The Big Suey: The Uber Ratings Reveal (feat. Lucy Rohden)

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Cuervo. Welcome to the Big Sui.
Presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? A podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lebitard podcast.
I'm sorry. I'm not going to apologize for that.
In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there.
That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it. And now, here's the marching band to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar.
We back, and we are joined by the great Lucy Rodin. What's up, Luce? How are you? Hey, I'm sad I'm not there.
I know. Last time we were here.
I'm so happy you're in Miami. It was so much fun.
You've never said that before, Lucy. I know.
This is crazy. That was a great opportunity to play Look at Me, Lucy.
Why, was it? That was a great opportunity. Was it not? No.
No. Do you not know how...
I know what the meaning of it is, but still, I'm like, off of the last conversation that we had about Look at Me, everything? No? She's's got to brag about something first. Can't force it.
He knows. Can you explain the show to him? It's my first day, Lucy.
It's good to see you. Hi, Lucy.
Hi. You've been enjoying the tournament this year? The tournaments, I guess? Yes, question mark.
Why the question mark? I think we've gotten decent basketball, and that's all you can want out of a tournament. But obviously, there's a little bummy vibe when you're like, oh, okay, here we are, all one seed in the Final Four, no mid-majors in the Sweet 16 or Elite Eight for the men, and you're just like, well, this is okay.
So I had this argument earlier in the week about people talking about how they want the Cinderella. So what's the point? Why do you want the Cinderella? Is it because of the story or, oh man, Charlie's going to chime in.
This is the worst take that Dominique has. Shut your trap.
Oh, it's no fun when a Cinderella makes the Final Four. I just want to see absolute shock.
We're going to have one seed blowing out two seeds in the Elite Eight because then there are Elite Eight. If you guys don't listen to the Dominique Foxx show, you'll know that Charlie sets these traps for me.
Where he completely mischaracterizes what I say and think that I'm just going to walk into it. But I'm not going to do that.
So, Lucy, how are you, Lucy? So, the Cinderella's. What about the Cinderella's do you miss? I don't know.
It's just fun. Like we haven't really had every year.
There's sort of a white boy of March where it's some mid-major school that has this like insane white guy who just shoots like crazy that the whole country falls in love with. He gets an NIL deal with Buffalo Wild Wings or a similar company then they lose in the Sweet 16

by a lot to a much

better team and you're like man

that was awesome. Remember Dylan? That made me

feel something. I sat

behind Doug Edert at the Duke

game and I was like I

forgot how great this made me feel

like it's just like oh okay

we have to root for the guys that like

you have everything. There it is.
That works. My problem is I can tell the future.
And I knew the brag was coming. So I guess, Cooper Flagg, when you say a white boy, you're not talking about actually a boy who's white.
No, it can't be a white boy that we already know about. It has to be an unknown white boy.
A white boy that appeared out of nowhere. Yeah, we knew about Cooper Black.
No, no, no, no, because I believe he can't go to Duke. His name can't be Cooper.
Because Cooper is the white Jalen. If a black athlete is named Jalen, you know he's good.
You know he's nice. You know he's the best on the team.
And it's now the Cooper is the white guy version of that. So if it's a Cooper, it's like, no, that's not what we mean.
Also, oh, speaking of which, when I was watching that last game, I had to look up Con Caniple just to check the middle name. I had to check the middle name.
Do you know his siblings' names? No. He's one of the themed families where all the siblings have a weird name.
Do you know his siblings names? No. They're like, he's one

like of the themed families where all

the siblings have a weird

name that starts with K. So it's like

Khan, Kane,

I'm just making them up.

Is there three of them by any chance?

They're all with K's. Is there three

siblings total? I think there's five.

I think they're like, we gotta get these numbers

up. So there was three at one point.

There was three. Hold on.

