TDS Time Machine | Inflation

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You're listening to Comedy Central.

Heading into Memorial Day weekend, if you're anything like me, you're packing up a cooler, you're loading the kids into the minivan, and you're just driving around aimlessly.

That's what you get when you don't book a hotel room.

But this year, holiday travels are going to be paying more than ever at the pumps, with gas prices hitting record highs across the country.

As news stories go, perhaps it's not very exciting, but the news networks have ways to make it pop.

Virtual gas stations, cool computer graphics, and good morning, America went all out.

We're back at our fancy new gas pump, which we're calling America's gas pump.

You know what, dude?

You can call it really whatever you want.

You know, you should call it their crazy magical rectangle.

But

the point is, we all know what gas pumps are.

We want to know why it costs so damn much.

Yes, somehow, every Memorial Day, world events conspire to drive gas prices and oil profits through the roof.

How does it happen?

For more on this

bizarrely consistent market fluctuation, we go to Rob Riggle live in Columbus, Ohio.

Rob, thanks for joining us.

Thanks for joining us, Rob.

John, the cost of driving this weekend will be positively gastronomical.

So if you're hitting the road, don't be foolish.

Drive the limit and go easy on the AC.

You'll tank yourself later.

What are you wearing?

This?

Well, just the usual leathers and feathers.

Standard casual menswear in a futuristic dystopia like this.

The gas crunch has hit Columbus, Ohio that hard.

Absolutely.

In fact, we're calling it barter town these days.

Paper money, like life itself, has become virtually worthless.

Fuel is the only commodity with any real value.

It's enough to drive you crazy.

Seriously, though, a lot of people are going insane.

But why is it that you got to dress like that?

Why is it that in all the movies about the horrible dystopian wasteland, everybody wears those neo-primitive things?

You know, I never thought that would actually happen in a real-life situation like that.

John, I think it's common knowledge that when a society dissolves, people break out the feathers in football gear.

It's all about comfort.

When you're murdering people for a few gallons of gas, you don't want to feel constricted.

You're murdering people.

They're murdering themselves, John.

If they'd just give me the gas like I ask, I wouldn't have to pump them full of lead.

Rob,

I think we're past the point of the stupid gas-related puns, don't you think?

Well, it's the only thing I have left that reminds me that I'm a human.

All right.

Well, thank you, Rob.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend.

All right.

It's killer be killed.

Loud and jungle.

Woo!

All right, Rob, very nice.

Rob Wriggle, everybody.

He's got to wear that until we come back to work next week.

Tonight's show is not solely about a minor dispute over the size of Anton and Scalia's

jurisprudence.

We're also covering our top story, high gas prices.

I know a lot of people out there are suffering, sacrificing.

You're feeling the pain.

Well, you know what?

Shut up.

Because you know what's much worse than your pain?

The pain of the people who have to cover your pain.

The supply of ways to illustrate the effect of high gas prices is limited.

But the demand for high gas price stories has never been higher.

Forget bigger is better.

It's now, honey, I shrunk the car.

She's a witch!

Burn her!

Using biofuels.

Yes, these are dark days, but innovators continue to push for alternate means of illumination, like the Mr.

Act.

With gas prices where they are, more and more people are leaving their cars here in the parking lot and waiting for a ride to work.

on the train.

He was at a train station the whole time!

He was standing there and there were cars in the background and then he walked right forward and then it was at the train station.

I was like,

I'll be talking about it.

With more on the media and how they're coping with high gas price stories, I'm joined by senior media analyst Asif Monby.

Asif, thanks so much for joining us.

John, thank you.

Thank you.

Sorry, John.

First of all, That guy, he ripped me off.

What are you talking about?

Well, when we talk, panning the camera slightly to the left to reveal something related to what I'm saying.

That is my move.

I have been doing that for years.

Can we roll that tape, please?

Look, syrup.

It's a delicious addition to any waffle or stack of pancakes.

