grinding through your content.

Hey, folks, we've got some live shows coming up.

We're going to be in Atlanta for Taz vs.

Popeye.

We're doing my brother, my brother, and me in Atlanta.

We're doing Dragon Con in Atlanta.

Atlanta, more like Koolanta, because we'll be there doing cool stuff.

That's what they call it.

I didn't like that.

They call it Koolanta.

Did you know that?

I don't think they call it Koolanta, dude.

They do.

All right, man.

Oh, the cool ones do.

We've also got shows coming up in Texas, Utah, and California.

All Taz shows for the rest of the year are going to be Taz versus shows.

Like I said, we've got Taz vs.

Popeye in Atlanta.

We're doing Taz vs.

Hercules in Texas

and even more coming up.

So make sure you get them.

Tickets for all the shows are on sale now and get all the info and ticket links at big.ly slash McElroy Tours.

We got some new merch up in the merch store.

We also got some great deals up in the merch store.

We're doing a back-to-school sale.

Select items up to 40% off.

You can get three different back-to-school bundles.

You get a free mystery pin with a purchase of $30 or more.

and 10% of all our merch proceeds this month will be donated to World Central Kitchen.

All that and more over at MacroyMerch.com.

That's it.

Enjoy the rest of the episode and we'll be back with a new one in two weeks.

Bye.

Bye.

I'm Emily Fleming.

I'm Jordan Morris.

And I'm Matt Lee.

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Roger,

give me...

Let's see.

We've already established that you are graceful in here.

You're a dancer.

Give me a 3d8 roll to see how far you have made it through the vents.

Okay.

It's two successes.

5-5-5.

That's a cowabunga, baby.

All right.

You've made it all the way down to the corner.

Okay.

And from this vantage point,

you can start to hear voices coming through some of the vents along the way further down.

They're a little bit muffled right now.

You can tell they're some distance still before you would be on top of them.

But you can definitely hear some voices coming through some of the vents.

Could I make my way down to listen through the air duct next to the interrogation room?

Yes, you can.

I'm going to have you do a roll, another 3DA roll, to see if you can do that undetected since the interrogation room is currently occupied.

Okay, well, surely something in here, my powers.

I mean, I'm giving you 3DA for being a graceful spy.

Okay.

Well, I'll just keep it at the three.

Okay.

Holy crap.

Oh my gosh.

Here's your three sixes.

What?

What does this mean, Travis?

Oh my Travis.

It means he's up to Daddy.

Oh, no, not the Antichrist.

Oh, I don't think.

I think this is the second time dad has rolled three sixes.

Hey, guys.

It has to mean something.

Can we sign up?

Even though it's like...

This is a kid show.

So if we could come up with something that's kind of like the Antichrist, but like a little

African

boogeyman.

A super bad guy.

He's anti-skibbity.

Yeah.

He's Ohio.

He wants to kill.

He wants to kill all of us.

No, I think if it's supposed to be satanic, just make it skibbity.

None of us.

Well, some of us know what that means.

You are able to make it right next to them.

And lucky for you, the way that the airflow is going, the duct is carrying your stink trail away and down.

Oh, it's gone.

It's gone.

Hey, Dad, that's for me to decide.

You fool yourself.

You don't have to.

Travis, actually, with three sixes, I think dad should get to be in charge for a little while.

Of his stink clown?

Of reality.

I mean, three sixes is crazy, man.

That's a crazy thing.

Didn't you make a special role for that?

Like, you have to quit the game or something?

I do?

Or dad?

Like, dad, whoever rolled it is to quit.

I think that's what you said.

Dad, at this point, your stink cloud, you're like the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland where you can shape your stink clown

into different things.

Also, maybe Gandalf, like a wizard.

Are you sure you want to give me that power?

For the next 10 seconds.

Oh, okay.

Then I'm going to make like a pretzel shape.

Just turn it into the evidence we're looking for.

It's like Green Lantern's Ring.

Oh, yeah.

Whole new power.

