Trump Makes BBLs More Pricey, Crushes on a Reporter & Shields His Belly From Iran | Youngmi Mayer

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You're listening to Comedy Central.

From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news.

This is the Daily Show with your host, Ronnie Tim.

Trump gets tanning advice from Iran.

He will not be getting that Brazilian wax, and he learned that African is not a language.

So, let's get into Trump's foreign affairs.

In our ongoing segment, Donald Trump engages in respectful international diplomacy.

We should go to war with them.

Let's kick things off with Trump's favorite way to ruin everyone's day.

Tariffs.

Up until now, Trump has justified the tariffs by saying it's to balance trade or protect national security or some other stuff he absolutely doesn't understand.

But now, he's just using it to help Brazilian Trump stay out of prison.

A major escalation in President Trump's global trade war, with the president releasing a letter announcing a 50% tariff on imports from Brazil starting August 1st.

Mr.

Trump specifically pointing to the ongoing prosecution of one of his longtime allies, Brazil's former president Jair Bolsonaro.

A show of support for the far-right politician facing charges for an alleged coup to overturn his 2022 election loss.

The president calling Bolsonaro's trial before the Brazilian Supreme Court, quote, a witch hunt that should end immediately.

Yo, what the f is this?

So Brazilian Trump gets arrested for trying to do Brazilian Gen 6 and now I have to pay more for coffee.

That is not how it works, Mr.

President.

If you have a disagreement with a South American government, you don't impose tariffs.

You do things the American way and have the CIA overthrow them.

And it's not just Brazilian coffee we're going to pay tariffs on.

That's Brazilian orange juice, nuts, jujitsu moves.

And don't forget Brazilian butt lifts.

That's right, with 50% tariffs, there's going to be a lot of people in America walking around with just one giant ass cheek.

You know what?

I think I prefer this.

And Americans might be wondering why Bolsonaro is in trouble in the first place, but let me explain.

You see, in other countries, they actually arrest leaders who try to coup.

I know, I know, it's a different system.

It's like how the rest of the world has a metric system, and America has feet and pounds, or however

you measure how much beef you're shoving into your fat faces.

But let's move on to Russia's war in Ukraine.

Because if you remember, one of the accusations Trump has leveled against Joe Biden is that he had no idea what was going on in his own administration.

And I mean,

yeah, probably.

Yes.

But now people are starting to wonder if Donald Trump doesn't know what's going on in his.

Yesterday

you said that you were not sure who ordered the munitions halted to Ukraine.

Have you since been able to figure that out?

Well, I haven't thought about it because we're looking at Ukraine right now and munitions, but I have no, I have not gone into it.

What does it say that such a big decision could be made inside your government without you knowing?

I would know.

If a decision was made, I will know.

I'll be the first to know.

In fact, most likely, I'd give the order, but I haven't done that yet.

Okay, so

you don't know who did it, but you would be the first to know, and it was probably you, but it wasn't you.

Thanks for clearing that up.

Listening to Trump speak feels like you're doing a magic eye for your ears.

It's like,

if I listen hard enough, I'll see a dolphin.

Let's move on from the war Trump is trying to stop to the one he's trying to start, the one with Iran.

They've been real pissy at Trump just because he dropped the world's biggest bomb on them.

Okay, get over it.

That was like two weeks ago.

And now some Iranians are suggesting that they could strike back in a very specific way.

A senior advisor to Iran Supreme Leader now issuing assassination threats against President Trump reportedly telling local media, quote, Trump has done something that he can no longer sunbathe in Mar-a-Lago as he lies there with his stomach to the sun.

A small drone might hit him in the navel.

It's very simple.

Let me be clear.

This isn't just an attack on Trump.

It's an attack on all of America.

Because now we all have to picture him with his bare belly glistening in the sun

I'm just I'm not I'm just kidding you don't you don't have to picture it I'll show you

I think I prefer this

Is this really a threat though?

What, you're gonna hit his navel with a small drone?

Like, Iran went from building a nuclear bomb to, we're gonna turn his Audi into an innie.

Are they threatening to assassinate him or poke him like he's the Pillsbury doughboy?

Also, Iran, are you the only people in the world that can't tell Donald Trump uses a spray tan?

He's not in the sun, okay?

Are you looking at pictures of him like, damn, this guy must have spent all week at the beach?

