The Big Suey: Football America Friday (feat. Dave Dameshek)

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Welcome to the Big Sue,

presented by DraftKings.

Why are you listening to this show?

The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lebetard podcast.

I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that.

In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging.

I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's prize if they're just there.

If that hasn't happened to you guys, I've done it.

And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar.

Exciting times here at MetalArc Media.

Should mention that our award-winning documentary team is added again to Rossi streaming now on Amazon Prime video.

Just won an Emmy for our Boston Red Sox comeback doc that was on Netflix.

This one's on Prime and it circles around one of the greatest basketball players of all time and Diana Taurasi.

Haven't had the opportunity to watch it yet, but I'm hearing rave reviews for that.

Another metal arc project that we can all get excited about is the debut of our new football podcast.

Debut of our new football podcast.

Boston.

Dabacle.

Dabacle.

Dave Damashek is hosting Football America.

I've been a huge fan of Dave Damashek for a very long time.

He did great work covering the NFL.

He's a brilliant comedic of mine, and we're really happy to have him on board.

In fact, if you're listening to the show on podcasts right now, you can get the very first episode later today.

It's posting later this afternoon on our feed.

And if you're watching on DraftKings Network, you'll actually get during our show a segment of that first show for them later in the hour.

And it will be live on YouTube.

So let's bring Dave aboard.

We enjoyed having him in the studio last week.

Dave, formally welcome to the family.

Very excited for you and Football America.

What do you have for the audience with your first episode?

We have Mina Kimes, first of all.

It's the debut, after all.

We wanted to come out hot there.

It's David Damashak.

Weird pronunciation there, Mike.

But yeah, very excited.

It's football season.

That's reason enough to celebrate.

It is now upon us.

Yeah, like we talked about a couple of weeks ago.

Preseason is football's version of Civil War reenactments.

They only look real except Anthony Richardson.

Apparently, it was kind of real.

Sounds like he's going to be back without any harm.

A lot of fun with the Fuentes brothers behind the glass on our debut.

You got both of them?

There's another one?

There's two of those things.

How did you mention Gina first?

Mike and Gino.

Gino and Mike combining.

They have the con and are delightful in this first episode.

Spoiler, we recorded it last night, so we already know how it goes.

And I dare say, maybe I'm biased.

I thought it was plumb delightful because

like you guys were just doing, I just listened to the first half hour of the show and I was over the moon.

Just

made me feel a little less dorky.

Football, football, football.

Let's cover it.

You don't have to worry about the Lions anymore.

I got you.

Like, you can eliminate the Honolulu, Izzy.

Oh, your reputation precedes you.

Is it Honolulu, Izzy, or Izzy, Honolulu?

Either way, I'm sure they're excited to have you on board.

But yeah, that's me and Mina Kimes, basically.

We have a lot of fun around it, and then we dork out for about 20 minutes or so on the hot button.

Izzy Honolulu is definitely my stripper neighbor.

That's Gino.

That's a Fuentes?

That's a Fuentes right there.

They've been brothers this whole time.

How about that?

By the way, debut is perfectly acceptable.

It's not exactly tomato tomato, but I digress.

Debut.

And also, I'm never going to learn how to spell Honolulu.

It's just one of those words I'll lean on my phone to figure out what's going on.

Why is that one tricky for you?

That's weird.

I might switch the station right now over to the shark and catch what Joe Rose said.

By the way, is Joe Rose?

It can't be that big a coincidence in the same region of Football America that you guys are talking about.

Joe Rose talking about the, it has to be the

iconic spelling.

Do you know the bit of trivia?

Do you know the trivia around Joe Rose?

Why he's such a local luminary?

I mean,

is it because of the game that we talked about the last time I jumped in from this spot a couple of weeks ago when we talked about the greatest game of all time, the Dolphins and Chargers, aka the Bavarian place kicker showdown between Rolf Benershka and Uwe von Schamen?

Is it that game?

He scores a couple touchdowns, did Joe Rose in that one?

His local claim to fame was he caught Dan Marino's first ever touchdown.

Ah,

well, he was instrumental when Don Strzok replaced David Woodley in the in that game against Air Coriel down there and he parlayed that that football career of his to become a South Florida institution a news anchor a sports anchor for the local NBC affiliate and then spokesperson the the greatest pitch man when it came to AM radio you wanted a live read that would make you buy anything from air conditioning to a car yeah he's doing low t ads and I'm like that's how I've aged like Joe Rose, he's like, and he's like, but I believe him.

Yeah.

Like, he sells it.

Yeah.

He's like, you'll have friends that tell you they don't have ED.

They're lying.

All right.

Like, I knew it.

Yeah.

How what is the payout of those ads?

You know,

the most intriguing one in my mind, actually, you guys are pretty familiar with him.

His sequel to the Cowboys thing was to go to the Dolphins, Jimmy Johnson.

This is a guy who

millions of dollars as a head coach for the you and otherwise, and then the cowboy, the dolphins.

Then he's making a ton of bank doing the Fox pregame show.

