Trump Threatens Iran, Klepper Goes to Birthday Parade | Bill Clinton & James Patterson

A massage chair might seem a bit extravagant, especially these days.

Eight different settings, adjustable intensity, plus it's heated, and it just feels so good.

Yes, a massage chair might seem a bit extravagant, but when it can come with a car,

suddenly it seems quite practical.

The all-new 2025 Volkswagen Tiguan, packed with premium features like available massaging front seats, it only feels extravagant.

This episode is brought to you by Nespresso Virtuo Coffee Machines.

Ready to enjoy the bold flavors of barista-quality Nespresso iced coffee at home?

Simply fill a glass with ice and press the brew button on your Virtuo Pop Machine to enjoy rich double espresso roasted to stand up even when chilled.

Refreshingly bold iced coffee, refreshingly easy to make at home.

Visit nespresso.com to shop now.

You're listening to Comedy Central.

From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central.

It's America's only source for news.

This is the Daily Show with your host, Jordan Clepper.

What's it down, John Jordan Clapper?

We got so much to talk about tonight?

Trump makes an Irish exit from Canada.

I head to DC to crash the most tremendous birthday bash in American history.

And the author James Patterson will be here along with his co-author, Bill Clinton, tonight, okay?

So, let's get into the headlines.

Now, this was supposed to be study abroad week for Trump, and things started out oh, so well.

He arrived at the G7 confidently strolling out of the woods like a contestant on the golden bachelorette

or a shaved Sasquatch, you know.

You see what you want to see.

Now this is an important G7 for Trump because he had to prove that he had the discipline and wherewithal to fix the global economy after he fed up the global economy.

And you know what?

He almost nailed it.

We all know the great prime minister of the UK and we just signed a document.

This is slow.

I thought about that.

Very important, Dultrum.

Don't worry, don't worry.

There's a five-second rule with trade agreements.

Trump's still totally good to eat those documents.

And I know some of you haters are going to make fun of him, but Trump didn't drop the papers by accident.

It was a 4D chess move to check out the British Prime Minister's badunk-a-dunk.

But before Trump could sign and or drop any other trade deals, he decided to peace out.

Overnight, President Trump, with an abrupt about face, announcing he's cutting short his trip to the G7 summit in Canada, racing back to the White House instead.

I have to be back.

Very important.

I want to just thank our great host, but you probably see what I see.

And I have to be back.

We all know what this is, right?

You're at an event, you have to rush home because something came up.

Look, I get it.

None of us like to poop in an unfamiliar place.

Sometimes when you have a big matchup coming up, you just need that home field advantage.

I understand, Donald.

But of course, the real reason Donald Trump rushed home to Washington was to deal with the war between Israel and Iran.

And the big question was, was he rushing home to help negotiate an end to the war or to bring America into the war?

It's the most important decision a nation can make and one that we've whiffed on for the last like 10,

20,

30, 40.

It doesn't matter.

The point is.

The point is, it'd be really reassuring to know that the president has a clear and consistent plan.

So Mr.

President, are you looking for war or a ceasefire?

We're not looking for a ceasefire.

I didn't say I was looking for a ceasefire.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

He's not looking for a ceasefire.

We're looking at better than ceasefire.

Oh, great.

Yeah!

Better than a ceasefire.

Ceasefire Plus?

That's great.

I hate watching ads.

That's wonderful.

This is good news.

I'm glad you're going to negotiate with Iran.

I don't know.

I'm not too much in the mood to negotiate.

Okay.

All right.

Not in the mood, okay?

The president's not vibing on negotiations then.

So it's war because who would negotiate besides you, Mr.

President?

He's considering sending the vice president to negotiate with the Iranians.

You know, I think this is fantastic.

J.D.

Vance is a great choice to negotiate.

The Iranians will agree to anything to get him the f ⁇ out of there.

You know what?

And it's great for peace, because if Trump is negotiating, it sounds like we're not going to flatten Tehran anytime soon.

The president warned everyone in Iran's capital city to flee, posting everyone should immediately evacuate Tehran with no additional explanation.

You know what?

I can use some additional explanation.

Mr.

President, I am more confused than ever.

Please just sum up your explanation in one clean tweet.

President Trump has just posted new comments directed at Iran.

We know exactly where the so-called supreme leader is hiding.

He is an easy target, but is safe there.

We are not going to take him out and then in parentheses, kill.

At least not for now.

Okay.

So we know where the Ayatollah is, but he's safe.

We could kill him, but we won't.

For now, maybe later.

