In the Field with Troy Iwata

Speaker 1 This is an iHeart podcast.

Speaker 2 You're listening to Comedy Central.

Speaker 3 Human touch.

Speaker 4 Is it a good thing?

Speaker 5 Some people crave it.

Speaker 6 Weird.

Speaker 5 And now it's easier than ever for them to get it.

Speaker 7 One of those booming businesses, professional cuddling.

Speaker 8 Christy is actually a professional cuddler, and Josh is her client. A lot of times people are just looking for someone to just spend some time with.

Speaker 10 As one who goes through life avoiding human contact, I wasn't thrilled about meeting someone who made a living from touching other people.

Speaker 13 I have to admit, it does sound a bit scammy.

Speaker 14 Seems like you're just ripping off people who've never heard of a body pillow.

Speaker 16 It is not just about the physical act of cuddling. The body pillow cannot talk to you, right?

Speaker 13 I would see the fact that my pillows can't talk back to me as an asset.

Speaker 16 I totally understand that. But we have a code of conduct.
We talk a lot about consent.

Speaker 13 And how does one become a cuttalist?

Speaker 14 Do you need a degree like a physical therapist or is it like a fake certification like a sandwich artist?

Speaker 16 It is fine to be skeptical, but when you have nurturing touch that is very much wanted, your level of oxytocin increases in your body. You're flooded with these wonderful feel-good love hormones.

Speaker 16 So touch deprivation is linked to a lot of things. It can be linked to impulsiveness, anxiety, stress, and low job performance.

Speaker 6 Troy?

Speaker 3 That's amazing. That's fascinating.

Speaker 15 What?

Speaker 16 It seems like you might be a good candidate for professional cuddling.

Speaker 15 I'm fine.

Speaker 16 How do you deal with stress and anxiety?

Speaker 18 I deal with it like most normal humans do.

Speaker 16 I think there are probably healthier ways you can deal with your anxiety.

Speaker 10 Okay, well, my self-therapy is free and only requires a nearby abandoned warehouse. Whereas these cuddle sessions could cost anywhere from $80 to $150.

Speaker 6 Who would pay for that?

Speaker 19 I've been a cuddle client for about two years now.

Speaker 14 What type of responses do you get when you tell people that you're a cuddle client?

Speaker 19 Why would you do that?

Speaker 7 Is it safe?

Speaker 7 Is there sex involved?

Speaker 6 I thought that. Yeah.

Speaker 14 I've gotten

Speaker 14 desperate.

Speaker 18 Are you dying? Are you horny?

Speaker 10 Are you single?

Speaker 19 If so. None of the above.
So you are in a relationship?

Speaker 6 I am.

Speaker 19 So what was your partner's reaction?

Speaker 7 My partner said, is there something that's lacking here? And the answer was absolutely not. It was more about self-care.

Speaker 18 Now, what are the benefits, you know, other than getting rid of all that extra money in your bank account?

Speaker 7 I just feel more personally resourced and cared for.

Speaker 13 Why cuddling when there are so many other obvious ways to deal with your emotions?

Speaker 15 Like what?

Speaker 7 Why don't you come observe a session?

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 18 How long does this normally take on?

Speaker 6 This is going to go for about an hour quietly, silently.

Speaker 6 Oh, the gods.

Speaker 6 I need quiet.

Speaker 4 I'm not not even here.

Speaker 4 Hi.

Speaker 4 It's me again.

Speaker 19 So just to confirm, there's nothing sexual happening here.

Speaker 13 Would you like to just sit down and ask some questions?

Speaker 14 Absolutely. I would really enjoy that.

Speaker 6 Oh, okay.

Speaker 19 Thank you so much for that. This up and close VIP in the splash zone.

Speaker 19 Could you explain how you can participate in something so intimate without wanting to to take it a step further?

Speaker 5 The most important thing is that if at any point

Speaker 17 she is uncomfortable, that she will let me know. If I'm uncomfortable, I will let her know.

Speaker 19 So how do we break down the stigma and negative connotations for all those closed-minded oaths?

Speaker 7 I think we normalize it by talking about it. And just letting people know that there's something that they may not have considered.