There was three at one point. His dad and uncles were a three-on-three basketball team.
The Flying Knipples. The Flying Knipple brothers.
That's incredible. It is good.
That rules. Yeah.
Chris, you look surprised. We're going to have to vet Ricky here.
It might be crowdsourced. I don't know.
No, the Flying Knipples. Yeah, that was their nickname.
How'd you know it? You said it before he did. Everybody knew about the Flying Knipples.
They were one of the best teams, urban legends in the three-on-three community. Everyone loves the Flying Knipples, and if you want to go see them play, that's a great reason for a trip that you can book with Priceline.
Are you dreaming about that trip? Book it and go to your happy price with Priceline to see the flying Knipples. Way to sell, Lucy.
Thank you. Everybody clap.
That was when you talk again. She did a thing and now you go back.
Hawk, do you want to explain this to her? So when she does that, she's done. Okay.
And then you come in with the continuation of the conversation. Wait, hang on.
Versus kicking it back to her. I have an update.
To double down on Priceline. According to Sporting News, the Flying Knipple brothers were Con, Clint, Clay, and Cole.
But his brothers are Kager, Kinston, Cash, and Kidman. Kager? This is stupid.
What? Yeah, that's crazy. What's stupid about it, Roy? It's just dumb.
I'm sorry. No? No, it's dumb.
The theme is stupid. I'm sorry.
We're not doing this. How do we feel? Too many Ks? Way too many Ks.
Way too many Ks. Way too many Ks.
How do we feel generally about naming conventions for, like, my brother, his name starts with a D. So, like, is that okay? If it's two, it's just me and him.
And both starts with D, is that okay? What about people... Yeah, if it's just two.
What about... I'm going into some scary territory right now because I know that Hawk has twins.
Yeah, yeah. What about when you have twins and they have like rhyming names? Did you go rhyming names with twins? They don't rhyme.
Okay. They are both AUs, Autumn and Aubrey.
So it's very close. I feel like with twins, though, I'll allow it.
Yeah? Yeah. With twins, I'll allow it.
Because they got here at the same time. Would you want me to come up with two names? Yeah.
My son's name is also Austin. Is that a little much? Yeah.
Yeah. Now we're reaching the quarter now.
You're going

for something.

And your name?

Andrew.

Their mother's name. I didn't want to come out and say

this, but I am

a part of the Knipple family, basically.

Because all of my siblings are A's

and all of their kids are A's.

And I can't even name them all

because I would have to sit here and think about it.

But it's Artrell, Alicia, Anika,

Avery, Andrew. Our kids are A's.
Wow. And I can't even name them all because I would have to sit here and think about it.
But it's Artrell, Alicia, Anika, Avery, Andrew. Our kids are Aubrey, Autumn, Austin, Azare, Italia, Aria, Aeneas, Azeana.
That's impressive, man. And it goes on.
My mom's name is Aletha. My dad's name is Artrell.
So it's literally like four generations of every A name you can imagine. It can only be in the DMX voice from here on out.
Lucy, you have a brother, right? I do. Just one brother? Jack.
I have a brother and a sister, Jack and Kate. Okay.
Right down the middle there, Lucy. Lucy, Jack, Kate.
And we're all four letters. Those are the

last name is so ugly.

They're all

going to go to Duke.

Everyone. Get used to them.

Look at all those. They're the plumweets

now. The problem with making

Con Canipple or trying to make

him the white boy of the tournament

is not just that he goes to Duke.

It's that the white boy of the tournament has to go professional in something else. Like, Conk Nipple's going to play in the NBA.
You cannot, he has to, you have to see him later in life in a polo and slacks and be like, that name sounds familiar. This guy trying to sell me some insurance.
Oh yeah, you hit six threes in 1996. Yep, yep.
I agree. You have to, yes, you have to go that NCAA commercial where it says most of the NCAA athletes will go professional in something else.
It has to fit that bucket. Otherwise, you're just another great white guy from college basketball that goes and plays in the NBA for 15 years.
It should be in something else. In something else.
It just peters out

right there. It's something other than sports.

In something else.

Give him some time.

Not everybody knows in college.

Remember Jack Gulke?

He played in the G League.

I think he's still in the G League.

He's averaging like three points a game.

Lucy, what am I to do with the SEC narrative?

