154 -The Past Times with Francesca Fiorentini

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Speaker 3 All right. Welcome to the pastimes.
Whoa, well, we're in the middle of the intro. So you guys

Speaker 3 stop the banner.

Speaker 3 Refocus. All right.
You know what we do here. Each week we go through a newspaper from a random date in history, picked out by none other than Dave Anthony.

Speaker 3 I have never seen it, and neither has this week's guest, Francesca Fiorentini. Hello, Francesca, returning champion.

Speaker 7 Hello, hello, hello. You put a little extra zhuze on my name.

Speaker 3 Well, I'm feeling spicy. Are you having fun so far? It's a spicy meatball, isn't it? Are you having a good time?

Speaker 7 I'm having a great time.

Speaker 3 Are you enjoying the show so far?

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 3 yeah.

Speaker 7 Okay. You know.

Speaker 7 All right.

Speaker 7 This is probably as good as it's going to get.

Speaker 3 Okay. All right.

Speaker 3 Francesca, you have a

Speaker 3 great show called The Bituation Room.

Speaker 3 You pull stories, you get... thoughtful people and some idiots on and you muck it up.

Speaker 7 Yes, and I'm also doing some deep dive kind of like long form YouTube slop. No, it's good stuff.
So if you like that kind of things like

Speaker 7 why the right is going to war on itself over Israel.

Speaker 3 That's a perfect thumbnail. Can I just say are you thumbnailing? One of the greatest things,

Speaker 3 if the conspiracy is true that Israel killed Kirk, which I want it to be.

Speaker 3 If that say that conspiracy is true, the fact that they thought

Speaker 3 that would lead to the left getting crushed and it's actually splitting the right in half It's one of the greatest things that's ever happened. Yes.
It's delicious.

Speaker 3 Because they live in worlds of conspiracy. So when one of their top guys get killed, of course, they're going to fracture into groups screaming at each other.

Speaker 3 Well, they also, they didn't cover it up great. So then you have that part too.

Speaker 7 What do you mean? It was trans girlfriend.

Speaker 3 Trans girlfriend.

Speaker 3 Who is now built rifle five times. Don't you love home.
Don't you love that they've just vanished? Like you just never hear anything about them again. Yeah.
Don't hear anything. Very interesting.

Speaker 7 And weird that like the one person who really is benefited isn't Israel. It's just this guy, this like white nationalist named Nick Fuentes, who just happened to have like long-standing beasts

Speaker 7 with Charlie Kirk and sticked his little army on Charlie Kirk. But that probably has nothing to do with

Speaker 7 his murder, even though the guy who murdered him had like, you know, dressed up like a fucking Pepe frog.

Speaker 3 Well, this is the sort of stuff you can get from Francesca online. Also, you have a show in Pasadena on December 13th.

Speaker 3 That's right.

Speaker 7 It's a Saturday, 7.30 p.m. Come to the ice house.
It should be great fun. That's my New World Disorder show.

Speaker 3 Your husband's on that?

Speaker 7 Yeah, sadly, he makes me book him.

Speaker 3 Does he, yeah, does he, if you're doing a show, is he like, am I going to be on this one? Is there a problem in the house from that? Who takes care of the children? He's so tall.

Speaker 3 They just leave the child at home. Yeah.
And they go off and do their thing.

Speaker 7 We do. We do.
No, he always gets to go later in the lineup because he's putting the child down.

Speaker 3 Oh, really?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 3 I could never, I could never, I was always too discombobulated to do that, go straight from doing that to doing a show or vice versa. Let me tell you how off I was

Speaker 3 when I had a young child. There was something called the

Speaker 3 there's something called the flat opotamus, which he loved, which was essentially a, a,

Speaker 3 a stuffed animal with no stuffing in it. So it's just like flat.
We've seen those. And he loved it.
And one time I was not, right?

Speaker 3 It's a tissue. I was going to

Speaker 3 a show and uh, and I was trying to get him to go to sleep and calm down. And I put it on my head at one point to try to get him to like laugh or whatever.

Speaker 3 And then I rushed out of the house and I went to the, I'm in Gelson's grabbing some food before I go and walking around. And people look at me weird.

Speaker 3 And I get in the car and the flat opotamus is still on my head. Did you head talk about it at the show? Yes.
I have to.

Speaker 3 Well, also, Francesca, you kind of... That's how sticky it was.

Speaker 7 It stayed on your head.

Speaker 3 You didn't even notice. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Gross. You gone on Piers Morgan a lot.
You called him a Dingleberry. Yeah.
You've done good work on it.

Speaker 7 I did call him a Dingleberry. I also told him to shut the fuck up.

Speaker 3 And they invite you back if you do that? No. He doesn't.
They do it. Oh, they're done.
No, no, no. You guys have to understand.

Speaker 7 There's a reason. like you go in onto those shows with bits just do bits do bits it is

Speaker 7 so it's a better gutfeld it's yeah but i'm trying to do bits you can't really have a rational argument with them the reason i stopped is because it's like three hour three hours out of my morning oh my gosh and it's the worst people you ever you like never want to encounter and they stopped paying me i asked to get paid they were like yeah sure yeah sure yeah sure so i got like paid like three or four times and then they just stopped booking me and i know it's because they um didn't want to give me fucking, you know, whatever.

Speaker 7 Because I was like $200.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, Gutfeld doesn't pay comedians to go on there, which I'm just astounded that you would go on a comedy show and not

Speaker 3 without getting paid. Yeah, I know, but it's an experiment.
Ostensibly, they bill it as a comedy show.

Speaker 3 And if you're a comedian going on a show where you're doing jokes and doing your work or whatever, then

Speaker 3 how the fuck could you

Speaker 3 have some self-respect?

Speaker 7 Fucking sit there with with like grant cardone and you know i don't know like these

Speaker 3 you know random cryptogriffers i gotta be honest

Speaker 3 i i think vagina should be illegal and you're like i need to get paid i i watch probably gutfeld once a week and i i really do sit there and i'm just like what is going on Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 3 And then it's like, everything's crazy. And then Titus, I don't know what he is.
He's not of Earth. He's like a Guardians of the Galaxy character out of makeup.

Speaker 3 And he just sort of sits there and he's just like, no, you got to be careful because there are a lot of them right now. They're trying to get you to understand that it's not even the pedophile thing.

Speaker 3 These drag shows. And you're just like, wait, Christopher Titus? No, no.

Speaker 3 No, no. There is a.

Speaker 7 He has like rounded teeth, you know, the way cartoons do. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Is that the guy with the face?

Speaker 3 Is that the guy with the face tattoos? No, I don't know how to explain him.

Speaker 3 It's just, it's imagine if brutus from popeye started doing commentary they live in such an alternate world that you just watch it and you're just like oh i would love to go on like what's i would love to go so funny to and to watch people slide into it his name is tyrus by the way tyrus

Speaker 3 yeah okay now i know what you're talking about but they watching people like slide into it like like bill maher is completely sliding into that world where he doesn't listen to any news but right you just watch him go and you're like oh you don't you don't live in the real world anymore believe the big guy who exhausts us his name is actually Tire Us.

Speaker 3 I mean, seriously, that was so sweaty. It was a lot.
All right, Francesca. You're going to guess what year this paper's from.
I win. And I'm going to do it too.
Go ahead. Start.
I win.

Speaker 3 I don't want to.

Speaker 3 No, come on. Don't do that.
She won. What kind of box? She's self-declared and she wins.

Speaker 3 Congratulations. I listened to this show.

Speaker 3 1881. 1881.
She won. No, you're wrong.

Speaker 7 No, I win. I win.
And I don't believe years are real.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 3 This is what we're reading about.

Speaker 3 It is a vibe. This is very stupid.

Speaker 3 Years are a vibe.

Speaker 7 Time is mostly by the, like, the universe tells us when it's time. You know, you're going to be

Speaker 3 someone finally gets here. Here's Morgan.
We'll be booking you up. This is what this whole show has been moving towards.
Years aren't actual. Years are a vibe.
Years are vibes.

Speaker 3 It's just like, are generations real? No. Age isn't anything.

Speaker 3 It's about not cancer. It's about time.

Speaker 7 Yeah, so what if women only got the ability to like mortgage a home 50 years ago? What even is time?

Speaker 3 Let's go back by the way. That was a mistake.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's what caused the price to go through.

