Local Hour: The Weak One Of Week 1

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I'm worried, Zaslow and and Cody, that we've got too many people here today and too much show, and we've already started with sparks because, Zaslow, could you tell what Greg was mad about,

why he stormed from the room?

It's fairly obvious.

He's upset that, and I'm not trying to talk as if you're not in front of me, all right?

But Greg was clearly upset that none of his topics

were on the billboard for the show.

There's a lot to get to today.

Greg specifically is upset that none of his topics are on the billboard.

Well, I'm not throwing anybody under the bus, but I do spend 15 or 20 minutes the morning, the very, very early morning before coming in here, to write out my topics.

And I send them.

Now, in fairness, I didn't know Roy was going to be in that seat.

I did not send them to Roy, so part of that is on me.

But they need to be distributed and represented accordingly.

I saw his rage that he wasn't properly represented in the meeting when, with a sports weekend like that, you don't need anyone to come in with any topics.

It's fine.

We can talk about anything that happened this weekend

for four straight onwards.

I'm not going to let Dan do this today.

This is a big Monday.

Dad, I'm sorry.

I did not put your topics on.

That is 1,000% on me.

You work very hard on those topics.

Wow.

And I should have had them up there as soon as you were in here.

Wow, who are you?

On me.

And we're going to have a great show today.

I love you so much.

I love working with you.

Love spending time with you.

You're a great person.

Wow.

Who is that person?

That's an accountable Chris Cody rising up the executive ranks at Metalark by taking accountability for places where he has been a bad leader or a bad organizer.

Man, he said that so you can move the show along and get to football, not so you can stay there, so you can get to the football.

The show hasn't started yet.

The shit stirring as

the heat got zero votes to make the book, God, I'm just over this guy's topics.

Wait a minute.

You were just nice to me.

It just came with you.

It's a lot of good topics on the board, though, Greg.

You would admit, right?

Greg, you would admit that, look, I've never seen that Dolphins game before.

In my lifetime, I've been watching this team for 50 years.

I've never experienced that game.

I've seen them lose 62-7.

What happened yesterday puts the Dolphins like so

far behind the best things happening in that sport that I could do four hours on the Dolphins or I could ignore them all show today.

If you did a one through 32 list, say Dolphins are 32, right?

I mean, everybody played close games yesterday except the Giants, the Jags, that game.

All the games were close.

They're only a game back in the AFC East.

They're two-point favorites.

They're two-point favorites this weekend.

I mean, if it wasn't for a miraculous comeback, they would have been first in the AFCs this morning.

So, you know, things are looking up.

They are two-point favorites against the Patriots this weekend.

And what does that tell you?

That's worth exploring.

The whole league standards.

What does that state?

The whole league stands for the future.

The whole league is the greatest thing we've ever seen.

Because I certainly went into that final game last night saying, okay, well, clearly the story tomorrow is going to be the four-time MVP.

Jets Steelers, the lowest total in the sport goes way over,

is the highest scoring game.

Because, holy shit, wait a minute.

Do the Jets and Steelers have offense?

Because we know they both have defense.

So that was pretty good offense happening to pretty good defenses.

Oh, no, that's not the biggest story.

The biggest story is going to happen is the punctuation to the evening when the Ravens,

the most flawed, great team I've ever seen, that happens to them more often than it happens to anybody else.

I love when that happens to them.

I love it.

You have to love it.

It happened to them three times more.

Like no other team in the sport has had it happen even three times as much as it's happened to Hardbaugh.

Eight times, a 15-point lead in the fourth quarter.

I love watching them lose like that.

And talk about two great offenses overcoming two pretty solid defenses.

That's another example of that, even more so for me than Pittsburgh.

All right, we're going to have to start with the Dolphins, though.

Go ahead, start the show.

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Football is back, Jack.

Oh my, we've waited for so long.

We're so damn excited that we put it in a song.

No need, no check downs.

Give me big hits and quarterbacks.

Keep your fantasy team from falling off the track.

football is back jack

whether on the ground or through the air

when the chips are down and you throw a prayer

when your team is primed and on the hunt

it's four to ten you refuse to punch

when the shoulder pads and helmets crack that's how you know that football is backjack.

Let me hear you say

Football is backjack.

This high is wild and out of control.

And we're gonna ride it every week till we reach the Super Bowl.

No need, no check downs.

It'll be big hits and quarterbacks.

If you say this game's the best, I'll say the gag.

Football is back.

Football is back.

Football is back.

Football is back.

I really, I really did think that I was going to start the show today with

Jet Steelers, four-time MVP Aaron Rodgers.

What was that sound?

What happened?

It's the Dolphins.

They do it to me.

Sorry, that was me.

No, there was a yeah there.

Is that the end of the song?

Is there like.

I don't know what that was.

