Hour 1: THE BUCKET RETURNS

31m
"You swappin' with me? You wanna do business with me?"

Tony's Top 5 Teams He's Keepin' An Eye On necessitates an apology from Dan, and the DenTek Bucket has returned. This year, we will actually, 100%, for sure, definitely do our costume punishments.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Listen and follow along

Transcript

Now's a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began.

In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila.

Cuervo.

What are you doing here?

Cuervo.

Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up.

Well, I do know that to be true, but even during ad reads, like Cuervo, I think you could lay out, especially for one of our great partners.

Sweet, delicious Cuervo.

Since then, Cuervo has stayed true to its roots.

The same family, the same land, the same passion.

Cuervo.

So, enjoy the tequila that started it all.

Cuervo.

Cuervo.

The tequila that invented tequila.

Proximo, Quervo.com, please drink responsibly.

Cuervo.

Are you coming off a losing fantasy week?

That means you're one week closer to losing your league, and that's pretty stressful, which can lead to nighttime teeth grinding.

Dentech's mouth guards help with nighttime teeth grinding.

Dentech wants to prevent teeth grinding while raising the fantasy stakes with a once-in-a-lifetime punishment.

If you want your league's last-place finisher to live in infamy at the 2026 Football All-Star Game, sign up for the Ultimate Fantasy Football Punishment at dentech.com/slash ultimate punishment.

No purchase necessary.

Open to legal residents of the 50 U.S.

states and DC who are 21 years of age or older.

Contest ends on December 8th, 2025.

Voidwear prohibited.

For details and official rules, visit dentech.com/slash ultimate punishment.

This is the Don Labatar Show with the Stew Gats Podcast.

You know what's funny about about what just happened there, Chris, as you expertly navigate some difficult waters as I try to figure out whether I want to fight with more owners?

I just heard, this is what I just heard in my headset.

Five in the control room.

Five, four, three, oh, five.

And then you're looking at me and you don't have any idea what we're doing.

You're like, you point to me.

You heard the same thing.

I got really nervous too because they also said coming out to Zazzla.

What?

What are we, what?

I didn't know what's happening.

Did I screw up?

Football is upon us and everyone around here is a little bit crazy, at least in part, because I'm getting criticized from all sides here for not talking enough football because today is football day.

So Tony's got a top five list.

All right.

Okay.

I give in.

I know I'm going to lose to football.

So go ahead.

Have your football fun.

Tony's got a top five list.

What's the top five list?

Also, we've got the helmet is back.

You guys are going to be forced now to respect the helmet.

John Amici has come through here, and there will be.

There's contract language now for all of you that has costumes involved.

Legitimate contract language because you guys don't respect the audience enough to dress up when you lose at these games.

So the helmet is back, and things are going to be enforced this year.

And Dentech is going to make sure they get enforced here with their mouth guards.

And I will tell you, as someone who had headaches here, that these things help when you're grinding your teeth, if you're sleeping, and you don't even know what you're doing in your sleep.

So we'll get to the helmet at some point here.

But first, the top five list with Tony.

What's it about?

Dan, this is, oh yeah.

My bad.

I totally forgot we had music to this.

Hey.

All right, Dan.

Obviously, the Tony's top five starts after week one because we got to see the actual games to have a Tony's top five.

But this is the preseason list of Tony's top five teams.

I'm keeping an eye on this season.

Teams I'm going to keep an eye on.

Obviously, this is not the good teams.

This is not the Patrick Mahomes and Jalen Hurts and the Philadelphia Eagles.

All these great teams out there this is not that this is teams that when i'm scrolling through the red zone when i'm scrolling through sunday ticket i'm going to keep a little bit more of an eye on them because i like what they got going on so dominique says the colts are the team to watch uh well wait a minute though but billy and and and cody say it's a must-win for the dolphins in week one and dominique is saying that

Everyone's saying that the Colts are one of those teams and the Dolphins aren't, correct?

Like, that's what everyone is.

There's no one saying that the Dolphins might be one of those teams and the Colts might not be.

Greg said that.

Yeah.

The voice that sounded like Greg said that.

Greg had him at 8-9 making the playoffs, the Dolphins.

So, where are we?

Who do we have to watch?

You're not going to do all I'm 4.

No, all I, just fives.

Just fivers.

And I'm going to start with number 5 here, and I put him at number 5 because I know there's fatigue.

I know everybody's going to say, Tony, of course, this team, how do you always come back to this team?

But I like him, and I'm going to keep an eye on him.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are number five.

I'm not a guy, dude.

Do I get a?

Very low.

