Hour 1: BOOOORDDERRR WAAAARRRRR (feat. Lucy Rohden)

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This is the Dan Labatar Show with the Stookats Podcast.

God, he's so full of.

We're here in Ames, Iowa, for El Asico, the Sci-Hawk game.

Look at me now, so happy, full of joy.

I feel like this isn't gonna be me at the end.

I don't have a good feeling about this one.

The official name for the game is Sci-Hawk.

However, they call it El Asico.

It's usually an ass football game.

Iowa is El ass

football.

I hate them every day.

This is Iowa's Super Bowl right here.

I mean, this is our Super Bowl.

This rivalry is huge.

It's like Christmas in Iowa.

Yesterday was like the 3rd of July.

Today is the 4th of July.

Are you a Levitar show fan or just a Lucy fan?

Oh, I'm a Lucy fan, but Levitar is good too.

Literally, there's only one thing to say.

F the hogs.

I don't need to say that.

You know, there are children around here.

Your shirt is rude.

First and foremost.

What is the science behind a bird having teeth?

So a tradition here in Iowa is Casey's breakfast pizza, which is exactly what it sounds like.

It's pizza, but breakfast.

This is well done.

This is really good.

Love Casey's.

Hate Iowa State.

So a lot of people think that we are going to lose this game, but I have faith in our Hawkeyes that we're going to...

Whoops, Matt.

I just almost choked him on pizza.

We're going to win this game.

How do you guys make your friendship work today?

It's been a little difficult, I have to say.

Alcohol.

Win or lose, we boost.

This trip to the PsyHawk game was brought to you by Fox One.

We live for live streaming right now.

Skronowski bad.

Pass.

He had a rough start last game, I'd say, but I think he'll pull it together.

I think he'll pull it together.

He was bad, though.

All right, how would you guys describe the Iowa offense?

Well, we say defense wins games.

They planned that.

Defense wins championships.

It's all that mattered.

The Hawks got a great run game.

Shut up.

No, I like that answer.

You shut up.

That was a good one.

I don't like the reactions we're getting today.

It's kind of been hard to watch, but we can get back.

We've been doing it without offense for so long.

Like, why start now?

Correct.

Poverty offense.

They might make it like 22 yards and then they're done.

They're just gassed.

Learning how to get up and take a piss for the offensive side instead of just commercials has kind of been kind of been a weird thing to get used to.

All right, can you say something nice about Iowa State?

Can you say something nice about Iowa State?

Um

this bridge is okay.

It's a nice bridge.

How would you describe this Iowa State rivalry?

It's just like there's a little so it's like pulling on your pant leg and you just want to smack them because they want to be you.

It's like, just leave me alone.

How did you get your tickets for today's game?

I use this app called Game Time.

Super easy, super fast, and also super cheap.

Did you use Cold Lucy?

I didn't.

Don't be like her.

Use Code Lucy.

Download the Game Time app, use Cold Lucy for $20 off your first order.

Turn supply.

Go away.

Get this camera out of my face.

Okay, Iowa lost.

Yeah, turns out they're kind of bad at offense.

I don't know who could have seen that one come in.

Maybe in the future we could send me to less Iowa games.

I think that would be cool.

I think that would be awesome.

I think that would be super rock and roll.

No comments on the rest of the stuff.

I am so sorry.

The Iowa State band is so annoying.

We get it.

You want.

I'm not even mad about that.

I'm sure they're lovely kids.

Zip it.

Why do you need so many tubas?

You don't need that.

Nobody needs that many tubas.

Oh, God.

I gotta get out of here.

For real, Zeus.

Excellent, excellent use of generic music there.

Welcome back to one of my favorite sports media personalities, Iowa, as I like to call her.

I'm sorry this is delayed, but

minor penalty, two minutes for verbal diarrhea.

You're going out, right?

So, Tony, no, but you're going to leave Tyler Murray.

Tyler Murray is not exciting.

I'm done with exciting Tyler Murray.

Like, dude, Kyler Murray, okay.

You lack vision, Dwayne.

That's the issue.

You lack vision with quarterback.

If you're mad that I have it, you're kicking me out because I have vision.

That's okay.

I don't understand being the guy that's like Daniel Jones, yes.

Trevor Lawrence, yes.

Brock Purdy, yes.

Kyler Murray, no.

Now you get it.

All right, get out of here.

Put it on the poll at Lebatard Show.

Do you love breakfast pizza?

You like Davis Mills, too.

I liked them.

Out of here.