Speaker 7 Oh, yeah, that's really what's holding me back from mortgaging a home is

Speaker 7 being a woman.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Not that I can't afford it.

Speaker 3 Got that Pierce Morgan money.

Speaker 3 June 7th, 1922, the Riverside Daily Press. You're from Riverside.

Speaker 3 Motherfucker.

Speaker 3 That's a great place to be from.

Speaker 7 We're streaming on Riverside.

Speaker 3 Oh, shit. How about that? Don't tell people that.
They can find the room. No, I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 Nature Man shoots up Peaceful Town.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 3 1922.

Speaker 3 Anyway, when is this year? When is this year?

Speaker 7 1922? I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 Oh, now you like years.

Speaker 7 I just want a contextual. Sometimes context matters.

Speaker 3 I need a range. I told you it was a vibe, though.
1922. Nature Man shot up a place.
Shot up a peaceful town.

Speaker 7 Well, that makes sense.

Speaker 3 San Francisco. All right.

Speaker 3 I would never have called San Francisco a peaceful town. It's never been a control.
Oh, I mean, crime is out of control. I don't know if you've looked at it.
Like, it's just crazy.

Speaker 3 The left, the libs and the left have just kind of let it go to shit. Now, if you go into a Walgreens, it's just like you can take anything you want.

Speaker 3 I went in there the other day and I stole a pharmacist.

Speaker 3 I love that people.

Speaker 3 My favorite thing about San Francisco is watching the right-wing freak out about it. I'm like, Yeah, no, it's always been like that.
It's literally no, it's ever since they get you.

Speaker 3 It's when you try to give away, you raise the minimum wage, and people throw poop at you. It's so much worse now.

Speaker 7 No, somebody spells gay out of needles outside my home.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. It's so bad.
I was in a bar in the lower hate

Speaker 3 at like midnight, and the cops walked in and said, Hey, nobody go north

Speaker 3 because people are getting stabbed. And then they left.
And we're just like, That's gerrymandering. That's San Francisco.
And that was like 92, 93.

Speaker 7 It's too pretty to not have crime. You know, I mean, in, you know, in the words of comedian Nado Green, who you've had on the show, like, we know there's poop everywhere.
We put it there.

Speaker 7 Imagine how much more expensive San Francisco would be without the poop.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Like, it's got to have something to deter the yuppies. And they're not deterred, clearly.

Speaker 3 No, they're not. True.

Speaker 7 No. But nature man killing humans makes a lot of sense to me because you're like, really resonates with me.
Get rid of them all. It's all about the birds and the beads, and you're fucking up the fun.

Speaker 3 We're getting into Gareth Reynolds. Birds and the beads, because that is truly what I believe.

Speaker 7 Birds and beads?

Speaker 3 Birds and the beads. Gotta have the beads.
Otto Herlich.

Speaker 3 Hermit or wild man. And the non-binary.
Woo.

Speaker 7 this is actually the fucking scariest thing I've ever heard. A wild man coming to the city to kill you?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Otto Hurlick, Hermit or Wild Man, no one seems to know which, was shot down in the streets of Daly City today after he had suddenly broken into the city and beaten down four men with a huge club he carried.

Speaker 3 Hold on. Hold on.
Oh, yeah. This is so different from the fucking headline.
First of all, it's Daly City.

Speaker 3 Very different. And also,

Speaker 3 it says he shoots up Peaceful Town, and now they're saying he did it with a lot of people. He was clubbing people.
He was clubbing. I've been to San Francisco clubbing.
Let me tell you.

Speaker 7 Clubbing in Daily City.

Speaker 3 I've been clubbing in Daily City. Daily City is not a place that really anybody goes except to sleep.

Speaker 3 No, interesting. The irony.

Speaker 7 You go there to take the Bart into the city. That's right.

Speaker 3 That's right. I don't even understand.
Night Watchman Bernard Hilton, after being struck twice, shot Herlick. Huh.
Herlich was dressed in

Speaker 3 tattered overalls, a still more tattered shirt, and worse shoes he had picked up on the beach of different sizes. Hell yeah.
I love it.

Speaker 3 The man was a walking goodwill.

Speaker 7 This still seems made up. This is just like...

Speaker 3 Just the myth of shoes being different sizes because he found them on the beach is working.

Speaker 3 That's where you get the shoes.

Speaker 7 We definitely need to know about the shoes before we need to know how many people he killed.

Speaker 3 I agree.

Speaker 7 Whether or not he was, obviously, the state he's in,

Speaker 3 what he's been in California. He's dead, right?

Speaker 3 Well, it sounds like he's dead. You can't kill this guy.
It doesn't. Okay, for some time, reports.

Speaker 3 No, not with human bullets.

Speaker 7 You have to encase them in something.

Speaker 3 Yeah, honestly. Silver.
You have to burn him with fire.

Speaker 3 For some time, reports have trickled into Daily City and Coma of a nature man living in a cave on the ocean beach. Twice officers have searched him fruitlessly.

Speaker 3 It doesn't say if he got killed or searched him. That's it.
That's the whole story.

Speaker 7 Outrage out of over unhoused people goes all the way back.

Speaker 3 I know. Well, these are just let him.

Speaker 7 Where is he from? Is he a nature man? Is he a mountain man? Or do you just want to be fucking left alone in a cave on ocean beach?

Speaker 3 I would call this a beachman. Beachman.
I don't hate it. I call him a caveman.
There was a big

Speaker 3 at the time

Speaker 3 there were

Speaker 3 a lot of hobos had settled in beach communities, so they were just living on beaches because it's great weather. And you're like,

Speaker 7 the unhoused, you're like, the hobos

Speaker 3 are out here. We're trying to bring it back.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 We should bring back hobos because it had a, it had a. There's an air of aristocracy.

Speaker 3 Well, it was a lifestyle more, you know what I mean? So it wasn't, yeah.

Speaker 7 There's a soft harmonica playing every time I hear the word hobo.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 7 There's a, there's some dreams in hobo, you know, there's like they had a code.

Speaker 3 They had a code. And they always had a napkin to tie around their neck, and they carried their own knife and fork.
That's right.

Speaker 7 Oh, my God. I just had a dream about like middle.
I'm remembering a dream I had last night about like middle-aged train hoppers in the Pacific Northwest. What the fuck was happening?

Speaker 3 This is what happens when you sleep next to Matt. You just are like, yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, God. Middle-aged Seattle train hoppers.
I need to get out of here. Yeah.

Speaker 7 Snoring.

Speaker 7 Get me on a train to nowhere.

Speaker 7 So, okay.

Speaker 3 Is that it?

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's it. We have no idea if he lived or died or if the people.
I assume the people he killed. Guys like that never die.
He probably just hit him with a stick.

Speaker 3 I think the four murdered is club to me. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Explosive proves to be live skunk.

Speaker 3 Francesca, initial thoughts?

Speaker 7 I mean, it's definitely the weapon of a hobo if we're still, if there's a theme.

Speaker 3 That's a different story, but you're not wrong.

Speaker 3 Okay, so the skunk was a bomb. Portland, Oregon.
Nice.

Speaker 3 Explosive handle with care labeled a small, strongly constructed box with a cloth covering, proved a warning to numerous baggage men and biological survey employees today. It's a good headline.

Speaker 3 It's a very good way to write a headline to get you to be like, what? And then you're like, oh, can I put a skunk in a box?

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 those are, You've never seen those at Southwest?

Speaker 3 Right next to the baggage channel. This paper seems to be lying with its headlines.
Yeah. A liar paper.
Imagine.

Speaker 3 Inside. You're fake news.

Speaker 3 Inside was it. Did you love that yesterday Trump sat next to the guy who cut up a journalist into little tiny pieces and put them in boxes?

Speaker 3 And in that sitting, he looked at a reporter from ABC and said, You're fake news.

Speaker 3 It's just because they asked about Epstein. Could he? These

Speaker 7 happen, guys. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And this is crazy.

Speaker 7 Let us be real. This is the same week that he's trying to claim he has no connection to Epstein, even though Epstein had dirt on him, was colluding with even Democrats against him.

Speaker 7 And he's like, things happen. He, I don't know, he had a terrible reputation.
That's what he said about the journalist. He had a bad reputation and things happened.

Speaker 3 By the way, he also didn't.