I don't understand understand how

Dan, I'm making a play on Liam Cohen.

I think Liam Cohen just revitalized Baker's career.

Okay, this you need to give up.

You need to surrender this New Bed Prize.

This is it.

Billy, Billy.

I can explain it to you.

No one here likes to admit they're wrong.

No, that's what it is.

No, but this is embarrassing what you're doing.

He's taking the lane.

Billy, you would agree that it is hard in the modern age to be at the trough and take a lane no one else is at.

Tony, being a Jacksonville guy, is one of the biggest national support voices Jacksonville has had because no one cares about the grainy footage coming out of Jacksonville, which smells bad and is stuck in 1998 praying for Mark Brunel.

You like Jacksonville?

I'm going to keep an eye on him.

He's just this thing.

Now he changed.

I'm going to keep an eye on them.

No, I never liked them.

I didn't say I never liked them.

Tony, you've been wrong on Jacksonville the whole time.

And Mike's most...

Except the time that I wasn't.

No, Mike's most hurtful bet in his history is the one time you were right on Jacksonville when they beat Herbert in the playoffs.

Thank you.

And another topic I want to get to who is.

Your team is bullshit.

Tony needs a great start more.

Herbert or Mahomes.

We'll get to that later.

Tony, your team is bullshit.

Okay, Dan, you got that bullshit team?

No, I don't have that bullshit team.

Liam Cohen, who just revitalized Baker's career over in Tampa.

He's now the head coach over at Duvall.

Where's the sound of Duval?

Duvall.

I think this is Trevor Lawrence's last stand right here, Dan.

If he can't do it with Liam Cohen, it's over.

That's what I'm saying.

This year is the year.

Travis Hunter, Brian Thomas Jr., they got a good running back, Bay Shaw Tootin from Virginia Tech.

Oh, that guy's like a fire hydrant.

Why did you say that the way that Zaslow says Thai food?

Why did you say that?

That's why I gimmicked it.

Bay Shaw Tootin.

Thai food.

Exactly right.

So I was wrong when I said no one likes to admit they're wrong.

I was wrong about that.

Mike likes to admit that he was wrong more than anyone.

He's told us.

That is not true in any way.

It is true.

100%.

He's not hard to believe.

Yeah.

You admit that you're wrong about that, please.

It shows growth.

Admit it.

That's why we're in this whole pickle.

Duval.

Again with the pickle.

My movie theater is so pickle.

Do we need to change the music?

How much?

It's $2.99.

It's a good deal.

Number four,

the Atlanta Falcons.

Keeping an eye on them, Dan.

I want to see what Michael Pennix turns into.

Zach Robinson, their OC, has had to shift some of the ways that they played, obviously, earlier in the season last year with Kirk Cousins.

They changed things completely.

They should shift from playing bad to playing good.

That's hopefully.

That's hopefully what they're going to do with Michael Pennix now.

Drake London and them boys, Bijan Robinson.

They got Arthur Smith the hell out of town.

So you said all those names.

What is Kyle Pitts?

Because out of college, this was a person who was the best wide receiver tight end thing I saw.

And if Aaron Hernandez and Grant can be that, why can't this person be that?

Does anyone have any assessment on what's happened there?

Because he has been a non-productive football player.

And whenever you're talking about the Falcons, you needed to be speaking about him as if he's one of the stars.

Yeah, 100%.

I think what happened to him is is he was a rookie that caught close to, if not a thousand yards his first year, but then was saddled with a terrible offensive coordinator, Narthur Smith, a bad QB situation with Desmond Ritter and Marcus Mariota and whoever else they trotted out there.

That was a corpse.

Now they got the corpse of Kirk Cousins out of the way.

Michael Pennix Jr.

plays golf with

Kyle Pitts.

Now we got the golf buddy narrative going on.

So I think this is the year.

We talk about this being the year for Trevor Lawrence.

This is the year for Kyle Pitts.

If it doesn't happen this year, Dan, it's over.

I want to see member again.

Dan, I think you stumbled on a great bit.

Awful football player comparisons.

Because you just compared Kyle Pitts to Aaron Hernandez, and you did it so casually.

Next time you see a running back that flashes to you in college, compare them to O.J.

Simpson, please.

The juice.

I did it to Aaron Hernandez and Gronk because the tight end numbers that they put up as a combination made Belichick look really smart.

Who would we do it for wide receivers?

Tyreek Hill.

But who are we going to compare him to?

Tyreek Hill, Ray Garuth.

Number three.

I think Mike's in on this, obviously.

Tennessee Titans.

Oh, Cam Ward, number one pick.