You did like Davis Mills.

Get out of here.

You were a Davis Mills guy.

Get out of here.

Look, I heard you.

I heard you in the other room say, Rattler made a couple of throws.

Listen to me, Tony.

Listen to me.

Good.

F ⁇ off.

Your quarterback analysis stinks.

Stinks, and it's stunk since you got here.

And somebody has to say it.

Lucy, thank you for being on with us.

I believe that the field goal kick by McAfee before a game for thousands of dollars is the best sports invention I have seen in a long time for sports television.

Can you guys give me some nominees?

Because that wasn't even the best kick this weekend.

But as an idea, giving people tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars if they can make a field goal is an excellent, excellent sports television idea.

And I want you guys to give me some other recent inventions that are as good as this.

this one uh zads uh tell me and tell lucy what it is that happened in this missouri game oh my God.

I mean, Lucy, you saw this, right?

So Missouri, Kansas, I don't know if you know this, Dan.

Missouri, Kansas, that's border war, all right?

It goes back to the Civil War.

That's how serious they take this, all right?

And you had a fan, a Missouri fan, who was able to line up and kick a field goal from like 30 yards out or something.

If he makes it, he gets $25,000.

You know what this kid does?

He turns in the direction of the KU sideline.

He kicks the football at them.

He says, I don't need your money, Lucy.

And he kicks the football at the KU sideline.

Lucy, that's border war.

So, first, I want to specify: not a kid.

He's a grown man with children.

He is like a full adult.

He was offered this the night before, wasn't going to this game, so rearranged his whole plans.

He also has a prosthetic leg.

So he was like, I know that I'm not going to be able to make this field goal.

Screw this $25,000.

I hate Kansas so much.

I want to kick the ball at the border war.

Terrible kick, though.

It barely made it over to the sideline.

Well, then it was a good move because he definitely wasn't going to make that 45-yarder.

So it was like, okay, I might as well just make it.

You guys are kind of skipping over the idea that the guy who won this contest has a prosthetic leg.

I mean, that's got to be a disqualifier, doesn't it?

Give it to somebody who doesn't have a prosthetic leg.

I don't think it's his kicking leg.

Well,

it seemed to be his right leg.

You You guys are going to tell me that the left leg that he kicked at that bench, that that's his kicking leg?

The holder seems to be holding it like he's a righty kicker.

So I think that.

No, but maybe the holder was tipped off that he's going to kick it at the side.

But the laces are out towards the field goal, not towards the side.

So he pulls up his shirt and it just says FKU on jiggly pink flab of border war.

Not that jiggly.

Moderate jiggly.

It's the border war.

That is funny.

That's jiggly.

Everything's jiggly.

That's jiggly.

Dan needs a marriage.

That's my sport.

I love it.

The invention better than McAfee's field goal for $300,000, which was.

Throwing footballs into a Dr.

Pepper thing.

Yes, but only with real motions.

Yes.

Also, the freeze rate.

Like a chess pass in basketball.

And one weekend, I missed the mascot head.

That was so good.

Lucy, I was telling Mike all of last year that

Oklahoma state of mike gundy uh was an apocalyptic disaster of a football team that i just couldn't believe how bad they were and they're worse this year uh explain to me what like that guy can't keep his job much longer can he No, I mean, he's already resorted to like paying the school back.

So he gave money back last year to, you know, put into Oklahoma State's NIL fund or their athletic fund, whatever.

I think like Mike Gundy just really doesn't care anymore because Dan Lanning is like notably petty, where you saw that like a few years ago when it like Deion in Colorado was this like really, really big sensation and Dan went out and gave this like big speech or whatever and then Oregon beat the crap out of Colorado.

Mike Gundy decided to start his press conference off this week by like shitting all over Oregon, being like, I can't believe they'd spend that much money on players, which is like kind of crazy to say.

Then he lifted his shirt up weirdly.

It was unrelated, but he did lift his shirt up during the presser, which we still are kind of confused by.

And so obviously Dan Lanning was like, I heard the comments.

I took it seriously.

And then we saw that they won by 60 plus points.

And it could have been worse.

It very much could have been worse.

That it's going to be a long year.

Oklahoma State did lose their quarterback.

So like, I'll give them a little benefit of the doubt there, but they were going to be terrible anyways.

I don't see him keeping his job.

And I honestly don't see him taking another job after this.

It's just, it's very bad times in Silwater.

I will forever remember him, not for any game that he has won.

This is a rare thing, right?

