The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 2: Museum Showdown!

In spite of what you have heard, we're at the height of our powers Atop the tallest of towers

They'll never stop us by having to trust That we will do what we must Until it's turning out just like you play

self-right is long But our mojo strong And unless I'm wrong and I'm not We're at the height of our power

As the commercials for toys and cereal fade, we're back into abnormals.

And we see Axelisle and Roger Moore and Navy Seal preparing to square off against one of the four greatest abnormal heroes River City has ever known.

He was attempting to steal back his own signature weapon, Slugger, when y'all decided that that would not fly with you.

Crime is crime, I guess, as far as you're concerned.

And so Lyle, grabbing, I believe, Lovelace's chain,

threw it to hook said baseball back.

And now you guys are prepared to engage.

in some good old-fashioned fisticuffs.

But before doing so, Carver did remove his jacket revealing that he is heavily armored and not just in a tortoise kind of way with shell and plating on his chest but with like a hexagonal mesh armor down his arms and down his legs and he is pumped and ready to go I'm gonna say because

you instigated Axel Isle, you are up.

I'm also gonna say, just for fair play, so no one's like, wait a minute, he is,

you know, there's not really levels in Amnimals, but this would be like a level one squaring off against like a level 18.

It's such a bad idea.

I do not remember signing off on the Let's Fight the Legendary Hero plan.

So he has four armor.

So unless I'm mistaken, the only way you guys are going to be able to get hits on him is with eights, which cannot be blocked.

Got you.

Got it.

So you are up, Wyle.

Wyale.

Yeah, man.

I've been waiting for this moment all week long.

I have exactly the move that's going to bring his downfall.

I can't wait.

So,

are there any guns near me?

No.

Okay.

Nowhere near me.

It was the move.

I thought this far away.

Shoot him.

Shoot the turtle with a gun.

I didn't remember asking if there were guns nearby that I could shoot him with.

Do you mean like in the world?

Like in like a global sense?

Are there guns nearby?

I mean, I know there's like a gun store that drives shoots.

Yes, probably somewhere, but no.

Ask him to wait.

River City hasn't sunk so low that there's just like guns loosening.

With like old like wrappers.

I couldn't get one like Instacarted.

No, you don't see like a tumbleweed made of pistols rolling down the aisle, you know?

Like, no.

I remember the last thing I was going to do was push the light pole over.

Did that, what, what happened?

No, that happened.

Right now, you're holding the end of a chain, and the other end of that chain is attached to a hook, which is on the baseball bat Slugger.

So he's holding Slugger at the base in the end, so, you know, he's kind of holding it horrible.

Yeah, I'm just going to jerk the bat out of his hand and pull it into my other hand.

Okay.

Give me, we're going to do like a contested kind of.

I imagine this will be a challenging roll for myself.

Yay, it depends on which way the dice is.

4d8s.

Because this is his signature weapon and he's quite strong.

He might beef it.

Oh, no, that's four successes.

Yeah, he rolled four successes, so now it's your turn.

So what do I roll, Trav?

I'm going to say that because you have anything's a drum,

you can roll three d8s with your improvised chain.

Okay.

So the best you can do is kind of mess up.

Yeah.

Okay.

So it's going to be tough to pull this off.

Yeah, but not impossible.

You could always cowbunger.

No.

Okay, so I got a 1 and an 8.

Good.

And a 4.

Bad.

Bad.

Tell me, is Axel wearing gloves?

Is Axeliale wearing gloves?

Well, hold on.

Let me refer to the character documents.

Check your gloves.

Stat block.

Check my gloves.

See, I was just kind of opening that up to you for flavor.

yeah but like he either does or doesn't i'm looking at him he's a man he has gloves he's not a man he's an excellent but yeah he's got gloves okay excellent just roll me a d20

just like kind of as a luck check and if it's below 10 that's bad luck 10 or below 17.

okay excellent so with 17 in pulling that it activates within the chain the copper wire that's woven around the chain as it goes so an electrical charge goes through it like a taser.

But luckily, your gloves are insulated enough.

I mean, you're out there working in fires and swinging your axe around and stuff.

So luckily, there's enough insulation that it does not tase you.

Great.

But

sounds like a win to me.

Now he knows who he's messing with, though.

You can't say that's not true.

And Carfrew says, oh, excellent use of the charge in the taser chain.

Didn't think you knew about that.

Okay, who's next?

I just,

man, I just had to make sure you were the real guy.

Oh, no, we're in it now.

Who's up next?

No, you've proved.

You've I'm convinced, man.

You've proven it to me.

You're the dude.

Okay, now you convince me.

Okay, so who's who's up next?

He's kind of like looking around, waiting for the next attack.

Who's going next?

Is this like a test?

Are you testing us?

Are you reforming the crew?

And your

I chopped my left arm off.

Holy shoot.

What?

Yeah, you heard me, Trav.

He said, now you convince me.

So what I did there was I chopped my left arm off with my axe.

Okay.

It's like not a big deal for him.

What are you doing?

Hey, man, you said you wanted us to convince you.

Well, here we go.

Here's my skill set.

What are you trying to convince me of?

Hook chains.

Now, watch this.

Okay.

It takes him a minute.

It's worth it, though.

Oh, no.

It's like a little baby hand coming.

What the?

Oh, no.

Oh, boysy.

I'm not wild about that.

I mean, I kind of am.

I'm not going to lie.

That's wildly impressive.

Look at it wiggling around.

Look at that.

That's going to be full strength.

Give it 12 hours.

I'll be back ready to

use both of these babies.

How often can you do that?

Is that like a great trick, but I can only do it once kind of thing?

Well, here's the thing.

I'm in pretty good shape if I only lose one at a time.

That's an easy fix.

I'll lose more than that.

I can come back from it, but the noise it makes...

It's tough to come back from, honestly.

Let me ask you something.

If you were to be split perfectly down the center, like to the atom,

which half regrows?

So, right, so this is interesting, right?

Because it makes my brain.

And my brain controls all of it.

That's a whole centerpiece.

You lock that bad point in half, and we got a roll-up shop.

There's no way.

Oh, we're gonna get it.

Yeah, that's the last show.

Are you sure we wouldn't get two Axol Isles, one of which would be good at math and one of which would be good at spelling?

Let's just, let's just, hey, let's just say there used to be an Axogreg.

