TDS Time Machine | Inflation

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Speaker 11 You're listening to Comedy Central.

Speaker 11 Heading into Memorial Day weekend, if you're anything like me, you're packing up a cooler, you're loading the kids into the minivan, and you're just driving around aimlessly.

Speaker 11 That's what you get when you don't book a hotel room.

Speaker 11 But this year, holiday travels are going to be paying more than ever at the pumps with gas prices hitting record highs across the country.

Speaker 11 As news stories go, perhaps it's not very exciting, but the news networks have ways to make it pop.

Speaker 11 Virtual gas stations, cool computer graphics, and good morning, America, went all out.

Speaker 13 We're back at our fancy new gas pump, which we're calling America's gas pump.

Speaker 11 You know what, dude? You can call it really whatever you want.

Speaker 11 You know, you should call it their crazy magical rectangle. But

Speaker 11 the point is, we all know what gas pumps are. We want to know why it costs so damn much.
Yes, somehow every Memorial Day, world events conspire to drive gas prices and oil profits through the roof.

Speaker 11 How does it happen? For more on this bizarrely consistent market fluctuation, we go to Rob Riggle live in Columbus, Ohio.

Speaker 11 Rob, thanks for joining us. Thanks for joining us, Rob.

Speaker 14 John, the cost of driving this weekend will be positively gastronomical.

Speaker 14 So if you're hitting the road, don't be foolish.

Speaker 14 Drive the limit and go easy on the AC. You'll tank yourself later.

Speaker 11 What are you wearing?

Speaker 7 This?

Speaker 14 Well, just the usual leathers and feathers. Standard casual menswear in a futuristic dystopia like this.

Speaker 11 The gas crunch has hit Columbus, Ohio that hard.

Speaker 7 Absolutely.

Speaker 14 In fact, we're calling it barter town these days. Paper money, like life itself, has become virtually worthless.
Fuel is the only commodity with any real value. It's enough to drive you crazy.

Speaker 14 Seriously, though, a lot of people are going insane.

Speaker 11 But why is it that you got to dress like that?

Speaker 11 Why is it that in all the movies about the horrible dystopian wasteland, everybody wears those neo-primitive things?

Speaker 11 You know, I never thought that would actually happen in a real-life situation like that.

Speaker 14 John, I think it's common knowledge that when a society dissolves, people break out the feathers in football gear.

Speaker 14 It's all about comfort.

Speaker 14 When you're murdering people for a few gallons of gas, you don't want to feel constricted.

Speaker 11 You're murdering people.

Speaker 14 They're murdering themselves, John.

Speaker 14 If they'd just give me the gas like I ask, I wouldn't have to pump them full of lead.

Speaker 11 Rob,

Speaker 11 I think we're past the point of the stupid gas-related puns, don't you think?

Speaker 14 Well, it's the only thing I have left that reminds me that I'm a human.

Speaker 11 All right, well, thank you, Rob. Have a great Memorial Day weekend.
All right.

Speaker 11 Rob, very nice.

Speaker 14 Rob Riggle, everybody.

Speaker 11 He's got to wear that until we come back to work next week.

Speaker 11 Tonight's show is not solely about a minor dispute over the size of Anton and Scalia's jurisprudence.

Speaker 11 We're also covering our top story, high gas prices.

Speaker 11 I know a lot of people out there are suffering, sacrificing. You're feeling the pain.
Well, you know what?

Speaker 11 Shut up.

Speaker 11 Because you know what's much worse than your pain? The pain of the people. who have to cover your pain.
The supply of ways to illustrate the effect of high gas prices is limited.

Speaker 11 But the demand for high gas price stories

Speaker 11 has never been higher.

Speaker 13 Forget bigger is better.

Speaker 18 It's now, honey, I shrunk the car.

Speaker 7 She's a witch!

Speaker 7 Burn her!

Speaker 19 Using biofuels?

Speaker 11 Yes, these are dark days, but innovators continue to push for alternate means of illumination, like the MRAC.

Speaker 13 With gas prices where they are, more and more people are leaving their cars here in the parking lot and waiting for a ride to work on the train. He was at a train station the whole time!