Especially when 25% of the ACC teams made the Final Four on the men's side? Oh, gosh. There was someone at the Duke-Alabama game that was screaming behind us the whole time of like, you mighty SEC, you don't know what you face.
Obviously, the SEC, they were the best team, our conference in college basketball this year, and the ACC has asked. Like, it's just objective.
And they're just kind of entirely banking on Duke being a good program. I love sort of the theory of the ACC combining with the Big East.
I don't know how valid that is, but I think that's something interesting to look at in the future. That's something that's been happening.
Yeah. There have been real conversations there.
It does make sense for basketball, no doubt. The doubt the biggie need it just they're so bad the biggies i know the nil um there's like new rules coming to nil with revenue share coming up pretty soon there's an article i read recently that talked about how the future of basketball in college could be heavily tilted towards the big east because they do not have football teams and so when the revenue share situation comes, each school is going to have about $20 million, right? $20, yep.
To split amongst all of their sports. And so in football, it's normally going to be like 80%, 75% to 80% towards football because the revenue generating sport in most major schools.
And then the rest will be divvied up amongst basketball and the rest of the sports. But the Big East teams, they don't have major football programs, so they're projected to be spending $6, $7, $8 million on their roster per Big East team against the rest of college basketball that will be spending $4 or $5 or maybe $6 million.
So we could be looking at a future where the Big East is like the basketball conference and then the rest of these teams are essentially relegated to being like trying to be spoilers or Cinderella's? No, I think that's absolutely fair. And I see why the ACC is kind of trying to capitalize on that right now because the ACC has been the premier basketball conference.
That is what the ACC is known as. and that has not been the case the last few years.
The SEC has completely taken over. The Big 12 has taken over.
The ACC just isn't competing the same. Obviously, you can kind of play that into the fact that Roy Williams isn't there anymore, and I know Duke's been very good this year, but there was concerns about Coach K being gone.
But when you look at the ACC right now and just where they stand, where they've just redid their entire revenue model based off of what Clemson and Florida State wanted with football, just because they're in a weird spot where no one seems to be particularly happy, it seems like a good idea to attach another way for teams to make more money for the ACC to be more competitive, because right now they're just falling behind and they're grateful that Cooper Flagg decided to go to Duke

because that's the entire savior of their conference.

Had Cooper Flagg not gone to Duke, had they not been a good team,

what would have their tournament appearance been?

Clemson losing to McNeese State?

Like, that was it.

The ACC is not a good conference.

But if the ACC decides to join the Big East,

we'll have some great basketball games.

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Again. Look at Lucy.
That's another cover. Two for two.
Use code Lucy. You're cooking, Lucy.
I had something to say, but it's hard for me off. That's what I do.
You're doing really great, man. You're doing really great.
It feels good. So I got good news for you.
Where is this going? No, I got good news for you, Mike. Oh, for me? Yeah, for you.
Okay. So the article I was talking about, they're going to introduce a Deloitte-run clearinghouse for NIL deals now.
Yeah, that's not great. But it's going to turn out to be good news for you, Mike.
Yeah. So the clearinghouse is going to make sure that all of the NIL deals are above board and actually deals for name, image, and likeness, not just ways to funnel money to players.
And so this article I was reading was talking about how the salary cap, essentially the revenue sharing, and the renewed strictness on the NIL deal is going to create a situation where, get excited, Mike. We might be going back to under the table deals miami's back the u is back we've been doing just fine with the rules yes yeah you're doing better with the under the i just i i've had a huge issue with the entity that has tried to undermine nil and lost over two dozen court cases fighting nil all of a sudden just having full autonomy over NIL.
It doesn't seem right. Mike, get your ass under the table where Miami belongs.
Y'all love it under the table. Taylor's there.
Come on, Mike. Glory days.
I don't think a clearinghouse may necessarily bring a fair market for the athletes. And i'm a little confused i understand why everybody is marching forward with rev share there is still things pending uh the supreme court will probably rule on this and look there's few things bring both sides together quite like a mutual hatred for the ncaa they they do have while everyone's just pushing forward as if this is going to be a certainty there have been supreme court justices that have been on the record anti ncaa so it's not the the slam dunk that yeah that they think it is i'm kind of confused how the whole machine just keeps moving forward as if this is a foregone conclusion probably is moving because they feel like they have it.

And that's why they brought in a politician to oversee the entire thing. But the entire thing makes me feel really bad.
And there's so many things going on that people are just going to ignore it. And I think a lot of a free market is going to get squashed in this.
I just and I don't see how they actually have the time to get to everything. They're going to completely create a new template inside of a couple of months before football season.

It's going to get messy.

It's not over.

It's going to change a number of times in the next few years before we get to some sort of steady state.

Combining amateurism with business is never going to work as smoothly as they want.