Whole new power.

And the power's gone.

Okay.

Roger wants to listen in.

Okay, yeah.

With three sixes, absolutely.

You're able to do so undetected.

You can hear the voices much clearer now.

You hear it.

Yeah, so then I, it's the voice of Eel Patrick Harris.

So then they sent us in and we kidnapped this guy.

And I'm not at liberty to say, but then I fled down to a thing, went to the SEAL base,

the base ibaddies.

They were there.

What other information do you guys want?

I mean, I'm trying to tell you whatever you need.

Yeah.

Okay.

Listen, Eel, Eel,

we're willing to like let you off here, like, but you got to give us more than that.

Like, who hired you, right?

Who was it?

Oh, yeah.

Um, it was, um, so this lady named Clamjula hired us on behalf of some guy named the Walrus.

Um,

and

uh, what else?

What else?

So it seems to you, Roger, like you are getting the impression, uh, especially with 36es, that he has turned confidential informant here, giving them whatever information they want about what went down to avoid any kind of sentence.

Okay, so...

But we knew that stuff, though, right?

Yeah.

He said that to us when we interrogated.

Yes.

And I also have my comms open.

when I was listening to this stuff, so you guys could hear whatever I heard.

Yeah, for sure.

So just to be clear, I just want to make sure I understand sort of what I'm hearing, Trav, to keep up with the storylines and stuff um

so the we're at river city first enforcement

we are telling them that a guy named the walrus hired us to do something and they're no no no eel patrick harris in the interrogation yeah no sorry eel patrick harris is telling them that he was hired by somebody named the walrus he's telling the people at river city first

enforcement that he was hired by someone named the walrus and they're like huh interesting

let's keep a note of that.

I just want to understand what's happening.

Yes, correct.

And he is also doing so so that Hammer Ned and Squidmark

will face harsher sentences and he will not.

Oh, man.

So now we're back to...

Back to Navy Seal and Axel Isle.

The security guard that you have convinced that you are a coat rack robot is now facing 90 degrees away from you.

You have the identification,

Navy.

And

take it away.

Okay.

I guess we'll just keep

rolling towards the ID scanner and the stairs.

Wait, so why did you have me...

What's the net?

What's going?

I thought that you would give me my code.

Hey, Trav, we're done with that guy.

I didn't know we could do that.

This challenge is done.

Okay, so is he still talking to me?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm going to grab him and pull him into the coats and knock him out.

I mean, he's looking at him.

He's low mouth.

He's not looking at us.

He's looking away from us.

Well, he's looking kind of.

He's looking 90 degrees away from us.

He's looking

half away from you.

So I can half get the drop on him, no problem.

Yep.

Justin, give me...

Everything's a drum.

Anything's a drum.

I'm rooting through the pockets to look for something to knock this guy out with.

Yeah, go for it.

Let me see what I can find.

Oh, wow.

That's three successes, and one of them's a cowboint.

Yeah, so with the cowboys, five, five, seven.

There's a hypo full of drugs in there.

We are just really crushing our rolls today.

Yeah.

Well, in one of the pockets, you find a taser labeled instant and painless.

Knock out for five to ten minutes.

Okay, I uh I uh one use only.

I take one of the coat hangers and uh

put

use that to hang him up with the other coat

i call that how to succeed in business without really dying

i'm looking at axel isle with a look of shock and horror on my face we are going to get in so much trouble you just escalated this this was trespassing bro no no no this was trespassing bro i thought so too But I know that that worked perfectly.

I don't know how to explain it, but it definitely worked perfectly.

I just said they would have gotten us on trespassing and now you've done something way worse

you just have to try things and see if they work out in this life in this life you don't know if something's gonna succeed or if it's gonna fail before you do it in this life that you and I are living together right now You have to just do something and maybe it'll work and maybe it won't.

That is literally not in your control.

You're right.

You're right.

That guy makes me uncomfortable, but you're right.

Let's get to the ID scanner and then try and get out of here without anyone seeing our faces.

