Hour 2: Something About These 'Mc' Coaches (feat. Amin Elhassan)

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This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stukats Podcast.

It is time for

to share his game notes.

No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boy.

Tamin.

Weekend Observations.

Presented by Miller Light.

Then,

after what felt like an eternity of waiting,

a lifetime of nothingness,

a vast gaping hole in all our lives,

Friday night came and salvation arrived.

And people rejoiced, not just in Miami, but all over the country and indeed the world.

And just like that,

make no mistake,

Las Rosas is

back.

Yeah.

Yeah, and

also NFL football.

You guys know what the L in NFL football stands for?

What?

Las Rosas.

Jador Sanders.

Forced into a starting role due to injuries.

Stintillating.

Two touchdowns in the first half.

You guys know what else the L in NFL football stands for?

Looks like the real deal.

Afterwards,

Shador confronts longtime Browns beat reporter Tony Grossi in the tunnel.

Do you guys know what else the L in NFL football stands for?

Longtime

and also legendary.

Tony Grossi

did on ESPN Cleveland.

He told Shador this was a big night for you.

You guys know what else the L in NFL football stands for?

Let's not get carried away.

The preseason game.

What are we doing?

The big night?

Come on now.

Asia Wilson dropping the WNBA's first 30-20 game.

Goat.

Diana Taurasi

dropping more F-bombs in her documentary

than points scored in her career.

My GOAT.

Shohei Otani

hit with a $240 million lawsuit on Friday, Then hit three homers on the next three days.

You know what that's called?

Silencing the critics.

Believing that Mike McDaniel

could break up an actual NFL fight is like clicking on the jerkmate logo and believing you're about to watch Stranger Things.

What happened there?

You guys know about this jerkmate?

I hate clicking on it by accident.

I know.

I thought I was was going to see Stranger Things.

I saw Stranger Things, though.

Buying your dough's from CVS.

Dangerous game.

Top five most embarrassing things to buy from CVS.

OLI.

Tampons.

I know.

It's normal.

Everyone goes in, but it's just like something weird about me going to the counter with tampons.

I don't know.

Haka's piercing.

OLI.

Exactly.

You get it, Tasha.

OLI.

Condoms.

I always keep waiting for the cashier to say congratulations on the sex.

OLI.

Hard liquor.

I get my middle of the light from the CVS, no problem.

I get hard liquor, I feel like it seems like I have a problem.

This doesn't have a liquor license.

I couldn't agree more with you, Amin.

Strong agreement.

Hell, it doesn't.

The hell it doesn't, Zaz.

See, you haven't been to the right CVS.

Not yet.

Later on, sorry.

All right.

Number five:

Depends.

It just means you shit yourself, right?

Number four:

supplements.

You know the kind I'm talking about.

Number three:

personal lubricant.

number two,

Christmas gifts.

It's just

an admission.

I'm a piece of shit who forgot.

No, it's a good stocking stuffer place.

You get a lot of stocking stuffers at TVS.

No, you go Christmas shopping at TVS.

I'm a piece of shit who forgot and I got to get this gift in right now.

And you also have the hard liquor in your cabin.

You're like, oh, this guy's in the lounge.

This guy's a piece of shit.

The tampons?

What's happening here?

And number one,

those

why would you

just

go to a sex store?

Go to a sex supermark with your son.

Buy him there like a normal person.

The Jets.

You ever buy the Father's Day card on Father, like the morning of Father's Day?

Every year.

And that's like this.

It's better if you do it the day before.

The day before it feels like you feel like a good person.

You do it morning of on the way over to your dad's and you like you meet the other guy there that's also doing it last minute and they're all the good cards are gone it's like sad cards there like that's always a sad time the morning of buying that card quite an admission by you mother's day i mean oh chris that's honestly i went with christmas for number two because of the the lore but the reality is any one of those holidays father's day mother's day like whenever you're buying the day of the card you're good that's cvs

They know your piece of shit.

Yeah, for sure.

They know you're even birthday card, to be honest with you, because if you had time, you wouldn't have gone a CVS with a birthday card.