I was trying to just cover it up.

I thought there was a child somewhere in the studio.

It sounded like Rose.

Okay.

Well, the Peshmode enjoy the silence fake out.

I thought I was going to start the show today, four-time MVP Aaron Rodgers, 60-yard field goal, Jalen Ramsey at the end of that game.

I didn't think anyone would feel worse today than Garrett Wilson.

I thought that's the person in the sport who was going to feel the worst.

Oh my God, I dropped the ball.

I don't know how the kicker from the Browns spells his name.

How do we spell that last name for the Browns kicker?

Missed it.

I think that guy was going to feel really bad today, and then Jalen Ramsey does that to Garrett Wilson, and I thought that was the best

game of the day.

And then the night game happens.

And what happens in the night game, and I gave the stat poorly before, so this has happened to the ravens they have lost eight times since 2021 when in the game at the end of the game they've got a win probability of over 90 percent like they do last night in the fourth quarter where they're up 15 and derrick henry doesn't fumble like that derrick henry is averaging 10 yards a carry there's no way the ravens can lose that game they kick the bills ass up and down the field when he fumbled there i look the first thought that came to my mind was i don't think i've ever seen derrick henry fumble

it happens very infrequently It happened once last year, and I reacted as if Chewbacca had run across the field.

Like,

you know, a space alien had appeared because Derrick Henry doesn't fumble.

He was averaging 10 yards of carry in that game.

10 yards of carry.

Everybody knows he's going to get the...

How is that person still doing that?

How is he still?

He ran through the SEC like that.

And I'm like, well, that's going to carve up his body.

How is that person still Earl Campbell and Ricky Williams and faster than everyone else at a size that's not normal?

How is that body not breaking down?

I did a lot of thinking to myself last night during that game, you'll notice.

And I also thought, Derrick Henry might be the best running back ever.

And I don't know that that's a crazy thing to say because when is he actually going to slow down?

Because if he keeps doing this

for years and years, like it's just

lunacy, okay?

At that sport, disposable position, even he got, the Ravens got him cheap because it's a disposable position.

Marianne Barber, if you run like that, your career will be over in three years.

If you are Sean Alexander and you run like that, you can't keep running like that.

You cannot keep being more physical than all the young people in that sport.

Yeah, at that size too.

It's carrying your own weight.

Like Marion Barber was a very violent runner, but carrying your own weight, falling down when you're that big at that position, that also takes a toll.

He's just unprecedented in that way.

I understand why you want to talk about Derrick Henry, but from that game, it was pretty obvious to the eye how overwhelming Baltimore has that offense.

They are so talented.

You just have DeAndre Hopkins as a ball-winning role player on that team.

And you just look at Buffalo and you're like, there is quite a gulf in offensive talent between these teams, but they have that quarterback.

And he was unbelievable.

And really, where the game might have been won, I know there's a 15-point comeback that everybody wants to talk about.

Their execution at the end of the first half, when you look at that game in totality, those are just incredible winning plays by Josh Allen, who might be the second greatest quarterback of all time, just unlucky enough to be playing in the same generation as Patrick Mahomes.

All right, I'm going to slow everything down here because when you say unlucky enough to play same generation of Patrick Mahomes, Patrick Mahomes empirically yards per attempt.

Since he lost Tyree Kill, only Daniel Jones throws the ball less downfield than Patrick Mahomes every time he drops back.

So whatever you're remembering about what Patrick Mahomes was with Tyree Kill, since then, he does not throw the ball down the field.

And you've seen what's happened to the Chiefs since then.

Everyone's caught up to them.

Like, they're not going to win all those one-score games anymore because they can't get the ball downfield.

But in the breaking up of the Chiefs, when Tyreek Hill was saying, we can win seven, eight championships, him going deep all the time, and then he comes to Miami.

And Miami takes...

The two years that are left of his prime, run through his body.

And now what I saw yesterday was, and

I am not being prisoner of the moment with this, even as Zaz says, Derrick Henry, best running back ever, and Mike's here, Josh Allen, best quarterback ever.

I'm saying that dolphin game, I've been watching dolphin football for 50 years.

It's a horror movie.

I've never seen that game before where it's not your dad complaining they can't stop anybody.

No,

they could not stop.

Daniel Jones and the Colts empirically, as the Colts looked like the best offensive football team there's ever been statistically that touches the ball seven times, scores seven times because the Dolphins can't stop anybody, and then two is terrible as well.

And Zaslow comes in here today, comes in here today, guys, on fire and wants to blow the whole thing up.

That's right.

I'm glad you said that.

We're starting the show today with truth bombs.

That's a good place to start on a Monday.

Yeah, I'm firing Mike McDaniel.

And I'm not someone who fires the coach.

I'm not someone who takes the lazy approach and blames the coach.