But I think the peak college sport right now is women's basketball. We didn't talk much about that, in part because Juju's out.
But I do want to wonder if the South Carolina's close games against great teams like Maryland and other teams, should we be concerned about South Carolina going up? I guess UCLA was the favorite going into the tournament, though, right? Yeah, so it was kind of a choose between South Carolina or UCLA for the number one overall seed, and UCLA does have a head-to-head win over South Carolina. I personally thought South Carolina should have gotten the number one overall seed, but the way South Carolina has played in this tournament hasn't necessarily helped that case.
So South Carolina beat Duke yesterday 54-50. They had almost as many turnovers as baskets in this game.
Like it was not a stereotypical South Carolina win. They had a similar style of game against Maryland the week before where they're eking out these close wins.
They were down at half to Maryland and then in the round of 32 the same thing happened with Indiana. They were down at half again.
It was the first time and I can can't tell you how long, that South Carolina had trailed at halftime for multiple games within the tournament. Obviously, it doesn't matter, though.
They're advancing to their fifth straight Final Four. It's one of those things where you can look at this South Carolina team the way you probably haven't been able to the last few years, and it's very obvious they have some glaring weaknesses that are very beatable.
However,

watching any of those games, I was hoping for an upset because it'd be fun, but the entire

time I knew South Carolina's going to win.

Dawn Staley, like South Carolina, they

have a tendency to squeak out these

close games whenever they're playing in them,

which they haven't been doing

much over the last few years, but this is

a team that got their ass

kicked against UConn and has been pretty much unstoppable since. Got to the tournament and now has been playing with their food a little bit.
I think with Juju getting hurt, obviously that opens up some area for South Carolina. It's probably going to be a South Carolina-UConn Final Four.
Obviously, UCLA has looked really good. I think they looked great against LSU.
And I think the key to how good they looked against LSU was that Lauren Betts was in foul trouble and someone else stepped up. And that's what UCLA needs.
I can't tell you how many times I've turned on a UCLA game and you see the little stat in the corner that's like Lauren Betts, her stat line, rest of team. And they're always the same.
So I just think that even though they've been messing around, it's South Carolina. And I'm not going to I'm not going to doubt South Carolina.
They are a great basketball team. They're just playing kind of ugly right now, but who cares if you win? Yeah, I think Duke plays that style of basketball where it's defense heavy.
They're going to force you to turn the ball over, and they're really going to limit your ability to make shots, and half of the South Carolina team is really young. It's a very mixed age group right now, and a lot of the players that were on the team last year primarily like Camila Cardoso who is a WMA lottery pick she's gone so they're trying to like fill in with a couple players that are a little bit younger but if they if Texas or TCU wins tonight I think South Carolina is going to be favored over either one of them They just beat Texas two weeks ago in the SEC championship and completely destroyed them.
So I think that if you're unfamiliar with the style of play of Duke women's basketball, that's sort of the kind of game that you expect. They try to give themselves a chance by keeping it in there with defense and having these super low-scoring rock fight games, but South Carolina ultimately is just the better team.
So they won. Hey friends, it's Jer Bear here.
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Woo-hoo! Don Lebertard. I just texted my best friend Hannah and asked her who she thinks is going to win tonight.
And she has never watched a hockey game this entire season. She's picking the Rangers.
And she's an astrophysicist. She's real smart.
I'll text Joey. Dan, you know what I found out about Hannah today?

An anagram.

Stugatz.

You said Anna or Hannah?

Hannah.

Okay, I don't know.

Anna too, depending on how you spell it.

Even though if there's two N's, it's also an anagram.

Same with one N, Anna.

Anagrams are fun.

Race car.

A hanagram.

This is the Don Levitard Show with the Stugatz.

Lucy, do me a favor. You got your phone near you? This is the Dan Levatore rating.
Hold on, Lucy. Don't tell us yours yet.
I have it. But, Charlie, you have it? You ready? All right, Charlie, run them down.
I'm starting at the top. Highest to lowest.
This is a better reveal. Number one.
Okay. I'm going Hawk.
Football players are on time. He's a receiver, though.
Oh, it's a good point. He's a receiver.
And I feel like everyone's on my time, always. All right, well, I put you in the number one spot.
That might be hand up my bad. Let's be honest with you, man.
Number two? I get there when I get there. That's just my life mantra.
Wow. He's a receiver.
I'm just telling you, man, party starts when I get there. I've spent so much time with Dominique where he just gives me legitimate anxiety for being 10 minutes early to stuff.
I just assume this is a full football trade. We've had Michael Jr.
on our show before, and he's also there 15 minutes early, but he's a guard, and a guard's sort of like a slot corner. Yeah.
Let me rephrase that. If somebody else is paying, yes, 10 minutes early is late.
If I'm paying, I get there when I get there. Yeah.
You know what I mean? So Uber, like, hey, I'll be down there.