We'll find out next on the Golden Bachelorette, okay?

I mean, how does one tweet and have six different positions?

I mean, clearly, we're not going to get any clarity from listening to President Trump.

Maybe other people in his inner circle can shed some light on America's position.

Tucker Carlson, huge supporter of the president.

What do you think of the war?

I just don't want my country to be further weakened or destroyed by another one of these wars.

And boy, if you can't connect the dots after 25 years of this,

you're either too dumb to participate in the conversation or you're just a liar who doesn't care.

Wow.

Wow.

I mean Tucker, he hasn't been this distraught since the WNBA got popular.

Okay, Mr.

President, I hope you understand what Tucker Carlson is saying.

I don't know what Tucker Carlson is saying.

Let him go get a television network and say it so that people listen.

Thank you.

Oh, snap.

Trump's like, go on TV and say it, you bitch.

That's right, you can't because you got kicked off Fox News for lying about me winning the 2020 election, which I appreciate, you bitch.

So yes, Trump is not on the same page as Tucker, and he seems to be at odds with some of the other top MAGA minds as well.

The American people have been brainwashed into believing that America has to engage in these foreign wars in order for us to survive.

And it's absolutely not true.

Oh my God.

I can't believe I'm agreeing with Marjorie Taylor Green.

I'm at war with myself.

This can't be right.

Keep playing the clip.

I'm sure I'll find something to disagree with her on.

They don't want to hear about politics.

They want to be able to afford food and they want to be able to afford gas and they just want to have fun.

For once in their life, they want to have fun.

Yes, I still agree with her.

For once in their lives, Americans just want to have fun.

I don't want a war.

I want to dance.

Although, you know what?

I'm pretty sure Americans do know how to have fun regardless of international conflicts.

I've never gotten a text saying, hey, bro, territorial dispute in the South China Sea, barbecue's canceled.

So, doesn't seem like Trump is listening to the anti-war wing of his party.

Maybe he'll listen to the anti-war wing of his own administration, like Tulsi Gabbard, his own director of national intelligence.

Tulsi Gabbard testified in March that the intelligence community said Iran wasn't building a nuclear weapon.

What What she said, I think they were very close to having one.

This is the benefit of appointing unqualified, crazy people to your team.

You can always be like, do you know how crazy and unqualified she is?

I don't care what she said.

So.

Trump is beefing with the anti-war wing of his party and dismissing intelligence from his own cabinet showing that Iran is not actually building nukes.

It certainly seems to be leaning in a let's do a World War III direction.

And weirdly enough, the final confirmation might be pizza.

According to an account on X called the Pentagon Pizza Report, nearly all pizza establishments nearby the Pentagon have experienced a huge surge in activity.

Here's why when U.S.

military personnel face a national emergency, they work late into the night and can't leave their desks.

At 8.57 p.m.

Thursday, the Pentagon Pizza Report reported that the closest and second closest dominoes to the Pentagon had surged in traffic.

Oh my god, we're going to war!

Or everyone at the Pentagon just got divorced at the same time.

Look, I don't know how things are going to end, but it seems like they're trending in a bad direction.

I will say this, though.

If you told me after Election Day that within four months of Trump's presidency, I'd be staring at a domino's pizza tracker to figure out if we're going to enter the final war of mankind.

I'd have said, that's about right.

For more on the pending war with Iran, we go live outside the Pentagon with our own Michael Costa.

Michael!

Michael!

I'm curious, Michael, so

what's the latest?

Jordan, this is a nuanced and complicated situation, and the only solution is for America to enter a decades-long total war with Iran.

Make no mistake, the U.S.

military needs to dig in, buckle down, pick up some Mikey Kay's meat lovers pizzas with extra tangy sauce, and prepare for the worst.

I'm sorry.

What was that, that last part you said?

About preparing for the worst, yes.

We'll probably need a new draft, too.

Millions of able-bodied young men ready to fight for America and chow down on Mikey Kay's Buffalo Chicken Supreme Mama Mamia

with a free 45 ounce Mountain Dew Code Red just like Nona used to milk.

Do you own a pizza parlor or are you trying to profiteer from a war?

No, no, no.

I have a small investment in a pizza place nearby that I also manage and busboy at, but that in no way affects my impartial analysis.

I've looked at the evidence and we have to go to war against Iran, possibly Iraq again, and definitely India.

What did India do?

Well, they're a regional superpower, Jordan.

They're a threat to our survival.

Right now, their military leaders are plotting against us, working day and night, ordering delicious takeout.

Michael, do you have a pizza place in India?

