Trump Trolls Biden with Autopen Portrait & Sics His DOJ on James Comey | Regina Hall

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You're listening to Comedy Central

from the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central.

It's America's only source for news.

This is the Daily Show with your host, Jordan Clapper.

Welcome to the Daily Show.

I'm George Lapper.

We got so much to talk about tonight.

Trump hires only the best people.

James Comey is back in the news, no matter how badly we don't want it.

And

you guys are good.

We'll get to hear from Leslie Jones later.

So, behave.

Behave.

Behave.

Let's get to the headlines.

Since retaking office, President Trump has been redecorating the White House to reflect his his personal style.

A style which can be best described as C-3PO's taint.

And it's a project that's still continuing today.

The White House is unveiling a presidential walk of fame featuring portraits of U.S.

presidents.

Oh,

you know what?

This is nice.

If I was president, I wouldn't plaster every f ⁇ ing foot of the place with gold, but

if you're going to, this is a nice, inclusive gesture.

Mr.

Trump, I applaud your class.

With the exception of former President Joe Biden, the new display just outside the Oval Office along the colonnade there shows a framed photo of an auto pen writing Biden's signature in place of the former president's portrait.

Damn it!

He got me!

So, apparently Trump is trolling Biden about the Autopen conspiracy.

A hilarious burn that will make millions of Americans say, wait, what was that about again?

But enough of this dumb story about the president's pettiness.

Let's move on to a much more terrifying story about the president's pettiness.

This morning, after an intense public pressure campaign, sources tell ABC News President Trump's new hand-picked U.S.

attorney plans to give him what he's been demanding and seek to indict former FBI director James Comey, despite other prosecutors finding there's not enough evidence to charge him with a crime.

I don't know what's what's worse: Donald Trump weaponizing the Justice Department or the fact that he's doing it to go after James Comey.

I mean, Trump, he's the dude who got you elected president.

Remember, he announced a few days before Election Day that he was investigating Hillary for her email server.

And America was like, We can't have a president with such disrespect for proper procedure.

Let's elect Donald Trump instead.

Like Donald.

Donald.

Donald, a question, a question.

Donald, how can you go after a guy who played a key role in you winning the election?

What's next?

Are you going to go after podcasts with names like the Chod Kings or Reuting Out with the Jizz Brothers?

I mean, you don't even know if that's a real podcast or not.

He may have appeared on that.

Look, now, even though prosecutors say they don't have a case against Comey, Trump seems to have found a loophole.

Appoint a prosecutor who doesn't care.

Sources say the president forced out his own appointed U.S.

attorney for Eastern Virginia, replacing him with one of his personal lawyers, Lindsay Halligan.

Wow.

Wow.

One of his personal lawyers.

She must have a ton of experience in the criminal justice system.

I bet she knows her way around a grand jury.

Halligan, an insurance lawyer, has never prosecuted a criminal case in her career or presented evidence to a grand jury.

Okay, okay.

This sounds bad, but at least she is a lawyer.

I mean, in this administration, that's well above the baseline.

There was a really good chance he could have appointed the Jizz Brothers for this job.

But

you gotta figure, if he's trusting Lindsey Halligan to go after his political enemies, the vetting process must have been extremely thorough.

She told the Washington Post that she ended up on Trump's legal team after showing up at one of his golf events in a suit, prompting Trump to hire her just weeks later.

This is how he fixed members of his team.

You, the lady in the suit, come join my legal team.

Does Trump look at David Byrne like, wow, he must have been top of the class at Harvard Law?

Wow.

Wow.

And I'm all for dressing for the job you want, but come on, she must have some other qualifications Trump valued.

She's also a former contestant in Miss Colorado USA.

This is all starting to make sense though.

When Trump hires people, they're either beauty queens or the ugliest bog creatures in the world.

So the bad news is Trump continues to appoint people to positions they're completely unqualified for.

But the good news is

Trump continues to appoint people to positions they're completely unqualified for.

In other words, don't worry, James Comey.

You don't have to learn how to make toilet hooch just yet.