Speaker 3 And he's also pointing right during that, pointing at a a woman from ABC News and going, You're terrible. You're a terrible person.
Yeah, dude, it is. I don't know.

Speaker 3 It's it's so exhausting now, but it's also the only thing that's enjoyable is he's like fully lost a step. Like he is no longer near at all in the way that he used to be able to kind of cut him down.

Speaker 3 Now he's just, now you're just like, bro, you called her a piggy? You fucking weirdo? They're going to be wearing little piggy shirts next week. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Says an orange-skinned fat ass. How high up? How high up do you think your family is on the disappear leftist list? Oh, God.

Speaker 3 You guys gotta be high up there. You guys gotta be high up.

Speaker 7 We've all

Speaker 7 got menacing packages.

Speaker 3 You do have the anti-Semite podcast, and then you're a loud lady lefty. So it's not.

Speaker 7 Well, yeah, I've again, Piers Morgan going on that show doesn't mean no favors. It's like, you got to pay me before you dox me.

Speaker 3 Yeah, honestly.

Speaker 3 Now, hold on, Francesca.

Speaker 7 I'd like to say I was higher. That was great, actually.
I've been trying to nail his accent because it's not that posh, but it's also not. That's just the worst.

Speaker 3 That's why the Lord gave him a second throat.

Speaker 3 One of my greatest regrets in life is I was boarding a plane and I was standing behind Piers Morgan, and he had luggage and shoes that were monogrammed with his initials. And I did not take a picture.

Speaker 3 I did not take a picture. It was one of my greatest regrets in life.

Speaker 7 He really does have like monogrammed hand towel that you wipe your ass on energy.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 He is the worst.

Speaker 3 Okay, back to this. It was a skunk.
The animal was sent to Stanley Jewett by Harold Ahalt,

Speaker 3 government trapper from Marrow County. who sent it in a live bat

Speaker 3 who sent in a live badger a few days ago. Oh, it's same guys doing badgers and skunks.
It is for exhibition purposes at the Sportsman and Tourist Show to be live animals? Yeah.

Speaker 7 Wow. Well, why was it a bomb? They called it a bomb.

Speaker 3 I think so that to throw people, like, so people wouldn't inspect it.

Speaker 3 They, yeah, they thought it was. Well, I think,

Speaker 3 yeah, it was labeled explosive, so they would be careful with it. Yeah, so people would be like, whoa, easy.
And then they'd be like, man, this bomb fucking stinks. Yeah.
Just Christ.

Speaker 3 I would imagine

Speaker 3 a boxed skunk would just be spraying like crazy, right?

Speaker 3 Not necessarily. I mean, you know, it would run out of the ass juice.
I never

Speaker 3 speak.

Speaker 3 You'll co-sign this, but it runs out of the ass juice eventually. It needs time to build up more stinky butt.

Speaker 7 Yeah, yeah, it's got to save the stinky butt.

Speaker 3 Yep. So if you have a...
Francesca, you get it. You found piercing.
If you have a really specky spray. Yeah, no, exactly.
It's sort of.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you're not storing it. It's storing it up.
It's like a huge piss.

Speaker 3 The skunk stick is like a huge piss. Jesus, what's happening? We got the clip.
What's going on over here? I'm going to teach you it. I just get medical.

Speaker 7 Skunk spray because they just got out of

Speaker 7 a three-hour movie. They just saw like a fucking Christopher Nolan and they're just pissing, you know, for like a smoke break.
Five minutes.

Speaker 3 I went to a movie the other day, which I probably haven't been in a movie theater in like five or seven years or something. Right.
One battle after another. One battle after another.

Speaker 3 I sat sat through 30. No, it was Running Man.
And I sat through 30 because the only demographic is my age. Just a bunch of students my age.
They literally.

Speaker 3 One guy stood up during it and said, are we all cool jacking off? And everyone was like, yes.

Speaker 3 There was literally just one other guy my age in the theater. And it was, but afterwards, they were like, man, this movie bombed.

Speaker 3 And they were like, because only guys Dave Anthony's age want to see it.

Speaker 3 Crushed with the Dave Anthony demo. But I sat through 30 minutes of trailers and I was like, I don't want to go to movies anymore.
Like, why did I come in here? Yeah.

Speaker 7 I know. I'm with some.

Speaker 3 Matt was like, we got to get there on time so we can see the premiere. Like,

Speaker 3 he's that guy. He's that fucking asshole.
Tell your husband to fuck off for me. Tell him to fuck off.
Tell him I said hi.

Speaker 3 Don't. I like him.

Speaker 7 I know.

Speaker 3 I know. I like him.

Speaker 7 I got to do sports. I'd like to get through one fucking pastimes without

Speaker 7 him being.

Speaker 3 We brought you up to when H was on.

Speaker 7 You marry him.

Speaker 3 I would love to try.

Speaker 7 I don't think it would work.

Speaker 3 I'll be honest. I don't think it would work.
I think it would be really bad. Are you Big Spoon?

Speaker 7 Are you Big Spoon? Because

Speaker 7 he actually likes being a little spoon.

Speaker 3 That's sad.

Speaker 3 I couldn't do that.

Speaker 3 I'd have to be. I'd need to look like his backpack.

Speaker 3 Never say that. Be on his back.
Can you never say that again?

Speaker 7 What's happening?

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So order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Or do yours

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Speaker 3 You piped out over there. I'm helping.
I don't know if you know. Whole thing's going good now.

Speaker 1 Hey, guys, it's Kamal Nanjiani. My new stand-up special, Night Thoughts, is now streaming on Hulu.

Speaker 3 I promise you're going to laugh.

Speaker 4 I am an immigrant.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Are there any other immigrants here?

Speaker 3 Okay, what you can't do is point at someone else.

Speaker 5 My thoughts is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.

Speaker 4 Terms apply. That wasn't my call.
If it wasn't my call, terms would not apply, but it's not my call. Terms apply.

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Speaker 3 Wives use movie films to cure boozing husbands.

Speaker 3 God. Hey, Matt, is it you? Did your wife do the oh, never mind?

Speaker 3 Movie films today replace the cure for imbibers. Imbibers.
That's pretty good.

Speaker 3 Irate wives, wanting their husbands to view themselves as others do, now call the cameraman to shoot a few reel of the head of the house as he weaves home after the cocktail hour. Wow.

Speaker 7 I love this so much.

Speaker 7 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 What a business model. Wow.

Speaker 3 We get several calls each week from wives who want their husbands put on the celluloid, said watterson rothaker movie filmmaker i'm not a real person keep going yeah just before the husband a bit worse for wear is poured from a taxi the wife puts in a rush order for a cameraman that is great a close-up a close-up is taken as he unsteadily moves

Speaker 3 up the cement stairs

Speaker 3 he is then snapped trying to prove to his wife how sober he is He sinks into the softest chair. Another close-up of the fade-out.

Speaker 7 CEI for your drunk husband?

Speaker 3 This is amazing.

Speaker 3 And it's not to do anything other than to prove he's lying to you about being drunk.

Speaker 7 How are they watching this back? Like, do you then have to go to the theater? Like the opening of Harold Buses's Pants on the Five?

Speaker 3 This isn't running, man. Quiet.
Keep watching, you idiot.

Speaker 3 Wait, what is that? The fade-out is taken when he stretches out in bed fully dressed from shoes to hat

Speaker 3 that's so just

Speaker 3 shoes to hat oh this is cinematic yeah it's great um then said the producer on some cold gra what's gra

Speaker 7 go ahead it's like a it's it's gray but like a chill way of saying gray it's like gray gra

Speaker 3 that's gra on some cold gra drawn several days afterward a sheet is placed against the wall in the home and the flickering serial comic drama. Hey, what the hell is this? This is you, honey.
What?

Speaker 3 Oh, wait. This is from the other night.
Yeah. Oh, that's who that camera guy was.

Speaker 3 It either cures him or he gets out again to forget how he looked, said Rothaker.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'll be honest.

Speaker 7 And you want to be on top of me? Look at yourself.

Speaker 3 I'm fine.

Speaker 7 Look at that tummy. Look at that gut.

Speaker 3 I look great.

Speaker 3 This is about his sobriety. This is about his sobriety.

Speaker 3 This is about his sobriety. No, you're body shaming your husband.
This is about his sobriety, miss. So just to remind you, you're a big, fat, sloppy shit, and I'm not letting it go in me anymore.