Absolutely not.

It's a small tandoori kitchen called Second to None.

Free mango lassie with every any order, just like Nona used to make.

Hey, Costa, come on, man.

This is crazy.

I know.

With any order, Jordan, there is no minimum.

No, no, what's crazy is you're trying to start World War III so you can, what, sell bad takeout?

Bad takeout?

How dare you?

Art Chutney is the talk of New Delhi.

I assume I can't figure out what they're saying.

But what's the big deal?

Defense contractors can goad our nation into endless, pointless wars for profit, but Nona Costa can't get a taste?

Look, you're all bad.

Americans don't want war.

Isn't there a way to make money off peace so the the world can live in harmony?

International relations aren't that simple, Jordan.

Two nations, they're total opposites, can't overcome their cultural differences, uniting in a perfect blend of magical serenity.

The only place that that exists is in our new delicious

sushi taco.

As my nona used to say,

es muy conichi wa.

Oh, yeah, get out of here.

Michael Costa, everyone.

We come back.

I find out how Trump's birthday went.

Don't go away.

My cat Freddie loves to be brushed and cuddled.

But stirring up his cat allergens meant sneezing and itchy eyes.

Then, I found Purina One Live Clear.

It's cat food that reduced the major allergen and my suffering in as little as 21 days.

Now, we feel closer than ever.

If you have issues with cat allergens, you really need to to try Purina One Live Clear.

Try new Purina One Live Clear today.

Purina One, a difference from day one.

Welcome back to the Daily Trump.

Donald Trump finally made his military parade dreams come true last weekend, but was it everything he wanted?

I decided to find out.

This past weekend, I went to our nation's capital to join the celebration of the 250th birthday of the U.S.

Army and the 79th birthday of Donald J.

Trump.

This was reportedly a $45 million event, and there was family fun everywhere.

I'm talking cornhole, howitzers, kids with machine guns, kids with machine guns on top of Jeeps, kids with rocket launchers, and the always popular killer robot dogs.

Thank you for your service.

We are here because we love America.

We are celebrating the 250th birthday of the Army and it's flag day.

It's the president's birthday.

Today is America's Super Bowl.

Wouldn't that be the Super Bowl?

Pretty most excited to see.

Tanks.

We're going to see all of our tanks, our Bradleys, our artillery.

Tanks.

The helicopters.

Howitzers.

I want Minister and Don Jr.

Okay.

Yeah.

Have you ever been to an event like this?

Yes, but in local

smaller scale,

Moscow, Pyongyang.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not like that.

Who do you think is going to do this parade better, us or the North Koreans?

I don't compare myself to anybody because everybody in the world would love to be in America and at least for a day.

Looking around, I wonder, was this a military celebration or more of a Make Donnie feel like a big boy authoritarian leader party?

You know one thing about Donald Trump?

He's been the greatest leader this country's ever had.

Is that why we're throwing him this parade?

It's not his parade.

It's a United States Army.

I keep getting confused.

I keep looking at these hats, and I'm like,

there's a tiny little American flag right there on the side.

Now I see it.

The 50th anniversary.

It makes me mad listening to the people that are saying that this is all about Donald Trump and his birthday.

No, it's not.

I love Donald Trump.

But technically, we are here to support our military.

Your focus today is just on the military.

Yes, sir.

And that's why you wore your dress blues.

Well,

I'm not in camouflage to support the military.

I'm here to to support Trump because it is also his birthday.

Was there some debate about where to put the U?

Uh, nope.

Not at all.

Of course, parades come with a price tag.

But if there's one thing this administration knows, it's what's useful and what's waste.

Trump has had to make some cuts, had to make some really tough decisions.

I know Doge, cut back on the Department of Education.

Cut back.

Well done.

The EPA?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Absolutely.

There's some tough cuts.

Cancer research?

Cut it.

Let's go back to all natural.

You don't need to be researching on cancer.

We basically have that fixed anyway.

Alzheimer's research?

Why not?

Why not cut the Alzheimer's research?

Yeah.

That's, we're just cool with that.

I'm cool with that.

Are you excited about all these doge cuts?

Yes, I am, because the government is stealing too much of the money and it's wasting too much of my day ain't going tax dollars.

Oh my god, government wastes so much money.

Yes.

Oh my god, it's insane for you to spend money on.

Just foolishness.

Enjoy the $45 million parade on all the tanks.

Yeah, that's a good use of your tax dollar, I think.

It's important for America to flex their muscles.

So people, people know that America is generous, America is nice, America is polite, or America can really become badass.