Speaker 17 You could try a cuddle session.

Speaker 25 Okay. Alright, well, just...

Speaker 6 No, no, no.

Speaker 7 Right, this is my session. Okay.
Should book a session. Okay.

Speaker 6 Okay.

Speaker 22 I needed a moment before I willingly spooned a stranger.

Speaker 26 I do see there are benefits, and I have been stressed.

Speaker 10 We've got climate change, race relations, people drinking orange juice with pulp.

Speaker 11 Just eat an orange.

Speaker 22 But it doesn't mean I have intimacy issues.

Speaker 10 Okay, maybe there is some stuff I need to to work on.

Speaker 22 Bernadette does seem at peace.

Speaker 10 And what's the worst that could happen? I get a well-needed nap.

Speaker 10 Hey, who the fk are you? Get out of my house.

Speaker 27 It was cuddle time.

Speaker 6 This is amazing.

Speaker 19 Is it gonna cost extra if I like open up the floodgates a little bit?

Speaker 6 Not at all.

Speaker 6 Why?

Speaker 6 Why'd you let me quit piano lessons?

Speaker 10 The cuddlists were right.

Speaker 29 I felt transformed and my hormones were flying high.

Speaker 10 I was a new man ready to embrace the world through cuddles.

Speaker 10 Everyone is talking about the hottest new form of inflation, tipflation.

Speaker 31 Americans are suffering from so-called tipflation. Now it's being encouraged for a growing number of services, restaurants to cafes, and even self-checkout kiosks.

Speaker 33 Tipping is so hot, even the president-elect is talking about it.

Speaker 20 When I get to office, we are going to not charge taxes on tips.

Speaker 32 And I don't know about you, but personally, it's been stressing me out.

Speaker 23 This is the reserve relies on tips.

Speaker 35 You don't think they deserve a fair rate?

Speaker 23 Coffee?

Speaker 6 I don't deserve coffee.

Speaker 12 So I needed to hear if anyone else is stressed about the uptick in tipping requests and if they're dehydrated from crying too.

Speaker 1 It's a little much where you go somewhere and you're seeing tip jars at grocery stores.

Speaker 37 Anywhere that I go to get lunch or coffee nowadays has like an automatic tipping option.

Speaker 38 The biggest thing is like the lowest percentage just keeps getting higher.

Speaker 1 I saw even a tip system at a plant store.

Speaker 33 What have the plants done for us besides give us air to breathe?

Speaker 31 Yeah.

Speaker 32 It looks like almost everyone not getting tips agrees about tipping.

Speaker 12 Hey.

Speaker 32 But do these hospitality workers notice tipping popping up everywhere?

Speaker 41 It is everywhere. I'm waiting for the MTA now workers to be asking for a tip.

Speaker 12 Just hanging out the window with your hand out. Here's your stopping, by the way.

Speaker 3 Do you have any theory as to why that's happening?

Speaker 42 People need to live. People are struggling.
We see it across the nation right now with so many different

Speaker 42 industries.

Speaker 36 All right, so everyone agrees tipping is popping up everywhere and it sucks.

Speaker 10 So why not cancel the tip?

Speaker 41 We don't make enough, so we look for the tip to like all come together and make up for what we're not getting by the hour.

Speaker 41 And plus people need to realize that when you're tipping the waiter or the waitress, they also are paying out bussers and the bartenders that need to be tipped from that tip that you're leaving as well.

Speaker 41 Right.

Speaker 30 It's clear tipping is overwhelming, but how do we escape it?

Speaker 28 And then I found it.

Speaker 43 Lula Cafe, a tip-free haven where all the employees had health care and no one carried the decimal point.

Speaker 32 They just carried food to the table.

Speaker 28 So I sat down with owner Jason Hamill to hear how he ran a restaurant without tips.

Speaker 39 Well, we actually do still accept tips at Lula.

Speaker 12 We do.

Speaker 23 Well Dan.

Speaker 39 We employ a dual system of a service charge and tips. Our system takes the reliance on tips away.
So there's more pay equity.

