The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 13: Enforcement Infiltration!

In spite of what you've heard, we're at the height of our powers Atop the tallest towers

We'll never stop us

having to trust That we will do what we must Until it turning out just like we plan

this long But our mojo's strong And unless I'm wrong And I'm not We're at the height of our power

Having re-emerged on the beaches of River City, we find the Abnimals back in their favorite dining/slash, you know, planning location, the Sub-Mariner's Diner, back at your booth.

At this point, you've gained the information that some new big uh evil mastermind the walrus is in play he orchestrated the kidnapping of carver hired the bayside baddies with this new information you have we find you guys back at the booth talking amongst yourselves i pull i've got i imagine we've got a bunch of diner accoutrement on the table trying to sort of diagram out like i've got a big gravy boat and i'm like okay so this is a walrus so when you think of diner accoutrement graph and the first place you go to is gravy boat i was trying to think of a walrus shaped got it got it diner dinerware yeah

that's something that i think of you know that little syrup thing where you press the silver thing and it slides back oh that's

like it's talking that's good that's good oh what yeah that's carver carver's the syrup dispenser and so i've got him wrapped up in a little napkin to symbolize that he's been captured what about this this little bottle that has all the little peppers inside it you know, with all like some like vinegar or something?

Ah, what do they call those things?

That's going to be something too, okay?

I just like the look of it.

Sure, that can be the Bayside Baddies because it's spicy.

They're like spicy boys, and they've got Carver.

And the Walrus, I guess, hired them because of Clamjula.

And so there is, I do just have a clam on the table, too.

Okay, so

if Walrus hired the pepper boys

to

kidnap kidnap Carver.

Wait, Carver should just be a knife.

Oh, yeah.

Because it's like, okay.

Oh, I get rid of the surf that grabs up a knife.

Okay.

And then, so there was the heist with the bunny boys, and I guess they were probably, maybe also hired by the Walrus.

But the Bayside Baddies were looking for something too.

And we were...

Eve just dropped on after breaking up the museum heist and I have the little bank envelope.

So the bank so clearly what's happening here is.

Yeah, so.

I thought it would just come out if I did.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, I.

Gotta ask Neil.

We've laid it all out for him.

What do you?

Oh, Neil Patrick Harris isn't with you.

I was gonna say.

He turned himself in at prison.

I was gonna say, he's been pretty chill coming with us to hang.

That's pretty cool.

Um.

Well, it's...

It's obvious, isn't it?

What's happening is

tell him, Lyle.

Alright, Dean, that's the entire thing.

It's everything we got so far.

What do you think?

How's this hit you, Dean?

Thank you for making the time, by the way, to let us lay out literally everything you've heard and see.

Just get your take, man.

And you said his name was Squid Mark?

That's not important.

Like, the name...

The names aren't important.

Squid Mark.

Yeah.

No, no, I remember that one pretty exactly.

Yeah, it's Squid Mark for sure.

Okay, well,

it seems to me if the if, as you said, the the bunny brood was hired by the walrus, and so what we said, yeah, yeah, and the bayside baddies then went to Carver's to look for something, as well as kidnapping him,

then it must be something

from the museum heist that they were looking for then wasn't there because Carver took it.

There you go.

All right, so Carver took something that belongs to you.

So Carver's the bad guy.

So Carver's the bad guy?

We cracked his seat.

I mean, I don't.

I don't know about that, but I'm just saying that it seems like the thing that connects the two is that there was something there that they wanted that then he

absconded with.

And

Roger takes the ketchup squeeze bottle and makes a red line between the two of them.

Oh, don't do that.

That's a huge mess.

That's just a matter of money.

Well, no, no, no.

It will work.

Trust me.

I've seen these things on every murder show.

They have these boards.

You guys said we were gonna have lunch.

Um, was that just like kind of a it's a working lunch, Dean?

Tucker, yeah, we just haven't ordered.

Oh, okay.

We can't order until we get a bunch of money.

Finish your ice water.

We can't order until we clean up this big mess.

They'll be so angry.

I only have an hour before I have to get back to the office.

Okay, Dean.

Priorities, Dean.

Carver's been taken.

Just tell us what to do next, Dean.

If you were us, what would you do next?

And do be specific, Dean.

Or I can't...

There's no BLT in your future, Dean.

If you're light on the details, you're going to be light on the bacon, okay?

Well, um,

I guess, um...

Don't guess, Dean.

I'm gonna have you...

You're an accountant, man.

It's all about specificity.