But still, a threat is a threat, and President Trump had a very strong response.

Do you think that's a real threat?

And when is the last time you went sunbathing anyway?

I've been a long time.

It's been a long time.

I don't know.

Maybe I was around seven or so.

Wow, I didn't think a threat like that would unlock his core childhood memories.

Maybe keep asking him about this stuff.

Like he might have an emotional breakthrough.

Like, let's see, yeah, last time my son bathed was when I was seven, and my mom said she didn't love me.

And I forgive her.

Oh, oh my god, I'm healed.

Let the immigrants stay.

And

finally, yesterday, Trump hosted African leaders at the White House.

Trump pressed them on important issues like migrant deportations and how Scar was actually the good guy.

And you're never going to believe what happened when Trump got in a room with a bunch of African presidents.

He made it awkward.

At the White House on Wednesday, Donald Trump praised the president of Liberia for his, quote, good English, even though English is the official language of Liberia.

We just want to thank you so much for this opportunity.

Well, thank you.

And such good English.

Such beautiful.

Where did you learn to speak so beautifully?

Where were you educated where?

In Liberia.

Yes, sir.

Well, that's very interesting.

Trump was totally blown away by this guy speaking his national language.

Where did you learn to speak English?

Like, what, Liberia?

Oh, oh, we call them libraries.

To be fair to Trump, the last African he was friends with was totally incomprehensible.

And

now he's like, is this what Africans sound like when they're not on ketamine?

Now, Trump may not have Googled the president of Liberia before the meeting, but there was one African reporter who he definitely knew.

Do you want to ask any questions, please?

Where is my reporter from Africa?

There you are.

How are you?

I'm fine, thank you, Mr.

President.

Very famous in Africa.

Thank you.

Someone's got a little crunch.

And by the way, this wasn't the first time he met her.

He's been trying to get close to her since last week.

Why didn't you come up here and talk so they can see?

Sure.

That'd be great.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Mr.

President.

It's a great honor.

Thank you, Mr.

President.

He told me, President Chisekere, Chisekere, he's very thankful for what you're doing, for what your administration is doing.

That's so nice.

Boy,

that's so beautifully stated.

And Caroline said, number one, she did say, and I shouldn't say this because it's politically incorrect, she said, she's beautiful, and you are beautiful.

I'm not allowed to say that, you know, that could be the end of my political career

anyway.

Well, well, well, it appears Trump's war on the press is softening.

Well, hardening.

Trump loves this African reporter so much, he's like, Should we maybe not have canceled all their food for their kids?

I mean, I didn't know they're not going to grow up to be this hard.

Resume aid!

Now, obviously, you don't have to be black to see how deeply offensive Trump's behavior here is to black people.

But just to be safe, let's talk to a black person to make sure.

Let's go to a White House with our own Josh Johnson.

Josh!

Josh!

What's your take on Trump's meeting with these African leaders?

Ronnie, this was a meeting between Trump and a table full of Africans.

This went as good as it could have gone.

Trump didn't ask to touch anyone's hair.

He didn't try and hit anyone with the...

I was pretty sure he was going to say the phrase National Geographic titties.

So compared to expectations, I would say that this one was one of his best performances.

No, no, come on.

He's the president.

He told the leader of an English-speaking country he speaks great English.

And he's right.

He does speak English well.

For once, he's not lying.

Like, it's not like he told RFK Jr.

he speaks beautiful English.

Like,

that would be offensive, all right?

It was a compliment.

I compliment people's ability to speak English all the time.

You ever go to Florida and hear a complete sentence?

That shit is impressive.

I don't know, man.

I'm just saying if that was me, I would have walked out.

Yeah,

that's because you're Asian.

What, what, what, are you saying Asians get offended easily?

I'll kill you.

Chill, chill.

Chill.

I'm just saying black people have been through too much to get offended easily.

Like, black people, we keep our cool.

You know, we were brought here for slavery and then invented jazz.

The Liberian president knew that getting angry at Trump doesn't get you anything, but flattery does.

If he was really smart, he would have said, oh, I learned English from watching your speeches, Mr.

Trump.

You're a real one.

I call it Tesler 2.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, fine.

Point taken.

But what about that reporter, though?

That was kind of gross.

Was it sexist?

