Hegseth Lectures "Fat Generals" and Trump Threatens War Against U.S. Cities | Cristela Alonzo

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Speaker 4 Which can lead to some tough choices.

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Speaker 1 Actually, I was thinking about heading out only because I want to beat the traffic. The best part of the sleepovers the next day.

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Imagine that. Restrictions apply.
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Speaker 14 I'm Mark Chang. We got so much to talk about tonight.

Speaker 15 P.

Speaker 16 Heg Seth has his own Battle of the Bulge. The National Guard adds more tour dates.

Speaker 20 And I bet you 50 bucks gambling is going to destroy American society.

Speaker 21 So let's get into the headlines.

Speaker 21 Let's start with America's military, the Karen of the world.

Speaker 20 They just will not stay out of other countries' business.

Speaker 25 And leading this military is Pete Hegseff, who you might think is the Secretary of Defense.

Speaker 28 But you'll be wrong.

Speaker 29 He's rebranded himself the Secretary of War.

Speaker 1 You know how cool guys always give themselves nicknames.

Speaker 25 And

Speaker 29 as part of this military makeover, last week the Secretary announced a surprise meeting.

Speaker 31 Tonight, in an unprecedented move, Secretary Pete Hagseth asking all U.S. general officers and admirals around the world to gather at the U.S.
Marine Base in Quatico, Virginia.

Speaker 32 A meeting of this size in person and on such short notice is extremely rare.

Speaker 33 It's going to also potentially be a security risk, given the sheer number of military officials and how many are going to be gathered in one place at a time.

Speaker 34 Listen, we all do weird things when we're drunk, okay?

Speaker 19 Some of us slide into an excess DMs, and some of us call every U.S.

Speaker 29 general to a meeting at Quantico.

Speaker 9 But, you know, I'm sure if the Secretary is going to gather all the generals, some of them from active war zones, then he must have something very important he wants to tell them.

Speaker 38 It's tiring to look out at combat formations or really any formation and see fat troops.

Speaker 38 Likewise, it's completely unacceptable to see fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon.

Speaker 22 That's what you drag all these generals in for?

Speaker 22 To tell them they're fat?

Speaker 29 Couldn't you just leave some passive-aggressive comments on the Instagram?

Speaker 26 Like, hey, congrats, General. When are you due?

Speaker 29 I mean, this guy will text top secret war plans, but when it comes to body shaming, he's like, I want to see their fat faces when I tell them how fat their faces are.

Speaker 18 Look, I get the military needs to be fit.

Speaker 16 Okay, but

Speaker 6 in defense of fat generals,

Speaker 30 they're kind of like coaches, right?

Speaker 34 Like,

Speaker 16 coaches don't need to be fit enough to play the sport.

Speaker 29 They just have to be fit enough to date a 24-year-old.

Speaker 39 And also,

Speaker 22 There are some military positions you kind of don't want a fit soldier for.

Speaker 16 Like, I don't want a guy with six-pack abs operating a drone.

Speaker 16 He clearly hasn't had enough time and experience sitting down like this of a controller.

Speaker 2 Just gonna.

Speaker 6 Okay, he's dead.

Speaker 25 But telling generals they have to get on Ozempic wasn't the whole speech.

Speaker 27 America's Secretary of War.

Speaker 25 Had more to say than that.

Speaker 38 No more beards, long hair, superficial individual expression.

Speaker 29 We're gonna cut our hair,

Speaker 38 shave our beards, and adhere to standards.

Speaker 25 Okay, you hear that, you goddamn hippie generals?

Speaker 22 No more beards.

Speaker 25 I'm looking at you, Admiral Lebowski.

Speaker 15 Now, according to P.

Speaker 16 Heck Seth, America's military standards are now going to be indistinguishable from a grinder profile, okay?

Speaker 17 No fatties, no facial hair, and get those ladies the f ⁇ out of my sight.

Speaker 29 But it's all about a much larger project of de-wocificationing.

Speaker 38 An entire generation of generals and admirals were told that they must parrot the insane fallacy that, quote, our diversity is our strength.

Speaker 38 They had to put out dizzying DEI and LGBTQI plus statements. No more identity months, DEI offices, dudes in dresses.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you hear that?

Speaker 21 General adult fire?

Speaker 24 Something very weird about that general.

Speaker 30 I just can't

Speaker 40 put my finger on it.