Now, just brainstorming here, if we want to show the world that we're generous and nice, wouldn't it help to do like generous and nice things for the world?

We are already doing it.

USAID, more generous and nice.

We let people to take advantage of us left and right.

So we're showing them that we're kind by taking it away so they see how kind we are.

Absolutely, absolutely.

Okay, I get it.

Tanks are fun, and our military men and women should be honored but it was hard to celebrate this public show of force when the president put the military on the streets of la to confront other americans how do you think we're going to need our military what is the biggest threat to be honest with you i see a global change right now

and if america doesn't want to support america america won't be america very long get on get on board you're an american right uh uh um which one of these tanks do you think we should send to los angeles i think we should send all of them

which weapons should we send over to Los Angeles?

Oh, them clowns.

I always said Trump needed to just give him some

stuff to make him go to sleep and then just handcuff him afterwards.

Okay, roofy.

And then

can't haul him to jail.

Is that a Pete Hegseth plan?

I don't know, but that's my plan.

Trump, if you're listening, that's what you do.

You should roofy the Democrats.

Put them all to sleep with some sleeping stuff and then lock them up.

But like you said, today isn't about that.

It's about America.

But at the end of the day, Trump's parade was kind of a dud.

It didn't have the cold, intimidating scope of other authoritarian displays.

All we had was guys holding drones like pizzas and killer robot dogs who just wanted treats.

I got a sativa gummy in here somewhere.

See you at Trump's 80.

When we come back, Bill Clinton and James Patterson will be joining me on the show.

Don't go away.

This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn.

Healthcare professionals can lead their careers with LinkedIn, discover jobs by specialty, preferred ships, and even desired salary.

From mental health therapists to radiology technicians, it's now faster and easier for healthcare professionals to find the right fit.

Learn more at linkedin.com slash healthcare.

Side effects may include faster job placement, improve work-life balance, and increase career satisfaction.

Welcome back to The Daily Show.

My guests tonight are New York Times' best-selling authors of the new political thriller, The First Gentleman.

Please welcome former President Bill Clinton and James Patterson.

What a nice crowd.

What a lovely crowd.

What a nice people.

Not a bad bunch of folks, huh?

Yes.

Very kind.

They're very kind folks.

Gentlemen, you wrote a White House thriller.

I gotta say, politics is so boring.

Thank you.

Thank you for trying to spice it up, you know?

Well, right now it doesn't take a lot.

It doesn't take a lot.

Well, this is a story about the first gentleman who is accused of murder.

President Clinton, I'm wondering, what's it like to live inside the headspace of the first gentleman?

I don't know.

I tried.

You did.

It's the only job I ever wanted in politics that I didn't get.

He's got all the good lines.

You're the writer.

You got the

writer.

What, let me say it's not easy.

Sure.

I mean, if,

but Our guy is sort of a perfect

picture of the dilemma

because

he went to school with the president.

Then they later met in California and fell in love and got married.

But he was a big jock.

He was the first Ivy leader drafted in the first round in the NFL.

No shit.

And

he's a complicated figure.

He's not hung up about his wife being the president.

He's proud of it.

Would you have been that as good as our guy?

You know, I don't know.

On that score, I would have been there.

You would have.

You would have been better there, yes.

Since I know Hillary, he would have been good.

Hillary was the best qualified person in my life.

But

what we presented that's accurate is he did want something to do that was his own thing.

And he thought he could revive President Kennedy's Physical Fitness Council.

Right.

And also maybe murdering someone.

Yeah, you're sort of burying the lean.

Well, the murder thing comes up, but we're talking about right now.

Oh, you always want to talk about the murder thing, James.

Yeah, well, it's a piece.

That's the book, but you want to talk about it.

You're inside the mind of the character here.

Yeah, but my point is

the White House staff doesn't know about the murder thing in the beginning.

Right.

They don't know he's under any kind of clout.

And

immediately there are people who don't want him to do that.

So that's a very typical thing in White Houses.

All white houses.

There are people who think

that if anybody else gets any credit for anything, it will diminish the president.

And

I never saw it that way.

Right.

When I was president, when I was a governor before, I figured if I appointed somebody to an important job and they did a good job,

that helped me, not hurt me.

And I can never figure out why I...

But it's kind of a deal in Washington, and it's not confined to one party, that one thing.

So you see that in our book.

You can figure it out.

I have to agree with Marjorie Taylor Greene on this one thing.

She's getting a surprising amount of love on this one.

The fun part of it.

It is a fun read.