Speaker 11 He was standing there and there were cars in the background and then he walked right forward and then it was a train station. I was like,

Speaker 11 I'll be back.

Speaker 11 With more on the media and how they're coping with high gas price stories, I'm joined by senior media analyst Asif Manvi. Asif, thanks so much for joining us.

Speaker 5 Thank you, John. Thank you.

Speaker 5 Wait.

Speaker 5 Sorry, John.

Speaker 7 First of all, that guy, he ripped me off.

Speaker 21 What are you talking about?

Speaker 20 Panning the camera slightly to the left to reveal something related to what I'm saying. That is my move.

Speaker 20 I have been doing that for years.

Speaker 20 Can we roll that tape, please?

Speaker 14 Look, syrup.

Speaker 20 It's a delicious addition to any waffle or stack of pancakes. But what if I told you, this sweet confection comes

Speaker 20 from a tree? There's a new exercise that has some fitness buffs, climbing the walls.

Speaker 20 With 20 dead and dozens wounded, peace talks have broken down, with neither side willing to make

Speaker 20 any concessions.

Speaker 11 The last one was a hostage crisis. You just put on that

Speaker 7 cheap pun.

Speaker 21 That was horrible.

Speaker 20 Well, I've never noticed because my soul is a nebulous, indistinct void.

Speaker 11 Asif,

Speaker 11 that's not even a pun. That's not even a...
The guy is doing my f ⁇ ing bitch.

Speaker 12 All right, Asif, we're moving on.

Speaker 11 Folks, as you can see, this situation has reached a crisis point. Now, many of you may be asking, what can I do to help? Well, it's simple.

Speaker 11 You can do your part by appearing in these stories as a concerned consumer in gas station B-roll or as an average Joe commenter. It costs so little, just three or four words.

Speaker 13 My wife and I drive a lot less than we used to. It's pretty bad.

Speaker 18 She's cost too much money.

Speaker 11 Of course that was pretty generic. I mean you might want to try.

Speaker 23 409 is the, oh my goodness, I didn't even know.

Speaker 24 Oh my god.

Speaker 11 Thank you. Yes.
Shock, surprise, a woman at odds with a society beyond her control. Technology necessary yet heartless.

Speaker 11 But sometimes

Speaker 11 a hero comes along and elevates a boilerplate. The rising cost of gasoline is crushing everyone in its wake story

Speaker 11 with a simple turn of phrase that lifts a nation's spirits.

Speaker 25 I'm going to just close my eyes and pump.

Speaker 11 I'm just going to close my eyes and pump.

Speaker 11 John, John, yes, John Oliver.

Speaker 5 May I?

Speaker 7 Please.

Speaker 19 I'm just going to close my eyes and pump.

Speaker 10 Sounds like my wedding night.

Speaker 5 Oh!

Speaker 11 I think we all saw that one coming, John.

Speaker 26 That's what she said. Oh!

Speaker 26 Oh!

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Speaker 9 Rated PG-13.

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Speaker 10 Rules and restrictions apply.

Speaker 11 Now that Chick-fil-A has proved that wearing your political beliefs on your corporate sleeve can send your sales to the roof, we're definitely going to expect other fast food chains to start staking out their own ideological territory.

Speaker 28 The CEO of Papa John's yesterday, John Shatner, came out on an earnings call and said in 2014, quote, our best estimate is that the Obamacare will cost about 11 to 14 cents per pizza. What the dev?

Speaker 28 What?

Speaker 11 I'm going to pay an extra 11 to 14 cents so that the guy who makes my pizza can get antibiotics to keep him from hacking up lung tissue onto my pizza?

Speaker 7 Outrageous.

Speaker 11 And something tells me I'm not alone in that sentiment.

Speaker 29 If you like pizza, get ready to cough up some more dough.

Speaker 30 Will Obamacare make your pizza more expensive?

Speaker 3 You will soon have to pay more for your pizza. And you have President Obama to thank for that.

Speaker 4 You know what?

Speaker 11 I think we can absorb that 11 to 14 cents. Considering that you can't turn on the TV without being offered two pizzas for the price of one.