All right. Okay.
Go ahead.

I like peek out the window for an Uber to make sure I don't

make them wait. That's crazy.

It's problematic.

I'll save my Uber stories

after you get to your list because I want to know what you

think. Number two,

I'm putting Jess. Jess.

Shocking. I like Jess at two.
Why is that shocking? I'm putting Jess. Jess.
Shocking.

I like Jess at two.

Why is that shocking?

I don't know.

I guess it's just my own experience with my wife.

The Uber rating is not...

I mean, the...

No, keep talking.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm with Dominique on this.

No, no, no.

Don't do it, man.

Don't do this to me.

No, he's...

I'm with Dominique on this. That's where this goes.
It's a trap. I have the same issue.
I know what it is. I got the same issue.
They're women. No, no.
Give my man a five. Don't leave him hanging.
I've told my wife, when we're going out, you call the Ubers. Because I hate making the Uber driver wait.
When we go out, you call the Ubers. When we are coming home, you call the Ubers because I hate making the Uber driver wait.

When we go out, you call the Ubers.

When we're coming home, you

call the Ubers. I ain't calling no damn Uber

because I've called it a couple times and you make

me look like an asshole. I gotta walk out

there and sit in the Uber for five minutes

and make conversation with this guy because I feel

like a jerk. Hawk, that's why I'm peeking out the window.

Because I need to know when I have to go and have

the conversation and buy the extra five to seven minutes. why I'm peeking out the window.
Because I need to know when I have to go and have the conversation, babe.

You know, buy the extra five to seven minutes.

Nothing worse than having to have the conversation.

That's my move, though.

You go out there and you're like apologizing for your group.

You're like, sorry about these people.

They're coming.

I know they're in the bathroom.

I told them to come outside.

Don't.

This is my rating here.

Please don't.

Me and your wife are from the same fraternity because I am the how much time do we have?

15 minutes?

10 minutes? Okay, cool. At minute nine, go put my luggage in the car because then they won't pull off with my luggage.
And then I got them locked in. And then we wait another 10 minutes until I'm finished with this phone call.
Your Uber rating is definitely the worst. All right.
Charlie, rattle through. All right.
I'm going to go a little faster now. Dominique is third.
Respect for time. Fourth, I'm going with Billy, who I think is oddly polite with strangers.
Fifth, I'm going with Roy. I don't like where we're going with this.
Billy? We don't have... I don't know that I have Billy's, but okay.
Fifth, I'm going with Roy. I feel like he's never, ever been like, hey, actually, you took a wrong turn.
Actually, there's a better route. He's just cool with it.
What did I do to you, Charlie? We'll get to you, Big Red. Fifth, I'm going with myself because I know my Uber rating.
Sixth, I'm going with Lucy. I think she's probably got some one stars in college.
Maybe a couple issues. That's actually fair.
Yeah, you said the young people are tough

Seventh I'm going with Tony. I feel like you probably Tony's like have you heard this Joe Rogan podcast? I think we should put it on JFK thing yeah Eighth is Mike.
Mr. Oxcord himself um Horseshit

