The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 3: Training Day!

In spite of what you have heard, we're at the height of our powers Atop the tallest towers It's never

stopped us by having to trust that we will do what we must Until it's turning out just like you

know we're

all

But our mojo's strong And unless I'm wrong And I'm not We're at the height of our power

So you've just entered what you now know is the Carvery.

The door is slammed shut behind you.

You saw Carver across the way sitting at his desk.

He is so excited to see you guys.

He flipped on the lights.

The Carvery whirred

into life.

It's quite loud.

let's just say like american ninja warrior levels of production this ain't yes a lot of like generators going and chains and conveyor belts and that kind of thing but laid out before you is what can only be described as like a gauntlet obstacle course training ground kind of deal in an oblong shape in the middle And then in the corners, anywhere where there's not training ground, you are standing on like graded floor.

now roger you are still in shadow there's pools of light coming from overhead lights but there's also a catwalk around the perimeter of the room on what would be the second floor and that is providing some shadows which you are still hidden in but you lyle and you navy are both in plain view of carver is is this a situation is the vibe in here like

wealthy retiree with nothing to do?

Like, has this is his, this is his,

his post-retirement sort of hobby?

Yeah, I don't know about wealthy.

Everything has kind of a DIY feel for it to be that so much as it's, I would say, like, resourceful retiree with nothing to do.

Okay, great.

And that vibe, that vibe's correct.

Okay.

So what's the...

Sorry,

this is crazy.

Sorry, you're so far away.

Yeah,

are you going to get started?

What do we is there a flag or a buzzer?

Well, no, it's just training.

So, like, you come over to me, and then we'll turn off the switch.

Okay, so there's a button.

Yeah, there's a button over here.

You should get moving.

It's kind of...

I wouldn't say it's timed, but...

And roll like a check for a list.

A look around.

Yeah, look around.

I'm observing and check.

I got one success.

115.

Okay, Justin, you give me a check as well.

What kind of check?

Just like a looking around check.

There's two D8s for you.

Well, is it dark?

It's got to be pretty dark in here.

It's got to be fairly dark.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would say inside of a warehouse.

Then I get 3D.

Famously dark.

Wow, that's...

Wow.

You failed a lot.

I don't have the tab open, so I'm just kind of judging by your guys's reactions.

Yeah, no, just three failures.

Yeah, three failures.

So, Justin, go ahead and make sure you're adding an experience point.

Oh, well, that sounds like a silver lining if I ever heard one.

Yeah, there you go.

Griffin, with your mixed success, you hear like a building kind of buzz from beneath you.

Okay.

And it should be noted, you're standing on a metal graded floor.

Okay.

It's only now that I've tapped back over that I can appreciate what an absolute failure that was.

Huge buzz.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

I think there's a trap, and I'm going to blast off now.

Are you good?

Well, I figured I'm going to get over here, man.

Yeah.

If there is some sort of trap, it seems like stuff like physical harm doesn't actually bother you all that much.

Well,

I'm more of a spiritual guy.

Yeah, you guys don't have to.

Everything's like, I'm

not pleasant.

Well, you're not going to get hurt.

That's not the goal.

You would be fine.

What I understand,

like, just by looking at it, I see the overhead map that you've so kindly provided for us.

To what extent am I aware of this around me, or is there more of a fog of training around you?

No, I mean, you can look.

Basically, the only complication as far as that goes is like the obstruction of view because there's a lot of stuff.

A lot of obstacles.

Yeah, but so you guys.

Where do we start?

We're down at the bottom, right?

Okay, there we go.

All right.

Okay, I'm just going to charge up my splash pack and just do the biggest, gnarliest jump, just skipping over as much of this as I can, just leaping into the fray.

Or is there a roof?

Well, there's not a roof so much as there's kind of a gridded system over it, which a lot of stuff is hung from.

Right.

So there's definitely some clearance you can make, but it's not like open to jumping.

You know what?

I don't want to skip.

He worked a long time on this.

I want to make this feel good for Carver.

I don't want to blow through his whole training routine.

So

I'll start

with the moving dummies with swords, which seems so dangerous to have in your home gym.

They're like rubber swords.

You know what I mean?

These are foam swords.

This is training.

He's not trying to kill you.

I'm just going to sort of turn my splash back to fire forwards and just sort of shoot a column of water between these guys to try and knock them over and clear a path for me and Lyle.

Okay, great.

Wait, hold on.

Before you you do that, what are you doing, Roger?

You are still cloaked in shadow, but you are standing on the same metal-graded floor that they are.

Okay, yeah.

I'm not up on the second floor on the catwalk, right?

You're not on the catwalk, but you do have, you can see in the bottom left corner, there is a ladder to the catwalk level, and you do have some shadowy cover to get over there if that is your goal.

Yeah, I think I'm going to make my way to the

stairs and go up to the catwalk.

Okay, yeah, give me a 2d8 sink roll

eight and a three.

Hey, where's that?

Uh, where's the cat?

Was his name, Dustin Hoofman?

Was that it?

What was it?

Uh, it he doesn't, he's actually kind of weird about us giving his name out.

It's a thing we need to sort of talk about as a team.

Uh, but he's got he didn't come with us, he was sick.

Aw, bummer, man.

Okay,

well, Cal.

It was Calvid.

Cal Calvin?

He got Calvid.

Calvid.

Okay.

He got.

They're shaking their heads.

No.

I'm sorry.

He got Calvid 19.

No, they're saying.

It's not a joke.

It's a real thing.

You guys were so wrapped up in the human experience.

They're calling over their lawyers, Griffin.

I don't know what to tell you, man.

It's out of my mind.

I didn't even think about the bovine experience.

It was rough for them, too, man.

So, Roger, you're able to make it up to the catwalk, and lovely with the whirring of all the machines and everything your hoof steps on the graded floor are covered but you're not able to make it all the way to the ladder um but you're like there you know what i mean you're ready to to scale the ladder can i blast these freaking dummies yet of course you can give me um give me an attack with your with your blaster okay this 3d8 with my signature item correct cool

Big money no whammies double success cow bunga 7-7.

Oh yeah, you do this they go flying.

So they start spinning as you spray them.