We want to see what he's got going on.

Okay, Calvin Ridley, he's had an up-and-down career.

Now he's number one.

Bill Callahan's got that offensive line, playing a lot better.

Okay, hopefully this year they got additions to that offensive line.

Cam Ward, is this the year that we see a number one pick be great?

Okay, no one's saying that, correct?

No one, no one.

He's not saying it either.

He's keeping an eye on that.

He's keeping an eye on the Tennessee Titans.

Just an eye.

The Titans don't have any primetime games, correct?

They don't have any games.

No one is going to see the Titans have the stage to themselves.

As I say this, is there anyone outside of Tennessee that expects anything from the Tennessee Titans this year?

I think your list is the only one that's going to include that team.

No one is saying that.

That's why I'm keeping an eye on him.

Me and Mike, both keeping an eye on Cam Warren the Tennessee.

Do I have it wrong?

Is there some...

I think the Tennessee Titans get some.

But you don't get the list.

The list is just people he's keeping an eye on.

He's not saying they're going to for sure be good or they're going to be bad.

He's keeping an eye on them.

The thing that I'm asking you, okay, and I'd ask it of Mina and Dominique and all of these people who analyze football well.

In the history of me covering this sport,

I have very few times been subject to this guy starting his first game in the pros for a bad team, and I'm going to expect something because now the learning curve is such that you go straight from college to play your first game and we expect 10 wins out of you because you're on a rookie deal and hurry up about it.

No one knows what to expect from Cam Ward, but I'm telling you that all of history suggests that he can't be Jaden Daniels.

It can't keep happening like that where someone comes into the league and is immediately that, can it?

I mean, Jaden Daniels proved it last year, right?

Like, that's the thing where you look at...

That's going to be the norm.

Not the norm, but there's precedent now for it.

Washington was a terrible team the year before.

They had bad coaching.

They had bad skill players.

Jaden Daniels comes in.

Terry McLaurin, who's nice, but they had Deami Brown running around.

But Jaden Daniels was averaging 10 yards a game per carry, 10 yards a carry, rather, per game.

And he could run the ball as well.

You guys are telling me that you expect the Tennessee Titans to have a season that's a winning season?

I think they're going to be playing meaningful football games late into the season.

Yeah, I do.

And you mentioned Jaden Daniels.

Bo Nicks also came into the league and made an impact.

Connective tissue.

So

that's the new normal now?

I think you need to take a look at the guys that had that extra year of college because of the COVID year.

They played a lot of football.

And Cam Ward has shown you every year he gets better and sneaky weapons outside.

But can't Tyler Hucknick isn't going to replace your running back because he also provides that as one of the options.

No, no, that's not his game.

But Tony Pollard is a great back.

He's been proven outside of Dallas that he's been very effective.

But guys, it's a different...

Okay, wherever it is that Shador Sanders suffers from doing loop-de-loops because the game is easy for him, Cam Ward's not going to be able to run run away from those defensive ends in his first season trying to read defense.

Did you

watch him at Washington State?

He has plenty of experience performing at a high clip with a bad offensive.

Okay, but Washington State, not the pros, and not with a bad team that's worse than the other pros.

Okay, down to the battery.

Touche peril.

Touche.

That's why I'm keeping an eye.

I'm keeping an eye.

Exactly right.

I mean,

this guy said that that was the best player he's ever seen at the University of Miami.

He said it's the best quarterback he's ever.

He's a hater.

No.

You're a hater.

A Xavier Ostrepo.

You're a hater, Rod.

X.

What number are we on?

Number two.

Who knows?

And this one might be a little spicy.

The New York Giants.

New York Giants, Dan, have probably the best defensive front in football.

And a great wide receiver.

And a great wide receiver.

And let me tell you what.

Jackson Dart, he's probably not going to play till maybe midway through the season.

I think the Giants had the nine,

the bye week around like week nine or something.

They're saying things no one else is saying.

Dan, that's what I'm trying to say.

No one thinks the Giants are going to be any good.

I didn't say they were going to be any good.

I said that they have have the pieces to be interesting, which is why I'm keeping an eye on it.

Defensive front.

What do you want to do?

You want to judge the passage?

I'm just rummaging around the bottom of the league.

But he's saying things no one's saying the same way Adam McKay says things no one's saying.

You're kind of like, well, is everything all right there?

Hmm.

I don't know if that's a compliment or not.

It's not.

Defense.

Oh, okay.

Thank you, Zach.

Judges decree on that with prejudice?

I wouldn't even bother bringing it into the courtroom.

Wow, okay.

Wow.