The whole card section.

You know what?

The whole card section.

The Jets.

Shit.

No.

No.

Actually, you know what?

Leave it in there.

Embarrassing thing to get at CVS, the Jets.

The Jets.

Dropping a documentary next week.

That detailed the events of last season.

That's the textbook definition of insult to injury.

Nobody wants to relive that.

Why would you do that?

What happened last year?

Nothing.

A couple of times.

Can we just watch sports at a certain point?

Like Hard Knocks.

There's the SEC show now.

There's the quarterback show.

The Jets have a documentary.

North Carolina is going to have their documentary.

There's a Cowboy documentary.

Can I just watch football and not worry about all that other stuff?

We should do a doc of us watching football this season and it'll come out at the end of the season.

I love that.

That's to come out at the beginning of next season.

Right.

Because that's what the Jets did.

It took a whole goddamn year to put this thing together.

What are you doing over there?

Aaron Rodgers complaining about the new helmet he has to wear

after the league deemed his old helmet didn't meet safety standards.

You know what he's doing, right?

Setting up those excuses ahead of time.

The guy's a master excuse maker.

Come on, guys.

Oh, it's the helmet.

Oh, I didn't have enough enough helper.

Oh, it's always something with this guy.

It's never, I wasn't good enough.

Paramount plus

securing the rights to UFC.

Me clicking on Lioness for Zoe Saldana

and getting Amanda Nunes instead.

Legend Course.

Good one.

I wrote that one for you.

Tom Brady statue

looking more like Tom Brady

than Tom Brady

is like seeing the jerkbait logo.

Wait a second.

I already used that punchline.

Yeah, you did.

My fault.

All right.

The Marlins

hit the bed.

As soon as Tashay started hyping him up, congratulations.

You ruined it.

Yeah, that's fair.

Texas.

Texas opening up at number one and having to face Ohio State in week one.

doesn't seem fair.

Also, how's the defending champ not number one?

Like, they're good enough for you to rank them two or three, depending on who you ask, but not good enough to be number one.

They won it.

The team that they're playing week one is a team that they beat en route to that championship.

How are they not number one?

Does anyone have an explanation for it?

I'm actually asking.

This isn't part of the notes.

I mean, Texas had a really good offseason.

Hey, they acquired a lot of talent.

And they got Arch Manning.

Yeah, depending champs, man.

They used to mean something.

I'm with you, though.

Pablo Torre,

Katie Nolan,

and the third gentleman whose name escapes me.

Discovering in 2025

the existence of Death Comedy Jam icon, Alonzo Jones.

How

the episode episode should have been called

Pablo Torrey finds out about black people.

Hamburger.

Wick Grausebeck.

Thinking he could sell the Celtics for six billion

and still remain in charge for a couple of years.

When are they going to lose?

I know.

It's like clicking on the jerk.

Wait, hold on.

How many do I have in here?

Have you ever heard of

Jerkmate?

Metal Arc Media

dropping a Taurasi documentary that didn't talk to the one Metal Arc Media employee

who not only worked with Taurasi, but helped her win her first WNBA title.

The hell are we doing?

Speaking of hell, Art Bryles.

Those are the weekend observations.

Very good.

Good job, Amin.

I tried.

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Don Lebatard.

You're getting started on the breakfast lawn.

Oh man, I've been singing a song to myself all morning long.

Breakfast flant.

Stugats.

Have you never heard the breakfast flawn song?

Hit me with that.

Okay.

I wish I had some breakfast flant.

Breakfast flant.

Where can I find a breakfast like that?

This is the Dan Levatar Show with the Stugats.

When are these NBA governors gonna learn?

Like Wick Grossbeck, who, you know, I guess, you know, previously owned the Celtics,

he's not gonna own them anymore.

They're selling the team.

He thought he was going to stay on as the governor the same way like Mark Cuban thought he was selling the team and he's gonna still be like you don't get to sell the team and still be in charge.

When are they gonna learn?

It's so funny because,

like you said, Mark Cuban has that.