And amidst all that, he starts doing ads for extends

for his wiener.

And his thing is, and his big thing is like, everywhere I go, people come up to me and say,

what would need extend?

His big thing.

Well, right.

But I mean,

what was going on in Jimmy Johnson's life that he needed to do that ad campaign?

They're like, people ask me, let me tell you, I've tried it, it works.

Like, oh my God.

There was one commercial where he was in like a full NAS car tracksuit

and buy an extends car.

I got to believe, like, he just had a situation in the bedroom and it hit him like nothing else.

And he felt empathy for all other, you know, middle-aged to older men in the world.

And he said, this, this might be my calling.

So it wasn't the cash.

No.

Those are effective cash.

Cash is available everywhere, I think, is what Dave's trying to say.

Like, he would have been able to

sponsor any sort of item, and it would have been better than extensive.

Well, no, I mean, because his last name is Johnson.

I didn't even consider that.

But, you know,

there are effective pitch men like Jimmy Johnson because there's, you know...

Joe the plumber sitting on his couch saying, well, if it can happen to Jimmy Johnson, that's what works so much with Frank Thomas.

Like, well, if it's happening to the Big Hurt, it's definitely going to happen.

I mean, Doug Bye.

Yeah.

Doug Bye.

Well,

the weird one in those ads every time, the one when they're out on the driving range,

Flutie and Frank Thomas are out there.

And

the one guy, they're telling the one guy, I mean, you got to try this.

And the ladies will like it too.

And he's clearly with his wife.

And your wife will, you know, she'll like it too.

But the wife has a friend with her and she makes eyes at the husband.

And the ladies will like it too.

And she kind of, look, watch the ad.

It's disturbing.

What are you doing?

This doesn't involve you at all.

Yeah, because I'm sure that's the conversation guys have everywhere.

Just little private conversations about their ED.

And it's just like, oh, trust me.

I think if you get older, you're more open to open relationships and swinging generally.

Guys,

are you feeling Honolulu blue down there?

Hey, is he Honolulu here?

And let me, you know, that kind of thing.

That might be interesting to

be trademarked.

I feel like you were just wanting to go there to just talk about.

Well, that's why

it's all being winded up to that.

That's why there's so much VD in the villages.

We actually have that's a clip of a Joe Rose livery, but Dave, I want you to hear the maestro at work, or as Dan would say, maestro.

See, like debut.

Joe Rose, an iconic pitch man.

This was him doing an ad for a local South Florida sports bar.

Ah, that's good.

Big juicy cheeseburgers of Philly chicken.

Ah, that's good.

Onions.

Mushrooms.

Mmm.

It's good.

Excuse me, can I have a side order of mmm?

Can I get some blue cheese with it?

I like to dip my thick

in that blue cheese they have there.

Mmm, mmm.

Mmm.

Hey, oh, you want some pasta and seafood dishes with fresh fish?

Mmm, mmm.

It's good.

So good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There is nothing like a thick.

That was unedited, Dave.

That's, yeah, there was a promo code afterwards.

That was the only thing that was.

Sweet.

Hell was that?

That was grotesque.

I mean, that really bordered on creepy, like Jimmy Johnson talking about the size of his weed.

ASMR right there, man.

I could fall asleep to that.

Fresh fish.

Like, just the saliva dripping out of his mouth.

That is some succulent fresh fish that they have at that establishment.

Fresh cot.

I'm just so glad.

The reason we can have this conversation and laugh about it is because now we don't, we'll never find any of ourselves we'll never find ourselves having to make ads like that because we're gonna ride the money we make from Danny Dimes MVP

that's right well Dave do you have any uh futures that you're looking at um that that are some deep value I I ventured uh golf to lead the league and interceptions there are all sorts of kitschy little props there with big time uh well you let me know after your investigation, after you canvass Alliance, but I'm curious, you're a man that knows his bets.

Any deep value picks out there for the listening audience?

And can we expect more of that on Football America?

Yes, the short answer is yes.

We'll be going over those over and under.

We'll figure out the best bets to make between now and the start of the season.

But in the meantime, the perennial best bet, and I sincerely mean this, and I have been,

I have expressed cynicism already on this very show about Mike Tomlin and what's going on there.

But the best bet available every year is the Steelers over their season win total.

It's at eight and a half.

No matter how sideways things get with Aaron Rodgers or whatever else happens there, Cam Hayward now holding in.

So is the place kicker, Chris Boswell.

It doesn't matter.

They're definitely going to get to it.

Minimum nine wins.

Mike Tomlin is the greatest floor raiser of the millennium.

So that's a great bet to start with.

The pessimistic one, the overarching pessimistic bet to make is, and I think you can check out and verify that this is true.

If you bet every running back's under, say the top 25 guys on the list, you will win.

You will land in the black if you bet they're under because injuries happen.

Saquon Barkley, you guys were talking about him already.

The marvelous 2024

season, you know, his best rushing total to that point was 1,300 yards.

He's going to go under there.

And Vegas agrees with me.