I don't know if that's worse on me or Adam McKay.

All right.

You've got a defensive front that is best in football.

You've got Malik neighbors.

You've got a couple of quarterbacks that I think are going to be pretty good.

I think Russ is going to be better than people think.

So I'm keeping an eye on the Giants.

I think they're going to be a fun team.

They're not going to be a ton of winning football, but they're going to be fun.

Don't do that.

All right.

So what is number one?

Number one.

By putting the Giants in here, you've bored me.

Just the very

first time.

The very existence of the Giants.

Is anyone expecting anything from the Giants this year?

I'm expecting them to get the hell after the quarterback.

Abdul Carter.

Play fun football.

That's what I'm expecting from them.

Number one, the New England Patriots.

Mike Brabel and them boys.

I think we've got like a Josh Allen Light in Drake May.

I think he's going to run the football.

I think he's going to throw pretty well.

Trayvion Henderson might be rookie of the year.

We don't know yet.

He's run out of a cannon every time he touches the ball.

Dan, did you see him return that kick for his first touch?

Did you see it, Dan, in the preseason?

The thing about this segment that bothered me, and I'm sorry to see you.

I don't think you saw it.

The thing about this segment that bothered me,

you tried to make creative, and thank you for trying, the very bottom of the league.

I'd like to talk about the top of the league because you're talking about the very worst.

He didn't even want to talk about Philly Lexington.

Keeping an eye on them.

Exactly right.

He wanted to talk about Aaron Hernandez.

Tony's top five is presented by Smirnoff, the official vodka sponsor of the National Football League.

Smirnoff, please drink responsibly.

The Smirnoff Company, New York, New York, 40% alcohol by volume.

I want to talk about home security for a minute.

For the longest time, I thought it was just alarms and sirens that once somebody breaks in, you deal with it.

But when you think about it, that's already too late.

That's reactive.

I had my car broken into on my property a while back.

The only thing I could do was call 911.

That's reactive.

I don't like living things up to chance.

That's why I decided to install SimplySafe.

Why?

Because they flipped the idea of home security by making it proactive.

Their active guard outdoor protection uses AI-powered cameras to actually identify people lurking around your property.

And here's the key.

SimplySafe's monitoring agents step in before anything goes down.

They'll talk directly to intruders through the camera, light them up with spotlights, and even call the cops if they need to.

That's not reacting, that's stopping crime before it starts.

No contracts, no hidden fees.

That's why they've been named best home security system by U.S.

News and World Report five years in a row.

And they back it up with a 60-day money-back guarantee.

SimplySafe is offering Lebatard show listeners 50% off a new system with professional monitoring.

Plus, your first month is free.

Visit simplysafe.com/slash DLB to claim the offer.

That's safe.com/slash dlb.

There's no safe like simply safe.

What does Zinn give you?

Not just smoke-free nicotine satisfaction, but real freedom.

Freedom to do what you love and choose your rewards.

With Zin Rewards, you can redeem points for premium tech, outdoor gear, and gift cards to your favorite retailers.

Find your Zen and keep finding rewards that fit your lifestyle at zinn.com slash rewards.

Warning, this product contains nicotine.

Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

Howdy, folks, it's Mike Ryan.

It's also NFL season.

Lots of big-time matchups.

You know, your boy is an NFL free agent, so he's looking all across that NFL schedule for the very best games.

And when I do, my very first and only stop is the Game Time app because the Game Time app gives the advantage back to the fans.

It's a hack for unlocking amazing tickets and experiences in just a few taps.

It's incredibly easy to use, and the Game Time Guarantee means that you can trust that you'll get 100% authentic tickets on time and at the very best price.

Plus fees are always included.

So what you see is what you pay.

You have incredible features such as zone deals.

You get to save even more when you choose a section and let GameTime choose the seats.

You get panoramic seat views.

If you know nothing about the venue you're about to buy tickets for, this is a huge tool.

Take the guesswork out of buying NFL tickets with GameTime.

Download the GameTime Time map, create an account, and use code DAMN for $20 off your first purchase.

Terms apply.

Again, create an account and redeem code DAN for $20 off.

Swipe, tap, ticket, go.

Download the Game Time app today.

Don Lebatard.

We got a Freenie Hardaway.

So Freedy?

I was trying to read fast.

You D was on the team.

Luke Jackson.

Bobby Jones.

The Matrix.

Sean Marion.

Stugats.

Zoe, Shax, Mush Parker, Chris Quinn,

D-Wade,

Jason Williams, Darrell, right?

I mean, stacked roster.

This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

I have some regrets, okay?