We're dealing with the same thing with the Lakers sales saying Genie Bust is still going to be the governor.

And the thing I keep saying is, imagine selling your car and then telling the guy who bought the car, oh, by the way, I still get to drive it.

It's still my car.

You're paying for it, though.

And in a couple of years, eventually you get to drive it.

Like, it seems like something, if the guy buys a team for a cup, for a few billion dollars, probably wants to be in control they bought the team because they want the toy they want to play with the toy they didn't buy the toy so that someone else could play with it and then they just say oh well i own it that's not you don't buy a sports team for like the investment.

I mean, sure, it's a good investment long term, but you buy a sports team because you're into the sport and you want to be able to say, yeah, I know Jason Tatum and he comes to my parties all the time.

And, ooh, I sit courtside and people come up to me and I'm an important person.

And

without the ability to plague basically God and say, oh, I'm going to trade him.

I'm going to sign him.

I'm going to fire him.

Then you're just a guy on the sideline.

People say,

you're not the owner.

I know who the owner owner is.

Genie Buss.

Look at her.

She's over there at the press conference.

Dude, it doesn't work this way.

These people don't spend this money to not control the team.

Yeah, but I feel like a former owner, a former prominent owner, like a Mark Cuban, assumes sort of an emeritus position, at least least publicly like he's still allowed to go to the game they're still going to show him in the stands they're still going to come to him for comments when his former team makes a big trade but he's not at that board of governors meeting anymore no but I find

I find that normal though that a former owner would still want some of that spotlight um to linger even after he sells the team Greg it's not not so much about the spotlight it's about the power the governor is the one who votes at the board of governors meetings the governor is the one that is on the committees right?

These are the people who are shaping how basketball kind of works as a business moving forward.

And the idea that I would cede that control to someone else, basically, for someone else to speak on behalf of a team, not in the court of public opinion, but in the real places where power is heard and listened to,

that's kind of ridiculous.

Yeah.

You want to come, Wick?

You want to come to games?

Come to games.

You want people to shake your hands and say, thank you for the championship?

That's fine.

What you can't do is say and the celtics think we should do this no no no no no no no that's my job now i bought the team right but you can have an opinion like i i agree with you you shouldn't be on the board of governors if you no longer uh have have that power but the former owner carries a little weight in in terms of opinion particularly if it's an owner who was respected like mark cuban was

I mean, I got some audio that we want to play for you here.

All right.

Michael Porter Jr.

Now, he's going to play for the Brooklyn Nets this coming season, but his brother doesn't play anywhere anymore.

All right, his brother is in big trouble.

He had the gambling and the prop bets and, you know, the under and he got in a lot of trouble.

Not good.

And his brother, Michael Porter Jr., was on a show called One Night Steiny.

All right.

One Night with Steiny.

One Night with Steiny, Craig.

In Steiny.

I told you, Craig.

It's One Night with Steiny.

So here is Michael Porter Jr., I mean, let's give this a listen, where uh he's he's probably talking about things that he in particular should not be talking about think about if if you could get all your homies rich by telling him yo no bet ten thousand dollars on my under you know this one game i'm gonna act like i got an injury and i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna sit out i'm gonna come out after three minutes and they all get a little bag because you did it one game like that is so not okay but the Some people probably think like that.

They come from nothing and all their homies have nothing.

And they're like, bro,

if I come out of this game after three minutes and y'all all hit on my under we're all getting a little bag you know what i mean and i i i obviously my brother went through his situation um you know malik beasley's going through a situation right now terry rozier was in some hot water how did michael porter jr wake up one morning and said you know what i'm gonna do today i'm gonna say all of that out loud see zaz your mind went to michael porter jr's morning my mind went to steiney's morning where it's like oh yeah we got michael porter jr on on today.

Oh, maybe we'll talk about something interesting.

Oh, these guys got traded, whatever.

Okay, we'll ask him.

I'll get to the topic of gambling.

It's like, oh, he's probably going to be real coy around this.

His brother's still dealing with the federal investigation and stuff.

He's banned from the NBA.