This guy's been coaching for 15 years, and I still remember, maybe longer.

All I remember is that he was for when he was 40 years old because of the viral clip I'm a man I'm 40.

Now he's a man he's 58.

It's 18.

Here's

about that speech.

It's a great speech, but I think people forget my favorite part.

He's like talking about this paper.

So he's got, I've got this article here who was brought to me by a mother.

Garbage.

No, he said a mother of children.

Yeah.

That's that's what that means.

It is what it means.

The weekend's big events I thought were limited to, you tell me if I have this wrong, Oklahoma and Florida.

Those were the college football big events of the weekend, no matter who else was playing.

Let's start with Oklahoma.

What were your thoughts about

them having a better team than they've had the last three or four years when their defense has been good, but their offense has been terrible?

Yeah, I mean, I thought John Matier lived up to what he was advertised as.

Obviously, he can be a little crazy sometimes, but that was a good offense.

My concern with Oklahoma is Jay Knott's not healthy, and Jay Knott was really fun when he's at Cal, but I'm nervous that that offense is going to be one-dimensional.

But the Ben Arbuckle hire, bringing John Matero over with him, I feel like Oklahoma is in such a great spot right now, except for at this moment, I believe every single one of Oklahoma's remaining SEC opponents is ranked.

So they have a unbelievably brutal schedule, but to go up against that Michigan defense the way they did and pretty much control that game, I thought was really impressive.

And I think Red River just got a whole lot more interesting because Texas, Arch Manning, obviously looked much, much better this weekend against a very inferior opponent.

But I think the SEC is a lot more open than we previously thought.

And you can almost take Florida out of that equation if you want to, because wow, not fun.

Tough.

I want to talk about Billy Napier and how much trouble that he's in.

But can we for a moment, and maybe I have this wrong, I don't know, it's only been two weeks, but can South Florida be good?

Is South Florida allowed to be good?

Billy Napier lost at home, but it seemed to me that a defense that I was watching in South Florida had an awful lot of athletes on it.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

I mean, South Florida's defense that first game against Boise State forced a ton of turnovers.

That's a very good football team.

And I'm going to say, I'm disappointed that College Game Day isn't going to Miami, South Florida this week.

I think that's a great football game.

Is this the greatest, most important football game ever played on the CW?

We're going to find out.

I do think Miami is much better than South Florida, but like that is a very, very good football team.

So I don't want to take anything away from them.

But like when I look at that game, South Florida stuck in it.

They did everything they needed needed to do billy napier also did everything he could to make sure that florida lost that football game they were completely undisciplined over 100 yards a penalty clock management that i i still don't really understand he's calling plays and he shouldn't be calling plays like that's a he is clearly like just doesn't have a grasp on this and i can't bank on what happened last season happening this year where like okay things turn around because like dj lagway was just like sort of like a gift from the gods last year and i think he's still dealing with injury issues i didn't think he looks that great against usf So I have a feeling that Billy Napier probably is going to make it through the season just because it is an insanely difficult schedule.

They have LSU next and then Miami after that.

Zaszlo says no.

I don't know.

Lucy, Zaszlo's shaking his head no at you.

Lucy, I don't know.

I mean, Florida's at LSU this weekend, then at Miami, then hosting Texas.

If they're sitting at one and four, Napier's not getting to that Texas A ⁇ M game.

My only reason why I push back on that is because they had the exact same opportunity to do this last year, where they were also last year, the boosters had come together early in the season and said, we have the money race.

We're prepared to pay his buyout right now.

And they didn't do it.

And I think it depends on really how DJ Lagway plays, because I felt like that's what saved Napier's job is like, we really wanted to keep DJ here.

Like, we really feel like he is the future of this team.

If he plays well, even if Florida loses, I think they'll keep him throughout the season.

And I also think it's like, hey, do we have the guy we want, Kafkaf, Lane Giffen?

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Howdy folks, it's Mike Ryan.

It's also NFL season.

Lots of big-time matchups.

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Don Lebatard.

I just texted my best friend Hannah and asked her who she thinks is going to win tonight.

And she has never watched a hockey game this entire season.

She's picking the Rangers and she's an astrophysicist.

She's real smart.

I'll text Joey.

Dan, you know what I found out about Hannah today?

An anagram.

Stugats.

You said Anna or Hannah?

Hannah.

Okay, I don't know.

Anna, too, depending on how you spell it.

Even though if there's two N's, it's also an anagram.

Same with one N, Anna.

Anagrams are fun.