Speaker 11 And if you call right now, crazy bread, a two liter soda, and a third pizza made out of Oreos.

Speaker 11 Seems to be the cheapest food product on the planet. Of course, it's really not about the 11 cents.
It's about a larger issue.

Speaker 31 Obamacare is driving the price of your pizza through the roof. Socialism sucks.

Speaker 11 I don't know how to break this tea of it.

Speaker 11 Under socialism, business owners wouldn't have to fit the bill for their employees' healthcare.

Speaker 11 Under socialism, healthcare would be the responsibility of the state and not private businesses, which I'm sure your colleague Bob Beckle, who's a liberal, is going to point out to you,

Speaker 11 except that...

Speaker 32 Come on, man.

Speaker 32 Shut the lid. That is not right.

Speaker 32 You are hypnotizing him.

Speaker 32 That is not fair.

Speaker 32 All right, fine.

Speaker 11 That is a sneaky argument move.

Speaker 11 I guess the Republicans have made their point. We must end Obamacare to save our pizza.
Just one thing. I know this is probably a stupid question.

Speaker 21 Are there any other factors that could also drive up the cost of pizza? Could there?

Speaker 33 About 64% of the U.S. is now in some form of drought.
64%.

Speaker 13 There's fear that food, things like dairy, meat prices, even the price of pizza, could skyrocket.

Speaker 5 Oh, right.

Speaker 11 This summer's crop-killing, milk-scorching, drought of biblical proportions. Come to think of it.
That might also be somewhat affecting the price of pizza. Not to mention the future of the planet.

Speaker 11 But let's focus on the pizza.

Speaker 11 Summer's almost over.

Speaker 11 That'll solve the heat wave, right? But there is a connection to these extreme weather events that we've been seeing. They are, in fact, a product of global warming.
What do you know, NASA scientist?

Speaker 11 That's just a scientific fact.

Speaker 11 One that happens to be confirmed by a recent study funded by climate-denying petrochemical billionaires.

Speaker 11 So, as upset as the right got over Obamacare's effect on their pizza, I can't imagine how wigged out they're going to be about global warming.

Speaker 29 Our government's spending over $10.6 million of your taxes on climate research to increase all this spending on combating global warming on the hunch it's Van May.

Speaker 25 Trying to redesign the American economy as well as foreign policy and so on on the basis of a theory that proved to be grounded in little more than hysteria.

Speaker 27 This is surprising.

Speaker 17 You know, I haven't heard on the other channels that some of the glaciers are getting bigger, but that's why people watch Fox.

Speaker 9 Nope.

Speaker 34 Yep, that's why they watch Fox.

Speaker 12 You know why?

Speaker 12 Because

Speaker 11 it's so much easier than literally sticking your head up your own ass to shut out reality.

Speaker 11 So to summarize, if pizza costs a little more, but in return, everyone gets health insurance.

Speaker 7 Outrageous.

Speaker 11 But if it costs a lot more because human activity is burning our planet to an uninhabitable uninhabitable husk,

Speaker 11 what the

Speaker 11 right?

Speaker 9 We're screwed. We're screwed.

Speaker 35 Our first story is about money.

Speaker 36 It's the world's number one favorite thing to embezzle. And as of now, you need a lot more of it to buy all the stuff you need.

Speaker 38 The government just released brand new numbers on inflation from October.

Speaker 7 They're big.

Speaker 3 America's prices surging more than they have in 30 years and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

Speaker 38 Unfortunately, the numbers are all moving in the wrong direction. Consumer prices were up by 6.2% in October from the year before.
Now let me walk you through some of the individual items.

Speaker 38 Look at computers and smart home assistants up more than 8%, televisions up more than 10%,

Speaker 38 washers and dryers up nearly 15%.

Speaker 40 We're paying more for energy, we're paying more to heat our homes, we're paying more for our housing.

Speaker 40 When we go to the grocery store, we're paying more for beef and for eggs, for food, used cars, new cars, trucks as well.

Speaker 41 The president taking a harder line, saying in a statement, quote, inflation hurts Americans' pocketbooks. And reversing this trend is a top priority for me.

Speaker 42 Yeah, guys, inflation is becoming a real problem.