Probably, but we have to ask.

This is a journalistic outfit.

I got to ask.

And then he could shoot me down.

It's up to him.

And he asked the question, and Michael Bortagino starts detailing how to run a successful gambling operation here.

And the sound you hear if you turn the volume up really really loud i'm not saying let's replay it now but you can rewind in the podcast turn it up really loud when you hear him say oh get all my homies a bag you can hear the of steiny's dick hitting the bottom of the desk because you're like oh

he said it oh my god and and you guys didn't play this part but he goes on michael porter jr does to say we all had our struggles in life my brother struggled all the time with gambling and money that's why god didn't give him money He's like, me, I should, my, my, my advice was women.

I had women everywhere.

My brother didn't have one.

So for me, I don't have a wife.

And shout out to Behan from Club 520 because he, he said, he's like, he basically said, my brother never got, but I got, man, I was swimming in it.

Basically, it was the messaging by Michael Porter Jr.

there.

But it's just, it's fascinating.

And one final shout out to Steiny.

If you listen to him.

Wait.

I mean, I mean, I want to break in really quick.

This is Steiny from the Nelk Boys, correct?

Steiny, the one that interviewed Ned and Yahoo.

Right.

I thought this was Willie Colli Stein.

Oh, I thought it was Mark Stein.

No.

What do you think he was Mark Stein?

It's actually Einstein.

Holly Hias.

Here's the thing.

My dick is really hard talking about gambling.

Clear eye.

Why do you sound like Shock G?

Rest in peace.

I once got busy in a Birth King bathroom.

That's pretty good.

Right there in Brickle.

That's the one he's talking about.

The one that the holdover from the 1980s design.

But yeah,

you hear him just give him hyping them up the whole time.

100%.

Yeah, absolutely.

Like, no, not 100% siding.

I mean, the next time that someone on one of these shows disagrees with or pushes back against the athlete that's on their show will be the very first time that's ever happened.

All I'm wondering is why we didn't get Michael Porter Jr.

This could have been our school.

This This could have been our get.

We could have been asking all the look think another ridiculous question.

I'm just saying think all the ridiculous questions that Chris Cody has asked in interviews over the years, right?

Like why would you ask?

Like Michael Porter Jr.

would be the one where it's like, yeah, we're getting an actual answer here.

I just don't understand how like do you think there's a moment after that sit-down that he says to himself, you know what, probably shouldn't have been as forthcoming as it was.

You know, detailing how we could scam

gambling sites.

You know, and considering my brother is at the center of it.

But he did have the lame little disclaimer at the first when he said something like, we all know this is wrong, but, and then he details all that.

It was totally incriminating.

Yeah, you know,

to answer your question is to ask, no.

I think he won't go, that's pretty good.

And someone says, hey, man, you don't think we should ask them to cut out the part where you're talking about gambling?

No, no, I put the disclaimer.

Say, no, we all know it's wrong.

We're good.

It's like the reckless speculation sounder, right?

You play like, you're good.

You can say whatever you want after that.

Yo, I mean, how excited are you about NBA schedule release tomorrow?

Oh, God, man.

Stupid.

Stupid.

The only people who should care, obviously the teams, right?

The media people who have to travel.

If you're, for instance, if you're Jason Jackson, voice of the Miami Heat, he's got to figure out what city he's going to be in at any given moment.

If you're a beat writer, you know, if you're Ira Winderman, yeah, I got to figure out which one of these flights I got to start booking hotels now, right?

But fans,

who cares, man?

You're going to find out when you find out.

You'll find out like, hey, this week, oh, the Lakers are playing against the Mavericks.

Oh, I better tune into that one.

Right.

But you don't need to know in August.

And the reason why we do this is because the NFL does this.

And the NFL does this because there's only 17 games.

People do travel for road games a lot.

And they have to book flights in hotels.

And that's kind of a part of the NFL culture.

And so they've made a big deal out of it, and every team has its schedule, release little video, and stuff.

But the NBA, man, it's a different product.

It's like trying to sell Coca-Cola the way Hyundai sells cars.

