Trump Invites Jesus to the Workplace & GOP Prays for a Tariff Rebate | Jenny Slate

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From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Desi Leiden.
Welcome to The Daily Show.

I'm Desi Lydic.

We've got so much to talk about tonight.

The government is starting a take your Jesus to work day.

Ronnie Chang calls 911 on me.

And Donald Trump is in Scotland, I assume,

to visit the ancestral home of McDonald's.

So let's find out more in our ongoing segment,

Trump Meets World.

International humiliation, one after another.

As we said, Trump is in Scotland right now,

seeing as his favorite island destination

has been shut down.

When a president travels overseas, it's important for them to project strength and dignity,

although an uninvited insect made that a little harder for President Trump. Damn, girl, you got moved.
What is this? Is he boguing? Shoo fly, sashay, away. Feels like Trump's accidental dance moves are way more impressive than his intentional ones.
Very weird. Anyway, I do understand why he was so frantic.
That mosquito was also asking Trump about Jeffrey Epstein. Now, to be clear, Trump was not just wasting time playing golf.
He was also wasting time profiting off golf. The president capping off his trip by officially opening his latest golf course today in Scotland.
Let's go. One, two, three.
Just a reminder, this man is still the president of the United States. There's a lot going on in the world, and he's at a ribbon-cutting ceremony to promote his golf course? Is this his side hustle, or is America his side hustle? Who knows? I have no idea.
The point is, we're just used to this now. But imagine if when Obama was in office, he kept flying on Air Force One to open up Pizza Hut Taco Bell franchises.
I want to announce we killed bin Laden and the new chalupa is half price at 3 p.m. Live Moss, not you bin Laden.
But don't worry, while Trump was in Scotland, his administration was busy with the hard work

of making things weird at home.

Looks like the Trump administration is encouraging federal workers to talk about their religion

in the workplace.

A memo from the Office of Personnel Management cites the guidance as being protected by the

First Amendment and says employees can tell others to rethink their beliefs, but they must stop if their co-workers tell them to no no absolutely not if you're going to approach me at work and ask have you heard the good news it better mean there are donuts in the break room otherwise keep it moving zachariah can you imagine how humiliating it would be to have your fundamental worldview changed

by Susan from accounting?

And who would have the balls to convert a co-worker?

I don't even feel comfortable telling my co-worker she should get bangs.

She should, though.

Stacey, you should get bangs.

You need bangs.

But Trump's biggest achievement this week was the trade deal he announced with the European

Union.

And since we all know Trump is so good at deals, it means everything is now going to be Thank you. But Trump's biggest achievement this week was the trade deal he announced with the European Union.

And since we all know Trump is so good at deals, it means everything is now going to be cheaper.

The U.S. will impose a 15% tariff on most European products we import.

American businesses will pay those tariffs and pass the cost along to consumers by raising prices. It is amazing what individual products we could see impacted here from autos to Botox

as a result of these tariffs.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

That's wild.

Everything from automobiles to Botox?

Am I pronouncing that right?

Is that right?

I don't know.

I'm not there yet. Just not there yet.
Don't Google it. But okay, the trade deal is going to make things more expensive, which makes you wonder, what are we getting out of these tariffs anyway? We have so much money coming in.
We're thinking about a little rebate, a little rebate for people of a certain income level might be very nice. Okay.
Now this is the art of the deal. Everyone pays more for everything, and then a few of us maybe get a little bit of our money back.
Man, this guy is always playing 5D, hitting yourself in the balls.

Keep in mind,

Trump also promised rebate checks from Doge,

but all we got out of that

was Trump calling Elon Musk

a drug addict

and Elon saying Trump

was a pedophile.

You know what?

Never mind.

That actually is better

than a rebate.

So, yeah.

Yeah.

The whole thing

is just a mess. And you know who I feel worse for? Those poor penguins who we tariffed who now have to suck the s*** for rent money.
So sad. For more on the trade deal and its fallout, we go live to the White House with Michael Kosta.
Michael, what's the latest? Desi, this trade deal has a lot of moving parts and words that I don't understand, but you know what I do understand? The healing light of Christ our Savior. And so can you, Desi.
No, no, no, no, no. Michael, please, just do your job.
Don't promote your religion at work, please. Well, the Trump administration says I can, so you can kiss my ass.
And you can also kiss the ass of our sweet Lord Jesus. Or Jesus, if you're an Espanol.
He's inside me, Desi, and he wants to be inside you, too. No, don't make it gross.
You know what? You have to stop. If I tell you to stop, you have to, and I'm commanding you to stop.
That's true. You have that right, so I'll stop.
So back to the trade deal. Although critics call it an unnecessary tax, Trump is hailing it as a success.
And speaking of hailing, hail Satan. Desi, have you let the dark lord Lucifer into your heart? He's inside me, and he can also be inside you.
No. Michael, I told you to stop preaching religion.
And I stopped preaching that religion. This is another religion.
Stop doing that. Why are you preaching Jesus and Satan? They can't both be right.
Yeah, but one of them is, okay? And it's called hedging your bets. And if you ask God, I think he or she would approve.
All right, you know what? I've had enough of this.