Speaker 39 But we're pretty busy, like sizable restaurant to create that sustainability. But like if you're smaller, maybe it doesn't work for you.

Speaker 29 Okay, I'm running out of f ⁇ ing ideas.

Speaker 32 But the president-elect did say something.

Speaker 22 Oh, right, he was gonna get rid of taxes on tips.

Speaker 37 I think just putting that little bit of money back in their pockets isn't such a bad thing.

Speaker 33 I think that's theirs, it and there's gonna be tax on it.

Speaker 25 Love it. Wholeheartedly agree.

Speaker 41 100%.

Speaker 25 Love.

Speaker 30 Wow, that was easy. So we just stopped taxing tips.

Speaker 33 No problems whatsoever.

Speaker 38 It does feel kind of like it'll incentivize companies to have more tip workers or workers that rely more on tips than actually the company's paying.

Speaker 3 Do you think if there was no federal tax on tips, people would get their entire paycheck in tips?

Speaker 39 I mean, that's certainly a concern.

Speaker 33 Back to square one.

Speaker 17 What else you got?

Speaker 37 Would it be nice if they just raised the minimum wage?

Speaker 35 It would just be the servers that keep their actual tips.

Speaker 35 But also, I think that it's a much bigger issue overall. The federal minimum wage needs to be raised.

Speaker 12 Easy.

Speaker 35 Problem solved. You know, when people that aren't in the industry are talking about it, they're like, well, the owner should just pay them more.

Speaker 35 But also, the food service industry, like, the margins are incredibly thin. Yeah, it would be really nice to pay someone $45 an hour, but unfortunately that would shut down most places.

Speaker 3 Don't you think that politicians could solve this by just raising the minimum wage?

Speaker 39 Sure, on maybe some health care and that could be good.

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 39 The health care part would be really good.

Speaker 9 Yeah, there's a lot to pack here, but you know, we're not here to talk about health care.

Speaker 36 Okay, so tipping is everywhere more than ever, but people need tips to make a living because minimum wage is so low.

Speaker 30 And taxing tips is bad.

Speaker 32 But we need to raise the minimum wage first so companies don't resort to paying the tipped minimum on even more jobs, which could result in tipped employees needing the consumer to tip more so they can make a living, which will result in tipping being everywhere more than ever.

Speaker 32 So how much do I tip to make sure no one starves? It's all on me.

Speaker 24 Are you okay?

Speaker 36 Do I look okay?

Speaker 32 My big takeaway. I still don't know how much to tip.

Speaker 3 Thank you so much for speaking with me. I don't know what 20% or 20%, 25% or 18%.

Speaker 36 I don't know how much.

Speaker 35 You can just go ahead and give us the wallet. We'll take care of it.
Just give us your wallet.

Speaker 44 In this election, Republicans have their ride-or-die candidate who they want to be president forever.

Speaker 37 And Democrats, they also have a guy.

Speaker 20 So the best way to get something done,

Speaker 21 if it holds near and dear to you, that you

Speaker 21 like to be able to.

Speaker 6 anyway.

Speaker 29 Four more years.

Speaker 41 Joe Biden has an enthusiasm problem. The polling shows that Democrats are not enthused.

Speaker 45 Joe Biden.

Speaker 10 Democrats are not excited.

Speaker 32 But maybe we in the media are out of touch.

Speaker 24 I hit the streets to ask, what do voters really think of Joe Biden?

Speaker 37 Not the most excited.

Speaker 15 I mean, it's okay.

Speaker 37 I wish I was more excited. On a scale of one to 10, probably somewhere around a two or three.

Speaker 44 How would you compare that to, say, seeing some really beautiful latte art?

Speaker 37 I would put that maybe as a five.

Speaker 24 Could you point on this graph how you feel about voting for Joe Biden?

Speaker 44 Okay, some pain.

Speaker 22 But if you couldn't tell by the stick and poke tattoos and Warby Parker glasses, these people were all Democrats. There must be something they like about Joe Biden.

Speaker 28 He's a big ice cream guy.

Speaker 6 Can't vote against that.

Speaker 44 What do you think his favorite flavor is?