Yes.

Did Trump act inappropriately?

Yes.

Did he come in his pants?

Of course.

All right.

No one's saying it wasn't a huge load.

All right.

But on the other hand, Trump, for the very first time, is excited about Africa.

Just look at Trump and that reporter.

Tell me that doesn't look like a Bob Hart's Abbashola reboot.

All right.

There's an old African saying, if you want to go fast, go alone.

If you want to go far, don't think too hard about what that white guy just said.

You know what, Josh?

You You make some valid points.

That's very articulate.

Whoa, whoa.

Articulate?

What in the name of National Geographic titties are you trying to say?

Aha, you do get offended.

I'll kill you.

All right, Josh Johnson, everyone.

Hey, when we come back, you find out the worst job of all time, don't go away.

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Welcome back to a daily show.

Sometimes it seems like there's no jobs left anymore, but maybe you're just not looking in all the weirdest places.

Troywater has more.

Jobs.

They're the foundation of the American economy.

But today, more and more workers are being crushed by outsourcing, AI, automation, and whatever the f this is.

So now, some gig workers are turning to even more niche parts of the service industry.

I went to meet one of them.

Hello?

Hello.

Christ.

Hello.

Hi.

Giorgio makes his freelance income as what he describes as a human carpet.

I would describe what I'm providing as a

performance art on the naughty side for people.

to stand, pose, walk, and dance on me as they please.

Make a party more exciting.

You know sometimes when I'm at a party and it's a little boring, I think to myself, I wish there was a man just lying there.

That would really liven it up.

Yes, I do that at many events and parties.

A human carpet.

It's not what Hannibal Lechner has in his foyer, but actually involves getting wrapped in a carpet, laying on a floor, and letting people walk all over you, but without any self-esteem issues.

I do.

A lot of birthday parties or bachelorette parties, those are popular.

Gothic and vampire parties, yes.

I've been honored to be the platform, actually,

for at least two weddings.

Yeah.

Would you do a bar mitzvah?

Sure.

Would you do a baby shower?

Sure.

A quinceaniera?

Yep, sure.

Would you do a wake?

Uh, no.

We found a boundary.

Yeah, out of respect for the parted ones.

Do you have a black carpet just in case?

I do.

And if you thought stepping on someone inside a carpet might also be some kind of sex thing, well, you're right.

I've been in

kink parties and I've had people have sex on me.

For some reason that doesn't surprise me at all.

I've been a mattress for them.

You must be an expert on getting stains out of a carpet.

I have many types of stain removers that I use.

Of course, after a while it gets hopeless and I have to get a new carpet.

But the cost of carpet cleaning and replacement is just one of the factors that affect Giorgio's narrow margins.

May I ask what your fee is for your services?

I would probably ask around 250 plus tips.

Talk about passive income.

I've done marathon events for seven or eight hours.

Wow.

It gets to you sometimes, but still, if the crowd is into it, that's what matters.

The joy of having a human carpet at your event, that's pretty priceless.

It is.

But as with most creative work, money is only part of the reward, as Giorgio has often found himself only a foot away from stardom.

The peak of my career, I would say, was a retirement party where Randy Jones and the village people performed on me.

No way.

Yeah.

Did they do the YMCA on you?

Absolutely.

So all of the village people were standing on top of you?

No, no, just Randy Jones, and he did not have all the village people.

Oh, all right.

Well, that's not his.

Not everyone.

finally it was time for me to experience giorgio's unique occupation from the inside of a carpet should i be doing anything

no not really just you're doing great

i guess i'm ready to give this a god

stay calm relax it'll be okay i feel gas going down uh take a little break and get into the mental state of it get into the mental state of it?

Well, you know, concentrate, like, try to enjoy the adventure.

Excuse me.

You're okay.

All right, get off.

Get off.

I quickly realized that I didn't have the patience or tolerance for internal bleeding required to be a human carpet.

And beyond that, the liver and kidneys aren't the only organs affected by this job.

It also takes a toll on the heart.

The human carpet gig has always gotten in in the way of personal relationships.

Even the more we progressed, the harder it became for them to accommodate it.

I don't know what's so difficult about it.

You're just lying there.

For them, it just takes so much of my time and passion.

Can't they just sit next to you?

In a major event?

No.