Dean wants to help you so bad.

I bet he does.

Yeah.

I'm gonna have one of you roll,

or all of you roll, to see how well you have remembered all the details and laid them out for him in a way that he can connect the dots.

Trev, I hate to quibble.

I do think I said I recounted it with 100% precision.

Yeah, but Justin, memory is so malleable.

This is why eyewitness testimony is a real issue.

I basically didn't even roll.

Don't even worry about me.

It's stupid.

So you're just going to

mark yourself a point.

This makes perfect.

2DA?

Two successes for me.

And I was the one saying I did it.

So, yeah, you did great.

Success and a failure.

Seven and a two.

Okay.

I would say that.

The Navy?

Yeah.

How is your recall?

Bad fails.

Bad fails all around.

You're just so worried about Carver.

You're having a hard time communicating.

Yeah.

Well, from what you've said, Lyle, it seems to me that between figuring out what item was missing from the inventory when, um, you know, after the heist, or, you know, it also, from what you've said, sounds like maybe Carver and

this, uh, Dr.

Barker, Barker and Hervisions, may have had some kind of, I don't know, pre-existing relationship after their argument.

I, I, I, I, oh, that's actually really good.

Hold on a second.

Hold on, Dean.

You just made us think of something, Dean.

Hold on.

Be quiet for a second.

Oh, I made you think.

Okay.

Quiet.

Hold on, please.

Can I still drink my ice water?

Absolutely, dean if you can limit the slurping use i can't guarantee that i'll just use the straw use the straw thank you that'll work thank you so i'm gonna call dr barker on the phone put it on speaker yeah yeah

what is that that's the noise his phone makes but you're calling him

that's the dialing noise it's the red phone from the ringing flute yeah

actually dad you're 100% correct as copied by Austin Powers in the Austin Powers.

Yeah.

Yes,

how can I help you?

Hey, Dr.

Burkermere, thanks for calling.

Thank you so much for your offer of assistance implied by answering.

We could have heard a sword we heard a scuffle

between you and Carver.

What do you guys got cooking?

Oh.

Oh, well, this is

that's a private matter.

Right, that's why I called you on the phone.

Uh, let- hold on, let me take it off-speaker.

Okay, now it's just us.

Private.

It is

something I'm comfortable

talking about on the phone.

Did you turn the speaker?

Why do you ask?

Okay, let me mute my end.

What?

Did he confess?

Are you there?

He's not confessing.

No,

it's not going great.

Can you hang out?

He said he didn't want to talk.

I hate going

so much.

Hey, sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

It was so quiet.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Let me talk.

I had you.

I did a face mute because of my large shouts and lack of teeth.

Hold on.

Let me.

I got another friend here who wants to talk to you.

Hold on.

Okay.

Don't hang up.

Hey, what's up, doc?

Oh, is it?

Did you?

No, I thought you were.

Oh, looks two-handed.

Hey, can you hear me?

This is embarrassing, guys.

Please.

Sorry, can you hear me?

Yes, can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

Roger's here, too.

So, listen, Carver's been kidnapped, and we really need to.

Yes, so we need to rescue him.

And it seems like if you guys had something going on, you might be able to get away from it.

I need you to come here right now.

Tell me everything.

We can't talk about this over the phone.

Well, hold on.

Just chill for a second, okay?

Because he's been kidnapped for a while.

It's not like.

and this is the first you're telling me.

Does he know it's been a while?

Did you tell him?

Well, did you know it's been a while?

I just told him that it's been a while since the kidnapping.

So, yeah, no, it happened a while ago.

First, before we come there, why don't you tell us everything about the big fight you guys had?

The big argument.

It's not safe to talk over the phone.

Okay.

Uh, can we get a to-go cup for Dean's ice water?

Amanda T

at the at the counter, not

Thank you.

And

Dean, you can clean all this up, right?

Because we got to head out clues or wait.

Oh, there's ketchup.

Yeah, but there's a napkin dispenser right next to you.

Right there.

And the napkin dispenser, Dean, check this out.

It's you.

You were the napkin dispenser the whole time.

Oh, so fluttered.

We got to get going, Dean.

As you stand up from your booth, you hear

a noise, but it's very muffled, but it sounds like it's it's coming from under the water

outside of the submariner.

And it is getting louder and louder.

And you,

Navy, begin to recognize the noise.

No, man.

It is

the Royal Fanfare of the Golden Seal.

And as you make that connection, you see a, like, the beautiful head of the fleet, golden, basically submarine limo

of the golden seal break the top of the water.