Like, no, we don't have the same approach because we're not selling the same product.

Dumb.

Having said that, Christmas Day, no Eastern Conference games other than the first one.

You know what that means?

It means put the kids to bed.

right after the Eastern Conference is over.

No?

Okay.

So at two o'clock after, after Cavs Knicks were putting the kids to bed on Christmas Day,

you guys just sat there and just like, oh,

not a lot of buying there.

That was Jeremy level buy-in.

What do you think?

That's very true.

You think your family?

You think your family?

What do you think of our theory that we made earlier this morning that the NBA game should start at the crack of dawn?

You have jazz wizards just on the TV as you're opening up presents, just make it a 24-hour hostile takeover.

i'm with it i'm with it and i think that's that should be everyone's like how do you punish teams for tanking how do you punish teams for being bad we should take away their picks we should do no no no no you make them play christmas morning 6 a.m

you want to be bad now see that's that gives you incentive everyone's like i'm not trying to be one of the worst teams next year they're going to start winning games and that's how you cure tanking I mean, you may have heard yesterday, I was dealing with a situation at home.

I have a high school kid, and I I was dealing with a very unpleasant situation as a parent.

You got something going on, too.

Yeah, no, first of all, your situation was ridiculous, man.

The kid was mad that his mom, White Tam, put limits on his phone.

Was that the impetus of like?

Well, no,

we did that in response to what we were not happy with him about.

Yeah.

What were you not happy about him?

Just his attitude.

Like, he's moody.

Moody teenager.

Moody.

Yeah.

My thing is this, fix your face.

You know what?

Just fix your face.

Get out of here.

And the idea that you allow him, you can leave.

Does he pay the car note on the car?

He actually does make payments.

Does he pay the car note?

Not does he contribute to the car note.

Does he make the car note?

I don't know what that means.

How does he make the payments?

Illegal gambling?

With his poker game that he's working on?

No, he works at the job.

What's his job?

He works at a card store.

Nice.

A card store?

Yeah, trading card store.

Yeah.

They can do that?

Yeah, yeah.

16-year-olds can work.

Well, he's responsible in that fashion, and we make him pay.

He pays.

He makes the payments.

What about the insurance?

That's true.

We pay the insurance.

Cell phone.

Okay, there you go.

There you go.

We pay that.

There you go, buddy.

You got to leave all that stuff behind.

You can leave.

You're going to leave this property right here.

Yeah.

That's a good maturity.

I'm not insurance something that you're just driving around.

You're mad at me about.

Oh, I'm angry.

I'm emotional.

I'm on this.

Be emotional on your feet.

Walk it out.

Got to be honest.

Get a bike.

Him making car payments, it changes the whole dynamic of my channel.

It's not cheap to car payments.

You're not with this kid.

This kid needs it, like, I can pay my car, but I can't go watch the Arab fighters in Chicago.

I don't get that whatsoever.

Shut up, parents.

I'm with him.

Loves the Arab fighters.

The issue I'm dealing with, Zaz, is my child is a sophomore, and we just had curriculum night the other night.

And that's where you go to all the classes and you meet the teachers and they're talking about this, that, and the other.

And I'm beginning to realize I don't even remember how I took classes in high school.

I just showed up, and this was my schedule, and we did it.

And these kids now, they got to pick.

You got to pick, are you going to do AP world history?

If you do, you do AP US history and then take AP.

And I'm like, oh my God, how many AP courses do you take?

And I'm looking online and I say, well, the really good schools want to take at least seven.

So now we got to figure out, okay, these are the AP courses you got to take, but you can't take these AP courses without these pre-recs here, honors this and honors that.

And so I'm sitting here, I'm like, my head is spinning at how much I got to do to make sure my kid can get into college.

And I go back to what I was doing and I literally just showed up and they handed me a schedule.

I don't think that's true, man.

Like, I remember on the, like, the last day of school, you would have to fill some kind of form out, format out, format, which you would tell them the classes that you want for the next year.

Don't remember any of that.

Don't remember any of that.