Okay.

Can we keep tiptoeing?

That was a beautiful scene.

The message was nice.

I'm not sure about

the source of it.

Sometimes in life, you just have to knock someone out.

And just see what happens.

Well, the message is that he is aware that he is in a role-playing game.

What?

That's what he's saying.

In this life that we are living, you and I right now, you have to do things because you cannot know if they are going to succeed or not.

So he is being literal in his existence.

He has found that he doesn't know if things are going to work or not.

He just has to try them.

And maybe they will.

Maybe they won't.

It's really not up to him.

Can we try and steer over to the right a little bit?

You can try to steer any way you want.

This thing's fully lubricated.

No squeaks at all.

How do I know?

Cowabunga.

Yeah.

Which way are you heading?

I don't know.

If we can move over towards the camera, and then there seems to be like one office over here.

Yeah, let's invest in that.

There's only one person in it.

So I'm thinking like if we have an opportunity to maybe take this camera out so that

Roger doesn't have to deal with it.

Oh, I love that.

I love that.

Yeah, we're in a fully actual position.

And Travis, I would love if I could knock out a few more guys that you'll have to drag along with this goat rack.

Yeah.

Viewer at home, listener, listener at home who's not a viewer,

you will not get to see the real joy of watching Travis scoot a coat rack and then me and then Griffin and then the little guy that I knocked out.

And just keep adding more detritus

inconvenience.

It'd be great if we left by just rolling the coat rack up to the front lobby and just like 30 police officers popping up.

Okay.

I think, can we pass?

I mean, what's in this office?

Yeah.

See into it?

The door is currently closed.

And this one does not have a plate glass window.

You could listen.

Yeah, sure.

Roll me.

It would be weird if I was like, no.

The coat rack bot is now blocking fire exits.

I don't have bug ears.

I'll just do 2d8.

Yeah.

Wish I had bug ears.

One success, 4-5.

With a mixed success, you can hear only one voice from what you can listen to.

You're not quite able to make out what they're saying.

Okay.

But you only hear one distinct voice talking.

Is it an authoritative sort of chiefly voice?

It is.

This is the only private office in here, so I have to thank someone anyway.

There's a confidence to it.

A gravitas.

Okay.

Okay.

So that's definitely not Goshua.

I think we can all agree.

Only one way to find out.

I mean, Goshua got demoted.

I don't know why he would get his own office.

Maybe it's Goshua.

Dang, now you got me second guessing.

Well, if it is Goshua, I don't actually want to see him.

He would be pretty mad at us.

So we're good here.

Just here blocking the door and the camera.

I think we should...

Oh.

This is perfect.

We can keep rolling until we are blocking the camera.

That's cool.

And I don't think we can exfiltrate from the coat rack.

I have an exit strategy, and that's it.

I love it.

Can we roll up to the camera?

And block it with the coat rack?

Where you are right now, you are blocking the camera.

At least from the corner of the stairs, you know, go down.

And so right now

you're in a pretty effective

blocking position.

Okay.

Okay.

We're in a good spot.

Yeah, let's just wait.

See what that rocket is.

Okay, Roger.

Give me one more roll to get to the end of the vent there.

Okay.

Is he literally rolling like a keto roll or just rolling dice just rolling dice

yeah with double seven six you have made your way down uh to the vent you can see out of the vent now from your vantage point you can see through the vent to see squid mark at processing with an agent with him uh you see hammer ned being processed with a couple agents around there as well and to your left you see a coat rack Um, and he knows what's up with the coat rack, you have no way to do that.

He's anxious about that.

I peek my little face out and hold up the ID card and give a thumbs up.

He can't see that.

Can he see that?

Do you want him to see that?

Yeah, clearly.

Okay.

Okay, make a roll for me to see if anybody else sees that.

It's so discreet, though.

Like, I'm barely.

Well, you have calm.

If you could just tell him.

I we're in the coat rack and we have the ID card,

Roger.

I assumed.

Yes, good.