Speaker 21 Although are we sure dudes wearing dresses doesn't work? Because the Taliban wore dresses and it kind of worked for them.

Speaker 22 You know what I mean?

Speaker 16 I don't know, maybe the beards cancel out the dresses.

Speaker 25 So I want to check the math on that.

Speaker 29 But this wasn't just a pep talk.

Speaker 21 Pete Hegseth, the motherfucking secretary of motherfucking war,

Speaker 27 also took the opportunity to bump his book sales on Amazon.

Speaker 42 You might say we're ending the war on warriors.

Speaker 42 I heard someone wrote a book about that.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 20 And that someone was him.

Speaker 29 Say what you want about Henry Kissinger.

Speaker 16 I mean, at least he never used his position to sell his book, 101 War Crimes to Triangle Cambodians.

Speaker 22 But bottom line: a lot of people were worried that this event was going to show that P.

Speaker 43 Hegseff had taken over the military.

Speaker 25 But it actually just showed how disconnected his MAGA rally energy is from their professional culture, especially this moment that he clearly thought was going to crush.

Speaker 2 Should our enemies choose foolishly to challenge us, they will be crushed by the violence, precision, and ferocity of the War Department.

Speaker 38 In other words, to our enemies,

Speaker 6 F-A-F-O.

Speaker 38 If necessary, our troops can translate that for you.

Speaker 24 Wow.

Speaker 24 Not even the leaders of the U.S.

Speaker 16 military have ever seen a line bomb that hard before.

Speaker 45 It's just kind of, it's weird and

Speaker 9 some would say juvenile to use internet slang in a speech to your adversaries.

Speaker 1 I mean, President Reagan was never like, Mr.

Speaker 6 Gobachaw, I hock to us, spit on that wall.

Speaker 2 But basically,

Speaker 35 that was Pete Hegseth's speech.

Speaker 3 F-A-F-O.

Speaker 43 And no one in the military is allowed to be fat, especially the leaders.

Speaker 21 Okay? It's a bad look.

Speaker 17 So next up to speak was the famously thin health nut commander-in-chief

Speaker 28 Donald Trump.

Speaker 36 And

Speaker 28 even President Trump noticed how dead the room was.

Speaker 46 Fantastic job. I've never walked into a room so silent before.

Speaker 28 Wow, way to throw your opening act under the bus.

Speaker 35 Who is that loser, huh?

Speaker 30 I thought alcoholics were supposed to be fun.

Speaker 6 Well,

Speaker 21 if anyone can win a room back, it's President Trump who convinced these generals there was a good reason to pull them from their posts.

Speaker 46 I call it the N-word.

Speaker 3 Oh, shit.

Speaker 26 He's coming in hot here.

Speaker 6 Is he going to say the thing?

Speaker 18 Is this about to happen? Is this it?

Speaker 46 The word nuclear. We can't can't let people throw around

Speaker 47 that word.

Speaker 6 Oh.

Speaker 24 Okay, the N-word is nuclear.

Speaker 25 Okay, but that's a weird way to say it since there's also kind of another word that we famously refer to as the N-word.

Speaker 46 There are two N-words, and you can't use either of them.

Speaker 46 Can't use either of them.

Speaker 47 And

Speaker 6 frankly,

Speaker 46 if it does get to use, we have more than anybody else. We have better, we have newer.

Speaker 30 Wait, are we still talking about nuclear or

Speaker 40 the other one?

Speaker 3 I just want to make sure.

Speaker 16 Look, I'm sure the gathering of America's most decorated generals is loving this extended riff on the N-word, but let's maybe wrap this up before it gets out of hand.

Speaker 46 San Francisco, Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, they're very unsafe places, and we're going to straighten them out one by one. And this is going to be a major part for some of the people in this room.

Speaker 46 That's a war, too. It's a war from within.
I told Pete, we should use some of these dangerous cities as training grounds for our military, National Guard, but military.

Speaker 46 This is going to be a big thing for the people in this room because it's the enemy from within and we have to handle it before it gets out of control.

Speaker 28 Okay, okay. You know what?

Speaker 40 Can we just go back to talking about the N-word?

Speaker 14 Okay, because this is...

Speaker 18 This seems worse.

Speaker 35 So is that what this whole thing was about?

Speaker 40 Giving these generals the marching orders for war against American cities?

