TDS Time Machine | Healthcare

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You're listening to Comedy Central.

Americans like freedom.

We don't like being told what to do, whether by a king or the government.

And that's why things like seatbelt laws or having to get rid of slaves

was met with so much resistance.

Well, guess what?

Now they're coming for your health care.

Obamacare will change your health care, and you need to understand how.

Some businesses could get hit with a 40% additional tax on your health care plan.

Please get the Obamacare survival guide today.

Thank you.

Dr.

Kvorki and Lookalike,

who I thought was dead.

Listen, it's clear from this guy's tone that Obamacare will destroy all that we once held dear in this country by requiring health insurance from employers.

For the 15% of Americans who don't currently get that, if you have more than 50 employees, the act requires companies to give health care to all their full-time workers or pay a penalty.

No way around it.

Or maybe there's two ways around it.

Chuck, replay that airtight Obamacare requirement that I just mentioned.

The act requires companies to give health care to all their full-time workers or pay a penalty.

I don't remember wearing a yachting cap when I said that the first time.

Anyway, there's an out for employers.

They can pay a penalty, which amounts to $2,000 per employee.

Now that sounds like a lot lot of money until you compare it to how much it currently costs employers to insure their workers which is about, I don't know, $10,000 per employee.

So if you're a corporation, you could do the right thing, the moral thing.

Spend about $10,000 to give your employees health insurance, or you could save about eight grand and tell your employees to go f ⁇ themselves.

What do you think they've been choosing?

But what if I don't want to spend any money at all?

Well, that's where the other loophole comes in.

The law only applies to full-time full-time workers, people who work 30 or more hours a week.

Guess what?

Basically, a lot of employers are saying we don't want to pay for these health care benefits, so we're going to move full-time workers to part-time workers.

Luke Perfect has worked at a Subway franchise in Maine for a decade, but he recently was told his hours would be cut to 29 a week.

Luke's boss, Lauren Goodridge, who owns 21 subway franchises, says it's all because of the new health care law.

Sounds like that guy's working on a new slogan for Subway.

After years of arguing, a presidential election, a Supreme Court ruling, 41 attempts at a congressional repeal, and now a government shutdown, the healthcare debate comes down to two sides.

The boring substance of Obamacare supporters like Ann Philip, and the punchy spunk of conservatives like Gina Louden.

We are offering quality, affordable health coverage for millions of Americans across the country.

Obamacare is dangerous.

Obamacare is a Ponzi scheme.

There are over 41 million people who stand to benefit this fall with the new health insurance options that are coming.

Obamacare is bad for America.

Obamacare is more like Obama doesn't care.

See, you are so much better than them at reducing complicated ideas into meaningless phrases.

Well, as we like to say in the conservative movement, we can explain it to you.

We just can't understand it for you.

Well, that's very condescending.

Yeah.

With only three months until the law kicks in, all that matters now is who has the clearer message.

Starting October 1st, the health insurance marketplaces are going to launch.

They are going to be required to cover the essentials.

You can't be denied because of a pre-existing condition like asthma or even cancer, and financial help is going to be available.

They are offering millions of people affordable health care.

I'm still trying to figure out what you're offering.

Oh, our site has a plan and it's called the free market.

The private system has worked really well for a really long time.

You know, normally I do these interviews and I just ironically nod and agree with whatever the person is saying, but

I don't know if I can with that one.

Let me try.

Let me try.

Back into character.

All right.

You think the existing program is working just fine?

Yeah, rarely ever is a non-free market option the real answer.

I mean, unless you want your annual breast exam to be taking place with the TSA, I guess.

No,

I can't do it.

I can't stand character.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

That's just bullshit.

But who's right and who's wrong?

The only way to settle this major policy debate is, like we always do, with commercials.

We are all kinds of people.

We are New Yorkers.

Everyone deserves affordable health insurance.

To find out how you or your business can get it, go to New York State of Health.

Is that pro-healthcare or anti-healthcare?

It's it's it is pro.

That's how you're selling New Yorkers?

Yes.

You don't suggest health care in New York, you tell them.

And this is how.

Hi, I'm Harvey Keitel.

Buy some insurance, New York.

We've got botulism, Ebola, all three types of hepatitis, and that's just a six-training.

Log on and sign up, you ass.

Because if you don't, I'll come out there and grab your little

heads and beat.

That's the short version.

He goes on like that.