For more on the Looming Comey indictment, we go live to the Department of Justice with Troy Iwata.

Troy!

Isn't this embarrassing for the Justice Department?

Lindsay Halligan is clearly out of her depth.

Absolutely.

She may be the most unqualified U.S.

attorney ever.

So unqualified that I'm kind of rooting for her.

Wait,

what do you mean you're rooting for?

I don't know.

I don't know how to explain it.

It's triggering my American love for an underdog.

You know,

it kind of feels like a movie.

Like,

I don't know if it's like the legal part or the blonde part, but it's reminding me of that movie.

You know that movie, my cousin Vinny?

Don't you mean legally blonde?

Oh my god.

Yeah, that one too.

It's just like a movie.

A former beauty contestant trying her very first case against the former head of the FBI, and we get to root for her in real life?

You go, girl!

I will be there front row opening weekend.

Trials don't have opening weekends.

Okay, opening arguments, whatever.

Whatever the legal stuff is.

I don't know.

We're gonna learn about it while she's learning about it.

Like we're on this journey together.

This is not a movie, Troy.

This is going to be a real indictment that Lindsay Halligan has no business bringing.

You say that now, but wait till she gets together with her best friend, a quirky nail technician who tells her, wow, you're going to make a really great law person one day.

Is that Jennifer Coolidge?

Why is she in this trial?

She fills the seats, Jordan.

You know, she's going to help Lindsay get over her ex.

They're going to learn the case in a fun montage, and Lindsay will lose her confidence enough to consider quitting, but then she'll change her outfit into something fierce, and they'll win the whole case.

Happy ending credits roll on this perfect day!

Try, try!

Try!

This is what I'm talking about.

Your happy ending involves an innocent man being sent to prison by a vengeful president.

This isn't a movie.

It's undermining democracy.

If I may quote from the January 6th Select Committee, the rule of law is a sacred hallmark of this.

Oh my god, that's so boring.

Okay, so if you want me to care, you gotta put it in movie terms because this is America.

Alright, you need to sell it to us, Jordan.

Give me the trailer.

Okay, all right.

How about this?

A bad boy, former FBI director.

Good, good.

Wrongfully arrested.

Hot.

Falls in love.

Yeah, I'm so gonna see this.

Okay, with the legal foundations of due process.

Oh, you lost me.

And it's in 3D.

Oh, I'm back in.

I love 3D.

Love 3D.

It's like it's happening all around me.

Yeah, it almost is.

Troy Wada, everybody.

When we come back, Leslie Jones gives us your opinion.

Don't go away.

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Welcome back to the Daily Show.

We all know I've got great opinions, but I'm not the only one.

Studies show that other people also have opinions.

So here with another another installment of, in my opinion, is our good friend, Leslie Jones.

Yes!

What's up?

I am Leslie Jones, and I am here to give you some straight talk about something that other people are too scared to talk about.

Racism.

Buckle up, bitches, because I'm not scared.

Okay, first let's start with the racism in the news today.

Tonight, President Trump is escalating his war against what he calls the last remaining segment of woke, accusing the Smithsonian of being out of control, where everything discussed is how horrible our country is, how bad slavery was.

Oh, are we hurting your little feelings, you bitch?

Well, Mr.

President, slavery feels bad to talk about because slavery was bad.

Honestly, honestly, I don't think museums go far enough.

If you don't leave an African-American history museum weeping and wanting to give your closest black friends reparations,

then they didn't do the museum right.

And let me say this.

By the way, 40 acres and a mule is not enough anymore.

I want 40 acres and a trust fund.

How about that?

Matter of fact,

matter of fact, throw in the mule if you want to.

I need something to carry my money.

Also, stop throwing around the word woke for everything.

Teaching slavery is not woke.

It's history.

Black.

Black.

The black little mermaid.

Okay.

That's woke.

But y'all.

But y'all know that it's also not real.

Mermaids ain't real.

You know what's real?

Slavery.

We need those museums.

Go study.

Because when we close the museum, this is what happens.

And you cannot tie imperialism and racism and slavery to just one race, which is pretty much what every single exhibit does.