And

we all do.

You want to apologize for the list?

Well, I want to apologize for the list, and I want to apologize.

To me, for you saying things about my list.

Yeah, that seemed like you're apologizing for the existence of the list.

That is what I'm doing.

I'm apologizing.

I want to issue a public apology to the audience for a list that when it is you took the show from me to talk football, did so with the very bottom of the league to analyze the teams that have the very least expectations.

I don't think that that's what we should be talking about today if we're celebrating football.

You're only as good as your weakest link, Dan.

Mm-hmm.

You want to rethink this whole Football Friday plan of yours?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why?

Well, I will tell you part of why it is it's wet blanket Thursday around here, okay?

Because

you guys for years now have disrespected this bucket, not as much as I did earlier when I was calling it this helmet.

This segment is a bucket segment that is now sponsored by Dentech.

And what it usually results in is us having to wear costumes occasionally, some of us, and then eventually none of us.

And Chris Whittingham still hasn't paid any of this.

And there are outstanding fines all over the place.

We haven't been able to get it under control and John Ameach he wrote it into the most recent contracts.

Like there's it is now punitive and I can't believe it got to this point.

But we're doing the bucket again and so I am going to give you guys what you want about football, football, all-the-time football.

We're going to do the games right here.

It's the most predicted, it's the most entertaining and creative thing that's ever done.

Predictions.

Predictions on games.

No one's doing that.

We're the only ones in the podcast space doing that.

We are so back, Dan.

The bucket is presented by Dentech's Ultimate Fantasy Football Punishment.

Learn more and sign your league up at dentech.com.

I'm very excited.

I'm going first.

Get over here.

Why is John Damici writing contracts for us?

Well, hey,

all right.

If you don't know, if you're new around here, we rummage.

You get two picks in the bucket.

If you don't like the first one, you can put it back.

We've simplified it, Dan.

Not as many wacky helmets this year.

Well, it's just us two doing it.

So we're going to be serving all this punishment.

I got the Cowboys.

That's going back.

Oh, you know what?

Hold on, you only to get the points on that?

Plus eight and a half.

Get a lot of points on that.

We don't do points.

Yeah, we just have to pick a winner.

We were setting the table, guys.

We do this whole thing.

Like when we...

I mean, you're going quick.

All right.

I'm just making sure he thought that, like.

No, I know.

We go straight up winners.

Yeah, Tony's supposed to start.

What's happening right now?

Just Rusty, and you're in charge.

The Jags.

That's who I have.

That's very exciting.

So Jaguars

are at home against the Panthers.

Three and a half point favorite.

I improved.

Now, little douglas.

Remember one of my favorite predictive analysis stats.

Every time the Carolina Panthers have started the season week one against the Jacksonville Jaguars, they make the Super Bowl.

All right, here, first pick.

I've got the Cincinnati Bengals, and they're playing the Browns.

Five and a half-point favorites.

I'm taking that.

All right.

You got to keep that.

I'm going to go ahead and go now.

All right, let's do this.

Happy to be doing this in bucket.

Dentech mouth guard.

Oh, I got Arizona.

I'm keeping that.

They're at the Saints.

I like Arizona this year.

I think they're making a play.

Let me say something here.

Let's put these mouth guards in and give the rest of these picks the first picks of the season.

Let's give Dentech the proper sponsors.

Let's do this.

I do mind like Matthew Kachuk because he's super cool.

Very comfortable.

Another team I like is what Billy just picked was the Bears.

Yeah, I'm putting them back.

They didn't make my list, though.

They're hosting the Vikings.

But you're Baredown Billy.

I am Baredown Billy, but I don't like the last game of the week, you know.

The Bears are plus one and a half.

It's a small addition.

Yeah, Vikings.

I got the Jets, so big improvement for me.

Okay, Zaslo is about to go.

Chris Cody's about to go as well.

What hungry does is the Jets.

Huh?

I'm hungry.

Okay.

Jaslo feels too.

Again with the plane sticks.

Oh, okay, so good.

Chris Cody.

I already went, Darren.

I know, but

Jaslo, don't choke.

Good day for Dentec.

I already have two mouthpiece segments.

This one and the one with Mickey.

I need a mouth guard for one of them.

I got Splark.

Oh, he's got the Smock helmet.

Everybody wants the Smock helmet.

You want the Jets?

So now what you do is, if you're keeping that, you pick another team, and then you can switch that team that you pick next with anyone you choose if you choose you can keep that helmet so pick a team.

You got to pick another team if you're keeping the swap.

It's a good helmet to have then you can take

another helmet.

And now you have the option.