Ninth is Chris

I think many people are on this list? Chris, have you paid the $250 fine for throwing up in the back? No! Be honest. Oh, Lucy has.
Lucy has. Twice.
Twice. Wow.
I'm liking my chances now. Love the University of Iowa.
Go Hawks. Great time.
Someone below me. Chris is actually 10th, just so you know your numbers are a little.
Actually, I am going to bump Chris down to 10 because I forgot David Samson has to go somewhere higher just because I know he's standing outside anxiously one minute before the Uber arrives and walks and goes, hey, how was your day? No, no, no, no, no. That's not a good take because if the Uber is late, he's giving him hell.
The app said you'd be here two minutes ago. I've been here for four minutes.
No, no, no, no, no. I'm telling you this from the Jewish diaspora anxiety thing.
David is more worried about his Uber rating than anyone else on this list. He cares more about it.
And yet you have him at 11. No, I moved him up.
That was my bad. I forgot to include him.
All right. Let's put him fifth right behind Roy okay I wouldn't I put Dan is not applicable I'm shocked if he has the uber app on his phone or knows No way I imagine like on the wrong side of the hotel like I don't know where to go He has a he also definitely has a black car driver that he knows that he calls and schedules the night before he needs to use? Is that a black car driver or a black car driver? Either way, I'm not sure.
That was also some Dan wordplay. Thank you.
There we go. Slam Dan is in the building.
The spirit is strong here. His name is actually Leroy.
Can we reveal now? But he's white. Can we reveal our numbers so I can get a victory lap here? Well, all right.
We got two more. We got Pablo and David, too.
I got two more. I'm not the last.
Next is Pablo. He is always late, and I just do not think he cares about his Uber rating or about drivers having to wait for him or about him, you know.
Hey, the rule for Pablo is if you ain't famous, I don't fool with you. That's a crazy mantra.
If there's no value for it, he's not going to give his best. He got it tatted on his chest.
And the last one is a mean. Come on.
Give me a break. Give me a break, man.
Spit take. That's fair.
Hard to argue. Just him mumbling drunkenly to an Uber driver for a 30-minute ride to the airport every time he leaves Miami.
Somebody text a mean see if he can get us his Uber rating, because I did text him. I just text Pablo, David, and Dan.
All right. Now we got it.
Let's go around the room. Who's going to pencil this list in? I'll write them down.
All right. This is tough.
Starting with you, Charlie. What's your rating? 487.
Imagine that. Ooh.
Ooh. Ooh.
All right. Mike.
It's real bad. It's real bad.
What is it? Show me your phone. It's 4.75.
That's real bad, huh? I've been building it up. At a certain point, I was like, all right, let me just start over.
I'll be a Lyft guy. I got to reclaim my reputation here because I'm always the guy that gets the Uber XL for the group.
Can I make a choice whether to do Lyft or Uber? Nope. Nope.
It has to be Uber. Oops only.
Oh, come on. Both of them.
Jessica? I've worked really hard on my reputation on Lyft. I have a perfect 5.0.
There's no way. Get out of here, Smitty Wop.
Woo! You might be the first person I've ever heard of. That's impressive.
To have a 5.0 Uber rating. Roy, what you got, buddy? Well, for Lyft, I have a 5.0.
No one asked about that. And for Uber, I have a 4.97.
Get him, Roy! Superlative. So I don't know who that one driver was, but you can kiss my ass.
That was probably the guy who did the voiceovers. Yeah.
Chris? Mine's higher than Charlie's. Ooh.
4.92. Ooh.
4.92. Charlie forgets how damn nice I am.
You are affable as hell, man. Hey, how's it going? How's your night going? You probably start with a four because you wobble in there drunk.
I'm sorry, man. I'm a little drunk today.

You having a good night, though?

Chris also revealed to us once

that when the Uber drivers are talking to him

about weird stuff, he'll just

kind of nod along and smile and agree

with them. You know what they're saying?

Whatever you're selling, I'm buying it.

Down the middle, Chris.

Oh, conspiracy theory? Give me some of that.

Look at me. I get a lot of it.

I hadn't thought of it that way. Great point.
Vaccines, smack scenes, baby. Black people are so loud.
It's crazy. See that guy wearing a mask? I was thinking the same thing.
Alright, Lucy, what's your rating? I'm a 4.96. Despite what I did in college, I think that's the most impressive.
That is incredible. To have thrown up in an Uber three times.
Only twice. Only twice.
Speak. No.
To have thrown up in an Uber twice. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Gotten that fine. In your defense, Hawk, if you throw it up in an Uber two times, you probably don't remember the other two times.
Exactly. I completely agree.
You got four oob vomits. To remember two of them with the fine.
And there's got to be something you didn't get fined for, like a couple words, and it just splattered on the seat in front of you, and you just left as if you didn't know because you didn't see it. I'm almost positive.
It hasn't happened in five years. All right.
Oh, I love that. Comeback player of the year.
All right. Andrew, I'm nervous, man.
I saved you for last. I'm not as bad as Mike.
I'm not great. Oh, okay.
That's good. I'm 4'7", 8".
I tip well, too, though. That was my 40 time in high school.
Yeah, okay. There's no such thing as an accurate high school 40 time.
No, absolutely not. Just so you know.
You were five flat. No, no, it was 4-7.
I'm just going to let you know. It's like a full second faster than Restrapo.
I ran a 4-3 in high school and then got to college, and they clocked me, and they were like, 4-6. Yeah, you got faster, stronger, and lost .3 in your 40.
It was like 4-6. All right, Well, let me see.
Who we got here?