Oh, this happens on the coach.

No, no, no.

I've seen enough at this point.

When you look at the Dolphins, is there any part of you?

And we can take all of last year.

And now we had eight months, eight months to wait and look forward to yesterday.

And all of the talk, all the conversation around Mike McDaniel, all the criticism, all the noise, all the culture talk.

And that's the very first game, that right there, there is no way that anyone can look at Mike McDaniel and and say, that is a coach who could take you to a Super Bowl.

You cannot make that case.

And if that's the case, what are we waiting for?

I get rid of him today.

You can't have all offseason, and that's what you put out there.

I get rid of him today.

Zaslow also says it's over for Tua.

It is over for Tua.

And the reason that I say that is because I think that we're going to look back.

And we're all going to remember that game yesterday as we can now, like Tua is is super polarizing.

I've been in on Tua.

You're either in, you're out, like very polarizing.

I think we're all going to look back one day and we're all going to remember we were all on the same page after that Colts game when it comes to Tua.

There was something wrong with him yesterday.

I don't know if it's because of the injuries that he's had in the past or whatever it is, but that was a really bad quarterback.

That's the worst game I've seen him play.

And it's not only the worst game I've seen him play.

There are some others.

That dolphin game felt like all the games when two was out, and they have to go to the backup quarterback, and you know they're not going to get any offense.

Let's examine this for a second, because I'm not being prisoner of the moment when I say that dolphin game has never been played.

It's not something any of us have ever seen.

Greg Cody's been covering the team forever.

You've never seen that game.

Let me give you some of the stats, okay?

Because they were the only team beaten like that yesterday.

The only one in the entire sport, and it was Daniel Jones, unstoppable Daniel Jones.

You can tell me all you want about he's going to be improved in that offense and everything else.

There was no pass rush, there was no coverage, they could not stop a team that was unstoppable for seven drives.

We also are not mentioning and haven't taken into account that they were playing for Jim Mercy.

That's true.

So, there was a lot of emotions running high yesterday as well, Dan.

So, some stats for you.

Thank you, Billy.

The Colts were winless in their last 11 home openers.

The 43 yards the Dolphins had in the first half is the fewest since 1991.

Okay.

The Colts hadn't scored, okay,

on the possessions that way.

Going down, the 15-play drives, they had three 15-play drives.

They had five all of last year.

All of last year, the Colts had five.

You tell me if you guys have ever seen that Dolphin game ever played before, where you can simply not stop someone and you know you've got no chance of coming back.

You're down 30 to nothing.

No, every every game in that sport is close

and you're down 30 to nothing and no chance of coming back.

And it's a team that, like I know Greg was saying in the week leading up to yesterday, how, you know, Dolphins, you look at the schedule, that's a game you got to win, okay?

The Colts, I'm not going to say the Colts are bad.

Colts were an average team last year.

And you have to take that into account where they lost that way to an average team last year who, by all accounts, was being quarterbacked by a bad quarterback.

That's why I think think we've never seen what we saw yesterday.

Yeah, I was in Jacksonville when they lost 62-7

in Dan Marino's last game.

So I'm not going to call it the worst Dolphins performance ever.

I am going to say, and I wrote in my column, I was as vicious as I can possibly be about that performance.

It was inexcusable.

It was sub-putrid.

Every worst fear of a Dolphin fan was not only came true, but was magnified.

I'm not going to equivocate how awful the Dolphins played.

As I wrote, they were the week one on week one.

But I'm also

like, yeah, I said it right.

When I quote myself, you know, I like the line.

But I'm also not going to overrate it.

See, I knew we were going to get this today, okay?

I knew what I was walking into.

What tipped you off?

I knew what I was walking into.

The fact that, fire everybody, fire Tua, trade this guy mcdaniel's out he's i was actually making fun of that in the column about how this is this stink is so colossal zach wilson that it's going to be major over yeah zach wilson went in garbage time which describes the dolphins and tire i think we should add a seventh offensive specialist huh bobby slowic not enough we brought in so many coaches the same like they they got you figured out mike mcdaniel yeah they got you figured out with this offense show me something okay so this is to figure out it's been crazy other specialists

The way we analyze this sport is crazy.

Hey, when Tyreek's faster than everyone else, the Dolphins have great offense.

And when he's not, oh, oh, they're fragile.

But

you guys are funny in that Billy and Greg said must-win week one.

Well, it was.

I'm sticking to that.

This season's over.

I'm not, Zaz is.

I'm telling you right now.

Season's over.

It is over.

No, it is.

Obviously not.

You said it was a must-win.

Yeah, it's over.

And they lost by 25.

Allow me to explain.

Do it into the mic, maybe.

I said it was a must-win from the standpoint of energizing a blase fan base, which they failed miserably to do.