I just remember showing up and like, here's your schedule.

I just, I don't.

And the idea that now the picking of the classes as a sophomore can have an impact on where you go to college.

Of course.

What are we doing?

Yeah, man.

I thought senior year, now we're like, oh, shit, we got to get ready for college.

Senior year is like the least important of all of that.

Everyone knows junior year is the big year.

Junior year is the big year for everything.

Senior year ain't shit, man.

For real?

Has it always been like that?

Well, the applications go out before senior year, so it's really based off what you've done in your junior year, and they'll keep monitoring the transcripts come your single school.

Senior smartly in school, my senior year.

Why you have to have some of those APs on the schedule?

At early release, junior year.

I did the seven APs.

You're applying to classes and some fingering.

Jeremy, you did seven AP classes and went to UCF.

Yeah, man.

I got into Chapel Hill.

I just didn't want to take out loans.

Chapel loans.

All that work for nothing.

Wow.

Chapel loans.

Oh, look what he's done.

I like that.

Now I got them.

Now I got them on my side.

Here we go.

Chapel Veron.

Hey, by the way, Tony, I wanted to talk to you about hard knocks, man.

Okay.

Big thing about hard knocks.

First of all, Greg, you're absolutely wrong.

Everyone loves hard knocks.

You're the only one on this island.

But

the quality has dipped.

The quality has dipped.

I say this because

the biggest thing about every season of hard knocks is always what?

The first

intro to episode one.

That's thank you.

That's dude, right?

That's where they get you like better.

Give me some sprinklers.

This year was so bad.

The worst one.

The best one ever.

The best one ever was, and look, I'm not endorsing the man.

I'm just saying it was a hell of an intro to their season of hard knocks, was the Raiders with John Gruden.

Yeah.

Where he says, everyone's got a dream.

I dream about playing in NFL.

I dream about doing this.

He's like, I'm not into dreams anymore.

I'm in a f ⁇ ing nightmare.

Dude,

electric.

electric

I loved that the first he does that speech like every college program has put out him giving that speech now so I'm a little over that speech he did it to Georgia just but it does slap the first time you hear it on hard knocks it did slap

because you know what

if you hear me

was that cruden or jack nicholson nightmares lamb

Hey, it's Mike Ryan.

Those sprinklers are starting to slowly come up on the football field.

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Don Lebatard.

What do I got here?

I got a magnum condom.

We won't get that out.

That's shocking.

Stugats.

Here's a picture of Christopher when he was like three years old.

Right next to the condom.

Yeah.

He's a good one.

That's a reminder.

Yeah, forever.

Never forget it.

This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

his son's the coach on the raiders

do scruden like he didn't he didn't sell any feneman but scruden just won some some some lawsuit yeah he's gonna get his day in court actually he's not because the nfl does not want to go to discovery so crush him congratulations That was nickel.

But when he drops that I'm in the nightmares, that's where they drop the first notes of the music

They do that and then it builds a little bit

Yeah, it's so good

I'm like let's watch not hard knocks this year's

Sit down.

Hey get mic'd up.

Oh, I'm getting married too.

I don't care producer man.

Right.

It was the worst one ever.

It was the worst intro to hard knocks ever.

It was just him sitting down.

Oh, I'm getting mic'd up.

Okay, let's do this.

Right.

So I had the producer saying, oh, oh, you got married.

Congratulations.

I'm getting married too.

Like, I don't care.

Way to make it about you, producer man.

A great point.

It's really ridiculous.

Other notes about hard knocks.

This is year, what, 25, 27?

No, 30, 30 of hard knocks.

Still can't get the closed captioning.

Year 40 of hard knocks.

It is 50.

50 of hard knocks.

Keep going.

Do I hear 51?

Still can't get the closed captioning right.

I got to deal with closed captioning that A is like on a 30-second delay.

I never know.

He's right about that.

I never know if that's the show's fault.

Is that my fault?

I never know if that's the.

That's the show's fault.

It'd be like internet.

I know it's not my fault.

No, no.

So typically live events do have a little bit of a delay.