Have you ever considered the possibility of inviting someone into the carpet with you?

Yes, actually a few people have asked me for that and I gladly let them do it for a bit and some of them couldn't take it anymore.

With all the isolation, downward pressure, and dust inhalation that comes with Giorgio's career, I had to wonder: is human carpeting sustainable?

After almost 30 years of doing this, you still enjoy it?

Absolutely, I still enjoy it.

Yeah.

That's beautiful.

Carpet Diem.

Thank you, Troy.

When we come back, Young Yin May will be joining me on the show.

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Welcome back to the Day Show.

My guest tonight is a writer and comedian whose memoir is called, I'm Laughing Because I'm Crying.

Please welcome the one and only Young Me Meier.

Yo, this is actually a great book.

Wait, can I talk about the DM that you sent me?

Yeah, sure.

What's the DM?

We'll edit this if it's bad.

Well, first, my agent was like, Do you know any celebrities can you send the book to?

And I was like, oh, I kind of know Ronnie Chang from this comedy show.

So I DM'd you, like, hey, can I send you a free book?

And you were like, no.

Do you remember that?

And then I was like, but did you continue the message?

And then later, you were like, no, I'm just going to buy it so I can support you.

But you're like.

No,

you almost left that shit out.

No, there was like, I feel like there was a pause.

There was like a few minutes before you said that.

No, I was like.

No, but my standard policy is when

people who are struggling ask me to buy their book.

No, when people ask me to buy their book, when people ask me to buy their book, when friends ask me to buy their book,

when friends want to send me that book, I say, don't send it to me, I'll buy it.

Because I think

that helps the algorithm actually promote it more.

No, that makes sense.

And it's worth way more than sending it to me and then I just throw it in the garbage.

I'd rather just buy it and throw in the garbage.

Thank you.

I'm not scared for a second.

Oh, okay.

Well, in this case, I actually bought it and then I read it and it was actually great.

So congratulations.

Thank you.

No, it's really a good book.

No, no.

No, I know.

I know like the Illuminati makes me say that every single time we have a book on this show, but in this case, it actually is super funny.

I was reading it and every page was making me laugh.

But what was also,

It's it's also how how much tragedy is in this book like you go through a lot of shit a lot of heavy shit like there was like you know, there was family trauma growing up in Korea.

There was physical emotional abuse.

You take meth at one point.

You have no money.

No, I didn't.

Maybe that was another book.

I'm sorry.

I might be crossing books.

And then there was.

I don't even remember.

I might have had it.

And then you started, you had no money and then you got married and you started a restaurant.

Then the restaurant became super successful.

Then the restaurant failed and then you got divorced.

And then now you're back.

I couldn't even keep up with how much.

Are you okay?

I'm fine, I still work at the restaurant.

Well, give it a plug.

What restaurant was it?

Oh, it's Mission Chinese food.

Okay, Mission Chinese.

I love that restaurant, but I never knew you were part of it.

Yeah,

I was the wife, the stay-at-home wife.

So that's part of the story, I think, right?

So, like, I.

Well, go start something from the style.

Let's start from the style.

So, born in Korea.

Well, let's begin 100 years ago.

Well, yeah, I do talk about like the very beginning, you know, as far back as I know, which is my grandmother's story.

And I know so much of my Korean history because my mom is a yapper, like a certified yapper.

Was yapping?

And she's just, you know, yapping away.

She has a lot to say.

I thought it was like a Korean vocation or something.

It sounds like, yeah, it does sound like the second person in the K-pop band.

The yapper.

But,

no, she's a yapper, and so she's told me like my entire family history, and what I realized was I included it in the book, obviously, because I'm like, oh, this is why I'm so crazy, because this happened to my family, and I'm mirroring them.

But then I think that's why it's become kind of popular among Korean-American immigrants, or like children of immigrants, because they are always like, you know, I ask my parents about

the old country, which is Korea, but they'll never talk about it, which makes sense because, you know, like immigrants, I'm sure, have a lot of trauma and like

dot, dot, dot, like assimilation.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, one thing is that you're not just the kid, a child of immigrants, because you were born there.

Yeah, I know.

So you only came to America when you were like 20, right?

I'm an immigrant.

Yeah, you're an immigrant, yeah.

It's complicated because I was born in Korea,

but I was born already an American citizen.

