The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 12: Loose Eel!

In spite of what you have heard, we're at the height of our powers Atop the tallest and towers

They'll never stop us by having to trust That we will do what we must Until it's turning out just like a plan The railway self-right is long But our mojo's strong And unless I'm wrong and I'm not We're at the height of our power

Describe for me the scene as Axelio and Roger Moore are, excuse me, Roger Moore are locked inside of the basically belly of Rollybot as its wheels have turned into propellers and are propelling you through the water.

I assume Navy SEAL is outside.

There's a viewport so you guys can see Navy SEAL as you're following that way.

How are you guys doing?

I mean I look pretty cool.

I don't know if you're asking me.

I'm not on the inside.

I don't get to ride in the sub.

And frankly, I'm okay with that because those things, they freak me out just a little bit for obvious reasons.

Is Lyle not amphibious?

Could he not, I mean, does he need to be inside it too?

He chose to be.

Okay.

Yeah, I wanted to be because I think I just wanted to be where the center of the action was.

Do you understand that?

Yeah, wherever Roger Moore is.

That's where the action is.

You've given chase to Eel Patrick Harris.

It's been some time.

At this point, you're following the direction.

You occasionally see bubbles, swirls in the sand.

You haven't lost track of him.

You're definitely tracking him, but it's not like you're right on his heels and could grab him.

You see in the distance, you see him crested up over like the edge of kind of a drop-off and expanse and as you come over you see lights in the water and what you see you know this Navy as a Sigma station in the Sigma sector of the Bayside

and what you see when you look upon this is an amalgamation of Barker industry technology and branding along with Royal Seal kind of architecture and this is one of many like oceanarium observation and scientific research centers that has been built here in the Bayside

with the approval of the Royal Seals in conjunction with Barker Industries.

So I've been here before, probably.

You've been to, like, you've been to at least one of these bases before.

They're all set up in the same way.

Cool.

I gesture back to the sub and make some hand signals to communicate that information.

Can you describe what those hand signals are for me just so we can get this theater of the mind I want to make sure?

Sure, sure, sure, sure.

So for Sigma, obviously I point at myself.

And if you guys are using lateral thinking, you're like, okay, so this is a Sigma.

Station, I kind of do a pantomime of the character Station from Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.

And that is, that works out pretty good.

Didn't station have a hand sign, actually?

Maybe, actually.

And then I point right, and then here is, I point at sounds like, so I hold my hand up to my ear, sounds like, and then I point at my ear, ear.

And then that's, that's all military stuff.

It's a lot of this honestly is getting lost in the translation, you know what I mean?

It is a beautiful hand language, yeah, and that's really how it needs to be experienced.

It's kind of like

it's kind of callous that you think it's could be so elegantly, you know, yeah, there's a lot of flowing to it, and like the exact wiggle of the tongue with the precision for sure, for sure.

Well, I believe I have figured it out.

He's saying,

I am a steer.

I don't know why he is so confused about his

species, but apparently he is.

Maybe he's trying to relate to you, Roger.

Now, what you see around this, right, is a big flat area that they've built this on, and you can see for some distance, and you have lost sight of Eel Patrick Harris.

But you know that, you know, this Navy.

These research centers all have kind of a moon bay underneath it.

I think I'm using that right, where you can go in and then it's pressurized.

moon pool moon pool thank you

um and you can also there's one more thing thank you sea quest dsv yeah thank you subnautica i was gonna say uh docked on either side of this research station you see one a barker industries transportation sub and on the other side you see what you know to be the royal seals transportation sub I swam up to our sub that my two friends are in and I sort of put my face up against the glass so they can hear me shout like we got away

hey hold on one second man and I roll the window down

oh no no no I slop inside as the window rolls down and it quickly rolls down got to be a better way of doing that no I've I thought through man it's it's the best we got

I can

hold my breath for like a couple hours, but it sucks.

It doesn't

It sucks

terrible.

Yeah, so he died.

A big bird came and scooped him out of the water.

I can run a mile.

Right, right.

So the target got away because a big bird scooped him up and flew away and he died.

So we should go home or maybe ooh to the diner?

Sammy sounds pretty good right about now, doesn't it?

Yeah, actually, I could crush a Samuel.

Wait, wait, wait.

We've been following the eel all this time.

Well, a bird ate him, so I don't know what you want me to say about that.

I know we could see out the window.

Maybe.

Is that true, Travis?

Yeah, you can see out the viewport.

What do I see?

You see the Segma sector base, and you did not see a big bird swoop down and take Neil Patrick Harris out of the water.

Well, why did

make that real with his mind?

Wait, wait, wait.

He's...

Oh, Justin, Justin.

He's lying.

I did a lie.

Maybe.

Why do you not want to go down there?

maybe

don't do that.

I was about to answer.

I'm about to answer.

You're just interrupting me.

Maybe.

I don't.

This feels hostile.

Look in my eyes.

Lyle, this feels hostile, right?

The last thing we need is another person talking.

We can.

Don't drag me into this.

Um.

I really don't want to...