So Lucy and Charlie.

Oh, no.

Charlie, what was yours?

8-7?

4-8-7.

Okay.

So Pablo is an 8-4.

4-8-4.

Dan is a 4-8-5.

That's Valerie.

Dan is a 4-8-5.

And David is a 4-8-7. Put me next to you at your darkest moment, Mr.
Uber driver. That's a good impression.
This is tough. Can we do lift next? Can we please do lift next? No, no, no.
Can we please? Hold on. Can you get higher than I am? So Lucy's thrown up in multiple cars, and yet Uber drivers around the country are like, we'd rather have Lucy than Mike.
Honestly, bro. Lucy is a lot like Chris, I think, is that they're probably really fun to talk to and the Uber drivers like them.
That's because I lie. You lie? See? Just like Chris.
That's how you do it. I just make up crazy stories.
Are you guys getting into life debates with your Uber drivers? Just let them talk. Not alone.
No, no, no. You guys are perpetual.
If they say batshit stuff, I have to say something. One time an Uber was like, I think you would love this girl.
Her name is Candace Owens. And I had to be like, no, we're not doing this.
Steven A. was your driver.
Love CO. Perpetuate people pleasers is what you guys are.
You don't have to be. Yeah.
Hold on. Not Lucy.
You guys should be taking advice from me, first of all, because I have a perfect score. The way to do this is just you don't talk.
You just sit there and you nod and you smile politely. That's all you do.
i never have very long conversations with the uber drivers

it's it's cool but i i um am a part of the dot nine crew i got a 4.9 no who else is me it's charlie lucy right not charlie i mean not charlie excuse me chris lucy and the boy roy Dot nine boys

Is Roy short for Leroy?

No

Royce if

No And the boy Roy. Dot nine, boy.
Is Roy short for Leroy? No. Okay.
Royceph. No.
Royceph. Roy Tholomew.
No. Roy Alexander.
No. I like how you made 4.9 a crew.
Just because you're in it. No.
That is the unconscious bias that America is built on. I'm like, oh, if this is my thing, other people have done it to make it more important than everyone else.

Because it's not a five.

We have a 5-0.

So there's no reason to call out a 4.9 crew.

But yet, he made it a thing.

We all know.

The 4.9s are strong.

We can all agree.

You got to treat it like a 40 time in high school.

Yes.

Round up.

Not as strong as a five, but.

Yeah.

Roymond?

No.

Not as strong as a five. Get out of here Roymond? No.
Not as strong as a five.

Get out of here.

What would your hockey nickname be, Roy?

Roy-y?

Roy, probably.

Roy.

The king.

Belly.

Belly.

Oh, it would definitely be belly or bells.

Good call.

Hawk would just be Hawk because they wouldn't add a Y to that because it'd be like, hockey?

No, we can't.

You can't call hockey hockey and hockey.