But

when you all say the season's over, comical excess, comical overreaction, it does not surprise me in the least.

In fact, I would have predicted that Miami would be a slight favorite at home against New England next week.

Even bad teams tend to bounce back, particularly in a home opener.

Dolphins have won several home openers in a row.

The idea that the Dolphins are going to be one and one a week from now is not the least bit improbable.

And I think we just have to not fire everybody and not do anything so drastic after even the worst performance.

But for you to go from must-win, Greg, and

me to be here saying worst, it's not the worst thing I've ever seen.

It's just I've never seen that.

They lost 62-7, and I think they were up early in that game like i think did they score first like it wasn't it wasn't what that was right like it it and i understand that the that the jags offense but we're talking week one on must win brunette was so good after after that game and it's as it's so calamitous that anyone who watched it can tell you for that day oh that's the worst team in the league the dolphins are the worst team in the league and i watched the saints i watched the saints yesterday line was pretty bad yeah the uh the uh fan base is really upset dan gnarly tweets offense clicking defense clicking dead owner so jealous of the colts today

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Don Lebatard.

All right, we got to go back out there.

That was big.

Wake him up.

Uh-oh.

He doesn't want to be bothered anymore.

Now it's getting tense because he didn't need that as a result.

He needs something that happens.

You can see it.

Mother F.A.

Can we bother?

Are we bothering you right now?

Turn on your microphone, Greg.

My microphone's on.

Stugats.

Paint the scene.

Paint the scene is I gotta go to work.

Good night.

This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

Andrew Luck made a comeback yesterday.

Thank you for bringing this up, Dan.

We have video.

ESPN did like these original.

I don't even know what this is.

Some sort of documentary where they're just like a day in the life.

of Andrew Luck.

And it just, you know what made me smile on a dark day with the dolphins?

it was that I know we have it we're gonna get this video ready, but this is just Andrew Luck if we were doing a parody of what Andrew Life's Luck's life is like now This is what it would be hit it guys this place

It's magical

What a great life I have

I Get to ride my bike to work every day That is like a spoof.

That is

if you told me that that was Mike Ryan who was doing that, that he was in costume and

that is perfect as spoof.

That bicycle, that helmet are ridiculous.

Do you really?

Electric bike, by the way, cheating a little bit.

The Colts haven't looked as good as they looked yesterday since that guy.

It's magical.

Why was Greg screaming nerd at him?

I mean, come on.

He's not wrong.

Let's play the full thing again.

I need this again every life.

I mean, it's really good.

The helmet is what you'd imagine it would be.

The music isn't even something that we created.

It's just the soundtrack in his head.

This place,

it's magical.

What a great life I have.

I get to ride my bike to work every day.

Of course, Andrew Luck, when he makes a left turn on his bike, he does the hand signal.

Of course, he is.

Of like making the left here.

On your left.

Yeah.

On your left.

That's not Saturday Night Live, right?

Mike Ryan, are you jealous of the way that he says magical when talking about Stanford and goes and gets it from the Fleming part of his joy?

Go.

It's magical.

I'm jealous I didn't think of this.

I get to ride my bike towards him.

But that bike, if you had thought of it, tell me what you would have put on that bike.

Maybe like one of the little bells?

Like, what would you have put on that bike?

That's all that's missing.

But that bike is the safest bike that's ever been ridden.

Well, the front looks like it's for a child to be sitting, and he has children.

Give it to me again.

Give it to me again.

That helmet.

Place.

It's magical.

What a great life I have.

I get to ride my bike to work every day.

I get to ride my bike to work.

And Andrew Luck did not wear a helmet that thick when he was playing football.

I think that video should have ended with two Hell's Angels running him off the road.

It's magical.

Why?

Stanford seems lovely.

Like, he seems happy.

We're laughing at this man's happiness.

No, I love him.

No, jealous of his happiness.

He is, look he's got it figured out on his very safe bicycle no one is gonna do to him what could have happened to penix at the goal line if pennex weren't an extraterrestrial there was so much from yesterday's football uh to talk about but i'm magical they're going to by the way stanford like it's magical now but buddy

start being a little stressed out here billy's team look i don't know billy got a lot of texts this weekend we're not going to do a lot of college football today, although I suspect we'll make fun of the Gators.

But Billy, I imagine you got a lot of texts when your team, the FIU, Golden Panthers,

like the Cardinal, the FIU, are down 10-0 at number two Penn State deep into the third quarter.

They had a chance to take a lead, 3-0 at the beginning of that game.

Willie went for it.

A fourth down within field goal range, Willie went for it, which, by the way, I co-signed on that because I was texting along.

They didn't get it, but I was texting along.

I said, you know what?

You're not going to beat Penn State playing scared.

Got to go for it there.