But what if I told you this sweet confection comes

from a tree?

There's a new exercise that has some fitness buffs, climbing the walls.

With 20 dead and dozens wounded, peace talks have broken down, with neither side willing to make

any concessions.

The last one was a hostage crisis.

You just put on that

cheap pun.

That was horrible.

Well, I've never noticed because my soul is a nebulous, indistinct void.

Asif, that's not even a pun.

That's not even a.

The guy is doing my bitch!

All right, Asif, we're moving on.

Folks, as you can see, this situation has reached a crisis point.

Now, many of you may be asking, what can I do to help?

Well, it's simple.

You can do your part by appearing in these stories as a concerned consumer in gas station B-roll or as an average Joe commenter.

It costs so little, just three or four words.

My wife and I drive a lot lot less than we used to.

It's pretty bad.

She's cost too much money.

Of course, that was pretty generic.

I mean, you might want to try.

409 is the...

Oh my goodness, I didn't even know.

Oh my God.

Thank you.

Yes!

Shock, surprise!

A woman at odds with a society beyond her control.

Technology, necessary, yet heartless.

But sometimes

a hero comes along and elevates a boilerplate the rising cost of gasoline is crushing everyone in its wake story with a simple turn of phrase that lifts a nation's spirits.

I'm going to just close my eyes and pump.

I'm just going to close my eyes.

and pump.

John, John, yes, John Oliver.

May I?

Please.

I'm just going to close my eyes and pump.

Sounds like my wedding night.

Oh!

I think we all saw that one coming, John.

That's what she said.

Oh!

Oh!

We are childish.

I know.

Scalia is so right about us.

We'll be right back.

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Now that Chick-fil-A has proved that wearing your political beliefs on your corporate sleeve can send your sales through the roof, we're definitely going to expect other fast food chains to start staking out their own ideological territory.

The CEO of Papa John's yesterday, John Shatner, came out on an earnings call and said in 2014, quote, our best estimate is that the Obamacare will cost about 11 to 14 cents per pizza.

What the devil?

What?

I'm going to pay an extra 11 to 14 cents so that the guy who makes my pizza can get antibiotics to keep him from hacking up lung tissue onto my pizza?

Outrageous!

And something tells me I'm not alone in that sentiment.

If you like pizza, get ready to cough up some more dough.

Will Obamacare make your pizza more expensive?

You will soon have to pay more for your pizza.

And you have President Obama to thank for that.

You know what?

I think we can absorb that 11 to 14 cents.

Considering that you can't turn on the TV without being offered two pizzas for the price of one.

And if you call right now, crazy bread, a two liter soda, and a third pizza pizza made out of Oreos.

Seems to be the cheapest food product on the planet.

Of course, it's really not about the 11 cents.

It's about a larger issue.

Obamacare is driving the price of your pizza through the roof.

Socialism sucks.

I don't know how to break this tea of it.

Under socialism, business owners wouldn't have to fit the bill for their employees' health care.

Under socialism, healthcare would be the responsibility of the state and not private businesses, which I'm sure your colleague Bob Becko, who's a liberal, is going to point out to you,

except that...

Come on, man.

Shut the lid.

That is not right.

You are hypnotizing him.

That is not fair.

All right, fine.

That is a sneaky argument move.

I guess the Republicans have made their point.

We must end Obamacare to save our pizza.

Just one thing.

I know this is probably a stupid question.

Are there any other factors that could also drive up the cost of pizza?

Could there?

About 64% of the U.S.

is now in some form of drought.

64%.

There's fear that food, things like dairy, meat prices, even the price of pizza, could skyrocket.

Oh, right.

This summer's crop-killing, milk-scorching, drought of biblical proportions.

Come to think of it.

That might also be somewhat affecting the price of pizza.

Not to mention the future of the planet.

But let's focus on the pizza.

Summer's almost over.

That'll solve the heat wave, right?