Forget your report, Michael. I'm going to someone

who actually wants to do their job.

Let's go to Grace Koolenschmidt. Grace.

Come on.

No. God damn it.

Let me guess. You want me to join your convent?

What? I would never.

I want you to join me convent? What? I would never.

I want you to join me in the Nation of Islam.

The Nation of Islam?

Grace, you joined a black nationalist group?

First of all, it's Grace X.

And second of all, technically, I'm not in,

but I feel like I'm on the wait list.

So why are you dressed like a nun?

Oh, it's laundry day.

The point is, Brother Desi,

black nationalism is inside me,

and it can be inside you, too.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Stop it, stop it.

I command everyone to stop.

Get out of here.

Grace Koolenschmidt and Michael Kosta, everyone.

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Welcome back to The Daily Show.

When it comes to the news, some stories are serious, some stories are inspiring, and some stories are just stupid.

And for those, we turn to Ronnie Chang in a segment we call Everything is Stupid. 9-1-1 dispatchers.
All day long, they have to deal with people's problems. Oh, my house is on fire.
I don't know where my daughter is. Shut up.
So I understand why 9-1-1 might get annoyed by people. But one police department was really stupid with that response.
This granny got quite the shock when her phone rang. It was the cops.
It's the police department calling. Do I have your full attention? Karen Clinton says she imagined the worst.
What's wrong? Oh no, do I need to sit down? Then came the jolt out of nowhere. I just want to let you know, congratulations, you've won the prize.
You've had a contest, and it's called the Booby Prize. You are the dumbest person to call this police department on a repeated basis.
Wow. This is how I find out I wasn't nominated for the Booby Prize? I mean, it is so political.
I know this granny is literally a Karen, but that dispatcher was horrifically mean and went way too far, okay? You see, I'm from a culture where we respect our elders, not like in America, where you can leave an old person on the side of the road like a soiled mattress. And then someone will eventually pick them up or a family of raccoons will use them as a house.
What I'm saying is this granny doesn't deserve to be treated like this, okay? I mean, what are we talking about here? How many times could she have possibly called? 911 dispatcher Loretta Nash continued going into detail. Since 2010, you've made 183 phone calls.
Holy shit, 183 calls? Goddamn, stop hogging the line, lady. All right, give the other Karens a chance, too.
I mean, this lady makes me feel less bad that they're trying to cut Social Security. But you know what? Hey, I'm sure she had a good reason to call.
Okay. Maybe she lives in the TV show, The Wire.
All right. Just murders every day.
Karen Clinton says she's somewhat of a neighborhood watchdog in her hometown outside Cleveland. And over the years, she has called the non-emergency number of the police department a lot over such issues as road construction safety, car

horns blasting at night, drinking and drug use, and so on.

Okay, you know what?

I'm on the dispatcher side now, okay?

Really, Granny?

You're ratting people out for drinking and doing drugs?

It's Cleveland!

What else are they supposed to do there?

There's only so many times you can visit a rock and roll hall of fame before you're like, hey, should we do heroin? That being said, why do the police have a non-emergency line at all? You're just asking for a bunch of caroans to call about stupid shit, right? It's like, hey, hello, hello, police? Is this a non-emergency line? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw a black guy outside. He's not doing anything wrong, but he's not doing anything right.
But you know what? The grandma made a lot of annoying calls. The dispatcher kind of roasted her.
You know what?

No harm, no foul.

Everybody wins.

That's when Karen decided to file a formal complaint

against Loretta and eventually criminal charges.

She came into my home via telecommunications

and she terrorized me in my own home.

Okay, come on, granny.

You can't come into somebody's home

via telecommunication.

Okay?

What, you're telling me every time this woman gets a text,

she's like, how did this emoji get my living room?

At the same time,

the police should have expected this, okay?

Do you think the 911 lady

wasn't gonna call 911 on 911?

She's been waiting for this moment her whole life.

But clearly, this does not need to go to trial, okay?

Just give both of them the death penalty

and let them work it out.

Let them work it out in hell.

And now that there's a job opening,

I know the perfect candidate for a 911 dispatcher in Ohio. Me.
Oh. 911, what's your emergency? Oh, your cat's stuck in a tree? Okay, follow my instructions very closely.
You live in Cleveland, so kill yourself. And that's how you win a boobie prize.
Back to you, Desi. Ronnie J, everyone.
When we come back, Jenny, please will be joining me on the show. So don't go away.
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Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a talented writer, comedian, and actor who's currently nominated

for an Emmy for her role in FX's Dying for Sex.

Please welcome Jenny Slate! Oh, real penetration Patty over here.

Real penetration Patty.

Yeah.

I just have to say, I am so grateful for this show.