Now, granted, when you end up losing, you know, 35 to nothing, garbage time points, but whatever.

When you end up losing 35-0, three would have looked nice in the scoreboard.

That was a good showing by FIU.

Hell yeah, it was.

Are you kidding me?

That was awesome.

They got some push early on.

I was getting texts from people I haven't heard from in some time saying, you know, if FIU, if they cover the spread,

they should cancel school on Monday, ScoMani.

Am I the the only one who knows?

Everyone was watching that game for some reason.

I didn't understand it.

So many people were texting me about FIU Penn State SS.

Am I the only one who knows that they didn't score?

Yeah, and

it is a little odd.

It was a good game.

Everyone just remembers that it was tightly contested for about two and a half quarters.

Not two and a half.

They were down 20-0 with like five minutes left in the fourth.

It was a close game.

Did they lose their vote?

Everyone's like super jacked.

They scored zero points.

Anytime that you can score zero points points at stake college, you've got to be fired up.

Has anyone ever been pleased with their performance when scoring zero points?

It's sad.

It is.

And nothing personal, Billy, but when you're all miserable.

Very personal.

When you're excited about losing 35 to nothing, that's a bad sign.

That's A.

B,

you don't think Penn State let up a little bit?

They could have won 50 to nothing if they wanted to.

Come on.

I mean, they were pouring it on at the end.

They were going for style points.

Well, because they couldn't get them at the beginning of the game.

Yeah,

they were trying trying to score touchdowns with a minute left.

It was James Franklin doing his absolute best, James Franklin.

I don't want to bury Billy for being excited about his team that scored zero points.

I'll tell you people that don't want to be happy.

Greg, it was 35-0, but in the third quarter, it looked...

Everyone was asking Billy, is your defense good?

That's the number two team in the country.

It was squeezed over Arch Manning in front of the, right behind the defending champions.

We're all assuming that's a good football team.

Okay.

And FIU goes on the road

and they're down 10-0 and in the game in the third quarter.

This is

a great example of the one reason why I prefer the NFL over college football.

In that game, there was zero chance FIU was going to win that game.

Well, FIU, you played closer to Penn State than the Dolphins did to the Colts.

It was like Bethune-Cookman against Miami Hurricanes.

It's just a matter of how badly are they going to lose.

Did you hear what Billy said?

Yeah, I did.

Because you're in here defending the Dolphins today.

That's not

I am not defending the Dolphins today.

You said that Mike McDaniel should get promoted.

Greg, this is where the flames are on this.

Pete Prisco, CBS.

Quote, the problem is Mike McDaniel.

I think his seat just got really, really hot, and all the realies are capitalized.

Like both of them are capitalized, all the letters.

No shit.

No duh, Pete Prisco.

No duh.

I wrote that in my column.

By the way, I have a column on the game that you might want to read in the Miami Hero because I said exactly that.

I said, everybody knows Mike McDaniel came came into this season coaching for his job, but nobody expected the heat to be turned up this high after one effing game.

I wrote all that.

I am not apologizing for the Dolphins in any way.

What I'm doing is

getting over the overreaction that, hey, because they lost this game the way they did, McDaniels has no future with this team.

Tua's done.

They've gotten progressively worse with Mike McDaniel.

From year one to right now, they've gotten progressively worse.

They were pretty good in year two.

I know, I understand, but from one two three four now they've gotten progressively worse yeah right if you want to judge this season by one of 17 games you're welcome greg that's all we have i i do think it's fair to say with eight months of prep and with you saying and billy saying it was a must-win game even though i laughed at you guys about

the absurdity of that

to have the game played that way again everyone's watching That's the worst team in the league.

They cannot stop the Colts.

It's empirical, and it hasn't been seen in the league in a long time.

Like that team had Peyton Manning.

It's been like a decade since they had that kind of drive efficiency.

They don't, no team in the sport scores all seven times it touches the football.

Like that's not a thing.

I couldn't agree more.

And I want to quote myself again because you guys are saying things that I wrote as if I don't believe in all that.

I'm quoting myself.

I mean, seriously, Miami had an entire off-season, a whole training camp, and then a full preason to come out like this?

What was that?

Is the this capitalized?

The this is in ITELS.

I love itels.

Itals.

Oh, yeah.

I love itels.

Because

I picture the reader obeying the itel and going like this.

Put it on the poll, please, Juju.

Our italics, the lords font.

Yeah, we love that.

Just a quick correction.

FIU only lost 34-0, not 30.

Oh, wow, nothing.

So it's close to that.

Billy, I'm sorry.

Billy, I'm sorry they urinated on your joy that way.

That's fine.

Shoeable is this week.

Joy?

Greg's worried because he knows what's coming for FAU this week, the Shoeable.

FIU, FAU, and I'm on the call, so I'm going to be be talking a lot of shit to you, Greg Cody.