But let's talk about the fact that when you look at the-slavery.

Slavery in America was.

Do you know that only less than 2% of white Americans own slaves?

Wait a minute, hang on.

Isn't that the fitness bitch who

lied about how I could get abs in 60 minutes?

How did you go from counting calories to counting slaves, bitch?

But I guess somebody said something to her because then she tried to come back and explain what she meant, but made it worse.

We constantly talk about white supremacy, but we look the other way.

With black degeneracy, it begets white hostility that then validates and begets white degeneracy.

Black degeneracy begots white hostility, and in her ignorancy begot stupidity because

you the

idiot!

Was that bitch trying to wrap us into believing that it's our fault that white people are racist?

Oh, you motherfuckers are good at gaslighting.

Black people already don't get credit for so much that we've created in this country.

And the one thing you want to give us credit for is racism, bitch.

Jillian, you the biggest loser.

I bet you, I bet you, I bet you she was way nicer when she was fat.

It's hard to be racist after a hot meal.

You know what I'm saying?

In the history of America, black people are the lowest on the totem pole.

Well, except for the people who invented the totem pole.

Racism is like the syphilis of America.

Once it gets in there, it just keeps spreading until the whole country is blind and crazy.

You're not caring right now because it's not happening.

Women, you're not caring right now because it's happening to us, but it will trickle down.

An alarming new jobs report shows a disproportionate jump in unemployment among black workers, specifically black women.

Economists have told us that when we see the unemployment rate going up for black people, it's a sign that it could soon go up for all people.

America, you in danger, girl.

We keep trying to tell you this is a horror movie.

Just because the black guy got killed first doesn't mean that the white people are safe.

Because if the black person can't outrun the chainsaw killer, none of y'all can.

I just need to know why does America have so much hatred for black people?

Is it because when you see black people, you're reminded of the sins of this country?

Is it because my ass is too fat?

Is it because people need a scapegoat for their own shortcomings?

Or is it because my ass is too fat?

Is it because you're afraid that we're going to treat you like you treated us?

And you know what?

I know my ass is fat.

Stop looking at my ass and listen to the words that are coming out my mouth.

I'm going to be honest.

You know what I think?

I honestly think everyone, not just white people, are uneducated.

Not stupid, just uneducated about black people.

You've been fed false propaganda about black people since the beginning of time in books, music, TV, movies.

That shit's powerful.

Even I fall for it sometimes.

I saw X-Men, and do you know how long I believe Holly Berry controlled the weather?

But apparently, it's the Jews.

Oh, wait, wait.

Is that propaganda too?

Damn, y'all good.

Y'all are so good at that shit.

See, this is the stereotype that people have.

A person talks a certain way or looks a certain way and everybody wants to make assumptions.

When we just want to be treated like everybody else, what do you see when you see us?

Do you see us less than human?

Do you see us as animals?

Why does this shit keep happening?

Not to a dispute on a commuter train.

A writer for a hip TV show says he was kicked off the train and placed in handcuffs because of the way he was sitting.

Because this looking white woman said she didn't like the way I was sitting on the wall.

Authorities say Alex O'Keefe, a former writer on the TV drama The Bear, had his feet up on the seat next to him.

O'Keeffe posting the video saying a woman told him to fix the way he was sitting.

After he refused, he says she told the conductor, who in turn called police and stopped the train.

I haven't done anything illegal.

Wait a minute.

They arrested a black man for sitting?

Why does she care?

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Is that the bitch who got her seat taken by Rosa Plar 70 years ago?

Man!

Man, talk about holding a grudge.

Let me tell you something.

If this woman had went to a black history museum, she would have learned that it's wrong to call the police on a black man, especially now.

In fact, I think everybody can take some time and go to the Black History Museum.

Go learn.

Go study.

Educate yourself while they're still here.

But that's just my opinion.

Let's it goes, everyone.

Don't miss Leslie's Reuspect of Life Part 2 for me at October 24th at Detox.

And catch Leslie live on tour.

This falls sickness at justleslie.com.