So in you chopping off this thing, the chain has gone.

Arm!

This thing.

It's my arm.

Your arm.

Justin, can I tell you?

I think my brain rebelled against the visual.

It's now just an item on the ground, Justin.

When you chop an arm off, can we just say like it immediately withers to dust?

Nope.

That's yours, by the way.

You keep that.

I'm good.

I'd love for you to have this carver.

He's going to then step to take a swing at Roger.

That didn't work to diffuse at all.

He stepped away from you.

So my arms.

I'm going to keep off the ground.

Because I'm not a hatan.

You know what I mean?

I'm going to find a trash can nearby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is important.

Maybe you see, like, they have a trash can, a recycling can, and, like, body debris from fights.

Yeah, I can.

Some people don't pick up their dog dude, dude.

This seems worse than that.

Yeah, yeah, man.

I agree.

Compost.

Plus, if I leave it lying around, it increases the chances that I'll be club.

Yeah, which you've got to be careful of with Barker innovations.

So he's telegraphing this swing at you, Roger.

So what do you do?

He's giving you like reaction time to see what you can do.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Could you possibly give me a techno beat of some kind?

Absolutely not.

Hold on.

I reach into my, I pull out my phone and I put on, I like, I'm like, hold on.

Spotify's being weird today.

No, but.

Griffin's pulled a no butt.

No, but.

I have Spotify.

Okay.

Here we go.

I turn on Sandstorm.

Private Alrude.

Roger does night foxtrot.

When he hears a techno beat, he can do a fluid, acrobatic, tumbling dance like the French dude in Oceans 12.

Oh, yeah, exactly.

The best description of such a name

is immediately evocative to anybody who remembers the mythology.

Oceans 12, the French dude, yeah.

But I need to hear some more of that beat.

Dad, did you know this song actually has a name?

And there's an artist that did it.

I learned this recently.

It's Darude.

And the song is called Sandstorm.

And it's by Darude.

Darude's Sandstorm, it's called.

Yes, it's a classic.

We recently learned that.

You might know Darude's other works: Maelstrom,

and Cyclone,

Cyclone, Maelstrom, Frozen Ever After, pretty much anything that's ever been in the Norway Pavilion

is by

Vikings Fury.

Vikings Fury is Darude.

Roger's very inspired, then.

Very inspired.

Roll 48 for me.

But I

thought I rolled.

You rolled.

You got two successes there.

He got three successes.

So he steps in.

Your acrobatics are amazing.

He gently taps your tummy with the bat as he steps past.

And he's like, oh, that was good.

That was close, man.

That was nice.

Okay, what about you?

And he just comes charging at you, Navy, with his shoulder down, and he's about to gut check you.

Carver is the Raphael sort of.

I'm sorry, I'm not familiar.

okay he's a hot-headed abnormal loose cannon i mean that's and he wears kind of a burgundy mask i'm assuming yes when navy was on the royal seals i think he fancied himself that role he's a he's a big burly dude i think he's just gonna try and stand firm and try to go toe-to-toe and just try to like hold him sort of sumo style

against this guy i'm gonna use bulky boy.

Yes.

You are use my enormous frame, which makes me hard to knock down.

So I believe that's 3d8.

That is 3d8.

Two successes.

6-4-8.

He got two successes as well.

So this is unstoppable force, a movable object kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right?

So this is The Rock and Vendizo both punching each other.

Yes, right wave.

Yeah, so you take one step back and he is stuck in his butt.

Like you're, you know, your like maybe left foot shifts back like six inches.

I try to, I, like, grab his bicep as this happens.

Like, oh, my gosh, yes, bro.

Okay.

This is what I'm talking about.

What?

Sorry, what are you talking about?

Dreams coming true.

Okay.

You have a dream to grab my arm while I slam my shoulder into your gut?

I want to be you.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

It's actually kind of nice, man.

It is nice.

Nobody's ever said that to me.

Okay, and we're back up to the top.

And he's going to step up to you, Axelio.

But before he's starting to get.

Oh, we were cool.

You hear a

carver.

And he turns and there standing in one of the street lights that is still operating is renowned River City reporter JJ August.

Oh, nice.

Are you getting I point at me holding the bicep and standing firm.

Are you getting this?

No, I'm not getting this.

Carver, you're supposed to be like retired, right?

Disappeared.

What are you doing out here?

Oh, I uh

hey, JJ, um,

my bat was here, so I um

you came to steal your bat.

It's mine.

I'm and JJ turns to you three.

Um I'm I'm listen.

I'm sorry about him.

You guys can't tell anybody that Carver is still like operating.

You know that, right?

It's lucky for him you showed up when you did, man.

He was on the ropes.

I believe we did have the upper hand.

Except for Lyle, who only has one now.

No, look, right here, man, That little nut.

Oh, you just checked an oven.

Right, forgot.

Oh, yes.

Uh-huh.

Yes, sorry.

Wait,

why are we...

This is the most exciting day in Animal Hero recent history.

Why would we not want everyone to know that Carver, the legendary beefcake, is back?

Cause I...

Because I promised the other ones that I wouldn't keep doing it.

They're here?

They're still alive?

Well,

I've already...

Ah!

Okay.

I promised them I wouldn't.

Okay, so let's leave it at that.

But this was a good training sesh, guys.

Like, I like

mixing it up.

You know what I mean?

That was my whole goal, man.

I knew you could use a little

freshen up.

Okay.

Let's go with that.

That sounds good.

I do need to go before like cops show up for, but here.

And he hands you a card with an address written on it.

Why don't we keep like you know, keep like sparring?

That felt good.

Warm up, you know, it was nice.

I'm gonna go before word gets out.

Mums the word, uh,

bye,

and he takes his bat and he drops down into Manhole West and disappears.

So you're standing there with JJ.

See you there.

Bye, Dad.

I mean, Carver.

He pops back up.

What did you say?

Said bye, Carver, in a normal way.

All right, cool, dude.

i gotta say man i

i feel like that guy really enjoyed violence in a way that i didn't love seemed to be getting really worked up it's kind of an anathema wouldn't you say i don't know what that big word is

um

jj american brother whoa hold on is that what that is that what you want to uh you want to own that actually

i mean versus british oh i can't say it's an I think that's still okay.

Yeah, as long as you're saying it to a British person, speak American.

And for all the...