Deal with my dad.

Really don't want to deal.

Oh, man, I don't want to deal with my dad right now.

Wow.

What do you mean?

Who's your dad?

You're kidding, right?

He's the leader of the Royal Seals.

No kidding.

I never had.

So why aren't you in the Royal Seals?

I thought you just would get in automatically, right?

You're, what do they call that?

A um

a nepo baby?

No, man, the nice way that frats use it.

Yeah, legacy.

Legacy.

Legacy.

There we go, man.

I mean, I'm pretty sure we've just discussed this, but after the whole,

you know, the recap is for the audience's benefit, man.

The kids

are zone out when you're talking about this.

I turn to the camera.

Turn towards the camera.

Not me.

Okay.

Right, obviously, it's for the kids.

I was a member of the Royal Seal, and then we did a bit of restructuring.

adopted this whole color naming scheme and then I landed in a pot of very hot water with stolen valor and then we all kind of decided as a group that maybe it would be best if I went incognito for a while and then I just kind of never was invited back.

That's so tough to hear again.

Yeah.

It's not pleasant so you can understand my hesitance.

But the mission is more important and we have to find Carvert, so...

take us up.

Who's driving this thing?

Oh, that's right.

Sorry, really,

you know, man.

You don't need to be embarrassed.

You've got a great new team.

You've got a cool pad you sleep in.

Oh, you've had a lot of really fun adventures.

I don't, I don't feel like you're missing out.

Actually, where do you guys sleep?

Let's smash cut to the ground.

I have an old

time is 3.45.

I have an old chest refrigerator full of salted hose water that I have to bathe in.

You guys like share in an apartment?

We can't ask these questions.

We're too far in now to start asking these questions.

We can't flash back to establish like pilot episode stuff.

At this point, Travis, I'm sorry, but we can never answer this question.

At this point, it has to be be a sleep.

But you do sleep, right?

And now you're asking that's

in the

guys, for the rest of this show.

Anytime anyone asks us anything about our sleeping.

Anything about our domestic life at all?

Yeah, anything about our domestic life is strictly confident.

It's saved for the prequel.

We use it in the prequel.

All right.

It's in the prequel.

That was established.

Got it.

Okay.

You're 100% right.

I'm not embarrassed, just nervous.

dealing with my dad.

It's always a thing.

But let's do it.

Let's talk.

Let's go.

Wait, may I digress?

What is

the Royal Seals?

Hold on.

Let me see if I can slow down this plot long enough for you to take a branching side path.

Whoa!

Okay, go ahead.

Aren't the Royal Seals good guys?

And isn't Eel Patrick Harris a bad guy?

Did I see Eel Patrick Harris swim into the Sigma station?

This was the way he came.

This was the way he was going.

And you don't see him.

So, I mean, best guess.

Yes?

I don't know if he went in there or not.

Maybe someone in there saw where he went.

They have radar and all kinds of crazy sensors in an HV station.

So

let's just go in, find out where he went, and

get on out.

Okay, so we don't have to sneak in.

We can just walk in or swim in.

No, we can dock in.

Because I was going to subterfuge it, you know, like I do.

Yeah, no, not necessary.

I do appreciate that you're always trying to, you know, workshop those skills and,

you know, work on your craft.

But at this time, I think we could just pretty much use the front door.

Or the bottom door?

The bottom aisle.

Are you all right with this?

Yeah, absolutely, man.

Sounds good to me.

Well, let's keep the action going.

So Rollibot services up through the moon pool

and kind of rotates so that it can open its top hatch and you guys can peek out.

What do we see?

Well, what you see here in the main central hub of the Sigma section or the Sigma sector, Sigma

base.

Here in Sigma.

Here in the Sigma sector, Sigma base.

You see all around people working a mixture of SEAL people and Barker Innovations employees, but you also see a very large, muscular SEAL, maybe like six inches taller than Navy, in like a very fancy kind of gold uniform, big epaulets on the shoulders, lots of like, you know, badges and bars across his uniform.

And he is leading around a group of what appeared to be a mixture of military representatives and private sector representatives as he's showing them around the base.

But at this point, everything has stopped to turn and face the submarine that has just docked in the middle of the base.

Guys, I should mention that Ross seals like there's a lot of sort of territorial stuff, and, you know, we haven't exactly fully grown beyond that, so what happens next is going to seem a little bit weird, but it trusts me as necessary.

I swell up my chest really loud, like as big as I can get it.

Just get as big as I can and just go,

I get right up in my dad's, in my dad's face.

And he bumps back up against you with his big chest.

Can I try and out-chest bump my own dad?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

I mean, in real life.

I need to leave these headphones off.

You know, I sometimes wonder why my hearing loss is so pronounced.

I realize that

12 to 13 years of these absolute nin-kampoops, these like, pardon me, but dorks yelling right in my ear all.

I'm assuming this is just animal skill 2d8.

This is a bulky boy.

You're a bulky boy, man.

Oh, that's right.

Okay, I'll take bulky boy.

We're each gonna roll 3d8 and see how this goes.