Hannah.

A Hanagram.

This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

I mean, look, speaking of Florida, they're in LSU this weekend.

Is it possible LSU's not as good as we thought?

I mean, Clemson struggled a little bit against Troy.

Yeah, so LSU also didn't, like, blow out their group of five opponent this weekend.

I think LSU is very good, and I think what I feel good about LSU with is that even though, yes, Clemson did struggle against Troy, I want to put for the like quick asides for Clemson and Georgia, those rain delays do mess things up.

And that happened in both of those games.

I'm a little more nervous about Clemson than I am Georgia right now, but like LSU's defense was so good in that game, and and that has been the issue with LSU the last few years.

And so I've seen them make the improvements there.

And as long as you have Garrett Nussmeier, you're going to be in every possible game.

So I do think LSU is very, very good.

And I think Florida, like I still foresee them winning some games this season.

Like I don't think it's a lost cause, even though the most winnable game on their schedule is Mississippi State, who actually looks pretty decent this weekend.

So things are a little up in the air, but I just don't see them firing Billy Napier right now if they didn't do that last year.

Is this year that the college football playoff lives up to the hope and expectation that it feels pretty wide open here, Lucy?

It feels like we're going to get some real good games come January.

I don't see a team yet that has set itself apart.

Part of that is because Texas played Ohio State, and it's hard to gauge what that game will mean in the grand scheme of things, but there aren't a lot of elite teams.

This is anybody's year, it feels.

No, it 100% feels like that because you still feel like, obviously, Ohio State, you know, huge win this weekend, like 70 plus points on the board.

You have to feel pretty good about that.

It feels so wide open because the SEC feels so wide open where like you really don't have Alabama, you're like, I don't even know if you're a good football team.

Georgia, you have questions about their offensive line.

Like there's Florida, you don't know what's going on there.

It's such a like, it's really exciting because like you open up the door for so many contenders and especially to be at week three and already feel like, okay, we have a really good group of five candidate for this playoff already.

It's really, really exciting.

I think they're going to be a good, it's going to be a perfect playoff.

We're going to let you go on this note, but because we were talking about Mike Gundy, it's worth reliving.

It's less than a minute, and it is the signature move of an 18-year career.

He never got better than he was right here with the flowing feathered hair, talking about that mama who has children.

If you want to go after an athlete, one of my athletes, you go after one that doesn't do the right things.

You don't downgrade him because he does everything right and may not play as well on Saturday.

And you let us make that decision.

That's why I don't read the newspaper.

Because it's garbage.

And the editor that let it come out is garbage.

Attacking an amateur athlete for doing everything right.

And then you want to write articles about guys that don't do things right and downgrade them the ones that do make plays.

Are you kidding me?

Where are we at in society today?

Come after me.

I'm a man.

I'm 40.

Excellent lip sync you did that.

I didn't really know.

I know most of the words.

Lucy, you've got the whole thing memorized.

It's really good.

Not the whole thing, only like bits and pieces, but I do have a good chunk of it memorized.

I got really bored one day, so I just learned the whole thing.

Dude, do you know we need more dogs?

Do you have any kind of rant that you imagine is being better than Mike Gundy's rant in the history of college football rants?

Because for one to endure for 18 years, Mike's got it right.

That coach at, is it Charleston Southern?

It just came up on the anniversary.

He ran for Congress, I think.

Cats in the house.

Cats in the house.

We'll get that.

We're not going to do better.

Is that one better?

If we put them off, if we paired them, if we went, yes, Tony, you're saying.

Yeah, we need more dogs.

But wait a minute.

You're saying, you're saying, right in front of me, you're alleging that the Charleston Southern coach's rant is better than Mike Gundy's rant.

Maybe Coastal Carolina.

Put some respect on that.

Yeah, Coastal.

But the thing is, Gundy's rant is great at the last second, right?

Like it's, it's, I'm a man, I'm 40, come after me.

When we had

totality of the Coastal Carolina coach, we're talking about dogs and cats inside the house.

That's great.

All right.

We'll see when Chris Cody can get that for us with Impeccable Comedic

so that we can actually play that for you.

Mike Leach has some good ones too.

Weddings, pretty little girlfriends.

Oh, but Mike Leach has some wide, those are wandering strolls through Crazyland.

Like that's just, that's that.

I know what that is.

We loved calling him on his bike in Key West and getting them.

Like we did that in the pandemic a bunch.

So I know what that is, but that's not Mike Gundy and Coastal Carolina famous because who's bronze medalist on this list?