There is a connection to these extreme weather events that we've been seeing.

They are, in fact, a product of global warming.

What do you know, NASA scientist?

That's just a scientific fact.

One that happens to be confirmed by a recent study funded by climate-denying petrochemical billionaires.

So, as upset as the right got over Obamacare's effect on their pizza, I can't imagine how wigged out they're going to be about global warming.

Our government's spending over $10.6 million of your taxes on climate research to increase all this spending on combating global warming on the hunch.

It's man-made.

Trying to redesign the American economy as well as foreign policy and so on on the basis of a theory that proved to be grounded in little more than hysteria.

This is surprising.

You know, I haven't heard on the other channels that some of the glaciers are getting bigger, but that's why people watch Fox.

Yep, that's why they watch Fox.

You know why?

Because

it's so much easier than literally sticking your head up your own ass to shut out reality.

So to summarize, if pizza costs a little more, but in return, everyone gets health insurance, outrageous.

But if it costs a lot more because human activity is burning our planet to an uninhabitable husk,

what the

right?

We're screwed, we're screwed.

Our first story is about money.

It's the world's number one favorite thing to embezzle.

And as of now, you need a lot more of it to buy all the stuff you need.

The government just released brand new numbers on inflation from October.

They're big.

America's prices surging more than they have in 30 years, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

Unfortunately, the numbers are all moving in the wrong direction.

Consumer prices were up by 6.2% in October from the year before.

Now, let me walk you through some of the individual items.

Look at computers and smart home assistants up more than 8%, televisions up more than 10%,

washers and dryers up nearly 15%.

We're paying more for energy.

We're paying more to heat our homes.

We're paying more for our housing.

When we go to the grocery store, we're paying more for beef and for eggs, for food, used cars, new cars, trucks, as well.

The president taking a harder line, saying in a statement, quote, inflation hurts Americans' pocketbooks.

And reversing this trend is a top priority for me.

Yeah, guys, inflation is becoming a real problem.

I went to a gas station today and for a gallon of regular, it just said, kill yourself.

Now, some critics are saying that America's inflation problems are President Biden's fault.

But here's the only issue with that argument.

Almost every country in the world is dealing with this issue.

Which means President Biden is actually screwing up the entire world.

But whether his policies have contributed to inflation or it was always going to happen when society emerged from the pandemic, this is a big danger to Biden politically because inflation is one of the economic concepts that normal people actually care about.

Like, let's be honest, the debt ceiling, the Federal Reserve derivatives, that's all just shit we pretend to understand.

Oh, yeah, the debt ceiling, the debt ceiling.

But when you hear inflation is rising, you know it means you're about to be a broke bitch.

The only good part of inflation is that I was always jealous of those old guys who would be like, back in my day, you could buy a house with a dollar.

But it looks like now if inflation gets bad enough, we'll get to be those old guys.

Oh yeah, back in my day, a million dollars could buy a whole lot more than just a haircut.

But look, yes, material goods are increasing in price.

And that is why people, it's important to value the things that are always free.

Like spending time with your family or robbing people.

You know, the important things in life, Roy.

The thing with inflation, though, man, like, honestly, I think that's why like people appreciate hand-me-downs.

Like, that's where I came from.

It was a hand-me-down culture.

So, you know, I ain't really worried about shit going up in price because I always knew that I was going to give my older brother shit.

That's how we live.

Yo, my older brother right now, I got an older brother, Arthur.

He got a damn Merino jersey, chalk line, throwback, Mitchell and Ness.

And I'm going to get that bitch sooner or later.

Oh, wow.