Right.

Congratulations.

Yeah, thank you.

Really?

I thought I was lucky until, I don't know, 10 years ago or so.

Well, this is interesting because I also grew up outside of America in a different part of Asia, Singapore.

So we kind of, I think we grew up.

We're enemies.

We're enemies, first of all.

In the old world, we're enemies.

In the new world, we're forced to band together to fight tyranny.

But if back in Asia.

We fight tyranny.

Yeah, back in Asia, we fing Asia.

One month to share with the Pacific Islanders

who we colonize.

We know, like, we both had a view of America.

Yeah.

Right?

Growing up,

living outside of America.

In my view, I don't know what your view of America was, but like, it's weird.

The 90s,

outside America, looking in, in my ignorant, non-American eyes, it was like, it was like rose-tinted glasses.

I was like, man, America looks awesome.

It's like Back to the Future.

Michael Jordan is there.

TLC.

Yeah, TLC, Tupac.

Tupac.

Yeah, it looked great.

And so those were the things that made me want to come to America.

It wasn't the Iraq war.

You know what I mean?

No, no.

When we got like, yeah, let's go to America.

It wasn't because you want to participate in the war.

It was because of all this other cultural, you know, great cultural stuff.

So I don't know what you were experiencing in Korea.

Yeah, I guess it's like the difference being Korea is, you know, still has a hefty like American military presence and there's a lot of like pro-American propaganda.

So I grew up in that era and they were still very much.

Oh, there's a lot of propaganda in America too.

Oh, there is?

There's a lot of pro-Korean propaganda here, if you ask me.

But then, like, so in Korea, there's like all this pro-American propaganda.

But, you know, like, it's like the truth is so nuanced, right?

Because South Korea was

helped by America, right?

I'm not going to get into that.

But

so I had a similar experience.

Like, they thought very highly of America.

But then I had kind of a traumatizing childhood because

of the way like biracial people are seen in Korea, which because I'm half white, you would think, you would think I would have white privilege, but in the 80s, they were like, you're obviously the leftover child of like a US military man.

So your mom is poor or whatever.

And so

that became the reason I got made fun of,

which is funny that I got made fun of for being white and very different than like Asian Americans that grew up here.

It's like the opposite experience.

It's also different in Singapore because the half white, half Asian people in Singapore, they leaned more white.

They're just like, we're white people.

Yeah, they leaned away from it mostly.

But you were half white, half Asian, who like you, I guess you, I'm not sure by choice, but you lean more Korean.

Like there's parts of this book where you write in Korean.

You introduce Korean content.

You can speak Korean fluently.

And you know the cuisine and the culture.

So you're culturally very Korean.

I'm culturally very Korean, even though the Koreans Koreans do not want to accept me.

No, that's not true.

It is true.

There are any Koreans here right now.

Are there any Koreans here?

They made fun of me.

There's no Koreans here?

No, they're scared.

They're like, we're not with her.

I told you, Ronnie, I told you.

That's not true.

Look at the comment section.

The comment section will be very supportive of you.

Yeah, I think...

I see the Koreans out there and they're like, we don't know her.

No, no.

But this book, I mean, this is a lot of trauma for a kid to take.

I don't think it's that much trauma, is it?

Okay, no, I'm trying to give you.

I don't know.

I read this.

I'm like, look, okay, the beatings I get, because Singapore,

yeah, I'm Asian, the beatings, that doesn't faze me.

I was going to go in for a fist bump, but that felt really inappropriate.

Yeah, beatings, beatings is good.

But the...

I mean,

at one point you end up in a meth house.

That's a good idea.

Okay, so

I was in a house where everyone was doing meth.

I didn't do meth, Ronnie.

Jesus.

Oh, my God.

My mom's watching.

Okay.

I'm sorry, you didn't do meth.

You just hung out with me.

I did heroin and cookie.

That's a good book, yeah.

So, but.

And

you recommend that over meth, basically, right?

I've never tried meth.

All right.

Yeah, no, I don't recommend any of it.

Okay.

For legal reasons, please tell the camera you don't recommend that.

And then when you you came to America,

did the propaganda in Korea work?

Did you think America was cool?

And then you came here and did it match your expectations?

Oh my god, this isn't even part of the book, but this is a big part of my upbringing.

So my dad is white.