Alright, cool.

I got one success, which isn't awesome.

That's way less than three.

Oh, man.

I really wanted to knock my dad down, but it seems like the opposite has happened.

No, he got a cowbank.

He got two fives, two successes.

You go bouncing backwards and skid on your butt.

Okay.

Oh.

Well,

put her there, Dark Blue Seal, just as I was expecting.

And he holds his hand down to help you up.

I don't take it, and I help myself up.

Did you see how I helped myself up just then?

Yes, of course.

I'm so proud.

Excuse me, would you all, honored guests, would you excuse me for just a moment while I talk to my son, Dark Blue Seal?

Excuse me, what are you doing here?

We're on a mission.

This is my new team.

Small team, you'll notice, of highly trained, specialized operatives.

And we are on the hunt because our boss got kidnapped.

Sorry, is the rest of your team, are the seals, like in the submarine behind the cowman and the frilly fa- I don't know what what is the

no seal where is teeth sorry i shouldn't have taught sorry go

the barking time was so the barking was like sort of the icebreaker now anyone can really chime in whenever they need i never learned seal though i'm probably making a absolute patoot of myself well you can uh you can say your majesty or i understand you you speak my language so perfectly and i want to return the favor um roger is going to use counterfeit and speak the seal language.

Yes, okay, yeah.

Oh, this is gonna be wow, that you don't realize the hornet's nest you just stepped into.

Let's just, yeah, I'm throwing, I'm actually gonna give me one second to just throw my headphones across the room.

Okay, thanks, guys.

Okay, great.

Three days, Dan,

just text six and a five.

Oh, you lucky dogs.

Two successes.

Well said, that's one minute.

That's a little offensive, man.

I'm a big fan of kind of irreverent,

you know, humor.

Like Southpark.

Listen, we're just on our...

We're looking for an eel.

He got past us.

He swam this way.

Did you all pick him up in your sense of yourself?

You lost your prey?

Yeah, he had a bit of a head start, caught us by the surprise.

Not much you can do in a situation like that.

So, yes,

you could have caught him, son.

So he's an extremely strong swimmer, sir.

I know I'm out of line, but you should have seen this guy slip in the slide and slippery, which

of the bayside baddies was it?

Was it Murray Eel?

No, uh, the other one, Eel Patrick Harris, yes, that one.

Did you did you get him in the radar?

Yes or no?

It's quick.

Uh, well, we can check with the radar analyst.

Uh, we're running out of time.

Let's go.

We could be losing him.

I mean, did okay.

What a second.

What?

Did did anyone come up the moon pool before us

well i mean uh me and my guests just entered the room i'm honestly not sure okay why don't you check while i i don't know explain away all of this to my guests who i'm trying to get to invest in all of this why don't you uh go speak with our radar and sonar expert over there at the desk

um yeah what so what are you trying to get them in invested in oh we're trying to build these bases all up and down the coast, not just here in River City.

But we're trying to show them the usefulness of technology and seal architecture, seal leadership.

But we would turn back to animals if we left the city.

Well, yes, we wouldn't be there.

We would remote in.

But the money still spins, you know what I mean, son?

No, I don't, because it seems like you're wasting a lot of money on office infrastructure and architecture when all you're doing is...

See, this is

small-minded.

This is the problem.

Okay.

Okay.

Here we go again.

Here we go again.

Another idea.

Another.

Another battle.

Another idea has to become a bit.

No, not out of this.

You can't do that, Roger.

I'm going to lay on the ground.

I like how this one supplicates himself before me.

All right.

Perhaps, perhaps, we should go talk to the technology so.

Yeah, fine.

Let's go.

That's a capital T, and that rhymes with P, and that stands for Pooh, which that is over.

In the River City came.

We are in the River City.

This is true.

You head over, you see a half belugal whale, half man sitting there.

That's got to be rough.

That's which half and which half man.

I got it.

It scales.

It scales.

It's fine.

Okay.

It scales.

It all works.

Just imagine a whale head with two impotent human legs dangling off of the abdomen.

No, it's all scaled down.

It all works.

I thought it was left half and right half.

No, dad.

It's every other three inches.

He's wildly uncomfortable.

It's like an optical illusion.

He's corrugated.

He's a corrugated whale, man.

He is sitting pretty bored at a desk.

You see, like, the sonar screen in front of him.

Man, if I was half beluga, half man, I'd never get bored.

I can walk between worlds baby i live on land i live in the water i'm the king of both man i'd never be your character is half man half axolotl

and i'm never bored

um excuse excuse me um do they have a name tag or something

well you know him this is jim belugshi

can i not know him Can I show him

just Jim Belushi?

Belugi.

Belugi.

Balugshi.

Not just Jim Belshi.

Beluchi.

One second.

Hold on.

Hmm.

No.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Well, he's the boss.

It's reality.

You know, it's not tragic.

Yeah, I'm just telling you what his name is.

Riconda.

For sure.

Okay.

So according to Jim, we're going to get the

mic.

Excuse me, Officer James.

Oh, man.