We're talking about 20 years of coaches melting down in press conferences.

Let's get the Coastal Carolina coach and pin him here against Mike Gundy.

12 cats live across the road.

Our door's open.

The screen's broke.

So you can come in through the screen, but you can't get back out of it.

I turn and look, there's a little kitty cat in our kitchen.

So I say, what are you doing in here, little kitty cat?

By that time,

the cat turns, tries to get back out.

That screen won't go that way.

Cat starts going, meow,

all crazy.

So I told our players, I try to let it out the front door.

Meow, the cat's still going crazy in there.

And I told our players, you need to be more like a dog.

We don't need a bunch of cats in here.

Meow, looking in the mirror.

Do I look good?

I got my extra bands on.

I got my other shoes.

Be a dog.

We don't need no meows.

We don't need no cats.

We need more dogs.

He's cheating with his ass.

Societal point, too, though.

Like, don't worry about the mirror.

Don't worry about extra bands.

Don't worry about all this stuff that you have on.

Don't play football thing.

You think he made more of a societal point than old OAN Gundy there who hates the media?

Be a dog.

Can I do a quick Gundy tidbit?

That was Justin Bieber's ringtone for a while, was the I'm a man, I'm 40.

What?

Yeah.

Crazy.

What?

It's ringtone?

I'm a man.

It was.

It's 40.

He was doing some radio interview and like his phone rang and they were like, what is that?

Put it on the poll at Lebetard show.

Does it make sense to you that Justin Bieber's ringtone was once Mike Gundy's I'm a 40 rant?

Be it all.

Put them against each other.

Pair them against each other.

That's a hell of a tournament.

You know what I wouldn't mind doing?

Old-time leadership meltdowns.

Brian Kelly pounding the desk after the season opening loss last year is pretty good.

The thing is, you can't see the shade of red he is on the sound, right?

You can hear the pounding of the desk.

You can hear him talking, but you can't see the red.

He's always that nuclear shade of, I've been on the yacht too long, red.

I I have one from Pro Sports.

Four picks against Grossman in two fumbles.

What did you see about the Bears?

We shut them down that way.

No, you know, I mean, we just,

the Bears are what we thought they were.

They're what we thought they were.

We played them in preseason.

Who the hell takes a third game in a preseason like it's bull?

We played them in the third game.

Everybody played three quarters.

The Bears are who we thought they were.

That's why we took the damn field.

Now, if you want to crown them, then crown their ass.

But they are who we thought they were.

And we let them off the hook.

Last night, the bears are who we thought they were.

They've been that midway for a minute.

You know what nobody tells you about being a new dad?

It's not just the diapers and the wipes, that's obvious.

It's the hidden stuff.

The baby swing after we already purchased the other baby swing bouncer, the pack and play, the 20 different bottles, because apparently my kid hates every single one, except the most expensive one, which is the glass, by the way.

Don't get me started on late food delivery orders with my wife and me too tired to even look or cook or think about food.

I'm staring at my bank account like, where did it all go?

That's where monarch money comes in.

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Hey, listeners, it's Mike.

Hey, Billy Gill.

Hey.

Hey, Billy, as a proud member of your inner circle, remember when we were hanging out last weekend?

Yeah, fishtail palms.

The fishtail palms, the great memories we made, kids playing in the pool, and in our hands, a nice ice-cold can of Miller miller light

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Don Lebatard.

He seems like a not-nice guy, and he's always been a not-nice guy.

I don't care for him, and I hope he has the day he deserves.

Stugats.

I hope

he has the day he deserves.

That's how I get people when they're really mean to me.

I'm not like, go F yourself.

I'm like, I hope you have the day you deserve.

It's a great sign.

It's a great kind.

Yes.

It's beautiful.

It's leaving it to the cosmos to sort it out.

That's a less southern, bless your heart.

This is the Don Lebatar show with the Stugats.

I was hoping for exactly that football game from Caleb Williams.

Like, you can see the growth, you can see the help.

I have some confusion, right, about how to do this when it comes to quarterback measurements.

As, for example, let's make it Jared Goff.

He's had five offensive coordinators in his career.

And when it's not Sean

McVay or Ben Johnson, he's 0-19 and 1.

He is not necessarily a system quarterback, but there's something happening there that makes him look Jared Goff like only Peyton Manning and Tom Brady and being able to win 13 games in two different places when none of us would select Jared Goff as our quarterback of our football.

He's made it to a Super Bowl.