They stole a lot of stuff.

That's true.

Sorry, JJ?

Yeah?

So

you know about the Greenback Guardians?

Yes,

but

I...

Okay, listen, we're going to say like journalist interviewee confidentiality.

So I can't really go into it and neither should you guys.

If you want, I could do like an exclusive thing about you guys that's like, this is the museum, you know?

In exchange for

keeping your mouth shut about Carver being here.

I mean, that sounds like a totally fair and ethical trade.

I would just as soon not be included in that.

I do a lot of undercover stuff.

so maybe if you want to make it look like these two were the big heroes, that's fine.

I'm in it for King and

Country.

Nice.

She says, nice.

Do you know how happy I am to be playing a character where he's supposed to make bad puns?

I thought that was excellent.

What about you?

What was your name?

Yeah, Axelio.

Oh, from Infiba Force.

Yeah, I've been talking a little bit, but I didn't realize I was muted because I had to do a big burp.

I thought you were kind of giving me a cold shoulder, man.

I wasn't loving it.

Nope.

Just couldn't hear you because

you muted yourself in real life, which this is.

So, just a suggestion.

Wait, I gotta ask, man.

My question is...

It seems like a cover-up.

I didn't think you journalists were...

I didn't think that was your fave.

Oh,

so you're like

a child or an like i sorry i'm just saying that profession has been uh

unfairly sort of uh harangued for quite some time about ethics you know what i mean it's it didn't seem like you guys were the bad guys this isn't a bad what are you talking like carver is an absolute hero Yeah, well, why the cover-up, man?

Well, you know how your friend over here just asked me not to mention that he was here because he's like undercover?

Yeah.

Maybe you could like extrapolate out

that

to Carver's situation.

Don't you think?

Like Carver's supposed to be undercover in that no one's supposed to know he's still operating in River City.

And if he was, maybe like there would be a big like, we've got to find him.

He's a hero kind of deal.

And that might make it, you know, a lot of pressure on the other three.

yeah

So just a suggestion on the headline something like new exciting hero team saves day at museum keeps mouth shut about no no not that part heroes right like hero strong

heroes keep great secret

strong

strong seal by all strong seal doing just fine on his new team does not need or miss former colleagues.

Even though there's only two of them.

Hero Axolotl loses arm, normal noises ensue.

Wait, sorry, is this all still the headline?

Yeah, well, this would probably be a deck or a subhead.

Okay.

So this is gonna, the headline's gonna take up about half the page, and then you get a subheading.

Right.

I'm not a quirk user myself.

You're gonna have to figure out the layout on your own.

Oh, hey, thank you for acknowledging that I'm a professional journalist who's been working for 25 years and I might be able to do it on my own.

I appreciate that immensely.

Thank you very much.

A lot of attitude there.

A lot of attitude.

Sorry, that's kind of my thing.

I'm,

you know, a sassy

kind of hard-working reporter type.

You know what I mean?

And what is the name of your team here?

I don't recognize you guys.

The Titanic 2.

I'm not involved.

Oh, you're...

Oh, you're undercover.

Yeah, we're just friends.

We're just...

So do we not tell her?

We're...

Do you want us to hide?

How deep does this go, man?

I believe he's asking you, Dad.

Yeah, I am.

I am, man.

I would suggest that

all three of us should

stay away from publicity.

It would be a good idea.

I don't think she's going to put her name in the papes, man.

Like,

she seems to be not wanting to talk about any of this, I wouldn't think.

I don't think this is going to make the front page.

All right, fine.

What are you the thrilling three?

Nope.

We're working on it.

We don't have a name

yet.

We'll get back to you.

Do you have a business card?

Yeah.

And she hands you her business card.

Do you not want to give us a business card?

No, it's just,

you know, here in River City, there's so many abnormal teams kind of competing for the headlines.

I try to be a limit the access, right?

So that it's a little more organic, or else I'm getting calls like, hey, we're thinking about trying to do like a charity bike ride, front page news, right?

That kind of thing.

How boring.

I

quickly sort of mentally shelved the charity bike ride idea that I had to like get some publicity going for our new outfit yeah who would do a charity charity bike ride stupid I've been thinking about a name I wanted to run past you and you're in the media so maybe you could help me out what do you think of the Beatles but we spell it with an a because we beat people up

that's pretty good

thanks man I've been working on it for a while I've actually been sitting on it since the 80s and what how does that apply Are you guys...

Oh, wait.

Is an Axolotl a bug?

Are you a bug?

Is that the thing?

No one's quite sure.

No, but Beetle.

We beat people up, man.

What's not registering?

I'm just sorry.

I'm not getting the, like, underlying, right?

Because there's, like, Monkey Mayhem and the Simeon Six.

Right.

Right.

And then there's the Royal Seals, right?

And the Dragon Riders.

So all of these are like, they're animals.

So it's like a play, you know.

But we're a bunch of different types of animals

Oh, that's wild

we're the we're like

The other ones.

Oh, what about the zoo crew?

The zoo crew is so good.

I kind of like the other ones maybe etc

Okay, well, do you want to join the team and then you can have a vote on the team?

Oh, no

I'm I'm sorry.

I have a full-time job already and no animal skills whatsoever, but thank you very much.

I appreciate the offer.

I'm going to go back to the office and get this all typed up.

Get this front page.

Should I do a photo to you?

I see the cowman is inching away.

Okay, but if we could get one, just one to have just a pro shot, you know, for marketing stuff would be huge for us if you could send a copy our way.

Okay, cool.

So you guys get in the light and cowman, you can kind of stand in the shadow i guess if you want does that make you more comfortable

oh you can still see me

i am a master of disguise wait hold on dad roll uh your master of disguise uh depending on how it goes tell me what your disguise does

okay

Now, I'm looking here.

I don't see master of disguise as a skill.

So give me two.

You're going to be rolling abs.

Give me a 2d8 roll.

An eight and a four.

A mixed success.

What is Roger disguised as?

Roger places.

He has a white domino mask that when he puts over his eyes, he can blend in with anything.

white and there just happens to be

the truck which is white amazing uh just next to them this picture's gonna look so cool so he's just kind of uh

just kind of uh presses himself up against the white truck and blends into the background never to be seen until he reappears okay so since it is a mix exists i'm gonna say it's a white truck but very dirty right and you are very clean so what you get is yes you definitely blend into the trunk but like there's gonna be conspiracy theorists who are looking at this for years like there's a ghost.