If you take a look, go on DraftKings and see what number they have there.

It's somewhere right around there.

And you think, oh my God, this is easy money.

No, it's not.

Based on his history, he's likely to go under, as is every other human being who has to carry the ball that requires 300-pound guys who are very fast to run at him and hit him on purpose.

So the likelihood that you're going to sit down and not make your 17-game rushing total is likely.

Even though it's, I hate the guy who walks up to the craps table.

There's no one worse.

That's a team event to get in there and root for the point to be made.

The guy who stands up there and does the no pass line.

Oh, I want to punch that guy in the face.

He's the worst.

He's the worst.

So I don't, I mean, yeah.

Do you understand what we're trying to do here, friend?

You know, get on board or get the hell out.

You're saying this is the football equivalent of that kind of thing?

It is.

It is, but it's still, I have to say, I don't want to shout it too loudly because

it expresses a glass half-full view of it.

And you can at least do that quietly, though.

The craps guy is in front of your face being like, I'm rooting for all of you to lose.

At least this bet I can make in the privacy of my own.

Gotta be honest, I'm not liquid enough to take all those unders

and wait several months for $5 on each bet.

Why do that when I can take Lions Falcons preseason week one?

And then I'll apply it after I win those.

Speaking of Lions, I got a couple early ones on my Lions research here, Dave, to throw at you.

Jameer Gibbs, plus $1,400 to lead the league in rushing, and Aiden Hutchinson's actually the lead favorite, plus $500 to lead the league in sacks.

How good are those bets?

I like the Hutchinson one a little bit better.

I do do think.

I mean, situationally, you have your team has to have the lead in the second half.

I mean, people maybe overstate that a little bit, but that is the formula for a pass rusher to get an extra few sacks over the course of the 17 games.

I think the Lions, like you guys were talking about, it's going to be a slow burn for them.

Don't go too deep.

Well, okay.

I don't want to.

What I refer to is in the copycat league,

the shortcut to the front of the line is to get the guy a QB in the draft.

That's what happened with the commies, with Jaden Daniels.

They were a punchline.

They got Jaden Daniels, and voila, they're in the title game.

The slower burn is to do it at the line of scrimmage.

And that's how you have a more enduring

playoff relevance is to load up like the Eagles have.

And so now in the Copycat League, it seems like a lot of teams are trying to adopt that model.

And the Detroit Lions are pretty deep down the path with that.

Here's the problem they're remaking the offensive line to a degree two key pieces gone from there izzy that's a big one for a team that likes to to grind you up on the ground so i i don't love the the uh gibbs bet specifically um going over and look at what happened in the in-between year to the philadelphia eagles who the lions are kind of sort of modeled after is they go to the super bowl then their coordinators leave that when they kind of over the course of the season it wasn't week one that they were a different team it was slowly but surely they dropped off.

Remember how bad it got for the Eagles in between those two Super Bowls?

I think that's what the Lions are going to be this year.

I think all you're telling me is there's a lot of cover there for me.

A lot of space for me to just kind of get in there and tackle all these issues.

I like my choice.

Better than the Bengals, I would say.

Surviving Ben Johnson.

That's the other big thing is

the clever offensive mind has now transcended the guy at the trigger.

Ben Johnson was more important than Jared Goff, and I think that's going to be revealed over the course of these 17 games upcoming.

Dave, speaking of Ben Johnson, is everything going to be fixed now in Chicago, or is there going to be a bit of a learning curve with Caleb Williams, with DJ Moore, with Romo Dunze, them trying to get into the Ben Johnson system and figure things out?

I bet it'll take a minute, but they're way better off than they were at this time last year when everybody was singing songs like, how can Caleb Williams miss?

The Bears have created the greatest situation for a rookie QB of all all time, except everybody ignored the fact that they didn't have a coaching staff.

But the players are good.

Now they have Ben Johnson.

I think the Bears are going to be frisky, and I think they're going to be a good team this year.

I'm a believer.

When you guys were going through that list, isn't it?

It's a weird place.

If you do season win totals right now, I have a hard time talking myself out of almost any team making the playoffs.

I agree.

The Saints are going to be a bum team.

The Browns are going to be bad.

But how many teams can you definitely say to yourself, like, I can't make a case that that team might be layoff a Jace?

I disagree about the Colts.

I think the Colts, I can talk myself into the Colts.

AFC South.

That's a

also.

Your old pal, Vic Fangio, didn't work out with the Dolphins, but then he went up there with the Eagles and, you know, was transformative.

Lou Anarumo, who was with the Bungles, and he wasn't loaded up with pieces, but those were some decent defenses he put out there when they went to the Super Bowl and almost went to the Super Bowl the following season.

Now he lands in Indy.

And again, there's some nice Colts pieces there.

The way they're structured, isn't it time for Steichen to arrive?

I know it has everything to do with what Anthony Richardson does or doesn't do, but Jonathan Taylor and what should be a good defense in that division,

I mean, I absolutely could see that team win in the division.

Anthony Richardson ain't it.