Yeah, and we do need a little break, honestly, I think.

You need a break, right?

If you want to take a step away from all the chaos of the news cycle, read a story about a potential homicide and relax a little bit.

Exactly.

I guess it's curious, even hearing you guys talk about this.

Like, I'm curious about where the genesis for some of these ideas are.

Clearly, President Clinton, you come to this book with some ideas about what it feels like to be in the White House, some of the push and pull, the dynamics that exist within politics at that level.

And James, you come into this, I'm sure.

Is it murder first?

Is it story first?

Is it plot first?

It's always character first.

It's always character first.

But interestingly, with this book, and we agreed about halfway through, it wasn't working.

Really?

And this has never happened with us before.

And he called up and he said, I don't like any of the characters.

And I said, I agree.

I don't either.

So we had to really go back and work on the characters.

We agree.

But it's all character for me.

It's all character.

Alice Cross,

it's all character.

We all have to deal with our balancing, not all of us, but family and then work.

That's what Alice has to do.

He's this detective, and it's obviously over-the-top detective work.

Then he's got to go home and that's the series that's on Amazon.

He's balancing those two things.

Do you struggle with the fact of writing empathetic characters in the White House, looking at the White House now, wondering, are there any empathetic characters in the White House?

We always agree

on trying to do an outline.

And then sometimes.

We try.

And then sometimes the plot takes us away.

This is the third book we've done together.

And

so far,

we agree on the outline.

Then he gives me a list of 20 questions or more.

to answer to make sure

that we're being authentic.

Yeah, I mean, that's a key thing.

I mean, I just make up stuff in my regular books, but with this, I have to pass the test of, well, that would never happen, or here's how it would happen, or here's what the Sicket Service would do.

You pop quizzes, it's a good discipline.

It's the right idea.

And then he'll be fixing stuff.

I'm curious, like, what parts have you done, three books now?

What your view of the presidency before you started writing these films?

Like, what did you get wrong initially?

Everything.

Now, you know, the thing that, and we tried to do it before, but just humanizing, I mean, unfortunately, we've gotten into a habit of demonizing everybody, and I know the show doesn't, and it's a lot of fun, and it's funny.

But ideally,

you're right about murder, man.

Yeah, but

there's only one, there may or may not be one murderer in this book, but everybody else needed to make them human.

And the thing, let me give you a quick thing on

this past summer, the president called the house, and my wife, Sue, was on it.

He said, let me show you this.

Put it on picture phone.

And there he was with his grandkids, and he's in a tiger suit, and only his face is showing.

Human being.

We need to do more of that, I think.

Yeah.

Human being.

Human being.

I don't know how we would do it with certain characters, but you know, it's because

I don't know who that would be.

Do you think that humanizes the president, suddenly saying that he's wearing a tiger suit at home?

I think that makes me worry about the president.

Well, no.

Are you okay, President Clinton?

Do you have it up with wardrobe at home?

My grandkids thought it was great.

If you're doing it with the four-year-old, it's okay.

You're doing it with your girlfriend, it's a little weird.

Not him.

No judgment, man.

No judgment.

Good point.

Good point.

Do you know when this book is going to be banned by the Trump administration?

I was actually trying to think if there's some reason they could think of to ban it.

They don't need it.

It wouldn't be the White House, but in certain counties they may all of a sudden.

And they don't need a reason.

They just go in, one person goes in, I don't like the book.

I go, okay, we'll ban it.

So it'll probably be banned in a couple of counties.

I don't like it.

It's a bad deal.

When

Maya Angelou, who read the inaugural poem at my first inauguration, wrote it and read it, and was a great human being.

The first thing the White House did was to ban her book, I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings

at the Naval Academy Library and the Military Academy Library at West Point.

And I can't figure out why.

It's a magnificent book

about a little girl who's abandoned by her parents and lives with her grandparents until she's three or four years old and her brother.

Then she has to go somewhere else and while she's a child, she loses the ability to speak for a couple couple of years because she was abused

and then she blooms

I couldn't figure out why that was a problem why so many mysteries he stayed

yeah it's do you think it's the blooming portion of it all

anything to do with it see an empathy for a small young black child perhaps had a little something to do with it

and she turned out to be about six feet tall and no longer small you know so you think it was height Height was the issue.

Yeah, Trump.

Trump is a really petty man.

He's like, oh, all the books with characters over 511.

Get out of here.

She was a very large woman with a very deep voice and a massive talent and a great heart.

And

so I took a very dim view of that.

We were friends.

I spoke at her funeral.