Speaker 3 Ma'am, ma'am. We're trying to get him to quit drinking.

Speaker 3 Gross.

Speaker 7 This is like, I mean, this is like wheeling like a, like a stroller, an empty stroller in front of their car as they're trying to drive home drunk.

Speaker 3 Like,

Speaker 7 you know, it's a little bit evil, but also amazing.

Speaker 3 Also, necessary, but I would, what I'm most surprised by, honestly, is that men even could had to hide it.

Speaker 3 I feel like that back then you were just like, hey, look, I'm a better husband when I'm drunk, you fucking idiot. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like, why? Like, I still, I still say that, though. You do, yeah.

Speaker 7 But no, this is, it goes to show that the gaslighting that, uh, the, that men tend to be a drink.

Speaker 3 Here we go. Yeah.
Here we go.

Speaker 3 Yep.

Speaker 7 Yep. Has been going on for decades, centuries, in fact.
And then, like, all of us for forever, all of we women, sometimes you want to, you need a third party. You need someone observing.

Speaker 7 I mean, this is like a, you know, the ring camera wives. Like, I understand this because you, you want a little like GoPro in the corner to just like be like, I wasn't yelling.

Speaker 7 You know, like that, you know, you, we need

Speaker 3 my girlfriend in her place has like for her dogs when she's gone, has like a camera in like her kitchen.

Speaker 3 And we, we had a fucking argument once, and she fucking brought tape, and she like she brought, and I was like,

Speaker 3 it was like, but it was still a gray area, but I was like, I don't like that we can watch game film on an argument.

Speaker 7 But did you recognize your how your behavior was no,

Speaker 3 we both were like, do you see? I was like, see what? I'm right. It was terrible.
It was a terrible bit of evidence. But it was.
I was like, I never thought about that.

Speaker 3 She was like going back through the game film.

Speaker 3 That's rough. Yeah, that's amazing.

Speaker 7 See, that's what we want.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 So now I just mouth the shit.

Speaker 7 I think it's probably because these wives were like, you know, I don't get the husbands were like, I don't get that drunk.

Speaker 3 I don't know. I don't know.
I'm forever fine. Well, they definitely, you're, you definitely come back.
Like, I don't know.

Speaker 3 You always, I mean, nobody gets drunk and is like, I'm fucking shit, Fate, like to a sober person. No, you definitely always are like, I've been pretty good.

Speaker 3 I don't think I'm that bad.

Speaker 3 And do you imagine if I'm going to eat the biscuits with cheese and then probably call it a night?

Speaker 3 Yep.

Speaker 3 Practically no women wireless senders in the country.

Speaker 3 Chivalry and the glorious traditions of the sea are handicapping the women of the nation in the radio field. What? Glorious versions of the sea.

Speaker 3 That's right.

Speaker 3 People don't put it like that anymore, but we should bring that back.

Speaker 3 Things were simpler in the sea.

Speaker 7 Is this a like, this feels like a long wind-up to like, that's why I had to blow a sailor

Speaker 3 or throw your wife in the ocean.

Speaker 3 I'm giving her a seabirth.

Speaker 3 There are practically no women in the country employed as wireless senders, and it is likely that there will be but few in the future. You can't let them wireless senders.
Because of the sea.

Speaker 3 The oceans.

Speaker 7 There's women underrepresented in the ocean. Yes.
That's why we got to throw you in, babe.

Speaker 3 Where guys learn how to talk on the wireless.

Speaker 7 On the wireless.

Speaker 3 That's what I'm assuming this is.

Speaker 3 But, sorry, women and children first.

Speaker 7 It was such a long incel wind-up to be like, that's why we had to to do dirty talk on the wireless because there's not enough women.

Speaker 3 That sucks.

Speaker 7 So I just pitch my voice up a little bit.

Speaker 3 Morse code masturbating.

Speaker 3 Women and children first. The old sea tradition is the reason radio men declare nearly all of the radio operators.
So they want to be first in a tragedy and have a job? Nah. What are we doing? Nope.

Speaker 3 You can't do both. Pick a lane, ladies.
Pick a lane. And by the way, children do.

Speaker 3 The The thing is, you got shuffle boards on the boat.

Speaker 3 I don't know what else you want. Lord.
You get even shuffleboard. You get to walk around in your dresses, sit there.

Speaker 3 So you want me to hold the door open for you,

Speaker 3 but then also you want rights?

Speaker 3 Why come out?

Speaker 7 Now you are sounding like someone from San Francisco.

Speaker 3 Well, that's I've started to slam doors in women's faces at public places because I'm like,

Speaker 3 you all have asked for it. So I'm just trying to,

Speaker 3 I'm so confused.

Speaker 7 I lived in Argentina for many years. I must say this at any time.

Speaker 3 Do you have to say it as Argentina?

Speaker 7 Argentina, see.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 7 And the chivalry is very different. Like, yes, there's like massive machismo there, but every guy, they'll hold the door open for you.
They will let you get on the bus first.

Speaker 7 They'll even let like a comic had like a joke, I remember because I did comedy down there and be like, you know, how many ladies do you have to let go? I'm like, one, two, three, four, five, 10.

Speaker 7 And then I'm going. And it got a big laugh.
And it was like, because it was like really common. I came back to the States.
I moved back to San Francisco.

Speaker 7 And I remember this guy, like, I was like, we were both exiting at the same time. And he was just like,

Speaker 7 like, put his hand out, like,

Speaker 3 fine.

Speaker 3 Like, just the most resentful, chivalrous, like, fucking tech bro piece of dirty dick.

Speaker 3 Dick, dirty dick, dick. You dirty dick, tech, bro.

Speaker 3 It's so funny to hate,

Speaker 3 hate chivalry in any way. Hurry up.

Speaker 3 Get a move.

Speaker 3 I don't fucking know it.

Speaker 3 Honestly, though, I would say on like whenever I'm getting off of a plane, I will be him. I'll be like, you have to go, but

Speaker 3 get me off of here.

Speaker 3 Let me leave, but you go.

Speaker 7 Because you really have the energy of the guy who

Speaker 7 stands up before the seatbelt sign is off and then goes as far forward.

Speaker 3 I love that guy.

Speaker 3 I love that guy. First of all, hey, buddy, you saved a minute 30.
Thank you for wrecking.

Speaker 3 That guy I call the dumbest guy on the planet. The guy who ran, and almost a window, so I cut by two people.
It's so insane.

Speaker 3 My favorite of when you're getting off the plate of the people who had to put their cases like in the back, and they have to go, like, one aisle, two aisle, wait. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Two aisle, three, aisle, wait. Yeah.
And they're just like, it's fine. I'm very fine.
You're like, this isn't a life either, just so you know.

Speaker 7 It's like the puzzles with a very small little metal ball.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You know that's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Nearly all the radio operators are men, both in the land stations and on the ships. As a matter of fact, all on the ships are men.

Speaker 7 It might have something to do with the fact that we kept our dicks out and would wave them in their direction.

Speaker 3 Hello. That's a hello.

Speaker 3 Canada joined the workforce.

Speaker 3 Practically all of the radio operators who obtained positions in land stations have obtained their experience on ships.

Speaker 3 Land Land stations generally refuse to hire operators who have not had a good bit of sea experience. So what are you going to do? What are you reinforcing? What are you going to do?

Speaker 3 Teach a lady how to do it? Come on. Thank you.
Come on.

Speaker 7 Either way, you just don't want to be on like a remote lighthouse with like another man. I'm imagining that's what it would require.

Speaker 3 Can you imagine?

Speaker 3 The awful feeling of climbing the fucking lighthouse stairs and you see your partner and it's just,

Speaker 3 hello. Hey, I'm Frank.

Speaker 3 I thought women were real, but now it's good to have confirmation.

Speaker 7 You guys are just doing, I just, I saw the movie The Lighthouse with Willow Dafoe.

Speaker 3 The weirdest.

Speaker 3 The weirdest movie, but like, what if, what if woman instead of Robert Pattinson? Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 What if, I say that for most movies he's in. We should have another drink together.

Speaker 7 You just say the opponent.

Speaker 7 You're like, this woman could have just been Robert Pattinson.

Speaker 3 Yeah, this could have been woman.

Speaker 3 I'm her agent. You know, she could have been Robert Pattinson and that as well.