Oh my god.

Oh, I thought it was the Saints.

Army, Navy, Air Force.

Army, Navy, Air Force.

So now thank you for your service.

You can pick

to swap with somebody if you or you can pick Army, Navy, or Air Force.

You don't have to swap now.

You get to pick up the Air Force.

and so what are the army army navy and coast guard games check it out it just says army navy on that side so i got the bills i got the bills

the bills they're a good team yeah

ravens yeah tough to answer very boring on hard knocks but a good team i'll take the bills i'll take them against the ravens at home you want me to talk about the boring bills

i don't want to talk about the boring bills but i do want to think that they're good again this year and they're going to win the division sure but that's not fun zaz you don't need to worry about who you're picking in the thank you for your service, Hammond, because you're probably going to swap with someone.

So they're going to then have to think about it.

Maybe I won't.

Let me see who Army Navy is.

Army's playing K-State.

That's not good.

Navy's playing at home against UAB.

Isn't K-State over there?

UAB, that's St.

Delbert team.

He sucks.

Okay.

So maybe Navy at home against them.

I guess.

Army just lost to Tartleton State.

All right.

Well, like I said, that might not be a good team to pick.

Who's Air Force flying?

Utah State.

Tough to have.

You break it down, college football expert.

Utah.

I always like to bet on Utah and Utah State.

I always like for them to be a little bit better than people think they are.

Yeah, I gotta go with Swap.

I'm not gonna swap.

So who do you want to swap with?

Which is the one who I got?

Who you got the Jets, I think you said.

I think Tony has the biggest favorite, five and a half-point favorite, Bangalore.

I don't know about that.

Mike, what do you got?

I got nothing you gotta worry about.

What do you got?

Nothing.

That's on you for not remembering.

Yeah, he's right.

That's not the way to play, Div.

That's not the way.

I gave analysis first.

I said I liked them making the play.

But now you're testing his memory, and no one explained to him that this was a game of wits.

Well,

you got it.

Man,

he's playing it for the first time.

We stole it from him and Joy Taylor.

It was a totally stompiness.

I'm glad you're finally a man.

He's still mad about it.

He's done got shit from me.

Yeah, yeah, you and Joy Taylor complaining.

You stole our bit.

You took it national.

And all I did was hate it.

I hate this bit.

And now you're supposed to remember, Jims?

Yeah, you invented making predictions.

No, I invented, I had a wheel of ass.

That's right, he had a wheel.

He had a wheel in the air.

It was a wheel of humiliation.

Either way, you don't know my team, and it seems to be like you're in a pickle.

The wheel of humiliation.

My movie did yourself pickle.

I don't care what I'm doing.

The wheel of humiliation was better than

the bucket of

yo, Mike.

Who you got?

Don't make me come over there.

I'll come over there.

Bullshit.

Billy, who you got?

You just, you say, I'm swapping with Billy, or are you going to say the team?

You want to squat with me?

No, I want to know what team you have.

You just, okay.

You want to squap with me?

No, I want to know what chief you have.

What if I had the Eagles?

You want to swap and get the Eagles?

No, I don't want the Eagles.

What if I had the Broncos?

You want to squat for the Broncos?

If you had the Broncos, I would swap for you.

So, take a gambling man?

I am a gambling man.

So, if I had the Broncos, you could have the Broncos, but if I have another team, you got that team.

That's not how this works.

Pick your poison, buddy.

I want to know who you got, man.

No, you got to pick who you're squabbling.

Slapping with a sword should be a good thing.

You swabble with a person.

Not the team.

You swabble with a person.

You swabble with me?

That's fuck.

You want to do business with me?

You want to swab with me?

Maybe I have the Broncos.

You want to swap?

No, I want to swap with the team.

I don't want to swap with you.

Who you got?

It's not how I do business.

Well, you don't make the rules.

Maybe I got the commanders.

You want the commanders?

You guys got to stop doing this to me.

Your microphone's off.

Yes, if you have the commanders, then I want to swap.

Say you want to do business with me.

If you have the commanders.

Say I want to swap with Billy.

I want to swap with Billy if we have the commanders.

No, no contingencies.

Take a person to swap with.

This is what you get for not keeping up.

Yo, Chris, who you got?

I have the Jags.

Mike has the Cardinals.

They're the biggest favorite.

You son of a...

But maybe I had a...

And I don't like to use that word, but you made me.

I might have the commanders.

Mike's is in his hand right here.

You have the commander?

Maybe.

It's right here.

Take a look.

It's in this hand.

Let me see your hand.

You seeing it.

You blind?