He's been a really good quarterback for that franchise.

I think that they're allowed a week.

Also,

it's not, we're not talking about Brock Purdy here.

He was the number one overall pick, Jared Goff.

Like, he was expected coming into the league to be a very

at California.

He was one of the best quarterbacks I've seen in college.

Like, he was viewed as it was Josh Rosen-ish.

Right.

His record wasn't very good, but, like, people projected, and he came up and got even got off to a bad start with Jeff Fisher, and then his career was reshaped.

I think, if anything, you've laid out the argument that he's coachable and that he can prove if the coaching around him improves.

I think Detroit deserves at least some grace.

Yeah, maybe Green Bay is as good as everyone is saying that.

There was one talking point from last night's game that we didn't hit, and maybe it's overanalyzing, but Ben Johnson's decision to not kick the on-side kick and outsmart himself by playing the odds because there were two minutes and two seconds.

He played himself?

He absolutely played himself.

So the way that his mind was working was like, the odds are higher that...

My kicker can kick the ball out of bounds and I can save this two-minute warning than it is for me to recover the on-side kick.

Now, in a vacuum, I get that, but that's not what we're playing.

We're trying to ultimately get the ball back.

And baked into the whole concept of getting an on-side kick is the chance you get the friggin' ball back.

Worst decision, that, or Harbach punting it away at the end of the game.

I think he outsmarted himself.

This was really bad.

He played himself?

I think he played himself.

He played himself.

He played himself because also you could stop the team if they recover the on-side kick like they did.

I don't understand what Ben Johnson was doing there.

That game.

Maybe it's a bust.

The last two NFL football games that we have seen have been just really confusing because the Bears were in total control of that football game.

Not unlike the Ravens were in total control of the football game.

The Ravens admittedly did it more spectacularly, but

after that pick six, this one's over.

JJ McCarthy hasn't shown you anything.

That was as surprise a result, even more surprising than the Buffalo one, because I did not know JJ McCarthy was capable of doing that.

Have you guys considered this?

Because it is something I think about as I see Patrick Mahomes shrivel into, I'm going to throw the ball not downfield at all.

And I see just in general throughout that league, a lot of teams are trying to win with their quarterback going 12 for 18 for 160 yards.

And I want to just ask you if it's possible, when you see some of these great things at the end of games, that there are so many restrictions and rigidities and how careful everybody's being about protect the football.

Do not throw interceptions.

The thing that's going to cost games when we're all trying to slice up all these small, small margins that always have us saying that coaching decision cost that game at the end of the game as if nothing happened before it.

That one thing is the reason I lost the game.

Is it possible at all that these guys are so militaristic in their disciplines about the rigidities and don't turn the ball over that

Josh Allen being a thoroughbred at the end of the game, just running all over the field is when he's let loose on, oh, I don't have to worry anymore about don't be reckless with the football and throw it out here in the flat.

I got to beat Baltimore now.

I'm the best person on the field as an athlete.

Watch this.

And now I'm loose and I don't have to worry about all this bullshit anymore about everyone in the league wants to be Aaron Rodgers throwing four interceptions a year at quarterback.

I do think that there's an evolution, especially with a player like that, which is that you got to ride that horse.

But also on your Mahomes take, I think you got to cool it on that.

He had the ninth best yards per attempt in the league.

His deep threat got injured on the very first play.

Rashi Rice is suspended.

He did take deep shots to Hollywood Brown, which is a mixed bag.

I think if Xavier Worthy is reportedly, he's going to tough out this injury and play with a shoulder brace.

Like, he's got to have the weapons, the downfield threats to do it.

And he's not, he doesn't have the full complete arsenal.

I'm not, you're saying I've got to lay off of Patrick Mahomes.

I'm not the ringer saying, are the Chiefs cooked?

I'm simply saying this is a stat that's a fact.

He's 39-11 since Tyreek Hill left, but also yards per attempt down the field.

Only Daniel Jones throws it less far at 6.5 yards a pound.

I understand, but they reshaped the offense over the course of this offseason.

And a big part of that was the ascension of Xavier Worthy, who's really fast, who came on late, who reshaped their offense as they made that run to the Super Bowl.

I think it's pretty important that Xavier Worthy got hurt that early.

He's also a prisoner of his own design, right?

Like before Patrick Mahomes was throwing the ball over the place, they were like, all right, let's just set two safeties back and he's not going to be able to take the top off the defense.

And at that point, that's when kind of the entire NFL changed.