I didn't like it.

I don't like book banning.

Yeah.

And I wasn't ever for banning books

that were full of things that they said about me that weren't true.

It never occurred to me that I should stop you from reading them.

Yeah, did you?

You're going to have some regrets looking back on what you could have done, I'm sure.

Yeah.

It's interesting in this book another portion of this book is that the president is going after a grand bargain

which is a big audacious bargain.

I'm curious where that came in in the writing process.

And in some ways, would this have been Clinton 3.0?

Was this sort of an agenda that you could see for America today?

And follow-up, why wasn't invading Greenland a part of that?

Well, we took that part out.

We didn't think it was credible.

I like Greenland.

I wrote it in and he took it out.

This is how it starts.

This is how it begins.

Greenland does have a lot of rare earths and minerals

that we might need someday.

Denmark is a NATO allies of ours.

Instead of stealing it from them, we ought to just make a deal and have a contract like normal people do.

But

this grand bargain is we got problems of our own making.

And part of them, the massive debt we have, which is about,

it's over 100% of our annual income now

a lot of it was unavoidable because of the we had the financial crash in 2008 and then the COVID problem

only 12 years later

so when interest rates go down below inflation and stay there

you

if you raise taxes

or you

do other things to tighten the economy, you'll just make it worse.

So in those narrow instances, we had to spend more money than we were taking in to get any kind of economic activity.

But you can't do it forever.

And

so we need to stop that now.

And

therefore, I think this latest budget sent to Congress by the administration was a mistake because it's going to make it worse.

It's like saying, okay, the economy is doing fine now.

We have relatively low unemployment.

We have relatively low inflation and it's getting better.

And let's make it worse now and have a huge increase in the debt.

I don't think it makes sense and I think we'll regret it.

I mean, I think some of the critique right now is that Republicans seem to be the party that wants to be fiscally responsible, but they get in power and they don't act on that.

Do you believe it's insincere?

Yeah, it's all rhetoric.

We We doubled the debt when President Reagan was in office.

We've been a country for a long time by 1980 and we doubled the debt in eight years.

And then we increased it by another 50%

under President Bush

and he tried to do something about it.

He signed a budget passed by the Congress.

under the leadership of

the committee chair Leon Panetta, who later became my chief of staff and President Obama's CIA chief.

Then

after

the second President Bush got elected, the first thing he did was to pass a big tax cut again.

And

he had a little bit of a recession

to deal with

six months or something.

So if he had said, let's do this for a year so I can avoid a recession or minimize it, I would have supported it.

But he wanted to make it permanent.

And that's their, it's almost theology with them.

There's no such thing as a bad tax cut unless it helps poor people.

But there in the book,

there is a solution that's proposed by the President.

And what we do,

which is appropriate for a suspense now, we kind of build up suspense about what is it until the very end of the book.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which is appropriate, I think, in this kind of thing.

Yeah, I figured, look, it's a book.

I mean, it's a mystery.

So we couldn't write a 30-page thing, but I tried to give an outline of it.

Was that the initial pitch of like, and the last 30 pages is sort of an outline for the plan for economic stability in America?

And James is like, no, let's keep it to two.

Not two, not two, but yeah, but not 30.

I tried to show that you could make a difference, you could make a change.

Yeah.

And we went through these two deep holes, so I don't expect anybody

to be able to solve this in four years.

I didn't expect President Trump to be able to.

But

you got to follow the first rule.

First, if you're in a hole, stop digging.

Anyway.

And then...

I was hoping there would be a balanced program to get us out.

And that's what all this Doge was sold as.

But if you look at everything that

Mr.

Musk was working on before he went back to selling Teslas,

all of it together is a tiny slice of our budget.

Most of our budget goes to

health care, Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare, veterans' health,

defense, and the slice that he's got is not very big.

You can't possibly solve a problem this big with a budget that's this.

And it's our future budget.

If you ask yourself, why is America leading the world now?

It's because of our lead in technology

and in biomedical research, especially and lots of other areas.

So that's what they want to cut.

It's a mistake.

You don't.

This is like, well, I love watching this,

the NBA Finals.

These teams have been great.

Sure.

What are you rooting for?

Are you OKC guy?

Well.

Pacers fan?

Knicks initially, right?

I like them both.

Still the politician.

I don't know.

Okay, I'll try.

I was

with Oklahoma Oklahoma City when it was bombed, and I've been with them ever since because of what they did with what they suffered.

It's an unrecognizable place today because they worked together

and they had an ethic, as they said, of

kindness and hard work, and it's worked.