You are the commanders?

I got my team in this hand right here.

You want them?

If that team is the commanders, I'll want them.

I think Chris Cody gave you a clue.

Want this team or not?

I don't want that team.

I'm declining.

I don't want that team.

Wow.

Your funeral.

We need a swamp.

I want Mike's team.

Give me your team, Mike.

All right, you can't.

Don't make me come over there.

That's a cardinal.

All right, so Mike now has, what are you taking?

Air Force, Navy, Army, who are you taking?

He'll announce it.

Yeah, they're all not great.

Thank you, Dentech.

I had to judge.

Good, I'm glad I didn't take that.

Bad business.

This show is brought to you by BetterHelp.

We've all done this.

Gone to the wrong people for advice.

You've got real problems and suddenly you're oversharing with your barber, your bartender, maybe even a stranger in the bathroom line.

I know I've done this a time or two.

And look, they're great for small talk, but they're not trained to help you with anxiety, relationships, or depression.

That's the difference with therapy.

Therapists are credentialed, clinically trained, and actually know what they're doing.

Therapy isn't just for huge life crises either.

It's about learning coping skills, setting boundaries, and getting tools to deal with everyday chaos.

BetterHelp has been helping people find the right match for over 10 years and they've got a 4.9 rating based on 1.7 million reviews.

With over 30,000 licensed therapists, it's the world's largest online therapy platform serving more than 5 million people.

As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise.

Find the one with BetterHelp.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash DLB.

That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash DLB.

You know what nobody tells you about being a new dad?

It's not just the diapers and the wipes, that's obvious.

It's the hidden stuff, the baby swing after we already purchased the other baby swing bouncer the pack and play the 20 different bottles because apparently my kid hates every single one except the most expensive one which is the glass by the way don't get me started on late food delivery orders with my wife and me too tired to even look or cook or think about food i'm staring at my bank account like where did it all go that's where monarch money comes in it's like a financial tool belt for everyone not just dads you link all your accounts your credit cards investments even the old stuff from jobs you forgot about and it lays out in a way that even a sleep-deprived parent like me can actually understand.

Normally, money talks are stressful, but with Monarch, we can track everything together, set goals, and actually feel like we're on the same team.

Less stress, more clarity, and finally, a plan for our daughter's future.

Don't let financial opportunity slip through the cracks.

Use code Dan at monarchmoney.com in your browser for half off your first year.

That's 50% off your first year at monarchmoney.com with code DAN.

Hey, listeners, it's Mike.

Hey, Billy Gill.

Hey, hey, Billy, as a proud member of your inner circle, remember when we were hanging out last weekend?

Oh yeah, fishtail palms.

The fishtail palms, the great memories we made, kids playing in the pool and in our hands, a nice ice-cold pan of Miller Light.

It was so hot out.

I know, but it was so cold in my hand.

We took that first sip.

It was crisp.

It was refreshing.

Oh, man, there is nothing like cracking open a Miller Light with your crew and your inner circle bones.

Hell yeah.

We fist bumped.

Whether it's...

We actually really did.

Whether it's that touchdown.

It didn't make a sound, but it just started

whether it's that touchdown you didn't see coming or just arguing about fantasy lineups.

You and I did plenty of that.

Miller Light has been the taste that you can depend on for 50 years.

Brood for flavor with simple ingredients, rich toffee notes, and that iconic golden color.

And here's a kicker, Billy.

What?

It's just 96 calories.

What?

3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

The original light beer since 1975 and still hitting different five decades later.

Miller Light, great taste, 96 calories.

Go to millerlight.com/slash Dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Light pretty much anywhere they sell beer.

It's Miller time.

Celebrate responsibly.

Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

Don Lebatard.

Billy, somebody has written in here,

I need way more.

I'm sorry.

I just said in his headset, haven't you been to all of them too?

It sounded like you were speaking aloud.

My bad.

Totally on me.

That's 100% on me.

All right.

Stugats.

But that goes without saying.

Right.

That it couldn't happen.

Well, no, he said.

He didn't say anything.

He said it could be a lot of fun.

Craig.

My apologizing.

Greg.

Yeah.

Greg.

He apologized.

Craig.

Sincerely.

This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

Thank you to Dentech.

The bucket is back.

The punishments will be paid this year.

You say we haven't established John Amici is writing the characters, but then you tell me that that black guy that hit Jeremy with a bottle two and a half hours ago, that that's a character we've established.

Just to be sure, I've got all of that right.

Hit Jeremy in the head with a bottle.

I haven't heard from Jeremy since.

Have you?

Have you seen Jeremy since?