The prestigious shoeable.

Urinated.

What gets you happy at this advanced age in your life?

Everything gets me happy.

I got a big grin on my face.

Urinated?

I mean, we only, there was a lot of pro-FIU spin on that, and I think we just helpfully pointed out zero points worth.

Zero points!

I got to be honest with you, the fact that you guys are this worried about FIU's successes or failures is more telling on you than it is on me.

What are you guys afraid of?

Dad, can you believe me?

Why are you afraid to schedule FIU?

Billy being a homer.

I've scheduled him since you lost FIU, if I remember correctly.

Yeah, that's what's happening.

If I remember correctly, I also would say FIU and UM have one common opponent this season, Bethune Cookman.

FIU won that game 42-9.

And I believe you guys won, what, 45-3?

Not that different, those two teams, I would say.

Hey, listeners, it's Mike.

Hey, Billy Gill.

Hey.

Hey, Billy, as a proud member of your inner circle.

Remember when we were hanging out last weekend?

Oh, yeah, fishtail palms.

Fishtail palms, great memories we made, kids playing in the pool and in our hands, a nice ice-cold can of Miller Light.

It was so hot out.

I know, but it was so cold in my hand.

We took that first sip.

It was crisp.

It was refreshing.

Oh, man, there is nothing like cracking open a Miller Light with your crew and your inner circle bones.

Hell yeah.

We fist bumped.

Whether it's, we actually really did.

Whether it's that touchdown.

It didn't make a sound, but it just thought.

Bam!

Boom.

Whether it's that touchdown you didn't see coming or just arguing about fantasy fantasy lineups, you and I did plenty of that.

Miller Light has been the taste that you can depend on for 50 years.

Brewed for flavor with simple ingredients, rich toffee notes, and that iconic golden color.

And here's a kicker, Billy.

What?

It's just 96 calories.

What?

3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

The original light beer since 1975 and still hitting different five decades later.

Miller Light, grape taste, 96 calories.

Go to millerlight.com/slash dan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Light pretty much anywhere they sell beer.

It's Miller time.

Celebrate responsibly.

Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

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Don Lebatard.

Bood ball.

Football.

Football.

Football.

Football.

Football.

Stugats.

football, football,

football,

football,

football,

football,

this is the Dan Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

I don't know how good or bad, obviously, FIU is at offense.

They have a guy named Chainsaw.

What are you talking about?

This is a Billy Gill specialty.

This is his beat, and so he can tell you how good they are.

But I assume that they had zero points in that game in the third quarter because

they were going for it.

Because Willie said, you know what?

Foot on the gas.

We're not going to let up.

We're not kicking field goals.

And, you know, they didn't score the touchdown, but they also didn't settle for field goals.

That's right.

They said, we're not kicking field goals because we're not scoring any points.

We don't want to score.

I assume.

I feel for all of you, honestly.

You guys are sad, pathetic people.

Your team scored zero.

Yeah.

Zero points.

How'd you have to?

Yo, I don't know why you brought it up.

We're not talking about UF, all right?

We're talking about FIU right now.

Oh, okay.

Hold on, everybody.

My L's won.

Sorry, you went to Santa Fe after saying that.

Yo, FAU, big win yesterday.

Hoot hoop.

Or Saturday, whenever the hell it was.

Who'd they play?

I can't remember.

Some bad team.

Famu, I think.

AM, the tough rattlers, but FAU with a big one.

Why are you disparaging FAU?

Foul owl on the prowl.

I'm not.

The owl's one big.

They're either 2-0 or 1-1.

I gotta look that up.

I'm sorry I brought this dissent of.

I don't think you are.

I think you're happy everyone's fighting with each other.

I don't know what it is.

We play Andrew Luck.

He's so happy, and everyone's laughing at him.

Then we start taking shots at each other's successes or non-failures.

You're coming at me right now.

Can we we hear it again?

No, yeah, which one?

Andrew Locke?

Let's, yeah, go ahead, play it again.

This place,

it's magical.

Is it?

What a great life I have.

I get to ride my bike to work every day.

It's honestly how I imagined his life was, all of it.

I imagine that that's what he was doing in retirement, an old school educator driving, you know, riding his bike to campus to live the rest of his life without concussions.

It's magical.

I'm just going to say it out loud.

Riding your bike to work is not even close to as good as driving your car.

Especially in a suit.

Car is so much better than a bike.

Nobody has a choice.

Do you want a bike or do you want a car?

And they say, you know what, I'd rather have a bike.

You really got that off your chest there.

The game for the Miami Dolphins, and I will get off this subject, okay?

I will get this sent off of me in 10 minutes, and we will talk about the rest of the insanity that was yesterday and the weekend.

But

you guys see that Orioles game?