Speaker 3 No woman. Women are not hired on ships as radio operators because of the etiquette of the sea.
Rape.

Speaker 3 Etiquette of the sea. The radio operator, by tradition, never leaves his instrument until it is put out of commission or until the ship is about to take its final plunge.

Speaker 3 If women were radio operators, the ship's officers would feel responsible for seeing them off the ship as soon as possible in times of danger.

Speaker 3 That is the code of the sea, and that is why women stand but little chance of breaking into the wireless game. It's because we're taking care of you,

Speaker 3 not because we couldn't control ourselves

Speaker 3 on a ship. I'd have to hold your hand.

Speaker 7 I'd have to listen to you.

Speaker 3 Pop pop pop.

Speaker 3 The women need too much.

Speaker 3 They will ruin everything. This is

Speaker 3 their needs.

Speaker 7 This is in the 20s. This is the same argument that, like, the New York Times is making in the year 2025 that, like,

Speaker 7 are women just a massive distraction?

Speaker 3 The army.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Can't get them. Women can't be out there.
If I'm on a ship. You're either going to have to help them or want to fuck them.
Either way, get them out.

Speaker 3 But if I'm on a ship and it's the 19, whatever, 20s, 10s,

Speaker 3 I want it full of ladies. What do we want? Well, yeah, without question.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 you don't want to be around the other men. You'd be like, oh, God, I don't like what Gary looks like.

Speaker 7 I think they would fall in love with the voice, like the operator, you know.

Speaker 3 That's what we're talking about, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
100%.

Speaker 7 There's like a love backstory on this one. I agree.

Speaker 3 That is true. I love the way she tells me to do those things.

Speaker 3 Say it again.

Speaker 3 Harold, you're right next to the cliff.

Speaker 3 Come and rescue me, Nan.

Speaker 3 Do you have concerns for my well-being?

Speaker 7 I would love to, but a man would need to escort me, actually, out of my post.

Speaker 3 Don't bring someone around.

Speaker 3 A man or Robert Pattinson?

Speaker 7 Well, I'd rather Robert Pattinson, but a man will do.

Speaker 3 Owl decorates desk of Mayor Evans at City Hall office. There we go.
Did you say

Speaker 3 Owl. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I wish we would bring back owl decorators. Oh, great.
Completely great. Yeah.
Just like, it's a lot of mouse bones.

Speaker 3 Let me reveal the space.

Speaker 3 It's just a barn owl. I have not.
I haven't seen an owl in nature since I was a kid, and they're around where I live.

Speaker 3 I just want to see

Speaker 3 a fucking owl.

Speaker 7 Nature doesn't exist anymore, Dave. I don't know if you've been out.

Speaker 3 There's still some owls.

Speaker 7 There's owls.

Speaker 3 Yeah, there's still some some owls oh i was having uh dinner at a

Speaker 3 dad's house and he was like oh we see owls all the time i'm like what the fuck oh man i'll tell you one night i was coming down from a good acid trip and there were a lot of owls oh boy phenomenal

Speaker 3 I was not in the uh it was not the time for any more knowledge I'd gained all the time but visually it was quite an experience well what the I don't think I've ever seen an owl in the wild

Speaker 7 in the wild well isn't it it? They're just enshrouded in darkness, right?

Speaker 3 No, they're they're they daytime it sometimes. They're not always, they're not always just a nighttime.
But aren't they in their holes?

Speaker 3 Well, now, now it's getting very weird about what you think owls are.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 3 Owls to me are like secret of nim.

Speaker 3 Most of them are. Graduation caps.
Okay, now you make a good point. They're teachers.
They give you wizard degrees. We know what the owls do.

Speaker 7 They eat moths weirdly.

Speaker 3 And lollipops. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 We'll link up. We'll get you on an owl tour.

Speaker 7 Okay, thank you.

Speaker 3 Don't worry about it.

Speaker 3 Let the owls wing onward.

Speaker 3 But the specimen now decorating the desk of Mayor Evans has seen its day.

Speaker 3 Weird. Its wings have been clipped, the body stuffed, and the feet that once been

Speaker 3 the common clay have been firmly affixed to a permanent standard, tacked down, so to speak. Jesus.

Speaker 7 I see what happened.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's dead. The taxidermist in mounting this particular owl did a good job.
Life-like is the word. Well, oh, great.
I'll tell you what. It's a real fine line if you're a taxidermist.

Speaker 3 People are like, either, like, that's great, or like, what happened? I would 100%.

Speaker 3 I would absolutely be a guy putting antlers on an owl if I was a taxidermist. I would be totally just going crazy.
This guy's very good.

Speaker 7 The abominable.

Speaker 3 Yeah. He's avant-garde.
So how did the owl die?

Speaker 7 It didn't do a good enough job decorating.

Speaker 3 He's grounded its hole.

Speaker 3 He's grounded in its hole.

Speaker 3 A lot of them can't get out of their holes. Why do we go?

Speaker 7 Well, they're not allowed out of the holes, as I was told by the cartoon movie.

Speaker 3 So there the little sand urchin stands throughout the day, his feathers seemingly ruffled and his head cocked at a somewhat rakish angle.

Speaker 3 He may have pounded the atmosphere with a brisk wing at nightfall heretofore,

Speaker 3 but the unerring aim of an unknown marksman finally slapped on the quietest by by silent shot an owl blah blah blah blah blah his medulla up

Speaker 3 the otherwise nice little all right i guess shot an owl come on upholstered spidal all right hey the word police are here i know get buy a new thesaurus buddy this is there's a story about someone who is an i was the mayor like an official has an owl on his desk yeah and the guy's saying get a new one because this one's worn out because you know how long how long before your your your stuffed owl wears out exactly the question we've asked ourselves actually a thousand times It's like something about that stuffed owl is good for five years, Max.

Speaker 3 And then you're like, what the fuck are we doing here? Is this a great j now? What are we doing?

Speaker 7 Move on. Get yourself a new owl.

Speaker 3 If you have. You call yourself a mayor? Are you kidding me? Yeah, what are you?

Speaker 3 This mayor has an old owl on his desk. I can't vote for this guy.

Speaker 3 I have a new owl.

Speaker 7 Mom Donnie's better have a fucking new owl on that goddamn desk.

Speaker 3 You better get a new owl, Mandani. That's a Cuomo tweet.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 He's got an old owl on his desk. Is that Cuomo? Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's terrible.

Speaker 3 Where's the Italian?

Speaker 7 And it's much slower.

Speaker 3 I am worried about Joran's owl.

Speaker 3 He's going to stuff it.

Speaker 7 I do think he should have a Wall Street Bro stuffed and put on his desk.

Speaker 3 I'll tell you what. I like the early signs I'm into.

Speaker 3 By the way, I will go to New York City to help go door-to-door against Richie Torres if you want to go with.

Speaker 3 I'm doing that. I'm going to get as many dollar people as I can to go out there, and we're going to walk door-to-door to get Richie Torres in our fucking office.

Speaker 7 For Michael Blake. Michael Blake is running against him.

Speaker 3 But Francesca, to be clear, I'm actually going to New York to go door-to-door to Stump for Richie Torres. So we're doing a bit of a...

Speaker 3 We're trying to see. We're fighting.

Speaker 3 I love Richie Torres.

Speaker 3 Red Hook is where he's from, and that's where the Maraschino cherry factory is. Super weird thing.
I know that because they made red bees.

Speaker 3 We'll be right back.

Speaker 7 So which guy does the Maraschino, like the Maraschino heirs and heiresses, who are they voting for?

Speaker 3 I bet it's Richie Torres. I bet they slipped him a little bit of money, and they're like, hey, let's get our cherries everywhere.
Well, it's got to be both of their maraschino crimes.

Speaker 3 Hey, Richie, shouldn't our cherries be on all Navy boats?

Speaker 7 Hey, cherries have a right to exist, okay?

Speaker 3 Maru

Speaker 3 cherry is a very affluent garnish. I think we all know it classes up any drink.
I do martinis with maru cherries.

Speaker 7 It depends on which ones, though. These sound like those bright red Shirley Temple.

Speaker 3 Those are the ones. The class.
Yes, class,

Speaker 3 pure class.

Speaker 3 Yes, pure class, Francesco. Yes.

Speaker 7 Lord. Those aren't actually cherries, are they? They're synthetic at this point.