There's my Colts analysis.

I just don't think he's got it.

You're Honolulu, Izzy.

You're right.

Probably right.

That's claim to yours.

And also, you should pivot.

Everybody's talking about Ben Johnson.

You should be, I'm worried about the Aaron Glenn situation.

That's another way that you get aggregated and we continue to build this.

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Hey, it's Mike Ryan.

Those sprinklers are starting to slowly come up on the football field.

Time that we have with summer is dwindling.

I'm sure sure you're already doing that thing where you're going through your photo album, flipping through the photos that you've taken this summer, already reminiscing about the good times that you have.

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Don Lebatard.

I think I would have been on his side.

I would have went to you, like, what did you say?

I'm telling you, me and my friend, the rest of the way home, all we kept saying was, I ain't cheating.

Stugats.

It's like, why'd you get your ass?

I think he got your ass.

I got his ass.

Chris won this one for sure.

Not pathetic.

It was great.

This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

Very excited for Football America today.

You're Seelers guy, you're Pittsburgh guy, your hat says Crosby backhand.

Roy hasn't been able to look at the monitor once.

Come on, Roy.

Isn't it nice?

Happy belated birthday, right?

To the guy who saved hockey.

No.

Saved hockey.

He did save hockey.

I mean, we've already had this discussion, right?

I mean, like, come on.

He and Avechgin saved the sport, at least as we know it.

It would be some fringy thing down there with lacrosse if it weren't for for 87 and

the grade eight.

What they did in the early portion of this millennium saved the game.

Don't forget the dead puck era and the lockout and all that stuff.

We got back before it was even 2010, thanks to those two.

Still

the two most luminous stars and both they've won cups at least, unlike McJesus, right?

Yeah.

Well, it would have helped back then if the league actually showcased more of the players instead of just two, or especially just one Cindy Crosby.

who did you want from your team for them that we're going to be doing?

Jonathan Chichi.

Do you want a Chi-Chu highlighted?

We only had David Booth for us during that era, although we do have David Booth highlighted.

Actually, can we cue that up real quick?

There's a great

goal call.

While video tries to cue that up, I want to talk to Dave real quick about the

Aaron Rodgers footwork because Terry Bradshaw

said that Aaron Rodgers is some of the worst footwork that he's ever seen.

And I saw video from camp, and it looked like Ben Roethlisberger moving around in the pocket.

Aaron Rodgers got really slow.

Wait, that's a bad thing, right?

It's not great because he's not the size of Aaron Rodgers.

And this was a guy that, I mean, he had it all.

He was so athletic.

He could scramble out of the pocket.

You see him doing these cone drills, moving around in the pocket.

You're like, okay, I guess running is out for Aaron Rodgers.

He's

40 years old, off an Achilles injury.

I guess it makes sense.

But are you concerned over there?

Or were you feeling nostalgic and happy?

Like, oh, Tomlin's got his quarterback again this guy can barely move around in the pocket now i don't know i don't know how nostalgia plays in here with uh with someone else's legend you know it was okay because the vikings were sad and desperate and so they were willing to accept the guy who had tormented them for a decade and a half if it equaled a trip to the super bowl with brett favre i'm a steelers fan i i i'm not nearly so desperate i know mike tomlin is desperate to get off the playoff Windlich Schneid that has run way too long now.

So anyway, nostalgia doesn't play in here.

I mean, he's moving around like Big Ben.

I hear you.

And, you know, the thing with,

it makes me think of the Frank Gore paradox, which is that Frank Gore, you asked, like, why is he still so good as old as he is?

It's because he never relied on high-end athleticism relative to the position like Chris Johnson

as a home run hitter or Jamal Charles.

You You know, once Chris Johnson's top end speed went away, so did he from

being a big factor in the NFL.

Frank Gore never had that high-end speed to lose, so he was fine.

It's the same thing as Brady and Payton and Breeze, pocket-bound QBs who never relied on quick twitch athleticism.

Aaron Rodgers has always been all about

that gentle roll out to the right and throwing on the move and all of that.

If he's a tick slow with that, that's obviously going to affect how he plays.

And it's a funny thing.

You know, it's like heavyweight boxers.

The lament that has gone on for as long as I've lived at least is like, why don't they know when it's time to go?

That is the blind spot of a lot of athletes.

And I think Russell Wilson

saw it last year.

They don't know that they're a tick slower.

They don't feel that.

It is the only thing I can think is that they think that the ghost of themselves can still make the play that they were able to make a half a decade ago and it's no longer available.

I don't understand what you mean by that.

On Football America, are you required to talk about Micah Parsons?

Well, here's how we talked about it.

Me and the fellas batted this one around.

We did some what-the-if

transactions, and I'll throw this one at you now.

These are, of course, fictional trades, but they're fun to talk about.

I think that it kind of highlights the value of a guy beyond just his immediate football situation.

Dallas Cowboys offer Micah Parsons to the Philadelphia Eagles for Saquon Barkley, who says no.

I like this game.