Just call me Balugshi.

Alright.

Balugi.

Balugi She?

Balugi.

Just call me Jim.

If you're going to be like that, man.

Oh, sorry.

Hey, it's me.

So, you know, I don't...

I've never thought of what Navy Seal's name was before.

Well, hold on.

My dad was calling me Dark Blue Seal, I imagine, as

a way of saving face in front of all of these investors.

I don't think Dark Blue...

Was Dark Blue Seal my original handle okay I did not think so um hey uh it's it's me maybe um did you did you pick anything up in your sensors your radar your sonar whatever yeah

I thought you got kicked out man

It was sort of a mutual agreement of sort of a dive-in deep.

It's called Project Dive.

And that sounded cool, so it was like diving below the surface of recognition as a member of the team.

And it was a sort of joint.

Anyway, you see, you look at radar all day, right?

Yeah, I mean, when I'm looking.

Yeah.

Did you see any eels come across the radar?

I don't know how fine-tuned it is.

I mean, yeah, they're not like eel-shaped blips or whatever.

Yeah.

There was a blip headed this way, and then another blip headed this way behind them.

Yeah, so that was us in the front.

But where'd it go?

Did it get past you?

It looked like it went...

The blip was like going underneath, man, and then it just stopped so I didn't worry about it

I turned back to the oh, thank you the officer.

I turn back to the other two.

I think Eil Patrick Harris might be aboard Sigma station Sigma base Do you have some sort of scanner board where you could check the

life

unidentified you know yeah Jim we need you again.

Uh do you have any kind of inside sonar that can like

yeah man I could do that for you.

What's in it for me?

You know what I mean?

A little above what they're paying me for.

It's not like, that's 110%, man.

I don't give 110%.

I try to give more, like, 70%.

So then on days when I give 80%, everybody's really impressed.

I respect that, actually,

for you.

I don't, but I could really use your help.

Do you want money?

What do you want to be a good person?

Let's all get put our heads together.

Think about what this person needs to be a good person.

We're losing him like as we speak, we're wasting time.

You like Cheetos?

I do actually love Cheetos, and I can't get them down here.

Dad, that was going to be the next thing out of my mouth.

Reaches inside his tuxedo.

Roger does

dangles a bag of Cheetos

in front of him.

They're the cheesiest.

Oh, okay, man.

Deal.

Deal, bud.

Here you go.

But you guys are going to want to cover your ears

again

and big like sound waves is he making it is he doing it oh that's he's echolocating to see fantastic

yeah man um i'm getting something weird over in that supply closet over there wait for you're that good at it i'm the best

Why aren't you out in the field?

That was insane.

Do you remember me saying the whole thing about giving 70%?

Oh, right, right, right.

Yeah, sure.

I throw open the supply closet.

And you see, cowering in the closet is Eopatrick Harris.

Heck yeah, I kill him.

Oh, wait, kids.

I was just, kids, I was just kidding, kids.

Kids, I was just kidding.

Your hero Axel would never kill somebody.

Don't kill anybody, kids.

Don't kill anybody.

And now you know.

But yeah, I kill him.

No, no, I don't.

Could

you?

I just spit take.

I don't.

Oh, on my

Justin.

He's dead.

You smoke it.

You said it, man.

Okay, I get a Ouija board.

Dude, I make a Ouija board then.

He's not dead.

They call Ouija board because

one of the first things it spelled was O-U-I-J-A, which is cool, unless the first word it ever spelled had been McDonald's.

I prefer calling him Luigi Boards, but that's the

only thing that's a little bit more difficult.

I hear one of my cats upstairs crying.

You know what they're upset about.

Just like the state of things and whatever.

No, they're only ever wanting one thing, and that's for me to get the smalls out.

Dad, we don't know how to.

you know they love the smooth bird dad we want our smooth bird we don't have jobs

we can't buy our own food we don't know how to order things dad we're so scared we're cats and we've gained complete uh human intelligence what's happening where are we yeah where are we but you know what like i calm them right down with smalls because you gotta you're gonna get a a package of smalls right you're gonna open it up you're gonna put it in front of your cats there put it into a bowl whatever you're gonna i don't know your business when you put it out there these cats are gonna freak out And you're also going to see some long-lasting effects.

In my experience, at least, my cats have been a little healthier.

They've had a nice, nice-looking coat, and they just love, they love smalls.

They love it.

Smalls cat food is protein-packed recipes made with preservative-free ingredients.

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That's a big deal.

For a limited time only because you are i was really proud of that just i was really proud of that sorry trav that was great thank you for a limited time only because you're an adventure zone listener you can get 60 off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash adventure that's 60 off when you head to smalls.com slash adventure plus free shipping again that's smalls.com slash adventure Hey, this week we're coming to sorry to interrupt.

I just kind of burst in.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Hey, I'm also sorry.

I'm also sorry.

And I'm here and I'm interrupting too.

If you're coming to

our shows this week in San Antonio and Austin, thank you.

If you're not already planning on coming, why not?

We want to see you there.

We need you there.