And not to be outdone, the anti-Obamacare forces have released their own type of ad.

It's a little different.

Let's have a look.

Effective.

I'm assuming it's a metaphor.

Well, sure.

She's not actually going to get raped.

I think metaphorically,

Obamacare is going to do some really ugly things.

When you've got government in your exam room, I have a problem with that.

It's not the place of government.

This is a private affair, obviously.

It is a private affair.

Just throwing this out here,

are you

pro-choice?

Am I?

It depends on what issue you're talking about.

I think the government should uphold the Constitution, which guarantees the right to life.

Okay, I get it.

So it's Uncle Sam, stay the hell away from my vagina until we want to do certain things with it and then get up all in my vagina.

This healthcare debate is so confusing.

Seems like there's one message for the healthy, one for the sick, one for the young, and one for the old.

So I found a spokesman who can embody all these demos and make my own commercial.

Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville.

And as someone who understands how young people behave, I know that right now you feel in

some.

But now I'm older and a father, I realize everyone should be covered.

Absolutely.

Because you never know when something unexpected.

But then again, you're young.

Maybe you opt out of it.

What's the worst that can happen?

But if you do opt out, then responsible adults have to pay when people do stupid.

Why can't it be single-payer coverage?

Oh, it'd be so much easier.

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Earlier this week, we talked about how the official launch of Obamacare was marred by web glitches and long delays.

But there was another major obstacle to Obamacare's implementation.

Total dickishness.

You see, Obamacare, for all its well-documented issues and problems, is still a well-intentioned attempt to get people who have not had health insurance in this country health insurance.

Medicaid has traditionally covered people up to this income level.

Obamacare was going to cover them ostensibly down to this income level.

So there's going to be like a little gap there, about the size of an iPad, except instead of an iPad, it's about 8 million people living just above the poverty line.

So

to provide health insurance for this nation's, you know, that creamy center, the federal government was going to give the state governments money to expand their Medicaid program.

For three years, the states would pay for this program.

I think the number was

zero.

And after that, they would pay up to 10%, I think, by the time it was 2020.

So, what a great deal, but wouldn't you know it?

26 states declined to go to that expense.

26 states?

Holy, that's like

a third of

a little more than

26 states.

It must be a pretty eclectic group with many different reasons to explain why they would turn down federal money to bring health care to their working poor, or maybe there was just one reason.

All of those states have Republican governors or legislatures that are controlled by Republicans.

Which makes it really hard not to see this as just the latest example of that hit game show sweeping part of the nation.

What do you hate more, poverty or Obama?

Brought to you by spite.

Spite!

The emotion that makes you turn down millions of dollars that would go towards healthcare for the working poor because you hate the president.

And Arby's.

Arby's.

Technically, it's food.

Now, of course, I imagine...

Of course, I imagine that the states, when asked why they didn't accept the Medicaid expansion, don't probably list spite as the answer.

So let's see what their reason is.

You there, governor of the state in this nation that has the most uninsured children out of any other state.

Medicaid expansion is, simply put, a misguided and ultimately doomed attempt to mask the shortcomings of Obamacare.

To expand this program is not unlike adding a thousand people to the Titanic.

That's true.

That's true.

That's really true.

If the Titanic had crashed into a hospital.

But hey, you know what?

Everything's bigger in Texas, especially tumors.

What about you, Mississippi?

You, Mississippi, or as you're also known, the 49th healthiest state in the Union,

Mississippi.

Of all the states in the country that should be embracing some of the changes coming from Obamacare, your critics would say Mississippi should be at the front of the list.

Peter, the problem is it is the worst system of delivering health care known to man.

No, it's not.

Listen, it's not perfect.

A lot of things we'd like to change, but it is not the worst system of delivering health care known to man, as anybody knows who's been a patient at Enemahut.

Enema Hut.

Because there ain't nothing wrong with you that can't be cured by some rectal irrigation.

Now you're probably thinking, John, this is so abstract with these numbers.

Can you show me what you're talking about?

Maybe with an example from the show me state, Missouri.

45-year-old Bertha McIntyre needs daily medication.

She does not qualify for Medicaid in Missouri because her family income is too high, about $1,200 a month.

Well, ain't she fancy?

What with her clothes and shelter?

See, that woman is considered too rich for Medicaid, but too poor for the Obamacare subsidies to have an effect.

Yeah, that's how much sense this all makes.