It's a good Orioles game.

No, there was so much in the weekend.

They were one out from being no hit, and then they scored four runs to football.

Yeah, you can cuss what's happening right now.

Ridiculous.

We will put the Dolphins, if not the season, this game, in the garbage bin within the next 10 minutes.

But these are some extreme opinions here that Billy and Zaz are having after week one.

And I believe they speak for the fan base.

Your son is in.

I see him nodding vigorously on this season is over.

This team is done.

There's no reason to put any hope in this particular basket.

And also, injuries yesterday along the offensive line and at corner, the two positions, like they couldn't stop anything with those guys on the field.

So like a real apocalypse yesterday could not have gone worse.

Their only NFL corner gets hurt.

Their new offense offensive lineman gets hurt.

Waddle turns into a piece of glass again.

Every time he gets tackled, he's hurt.

It's ridiculous.

And Johnu Smith, the ball's bouncing off him, and the Steelers are winning the way they do.

And Jalen Ramsey, at the end of that game, finishes the Jets.

And who forced the fumble on Tua?

Xavier Howard.

Like,

everything went wrong for them yesterday.

Steelers are done, by the way.

What?

Yeah, Steelers are done.

Who had a better weekend, FIU or Steelers?

Hold on a minute.

Let's put a bookmark in that one, Billy.

I want to get all the dolphin stuff out of here.

I want no more, nothing but dolphins.

Purge yourselves.

I want to be done with this.

I do not want to talk about this team all season.

Like, that was an apocalypse.

It's the worst thing that can happen.

Zaszlo's here and he says, two is done, McDaniel's done.

And you can argue if you want, but it's like, yeah,

the game yesterday does not provide any kind of rebuttal to what it is that Zaz is saying.

Hey, coach, this thing,

unrebuttable.

This thing collapsed on McDaniel yesterday.

They're two-point favorite next weekend against the Patriots.

Welcome to the NFL.

You look like shit one week.

You win the next week, and all your fans are going, all right, okay.

Yeah, then you got bills on the bottom.

We had a bad first game.

Now we're back.

Okay, calm down.

You know, I'm just saying, I'm predicting that's what's going to happen.

But, Greg, that's the reaction if they lose 26-24.

Not like that.

None of the fans are going to have that reaction you just portrayed if they win next week against them again.

None of them.

Okay.

Greg, I disagree.

Greg, there's no dispute on what I'm saying.

Like, you can say one game at a time.

You can say the NFL is unpredictable to week to week.

If what we're looking for is what will the Dolphins look like next week, what they just looked like is as bad as it could have looked.

There's nothing.

I don't know how you have it being worse.

The first half is something that hasn't happened to them offensively in 30 years.

And when you say, I don't know

how you have it worse, I don't have it worse.

Quit trying to say that I'm apologizing for that performance.

It was so putrid that the the 30-8 score flattered the Dolphins.

There's nothing that could have happened yet.

The performance was worse than that score.

So nothing could have happened yesterday to push you.

Tua gets injured.

Tua also gets injured.

Okay, what?

I'm not optimistic about the Dolphins.

You just said they're going to win on Sunday and everything's going to be fine.

I said I'm not the least bit surprised that they're a two-point favorite because that's the way the NFL works.

The line went down since I said it.

One and a half.

Okay, there you go.

And New England might be favored by next Sunday.

A lot of action on the Patriots.

Yeah, but that one and a a half you told us last week really means that the Patriots are one and a half point favored because you get three points when you're at home.

So the Patriots are technically favored.

Well, we'll see at kickoff.

Maybe the Colts are just the new Chiefs.

It's possible.

Have we thought about that?

Time will

Daniel Jones, the new Mahomes.

Daniel Mahomes.

That would make me feel better.

If they turn out to be like a 15-2 team, I'm be like, oh, okay.

No, no,

there's no feel better on they have the ball seven times, they score seven times, and Peyton Manning didn't do that in that uniform.

I don't know.

We knew defense was going to be a problem, and then you're saying to yourself before the game, if we want to do analysis, hey, their front seven might cover up the corners they don't have.

They've got the worst corners in the league.

Oh, my God, there's no pressure.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Daniel Jones is just going to do whatever he wants all game.

And they're not going to be able to stop them in any way, in a way that has not been seen in Dolphin football in my lifetime covering them.

And statistically, when you go through the numbers, there haven't been a lot of football games where any offense has ever looked as good as Daniel Jones's did yesterday because, not because Daniel Jones is so good in his first game with the Colts, because the Dolphins looked that bad.

It could not have been worse, I'm telling you, unless Tua had gotten a concussion.

I just don't know how you come back from Greg.

One of the biggest problems with the team last year was it felt like the rest of the league had kind of caught up to McDaniel and the offense.