With that roll, would you allow me to continue down the air duct?

Hmm.

Sure.

To where...

To where the camera is on the other side of the wall.

Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah.

Because I have to assume there are like

wires.

They definitely put wires through the air ducts, definitely.

Yeah, here behind the camera, you are able to see a bundle of wires.

none of them labeled

okay

um

dang

okay i mean he is a spy

infiltration is his thing

hmm i think

um he's going to fiddle with the wires of the game you do have also the

didn't you get a device

i do yes the Halicar.

Yes.

Yes, the Halicar hack.

The Halicar hack, which...

Did you forget about your hacking device that you built?

That's what it is.

I assumed.

Hey, Dad, can I tell you something?

I love you so much.

When you asked me if you could get to the camera and there would be wires and stuff, I was like, oh, yeah, he totally remembers that he has a hacking device.

Well, of course I did.

Oh, it was all a clever ploy.

That was a good idea.

To lull me into a sense of security.

I was luring you into my narrative.

You have to accept that on some level, dad did know, right?

That is the only thing that makes sense is that inside dad, there is a war.

There are two wolves.

One who remembers he has inventory.

And one who's just kind of drooling and lays on his side all the time, waiting for belly rubs.

And farting.

Yes, I use the Halicar Hack, which is a pocket, cleverly disguised as a pocket watch with a cow face on it.

And use it to connect to the...

okay here's what he's gonna do he's gonna use it to connect to the camera so that it's on a permanent loop of what it's showing now okay give me a 3d8 roll with your halicar hack can he see can you see the like network because it would be cool to know where stuff is

I don't know if the halicar hack has a has a screen

hmm well let's see how well he rolls and then I'll I'll let you know how well he connects.

I'm going to use a time to shine dice, too.

Okay, so 48.

48.

6, 2, 3, 8.

With two successes, you're not able to access the full network, but you are able to create a loop on this camera, allowing you guys to,

in this area, around the stairs, move without being detected by this camera.

Amazing.

Perfect.

So let's jump back to the two men in the coat rack.

Are you guys waiting for some kind of movement from Roger or is there a next step in your plan?

Can we tell if Squid Mark and Hammernet are like nearing the end of the processing process?

Because like Raw, to paint a picture for the folks at home, Roger is going to have to basically sneak right behind where these two criminals are being processed in order to reach the stairs down to records.

Give me a roll with your big old bug eyes to see if you can get a read on the situation.

7-8, 26.

Okay, yeah, with two successes, it's hard to tell exactly where they are in the process.

They've clearly been here a long time, and you can tell that they are getting very agitated

and

somewhat uncooperative with the agents who are processing them.

Tensions are running high.

It is definitely a fraught situation.

Okay.

It seems like everybody's ready to be done in one way or another.

Okay, we got two bogeys by the gate.

You should be able to get there, Roger.

And we should be able to get you the ID.

But you're going to need to move quick, because it's an agitated situation.

Roger?

Roger that.

This is really confusing.

I didn't even think about the fact that your name is like.

Roger.

Roger Roger.

10-thing, 10-4, Roger.

Cool.

Cool.

So what do you do?

Said I'd do something.

And you solved it.

You solved it, Justin.

I was just waiting for you to do something.

Yeah.

That's it.

Okay.

Yeah.

That actually beats Abnimals.

Thank you.

I was telling Dad to do something.

Thank you, everybody, so much.

We're in position.

We're in position.

We have nothing we can do.

It's all the Roger Show right now.

And I can't wait for the same Roger time, same Roger channel.

Join us again next week on The Roger Show.

Our big cliffhanger is that dad wasn't acting fast enough.

Hey, it's a new, it's a new low.

It's a new low, but kids, I want you to remember this because you thought we were going to have a good cliffhanger, right?

But this is another thing where your heroes let you down.

You know, and you overhear one of the agents say, What?

A meteor heading for the city?

Oh, no, sorry, I misheard you.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, no.

You wanted a meteor sandwich.

Okay.

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