We come back to Gena Hall.

Will you join me on the show?

Don't go away.

Welcome back to the Daily Show.

My guest tonight is an actor who stars in the new Paul Thomas Anderson film, One Battle After Another.

Come on, baby, say it back to me.

Green Acres, Beverly Hillbillies, Houdeville Junction.

Will no longer be so goddamn relevant.

And women will not care if Dick finally got down with Jane on search for tomorrow.

Because black people will be in the streets.

Looking for a brighter day.

The revolution will not be televised.

Dad said if anyone said that shit to me, to trust him with my life.

Alright, right now you need to.

Because you're in trouble, Willa.

Alright, now there's an SOS signal out.

I am here to help, but we have to leave here right away.

Please welcome welcome Regina Hall.

Wow.

Hi, everyone.

That was so lovely.

They love you.

This thing is great.

What What do you think?

You like it?

I love a swivel.

It's a nice swivel.

You can talk to everybody.

You can talk to the audience, me, Abraham Lincoln behind you if you so choose to.

They love you.

And you know what they haven't seen?

They haven't seen this freaking movie.

I got to see.

This is a movie.

I can't wait for you guys to see it.

You liked it.

I loved it.

This is it's it's an incredible movie.

You are wonderful in it.

I mean, how does it how does one get cast in a Paul Thomas Anderson film?

I'm asking for a friend.

You gotta sleep with Maya Rudolph.

Is that what it is?

What?

I was trying to get on SNL.

No, you know, so I met Paul at a festival

about

six, seven years ago, maybe.

And then we found out we were neighbors.

Is that right?

That is right.

Is that how it happens in LA?

You find out you're neighbors because you meet at a film festival somewhere else.

Or, or you made it a film festival, find out where he lives by the house next door, and then say you're neighbors.

No, we met, and then I had been a big fan of his, and he was there.

It may have been longer than that, because he was there for Phantom Thread.

Oh, wow.

Which I loved.

And I was a big PTA fan.

And so we had just become very neighborly friendly.

I love him.

I love my.

They've got, you know, great family.

And then one day,

you know, years later, Paul says, Regina, I have a movie for you.

And I wasn't prepared psychologically.

I was like, no, I thought he was coming over to look at my yard because I was getting work done.

So

I immediately took him to the back and I was like, I want to do, I just need some chairs here.

And they're going to put some cement.

I was showing him because I was like, there's no walkway.

You know, you could fall.

And then he said, could we go inside?

And I was like, sure.

And then he said, he said, and I looked, when I tell you, I looked, I looked rough.

You look rough.

But

Paul was used to that.

Okay, so he understood.

He knew the real.

You know what?

The truth is, I always wore a bandana, and it's what I look like in the movie.

Is that right?

It is.

It's true.

Are you considering like a movie next to Christopher Nolan anytime soon?

Like, is this a game plan for you?

I am in escrow.

There you go.

This film...

It really is a remarkable film.

I think people are going to love it.

It feels so of this moment.

So many themes feel like it's about right now.

It's epic, it's funny, it's an action movie, there's car chases, it's adult, it's scary, it's it's so many things.

How do you describe this?

You know, it's it's interesting because it's it there there may be themes that echo today, but I think those themes just echo, you know, historically.

But the film, it's really a father-daughter story.

I mean, and and there's so much in it, there's a lot of humor, a lot of action.

But he started ruminating about this film 20 years ago.

I know, 20 years ago, when I was seven.

thank you.

Yeah, he started ruminating about it 20 years ago and

I think kept coming back to it, kept coming back to it.

And so the timing of it feels a bit kind of

divine, you know, but it's

in how it coincides with many things.

But the truth is it's father-daughter.

There's a lot of humor.

It's really kind of about family, our families we may be born into, the the families that we kind of create through purpose, you know.

And it starts off, you know, where I'm a part of a group, the French 75,

which was kind of like these young

revolutionaries.

And then, you know, it's kind of like what happened 16 years later when some of those actions may have repercussions for others.

I mean, yeah, what is it like playing essentially a leftist extremist?