Join the video.

What are you doing?

That's so great.

Yeah.

If you're coming to the show and you want to have a question,

you got a question you want answered, you want a fear read aloud, we got you.

Email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line in Austin.

And also doing what, Trav?

What are we doing in Austin, buddy?

Well, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules, and it's going to be a real treat.

You're going to feel happier than you've ever felt in your entire life.

Yeah, we're also coming to Utah and California later this year.

Tickets for all those shows are on sale now.

More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly forward slash McElroy Tours.

Oh, we also have a new merch because it's a new month.

Yeah, we have a new month, new merch, new you.

Well, yeah, sort of.

We've got a brand new Gerald t-shirt over there, designed by Lynn Doyle.

Go to macroymerch.com, check it out.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

So go to macromerch.com to get yours now.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother, me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So, let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So, how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubbard.

I'm regular Tom Long.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

You guys have captured El Patrick Harris and you have him bound in one of the kind of spare laboratories here, ready for questioning if that's what you wish to do or however you wish to take it.

But also in this laboratory, you see that there were some kind of like temporary experiments going on somebody was down here uh working in the meantime um

and in walks uh dr snarv

oh

i didn't realize you guys were using this room yeah we uh we um

we pre-ordered this one not pre-ordered oh you're gonna torture that man yeah we reserved it for 115 you can see it says right there it says this and it's not torture it's just like what it says we wrote

We wrote whatever it takes.

I'm so sorry, guys.

I did it.

I did it mountain time.

Oh.

That's my fault.

I used the room time zone.

Well, we could both use the room.

It's plenty big.

If you want to torture that man while I

work on stuff and do some of my underwater experiments.

I'm not going to torture him.

Stop saying that.

He's darn big.

Okay, if you want to do some enhanced interrogation techniques, everyone knows that that euphemism.

Why do you not?

Everyone knows that euphemism.

Orchote.

We're just going to check it out.

That doesn't.

Not even big Latin could pass grid too.

Looking at Eel Patrick Harris, how is he responding to this mad doctor who has just wandered into the room and suggested explicitly torture so many times?

Why don't you give me...

Because this could make our job easier for us.

Like checking him out,

reading him kind of role.

Kyle Bunga.

7-7.

There you go.

You can tell, like, he has no idea who this weird ginger cat man is that just came in.

Yeah.

But every single mention of torture, he is getting kind of more and more antsy and nervous.

And I don't know if heels sweat, but he's sweating.

It might just be from the water, but there's more and more water dripping off of him.

Okay, I lean in close to Eel Patrick Hares.

Hey, sorry about this.

I usually don't resort to torture just because it's like an ethical crime against humanity, but this guy over here is just wild about it.

And he is honestly probably not going to let us out of here without us doing a little bit of a

distinct stuff.

No, Bob, no, yeah, who is he indicating what he says?

The red cat man.

Snarf.

Okay.

Yeah.

Snarf.

So,

if you...

It would actually be a huge favor to me if you would just kind of tell us who you're working with and where we should go to get Carver back.

And then none of us will have to have this on our conscience.

Yeah, okay.

I just want to get in here and say at the risk of sort of being redundant.

Well, he was just saying,

this guy over here is an absolute disgusting psychology.

Why are you guys looking at me?

I love, I love you and would marry you right now, but that guy over there has got murderous

poison.

Did you just say you love Eal Patrick Harris?

You love me?

I'm just trying to draw how wide the gulf is between me and that guy's perversity over there.

He is an absolute

dismay person.

Nothing, nothing.

And over on the other side of the room, Rogers says, Are these jumper cables?

Wow.

Okay.

so uh please beal you and I will say this actually to you for true that guy over there is an absolute loose counting and I don't know what he's capable of any loose counting

I'm confused by it what does that mean

we're just having fun he's a moose Calvin's a moose

you can't just throw an imp in there

so callously with no meaning or purpose

I thought he was a bull listen we're just trying

I don't understand.

We're just trying to have a little fun before the vibe in here changes so bad.

Come on.

What do you know?

He's clipping his nails, man.

That's how you know he's a victim.

That's disgusting.

I know he doesn't even have...

He should have hooves, but he has 10 perfect toenails.

Please.

Oh, my God.

It's against the boss of God and man.

Look at his incredible hand model hands.

Where are we going to save Carver and who are you working for or with?

Please talk now.

because we're going to get the info from you one way or the other, and I would way rather do it this way.

Okay, Griffin, go ahead and give me a

would be 2d8, but you get an extra dice for all of the very good setup here.

So give me a 3d8 roll

to get him to give you this information.

Can I,

after I fail a diplomatic roll, this isn't really a failure, but it kind of is.

Navy SEAL can bat his enormous eyes to attempt to sway the target, allowing him to repeat the role with my baby doll eyes mondo move.

Unsurprisingly, we don't work much in the field of diplomacy.

So this

has never happened before.

Let's try it.

Yeah, give me, let's bump that up to a 48 roll with that mondo move, and let's see how it goes.

Okay, squeak, squeak.