I thought you were going to tell me that you were good for you royal no i'm still i'm still waiting on it though man i'm still waiting on it i'm gonna get that damn jersey man am

also the the other issue is that like honestly like 20 don't do what it used to do so i will give inflation that i'm not really panic about inflation but i will admit that twenty dollars don't do what it used to do because i remember back in 93 your mama could drop you off at the mall with twenty dollars you could live at the mall three days

and you come back to the house with six dollars changed like that was a good time the twenty dollars you get a a bell bill to vote ticket, you can get a Flintstone push-up, you can get your two pairs of Jordans, you can get your Mugsy Bogues t-shirt, and still have money to go see Boys in the Hood at the Mitfield Sixth Cinema right there in Birmingham.

You've got a fantastic memory.

Oh, yeah.

All right, let's kick things off with some big economic news about inflation.

You know, inflation.

The reason your grandfather is always bragging about, I paid seven cents for a movie ticket in 1972.

And it was a porno movie, yeah.

Back in my day, you had to see them in the theaters.

Yeah, you couldn't just pull them up on pub hub like you kids do.

You had to remember the scene and go home and try and recreate the feeling.

Sometimes you'd see a friend on the way home and you'd have to be like, shut up, Jerry, stop talking.

I'm trying to remember the boobs.

And then I'd finally get home and your grandmother would say, were you at one of those movies again?

And I'd say, Shut up, Cheryl.

I'm trying to remember those boobs.

And then finally, I got to yank my crank, and it would be boobs and Jerry and your grandmother in my head.

And the point is, things cost a lot less back then.

So, yes, inflation.

It's getting worse, and it's affecting everything.

The breaking news this morning, the U.S.

Labor Department out with new inflation numbers this morning.

They're high, the highest inflation, in fact, rate in the U.S.

in more than 40 years.

When you look at the sectors, it is gas, it is shelter, it is food, it is used cars.

These are numbers that year over year have had big, big increases in prices.

This is a situation where just about everything is going up.

Eight and a half percent inflation increase year over year.

That's a strong, strong number.

The highest since December 1981, when Raiders of the Lost Ark was number one at the box office, Ronald Reagan was president, and unemployment was pushing 10%.

Seriously?

This inflation is taking us back to 1981.

I don't want to go back to 1981.

First of all, there's no Wi-Fi.

Secondly, I could never pull off a Jericho, people.

Actually.

Actually, I take that back.

I take that back.

Yeah, maybe I can.

Doesn't look bad.

Silksonic.

You call me, baby.

Yeah, we're doing this.

But yeah, people, because the economy opened up suddenly and the government gave everyone money, everyone is spending again.

But the supply chain issues, so there's not enough products for the people to buy, and that drives the prices up.

And then on top of that, Vladimir Putin decided that, oh, now would be a nice time to Airbnb eastern Ukraine by force, raising oil prices, which makes everything more expensive.

And that's what's happening.

It's going to happen to all of us.

And so because of all of that, inflation is rising faster or higher than the price of Bitcoin, you know, which is...

Sorry, wait, no, no, Bitcoin is down again.

Sorry, my bad.

Ignore that.

Ignore that.

So, wait, oh, it's up again.

It's up again.

It's the future.

All right, it's the future.

So, the point is, wait, it's down again.

Which is it a scam or is it the future, guys?

The point is:

everything has gotten expensive.

So expensive that even bed buff and beyond coupons are starting to get all cocky with us.

Well, well, well,

who's the junk mail now?

Yeah, used to throw me away.

I guess my 20% offer isn't clogging up your mailbox anymore, is it?

Motherf.

Motherfucker Yeah,

here's the thing man inflation is bad for everybody right it doesn't just hurt your wallet It makes life harder for people and it makes you feel crazy You know because you'll be in the store and you'll be like yesterday this avocado was three dollars now It's six.

Are you gaslighting me avocado?

The only thing that gets better because of inflation is small talk.

That's the only thing that improves in life.

Yeah, because at least now you can talk about something else other than the weather.

Yeah, price of cheese is up again, huh?

Man, it's getting crazy.

Cheese.

Cheese.

Cheese.

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All right, let's kick things off with some news about the U.S.

economy.

Remember how the Fed raised interest rates a thousand times in the last week to try and stop inflation?