And like, you know, their arms kind of spread as they spin and they end up like kind of knocking each other over.

Yeah.

I have to brace myself, I feel like, when I do it this night, like, I feel like Bulky Boy comes into play a bit here, where when I combine my two powerful jets of water into one incredibly powerful column of water, there is a

recoil effect that would take down the average animal.

Now, are you headed towards the left or the right?

The right side you have kind of angled stepping stones as one might see in yeah

i'll see where lyle goes next i feel like i don't want to hog all the glory here i've just sort of neutralized this first trap to to make a path for us okay yeah lyle which way do you want to head

you have swinging chains on the left a spinning log in the middle and the uh angled stepping stones on the right all three of which are over you know the graded floor is kind of across the whole thing uh okay, so I am,

but I'm still okay.

So, help me understand.

This is like a level above the actual training ground, or have I jumped down?

This is like a cutout.

What I am spawning on, because like the same level as us, it's just, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was just kind of highlighting the things.

There's only two layers: there's the training ground and the catwalk above.

Okay, got it.

Um,

I am,

I think I'm gonna head

man, not neither one of of these is really playing to my strengths.

I'll use

my

camouflage abilities to get past the dummies.

I already did that, man.

Those dummies are gone.

Oh, so we don't have to individually challenge them.

Well, no,

on his cowabunga, he's taken out the ones on the right.

Okay.

Towards the stepping stones.

If you want to go for like the swinging chains.

Or the spinning log, right?

You can head through the left or over the stepping stones in the middle.

yeah, let me try the stepping stones.

I feel like that would be a really good fit for me.

I, that, that feels like a good match for my skill set.

As an extreme fireball, well, and as an extreme firefighter, getting through environments that are challenging is

really up my alley.

Yeah, okay.

So, if you're picturing these, they're like kind of uh rounded mushroom top kind of stepping stones, right?

So, it's not just like boop, boop, boop, it's a little bit of like having to balance and jump.

Okay, well, well

sit down

and take off my

shoes

Okay,

okay, this will be easier is that you wait.

Sorry, that's is Lyle doing that's doing that.

Yeah, um,

and my other socks.

I have to wear two socks because of the oozing

All right, should be no problem now, man.

I'm at full my my stickiest most

sticky potential here

all right and i'll just uh glide across the stepping stones without a care in the world

now this is a new thing that you've just invented for yourself extremely sticky feet it's not a superpower trap it's just color all right

okay it's just color i'm not trying to pull a fast one i'm just trying to add a little a few colorful threads to your tapestry okay i didn't just i didn't assume a fast one i was just trying to play and that's well i mean that was in travis thing all right Justin, give me, um,

give me just 2d8 roll.

I'm going to say an animal with your Uzi feet.

Okay.

Uzi feet sounds like something.

Yeah, man.

Two successes.

Oh, that's a double success.

Yeah, as you're going, you're stepping across.

This is as easy as not falling off a log for Lyle.

He does this, maybe even doing it kind of one foot at a time, like boop, boo-doo, boo-doo, right?

This is like what Lyle, as an axoloto, of course, was born to do.

Crossing across kind of slippery stones across a river.

You make it look easy.

Just like the babbling brooks of your youth.

My man,

maybe.

I don't actually know your biome, like where you grew up.

Navy.

I left my

left my dank shoes, man.

Oh, I got you.

Do you mind?

Sorry.

I'll just walk over here.

I should have said that.

No, no problem.

Okay.

hey give me as you walk back across give me another like perception check a looking around check this is me doing this yeah that's three failures

yeah you reach to grab the shoes and when you do you get pretty significant shock from the electrified grate on the ground okay

great electric front

yeah

Sorry, did he have my shoes?

Are my shoes?

I do have your shoes.

I'm definitely going to have to do that.

He does have your shoes.

those.

Okay.

Well, you wouldn't be able to.

Your fingers kind of locked up.

Don't take this from me.

It doesn't cause any damage, but

it's wildly unpleasant.

Okay.

I want to just sort of reflexively get off the ground and maybe get up onto the stepping stones.

The platform with the dummies is cool.

Oh, okay.

Well, then I beg you to hop on the platform with the dummies.

No problem.

And Roger, you're at the ladder.

Now, Roger, your teammates know where you are.

Do you want to try to communicate with them in some fashion as to what you're planning?

I don't know if I can without...

Now, we have established a rudimentary hand signal communication.

It puts the rude in rudimentary.

It's extremely advanced, and it's not my fault that you guys can see it.

And it is rude.

Lock it in.

It is rude.

There are some rude gestures.

Yeah.

No, I don't think I can.

I don't think I would.

For one thing, I don't think they can see me.

Correct.

All right, Roger.

You're at the ladder.

What are you up to?

I'm going to try to access the catwalk so I can sneak as close as I can get to maybe find a way to assist my teammates in getting past these obstacles.

Excellent.

You're able to make it up the catwalk.

The ladder is not a problem.

But tell me about Roger's footwear situation.

What's he rocking down there?

I got some shoes if you.

Roger wears dance shoes because, and they're extra padded because, of course, hooves.

I think we all.

I think we all figured that out.

Yeah.

And so

they're dance shoes.

They're not exactly like ballet shoes.

They're not that soft stuff.

They're kind of a

black leather.

They could pass for something looking pretty dressy, but they're not.

If I find out Roger Wayne is wearing any leather, I'll be hugely upset by that.

Half leather.

Trav, where did I stop my uh my motion where did i like end up

you have made it across the stepping stones right so then you have the option of heading across the swinging chains but in my is there a safe spot that i am at or yeah yeah yeah yeah there's like little platforms okay

um Roger, with those dance shoes, I'm going to say this is a pretty easy but not a

shoe-in roll.

So give me a 3d8 roll to get up that metal ladder without making too many clonk clonk clonk noises.

Very well.

Three failures.

That's us.

That's us on this freaking obstacle port.

He didn't ask the name of our podcast.

He's he asked what you rolls.

So you are able to make it up the thing.

Go ahead and take yourself an advancement point.

XP next point here.

But now Carver clocks you up there and is like, oh, okay, you were able to make it.

Are you feeling better, man?

Yes, but I.