Speaker 21 That's some pretty dark and scary shit from the president and the secretary of war.

Speaker 15 I mean, no, no, start with that.

Speaker 6 No,

Speaker 28 not now. No shredding.

Speaker 16 Shredding for good stuff only, not bad stuff.

Speaker 16 Look, I've only officially been American for like a few hours now, but even

Speaker 18 I know that using American cities as a training ground for the military is kind of messed up.

Speaker 16 And I don't think that's what American soldiers signed up to do.

Speaker 24 So if you're gonna rope them into your authoritarian fantasies, at the very least, you should at least change the recruitment ads.

Speaker 49 Your great-grandfather fought Hitler. Your grandfather fought the communists.
And now you'll be called upon to take on America's greatest enemy, Portland.

Speaker 39 If you're a tough young man with 0% body fat, the U.S. Army wants to shave you clean.

Speaker 39 Then we'll fly you to hostile lands like New York and Chicago, where you'll defend America from people who make fun of our president. Your Pappy fought German panzers.

Speaker 39 You'll fight this guy, that lady who won't move her car, and anyone with a nose ring. When history calls, you will send it to voicemail because you're shaving.

Speaker 39 While you wait for Antifa, you'll keep busy by picking up trash.

Speaker 47 Then clear out a homeless camp, another homeless camp, and then clear out the first one again.

Speaker 39 Then a quick clean-up shave, and back to your post. Wait, did you get your neck? Quick shave, and we're back.
Do you have what it takes to defeat hordes of demonic agents of chaos?

Speaker 47 Then join the Department of War today.

Speaker 39 Strength, honor, integrity, no fatties.

Speaker 6 Because we want you shave that man

Speaker 6 when we come back we lazy give us his opinion so don't go away

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Speaker 21 We all know I've got great opinions, but I'm not the only one.

Speaker 17 Studies show that other people also have opinions. So here with another installment of In My Opinion is our good friend, Ricky Valley.

Speaker 2 Las Vegas is loud, it's obnoxious, and it's much like our president. It might be dying right before our eyes.

Speaker 33 Tourism in Las Vegas is in a big slump this summer, costing the city billions of dollars.

Speaker 50 Is Las Vegas dying or is it all hype?

Speaker 33 It is dying. With visitors down 11% from last year, one factor? Sky-high prices.
Prices are too high.

Speaker 9 Almost everything in Las Vegas seems overpriced.

Speaker 34 Even a drink can drain your wallet.

Speaker 40 How much did you pay for this?

Speaker 33 $33.

Speaker 47 $33.

Speaker 2 If I'm paying $33 for a drink, the rim better have cocaine on it.

Speaker 2 We love cocaine here.

Speaker 2 Along with the high prices, the venereal diseases, there are more obvious reasons that Vegas is having trouble. It's because it's in everybody's pocket now.

Speaker 33 In 32 states plus DC, placing a bed is now as simple as opening up an app on your phone. Last year, Laura, Americans Americans spent $150 billion with AB, dollars on legal sports gambling.

Speaker 50 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can bet on events all over the world, from football to table tennis.

Speaker 6 Table tennis?

Speaker 2 I bet $100 those players are both virgins. How about that?

Speaker 2 So we all know that gambling online has become an enormous business. And if you don't know that, just watch TV for two minutes.
The ads are everywhere and some are getting really, really creepy.

Speaker 51 The FanDuel Commercial, paying tribute to the late Carl Weathers, who passed away 11 days ago.

Speaker 2 That commercial just had a moment of silence.

Speaker 2 Thank you for your service, Carl. Use promo code, if he dies, he dies.

Speaker 2 For 500 match play.

Speaker 2 Of course, most people,

Speaker 2 there's downsides to being able to gamble on everything, everywhere, all at once.

Speaker 22 Young men are blowing their money like never before due to easy access to online gambling and sports betting.

Speaker 50 50% of men between the ages of 18 through 49 have a sports betting app. 60% of high schoolers have gambled within the last year.

Speaker 37 Boys love sports.

Speaker 39 Now it's all about betting.

Speaker 52 And so I think we're really destroying the boys.

Speaker 2 Can we have one thing on the internet that doesn't destroy the boys?

Speaker 6 No, seriously, no, no.

Speaker 2 AI porn, video games, gambling, and Theo Von?

Speaker 2 Come on, what are we doing? The boys don't stand a chance.

Speaker 2 And sure, am I bitter because I lost a ton of money during the U.S. Open because Sinner decided to shit the bed and not use his backhand? Yes.

Speaker 2 Have I told my wife? No.

Speaker 2 Have I been home since the U.S. Open? No.

Speaker 2 Luckily, my gambling habits aren't as bad as they could be for others.

Speaker 52 When I say severe, I'm talking gambling eight hours a day, compulsively betting, waking up thinking about the bets that you placed the night before.

Speaker 52 I think we're going to see huge rates of bankruptcies, huge rates of divorces.

Speaker 2 Bankruptcies and divorce. My God,

Speaker 2 you're going to turn these children into the president of the United States of America.

Speaker 2 Not good. It's not good, Bonnie.

Speaker 2 So since these gambling companies are leading us down a road filled with addiction, you would assume that our government would step in and put a stop to it.

Speaker 6 Nope.

Speaker 2 Ours is just taking a cut of action.

Speaker 29 A little-known provision in the Big Beautiful Bill has some gamblers upset.

Speaker 33 A budget law changes the rules about deducting gambling losses.

Speaker 33 So instead of deducting 100%, the law limits loss deductions to 90% of winnings, which could leave gamblers paying taxes even when they lose. And they are furious.

Speaker 2 Of course, the government has started taking a rake on gambling. Our president is a mob boss.
If you're making money, he wants a piece of it. Same apparently if you have a private sex island.
But

Speaker 2 if you ask me, our government does not need to be joining gambling and exploiting Americans. It needs to be stopping it.

Speaker 2 A government that cares about Americans would stop corporations from drowning people in in gambling debt so we can go back to drowning them in health care debt like true patriots.

Speaker 6 But hey,

Speaker 2 that's just my opinion.

Speaker 2 We'll give a laugh, everyone.

Speaker 36 When we come back, please tell all of us. We'll be joining you on the show, so don't go away.

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Speaker 45 Welcome back to the David Show.

Speaker 41 My guest tonight is a comedian whose new Netflix special is called Upper Classy.

Speaker 18 Please welcome Cristella Alonzo.

Speaker 6 I'm a really good walker, apparently. No, you're great.

Speaker 22 So, third Netflix special.

Speaker 41 Yes.

Speaker 25 How did you visually approach this one?

Speaker 33 You know, well, you know, you never know what you're going to do. I started writing, and then the country happened.

Speaker 33 And then you realize that you have to say something because the country is happening.

Speaker 6 Sure, yeah.

Speaker 40 I mean, I watched it.

Speaker 14 It's super funny. It's great.

Speaker 40 I noticed your I guess I you know I take it for granted that someone doing comedy for 10 20 years always gonna be great at comedy.

Speaker 48 So I always look for how they film it to make it a little different to make it a special.

Speaker 10 And so I noticed you actually start in this quite an old school Chris Rock way where you're in the green room and then you walk out.

Speaker 41 The one shot.

Speaker 6 The one shot from the beginning. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 41 The one shot. Yeah.

Speaker 40 And so what was your, you know, what were you thinking?

Speaker 9 Were you trying to pay on my show? You just like.

Speaker 33 Yes, I actually, I wanted to do it like the the stand-up specials that I grew up watching yes you know and you know it used to be such a the specials were special yes it used to be this moment that you're like this is the night and I wanted to throw it back and I'm a sneakers person I wore heels on that show and that hurt I did that

Speaker 6 like I did that

Speaker 6 I did that

Speaker 33 No, but I wanted to do a polish, you know, and I was actually I was talking to Tom Papa. Yes.
And I was telling him I I wanted to go for like a Rita Rudner look. Yes.

Speaker 33 You know, and he's like, well, you're Latina. I'm like a margarita.

Speaker 15 Yeah, I mean, I think that's the

Speaker 9 weird thing about comics is that we kind of value

Speaker 16 history more than most people.

Speaker 25 All we want is to, all we read about is comedy history and trying to pay homage to that or live up to that.

Speaker 53 Or, you know,

Speaker 45 may we be so lucky to get praise from our peers

Speaker 53 who are of that generation.

Speaker 40 You know what I mean?

Speaker 33 Absolutely. You know, and one of the things, you know, like for me, when Letterman was retiring, I got to do his show like in the last month.

Speaker 33 And that to me, when you're a comic, the comedy nerd in you wants that moment. Yeah.
Because you remember that. Like when I was a kid, Carson was the one you wanted.

Speaker 33 And he retired when I was a teenager. And that hurt so much.
I didn't even know I wanted to do stand-up, but I wanted to be on Carson. Right.

Speaker 33 Because that was a meter of what an American was, you know? Yeah, so same.

Speaker 25 So I feel like a lot of,

Speaker 25 another way of putting it is, like, I kind of came to this country because of the American comedy institutions.

Speaker 33 Yes.

Speaker 45 And these comedy institutions are kind of, they're not what they once were, but I kind of don't care.

Speaker 6 Me too.

Speaker 29 I'm like, no, no, I wanted to, I don't care that network TV is dying.

Speaker 26 I love being on the tonight show.

Speaker 6 No, I'm not sure. I'm pretty.

Speaker 6 No, it's just.

Speaker 15 Because it's for me.

Speaker 17 It's not even for anyone.

Speaker 33 But honestly, when you think about it, even as a Latina.

Speaker 24 Sorry, that was an unfair diss to the Tenega.

Speaker 31 They know what they did.

Speaker 6 You guys know what they did. They know what they did.
I know.

Speaker 6 But

Speaker 33 I love the comedy institutions, but what happens, too, is that as a Latina, as a part of a group that you're not...

Speaker 22 But

Speaker 14 you're not Filipino?

Speaker 33 I am dreaming API.

Speaker 6 Okay, okay.

Speaker 33 But you know, it's like, no, but it's one of those things where

Speaker 33 you realize that a lot of the comedy institutions didn't have people that looked like you in them.

Speaker 33 Sure, so you actually you you get sad that they're no longer around but you actually like the evolution that it becomes

Speaker 33 what it becomes into no to look at me right here

Speaker 33 No, but that's my point like so when when I do the specials for me And tell me if that's what you're trying to do is like I because I never saw Asians do comedy specials, I try to put myself in that so when I film a special I pay homage to these specials because I'm like oh well I never saw someone come out you know absolutely yeah and and look look my mom was like undocumented when she got here I'm a first-generation Mexican-American I grew up in South Texas in a border town that had immigration rates during the 1980s the immigration rates have existed for decades so now you know it's like I do it and I love to be personal because I think that being specific in your story actually makes it universal to so many people.

Speaker 33 When they see the specifics and how you grew up, you realize that

Speaker 33 while you might not be Latino,

Speaker 33 while you might not be a woman, you actually relate to the way that I grew up. And that's the thing that we need to talk more of is that like right now, the country is so divisive, but really,

Speaker 33 the more different we are, the more alike we are. So when I'm on stage, I don't care if people don't like me.

Speaker 33 What I care about is honoring the memory that my mom had left me and why she came to this country for me to have opportunities. I mean, right now,

Speaker 33 coming on stage, I was thinking, you're hosting the Daily Show tonight.

Speaker 33 I am the daughter of immigrants, and for the next like five couple minutes, there's immigrant families, they're the stars of the Comedy Central like channel right now.

Speaker 6 I mean,

Speaker 45 that's a nice sentiment, but the data shows that no demographic.

Speaker 25 So it's mostly

Speaker 25 mostly coastal elites and white people.

Speaker 14 But anyway, that's a nice.

Speaker 33 Yeah, but I just want white people to feel like they're allies right now.

Speaker 6 So

Speaker 6 thank you for clapping.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 45 No, that is cool.

Speaker 40 I mean, and you mentioned your mom in the special, you know, and you talked about her. You want to talk a little bit about.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you know, like

Speaker 33 to me, one of the things that I think that I talked about in the special special thematically was that what I learned from her was that she worked really hard.

Speaker 33 And that's part of the American dream that we get taught. We get taught that we have to work hard.
And then after you work hard, you live life hard.

Speaker 33 And what I realized, then you get to enjoy life after you start work, stop, you know, you work enough, but no one tells you how much work is enough.

Speaker 33 So then, like, with my mom, she always wanted to go see a movie at a movie theater. She never did.
She always told herself, no, I have to work first and then go see a movie.

Speaker 33 And then she ended up passing away before she went to see a movie. And in that moment, I was my mom's caregiver when she passed.

Speaker 33 And I was like, she denied herself the most basic thing because she didn't think she deserved it. Because that's what this country does.
This country makes it seem like you need to work hard.

Speaker 33 Screw them, the corporations. They don't want to pay you a fair living wage.
They want you to kill yourself because you need to work hard for them. So

Speaker 33 when do you get to enjoy life? You have to enjoy life now. That's one thing I learned from my mom's passing, especially nowadays.
The biggest form of resistance that I believe in is joy.

Speaker 33 The people that hate you want to see you miserable.

Speaker 6 You cannot let them do that. You need to show joy.
If they hate you, you smile at them and you're like,

Speaker 6 I am so happy.

Speaker 33 Yeah. And you do it like that so violently.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 10 No, I love that.

Speaker 25 And I mean, you said you grew up in Texas.

Speaker 1 I did.

Speaker 53 And you, I mean, you grew up like,

Speaker 48 I don't know if we could, you were like squatting in diners.

Speaker 33 Yeah, for seven years of my life, my family squatted in an abandoned diner. My mom was a cook at a Mexican restaurant, worked double shifts,

Speaker 33 got paid $150 a week for double shifts because she was undocumented. And that's what they do in this country with so many people.
They exploit them for the labor, right?

Speaker 33 And then that's the thing that we find ourselves now, right? In the last election, immigrants are the problem. Immigrants are the problem.

Speaker 33 Now you see Farmageddon where they don't find anybody working the farms, but it's like, but you own the Libs, right?

Speaker 33 Like you own the Libs. How does it feel to own the Libs knowing that now corporations are going to come and own your farm?

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 25 I was actually going to take it somewhere positive, but I'm glad you went there.

Speaker 10 No, it's a valid point.

Speaker 25 I guess I was going to ask you because you grew up in Texas.

Speaker 24 Yes. And

Speaker 25 I guess us...

Speaker 25 Outside of Texas, we kind of have this stereotype of a majority of Texans and all that.

Speaker 1 Like, what are we getting wrong about the Texans?

Speaker 25 What are we missing here? What is it?

Speaker 33 You know, it's the fact that anyone, aside from Texas, but I can speak about Texans, everybody wants the best, right?

Speaker 33 They want the opportunity, but the way that they were raised, especially in my neighborhood, we were raised very conservative, leaning towards, because of our religion.

Speaker 33 You know, and what people don't understand is that we want the best. The way that we try to carry out the best is a lot of times we go into,

Speaker 33 it's blue-collar families that I think you know one of the biggest problems we find is that especially in politics we talk about the middle class a lot and we use it as a blanket statement that middle class is just everyone you know but it's not because we actually don't talk about the lower class people the the people and the people like me that grew up in abject poverty because the people in that kind of poverty we vote too And what we find is that we actually don't see ourselves as important.

Speaker 33 We actually see ourselves as invisible because people try to cater to the next economic status. So what they do is that people feel disillusioned.
They feel defeated, you know?

Speaker 33 And I think that it's important to have more people talk to them specifically to let them know that they're part of this country rather than just middle and upper class, which is what they love to do.

Speaker 25 And part of that and part of that is people in that class that you just described, they kind of had to come out and vote to show their power.

Speaker 10 They have to come and vote.

Speaker 25 It's so easy to be apathetic, but you've got to come out and

Speaker 23 exert that.

Speaker 33 And

Speaker 33 I work with voter outreach in every election. I've been

Speaker 33 working with it for years. I just want people to vote.
I don't even care how you vote. It's just, if we're living in a sheer democracy, the majority.

Speaker 33 It's not my fault I look good in red.

Speaker 6 But

Speaker 33 it is. It's important to go make your voice heard.
And there's so many people that say, well, my vote doesn't matter. Yes, it does.

Speaker 33 Every vote matters. And we have to teach people that they do.

Speaker 25 And I mean, you know, we're kind of preaching to the liberal elite choir here who just cheer any fing cliche we can say, you know, like, but like,

Speaker 48 the Latino voting bloc is the largest growing MAGA voting bloc in the country.

Speaker 37 I mean, how do you kind of square those ideas of like these people who are immigrants themselves or their parents were immigrants or their grandparents were immigrants and they know what it was like and they know

Speaker 33 well you know what happened especially where I'm from in South Texas they

Speaker 33 MAGA and a lot of Republicans decided to go through the church So they actually infiltrated churches and that's how they got a lot of people to change their perspective because they thought well we can get them at church.

Speaker 3 And it worked. It did work.

Speaker 33 It did work because you know what is scarier than

Speaker 33 going against the teachings of God? You know, but anyway, we'll teach you what those teachings of God are in our language.

Speaker 33 So for me, it's one of those things where people felt spoken to, people felt represented. And I think that, you know, I've always said that, you know,

Speaker 33 I'm on the left, but you know, it's like, I love this country.

Speaker 33 I love this country. I'm a Catholic.
I love God. I love family.
I love everything that they're doing.

Speaker 25 No, there's no chairs to that.

Speaker 23 I'll come a bit with that.

Speaker 33 But I also like weed. I like weed.

Speaker 6 But it is, I think, the true God. I know.

Speaker 19 So what's the answer? The answer is what, Buddhism?

Speaker 6 No.

Speaker 33 The answer is to actually give more of a chance to people like me to come on, you know, to have these spaces where they can say, you know how you love religion, you know how you love your family, you know how you love this country, I do too.

Speaker 33 So how do we work together? And, you know, it's that thing where it's like, they sometimes need to hear that you love it in order for them to believe it.

Speaker 33 And so many of us assume that people believe that we love it. That they assume, well, you know, we love this country.
No, they want you to say it.

Speaker 33 They want you to say it with some sparklers, wearing a U.S. flag sweater, you know, like, you know, listening to country music at an Applebee's.

Speaker 6 You know what I mean?

Speaker 33 But we do. We all want the same thing.

Speaker 33 We just need to be able to allow ourselves to have a difference of opinion at times, but only a difference of opinion that doesn't, that sees me as a human being still. You know?

Speaker 33 Then we can actually have conversation.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 14 you're very wise. You're very funny.

Speaker 25 Before we go, I just want to try.

Speaker 48 It's so funny you said, you mentioned your mom, because my mom is never in America.

Speaker 25 She's always in Singapore. And she's actually here tonight.

Speaker 28 She's over there.

Speaker 26 Over there, mom. Come on.
Mom.

Speaker 26 Hey, Mom.

Speaker 26 Yeah, come on, say hi. Come on and say hi to Crisela.
Yeah, come on, say, Crisela. My mom's very shy.
She's very shy. Yeah.
Come on,

Speaker 14 it's okay. We'll play the ground.

Speaker 14 Oh, my God.

Speaker 28 Hey, man.

Speaker 28 Echo coming out. My mom, guys.
Oh, my God. She's never here.

Speaker 28 She's never here.

Speaker 6 I always,

Speaker 45 I will never miss the opportunity to exploit my mother for likes on the internet.

Speaker 6 And that's what makes you American.

Speaker 14 So, I just want to say, yeah, you talked about mom really touched me, and I just wanted to say she was here.

Speaker 25 She's never here, by the way. She's not here every show.

Speaker 6 That's amazing.

Speaker 25 She doesn't even live in this country.

Speaker 33 But look at this.

Speaker 33 This is what the American.

Speaker 6 This is exactly what it is. It's amazing.
But Anyway, you're great, Cristella. Please don't be on the show.

Speaker 36 Napis, Cristella.

Speaker 22 Buffalo Classy now, putting globally on Napolis.

Speaker 36 Cristella, I love everybody. We're going to take a quick break.
We'll be right back after this.

Speaker 9 On October 17th, I'm an angel. See the wings?

Speaker 49 Don't miss the new comedy Good Fortune, starring Seth Rogan, Aziz Ansari, and Kiana Reeves. Critics Rave.
He's haven't sent.

Speaker 19 You have a

Speaker 6 Kinda. You were very unhelpful.

Speaker 49 Good fortune, directed by Aziz Ansari. Red at R.

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Speaker 11 Hey, that's us over tonight. Now here it is, your moment of Z.

Speaker 46 Walk nice and easy.

Speaker 46 You don't have to set any record.

Speaker 21 Be cool.

Speaker 46 Be cool when you walk down, but don't

Speaker 46 bop down the stairs. So one thing with Obama, I had zero respect for him as a president, but he would bop down those stairs.
I've never seen,

Speaker 6 bop, bop, bop.

Speaker 46 He'd go down the stairs, wouldn't hold on.

Speaker 6 I said, it's great.

Speaker 54 Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching the Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts.

Speaker 54 Watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus.

Speaker 13 This has been a Comedy Central podcast.

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