That's the sound of me batting my eyes.

Oh, gross.

Unbelievable.

That's unbelievable.

4-4-1-8, which is the highest number you can get on a partial success.

I guess this guy's getting tortured.

I don't want it.

No, but the torture.

Nobody wants it.

What?

What?

Not torture, please.

No torture, but I will

tell you if you let me go.

Yep, just do the telling.

No torture.

Just to be clear, let me go with the absence of torture.

I mean, you're going to have to.

Will you tell your friends that we tortured you?

Is that what you want?

Yes.

No, wait.

You don't get to know what we want.

What I want is the truth.

Um.

Yeah, I'll probably tell him you tortured me so that it doesn't seem like I just gave up the information so I could leave.

That makes sense.

Yeah, absolutely.

It's an honest answer.

Hold on, hold on.

I trust this.

I trust this.

Yeah, this is awesome.

Hold on.

I take a step back and I pull out my phone and start recording.

I'm like, for the real, I was thinking, like, we can show, like, they're not just action fighting guys.

Like, they can do...

you know, interpersonal stuff too.

Like, that's huge for.

No, he said jumper cables.

I'm an electric eel if you want to, like, fake the shot.

Clip, clip, clip.

No, I don't really want there to be video evidence, doctored or not, of us committing.

I mean, you could do like water boarding.

I'm an eel.

No, I...

Okay.

You're actually way too into this now.

You guys want to spit on me?

I'm going to put my phone away now.

It's going in the pocket.

The phone's in the pocket.

The phone is locked in the pocket.

Now I just want to release this guy without giving us the information because his presence is

not my vibe vibe right now

roger walks over

holds the clips open gets right in his face and says

go ahead i'm listening okay i'm filming that that's cool

okay

so we were hired um some lady called crabigail

called uh working we're working on loan kind of you know this isn't a base side batty mission we were working for some new big bad guy called the Walrus.

I'm sorry, Travis sounds exactly like dad right now, and it's freaking me out.

That sounds like dad?

You doing that?

Sounds like dad doing that, yeah, for sure.

Sounds like dad doing that voice, dude.

I keep thinking it's dad.

It's crazy.

What was the voice?

Yoda?

I listened to you guys for a living.

No, this is Travis, your brother.

Right?

It does kind of sound like dad doing Travis doing impression.

Yes.

That's Yoda.

That sounds like salacious crumb doing a Yoda impression.

That's great.

Is this guy going to tell us where to go or not?

Yeah, so it was...

I don't think he's Ocean Base because they had us take him somewhere in town.

But it was some guy called the Walrus orchestrated all of it.

Have I...

Do I know the Walrus?

Does that name ring a bell to me?

I don't know.

I'm just assuming that because we are somewhat sin.

I don't know how associated our various phylums are, but

you know, you

he's a big tusk seal, basically.

So, you know what a walrus is.

Thank you so much, Travis.

I'm so glad you clarified.

But

some kind of criminal king named the Walrus.

This is kind of the first you're hearing of this.

Okay, cool.

And what exactly were you supposed to do here for Cremigal?

Oh, I ran.

I wasn't sent here.

They came

some of the other baside baddies kidnapped uh the carver had took him into the city somewhere we were supposed to stay behind and like you know hurt anybody who came to like that he had called and then you guys showed up and you did you kill hammer net and squid mark

it's it's really tough to say i do have to point out if your objective was to slow us down you've just done i have to congratulate you professional to professional, and amazing.

Spectacular.

Just like we are so

we are just to an amazing degree drawn away from the main focus of our priority.

I mean, you, uh, hats, hats off to you, because I'm extremely distracted.

Just lost in the sauce.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Credit where credit's due.

I, I am absolutely lost.

Okay.

Well, you can go.

Wait, why were you, when you were running away, why did you hide in the base of a team of superheroes?

I honestly

panicked.

Like, I wasn't thinking, oh, superhero.

I was thinking, like, they're after me, and they killed Squid Mark.

Could have happened to anybody.

I'm going to hand him Hair Dryer's business card and be like, listen.

We've saved a lot of souls on our voyage so far, and I feel like you have potential to not be a bad guy anymore.

Get in touch with this guy.

He's in jail, and you will be too.

But

then you- But you said you let me go

yeah no no no like the no torture thing but you do you have to you do have to um

go

oh you let me go to go report to jail yes on our honor system oh man all right get out of here you stinker okay bye

bye call us from jail okay wait

How long do I need to tell to put me in jail?

Um

just whatever feels right.

Ten years.

Ten years?

How long do eels live and then divide by ten?

I was thinking like two weeks.

That's crazy.

No way.

You fought us.

That's ten years.

Ten years for five years.

You're going to miss some.

Hey, listen, you're going to miss some Christmases.

Okay.

Well, there is an alternative.

Sling on us.

You're going down.

We could electronically monitor him.

What does that mean?

You were going to say electricity.

Electronically monitored.

No, I know that, but there's logistical.

I'd rather go to jail.

Yeah.

Go for it, man.

Yep.