Oh,

i have uh reverse uh

uh height issues uh

when i'm down on the ground when i'm oh okay i thought

i had to get up here

get a little air

okay

okay cool man are you saying that you're only

sorry If I could just ask a quick follow-up, man.

Are you saying that you're only comfortable at higher elevations?

Oh, yes.

You get like dizzy and freaked out if you're not elevated, man.

You have invertigo.

Invertigo is very.

I have invertigo.

Bad invertigo.

Sorry, but wouldn't that make...

And I'm sorry to put the...

Can you pause the electrified floor just for a second?

Oh, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he lowers the switch to about halfway.

Awesome.

Thank you so much for that.

So, like, it seems like dance would be a bad profession to choose if one suffered from invertigo.

And so I use a hand signal to show them that I'm lying.

All right, cool.

Oh, I got it.

Cool.

Subterfuge, it's what I'm supposed to be.

It's the Dave Collier cut it out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, we're good.

You can electronize.

Oh, I love that guy.

I wrote a whole song about him back in the 90s.

Okay, so actually, lower the switch again.

Are you saying that you wrote you ought to know did you ghost right you ought to know for a lettuce morissette no it just happened to be one of those like strangely you know like uh parallel kind of things where yeah i wrote do you know you should okay dave coolier hurt a lot of people let's get back into the into the training now oh no mine was about facts that i didn't think he knew he didn't hurt me it was just like here's a random fact that dave coolier should know about do you know about this you should okay cool yeah it it was a it was a chart topper in lithuania

okay back to the thing and he cranks back on the switch uh but now that you're up there that's great i can try these out um and you see the basically the different panels of the catwalk start kind of flipping in sequence so one

then the next one then the next one then the next one each panel is about four feet long and then they reset

it's got a

balance obstacle in the american ninja warrior parlance Now, this catwalk runs along the edge

of

the building.

Or is it the grid over the whole top?

This is about two feet above the grid.

So you can see where the grid is secured to the catwalk.

But it's like a separate structure.

So it's like wired in and kind of like tension wired to hold it in place.

But it was not structurally part of the building, the grid over the over the obstacle course.

So you could reach the grid over the obstacle course, but it would not be maybe as stable per se as the catwalk it.

Gotcha.

Okay.

I would like to, it looks like spinning log is in front of us at this point.

I would like to, standing on the platform, try and brace myself

as firmly as I can and just sort of sumo grab the spinning log to try to stop it.

Spinning.

Oh, Griffin, I love

it easier.

Easier to do it.

Thank you for this gift.

Yeah, of course.

Okay.

Roll me a bulky boy, Chuck.

Okay.

Oh, double eights, baby.

Double success, Calabum.

I am tearing Carver's whole world apart right now.

So you brace your feet on the platform, right?

And like then grab the wheel, and you hear like a grind, grind, grind, grind.

So not only do you stop it from moving temporarily, you've just like worn the gears out.

I look up at Carver to see if Senpai notices me.

If Senpai notices me in this moment.

Yeah, you know what?

Double A Kawabunga, he's like,

nice.

He starts stroking what would be a beard if he had a beard, but he's a tortoise.

Amazing.

This is the greatest moment.

But then you also see him clogging.

He goes, oh, man, I'm going to have to get new gears for my giant log.

Do you know how hard it is?

To find giant gears for a giant spinning log?

That's okay.

It's okay.

You're

doing exactly what I told you to do, man.

Cowabunga.

This is the greatest moment of of Navy SEAL's life.

Aw, man.

Now, listen, that was killer, but

look ahead.

I think those are smooshing paddles.

I saw solos, man.

So many places are one of the hardest things to get past.

And if you get stuck between the panels, you're going to get smooshed, brother.

That's right.

They're rubber.

What's wrong with

what's wrong with you, Sicko?

These are smooshing paddles.

the government outlawed these man

they're just thick foam man it's gonna be okay dude

smoosh for anybody man

well you could go through the uh spinning thick jump ropes um you could head towards the climbing wall because when i look at an axolotl i think i bet that dude loves jumping rope yeah i look at axolotle i say I feel like given your sort of gummy, tacky nature, being smooshed would not be as fatal to you as it would be.

Oh, no, man, I'm sure.

I've never experienced it.

It always just looks so smooshy.

Just a reminder, man.

It's just thick foam, bud.

It's just fun.

There's no fatal about it.

Can you just turn him off, please?

And I'll keep going.

No.

I think he should be able to ask for

the obstacles to kindly be touched.

Oh, you just, I think, here's what I'm saying, right?

It shouldn't ever impact our work together as as heroes that I got smooshing my phobia, right?

Man, that's true, man.

Okay, here's what I'll do.

And he turns the dials, and now they're moving at alternate times.

So they might, now they're pushing paddles, and they'll pull you off the containers.

They won't ever come together.

That's fine.

You're okay being pushed?

Okay, I don't want you to get smooshed if you're not comfortable with it.

All right, and I just will you turn him back up for me when I cross, though?

You want smooching.

And he writes down down on he has a consent checks list.

Yeah.

And he's like, okay, cool.

Smooshing.

More smooshing for the pushing for me.

Thank you so much.

Okay, now that's confusing.

Do you want it to be the pushing battles or the smooshing?

Maximum smooshing, baby.

Maximum smoosh.

Got it, man.

All right, putting a dollar in the baby jar.

All right, I hit the conveyor belt as hard as I can with my axe.

All right, you head towards the pushing paddles.

Yeah.

And so this is the conveyor belt that you'll be running across is running back towards you.

Right, So, this is going to be a combination of speed and dodge.

Yeah, I'm going to hit the conveyor belt as hard as I can.

Oh,

I give you back your shoes for sure.

Thank you.

I don't know how sticky you want to be for the rest of this.

I hit the conveyor belt as hard as I can with

the hatchet man.

Okay.

Because I'll stop it.

It should stop it.

It'll just stop and then I'll walk.

Okay, yeah.

Give me a roll with your situation tratum so it's 3d8.

I feel like Carver wants to see our ingenuity as well.

Absolutely failing and our ninja and our ningenuity.

Our ingenuity, thank you.