And almost as soon as it does, the hatch on top opens and emerges from it.

The golden seal.

Hello, citizens of the...

What was it?

Land?

Yeah.

Of the land.

I...

am the golden seal

ruler of the raw seals and leader of the Royal Seals.

Fear not.

I come in peace.

I come to find my son.

He does this every time.

Every time.

Son!

Yep, me, yep.

Oh, hey.

I thought you were further away.

Hey, can you turn it down?

Sorry?

It's so loud.

We can absolutely hear it.

The trumpets are so loud.

Oh, yeah, hold on.

And

We haven't slept.

Hey, kill the music.

We can't sleep.

We don't have a place to sleep.

We don't have a place to sleep.

No, turn off the music.

Ah, man.

So, Dad, what are you doing?

You're embarrassing me in front of my friends.

Griffin, can you try to pay attention to what we're doing?

Well son.

I am worried about you.

I've been saving that one for like 10 years.

Yeah, go ahead.

Sorry.

My son, I'm worried about you.

Okay.

I don't need...

I don't really...

Is that really it?

Because I'm fully, fully old.

I'm fully a grown-up.

Like a...

No, no, you misunderstand.

I'm not worried about your safety.

Okay.

I'm worried about how you're representing the Seal Kingdom here on the land.

You,

I fear, have grown weak during your time here with...

These surface dwellers.

So I've come to observe your behavior and see how you are representing the Seal Kingdom here among the land

people.

Okay, I don't want that.

So we're actually heading out to follow a lead and time is kind of the essence.

We need to kind of move a little bit discreetly because we have been followed in the past and having a lot of people.

You allowed yourself to be followed.

And he writes down in like a little folder, takes a note down.

Yeah.

Sorry, yeah, maybe we should practice more discretion.

So, are you going to be following in your golden trumpet ship?

Or

I shall be traveling as you travel.

I shall be shadowing you to see how you are operating here on the land.

Is there anything else?

Just pretend like I'm not here.

Easy if you're quieter.

I will try to take that note.

And

there's nothing I can do to convince you not to do this.

Nothing.

You could come back and put yourself in prison in the Seal Kingdom for 10 years?

I'm sorry.

Prison for 10 years because I haven't been representing the SEAL brand good enough?

Well, more of like the SEAL kingdom in general, but yes, if you want to put it that way.

I think

the damage you've done is amends.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, all right.

Let's go on a field trip with my dad.

This is great.

A cool day we're all having.

And let's just get moving because time's of the essence, And I have to rescue my new dad, Carver.

That's right, dad.

I got a new one.

Interesting.

Another seal?

I'm, I just start sloshing away.

You gotta stop with the only seal stuff.

It's so witched.

It's we're so far past that as a society, dude.

You head out of the submariner, followed by Navy's large dad.

I hate my big dad.

God,

I hope nobody takes that out of context in a quote or something.

You arrive at Barker Innovations, and Dr.

Barker meets you at the entrance.

He is clearly agitated, pacing back and forth, waiting for your arrival.

Oh, yes.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you for coming.

Please.

Wait.

Who is this?

Who is this large

other seal?

What?

It's Navy's dad.

His dad has to make sure he's doing adventures good.

Yeah.

It's not funny.

It's not funny, guys.

This is not...

This is mine absolutely.

Just act like I am not here.

I am simply here to observe and judge my son.

Yeah.

Oh.

So.

Okay.

Um.

Can he be trusted?

I mean,

you have an exhibit dedicated to him in your own personal hero museum, so I feel like.

i mean it is an honor sir but can he be trusted

i mean can he be trusted to be thoughtful about your feelings um or like what matters to to you absolutely not but is he gonna do bad guy stuff i know that's sort of against his whole thing Okay, then he can come.

Come to my office quickly.

Okay.

You head into Dr.

Travis Barker's office, and once inside, he locks the door, he pulls the shades down, he unplugs the phone, unplugs the computer.

He is

very thoroughly isolating the office.

What's up with all the secrecy?

Hold on.

Okay, I think it's safe to talk now.

What I'm about to tell you,

what I'm about to show you,

there's only five other people

alive that know this,

and I must swear all through well, all four of you to secrecy.

Do swear.

I'm I mean, yeah, you've five people's a lot of people to know a secret, so like well, this doesn't feel quite as precious as I think you're making it out to be.

I mean, there's like billions of people on Earth,

okay?

My word is my bond,

My word is my bond as well.