Speaker 3 No, I think they're cherries. They were cherries once.
They're soaked. And then a sugar zombie bit them.
Yeah, there's a nightmarish concoction that they're soaked in.

Speaker 7 The real housewives of cherries, man.

Speaker 3 Find me at 10 years old, and you'll find me trying to convince my mother to buy another one of those. Right? I mean, I love marascho cherries.

Speaker 3 The only thing better was drinking the juice. Yep.
Amazing stuff. Well, now I have the big, the big Italian ones.

Speaker 7 I forgot what the brand is called.

Speaker 3 Pardon?

Speaker 7 The big, the Italian ones.

Speaker 3 The big Italian ones. What do you think about meat sales?

Speaker 3 Oh, you're thinking about maraschino meat sales.

Speaker 3 I never liked those.

Speaker 7 Listen, classless hoes, okay?

Speaker 3 What? I'm talking about.

Speaker 7 We don't have enough. I'm talking about the Luxardo cherries, the Italian ones, man.
Luxardo cherries.

Speaker 3 What the fuck are you talking about? Here she, she's bringing her fucking Italian cherries.

Speaker 3 She's about to start coming.

Speaker 7 The Luxardo or the original maraschinos.

Speaker 3 Well, well, well. You're talking about the gabagou?

Speaker 7 Yeah, definitely talking about the gabagou.

Speaker 7 I'm trying to find out what... Anyway, I'll go downstairs and show you how big of a fucking Costco size a maraschino cherry.
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 Was it like an apple?

Speaker 3 No, it's just the amount. The size of it.

Speaker 3 Are you talking about a big cherry?

Speaker 3 Oh, I know what you're talking. I know what you're talking about.
Those are actually classic.

Speaker 7 I'm not a big giant cherry that I just

Speaker 7 bid off of.

Speaker 3 They are classic. You can take bites from a cherry.
That's how big the cherry is. Sweet God.
Read the paper. What is happening?

Speaker 3 Just bonkers.

Speaker 3 Anyway, we're going to campaign against Richard Torres. New record established on Playground Baseball.
There we go.

Speaker 3 A new juvenile record is believed to have been established in Berkeley yesterday when two local playground baseball teams composed of boys from 8 to 12 years of age.

Speaker 3 First of all, you can't have fucking 12-year-olds playing 8-year-olds in baseball. What the fuck is that?

Speaker 3 That's

Speaker 7 a huge difference.

Speaker 3 Although I will say, my son

Speaker 3 was, he did play it when he was seven. He did play on an 11-year-old team.

Speaker 7 My son could definitely take an older kid.

Speaker 3 I don't know. My son's got like my genes or whatever.
People don't know this, but I actually have a baby and he's in the NFL. That's actually true.
My baby's in the NFL.

Speaker 7 That would be insane for any baby to play in the NFL, except for if it were my baby.

Speaker 3 My baby's really good in the NFL, and he's a kicker. My baby started running when he was two months old.

Speaker 7 My baby transitioned to be a woman so that it could play in female sports and win every single day.

Speaker 3 Sorry, not to cut you off, Francesca, but I have one sperm that I'm raising, and it does polo.

Speaker 3 I have one sperm, and it's four feet long. Okay,

Speaker 3 I have to go to the doctor to have them pull all the vomit out of me possible.

Speaker 7 A four-foot-long sperm.

Speaker 3 Horrible.

Speaker 3 What's the world's biggest sperm?

Speaker 3 Should we look this one up? For those of you listening, she's talking out of it. I have one nine-pound sperm, and just I'm still looking for the lucky lady to get it.
Daddy, married.

Speaker 3 I'm still out there searching. Find a mom.

Speaker 3 We should find a mom.

Speaker 3 I'm about 100 grand in debt. Fucking come as the worst.

Speaker 7 Okay, so wait, who's keeping score of playground baseball? I feel like it's just the local pedophile.

Speaker 3 Yeah, right?

Speaker 3 That's like who's peeping at?

Speaker 7 Oh, yeah, that's the highest score they've ever gotten.

Speaker 3 Look at these kids.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Sometimes I go to little league games just to have them be like, which kid's yours? And I go, none of them. I'm here to watch.
I love the game.

Speaker 7 Yeah, it's a bit. It's totally a bit, right, Gareth? That's it's a really funny bit.
And also, you can look at their little butts, but I totally know that it's a funny bit.

Speaker 3 I'm doing it as a joke right now.

Speaker 7 Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That's what they all say. It's a joke.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 I'm having fun. Oh, the past.

Speaker 3 No, the pastors don't know the difference.

Speaker 7 I didn't know the difference.

Speaker 3 I haven't done it in this season.

Speaker 7 They know the difference. Oh, no.
I was being a pedophile as a joke.

Speaker 3 I went to Epstein Island for a LARF. Can I make a prediction? Yeah.
Please. Can I predict that private equity buys the Little League and then charges people to watch their kids play Little League?

Speaker 7 Sure, but it's an app.

Speaker 3 It will be an app, but

Speaker 3 I bet private equity buys Little League and then they charge parents to go to games.

Speaker 3 It will happen. Yeah, because you'll be like, $200.

Speaker 7 You need some sort of sting for like Dave's darkest prediction.

Speaker 3 It's just, it's like, it comes out of it. I'm like, dude.
I'm like, where were you just now? Where did you go?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Then he comes back.

Speaker 3 Everybody knows I'm right.

Speaker 3 Everybody knows I'm right. There's going to be a Tinder for organs.

Speaker 3 What? There will be a Tinder for organs. Absolutely.
There will absolutely be an app to get organs. 100%.
You're just like, dude, we were just listening. We were just talking.

Speaker 3 They're going to pass a law. Oh, you know what? I just realized like 10 years, they'll pass a law that you can sell your organs.
Guaranteed.

Speaker 3 The kids battled through 23 innings to a 2-2 tie. Each team used but one pitcher, but the scorer was tied from the seventh inning.

Speaker 7 That's what happens when you have no defense.

Speaker 3 Some kid pitched

Speaker 7 23.

Speaker 3 23 innings? What the fuck are we doing? The underhand. That kid was like,

Speaker 3 Jesus. We're going to have to take him out back and shoot him.
His arm's noodle armed.

Speaker 3 Your kid's dead. Your kid's dead from noodle-armed.
You know, now they have limits on the kids

Speaker 3 where you can pitch.

Speaker 3 But like Little League league ability you can only you can only pitch five innings but then but then the kids play different tournaments and stuff so like some of those kids that were in the world series had pitched like 270 pitches in like two days like it's just so bad no i

Speaker 7 just like the images really quickly of pitchers

Speaker 7 like when you take the picture of them when the photographer takes the picture right at the moment of like inflection when they're all the way and you see

Speaker 7 how fucking fucked up their arm is yeah It's crazy what they do to their arm.

Speaker 3 It's bad. It's not good.

Speaker 7 It's called outer thoracic syndrome, and I also have it, but not from pitching from

Speaker 7 computer use.

Speaker 3 I do have outer thoracic syndrome. How do you get it from computer use? Like, what are you doing?

Speaker 3 Because you're screaming and hitting it all the time.

Speaker 7 Yes. It's just all the palming of the keyboard and being on with Piers Morgan.
But yeah, no, the shit is really bad. And don't get shoulder surgery, guys.
Go to an osteopath.

Speaker 7 That's if you're listening and you're a pitcher. For all the pitchers who are listening, for all the professionals, very few, by the way.
MLB pitchers who I know listen to the dollop.

Speaker 3 A lot of them do.

Speaker 7 Osteopathy is the way, not surgery. Thank you.

Speaker 3 We did add him an MLB pitcher that used to listen.

Speaker 3 I don't know if he still does. He's not online anymore.
But

Speaker 3 what if you tear a tendon? Shouldn't you get tears? I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 7 No, no, yeah. And sometimes, like, Sometimes like Western medicine is good or whatever, I guess.

Speaker 3 But you're like, just rub an owl on it.

Speaker 3 Exactly.

Speaker 7 Suff it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, go.

Speaker 3 Girls, bleach ugly freckles. Oh.

Speaker 3 Whoa, yeah. Yeah.
Squeeze the juice of two lemons into a bottle containing three ounces of, three ounces of orchard white, which any drug store will supply for a few cents.