That's nuts. All right, Luce.
Thanks for joining us. I joining us i'm gonna let you fly i appreciate it what's your shirt say it says chaos that's what i thought oh okay all right loose you got anything else you want to sell before you go no i already did a great job you did an awesome job bye buddy thank you bye so what's the most surprising score we don't have samson's score i gave you samson's score he samson had a very high score eight something i was actually surprised at how low his was yeah he had a four eight seven he's not he's not a not he's not a dot nine boy same as me that's a tough scene yeah real tough scene yep uh what do you do at ubers how do you ruin your do you guys mark no conversation on your Uber? Yes.
Yes. Of course.
I mark no conversation and my wife will tell me I'm hard on it because I do not want to talk. Not because I'm...
It's more my social anxiety because the whole having to get to the conversation and I'm typically doing something else. I want to work in the Uber.
There's only certain places where Uber drivers tend to talk more than not talk. It's very city dependent.
You get in an Uber in a big city generally, you're not really chit-chatting. You get in an Uber, maybe you're on a work trip somewhere.
It's a little smaller town. They're kind of curious about you.
Why are you coming to my town? That's where the conversations happen. In Miami, they're on the phone.
And you'll learn it four minutes in. You, four minutes in, you'll just hear them, like, Yep.
Do you have a driver? Yeah. And, like, oh, are they talking to me? Oh, no, they're on the phone.
The person's just on speaker, and they're just, like, listening along. Just listening along the whole ride.
Like, they're not actually communicating, but he's just like, I'm here for you. Seven minutes in, they're like, yeah, I agree with that.
And it's like, who are they talking to? Are you? So, Mike is the worst. Mike is the worst? Mike's friends.
Yeah, Mike's friends. Yeah, I mean, I will allow Mike.
I'm almost exclusively left, too. Okay, Mike.
That's like out of seven rounds. That makes it worse.
You're the only one. You're the only one.
I'll allow you to introduce your lift score. Why? Because I was right behind him.
We're part of the 4.7 gang. That is nothing to be proud of.
4.7, bro. It's more exclusive than the 4.9.
5.0 and Lyft. You sure? Like close to 800 rides, yeah.
Congratulations, man. You're not an asshole.
I worked hard on that. I worked hard on that because I found out one time, like my Uber driver told me, you know, your rating's pretty low.
I'm like, what? I was shocked to hear that. And then I was trying to figure out exactly how I got to that point.
I'm like, I'm never really the problem, am I? How low was your rating? At that point, it was like in the five. What? Yeah, it was like 4.5.
So I'm really doing a lot of work on myself. Good job.
And it's just because he wouldn't stop talking about Miami Hurricanes football. When I say no conversation, it's to protect my rating.
I have also 5.0 in Lyft, in case you were wondering. I was wondering.
They hand those out on that thing. Apparently.
Everyone 5.0 in Lyft. They're trying to get you guys to come over.
Let me see some of your Lyft ratings, though, because for some of you, there's only one way to go. I don't even have Lyft.
Yeah, I don't know that I even have Lyft. I feel like I downloaded it at one point.
My name on my Uber is also not my name, so I wouldn't even be able to prove that it's my profile. Do you have a fake name like Roy? Yes.
So does Pablo. You guys don't go fake names? Roy's name's Jack Spade.
Yeah, I'm gonna get you a sucker. So, I mean, the point of having a fake name, you can't say.
He checks in a hotel. Say the name.
Is it at the point? Yeah, it is. So people don't know your identity.
You can't now give it away that you are Jack Spade on all your rideshare apps. Every hotel I go in, is there a Jack Spade? Which of these is the most surprising? I feel like, I mean, Jess's 5.0 shocked me.
That's incredible. I'm not like your wife, it turns out.
Apparently not. We are different.
But Uber was around when you were in college. And I was very respectful I I would like to ask for a retroactive 90's pardon for being sexist we can I just would like a sexist pardon we didn't at some point you know I'd dig in to how sexist that got can the pardon be granted because Lucy's is still the most shocking 496 with a double boot well you know what maybe maybe they're? Maybe they're really smart about when they order the Uber.

Like, maybe she's not feeling great.

Like, you should probably get this one.

So it goes on someone else's ratings because I'm not at my best.

Also, how many rides?

We should also put that into consideration because if you only have two Uber rides and you have a high rating, I'm less impressed.

Yeah.

Whereas if I have in the 4-7 game, faux life.

Hopefully not faux life. Faux life.
Never getting out of the 4-7 game. 5.0s in lift.
Asterisk. We should see how many rides you have.
How do you do that? I don't know. My lift tells me right away.
Lift tells me. Yep, lift is perfect.
I have 106 lift rides. I would love.
Did anybody text Amin and find out? Amin and Tony. So maybe I guess in the next segment we'll get an Amin and Tony.
Because somebody has to undercut my buddy Mike. I believe that between Amin and Tony, one of them is going to get under Mike, right? Man, that's pretty low.
That's a pretty low rating. Who do you think is lower, Amin or Tony? Amin.
Amin. Yeah.
I think Amin is lower, for sure. I think Tony's lower, just because I felt bad the way that y'all jumped on my dog.
No, Tony could be a charmer. Yeah, fair point.
And Tony's Tony's... The thing about his friends.
I have a text from Pablo. Ask Mike if his Uber driver handed him a survey full of the anonymous thoughts of other Uber drivers that drove him in an attempt to make him more likable your thoughts i don't i don't want to indirectly talk to pablo weather is starting to warm up regular season starting to wind down games of consequence in sports starting to ramp up i know what you're going to need by your side it's by my side already Miller Lite.
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