So why not expand Medicaid, Missouri?

Republican State Senator John Lamping argues Missouri faces tough choices.

The entire cost of Medicaid in Missouri is one-third of Missouri's budget.

We can barely afford to be in the Medicaid program as it exists today.

Boy, that is a tough choice.

Should we, as a state, accept 100% of this program's expansion costs from the federal government for the first three years, or I don't know.

But it is a tough choice.

What are some of the tough choices your citizens are making?

Am I going to take food out of a child's stomach, or am I going to do without going to the doctor?

Which would you choose?

And here's the best part.

These governors and legislators who refuse to accept federal dollars to expand Medicaid for people like that nice lady, all but three of those 26 states they represent already take more money from the federal government than they contribute in tax dollars.

They are already burdens on the systems.

I believe they're referred to by those Republicans as moochers.

Moocher states.

And if statehood was health care, Mississippi and Missouri would be rejected as having that that as a pre-existing condition.

So you may be thinking to yourself, well, so what do these uninsured people do for health care?

Well, Republicans actually had that covered in the last presidential election.

Not sure how that worked out.

Well, we do provide care for people who don't have insurance.

People, if someone has a heart attack, they don't sit in their apartment and die.

We pick them up in an ambulance and take them to the hospital and give them care.

Historical footnote is right.

You can always go

to the emergency room.

You can always go to the emergency room when you're having a heart attack.

And apparently they think that's the fiscally responsible option rather than expanding Medicaid because unlike Obamacare, we all know ER visits are free.

Just one little problem.

When the uninsured end up here in the ER, their costs are passed on to paying customers.

That means insurance companies end up paying more, so they raise rates and fewer people can afford health insurance.

The impact to our hospital district is $52 million a year.

Had we expanded Medicaid, we would have got that $52 million from the federal government.

Instead, we're getting it from local taxpayers.

Got it?

Medical care for the uninsured has already ballooned the cost of the system.

This is an attempt to gain control of those costs.

So if you have a better answer, Republicans, let's hear it.

But don't make your plan, what do we need food stamps for, when we already have DynDash.

Obamacare was designed to do more than just eliminate jobs.

It also gives states the option of taking federal funds to expand Medicaid for their working poor.

Luckily, 19 states were smart enough to say no, leaving just a few million people without coverage.

Ashley Landis of the South Carolina Policy Council explains why it was the right call for her state.

First of all, the costs of Medicaid are going to skyrocket.

It's not a question question of whether this is a great plan.

Even if it were, we can't afford it.

It's eventually going to cost how much?

The idea is that the federal government will fund 100 percent in the first

place.

Zero dollars.

You guys can't afford zero dollars?

With $17 trillion in debt at the federal level.

And even if we stop thinking about the money for a minute, does any plan that starts with my congressman had a great idea

ever turn out to be a great idea?

I mean like civil rights,

voting rights.

I'll give you those.

Clean air, clean water.

That's Medicaid expansion advocate Dr.

Harry Hyman, obviously struggling with the question.

Federal highway system.

Okay, I'll immunizations.

Name one more.

Expanding Medicaid.

Aha!

Not good.

Expanding access to quality health care is not good.

Mammograms, colonoscopies, pap smears, not good.

Okay, okay.

So even if this Medicaid expansion could save people's lives.

We can't afford it.

The Congressional Budget Office looked at the cost of Obamacare over 10 years

and showed that it would reduce the federal deficit.

And you trust the Congressional Budget Office to estimate the budget of Congress.

And he's not the only one who drank the Medi-Kool-Aid.

In states that have rejected it, the majority of citizens foolishly want the expansion.

Ashley Landis explains.

I understand that we're not delivering the most popular message here, but certainly low-income families who are really struggling are going to be hard-pressed to understand all of the nuances.

They're just so busy being needy, they don't know what's going on.

I decided to talk to these misguided Medicaid wannabes who are selfishly hoping for help.

I have environmentally induced asthma and don't have any way of getting a test done.

My wife has degenerative disc disorder.

I know you feel like you want Medicaid, but Medicaid expansion hasn't been approved in your state.

And it's a good thing.

It's better for America.

That seems like the most ridiculous thing to say.

How is it better for America for people who have treatable conditions to become permanently crippled?

We can't afford it.

And your wife

should just sit and then take it easy.

It's hard not to seem like a total ass

when you're saying this stuff to people.