I swear to God, you guys, there's a ghost in this photo.

If you look really close,

she snaps that picture.

She's like, Wait, I want to get wet.

Oh, I get in the fountain.

I get a little bit wet because it looks better.

And I can't get all wet.

Lyle, can you make that arm grow out just a little bit?

I'm going to turn myself off.

Yeah, so I have the good one, you know, downstage.

Are you ready now?

Or

are we smile?

Hold on.

Are we smiling or like

looking tough?

I don't have much of a choice, man.

Look at my face.

All right.

I just got the one setting.

I'll do a big smile.

Okay.

Oh, no.

I can't tell if you're smiling or not.

Okay.

And she snaps the picture.

Should I like email it to you, text it to you?

Well, that's on the front page of this Sunday edition.

Tremendous trio at gmail.com.

Of the front page.

You hear some sirens in the background.

Yeah, there's been a lot of noise in this kerfuffle, and it seems like it's time for you guys and

JJ to part.

I'm going to use Manhole East.

Yeah, I don't want to go down the same manhole as a Carver.

What if we run into him?

That's going to feel awkward.

Oh, God, that would be so weird.

I hear one of my cats upstairs crying.

You know what they're, you know, what they're upset about.

Just like the state of things and whatever.

No, they're only ever wanting one thing, and that's for me to get the smalls out.

Dad, we don't know how to.

Yeah, they love the smooth bird.

Dad, we want our smooth bird.

We don't have jobs.

We can't buy our own food.

We don't know how to order things.

Dad, we're so scared.

We're cats and we've gained complete human intelligence.

What's happening?

Where are we?

Yeah.

Where are we?

But you know what?

I calm them right down with smalls because you're going to get a package of smalls, right?

You're going to open it up.

You're going to put it in front of your cats there, put it into a bowl, whatever you're going to, I don't know your business.

When you put it out there, these cats are going to freak out.

And you're also going to see some long-lasting effects.

In my experience, at least, my cats have been a little healthier.

They've had a nice, nice-looking coat, and they just love, they love smalls.

They love it.

Smalls cat food is protein-packed recipes made with preservative free ingredients

and it's delivered right to your door and cats.com named it their best overall cat food and get this after switching to smalls 88% of cat owners report overall health improvements for smalls food that's a big deal For a limited time only because you are I was really proud of that Justin I was really proud

Sorry Trav that was great.

Thank you for a limited time only because you're an adventure zone listener You can get 60% off your first Smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com slash Adventure.

That's 60% off when you head to smalls.com slash Adventure plus free shipping.

Again, that's smalls.com slash adventure.

Hey, this week we're coming to...

Sorry to interrupt.

I just kind of burst in.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Hey, I'm also sorry.

I'm also sorry.

And I'm here and I'm interrupting too.

If you're coming to

our shows this week in San Antonio and Austin, thank you.

If you're not already planning on coming, why not?

We want to see you there.

We need you there.

Join us.

What are you doing?

That's so great.

Yeah.

If you're coming to the show and you want to have a question,

you got a question you want answered, you want a fear read aloud?

We got you.

Email that to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line in Austin.

And also doing what, Trav?

What are we doing in Austin, buddy?

Well, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules, and it's going to be a real treat.

You're going to feel happier than you've ever felt in your entire life.

Yeah, we're also coming to Utah and California later this year.

Tickets for all those shows are on sale now.

More info and ticket links are available at bit.ly forward slash McElroyTours.

Oh, we also have new merch because it's a new month.

Yeah.

New month, new merch, new you.

Well, yeah, sort of.

We've got a brand new Gerald t-shirt over there designed by Lynn Doyle.

Go to mackerelmerch.com, check it out.

And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Equality Florida, which is dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's LGBTQ community.

So go to macroymerch.com to get yours now.

Hi, I'm Alexis and I'm Ella and we're the host of Comfort Creatures.

We could spend the next 28 seconds telling you why you should listen, but instead, here's what our listeners have said about our show because really, they do know best.

The show is filled with stories and poems and science and friendship and laughter and tears sometimes, but tears that are from your heart being so filled up with love.

A cozy show about enthusiasm for animals of all kinds, real and unreal.

If you greet the dog before the person walking them, or wander around the party looking for the host's cat, this podcast is for you.

So come for the comfort and stay for Alexis's wild story about waking up to her cat giving birth on top of her.

So if that sounds like your cup of tea.

Or coffee, Ella, we're not all Brits, then join us every Thursday at maximumfun.org.

Hey, this is Mike Cabillon, Ipywideway, and Sierra Cato, the hosts of TV Chef Fantasy League, where we are currently using fantasy sports rules to watch Great British Bake Off.

Or the Great British Baking Show as it's known here in America.

We've drafted the bakers onto our teams, and now those bakers are earning us points based on how they're doing on the show.

And at the end of the season, one of us will win the prestigious TV Chef Fantasy League

trophy, crown, what is the...

Yeah, I don't know.

I keep forgetting to order something, probably just dinner.

Anyway, subscribe to TV Chef Fantasy League and play along with us at home.

Or just listen in as we cry over our bakers' soggy bombs.

On maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

So now, where do you guys like reconvene?

Like, where's where do the three of you

like, what's your base of operations?

It's a great question I've been thinking about because our body.

It also just occurred to me that you guys took the manhole and left your left your sensible car there.

Oh, yeah.

We'll pick it up tomorrow.

I don't want to mess with the cops.

So

I'll come around and grab it tomorrow.

That job is hard enough, you know?

Yeah.

We respect the badge too much to make them mess around with us, us beasts.

There actually is no police presence here in river city when mayor kill deaths took over his first term he just completely defunded it um and that was when the river city first security forces all part of the river city first business family was brought in and then surprisingly uh kill death also invested a lot into community programs and spent a lot you know in community upkeep and things like that so at this point we should have let him take control a long time ago the times he used to try to take control, we should have just been like, go for it, go nuts, you know what I mean?

Or but go through the process.

Well, he's retired now, he was um,

he was like the uh main foil to the greenback guardians, but this was not like the conclusion of a long-term plan that finally came to fruition, right?

This is not like the the lifelong, his, his like uh, super villain goal the whole time was to take control of the city.