That is one success

and so your goal was to hit the conveyor belt in such a way that it buried the axe in it just to pin it in place so I could get across safely

Okay,

so and then summon my axe back to my hand Wow, so with a mixed success it pins it in place But it pins it in place by when it reaches the end, like the platform you're standing on, it like wedges it there with the axe handle on the platform and the axe head in the conveyor belt.

So, if you were to like pick the axe back up right now, it would move again.

So, right now, it's held in place as long as the axe is pinning it there.

Okay, I walk, I run across the conveyor belt, like okay, not messing around.

So, give me a 2d8, and we're going to see how your timing with the pushin paddles does.

Okay, that's seven and an eight

that is a double success my man these paddles ain't got nothing on you you are the wind uh they're going boom boom boom and you've got the rhythm down you're like moving in perfect concert with them and i'm like i raised my hand at the end of the platform like hatch it man to me

ah man

Do you need me to get your hatchet?

I'm playing hatchet.

Yeah, I get yeah, no no problem.

Thank you.

So when we're in the field, if you could keep better track of your own personal belongings.

I feel like the best.

Hey, listen.

I stopped the conveyor belt.

You should be thanking me.

Okay, I am going to...

Are the shoes, the axe?

Yeah, you know, it is starting to look like a trick.

I found your wallet back here.

Did you mean to set that down also?

Hey.

Whose pants are these?

I know how many punches my Peter Pit card had.

It's just saying,

if you swap it out with a different one, man, I'm keeping track.

I'm almost sure of

a free Gorgonzola.

A free what?

Sorry.

And he lowers the switch act to have...

A free what?

Pita Gorgonzola.

It's my favorite thing at Pita Pit.

It's just a Pita full of Gorgonzola?

Is that what you said?

They fry it in the banana pepper oil, man.

It's outrageous.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, that does sound pretty radical, dude.

Actually, yeah.

Okay.

I heard a boy named Griffin McElroy ate one and he died

from his stomach.

Yeah, that makes sense, man.

Okay.

And he cranks the switch back up.

Roger, what are you doing?

You've got these flipping panels in the catwalks.

These flipping panels, man.

Ah, flip.

Taking our jobs.

Roger is going to...

Ah, these panels.

Roger is going to

use the

all the machinery noise.

You said there was a lot of noise.

Yes, correct.

Which would be working in a regular pattern, which provides a techno beat so he can do night foxtrots.

Unbelievable.

Heck yeah, it does to get past the vanilla.

This is, would you say, Dad, that this is industrial techno?

Whatever.

Well, yeah.

Never mind.

Don't worry about it.

As I know, yeah, just like some of those

like corn, you mean?

Just like corn, Dad.

Just like corn.

Just like corn.

Just like corn.

Dad, give me 4D A's.

This is your time to shine here.

Okay.

And I failed miserably.

Jesus Christ.

1, 1, 3, 4.

Incredible, Dad.

Wow.

So, take another point of advancement.

And where do I put that?

Under Practice Makes Perfect, dude.

Okay, dude.

It's at the bottom.

Got it.

I love you trying to recreate the breakdance scene from Ocean's 12 and just immediately falling in the first hole.

It'll happen someday.

Okay, yeah, give me.

So basically, you step on the first panel, it starts to flip.

Now you have the option to either drop down into the obstacle course or try to hang on to the panel.

I gotta try to hang on to the panel.

Okay.

Do you want to use your prehensile tail to do that?

Yes.

Kindness that he has just offered you.

Okay, give me a 3d8 rehantile power check

Wow dad wait a minute

he's a 332

Yeah, that was 332

so I guess I fall

Yeah, you try to hold on with that their tail and you just just whiff it just for lack of a better term and I'm sorry to use this you beef it

yeah

So you're gonna drop down and now you are in the left left side

with the dummies and their rubber foam swords, but you are prone on the ground so the swords are like spinning around you, like above you.

So you are currently safe, kind of, oh my god, coward underneath the spinning swords.

There's going to be a lot of those.

Cow is in a lot of words, I'd be.

Yeah, I can't.

I'm not doing it on purpose.

Now you got to hurry.

You got to hoof it.

Okay.

Let's not use them all up, okay?

It's only this.

I don't want to milk it.

You're right.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

I see that Roger has fallen.

I'm going to try and defend him.

This is my favorite Gerard Butler movie.

Roger has.

The President's in danger.

Roger has fallen.

I'm going to sort of focus the apertures of my splash pack into sort of a pressure wash sort of nozzle and try to just kind of cut across the dummies

to just sort of lathe them in half.

I love that.

To disarm, to disarm them, I guess.

But since he's prone on the ground, I figured the odds of this going very poorly are low.

Yeah, yeah,

it would have to go real bad to hit him.

Okay.

That is two successes.

Yeah,

you're able to carve straight through them.

And Carver, once again, appreciates the maneuver.

Carved straight through him.

Love it.

I bet he does.

He does once again get mad that he's going to have to replace those dummies.

I mean, let us know, man, if if you want us to be less destructive on the course, I just thought it was.

No, no, no, you're doing great.

This is my own.

I didn't, you know, I should have had more backup parts.

You can take some dummies from the right side and put them over here on the left.

Okay.

Yeah, reduce reuse.

I love it.

Lyle, you are up.

You've made it across the conveyor belt.

I'll move you over here.

So now you have...

A greasy, oily, slippery floor to your left.

You have like balanced teeter-totters

I gotta go with the slippery floor.

I think that's my best bet.

So do you remove your shoes once more?

I think I'm gonna have to.

Hey, I'm sorry about this.

But I have to remove one of my shoes to keep balance between the stickiness and the slipperiness.

The problem isn't anything to be slippery because ice is that.

It's not a problem for it to be sticky, because, you know earth is sticky but if i have one sticky foot and one slippery foot well slow down hang green i can't keep up with the ice one slippery foot and one you know sticky foot i won't have any problems

that makes sense to me but i guess you gotta get my shoe please so you hand your shoe yeah no i picked up on that just lately you haven't picked up on it yet i just set it down okay

give me uh a roll there.

I don't want to roll.

I'm going to try to stay upright.

Roll 2d8.

Oh, boy.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

God punished me with a two and a three.

That doesn't make sense, though.

You had one sticky foot and one slippery foot.