I get it.

Okay.

And you see him reach behind him.

And he starts fiddling with the back of his head.

And you hear a kiss.

And he removes

his face.

And it is a mask.

A very, you can see the inside once he's removed it.

A very intricate robotic mask that he has been wearing.

And underneath, you see the face of Loveless.

Whoa!

The Greenback Guardian known for his scientific expertise.

Hey, what?

Hey, what?

Hey!

What?

What?

Hey, dudes.

Um.

Yeah,

so...

Where's Dr.

Travis Barker?

No, I am.

I am Dr.

Travis Barker, guys.

No, you're Loveless.

Dr.

Travis Barker is a dog scientist.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Who came to River City about...

And you killed.

No, no, I...

Okay.

Dr.

Travis Barker is the

kind of alias that I took on so I could continue my scientific research, try to forward, you know, the ways to help people outside of like you know vigilante crime fighting kind of stuff that's where it's at

but where did he but where did the reactionists where'd he go

he never exist he was a creation of of me

can I tell you something I always thought it was weird that like the big scientist guy here in in the city was named after the drummer for blink 182 and so the fact that you made him up

whole club oh is that his name too no i just love that name travis it's just, it's a really cool name for confident, cool, sexy people.

And that's important to you.

Yeah.

Okay, so wait.

So, okay, so you've been Lovelace the whole time.

Are all the Greenback Guardians just kind of kicking around in secret?

That's not my

secret to reveal.

I can reveal

what's up with me and Carver.

You already know

what's what happened?

Um, well, he

he's got his own little hideout, right?

With the training course and all that.

Yeah, I know, the Carvery.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Not exactly low-profile.

No, so he got kidnapped there by the Bayside Baddies who are working.

They were contracted by a person named Clamjula under the sort of guidance of some big new

kingpin head honcho named the Walrus.

Yeah,

that's exactly what I expected.

Okay.

Why do you think I wasn't safe to talk on the phone?

This

I don't know.

The Walrus, I've been hearing murmurings, our information gathering.

It's come up, you know, in different places in the,

I don't want to use the term dark web, but we have monitors.

And nice, dude.

Well, all right.

And

there's a lot of talk about this walrus fellow and how deeply connected he is and everything he's working on.

And we haven't been able to pin any of it down, but this is unlike

your usual run-of-the-mill,

you know, bad guy who's like, I robbed a bank, or, you know, I'm going to take the mayor hostage until, you know, moss everywhere or whatever weird stuff they get into.

This is bigger than that.

He's definitely got big, like, head honcho energy for sure.

But what's his gay?

Why would he kidnap carver

because of something carver took

maybe

oh are you talking about the bat yeah i know yeah he no i think he took more than just the bat yes there's something else

i haven't wanted to reveal it before and i still feel that way now but you know what it is I haven't wanted to reveal it previously.

It seemed not the right time, and this similarly doesn't seem like the right time.

It still feels rough.

The timing feels off for me to reveal what I've sort of sussed out.

So we've all got our secrets.

We've all got our

secrets.

That's what he's saying.

I think we're all playing it pretty close to the fifth.

Yes.

Until we are all honest and forthright, I showed you like I told you who I am.

Yeah, but you haven't told us who the other guardians are posing as.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm not going to dox anybody.

Okay,

that's fine.

So you don't know where we might be able to find Carver?

Because that's sort of my whole focus right now is

our sort of career trajectory started to take on a pretty exciting arc.

When we met Carver, I would like to keep nurturing that relationship, which will be hard to do if he is,

you know, chopped up and fed to sharks or whatever.

It's almost a paternal thing, isn't it?

It feels like a paternal thing.

I kind of called him my new dad in front of me.

Yes, no, I remember.

I heard that.

Yes, I recall him.

The dad you never had, I believe, is one of the dad.

No, he did have a dad.

The dad he wishes he had, I think, is what he said.

We need to find out what all was taken from the museum.

Because

whatever, whatever

he was taken for, it was because of something he had, because they weren't just kidnapping him, they were turning the place over to find it.

Okay, well, I don't have that information.

It would have been, let's see, after...

After he stopped the heist, it would have been cataloged by River City First Enforcement.

Great!

We know someone there.

Yeah.

We have like an inn?

Definitely, definitely.

Someone there owes us big time.

Okay, if you can figure out why.

Oh, wait, nope.

I got it mixed up.

Someone there doesn't like us big time.

It was old Goshua Darnett.

We did get devoted because of the

whole awards banquet fiasco.