Well, it turns out it didn't work.

Breaking news on the economy.

Inflation shows no signs of slowing down.

The last inflation report before the midterm elections, take a look at some of these numbers, shows that prices rose 8.2% between September 2021 and September 2022.

Gasoline prices up more than 18% from last year.

Food prices still up 11%.

Turkey up 20% from this time last year.

Eggs up 27%.

Butter 25%.

And then look at the little candy corn graphic.

Halloween candy up a whopping 34% across the board.

That's right, people.

Halloween candy up 34%.

I love how they say it like it's necessary to live.

What are are we going to do without it?

Once again, inflation numbers are out and prices are still going up, affecting everything from gas to Halloween candy.

And not only that, razor blades are up 52%.

Now what am I supposed to put in the candy?

Oh, how do I live?

I will say a 34% increase in candy, that is a lot.

It's so expensive, parents are going to start encouraging their kids to get into strange vans, you know?

Just like, look, look, Timmy, the stranger says he's got free candy and in this economy, you got to take a shot, buddy.

We got to do it.

You got an air tag.

I'll find you.

All this inflation is just not sustainable, right?

Because here's the thing.

Inflation is a lot like masturbation.

Right?

Yeah,

a little bit is completely natural, but once you start noticing it in restaurants and car dealerships, things have gotten out of hand.

And look, if we had more time, we could talk about the Federal Reserve.

and it looks like how they're going to keep raising interest rates to try and curb this rampant inflation because that's basically the only tool that they have.

The problem is, raising interest rates takes so long to filter through the economy that this could be too much raising interest rates, and we just don't know it yet.

In some ways, raising interest rates is a lot like taking mushrooms, right?

You take some, nothing happens.

So you take some more, nothing happens.

Then you finish the whole box.

And because this stuff clearly doesn't work, what you...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I just met God and he's a gorilla.

Let's kick things off with the number one issue for voters, the economy, everyone's favorite system of producing and distributing goods and services.

Inflation has been a major headache for America the past few years, but for those of you who like paying less for things, today brought some welcome news.

Some new economic info.

Just today, we have new inflation numbers.

Annual inflation rate now, 2.4%.

That's according to the Consumer Price Index.

It is inflation's lowest point in three years.

Yeah, suck it, inflation!

Suck it!

You get down and you stay down!

Now,

for those of you who aren't big CPI heads like myself, 2.4% inflation is getting pretty close to the Fed's target level of 2%, which was chosen because it's Jerome Powell's favorite kind of milk.

Of course, good news for the Biden-Harris economy is bad news for Donald Trump, who is campaigning against the Biden-Harris administration.

But throughout this campaign, Trump has had a very subtle way of casting doubt on positive economic reports.

See if you can catch it.

Wall Street ends the week on a positive note.

The Dow and S ⁇ P 500 both hitting record highs.

We are a nation whose economy is collapsing into a cesspool of ruin.

2024 has kicked off with a bang.

353,000 jobs were added.

You're going to lose your jobs.

Main Street hiring firing on all cylinders here.

The economy has just been reported to be doing very badly.

One month gain in job growth, best since January 2022.

Their economy is doing terribly.

The numbers that we're getting on the real economy show that it's holding up remarkably well.

The Biden economy is a nightmare.

Look at that spike in consumer staples.

Everything's looking great here.

We keep hearing about their economy.

Their economy is terrible.

The blue chips make history for the fourth straight day.

It's the worst economy that we've ever had.

Jobs are up.

The stock market hit that all-time high.

Do you acknowledge that the economy is improving?

No, it's not.

No.

Bad Academy says what?

What?

Now look, in Trump's defense, just because the numbers are good doesn't mean people are struggling.

I mean, just the other day, I saw one very desperate American pawning everything he owns for chump change, you know?

So sad that Bitcoin was a family heirloom.

His grandfather smuggled it out of Europe in his ass.

Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus.

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