Everything.

Everything was in there for that to work.

Thanks for nothing, Gary Gygax.

I don't think Gary was involved in the creation.

He's watching the problem.

This was Trappy Tritrax.

That's true.

How did you know about my rap name?

Okay, you spin out, Lyle.

You are now kind of doing a little bit of impromptu breakdancing here on the slippery floor.

And you go to prone.

Yes, but you're doing it very well for a novice.

Well, better than an Australian, right?

Zing.

That's not nice.

It also won't be topical by the time this comes.

No way.

Roger, you're up.

Well, you're down.

You're prone.

But it's your turn.

A reminder, the spinning log is completely defunct, so that would be an easy way to cross.

The spinning bad guys' dummies have been cut in half, so they are no longer a threat.

No, I think I'm going to

grab the chains and try to swing across.

I'm going to try to do two maneuvers in one.

I love it.

I love that.

Yeah, yeah.

It's going to swing across the chains

and then use the momentum from that swing

to dodge the

spinning thick jump ropes.

Now be careful, Dad.

These jump ropes are so thick.

I know.

Travis didn't specify each one is two and a half feet thick.

They make a terrible noise every time they're like a jump, they're jump mats.

Okay.

Give me, you know, these are like, you know.

Like you would see at a CrossFit, you know, where people are whipping those ropes around.

Doing what?

We're not sure.

Exercise.

Well, I don't know because it just looks like they're kind of making giant spaghetti.

Yeah, it's confusing.

Okay, Roger, I'm loving this.

Give me,

I would say with the use of your tail and hands, you have an advantage on the swinging chains.

So give me 3d8s using your prehensile power.

Here we go.

A one, a three, and an eight.

Yes, so with that eight, you are able to make your way across.

It's a little, let's say, less than graceful, but you are able to land.

But heading into the spinning thick ropes, you're a little off balance.

So this one is going to be a little more challenging.

In order to make it through, you're going to need at least two successes.

So give me a 2d8 roll to make it through.

the

spinning ropes.

You got it.

It's an eight and a three.

Eight and and a three.

Okay, with an eight and a three, you're able to make it about halfway before one of the ropes trips you up, and then it just kind of keeps whapping you as you're laying on the ground in the middle of the ropes.

Once again, no damage, but wildly unpleasant.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

Navy, you are at the end of the currently paused conveyor belt that is being held in place by the wedged axe.

Slippery floor.

Okay, so he's no longer in the conveyor belt.

So he's spinning around on on the slippery floor.

Yeah, and Roger is getting spanked by the spinning ropes.

No problem.

I'm going to grab the axe, and I would like to throw it at the rope that is currently beating up Roger.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

I have to protect my teammates.

Okay, yeah.

Give me a 2d8 percent.

Yeah, this is not my signature item.

One success.

Eight and a two.

Yes, with the mixed success, you absolutely stop the rope that's hitting him.

Yeah.

But the ropes on either side of him are still going.

Okay, that's fine.

Justin, are you having some fun spinning your token in place?

Seems like he's really slippery, and so Axel Isles kind of.

I'm just loving Justin having his own little in-world fun.

It's just the closest I've ever gotten to playing video games while I do this dumb thing.

You know what I mean?

I'm having a time of my life over here.

I thought it'd be good for you.

That was just for your all's benefit.

You're complaining.

I love it.

No, it made me so.

I wasn't complaining, Joseph.

It made me so happy.

I went to the bottom.

I couldn't tell if you guys could see it as I was moving it or if it was just for my own benefit.

That was the really scary part.

I love it.

Now, what's happening here?

Oh, it says cool.

Someone just wrote cool right on the map.

Cool.

I didn't know.

Okay.

I need to take that ability away from you guys later.

But I do know it's Griffin because it's in his colour.

We're going to have to take it spinning away from me.

Nate.

Oh, I just delivered character tokens.

Hold on.

How do I unspeak?

Suddenly, without warning,

we see a nice cool nice deleted Navy seal.

We forget ever knowing you.

There was a third member, but

did Carver snap his fingers?

How did that happen?

That's right.

I messed this up so bad.

I brought you back.

Now, Navy, you've spent your last two turns helping your two compatriots.

I'm going to say you have another item.

It's a flaw of mine.

Okay.

You care too much.

It's your care a little too much.

Yeah.

I've now, I guess, re-enabled the conveyor belt.

So I grab the shoe as it comes to me,

collecting

the shoe.

I now have the shoe and the axe.

And Carver turns the dial and they're back to smooshing paddles.

Oh, yeah.

Just how I liked it.

I'm going to wait.

Try to time it out just right.

And in the gap between their smooshing, I want to try to just rock it forward with the splash pack and try to leave one of the two.

Give me a 3d8 roll with your splash pack.

Okay.

Two successes, six and a five.

Yeah, with two successes, you're able to time it out perfectly.

So they are moving kind of chunk, chunk, chunk, right?

And on the last one you go as they're spreading apart and they're closing behind you and you are able to make it to the end no problem.

Amazing.

Okay, spinning a while.

You are up.

For the listener at home, we have almost completed this room.

We are on the north side where Carver's.

I imagine his desk is at the end of the obstacles we are currently on.

Okay.

Okay.

I have to.

Oh, man.

I'm too slippery, man.

I can't stop.

Do you want your other...

Is this a situation where you could remove or add a shoe?

Oh.

I'll try anything at this point, man.

Can you toss me mine?

Yep.

Toss him his shoe.

he's pretty close i'm gonna say that the shoe toss from navy isn't tough but the fact that you are currently spinning and slipping um i'm gonna need uh a roll from you to catch your shoe effectively so give me a 2d8 roll

oh yeah double successes you catch it on your footlands right on your foot i stopped i stopped myself with it because yeah with two successes yeah yeah yeah put the shoe on your foot you're you're at a halt now You're back.

You have control of yourself once more.

So, okay, I'm at the end of what I can see as the obstacles, right?

As where I'm at.

Am I...

Oh, I should be able to just, like, leap on top of Carver's desk from here.

Yeah, I think it's going to be a little bit tricky because you are still on the slippery floor, but you are close enough to make that jump.