You don't see these massive throwing games and years anymore because the fact that they're just sitting too high safeties and it's like, all right, you're going to go throw deep?

Perfect.

Here we are.

When the Chiefs fall to 0-2 this weekend, because they will, they're playing Philadelphia.

When the Chiefs fall to 0-2 this weekend, well, I mean,

everybody knows I do big game, not big game on Sazzle.

I'll show 2.0 on Friday.

So don't ask me that right now.

I got time to think still.

If the Chiefs lose this weekend, they fought 0-2,

we're then going to start having serious conversations about them trading for Tyree Kill, right?

Oh, we're already there.

No, no, no.

There's already chatter all over the place.

Steelers, Chiefs in on Tyree Hill.

Mike Florio's banging this drum.

We are already there.

Know that

the first week of the Miami Dolphins was apocalyptic enough.

And the first week of the Chiefs and Steelers looking that way.

Everyone listening to this says, ooh, Tyreek Hill with those quarterbacks, of course, that makes sense.

That would be Pittsburgh being all in on top of all in, on top of all in on this year.

And Kansas City needs exactly that.

Like that,

that's perfect for Kansas City.

Especially if Xavier Worthy can't tough it out because it was one of those boring.

Did they play with a brace this weekend?

I don't know about that.

They're still trying to evaluate whether or not he gets his surgery.

A lot of great games on this slate.

Primetime Slate Week One delivered.

Every primetime game was a banger.

Did you watch?

We got two Monday Night Football games next week.

I love the Monday.

Let me go through the primetime slate.

Prime Time Slate.

Thursday, we got Commanders at Packers.

Okay.

All right.

Sunday night football, real interesting game.

Falcons, Vikings.

Wow.

Monday night football, double header.

Yes.

We We got Baker and the Bucs going into Houston.

Is CJ Stroud any good?

We'll find out.

I don't know.

This is a make-or-break game.

We're going to find out in a make-or-break game that CJ Stroud.

You got that double header.

You got Chargers at Raiders, Zaz.

But as you mentioned, big-time game for the Kansas City Chiefs.

Super Bowl rematch.

Afternoon window.

I want tickets to that game.

You want tickets to that game?

Well, I mean, you can't get tickets to that game because that game sold out.

There's only one option that you have.

You idiot.

You thought you could get tickets to that game a normal way?

Don't even try to guess how you get tickets.

Take the guesswork out of getting tickets.

I don't know why you asked me that thing.

Download the Game Time app says.

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Go.

You just said on a Tuesday in week two, you said it, I heard you, everybody heard you.

You said this is a make-or-break game to find out if C.J.

Stroud is good this week.

You said I'm going to find out this week, and you're a liar.

I'm not going to find that out this week.

I know he's good already.

I know the pressure up the middle has undone him for several years.

I'm not going to find out shit this weekend because next week and the week after that, I'm also going to think C.J.

Stroud is good, and I'm not going to understand his regression.

We've seen that happen with quarterbacks before.

I don't know if he's good.

We've seen one-year wonders before.

I don't know.

Nine points this weekend against the Rams?

That was bad.

They're ram tough.

They're ram tough.

You know they're ram tough.

No, no, not your tough.

Not your tough.

They can beat every team that way.

Every team.

They could have won the Super Bowl.

They could have done that to Philadelphia last year, and you all know it.

Is Houston Center still out injured?

I know he got hurt in that game.

That's real bad that Carter surrenders pressure up the middle.

That's bad.

That is bad.

I don't like that injury.

That's a bad injury, and they did cart him off.

I thought for a second their center's name was Houston Center when you said that.

Put it on the poll.

Should Houston Center's name be Houston Center?

That's the perfect name for a center.

It is.

I know ball.

I know ball.

When the Houston Center gets carted off the field, that's not good.

I'm not like, I know that guy's name.

I'm not going to try to fool you here.

Do you know it, Dan?

I know what it is.

I don't.

What I know is he's number 50 and he's super round.

He is very round.

And I know that it's carted off the field.

You know what?

You're correct.

I will grant you that.

Most centers are.

This one was extra round in a synod of form.

Super round.

In fact, I was looking at it as he was carted off the field, and I'm like, oh, no, that's bad for determining whether C.J.

Stroud is good or not.

And because pressure up the middle, it seems like it would be hard for anybody to handle in that sport when

spitting Jalen Carter is running up the middle.

It seems like it would be hard to play the position that way.

How about you roll outside?

No, you're right.

I'm sick of hearing pressure up the middle.