So he doesn't actually owe us one.

Oh, sort of a reverse situation.

Yeah, okay.

Perhaps we can obtain the information another way.

I don't know what the other way is.

Oh, okay.

No, you said it with such confidence.

Well, I am a master of infiltration and disguise.

Perhaps we could sneak in there and get the information.

Yeah, that sounds good.

We need to get into River City first anyway.

Okay, if you can figure out why they took Carver, maybe we can figure out where they took Carver.

I'll keep working on my end and try to uncover any kind of

activity related to it.

See if I can track down the...

What was the name of the person the Walrus who wasn't?

Clamjula.

Okay, well, that seems like that would be easy to figure out.

I'll see if I can figure out.

It can't be that many clamjulas.

Well, I mean, if they're

not of this earth, we should at least be able to track through the database to see who comes in, eats, if they're a mutant, maybe they've come in to work with us here.

I don't know.

We'll see what we can figure out.

I would suggest perhaps you use the

missing LinkedIn.

Just on the off chance that it might be listed there.

It's an app I've heard.

It's very popular.

Are you proud of that one?

A little.

Yeah, I mean.

A little.

That's very good.

You should be proud.

Now, was that his dad saying that?

Or was that

the dad?

It didn't sound alike.

Yeah.

You can tell Barker has a much more

lovely.

Loveless has a much more gravely.

And the dad sounds a lot more like that.

Now you can tell the difference.

Right.

Now you can.

Well, yeah.

Put it out like that.

Yeah.

Dad, I'm going to tell you straight up.

We're about to go, I think, break into a police station.

I know.

I just said that to you.

I'm the one that came up with the idea.

This is uh, this is

what I live for.

This should provide an excellent opportunity to observe your behavior in these kind of crucial, high-pressure situations.

Just pretend I'm not here.

I'm just saying, like, you, I'm telling you now because I feel like breaking into a police station to gather evidence is not sort of great brand stuff.

Um, and so then it will be be important for you to protect the brand while committing these felonies.

Okay, great, cool.

Just making sure we're on the same page.

I mean, yes.

Cool.

As long as the Ross Seal and Golden Seal and Royal Seal brand is at the top of your priority list while you are breaking into this,

what was it?

Some sort of authority, like headquarters?

You are not a spaceman.

You have been on land before, have you not?

I try not to remember it.

Okay, that's so crazy.

May I say something?

Please.

May I say something to you, Your Royal Highness?

Of course.

Your son has done so much good.

He has saved...

well, maybe not saved lives, but made lives better.

He has

been a faithful representative of your peoples.

I think

you need to become less

of a seal of disapproval and become a seal of approval than your son stands.

That really means a lot, Roger.

Thank you.

Well, if what you say is true, then his behavior will prove that out, and I will have nothing else to do here, but until I'm able to observe for myself,

I don't know that I can simply take your word for it, though you are impeccably dressed.

Okay, thank you.

I want to say something too.

Okay, yes, as long as we're having kind of a group discussion about my relationship with my son, please.

And I'm

here for it too, which is awesome.

I want to say something too.

Is there anything that the man who was a dog and is now a tortoise would like to say?

Or I don't know him that good.

Yeah, I don't know.

What I want wanted to to say is I'm kind of just trying to stay out of it.

My cousin Tyson said that you guys all know the singer from Kiss from a Rose, and I want to know if that's true or not.

Yes, he is my cousin.

Okay.

Okay.

This is great.

So again, I have to, I feel like I have to keep reminding everyone that Carver has been kidnapped and time-loss.

I understand, and we're never going to survive unless we get a little crazy.

Stupid.

I hear one of my cats upstairs crying.

You know what they're, you know, what they're upset about.

Just like the state of things and whatever.

No, they're only ever wanting one thing, and that's for me to get the smalls out.

Dad, we don't know how to.

Yeah, they love the smooth bird.

Dad, we want our smooth bird.

We don't have jobs.

We can't buy our own food.

We don't know how to order things.

Dad, we're so scared.

We're cats and we've gained complete human intelligence.

What's happening?

Where are we?

Yeah.

Where are we?

But you know what?

I calm them right down with smalls because you're going to get a package of smalls, right?

You're going to open it up.

You're going to put it in front of your cats there, put it into a bowl, whatever you're going to, I don't know your business.

But when you put it out there, these cats are going to freak out.