Speaker 4 Vanilla 100%.

Speaker 10 Oh my god.

Speaker 37 It's gotta be a super mid. You know, he's our president.
He's our president. Yeah.

Speaker 46 Slap that on a t-shirt. I love it.

Speaker 37 I expect him to kind of behave like a president as opposed to like a child.

Speaker 5 He definitely is not a child.

Speaker 24 But then I found one person whose passion whelmed me.

Speaker 44 On a scale of one to 10, how excited are you about voting for Joe Biden?

Speaker 15 11.

Speaker 17 11?

Speaker 23 Oh my God.

Speaker 46 Is this Joe Joe Biden or is this like the famous corgi on Instagram named Joe Biden that I'm not aware of?

Speaker 28 Joseph Robinette Biden.

Speaker 44 I didn't even know there was his full name. Junior.
Oh my god.

Speaker 14 There's an older one.

Speaker 23 Wow.

Speaker 14 Who was this guy?

Speaker 29 Against my better judgment, I followed him to his car.

Speaker 23 Oh my God!

Speaker 20 Oh.

Speaker 21 Okay.

Speaker 44 It's a cardboard cutout.

Speaker 33 Before I get in your car, I have to ask.

Speaker 44 This isn't a sex thing, right?

Speaker 9 It is not. Okay, good.

Speaker 40 Yeah. I didn't think so.
Yeah.

Speaker 23 Oh.

Speaker 21 Oh, my God. You have Kamala too.

Speaker 24 Do you have the whole cabinet in there?

Speaker 21 Where's your cutout of acting Labor Secretary Julie Su?

Speaker 32 Julie?

Speaker 20 Julie!

Speaker 5 Meet Dakota Galvin, Joe Biden's Biden's biggest and only super fan.

Speaker 10 Could he hold the key to helping Biden defeat Donald Trump and his MAGA army?

Speaker 40 Trump has this huge fan club of tens of thousands of really intense weirdos, and Biden has you.

Speaker 10 Why do you think that is?

Speaker 25 There's sort of like a cult.

Speaker 21 mentality going on there.

Speaker 9 I think they have an unnatural devotion to a single person.

Speaker 10 Right, like devotion to one man.

Speaker 25 Am I right?

Speaker 24 Okay, Let's talk about the cardboard cutout.

Speaker 28 Why do you keep him in your trunk?

Speaker 40 Don't you want to just see him in the morning and say, what's up, Joe?

Speaker 9 Well, my boyfriend isn't as...

Speaker 9 He's less enthusiastic. Oh my God.

Speaker 9 Having him watch us at all times. Oh my God.

Speaker 14 You have a boyfriend?

Speaker 9 I do.

Speaker 14 Okay, setting aside the question of whether the boyfriend was also a cardboard cutout, when did Dakota first realize he was Biden Curious?

Speaker 9 I was a senior in high school in 2012, and I had just come out of the closet, and Joe Biden had announced his support for marriage equality.

Speaker 40 And you thought to yourself, he's a little young right now to be president, but maybe in eight years he'll be ready.

Speaker 9 At the time, not so much, but this man literally came out of retirement to save our country from white supremacists and fascism.

Speaker 40 So you like him more now than when he was just Obama's white friend?

Speaker 9 Absolutely.

Speaker 6 Oh.

Speaker 10 That's a strong endorsement at a time when Joe Biden is so unpopular that somehow hating him is uniting pro-Israel

Speaker 10 and pro-Palestine protesters.

Speaker 10 So what does Dakota see in this guy?

Speaker 14 Is it his swag, his whispery voice, what's left of his hair?

Speaker 9 Mostly his policies. There's so many to choose from.
Really?

Speaker 40 Wow. See, I can't even think of any, so go off.

Speaker 9 I would think when he came into office, he immediately got to work with the American Rescue Plan. He followed it up with the Bipartisan Infrastructure Act, the Chips and Science Act.

Speaker 44 The Chips and Salsa Act?

Speaker 9 Chips and science.

Speaker 40 Oh, you know, maybe we need to make policy more more, but I think you're right.

Speaker 9 There was his 80th birthday when he had all the candles on his tree.