Ooh, I think Philadelphia says no.

I do.

I don't.

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

Howie Roseman is the not-secret sauce of the Eagles, and he's smart enough to know that you would want to have Micah Parsons versus a guy who,

despite Derrick Henry, and ironically, despite Saquon Barkley 2024, he understands that the running back is more replaceable than a piece like Micah Parsons would be for your defense.

And on the other side, Jerry Jones will fall in love with the cover athlete, the biggest thing.

That's exactly the same.

Izzy gets it exactly right.

Izzy sees that he's not just all Honolulu.

As I see, he knows all about football.

That's exactly right.

You know, Jerry Jones would be like, the keys would be jangling like, ding, ding, ding, like, ooh, a fancy running back.

I like him.

Get him in here.

I blew it with Derrick Henry last year.

That would be the biggest trade in NFL history.

It's rare that you have star for star.

We got it this offseason.

I mean, depending on what you think about Jalen Ramsey and Minka Fitzpatrick at this stage in Jalen Ramsey's career.

But that was a big deal.

You don't typically see that.

We saw the Clinton Portis Champ Bailey one.

Not really a player-for-player type of league.

You don't see that, and you certainly don't see it in the division.

Well, it does seem, though, like we get more trades than we used to a decade ago in season two.

And it kind of operates almost like the NBA, or I mean, I guess the three major sports leagues.

Now, the NFL is a little bit more like them, which is as the trade deadline approaches, and you're talking about Tyree Kill maybe getting moved around.

Then, you didn't used to see that.

You know, 25 years ago, guys just didn't move in season, and it was one of those things.

Same thing as like, well, you could never have a running quarterback in the NFL.

That would never work.

The guys are too fast on defense for that to ever work.

And then somebody did it.

And they're like, oh, I guess we've been wrong this whole time about that um yeah i think that um

i think that it's one of those kind of things um

the uh oh here's another one for you another what the if trade for you aaron rodger right now contracts are as they exist aaron rodgers for geno smith oh

wina and i talked about this one this one's interesting because i i i i think tom brady

the tom brady aaron rodgers dynamic uh with tom Brady in that front office, I think he signs off on the move.

Gino's still got some good ball left, I think.

You think Tom Brady signs off on the move, or does Tom Brady want to be the only guy who left his team and then won on a one-year situation?

Because obviously, he didn't do it last year, Aaron, but he could still salvage things if he wins a Super Bowl with the Steelers.

That's an interesting thing.

Like, would Tom Brady?

Tom Brady's...

more present now, at least during camp, but it's going to be a little weird when he has to step back a little bit because he's still calling football games.

I'm curious to hear what Mina and Dave say about this on Football America.

You want to give us a little spoiler and then we can tune in for the nuance?

Well, it shouldn't be that.

If you know Mina Kimes, you know she likes her Geno Smith.

So do I.

I mean, this was the perfect bridge quarterback to get you to 2026

without the headache and all the

soap opera side.

You just get Geno Smith in there for about the same amount of money.

Then you have him next year to help out with whoever you draft in the first round.

And Then you're right as reign there, yins.

You didn't have to bother with this Aaron Rodgers nonsense.

Now it's embarrassing for us.

The rivalries, the bans, the upsets, college football is back.

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Don Lebatard!

In terms of Heat fans, you're the most irrational of us right now.

What's the pivotal?

Oh, irrational.

Stugats.

How am I irrational?

I cannot hear your voice talked to him, buddy.

Your voice.

If I were making a cartoon thing that was meant to symbolize irrational, that's the voice I would give.

This is the Don Lebatar show with the Stugats.

Roy, we talked about who you wanted the league to highlight and put a big old spotlight on during the time of 87 and 8 doing their thing and rescuing the league.

I was

the first lockout.

I was working with the Florida Panthers at the time, and there was the star back then.

I think probably the biggest American hockey star that the franchise had to that moment was David Booth.

I don't know if Dave Damaszek remembers David Booth, but I know he's a big-time puckhead.

And that's one of those random pulls that might put a smile on people's face.

David Booth is out here still doing it.

Well, not out here.

He's way out there.

Down under.

He's in Australia and playing in the Professional Australian League, and he is absolutely bossing this league.

And we have a highlight here.

He's possession of puck, but it's been picked off there by Erdogan.

Erdogan trying to work his way through the Brisbane defensive drop pass to Booth.

That has got to be the goal of the season.

That's unbelievable.

That is

Norway

doing

things.

Just when you need it, just when things are looking the other way, this is a bad man doing bad things.

That is a great call.

David Booth should have probably had the spotlight.

I'm going to be tuning into the Australian Hockey League a little bit.

If you get me more David Booth, is he the MVP of this league right now?

Is this like MLS when Zlatan came over?

Roy?

I can't expect that the defense is...

I mean, you should put on hockey shows.

Roy, is he the MVP?

Answer the question.

I haven't paid attention to Australian hockey league.

Like, I didn't even know they had a league over there.

Well, now you do because it's David Booth and you're a big David Booth guy.