And you're also going to see some long-lasting effects.

in my experience at least my cats have been a little healthier they've had a nice nice looking coat and they just love they love smalls they love it smalls cat food is protein packed recipes made with preservative free ingredients um and it's delivered right to your door and cats.com named it their best overall cat food and get this after switching to smalls 88 of cat owners report overall health improvements for smalls food that's a big deal for a limited time only because you are i was really proud of that that, Justin.

I was really proud of that.

Sorry, Trav, that was great.

Thank you.

For a limited time only, because you're an adventure zone listener, you can get 60% off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash adventure.

That's 60% off when you head to smalls.com slash adventure plus free shipping.

Again, that's smalls.com slash adventure.

Hey, this week we're coming to...

Sorry to interrupt.

I just kind of burst in.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Hey, I'm also sorry.

I'm also sorry.

And I'm here and I'm interrupting too.

If you're coming to

our shows this week in San Antonio and Austin, thank you.

If you're not already planning on coming, why not?

We want to see you there.

We need you there.

Join us.

What are you doing?

That's so great.

Yeah.

If you're coming to the show and you want to have a question,

you got a question you want answered, you want a fear read aloud, we got you.

Email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line in Austin.

And also doing what, Trav?

What are we doing in Austin, buddy?

Well, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules, and it's going to be a real treat.

You're going to

feel happier than you've ever felt in your entire life.

Yeah, we're also coming to Utah and California later this year.

Tickets for all those shows are on sale now.

More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly forward slash McElroy Tours.

Oh, we also have new merch because it's a new month.

Yeah, we have a month, new merch, new you.

Well, yeah, sort of.

We've got a brand new Gerald t-shirt over there designed by Lynn Doyle.

Go to macroymerch.com.

Check it out.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

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You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no.

It's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Long.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

So, before you make your approach to the River City Enforcement, is there anything you want to lay out?

Anything you want to plan?

Any arrangements you want to make?

Yes.

I think we need to contact Dean.

And he is an accountant, right?

Correct.

And tell him we're going to be forwarding

a list of items that maybe he could

that he could run through to see what was missing.

I was assuming that.

Frost reference.

Yes.

An inventory.

That's a good good idea.

So you've contacted Dean to let him know that be ready.

He's at his computer, ready and waiting.

What's your next move?

Okay, I feel like let's figure this out.

We go in stealthy approach, because if so, me and my dad are probably going to need to take on more of a distraction role.

We're talking about infiltrating River City First enforcement, right?

Yes.

Okay.

You, Axelal, I mean, you're very live.

And Roger, clearly, you've got the element of stealth and deception.

These are not how I typically roll.

So

I can work on keeping folks paying attention to the big seal in the lobby.

And you guys kind of do your thing if that's the direction we want to take this.

This is just an idea, but could we go in maybe to apologize?

That's so good.

I love that idea so much.

I'll try it.

Yeah, maybe we just go in to say we're sorry.

Because I think the three of us are going to be tough to sort of you know hide.

Yeah, and if you see one of us, that's pretty much the ballgame, so maybe we just go in for an apology session.

That's great.

That's awesome.

And maybe I can sneak away.

That's good, too.

Oh, classic.

Like, I got the cramps.

That's good.

I got a gold bathroom right now.

And when you've got four stomachs, the odds are you always have.

You have cramps.

Okay.

Yeah, we got a plan.

No further planning required.

None whatsoever.

And we stroll.

Wait in the dark.

We're already in it.

We stroll right in.

You've just walked in to the entryway of River City First Enforcement.

You see, you know, a desk with some clerks there to check in, to take any kind of reports from citizenry, to do any kind of booking for people brought in.

And you see them clock your presence.

Obviously, you have have just walked into the room, and one of them waves you over.

Yeah, next, next, come on over.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on over.

Hello.

My name is Roger.

I am

a

duly deputized enforcement officer from Somewhere You Can't Check.

And

these

three individuals would like to speak to someone in perhaps your PR departments or if you have a communications officer.

Okay, yeah, you got Roger, you said some kind of complaint or you're turning yourselves in order to order.

These three gentlemen would like to speak to whoever's in charge to deliver an apology.

Yeah, we messed up.

We messed up pretty bad.

Oh, okay.

So you're here to report a crime or a crime.

A whoopsie of your conscience.

Oh, okay, hold on.

Let me get the whoopsie for him.

Hold on.

We don't need to get leave a paper trail here.

We just messed up and we did a bad thing.

And Goshua darnett.

He's looking for Goshua Darnar.

Goshua?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh,

yeah, that guy.