Speaker 40 Yeah, I guess we can have fun with glaring reminders of his age.

Speaker 10 Turns out the things that get Dakota excited are different from other voters.

Speaker 24 What did he think their problem was?

Speaker 21 Well, he is an older, straight, white gentleman.

Speaker 9 And in Democratic circles, that's usually not what gets us excited.

Speaker 40 You know, I don't think there's anything we can do about his oldness or his whiteness, but do you think he would consider exploring his sexuality?

Speaker 9 Oh gosh. Yeah.

Speaker 33 Sure.

Speaker 28 Joe Biden Tumblr fanfiction aside, could Dakota get Democrats fired up about Biden?

Speaker 6 Ooh, not like that.

Speaker 40 I'm going to pretend to be someone who's not overly enthused to vote for Joe Biden and I want you to convince me, all right? Yeah.

Speaker 6 Okay, I'm ready.

Speaker 9 Do you love living in a democracy?

Speaker 47 Yes.

Speaker 9 Oh my gosh, I've got the perfect candidate for you to vote for. Who is it? It's the current president, Joe Biden.

Speaker 21 Oh.

Speaker 9 Well, you know, it's a vote for normalcy and sanity and, you know, keeping the institutions that have built our constitutional republic for centuries.

Speaker 40 Keeping things the same as they are now.

Speaker 9 With minor improvements. With minor improvements.

Speaker 40 I mean, I guess one thing that's good about Biden is he doesn't have the baggage, you know, say that Hillary has.

Speaker 9 You know, I love Hillary.

Speaker 25 Come on.

Speaker 28 Maybe I've been focusing on the wrong thing.

Speaker 14 Maybe it isn't the voters that need the pep talk.

Speaker 10 It's Joe Biden.

Speaker 34 And Dakota has some advice that will shake the political landscape forever.

Speaker 9 I would say, keep doing what you're doing, but do it better.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 44 Way to pump them up.

Speaker 10 Well, there's always 2028.

Speaker 14 Seriously, can I please sit in the front?

Speaker 9 No, I'm sorry.

Speaker 10 Like most presidential elections, this election will be determined by disengaged disengaged working-class independent voters from a few Midwest states.

Speaker 10 So I'm at a gathering of such voters in Thornville, Ohio.

Speaker 10 Okay, so it's 2024.

Speaker 4 We have a very exciting presidential election coming up. Very exciting.
Everyone's really, really happy about it. Who are you voting for?

Speaker 6 No one can answer me.

Speaker 6 None of you voted. No.

Speaker 4 Are you going to vote?

Speaker 48 Uh, hell no.

Speaker 5 Why don't you plan to vote?

Speaker 36 Because like you're voting for two people who pretty much doesn't care about your existence.

Speaker 49 Like there's nothing that's been improving. For us low-income people, it's been f ⁇ ing shit.

Speaker 45 I have never voted in my life. I never will vote.
Juggalos don't get involved in politics.

Speaker 10 Yes, this is the Gathering of the Juggalos, a music festival where young people in America's heartland explore new frontiers in fashion, self-care, and the arts, while enjoying the music of Insane Clown Posse and other popular acts of the murder clown genre.

Speaker 34 These tens of thousands of disengaged youths could be a powerful voting bloc if only a political party would address the issues they care about.

Speaker 47 100% I believe global warming is real. Man, it gets hotter and hotter and hotter as they go through the summers.

Speaker 10 I know it's 9 a.m.

Speaker 36 and you already have your shirt on.

Speaker 12 How do you feel about cutting taxes for billionaires?

Speaker 29 Yes, I think billionaires should pay more taxes.

Speaker 6 In a way, they're sociopathic clowns.

Speaker 48 Legalizing drugs, trans rights, being pro-choice, women's rights. I think our ethos are based upon however you want to be.

Speaker 4 If you want to be a killer clown.

Speaker 48 If you want to be a trans killer clown, by all means, please do.

Speaker 4 I'm really glad that the killer clown community has opened up to the trans community as well.

Speaker 32 And there's one policy preference the Juggalettes feel especially strongly about.