Well, I'm gonna say, uh, that you, maybe, since you were so closely following following Carver's career and a big fan, you know that basically he started as a city councilman and worked his way up to mayor and eventually even became governor for a short term.

And basically, once he entered, faced a lot of like bureaucracy and saw the corruption.

He was like, this is real villainy and ended up just like working really hard to undo a lot of like the red tape and bureaucracy and whatnot in the government.

Yeah, cool.

Small government.

Cool dude.

I love it, man.

What is our headquarters?

Because we all are animals that live in pretty wildly different spots.

Well, you said you had an idea.

Do you have an idea, Grev?

You know, I like a sunken situation as a coastal, as a coastal city, you know, a bodega or a, you know, some sort of restaurant that just sort of sank into the sea that has some sort of tunnel access a sunken subway station maybe i like a sunken thing that's as far as i've gotten it's good it can have wet stuff for the wet boys but it can also have dry stuff for the dry boy how about an abandoned sea lab

just off the coast so we're not going to go that deep here's what we're looking at so basically there was a pier i think like the santa monica pier that had a pretty popular diner at one end of the pier.

So popular, in fact, that it did eventually crack the supports.

So now that in, that diner is about half in and half out of the water.

So if you're walking around eating at this diner, the water comes up to about like your waist.

It's still a business that's in operation, even though it's half submerged.

It's so popular.

They make the best melts.

And for any wet boys, you can get that melt sloppy.

I think,

you know what I like, guys?

I like if we aspire to having our own headquarters at some point.

Right.

But right now,

we just have a diner that we like to.

Yeah, there's something we like to do.

Do you have a favorite booth?

There's definitely other.

Our booth is good.

What about Jander's closet, like in the jerk?

Yes, fantastic.

I think.

A little mattress on the ground.

Yes.

Whether or not it is our booth.

At the diner is up for debate.

I got wet.

Now, hold on.

When we were doing steeplechase i feel like we had like a back room and a functioning business maybe a booth is even better because it's like not ours and we have to order something yeah we do have to we cannot we have to get watched constantly order stuff yeah

so you're at your booth um here in the

well sub mariners diner it originally was the mariner's diner

And now you can see that they've added the sub to it.

And they sell sub sandwiches?

Gotcha.

Yeah.

But they were doing that before.

Now it's just

a fun tie-in.

And all the food is sub quality.

That's like one of their jokes that they use, but it's also kind of true.

Yeah, because it's

so popular.

Yeah, but it's so wet and salty and not hygienic.

You're not supposed to have just a lot of stuff.

It's so popular.

Your server, Amanda T, comes over

and she says, Yeah, what do you guys want to have

i would like the sub mariner marinara sub please okay

what about oh no you guys got an order something you know you gotta order something

i'd like a mutini shaken nut stirred

is that just milk yes okay

and you lile and you see she kind of like bats her long manatee eyelashes at you nice I love that.

Hey, you got any worms back there?

Crustaceans, mollusks?

You want some more?

I'll find you for you.

Well, anything, I'll find you some worms.

Great.

If you can dig them up, I'd be happy to suck them up here.

Okay.

Oh, one other little favor, if you don't mind.

If you wouldn't mind bringing out some gravel.

I do have to eat that with the food to help me digest it.

Yeah, of course.

So just your regular

classic.

Yeah, of course.

I order all my food on the rocks.

If we do any action or adventure after eating, it's like working with a little maraca over here.

And you guys are going to pay this time, right?

No, no, put it on my tab stuff, right?

Well, I'm sure in the future there will be some

need for our services here.

I thought we had kind of

an agreement, a special agreement, that we would provide you protection.

I mean you are in kind of

dad.

You cannot just decide we're in the mafia.

Yeah, you can't decide we're not.

Create your own mafia.

Well,

I wasn't meaning that.

We would hate for something to happen.

I'm a big guy in a suit telling you this is a real nice place you got here, and I don't want to pay for my food.

It's so hard to be like, it's a shame if something happened when it's half sunk in the ocean.

Yeah, it's terrible.

Like, something did happen.

Things break.

Hey, listen.

Diners burn.

There's a whole other half that could sink.

That's all I'm saying.

No, we've already got

an arrangement with Nanfa before because we're half in and half out.

You know, so.

Well, we just finished a big job today, so, and I don't know how money is gonna get to us for that.

I was not the money guy on the Royal Seals,

but I assume at some point we will receive money for the heroic museum defense we execute.

Executive here.

I have something that I think will set us square.

And I hand her

my arm that I have signed.

Oh, man.

Anything for a fan.

Yeah, this is going to sell really well.

Okay, Okay, thank you.

Okay.

What else it's gonna do is smell really bad.

So you're gonna want to get that into a vase.

Okay.

You're gonna want to get that into a vase, a sappy.

You know what I'm saying?

Okay, I sure will.

Your favorite will be out soon.

Sorry, did you guys want the food sloppy?

I mean, I think I just ordered a submarine sandwich with only marinara sauce on it, so I don't know what other mode that could possibly take.

is a sappy how you say that i've never said it out loud it sounded off okay she heads back into the kitchen yeah okay so let's i always enjoyed in my previous group uh doing a sort of debrief at the end of the mission just to

give notes one the hand signals i do

it is important that you all learn that stuff

when you execute those properly i i tell you it feels good You feel like a cool guy working with a super special team of good friends who don't...

It's like beyond words, more than words, as Extreme might say.

Axelile, you chopped off your body part once and sort of allowed other chops to happen.

And I'm just curious, sort of, what the reasoning behind those.

Right.

I was trying to show off my special skill set because I thought Carver might be impressed.

Of course,

you know, there's a great deal of pain that I was also didn't react at all.

So I thought that might kind of wow him too, man.

But I could see in hindsight it was a little impetuous.

And, Roger, just in the future, maybe you carry your own music playing device on it, so that in the middle of combat you don't have to stop to ask someone else.

Doesn't really work that way.

I have to have the techno beat, and it has to come from another source.

I

I don't have I'm not really good with technology.

Okay

And I have an old walkman

Can we have it can we next time not this time But next time I want to make dad play a character that's actually very good with technology

hacker Now that you bring it up, I'm actually very good at this.

This is actually my thing.

That's kind of my area of expertise.