Thank you for establishing once and for all that the female orgasm is, in fact, real.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Answered our question.
Yeah. It can happen.
It can. It really can.
Yes. And it does eventually happen for Molly.
Sorry to spoil. Yeah.
No. I mean the show's been out.
The show has been out. Yeah.
This is true. Yeah.
Congratulations on your Emmy nomination. Thank you very much.
It is so well-deserved.

The show is fantastic. You should be so proud of it.
It's such a beautiful show. It's based on a true story.
Yeah. It started as a podcast.
For those who haven't seen it, describe what Dying for Sex is about. Sure.
Okay, fine. Yes, I will.
But if I was like, no, I don't wanna. You're like, no thanks.
I don't know. Yes, dying for sex is based off a podcast that these two real-life best friends, Nikki and Molly, made while Molly was dying of breast cancer.
She was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. She left her husband.
She asked her best friend to really like be her be her companion, be her partner as she went towards the end of her life. But she also took that moment to try to work out some like real blocks and limits that were on her because of like, childhood sexual trauma that she went through.
She really had some huge intimacy issues. She had never had an orgasm with another person.
And while that sounds sort of simple, like, the objective is, like, to do that. Yeah.
Yeah. In fact, it really is a story about what intimacy is, what we tell ourselves about, how far our life can go, how far our experience can go.
And yeah, and it's a beautiful story. I was so pleased to be on a show that is about two women who are soulmates, who are in a friendship and who are together in a way that is, like, is primary, is the most, most important.
It's such an interesting look at caretaking, too, from such an honest perspective. Because Nikki is a person on the surface who, like, kind of doesn't seem to have her stuff together.
Nothing is perfectly in place. She can never find anything in her bag.
So she's not necessarily the first person you would think of as taking on this duty, but the way that she shows up for her friend, she knows when she needs to laugh, she knows what her needs are, and she listens to her. I think it's so inspiring for caretakers out there in the world to see, because a lot of people are going through this right now.
And it's really a beautiful way that your character goes on that journey. I'm glad you think so.
Yeah, I mean, I guess like in becoming a parent and I have a four and a half year old, like if you are to think that you must be perfect in order to be the central caregiver, then nobody's going to get anything in this world because obviously we're all trying our best best just to keep it together. I know I am, and that doesn't make me less able to watch my daughter as she grows and changes.
And I brought some of that in with me because Molly changes as she's trying to open herself up and sort of meet this sexual and personal goal, this liberation. But Nikki, my my character changes as well and the experience is something for both of them it's not that Nikki is like a crutch or a prop and part of caregiving is is that flexibility to understand that like the situation is generally serious but so is the situation of being alive like we only get this one this one, you know, whether you're at the start of your life or your end.
And that there's plenty of room for variety, and that is part of the care that Nikki gives Molly. And I think she does, you know, eventually get pretty good at the boring stuff.
The thing, it's interesting that you say the thing about wanting to live differently. My feeling coming out of this show, and it's easy to feel resistant in watching some of this because it bravely confronts death and grief and loss and trauma, really hard topics.
But I came out of it feeling less afraid of death and looking at death in a different way, like a transition to celebrate. Did this show change the way that you view death, caretaking, grief? Yeah, completely.
I think one thing is that Molly's character, the sexual abuse she went through as a kid really stopped a big part of her. And that in itself is sort of a death, But she and Nikki are powerful enough in their friendship and their love to truly create, to resuscitate something, to help her live again.
And I exited the show being like, oh, right. I want to make sure that every moment of my life is as alive as possible, that there are, you know, very few dead ends, and that every experience that I have, even if it was hard or, like, totally bad, can be repurposed as a resource eventually for, you know, just, like, how to be more alive, how to make progress.
And I also stole a lot of the sweatpants that my character wears. As you should, that wardrobe.
They were really good. They were like the good ones.
Yeah. And I was like, do you think we have reshoots? Or what's like happening with these? Because they were like, they were good.
In the spirit of Molly and dying for sex, do you have anything on your bucket list or your list? Um, I, uh, I don't know how to make a croissant. Oh.
Well, you know how to pronounce it. Yeah, big time.
Honestly, yeah. Merci beaucoup on that.

Yeah, I would like to learn how to do that.

And I've never been to Japan.

Oh.

Yeah.

And I, you know, I've always wanted to switch to the Diva Cup,

but I've been doing tampons for a long time.

Let me tell you.

I am with you on this.

Yeah.

I am with you on this.

It is a brave expedition. Let me tell you.

Thank you. I am with you on this.
I am with you on this. It is a brave expedition.
Let me tell you. I mean, if I die with a tampon up there, what a waste.
Oh, God. What a story to tell, though.
Here's to the Diva Cup. Here's to the Diva Cup.
All episodes of Dying for Sex are streaming now on Hulu. Jenny Frankames! We're going to do a quick break, but we'll be right back after this.
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Ha! Everyone wins. Now here it is, your moment of Zen.
So I just want to thank everybody.

This has been an unbelievable development.

The land, they said it couldn't get zoned.

It was an impossibility. And Sean Connery said, let the bloody bloke build his golf course.

Once he said that, everything came into line. Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast Universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

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