But I was not prepared for our good Indiana wolves.

I mean,

it's fun watching them.

So,

you know, I went in for Oklahoma City, and I haven't stopped liking them, but

it's amazing the courage that Indiana has shown every time that they're playing like this.

If only our politics could get back to the legitimacy of NBA basketball.

Where we could love one thing but understand

what the other team brings to it all.

These people respect each other.

You can look at the, and you don't see these Oklahoma City guys jumping up and down because Tyrese

Halberton doesn't make a lot of points because he tore up his right leg.

And what did he do?

He came back in the second half, didn't score a bunch of points, but he ran the offense, and they did great in the second half.

So, I mean, you know, it's...

We just need to bring respect back to perhaps the New York Knicks as well, right?

So they may be filling a few of those pieces as well.

More of the Knicks did great this year.

It did great.

We could celebrate that, right?

Speaking of some, this last weekend, there was a little bit of money spent in Washington, D.C.

at

a couple, I think, 45 million last I heard at this big birthday celebration slash Army parade.

I was curious if you guys saw that or if President Clinton, you thought about throwing one for yourself.

I was still watching the, you know, when you were interviewing people, people would go, oh, we're cutting education, great.

Oh, we're cutting cancer research, great.

What are people, nuts?

We're cutting cancer research, Great.

We're going to do stuff like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a good thing.

It's not natural.

We don't need cancer in this.

Yeah.

One of the things I noticed when I was there, there's been a lot of...

That's what they should do with voting.

You shouldn't be able to vote if you're going to say stuff like that.

I'm sorry.

You can't vote.

I'm sorry.

You can't vote.

You can't vote.

That's

against cancer research and no voting.

That's the line, right?

It's 18, and if you're against cancer research, maybe now is not the one for you.

A few other things.

Well, I think the Democrats need to ask themselves, how come we can't beat that?

Now,

the Supreme Court's going to have to step in this time, it seems like, because they seem to say in...

Last year in two decisions, well, yeah,

the president might commit a crime, but as long as he thinks it's the right thing to do, it by definition can't be criminal.

Who ever heard of that?

You see what happened this weekend as well with the No Kings protest.

Five million people.

Five million.

Five million people show up.

There's definitely an energy there.

When I talk to a lot of people who are progressive, I think they're frustrated, they're angry, many are scared.

They don't know what the best use of their energy is or where where to put that.

I think this No Kings

show-in was one way of like a show of force.

I think when you talk about the flaws, the Democrats unable to put up a defense against people who are anti-cancer, like where should that energy,

where should that go?

First of all,

I think Biden had a successful four years.

He did a good job, I think.

But we didn't have enough of a campaign on the back end.

And I think it's a little unfair to say it's Camilla Harris's fault because she didn't ask for the circumstances which were visited on her.

So now we've got

what they have to do, the people in Washington, is

they do need to show what's wrong with this budget and do their best to beat it or get changes in it and keep going.

But

it's not an election yet.

And I think we need other people to come up with ideas.

That's why we wrote the book, the way we did it, partly, just to say, you can be a Republican or a Democrat and be for this.

This makes common sense.

And we've gotten too far away from that.

We're so interested in demeaning and debasing and name-calling.

And President Trump's been richly rewarded for that, for being able to just divide and distract people.

You know, I learned early on in terms of life lessons that skepticism is absolutely healthy and terrific, and cynicism is poison.

Yeah.

But what do you say to the young person who sees what's happening in Los Angeles and sees people standing up, upset about their neighbors being deported, and suddenly the National Guard being brought in?

Protest and vote.

Protest and vote.

Do things, though.

Don't talk about it.

Like, you know, a lot of the lawyers talk talk to me about

the Supreme Court decisions, which seem to say that once you're president,

you can't break the law.

You can just do whatever you think is right.

And if it's against the law, you just say you thought it was the right thing to do.

And I thought, well, there's an easy way to fix it.

They said, what do you mean?

The Supreme Court's six to three for them,

maybe five to four.

And I always say,

if you elect a Democrat president,

they will have an epiphany.

And all of a sudden they'll rediscover the separation of powers and the things that, and constitutional rights and all that stuff.

It'll change again.

We,

look,

we are the longest, consistently lasting

democracy in history.

We're not the oldest country in history, but we are the oldest democracy.

And Dwight Eisenhower, a Republican,

said

after he went through that mess with Joe McCarthy, he was very worried about whether we would have the mental discipline to sustain our democracy

when all this happened.

And today it may look so.

And AI scares people.