Well, why did you say that like that?

Oh, he's he's in the doghouse right now, if you know what I mean.

Uh, he's he's uh persona non grata.

Dogs aren't even people to you.

It's pretty messed up.

But

oh, you know, I never thought about how how uh

yeah, it's weird that we even say it use that.

He's in uh, he's in the bad boy house.

How about that?

Is that better?

So, dogs are bad boys?

Cool.

No, no, no.

I've removed dogs from the situation altogether.

Okay.

Right.

So,

everybody knows bad boy is associated with cops.

So, so where is Joshua?

So we can just apologize.

Oh, he's doing grunt duty right now.

Where?

Oh, digitizing.

That's not an answer to where.

Okay.

Oh, sorry.

I, you know, this is like,

you know, kind of a headquarters of an enforcement bureau that has a lot of like...

uh you know red tape as you have mentioned and uh very sensitive information i can't just be like oh yeah he's right there go see yourselves in.

Like, I can see if he wants to talk to you.

Is there a message you want to pass along?

And if he approves, I can send you guys to him.

Tell him we have important information about the events

that transpired.

And

he'll know what that means.

Important information about the events that transpired.

Okay, how do you want to sign?

What are your names?

Sorry.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, you're still going?

Okay, sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Okay.

The boys.

He'll know what that means.

He'll know.

Could you spell that for me, please?

C, capital D.

Okay, capital D.

A.

A.

Is the A capitalized?

What?

He might think it's from the

district attorney if you make it clear.

Oh, okay.

Capital D, low case A.

Low case A.

Funky apostrophe.

Okay, yeah, like a

bad.

No, like a funky bad boy apostrophe.

Okay, hold on.

Let me turn on Wayne Janks.

Hold on.

Okay, now, or let me switch back to Times New Roman.

Okay.

All right.

What else?

Boys, B-O-Y-Z.

B-O-Y-Z.

Okay.

Ital.

Oh, it's an I.

Okay, hold on.

I'm going to have to retype it.

Hold on.

I don't know how to do.

How do you turn it to italic captain?

Okay, well I

and bold.

Make it make it.

Oh, okay.

Control B.

Control B.

Thank you.

Alright, anything else?

Hey, what's your name?

My name's Preston.

Who?

Preston and the boys.

Oh, are you a sergeant?

Sergeant?

I'm an agent, yes.

We got you working desk duty too, huh?

Maybe you had your own little whoopsie.

Well, no, is it?

I got injured in the line.

On your way up or on your way out?

A few people get this gig.

What happened?

How'd you get injured?

How'd you get hurt, bud

oh i was fighting an army of half robots half cyborgs uh the cybots and uh that would be a robot though

no

yeah no it's a cybot it's a robot with cybernetic parts at a touchdown half robot half cyborg

it's a cyborg

well there was a gang of them and we was fighting them and that one of them lasered me right in the knee yeah

yeah Yeah.

Ruined my intamural sports career.

Roger, weren't you saying you had diarrhea?

Oh!

Oh boy.

Oh boy.

Out of nowhere.

Roger out of nowhere.

Oh no, this is bad.

I grew up on a farm and I know a cow with all them stomachs.

This is going to be bad.

Press, where's the bathroom, press?

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Dad, oh god, oh god.

Dad, give me, give me

a roll to perform your diarrhea attack.

Just don't call it cow.

Don't call it.

As a cow, I will say that this is definitely more pressing.

So give me a 3d8 roll.

3d8.

All right.

And I think I want to use one of my TTS dice for this.

Oh, you're going to use it time to shine for me for diarrhea.

I'm going to use time to shine for diarrhea.

Yep.

That sounds like a me thing.

Shine on.

Yeah, listen, this is a perfect time for Roger to shine.

Seeing you into a place, being a cow, performing.

This is perfect.

So

it's a 48 for me.

48.

Holy mother of God.

Good lord.

Let's watch it with the blaspheming.

We don't know how kids feel about blaspheming, right?

Kids these days with their Fortnite and their Jesus.

All right, then

let me rephrase that.

Holy cow.

Here we go.

Okay.

Can you tell the people at home what you've rolled here done?

Four threes.

Yep.

I want to bust out a Mondo move.

I catching that this performance is not going so great.

I bat my baby doll eyes.

When Navy or a teammate fails a diplomatic roll, Navy Seal can bat his Norbis eyes to attempt to sway the target, allowing him to repeat the roll.

Please, he's so sick.

Oh my gosh, I'm getting lost in those big eyes.