You saw that score, by the way, it was 8-7.

Wide open league over there.

Did David Booth?

Did that indeed put a smile on your face there, Dave Damashek?

Of course it did.

And of course, David Booth benefits from the fact that four people in Australia know how to skate.

And so that it makes it a little bit easier to wend your way through things.

I imagine there are the same number of hockey players in Australia as these United States have

bobs letters or losers.

I've always contended that any of us, if we decided to do it, could make the Luge team tomorrow just by announcing we're on it.

Because how many other people out there are willing to do that?

I think Tony's going to think that he can be an Olympic

level loser.

Remember, we did lose.

No, we did do the bobsled, and we had the best time out of like the normies.

We did really well.

You guys have bobsledded?

Yeah, on an Olympic course.

I hated that.

I hated that.

Oh, yeah, Chris was there.

I was in, like, I was way in the it was me, you, Juju, I think, in our

three-man sled.

No, I was with him.

It was very tight.

It was with me, Amin.

The entire time, I was just thinking, we're going to flip over and our heads are going to hit the ice the way that did to the Jamaican bob sled.

And we're going to have to carry our.

We're going to have to carry it.

And then

Lewis would be there clapping.

But no, it didn't happen because we actually killed the assignment.

The low-leverage middle reliever, I always thought, like, that's got to be the breeziest gig in sports.

It's like, you know, like, ah, we're down seven to three.

Just put him in to fill the next two or three innings.

Guy must be a great spot to get paid six or seven figures.

But we have in this world, we have the bob sled and you get medals.

They hand out medals for the, for the team that does the best with this.

So you have the guy who steers it and then you have the guy behind who runs it and like, you know, he provides the force and like then he jumps in and he rides along in the back.

Why then do we have a completely different one with two more cats riding along?

What are they doing?

I mean, the guy in the back, we've already seen.

Our eyes tell us that you can make that bob sled thing thing go with the guy steering it in the front with just one guy what do the other two guys do those middle folks just vibe what are they what do they do they just ride along they're the pushers and then at the end they get medals if they do well enough if the steer guy and the guy in the back does well enough those two guys who just ride along for it they get medals too you got the pilot or there's the pilot the brake man and the pushers so i guess they're just there for the beginning launch you're in luck but the brake man already shows us that he can do he can multitask he can push and then and then he'll break yeah but what are you two doing Junior Beville and Yoel Brenner, the best pushers of all time.

Yoel Brenner.

There's a guy associated with the show that's very good on this sport, you know, right?

Who?

Who?

Tim Reynolds.

Oh,

covers it for our nation.

Shadow banned.

Shadow banned Tim Reynolds.

The best pushers push a T, one half point.

Clearly.

Yeah, Dave, we can tune in to expect a different nuanced take on Micah Parsons, fantasy trades.

I remember we've talked about it before.

You did your 10-foot poll.

So I'm sure you've got a lot of interesting benchmarks.

We debut our version of the Hawkeye technology that determines first downs.

Now we have our version of that that we debut.

We show Mina Kim's Super Bowl picks at debut as pavement album covers.

So we have fun in this first episode.

Speaking of 10-foot pole, let me know when John Hamm is a guest on the show, please.

I think next week.

I think next week.

That's a big time pick.

John Hamm will join us, yes.

All right.

So Football America, again, again, subscribe to that feed.

But if you want to give it a try, it'll show up on our DLS audio feeds, wherever it is.

You find your podcasts, Apple, Spotify, all the industry leaders, and it'll be live on YouTube, premiering on DKN later today, around 6 o'clock Eastern, 3 o'clock Pacific.

Dave, we're really excited to have you aboard.

Thank you for helping out today on the show.

And we will talk to you soon, brother.

Oh, I'm over the moon.

Thanks so much, Izzy.

Just real quick, consider Cam Wartz Titans.

That's the better long-term investment.

I can't.

That's Mike's.

That's Mike's team.

Yeah, it is my team.

One thing before you go,

the recipe for a shock playoff team, I put a future on Tennessee to make the playoffs.

They have the makings.

Bill Callahan there to address the offensive line that everybody's worried about.

Cam Warts played a lot of football.

Those guys that have played a ton of football games

come into the league and they perform well.

Live arm.

I know that this is a place that wide receivers go to die, and they may have two of them, in Calvin Ridley and Tyler Lockett.

But you also look at a weak division when you're trying to prognosticate who can be a shock playoff team.

Titans have that thing going for them.

I think that a lot of people are going to be facing off against Tennessee in their survivor pools week one because Ember is an established.

He's got it covered.

He's got the Titan going.

I get it, but let me go.

You got a recipe there.

I happen to agree.

And again, you have amnesia if you have already forgotten what just happened with the Washington Commies.

You can turn your nose up like the Titans.

What?

Because they drafted Cam Ward?

Yeah.

Look at what Jaden Daniels did and how he transformed that punchline of a franchise in one season.

Why couldn't Cam Ward do that?

He certainly can.

The only thing that scares me is choose your adventure.