Speaker 49 Abortions, that's women.

Speaker 6 That's our f ⁇ ing product of abortion.

Speaker 49 No one has control over that but us.

Speaker 4 We don't want to keep getting nutted in and having f ⁇ ing babies all the time.

Speaker 23 Like,

Speaker 49 I'd like to be child-free in my 20s.

Speaker 4 I'm going to put that on a t-shirt, by the way.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 29 Oh, that'll be a killer t-shirt.

Speaker 34 Unsurprisingly, the Juggalos were interested in a third-party candidate, and their pick turned out to be more politically viable than RFK Jr.

Speaker 49 The world would be a much better place, in my opinion, if there was a juggalo in the f ⁇ ing white.

Speaker 32 I think the clouds would turn pink if a juggalo come in this opinion.

Speaker 48 Honestly, I like how Violent Jay's mindset works. Okay.
Yeah, or Shaggy Chew Dope. I'd have them up in the White House.

Speaker 42 I'd say Shaggy as president, and then Violent Jay is second.

Speaker 10 And that makes sense too,

Speaker 17 because President Violent J

Speaker 10 might scare some people.

Speaker 5 Of course, the Juggalos would want one of of their own in the White House.

Speaker 28 So I put on my best Juggalo formal wear to find out if Violent J himself would accept the nomination.

Speaker 6 F that no. That is no amount of money.

Speaker 29 You gotta go places?

Speaker 6 Yeah. They give you an itinerary, you gotta get up all early and shit.

Speaker 10 That's the number one qualification of the president.

Speaker 27 You have to get up early.

Speaker 32 Even though Violent J refused the mandate of Commander-in-Chief, he had clear policy preferences on everything from mass deportation.

Speaker 45 Fed up. Now I remember why I hated Trump, that wall shit.

Speaker 10 To women's rights.

Speaker 45 They have the right to be the f fing shit.

Speaker 11 Environmental conservation.

Speaker 45 We think we're the superior fing animal on this planet, right? Let me tell you what the superior animal is, a whale.

Speaker 12 It's the biggest.

Speaker 30 And progressive taxation.

Speaker 45 My mom said the Democrats basically are saying less taxes on the poor, more taxes on the rich.

Speaker 12 I'm assuming you pay taxes.

Speaker 45 Up the fing anus, and I'm happy about it. I pay double what they ask.

Speaker 32 I was starting to get a sense of where Violent Jay stood on the issues. But did the head of the Insane Clown Nation see himself in any of the candidates to lead our Insane Clown Nation?

Speaker 45 A little pussy hole-ish on the

Speaker 45 fact that he refused to paint his beard.

Speaker 45 You know what I mean?

Speaker 22 Yeah, he's a pussy because he didn't paint his beard.

Speaker 29 A pussy hole.

Speaker 24 What about good old DT?

Speaker 6 F him. Okay.
Because he's all about that wall. All right.

Speaker 22 This is Tim Walls.

Speaker 27 This is Conor Harris's VP.

Speaker 27 Who?

Speaker 23 Conor Harris is her VP.

Speaker 27 Vice President? Yeah.

Speaker 29 I'm absolutely opinionless.

Speaker 45 Okay. I'm that man.

Speaker 25 All right, last we have Kamala.

Speaker 45 I wanted to win because she's a Democrat and I love my mom.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 45 I see it.

Speaker 15 Really? That's a beautiful sentiment. Yeah.

Speaker 45 Yeah. How do you say her first name?

Speaker 18 Kamala.

Speaker 6 Kamala? Yeah.

Speaker 6 Kamala?

Speaker 5 Like Kamala.

Speaker 25 That's fresh.

Speaker 45 Sorry, Ben. Mushrooms are kicking in.

Speaker 23 Oh, sure. Sure.

Speaker 15 I forgot mine.

Speaker 30 So Violent Jay is backing Harris.

Speaker 10 See, not all juggalos are sitting this election out. Now, what are the odds he's going to remember to vote on November 5th?

Speaker 6 Oh, man, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 What in the f?

Speaker 23 Thank you.

Speaker 23 I love you.

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