Oh,

we'll explore explore that later, but you gotta help my buddy out.

He's that sick, huh?

Okay, roll again down.

48 again.

Okay.

Do better.

There we go.

Six and a five.

Oh,

okay.

Listen, we've all been there having really bad diarrhea.

All right.

All right.

Come with me, sir.

I'll show you the bathroom.

We got to go through this.

Okay.

And Preston leads Roger off to the restroom.

They have to go through the sealed doors to get there, leaving the three of you,

Navy, Lyle, and Golden Seal, unattended.

Very well done, son.

Excellent use of your big bug eyes.

Thanks, Chad.

So, Lyle, remind me, did you ever learn how to hack?

Yeah.

I guess you could say that.

And I get out, Hatchet Man and I attack the computer.

Wait, no, the world goes.

Okay.

One success, two failures.

So you smash the computer with Hatchet Man, and it does not gain you the information you desire, but

it does send a short through the system, and those sealed doors pop open.

Ta-da!

I look around for the cameras that are almost certainly on us right now, right?

Well, yes, Griffin.

Okay, cool.

If you want to be a killjoy, Mel.

I started

against me.

I start swatting around.

You almost got that Robo-Spider drone that was sitting on top of that computer.

I think he hopped away.

Let's keep hunting down this Robo Spider.

Let's hack it.

So...

Yes, the Robo-Spider drone I was talking about that was put here by the bad guys.

It's so small.

Griffin, roll 2d8 for me.

It's so small, but so dangerous.

Two successes.

Okay, yep.

The cameras, you almost see them like nod.

Like whoever's operating them's like,

yep, this makes complete sense.

Robot spider drone.

Yep, yep, yep.

That traps.

Yeah.

We've had a real problem with those, the cameras seem to say.

Do I have lay of the land here?

Like, can we see evidence locker?

Can we see...

Describe the layout right now?

Because if I wanted to chase a pretend robot spider drone and,

you know, go where I'm not supposed to go in my pursuit, would I have any inkling of where I should be heading?

Yeah, roll for me with your big old bug eyes.

Roll 3d8s for me.

That's three failures.

Wow.

So all you know at this point is it's definitely beyond those sealed doors.

But those are open?

Yes, they popped open from a power surge from Hatchet Manning the computer.

I'm going to start flailing, like throwing myself around as I like try to grab this drone.

And I also get blasted by it a couple times.

I'm like,

darn you robot spider drone.

I'll get you if it's the last thing I do.

Well, with your success, yeah.

I mean, listen, you're nailing it.

The the body language of the security cameras are they're in it.

You know what I mean?

They're feeling it.

so i'll just go past those sealed doors

um inside you find the bustling headquarters of river city first enforcement um so bustling in fact that at this moment nobody's really clocking you coming in people are coming and going um kind of constantly from this room um everybody is busy handling their own stuff currently Hey, they're actually pretty busy in here, so we can just kind of come in.

That's for you, Lyle.

Oh,

and I guess my dad.

Dad, uh, you're very suspicious, and you stand out because you're huge and golden.

So maybe you can.

I will make myself small.

And you see him kind of hunch over.

Can you stand out here and like distract?

You give me a distraction.

Crap.

Well, I was just.

Tell him it's an official emissary business.

You're a mucky mug.

Tell him use your...

Throw your weight around, pal.

My intention was was to simply observe.

Well, that's fine, but you know, your son's doing hard work here, and you've just made yourself a liability.

And not like me, a liability.

Which is something he does really well.

I'm sorry, I'm not here.

Um,

Justin, as Lyle, roll to convince Golden Seal to help you guys in this endeavor.

And you make a good point.

So, so roll 3d8 for me to convince him to help you guys okay and i

do i have any time to shine you do you guys all your time to shine dice will be set i'm gonna use our time to shine dice excellent 4d8 is what i'm gonna roll okay

nice gosh three successes

very well i shall aid you in this endeavor i don't know how much time i'll be able to buy you but you might want to scoot away from me

gladly yeah, that's kind of the idea.

Machi Machi, no one's even there.

Like, why is he even doing it?

You know what I mean?

Like, no one's there, you know.

He's just gained a lot of attention from the book.

I mean, but why?

Like, why?

I demand

to speak with the head of this organization

in hindsight.

This was this is actually my fault.

Everyone, look at me currently.

I've become the liability.

I admit it.

Look at me as I walk over in this direction to wait to speak to the head of this agency.

Also, bring me snacks.

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