Glass half empty, glass half full.

Cam Ward, 6'2, 220 as he comes out of the U.

Steve McNair, first round draft pick of the Tennessee Titans franchise, 6'2 ⁇ , 220.

Here's the problem.

Jake Locker, 6'2, 220.

Wow.

So again, glass half empty, glass half full.

I happen to lean Mike's way there.

I think that the Aaron Rodgers story and the Browns having 290 quarterbacks and all of that has added, and oh, the draft class of 26 is better than this one is, has all added up to somehow us collectively not talking about the Raining Heisman Trophy winner landing in Nashville, Tennessee.

I think he's going to be great, and I think the Titans are going to be a little bit better than people expect.

I don't know if they're going to win the division or anything, but I'm riding with Mike there.

Just give it some thought, Izzy.

Give it some thought.

Bandwagon.

Don't you want to be at the crabs table cheering for the same number as Mike?

I can't go against the bucket.

The bucket has decided.

I am Honolulu Izzy.

Yeah, you're not baby blue.

You're Honolulu blue Izzy.

We want to respect Travis Hunter, the actual Eisman Trophy winner.

But Cam Ward is the Eisman Trophy finalist.

And what separates...

Oh, yeah.

The show's not a college football show.

It's an NFL show.

Why would I know who won the higher?

What separates Cameron Ward from Jake Locker is the proof of concept.

You've actually seen Cameron Ward come into a team and change the program around like you saw him with Miami and Jake Locker.

I mean, that one never made sense.

I don't even, it's not even like he had this incredible size that the scouts would fall in love with.

He wasn't a winner in college.

I never really got there.

Here's the thing that scares me about Cam Warden.

Tell me if my eyes were lying about this.

I know you just said he's got a great arm.

Seems to like to lob a lot of balls.

That scares the hell out of me in the NFL.

He does fall in love a little bit with the arm angles and holding on to the ball a little too long.

And I know Bill Callahan's there, but that offensive line will kind of beat it into him in terms of getting rid of the ball a little bit quicker.

But it's a gift and a curse.

One thing that from being out at practice, Carson Beck, a very different quarterback than Cam Ward, very decisive, knows where he's going with the ball.

And at practice, even in fall camp, Cam Ward liked to improvise and drift back.

And I don't know if he's going to be able to have that luxury at Tennessee, but I'm going to be locked in week one because if you want someone to blow up a survivor pool, it might be the Tennessee Titans.

Dave, we look forward to having you on the show.

We love having you here in the Metal Arc family.

Look forward to hearing and watching Football America all season long.

Thank you for joining us.

Thanks.

Joe Rose definitely did not win the Heisman.

Goodbye, and thank you.

He was a Cal guy, though.

Still thick.

Yeah, he's a Cam Ward guy and a Cow guy.

At 2 a.m.

that Saturday, that fateful Saturday, I imagine he was a house divided over there.

The owner of Callahan Auto Parts is in Tennessee.

No.

The greatest offensive line coach.

There was another dildo.

Oh.

But this time the authorities got involved.

And this time it was pink.

I got to be honest.

They don't have the Caitlin Clark storyline that they had last year because it was a novelty and she was red hot with momentum.

I've told you, I'm one of the bravest sports personalities out there in the media space.

I will tell you to your face.

I don't watch it.

Don't care for it.

I do love women's basketball.

I go to every Miami Hurricanes women's basketball game.

I donate to that program.

But WNBA doesn't do anything for me.

I don't have a team here.

I don't have a Miami Hurricanes player in the league that I can root for.

And over the summer, I just decide, eh, I can do without that sport.

But I'm into this dildo thing.

I like it.

I think it's funny.

No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stop right there.

I know why it's dangerous.

What makes it funny?

It's a dildo.

And a dildo is a sex toy.

Okay.

And it's inappropriate to throw onto the court.

I think that this is a good thing.

And I wouldn't be surprised if if the league is actually buying.

So the first time, the first time you see a dildo get lobbed onto the floor, you're like, ha,

that's a sex toy.

That's not supposed to be there.

Is that the end?

No.

I was actually the other way.

The first time I saw that, I'm like, this is inappropriate because I have to say this.

Otherwise, Jeremy would jump down my neck.

Like, this is super inappropriate.

I'm like, oh, it's a bad thing.

And then the second dildo arrived.

And I'm like, okay, this is starting to be funny a little bit.

And then they all started being neon green.

I'm like, okay.

It's a funny color.

This is a coordinated effort.

Neon green dildos, that is wild.

And now they're trying to stop the dildos from being thrown.

And I'm like, look, my algo is definitely gamed to this dildo throwing thing in the WNBA.

This is how I can follow the sport.

And quite frankly, it's the only storyline in this league I'm paying attention to.

If anything, that only proves the point of why I

doing the voice on behalf of women.

Why do you do the condescending voice, too?

Because

I'm here to be the condescending liberal asshole.

Isn't that my job?

No.

Asshole.

I haven't seen the Mark Marin special yet.