All right, I make the jump and then I raise my hand up in the air and I say, hatch it, man, to me.

Well, we'll see if you make the jump.

Hold on.

I thought if I kind of did a combo.

Yeah, you can make the jump.

Okay, let me try to make the jump.

Can you work?

Yeah, it's a collection.

Yeah.

We have a potpourri.

Oh, double successes.

Eight and a five.

Nice.

Yeah, you make that jump.

It was tricky to get your feet underneath you, but with both shoes.

And you know,

these are extreme firefighter shoes.

You know what I mean?

These aren't basic firefighter shoes.

So you make that jump.

You land on his desk.

You raise your hand and say, Hatch it man to me.

Do you want me to bring it to you?

Because I'm holding.

Well, no, you threw it.

You can do this.

Oh, that's right.

I did throw it.

Wait, you already threw it?

Where is it now?

Yeah.

I used it to cut the ropes.

Oh.

Where is it now?

I hope that's okay.

Well, it's lying next to Roger on the ground.

Hatchet Man to me.

Sorry Roger He keeps dropping all of his stuff and I think it's gonna be sort of an ongoing thing that me and you

think I can do this.

Yeah, make it

just please just throw it really good

Well, all right

I'm gonna use my tail to throw it.

Perfect.

I think I'd have more accuracy.

Perfect.

I didn't even know cows could use their tails to throw things.

It's prehensile for me.

I'm not a botanist.

Welcome to the Abnimal's Universe.

Give me a 3D 8 roll, Roger, to launch that axe with your KO at 3D 8 roll.

At Lyle.

Okay.

Booyah.

Wow.

Double.

Oh, that was a cow of

three.

Okay.

So, yeah.

It goes perfectly.

This is 100%

like Mulnier level, like

directly to your hand.

And Carver clocks it, not just as like a check mark for you, Lyle, but but also for you roger and he's like stroking his invisible beard once more

we're doing it guys let me reintroduce myself

okay i'm axelotto

your name's axelottle no listen i've got

you're not listening let me finish

my name's axelisle and these are the little isles

And we're here to see if you want to join our team.

Wait, so the name of your team is Axel Axel Isle and the Little Isles?

We're trying it out.

Would that make you want to join?

I'm not a fan, but if you like it.

It seems limited.

It seems, I don't know, reductive.

Not for me.

Well, yeah.

It's huge for him.

For me, that name recognition alone would be massive, man.

No, we don't have a name, but

I made it up here first.

Did I get a medal or a ribbon or

like a pack of gum or anything?

Well, you can turn off the switch so that they can just like kind of walk over here if you want.

Do you want to save first?

Sorry?

Well, I don't want to just turn off somebody's switch if they're in the middle of something.

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm more of a Steam Deck guy.

He's playing Dangon Rompa on his

Switch on his desk.

All right.

I used

my

handle of Hatchet Man to turn the Switch off, like a cool dude.

Warm, warm, warm, warm.

Everything powers down.

At this point, now you guys are free to just like walk over there.

Yeah.

And Kyle was like, hey,

yeah, man.

So, as far as the physical challenges go, man, passed right by.

Now,

before I decide if I'm going to, you know, take on the role as your trainer.

Spiritual challenge.

No, more of just like an interview segment.

That was right.

Okay, yeah, let's get to that.

And he puts on some readers and sits down with like a legal pad and he goes, let's do this.

Wheel!

And like a guitar singer hits.

For a job interview?

Yeah.

I hear one of my cats upstairs crying.

You know what they're, you know what they're upset about.

Just like the state of things and whatever.

No, they're only ever wanting one thing and that's for me to get the smalls out.

Dad, we don't know how to,

yeah, they love the smooth bird.

Dad, we want our smooth bird.

We don't have jobs.

We can't buy our own food.

We don't know how to order things.

Dad, we're so scared.

We're cats and we've gained complete human intelligence.

What's happening?

Where are we?

Yeah.

Where are we?

But you know what?

I calm them right down with smalls because you're going to get a package of smalls, right?

You're going to open it up.

You're going to put it in front of your cats there, put it into a bowl, whatever you're going to, I don't know your business.

But when you put it out there, these cats are going to freak out.

And you're also going to see some long-lasting effects.

In my experience, at least, my cats have been a little healthier.

They've had a nice, nice-looking coat, and they just love, they love smalls.

They love it.

Smalls cat food is protein-packed recipes made with preservative-free ingredients.

And it's delivered right to your door.

And cats.com named it their best overall cat food.

And get this after switching to smalls, 88% of cat owners report overall health improvements for smalls food.

That's a big deal.

For a limited time only, because you are

really proud of that, Justin.

I was really proud of that.

Sorry, Trav, that was great.

Thank you.

For a limited time only, because you're an adventure zone listener, you can get 60% off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com/slash adventure.

That's 60% off when you head to smalls.com/slash adventure plus free shipping.

Again, that's smalls.com/slash adventure.

Hey, this week we're coming to.

Sorry to interrupt.

I just kind of burst in.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Hey, I'm also sorry.

I'm also sorry.

And I'm here and I'm interrupting too.

If you're coming to

our shows this week in San Antonio and Austin, thank you.

If you're not already planning on coming, why not?

We want to see you there.

We need you there.

Join us.

What are you doing?

It's so great.

Yeah.

If you're coming to the show and you want to have a question,

you got a question you want answered, you want to fear read aloud, we got you.

Email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line in Austin.

And also doing what, Trav?

What are we doing in Austin, buddy?

Well, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules, and it's going to be a real treat.

You're going to feel happier than you've ever felt in your entire life.

Yeah, we're also coming to Utah and California later this year.

Tickets for all those shows are on sale now.

More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly forward slash McElroy Tours.

Oh, we also have new merch because it's a new month.

Yeah, we have a new month, new merch, new you.

Well, yeah, sort of.

We've got a brand new Gerald t-shirt over there designed by Lynn Doyle.

Go to macroymerge.com.

Check it out.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

So go to macroymerch.com to get yours now.

Hey, it's standing at maximum fun.

Have you checked out the bonus content for the Adventure Zone?

There are a lot of fun one-shots in there.

From a museum heist DM'd by Critical Rolls Matt Mercer to a chaotic dungeon dive designed by Justin's daughter Charlie.