Yeah, that's my big thing

Amanda T has returned uh with your meals as she sets it down she opts for like actual table level so all of them are slightly submerged in water no special raised plates here so that doesn't really affect the mutini um or the worms but damn that sub mariner marinara

yeah is soaked can we make it canon that anytime we eat it is offensive to god at every just like literally just face smashing to table.

I know my thing is rough.

Yeah.

But as you're all eating some pretty radical food,

you can heal up.

Some, I'm going to say, let's see, what is each of you having?

I have no damage.

Lyle, you're going to pick up two, and Roger, you can pick up two as well.

It's not the most radical food, but you like it.

Okay.

Which one of you is most observant?

I have bug eyes that allow me to be observant.

Okay, yeah,

give me a 3d8 roll.

One success.

Okay, with a mixed success, while you guys are committing these culinary atrocities as you consume your food, you catch out of the corner of your eye somebody very quickly like get up from a table and leave.

You didn't quite clock it, but it very much gives you the feeling of waiting for you to start eating, and then they slipped out while you weren't looking.

Okay, so someone just got up from their table at this restaurant and left.

Correct.

And he noticed that.

And I noticed that.

Someone just left, guys.

Wait, come here?

The way that they left, though, was not in a chill manner.

Someone left in a deeply unchill manner.

Let's go get them.

Get them?

Go bring them in for questioning.

Can I look and see if they have a plate with food?

Like, did they just leave their...

Did they just pay the check?

Did they order?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's like remaining?

What did they...

What's left of the table?

As you go over there, let's see what you can put together.

So some like investigation, right?

So rather than perception, think of this as like you're trying to piece together what has happened here.

Okay.

Okay.

Are we all rolling?

Which I want to see.

Yeah, we'll go with that.

With two successes, you can see that the table that they were sitting at is well positioned to observe you guys.

They were very close to hearing conversation.

There's no food on the plates.

It doesn't seem like anything is ordered.

But what you do see is a lot of like twisted-up straws kind of thing.

And like a lot of fitcheting occurred at this table.

Wait.

Plastic straws?

Whoa, what?

These are all biodegradable.

Alright, let's get this.

Let's get this, dude.

I...

Everybody all around, as they're using the straws, they're all coughing and choking a bunch.

Like, sorry, too far.

Swallow the straw.

It's bad for me.

Gotta remember

it's stuck in my nose again.

Why?

Why do we keep using these things?

Um, hey, I'm gonna wish.

I think this is a weird night we're having and we saw something we weren't supposed to see someone's my my

seal senses are tingling.

We need to we need to figure out who that was

Really?

All right, well, um hmm Let me duck my head out.

See what I see take a pick of roosky

Is it wait, is it dark outside?

Um, so this is the early morning like uh the the crime is happening around like three o'clock in the morning So at this point, it's like 5 30 a.m right this is like uh breakfast at the diner kind of deal so it is not full

sense it's not full i would say it's you know early morning um you're on the seaside right so the the sunrise is going to start a little bit earlier there's no buildings blocking the way um so there's some light but it also where are you looking when you go out the door uh

well did he see what direction they went no I mean, he just clocked enough to know that they were, like, heading out, like, lining out all around?

Well, so, if you remember, half of the restaurant is underwater and half is above.

Uh, okay.

Um,

well, were they sitting in water or were they sitting in dryness?

Oh, they were sitting in water.

Okay, well, I will swim into the water to follow them.

Okay, so this is going to be a pretty difficult kind of check.

So, what skills do you have that are going to help you hear?

Well, if I'm going into the water, that's a darkened environment.

So, I'll be able to utilize my nocturno sense.

Okay, excellent.

When not in active peril, I can use sound and chemical detection to understand more about my environment, enemies, etc.

So, hopefully, in there, once in the darkened environment, I'll be able to pick up some clues.

Okay, great.

Yeah, give me,

it's not completely dark, so I'm going to say 3d8 on this one.

537.

We rolled

exactly the same.

That's crazy.

So, with that, you detect like heightened

adrenaline, you know, excreted chemicals from someone that you would associate with like fear and nervousness.

You can see like disturbed like seaweed, you know, that kind of thing.

The mud in this area.

With your like tracking senses, you get the feeling that this was like a smaller person,

but the water is kind of obscuring any kind of sense that would let you on to a particular like animal or if it was fully human or anything like that.

But this was like a little nervous person.

Is there a trail I can follow?

So I have that level of clarity?

Since we matched on our role, I think you get the sense that they got some distance away from the diner and then turned back to land trying to cover their tracks, but past there, you lose them.

Well, that was weird.

Could you tell what kind of animal it was or anything?

Little.

I think Roger wants to look down at the table that had been left by the person

and see if they signed their check.

Hmm.

Okay, yeah, give me.

we're just gonna do a D20 luck check to see if they left something behind because they didn't order, but we're gonna see if they left a clue to their identity.

They spelled their name in twisted straws.

So, roll a d20, and if it's 10 or below, that's about another 17.

How about 17?

Excellent.

Okay, so

they did not order, but maybe from nervousness or just extreme deference, they did leave a tip.

Maybe they felt bad for holding the table.

So you see

like a couple $5 bills left in a River City first banking withdrawal envelope.

I will also say, as far as leads go, I'm going to say Navy.

That the address that Carver gave you is kind of burning a hole in your pocket.

Yeah.

Listen, that was weird.

I think we're not going to catch up with whoever that was.

I will be honest with y'all, I am trembling with excitement to get another Primo hang sash going with Carver and maybe even the other ones.

And

I know we could all probably use a little bit of rest before another night of crime busted.

But do you mind if we swing by?

I hold up the card.

The address?

Man,

is this just for you to have like another fan moment?

Are you really hoping to work with this dude?

Oh, I mean, I don't think I'm even remotely on the same level.

But I, you know, it would be...

You're not a fan.

You aren't a fan.

You know, I liked him when I was a kid growing up, same as everybody.

But like,

I don't know, man.

You seem like kind of a...

Seem like kind of a bully, man.

Not like a great teammate.

I mean, when you're sort of the brute of the team, sometimes you get a bad rap.

I think you're the brute.

Wait.

Yeah, it's tough being the strong one.

I agree.

Yes, it is.

I've struggled with that a long time.

Ah, so have I.

Ah, yes.

In another life, perhaps.

You all were the brutes of your team, of the amphibious and the barn.

No, but I'm the brute.