Yeah.

Like that's

right now.

Like, how's the press tour been with that, huh?

Easy, great.

Thanks, Paul.

A leftist extremist.

Let me go out and talk about it.

Surprisingly, you know what?

Most people really kind of experience the film apart.

I mean, they can connect it to things that are current, but they experience it apart from it.

And it is kind of like a wild ride.

It doesn't choose a side.

It just is a story of what what happens

when kind of this, I don't want to say calamity, but when this kind of calamity strikes and you've got to be like, how can we save the innocent?

Yes, I mean, I think that's sort of what is

so compelling about it too, because

you drop into this world that feels very prescient and relatable.

There's white supremacy, there's immigration issues, there's extremism, there's chaos, there's protest.

Yes.

Per se.

Uh-huh.

But you are focusing on that.

Per se.

Yeah, per se.

I want all my lefts and rights to come to the movie.

That's right.

Well, but I but I do think.

We love them all.

We love them all.

Everybody, everybody.

But this is like a backdrop for the world that these characters live within who are trying to find like sense of it and connection, which I do think that's, the tone of it felt very remarkable to me.

It was a very exciting thing.

It is.

You know,

I think

Paul Thomas Anderson, he's able to create so many genres and worlds and ideologies that are able to collide in such an exciting way.

And I think the thing when I watched it that was surprising to me was how funny it was.

It's really funny.

And I'm not funny in it.

Not at all.

You aren't known for your comedic performances.

And Paul is like, take that out.

You're going to be like the emotional rock.

Yeah, I didn't get a joke.

I barely got a smile in it.

I was like this.

Yeah.

How was that?

Were you chopping at the bit?

Like, come on, let me get a little bit of a single.

You know, every now and then I would just feel, ooh.

It's late night, but not that late.

It's not that late at night.

Keep it respectful.

Yeah, keep it.

No.

We're just, we're just, we're trying to stay on top of this, okay?

I know, thank you.

I know.

I'm going to be right.

He'll be right.

What did you just ask?

As a comedian performer who is known for you.

You know what?

If I think of something funny to say, and I just tell somebody else to say it.

Like, if it's not in my character, I'll be like, oh, it'll be funny if you say this.

Is that right?

Yeah.

I mean, that.

Because it's all for the movie, so it doesn't matter who says it.

If an audience laughs, it doesn't matter if I say it or you say it.

It's just as long as it's like, oh, this will be good.

I mean, that cast, it's an amazing cast.

Leonardo DiCaprio, Blursu del Toro, Sean Penn.

You're acting with a baby.

They were very green.

Oh that baby.

Give me the deets on the baby.

What's going on?

Spill the tea on the baby.

The baby was a scene stealer.

Did you?

Oh, you haven't seen it.

The baby.

Because I was about to ask you guys.

The baby was so cute.

Wasn't she cute?

Oh, an adorable baby.

Okay.

But I knew, I knew there was something else, yeah?

This baby, and she was great in the scenes, but in between the scenes,

she would cry, but she would stop when Paul held her

I think she wanted my part is that right

she was cute and young and innocent and strategic

no she was so cute but she really did she would be so she loved Paul I mean he's got you know he's such a great dad

but she loved Paul Really?

Yeah.

Do you think she knew he chose her?

I think, you know what?

I think everybody's angling towards Paul when I realized it.

I think so.

Yeah, you're like, me with the house, she with the baby eyes.

I think that's the thing.

And they game-recognized games in the situation.

She looks at me and she's like, I'm going to up you on this movie.

No.

Damn that, baby.

Well, the movie is remarkable.

Go see it.

One battle after another is in theaters at IMAX now.

Regina Hall.

Regina, quick break.

We're right back after this.

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That's unjofoot tonight now.

Here it is.

Good moment again.

This is a call.

This is a call for well over a month creating

this is a call.

Congressman, this is different.

This is different.

Just Congressman, can you have my question?

These are Biden spending levels.

I'm not sure the

in the clean CR.

Because I'm trying to ask you.

I'm just trying to ask you about the OMB letter.

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