Speaker 3 Shake well, and you have a quarter pint of the best freckle and tan lotion and complexion whitener.

Speaker 7 Okay, I'm very pro this. Like, I initially was like, this is bad, but I like when newspapers offer you like some little tips, concrete things.

Speaker 7 I mean, since when did they start to go like, oh, you got to put this in like 17 magazine or Vogue or whatever? No, put it in the paper.

Speaker 3 No, you're right. And I,

Speaker 3 well, it's also, it's not a bleach, which I like. I find, I thought it was going to be a bleach, and it's kind of a relief to hear that it's just the cider and lemons.

Speaker 7 It's lemon juice. It's like, oh my God, just put lemon juice in your hair and you get blonde in the summer.

Speaker 3 What is orchard white, though? Is orchard white.

Speaker 3 It's probably bleach. It's probably bleach.
Obviously, bleach.

Speaker 3 The idea of adding lemons to bleach. But don't forget, girls, a bit of lemon to make sure that you're not fully white.
Yeah, I think they're saying bleach your freckles. Okay.
Which I think is bad.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I do too. I agree.

Speaker 7 I'm only getting white orchids.

Speaker 3 Massage this sweetly fragrant lemon lotion into the face next arms, and hands. That's burning good, huh? That's the freckles leaving your face.

Speaker 3 And see how freckles and blemishes bleach out and how clear, soft, and rosy white the skin becomes. Well, you're having an allergic reaction, but God Leah, your cheeks red.
My bones are showing.

Speaker 3 You look fantastic. It burns.
It burns. There you are.
That's good. That's us correcting God's error.
What the fuck? People still do this.

Speaker 7 I mean, freckles are the weirdest thing to either love or hate, I think. Just stay out of the sun.
Put some sunscreen on if you don't want any more freckles. But leave it.

Speaker 3 But if you got freckles, you can't get around it. You got freckles.
Deal with it.

Speaker 7 No, Olivia Munn got rid of hers, and now she's dating Johnny and has a baby and has two babies. Two babies.
Say what you will about getting rid of your freckles, but it works.

Speaker 3 That can't be a complicated relationship at all. You know what? I'd like to say that we would love to someday have

Speaker 3 one of them on the show. So I think we will remain neutral.
You seem lovely, both of you. You've been through a lot, and we support you.

Speaker 7 Absolutely. I agree.

Speaker 3 Is that what people were mad at him for? Was her?

Speaker 3 People were mad at him. I'm the guy saying we're not going to get into the John Malin.

Speaker 7 No, we don't get into it. I think we're just mad because we're jealous of true love.

Speaker 3 Thank you. Good.

Speaker 3 Was he married when he met her? Is that what it was?

Speaker 3 Yes. Okay.
Now let's move on.

Speaker 3 It'd be great to have him on the show. I love him.
it would

Speaker 7 he is very very funny very funny

Speaker 3 and she's nice too yeah and

Speaker 3 that you hate freckles because this is a safe space yes or no no this is where i have freckles all over me what the is going on jesus christ gets a bleach you freak

Speaker 3 oh my god

Speaker 7 there's hair coming out of the summer friend joseph gareth is just a freckle right like yes just one i mean you can't be a ginger and not

Speaker 3 Does your child have freckles?

Speaker 7 No, she has

Speaker 7 she likes them. She has a couple of little birth marks, and she gets freaked out.
She sees, like, I have like a couple beauty marks or whatever.

Speaker 7 Like, I have a freckle here, and when she'll touch it, I'll go.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that'll freak her out.

Speaker 7 She loves it. She loves me freaking her out with my little moles.

Speaker 3 I remember what I taught for a summary. this is a dumb beginning.
I might not be able to get through it. I taught improv at a Boys and Girls Club for like kids.
I need to see this. I really like it.

Speaker 3 It was a shocking, shocking event. But I remember one day when a few of the kids saw the moles on my back and they started lifting up my shirt and they were like, oh,

Speaker 3 whoa.

Speaker 7 Why were you naked with Children's of the

Speaker 3 Improv? Yes, and. Right? That's exactly what I was thinking.
I was doing improv. Look at us in a moment.

Speaker 3 Yeah, exactly. I was like, all right, I'll be Caesar again.

Speaker 7 Okay, kids, I'll take off my shirt again.

Speaker 3 All right, let's play Caesar. And remember, yes and.
Ah, here I am in the balls. Go ahead.

Speaker 3 You had something you want to read. Go ahead.

Speaker 7 Have you gotten all your moles checked out? Do they have constellations?

Speaker 3 Dave checks them. Dave checks them all out.

Speaker 3 Dave checks them all out. Every time we see each other, he gives him a look.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yep.

Speaker 3 You make sure they feel the same on the head of his cock. Go ahead.
What? You had something you wanted to read? Jazz, Jazz. what yeah no jazz

Speaker 3 sometimes you reveal a little too much about your thank you go ahead dave you had something you want to talk about some stuff i say keep quiet dave you were we're gonna read a thing from the paper jazz supplants booze bull you need one for the other

Speaker 7 wait so what's funny is that the first the other headline about film movies replacing booze was i thought wives

Speaker 7 trying to get their husbands to watch movies instead of drink.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, no, they were just, no, they were just using movies to shame their husband into not reading. Shame writers.

Speaker 7 No, I get that now, but that felt like the headlines are all like

Speaker 3 tricking people. Yeah, they are.

Speaker 3 They get you to read.

Speaker 3 Yeah. It's like when you're like online and there's a thing that's just like 30 ways to make yourself gorgeous.
And you're like, all right, fine. And then it's like, hit the arrow.

Speaker 3 And you're like, okay, fine. And it's like, not that arrow.
This is an ad. And you're like, I'm out of here.

Speaker 7 For me, yeah, it's always the washing. It's always some fucking Instagram that's like, you're doing this totally wrong and you're about to die.
And I'm like, okay, fine.

Speaker 7 Like everything you didn't know about green leafy vegetables, like, ah, fuck. You know, like, that's, that's what gets me.

Speaker 3 My algorithm right now is fully. Your algorithm has to be terrible.
Mine right now is fully like, what did Bradley Cooper do to his cheeks?

Speaker 3 My algorithm is just like, like South American women being like, let me tell you why Bradley Cooper's cheeks are cray. And I'm like, I could not agree more.
I just get it.

Speaker 7 I think you've been searching Mr. Skincare.

Speaker 3 Right. Right.
No, it was, I'm obsessed with his.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 3 His whole thing is like weird body stuff. Like that, like,

Speaker 3 he follows the urine drinking guy. He follows the kidney guy.
He follows all the fruit. He's the kidney guy.
Yeah. He eats just kidneys or whatever.
Oh, no.

Speaker 3 But you know what I mean? Like, you

Speaker 3 liver you raise.

Speaker 7 Or like people who just had like,

Speaker 7 you know,

Speaker 7 like, whatchamacallit? Their stomach stabled, and they have all this extra skin.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 that's exactly the kind of thing. Well, I will.
For a while, I mean, the pimple stuff got crazy.

Speaker 3 For a while, like the big ones, and I would just be, I was like, yeah, but then I was like, I can't keep doing this. I'll be honest,

Speaker 3 chiropractor is a big player, but then I did,

Speaker 3 hot women getting chiropractic care sort of like led into the lead. And I was like,

Speaker 3 now we're losing the plot.

Speaker 3 I like the chiropractic work. I don't like like a fake setup where a woman's like, oh, my God, my back from my tits.
I'm like, all right, we've lost the story algorithm.

Speaker 7 Well, we know your search terms clearly, Gareth.

Speaker 3 Not even searching it, but it's just like, you enjoy it. And I'm like, I don't hate it.
Jugs and chiropractors. That's my whole thing.
Yeah, no.

Speaker 3 And then, yeah, and I was like, I like the chiropractic care more than the jugs, but it was like, you're a big jugs player.

Speaker 3 So my algorithm just happens to all be about women who have back problems from having giant boobs. Yeah, jugs.

Speaker 3 And Packers highlights.

Speaker 3 We're bringing bringing jugs back.

Speaker 7 She's bringing jugs and hobos back. Hey,

Speaker 3 by the way, hobos love jugs.

Speaker 3 They play them. They play them.
They play with them. This woman put up this Instagram yesterday, and she...
That's how her grandpa talks about.

Speaker 3 This woman put up an Instagram. And it was...