I'm the brute.

Oh,

huh.

I thought I was

too brutal.

I have

I could make more.

Okay.

Well,

so you thought, huh?

Yes,

but I mean, I mean, we've only done the one.

Hey, I gotta tell you, man, I'm not the brains.

Hmm.

I thought that Roger was the brains, and I was sort of the brute, and you were kind of the...

I could be the face, but I don't have a nose.

Well, I thought you were sort of the party dude.

Wait a week.

Is that a designation?

Every team has a leader, a brute, a party dude, and the smart one.

And obviously we're down.

Who's the leader i like to think of myself as a sort of rolled up leader brute type um that's fine because i hate making schedules okay that's actually good as the leader brute i think we should go to this address and check it out You know what?

Let's take bagels.

Let's take bagels.

For sure.

You don't want to show up empty-handed.

You guys wave down Amanda T

to order some bagels.

She brings you out a sloppy bag dripping wet of bagels.

Extra wet.

Just how they like like it.

Put it on our tab.

Yeah.

We always do.

I put it on our tab.

So how y'all want to get there?

Because we left our car back at the fountain.

Oh, that was so foolish.

Let's go get the car.

We go take a bus to the museum.

Yeah.

Let's take a bus to the museum and then we'll get

pick up our car there.

Yeah.

I mean, we'll look at.

Are there other animal heroes on the top?

People like getting ready to go to work?

I mean, yeah, listen there's plenty of um you know abnormal people not every abnormal is on a team right so there's plenty of like you know a koala wearing a business suit and you know like there's a man you know headed into uh his job at a restaurant you know early morning kind of stuff but you guys are the only ones like sitting there like kidded out in like weaponry and like costumes can we talk on the way

Oh, yeah.

So I've been thinking, man,

this really, this walk, it's hot.

It's really hot out here, and we haven't slept.

I really think we need to hire up.

We need to hire somebody to help us out.

That's a great idea.

Like the personal assistants?

Yeah.

Don't you think we need to start building the organization?

I think if we had one other member that just sort of...

Did this kind of stuff for us, you know, like a junior member, they wouldn't have to know.

I it.

Um, business koala.

Uh, what could I, yo, how could I help you?

We have an exciting business opportunity for you, business koala.

We are in need of a smart one.

Hold on, wait, let me video.

Uh,

sorry, I don't

consent to being videoed.

Is this a prank?

Am I.

Yo, it's the best friggin' moment of your life, man.

Okay, did I win something?

What's your name, partner?

My name?

Yes.

Dean

Dean.

Strong.

Yeah, it has three E's in it.

Power.

I'm Navy SEAL.

Oh, thank you for your service.

Oh, so actually,

funny story.

I was never actually in the military.

I was never an actor.

It's sort of just

my hero name.

He's really particular about that, man.

Yes, it's a, you know, but don't feel embarrassed, Dean.

I'm sure

no, I did

serve

so I'm not embarrassed.

I'm uh, in fact, very angry.

Oh, well, that's a completely fair reaction, man.

And, you know, that sense of right and wrong is going to serve you super well as the newest member of our team.

Um,

so uh, excuse me, are you um offering me

I'm an accountant Dane walk with me Dane walk with me

We're on a bus

To the back of the

walk with me to the front of the bus dude Okay,

where are you headed partner?

I'm headed to my job.

I tried what's your job Um, I'm an accountant.

Sorry, I got so bored.

Listen.

Oh, I love it.

What if I said

every number tells a story and the spreadsheet is kind of the story of the business when you think about it?

What if the story you were telling could be, oof, those guys really kicked a lot of Heine today?

Sorry, would I be telling a story about you guys kicking Heiny or am I?

You'd be managing our books and our budgets and stuff and kind of figuring out the whole money part.

Uh-huh.

And then some other stuff like, if we, I don't know, were to ever forget our car.

You would kind of be our guy, Dean.

It sounds like an intern, kind of, like a combination bookkeeper intern.

Actually, Dean, I'm going to have to stop you there.

I'm really against unpaid internships.

No, nobody said unpaid.

This would be a volume.

Oh, I see.

Well,

we do have an inn at a restaurant where we can get

very wet sandwiches, essentially gratis.

You want a sniff?

Here, check this out.

Are those bracers?

Are those sloppy sub-mariner bagels?

They are.

I love sloppy sub-mariner bagels.

They're the best.

Well, Dean, here's the deal.

If you stay on this bus until it goes all the way back around to the restaurant where we got on it, and you go into our booth, our special booth,

they're going to set you up there permanently.

All the bagels you can eat.

It's on our tab, no problem.

Now, is there a chance?

Because I have a wife and five kids.

So is there a chance for advancement because right now i make about four hundred thousand dollars a year in my current job good god wow

wowzer dean do they have any openings i wouldn't need a second all for you

well for me and my wife and five kids

fellas

quick discussion could we have a quick just a real quick confidence hey dean is there a mr dean no there's a mrs dean i'm married and i have five kids Yeah, it's not really my gym anyway, Dean, but I'd love to get a slice of that pie.

But there's pie too?

Because I love sloppy sub-mariner pie.

They got pie.

There is a huge chance for an advancement, Dean.

We are currently at grounds.

We are currently at rock bottom.

We have a table at a restaurant, so there's a huge opportunity for us to grow.

Okay.

Well, then, how about

I'll make you a deal because you seem like good fellows.

I'm going to keep my full-time job, but I'll be like

a part-timer with you guys.

He hands you another business card.

This is your third business card in the gun.

I put it in my den.

You're going to need my den to need a Rolodex.

You're like networking your behinds off.

You guys are doing an amazing job.

Now, listen, Dean, you got to promise me, though, that if we need, man, you got to promise he'll drop everything.

Okay, I'm not going to

have kids or something.

I don't want to hear about it.

I want to hear,

yeah, Lal, I'm on it, pal.

Okay, once you're paying me $400,001,

you got it.

Wow, just hearing the number again, man.

I wasn't ready.

Sure.

Well, I mean, listen.

I'm 57 years old, and I've really put the work in to get to where I am.

I got to be honest with you, man.

These streets would never see me again.

400 and Gs, I'm gone.

I would never take this job.

Cost of living being what what it is, and I've got my five kids to support three of them in college.

And yeah, you know what?

Any of them good at fighting?

No, they're all nerds, like me.