And we'd like to do the whole, he's not making adjustments, this, that.

All right, week-to-week basis, I guess.

But at least this, here before this season, you have an entire offseason to do something different.

Okay, so I wrote.

And it felt like it felt the same as last year where the offense is totally inept again.

And that wasn't.

Now, look, maybe Colt's defense will be good this year.

They were terrible last year.

Wait a minute.

Timeout.

They were 8-9 last year.

But their defense was terrible.

That's not terrible.

But their defense defense was terrible.

Don't talk like they were 3-14.

They were 8-9.

They missed the playoffs by one game.

I think their defense is ranked 29th last year, though.

Again, maybe their defense will be good this year.

That was a terrible defense last year.

Okay, it was a very bad defense last year.

And that's why I'm totally out on Mike McDaniel at this point.

You can't have the offseason with all the chatter, and then this is what we get right out the gates.

Like, I don't have any faith.

I don't have any faith in him being able to solve the problem.

Let's bring in another specialist, I think.

The blame starts with Chris Greer,

who knew four months ago that he had an awful cornerback situation and didn't do anything to fix it other than signing the ghosts of Rasul Douglas just before opening day.

That's a big problem.

The offensive line has been a problem for years.

Everybody knows Tyreek Hill is getting slower and probably will be traded by midseason.

There were problems that they failed to address that don't come right to Mike McDaniel's lap.

What do you do with all of this?

Tua finished with a QBR of 2.7 out of 100, okay?

McDaniel entered the season as the betting favorite to be the first coach fired, and now that rises.

We're in agreement on that, yes?

And right before the game, Tim Reynolds, four minutes before kickoff, my official Dolphins prediction, 11-6 wild card.

Admittedly, I'm not the brightest dude sometimes, but I think they're better than most people expect.

At this point, okay,

and I watched the Saints play yesterday.

At this point, there is no team in football.

I watched the Carolina Panthers play yesterday.

I saw the New York Giants play yesterday.

There is no team.

I saw the Titans of Cam Ward play yesterday.

There is no team in professional football that had a more apocalyptic beginning than the Miami Dolphins yesterday.

Correct.

They looked like a minor league team trying to play professional football when you paired it against what was happening in the rest of the league.

All of the close games everywhere.

Everyone is a bounce away, except in this one place where you're just seeing every single time it's Colts marching down the field and Dolphins being more inept than they've been

since 1991.

11 of the 15 games were one-scored decisions.

The Dolphins unequivocally played the worst of any team on opening day.

They didn't lose a preseason game.

Right.

And the perfect season Dolphins had a losing record.

Exactly so.

But the question going forward is, are we burying the entire season based on a terrible...

You said it was a must-win.

So what has to happen?

I said it was a must-win, not for the season, for the confidence and faith of the fans.

It was a faith-quaking performance.

If you're a Dolphin fan right now, you guys are the majority in saying, trade him, fire him.

You guys are the majority.

Did you see the rumors of who's going to replace McDaniel?

I'm trying to be the VOR here.

Cruden.

Oh, God.

Let's do a top five quarterbacks that Chris Cody, your son, is ready to replace Tua with right now if he could get the option of replacing him right now.

First, I got OLI.

These are ones that I feel like are obvious.

Are these guys who are like available?

No, I mean, these are just quarterbacks in the league that I just right now giving to be over to.

I like it.

I don't know.

These first ones, OLI, are obvious.

Like, I don't think I'll have any pushback here.

Drake May, Michael Penix Jr., Cam Ward, and Bonix.

Hold on, hold on.

Drake May,

Michael Pennix Jr., Cam Ward, and Bonix.

Those are OLI.

Like, those are just easy.

I would do that right now.

Cam War was getting hit yesterday, man.

Number five, JJ McCarthy.

Haven't seen him yet.

I'll roll the dice.

He's literally never played a game.

Number four, Aaron Rodgers.

I'll take one year with Aaron Rodgers, and then I'll take Nussmeier next year.

I don't give a shit.

Number three, Justin Fields.

I said he should have been the backup a year ago.

He looks better than Tua did.

Number two, Joe Flacco.

Same thing as Aaron Rodgers.

I'll take one year with Joe Flacco.

Give me Nussmeier.

Like, I'm done with it.

Oh, no.

Joe Flacco is better out of the pocket than Tua is.

I'm telling you.

And number one, Arch Manning.

I'll roll the dice.

I don't give a shit.

I'm done with Tua.

He can't play quarterback right now.

He will next year.

I'll talk about it.

What about Tannehill?

You didn't mention him.

He's out there.

I would sign up for Arch Manning right now ahead of Tua.

Tannehill.

Bull take out of you.

Did you know Tannehill was a wide receiver in college?

Tannehill.

Tannehill's out available.

He has toes for thumb.

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