Speaker 36 I went to a gas station today and for a gallon of regular, it just said, kill yourself.

Speaker 36 Now, some critics are saying that America's inflation problems are President Biden's fault.

Speaker 42 But here's the the only issue with that argument. Almost every country in the world is dealing with this issue, which means President Biden is actually screwing up the entire world.

Speaker 36 But whether his policies have contributed to inflation or it was always going to happen when society emerged from the pandemic, this is a big danger to Biden politically because inflation is one of the economic concepts that normal people actually care about.

Speaker 42 Like, let's be honest, the debt ceiling, the Federal Reserve derivatives, that's all just shit we pretend to understand.

Speaker 44 Oh yeah, the debt ceiling, the debt ceiling.

Speaker 42 But when you hear inflation is rising, you know it means you're about to be a broke bitch.

Speaker 42 The only good part of inflation is that I was always jealous of those old guys who would be like, back in my day, you could buy a house with a dollar.

Speaker 36 It looks like now if inflation gets bad enough, we'll get to be those old guys.

Speaker 44 Oh yeah, back in my day, a million dollars could buy a whole lot more than just a haircut.

Speaker 36 But look, yes, material goods are increasing in price.

Speaker 42 And that is is why people, it's important to value the things that are always free. Like spending time with your family or robbing people.

Speaker 36 You know, the important things in life, Roy.

Speaker 46 The thing with inflation, though, man, like, honestly, I think that's why, like, people appreciate hand-me-downs.

Speaker 45 Like, that's where I came from. It was a hand-me-down culture.
So, you know, I ain't really worried about shit going up in price because I always knew that I was going to give my older brother shit.

Speaker 27 That's how we live.

Speaker 45 Yo, my older brother right now, I got an older brother, Arthur. He got a Dan Merino jersey.
Chalkline, throwback, Mitchell Lines,

Speaker 45 and I'm going to get that bitch sooner or later.

Speaker 36 Oh, wow. I thought you were going to tell me that you were good for you, Roy.

Speaker 45 No, I'm still waiting on it, though, man. I'm still waiting on it.
I'm going to get that damn jersey, man. Hey, man.

Speaker 46 Also, the other issue is that, like, honestly, like, $20 don't do what it used to do.

Speaker 45 So I will give inflation that. I'm not really panic about inflation, but I will admit that $20 don't do what it used to do.

Speaker 45 Because I remember back in 93, your mama could drop you off at the mall with $20. You could live at the mall three days

Speaker 45 and you come back to the house with $6 changed. Like, that was a good time.

Speaker 45 $20, you get a bell bill of the vote ticket, you can get a Flintstone push-up, you can get your two pairs of Jordans, you can get your Mugsy Bogues t-shirt, and still have money to go see Boys in the Hood at the Midfield Sixth Cinema right there in Birmingham.

Speaker 15 You've got a fantastic memory.

Speaker 46 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 47 All right, let's kick things off with some big economic news about inflation. You know, inflation.

Speaker 48 The reason your grandfather is always bragging about, I paid seven cents for a movie ticket in 1972.

Speaker 7 And it was a porno movie, yeah.

Speaker 14 Back in my day, you had to see them in the theaters. Yeah, you couldn't just pull them up on pub hub like you kids do.

Speaker 15 You had to remember the scene and go home and try and recreate the feeling.

Speaker 48 Sometimes you'd see a friend on the way home, and you'd have to be like, Shut up, Jerry, stop talking.

Speaker 7 I'm trying to remember the boobs.

Speaker 48 And then I'd finally get home, and your grandmother would say, Were you at one of those movies again?

Speaker 7 And I'd say, Shut up, Cheryl, I'm trying to remember those boobs.

Speaker 49 And then finally, I got to yank my crank, and it would be boobs and Jerry and your grandmother in my hand.

Speaker 7 And the point is, things cost a lot less back then.

Speaker 21 So, yes, inflation.

Speaker 15 It's getting worse, and it's affecting everything.

Speaker 34 The breaking news this morning, the U.S. Labor Department out with new inflation numbers this morning.
They're high. The highest inflation, in fact, rate in the U.S.

Speaker 38 in more than 40 years.