But they're nice.

They're nice nerds.

You'd like them.

Well, Dean, this has been real, but if you would hop off at the next stop and grab our car, we actually are getting off here to talk to Carver.

Oh.

Huh.

Thank you so much.

If you could just drop it at the house so it's waiting outside outside for us.

That would be primo, man.

Thank you so much.

Oh, these keys hopped off and like you were kind of guying to go to the other.

What?

How?

I grabbed the emergency break.

Yeah, no, yeah, sorry.

What?

I need the keys.

We're getting off here, Reddit.

You have a good one.

No,

I throw him the keys out the window.

Keep it hot.

Keep it hot for us.

Do you have a cell number?

Here, keep my burner.

It's on the card.

He's got a beeper number on his car.

He does not.

Dean is way cooler than that.

He doesn't have a beeper.

He has a cool cell phone and a holster on his hip.

Okay, so you head on to the address that Carver has given you.

You find like a

like set of warehouses.

This is like a warehouse district.

And the directions he's given you leads you to a specific row of warehouses and then to a specific warehouse door.

And you see like a a kind of like hastily written note taped up there that just says, you know, if you're the three guys that I fought with earlier, come on in.

Cool.

I splashed myself in some seawater real quick just to get it, just to get it glistening.

All right.

This could be a big moment for us.

Now let's work really hard.

To not to not embarrass Navy in there.

All right.

This is a big just because we think guys Guy's kind of a jerk, let's try and make a good impression.

I know I got off on the wrong foot trying to impress him with my moves and my chain and my arm, but let's try to start fresh, all right?

Excellent.

I appreciate that.

Let's...

Should we reconnoiter before we go in?

What on earth could that mean?

It's...

Check out the situation.

Get a sit-rep.

Yeah, I love that, actually.

Yeah, let's do a little bit of recon on this facility before we head in.

That's what reconnoiter swords to.

Recon.

What?

I don't think reconnoiter.

No kidding.

Yeah.

Look at that little wrinkle.

Yeah, can we...

Hey, that's one for the kids, man.

That's good.

Kids?

Hey.

That was free, kids.

The more you know.

Stratus.

Parents, feel good.

Feel good, parents.

Feel good, parents.

You all learned something.

You finally did it.

Okay.

What skills do you guys have that's going to assist you in your recon gathering?

Is it nighttime?

No.

It's not yet.

Still no.

Nothing for me.

I'm just going to take a poke around, you know?

Yes, I think that's the same thing for Roger.

I mean, he has

counterfeit where he can speak most

animal languages and imitate them, but that doesn't really apply.

We're just kind of looking around.

Okay, so you two roll T8s and with your bug eyes, their navy, you're going to roll three d8s.

Okay, two success.

Seven and seven.

Two success.

I think that's actually a cowabunga.

Yeah.

A double success.

Seven and eight.

Yeah, a lot of successes going around today.

Yeah, a lot of successes and a cowabunga.

So I'm going to say, with all those successes, and do make sure from the fight with Carver, you mark down any failures you guys have.

uh i'm going through his uh his trash you're going through his trash yeah i'm going through the trash in the building um my uh there's a lot of calzone boxes like a lot of calzone boxes um and a lot of like paper airplanes and like he's made paper footballs he's folded up paper to turn them into like claws he can put on his fingers then it's like seems like he moved on to like some origami stuff

wow you could really chart his whole artistic journey in the papercraft.

Well,

he's really grown a lot.

Roger's looking for a back entrance.

You are able to locate a back entrance, but it is like locked and chained from the inside.

But there is a window in the door, fairly small, but you are able to see inside.

It seems like a big warehouse, but all the lights are kind of turned off, except like you see him sitting at a desk.

and he's sitting there like munching on some like sunflower seeds or peanuts or something you can't see from there and he's like kicking little paper footballs aiming for a trash can about six feet from the desk and he lands one and you just see him like make a tiny like yeah

like touchdown kind of arms mostly he just seems bored okay i'm gonna go on in yeah you boys too Yep, I'm in.

I think Roger would try to sneak through the window.

Sure.

Well, the window what I'm talking about is imagine like one of those small rectangular windows with like the wires running through it.

Perfect.

Okay, so you, Lyle, and Navy, you guys are just going to walk in and you're kind of slicing around, trying to get into the shadows there.

As you guys enter, you can see like across, you know, this fairly large warehouse, Carver sitting at a desk.

It's like one of those old style, like metal kind of teachers thing for the lamp.

Um, and he clocks you, and he's like, Oh, yeah, I knew you guys would take my invitation.

This rules, okay, man, are you guys ready?

I knew it.

I'm ready to train you.

Are you ready to get trained?

And he flips on a switch, and you see lights come up, and there's all kinds of like fairly dangerous-looking training equipment.

And he's like, Welcome, my students, to the Carvery.

We enter what would seem to be a lavish office, except for one thing.

The windows, rather than looking out onto a beautiful city skyline, look into what appears to be a giant saltwater fish tank, or perhaps a view into the ocean itself.

In the center of the room, we see a large desk, the scale of which would be twice that of a normal person.

Sitting behind it is an incredibly large man.

Well, half man, half walrus.

As he stares out of these aquarium-facing windows, a sniveling half-shrimp, half-man enters the office.

Do pardon me, Mr.

the walrus, sir.

Um

yes, Krillium.

Yes, hello.

Uh, I have, um, well, news, in a way.

Were those bunny brats able to secure the package?

Well, uh,

things started quite promisingly, actually, um, but that was until uh a team arrived and somewhat inconvenienced us.

That's not possible, Grillium.

I had it arranged so that all the amnible teams would be busy tonight.

An excellent strategic move that was, sir, but this would appear to be a new team.

Well,

plan B, then.

Have the package retrieved from storage at the Enforcement HQ

before everything is returned to the museum.

Uh yes, well, I already thought of that, sir.

Excellent work, Quilliam.

I'm afraid the tape was gone, sir.

Gone?

I need that tape, Quilliam.

Find

these animals.

Oh, well, I I have found them, sir.

I was able to follow them to the sub-mariner, sir.

They are working with Carver.

Carver?

Carver is alive?

Yes, it would appear so.

That is very interesting, Grillium.

Very interesting

indeed.

I'm um

I'm just gonna head off.

If that's if we cool, we're cool,

we cool.

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