No, but if you're asking me if that's accurate, yes, it is.

I've got good news.

Jeremy's going to be the one handling all the costumes for the Dentech.

He's in charge?

He's in charge.

Oh, okay.

But wait a minute.

That's not going to work.

You guys.

We're not going to listen to him.

We're going to hit him with a bummer.

It's in your contracts.

It's in your contracts.

The punishments have to be paid.

That part, nobody's fooling around on anymore.

I wanted to ask you guys something.

Have any of you seen the trailer for the Sheen documentary?

Oh, yeah.

I think this one's going to be good.

So you guys were making fun of me because you were saying, oh, Metal Arc finished in second place for that one.

I thought you meant Sheen, the place where you order really cheap stuff.

Because I think Hulu did a thing on that.

I'm like, why does Danny even know what Sheen is?

The Charlie Sheen documentary was offered to us for a price.

We would have...

Second place again.

No, this is what you guys did last time, and that's not what.

Always the bridesmaid.

Yeah.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So I want to ask.

It's your money, seriously, because the company's ours.

It's your money that this bet would have or would not have been made with.

And so I ask you this question when I tell you that the Sheen movie could have been ours if we had paid a price, would have closed the bidding and would have been ours.

It's not second place.

It was, no, that seems a little steep.

What I ask you is too steep.

I'm asking you guys to guess.

I'm asking you guys to tell me on behalf of the company, what do you think would be too much money to pay Charlie Sheen that would have closed the category that this would have been not just a giant week for Metal Arc, but it would have been everything with Pablo Torre, and we would have been debuting the Sheen movie.

What's the price that any of you would have been willing to pay on the behalf of this company to have that movie be ours this week?

I mean, is there a baseline as to how much this kind of thing usually costs?

I'm just asking you, yeah, well, I will tell you, hold on a sec.

$0 because we already didn't get to football barely enough.

We didn't do enough football?

Game on, Dano.

Week one is here, and every touchdown can bring you closer to a payout with DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL.

We're talking first touchdown fireworks, anytime TDs, and live bets that follow every momentum shift.

Your season starts now.

New customers, download the DraftKings Sportsbook app.

Use code Dan.

That's code DAN to get $300 in bonus bets instantly when you bet $5

plus over $200 off NFL Sunday ticket from YouTube and YouTube TV in partnership with DraftKings.

The crown is yours.

Gambling problem?

Call 1-800-GAMBBLBLER in New York.

Call 877-8 Hope and Y or text Hope and Y-467-369.

In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling.

Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org.

Please play responsibly.

On behalf of Boothill Casino in Resorting, Kansas.

Fees may apply in Illinois.

21 and over.

Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction.

Boyden, Ontario.

Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance.

See sportsbook at draftkings.com slash promos.

NFL Sunday ticket offer for new subscribers only in Ottawa Renews until canceled.

Digital games and commercial use excluded.

Restrictions apply.

Additional NFL Sunday ticket terms at youtube.com slash go slash NFL Sunday ticket slash terms.

Limited time offer

Now is a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began.

In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila.

Cuervo.

What are you doing here?

Cuervo.

Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up.

Well, I do know that to be true, but even during ad reads, like, Cuervo.

I think you could lay out, especially for one of our great partners.

Sweet, delicious Cuervo.

Since then, Cuervo has stayed true to its roots.

The same family, the same land, the same passion.

Cuervo.

So, enjoy the tequila that started it all.

Cuervo.

Cuervo.

The tequila that invented tequila.

BrooksimoCuervo.com.

Please drink responsibly.

Cuervo.

Howdy folks, it's Mike Ryan.

It's also NFL season.

Lots of big-time matchups.

You know your boy is an NFL free agent, so he's looking all across that NFL schedule for the very best games.

And when I do, my very first and only stop is the Game Time app because the Game Time app gives the advantage back to the fans.

It's a hack for unlocking amazing tickets and experiences in just a few taps.

It's incredibly easy to use and the Game Time Guarantee means that you can trust that you'll get 100% authentic tickets on time and at the very best price.

Plus, fees are always included.

So what you see is what you pay.

You have incredible features such as zone deals.

You get to save even more when you choose a section and let GameTime choose the seats.

You get panoramic seat views.

If you know nothing about the venue you're about to buy tickets for, this is a huge tool.

Take the guesswork out of buying NFL tickets with Game Time.

Download the Game Time app, create an account, and use code DAN for $20 off your first purchase.

Terms apply.

Again, create an account and redeem code DAN for $20 off.

Swipe, tap, ticket, go.

Download the Game Time app today.