Speaker 3 When you look at the sectors, it is gas, it is shelter, it is food, it is used cars. These are numbers that year over year have had big, big increases in prices.

Speaker 3 This is a situation where just about everything is going up. 8.5%

Speaker 3 inflation increase year over year. That's a strong, strong number.

Speaker 30 The highest since December 1981, when Raiders of the Lost Ark was number one at the box office, Ronald Reagan was president, and unemployment was pushing 10%.

Speaker 42 Seriously?

Speaker 37 This inflation is taking us back to 1981.

Speaker 15 I don't want to go back to 1981.

Speaker 15 First of all, there's no Wi-Fi.

Speaker 47 Secondly, I could never pull off a Jericho, people.

Speaker 1 Actually,

Speaker 21 actually, I take that back. I take that back.

Speaker 4 Yeah, maybe I can.

Speaker 21 Doesn't look bad. Silksonic, you call me, baby.

Speaker 4 Yeah, we're doing this.

Speaker 14 But yeah, people, because the economy opened up suddenly and the government gave everyone money, everyone is spending again.

Speaker 37 But the supply chain issues, so there's not enough products for the people to buy, and that drives the prices up.

Speaker 14 And then on top of that, Vladimir Putin decided that, oh, now would be a nice time to Airbnb eastern Ukraine by force, raising oil prices, which makes everything more expensive.

Speaker 15 And that's what's happening.

Speaker 35 It's going to happen to all of And so, because of all of that, inflation is rising faster or higher than the price of Bitcoin, you know, which is, sorry, wait, no, no, Bitcoin's down again.

Speaker 21 Sorry, my bad. Ignore that.

Speaker 5 Ignore that.

Speaker 21 So, wait, oh, it's up again. It's up again.
It's the future. All right, it's the future.
So, the point is, wait, it's down again.

Speaker 21 Is it a scam or is it the future, guys?

Speaker 11 The point is,

Speaker 15 everything has gotten expensive.

Speaker 35 So expensive that even bed, Bath, and Beyond coupons are starting to get all cocky with us.

Speaker 24 Well, well, well.

Speaker 47 Who's the junk mail now?

Speaker 47 Yeah, you used to throw me away. I guess my 20% offer isn't clogging up your mailbox anymore, is it?

Speaker 7 Mother.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Here's the thing, man. Inflation is bad for everybody.

Speaker 36 It doesn't just hurt your wallet.

Speaker 15 It makes life harder for people. And it makes you feel crazy.

Speaker 35 You know, because you'll be in the store and you'll be like, yesterday this avocado was three dollars now it's six are you gaslighting me avocado

Speaker 15 the only thing that gets better because of inflation is small talk that's the only thing that improves in life yeah because at least now you can talk about something else other than the weather

Speaker 35 yeah price of cheese is up again huh

Speaker 4 man it's getting crazy

Speaker 5 cheese

Speaker 24 cheese

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Speaker 47 All right, let's kick things off with some news about the U.S.

Speaker 15 economy. Remember how the Fed raised interest rates a thousand times in the last week to try and stop inflation?

Speaker 4 Well, it turns out it didn't work.

Speaker 16 Breaking news on the economy: inflation shows no signs of slowing down.

Speaker 16 The last inflation report before the midterm elections, take a look at some of these numbers, shows that prices rose 8.2% between September 2021 and September 2022.

Speaker 3 Gasoline prices up more than 18% from last year. Food prices still up 11%.

Speaker 39 Turkey up 20% from this time last year. Eggs up 27%.
Butter 25%. And then look at the little candy corn graphic.
Halloween candy up a whopping 34% across the board.

Speaker 32 That's right, people.

Speaker 7 Halloween candy.

Speaker 32 Up 34%. I love how they say it like it's necessary to live.

Speaker 49 What are we going to do without it?

Speaker 15 Once again, inflation numbers are out and prices are still going up, affecting everything from gas to Halloween candy.

Speaker 14 And not only that, razor blades are up 52%.

Speaker 51 Now, what am I supposed to put in the candy?

Speaker 2 Oh, how do I live?

Speaker 21 I will say a 34% increase in candy, that is a lot.