I do know that doctors don't turn away patients in need.

Asthma guy, I just checked.

You can probably get treatment.

Okay, you're good.

I try to go to the walk-in clinic.

It doesn't work.

So instead, I've been in the emergency room seven times in the last two years.

Who picks up that bill?

You're asking me to live my life in the emergency room.

The problem is, it's hard to talk about this stuff with the real people actually affected by it.

Luckily, I had an idea.

Way better.

Way better.

It's easier if you can pretend what you're saying doesn't affect real people.

Exactly, Smiley Face.

You hit it.

But we are.

We're real people.

I was talking to Smiley Face.

They're taking an ideological stand at our expense.

All right, no kitten would ever say that.

Problem solved.

So bravo, Texas, Tennessee, Florida, and all the others who stood up to the 5 million working poor desperate for help.

But just in case you ever have doubts, this is for you.

Hi, I'm Al Magible.

Medicaid expansion is a horrible idea, but don't take it from me.

I'd love to have treatment for my asthma, but I know that there's more at stake.

I'm not gonna say that.

Rejecting Medicaid expansion is good for all of us.

But it's not.

Okay.

Well actually America can afford it.

Okay.

I want you to just say what I tell you to.

You want to be in this or not?

We have to keep Washington out of his health care.

About what, Washington, among health care?

No.

Watch.

You want to see how it's done?

Hi.

I'd like to have treatment for my wife's degenerative bone bone disorder thing, but I realize there's more at stake.

Degenerative bone thing?

You are such an ass f ⁇ ing.

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One of the effects of Obamacare is that insurance companies have to cover women's health care needs, including contraceptives.

But not everyone is happy about that.

Why should the taxpayers, why should everybody else have to pay for an individual's sexual choices and decisions?

Women ought to pay for their own birth control.

They are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them a prescription each month for birth control.

Thankfully, Republican legislators are taking action.

So far this year, they've launched close to 40 attacks on government-mandated contraceptive laws.

And it's only March.

And they took a week off for President's Day.

Yet defenders of the contraceptive mandate, like women's health advocate Elise Hoag, contend that women's sexual health care is a medical necessity.

Women use oral contraception birth control pill for all sorts of reasons, from regulating our cycle to endometriosis to avoiding unintended pregnancies,

slut bags.

We believe that women and humans do have sex, and sex has consequences.

Taramp virus.

Excuse me, I just had something in my throat.

It was a

it wasn't.

It would never be.

That's disgusting.

And it's disgusting the amount our society spends annually on sexual health care.

$819 million on Viagra, $782 million on Cialis.

Oh, wait, no, those are for men, though, right?

The existing system is absolutely a double standard.

Medicare has spent...

$172 million on penis pumps in the last five years at $360 a pop.

Wait, Medicare funds penis pumps?

Yes.

That's right.

Medicare provides penis pumps at a cost of $360 a piece, which has never been debated once.

Not once, never.

Oh my God, that's incredible.

I know, right?

This is what we face every day.

So for less than a dollar a day, a man can restore the glory of his erection?

That's amazing.

She just didn't understand that women's selfish desire for sexual health in gynecological exams pales in comparison to men's need to deal with erectile dysfunction.

I would like to see a public debate about the discrepancy.

Well, let's do that.

There is no question at all that Medicare should definitely cover penis pumps.

It's worth every single penny because it improves men's health when they're feeling well about their lives.

These are hard-working American penises.

Which you would really be abandoning them at the end of their careers?

No.

That's right.

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The vacuum penis pump, which is a fabulous, fabulous device that gives men, basically,

instant erection.

It takes a little bit of doing.

Oh, boy.

Okay.

Okay.

I think I have a bit of a problem.

Oh, Jesus.

Okay.

Okay.

We have a situation.

Cohan clearly understands the benefits of these devices.

But with so many non-believers out there, the question is, how did the funding even go through?

What?

Can you see it?

Statistics show that probably some members of our Congress have a vested interest in having penis pumps covered by Medicare.

What would all these gray-haired old Rip Van Winkles possibly have to gain by not raising objections to penis pumps?

Oh, yeah, no, I get it.

Regardless, the benefits of these miracle devices are obvious.

Penis pumps save lives for many, many men.

Some of these penises belong to veterans.

And the veterans, they deserve.

They have given us so much.

So ladies, if you're feeling unfairly singled out by these challenges to the contraceptive mandate, take comfort in the words of the greatest generation.