He's American.

He's from Jersey City, and he has not lived in the States in over 40 years now.

Jersey, best airport in the world.

Newark baby.

Newark Airport.

Yeah, it's a good.

Sponsored by Newark International Airport.

But my dad is really interesting.

He's like very anti-American.

So, I didn't even write about that in the book.

That could be its own book.

It's really weird.

And so all the Koreans would be like, and also my dad is from Jersey City, but he dresses like a cowboy.

This is a whole story.

But like, sorry.

I cuss.

No, it's okay.

We can cuss on this.

Yeah.

You d about taking, you talk about taking cocaine, okay?

Saying is the least of all problems on the.

Yeah.

This is going to be like a bunch of beliefs.

Anyway, so my dad

was like really anti-American.

So like the old Korean people would be like, you're from America?

Yeah.

And he'd be like, it sucks.

It's yeah.

Like

the guy from like born on the 4th of July, like, oh, let me tell you.

Like, he was like, that.

Wow.

So I had anti-American propaganda at home.

Oh.

So he balanced out.

Yeah, balanced out.

So now I'm neutral.

I have no feelings about America.

Did he ever move back to America?

No, he's still in Korea.

Oh, he's in Korea?

My mom, yeah.

Like, he's the white, he's a Korean white guy in Korea, just speaking Korean.

Kung Giddy.

Wow.

Nobody knows where that is.

Okay.

If you were Korean, you would have laughed.

It's like a farm country, farm like town.

It's like really small.

He's a Korean farmer.

Your white dad's a Korean.

Your Jersey white dad became a Korean farmer.

I don't think he's doing any farming, but he does live in the farmland?

This is a triumph of multiculturalism, really.

This book to me felt like a lot like therapy.

It was like going through therapy for you because again, it is very heavy.

It genuinely is very funny on every page, but it's a lot of heavy stuff.

Was it difficult going through these memories, you know, when you were writing this?

I think I have this thing where I just kind of like

blur things out and then like four months later I'll cry on the subway.

I'm like, no, this is fine, I love this.

And then I was just like, out of nowhere, I'm like, I can't get out of bed.

Like I feel like I just like pummeled through it.

But I think, you know, the way that it's written,

I accredit to my Korean culture because this is like how all my family talks.

You know, they're like Korean country people.

Everything is a joke.

You know, and they've been through a million times worse things than I've been through, which is, you know, in the book.

And it's just like how my brain was like, I think, culturally trained to think about stuff.

And so even when I was writing it, I would just be like,

crying, like, oh God,

this is horrible.

And then I would be like, you know, I'd be like, anyway, I'm a damn bitch.

And I would like start laughing.

So I think my brain does that automatically, like when it gets too sad.

Right.

I mean, a lot of people do that, right?

It's like self-serving.

Use comedy to

kind of walk through the trauma.

Yeah.

That's what you did.

And it feels really good, honestly.

I think

what I was setting out to do with the book was to replicate the feeling of like when you go, when something really bad happens to you and you go to your friend's house, and then, like, let's say somebody broke up with you, and you're like, yeah, and he's bald and ugly or whatever.

And then your friend will say something like,

you know, remember that time he ripped his pants and you saw,

never mind.

I

almost got a little carried away.

Like, remember when he ripped his pants and everyone laughed at him?

And then, and then you start laughing really hard when you're crying.

Like, I'm trying to replicate that feeling in the book.

Right.

And so.

And I gotta say, I definitely think you succeeded in that.

Oh, my God, thank you.

Because I was feeling, I was laughing as I was like, if I had emotions, I would cry at this, but

I could tell it's a very sad story.

But

thanks for writing the book, and thanks for surviving, persevering through it, and thanks for teaching people how to use comedy to work through drama.

And

I hope the new restaurant venture succeeds, and you can stop working with your ex-husband.

Is that?

It's not as bad as it sounds, but I hope that too.

Okay, okay, cool.

Everybody, hey.

I'm laughing because I'm trying.

It's available now.

Hey, Jummi Mayor, everybody.

And we'll take a quick break.

We'll be right back after this.

Your moment of Zen.

Where did you learn to speak so beautifully?

Okay, that was awkward.

That is what you get when our nation's diplomat in chief has no idea what he's doing.

I think the praising people's English and diction is fantastic.

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