Speaker 15 It's so expensive. Parents are going to start encouraging their kids to get into strange vans, you know?

Speaker 4 Just like, look, look, Timmy, the stranger says he's got free candy.

Speaker 21 And in this economy, you've got to take a shot, buddy.

Speaker 13 We got to do it.

Speaker 4 You got to air tag. I'll find you.

Speaker 21 All this inflation is just not sustainable, right?

Speaker 32 Because here's the thing.

Speaker 15 Inflation is a lot like masturbation.

Speaker 7 Right? Yeah,

Speaker 15 a little bit is completely natural. But once you start noticing it in restaurants and car dealerships, things have gotten out of hand.

Speaker 15 And look, if we had more time, we could talk about the Federal Reserve.

Speaker 15 And it looks like how they're going to keep raising interest rates to try and curb this rampant inflation because that's basically the only tool that they have.

Speaker 47 The problem is, raising interest rates take so long to filter through the economy that this could be too much raising interest rates, and we just don't know it yet.

Speaker 15 In some ways, raising interest rates is a lot like taking mushrooms, right? You take some, nothing happens. So, you take some more, nothing happens.

Speaker 32 Then you finish the whole box. And because this stuff clearly doesn't work, what

Speaker 32 oh man,

Speaker 32 oh,

Speaker 32 okay.

Speaker 32 Captain Dangerous Richard 50 in

Speaker 24 I just met God and he's a gorilla.

Speaker 13 Let's kick things off with the number one issue for voters, the economy, everyone's favorite system of producing and distributing goods and services.

Speaker 13 Inflation has been a major headache for America the past few years, but for those of you who like paying less for things,

Speaker 13 today brought some welcome news.

Speaker 8 Some new economic info. Just today, we have new inflation numbers.
Annual inflation rate now, 2.4%. That's according to the Consumer Price Index.
It is inflation's lowest point in three years.

Speaker 4 Yeah, suck it, inflation! Suck it!

Speaker 49 You get down and you stay down.

Speaker 5 Now,

Speaker 13 for those of you who aren't big CPI heads like myself,

Speaker 13 2.4% inflation is getting pretty close to the Fed's target level of 2%, which was chosen because it's Jerome Powell's favorite kind of milk.

Speaker 13 Of course, good news for the Biden-Harris economy is bad news for Donald Trump, who is campaigning against the Biden-Harris administration.

Speaker 13 But throughout this campaign, Trump has had a very subtle way of casting doubt on positive economic reports. See See if you can catch it.

Speaker 51 Wall Street ends the week on a positive note. The Dow and S ⁇ P 500 both hitting record highs.

Speaker 52 We are a nation whose economy is collapsing into a cesspool of ruin.

Speaker 2 2024 has kicked off with a bang.

Speaker 19 353,000 jobs were added.

Speaker 52 You're going to lose your jobs.

Speaker 1 Main Street hiring firing on all cylinders here.

Speaker 52 The economy has just been reported to be doing very badly.

Speaker 10 One month gain in job growth, best since January 2022.

Speaker 52 Your economy is doing terribly.

Speaker 6 The numbers that we're getting on the real economy show that it's holding up remarkably well.

Speaker 52 The Biden economy is a nightmare.

Speaker 26 Look at that spike in consumer staples. Everything's looking great here.

Speaker 52 I keep hearing about their economy. Their economy is terrible.

Speaker 8 The blue chips make history for the fourth straight day.

Speaker 52 It's the worst economy that we've ever had.

Speaker 10 Jobs are up.

Speaker 18 The stock market hit that all-time high. Do you acknowledge that the economy is improving?

Speaker 52 No, it's not.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 2 Bad economy says what?

Speaker 10 What?

Speaker 13 Now look, in Trump's defense, just because the numbers are good doesn't mean people are struggling.

Speaker 13 I mean, just the other day, I saw one very desperate American pawning everything he owns for chump change, you know?

Speaker 13 So sad that Bitcoin was a family heirloom.

Speaker 13 His grandfather smuggled it out of Europe in his ass.

Speaker 53 Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 53 Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus.

Speaker 53 This has been a Comedy Central podcast.

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