You guys had a whole goddamn week, man, to sync this shit up.

Number one.

Number two, most shows are smart enough that if there's text on the screen, like for instance, who this rookie unsigned undrafted free agent is, will put the captions up

away from where that text is, not hard knocks.

They slap that shit right over.

And I'm like, I don't know who this is now.

I just got to go for context clues.

It's Buffalo Joe.

Who the hell is that?

Yeah.

All right.

Number three.

Greg McDermott was wearing a t-shirt that said playoff caliber.

Is that his brother that's on the staff?

Is this nepotism?

Who's Greg McDermott?

Sean McDermott.

Oh, he's yeah, no, he's the dude,

the jihad guy.

Got it.

Yep.

Dumb t-shirt.

He had the

playoff caliper?

That's what they got in Buffalo?

Like, way to set your expectations super low.

This is

if they don't do it this time, Mike McCarthy vibes off of McDermott.

I think McDermott's on a hot seat.

I do.

Nobody says that.

I don't know if they did drastic enough moves.

They got Bosa in there.

That's fine.

But yes, if they fail yet again.

Yeah.

And it's really unfair because Josh Allen, you could make an argument Josh Allen might be the second greatest quarterback of all time, but we don't know it because he's playing it, it keeps running into the greatest quarterback of all time.

They gotta, they gotta change it up if they lose to this team again.

And the easiest thing to change is the coach.

I totally think he's on the hot seat.

Something about these Mick coaches, huh?

Has there ever been a good Mike McDane?

Whoa, am I on something?

Yeah, you did.

Of all people, if you think your family

would

accept you saying a common slur about

fair enough.

If you think you're Northern Europeans.

Yeah, the boy.

He met the MC.

You met the MC.

Something about these MC coaches.

Mike McCarthy.

McDaniel.

Is that a generational divide?

Did you not know?

Yeah, I didn't even know that one.

I was with him.

I thought, good topic.

Yeah, no.

Well, it's been bleeped.

You're not going to believe this.

In America,

they had an attitude towards immigrants way back when.

Let's get back to his topic.

Are there any examples of good coaches that start with our MC?

Let's do the racist one that Jeremy wanted.

It could actually actually be worse if you bleep it, by the way.

Mike McCarthy, bad.

Mike McDaniel, hot seat.

Sean McDermott, hot seat.

Josh McDaniel, hasn't worked out.

Give me a good MC.

It was a good one.

Don McShula.

It was a great topic.

Great to try it, Don McClellan.

It's all right.

You didn't know.

The McGokie called.

You didn't know.

I really had no idea.

Don.

That one's on me.

I'm going to Google it.

McShula.

Don't try it.

Jeremy.

Jeremy.

Somewhere Myers Leonard is like, aha, see?

Not so easy, is it?

Ron McDonald's, Greg.

He's fine.

Yeah, by the way.

There you go.

I mean, you got anything else from Hard Knox?

From Hard Knocks, yeah.

Drifting with a kid in the passenger seat.

That is crazy.

Drifting with a five kid.

It can't be illegal.

Dude, and the helmet doesn't even fit.

Fuck the helmet.

The child is not big enough to sit in the front seat of a minivan.

Let alone a car that's drifting.

And I thought it was going to be like, I saw the course and I was like, okay, so they've got cones and stuff.

So he'll drive out to the middle and then he'll start drifting there nope he starts drifting right around the corner of that building immediately and i'm like oh this this is cps waiting to happen i haven't checked twitter but i have to imagine people lost their mind what do you think the bills hate more the what is it the driving recklessly or the guy like wrangling snakes like what are they like they don't have contracts where they're like hey you can't do dangerous shit In the first episode, there were multiple players.

Yeah, but dangerous shit.

The AJ Epanessa doing the python hunting, hunting, that's not that bad because the pythons are

not venomous.

For that to come around and choke you, like, you're doing something stupid.

I just feel like the Bills can't love that.

I can't love the dude drifting with a child in his car.

This is first episode where two guys on their off day are doing insanely reckless things.