Okay.

Um.

Does he leave?

Yeah, he goes to report to jail for ten years.

Cool.

It sounded like he was about to join the Teen Girl Squad, so I'm glad he made it out when he did.

Hey, very good job torturing Eel Patrick Harris.

It was

more of an inconveniencing, I would say.

So let's not stop throwing the T-word around.

I was about to insist that we only tortured his mind, but then I realized that that's

still in

big ones, yeah.

Well, now listen, boys, before you go, as long as you're here, and I've got all this scientific equipment, any upgrades you guys need, is there anything I can fix for you or set up?

I've got a whole VR system down here if if you want to do any, I don't know, training or anything like that.

Yes.

This will be a chance for you guys to turn in some of your practice mates.

Perfect for you.

Yeah, I guess we don't really have a direct lead we should be following right now.

I think my concern was like, but they're getting away.

It's like we don't know who they are or where they went.

Right.

That was our lead, and it is a dead end.

Yeah.

I mean, that's the end of our lead.

But luckily, we have an opportunity to build, to grow, and maybe not make the same mistakes mistakes next time.

Justin, I'm going to bump up for you.

I'm going to, because right now you only have three Practice Makes Perfect Points listed.

Yeah, and one of those I just added just now just because it felt like I had failed more than that.

Yeah, I'm going to bump you up three more in there.

Wow, yeah.

Thanks, Chap.

Thanks for the FP, dude.

Failure points.

Welcome.

That's what I call them.

All right.

So what would you guys like to upgrade?

What'd you like to work on?

I have something.

Okay.

I would like to,

I don't know how to put it.

I think we've established the team needs a hacker.

Yeah.

And I think that Roger would be the best one to do that.

But I don't know whether to make it an ab skill, an animal skill.

That would be an ab skill.

I mean, this is, I think,

animals can't, animals, as a rule, not great at computer stuff.

Yeah.

Hacking is our highest calling as people.

It is our ability to say, we created these computers and actually we can change what color the letters are.

Yeah.

Okay.

So, which is what you do with hacking.

I would like to create an

ab move, right?

You said?

Yes.

Ab skill or move?

I think it would be an ab skill.

And what I think,

let me pitch this because I think this is what would make the most sense for your character build is some kind of like watch or device or something that you can connect to stuff

to attempt to hack.

I am going to call it the Halicar Hack

Accessible

Hoof Watch.

What does that name mean?

Halicar is a breed of cattle, an Indian breed of cattle.

Amazing.

Okay.

Let me see your watch there real quick.

I could set this up for you.

Give me just a moment.

Actually, I'm going to make it a pocket watch.

Okay.

Oh, and a pocket pocket watch is short.

Very classy.

Very steampunk.

My lady.

He tips his fedora.

I take my eyepiece out.

Thank you, Syrah.

Is that Sir Willem Defoe?

Yeah.

He sits down, he tinkers with it.

You see him kind of swap in.

He takes out some of the gears and swaps in something like motherboards and microchips.

You know, the stuff that Wynne would put into a hacking pocket watch.

Ah, here you go.

Just on the top of here this knob that you would normally take uh to you know wind it it's self-winding you're welcome you're just gonna pull that out and it's a micro USB you can plug it into anything these days snarf owl

did you just say your own name

yeah

don't you have to disappear

No, I'm not Mr.

Mikhail Spidlick.

It's just I like to sign my work.

This is my kind of call and cry.

I say my name.

When I hand someone a new piece of technology, just to let them know what's up.

Don't forget, Snarf made this.

Okay, that's kind of cool.

What will be the function that enables hacking?

What I'm trying to describe this it will allow you to connect to the interface, so it has to be something that is controlled by computers and will allow you to connect to the computer interface.

And then the role will be how well you're able to navigate that interface.

So it will connect.

How How well can you control the interface?

Okay.

And

3d8?

Yeah, I mean, it's an AM scale and that's currently where you're at.

Cool.

Juice?

I am going to use my six practice points to upgrade my extreme hiding.

I'd like to continue to grow as someone who hides from danger and I want to really expand in that area.

So I would like my extreme hiding to be even better now how did I do it you ask because I know you

you game masters just go wild for narrative justification uh what Axel Isle realized was how to whisper

he had never done that before and

yeah so he like learned how to do it and now he's better at hiding because he can whisper now did he learn how to whisper like I occasionally see my daughter BB try is like trying to learn to whistle and she'll do it.

And like, when it accidentally happens, it surprises the heck out of her.

And then she can't remember what she was doing to get that.

Was it just spontaneously, like, one day, like, recently when Snarf was like, what do you want to work on?

And he whispered.

He had a cold, actually.

This is what happened.

He's like, do you hear what I sound like?

It's like, I think I finally get it.

I've been trying to nail this for years.

But now he can whisper.

It's beautiful, Justin.

Yeah, man.

What about you, Navy?

You've got quite a few practice points.

I do.

I

want to.

You got 10 practice points, dude.

I know.

I failed a lot in this last job failing, so

I

what do I want to do?