You're correct.

I'm sick of hearing that.

Roll outside.

Again, though, fat number 50.

Andrews is name.

Who was rolly-poly.

I was thinking to myself as he ran off the field, jiggling a little in the midsection.

I'm like, that guy doesn't want to eat that way.

He wants to be fitter, but he has to be this size because Jalen Carter's over there and he's spitting.

Dan, I'm being told we've located the video of Justin Bieber having Mike Gundy as his ringtoe.

This is stunning to me.

Like, I went budge jumping, it was a lot of fun.

So

I'm a man!

I'm a boy!

That's my ringtone for everything.

Oh, it is?

Come after me.

I'm a man.

I'm a 40.

He loves it.

It's a good ringtone.

He's a good sports fan.

Knows ball.

Can you find for me?

Because some people were saying

that Lucy Rodine can do that whole speech and has done it before.

Like, there are several videos on the internet of she's able to do from memory the entirety of the Mike Gundy speech because I don't think it's been taught by Coastal Carolina or anybody.

I think for 18 reigning years, Mike Gundy has made it.

So his press conference at 40 is the signature thing about his entire career at Oklahoma State.

I mean the mullet.

You want to fest a bowl?

Has Sabin had any good ones?

I feel like there's been some good Sabin.

Gundy's won 10 games in a season.

This is not to indict, although I like to indict this person.

This is not to indict that he has won big games there.

I don't remember any of them.

But yet his most signature moment is losing his mind 18 years ago in a press conference.

Sabin had the sideline interview.

I'm not doing it, so quit asking.

Rat poison, another good one.

Again, all pale in comparison.

We're talking.

Stop asking.

Decent Saban.

I don't know where that came from.

Was it quit asking?

Quit asking.

So quit asking.

I'm not doing it.

So quit asking.

I don't know what you want me to say.

I'm not going to be the Alabama coach.

You know good and well they're ram tough.

They're ram tough, man.

It's a towing capacity.

They are tough.

They're a tough team.

Ford Cristobal.

Matthew Stafford is one of the toughest human beings to ever play sports.

He never gets hurt, or I should say he does get hurt, and it doesn't matter because he's because he's still out there.

The important part, though, always hurt, but always hurt, but always ramped up.

Always ramped up.

Always.

The Rams beating Houston and you guys asking, is C.J.

Stroud good?

Because

Jake Landman comes in and is just throwing haymakers in the secondary.

do you realize I don't believe there was a better feeling in the sport,

not a one this weekend, than in the open field, sizing up a running back with a punch and then just doing no interest in making the tackle.

This is not a tackle.

This is a felonious act in the real world, in the wild.

This is a felony to do this to another human being.

And he just lands right on the ball and nukes C.J.

Stroud, nukes Houston's first game.

Houston was going to win that game right there.

Right there.

They weren't even going to give the ball back to Ramtuff.

They were just going to keep the ball the rest of the game, and he punched it out.

Tell me who felt better than that.

We said Jalen Ramsey yesterday.

Who else are you giving?

I was lazy, but Josh Allen felt like a G.

It's all me.

It's like, I'm the guy.

Jordan Love.

A single moment, though, can't feel better.

I felt bad for Cam Kinchens because he actually won the game and it was erased by a penalty.

And then Landman came in and stole the game, too.

A defensive player never gets to feel quite as good as Jalen Ramsey and Landman felt this weekend.

Here's Lucy Rodine doing the Mike Gundy speech from memory in a way that echoes for 18 years.

Three years ago, I was very bored, and I learned Mike Gundy's I'm a Man, I'm 40 monologue, like just cuz, and someone reshared it.

So I want to see if I still got it.

If anybody has read this article,

this was brought to me, my mother of children.

I think this is worth reading.

Let me tell you.

Two long parts about this article.

Three-quarters of this inaccurate

fiction.

And

this article embarrasses me to get involved with athletics.

All that kid did.

He goes to the class.

He's respectful to the media.

He's respectful to the public.

He's a good kid.

He's not a professional athlete, and he doesn't deserve to be kicked when he's down.

That's why I go read the newspaper.

Because it's garbage.

And the editor that let it come out is garbage.

Attacking an amateur athlete for doing everything right.

And then you want to write articles about guys who don't do things right and downgrade them, the ones that do make fuss.

Are you kidding me?

Where are we at in society today?

Come after me.

I'm a man.

I'm 40.

I'm not a kid!

Write something about me.

That's all you have to say.

If you want a pig,

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