My favorite thing is not only is there a child, but it's like, it's not like, oh.

Bless his heart, Junior loves drifting.

We do it, whatever.

It's like all of them, all three of them are like, hey, daddy, we line up.

It's proof that kids will follow you anywhere.

Like, it's like, hey, let's go do this insanely dangerous thing.

Like, yeah, dad.

Mike, Mike, not on a company laptop, man.

Not on a company laptop.

No, that's on me.

My bad.

Ball off me, coach.

Oh, man.

Yeah, you're fired.

Okay, Amin, I want to say one thing in rebuttal to Hard Knox, and I know I'm in a room full of Hard Knox lovers right now.

I want to speak for the rest of America, okay?

Right now, people who live in Buffalo are loving this hard knocks.

People who who live in the 31 other NFL cities are either yawning or switching over to a honeymooners rerun.

They don't care.

Lovely options.

That's why

would people care about watching the inner workings of another team that isn't theirs?

I just don't get it.

Greg, I can only speak for myself.

I

love hard knocks because it makes me care about teams I don't care about, and it makes me care about players I don't care about.

Like there, whenever I see a guy who like I saw from hard knocks and obviously not like Josh Allen, clearly everyone knows that is, but like one of those no-name guys.

And then like three years later, he's in the NFL somewhere else.

I'm like, that's the dude.

I still to this day, I remember John Connor from the Jets hard knocks.

They're like, oh, that's the Terminator.

They called him the Terminator.

He's a little fullback.

And like for years after that, whenever I saw him, I'm like, oh, it's Terminator, man.

I don't know.

That ultimate guy was 7-Eleven, right?

7-Eleven.

7-11 oh yeah

darren waller was that guy for a lot of people right

yeah i was like oh man i have a fantasy draft like oh who's that tight end on the raiders i keep seeing on hard knock let me take a flyer and i'm like oh wow this worked out i'm dating myself but bobby scipio with the kansas city chiefs back in the day

i'm telling you like it It really does a great job.

The hard knock says, Greg, earlier you were like, oh, I feel like it's edited.

Of course it's edited.

This is a big commercial for the NFL.

It's not meant to be revelatory at all.

It's not a documentary.

It is a great marketing tool for the NFL.

It makes you fall in love with characters and people in a way in a league that doesn't really tend to market that way.

They market the Shield.

They market the teams.

But this show makes you care.

It shows that, yeah, I can care about things NFL related if I got to know the people behind the masks.

I mean, before we let you go, you got a movie of the week for us?

Yes, movie of the week.

This is on Cinefobe.

It drops tomorrow.

Today, if you're a Patreon member,

countthethings.com slash

no, Patreon.com slash count the things.

There you go.

That wasn't Patreon.

We got there.

All right, we can do that again.

Three, two, one.

Patreon.com slash count the things.

If you're a Patreon member, the episode comes out today.

Jurassic Park 3.

Yes, this is the sequel that

didn't have my man Jeff Goldblum, but...

Brought back Sam Neal, who was not in Jurassic Park 2.

And so me, Zach, and Mays, we

pull it apart and look around and see if this was really deserved to be an under 40 movie or maybe didn't get a fair shake did you know that zaz at jurassic park 3 poor critic reviews i i i definitely knew that i don't think i've seen jurassic park 3 because it was received so poorly oh you got you haven't seen that spinosaurus that oh dude this is the one where they decide t-rex not doing it for the franchise anymore let's upscale I don't think I saw that.

I don't know that fool.

That's where that started.

I don't know that, fool.

Like, if you watch the Jurassic World movies, it's all about, like, oh, these bigger, batter dinosaurs, like the raptors and the T-Rex weren't enough.

That started in Jurassic Park 3, where they started trying to branch out and let us know that there's some other things that are more scary than the T-Rex, which is kind of ridiculous.

But also, it is the movie that gave us one of the most famous lines in Jurassic Park world history.

Go on.

Mike, can you recite it?

We're going to need a bigger boat.

Close enough.

Very close.

Very close.

It's a birdcage.

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