I want to talk about your penis pumps and how they fit into your life, the importance of

the penis pump

in your life.

Okay.

Okay, which one of you is doing that?

Who's doing that?

You?

Is that you?

Okay, this, no.

Okay, guys?

This is so not cool.

This is very disgusting.

Okay, everybody, hands up.

Hands on the table, please.

Hands on the table.

Oh, my God.

How are you even doing that?

For years, television pundits have been doing important work sounding the alarm about Obamacare.

We're going to be six to ten months from now in a massive fiscal crisis.

Come on, you can do better than that.

Obamacare literally may kill you.

Good, keep going.

The worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery.

That's what I'm talking about.

And now that the law is here and in effect, let's see what this storm has brought.

Every day, the experience with Obamacare is improving.

The law will cost $5 billion less than projected.

We have the lowest monthly uninsured rate that we've ever had.

Even better news, premiums are lower than expected.

Stop, stop.

That's not like slavery at all.

Evidently, there's some problems with the problems with Obamacare.

And now only 36% of Americans support repeal.

To get America to fall back in hate with the law, I'd need help.

I sat down with Obamacare critic Betsy Death Panel McCoy.

It's been a tough road for critics of this law.

If people aren't behind repealing this, how are we going to get them on our side?

I wonder.

Just turn this off for a second.

But she was

too upset to talk about it, I guess.

So it was up to me to find a new doomsday diagnosis to stop Obamacare.

Nurse Janet Runbeck.

I lost my job as a direct result of Obamacare.

Yes, Obamacare will murder your job.

That is Gold.

Nurse's job, killed to death by Obamacare.

Can you look to that camera and just tell me how heartbroken you are?

I am so thrilled to have lost that job.

Wait, you're happy about losing your job?

I ran a free clinic in a janitor's lunchroom.

Obamacare came along and my patients were for the first time able to get insurance to take care of their health care needs.

I can spin this.

Sick patients tyrannically removed from a janitor's lunchroom, tragically receiving health care.

There is nothing tragic here.

Nobody is calling me to ask for free health care anymore.

Because of Obamacare?

Because of Obamacare.

But I said that in a negative way.

You're saying it in a happy way.

Yes, I am.

It works.

Maybe a visit to the former clinic slash janitor's lunchroom would help the tears flow.

Joined by the former medical director, Dr.

Mary, we toured the state-of-the-art medical facility, equipped with all the dirty cups and random trash patients could ever need.

This is where our optometrists and ophthalmologists would do diabetic eye checks.

And Obamacare has kicked people out of this room and into fully staffed hospitals.

Yes.

Getting somebody's diabetes under control can prevent renal failure and dialysis and kidney transplants.

It can prevent blindness.

It can prevent massive infections with hospitalizations and amputations and all that kind of stuff.

How does that math work?

Those things I just talked about, the complications, cost a lot more than a month's worth of insulin and a few blood tests.

Whatever, lady.

I was at least going to walk out of here with a sad group hug.

No sad hugs.

We're happy.

Very satisfying.

It's fine.

Give yourself a hug.

I'm doing that, thank you.

I'd had enough of the uninformed opinions of healthcare professionals.

Time to go to the horse's mouth.

The former patients of the clinic who are now living the nightmare that is Obamacare.

Raise your hands if you think Obamacare will destroy America.

Okay, I see what you're doing.

Don't raise your hands if you think Obamacare will destroy America.

With Obamacare, I've got a great doctor, and everything seems to be working in my direction now.

My experiences have been excellent.

They were giving me nothing, obviously biased by their personal positive experiences.

Little consolation for Janet Runbeck, who remains tragically jobless.

So you're probably spending your days doing nothing now.

No, actually, I have moved on.

Now I can go elsewhere and do other things that are needed by other people.

I'm working on causes such as human trafficking.

You moved on to human trafficking?

Obamacare forces nurse into sex slave trade.

That is great.

That's not exactly right.

Luckily, to be an Obamacare critic, this is us, this is Obamacare.

Being right is not a job requirement.

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I'm diving headfirst into cutting-edge science to uncover three powerful secrets to living better right now.

The growth that occurs through any challenging experience is really what we see.

Chris Hemsworth stars in Limitless, Live Better Now, now streaming on Disney Plus and Hulu.

It's showtime.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game Day Scratches from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim.