FBI Charges NBA Stars in Gambling Scheme & Trump Touts Ballroom Post-East Wing Demo | Jeff Tweedy

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You're listening to Comedy Central.

From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central.

It's America's only source for news.

This is the Daily Show with with your host, Michael Costa.

Welcome to The Daily Show.

I'm Michael Costa.

We've got so much to talk about tonight.

Trump deports the East Wing from the White House.

We meet the Fox News guys, always interrupting people at diners, and the NBA dropped a new collab with the mafia.

So let's get into the headlines.

Let's kick things off with Cash Patel, FBI director and man with resting.

Whoa, face.

He had a major announcement today and no, it's not about the Epstein files.

Those are still securely firmed inside Mike Johnson's clenched butthole.

But

it is news that might affect your fantasy lineup.

Breaking news of seismic proportions involving the NBA.

Chauncey Bullops, the head coach for the Portland Trailblazers, arrested for allegedly participating in rigged poker games run by four Italian crime families.

Damn.

An NBA head coach might have ties to the mafia?

Well, I guess that explains the new Portland Trailblazers assistant coach, Vinnie the Clam.

I will say the mafia must really be hurting if the biggest NBA name they can get is Chauncey Bills.

They couldn't get Shaq.

He'll take money for anything.

And as bad as it sounds, that's not even the worst NBA scandal that got exposed today.

Miami Heat star Terry Rogier was allegedly part of an illegal gambling scheme where gamblers made millions on prop bets.

He allegedly was sending information to sports vetters about who was going to play in games, who would be out on injury.

And according to one law enforcement source, he begged out of a game early, only about nine minutes in, faking an injury.

and officials say that he profited himself from that.

Jesus Christ, Terry.

You've made over $160 million in your career.

You shouldn't be doing gambling schemes.

Leave the schemes for the guys on the bench.

They're the ones who need the money.

But still, I think the FBI should leave them alone.

This is America.

We don't arrest NBA players with gambling problems.

We force them to play baseball for a year.

Either way, the NBA understands this scandal has really tarnished their integrity.

That's why the league is making it up to fans by offering them a $50 free play on a fan duel using the promo code Jailblaser.

I'm going to make it, baby.

Come on.

This is the one.

This is the one.

But enough about corrupt insiders gaming the system for profit.

Let's move to Donald Trump.

This week,

he's been focused on his passion project, building a ballroom for the White House.

Now, when he started, he promised that it would be separate from the existing White House and he wouldn't touch the East Wing, that this construction would strictly be over the pants.

Then,

this week, there was a minor change to the plan when Trump ripped open the side of the East Wing like it had a laboo boo inside.

But all right, so maybe a little bit of damage, but I'm sure he'll keep the rest of the historic East Wing intact, right?

Right?

Right?

New images appear to show the entire building is gone.

It's been demolished.

Jeez, holy shit, man.

Keep in mind, everyone, this is a rental, you know?

Any day now, Trump...

Yeah, you get it.

New Yorkers get it.

Any day now, Trump's going to get a call from the White House's Albanian landlord, like, what the f is this?

What's going on here?

But this is all happening so fast.

This guy's been taking 15 years to give us a health care plan, but in three and a half days he's demolished half the White House.

Donnie T, tell me this is going to end up looking good.

So

I thought I'd bring this out because this is going to be probably the finest ballroom ever built, and we're doing it.

No cost to the country.

The money is being put in by me and donors.

Jesus Christ.

Look at this thing.

It's huge.

It's bigger than the actual White House.

It looks like one of those crabs with the big arm, doesn't it?

I mean, I don't know a lot about architecture, but I do know a thing or two about overcompensating for a small penis.

By the way.

By the way, check out this fedora I bought the other day, huh?

Pretty cool, right?

No way a guy has a small penis who wears this.

That's not funny.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, that guy sitting next to Trump, that's not the ballroom architect.

That's just the head of NATO.

This poor guy's continent is locked in a death match with Russia, and he has to sit there like, yeah, ballroom looks great.

I can't wait to tell the front lines about this.

I mean,

I like how Trump's schedule, it's like a Mad Libs.

You're meeting with head of NATO to discuss ballroom design.

Then talking to the Dalai Lama about Arnold Palmer's.

Now,

huge fan of Arnold Palmer's

here.

Woo!

Arnold Palmer's

Now you might be thinking, if a ballroom is so important, why didn't a previous president build it?

It's because they didn't have the ballroom balls.

Administration after administration have publicly and privately spoken about the need for a larger event space.

So while many presidents have privately dreamt about this, it's President Trump who is actually doing something about it.

Yeah, well,

not every president.

I don't think FDR was dying for a ballroom where he could show off his dance moves.

But besides him, every other president has wanted a ballroom.

We all remember that famous scene, remember, from the movie Lincoln.

Leave the Constitution alone.

The peace commissioners up here today.

State-by-state community!

I can't listen to this anymore.

We are stepped out upon the world stage now.

Now!

With the fate of human dignity in our hands.

So let's build a fancy ballroom we can dance in.

Now,

now, now.

Gosh,

what a great documentary, huh?

Now,

the truth is, I don't really give a shit about a ballroom at the White House.

Like, if we're being honest, none of us even knew what was in the East Wing until they started knocking it down three days ago.

But I do think that this serves as a perfect reminder to never listen to what Trump says and instead look at what he does.

Because he says, I won't touch the East Wing, but he does demolish the East Wing.

Just like he says he supports free speech, but he does punish anyone who tries to use it.

Or like he

or like he says he loves the Constitution, but then he does blow up boats without any due process.

So just remember, over the next three to 20 years that he's in office,

don't don't listen to his promises.

Just look at the creator of results.

Now, for more on the reaction to Trump's ballroom, we go to Austin, Texas with Josh Johnson.

Josh,

there's no way that Trump's base is happy with all the time he's spending on this ballroom.

You couldn't be more wrong.

All the podcast alpha males down here are excited about this, all right?

I just sat down with the Cho Bros podcast, and this is exactly what they wanted they demanded two things one no dudes in dresses and two a place where a man can pull up his finest breeches and wear a wig or whatever

ashantae bitches

hey

none of this sounds broy to me i mean i'm kind of a bro myself i've never wanted to go to a ball You sound a little sus if you ask me, all right?

You're really saying as a little kid you never fantasize about receiving a wax-stamped invitation beckoning you to the grandest event of the season, all in the hopes you could stand in line gazing upon the fair countenances of the most eligible daughters in the land?

No, no.

Gay?

How is that gay?

Look, man, I just sat down with the sloppy seconds crew, and we all agree.

If the thought of tying up a cravat, strapping up your silk garters, and dancing the quadrille so that you can marry into one of the noble houses doesn't excite you then maybe you don't got that dog in you all right

hell yeah me and the stinky pinky lads we can't wait to go down beast mode at a white house ball beast mode like marshawn lynch what no beast mode like when you're sweeping the beauty belle off her feet all right you know with the teapot cheering you on and

A little candlestick over there hoping you clap cheeks, all right?

The curtains, the curtains even closed themselves because they know you're about to get nasty whilst waltzing.

I'm sorry, John, did you say whilst?

Yeah, whilst waltzing.

Like, whilst waltzing, whilst waltzing, like whilst waltzing.

Whilst waltzing.

Forget it, forget it, forget it, forget it.

I just think that when the bass who voted for a man who said he was going to bring back manufacturing and construction, I don't think they were expecting a fancy White House ballroom.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Hold on, Costa.

This is my jam.

To the window, to the waltz.

You know, damn, that does look fun.

Josh Johnson, everyone.

When we come back, we'll find out the latest ass on the Fox and Friends couch.

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Morning MacDonald Show.

Every year there's more more and more reporters in the news media.

So to find out who some of them are, we go to Jordan Klepper in our ongoing segment, News to Meet You.

When it comes to Fox News hosts, there's definitely a type.

You've got your blondes, your other blondes,

your dirty blondes, your youthful blondes, your shrieking blondes, and of course, Trey Gowdy.

There's at least one person on Fox that breaks the mold.

Fox and Friends co-host Lawrence Jones.

And what might initially stand out is that he's a black reporter on a mostly white network for mostly white people.

But that doesn't bother Lawrence.

In fact, he's well aware of the optics.

When someone is hearing about Fox News, I think the elephant of the room is they don't expect someone that looks like me.

I'm a black man and I'm also a conservative.

I'm not a Republican member.

I'm a conservative.

I'm a a libertarian.

I say, well, I'm a libertarian.

You're a strong Republican, conservative man.

And sometimes I disagree with the party.

He goes, well, that won't be a problem.

When we disagree, you just be you.

Great!

Great!

He's a free thinker ready to challenge the status quo.

This isn't your father's Fox News host.

That guy was fired for sexual harassment eight years ago.

No.

The network is excited to welcome a fresh, diverse diverse staff, and I'm sure his co-workers won't make it awkward in any way.

Who's the broken man?

I'm back in the studio with you.

Well, bro, what on earth is going on here?

What's with that?

In your head.

The part.

You said you love the part.

It's flavor.

We got to bring some flavor.

Is that a Nike swoosh?

It's like, it's a part.

A part.

It's a part.

Yeah.

Well, brother, your time's up.

Security.

But when he wasn't explaining his hair to Stuart Varney, Lawrence was out in the field conducting diner focus groups, shoving his microphone into the syrup-smeared faces of the MAGA faithful.

Sir, how do you feel about this economy under Joe Biden?

Terrible.

We're talking about the former president being under prosecution right now.

What do you make of it?

Do you think that is fair?

You say that you're going for Donald Trump and McCormick.

The question is why?

78% of Americans are living paycheck to paycheck.

Sir, how do you feel about this economy?

What do you think about that trash comment?

You seem just like an average day woman.

You seem just like an average day woman.

Smooth the ladies there, Lawrence.

Woo!

Yeah, she's a Wednesday, folks, but with a little makeup, she could be a late afternoon Thursday.

Now, eventually, Lawrence landed his own show where he honed his interviewing talents on the streets.

We begin tonight right here in New York City, where we see cops being shot on a daily basis.

Do you feel safe in the city?

Yeah, absolutely.

I don't feel unsafe walking around or doing anything.

Absolutely.

I think,

well, I trust the police force a lot, and I think that the city is back and rejuvenated, and so there are people out all the time.

And yeah, I feel safe.

Do you feel safe in the city?

Yeah,

I do.

Frankly, I didn't expect those responses.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because you only watch Fox News.

You know, and just a quick note, if you're trying to paint a city as dangerous, maybe don't do it from an artisanal farmer's market.

The scariest thing there is the markup on heirloom tomatoes.

Regardless, Lawrence quickly became Fox's most dependable man on the street reporter.

They could send him anywhere, and I mean anywhere.

Watch these two clips that could not have more different energies.

So, tell me, how do y'all start y'all's day?

Morning, Rustine.

Two things are calm without.

Tuesday without bronzer and cocaine.

Wake up, home, bronzer, cocaine.

We're good for the day.

Bronzer, Dan Cocaine.

I know I'm a senior in college.

So we're back at Torre Academy of Bergen County.

I just want to bring in the panel back in.

What does the Torah say about bronzer and cocaine?

But Lawrence's beat wasn't just hard drugs and Judaism.

No, Fox also sent him down to the border to report live from the war zone.

Fox News reporter contributor Lawrence Jones, is there anyone that believes this is a manufactured crisis?

I'm standing right on the border by the Rio Grande.

It's right behind me.

They didn't just tell me that it was a crisis.

They actually showed me the crisis on the border.

It is a crisis, Sean.

They stole one of my ear pods.

Crisis.

Also,

quick question.

Lawrence, did that bulletproof vest shrink in the wash?

I mean...

It's supposed to cover more than just your nipples.

Are you running a marathon?

What's happening here?

Regardless of the ill-fitting apparel, going on Fox News assignments can be a humiliating experience.

But Lawrence prides himself as a free thinker, a libertarian who will challenge Fox orthodoxy.

So, when he actually had the chance to sit down next to the most powerful person on the planet, I'm sure he took his opportunity to ask the questions no one else on Fox News was brave enough to ask.

We got a six-year-old from Massachusetts, and he wants to know about your favorite animal.

I love cows.

I love cows.

No heifers, no heifers, cows.

The truth is, while Lawrence may tout his outsider perspective and claim he's not what viewers are used to, if you listen close, he's just another fox blonde.

People are so sick of all the woke nonsense.

We've just gotten so crazy with this woke nonsense.

White privilege doesn't have a legal definition.

I don't believe in the whole notion of white privilege.

And these are the same people who can't even define what a woman is.

They can't even define what a woman is.

We can't even protect our own borders.

We cannot protect the border.

They're paid professional agitators.

There's a lot of paid professional protesters.

They're indoctrinating our kids.

They're indoctrinating our kids.

They say indoctrination cesspool.

Wow.

Wow.

Lawrence, no offense, but you seem like an average Dave Fox News host.

Sorry.

Good night.

Good f ⁇ ing luck.

Thank you, Jordan.

When we come back, Jeff Tweety will be joining me.

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Welcome back to Daily Show.

My guest tonight is a Grammy award-winning musician and best-selling author who's the lead singer of the band Wilco.

His new solo album is called Twilight Override.

Please welcome Jeff Tweedy.

Thank you for coming.

Thanks for having me.

Thank you for being here.

I love meeting people that are always making stuff.

Yeah.

You are always making stuff.

I can't stop.

This thing,

this thing is three discs.

This is not a disc, though.

This is a record.

It was cut down from five.

It was?

I mean, how's the kind it was?

Yeah.

I mean, that is why.

Why?

You know, everybody says now, keep it short, 40 seconds.

That's too long.

Right.

And then I open up Twilight Override, your album, and it's two hours of music.

But people also listen to podcasts where three guys talk for four hours about

bullshit.

I don't know.

But yeah, I don't know.

It was just like I've made a lot of records.

I've made some double records in my life.

And

I've always been kind of curious why more people haven't made triple records.

Well, I'll tell you what I think could be next.

It's quadruple.

Quadruple.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm way ahead of you.

Did you sit down to write three or five or whatever it was?

Or does it just flow?

I tend to write a lot.

I mean, I have a pretty good disciplined practice of writing a lot.

So I always have quite a few songs, but I did set out to make a triple record.

I did think...

I wonder what you can do with a triple record in terms of having different types of moods, meet other moods, what you wouldn't have if you just go for the bang for the buck kind of

single record.

I will say I was immediately intrigued by the length because

everything now is so short, and it's a little punk rock of you to say,

I'll do whatever the f I want.

Yeah.

And I respect that.

That was really great.

Yeah.

Yeah, here, here,

yeah.

Leave them wondering less.

I mean, I've been saying it.

What is Twilight Override?

Twilight Override is,

you know, just this notion that we're, I'm getting older,

that the world appears to be getting darker for a lot of people.

I think looking around, it just seems that way.

It doesn't feel as hopeful

as it once did.

The future doesn't seem as bright.

But I don't know.

This is the thing that I do to combat that, and that is I spend time making things, being creative, trying to spend time with things that love me and people that love me as opposed to things that don't.

Right.

You know?

Like,

I don't think my phone loves me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If anything, the phone makes you feel isolated, even though it's sold to us as connected.

Right.

There's a kind of a willingness on our part, which is kind of shocking,

to get up and kind of put ourselves in a cage every morning of like, who do I'm going to start thinking right away about who I hate.

Yeah.

You know?

You know, I'll go to the dog park and I'm standing by myself and my dog's running around and there's 20 people and there's 30 dogs and I'm not talking to anyone and I'll immediately go to grab my phone to scroll and I'm like, what is better entertainment?

Right.

That's a pretty high dog to person ratio.

It is.

And there's nobody more entertaining than the weirdos with dogs.

Yeah, multiple dogs.

Multiple dogs.

So yeah, I mean, I love that.

And I always feel myself personally, I'm happy when I'm creating.

Right.

You've written two books.

One of your books is about how to write a song.

And man, when I read that, I can't tell you how much as a comedian that also pertained to writing comedy.

Right.

And I love that.

Thank you.

Yeah.

You didn't write a song?

Right.

So your book was a failure, in my opinion.

No.

I just want to make sure you didn't write two songs because then you need to buy two books.

The two books, yeah.

No, but you talked about becoming a songwriter and how I think maybe it was even in your journal or something

you shared a journal entry and you're like, these are song lyrics that I was writing.

You don't always think you can write a song, but maybe, is it in me?

I can do it?

Oh, absolutely.

You think so?

Oh, yeah.

I mean, you just have to lower your definition of what a song is.

Right.

That's what I do for jokes.

It works for jokes.

Exactly.

No, we ask too much of that.

That's true.

That's true.

We expect it to be all great.

One thing I love is that you're playing with your kids.

Right.

Right?

Is there two kids that you play with?

Yeah.

Okay, and they're in the band.

Yes, the maximum number of kids that I have.

Okay.

I'm thankful.

What's that experience like?

I'm a five and a two year old.

I can never, I can't even imagine doing anything productive with my children.

Yeah.

Oh, it's not productive.

But I mean,

you get on the floor with them.

You know, you have to get on their level.

That's true.

Which I still do.

Yeah.

They're 30 and they're going to be 30 and 26.

It's an incredible experience and yeah,

I do pay them though.

Okay, I was going to say

I've heard you talk a little bit about COVID and how it's affected all of us and we kind of don't talk about it now, but share some of your thoughts on what you think COVID did to us.

Oh,

wow.

Okay.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Well, it resonated with me.

Yeah, I just think that

I think it's everybody's walking around dealing with some trauma that isn't really being discussed or addressed or even diagnosed.

And I think it was just an extremely traumatic time.

There was a moment where it felt like it could be a breakthrough in terms of how we all see ourselves in the same situation and could be more empathetic towards each other.

And it was kind of squandered and politicized really fast.

But I think that

it's been swept under the rug, and it kind of explains a lot about how poorly a lot of people are behaving, in my opinion.

I think

when you're really struggling and you're in pain and you have trauma that's unaddressed, those tend to be things that allow you to be a little bit less forgiving of other people and

hurtful, you know?

So I just think it's part of what explains this kind of really chaotic time I think we're living in.

I've noticed on my street since that time people drive faster down the road.

Yeah.

And

you know there was always idiots that did that but now it feels like more idiots.

Everyone.

Everyone and I wonder we must be feeling disconnected because

you wouldn't recklessly drive if you felt more connected.

to all of us.

Yeah,

or just rolling through stop signs.

I've noticed that.

That's a similar thing.

Yeah, I always think it's like

people have spent more and more of their time with things that don't love them, like their phones.

And

I always think of it like the shopping cart.

When you're in your car,

you can scream at somebody else.

And they can make minor little accident.

And a little wave doesn't even help.

You're just going to get yelled at and whatever.

But if you bump into somebody with your cart, at the grocery store, it's like, oh, oh, sorry, my fault.

And that's because you're still human in that context.

But I think that, yeah, when we're inside a machine, like a car, or inside of our minds with a phone, I think we tend to dehumanize each other quite a bit.

Sometimes people will send me mean messages on the internet and like an idiot I will respond to them.

It's a terrible idea.

And they'll go, oh, it's you, Costa?

I love your stuff.

And I was like, next time, start with that one.

Yeah, yeah.

Start with that one.

Lastly, you're from the Midwest, and you don't meet a lot of rock stars from the Midwest.

You're from southern Illinois.

Talk to me about how that's influenced you, if it has at all.

I'm a Michigan man myself.

I went to University of Illinois, so I'm just always rooting for any creative person to have any form of success from the Midwest because most of these people in New York don't even know what the I'm talking about.

Right, exactly.

I tell people I'm from Michigan and they say, oh, I have a cousin in Minneapolis.

Exactly.

That's not even the same state.

It's a 14-hour drive away.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No,

people don't know what they're talking about.

Yeah.

No, I think that

the thing that I can attribute to being

my formative years as a musician being spent in the St.

Louis, Missouri area,

which is a...

I grew up out of St.

Louis, right there.

I grew up on the other side of the Mississippi from St.

Louis, on the East St.

Louis side.

And

I just think that you're given an opportunity to suck for longer.

Yeah.

That's true.

Before people start weighing in on how, you know, evaluating you.

I remember I moved to LA LA after I'd done comedy for five years in Detroit.

I went to this awful Mexican restaurant that was doing stand-up.

And I bombed hard.

And the guy who comes up first was the booker for HBO.

And I'm like, man, this was a lot easier in Detroit when nobody ever saw me that had any significance.

So I guess what you're saying is that's what you did for me.

No,

you have a time and space

to

practice.

Thank you so much for being here.

Twilight Override is about to have.

I can catch Jeff on tour in the CNU.

Jeff Tweed.

We're going to take a quick member back after this.

Thank you so much for jeopardy.

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Now here it is, your momentum zone.

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And the Secret Service said, no, ma'am, there's no women inside, ma'am.

I'm sorry, ma'am, you're going to have to move along.

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