I want to make a big purchase here, I think, but I don't know which one.

I want to

leave this room, and since we are here, and there's a good chance more of my family is aboard, I would like to look for the old engineer, I mean not old, probably still current engineer for the Royal Seals,

my sister Teal Seal,

to see if she can crack this Splash Pack design that I've had in mind that Snarf seems to just not be up to snuff for.

Up to Snarf.

Up to Snarf.

Thank you so much, Justin.

I apologize as an entertainer.

I'm sorry.

I'm a comic.

I didn't even.

Griffin, that was a legally mandated one.

No, and I do.

I understand that.

Can I do that, Travis?

Yeah, sure.

Go find your sister.

Okay, I go find her.

Echoloke.

I don't have that.

I don't do that.

But she probably has a room.

Yeah.

Like an office here.

So I'll go to that.

Oh, hey, Navy.

Hey, Teal.

how's it going?

You're not back on the team, are you?

Do you think dad would let me back on the team?

You know, maybe...

No, I...

It was a fully rhetorical question.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, sorry.

Is it going good, though?

Like, are you still alright?

Oh, better than ever.

Really?

Yeah, Fuchsia really stepped up and,

you know, I wasn't sure that they were going to work out, but the team is a well-oiled machine.

Yeah, crime's way down in the ocean, ocean-based crime.

Things are going really well.

That's great.

I'm glad.

And you, how are you doing?

How's things topside?

You know,

it's exciting, part of something new, and trying to get it off the ground, work with a couple of really great guys.

Oh, you found some seals up there to work with.

No, Attila, honestly, I sort of thought that you, of all people, would sort of have a bit of more of an open mind.

It's a sort of interspecies uh kind of super team that we have to get very avant-garde i don't think so teal i feel like a lot of people are doing that this these days but um um

i mean not really

maybe not a lot of ross seals we're we are isolationist in nature but i gotta i gotta tell you it's better when you kind of get your get your head out there you breathe in some of that that fresh air get get mixed up in the city uh it's pretty cool actually uh

maybe I'll come visit.

Yeah, that would be great.

Our base is.

You got a place where I can crash?

Yeah,

it's a sunken corner booth in a dilapidated diner.

That's your that's where you sleep?

Oh, um, where I where I sleep.

Maybe hold on one second.

Maybe, maybe,

listen.

Yeah,

can you hear me?

I can't, but you're being so quiet.

It's amazing, right?

Listen, don't forget,

Don't forget our most closely guarded secrets.

Oh my god.

No, we don't sleep.

And I won't tell you where.

Oh, okay.

I give

Lyle a thumbs up.

Sorry, this.

What?

It's a...

You don't know this one?

You guys don't know this one?

Sorry, man.

Anyway, yeah, that's one of my guys.

Hey.

I got some work done from Snarf.

You know, Snarf?

Yeah.

I was like, can you make my Splash Pack have like 48 cannons or I forget how many numbers?

I put the number I don't.

But I thought like, you know, you helped come up with the whole Splash Pack design.

I was thinking maybe, and I set it down and I say, you can see we added some extra stuff here.

And then I roll out my like crude drawing of it just bristling with cannons.

Like, I want to get it closer to something like this.

You think that's...

Doable and maybe we can not tell dad you spent team resources on this

Yeah, I think we can make that happen.

Cool.

Well, while you work on that, I'm going to do a million sit-ups.

So I'm going to get tough and up

in addition to improving my signature item for a total.

Okay, cool.

Which will give me one extra HP.

I like that as the

party tank.

Let me count out.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.

Now I have 9.

And yeah, I would like to get my final upgrade and improve signature item, please.

You got it, babe.

Put it in the jar.

You're right.

Sorry.

So

I had to do some adjustments here in the

design because, you know, linear space.

So it's a linear space issue of how many could fit at the size you've drawn.

Dang, I really thought we had

figured that out.

What, linear space?

Like, how to fold space, like in Dune?

Yeah, I thought we'd figured that out already.

Gosh, I'm not a science guy, but I thought for sure, like, it doesn't seem that hard.

But what I did is by shrinking the kind of size of the gents, I could fit more on and heighten the pressure.

Awesome.

Oh, this is perfect.

Yes.

Yes, teal.

Yes.

Sorry.

Yeah, it's really good.

I really appreciate it.

I'm so glad.

Hey, listen, take care of yourself up there.

Yeah, sure.

Maybe find a place to sleep.

Get some sleep.

maybe get some sleep that's none of your business, but yeah, sure I appreciate the concern and don't tell dad I helped you I won't I won't but will you actually I've thought can you tell dad something for for me and it's like not a big deal if you're not comfortable doing it But um if you tell him to huff both of my butt cheeks

Uh-huh.

Yeah, I'm not gonna

I'm not

nice.

Hey Navy, nice.

I thought yeah, I thought it would be cool.

Uh, okay, don't worry about the butt cheeks thing.

Thank you for the splash pack.

Take care of yourself.

And, um...

Did I upset you in some way?

No, it's just I was...

I had something in my throat.

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