You can go enjoy all of those right now if you're already a Max Fun member.

If not, any time of year is a good time to support the show by joining Maximum Fun, starting at just $5 a month.

And when you do, you get access to the bonus content for every other Max Fun show too.

So head to maximumfun.org/slash join and thanks for your support.

This won't take long.

Most of it was the physical thing.

You guys are doing great.

I see.

You got good bones.

You know what I mean?

I look at the house band that was just playing a guitar stinger as he set up this job interview.

Like, are they going to be here the whole time?

No, I just, I brought them in just for this, man.

You guys are good.

You guys can go.

Are you sure?

Yeah, man.

Thank you.

They're good, man.

Hey, partner.

I hope you're not bummed about the level of

destruction that we brought to your obstacle course there.

I don't know if

you have a guy or whatever, but we can help you get it set back up.

Oh, no, quite the opposite, man.

Like, that ruled.

That was great.

I loved kind of the violent aspect to it.

That was great.

Okay, cool.

So,

first question, and whoever wants to jump in, why did you,

why did you decide to become an abnormal hero?

Um, well,

I can go first.

Where I came from, where I was raised,

was

an extremely religious environment.

Oh, boy, okay.

It was um

We were members of the Methodist church.

Methanist, you say?

Methanist.

Okay.

They've left.

Oh, I went to look at the judges and they've left.

Oh, my.

They love that.

Hey, Justin, I'm the judge during the day.

They came over to your house, maybe.

Maybe they a lot of the judges, it seems like, were thinking you were going to go with Calcolic, and they're really like, they're realizing that it's not.

That's why the judges don't get on the mic.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, exactly.

They don't have the expansive mind of a Clint McElroy.

They who can't judge.

Yeah.

The Methodists are very...

It's a very repressive society.

Very puritanical.

I love

the dance.

I love to dance.

It's a part of my being.

And

they had banned dancing.

So

I

always have hated people that are persecuted for what they love, for their passions, for people who

are not allowed to exercise their passions.

Oh, so you hate the people or you hate the persecution?

No, no, I don't hate anyone,

but I hated being persecuted.

And

I left.

I came here.

I

decided that I would be hoofless.

And I came here to

this realm to protect those who have been persecuted for their passions and the the spy thing uh

well

we were all wondering

yes well i mean that's the best way to learn

i need to infiltrate and change the way people feel i plan on learning all these spy skills and then going back to my planet and teaching them not only how to dance

but how to be

sneaky.

Okay, but I have to be sneaky.

I have to infiltrate and I have to be a spy

to

do the dancing.

Sneaking dancing.

Okay, sneaky dancing.

Got it.

What about you,

what?

Sorry, Blue Seal, was it?

Navy SEAL.

Navy Seal.

Oh, oh.

Yes, not an actual active service

member of the Navy.

I...

Well, it's a family business.

Surely you're aware of the Royal Seals.

Yeah, of course.

Well,

us Ross Seals, we don't usually leave our sort of Antarctic Environment and so all of the

Royal Seals are related with something of a family band.

So I joined sort of because it was

required of me

as the oldest of the seal siblings.

And

it went pretty good for a long time.

Okay.

And then it did not.

Oh, okay.

Cool, cool, cool.

And what about you, Axelisle?

Yeah, I was

raised by some Dominican nuns.

They help out a lot of the Axolotls over there on Lake Xochimilco.

So I was raised by nuns, man.

They trained me up.

They taught me their incredible nun fighting style.

They said,

but they said it's nameless.

And there's no names for it.

And if anybody tries to come up with a pun-centric name for it, they said that there is no name and they're wrong.

Respectful.

Yeah.

It's very cool.

So, yeah, they taught me their fighting style.

And I just wanted to carry on that incredible gift.

They gave me a second chance.

Now I'm trying to do the same thing.

And they didn't use nunchucks?

Just to check.

Hugely disrespectful, Carper.

I'm a big fan, but that was you just reading it.

I'm so sorry, Lyle.

Lyle, you have to forgive me.

I'm sure I'm glad I didn't say Smaxolottl would have been the final.

I've spent a lot of time by myself.

I'm so sorry.

It's not enough, man.

You need more.

You're not ready to be around others.

That was woof.

You know what?

Now I'm okay.

Okay, great.

I am also religious.

I didn't want to be the only guy without.

Are you religious or spiritual?

More spiritual.

Yeah.

I i believe in energies

well yeah man like electricity they're the world's religious fighting team

now watch as we tear this phone book in half they don't have a jewish one but that would be our theme

hang on a

okay so you were trained by nuns cool cool

And so that just kind of naturally

led to being like a cool dude fighter man well i yes i i was uh for a long time a uh an extreme firefighter

oh cool man yeah so when the regular firefighters and we so respect them but sometimes it's just too dangerous and too extreme and they gotta call in

me

for a while i was uh on another team uh

The Infiba Force would call me in sometimes if they had like any really extreme fire-centric scenario.

And then we were just like talking and I told them that

I didn't go through metamorphosis.

You know, Axels don't.

And they got super weird.

And I haven't heard from them since.

So whatever.

It's not like even a moment.

Okay, cool, man.

I had no idea.

All right.

Whatever.

What a bunch of stinky pants.

Can you, again, man, God,

this is my family.

We're talking about you guys are just doing this stuff with nunchucks and stinky pants.

And just like the base decorum.

You know what I mean?

I'm trying to support you.

Read the room.

All right.

Read the room, cowboy.

Read the room.

All right, man.

Well,

listen.

What about you?

Me.

What about a little

turt for tap?

Well, I'm

that ruled.

That was really good.

And I want all you eyes to bust up.

So if there's any kids listening, they'll know that was funny.

Here we go.

Okay, do it again.

Take a lot of little turt for tat.

Turned it into a clown show, and I'm furious.

Well, yeah, man.

I was one of the Greenback Guardians, you know, like the original.

Okay.

And,

you know, we were...

trained by Professor Dr.

Barth Monroe.

Yeah, man, we fought Dr.

Kildev and others.

I'm a little more interested in what you've been doing lately, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I would say kind of quietly fighting crime whenever I can get away with it, not get caught fighting crime.