Everybody's scared of something.

But I'm just telling you,

we're about to celebrate our 250th birthday, and so far, everybody that's bet against this country has lost money.

So far, we have saved it.

But citizens can't sit around and whine.

They got to get off the bench and play the game.

And if you don't like who's being elected and you don't like what they're doing, you've got to get out there and fight for it.

And one of the things that we try

to do in this book

is to make people

see that.

We try to make them see democracy as

and also a big thing about this book are the two journalists and who really are trying to find out the truth.

And I think there are a lot of good journalists who do that.

And we're forgetting about that.

And people are going online for journalism that's written by fiction writers.

Just making stuff up.

That doesn't work.

Not a lot of satirical comedians in this book, I notice.

Oh, what?

Yeah, surprising you didn't have more heroic satirical comedians.

That's the next book.

That could be the next book.

Before I let you guys go...

Supermaniac.

I like this.

That's going to sell.

That'll definitely sell.

Can I maybe get in on some of the royalties or writing a book like that with you guys?

I guess we won't do that one.

Before I let you guys go, I do want to get your thoughts on what's happening in the news today.

I think we covered this in the first act talking about Iran.

You sat at the table, you've tried to negotiate peace in the Middle East, and we have Donald Trump talking about whether he's somebody who's going to summon that, bring that forth.

There's a lot of questions as what the next steps are going to be.

I think, as somebody who sits and watches that, who's been in similar positions, like, what do you hope for?

What advice do you have?

First of all,

they're not talking about negotiating peace in the Middle East because

the

Israelis have no intention of

under President Prime Minister Netanyahu of giving the Palestinians a state and now they're too divided and crushed to organize themselves to achieve it

so and President Trump apparently agrees with that that they shouldn't have a state

but you don't want a disaster either

and

Mr.

Netanyahu has long wanted to fight Iran because

that way he can stay in office forever and ever.

He's been there most of the last 20 years.

But

I think we should be trying to diffuse it.

And I hope President Trump will do that.

I hope anybody there will do that.

We've got to stop.

We've got to convince our friends in the Middle East that we'll stand with them and try to protect them.

But

choosing

undeclared wars in which the primary victims are civilians who are not politically involved one way or the other, just want to live decent lives, is not a very good solution.

Do I think that we have to try to stop Iran from having a nuclear weapon?

I do.

I tried at that, and we had some success.

But we don't have to have all this outright constant killing of civilians who can't defend themselves and they just want a chance to live.

As successful authors with the book number two on the New York Times bestsellers list.

It wasn't my first wish, but it was my second wish.

It's still a very good wish.

I'm curious, as authors, can you tell me, do you guys know how the American story will end?

It's not going to end.

Not in our lifetime.

You're all about sequels, huh?

Yeah.

I'm telling you,

the people in this audience, you think about this.

If everybody in this country who's worried about it

would just start talking to their neighbors and generating interest,

these five million people at the No Kings rallies, they're a pretty good canary in the coal line.

Yeah, I suspect this summer is going to be interesting.

I think there'll be a lot of people on the streets trying to express their.

Just don't give up.

Keep fighting.

You've got to, but I'm telling you.

President Trump,

whatever you think of the previous campaigns, did win that last election.

And he has a right to govern govern and try to do what he thinks is right.

And those of us who don't agree with him have a right to say we don't agree and here's why.

And you just need to fight.

You can win this fight if you'll stay at it.

The first gentleman is available now.

President Clinton and James Patterson.

We're going to take a quick break.

We'll be right back after this.

That's our show for today.

Now, here it is.

Come over to Zen.

The Guardian newspaper reported that pizza deliveries to the Pentagon surged right before the U.S.

invasion of Panama in 1989 and Operation Desert Storm in 1991.

Of course, all of this is on a need-to-know basis.

That's need with a K.

Stu.

Oh, you had to go there, didn't you, Ashley?

Oh, you did.

I did.

You did it.

I had to.

Yeah, you had just have to.

Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus.

This has been a Comedy Central podcast.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

Must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim.

This is Larry Flick, owner of the Floor Store.

Labor Day is the last sale of the summer, but this one is our biggest sale of the year.

Now through September 2nd, get up to 50% off store-wide on carpet, hardwood, laminate, waterproof flooring, and much more.

Plus, two years' interest-free financing, and we pay your sales tax.

The Floor Store's Labor Day sale.

Don't let the sun set on this one.

Go to floorstores.com to find the nearest of our 10 showrooms from Santa Rosa to San Jose.

The Floor Store, your area flooring authority.