Speaker 3 It was a fraudulent one.

Speaker 3 She had looked at a video,

Speaker 3 and it was something like whatever. Man says this, woman says that, whatever it was, like like one of those sort of man makes great point is he's very aerodynamic woman

Speaker 3 you know and she was she was looking at the comments and the comments were all like

Speaker 3 like dudes getting mad at the video and she's reading through them and then her and she tells her husband to pull it up and look at it and he does and all of his comments are women get getting mad at the video so it's the exact same video exact same time and they've put

Speaker 3 they've just put in comments that will enrage you the most i don't care for that what is the video of

Speaker 3 I don't know, but it doesn't matter because I think that just means Instagram, no matter what you're seeing, you will see mostly comments that will make you mad. Well, that happens.

Speaker 3 My threads definitely now is like, so you like to yell at conservatives, do you? And I'm like, yes, I do, but not only.

Speaker 3 Like, everything's just like some guy, like, dude, Musk just talked about how great Trump is. And I'm like, all right, I can't.
I can't do this. I can't do this.
I gotta go outside.

Speaker 7 I just went on the threads, and it's like the most random person saying something, you know, like, I just think that, you know, women, I don't know, I don't think women should be in, or men should be in women's sports.

Speaker 7 And then it's like a comic I know going, go fucking kill yourself, you piece of shit.

Speaker 3 Like, oh, maybe you should not.

Speaker 3 I mean,

Speaker 7 it's funny to me because, like, yes, that person is dumb and it's stupid, but like the number of comics I know who are just like lifting and responding to random.

Speaker 3 And that's me. You're talking about what I just talked about.

Speaker 7 I know. That's what I'm saying.
Like, why are you responding to Randy?

Speaker 3 I don't know. I just get mad, and then I'm just like, you're an idiot.
And I'm like, that felt good. I do like to make fun of you.

Speaker 7 Wait, I did see a little kerfuffle you had with someone who wanted the Dodgers to win. I saw that one.

Speaker 3 Oh, man. Francesca, what happened was I'd been on the road touring with the dollop, and David really fueled my Dodger hate tank.

Speaker 3 And I came back the night after my family was over, and I had way too much sake. And I was fucking hammered.
And I went on there and I just watched the world.

Speaker 3 You went online after Sake Night? No, no, I got hammered on Saki pre-sake night. Okay.
But I saw that I just watched the World Series.

Speaker 3 I love a sake. We did a sake night.
Yeah, well, boy, did we ever.

Speaker 3 And then so I went on there and I just like, you know, threaded out a couple things. And boy, oh boy, the fucking, it was relaxed.
And I was like, that's what I said to Dave.

Speaker 3 I was like, I don't know enough. I didn't know enough.
And then all of a sudden, people were making points. And I was like, is that true?

Speaker 3 No, usually what they're saying is not true. What is going on with Gareth, dude? Like,

Speaker 7 someone made fun of your name, and you were like, yes, you're right.

Speaker 3 And it was great.

Speaker 7 You were getting fucking owned by your own people.

Speaker 3 Yeah, the name, there are times where people will get like, I mean, I think there are times where you get burned very well and you've got to go like, sir, look, I know you don't follow me and you hate my guts, but well played.

Speaker 7 I think the main thing is when you've got a name like Gareth,

Speaker 7 you just got to be more cautious when you step out out, real cautious.

Speaker 3 All right, we'd like to thank Francesca for joining us on this episode of the past times.

Speaker 3 We didn't get through the jazz supplants, booze. All right, finish it real quick.
But what you should know more talking for Francesca for a little bit. That was bad.

Speaker 3 15 minutes of jazz has the equivalent kick of seven dry martinis.

Speaker 3 I agree.

Speaker 3 That's like a Mormon thing. In that they both put me to sleep.
Oh,

Speaker 3 I was going to say,

Speaker 3 this is the equation. Seven martinis.

Speaker 3 So, you know what? That is like eight martini.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 that is a shit. I mean, as someone who's gone to four, maybe, that you're talking about psychotic state.
I've never had more than two martinis. You're fucking plowed.
That's crazy.

Speaker 3 It is a lot of money.

Speaker 7 Which is so upsetting because they are the most delicious drink. And I really wish you could figure something out.

Speaker 3 Do you know what I've been

Speaker 3 getting into?

Speaker 3 Disturbingly so. Like, I might become an alcoholic.
I'm loving gin so much. It's crazy.
I have, I have, my wife comes home the other day. She goes,

Speaker 3 what's going on? And I go, what do you mean?

Speaker 3 Did you go to the liquor store? Oh, yeah. I mean, there are now like 12 bottles of gin.
And I'm just like, I like all the flavors. There's somebody filming you behind her.

Speaker 3 I hired a guy to film you.

Speaker 3 There's a lot of gin in the house. I'll just say that.
On the road, too, in our writer, Dave, is supposed to, you know, Dave wants gin and tonic for the show.

Speaker 3 And then so sometimes people just get him like, whatever. And then other times he's like, that's a beautiful gin.

Speaker 3 So it's like by the end of the tour, it's like, Dave, where are we going to put all the gin?

Speaker 3 That's amazing. Yeah, no, once you call it.

Speaker 3 Oh, geez. Dave fell in love with the guy.

Speaker 7 Juniper Forward.

Speaker 3 I mean, it had every, it was a harvest bouquet of flavors.

Speaker 7 You know what I just did the other day? Is I did,

Speaker 7 my friend made like, I guess it's called a wet martini where it's a little bit more vermouth.

Speaker 7 And she put a little, bit like olives and lemon. And I don't like doing both.
And it, fuck, it was so good, actually.

Speaker 7 Usually you're like, oh, olives are twists. And it's like, no, no, no, twist and olive.
Why do we separate? Put together.

Speaker 7 And it's.

Speaker 3 It's called the olive a twist. And because every time he gets them, you go, please, bartender, may I have some more?

Speaker 3 Do you ever like filter it and just go shouldn't say this?

Speaker 3 Oh, good lord. We're having a great time.
All right, We want to thank our

Speaker 3 friends, Jesus Fierantine for joining us on the

Speaker 3 mustard chip. Pastimes here.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 we want to thank everybody for listening. We love that you guys are sharing the show.
I just love this.

Speaker 7 I'm never leaving the show. Are you fucking kidding me?

Speaker 3 Dave, and we're not on a riverside. We're on a different thing.
We're in the city of industry. That's what we're recording on.
That's funny. But no, we had a great time.
Thank you, Francesca.

Speaker 3 Where can people follow you? Hey, you can find me on the Bitch Wish Move, and I'm doing a show at Pesto.

Speaker 3 I'm super 13.

Speaker 3 The older dollops, the dollops who are like,

Speaker 7 I wish Gareth was my son.

Speaker 7 I'm kind of attracted to Gareth because he's so funny when he made that Oliver Twiz joke because it makes you go, Bartender. Can I have another?

Speaker 7 She said to her little knitting circle when they went to the bottom.

Speaker 3 Sir, I'd like some more, not have another. All right, well, thank everybody.
Thanks, Dave. Go fuck yourself.
All right, everybody. Thanks a bunch.
Can I have some more? It's alright. I'm fucked up.

Speaker 3 Thank you, Francesca.

Speaker 7 It really did hit with a certain demo. Oh, are we done? Okay, bye.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's over.

Speaker 3 It's long. It's an hour.

Speaker 3 It's not the longest episode.

Speaker 7 Too much news. Let's get back to the real news.

Speaker 3 Oh, thank you.

Speaker 3 HD.

Speaker 3 I do like that. You do the pictures.
You're going to be crashing every day, right?

Speaker 7 No, I wish.

Speaker 7 No, obituation room, Tuesdays, 1 p.m. Pacific, 4 p.m.
Eastern. We are live.
You can also listen as a podcast, and you can watch my deep dive videos

Speaker 1 okay like now we're at the end of the episode hey guys it's Kamal Nanjiani my new stand-up special night thoughts is now streaming on Hulu I promise you're gonna laugh I am an immigrant

Speaker 4 are there any other immigrants here

Speaker 3 okay what you can't do is point at someone else

Speaker 5 Night Thoughts is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundled subscribers.

Speaker 4 Terms apply. That wasn't my call.
If it it wasn't my call, terms would not apply, but it's not my call. Terms apply.

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