Building the Carvery,

of course.

Amazing work for what for a sort of self-professed amateur hobbyist.

It is remote.

Although

I gotta say, though, in the last 20 minutes, man, at least seven different people have come in here trying to buy choice cuts of meat.

And you may want to think about that because it does sound like an artisanal butcher shop.

I'm going to take it off, Yelp.

That's a good call.

It's a good cover, though, man.

It's a good cover.

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And I'll tell you, Navy, there's so many YouTube videos about building your own warehouse kind of post-apocalyptic, like scrap metal gauntlet.

You know what I mean?

It was amazing, man.

I basically learned it all through there.

But mostly I've been preparing all of that and getting ready to find myself kind of a team that I can like take under my wing.

I never thought I could do those kinds of projects, but during Calvin, I really branched out.

We all had a lot of time.

Yeah, man.

We had a lot of free time cooking out there as much.

I started making my own bread.

What I don't know about you all, but...

As long as you're not making your own cheese, man, because then you got to see a doctor.

That's one of the symptoms of bad thing for you, I guess.

But you guys are kind of glossing over the part where I was like, I'm looking for a team to like train, you know, Dr.

Professor Dr.

Parker.

To be fair, man, I assumed it was something like that or otherwise, this is one heck of a how did you do?

Yeah.

So did we, did we, did we pass?

Did you see when I said hatchet man to me?

Yeah, that was pretty cool.

I like that.

And hey, excellent.

Toss with your butt there,

Roger.

That was excellent, man.

And what a wild way to do it.

Yeah, but it worked, man.

You know, they say, shake your tail feather.

I sort of did.

Yeah.

Wait, it's feathers?

A lot of biologically confusing stuff in that.

So, yeah, I'm going to say kind of a trial run, but you guys, like I said, good bones, good beginning of a team.

Stuff we can work on.

Definitely some notes, but I i think you guys are ready for your first like

mission under my tutelage you know what i mean how's that sound boys

uh it would be an honor for sure amazing sign me up

whatever your mission is i accept it okay awesome man so

Time to hack into the computer system and find you guys some crime.

I don't know.

I'm not normally the guy who does this, but give me a second.

And he opens the laptop.

Wait, you're a crime guy?

No, what?

No, I'm going to find you, like, potential thing that you could sell.

We did give a really hard agree to whatever.

And if you were wild if I was like, yeah, go rob a bank.

Yeah, that would have been something else.

Here's what we're going to do.

Let me hack into the web.

And you see him like open basically like his computer and it comes up and it's like, okay, I got to put in my password.

Okay, we're in.

Not really.

Ironclad.

And he goes, sorry.

And he's just like hunting, pecking, you know, single.

Okay.

And he goes to First Book, which is, of course, River City First book that is their kind of like all in one social media platform and browser.

He's like, okay, let's see.

Events.

It's just people trying to sell their old Ikea furniture.

Yeah.

Oh, I don't.

What is it?

Is that fireworks or gunshots?

No, they look they've got uh I could buy big gears for my spinning log on, you know.

That's good.

Yeah, or awesome.

Get that.

Okay, great.

Hold on.

Oh, here we go, go, man.

This is perfect.

Okay.

It looks like tonight.

Yeah.

Okay.

At River City First Stadium, he's hosting like a big kind of gala to celebrate the River City runner-ups, their 50th consecutive second-place finish.

Amazing.

Yeah, they're getting for the Hall of Fame.

Yeah, they're getting a big like silver kind of football trophy thing, man.

That's, yeah, dude, there's been like a rash of like silver theft in town.

That's going to get hit, man.

Your crime senses are tingling.

No, I'm just reading it.

It's just here.

Okay.

Just space.

Yeah, no, I looked it up on the internet.

All right.

Yeah,

I'll command the internet.

It's pretty great.

Sounds like a job for.

And I really thought that I would just, if I got momentum there, it would just kind of come to me.

But

it did not.

Try this out.

How do you like this?

Moore,

Moore, Moor.

So confusing.

Is that like a Tony, Tony, Tony thing?

Sort of.

I thought of that, yes.

Okay, what about?

We'll keep working on it.

What about Moore Moor Moor?

I think it's got something to do.

I look at the three of us.

I look at the sign that very much makes it sound like this is a high-end butcher shop.

What about

surf and turf?

A celebration of our

variety, our diversity,

and our fields of expertise.

I like that.

Doesn't it kind of sound like, and also Axe Lyle?

But you are the daywalker.

You live between the surf and the surface.

People are going to...

What they're going to think is I'm your driver.

They're going to think I'm the happy, you know, just getting

you all from A to B.

You're the

right, but like.

man, I guess what I'm saying is like, if you go to see Hall of Oats and there's a third guy near them,

you wouldn't immediately assume

that's the end

that he was another oats.

He's a different oats.

Yeah, he's both a hall and an oats.

It felt strong to me, but I realize now that it was hugely exclusionary.

Hey everybody, it's me Spike Explosion, your favorite transportation secretary of the all-unicorn mercenary group, Unicor.

I'm here to tell you about buying fireworks and how bad it is to buy fireworks from an unlicensed dealer.

That isn't always a good idea.

Sometimes it can be, it can work out in your favor and everything will be just fine.

But one out of 17 times things go horribly awry and one of those unlicensed fireworks will they just might explode your horn off.

And you don't want that, let me tell you, especially if you're part of the Unicor or if you're just even an average citizen of the unicorn population.

If you lose your horn, well, you just immediately become a regular horse and you lose your ability to speak languages.

You run a little bit slower because you're less aerodynamic of course and you also have a gaping hole in your head.

Also you just start doing horse stuff like neighing and being obedient and allowing saddles to be put on you.

You don't want that.

Nobody wants that.

That would be insane.

So please stay away from those unlicensed dealers.

Go to someone with a bona fide license.

That's the smartest thing to do.

Because they'll have fireworks that won't damage you, or they'll teach you the proper methods in order to use them appropriately, such that your horn will stay where it belongs, right between your eyes.

All right, everybody, that's been Spike Explosion telling you this important safety tip.

Because, as you know, knowing is one-eighth to one-seventeenth the battle.

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