Did you get paid?

Mark Marin is brilliant, but he's making the rounds on the market.

But I did see a clip.

We got to lighten up as progressives a little bit.

We literally

call them American fascism.

What does somebody think of the children?

Are we allowed to just shame a few pretty disrespectful women?

Yeah, it's

just disrespectful

toward women.

Look, I didn't have you as being against equality, but you're not sounding like an ally right now.

This happens at Bill's Games, and it was funny back then.

And for you to come out and say that it's not funny because there were women on the court, that is,

you're not going to like that.

You're saying it's not funny specifically because of someone's gender, and I am not.

I'm not simply being Cartman as Charlie Kirk right now.

Did you think it was funny when it was at Bill's Games?

Doing one thing as a tradition at one stadium.

Well, this is how tradition started.

I would say

that throwing dildos at women who are playing a professional sport in a league that is also predominantly full of gay women.

It's

there's all sorts of undertones here, man.

Can I update the story really quickly?

Because this doesn't get more 2025 than what I'm about to read to you, right?

Because we think this is funny because somebody decides, oh, dildo on the floor.

Ha ha.

All right.

So Katie Barnes wrote a story on ESPN.com.

A self-described cryptocurrency enthusiast told ESPN that he is part of a group that orchestrated recent sex toy stunts that have disrupted at least three WNBA games in the past 10 days.

The man who spoke on the condition of anonymity over video conference Wednesday said the stunts were meant to market a crypto coin that his online community created.

The WNBA and all its controversy, he said, made the league a logical target.

A crypto, bro?

How does that make sense?

Is there a meme coin that's a lime green dildo i i'm on it

i'll invest i'll invest

i think it's funny i think it's funny and i understand apparently one of these projectiles almost hit a baby we don't want that we don't want that

and i and i don't

want that either and i don't want them hitting players i don't think that they're aiming for players and if if they aim for players shame on you this isn't football where they're wearing helmets all right But if you want to aim for the periphery of the court, by all means, I think it's funny.

I think the dildos are funny.

There's no reason to pay attention to the women in sports unless there are dildos on the wall.

Can we demystify the dildo a little bit?

I have an update really quick on the dildo.

Green dildo coin up 80%.

So that's the name of the coin?

That's the name of the coin?

Dildo coin.

Okay.

So

can we press restart on just like the entire concept of

you would like to walk it back?

Because you apply to subtext of dildos that I don't think should actually be there.

Look, I'm not on blue sky, but to me,

two purposes.

No.

comida polibla.

Yeah, that's that's what I know about that.

That's what I know about this sky.

I'm not that blue sky.

I didn't find me at that blue sky.

You know, if you want to hear about this story in deeper detail, Good Follow has a really good deep dive into it.

And of course, if you want to hear actual storylines about the WNBA, you can go to DLS Hoops on YouTube and listen to everything Juju's been doing as he covers this league really, really well.

We do, I'm sorry, we do a great job of covering the WNBA here at Metal Arc.

And we have plenty of people that follow this league religiously, cover it and speak with it,

speak to it with authority.

I'm not one of those cats.

I don't think there's a subtext to the dildos.

I just think it's funny to see a dildo.

Now, don't hit anybody.

And I know that.

I'm going to figure that out.

Well, look, there's definitely going to be some collateral damage when you're throwing a projectile on the court.

And if we could, I would establish like a comida por libra type of,

there has to be a weight limit.

You do need some weight to it because that's how you can make sure that it gets from the lower level to the court.

No upper deck dildos too.

That should be a rule.

It's far too.

Upper dildos.

You're hitting somebody in the stands if you're throwing it from the upper deck.

Upper level.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Zigak.

But

I don't think it's...

I don't.

I understand the subtext around it, and I know I'm coming off crude and all that.

And I get that.

But

it's funny.

Like,

it is.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

Goodfellow did a great piece.

If you want some some people to not find it funny, there's plenty of people that you can find out there that don't find it funny.

If it's going to happen again, it's going to show up on my algo.

I'm going to like it because it's funny.

Because it's a dildo.

You know what's a common thing on the internet right now?

It's blind ranking.

So right now we're going to blind rank.

I'm going to give you guys objects and you're going to rank them that would be funny to throw in a court and wouldn't be funny to throw in a court.

The first thing.

Oh, we don't have time for this.

I was going to say,

we're going to do it in 10 seconds.

Just give me two.

All right.

A shoe.

No.

A dildo.

Yes.

Dildo's a shoe.

Hey, it's Mike Ryan.

Those sprinklers are starting to slowly come up on the football field.

Time that we have with summer is dwindling.

I'm sure you're already doing that thing where you're going through your photo album, flipping through the photos that you've taken this summer, already reminiscing about the good times that you have.

I know I did.

And in many of the pictures that I went back to reminisce over, I had a beautiful white can of Miller light in my hand because I love making good times during the summer.

A Miller time.

And it's a good reminder: we're losing time on this summer.

So why don't you share the moments that you have with a white can of Miller Light like I have?

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